F3 New Orleans

Tag: Enron

  • A to ‘ – from America’s Best

    YHC arrived early (15 seconds before Goose), full of stoke for this beatdown, but mostly for da playlist. Had one full Hawaii playlist ready, but last night, no reason, YHC switched ‘em out for one playlist of all cover songs. And, like one log cruising over da waterfall in slow motion, they were glorious. . .

    Suddenly, something even more exciting:
    “Hey guys, this is Austin.” White Meat had brought an FNG.
    My brain squirrel jumped on the thinkin’ wheel, and the gears that push the struts that crank the wheels on the train of thought began to turn.
    Austin—>Austin Powers—> Richie Cunningham … but that would have to wait.
    It was time for: The Disclaimer.
    YHC could not remember all the points of the disclaimer. Luckily Paradox, playing Cyrano to my Christian, stood right next to me feeding me the lines. I tried to talk over him, but we all know the futility of that. I swear I didn’t see this coming when I started this analogy, but Paradox is the perfect Cyrano due to their shared love of Roxan(n)e.

    Standard Warmarama
    SSH, Imperial Walkers, Windmills, William Mayweather Hayes, Mountain Climbers, Arm Circles, cherry pickers

    Bumper mosey, but there was no bumper! YHC became disoriented and ran in a wandering loop… really all part of the strategy to get to higher mileage… more on that later.

    Da Kine:

    Many months ago, Enron gifted us all with an A to Z beatdown, assigning an exercise to each letter of the alphabet. YHC immediately recognized the value of this “Rosetta Stone of Exicon” and began planning an homage to (ripoff of) that beatdown.

    And so da kine would be the same as Enron’s, but using the Hawaiian alphabet, which contains only 13 letters (if you count the okina, which I did).
    They would be:
    A – Aloha, Merkins (which are just merkins)
    E – Elbow plank
    I – Imperial Walkers
    O – Okole Rollers (BBS)
    U – Upright Rows
    H – Humuhumunukunukuapua’a Humpers
    K – Kurls
    L – Lunges
    M – Merkins
    N – No, Oh Nos
    P – Push-up Pimp Merkins (which are just merkins)
    W – WW2 Sit ups
    ‘ – Prime Time Merkins

    At the last moment, YHC added that designation to the Humpers, challenging anyone to pronounce the state fish of Hawaii. Pope nailed it immediately, completely demoralizing YHC. Mahalo, Disney.

    Because the number of letters is fewer, the number of reps would be higher. YHC loves to test the brainpower of the PAX, so I let everyone know that the number would be 49, and asked if anyone knew the significance of that number. Almost in unison, the PAX fell into my trap. “Because Hawaii is the 49th state.”
    No! No no no. Trick question! Hawaii is the 50th state, and we will do 50 reps of each.
    I can only assume these dudes are streaming “Hawaii 4-9” on WebFlix.

    Like Captain Cook, we circled 2 laps around the island between sets. Sometime during one of those laps, YHC had the epiphany that I had chosen a playlist of all covers, and WetTap fartsacked his Q yesterday, remaining under his covers. This beatdown would be dedicated to WetTap.

    The PAX impressively stuck together through the first 3 or 4 letters, then began to stretch into a greater distance between men. It was interesting to see how each of us had our strengths and weaknesses. My biggest weakness? I care too much.

    We ended with more music trivia, and the PAX performed well, racking up only 7 penalty burpees for missed answers. A final double-or-nothing question was offered and quickly accepted: “Who is the music playlist dedicated to, and why?”
    Goose almost nailed it (“because we covered his Q yesterday”). Actually, his logic was better than mine. Anyway, we did 10 burpees.

    COT
    FNG became who he was meant to be: Huffy.
    Rugby Jersey of Competitive Prowess bestowed upon Honeysuckle (anything to try and slow that man down)

    Paradox prayed us out.

    SYITG,
    AB

    AB Sees: That sometimes you gotta rule wit one iron fist. ‘Specially when you might be wrong.
    Aftah da beatdown, my Apple Watch wen read 2.89 miles. One more lap around would give us all solid 3 miles.
    But had some controversy. Mo advanced running calculators worn by mo advanced runners wen show one lower mileage count. My argument: Everybody know Apple technology, while not da best, is mo common and accepted mo universally. So it wins. Kinda like [insert hated presidential candidate]. (See also: Yankee Jeaux’s iPhone conversion).
    Knowing I was up against bettah technology, YHC tried fo shut it down quick. “3 miles, I’m da Q.”

    History is written by da victors, so one final lap would give us 3 full miles.
    Naha stone drop.

    (true story: 5-year old AB talked like that, much to the dismay of his poor mother)

  • Always a Gunner – from Safety Valve

    YHC pulled up to scope things (and maybe come up with a beatdown idea) slightly earlier than usual. The air was thick and electric – the thunderstorm and lightening had YHC questioning if he should just turn around and say he overslept. Then he remembered that White Meat HC’d the night before. YHC couldn’t let a good chance go to waste to hurt that man again. In the wise words of our feathered leader, “we do not deserve to be comfortable.”

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    High knees (the real kind)
    Butt kicks
    Willy mays hays (very slow)
    mountain climbers
    Arm circles forward and backward
    Cherry Pickers

    Thang

    With it being the last weekend of premier league soccer (YHC’s team is in the running for the title this year) and YHC’s first Saturday Q, playing some sort of soccer was on the docket. But first, some time had to be “wasted”. We moseyed over to the ED white stadium.

    1 mile run under 8 minutes was ordered – everyone complied and no dishonorable discharges had to be handed out. Dox and Honeysuckle led the group with around a 7 minute pace. There was some discontent in our little group of Ronnie, Goose, Pope, and YHC. Ronnie was helping to set our pace, but a backhanded compliment about being a good person to draft behind from Goose sent Ronnie into a new level. We finished with a 7:20 pace. White meat, Popeye and Wet tap were close one our heels.

    Next, the rules of our main event was explained. We would be playing soccer, with traditional soccer rules. No throwing the ball, no punting the ball. Just plain old soccer, using your feet. There would be 3 teams all playing at the same time with one ball. In essence each team had a goal to defend and two goals they could score on. Once a team was scored on, they would be out of the game and would have to do big boy sit ups until the last team was knocked out. If someone shot and missed the goal, that entire team had to do 3 burpees. Having three teams vs two added just the perfect amount of chaos that was needed to fulfill a F3 Saturday beatdown. Three separate games were played with a “halftime” show in between each game.

    Halftime show #1 – Tubchumper by Chumpawampa
    SSH for duration of song with burpee for every “I get knocked down..”

    Halftime show #2 – Stairway to heaven
    For the duration of the song: bearcrwal to 10 yardline and do 10 merkins and sprint back, bearcrawl to 20 yardline and do 20 merkins and sprint back, etc until the song was over. This wasn’t received well.

    Observations :
    #1 – Pope is athletic. I’m not sure he ever touched a soccer ball before, but he schooled most of us, including YHC.
    #2 – White meat has balled before – don’t let that innocent face convince you otherwise
    #3 – Goose is competitive, we know this. But, soccer is his weakness. I think it’s because he can’t just toss people over his shoulder in soccer. It’s frowned upon. File this away for another day.
    #4 – What Goose lacks in soccer skills though, he makes up for it in fatherhood. Seeing Duke literally give whatever he can to the group is amazing to watch. This 4 year old’s insight of the world is so advanced for his age. He felt like he wasn’t able to contribute to his team playing soccer since his Dad was trying to run him over, but he saw a need elsewhere. He became the best ball boy any soccer pitch has ever seen. T-claps for sure.
    #5 – YHC team was full of all-stars: Lil Cuz is a master shot stopper, his skills could only be compared to Wet tap playing ultimate frisbee. Popeye was the only level minded person on the field when he decided that just playing defense is the way – let the other two teams full of cavemen go after one another first. Brilliant! See #4 for Duke.

    We made it back to flag with 3 minutes to spare. YHC thought hard about ending the beatdown early, but once again, I couldn’t let White Meat down. We laid down in the mud puddles and completed 3 minutes of Mary. Announcements were made. The rugby jersey was handed from Lil Cuz to YHC – he must have appreciated the bearcrawl to heaven earlier. Lil Cuz prayed us out.

    Thanks for coming out this morning and playing some weird sport that not many people are into. Always a pleasure to lead

  • Dangling Participles – from Honeysuckle

    YHC and 8 HIMs convened at the Den Where the Lion Once Was. Knowing that Achilles tendon injuries were soon to be on the rise due to the Thibodaux “Master Plan”, the warmup was slightly extended.

    Warmarama:
    SSH, Imperial Walkers, Mountain Climbers, Windmills, Arm Circles (F/R), Cherry Pickers, Self Love

    As we’re in the middle of the May Challenge, YHC decided to spend most of the beatdown rehashing the types of things we’ve been doing to get points. Today, it would be mainly mileage, merkins, and big boy situps.

    Thang 1:

    To get the ball rolling, we began with cheddar shreddar. Some of the PAX remembered this one, others didn’t, but what YHC didn’t remember is how challenging it is. The PAX lined up in plank position shoulder to shoulder, and the PAX at the far left would move to become face to face with the PAX to his right and say “down” as they both do a merkin together.
    Then everything shifts one to the right, sort of like a conveyor belt. At the end, run to the edge of the parking lot and back only to do the cheddar shreddar again.

    To get the “silent retreat beatdown” effect, YHC suggested that maybe we didn’t need to say “down” depending on the connection felt with the PAX you’re lined up with. What resulted instead was some extremely exaggerated and loud “down!”s as different PAX felt emboldened to let out pent-up frustration and disappointment with certain of their fellow PAX.

    Thang 2:

    To continue with the merkins, a ladder exercise was to be performed starting with 5 merkins at the fresh concrete square, run to the back of the civic center to do 5 BBSs, run back to the square to do 10 merkins, and so on, until the round of 25 merkins and 25 BBSs were completed. The PAX were instructed to stay together until everyone was finished. YHC took a little too long getting those 25 BBSs and only Pope stayed behind. To the other 7 PAX, YHC would like to say, “DOWN!!”

    Thang 3:

    In the spirit of rehashing, YHC reprised the “name the thing these two songs have in common” game with “Small Town” (John Cougar Mellancamp) and “Live and Let Die” (Paul McCartney and the Wings). For the first song, hold Al Gore and every mention of “Small Town” was a jump squat or Bobby Hurley. For the second song, squats during the slow part, SSHs during the fast part, and high knees during the other part. Oh, what was the common thread to which I was referring to? It reminds me of a joke.

    A visitor from Homer at Harvard on the Bayou (Cardinal tells me I may get sued for saying that) had gotten lost looking for the building once famous for simultaneously housing the culinary school and the biology department. Upon noticing a dapper marketing professor and asked him, “Sir, where is Gouaux hall at?” Looking up from his new iPhone, the professor said, “Here at Harvard on the Bayou, we don’t end sentences with a preposition.” The Homerian native, whose chatter ability was surpassed only by his sarcasm prowess, responded, “Sir, you just did.”

    Or something like that. You may have heard another version. I cannot forget from where it is that I come FROM. This ever-changing world in which we live IN. A chickfila pops up, an ALDI pops up, and the Lion is gone.

    Thang 4:

    In the limited remaining time, the PAX attempted to descend the latter of Thang 3, starting with 25 each. We made it through 15 merkins and then ran the rest of the time to end up with 2 miles as the clock struck 6.

    Announcements/Intentions. Good luck to YJ. May you destroy your defense as well as you destroyed the wood in the expansion joints this morning. Safety Valve prayed us out.
    Kudos to the fasters. The PAX continue to inspire YHC with not only physical prowess but dedication in these other areas. It was a pleasure to Q this morning.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • I Don’t Take Requests – from America’s Best

    Let’s get right to it.

    Warmarama

    SSH
    Windmills
    Arm circles
    Self love
    Mountain climbers
    William Mays Hayes Jr, Esquire (slow Willie Mays Hayes, unknowingly developed by Safety Valve 24 hours earlier)

    At this point in our warmarama, a figure quietly (as if on hybrid power) appears out of the gloom. Ambling up, confused, perhaps lost, the mysterious man speaks: “Is this the F6 Catalina Wine Mixer?”
    And so we added some more celebratory side-straddle hops to welcome YJ.

    First Thang:
    Indigenous Peoples Run – starting with pretty annoying music.
    Trivia for merkins: the song was too easily identified as “Bad Boys” from Cops, so the level 2 questions were activated: nobody knew the year the show premiered (1989) or the artist (Inner Circle). Honeysuckle knew the tangent trivia that Gloria Estefan sang “Bad Boy,” and of course Enron nailed the movie trivia (Will Smith and Martin Lawrence). 10 merkin reward.

    Stop 2
    Popeye knows his CHiPs, answering the first two questions here. Honeysuckle called out the band 7Mary3 (LL cred). The next question drew a pause (“is this a trick question?”) before a few PAX answered that 7Mary3 originated at W&M. No merkins.

    Stop 3
    Apparently this new guy (or is he a downranger?) YankeeJeaux likes dags. You like dags? He even knew Turner and Hooch. 10 merkins because nobody knew about the Beagle Brigade or the Jim Belishi garbage movie K-9.

    Stop 4
    Giveaway question: who sings this song?
    Impossible question: name 2 band members in the Police.
    Since everyone only knows Sting, what instrument did Sting play? Honeysuckle immediately, confidently answered “bass”.
    And speaking of sting? The final question:
    In 1999, both of 47 year-old skydiver Joan Murray’s parachutes failed, and she plunged 14,500 ft, striking the ground at 80 mph, but survived due to hundreds of stings of what wingless wasp relative?
    The takeaway here is that fire ants sting, not bite.

    Next Thang: You can do it!
    The song: “Can’t Stand Losing You”
    The work: Thrusters, with a curl for every “can’t”. We maybe did twice as many curls as thrusters. The Police really know how to drive a point home using that repetition.

    Edit: during this, somehow Honeysuckle came up with another member of the Police: “Andy Summers.” No word on which satellite beams music trivia to his brain, but the delay has been reported and someone at NASA has been fired.)

    Thang 3:
    YHC had formulated a Dora that was all points (Merkins, Curls, BBS), but that was scrapped for several reasons:
    1. Safety Valve ran the same Dora yesterday.
    2. 300 BBS yesterday led to abrasions on the area I believe the Jerky Boys referred to as the “ass-neck.”
    3. BBS and curls are only half-points.
    And so the Dora would be 200 merkins, followed by . . . 200 merkins.
    Two songs on repeat would direct the partner: during song one (Walking on the Moon), lunge walk, with a jump squat on each ”walking.” During song 2 (“Canary in a Coal Mine”), partner runs a lap. Wasn’t thinking about another trigger for this, but since Dox asked (“ooo! Miss Bliss, you forgot to give us homework!”), there would be a burpee on “canary.”

    All was running very smoothly…. Until Paradox tried to make a request? Now this beatdown was obviously inspired by the Exicon listing for “Roxanne.” But YHC always thought that using that song was a bit superficial, and maybe lazy, because The Police have so so so so so so many repetitive songs. I thought we could go deeper.
    So when Dox wanted to hear “Roxanne” YHC first thought “ok, you asked for it,” and considered it… but then YHC remembered:
    I don’t take requests.
    And I’d cataloged a few more Police songs with triggers, so instead we would get to hear the very appropriate “King of Pain” while we held our feet six inches and raised them up on every “soul” and “king of pain.”

    That left us with just enough time for a bit of Mary, and Jankee Jeaux quickly calculated that we had about 25 BBS of time left. We completed them during “Driven to Tears,” an Opus to the cloud of stank rained down upon YHC by YJ only moments earlier.

    COT and Dox prayed us out.

    Always an honor and a pleasure to lead.

    SYITG,

    AB

  • Family Feud – from Paradox

    You wake up on your couch, heart pounding as you brush off the Panera crust of last nights dinner. You turn off the 10th Dr Phil rerun and make a mental note to cool it on the charger lemonades. That familiar ill feeling falls over you as you realize you are late for work and truly in deep water because your incompetent, angry, micromanaging boss will surely make another passive aggressive comment that you have too many kids. One peek out the window and it looks like a ThunderTsumamiNado is brewing. You rush to the bathroom only to realize you are out of Old Spice but luckily there is puréed banana in the fridge for just such an occasion. You hustle out to your ole lemon of a truck. The inside smells like limes and regret. You mosey on into work avoiding the burps and curls of Thibodaux traffic. Stopped at a red light on canal, you can’t believe your eyes. Your beloved lion statue at the civic center is gone. A tough pill to swallow, seeing them pave paradise and put up a parking cawn! You are already composing the email to the authorities in your head as you pull into work. This won’t end without a Feud…heyyy what’s that beeping noise…

    You awake a second time.
    In your cozy fartsack.
    Alarm says 4:50am.
    It’s time for another beatdown.
    Whewwww, just a bad dream
    You can’t wait to get to the den and stretch your calves on that perfect 75 degree angle….

    Duke !! Wake up !
    Survey says it’s time for a last minute game show beatdown !
    Roll that beautiful footage and make sure it’s on the 1992 rolltop tv/vcr !

    Warmup
    Usuals with some serious groans of the chesticle region. Mostly done in silence as we all contemplated the loss of our lion friend and his mystery flags. Was this a targeted attack? Is there something bigger/better coming as payment for our 45 minutes/week of extra park security? And most importantly, just where in the heck are we supposed to do our pre beatdown loitering?!

    YHC led the pax in a coupon mosey drop off then transitioned into an Indian run 3 burp drop to warm the carburetors.

    Back to the …cawns (single tear) ..and YHC unveiled today would be about f3 family unity.
    Ya see F3 Thib has a long and bloody history of schisms…a few highlights from our timeline :

    1.) how to say “pirogue”
    -Early Goose Era

    Status : unsettled , please don’t ask Cardinal unless you want a homily about Acadian history.

    2.) The fitness tracker wars
    -late year 2 growth spurt era

    Status : stalemate , many casualties

    3.) The BlueTooth Conflict
    -Anker Dominant era

    Status : still healing after the death of Anker

    And the most recent blood feud may top them all …

    4.) The Earls of Sandwich
    – Rienzi Awakening Era

    Status : Some of the hottest takes about sub shops you can imagine.

    That’s just a taste of the major conflicts and so today we honor the bickering of brothers that can always be overpowered by the unity of the 3 Fs. At the end of the day we can agree to disagree and when the chatter gets unbearable …well has YHC told you about double Merkin burpees yet?

    Da Thang

    “We are family”
    IW on song
    Double Merkin Burpee on “Family” and “Sister”

    -Standard issue with AB immediately guessing Sister Sledge as the artist for 30 seconds off and later Pope guessed 1979 as the year of release for another 30 second discount.

    Mosey to Stairs for…

    F3 Family Feud

    Rules:
    Split teams
    Each team has a marker board and a designated writer.
    Given a family feud style topic that was allegedly from a “random” 100 Americans survey.

    The team must list top 3 answers and the order while running a lap around the civic center. They stop half way for 15 curls of a coupon and other curled lips of aggressive intimidation.

    Highest points wins the round.

    Winner – 10 merkins
    Loser – 10 burpees
    Tiebreak – 4, 5, 6th on list

    YHC would serve as host and journalist to report the team dynamics for the historians.

    Round 1
    Bad Qualities of a boss
    Answers:
    1. micromanagement
    2. Incompetence
    3. Angry

    Team 1 rolled out strong with Popeye clearly having some bad boss history to get off his chest . (“You sure lazy isn’t in there dox?” )
    Pope was established as the team writer since he can run 7 min miles in his sleep. He also sprinkled in some timely order changes.

    Team 1 was the victor
    Team 2 felt the sting of burpees and began the rally.

    Round 2
    You’re in deep (blank)

    Answer
    1. Doo-doo
    2. Trouble
    3. Water

    There’s a few topics you just can’t beat Goose on, the top 2 being Theology and Poop. He led his team to victory here correctly placing doo doo as number 1 and a full sweep of correct placements Team 2 handed out the burpees.

    Round 3
    Rhymes with “Will” associated with doctors.

    Answers:
    1.Bill
    2.Pill
    3.Ill

    YHC had to jog in silence as the doctor bashing began. Both teams correctly guess the qualities of this money grubbing profession and it was a Tie.
    YHC awarded the W to team 2 for the creativity of Dr Phil.

    **Wet Tap continued to lecture that some people consider burpees a win. It was looked upon in disgust by all.

    Round 4
    A wrestler named after a weather condition.

    Answer:
    1.) Tornado
    2.) Storm
    3.) Thunder

    Great debate here as our geographical anxieties put Hurricane in the forefront of the minds of both teams. Another tie and Lil cuz is watching Nacho Libre as we speak.

    Round 5 – The grand Fruitnale

    What fruit would you select if you were out of deodorant ?

    Answers:
    1.) Orange
    2.) Lemon/lime
    3.) Apple

    This one seemed to launch the greatest chatter and performed well when beta tested with YHCs family. Ronnie got off to a great debate on texture vs. smell and clearly preferred bananas. Popeye seemed to have no issue with his own body odor and considers society would better off without deodorant.
    Over in group 2 Gooses overindulgence of the Old Spice led to his prescience abilities. His eyes went blue and he was on the hunt for top rated citrus.
    Lil Cuz kept saying weird stuff about papaya but Everyone else just did their curls and lost the appetites for fruit all together.

    Group 2 edged out a win

    Shortened Mary with holding of 6 inches and leg raises.

    Intentions for families going through difficult times and graduating seniors.

    COT and Tap prayed us out.

    Thanks for the opportunity to lead.

    The Doxicology Report

    Many times you will hear a similar proclamation about F3 from guys across the nation. “It’s something I didn’t know I was missing but instantly knew I needed”. In the last few years I’ve continued to see the accuracy of this statement and it still remains difficult to quantify or even explain fully what God provides through this group. One aspect that is clear to me is that it fosters relationships where you can safely bring an opinion you know others may disagree with. This can be uncomfortable but it can also be a great opportunity to trust God in humility and to listen more than you yap. (Really tough one for yours truly )

    Whether it’s sandwich wars , Cajun dialect discussions or deeper matters YHC is grateful for a group where you can state your opinion , potentially change it based on something new and at the very least do ridiculous exercises until you forget what the issue was.

    In F3 Thib it ain’t a family without a little feuding and I reckon I’d be in deep doo doo without you fellers.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Destination Paradise? That’ll be 2 tickets, sir. – from Popeye

    Opener:
    Fun fact: the average weight of a “standard” brick is 4.40lbs.
    Funner fact: the average weight of a brick from YHC’s house is 5.25lbs.
    Talk about standards…

    Intro:
    YHC was frozen upon the late realization that his original vision for a Tuesday Tuff beatdown wouldn’t work; mother goose doled out such a ration of pain on the 5 poor PAX on Monday that the thought of more merks and coupon work almost made me wince.
    Instead, YHC smirked and realized I had a special secret to share with the tribe: tickets.

    No, Jeaux! Not the kind of tickets that you firemen take from the proletariat whilst slinging trashburgers and soggy fries at the fair, the kind of tickets that bring men to greatness. I’m talking about the kind of tickets (2) that might just get you to paradise…. For 45 minutes anyway.

    YHC shared with the PAX that for the past six years while assigned to New Orleans, I would frequently run along the river to the ruins of the Market Street power plant and work out on my own there with bricks. I called it the brickyard (super original, I know) and nobody would go with me. Working out there on my own was my zen, a (probably not) safe space where I could thrash myself under the curious gaze of the zombies and day walkers who lurked about the ruins. Special place, the only thing I think I’ll miss about working in the city.

    WU1 – The usual:
    SSH, Imp Walkers, Willie Mays, Slow Hi-knees, Arm Circle mix

    WU2 – The unusual:
    SSH w/tickets, Imp Walkers w/tickets, Willie Mays w/tickets, Slow Hi-knees w/tickets. Rare show of mercy on the arm circle mix.

    Musical complement:
    The PAX performed mountain climbers atop their tickets, and executed flawless shoulder-tap ticket merkins on each “waiting so long” and mention of “tickets” while enjoying “Two Tickets To Paradise” by the legendary Eddie Money. 22 points brah!
    This was hard, just ask Cardinal.

    ~ Ticket Mosey to Rich Man’s Loop ~

    Main event:
    The good news: We’d walk one lap – with tickets.
    The not so good news: after each quarter of the loop with tickets, we’d mosey ticket-free around the rest of the loop and progressively work around.
    1st Leg: Rocky tickets (punches).
    Lap
    2nd Leg: Curls till tired, then overhead press.
    Lap
    3rd Leg: Tricep extensions.
    Lap
    4th Leg: Side extensions and front extensions.
    Lap

    The PAX (really just AB) was grumbling about being at 2.5 miles in and something about points, so we returned to the flag to ditch tickets and then carried on to close out 3 miles.
    It’s the frickin’ Cleveland Wine Mixer May Chalenge after all, no points should be left in the table.

    Time elapsed, 1:45 over.

    COT, Dox prayed us out.

    Thanks for the solid showing and enjoying two tickets in the gloom. Always enjoy pushing myself and sharing the growth that only comes through deliberate discomfort with you men.

    Now I’m off to email YETI to see if they can make a bigger bucket to carry tickets.

    SYITG

  • Cheaters Often Win: The Case of the Musical Cones, uh, Coupons – from Goose

    YHC was freshly returned from the massive F3 kingdom to the West known as Houston having been exposed to a fresh, new idea for a “fun” game perfect for the open Q slot at the Peltch on Saturday. The best part was that YHC had time on the flight home to concoct numerous levels of “gaming” this game after having been exposed to its many weaknesses while among the TX PX. However, as the PAX began to pull into the gravel lot on Saturday morning, YHC realized that the carefully crafted layers of deception and illusion would be greatly tested given the particular skill sets of this cast of characters. They were as follows:

    -Cardinal: “Captain Strategio”
    -Enron: “The Prosecutor”
    -Honeysuckle: “The Brain”
    -Popeye: “The Grizzled Soldier Who’s Seen Everything”
    -Safety Valve: “The Martyr”
    -Ladybug: “What Are We Doing, Again?”

    This crew would stretch YHC’s plan to its breaking point, but these plots within plots had been strategically architected for success under any circumstances.

    We started with an extremely unorthodox warmup to shake each man off of his confident perch ion the branch of comfortable expectations and break up any unity of thought amongst the collective. It went like this: Imperial Walkers, arm circles, cherry pickers, Laffy Night Clubs, mountain climbers, self-love.

    This was followed by a song, heard at least once by most, known well by none, called “Tarzan Boy” by Baltimora. SSH for the duration (big surprise), windmills during the Tarzan yells, and 8-count bodybuilders during the bridge(s) (“Night to night, Gimme the other, Gimme the other…)”.

    YHC hinted at the ridiculous length of the song by offering a prize for any who could guess it. Most guessed that it was long with Enron getting within 3 seconds (it was 6:20, he guessed 6:23). That might have been close enough for Paradox, but we took it all the way into the fade out. It felt like we were watching the entirety of the end credits of an 80’s movie.

    The time had now come to execute the plan. All PAX grabbed a coupon and moseyed to the lower field, though Ladybug somehow got stuck in a very, very long conversation with an elderly couple jogging by. If YHC had to guess by their body language, it was about the unique qualities of cinder blocks and their multifaceted role in today’s society.

    YHC had the PAX circle up around the Q about 15 ft. apart and explained that we’d be playing musical cones, with cinder blocks, without cones. There were no cones on the field. When the music started, the PAX would bear crawl around the cones…no, blocks…and when the music stopped, everyone had to touch a block. The problem, of course, is that there was one fewer blocks than PAX, so the man left out had to go to the middle. The rest of the PAX performed an exercise AMRAP for 1 minute while the man in the middle did burpees. Each exercise would be done for 5 rounds of before switching to the next one on the list (so, each of the exercises listed below was done for 5 rounds of 1 minute AMRAPs):

    -Curls
    -Overhead Press (only did 3 rounds of this–it was looking/feeling really rough)
    -Goblet Squats
    -WW3 Situps
    -All rounds: burpees in the middle, and bear crawl around the cones, I mean, blocks (shut up, Cardinal!)

    After about 30 seconds of the first round of most of these exercises, we were pretty smoked, but the PAX pressed on and didn’t complain too much. At first, the burpees seemed a nice break from the endless curls and OHP, but that didn’t last long. The bear crawls and upper body work, followed by leg work, made the burpees more of a dreaded punishment as time went on.

    It only took about three rounds for the PAX to realize YHC had yet to have to go to the middle. It was Enron, of course, who brought it up, half joking, that it was coincidental that the Q, the guy holding the phone with the musical chairs app, seemed to have a block right next to him each time the music stopped. Now, YHC was ready for this, but it came quicker than expected. Likely, The Prosecutor’s nose for injustice was sharpened by having done multiple rounds of penalty burpees in such a short period of time. Level one of the plan was, of course, merely pressing a button on my phone, but YHC knew that wouldn’t last long, so the phone began to be carried in YHC’s pocket during the bear crawls to dissuade any accusations.

    The next level of the plan was guessed at by The Brain himself, Honeysuckle; though, he overplayed his hand by saying it out loud, which made it sound ridiculous, and the PAX had a good chuckle. He guessed that there was a sensor in each block that triggered the app.
    YHC had, indeed poured new cinder blocks the week before with sensors in them (that’s why they were so heavy, Ladybug). This meant that YHC had to move more quickly than planned to Level 3: a concrete sensor in the zip pouch on the rear of my short running shorts. It senses the proximity of dense-ish concrete blocks and sends a signal to my phone, set to stop the music after YHC passed exactly three blocks.

    This was working well, except that, by this point, Safety Valve seemed to purposefully be losing, getting caught without a block about 2 out of every 3 rounds. It evoked strong pity among the PAX, combined with Enron’s incessant accusations (“I’m telling you, he’s cheating. He’s never been to the middle, no burpees. There’s no way he doesn’t ever get caught. I’m telling you, I’m a numbers guy, and I’ve done the calculations. It doesn’t add up. It’s impossible, even for a computer, I’m telling you.”). YHC could see it in their eyes every time Safety Valve dove unsuccessfully for yet another block and then drug himself to the middle for unrelenting burpees: “What are you doing to him? He’s an eye surgeon! He has young kids! When is enough enough?” YHC’s lack of burpees could only go on so long, but just how long?

    Though Ladybug’s delight at the idea of using “World War 3” as a name for an exercise distracted the PAX for a bit, YHC knew that after a short while, Captain Strategio (Cardinal) would notice the music stopping after YHC passed exactly 3 cones, so we would need to move onto Level 4: underground wiring tracking YHC’s location relative to the blocks. This would be short-lived, however, as Popeye’s face (and modification of goblet squats) revealed that he was picking up some underground radio activity in his bum knee. We only had about 2 rounds left, so YHC was about to move to Level 5, satellite tracking, but then saw Honeysuckle messing with his watch, clearly manipulating his own satellites to check for orbital signals. So, there was only one remaining option. YHC would have to do burpees. I pretended to tie with Safety Valve as we both dove for the block, and then I offered to take one for the team to ease the collective sense of injustice he’d been a victim to at YHC’s devising.

    I’m here to tell you–those burpees were hard, especially followed by bear crawling for the umpteenth time around the circle. YHC almost felt sorry for the rest of the PAX who had all done multiple rounds in the center, but I was too distracted by trying to come up with a cover story for the unexplainable “luck” I had experienced.

    We picked up the blocks and headed back to the flag for some WW1 Situps (for Ladybug) to fill the last two minutes, then COT and Popeye prayed us out.

    Ultimately, I explained that I had picked up a strategy in Houston: wide, slow circles around the cones (dammit!) blocks, and make your way forward, nice and slowly, only once the guy ahead of you commits to the next block. It seemed to good enough for about half of the PAX, though Enron could be heard muttering at church the next morning: “I’m telling you, the numbers, I’m telling you.”

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Basketball Jones 2: Popeye Wanted Coupons – from Paradox

    “I’ve seen this disease process before” YHC sighed as he looked through the window at the man across his street. He was shooting free throw after free throw in his driveway , darting to get rebounds and boxing out his young children. They never stood a chance. Had he left cataracts on the table to come home and work on his game? The world may never know. YHC wasn’t sure how advanced the affliction was and emergent consult was needed.

    “Yup, seen this one hundreds of times , You have to treat it before it progresses“ YHCs M (who finished much higher in her respective med school class than YHC ) reported, as we watched him miss layup after layup while the sun faded over St Johns Place.

    She looked at YHC with concern and understanding …

    “You know there’s only one cure for the Basketball Jones…”

    Duke!! Stop practicing your sky hook and roll the beautiful footage!

    8 ballers strong at the Den today. YHC put out the late bat signal for a few bballs and these guys never disappoint. The Den has previously produced some deep magic (shoes/no shoes) and two separate light up basketballs from two distinct houses on a day when the lights are out on the court?! The amazingness only added to the divine mystique of the Den providing what the pax need for that days beatdown.

    Standard Warmup with Ronnie reminding YHC of his flag duties , midway through and a seamless transition setting them up. Further contributing to YHC’s theory that it will take 7-8 of us to accomplish what Goose has done alone for years. ( Dont worry , We’ll edit this out for Gooses ego later)

    Coupon Indian Run with 3 OHP drop off.

    Continues to be a crowd pleaser and chatter killer.

    At the court we confirmed we would play in the dark and I set my mind to work on investigating which eye care provider sabotaged the lights for more referrals. YHC is slowly learning the Thibodaux Eye Mafia is nothing to mess with.

    We accepted the darkness would mold us and The BBJ veterans knew there’s only one proper way to start this party…

    SONG : Basketball Jones

    Cheech and Chong version

    Hold coupon OHP with high knees

    “Basketball” is a Thruster

    OR

    Al Gore with Bobby Hurley on “basketball “.

    YHC had planned to give the pax an option of a made free throw that would save us from thrusters.

    AB got off to a hot start in his sandbagging by pretending to have never seen a basketball in his entire 48 years. Unfortunately EnValve followed suit and ya know what …why don’t we just enjoy the song. It’s a lovely , politically correct song after all.

    Next up :

    “Around the World”

    Increasing Bobby Hurleys on corners. 1-11 (in honor of our favorite Duke Alum, Mr Bobby Hurley. He was #11)
    At corner 4/ Thruster Station (reps #4, 8, 10, 6, 2)

    You can do regular scheduled reps OR go double or nothing.

    Make your free throw and you can skip your thrusters , miss your free throw and do double reps.

    Transport:

    Run -side shuffle -Nur

    This is where AB took off his Scooby Doo villain mask and revealed he was actually there to teach a dadgum free throw seminar. Honeysuckle gave him a good run but AB edged him out to win the race and listen to a few seconds of planked up Hit Team while the less fortunate pax finished. The “Cardinal phenomenon” continues to amaze me. When a man is placed between thrusters or relative comfort his body will produce unimaginable athleticism. (Or in cardinals case , Star Wars trivia)

    Da Main Event

    Putout/Gotcha/Lightning

    Standard rules

    One time only Buy back in 20 thrusters

    When out -mosey around the court perimeter

    SSH in line

    YHC continues to get a D minus in the “game explanation” category of beatdown construction and some pax thought they had multiple buy ins. When the confusion cleared and the riff raff took the penalty run it was Ronnie, AB and YHC to duke it out. Ronnie was only a few thrusters away from return when AB ended it with a timely layup. When the History books of F3 Thibodaux are written please make sure AB is in the top rankings for Sandbag Performance of 2024.

    Space Jam Finisher

    Suicides on song and None other than Bobby Hurleys on Jam.

    A wobbly legged Coupon Indian Run back to Flags.

    Push-up Pimp awarded to the Best of America for honoring the vocation with his good form and his sly dog tactics.

    Announcements: Saturday is open? May challenge is upon us.

    Prayer Intentions for retreatants, travelers.

    COT and Suckle prayed us out

    Epilogue :

    They met that evening again at the Basketball Jones Recovery Center to observe their patient through the window.

    Did the treatment take ? Was the cardio dose high enough? We would know shortly.

    Across the street, Right on cue , the patient stepped out of the Platinum Falcon and picked up a basketball .

    He held it for a few seconds remembering the scars then lined up a deep 3.

    Nothing but net.

    He left the ball to roll in the street and joined his kids on a bike ride.

    “Another case cured “ my wife whispered.

    I nodded and wiped a single tear.

    “Some men just need the space ya know ….the Space to Jam”

    SYITG

  • Don’t Bleepin’ Test Me Bro – from Piccadilly

    YHC feels a change is on the horizon and thought he would cash in on a long overdue Q session. As I arrived 5 minutes early for a change, Enron had beat me to the starting area due to what I’d assume a bad night sleep.

    The rest of the pax arrived and we began…

    Warm O Rama: ssh, Willie’s, mountain climbers, imperial walkers, self love…suddenly America’s Best appears, arm circles, cherry pickers…

    Warm up Indian run mosey around the track until everyone ran to the front one time then off to …

    THANG1

    The Bleep Test

    2 cones were set apart approximately 65 feet and the bleeps began. On first bleep, run to the next cone before the second bleep. Every so many rounds the window between bleeps gets shorter. If you don’t make it to second cone before second bleep, you fail, bye bye. After 2 fails based on the honor system, you’re out.
    Do ssh or air squats while watching rest of pax run and gasp for air…
    It was hard and highlighted my lack of fitness.
    Somehow the age before youth outlasted the lad and Honeysuckle prevailed over pope.

    THANG2

    7s

    Classic 7s starting with 6 burpees at first cone. Run to second cone and do 1 BBS. Complete til 1 burpee and 6 BBS.

    THANG3

    The Bleep Test

    It wasn’t any easier but maybe a bit harder. We, well not me but they, may have made it to round 7 in thang 1, but in thang 2 suckle and pope got to round 5 or 6. Honeysuckle prevails again. This dudes an animal.

    THANG 4

    7s : start with 6 ssh and 1 Bobby Hurley, complete til 1 ssh and 6 Bobby’s
    Then complete 50 merkins and 25 BBS on your own.

    With about 10 mins to 6 AM, we moseyed back to the flag and completed a casual Indian run around the big loop reminiscing about buttermilk biscuits and sir mix a lot.

    Maybe next time gents…we’ll cook up some pancakes.

    COT and Wet Tap prayed us out.

    Thanks fellas for digging deep with me this morning. Always a blessing and a privilege to sweat amongst you PAX.

    -Dilly

  • Tour de Tabata – from Safety Valve

    7 HIMs met in the gloom expecting to learn something from the professor this morning. Most looked a bit bewildered, and perhaps regretful for getting out for bed to experience a double valve feature this week. With YJ put on injured reserve, YHC decided he would offer his services to the PAX.

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Mountain climbers
    Imperial walkers
    Willy mays hays
    Arm circles forward and backward

    Thang – starting at the lion

    YHC has been frightened by the cardio fitness of the PAX lately. Since RCR in February the cardio has slacked off. With the exception of Lil Cuz, YHC has not been impressed. We tried to remedy some of that today. Since YHC would rather be next to AB while doing gas pumps than complete a 10 minute dialogue between each thang, today’s beatdown was designed to have as little mumble chatter as possible.

    Tabata
    5 minutes – 20 seconds all out 10 seconds rest
    Alternating burpees and mountain climbers

    Mosey to Sherwin Williams parking lot

    Tabata
    5 minutes – 20 seconds all out 10 seconds rest
    Alternating Merkins and jump squats

    Mosey to “the garden”. Interesting smells coming from this place today. Not sure if the veggies were rotting or someone was trying to ferment cabbage for wine making purposes.

    Tabata
    5 minutes – 20 seconds all out 10 seconds rest
    Alternating SSH and squats

    Mosey to far end of the reservoir to Edward Jones parking lot. If anyone needs a good financial advisor, they have a nice building and lots of parking.

    Tabatha
    5 minutes – 20 seconds all out 10 seconds rest
    Alternating V ups and LBCs

    Mosey back to lion. At this point Enron was so enraged with AB’s and YHC’s Edward Jones comments, he let loose all his rage at once. AB said that he could even taste it.

    5 minutes – 30ish seconds all out 15ish seconds rest
    Suicides between sidewalks

    0600 came, COT commenced, The rugby jersey went from suckle to smooth for his consistent leadership on Warrior Wednesday, YHC received the pimp from Enron for some unknown reason.

    Thanks for showing up. Always a pleasure to lead.