F3 New Orleans

Tag: Cardinal

  • Time Dialator – from Goose

    As 6:27 rolled around, and YHC still stood in the dark with only Pope and Bam Bam at his side, it was clear that the holidays would have a substantial impact on this Peltch beatdown. We were wondering if the car parked on the far end of the lot held a brooding Yankee Joe or a Monkey made of Brass when out of the lonely gloom did appear a pair of overbright headlights and a camper cover that could only mean one thing–Wet Tap would be easing our sense of abandonment with his warm demeanor and willing muscles. And, it was Brass Monkey after all, waiting for more than one adult to show up before joining the small talk (I don’t blame him).

    Just as YHC was figuring modifications for a smaller group, another humanoid was spotted picking his way across the street toward the parking lot. He was too big to be Honeysuckle and coming from the wrong direction, and the F3 on his shirt confirmed that he wasn’t there for travel ball. As he got closer, his glasses and red hair shone in the moonlight revealing the one and only Cardinal! Being called out for fartsacking last time he stayed at his parents’ house across the street from the park had clearly made an impact.

    As SSH commenced and transitioned into windmills, grateful for these three PAX and the chance to share the morning with Cardinal, another hard-to-identify vehicle confidently pulled into the lot. Valve? No. Dox in another relative’s truck? No. Tap then correctly identified none other than Percleator!! He had come in the night before for Tap’s DC circle meeting and ran in like he always had in year’s past, like a golden retriever, eyes blazing with excitement, ready for whatever. It was like the first months of F3 Thibodaux all over again. Even Brass Monkey had a striking resemblance to Gordon, a smile permanently on his face, glad to be there, but clearly concerned that Goose is going to take it too far again.

    Warmups finished with some much needed Lafayette night clubs after Popeye’s shoulder shredder on Thursday, and we moseyed with a couple of coupons and a couple of tennis balls to the football field. It was, again, locked down like a prison, but YHC knew we’d be fine given that Cardinal was with us and Popeye had shown us last week where the gate beckoned us in through it’s gap in the bars on the far side.

    We lined up on the goal line, and YHC split us into two teams. The Thang was designed for teams of 3, so given the fact that there were 7 PAX and one was YHC’s less than consistent 2.0, YHC decided to take him (Bam Bam) and Pope to make it Dawson’s vs. The World. YHC assumed that Bam Bam would slow us down enough to give the foursome a chance. YHC was wrong.

    The first Thang was a team suicide in 10 yard increments down the length of the field. While one man stayed on the goal line doing curls, another ran to the 10 and stayed there. The third ran past him, high-fiving him on the way to the 20 where he began doing big boy situps. Upon receiving the high five, the man at the 10 ran back to replace the man at the goal line doing curls, and that man ran to the 30, high-fiving his teammate at the 20, etc. You get the drill.

    We did this for three rounds total with the winning team assigning a penalty exercise to the other. The second round was tricep curls at the goal line and Freddy Mercurys on the yard lines, and the third was goblet squats at the goal line and LBC’s on the yard lines.

    Bam Bam proved that he’s growing up, and Pope continues to prove that he’s made of some kind of lightweight rubber, so 20 monkey humpers were assigned after each round to team CardTapPercleMonkey. Team Dawson joined the third round of humpers in order to keep the other team from getting bigger quads than them.

    After three rounds, a shared desire to stop running had descended upon the PAX, so YHC knew the only thing to do was to keep running. The 2nd Thang would be a version of Rarajapari, where each team is responsible for moving a ball along a given path using only their feet and team strategery. We started at a random cone that was already on the track, and the teams were tasked with getting their tennis ball around twice (half a mile).

    Onc completed, 20 more monkey humpers were enjoyed by all before grabbing gear and coupons and heading back through the gap in the fence toward the flag. We dropped the coupons there and then continued to the nearest baseball field for some fistbasetennisball. We basically played baseball with a tennis ball and our fists as bats. It was all against all with each member of the PAX taking turns batting and trying to get around the bases.

    The fielders and base runners had to hold plank until the ball was hit and in play, and positions rotated with every batter. Per usual, we had a blast, performances weren’t likely to make Sport Center, and Cardinal somehow took home the win by scoring the most runs. Thankfully, some things never change.

    After about 15 minutes of this reward for the gasser at the track, we moseyed back to the flag for one minute of Mary, count offs, name offs, COT, and a photo session that would make Dox proud. YHC was ecstatic for the unexpected time dialation that brought these awesome men together and paired the true OG of F3 Thibodaux with a solid member of the new batch. It was tough to want to part from this gathering, but pancakes, Morgan City, and Baton Rouge wouldn’t wait forever, so after some story swapping and catching Brass Monkey up on some of the origins of so great a PAX, we loaded up, grateful for swollen legs and timeless brotherhood.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Tampico’s got them $15 drinks – from Cardinal

    As Big and Rich famously sang, “We’re coming to Morgan Cit-ay!” So we decided to put a little ting in our tang tang and make the trip to see what Cardinal has been up to on his rucks. Smooth operator arrived in his truck with the glow of having two new batteries installed.

    Cardinal set the pace and it was brisk. He ignored Maneater’s comments about the how fast we were going and possibly sped up. And only Cardinal knew where we were at any given time; it just felt like we were right in the middle of everywhere.

    The city is certainly taking a victory lap for Vernon Norwood, but who could blame them.
    Early on we made it to a levee that had a nice paved path. This led us to one of the City’s main throughfares, flanked by a hospital and a Wal Mart. We were then instructed to go to Thibodaux if we needed hospitals or Wal Marts, even though we were right there.

    Next was a donut shop and coffee shop. It felt like the olfactory version of Odysseus passing the sirens, and if one of us would have suggested to stop I think it would have happened. Way to stay strong guys!

    Then the high school football stadium. Cardinal is actively manicuring his friend list to include someone with the authority to allow him access to this stadium. Maneater is ok if that process takes a while.

    At this point it felt like we were several miles away from Holy Cross. Then suddenly it was like the ending of Usual Suspects plus The Sixth Sense put together as we rounded a corner and Holy Cross was in view. Cardinal had us finishing up right at 6, wrapping up a challenging but pleasantly “cool” morning that we were going to assume was several degrees cooler than Thibodaux.

    We’re going to do our best to fly higher than a jet airliner to Morgan City in a few weeks to see what else Cardinal has up his sleeve!

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • It Was Quite the Palooza – from America’s Best

    30 years ago today: August 10, 1994.
    Do you know where you were? Of course not, you were probably a preteen or a baby. But old man AB does. Lollapalooza, Raleigh, North Carolina. Green Day. The Beastie Boys. A Tribe called Quest. Smashing Pumpkins. George Clinton. The Breeders. Even Shaquille O’Neal.
    Could this PAX even identify the music of these performers?
    Probably not without Honeysuckle, and definitely not without Popeye.

    The warmarama:
    SSH, Abe Vigotas, mountain climbers, slow high knees, regular butt kicks, crazy arms circling whilst picking cherries, maybe something else.

    The First Thang- Left my gas card in El Segundo:

    Begin with a mosey down the road…

    (YHC still clearly remembers casting off his mother’s suggestions to bring extra snacks and drinks for the journey. “Mom- it’s not the Oregon Trail. We can stop at any gas station if we need any of that.”
    Unfortunately, 18-year old AB didn’t think to stop at a gas station for gas… and car no go without the gas.
    It was a different time. It was the 90s.
    No cellphones, no internet. Not a single luxury. So when you run out of gas on the interstate, you just … wait.)
    So we stop on our mosey and just wait.
    And just listen to A Tribe Called Quest (and another yet-to-be-identified band)
    Hold Al Gore until you can’t anymore. Then hold plank until you can’t.

    The 2nd Thang:
    Boulevard of Broken Dreams

    The girls spent too long getting ready, some of the crew wants to stay in the car a while longer, and the guy with IBS has to find a porta-potty immediately. The result of all this nonsense is missing almost all of Green Day’s set.
    Because YHC is still a bit salty about that, the PAX gets to relive some of the frustration of traveling back and forth to the car before finally getting into the show.
    11s
    Start with one Bobby Hurley(at the gates) then run to do 10 no-cheat Merkins (at the car), then bear-crawl back to the start. Continue the process until the physical pain erases the emotional anguish.

    3rd Thang:
    A Brass Kicking

    First song: Brass Monkey
    (Like I said, it was a different time. The 90s were wild with songs normalizing questionable social practices).
    Curls during the song, and monkey-humping goblet squats on each “monkey”

    Followed by “Can I Kick it?”
    Yes you can… flutter kick until you hear that question, then heels to heaven.

    Final Thang: Again, Again, Again
    The best and worst thing about Lollapalooza is all the music and all the stages. Here the PAX got to celebrate and lament moving between the stages.

    4 stages (corners) escalator
    Stage 1: 10 burpees
    Run to
    Stage 2: 10 burpees+20 BBS
    Run to
    Stage 3: 10 burpees+20 BBS+30 merkins
    Run to
    Stage 4: 10 burpees+20 BBS+30 merkins+40 air squats

    About halfway through, the PAX flexed its music chops, as Popeye ID’d Kim Deal’s band The Breeders, then Honeysuckle the Album name, and Cardinal called out the year released (he was 1).
    Then, sometime near the end of the escalator, Popeye made me question my memories, nay, my entire existence, insisting that the Beastie Boys surely didn’t play Sabotage at Lollapalooza ‘94.
    But I SWEAR they closed with it. What was happening? At this point I was somewhere between burpee number 40 and my 112th merkin, so I was beginning to question everything. What if Puddle of Mudd IS my favorite 90s band? Am I actually a fan of Depeche Mode? Maybe I do enjoy omelets?!?!?
    YHC was beyond confused, like Arnold Schwarzenegger at the end of Total Recall, or Joe Biden at the end of breakfast. “Who ate all my toast?”

    Thankfully the beatdown was ending. I pushed Popeye’s ill communications from my mind and stumbled to the flag for COT.

    Super-stoked to have Cardinal out there again, and honored to have him pray us out.

    Always an honor to lead this group (and subject you to some of the Best American music history).

    SYITG,

    AB

  • The traffic pattern – from Safety Valve

    On this Day in 1928, Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the Atlantic Ocean. Second in history only to the famous Charles Lindbergh. She was also the first person ever to fly from the mainland of the US to Hawaii. To be a pilot at that point in history was not an easy task. To be a woman and pilot was almost unheard of. The calculations needed and limitations of the aircraft meant that only the most intelligent and daring of people became pilots. Most pilots nowadays learn to fly the aircraft, but like most things nowadays the process are automated. There are private jets that a passenger can push a button and the jet can land itself based on GPS and autopilot functions. That was far from the case in the 1920s. People like Amelia Earhart pushed the boundaries of what aircraft in her time can do, which led to the innovations we have today. Be like Amelia, push the boundaries of what we have now so that we may make the world a better place for our children and grandchildren.

    Warmaramma
    SSH – 50 of them
    Mountain climbers
    Willy mays hays
    Flying sun gods x 4

    Thangs:
    1. Learning to fly by Tom Petty – plank jacks for durations, burpees on the chorus
    2. Flying the traffic pattern – The newly paved section of the neighborhood is perfectly divided into 4 consecutive rectangles. The airport traffic pattern is flown in a rectangle. Couldn’t think of a better time to teach the PAX about flying the traffic pattern. We moseyed the short parallel streets and sprinted the long perpendicular streets because the hardest part of flying is the take off and landing.
    3. AMRAP – 1 minute of merkins and 1 minute of burpees, remember the rep count you got to. This had nothing to do with flying. Just trying to hurt these people… I mean, just trying to improve the health of my friends
    4. 11s – jump squats and stationary flying nuns
    5. AMRAP – 1 minute of merkins and 1 minute of burpees, try to match or beat the rep count from earlier

    COT, intentions, prayers. To the dismay of Goose, YHC opted for comfort over the “the fire within” since it was still wet with paradox’s sweat from the previous day. Thanks for showing up. Always a pleasure to lead.

    #renewyourvalves

  • Be a Daddy, Not a Diddy – from America’s Best

    The beatdown usually starts with a small idea. YHC wanted to emphasize form today. The dictum “Slow is Smooth, Smooth is Fast” came to mind.
    YHC learned of this phrase from “cool dad” Phil Dunphy. Apparently the phrase subsequently became so prolific I believe the military even adopted it.
    Pre-Father’s Day miracle #1: Didn’t even realize I was creating a (Pre-)Father’s Day Beatdown.
    It’s probably known by now that YHC has an unhealthy compulsion to inject some kind of musical trivia into every beatdown. For this one, each song would have a commonality which the PAX would have to discern at the end of the beatdown.

    But first: Standard-issue Warmarama, with one addition
    SSH
    Windmills
    Imperial Walkers
    Mountain Climbers
    Arm Circles
    Willie Mays Hayes
    Top of the Merkin to Ya (not Blades of Steel) – programmed exclusively to help rehab YHC’s shoulder

    Quick mosey around The Center Formerly Known as The Lion’s Den while we heard “Intro” by The XX – only a 2 minute jam, so some sprinting was necessary.

    Prelude to The Thang:
    Originally planned as a Dora, YHC somehow found “All About the Benjamins” on a page I had saved from the Exicon, so I changed it from Dora to AATB… but I had already formed my playlist, and while Puff Daddy fits into the Father’s Day theme, “All About the Benjamins” would definitely not fit the music theme (and we won’t mention P-Diddy’s recent transgressions). I almost changed the entire musical theme around this song, but ultimately decided to keep the list as planned…

    Pre-Father’s Day Miracle #2: The song I had already chosen as the first song (originally for the Dora), was relatively unknown to me … and it contains the lyric “All About The Benjamins”

    On to the Thang: All About the Benjamins setup as 25 SLOW 6-count Curls, 25 lunge walks, then 25 Arnold Schwartzenager (8-count) Squats. Bear crawl back, rinse and repeat until we have done 100 of each.
    As Yankee Jeaux noted, the bear crawls seemed considerably easier after the super-tempo squats. That extra stretch actually does something. The importance of proper form, boys. Make a note of it.
    Not surprisingly, this part of the beatdown took a good amount of time. Our entertainment was not so much the music itself, but Paradox’s guesses on the music theme, as well as the artists. “Songs ODs smoked weed to in college?” stood out to me. Also of note, Dox may have heard the names Peter Gabriel and Phil Collins somehow associated with the 80s and 90s. Or maybe he is just trying to hurt Goose.

    We finished that up with just enough time for the gamified mosey around The CFKATLD. Except that it wasn’t a mosey, but a sprint with 5 Arnold Merkins at each stop, unless someone could identify the common thread amongst the songs. The catch: first, you have to identify the song/artist to unlock the your chance to guess the theme. We stopped at the first cone while YHC played a clip of Intro by the XX… Popeye correctly ID’d the band, but at that point did not have a guess for the theme. So we sprinted to the next cone and did the merkins while we heard a clip of The End of the Contender by Everything Everything… no one knew this one, so we sprinted/merkined again. This continued through songs by Django Django, JR JR, and Man Man. Somewhere in there Enron voiced the answer to the theme, but no one had yet unlocked any band name in order to make that guess, so on we suffered (YHC may have put the more obscure bands at the beginning by design). Finally Goose saved us, identifying Mr. Mister, and completing the second answer. We got to mosey the rest of the way while skipping past Talk Talk, Duran Duran, and the Ting Tings. Thankfully we did not have to listen to the Go-Gos.
    T-Claps to Enron for remembering to grab the cones.

    We arrived back at the flags for a quick Mary. YHC led us through some Wheezy Jeffersons before passing the baton to Goose, who apparently wanted to showcase YHC’s lack of coordination by ordering Dr. W’s. And there was much flailing.

    COT

    Always an honor and pleasure to lead.

    SYITG,
    America’s Best

    AB Sees: The Hand of God in everything. Even in Everything Everything.
    I mentioned some “miracles” in this blast, which is probably hyperbole, but I think it underlines the fact that God’s hand is truly in everything we experience. So from big miracles (like YHC finally becoming a Father a few years ago) to everyday “God Winks,” it’s important to acknowledge even the smallest things as gifts from God.

  • Dadlympics 2024 – from Paradox

    776 BC is widely recognized as the year of the first Olympic games. It began with an annual foot race, a stadion, and blossomed into the over 200 competitions we have today. Origin stories vary but many agree the race began as a simple challenge between friends…or rivals (perhaps both). Many Greek men of this era were very practiced at coalescing into groups at a predetermined area, in the wee dawn hours, one leading calisthenia while the others followed. In Greece, just as in F3 , It only takes a few meetings for the bonds to build, then the comparing of athletic feats follows. As one can imagine, these groups consisted of a variety of characters from the community and YHCs research led to the discovery of ancient sea scrolls depicting an early gathering (meticulously translated to Redneck) as such :

    Upon the Peltchaneus thoroughfare these men gathered:

    Maximus Goosicus -aged learned philosopher, forged in the wisdom of deka kids but the fire within steadily burning though know one truly knows are the flames of his heart or of his bowels?

    Valvenus Saefetyfurst- arriving in the days highest technology chariot. He considers his bronze edition the best, if he only knew his descendants would go platinum and beyond.

    Cuzin Lillius de Punisher-
    beard so thick and luxurious he regarded all face shields as the highest insult. Teaches in the vernacular of Yee Yee.

    Cardinalus of Thebodux- constantly boasting his athletics feats were better served in the Aegean Sea, he would be the origin of all future Olympic swimming. It would take a few years for the sport to gain popularity but it would take millennia to remove his fartsack reputation.

    Montanius de Wilford – returning to glory after many pickled countries were conquered. Only Hippocrates could explain how a 1 day knee injury in February led to 46 pickle tournaments and zero beatdowns but we’ll leave that to the medical historians.

    2,800 years later another group of men would establish another great tradition of athletic excellence. This one to honor the physical, mental , and spiritual battle of being a dad.

    Welcome to the Dadlympics

    Duke
    Light the torch and Roll the beautiful footage !

    Warmup
    9 pax for an intimate Saturday setting and the only thing you really need to know about warmups is Goose unveiled The Fire Within. The remaining warmup period was spent sneaking looks while Goose shook his head and said “hey my eyes are up here buddy! “
    Like a true work of classical art you can appreciate a different beauty with every glance. Huge shout to Gooses M for finding this diamond and allowing it to serve the masses.

    YHC then announced that this day we would honor the duties of a father in 3 parts of Dadlympic glory.

    1. The Track
    2. The Field
    3. The Battleground

    Opening Ceremony
    Indian Run to EDW track with the “torch “ (ole hickory bar)
    Last man drop to 5 torch raises

    Thang 1 —-TRACK

    It doesn’t take long to learn lesson number one as a father…. that your kids are stone cold crazy and programmed to run themselves into direct harm.
    So our first feat would be a “catch me if you can”
    -P1 5 burpees, P2 bur until caught
    -complete 1 track lap

    This crew was barely ruffled and Valves whoop was still logging a sleep HR.

    Next we needed to switch gears into the fatherhood mental toughness test. Balance the budget? Practice a parking lot confrontation? No my friends, we had to go into the deepest waters of Dadversity …the dad joke. Goose had been training us since mid May with his legendary 300 plus merkins dad joke mile and YHC wanted to gift him a few chances to flex his talents and test his troops.

    YHC would give 1/2 of the dad joke then we would fartlek our way around the track with time to think and taste our own brand.
    The answers were then revealed and merkins were used as reward or punishment.

    Here’s a sample of my fave 3 :

    -I have a joke about trickle down economics….(pause and heavy breathing) …but 99% of you won’t get it.

    -I used to run a dating service for chickens…but I was struggling to make hens meet

    – Why couldn’t the produce manager make it to work …he could drive but he didn’t Avacado .

    Goose set the tone with early recognition of ole Phillipe Flop (a Frenchman’s sandals) and Lil Cuz consistently sprinkled in multiple timely assists including a full length dissertation on poultry pronouns. Valve thought alot about the lack of quality neighbors and PCPs in this region. Tana seemed to enjoy the cardio without the heavy burden of paddle sponsorships and endorsement obligations.

    We swapped the fartlek transport for burpee broad jumps (to simulate jumping living room legos) and continued the competition.

    Ending with this doozy….

    -You used to be able to get air at the gas station for free, now it’s a dollar …guess that’s inflation for you .

    A mosey was necessary just to clear the air of the stench of a joke of that caliber .
    The heart can only withstand so much.

    Thang 2—Field

    A dad must be able to flex his dad strength with a legendary single car load trip. The goal here is to show the other dads on the beach where the straps were digging into your wrist so they will burn with jealous rage.

    Carry the Beach Equipment

    P1 garner carry through the “crowd”
    P2 flutter kicks

    The most important of the field events involved practicing to throw your child into that dizzying hybrid of joy and fear.

    Toss your kid to infinity and beyond
    P1 Thrusters
    P2 coupon piggy back ride (nice edit on a YHC miscalculation)

    The Thang Finale —-Battle Field

    American Dadiator

    Rules :

    3 cones in a rough triangle (non Bermuda because I’m still mad) with a bucket of water balloons at each .
    2 pax with a 2.0 defender at each station.
    Center hoola hoop with 10 tennis balls

    Goal is to be the team with the most tennis balls at the end of the game .
    -2.0 defend the nest with pool noodle (3 burpees if hit)
    -5 merkins to get a tennis ball
    -If you get hit with a balloon you owe 3 burpees and you drop your tennis ball
    -10 minutes on the clock

    Teams :
    TanaCuz (picachu )
    ValveDox (gecko)
    Office of Parish Support (Duke)

    Notes :
    – very firm water balloons dont burst and become rubber riot control pellets , there are tattoos to prove it
    – The 2.0 defended nests with deadly accuracy.
    – Several alliances were formed, broken , betrayed, reformed and in general I think we covered 1000s of years of world history with balloons and pool noodles.

    When the smoke cleared Lil Cuz and Tana took the W by one tennis ball thanks to a late assault on the office parish support castle.

    Gear up and back to the flag

    YHC awarded the first Golden Dad to Lil Cuz for his overall performance in the battle, sharp dad joke knowledge and outstanding attitude to laugh and display joy when faced with burpees in soaking wet socks.

    Goose awarded YHC with The Fire Within for cooking with excessive shenanigans when today’s recipe only called for mild shenanigans.

    Lifetime YhC achievement list update :
    1: children being born
    2: being awarded TFW

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out

    At the end of the day as Fathers we are preparing our sons and daughters for the spiritual battle of real life. God provides us many tools of both offense and defense. And just like in our ballooned battle today it doesn’t stop each day from feeling chaotic. It doesn’t stop us from failing when we feel so close to a victory. In fact it can often feel like being busted in the neck with a water balloon after sprinting 50 yards only to do 3 burpees and try again . But if we can stop in the midst of the battle and see His provisions all around us and if we can trust Him, then we can lean on what He gives us. Looking back on the last few years I am truly grateful for the crew He has provided in F3. I hope you all enjoyed a day honoring your fight as Dadiator and I look forward to struggling along side you.

    See you at the ‘25 games

    Dox

  • The Answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything – from Goose

    It’s 42. That’s why this is such an important year, or maybe just an important beatdown. The year was 1982, an important year, maybe not for music, or movies, or culture in general, but certainly for YHC.

    Warmup consisted of the usuals–YHC had no energy for 42 (or 82) of anything, especially given the packed schedule of events to be revealed.

    Top song on June 11, 1982? “Ebony and Ivory” by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, the song that fixed the problem of racism in the United States (and Great Britain). While Bose’ Sr. cranked the synth on this one, PAX switched back and forth from Peter Parkers to Parker Peters every time they said the titular “Ebony and Ivory”. It seemed much longer than it was, and not (just) because it’s a boring song.

    What was the top song of the year? “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor, it’s success fueled by Rocky and every school with a tiger mascot. But, we wouldn’t be doing anything with this one…

    What culturally significant blockbuster movie was released on June 11, 1982? That’s right, it was E.T. And, YHC asked the PAX: in typical Spielberg fashion, a child yells what extremely crude epithet that is completely inappropriate for his age? Both AB and White Meat, in perfect harmony, immediately and loudly answered (correctly): “penis breath!” YHC quickly assured the PAX that this wouldn’t be the theme of our next exercise to the visible (and audible) relief of the group. Jokes were made about YHC taking this opportunity to finally reveal the real nature of F3, ha ha! But, that won’t come for another year or so.

    YHC cued up the E.T. “Flying” theme song, and we flew on our bicycles for the duration: 41 Freddy Mercurys (1:1) and 11 jump squats, on repeat AMRAP.

    Next YHC suggested gloves and led the PAX (surprise, surprise) to the beginning of the new street where there used to be a bumper. YHC explained the cultural and personal significance of the dawn of the Super Mario/Ninteno age in 1985, and then explained that we’d be taking advantage of the well-spaced green pipes along this road. At every green pipe (cluster), which were about 15-20 yards apart, we’d switch between Mario skips (punch those bricks!) and bear crawls, effectively going “up” and “down” the pipes.

    Once we arrived at the end of the street (about 8 pipes long), YHC shared the centrality of basketball, or at least basketball practice for both middle school and high school years. So, just like my Cuban high school coach, Elmo (that was his real name), YHC instructed the PAX in red faced fashion to “Get on the line! We gonna…………(unintelligible syllables)……..JUST GET ON THE LINE!” It was suicide time. (Thank you, Popeye.) From that line, we did suicides to up to the fifth pipe before moseying back to the flag for a couple more thangs. Honeysuckle (and America’s Best) put on a clinic with these, making you wonder if your excuses for slowing down were really grounded in reality, or if they’ve really been doing that much extra running on the side.

    Back at the flag, YHC gathered Bose’ and phone to set up for the next thang and found what looked to be a long handle/stick with a hook at the end. It served well as a prop to keep the speaker and phone from sitting too deep in the wet grass, and inadvertently as a major source of intimidating mystery for the PAX (“what could he possibly have planned for a stick with a hook on it? Is this finally where he reveals the true nature of F3?) Ha! No, not for another year or so.

    YHC’s early 20’s were defined by four years in seminary and a bunch of summers working at a summer camp in the mountains of North Carolina, where Pope and half of his siblings are now. It cannot be overstated how much influence these experiences had on forming YHC into the man he is today. So, we cued up “Church Clap” by KB, Lecrae and “Still Wandering’ by Bronze Radio Return to honor these two, and the PAX started doing stationary 21’s with genuflections (for seminary) and mountain climbers (for camp). But, after doing 20 followed by 19 genuflections, it became clear that this would take way too much time, and we lose a few PAX, so YHC changed it to 11’s. This was plenty.

    After this, we had just enough time to honor the period that followed to the current day–marriage and family. YHC thought I had experience great things, hard things, and had accomplished much…until marriage, and kids. Being a husband and father has brought me to my limitations and blown past them, forcing me to grow so I can give more of me to the people who need it and deserve it. We’ve been married for almost 17 years and have had 10 kids, and the reaction I most hear is “How do you do that?” The answer is, “By not asking that question.” Nobody has what it takes to be the husband and father their wife and children need them to be–it has to be ripped out of us one day, one minute at a time. So, just like with F3, especially with a lot of burpees on the line, we all know that if you ask the question, “How am I gonna do this?”, you’ve already set yourself up to fizzle out early. You just have to choose to start and then not to give yourself an excuse to stop or count the cost or analyze how much you have left in the tank. Your tank will grow with you if you force it to!

    So, 17 years of marriage plus 10 kids = 27 burpees. Don’t ask questions, just start and do one more burpee until you get to 27. And that’s what these guys did, and they keep doing it every time the Q lays out the plan, every time the alarm clock goes off, and every time their body says, “How are you gonna keep going? Is this sensible?” No, but it’s so awesome, and I’m so grateful that you men decided to choose the awesome over the easy this morning and every time you come out!

    COT and Dox prayed us out. Incredible work today, brothers, and it was a great gift to have so many of you out there.

    SYITG,
    Goose, 42

  • Shake it Up a Bit – from Goose

    After four or five Saturdays in a row including a game of some sort, YHC thought it prudent to shake things up a bit and bring back the 60 minutes of pain. Kinda like a weekday, but longer, and at a location with tons of options.

    After YHC drug Yankee Jeaux along for a warmup lap, a warmup of the usuals commenced with 10 fantastic PAX. Once completed, we grabbed gear, and YHC started to lead a mosey toward the track, which brought about much angst amongst the natives, especially those who feared the inevitable after having been absent for a couple of months. YJ reminded YHC that this was the two-year anniversary of his initial return after hiatus, which happened to be YHC’s 40th birthday beatdown, and where YJ happened to puke multiple times. The similarities to today were already astounding–and the stage was set for some potential pukage.

    We moseyed on the track up even with the 50 yard line where YHC explained that we’d be getting back to the ground after enjoying multiple weeks of games (which YHC has loved, btw). It’s been great, but the grinding season was upon us. The first grind would be a Dora, but with three men and four exercises. The PAX broke into 3-man teams, and each team set a man on each side of the track (at the 50, halfway point on the straight 100). On one side, the exercises were 200 merkins followed by 200 Morroccan Night Clubs, and on the other, they were 200 lunges (1:1) followed by 200 heels to heaven. The third man would run from one teammate to the other and take up the rep count, like an ordinary Dora, while his guy ran the next half loop to take over from guy 1. This ended up going as YHC expected–the half lap wasn’t so bad, but merkins while waiting for your teammates to get all the way back around to you was reminiscent of a few May beatdowns. Popeye and Valve throupled/quadroupled with the two 2.0’s, Darryl Strawberry and Jacknife, who moved as one. Sort of. While Honeysuckle, Popeye, and Valve seemed to have no trouble with this one, YHC felt sorry for those for whom running is a life-sucker, but these guys also happen to be the ones with the biggest hearts, and they were clearly pushing hard so as not to leave their teammates suffering longer than necessary.

    The second grind was like the first, except we moved over to the bleachers, and instead of one man running a half lap, he would run up or down the bleachers, and the exercises were done at the top and bottom. At the bottom, 200 dips and 200 LBC’s. At the top, 200 step-ups (1:1) and 200 air presses (overhead). The step-ups were the crux for this one, but the men powered them out in enough time for an Indian Run of epic/stupid proportions.

    The 10 were split into two teams of 5 and each was positioned at opposing ends of the track (50 yard line). The man in the back of each line had to run to the front of the other team’s line, where he would choose a type of transportation for that team while he was head of the line. This was done to provide some variation, but also to give the other line’s guy an actual chance of catching up. This went fairly well, and only a few times did multiple new leaders arrive at about the same time. YHC did observe a few interesting choices for transportation. One looked like a walk, but with knees ever-so-slightly elevated. Not sure what this one was called: Tiptoe-down-the-hallway-at-night walk? Dodging-dog-bombs-in-the-backyard walk? High Grass?

    The mosey back to the flag was understandably slow after this last routine, but we still had some time for a few rounds of Mary. YHC thought it would be fun to introduce some of the newer guys to the more creatively named core exercises, like Afflecks (formerly A-Rods: a combination of J-Los and Pickle Pounders) and Nolan Ryans.

    The Animal shirt was given clean for the first time because Pope received it but couldn’t be present to present it. It went to Captain D’s for his effort despite it not being a game day (the large majority of his posts have ended up being games).
    COT and prayers for the women on the ACTS retreat and a few families dealing with tragedy. Maneater graciously prayed us out.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • It’s The Climb – from Paradox

    When the recent news of parish reassignments hit YHC, two things became clear. The first was an inevitable Cardinal tribute beatdown and the second was that I needed some time to think. I needed some distance (about 80miles would do) , some time to reflect …maybe even a nice view…maybe even a lake. And there’s one lake I know of. It’s the one you know too. And as I sat there, parked by that lake, (you know the one), I reflected upon the gift of our own beloved Cardinal to our community. And right there, parked by that very lake, I dedicated this here beatdown to his 5 year ordination anniversary.

    7 men at the Den on a relatively cool Thursday morning for some lake reflection and light calisthenics. The unsuspecting pax to be honored had been lured in with JBL HCs, dreams of chic-fil-a Coffeeteria and mysterious Smooth pressure at the previous nights DC circle. He dutifully fought the fartsack with a spare JBL, a few more regulars rolled in and we were ready to go.

    Duke!! Plug Morgan city in the GPS ! What?! It’s not 80 miles away? Ok ok we’ll edit that in post …roll the footage!!

    Warmup
    The usuals with a warmup mosey for cone deposition and coupon configuration. This is usually where pax are looking for dox booby traps or random garage gym equipment but today all except one had been alerted it was a Cardinal tribute. They trudged onward anyway , into a nest of heavy coupons and gratitude.

    THA THANG

    YHC announced that we would celebrate Cardinals many gifts in circuit and musical form .

    Song

    The Announcement

    When yHC first spoke with Cardinal about his new Morgan City parish we mostly planned an AO for the nearby LakeEnd park. It was amidst these jokes I saw the lake, and the miles, and the parking. Only one song could carry the weight of this kind of announcement

    Dean Summerwind
    “Parked by the Lake
    Merkin – Parked
    Side Reach – Lake
    MC – Santa Fe

    That one never gets old.

    Next the Challenge

    YHC has always been amazed at the sheer volume of Cardinals schedule. Mass, family dinners, meetings, plannimg schizms, whoop surveys, biscuit tastings, coffee roasters fine things club…and that’s just a regular Monday.
    so an attempt was made to recreate and bring the pax along for the challenge.

    Start in front of CC stairs
    25 merkins (wake up)
    Coupon Crab Walk to stairs (walk to coffee pot)
    Confession/Mass/confession –
    – 10 Thrusters – 10 curls- 10 Thrusters
    High knee waves to cone (as a local celebrity
    Run remaining civic center (late for a meeting) High knees waves back
    Then Repeat above …because you have another mass at 10M mass
    Coupon lunge backwards
    25 merkins

    The pax had all accepted various non priest vocations by the second serving of thrusters and Honeysuckle even assisted YHCs theme by pretending to display weakness at Coupon Crabwalks, prompting YHC to extend help to a “struggling parishioner” and swap everyone to coupon lunges walks. It’s ok HS , those Shakira hips don’t lie but they’re just too powerful.

    Next we honored Cardinals uncanny ability to answer trivia with burpees on the line.
    Early in YHCs Q career I selected the Hannah Montana movie album with hopes of cardio torture. Cardinal heard 2 microseconds of the beat, guessed the song, the year released AND the album saving the pax around 30 burpees. F3 Thib scholars still teach it to their students as a historical landmark of leadership.

    Song:

    Its the Climb – Miley Cyrus
    SSH/ Burpees from Mountain to Climb

    Another round of the Mass circuit and them coups were getting heavy.

    Finally, and more sincerely YHC wanted to recognize Cardinals willingness to allow God to direct his life , pour out his grace and provide support for many of his F3 and community brothers through trying times and tribulations.

    Song :
    Lord of Hosts – Shane and Shane
    Ring of Fire – Merkins – Burpees
    We did a lot. The vision was blurry.

    COT
    Rugby to Cardinal
    and Popeye prayed us out

    **special shout out to a few Cardinal partners in crime who provided “Cardinals greatest hits: Seal, Nelly and beyond”

    Words of a Feather:

    In the fall of 2021 YHC walked onto a gloomy stage with a financial advisor and a theologian . Sounds like a bad doctor joke with a bartender punchline right?
    It was actually YHCs first beatdown and I remember impressions of each man well. Goose, responsible for the EH at dinner the night before, had firmly planted himself in YHCs brain as “just my kind of crazy person”but the intensity level was palpable in his gaze so I looked onward. His wife had informed me it was “calisthenics and running” so why did it look more like a Cobra Kai seminar? “ Ok don’t panic” I told myself. , what about the other guy? Oh , Enron? He looked like a man who would crush a beer can between his forearm and bicep first and ask questions later. Clearly he was the enforcer of the bunch and I hoped my 318 cred would last for atleast 45 minutes. I was beginning to unravel this odd corporate structure, simultaneously back peddling to the car and trying to decide which one would ask me for the first monthly installment when a third man appeared. His smile was equal parts kind and welcoming and as he strolled in I felt an overwhelming sense of safety. They both addressed him as Cardinal. He replied with appropriate quips for each and we got started.
    As we celebrate Cardinals 5th year as a priest it’s this very gift that I want to highlight the most, providing hope. For me that day it was just hope to survive chubbawampas hit single. But for the many people in this community he has impacted it’s a much greater Hope.

    Hope restored as he administers sacraments ,Hope reminded in skilled homilies and Hope redeemed in spiritual direction.

    All these, and much more he provides as an instrument of Gods grace and as an example of great trust.

    Cardinal, you are a gift to our F3 brotherhood. We are grateful for you and look forward to supporting you in the next adventure.

    And just know that when you’re ready , we’ll all be parked out there…sitting right by that lake…you know the one.

    SYITG ,
    Dox

  • F3 brothers and beyond – from Smooth Operator

    Stations of the cross ruck hybrid beatdown

    Maneater
    Cardinal
    Honeysuckle

    3 fearless rucksters pulled up to the Colloseum ready for action. What they didn’t know was YHC had a little extra in store for the PAX.

    Thang 1 Standard ruck to Cardinals house.

    At approximately 5:16 the Pax embarked on the first leg of our journey traveling north on Audubon Ave. Talking about lighthearted thing such as YHC’s inability to decipher Popeyes old English coded Groupme message.

    We made our way to St Thomas Aquinas for thang 2

    Thang 2 Stations of the Cross

    Not long ago YHC attended mass at STA and due to an unruly 2 year old spent the majority of the time walking the Stations of the Cross while holding a crying child. After making a couple laps, YHC mind began to wonder and was hit with a revelation. This would be a great place for a little shared suffering, and indeed it was.

    The rules were do a genuflection at station one then increase to the end. The kicker was the mode of transportation would be bear crawls. YHC quickly learned that red pea gravel does not feel good on knees and hands. The PAX made it to station 7 and YHC switched it to squats and lunge walk for mode of transportation. At 11 YHC switched it to shoulder presses and farmer carry for travel due to our need to get back on with our ruck and back to the flag at an appropriate time. The Pax did great on this little change up of a thang and probably grew tired of YHC making excuses for the excursion.

    Thang 3 the longer path

    Once we recovered from thang 2 the PAX hit the road once again traveling east in front of the student union then south past the police station. From here we immediately jumped back on the walking path and high tailed it past the Did outfield fence recalling Nicholls baseball losing out on their chance to get to Omaha this weekend in heartbreak fashion. We made the turn around the llarge yellow post sticking up in the middle of our walking path (side note if anyone knows why that post is there please feel free The share with group. A reward may accompany your answer) and headed back to the flag. We made it back at 0605 hoping to see a smirk waiting for us there but alas it did not come into fruition.

    We had COT , Intentions and instructions from Cardinal on the Eucharistic procession around Houma and Thibodaux tomorrow. Maneater prayed us out as we prayed for our F3 brothers and beyond. Thank to everyone for coming out and allowing YHC to lead.
    SYITG,
    Smooth Operator