F3 New Orleans

Tag: Enron

  • One Week – from Honeysuckle

    What a difference a week makes. A week ago, Thibodaux was still digging out of the snow and AB revealed that he lives in bushes outside his home, which many of us suspected but had never confirmed. Today, YHC plus 11 HIMs (one of which was downrange from Lake Charles but is becoming an honorary Thibodaux PAX) emerged from the gloom on a warm, humid morning.

    Also a week ago, YHC was downrange with the Colorado Springs PAX on a frigid morning. They typically have daily beatdowns, but unbenownst to YHC, last Thursday was the first day of the week they actually met due to sub zero wind chills. This made YHC feel better about fartsacking earlier in the week.

    Since YHC’s previous replay of a downrange experience continues to cause quite a bit of angst to the status quo, it was not even a question as to whether the Colorado Springs beatdown should be replayed today.

    The PAX started circled up, expecting SSHs, and even Safety Valve was prepared to face his fate. However, warmarama began with a mosey around the civic center. PAX then circled up for some slightly more standard warmarama fare. Last week, Periscope had cold/icy/snowy names for pretty much all of the exercises, but YHC couldn’t remember many. So we did snow ticklers (aka pebble pickers, aka grass grabbers), Willie mays hayes, frozen sprinklers (twist with arms out), arm circles, cherry pickers, imperial walkers, and self love.

    PAX then moseyed to ALDI, still oblivious to what was about to happen, much as YHC was last week, except without the numb feet and hands. In cadence, the following exercises were performed:

    Merkins
    Shoulder tap merkins
    Mountain climbers
    Squats
    Air squats
    Lunges (both legs)
    Arm circles
    Overhead claps
    Air presses

    Then, mosey around the civic center.

    Another unique part of the Colorado Springs PAX was their 29 counts, whereas we typically do 10 counts. White Meat was given the honor to do a 29 count and delivered flawlessly.

    Then, repeat the exercises, working in seal claps in the shoulder work.

    Then, mosey around the civic center.

    Then, repeat the exercises, working in some Freddy Mercuries, Flutter kicks, and leg raises.

    Then, mosey around the civic center.

    One other aspect of the Colorado Springs PAX was their cadence counting not using fancy numbers such as ten, eleven, or twenty-six. Rather, we had one zero, one one, and two six.
    The PAX this morning were challenged to only use those ten numbers (0-9) in counting cadence. This was pretty hit or miss during the course of the four five minutes, with many “tens” and “elevens” being thrown out there and Enron insisting on using “oh” instead of “zero”. YHC threatened to enforce a one burpee per mistake but if so we would still be out there, so we performed five penalty burpees and returned to the flags.

    White Meat gifted Phil The Pain / Face Value to Yankee Joe. Safety Valve prayed us out.

    It was rewarding to share another F3 experience with the PAX today. While YHC didn’t get to hang out with the Colorado Springs PAX too long due to the cold, last Thursday they were having a “2nd F” event at a local brewery that would have allowed that to happen. YHC was unable to make it, but it did seem like a nice part of their culture. The overall experience made YHC appreciate our own culture and PAX even more but it was also a reminder that there is always room to improve.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • The Centenarian Decathlon, Lap 2: Caged Possums – from Paradox

    The centenarian decathlon, introduced by longevity expert Dr Peter Attia, provides a framework for reverse engineering your aging and focusing on healthspan AND lifespan. It can also serve as an excellent thought experiment and practical guide for physical goals.

    The question is fairly simple. Assuming you reach 100, what are the ten tasks you would like to still be able to do?

    This could be anything! Wanna drink strawberry wine in a rocking chair reminiscing about When we were young ? Put it on the list. Running against the wind through The Suburbs as you blow past other 64 year old Beatles. Check, check and check!!

    You could put the practical stuff there too I guess, and lots of ppl will have overlap there. Picking up grandkids, traveling and getting off the john banos without assistance always make a lot of lists.
    In the early 2023 CD 100 YHC surveyed the pax the day before the beatdown and so we ended up working on our golf swings, pro creation movements and throwing lazer tight Uncle Rico spirals to our great grand kids. Nothing wrong with these. But this year YHC wanted to look at it from a bit more morbid standpoint and so asked a few patients (some much closer to the real CD) what they miss doing the most in the the 7th , 8th, and 9th decades of life. We would take that list as our decathlon and sprinkle a few musical memory recall tests in for the aging llama neurons.

    Duke! put down that geritol and get your Medicare part D(og) card!
    Roll the footage!

    7 Depaxthletes were ready to roll at the Den but just needed a Q!
    Ya hate to see it.
    YHC came in flaming on two wheels at a prompt 5:17a.
    The lemon truck continues to need intensive care and while grateful for the bum truck it does take a little sweet talking to get rolling in 33 degree gloom.
    Safety valve provided what I’m sure was sheer terror from the pax of a possible substitute danger valve q that prolly involved suicides and rhabdo but YHC rescued them mid warm up and we got to it.

    Average age of pax present was 40.7 years so if we make it to 100 we have 60 more years of physical decline. The idea is we need to train now to be ahead of that drop off. So if you want to lift a cute warm, giggling 20 lb baby one time then it only makes sense for you to lift a much less cute 40 pound ice cold unforgiving coupon 100 times. Theres complicated math imbedded with rates of muscle decay and dietary intake but for simplicity sake we’ll just let Ronnie cook those books later.

    Tha Thang

    Complete 10 reps of exercise and add one exercise each round with a lap in between. While running a civic center lap we would try to guess the artist of a few “memory or aging adjacent” songs.

    YHC just forgot one tiny little wrinkle that once you get an answer correct you would be eliminated from the potential pax that can guess (or if your Popeye then Guess is just a jeans fad, he has facts only.)
    YHC had been tinkering with ways to humble our musical elite and went to bed quite pleased with the potential anguish of only one neutralized pax knowing Arcade Fire while the rest said dumb stuff like Kings of Leon. But again I caution future Qs , if you bring a layup into this Den be prepared for Bruce Mutombo and Shaq Royster to swat it into the rafters and look disappointed you didn’t try harder.

    Decathlon:

    #1. Getting out of bed
    10 Coupon BBSU

    #2. Get off the toilet without assistance – 10 butt to coupon jump squats

    #3. Load grocery’s – 10 Curls

    #4 Pickup Great Grandkids –
    10 Thrusters

    #5 Dance- 10 Apollo Ohnos

    #6. Open a Jar – coupon side carry down and back on middle grip

    #7Cut the grass – Coupon cranks

    YHC skipped to # 10 as a burpee finisher…
    Eating solid food -10 burpees

    ***Ones we didn’t get to ;
    Maybe next year.

    #8Getting up from chair –
    10 goblet squats

    #9 the marital embrace –
    10 Coupon wife pleasers

    The Songs

    “I don’t need your rocking chair”
    – George Jones

    “Running Against the Wind”
    -Bob Seger

    “When we were Young”
    -Adele

    “Glory Days”
    -Bruce Springsteen

    “Strawberry Wine”
    -Deana Carter

    “When I’m 64”
    -the Beatles

    Notes:

    – YHCs new tactic wasn’t a complete failure as the Pax had 1-2 penalties when the group dwindled.
    – George Jones is pure poetry.
    – ABs commentary on Springsteen knowledge equaling US citizenship made the laps melt away .
    – YHC did not have the heart to let a solo pax wildly guess at the Beatles after HoneySuckles recent Beatledown anthology so I figured that was a soft toss.
    – Ronnie took a great guess at Martina McBride and AB let his 90s country weaknesses show out there for any aspiring trivia Qs.

    All together we picked up about 70 40 lb great grandkids, got off the John a few times and remembered a glory day or two.

    Naming and counting then some healthy lines were drawn in the sand between trawlers and WHAPS for the upcoming RCR contest.

    Wrapped up with big time prayers for Yote and the Goose nest.

    HS prayed us out.

    Thanks to the gang for sticking around to find my bum truck keys!
    America’s Best appropriately suggested that keen eye sight might need to be part of the cent decathlon next year.

    Here’s a Dox of Chocolates

    Sit down some time with a post-it note or even some spare certified coast guard letter head. Ask yourself the above question and then I challenge you to build your own unique centenarian decathlon. This can be a guidepost for helping us tailor our physical training and for allowing our health span to stay on course with our lifespan.
    But wait , there’s more.

    Look at the list again and consider some harder yet inescapable truths.

    One day you’ll get up from the toilet unassisted for the last time. (Hopefully after reading a thoroughly good blast)

    One day you will throw your child in the air for the last time.

    One day you may twirl your M in the kitchen for the very last dance.

    Get out of bed, Hike a trail, open a jar of pickles…you get it…At some point you will do every single thing on your list for the very last time and most likely not even know it.

    Considering the value of these events later in life is impactful but what if we flip the timeline back to the present.

    Seeing the gift in each moment as it comes and that God has provided us the means to be in the present.

    And if we can do that then maybe Springsteen was wrong.
    Maybe these ARE the glory days.

    Run against today’s winds.
    Reject tommorows rocking chair.
    And make sure you can taste the strawberries along the way.

    Grateful for an opportunity to lead you fellas.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • What’s Cooler than being Cool? – from America’s Best

    YHC had originally planned a totally different beatdown, but upon seeing the sub-freezing temperatures predicted, changed to a beatdown that would keep all body parts moving throughout the morning.

    YHC pulled into the Frozen Tuesday Tundra with minutes to spare to find a larger than expected PAX assembled and ready to get warm.

    Warmarama (augmented to keep all limbs moving):
    SSH
    Tie Fighters
    Imperial Walkers
    Self Love+Butt kicks (deemed “Butt Love” by Popeye)
    Windmills
    Mountain climbers (Paradox starts to stand up)
    Shoulder Taps (Paradox starts to stand up)
    Peter Parkers (Paradox stays put, so back on our feet)

    Quick mosey around what may someday be a neighborhood.

    Music selection today was all about the Fahrenheits, and began with “Frozen Heart” from The Girl Dad Earworm album. Goose said something vaguely offensive like “Is this the dwarves from Lord of the Rings?” It was like a Basketball Jones slur but for the Sami mountain people. From there the music warmed to “She’s so Cold” which is basically an exercise in Mick Jagger trying to think of cold things that also rhyme with the word “cold.” (Near misses: “tombstone,” ice-cream cone.”) Only warm summertime songs from there on out to keep us mentally warm.

    We arrived back at the flags for a Dora that would ensure we would be constantly moving to maintain warmth.

    Partner 1 starts on 50 Burpees while partner 2 MOT is The Nur (mosey back).

    Followed by 100 goblet squat curls, MOT Flying Nun (mosey back).

    Then 200 Bobby Hurleys, MOT Bear Crawl (mosey back). When we were beginning this portion, Valve just laughed and said “leg day, huh?”

    (Aside: If you have not ever partnered up with Safety Valve, I highly recommend it. The more difficult the beatdown becomes, the bigger his smile gets. The grin is not exactly maniacal, but it’s also not comforting. I’m not sure if its origin is the pain he felt or the pain he saw on my face. Either way, this man eats pain for breakfast. )

    Next we moved up to the stage for 100 Mike Tyson Merkins whilst the partner ran a lap.

    At this point, YHC thought he saw that we had only 5 minutes left, so we moved down to run in place while listening to the FOTC Classic “Mutha’uckas”. YHC quickly fabricated something about F3 needing all 3 F’s, and so each time we heard a word missing a letter “F” we would Burpee. There were a lot of missing F’s. The chatter about this song being where 75% of YJ’s vocabulary comes from drowned out the song.

    Now somehow (either due to time dilation or presbyopia) there were 10 minutes left, so YHC quickly added a second Conchords song “Hurt Feelings.” The PAX held plank and merkined with each “hurt.” “Have you ever been told that you look like a llama?”

    Now that we had about 6 minutes left, we had just enough time for some Mary. Goose surprised everyone by not calling Dr. W’s and YHC takes that as a compliment as a sign of a challenging beatdown. Popeye led us in fire hydrants, and YHC accidently did alternating legs, which I do not recommend unless you are already in the market for new kneecaps. YHC then offered Freddy Mercs, and Enron gifted us penguins. I can’t remember too much more, other than Tana trying to run out the clock with 6” until everyone dropped. But when the Q is done, the exercise moves on to the next man. It’s always that New Year’s Resolution Guy who shows up multiple weeks and then struts around like he owns the Planet Fitness.

    YHC was impressed by the fortitude of all you men who braved the frozen tundra to make it out.

    SYITG,

    AB

  • Long and Whining Road – from Honeysuckle

    The PAX arrived to a sub-40 degree, dew-covered Lion’s Den. They were beaming like an Eagle Sunrise with the confidence that YHC would keep their shoes clean and grassless. Valve was waiting behind Aldi until post-SSH’s. Chatter was at an 11.

    Waramarama: SSH, Imperial Walkers, Slow High Knees, Slow Butt Kicks, Arm Circles, Cherry Pickers, Windmills, Willie Mays Hayes

    The Thang:

    The demise of the Free Solo franchise has left an emptiness in the PAX the size of a time dilator. So YHC took it upon himself to reprise a Beatledown (thanks Prof Dox) following September’s AB-bey Road. Today would be a trip through the Let it Be album, and the discerning ears of today’s PAX would surely recognize it as the “Let it Be (Naked)” re-release, with a lot of the musical embellishments and chatter removed. Unfortunately, YHC would have a much tougher time removing chatter today.

    Get Back: PAX run around the civic center, and on the “Get Back” choruses, switch to nur.
    YHC advised the PAX to stay on the sidewalk, which further lulled them into a sense of dryness.

    Dig a Pony: Grab coupons, WWIII situps during verses, and 15 standard presses during the chorus. This was done on the sidewalk. Some pax saw moving diamonds in the sky (not sure about lucy).

    For you Blue: Head to the steps. 25 Johnny Dangers (calf raises), finish running up the steps, across to the other steps, head down and back around. “So we don’t just go back and forth? We have to run through the cold wet grass?” Yes.

    The Long and Winding Road: This is where it became full horror movie. Bear crawl snake was done in the grass. The pain felt in our hands was only eased by their eventual numbness. However, YHC was impressed at the speed that the bear crawl snake progressed.

    Two of Us: PAX paired up, did 10 partner derkins, partner drag to the other sidewalk, 10 more partner derkins (roles flipped), partner drag back. Valve and YHC wisely partnered up.

    I’ve got a feeling: Hillbilly walkers during song, and Bobby Hurley on every “oh yeah” and “oh no”. Only YHC had any idea of what was going on at this point, with the only consolation being that “don’t let me down” was coming up.

    One after 909: 9’s instead of 11’s. J-los on one side, wife pleasers on the other. No one completed these before the song was over, but we got sort of close.

    Don’t let me down: Rifle hold the coupon during the “don’t let me down” parts. Thrusters during each verse of the other parts. This was a chatter killer. One day, YHC may look back at this beatdown and decide that “Don’t Let Me Down” was the only decent thing we were able to pull out of this whole cold dewy mess.

    At this point there were 3 more songs to go (of a 35 minute album) but 3 minutes left, so we skipped to Let it Be and did Mary to wrap it up.

    COT: announcements, intentions, AB prayed us out

    Always a pleasure working out with this group. Lots of moving parts and jumping from one song to another definitely added confusion but at least it made the time go by more slowly. Maybe we’ll see another Beatledown in the future. Until then, may your life be filled with Cold Dewy Fields Forever.

  • Free Solo Episode VIII: There’s No Hope – from America’s Best

    A Long Time Ago, in an AO not so far away…

    It is a period of civil war.
    Rebel HIMs, feigning ignorance
    of the rules from prior beatdowns, have
    angered for the last time
    the frustrated Q.

    During the beatdown, the
    PAX managed to start by
    pretending to not understand the Q’s
    ultimate weapon, the
    FREE SOLO, a carefully-crafted
    beatdown with enough
    power to destroy an entire
    planet.

    Flummoxed by their lack of musical knowledge
    and self-awareness, Popeye
    stepped in and identified
    most songs, while the others
    were content to plod on
    through the exercises,
    continuing to climb that hill…

    The instructions were simple. The rules were the same. Nobody cared.

    While the PAX knocks out some exercises, the solo from a song is played. The song has some connection to one person in the PAX. One of three things affects the next thang:
    1. The person for whom the song tolls identifies the song during the solo. If this occurs, the PAX simply take a lap around the Civic Center.
    2. Someone else in the PAX identifies the song during the solo. The consequence of this is a MOT up the hill without a coupon, and 3 burpees at the top. Mosey back down.
    3. Nobody identifies the song, and the consequence is MOT with coupon up the hill, and manmakers at the top. Rifle carry back down.

    The exercises:
    1.Mountain Climbers- bear (block)crawl
    2.Jump squats – murder bunnies/bunny hops
    3. Merkins- El Capitan
    4.Curls – carioke/bricklayers
    5.Half WW3 sit-ups – inchworm(blockees)
    6.V-ups – killer Roos/broad jump
    7.Burpees- crab walk (with/without coupon)

    While the instructions were clearly stated, the consensus amongst the PAX was “What is going on?”
    After several rounds, most of the PAX halfway understood. I guess some people are visual learners.

    First song: a cover of Take on Me, by the band Goose. Months ago, YHC added this to a beatdown and made a point to tell Goose directly about the song, the cover, and the band. But Goose had to be Goose, and feigned ignorance so we could do more work.
    Another Song: Safety Dance by Men Without Hats. Safety Valve has been lulled into thinking if it’s not about flying, it’s not about him. And this song was recorded twenty years before he was born.
    Cherub Rock for Honeysuckle was identified by Popeye, and eventually someone knew it was for HS.
    Lawyers, Guns, and Money by Warren Zevon – unknown to everyone somehow.
    Honeysuckle texted me months ago to suggest that “All of My Love” by Led Zeppelin sure does sound a lot like “Olive, My Love.” Genius. It was obviously much too dark in the gloom to see how much everyone loved this Popeye reference. In space, no one can hear you smirk.
    “Once Bitten, Twice Shy” by Great White… Popeye quickly ID’d it, mentioning “This band is fire.” Too soon, Popeye, too soon.
    And so, amidst the confusion, Popeye and Honeysuckle identified a few songs, although nobody identified their own. But really, nobody was expected to.

    Like tic-tac-toe and Global Thermonuclear War, there’s no way to win this game. You’re not supposed to play it. That’s why the reward for actually succeeding is just running a lap. That may be exercise, but not as we know it. In the words of NORAD supercomputer WOPR, “A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.”

    And yet somehow Paradox identified Dr. Feelgood almost immediately. Somebody make him an international incident negotiator… or at least put him on my Applebees Trivia Night team.

    Thang 2: Lighting Round –
    We do burpees during a mountain-themed song until someone names the song (then they change the exercise)

    Song1: Mountain Song (Jane’s addiction)
    Popeye identified it I think; not sure if he changed anything.

    Song 2: Running Up That Hill (a Deal With God). Identified by Honeysuckle (although he didn’t realize it). Changed exercise to Freddy Mercurys , then we El Capitan’ed up the hill for the remainder. When YHC changed the lyric to “ lunging up that hill,” Pope quickly added “Make a deal with quads.”
    Good, Pope. I can feel your schmaltz. Strike me down with all your humor and your journey toward the Dad Jokes will be complete!

    Song 3: There is a Mountain by Donovan. Crowd favorite to end it.

    Mosey to flag for COT

    Thanks for putting up with it, my dudes. Always an honor to lead.

    -AB

    …and don’t worry—nobody will have to try and figure this game out again. For better or for worse, sometimes a trilogy should remain a trilogy.

  • Free Solo, Episode VIII: There’s No Hope – from America’s Best

    A Long Time Ago, in an AO not so far away…

    It is a period of civil war.
    Rebel HIMs, feigning ignorance
    of the rules from prior beatdowns, have
    angered for the last time
    the frustrated Q.

    During the beatdown, the
    PAX managed to start by
    pretending to not understand the Q’s
    ultimate weapon, the
    FREE SOLO, a carefully-crafted
    beatdown with enough
    power to destroy an entire
    planet.

    Flummoxed by their lack of musical knowledge
    and self-awareness, Popeye
    stepped in and identified
    most songs, while the others
    were content to plod on
    through the exercises,
    continuing to climb that hill…

    The instructions were simple. The rules were the same. Nobody cared.
    While the PAX knocks out some exercises, the solo from a song is played. The song has some connection to one person in the PAX. One of three things affects the next thang:
    1. The person for whom the song tolls identifies the song during the solo. If this occurs, the PAX simply take a lap around the Civic Center.
    2. Someone else in the PAX identifies the song during the solo. The consequence of this is a MOT up the hill without a coupon, and 3 burpees at the top. Mosey back down.
    3. Nobody identifies the song, and the consequence is MOT with coupon up the hill, and manmakers at the top. Rifle carry back down.

    The exercises:
    Mountain Climbers- bear (block)crawl
    Jump squats – murder bunnies/bunny hops
    Merkins- El Capitan
    Curls – carioke/bricklayers
    Half WW3 sit-ups – inchworm(blockees)
    V-ups – killer Roos/broad jump
    Burpees- crab walk (c coupon

    While the instructions were clearly stated, the consensus amongst the PAX was “What is going on?”
    After several rounds, most of the PAX halfway understood. I guess some people are visual learners.
    First song: a cover of Take on Me, by the band Goose. Months ago, YHC added this to a beatdown and made a point to tell Goose directly about the song, the cover, and the band. But Goose had to be Goose, and feigned ignorance so we could do more work.
    Another Song: Safety Dance by Men Without Hats. Safety Valve has been lulled into thinking if it’s not about flying, it’s not about him. And this song was recorded twenty years before he was born.
    Cherub Rock for Honeysuckle was identified by Popeye, and eventually someone knew it was for HS.
    Lawyers, Guns, and Money by Warren Zevon – unknown to everyone somehow.
    Honeysuckle texted me months ago to suggest that “All of My Love” by Led Zeppelin sure does sound a lot like “Olive, My Love.” Genius. It was obviously much too dark in the gloom to see how much everyone loved this Popeye reference. In space, no one can hear you smirk.
    “Once Bitten, Twice Shy” by Great White… Popeye quickly ID’d it, mentioning “This band is fire.” Too soon, Popeye, too soon.
    And so, amidst the confusion, Popeye and Honeysuckle identified a few songs, although nobody identified their own. But really, nobody was expected to.

    Like tic-tac-toe and Global Thermonuclear War, there’s no way to win this game. You’re not supposed to play it. That’s why the reward for actually succeeding is just running a lap. That may be exercise, but not as we know it. In the words of NORAD supercomputer WOPR, “A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.”

    And yet somehow Paradox identified Dr. Feelgood almost immediately. Somebody make him an international incident negotiator… or at least put him on my Applebees Trivia Night team.

    Thang 2: Lighting Round –
    We do burpees during a mountain-themed song until someone names the song (then they change the exercise)
    Song1: Mountain Song (Jane’s addiction)
    Popeye identified it I think; not sure if he changed anything.
    Song 2: Running Up That Hill (a Deal With God). Identified by Honeysuckle (although he didn’t realize it). Changed exercise to Freddy Mercurys , then we El Capitan’ed up the hill for the remainder. When YHC changed the lyric to “ lunging up that hill,” Pope quickly and even more wittily added “ make a deal with quads.”
    …Good, Pope. I can feel your schmaltz. I am defenseless. Strike me down with all your humor, and your journey towards the Dad Jokes will be complete!
    Song 3: There is a Mountain by Donovan. Crowd favorite to end it.

    Mosey to flag for COT
    Thanks for putting up with it, my dudes. Always an honor to lead.

    AB

    And don’t worry—nobody will have to try and figure this game out again. For better or worse, sometimes a trilogy should remain a trilogy.

  • Bs and Cs – from Safety Valve

    After yesterday’s Merkin Mania Monday by Pope, YHC felt obligated to add some solid back, bicep, and core work today. Nothing special. Just a slightly different style than usual.

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Imperial Walkers
    Willy mays hats
    Wind mills
    Arm circles – forward and backward
    Cherry pickers
    self love

    Thang
    Partner up – AB questioned the use of partners today. Sometimes we just need people by us when we are suffering AB. I’ll be sure to get with his M on how to answer this appropriately next time.

    Buy in for each person at the stage.
    50 LBCs
    50 Hello Dolly
    50 Freddie Mercury
    50 second one inch hold

    Mosey to yonder parking lot. Each team did two stations below:

    Four stations – sand bag at each
    Bent over low rows – 60lb x 15 reps
    Lawn mower rows, single arm -35lb x 15 reps
    Curls – 40lb x15 reps
    Curls – single arm, 18 lb 3 ways – 10 full, 10 bottom to half way, 10 half way to top.

    Mosey back to stage. By this time, Creed rocking in the background was bringing Goose back to a simpler time, while AB was crying on the inside and maybe the outside. To the parking lot and back to the stage was probably close to 1/4 mile. This was true if you didn’t cheat yourself and took the proper sidewalk route… IYKYK. We ended by picking up the 6 (team Goose and Enron – maybe they did an extra set, maybe not) and sprinting back to the flag.

    COT, Fire within was given to Suckle by Pope, prayers continue for Coyote, Lil Cuz prayed us out.

  • Acrogym – from Paradox

    Non expanding recreational foam (NERF).

    Sounds harmless. Sounds goofy. Sounds, dare I say , fun. But what if YHC told you an individual spent major portions of their life playing with the aforementioned materials and never once asked what it stood for. Now before you go and title my biography “Blissful Ignorance “ let’s go deeper. What if that same individual led an entire sophomore classroom in a riot after answering a teacher “nerf or nothing“ as an answer to an algebra problem. Lots of self worth tied up in a hidden acronym right? That’s the depth of emotional trauma YHC found himself experiencing after learning of the truth about NERF. How many more acronyms were out there, hiding in plain site, ruining lives??Are there others who have been hurt like this? This could happen to anyone!!

    Two options were left , stew in my rapidly expanding negativity or let it fuel a recreational campaign so that no man would ever be hurt by an acronym like this again.

    So PAX, today I bring you…

    ACROGYM!

    DUKE !
    Convert that DOS to film and Roll the beautiful footage!

    9 Tuesday Tuff regulars at the stage with light hints of fall weather.. (no sudden movements, we don’t want to spook it)

    YHC moseyed in from a quality control check on Settlement porta potties, reporting to the pax that all were aging like fine wines.
    Props to the men who weathered both the sweet and sour Valve beatdowns of Saturday and Monday, many well earned groans were heard in warmups. Valve enjoyed hearing the sweet symphony of weakness leaving their bodies.

    We headed into yonder loop with a standard issue Indian Run 3 Apollo drop off.

    YHC struggled to find true acronyms named bands or songs so I went all in for a REM mile and peppered the pax with some of their top hits. Goose smelled the competition like a shark with blood and was warming up the neurons connecting Apollos and “Man on the Moon” while giving VH1 level behind the scenes info on their videos. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I found out REM and Depeche Mode existed in the spring of ‘24….everybody hurts, even Goose sometimessss.

    Tha THANG

    Split into teams
    -teams designate a Speaker/writer
    (Man must be gifted in writing and moseying simultaneously)

    Classic 1/2 numbering stacked up the trivia titans of Americas Best Goose & Suckle (sounds like a really weird bar in Austin…a story for another time) .

    They looked around nodding like the trivia version of the 85 Bears linebacker core and YHC had to intervene before someone got hurt.

    Somewhat more evenly balanced teams were restored and YHC would serve as live corespondent.

    Rules:
    -Introduce the Acronym.
    -Each team mumbles incoherently then runs in opposite direction to complete 10 jump squats and 10 merkins then run back all while discussing what the acronym stands for.
    -Writes answer on board (in a timely and legible manner)
    -reveal , winner with most correct words/points

    Winner
    LBCs/SSH

    Loser
    10 Thrusters

    Tie – 7 burpees

    Journal Observations

    -I was never offered a bribe for hints which was honorable although significant amounts of snark, board holding, and “cursive writing” were frowned upon.

    -Team AB approach:
    Step 1: hey does anybody know this one?
    Step 2: ask Maneater if he is in IT?
    Step 3 : wildly accept guesses on the run back while AB initimidates the other team with his LL stats.

    -Team Goose approach
    Step 1: Listen in awe at Honeysuckle’s clear logical thought process and bottomless tech vocabulary.
    Step 2: repeat step 1 and fill in the gaps with hieroglyphics.

    Let’s begin:

    LASER
    Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission Radiation

    Team Goose off to a solid start with what will be the only perfect score. Team AB with 3/5 and ate a thruster sandwich, a bit unfair here as HS deals with “sharks with freaking laser beams” as part of his defense contract

    BASE (jumping)
    Building , Antenna, Spans, and Earth

    Tie Game

    Most of the processing speed over at Team AB went to congratulating themselves on making the E “Edge”. Ronnie protested that true courage entails not putting limits on where one can BASE jump.

    ****Musical Interlude ***
    REM
    End of the World
    IW on Song
    Goosie On “End of the World”

    *Lenny Bruce checks under his bed for Goosies

    CAPTCHA
    Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart

    Some great chatter over at Team Goose led to a win followed by a flatulent Pope captcha on his father’s own coupon. Can concrete hold scent particles, only Alan Turing knows.

    ZIP (code)
    Zone Improvement Plan

    Tie game as both teams secured “zone” and later spawned a potential “guess that zip code” mini beatdown.

    JPEG
    Joint Photographic Expert Group

    -teams had broken down into crude insults and resume inquiries at this point . No hint of joint expert groups on either side.

    TASER
    Thomas A Swifts Electric Rifle

    -most of the chatter here concentrated on potential for Thomas Rosyters All Natural Bee Rifle – patent pending. Just know if you roll into Rienzi unannounced that he’s packing.

    Throwback sprint finale:
    DOS (as in MS-DOS)
    Disc operating system

    Both teams were close enough here to avoid thrusters and the plant siren was calling 6am.

    Ronnie passed along Animal to Meat for reckless endangerment while his chest hair alone worked its way up the “voter distraction” list.

    Intentions for continued medical work up for mutiple 2.0s

    COT and Valve prayed us out

    Postscript:

    Bacronym to the Future

    PAX,

    This is Dox writing you from the year 2054, inside the Rienzi stronghold that is now Merica.

    We remain the last of our species rebellion in the great ChatGPT war.

    We are safe at the moment, between waves of CAPTCHA mediated extermination by the artificial intelligent enemy.
    Professor Suckles patented Bee Laser (Blaser) has the stronghold secure and keeps the GPT drones away.

    President Wells still leads the human race as he was a pioneer in spotting AIs weakness to understand the futility of passive aggressive unnecessary emails. It was our biggest breakthrough since the war began , allowing us to pinpoint other computer blindspots and communicate under their RADARs with ancient JPEGs and DOS files.

    Slowly the remaining members of the human race realized that a small band of men had actually unknowingly been training to beat the CAPTCHA test. You see, AI could scope the width and depth of the internet, calculate algorithms at an instant, and even produce a hi res images of your friends with bicep veins. But gradually we began to find that the gaps of AI knowledge were actually the cornerstones of male bonding.

    AI couldn’t decipher the unspoken message of a Nicolas Cage GIF. AI didn’t know why LBC methane labeled as “airport cheese” gets a laugh everytime. There is no processor for understanding why an educated man would make “Turn Down for What” his anthem. Not enough RAM to see why a 10 second video of a snapping Turla could become a lifelong inside joke.

    But it was just there.

    Outside of the ones and zeroes, in the gloom of our shared suffering and in the image of our creator we gained our edge.

    That’s why you men must continue to sharpen the irons of F3 Thib.

    One day in the future the CAPTCHA will be at the door.

    And when it ask if ye be man or bot?

    You will know ..

    It’s NERF or nothing .

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Halloween 2: Brick or Crete – from Paradox

    It’s been a minute since YHC has gone full “get off my lawn” but nothing brings out the rose colored glasses quite like a good Americanized holiday so just hear me out.
    (If you can imagine me in a rocking chair with a pipe, jorts, mason jar, and a sleeveless Skynyrd shirt then it will help)

    Here’s the simple fact to address today boys…Trick or Treat has gone soft. I see you nodding at home. You have all seen it. Full sized candy bars, watered down jump scares , all treat with no trick. Amazon stock costumes that were 2-day shipped cus their parents forgot . Is this KitKat sigma or will I have to use your Skibidi? Does my hulk have enough Gyat for you?

    Where do we draw the line?

    Back in myyyy dayyy you got dropped off to “go work the hood” with a home made power ranger suit that was a red hoodie and a piece of rope for a belt and when you stepped on a porch the response could be anything from grandmas cough drops to a full R- rated murder simulation. Your jr high janitor dressed as a zombie and loaded on 5 bud heavies may grab your ankle as you run from the yard. You fled with a single kernel of candy corn and your life intact then you reset and head to the next house. Adrenaline in its purest form right there in the fall of 1995.

    And so today YHC says enough is enough. This is where I put my untethered hulk foot down.
    For 45 minutes we would harken to the days of old and restore the mystery of trick or treating .

    Duke!!
    Put down that Chinese menu and roll the footage! It’s the Halloween beatdown.

    8 pax strong at the Den which had been prepped and ready for Popeyes mayorial campaign rally later in the day. His 3 pronged platform has a massive following already but I’ll lay it out for you:
    1. bbq 2. Beer 3. Reduce unnecessary emails.
    (People with follow up questions are asked to leave)

    The pax pivoted to a well lit corner setup for the usual warmups as YHC arrived in full flex and had early concerns for vasoconstriction in my nether regions. They say you should dress for the job you want (more on that later) and while I’m not sure what that means for YHCs career our other costumed hero’s wanted a clear vision for their players and an infinity and beyond buzz from their drugs.
    Fred Lasseauxs whistle threatened to lead the beatdown all by itself but YHC pushed through and we got to the thang.

    ***Hidden Costume Honorable Mentions:
    -Goose as an alpha male that loathes a soft cadence

    Brick Indian Run
    Drop to 3 brick stars jumps while we got a good lather of Haloween tunes and YHC tried to drop a few lyrical hints for later.

    Da Thang

    Brick or Crete

    Each pax would experience the adventure of uncertainty and pick 1 ticket from the bucket.
    A few on there we didn’t get to so you can appreciate them now in the safety of your snuggy.

    B- Brick
    C- Crete
    L- Lyrics
    T- Trivia

    BRICKS
    1. Brickicide – Brick Release Merkins
    2. Brickicide – Brick SSH
    3. Brickicide Brick Star Jumps
    4. Let the bodies hit the Floor (plank – donkey kick on bodies , merkin on counts)
    5. Brick Thriller – brick burpees and side lunge brick raises on song

    CRETES
    1. When the Saints Go Marching In
    2. P1 OHP p2 run a lap around field
    3. 50 curls
    4. 50 skull crushers
    5. 10 saint makers

    LYRICS
    Incorrect guess will add 5 reps (5 guesses max)

    L-1Thriller
    L- 2 Superstitious
    L- 3 Werewolves in London

    TRIVIA

    T 1 Which Celtic festival did our modern customs of trick/treat and costumes originate ?
    (Samhain )

    T-2 In France this costume is illegal to wear over the age of 13 .
    (CLOWN)

    T 3 National retail federation names these the perennial number 1 costumes . One for adults , one for kids.
    1- witch
    2- princess

    Notes:
    -The pax burned up those two mosey breaks early and as predicted performed honorably in the trivia and lyrics divisions.
    -Saintmaker debut didn’t make any immediate Saints and may have destroyed a few friendships.
    -YHC lost his bricks in the Bermuda grass triangle of center field so often I think HS was chunking them when I wasn’t looking.
    -Brickicides might be my new fave routine. Def sequel material.

    We geared up and finished with a traditional “brick stabbed a guy with a trident” sprint to the flag to hide the evidence.

    Animal to Uncle Ronnie for his curling prowess.

    COT and HS prayed us out

    Thanks for monster smashing with me fellas. Grateful to lead.

    A Full Size Dox of Chocolates

    The Zordon Problem

    Ok, I’m officially off my soap box.
    I’ll put the pipe and mason jar up until next year. (Don’t take my Skynyrd shirt though )

    We’ll just let trick or treat be on probation for now. But here’s something for your coffee break.

    Every fall when it’s costume time I think back to the magical years of childhood where, for a few moments, it felt like I could actually become the red power ranger. Sure, Part of me realized that there may be far better career choices (stupid left brain) but the part that dominated YHCs psyche in 1995 was like “hey, I’m pretty decent working with others , the sword skills will follow right ? ”. But even with the gear, the attitude and the ninja skills I realized as a deflated 7 year old the real hard truth:

    I didn’t have a Zordon.

    As a quick crash course for the elders , Zordon was that floaty head guy that was responsible for fitting all the Power Rangers with their range of powers. He was essential for morphing Californian teens into legends of after school tv.
    So I had a clear goal and all the tools but realized I could ninja till ninjafinite and with no Zordon I would never don the red helmet. A real problem I couldn’t solve so I moved on to more immediate returns like bass fishing and Pokémon.

    I’m reminded of this , mostly , due to CS Lewis. Because at a certain time of my life this is exactly where I was “stuck” with Christianity. I had the mess that I knew my own self to be (a ratchet costume at best) on one end and the goal of being Christ-like (da OG Red Power Ranger) on the other end. Between the two seemed to be a mountainous gap of “well I’ll try to white knuckle it” or lots of “ it sure seems hopeless”.

    But CS Lewis’s book “Mere Christianity” helped to change this problem for me in a very powerful way. In the chapter “Let’s Pretend” he lays out the groundwork for truly being little Christs. You guys know I’m not much of a paraphraser so I’ve provided the two areas from the chapter that really brought this home for me:

    “You see what is happening. The Christ Himself, the Son of God who is man (just like you) and God (just like His Father) is actually at your side and is already at that moment beginning to turn your pretence into a reality.”

    “ It is not a question of a good man who died two thousand years ago. It is a living Man, still as much a man as you, and still as much God as He was when He created the world, really coming and interfering with your very self; killing the old natural self in you and replacing it with the kind of self He has.”

    There was the solution to the Zordon problem.

    We will never get there on our own or with purely human help but only with Him.

    Slowly and sometimes painfully morphing our make believe into His reality.

    Transforming our ambition into His will .

    Injecting our fears with His own Love.

    We are called to Put on Christ and my hope is it’s the last true costume we’ll ever need.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • BurpJack Horseman – from America’s Best

    YHC had a Jones. A Basketball Jones.
    But today, I would not need someone to set a pick for me at the free-throw line of life, nor someone I can pass to. No, I would not even need someone to hit the open man on the give-and-go (and not end up in the popcorn machine).
    Because today we would not really play basketball…
    Bur first… let’s go look at the new giant flagpole. And then race back. First 3 back get the first three guesses at song lyrics. Goose, Pope and Honeysuckle won Gold, Silver, and Bronze, and thus would get to try and identify a song by the lyrics. If Goose identified it on the first stanza, we would just take a lap around the CC, if Pope guessed after hearing the 2nd stanza, we would hold Al Gore and Jump Squat on each song title; if Honeysuckle got it after hearing the final stanza, we would hold plank and merkin each song title. However, since nobody identified it, we ran in place and did a Burpee every time we heard “Mmm-Bop.” And sometimes when we heard “doo-wop” or “shebop” or whatever.

    Then on past the playground to the highest court in the land. . .
    It occurred to YHC that as many times as the PAX graced the Den’s basketball arena, we had yet to play HORSE. It didn’t occur to YHC until mid-beatdown that we likely only had the time (and skill) to play PIG.
    And the rules would be: SSH while waiting for your shot. Add one burpee on a miss (upon review of my original rules, this was to be 5 merkins). After Pope filled-up (is that the opposite of “drained”?) several 3’s, it was augmented to 3-burpees if you missed a 3-pointer. Then sprint to opposite baseline and back after your shot.
    Once you were out, you stood on the sideline and did a burpee with each shot taken by anyone.
    And the action ensued! … evoking zero inspiration and even less respect.
    But we finished our pig.
    And like a porcine character from our childhood, it was some PIG.
    “Some” being vague enough that you can take it to mean “glorious” if you are optimistic, or “interesting” if you are realistic. At least It was dark.
    There were just about 10 minutes left, so YHC called an audio-daily-double audible. The only music trivia that was in my brain at the time is something I heard long ago… that a certain song was originally “You died in Vietnam” (the actual story is much longer and convoluted… see me later for a dissertation).
    Same format as the first thang, but instead of a sprint, first 3 of the PAX to hit a free-throw would guess. Getting 3/8 to hit a free-throw should be easy…
    Several minutes later we had our men. Honeysuckle, Paradox, and Popeye. None guessed correctly (although Dox’s guess of Fortunate Son wins the best educated guess), so we ran back to the flag, stopping for burpees for every “Born in the USA.”
    Back in just enough time for 1 minute of Mary, the honors were given to Goose with the disclaimer “NO DR W’s.” One minute of wife pleasers seemed just about right.
    COT
    Animal went to Pope for his prized PIG performance. 10-Year Convergence this Saturday in NOLA.
    Lil Cuz prayed us out.