For the love of Pete! Kids, turn off that durn radio television thing! I can’t hear myself think. I’m trying to type a summary brief of my exercise regimen I did with some other fellers this morning.
What? It’s not a TV, it’s a tablet? Are you stupid? Do you see a chisel? I don’t care if you’re bored. Go outside! In my day, we would play outside all day. Hell, we were forced to sleep outside with the dogs. We drank hose water and lit M80’s while holding them in our mouth. We punched each other in the groin to say hello and ate grass for a snack. AND we were damn GRATEFUL for it. Grateful I tell you! We were tough as nails!
What’s that you say? You didn’t know the tinted glitter sunscreen was for Dad’s perfectly manscaped chest? I guess you expect me to drive a golf cart down 30A with un-coiffed chest hair?
What? You didn’t know that blood orange Perrier came from a garden hose? Go back to Navarre Beach if you want La Croix. I’m not raising peasants here.
What do you mean you’re scared of my avocado-cucumber bro-mask? You think this skin tone just HAPPENS? Now shut your cute little pie holes…I’m trying to decide which organic tea to brew before my online Pilates class. Freakin’ kids…the minute I break out my typewriter…
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YHC was planning on maybe 5 – 8 PAX for a humid Tuesday Tuff. Paradiddle suggested that it was cute that YHC thought 8 was a big showing. The beatdown was optimistically built for 10. At 5:10, 8 PAX were mulling around…and then they kept coming (some in minivans, some in brand new Mercedes SUV’s). With a minute to spare, we hit 14! YHC quickly started recalculating (while panicking) the beatdown logistics. It was going to be messy. It didn’t help that Paradox was in YHC’s ear singing 8 mile lyrics. Was this my one chance to blow? Then a 15th figure strolling up. Another FNG! YAY, but holy crap!
That said, WELCOME to Bone Thug! It’s nice to FINALLY have a medical professional in the PAX now. I can’t imagine walking up to 14 strangers in the dark. Thug’s F3 name seems appropriate on many levels.
Also, it’s really inspiring to see Honeysuckle, A merica’s Best, and Popeye all turning into regulars and providing some much needed maturity. (Shut up, Paradox. You’re a thick candy shell.) Seriously, you guys bring great energy, mumblechatter, and in Suckle’s case, a bunch of cinderblocks. It should be notet that Popeye was a huge part of F3 Thibodaux gaining momentum in the first place. Huge T-Claps. I hope the fruits of your early labor were clear to see this morning (Goose’s pastel crop top notwithstanding).
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CONTEXT
In the era of “millennial songs,” we were subjected to a never-ending barrage of mind-numbing, soulless, and insipid compositions that represent the epitome of artistic decay. These so-called “songs” epitomize everything that is wrong with the modern music industry, where substance is traded for superficiality, and originality is replaced by generic formulas that appeal to the lowest common denominator.
Ok, ok…that’s a bit much…especially coming from a 44-year old YHC who at one time in 8th grade thought Young MC, Tone Loc, and Vanilla Ice were prophets; that “She Drives Me Crazy” by the Fine Young Cannibals spoke my truth, and that Z Cavariccis with 75 pleats (and tight rolled around the ankles) was THE fashion here to stay. Fast forward a few years, and we won’t even bring up Oasis, Dave Matthews Band, Counting Crows, or the Black Eyed Peas. Yikes.
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THEME
ANYWAY, lately, there seems to have been some confusion about those anthems which define generations. Per usual, the Gen Xers and Gen Zers don’t really care. It’s the Millennials, however, who always seem to be BEARing a grudge against their foreBEARers.
I don’t blame them. If I was coming of age with Avril Lavigne hitting the scene instead of Guns n Roses, or BEARing the brunt of songs like “I kissed a Girl” instead of “Even Flow,” or groups like Blink 182 instead of…well any other group…ever, I’d be harboring some deeply confusing issues too. I’d be BEARing my chest and screaming “WHY oh WHY?” Of course, I’m BEARly scratching the surface here. But seriously, Justin Bieber? Just unBEARable.
So, as Paradox (fine, he’s a medical “professional”), who is diligent about the PAX wellbeing, would say…”The PAX needed healing.” BUT what kind of bridge could we bring to BEAR that would connect our generations? Could these 30-somethings BEAR to hear the truth? Or would we have to BEAR down and drop reality bombs? BEAR. BEAR. BEAR.
YHC’s 2.0’s offered the answer as they sang along to ‘We’re Going on a Bear Hunt.” The story was originally introduced in a 1989 book and then remade in a 2015 cartoon, neatly connecting the Gen Xers, Millennials, Gen Zers, and every other group in between and following.
So to take these important steps in healing, we’re going on a millennial…er I mean a BEAR hunt this morning. F3 style.
Call it a journey through lyrical crap.
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THE BEATDOWN
Thang 1: Climbing the Mountain (Stage to Sidewalk)
We’re goin’ on a millennial hunt,
We’re going to catch a big one,
I’m not scared
What a beautiful gloom!
Oh look! It’s a scarrrry mountain shaped like a desperate cry for help!
Can’t go under it,
Can’t go around it,
Got to go through it,
Gotta go over it with a bunch of stupid coupon exercises!
Burpee penalty – Avril Lavigne – Skatr Boi (penalty averted by Paradiddle)
10 man makers (45 sec)
20 overhead presses (40 sec)
30 curls (20 sec)
40 merkins (60 sec) /
30 curls (20 sec)
20 overhead presses (40 sec)
10 man makers (45 sec)
Al Gore cheering on SIX
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Thang 2 – Narrow Pass (Sidewalk to Stage)
We’re goin’ on a millennial hunt,
We’re going to catch a big one,
I’m not scared
What a beautiful gloom!
Oh look! It’s a really narrow pass, so narrow, too narrow for north louisiana egoes to pass through!
Can’t go over it,
Can’t go under it,
Can’t go around it,
Got to go through it – with a crap load of leg exercises and burpees!
Teams of 8
First two teams Block and Bears to mid point; other teams chilcutt peter parkers
– 20 apollo ono’s 2:1 – all (1 min)
– 20 prisoner squats
– 20 bonnies 2:1
Block and Bears to Stage (next group goes when prior team begins last exercise)
– Chilcutt peter parkers while waiting
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Punishment Song (just because) – LMFAO – I’m Sexy and I Know It
– SSH on verses
– Burpee on “look at that body”
– Star jump on “I, I, I work out”
– Hillbilly walkers on “I’m sexy and I know it”
– Fast high knees on “wiggle, wiggle, wiggle”
Coupon mosey to top track half point of field, roadside
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Thang 3 – Cross the field (Across short field, roadside)
We’re goin’ on a millennial hunt,
We’re going to catch a big one,
I’m not scared
What a beautiful gloom!
Oh look! It’s a beautiful field full of the dying culture of 30 somethings!
Can’t go over it,
Can’t go under it,
Can’t go around it,
Got to murder bunny through it!
Burpee penalty – Katy Perry – I Kissed a Girl (didn’t get a chance to play, because YHC is old and forgot)
Murder bunny to halfway
– 25 coupon LBCs
– 25 coupon flutters (2:1)
– 25 freddie mercs (2:1)
Murder bunny to street
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Thang 4 – Traverse the River (Across street)
We’re goin’ on a millennial hunt,
We’re going to catch a big one,
I’m not scared
What a beautiful gloom!
Oh look! It’s a raging river of passive aggressive Chackbay snark!
Can’t go over it,
Can’t go under it,
Can’t go around it,
Got to rifle carry coupons through it!
Burpee penalty – Gwen Stefani – Holla Back Girl (didn’t play because of time constraints)
Rifle carry/Groucho Walk (side to side squat) across street
Mosey left to corner, leaving Cindies
Uh, oh! It’s dark in here.
I feel something,
It has lots of quaffed hair!
It’s soft like a douche bag! With two heads!
AHHHHH It’s Justin Bieber and Sean Kingston!
Song: Eenie Meenie (aka top five worst songs in history)
– Plank jacks on intro (you need to read this crap)
– Mtn Climbers on Mind, Time, Wind
– Groiners on refrain
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COT, GiGi was passed from Superfun(d) to Paradox (again), we welcomed Bone Thug, and Wet Tap prayed us out.
One of YHC’s research streams is around market segments and generational trends. Of course, it is helpful to have reference points as styles and fashions come and go. At the end of the day, however, it’s just not that complicated. The good stuff sticks around and the crappy stuff dies. It’s always been about quality. So, no need to continue this generational feud. We just need to be on the same page that high quality music disappeared around 1994.
Today was a bit of a dumpster fire, but I am genuinely grateful and always humbled to fight the good fight with each of you.
SYITG,
Yankee Jeaux
