F3 New Orleans

Tag: Enron

  • The ButtCracker by ThighKowsky – from Paradox

    9 Thursday Thoroughbreds at the Stage to honor Christmas traditions new and old.
    We began with a welcome to 3 of our F3 Katy brothers (ChootEm, Technical, 4/10) and a nice prethang run to orient our DR pax to the AO. I’m confident both 4/10 and Technical would still be running a 8 minute pace if they weren’t stopped for the beatdown. The old guys held a leisurely pace and listened to some inspiring stories about the impact of F3 on the Katy region . Great to hear for our blossoming Thibodaux crew.

    Warm Ups
    Usuals with my new improved cadence.
    The chatter was somewhat suppressed and I was proud of our PAX in pretending for a few minutes to be the consummate professional weekday warriors. No talk about schisms or doo doo pills. No one asked about Moroccan self love and like clockwork Camaro guy serenaded us with a few extra revs of the Hemi. Beautiful PAX harmony.
    We really looked like we had it together!

    Bumper mosey and back to flag.
    .
    With a heavy heart YHC addressed the recent loss of the F3 hero Anker to start the day. I’ll pause here because I hear you mumbling in the back right now Yankee Jeaux . “An Anker memorial presented by JBL??”. “The dirt is barely fresh on his grave “ adds EnRon. But here’s the truth. Like any two red blooded alpha male Bluetooth devices sure JBL and Anker had their differences (primarily sound quality lol jk). But at the end of the day they wanted the same thing: bring the PAX Thunder and squeeze every ounce of effort from their weak human bodies.

    So today we begin anew, with a small black rectangular sized hole in our hearts. We burn the schism that was JBL/Anker and in its ashes a new tradition is born ….

    The official Anker Warmup Song

    My challenge to the pax is to honor Ankers legacy after each warmup with a song to make Anker smile in Bluetooth heaven. Today we began with his all time favorite :
    “ Thunderstruck , AC/DC”
    Tin Soldiers on song and Burpees on all the Thunder.

    We miss you buddy

    On to the THANG

    Christmas tradition @ House Paradox involves an annual trip to view the greatest of ballets (the only one YHC has ever seen)
    The Nutcracker.

    Every year YHC is stunned at the stamina and strength of the ballerinas to perform these world class routines.

    During our recent viewing, visions of sugar plums danced in my head of ways to modify this into an all leg consuming beatdown.

    Today I present to you

    THE BUTTCRACKER
    By ThighKowsky

    Act 1

    Decorate the Tree and dance around it

    Step ups while other Pax Bearcrawl to picnic table
    10 incline merkins bearcrawl back
    Then 10 merkins
    Then 10 derkins
    FlapJack with Partners each round

    The Presentation of gifts
    Each pax roll Purple die
    Rest of PAX do the exercise while pax who rolled runs to the stage for 10 box jumps
    I swear that die has a gift for feeling the body party that is the theme of the day so we did a zillion Squats.

    Presentation of the Nutcracker
    100 thrusters
    Partner 2 run a track lap

    SideNote:
    Lil Cuz is a Thruster Machine , watch out WetTap ! He’s coming for the crown !

    Mouse King vs the Nutcracker
    Two teams
    Grab coupon , Indian Run
    chest carry , last coupon lunges to the front , when he gets to the front he yells “Sugar Plum Fairy “
    This signals two things , 5 goblet sqats from all and last man lunges to front . Go to concrete and Back .

    Def have to tweak this one as YHC miscalculated lunge speed vs sqats speed. Tana questioned the Q game plan and somewhere in an empty clinic a drug rep handout sits idle waiting for signatures. You hate to see that.

    Audible to 10 ballerina sqats and Rifle carry back for Mary .

    Team Mary
    It only took 42 minutes of peace in the wake of Ankers passing for a new new schism to rear its ugly head.
    The clockwise vs counter clockwise debate has risen with Enrons systolic spiking to 200s just thinking about it.

    YHC restored order with classic Dolphin Hops (man I just love those)
    YJ with flutters
    Goose with some ridiculous pickle pounders that always seem to end YHCs beatdowns

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    Thanks to ChootEms crew for rolling in early and pushing us through a run. Great to meet y’all.

    Grateful for the work and opportunity to lead.

    SYITG
    Paradox

  • Tuesday Tough, and the Untimely Death of an F3 Hero – from Goose

    YHC expected only one or two tough guys to show this morning given the weather report and so was excited to see three hardy gentlemen awaiting him at The Stage nervous for what has now been deemed #Tuesday Tough since YHC seems to be the only one Q-ing. (I really think other Q’s are just as hard, but perception is everything. I mean, Enron wears a Mudgear Speedo to every beatdown regardless of how low the temperature is.) I do like a good challenge, though, and no beatdown should be wasted, so the tough get going.

    Warmup: plenty of the usuals plus Hairy Rockettes, high knees and butt kicks to shake of the cold and the tight joints from yesterday. Lots of cadence discussion, and YHC is getting better at using “Starting” rather than “Ready”, but not perfect yet.

    1st Thang:
    With a nod to last week’s Merkin Mile, YHC would use the long run as both a way to both prolong the warmup and keep up the “tough Q” image. This time, instead of 25 merkins every quarter mile, we did 25 jump squats for a total of 100. Not as bad as the merkins, but still tough, and provided some time to chat about modern literature.

    2nd Thang:
    Song: Trans Siberian Orchestra’s “Christmas Eve”, a rock combo of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” and “Carol of the Bells”. Each movement was matched with a core exercise, which amounted to lots of flutter kicks, 6-inch holds, Freddies, and lots and lots of Dying Cockroaches. Speaking of dying, it was at this point that Anker died. For the first time, ever. YHC was mildly annoyed but assumed there was a good reason–Anker has been so faithful, ever stalwart even in the midst of criticism, adversity, and overuse. We switched to the phone speaker instead, but YHC would have to look into any underlying issues once we got home.
    This was followed by a Yrevocer Pal (recovery lap running backward), which was a fun way to work dem quads while being distracted by the fear of breaking a bone or two.

    Thang 3:
    We hopped up onto the stage and grabbed some brick for 10 Step-up Merkins–starting in plank position, step up with both hands, irkin, step back down, merkin = 1.
    This was followed by 12 Freak Nasties (dips, 4-count IC), which were a tough follow-up to the step-ups.
    After this, YHC couldn’t skip the opportunity to do push us and keep to the theme with 10 Pu-pets Nikrems (backward Step-Up Merkins). Starting in plank position facing away from the bricks, step each foot up on the bricks, perform a derkin, step back down, merkin = 1. These were something. I was just glad there were no broken toes or noses. Though, we may see these again.
    Another 12 IC Freak Nasties rounded us out and left our arms unable to bend at the elbow anymore without great effort.

    Thang 4:
    The phone speaker did its best to push out another tune, this one a traditional Irish song about the St. Stephen’s Day (Dec. 26) tradition of killing a wren and going from house to house singing to collect money and trinkets (and drinks) for the wren’s funeral. “The Wren in the Furze” by The Chieftains (look it up, it’s a fun song). PAX did Imperial Squat Walkers for the duration, the triceps being the surprising factor (elbows bent, hands behind the head after the previous exercises).

    Finished with 8MOM (8 minutes of Mary) focused on obliques, just cuz, and COT. Yankee prayed us out, grateful for no rain and solid brotherhood. ISI followed–definitely seeing some real progress!

    An update on Anker:
    Upon arriving home, YHC went to plug the charging cable into the port, but noticed that it didn’t fit as smoothly, and the red light of life flickered just once and then no more. After deeper inspection, it became clear that Anker’s time in mission territory amongst the savage natives in YHC’s home had exposed him to some rough handling particularly in the area of the charging port. Because he never complained, YHC had no idea, and he just quietly, faithfully poured himself out to the very end, knowing that he’d never again be able to receive the rejuvenating gift of life from the wall outlet. His last breath was spent doing what he loved most–serving the men of the Thibodaux PAX. He was the original, and he remained humble, faithful, obedient, and capable of pushing quality sound (well enough) through all the arrogant, noisy competitors who came along with something to prove. From Thibodaux Regional to JBL, Bose’, and BAPS, Anker never lost composure and so remained the Anchor of this community. And he will never be forgotten.
    YHC thought about carefully taking him apart to try to replace the port, but to be honest, it wasn’t all that expensive, and I just didn’t feel like it.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Y’allTide Christmas Party – from Lil Cuz

    It was a week before Christmas and all around the Stage, pax gathered for a VQ, some were excited while others were anticipating a History of Lockport theme beatdown. YHC had other plans and felt like a Christmas Party was more in order with a suddenly and uncharacteristically cold Louisiana December morning approached this close to Christmas.
    We started with what quickly became a crowd favorite from another recent VQ (Thanks GOATs for the great idea!) but with one little Christmas change.

    “THE GRINCH” – Play off of Leeroy Jenkins – If any one yells “THE GRINCH” all Pax must sprint to the nearest tree or bush and run back to scare him off from stealing Christmas.
    With the theme laid out and the hidden mini game introduced, the party started albeit with one Pax who had the ever-crucial music and BAPS was running late. My mind went to those lame parties with no music and people just standing around awkwardly waiting to leave and go home.

    Thang 1: Rich Man’s Loop – Christmas Themed Trivia – wrong answer results in 5 Carolina Dry Docks and sprint to next lamp post.

    As we were bout halfway through the Loop I noticed another runner a street away and thought “Man, who is this crazy guy running with us from a distance.” As he approached behind and scared a few Pax, the Music man himself, Yankee Joe, had arrived and the Party was saved. Our next thang was secured and the dancing would begin. No more worries of party goers thinking of an excuse to get home and put their pajamas on.

    Trivia Questions that were asked if anyone wants to ask their families and see if they get better scores than us:

    1. What is the highest grossing Christmas movie of all time?
    a. Home Alone Correct

    2. In “Home Alone”, where are the McCallister’s going on vacation when they leave Kevin behind?
    a. Paris Correct

    3. What is the best-selling Christmas song?
    a. “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby Correct

    4. When do the earliest gingerbread cookie recipes date back to?
    a. 2400 B.C. Incorrect

    5. In what modern-day country was St. Nicholas born in?
    a. Turkey Correct

    6. How many gifts in total were given in “The Twelve Days of Christmas” song?
    a. 364 Incorrect

    7. Three of Santa’s reindeer’s names begin with the letter “D”. What are those names?
    a. Dancer, Dasher, and Donner Correct

    8. What popular Christmas song was actually written for Thanksgiving?
    a. “Jingle Bells” Correct

    9. At what age was St. Nicholas made a Bishop?
    a. 30 years old Incorrect

    10. Name 2 things St. Nicholas is the patron saint of. Incorrect
    a. Sailors
    b. Children
    c. Wolves
    d. Pawnbrokers

    Thang 2: F3 White Elephant – Pax circle up with dice block exercises and the deck of death. Pax select between dice and deck for a random exercise chosen for them by fate. Pax can then either choose to do the exercise or pass it along to another Pax. If passed then you have to choose the other exercise selection method. The chosen pax must complete the exercise while all others do an exercise of YHC’s choosing. Admittedly, YHC ran out of exercises rather quickly and was graciously helped by the circle of Pax. Once the fateful exercise has been completed it moves to the next pax in the circle. We went two rounds as not many were wiling to pass along the harder exercises to others except after Yankee
    decided to slow his pace while the circle was in mission impossible plank. He was promptly paid back by Goose with 20 burpees on his own as our one and only “White Elephant” gift. No others decided to test those waters as it was cold this December morning.

    Thang 3: Louisiana Christmas Sled Race (Wheel Barrel Race): Partner Up for a Wheel Barrel Race across the field and switching barrel on the way back.
    – Punishment for losers are 10 Burpees. Last place adds 5 merkins to burpees. Winner relishes in their breather.

    Congratulations to our Winners!: Yankee Joe And Enron even though Dox and I almost pulled off the upset.

    Last Place was Goose and FencePost with the mumble chatter expected for Losers having a harder punishments.

    10 minutes of Mary to finish this VQ, COT, and Yankee prayed us out.

    F3 has meant a lot to me fellas and I appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you for pushing me harder and making me do things I didn’t expect I can do. I look forward to all future beatdowns and look forward to a day where I too can be #TuesdayTuff.

    SYITG,
    Lil’ Cuz

  • The Chatter Goose: A Lesson in Righteousness – from Yankee Joe

    The important stuff first…

    Major Brat (as always, thank you for your service) had mentioned that he had successfully recruited his brother. At 6:28, there was no sign of him. O brother, where art thou? However, the concern would be misplaced. At 6:29, the brotherly new guy rolled up with blue jeans, sweat pants, hoodie, and a look of skeptical curiosity further raised when the first people to approach him introduced themselves as Goose, Enron, and Yankee Joe. It was then acknowledged that Major had not really told his bro much about F3, which is the way it should be. The FNG would survive the day with undaunted fortitude, never bowing out, and most impressively, not yakking on the beautiful perennial rye grass. He would emerge at the end of the day, rebranded as O’SHEM.

    ———-

    Today was a bit wonky. YHC’s original plan had to be scrapped (it will showcase next Saturday, 12/24) and plan B also ran into logistical challenges. So, at 6:22, as the Pax were arriving, YHC made some significant shifts. 8 Pax repped at the Peltch, which would be perfect for the partnering and teams needed for the morning. The idea was to create a second installment of Paradox’s Turkey Bowl. That…um… did not happen.

    Instead, we would spend the first half of the morning in muscular failure and the second half running a short field Ultimate Burpball game. Or maybe it’s Ultimate Burpee Ball? Ball Burping? Ultimate Burping? Who knows…I’m sure Goose will be MORE than happy to tell you. MORE on that in a moment.

    ———-

    But first, my dear and loyal reader, I want to discuss something of grave importance, and I want to be clear. There is a sickness settling over F3 Thibodaux. It is a sickness that targets Warmarama instructions and proper cadence execution. It burrows deep into the Pax psyche. It manifests itself in gruesome ways. The sickness is real, and I’ve cited the evidence below (Chicago style because the APA are a bunch of nerds).

    For example, with arm circles, some can’t tell the difference between forward and backward (Paradox, 2022). Others don’t even know the difference between arm circles and windmills (YHC, 2022). Still others make singular words like “position” or “cadence” plural and for no good reason (Montana & Goats, 2022). Even when an exercise is successfully communicated, (2.0 eye muffs, please) the actual cadence resembles something like the moment Ace Ventura figures out that Finkle is Einhorn…and of course, Einhorn is Finkle (see Enron et al. 2022). Seven count flutter kicks, 42-count imperial walkers (YHC, 2022), side straddle hops at Mach 2 (Lil’ Cuz, Fence Post & Superfun(d), 2022). Some simply modify every single warmup exercise as they see fit (Cardinal, 2022). It doesn’t end.

    How did this happen?

    When there’s Pax sickness, only one remedy exists. Now hold on a moment. I know what you’re thinking and that remedy is not Paradox’s wife, who, by the way, is a doctor. Paradox is married to a doctor. How cool is that? An actual doctor living in his house. To date, YHC is unclear what Paradox does for a living, but hey, does it really matter? He’s set…his wife is a… DOCTOR!

    No, my friends, the only cure for this type of sickness is a Goose. A big, head tilting, eyebrow raising, low talking Goose. You KNOW the look I’m talking about. The little smirk, saying, “oh, it’s something.” He knows we have gone astray; that we’ve forgotten our roots. He understands all too well that to screw up an Exicon name here, or a cadence rhythm there is a very slippery levy. It could lead to chaos. The next thing you know, we’ll be doing drugs, listening to rock & roll, and dancing. Worst of all, we may abandon our truth to erect a golden icon of Greg Glassman.

    Enough is enough. You schism makers, you modifiers, you fartsackers. You hate the cold. You fear the gloom. Has not Goose shown us the way? Turn not from his tilted head and raised eyebrows. He speaks only truth, and he speaks it…constantly. O, ye of little pecks, look to Proverbs 12:15.

    “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.”

    YHC would try to execute the Warmarama in a way that would impress the Pax, follow guidelines, and please Goose.

    Well, I can confidently report that…they weren’t, it didn’t, and he wasn’t.

    ———–

    Warmarama

    YHC: “Ok, it’s 6:30. Side strad…”
    Goose: “Hold on, hold on. Disclaimer for the FNG.”
    (partial and likely misleading disclaimer delivered)

    YHC: “Side Straddle Hops, 1, 2, 3…”
    Goose: “You can’t just go.”
    YHC: “Ok, ok. Position, movements…”
    Goose: “What are you doing?”
    YHC: “Ughhhhh. I don’t even know…”
    (YHC bent over between his knees, then throws Montana under the bus…the pax seems to be in agreement)

    YHC: (finishes warm-up and goes to pick up cones five feet away)
    Goose: (calls an audible and leads the Pax in self love without YHC in the circle)
    YHC: (oh no you didn’t…switches to Plan Freakin’ C)
    YHC: “Self love can’t save you now.”

    __________

    THANG 1: Lazy Seepurb’s (variation of Lazy Dora’s via reverse deconstructed Burpees…get it?)

    Round 1

    Partner 1 – 25 merkins while Partner 2 holds mission impossible plank
    Repeat sets of 25 until 200 (100 ea. per partner)

    Goose head tilt, eyebrow raise to Enron. Enron asked for clarity around the number, 200. It’s cool. I’m coming and Hell’s coming with me. YHC articulated the concept of “Seegah,” which is the noise one makes when attempting to do a merkin, but is only capable of completing a half merkin. Because let’s face it. A second set of 25 merkins following 45 seconds of a mission impossible plank is friggin’ seegah.

    Bear crawl to station #2

    __________

    Round 2

    YHC: “Ok, next set, 25 leg thrusters, which loo….”
    Goose: “Groiners.”
    YHC: “What?”
    Goose: “Those are groiners.”
    YHC: “The IPC Greenwood folks called them leg thrusters.”
    Goose: “They’re wrong.”
    YHC: “Ok, next set – 25 groin thrusters.” (because I’m a mature adult and I DO WHAT I WANT)
    YHC: “Partner 2 holds a low plank unt…”
    Goose: “Elbow plank, but whatever, it’s fi…”
    YHC: “ELBOW PLANK UNTIL YOUR PARTNER IS DONE.”

    Partner 1 – 25 GROINERS; P2 holds ELBOW plank
    Repeat sets of 25 until 200 (100 ea. per partner)
    Crab walk to station #3

    __________

    Round 3

    YHC: “Next, 25 squat jumps, while P2 holds Al Gore.”
    YHC: (Waits for any honking. No honking provided. YHC moves on.)

    Partner 1 – 25 squat jumps; P2 holds al gores
    Repeat sets of 25 until 200 (100 ea. Per partner)

    YHC calls audible that after the first set of 25 squat jumps, three more sets of 10 instead of 25. By this point, most Pax weren’t even getting off the ground.

    __________

    THANG 2: Ultimate Burpball/Burpee Football (ask Goose)

    Ultimate frisbee rules…ish. Coyote and Pope chose teams. Five burpees for a turnover. For touchdowns, the scoring team did five burpees, the opposing team did 10. The amount of burpees for turnovers had to be reduced because by the time the five burpees had been completed, the other team had already scored, which meant 10 more burpees on top of the five. We changed rules for scoring such as the amount of passes needed (i.e. four, then 10).

    The game made movement constant and burpees began to quickly add up (unless you were Coyote). It was nowhere even close to the brilliance of Paradox’s Turkey Bowl, so we’ll let the commish run that show with Enron and Wet Tap moving forward.

    That said, I would be remiss not to highlight the ridiculous skills of Coyote and Pope. Coyote was seemingly everywhere all the time. He would sneak through colliding boulders of middle age to emerge on the sideline, streaking toward the end zone, no defender in sight. No matter where you threw the ball, ‘Yote would catch it…back shoulder, overhead in stride, at his ankles, you name it. Soft hands and scary speed. Pope on the other hand was a relentless force on both sides of the ball. More than once, he hard core stuffed Father Goose in mid-throw. Other times, he traversed the width of the field to show the bright eyed would-be receiver what it felt like to have Marshon Lattimore get up in your grill. Throughout the contest, Goose was relatively quiet, undoubtedly deep in thought about how he kept dropping passes.

    __________

    Mary to the Core

    – J-Lo’s 2:1 x 15
    – Flutter kicks 4:1 x 20
    – Supermans x 20
    – Star V-ups (reverse supermans) x 10
    – J-Lo Pickle Gobblers x 20
    – Blast offs (from standing, 10-count down to deep squat, squat jump on “blast off”)

    Mosey back to flag, COT, and Lil’ Cuz prayed us out.

    Gents, I loved today. The work, the chatter, the athleticism, and the camaraderie make every Q super humbling and a heck of a lot of fun. O’SHEM, we were honored to have you today. We hope you will come join the beautiful chaos.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

    __________

    P.S. The correct cadence sequence is below. Read it, review it, memorize it, execute it.

    Proper Cadence Sequence:

    “The next exercise is…” [pause] “Side Straddle Hop!” (or name of other exercise)

    “Starting Position…” [pause] “Move!”

    “In Cadence…” [pause] “Exercise!” (begin count 1..2..3)

  • The beatdown to Bethlehem – from Enron

    After Tuesday’s (#tuesdaytuff) cardio heavy beatdown, YHC was ready for some slower, heavier movements, or just not ready for any more cardio. It seemed to be the perfect timing for a themed beatdown that had been drawn up the night prior with the help of a much more creative wife. The stage was set as YHC pulled up to a much familiar look of a minivan awaiting the arrival of more PAX. Yankee Joe was ready as usual. As 4 more PAX arrived in the gloom, we had plenty of pre-thang time to discuss the many schisms that have been dividing the Thibodaux PAX for decades, OK, well maybe just the past 6 months. This mumble chatter did not slow down as the warmups began, and YHC decided it would be a good time to test his newly acquired (thanks Goose) pre-cadence call. This did not go over well with about half of the group while the other half took it in stride, hence the building of a divide. We quickly learned, or were directed to, who was the leader of pre-mentioned schisms. The usually ultra-quiet and very reserved in his words, Paradox, has decided to form groups on each side… again. Goose, in all his wisdom, informed us that Cardinal (on IR) also enjoy the great divides of this PAX, but is a “seeker of truth” and is always looking for the “correct” side to be on. Although, JBL, #whoopteam, “starting position, in cadence, ready position move” (or however it goes), #Tuesdaytuff (ok twice is enough); will always be the right side.

    Warmup with waaaay too much chatter in between, to where YHC had no idea what number we were on:

    SSH, AC, Cherry Pickers, Windmills, Grass Grabbers, Self-Love, IW, bumper mosey

    The Thang: Journey to Bethlehem

    After reading an extensive amount of information on many different Christmas topics, a theme was finally coming to light. We tend to read in the Bible the journey to Bethlehem every year but how often is it discussed just how dangerous and difficult that journey had to be. The trip was approximately 90 miles between Nazareth and Bethlehem that would have taken place most likely over 10 days (leaving December 15th to be perfect for the beatdown). A pregnant Mary, and husband Joseph traveled all of this distance, outside, while moving through the Jordan river, through the hills of Jerusalem, and battling animals, potential sickness, and weather the entire time. This is how the following was developed.

    We picked up coupons and moseyed to the beginning of rich mans loop, where approximately 15 light poles are spaced about 40 yards apart.

    YHC instructed the PAX that there would be 3 alternating methods of carrying the coupon between the poles as follows:

    Mary- carry at stomach height, as if pregnant
    Joseph- On the shoulder, as if carrying wineskins filled with water
    Donkey – Rifle carry as if you were the donkey and carrying Mary

    Each light post would have a “hazard” of which Mary and Joseph could have encountered that included an exercise. Most exercises were performed OYO except for a couple. The following were performed at each light pole with the alternating carry methods (Mary, Joseph, Donkey) in between. The slower carry between had plenty of time to discuss just how tuff #tuesdaytuff (last time) was, especially without Paradox.

    Light Pole “obstacles/hazards”:
    Walk through the Jordan River – 10 Bonnie Blairs (the hard way)
    Climb the hills outside Jerusalem – 20 Mountain climbers – in cadence
    Tame your donkey – 10 Jack ass Webbs- this was a burpee but with a donkey kick during the thruster
    Be strong enough to fight off animals #1 – 25 Merkins
    Sleep on your back on the ground – 25 coupon presses
    Lift Mary on the donkey – 30 squats (no coupon)
    Fight off more animals – 30 coupon curls
    Carry the water overhead – 15 OHP
    Outrun the animals – Sprint with coupon
    Move through the jungle/heavily forested Jordan Valley – 15 Jungle Boy Squats
    Wear your big boy pants – 20 Big Boys
    Battle Sickness – 15 Burpees
    Hold the weight of the world on your shoulders – 10 Perfect Merkins
    Give God the glory – 25 Heals to Heaven
    Turned away at the Inn – Run to next light pole (this light pole was out making the reference perfect)
    Have baby Jesus! – 50 LBCs

    Thang 2: Song
    “Jingle Bell Rock” – Hold Al Gore for duration and squat on Jingle
    This made the PAX looks like whack-a-mole moles with how many “jingles” there were and how uncoordinated we can look at times.

    2 minutes of Mary with Freddie Mercury’s and Penguins

    COT and Goose prayed us out. Thanks for the laughs to go along with this one. I hate to admit it but the mumble chatter only added to the fun. As always, enjoyed being in the gloom with these guys.

  • Superfun(d)elight – from Goose

    After Tana’s block-buster 13 Days of/till Christmas yesterday, YHC knew we needed to take it easy on the big, heavy movements, which usually translates into a lot more running. Per usual, YHC didn’t think this one would be a memory maker, but was happy to be proven wrong.
    Warmups of the usual with the addition of some Hairy Rockettes (straight leg out to opposite hand extended off to one side, then switch to the other) to loosen up the hammies. As expected, Enron executed these with poise and precision. Yankee Joe shared some unusually deep knowledge about life as a real Rockette, which threatened to throw YHC into a rabbit hole of questions, but I held strong and the first Thang was explained:

    To Superfun(d)’s delight we started with a Merkin Mile, which reminded him of his first beatdown, the IPC titled “Death by Skinny Runner”. The fact that he’s still coming after that first experience remains one F3 Thibodaux’s unsolved mysteries, and PAX’s admiration for that superhuman resolve runs deep!
    A Merkin Mile is a mile with stops for 25 merkins every quarter mile. YHC used the Runkeeper app, one of many that will audibly tell you when you’ve reached certain distances, times, etc. A pre-beatdown toilet visit provided YHC the opportunity for tinkering with the app, which revealed the option for the voice to be changed to “Boston fan” among others. So, in honor of Yankee Joe, I chose that one, and it did not disappoint. (It started by telling us to “Put on ya big girl pants, and lets get that heart (“haht”) rate up!”). The first 25 merkins weren’t too bad, but the last three were much harder than the PAX expected–I remembered being surprised by this one when I first did it on the Northshore, but truth be told, stacking up sets of 25 merkins is no joke.

    The next Thang would provide no escape from having to traverse long distances. (Sorry, Superfun(d)!)()( We slow moseyed (walked) to the stop sign over toward the bumper for a nice, long set of 11’s. We started in the grass there with 10 squats and then caricoa’ed the length of the parking lot (in the grass) to the other end and did 1 merkin before nurring (running backward) back to the start. Then, rinse and repeat with 9 squats and 2 merkins all the way to 1 squat and 10 merkins.
    As the reader may be picturing, the squats and merkins were very much the only chance to rest. That’s a long way to carioca and nur, and after just 1 or 2 rounds, each of the PAX silently vowed to never allow YHC to Q again. But, for the next 25 minutes there was no escape. So, the only thing left to do was embrace the suck, which these guys did admirably. Yankee Joe stayed with YHC the entire time, which was greatly appreciated. There’s nothing worse than being completely winded all by yourself. Thanks to YJ, YHC had no excuse to take breaks or slow up, and YJ even had enough in him to push YHC’s competition button at the end by nurring backward at top speed with total disregard for that pipe that was sticking up out of the ground. Also, T-claps to Superfun(d) who could’ve easily stopped a round early but refused to take the out.

    Slow moseyed back to the flag with a minute left, did some Freddy-Tana’s to get us to 6:15, and then COT and Superfun(d) prayed us out. Thanks for coming out on a Tuesday morning, fellas, and not wasting a beatdown! The pain and fatigue would be far less meaningful without you!

    SYTIG,
    Goose

  • 12…(13) Days of F3 Christmas – from Wiford Montana

    The pax coming off a strong performance at the peltch on saturday assembled for my 3rd que. This Monday was extra gloomy with fog and humidity rivaling that of mid July. 5:30 hit and we began with only what could be described as “hot garbage” of a cadence. Any confidence from que 2 was flushed like a goose post beatdown “thruster.” We had the usual stuff ending on a bumper mosey but I will be going back to the warm up tutorial video for my next que for sure.
    The Thang was the 12 days of F3 Christmas
    Day 1: lap around the stage track
    Day 2: burpees
    Day 3: merkins
    Day 4: Man Makers
    Day 5: Lunges
    Day 6: plank jacks
    Day 7: mountain climbers
    Day 8: crowd pleasing “thrusters”
    Day 9: LBCs
    Day 10: squats
    Day 11: SSH
    Day 12: Carolina Dry Docks

    After that 12th time around the track YHC can’t articulate what he felt but he knew no matter the faces the pax wanted……no, needed the Truth! Today gentleman is 13 days until Christmas, so alll thru the house not a creature was stirring when YHC announced day 13: BBS
    After that we had 2 minutes left so we got in 100 flutter kicks and Freddy’s till que failure. As I laid full extension on the ground looking up upon the sky, we counted off circle off and circle of Trust, YJ prayed us out
    #13days #thestage

  • Block Treatment (Party) – from Goose

    YHC has had the coupons in the back of his truck all week since Goats needed them on Saturday, Montana on Monday, and Paradox on Thursday. I didn’t feel like unloading them, so it seemed necessary to work them into this morning’s beatdown. The Block Treatment was conceived in YHC’s closet at 10:30pm last night, the only place in the house where a light is allowed, and it was born this morning at 6:30am after a short gestation. There were some, however, who wished that it had never been born, that it would have remained just a twinkle in YHC’s eye.
    After threatening to show the interesting bug bites YHC received during Paradox’s beatdown on Thursday and then thinking better of it, we commenced the usual warmups with the addition of something a little bit new. That’s where the mutinous thoughts began to get a foothold, and they’d continue to fester and grow through the remainder of the beatdown. Shoulder circles aren’t a huge change, but they were awkward enough, especially for our Awkardness Specialist, Enron, to merit some serious mumblechatter and sideways looks, especially from our Sideways Looks Specialist, Cardinal.
    The grumbling really began as YHC directed the PAX to the back of the Goose-Mobile to grab a coupon. We moseyed to the lower field and lined up on the “baseline” by the batter’s fence. Partners were chosen, and while Partner 1 farmer carried both of their coupons (carry two coupons, one in each hand, by your sides, like milk buckets), Partner 2 completed 5 burpees before catching up and and taking over. YHC partnered with Pope to save Paradox from the public humiliation of uneven traps since Pope had a lighter composite block. The coups were farmer carried around a large perimeter, one partner at a time, and since one lap didn’t take very long, YHC decided to add another. The traps and hands were burning nicely through that last stretch, and the PAX was glad for a break and to rest in the bliss of ignorance as to what was coming next.
    What came next was so difficult to understand that it took about five minutes into the exercise for all the PAX to finally get what we were trying to do. Enron was convinced that we were gonna try to make a block bi-locate, and Lil’ Cuz was murder bunnying off into the sunset before things finally settled down. The PAX would Indian Run around the same perimeter, the front man rifle-carrying a coupon, and the back man would run to the middle of the baseline where ANOTHER coupon awaited and murder bunny five steps with it toward the other end of the field (to the Christmas tree lights). Once five murder bunnies were completed, he’d run back to the front of the line and take over the rifle carry. It took a few laps to get the murder bunny block all the way across, and the tracks across the wet grass were unique.
    Speaking of interesting tracks, the next exercise was the ol’ Block and Bear from the baseline to the Christmas tree lights (about 60 yards). Afterward, it looked like a bunch of slugs with legs had been through there, most of whom didn’t know that the quickest way from one point to another is a straight line. And, some looked like they achieved flight a few times.
    EMOM work was next, which was welcomed with thoughts (and noises) of insurrection. Every minute, on the minute for 10 minutes, PAX would complete the following, all with coupon:
    -5 lunges (1:1)
    -5 squats
    -5 rows
    -5 curls
    -5 overhead presses
    -5 tricep presses
    The PAX doubted YHC’s insistence that all this could be done in less than a minute, but the first round provided the necessary vindication. All exercises were completed in less than 40 seconds, giving the PAX about 20 seconds rest between rounds. YHC thought maybe trust in his leadership was being reestablished, but he was mistaken–at around minute 9, it was clear that though the PAX recognized that YHC’s ideas could be done, they doubted whether they should be done. And the next exercise(s) would only cement those doubts in their communal mind.
    PAX were asked to line up with some space between them and lay their blocks long-ways on the ground. Next exercise would be 10 burpee jump-overs–burpees, but jumping sideways over the block instead of straight up in the air. It was tough, and the timing of it toward the end of the beatdown made it just as much of an exercise of will as it was an exercise of lungs and thighs. But we wouldn’t stop there.
    The PAX were then directed to stand their blocks up vertically and do it again. This one came with a pep talk, though, cuz YHC could smell the despair. I couldn’t see everyone, but it seemed that this second, harder round was actually executed with more accuracy and success than the first. Just goes to show…(insert something inspirational).
    This was followed by a mosey back to the flag carrying the coupons. Some runners jogged by, and I heard more “good morning’s” than usual from the PAX–I think I heard more flexing, too.
    We had a solid 8 minutes left for coupon Mary, and this is where YHC lost the PAX for good. Commitments were made to ensure that all Saturdays, at least, were covered so that YHC would have no opportunity to Q again anytime soon. I think some plans were even made to steal and hide the blocks, or maybe use them in Goats’s upcoming chicken coop repair. Well, whatever it takes to fill the Q sheet. Exercises for Mary included:
    -big boys with block on chest
    -wife pleasers with pelvic blocks
    -flutter kicks with block held high in chest press position
    -LBC’s with block on chest
    -box cutters with block held high in chest press position
    -dying cockroaches with block held high in chest press position, rocking it back and forth
    -heels to heaven with block held high in chest press position
    -American Hammers with the block

    COT and Enron prayed us out.
    It was great to be in the gloom with you guys! I could never imagine having a reason to be excited to drive through thick fog at 6:15am, but I definitely was this morning, and it’s because of this crew. Much love for you, gents, and looking forward to all that comes next!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • ADVENTure Wreath – from Paradox

    The season of Advent has a special place in YHCs heart as a time of new family traditions and a much needed reminder of practices that prepare the way for Christ’s presence. YHC could think of no better way to honor this season than with life sized ADVENTure wreath and heavy coupon work. I knew just the HIMs that would take the journey with me. 5 pax rolled in ready for ADVENTure (ok ok I’ve used it twice , I’ll retire it ). The WiseMan Enron continued to have uncanny abilities to observe anything out of place and questioned the flickering candle stationed on our northern horizon. Goose rounded us out with gifts of gold, coupons, myhr and we’ll let’s just say his gloves did not smell of frankincense.

    Standard Warmup with some discussions on Goose genetic traits in all our exercises.

    Rifle Cary to Wreath (open field )
    Classic “Candle on a coupon “setup , check your field guides

    The Thang

    Clear your heart
    Prepare the way

    Cones were scattered about our wreath (4 coupons 25 yards apart in a square) and we needed to clean up before ADVENTuring (last one!, promise ) any further.
    Bearcrawl to a cone, 5 merkins, lunge walk back. Add 5 merkins each round. Many hands make light work and our wreath was sparkling clean in a few minutes.

    Rifle Carry to corner

    Hope candle- Prophecy Candle
    “Hope for Everyone “ Matt Maher (Advent of Christmas , great album)
    Hold coupon chest level w high knees
    Goblet sqat on “Hope “
    Quads got warm and we all Hoped it would end

    Look Up for hope
    Partner up for 100 OHP
    P1 Heels to Heaven
    10 OHP each round then flip flop

    Rifle carry to next cone

    Faith
    Bethlehem candle

    1st corner 1 blockee , 2 donkey kicks , rifle carry …2 Blockee then 4 donkey kicks and increase in that fashion till finishing at 10 DK and 5 blockee
    That was ….something

    Rifle carry to next corner

    Joy
    Sheperd Candle
    Leave the 99 , save the 1
    Start in circle holding plank
    Send 1 pax to the stage for step ups then send another pax to rescue . We did several ab exercises while taking turns rescuing the 1.Left Tana in charge during my rescue and shockingly no pickle pounders were performed. Thats called growth my friends.

    Rifle carry to next corner

    Love /Peace
    Angel candle
    “He Shall Reign Forevermore” Matt Maher (just to confirm, GREAT album)
    Coupon hops And Burpees on Reign
    Killer Rhythm Ronnie, we’ll have you on season 8 of Dancing with Financial Advisors very soon.

    Finished up at the Purity Candle
    With Team Mary
    Wife pleasers, LBCs, flutters
    YHC totally had a speech about it being the feast day of the immaculate conception planned. In my head preBlast it sounded like the hybrid of Mel Gibson Braveheart speech and the the “Win one for the Gipper speech”..But In real time YHCs brain was fried and it was like “hey Mary is awesome let’s do some abs”. It be like dat sometimes.

    Great effort across the board here men.

    COT and Post prayed us out

    Thanks for following me today
    Been a heart heavy month for YHC with some big decisions and obstacles abound . Grateful for you guys and the stability that God provides with our brotherhood.

    SYITG
    PDox
    ◦

  • St. Nick Didn’t Play Around – from Goose

    YHC had put together a St. Nicholas themed beatdown for this warm December 6 morning, but I wasn’t sure who, besides Enron, would show. But, sitting in the parking lot at 5:27, I wondered if even he would show and whether anyone would enjoy the feast. However, faithful to his word, Enron pulled in and YHC assumed it would be a two-man party like the old days, but then the red Superfun(d) mobile pulled in, and the Three Amigos went at it.

    After the Tana-city required to push through yesterday’s beatdown, YHC’s body and will were feeling depleted, but Q-drenaline and a solid theme to distract us provided just what the doctor ordered (from his trusty/pesky drug rep).

    Warmup were the usual suspects, most all the way to 20 reps to work through the stiffness, including high knees and butt kicks.

    The first Thang was preceded by an introduction to the true stories that made St. Nicholas so popular, the main one involving sneaking around town and throwing bags of gold coins into a needy person’s window. So, YHC though it best to start with a reverse 7 of Diamonds, which would include some sneaking through the dark of the early morn and dropping treasures.
    We started the first corner with all four exercises, and at each subsequent corner we dropped one of them (secretly) before sneaking to the next:
    Corner 1 (at the pole by the concrete): 28 OH claps, 21 squats, 14 merkins, 7 burpees, and then bear crawl stealthily down the field to the sidewalk
    Corner 2: 21 squats, 14 merkins, 7 burpees, and crab walk with Cardinal-esque smoothness, mostly, across to the other side of the field.
    Corner 3: 14 merkins, 7 burpees, and Groucho walk (which is sort of like cartoon sneaking) back to the concrete.
    Corner 4: 7 burpees and done with it.

    Thang 2 was a couple of songs about St. Nicholas, the first being “Jolly Old St. Nicholas” performed by Chet Atkins. The exercise was Al Gore for the duration, and turn-around (180) jump squats for every rhyme. YHC didn’t listen to the whole song in preparation, but if I had, I would’ve noticed that there are only four lines sung in the whole 2.5 minute song, so two rhymes total. Chet Atkins was a guitar player, so the song was pretty much a guitar solo interrupted by a couple of women singing a few lines of the classic song. The mostly uninterrupted Al Gore after that long Groucho walk was really something else. But, them boys didn’t complain, and we gladly gave our thighs a break for the next one.

    “St. Nicholas” by Anuna, a Celtic band, is an ancient song sung in Old English asking for St. Nicholas’s intercession for safe passage to Heaven. It only lasted for 1:13, so we held Mission Impossible plank for the duration and pushed up a merkin for every “Santa Nicholas”. The intensity of the music perfectly accented the manly grunts and heavy breathing.

    Then, it was up for a mosey toward Rich Man’s Loop, but we cut up past the townhomes (patio homes?) and did a burpee as we passed every front door, leaving generous gifts of sweat there on the ground for each family to find upon waking.

    Back at the Stage, we climbed to the chimney training ground, up on the stage at the bricks, to work on our form, strength, and dexterity. Started with dips for the gentle, butt first chimney drops (4-count x 15), then Left-leg bulgarian split squats for stepping into and out of the chimney (4-count x 10), Irkins for head first approaches (4-count x 15), Right-leg split squats (4-count x 10), and Derkins for full-on chimney dives (4-count x 15).

    Then, it was back down to the ground for 8 minutes of Mary to work on that famous gut, which may or may not have been a feature of the real St. Nick’s physique. Flutter kicks, penguins, heels to heaven, wife pleasers, J-Lo’s, pickle pounders (so scandalous, yet so effective), crunchy frogs, leg raises, and Freddys.

    COT, solid prayer by Enron, and then The Three Amigos powered out the ever-increasing ISI (sneaky difficulty, starting to really feel it, but grateful for what will soon be some ripped abs if we can lay off the carbs, which is unlikely).

    Thanks, fellas, for the brotherhood this morning!
    SYITG,
    Goose