The events depicted in this Backblast are completely stupid and utterly pointless. Any similarity to events which are neither stupid nor pointless is purely coincidental.
No animals were harmed in the running of the Krazy Ivan.
The Inagural Northshore Krazy Ivan CSAUP went off as planned, sort of. The Northshore won, the Southshore whined, and it was….warm??!!?? The lack of frigid conditions made for a slightly less stupid but still rather pointless event. Next year, we will aim higher. Without further ado…
Twenty men gathered at the gazebo on the Mandeville lakefront on a beautiful, starry, breezy Saturday evening: 15 Northshore PAX, 1 Northshore Scorekeeper, and 4 Southshore PAX. Lots of mumble chatter, a bit of trash talk, and some ogling at the Freedom Hammer ensued. Somewhere around 2100, as the PAX waited for Triple Shift to open the needle valve to bleed some pressure (a little oilfield lingo, there), THE Manny rung the bovine bell. Some quick instructions from YHC, including a warning of low visibility, potentially questionable footing, an offer of flashlights (offer summarily rejected), and the PAX gathered at the starting line. Hawg mumbled something about the Gnarly Nutria always beginning on time. Uh huh.
With another ringing of the bovine bell, THE Manny released the hounds. Turbo, Backdraft, Steve and all the other skinny dudes went out guns blazing. Out and back to the west end seawall x 3 was the course. The easterly breeze made for a nice tailwind on the way out that was as appreciated as was the equal and opposite headwind was loathed on the way back. That is, unless you were Triple Shift. You see, Triple Shift had a strategy, folks: get right on the heals of a really good looking, husky PAX and run in his ample slipstream the entire race, save for the last 50 yards when you turn on the reserves and blast past him. So if you think about it, Triple owes YHC one of his points. But more on the (contested) scoring later.
The course was dark, sometimes nearly pitch black. Although Orian’s belt and the waxing crescent were quite visible, the running path was at times not. As 19 PAX trekked and traversed back and forth, forth and back, we passed those both ahead and behind us, those who lapped and those who got lapped. This afforded the PAX opportunity to root for, hiss at, tease, encourage, or mock those we were passing. I can speak for Triple, as he was behind me the entire time benefitting from all my hard work I mean seriously did I mention that already I mean it’s not a big deal that he got one more point than I did but really when you think about it I should at least be added to his Christmas card list but whatever I’m not bitter or anything. Particular attentiveness and night vision skills were needed to navigate the last two tenths of the west end. YHC had specifically warned the PAX about this risky, questionable section of the course. So it’s a good thing that YHC himself did not take a tumble and nearly bust his ass on the exact part of the course on which the warning was issued. That would be ironic. Dontcha think.
At the finish line, the PAX again gathered and coalesced. Fracsac volunteered for Safety Caboose, finishing up the race and also ensuring that no man was left behind, injured, abducted, or absconded with. Thanks Frac. THE Manny tallied up the score and announced a 176-31 Northshore victory; looks of mistrust appeared on a few faces. Perhaps that was because they were expecting a 177-31 loss. But, abiding by the only rule of the Krazy Ivan – run the race in a tank top – THE Manny exercised legislative, judicial, and executive powers and stripped Turtle of his single point for finishing the race in a hooded sweatshirt. Coutoramma, Nameorama, BOM, and off to The Barley Oak for some F2.
At the BO, drinks were had an all was merry. Tomatoes tested the neck twisting and head turning capabilities of Captain Sparkles (ok, his were not the only capabilities tested…hellLLOOO black dress). An impromptu yet formal meeting of the F3 Rules Committee adjudicated on the ability to move an AO once it is established. Verdict: negative ghost rider, pattern’s full brah. At this point, Hawg petitioned the Rules Committee for a formal, third party review and calculation of the night’s score. THE Manny’s honour in question, YHC immediately began the process. Third party results are in, proving that you should sometimes watch what you ask for. The final, certified, verified, bonafied count is 190-35.
Excellent CSAUP, PAX. T-Claps to the Southshore guys who posted. We will see you at the 2018 Gnarley Nutria. A pleasure to be amongst you.