Much like POTUS’ final season of Celebrity Apprentice which starred the likes of Geraldo Rivera and Ian Ziering, this morning’s Celebrity Q brought the biggest names of the Northshore PAX out of retirement. Along with the return of Turtle came the long-awaited return of founding-father Nacho, as well as Ocho and Choppa. It was also Tanked Up’s first foray into Grandmother’s House. Had this beatdown been broadcast, it surely would’ve been a ratings bonanza. Like, totally huge.
In keeping with Turtle’s dislike of rules and regulations (see Krazy Ivan disqualification for reference), the Q had us skip the warm-up portion of the beatdown and head straight into some shoulder work. (Spoiler: there would be a lot of shoulder work. In fact, that was the only thing Turtle had planned for us this morning.)
The Thang: 40 merkins OYO, followed by shoulder taps 25x IC, arm circles forward 20x IC, reverse 20xIC, and air presses 40x IC. Not sure at all about those numbers, even though YHC was the one doing the counting. (Another Turtle thing, he has yet to conquer counting in cadence…)
Round 2: After YHC deliberately disregarded the Q’s request for only 15x IC Shoulder Taps, the Q wrested back control of the beatdown and finally tried counting in cadence for himself. Air presses 20x IC, arm circles forward and reverse 15x IC, and finally, 15x merkins OYO.
Then a mosey through the woods to the tunnel, where the PAX circled up for… merkins, shoulder taps, air presses, and arm circles! Then Turtle turned the Q over to YHC, who attempted to show the PAX a new 8-count exercise that consisted of a groiner (1-2), down into an elbow plank (3-4), plank jack (5-6), and back up to normal plank (or “F3 Plank,” as the Q today would call it). This was semi-successful, as Tanked Up seemed to have it down. So it’d be a partner routine, with P1 doing the 8-count exercise described above, and P2 sprinting have the tunnel, back-pedaling the rest, and doing 10 jump squats before returning in the same manner he came. YHC had planned a few rounds with various exercises, but again, Turtle did not like the way things were proceeding and decided it was time to head to the bus stop for some leg work.
Knee Ups, each leg 15x IC, Freak Nasties 15x IC, Bulgarian Splits, each leg 15x IC, Freaks, 15x IC.
And the grand finale – turning the Q over to Choppa for 5 minutes of Mary: Crunchy Frogs, Flutter Kicks, Hello Dollies, Jane Fondas (L&R), and some merkins to bring it back full circle. All to some intense music that I’m pretty sure is used for action movie trailers.
Nameorama, countdown, and Turtle closed it down with a thoughtful prayer. T-claps to all the men who made it back after such a long hiatus, it really was a lot of fun seeing you guys again.