F3 New Orleans

Tag: Cardinal

  • Cold Hands, Warm Hearts, Can’t Lose! – from Lil Cuz

    The game is over, you’re a Champion! You finally accomplished all that you have been working towards and now what…relief? Excitement? What comes next? The greatest players of all time always answer one thing to this question. “Let’s get back to work.” Most elite level athletes allow themselves the night of the biggest wins of their careers to celebrate, but when the next morning comes, they are back to working just as hard as if they are rookies again walking onto the field for the first time. This is the mindset that needs to be sought after in order to continue growing throughout life. Living in humility and knowing you can take care of business when the call comes.

    We may not be Superbowl winning level athletes, but we can apply this same work ethic in our everyday lives. We relax and enjoy our families on Sunday but Monday rolls around and it’s time to get back to work and continue on this path with our cross on our shoulder. We march on, thankful to God for the reprieve of Sunday and thankful to God for the strength to keep moving and working to better ourselves. So this Monday morning, in the cold and in the dark; We got back to work…

    Thang 1:

    Start by Shovel Flag with 50 SSH’s.
    – Sprint to concrete on opposite side of field.
    – Bear Crawl to halfway point of field.
    – Mosey around track back to Shovel Flag.

    Complete 25 Merkins.
    – Repeat sprint, bear crawl and mosey back to Shovel Flag.

    Complete 15 Burpees.
    – Repeat sprint, bear crawl and mosey back to Shovel Flag.

    Complete 50 LBC’s
    – Repeat sprint, bear crawl and mosey back to Shovel Flag.

    Complete 40 Jump Squats.
    – Repeat sprint, bear crawl and mosey back to Shovel Flag.

    Thang 2:
    Relay race with the Pax split into 2 teams and team members spread out to the four corners of the Stage track. All Pax doing SSH’s while waiting their turn to run. Runner gets to next Pax on his team and calls a workout of which the next Pax to run would do a set of 15 before running to his next teammate. Two laps and winning team would get to relish in their “prize”. We had some real shiners that chose today to showcase their true speed, and a bunch of racers whose competitive spirit really showed through. The relay was neck and neck the whole way through, but Team 1 pulled out the win in the very last section of the race.

    Winning team would get to choose an additional 5 reps of each workout if they wanted to get the extra burn this morning or could take 5 reps away if they would like to relax. This was chosen in silence between the individual Pax and God, not as a team.

    Thang 3: Back to Thang 1 and this time seemed to be done much slower than the first, and each round felt so much sweeter as we got closer and closer to the end.

    Admittedly, YHC thought that thang 1 would take up much more time, but these fellas came to workout this morning and they weren’t having any slow counts in the cold. Relay race was supposed to be a finishing round but ended up as a middler to really see how far our muscles could be pushed. Everyone pushed so hard to finish and we did it with 1 minute to spare. There was dispute as YHC was under the impression we exercised for an hour during the week but YHC was quickly downvoted and told to lay off the Q-drenaline as we only had 1 minute left.

    :30 – :45 of Mary to close which consisted of 6-inch hold for duration.

    COT, name-o-rama, and Dox prayed us out.

    Thanks for the backblast name, Wet Tap! Cold Hands, Warm Hearts, Can’t Lose! This really has described the Thibodaux F3 Pax throughout the winter and I can’t wait for the next one.

    SYITG,
    Lil’ Cuz

  • Super Bowl Pair-a-Dice (by Pope) – from Goose

    It’s Super Bowl weekend, and YHC was ready to rock, both at the flag this morning and in front of the TV later.
    After warmups, YHC introduced something he devised called “Down for the Count”, where the PAX did merkins in cadence and held Mission Impossible plank after the final rep, holding while counting around the circle in a Ring of Fire fashion, followed by the same thing with squats (holding Al Gore) and leg lifts (six-inch hold).
    Next we headed to the Thunderdome for what YHC dubs “Paradise & Pair-a-Dice”. YHC hit up JBL, who told us what he would do “If I had $1,000,000” (8-count BB on “If I had $1,000,000” with SSH/Imperial walkers in between) before rocking “Gangsta’s Paradise” (penguins during verses, gas pumps during refrain).
    When playing some role-playing games, dice with varying numbers of sides are often used to determine outcomes. Today was no different; the numbers rolled by the dice provided by YHC would decide between life and death for the PAX. Each PAX rolled three dice—a 4-side, a 20-side, and a 10-side (with numbers ranging from 10 to 100). The 4-side indicated the exercise (1: burpees, 2: 8-count BBs, 3: Catalina wine-mixers, 4: SSH) the 20-side gave us the reps for rolls of 1, 2 and 3, and the 10-side set the amount of SSH in the case of a 4 being rolled.
    The PAX then moseyed to the ED White football field, where we split op into two 6-man (or kid) teams. The following game of F3 football brought out two things—the Dion Sanders in Paradox and the “bigger, stronger, fast-ish” in the rest of the Thibodaux PAX.
    Prior to each down, the offense and defense did a set number of 8-count BBs (offense does 1, defense does 5 on 1st down, 2:3 on 2nd down, 3:2 on 3rd, 5:1 on 4th). The initial plan was for a scoring team to do 10 star jumps versus the defense’s 10 burpees, but 1) YHC forgot to mention it and 2) nobody scored. With interceptions by Yankee, Goats and Enron and a sack by Coyote, it was a defense-dominated game. Hmm… prelude to the Super Bowl? Perhaps.

  • Mellow Monday w/ Montana – from Wiford Montana

    I often try to use the space of F3 as a place to break down my muscles in order to grow them but today, today was a day to do that but something more. This q was to be real, connect, and hopefully show that thru a group of like minded people coupled with the love, strength, and mercy of our Lord Jesus we can become strong in many facets. Not only that but when we struggle with whatever it is we have a network, a common goal, a place to grow. Mellow Monday with Montana was set to begin.
    Warm-o-Rama:
    3 stretches then we churned out a mile on rich man loop.

    The journey of Pro shop Barry:
    Leaving Vandy I was an atheist looking for only self discovery and meaning of life. Was wondering in my “dessert” discovering, I would be willing to bet I have seen more pounds of weed than every pax combined, but I can say this much like all things of the world, they have their short term gains but no matter how much of a short term pleasure they just fall short.

    1st Song: Simmer Down by Bob Marley Thruster on Simmer Down and random “Goblin Squats” through out.

    2nd Song: Exodus (all present were on the true Exodus) by Bob
    Burpees on Exodus and Movement
    68 in total

    Then YHC passed around picture of Pro shop Barry, he was 2 links of boudin away from hitting 3bills
    “Tana killed proshop Barry, he dead now”
    Picture ripped up and we talked about whatever struggle or addiction you can turn to God anytime, and shared I accepted Jesus Sept. 18 2008 centered around 2Cor. 3:3

    3rd Song: Break every Chain- Jesus Culture
    BBS or V-up on power
    Merkin on Break every chain
    Coupon swing and man makers sprinkled in

    Closed out with a quick mile ish and then COT and Dilly prayed us out

    Appreciate each one of you and great work Pax

  • Basketball Jones – from Paradox

    7 pax entered the Lions Den as a light mist fell around the feet of Aslan(d) . During a recent conversation with Goose YHC got worked up into a full lather about the endless potential the Den has for a basketball beatdown. But first there were a few questions to consider:

    1. Could we work our body , work our body , but make sure we don’t hurt nobody ?
    2. Could the DJ turn it up but make sure he dont burn it up?
    3. Can we set a pick at the free throw line of life?
    4. Will a basketball under our pillow improve our sleep ?

    Certainly 5:30 was early to consider deep philosophy but I knew 7 HIgh impact fellows who could help me find the answers…

    Roll that bean footage Duke !

    Warmup
    Standard issue type where YJ talks to his neighbor in stream of consciousness and Enron has form questions.
    SSH , IW , WM, AC , CP

    Run Cajun Run Mosey to the Bball court then we got down to business.

    In December 1891 Dr James Naismith invented an indoor game to keep athletes in peek condition during winter. With a peach basket and a soccer ball he changed the landscape of American sports. Today we will honor his achievement and learn how to earn our respect on the court.

    Anker Tribute

    Basketball Jones by Cheech and Chong
    This may be my all time favorite F3 song to date. The mixture of pain and laughter was beautiful.
    3 modes :
    Plank up- merkins on basket ball
    Al gore – squats on basketballs
    LBC- crunch on basketball

    NBA Trivia
    Add 5 burpees if wrong
    Bobby Hurleys /MakTars then a court suicide each round
    1/2…6/12 in Jack Webb format

    1. Most NBA champ player?
    Bill Russel
    2. How many referees during NBA game ? 4
    3. Shaq shoe size ? 23
    4. First WNBA player to dunk in a game? Brittany Griner
    5. First MVP by unanimous vote , Steph Curry
    6. All time leading scorer in men’s college basketball-pistol Pete

    We only did 1 set of penalty burpees thanks to our man AOL who, on top of being our IT guy , is also an actual walking computer of NBA knowledge. With quiet strength he put the team on his back and saved us from burpees before we could debate ourselves into more pain. Well done!

    Song:
    Space Jam By Quad City DJs

    YHC Continues to be impressed by YJs knowledge of 80s/90s hip hop . Was he accused of insider trading during the preBlast riddle? That’s a matter for my legal team. But by my calculations YJ would have been 18 years old when the song was out and obviously formed him into the baller he is today so all is forgiven.

    Side shuffle , slap floor on jam, jump shot on Jam
    YHC shared a special moment with Enron as we locked gazes during side shuffle until the slick court mud almost took my life. Tana added several interpretive dance moves that kept our minds off the burning legs. .

    To the main event

    F3 Knockout
    Standard knockout rules with a 5 burpee buy in
    3 strikes and you are out for good.
    This led to the showdown that no one saw coming but we all needed….

    Goose vs Cardinal

    The young calf vs the old bull

    Priest vs Administration

    Man vs Man for all to witness

    A battle for bragging rights at the Office of Parish support. It was all in the table.
    Cardinal hung tough early with some defensive strategy but in the end Goose found his shot and took the title home.

    Mosey back to Aslan(d) for COT and Ronnie prayed us out.

    A great privilege to lead you men and have some fun to start the day. If you find yourself afflicted with the basketball Jones , well…now you know the cure.

    SYITG
    PDOX

  • Burpeepalooza 2023 (vol. 3) – from Goose

    When Enron asked YHC to switch with him and Q this morning, I asked myself the question, “Is it time for another Burpeepalooza?” and I answered myself the answer, “Why, yes. Yes it is.” Preparation required one hype GIF for the GroupMe and an hour or so of research for songs with repetitive lyrics and good burpee timing. Burpeepalooza 2023 was ready for launch, and YHC was so fired up, I woke before my alarm.

    Oh, and in case I should fail to mention it, new ground was broken last night as YHC reached across a deep, long-standing rift for the sake of a quality beatdown:
    Oontz had been showing some serious inconsistency with volume as of late, and since it would be of absolute necessity for all PAX to hear the trigger words for this beatdown regardless of loud traffic on the highway, there was no doubt about it–it was time to bring in the big guns. YHC knew down deep that BAPS (Big Ass Party Speaker, for the newer guys) was the only one who could handle this kind of weight, so late in the evening, YHC dialed up Yankee Joe. After some initial disbelief and suspicion of being punked (like that one time with JBL), YHC proved himself sincere, and YJ heartily agreed to let BAPS shine. We both shed some healthy tears afterward and slept a little more soundly.

    The warmup this morning had to be seriously substantial. After Lil’ Cuz’s Saturday butt-whoopin’, the soreness was deep and every single muscle was tight. So, given the range of motion burpees require, flexibility would be of the utmost to save the PAX’s joints for the rest of this week’s beatdowns.
    Warm-o-rama: seal jacks, windmills, imperial walkers (so sore), grass grabbers (the “three taps backward with the clap” variety), arm circles, cherry pickers, YJ-led wrist rotations (the non-yoga-demon variety), self-love, tempo merkins (3-count down and 3-count up), mountain climbers, high knees, and butt kicks. Had to cover all the bases, especially for us old guys!

    YHC then introduced the concept of the Burpeepalooza–Enron and Paradox (and the absent Fence Post) were the only ones who had done it before. It’s an entire beatdown of non-stop songs, each having a trigger word or phrase upon which a burpee is executed. Rest between (ha!).

    Here’s the list, played on shuffle so God decides if two or three (or four) hard songs get played in a row:
    “Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers–burpees on “gone” and “away”
    “For God is With Us” by For King and Country–burpee on “God is with us”
    “Coconut” by Harry Nilsson–“coconut”
    “Happy” by Pharrell Williams–“Happy” (continuous burpees when they say it really fast)
    “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel–“your eyes” (backup singers count…they’re real people, too)
    “That’s the Way (I Like It)” by KC & the Sunshine Band–“I like it” (Dang.)
    “Come and Get Your Love” by Redbone–“come and get your love”
    “Have a Little Faith in Me” by John Hiatt–“have a little faith”
    “Got My Mind Set On You” by George Harrison–“set on you” (Ran out of time for this one, probably because of the ridiculously long warmup)

    This crew was impressive–the mumblechatter continued to be witty and there were no visible signs of discouragement. Muscles were zapped, oxygen was in low supply in the mugginess, and there were some unfulfilled promises of merlot splashing (puking), but spirits remained high as the burpee count continued to quietly climb.
    All said and done, if all triggers resulted in burpees, the count was 245, a record for Thibodaux Burpeepaloozas! And even if some were skipped, most if not all of the PAX did over 200 burpees in 45 minutes! This would have sounded like an impossible feat if this number was shared at 5:29am, but because we were suffering together, distracted by listening for the triggers, and not counting to see how many we had done and how many more we felt like we could rationally do, our bodies outshone even our highest expectations. T-claps especially to the guys who had never done this before and were blindsided this morning!
    COT followed, and we discussed the mistake of trying to measure how much you have left in the tank, both during exercise and throughout our day with family, etc. We can always do more if we live for the person/people around us rather than constantly trying to measure “how much more of this I can take.”
    Q assignments for the rest of the week were finalized, prayer intentions were shared, and YJ prayed us out. It was an honor to get through that with you fellas this morning!

    SYITG (See You in the Gloom),
    Goose

  • Mario Kart 4 Lyfe – from Paradox

    The year is 1999..
    In your best friends basement you pull the marioKart64 cartridge , give it two puffs inward and reinsert . Rainbow road flashes on the screen and your pulse quickens. Just the perfect amount of sweat on your palms to reduce the D-pad Friction on your thumb. Two hot pockets in the microwave upstairs and you got a Surge in the fridge for just such an occasion.
    Life is good…

    The year is 2008.
    Despite a college physics final in 8 hours that could derail your future career you are locked in a heated Nintendo Wii Mario Kart tournament. A pack of keystone lights awaits the victor.
    Life is good …

    The year is 2023. Your stand in a circle of High Impact Men on a crisp bayou morning and you have the privilege to lead. A pristine life size Mario Kart track awaits 4 Pax.

    Seasons change , presidents come and go but Mario Kart …Mario Kart is forever.

    Warmup
    SSH, IW, WM, GG with the Clap
    AC, cherry picks , MC (I can feel a schism on its way that involves Cardinal removing these from the warmup )

    Bumper mosey

    Anker Tribute

    Day-O by Harry Belafonte
    Sqats – 3 levels on “day “
    Alternate between upper, middle and lower squat hold
    A deeeeep burn sets in on about the 14th day and there are many many more

    The Thang a Lang (it’s funny cus it sounds like dang a lang, ok ok I’ll show myself out )

    *****MARIO KART *****

    5 stations setup on corners of the Track
    3 banana peels and a mystery cube at each
    Flip the cone -pick one , complete exercise , advance with sprint in between.
    Gather 1 coin per Lap
    Most coins per round wins

    LIGHTNING: 7 burpees for all pax except the one ego pulled the card , they advance 2

    Rainbow road -mosey to bumper

    GREEN SHELLS
    Each pax has 1 each with various reps , in round 1 can give out to any pax as they pass.

    Round 1
    10 minutes
    Every one on their own.
    Do what you must to win.

    Goose and Cuz tied for round 1 with 2 coins each after hitting a flurry of Lightning streaks.

    Round 2
    10 minutes
    Pax as a team , try to beat collective goal from round 1 of coins
    Use green shells to help a burdened teammate this round

    We equaled our goal here with significantly more hardships in the rainbow road and thruster departments. Great effort and YHC could feel the concerted efforts to break our goal.

    Peels were as follows :
    Cone 1
    20 merkins
    25 squats
    20 monkey humpers
    ? Card: bearcrawl to 2

    Cone 2
    20 big boys
    20 leg raises
    20 crunchy frogs
    ?card : Lightning

    Cone 3
    20 coupon OHP
    ?card: Rainbow road
    20 thrusters
    20 Coupon swings

    Cone 4
    15 ranger merkins
    50 MC (2 is 1)
    10 burpees
    ?card: lightning

    Cone 5
    10 shoulder tap merkins
    10 jump squats
    ?card : bearcrawl back to 4

    Notes:
    – Back to back to back Lightning in round one equaled about 50 burpee’s sandwiched between moseys #yikes
    – The transferred vengeance of round 1 was palpable when Darth Cardinal handed me 8 body builders and immediately gave Cuz 10 more squats. He blamed Goose and as planned we saw the ugly side of competing only for one’s self: Blame, guilt, wrath , envy .Ya hate to see it.
    – On the flip side in round 2 we saw the fruits of our efforts being for others . The joy on cuzs face as 10 thrusters were taken off his shoulders. Knowing he would advance to help another . Goose even mumbled an apology for hitting another lighting in YHCs face (talk about progress! )

    Wrapped with Mary – 1 round of crunchy frogs

    COT and Cuz prayed us out

    Had a blast this am fellas.
    A physical reminder for YHC too lean fully on Gods limitless strength as we help those in need.

    SYITG
    PDox

    Epilogue

    …The year is 2062,
    Your grandkids just got off the hovercraft school bus excited to tell you they have a retro virtual reality game called “ Mario Kart”.
    They ask if you wanna play and promise to take it easy on you.
    You longingly stare out the window as the pulse quickens.

    You call down to the F3 nursing home to tell the staff you won’t be there for your evening rounds.

    You tell the nurse “Jeaux needs his doo doo pills by 5pm, and if Ronnie gets on a heater he has a separate checking account. Mix Tanas meds with an abita or he won’t take them. Make sure Goose gets to explain paradox to his family visitors or he’ll get cranky . Stop by Cardinals room and drop off the new whoop version 74.0 and tell Cuz they put “prayers “ instead of “good luck “ on the school marquee so he’ll sleep better. “

    “Tell them all I got a lesson to teach the 3.0s”

    YHC grabs the VR headset, cracks his neck and takes a sip of a chilled Surge.

    They never knew what hit em

  • NEW AO NAMED IN THIBODAUX! / A Transportation Exhibition – from Goats in the Machine

    YHC arrived at the at 5:25 to eight (8) PAX, including and FNG, parked and waiting near the flag poles in front of the Civic Center as instructed. An Additional Pax, Goose, was spotted parking in the wrong location as well displaying a level of tardiness that is typically only seen by YHC. It was latter discovered that he was delayed due to an uncontrollable urge to craft a fudge pop. YHC began the Beatdown with 10 PAX (including myself) at 5:32.

    It was 64 degrees, dry air, and highly saturated grounds. The concrete was still moist and had puddles colleting in low spots from the previous night’s rain.

    Warm-O-Rama
    SSH, Imperial Walkers, Wind Mills, Arm stretching, High Knees, Butt Kicks, Mosey to Basketball Court
    YHC’s cadence was miserable as usual

    THANG 1 – “The Long BLACK Train”
    This THANG was designed with the intention of showcasing various means of F3 Transport. The PAX lined up at mid-court. The Pax used the following methods to transport themselves between mid-court and the bassline in succession: Bear crawls, Lunges, Alligator Merkin Crawl, Crab Walk, and Kicking walks (AKA Waling Ray Finkel). I’m a sucker for a good acronym. During each round and in between “transports” the Pax performed reps of an exercise called by YHC.

    Round 1= BBSU (10 reps per transport, 50 total for the round)
    Round 2=Squats (10 reps per transport, 50 total for the round)
    Round 3 =Shoulder Taps (10 reps per transport, 50 total for the round)
    Round 4 = Burpees (5 reps per transport, 25 total for the round)
    Round 5 = Monkey Humpers (10 reps per transport, 50 total for the round)

    Pax then did an Indian-Run back to Aslan, a concrete Lion statue, and then to the bottom of the berm at the water reservoir.

    THANG 2 – Price is Right – Kelly Bluebook Used Car Edition
    The PAX separated into two (2) teams. YHC listed a year make and model for a vehicle. The following was assumed: 20k miles, good condition, base model, standard equipment, white exterior color. The team closest to the KBB value with out going over wins the round. The loosing team sprinted up the berm performed 5 burpees and sprinted back. the winning team sprinted up the berm and back. Followed by 3 burpees at the bottom.

    For your reference:
     2015 Honda Acord LX = $13,744
     2016 Mercedes-Benz C Class 300 = $16,633
     2019 Honda Odyssey LX = $22, 751
     2019 Toyota RAV4 LE= $23,026
     2022 Ford XLT Crew Cab = $43,277

    COT

    Count Off & Name-O-Rama : 10 PAX

    Announcements :
    -Coyote Birthday Q @ the Perch on Saturday.
    -Welcome “AOL,” an IT professional
    -The Name of the Civic Center AO was declared “The Lions Den.” This named is derived from the before mentioned concrete statue , Aslan, that happened to be located near our shovel flag. “Narnia” was thrown out as an option, but Mother Goose informed us that is was too juvenile and feminine. @Goose Please look into getting the new AO added to the Backblast Database.

    Intentions: Thanksgiving for Enron’s new 2.5, Family of a deceased neighbor, Extended Family Strife

    Cardinal Prayed us out.

    It was a blast exploring the new AO with these men. YHC can’t wait participate in the creative beatdowns to come!

    Sincerely,
    GITM

  • HIIT Me With Your Best Shot (Part 1) – from Yankee Joe

    An incredible 10 PAX hiit The Stage on a brisk, gloomy Thursday morning. When preparing for the beatdown, YHC struggled with themes and/or purposeful routines that would best serve the PAX. Every time I got close to hiiting on an idea, I would hiit a brick wall. It was frustrating. As of late, with all of the talk of TuesdayTuff and Thursday Thoroughbred, and Saturday Samsonite (Samsonite? I was wayyyy off), YHC was unsure of where the spirit of F3 Thibodaux was heading. It felt like something was missing. Don’t get me wrong…I think our PAX is hiiting on all cylinders, but personally, I was missing something. Then, while doing interval sprint training for the marathon I’ll never run, it hiit me. If you haven’t figured it out by now, you should probably go hiit the Dad Joke chat rooms on the world wide web.

    Still nothing? For the love of Goats…YHC needed more workouts known as high intensity interval training or HIIT. These workouts consist of “climbing” the hill with slower, more powerful aerobic exercises, followed by multiple, all out maximum effort “sprints” for a short duration of time. With aerobic (meaning, “with air”) workouts, we can supply enough oxygen for our bodies to produce the energy needed. Anaerobic (literally, “without air”) requires energy production without the necessary supply of oxygen. This is why we can only do these all out “sprints” for short durations, generally less than two minutes. With aerobic exercises, demand matches supply. That is, the oxygen needed matches the oxygen provided. With anaerobic exercises, the supply does not come close to matching demand. Gone, but not forgotten, John Maynard Keynes. Boom goes the dynamite.

    ANNNYYway, this is partly due to my most recent cult membership, Whoop. Perhaps, I’m in better shape, but beatdowns are barely getting me above a “strain” of 8. I have no idea if that actually means anything, but the Whoop app then tells me, “going above 16.6 will promote fitness gains.” I’m like, “promote fitness gains?!? I just freakin’ nurred a mile and tossed a cinder block 73 feet, all while pretending that “Lil Jon” is a visionary lyricist.

    In the words of Peter Griffin, “that’s enough, Nickleback.” YHC decided it’s time for the F3 “Herman Munster. I’m taking it back like Robin Locksley, rockin’ from countryside to spots where hard rocks be.”

    I often wonder if these Pax know how it feels
    to dedicate their whole lives to these abs of steel.
    It’s not about the guns,
    that’s not keepin’ it real.
    A lot of yoked up bros, they ain’t got no zeal.

    I say, let’s take it back to the concrete crews,
    original beatdowns with hard ass Q’s.
    With Paradox tactics, no Montana farting sack tricks.
    Like YHC yak sick,
    just keepin’ it Goose-y-tastic.

    I’m not trying to say my beatdowns are better than yours.
    I’m just on some other Stage.
    I’m all about the planks and the cadence.
    So when I deal it, you get snarky.
    The vibe is energized by my tadpoles being larky.

    Thanks for the cadence, Jurassic 5… (see Concrete Schoolyard…and you’re welcome)

    ANNNYYway, yes, yes, I created a HIIT beatdown is what I’m trying to say.

    We started out with a typical warm-up, adding in some additional broga stretches (i.e cat-cow’s) because it was going to get nasty. However, for YHC, the most unnerving element of the warm-up wasn’t the snarky 9 PAX around me. It was that those 9 snarky PAX around me weren’t talkin’ smack. There was virtually no mumblechatter. YHC even encouraged it to no avail. Did they know? Did they feel what was coming? Did they not care? Or worst of all, did they not think YHC could handle the chatter? It threw me off my game to be honest. YHC was just grateful to have Fencepost as a partner throughout. My guy has crazy, stoic strength and never seems to even breathe hard.

    ———————————–

    That said, we moved into a pre-thang of:

    – 100 SSH’s (I’m now realizing how inconsiderate of me this was re: Enron’s ankle…penalty burpees for me)

    – 15 triple merkin, triple squat jump burpees (inspired by Steve via Goose)

    – 4 P2J2s (alternative name: Piccadilly Dilly’s) – pickle pounders (x4), peter parkers (x4), j-los (x4), jacks of the plank variety (x4) = 1 rep

    – Recovery bumper mosey

    Still no audible chatter, save the affirming gut chuckle from Goose when the triple merkin, triple squat jump burpees were rolled out. Even Cardinal was seemingly kind and tolerant of YHC’s misplaced anger issues. I mean, seriously, I appreciate the genius of John Cleese and the Month Python crew, but you invest nearly two hours anxiously anticipating the discovery of the Holy Grail. Then, the fourth wall is obliterated and the suspension of disbelief succumbs to a sad and cheeky death.

    ————————————

    HIIT Thang #1 (We only made it through one thang. The sequel coming to a Peltch near you.)

    – Partner 1 did 25 goblet squats, while P2 held Al Gore; Flapjack
    – Partner 1 – Murder bunny to sidewalk (40 yards-ish), while P2 ‘zombie plank crawled’ alongside P1 (This was BRUTAL. Elbows, knees, hips, ankles, pelvic regions all screaming in terror)
    – 50 Bonnie Blair’s 1:1 at sidewalk, both partners together

    – Partner 2 – Murder bunny to sidewalk (40 yards-ish), while P1 ‘zombie plank crawled’ alongside P1 back to Stage
    – 25 imperial squat walkers 1:1, both partners together

    —————————————-

    Then, 30 sec speed intervals (as many reps as possible in 30 seconds)

    – Groiners
    – Squat jumps
    – Mountain climbers
    – Bobby Hurley’s
    – Recovery pyramid suicides (5 yards, 15, 25, 40, 25, 15, 5)
    – 400 meter fast mosey

    —————————————

    Mary Bolt’s
    5 minutes; 30 sec speed intervals (get it…ab work…sprints…Mary…Bolt…oh nevermind)

    – LBCs
    – Flutters
    – LBCs
    – Hello Dolly’s
    – LBCs
    – Pickle pounders
    – J-Lo’s

    COT and Lil’ Cuz’s neck prayed us out.

    Doing the exercises is one thing. Going after it like each of you did today is a whole ‘nother level. Thank you for raising the bar for me every beatdown.

    SYITG,

    IM3 – Yankee Joe

  • Fireworks and Infections – from Goats in the Machine

    As I arrived to The Stage YHC was not sure what exact pain and hilarity would ensue. I armed myself with a deck of death and the knowledge of coupons in route. Regardless of what was to come, I was determined to serve anguish with a side of joy.

    I am not sure if it was the wet shoes, soggy, gloves, or the mental prep for Exodus 90; but YHC was in an extremely choleric mood. Unfortunately, the lack of post Beatdown mumble chatter about “strain” from the whoop-gang has made me more vindictive and deceitful. Additionally, I’m starting become convinced that “strain” is what happens after your first cup of coffee is consumed in the morning.

    Warm-o-Rama
    The usually suspects w/ 11 reps for each as to warn the pax of their fate. YHC, had one miscount. All pax are welcome to do 3 backwards arm circles at home.

    Thang 1.1
    11’s coupon curls and tricep extensions. YHC felt it was important to show solidarity with all of the sad clowns and their New Year’s resolutions by working glamor muscles. YJ questioned the sex appeal of triceps. YHC explains the importance of looking swole to the sad clown in the pew behind him when he puts his arm around his M in mass.

    Thang1.2
    3 rounds of Infection. Cardinal showed his crab walk skills once again. Superfund was a shoring sleeper victor.

    Thang 1.3
    Big Bang. Exercises were dictated by deck of death. Paces from the center matches the value of the card pulled.

    Thang 2.1
    11’s coupon overhead press and BBSUs. Mumble chatter was muffled by the 3rd round.

    Thang 2.2
    Big band deck of death again

    Mary with Iron wheel to the finish. Pax stalled with SSH, plank, high knee, back plank, and butt kicks while PAX chose their favorite Marys. YHC noticed a lot of monkey Humper, J-Lo, pickle pounders, and wife pleasers as the wheel turned.

    COT and goose prayed us out.

    Happy Nee year to all. I had a great time with the group of men who showed up in the gloom this morning.

  • The Goose Who Stole Paxmas: An Arc of Redemption – from Yankee Joe

    To the Men of F3 Thibodaux,

    There are no words to accurately describe my level of gratitude for each of you. Whether we’ve been together for one beatdown or 50, you have taught me something, and each something has been invaluable. F3 has a term, “IM3,” which is a Man’s statement to the PAX that “I AM THIRD.” The idea of ‘living third’ means that as men, we deliberately place ourselves third behind God and our Community (including our families).

    I know I speak for all of us that NO man makes this commitment with more force and humility than our very own Goose. He is an example, always constant in the storm as well as the gloom, reminding us why we’re doing this. Reminding us about what really matters.

    I also know Goose would immediately say that ALL of us are worthy of the same praise. And I would agree. This is a very special group of men. You are Disciples of Christ, the spiritual leaders for your families. We often use the word, “humility” when describing our experiences together. There is a reason for this. We are, all of us, continually striving to “live third.”

    In a past life when I was coaching high school baseball, I used to say that the scoreboard was a result, not the goal. Back then, it sounded so wise. Heck, I wasn’t much older than the teenagers to whom I was speaking. However, I am amazed how those words ring so very true for me today. I often forget that I am in the best shape of my life. It may have started as the goal, but it has become a casual byproduct of being blessed (truly blessed) to stand next to Men of honor, Men of substance, Men of God, Men like you.

    Merry Christmas to each and each of you and your families.

    May God grant us the courage to always strive to be third.

    SYITG

    Yankee Joe

    ———————————————-

    Warm-up 6:30 – 6:35
    SSHs
    Abe Vigodas (slow windmills)
    Arm circles
    Squats
    Imperial Squat Walkers
    Self Love
    Mosey with coupons to monkey bars with coupons, then drop by slides

    Tribute to Anker 6:35 – 6:42
    0 – 1:00 ish – imperial walkers
    1:00 – 1:45 ish – imperial squat walker
    1:47 – 2:22 – SSH’s
    2:23 – 3:00 – burpees
    3:10 – 4:03 – elbow plank
    4:04 – 5:28 – Bobby Hurleys
    ———————————————–

    Thang 1: Grinch Training Camp 6:45 – 7:00
    (Narration #1)
    Lazy Dora Style at the Monkey Bars
    – P1 does Burp-ups x6
    – P2 LBCs
    – Flapjack
    – Two sets

    Mosey to hill

    Roof Crawling
    – P1 bear crawl to other side of hill; at bottom, 10 derkins; Crawl bear back over hill
    – P2 flutter kicks
    – Flapjack
    – Jungle gym to slides, pick up coupons, head to Paxville
    ————————————————

    Thang 2: The Looting of Paxville 7:00 – 7:15
    (Narration #2)

    House 1
    – 3 sets
    – P1 – WNW x10; P2 holds Al Gore’s
    – Travel – Bears and Blocks

    House 2
    – 3 sets
    – P1 Thrusters x 20; P2 6 inch holds
    – Travel – Murder bunnies

    House 3
    – 3 sets
    – P1 Manmakers x10; P2 Chilcutt Peter Parkers
    – Travel – Lunges (no coupons)
    ———————————————–

    Thang 3: To the Grinch Cave on Top of Mount ‘Tana 7:15 – 7:20
    – P1 carries P2 piggie back (coupons stay by House 3)
    – Flapjack at cones; 4 segments, 2 each per Pax
    ————————————————

    Thang 4: Paxmas came anyway 7:20 – 7:25
    (Narration #3)
    – Sprint back to Paxville
    – Pax mosey to Flag and bring back to Paxville
    – Goose returns presents to the Pax

    COT; Cardinal prayed us out

    Coffeeteria (courtesy of Mrs. Yankee Joe)

    ———————————————–
    BEATDOWN SCRIPT

    Narration #1 How the Goose Stole Paxmas!

    Every Pax down in Paxville liked Christmas a lot
    But the Goose who lived just up the bayou, did not!

    The Goose hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
    Now, please don’t ask why. Only the Cardinal may know the reason.

    It could be because he hated the cold.
    It could be because, like his truck, he was too old.

    But I think that the most likely reason of all
    Was that his heart, like Paradox’s shorts, was two sizes too small.

    But, whatever the reason, his heart or his arthritis ,
    He stood there on Christmas Eve ISI-ing just to spite us.

    He stared down from the Stage with a sour, head tilting view
    At the warm lighted windows along the the Bayou.

    For he knew every Pax down in Paxville below
    Was busy posting obscure GIF’s, especially Yankee Joe.

    He thought of Paradox and his wife she’s a doctor by the way
    He himself claims to be one too, riiight…can crazy come out to play?

    He thought of the drugs Montana be slingin’
    And he shuddered at the cadence that he just ain’t bringin’.

    The Goose remembered the Goats and some random machine
    That dude showed up for a month, never again to be seen.

    Wet Tap was doing goblet squats, cuz that’s what real men did
    He never got the memo that the Jerfing had ended.

    He thought of Lil’ Cuz and that head beyond balding
    He then felt his own head fuzz and well…it was something.

    He considered the Brat and his brother, O’SHEM
    So close to yakking again and again.

    Superfun(d) working his crazy ass shifts;
    Fence Post nailing boards in a line and thinks it’s a gift.

    The Grinchy Goose said good riddance to ‘Ol Paradiddle;
    He’s a drummer, remember…F3 was fourth fiddle.

    He tolerated Kilo and his twelve different ve-HICLES
    He loathed Picadilly’s balls and their subsequent pickles.

    Enron, he mused, seemed to be cursed
    With his lack of rhythm and tendonitis he was constantly nursed.
    But those are just the reasons, second and first
    Ronnie also recruited Yankee Joe – aka EH Thibby Award for the worst.

    Speaking of Yankee and his posts we should block
    Forget the emotion, and just keep the headlock.

    —————————————————–

    Narration #2 The Looting of Paxville

    “And they’re hanging their stockings,” Goose snarled with a sneer.
    “Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”

    Then he growled, with his Goose fingers nervously drumming,
    As he sat on the toilet nervously humming
    At 40, you’re gonna have problems with plumbing.
    Then he said, “I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming!

    “For, tomorrow, I know that all the PAX men
    Will wake bright and early and rush to their den.

    “And then the GroupMe posts! Oh, the posts! posts! posts! posts!
    There’s one thing I hate! It’s all the posts, posts posts!

    “And they’ll mumble! And mumble! And they’ll chatter! Chatter! chatter!

    And the more the Goose thought of this Pax Christmas Chatter,
    The more the Goose thought,

    “Is it me or am I slowly getting fatter?”

    “Why for forty years I’ve put up with it now!
    I must stop Christmas from coming! But how?”

    Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
    The Goose got a wonderful, condescending, head tilting idea!

    “I know just what to do!” The Goose laughed with a frown.
    “I’ll destroy all their dreams with a TuesdayTuff beatdown.”

    “I’ll steal F3 Christmas, there’s no limit to how far I’ll stoop
    I’ll even find a way to tear down that ridiculous, disgraceful Whoop.”

    And he chuckled, and he honked,
    “What a great Goosey trick!
    With this TuesdayTuff Beatdown, I’ll look just like a prick!”
    —————————————————-

    Narration #3 To the Grinch Cave on Top of Mount ‘Tana

    It was quarter of dawn. And the Pax still a-slumber,
    Hangovers en route from Enron and Wet Tap’s Jucifer tumbler.

    He took their presents, their headbands, and even their rucksacks,
    He scoffed at their cadence, lame excuses and fartsacks!

    Ten thousand feet up, up the side of Mount Tana
    He ran like a wild man, he ran, ran, ranna
    On some kind of drugs fueled by AstraZeneca manna.

    “Pooh-pooh to the Pax!” he was goosily humming.
    “They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!

    “They’re just waking up! I know just how they’ll show!
    They’ll lazily hit snooze one time, maye mo’
    And They’ll kick and they’ll yell from ceiling to flo’
    Then they’ll see there’s no Christmas, not even an AO.

    “That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch, “that I simply must hear!”
    He paused, and the Grinch put a hand to his ear.

    And he did hear a sound rising over the swamp.
    It started out slow, then it started to stomp.

    But this sound wasn’t sad!
    Why, this sound sounded glad!

    What was this incredible sound, sounding deep from the gut,
    Well that’s Paradox’s favorite question, “Turn down for What?”

    Every Pax down in Paxville, the tall and the small,
    Was celebrating a Christmas beatdown – super tight shorts and all!

    He hadn’t stopped Christmas from coming! It came!
    Somehow or other, it came just the same!
    (2.0 ear muffs) After having nine kids, he has only himself to blame.

    And the Grinch, with his grinch feet paced to and fro,
    Stood puzzling and puzzling. “How could it be so?

    It came without coupons! It came without rucksacks!
    It came without backblasts, without gloves, or World Cup facts!”

    He honked and honked till his honker was sore.
    Then the Goose thought of something he hadn’t before.

    Maybe F3 doesn’t come from just beatdowns or a good backblast word.
    Maybe F3, perhaps, means more, like striving to live third!

    And what happened then? Well, in Paxville they say
    That the Goose’s small heart grew three sizes that day!

    From that day forth, Goose built out his legacy;
    Teaching where we stand next to God and community
    Tho his comments on GroupMe are never OMG,
    his words for the Pax are always simply IM3.

    Merry Christmas!