9 strong at the den on a crisp first day of February. A fine month for running. YHC had three objectives today: Unravel an 80s album cover mystery, Camouflage running with a point system and continue to honor the life of service lived by Bishop Dorsonville.
The RCR hype train was at a full speed choo choo by Wednesday evening and now it was time to back up the chatter with some work.
Duke! Its Run Cajun Run month
Stop carb loading and roll the beautiful footage.
Warmup
SSH- IW- toy soldiers – AC both ways
Noted that YHC, Valve and Ronnie were outnumberd 3-6 by the Built this Thibby enemy squadron today. With Honeysuckles 1000 mile stare after showing up on foot and Popeyes safety vest they are an intimidating bunch. Return of JV can only hope CVS runs out of knee braces and Metamucil soon. Cant wait to see how Darth Fartsack responds to this attack on his teammates.
Continued warm up…
YHC met Bishop Dorsonville at OLOPs this summer and along with sharing repeated jokes about Cardinals arm circles with him I was also drawn to how he made complete strangers comfortable with silly jokes. Still cracks me up thinking of it and that’s where we’ll begin this beatdown, with the power of humor to break the ice …or sore muscles.
I’m not sure if you guys grew up with a single hilarious trigger word in your childhood. But for YHC if there was a single noun that turned YHC and his siblings into cackling hyenas it was “commode”. Even now as a semi grown man of 35 years it makes me giggle. I can’t really explain why but just the mention of it , especially by some older prim and proper family member in polite context would set off such a riot that only threatened bodily harm could contain us. So on Tuesday Tuff when Goose and Popeye convinced YHC that there was an actual band called Depeche Mode it triggered YHCs 8 year old brain into snickering all day that it sounded like a really really fancy French toilet. Which brings us to today’s extended warmup. YHC had a song ready and requested the Artist, # of band members and meaning of the aforementioned artist . Goose saw this one coming a mile away and was ready and waiting to help the pax take 30 seconds of pain away by guessing Depeche Mode ( before a single note played ), AB deducted another 30 by correctly guessing 4 original band members. No luck on finding the meaning of this mysterious phrase but I hope today as you sit upon your commode and think about it , that your bowel movement is neither fashionable nor hurried.
– Depeche Mode
“just can’t get enough “
High Knees/Butt Kicks
Burpee on “Get enough”
We got enough.
-The Thang
With the knees high and and butts kicked we checked off objective #1.
YHC now switched gears into our main run event. Several of us today would likely attend or honor the celebration of life for Bishop Dorsonville. Even in his short time here quite a few of our pax had interactions or bonds with him that will last a lifetime. In prayer and reflection two major points stuck out to me that I wanted to highlight. Both points deal with the unknown variables that God may ask us to accept in His will.
Bishop couldn’t have known much about this little bayou community and even more unknown was how long he would be here. He dove into both with unrelenting service until he was called home.
So to honor the act of service with unknown variables YHC built a run course with 4 options.
The exercise at the station and the time of rounds would be a mystery.
You can complete any station as many times as you want or not at all.
The Stations:
(Measured via strava)
#1 1/8th mile – 1 point
to top of reservoir and back – bearcrawl to top, 10 Bonnie Blair’s , bearcrawl to the bottom
#2 1/4 mile – 1 lap around auditorium , at cone complete 10 no cheat merkins , run back
#3 1/3 mile – to bball court
15 star jumps at cone
-cone flip option, 5 tries and if you land it you can skip the star jumps. Miss and you double the reps.
#4 1/2 mile
Far side of reservoir and complete the loop. 15 Jillian Michaels
-optional dice roll to reduce your Reps or increase (5-30 on dice)
Complete all 4 – (3 point bonus)
YHC added distraction options at station 3-4 to highlight that even when Gods plan for us is clear there will always be other paths that look easy or even fruitful. Some may even utilize our natural talents and through prayer may be useful. I left it to the pax to choose wisely.
Round 1 – Solo (12 minutes)
– YHC loved watching AB and Goose pick the course apart. These guys are bloodhounds for the most efficient points in a game.
– Several pax took the honorable path at completing all 4 distances but Jillian Michael was not a fan favorite.
– In the end Pope got some after the whistle credit and edged out AB 19-16. Pope gave us a respectable 20 lunges and we thanked him.
Round 2 – (10 min)
split into teams but 1 pax must stay at home base doing SSH at all times (swaps out)
-the secret was now out that station 3 was the best run for your money and both teams headed there in a wad of heavy breathing. The cone flipping didn’t get any easier and many star jumps were done .
Team 2 was the victor 40-36 and doled out 10 tempo merkins.
Thang Finale : 3 min 20 seconds
Bob Seger – Against the wind
YHC dialed up a little Bob Seger for some February run hype and after some discussion the pax decided correctly that it, just like awful British techno, had been released in 1980.
Random Ab exercises on song with leg raise on “against the wind”
Counting, Naming , Investing
Valve passed along the investment to the cone flipping savant AB who , dare I say it, wore it in a hurried fashion!
Announcement:
RCR – Log your miles
Swag is on link if you want to support the charities further.
Feb 17 It’s Only a Mile
Bunkhouse this Sunday
Text me if you want in or would like to provide a side or rolls. (Serve 30-50)
Leave from stage at 4:20
Back by 6:30ish
COT and Lox prayed us out
Men, I’m grateful for the opportunity to lead you and to be strengthened by your own examples of service.
YHC pulled up at least 7 or 8 minutes early to find overly-zealous Enron and Paradox at the Stage, arriving early to gossip. The rest of the PAX poured in, slowly, gradually, like some sort of sweet viscous substance…
Warmarama – typical SSH, toy soldiers, windmills, arm circles, then a curve ball… butt-kicks straight into high knees? For some men, the muscle memory kicked in, and the knees went up before the brains even knew what was happening. Overall, there seemed to be a very mixed reaction to this, and YHC was afraid for a moment there may be a Q coup.
Pre-thang:
Last time YHC put on a “Free Solo” beatdown, we had extra time and went into an OT “make it stop” name that tune-athon. Due to this, and with RCR coming up, YHC decided to start this one with a run.
Indian Run while the Wu-Thang plunked out music of mostly bands with misleading names. The goal is to guess how many band members are in said band. The difference between your guess and the actual is the number of exercises we do at each stop.
Popeye impressed, calling out Arcade Fire immediately, and them even more impressively, MJ knew (or guessed?) that there were 5 members. No extra work!
The Thompson Twins were next, and of course the trick was that there are 3 members, but we only had to do one merkin, as Wet Tap was called upon and (understandably) guessed 2.
Next we nurred, as a hint, hoping someone could guess “Feels like we Only Go Backwards” by Tame Impala. The guess was 4, but there is only one member in this “band.” We did 3 BBS.
The next was my favorite, and it was even better because we had already done BBS and merkins, so the next had to be burpees. Nobody knew the Polyphonic Spree song (also titled “Hold Me Now”) so our buy in was 5 burpees.
Pope was called upon to be the scapegoat (by the way, the person who was randomly chosen to guess each time was the person who happened to stop closest to the streetlight).
Pope guessed 5 (I think, or 8), but there are 27 members of this ridiculous band, so either way it was Samsonite. So we did a lot of burpees.
Goose nailed Bungle in the Jungle by Jethro Tull, and someone (Enron) knew there were 4 members. No extra work. Honeysuckle called Superman by Five for Fighting, but Dox thought there were most likely 5 members of this one-man band.
Back at the start for the Real Thang: FREE SOLO 2
The Rules: A solo from a song is played while we all do some kind of work. The song is curated for a single individual in the attending PAX. 3 things with slightly different results occur:
1. The person for whom the song was chosen IDs the song. Result= all PAX bear crawl 20 yards “free” of gear (coupon), then lunge walk back. Everyone takes “victory lap.”
2. Some other dude identifies the song, freeing himself from the burden of the coupon. Everyone else block-bears up and lunge-walks with coupon back. Dude takes a victory lap while rest of PAX continues work.
3. Nobody IDs the song everyone murder-bunnies up, and rifle carries back, then does “sprint of defeat” to flag and back
As we began, Wet Tap busted out of the gates like a thing that busts out of gates busting out of a gate.
He ID’d the first two songs without even knowing what was happening, stealing Dox’s and Pope’s songs as well as Pope’s thunder. And he took 2 victory laps in a row while we continued the work.
Popeye’s musical chops impressed again, identifying his solo from “When Doves Cry.”
YHC was downright giddy when he saw Goldilox pull in this morning… I’ve been waiting to play this smooth jazz sax solo from “Too Hot.” Nobody knew the song… I guess all these Millennials think “Kool and the Gang” is just something Samuel L. Jackson said. (And in case you missed it, “too hot” is something Goldilocks said).
Enron ID’d “Money” but YHC suspects fowl play. No, not foul.
“Honeybee” Tom Petty. Nobody knows that old fart, apparently.
For the fledgling pilot, “Learning to Fly.” Again. Free Solo 1 brought us this song by old fart Tom Petty. This time, same title, different song, different band. Nobody knew it.
Overall, I know, too much Pink Floyd.
Evident next during what is arguably one of the best and most recognizable guitar solos ever. As we did thrusters, Goose prodded Wet Tap to ID “Comfortably Numb.”
Tap’s response: “I’d rather just keep doing Thrusters.”
(Time ran out before Dilly’s and MJ’s songs could be unveiled… to be concluded)
COT: Count-o-rama, Name-o-rama,
Animal was bestowed upon Picadilly.
Honey-o-rama courtesy of The Beekeeper (aka Honeysuckle)
Thanks for putting up with my nonsense once again, fellas.
YHC pulled up at least 7 or 8 minutes early to find overly-zealous Enron and Paradox at the Stage, arriving early to gossip. The rest of the PAX poured in, slowly, gradually, like some sort of sweet viscous substance…
Warmarama – typical SSH, toy soldiers, windmills, arm circles, then a curve ball… butt-kicks straight into high knees? For some men, the muscle memory kicked in, and the knees went up before the brains even knew what was happening. Overall, there seemed to be a very mixed reaction to this, and YHC was afraid for a moment there may be a Q coup.
Pre-thang:
Last time YHC put on a “Free Solo” beatdown, we had extra time and went into an OT “make it stop” name that tune-athon. Due to this, and with RCR coming up, YHC decided to start this one with a run.
Indian Run while the Wu-Thang plunked out music of mostly bands with misleading names. The goal is to guess how many band members are in said band. The difference between your guess and the actual is the number of exercises we do at each stop.
Popeye impressed, calling out Arcade Fire immediately, and them even more impressively, MJ knew (or guessed?) that there were 5 members. No extra work!
The Thompson Twins were next, and of course the trick was that there are 3 members, but we only had to do one merkin, as Wet Tap was called upon and (understandably) guessed 2.
Next we nurred, as a hint, hoping someone could guess “Feels like we Only Go Backwards” by Tame Impala. The guess was 4, but there is only one member in this “band.” We did 3 BBS.
The next was my favorite, and it was even better because we had already done BBS and merkins, so the next had to be burpees. Nobody knew the Polyphonic Spree song (also titled “Hold Me Now”) so our buy in was 5 burpees.
Pope was called upon to be the scapegoat (by the way, the person who was randomly chosen to guess each time was the person who happened to stop closest to the streetlight).
Pope guessed 5 (I think, or 8), but there are 27 members of this ridiculous band, so either way it was Samsonite. So we did a lot of burpees.
Goose nailed Bungle in the Jungle by Jethro Tull, and someone (Enron) knew there were 4 members. No extra work. Honeysuckle called Superman by Five for Fighting, but Dox thought there were most likely 5 members of this one-man band.
Back at the start for the Real Thang: FREE SOLO 2
The Rules: A solo from a song is played while we all do some kind of work. The song is curated for a single individual in the attending PAX. 3 things with slightly different results occur:
1. The person for whom the song was chosen IDs the song. Result= all PAX bear crawl 20 yards “free” of gear (coupon), then lunge walk back. Everyone takes “victory lap.”
2. Some other dude identifies the song, freeing himself from the burden of the coupon. Everyone else block-bears up and lunge-walks with coupon back. Dude takes a victory lap while rest of PAX continues work.
3. Nobody IDs the song everyone murder-bunnies up, and rifle carries back, then does “sprint of defeat” to flag and back
As we began, Wet Tap busted out of the gates like a thing that busts out of gates busting out of a gate.
He ID’d the first two songs without even knowing what was happening, stealing Dox’s and Pope’s songs as well as Pope’s thunder. And he took 2 victory laps in a row while we continued the work.
Popeye’s musical chops impressed again, identifying his solo from “When Doves Cry.”
YHC was downright giddy when he saw Goldilox pull in this morning… I’ve been waiting to play this smooth jazz sax solo from “Too Hot.” Nobody knew the song… I guess all these Millennials think “Kool and the Gang” is just something Samuel L. Jackson said. (And in case you missed it, “too hot” is something Goldilocks said).
Enron ID’d “Money” but YHC suspects fowl play. No, not foul.
“Honeybee” Tom Petty. Nobody knows that old fart, apparently.
For the fledgling pilot, “Learning to Fly.” Again. Free Solo 1 brought us this song by old fart Tom Petty. This time, same title, different song, different band. Nobody knew it.
Overall, I know, too much Pink Floyd.
Evident next during what is arguably one of the best and most recognizable guitar solos ever. As we did thrusters, Goose prodded Wet Tap to ID “Comfortably Numb.”
Tap’s response: “I’d rather just keep doing Thrusters.”
(Time ran out before Dilly’s and MJ’s songs could be unveiled… to be concluded)
COT: Count-o-rama, Name-o-rama,
Animal was bestowed upon Picadilly.
Honey-o-rama courtesy of The Beekeeper (aka Honeysuckle)
Thanks for putting up with my nonsense once again, fellas.
“My brethren, consider it a cause of great joy whenever you endure various trials, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith will develop perseverance.4 And let perseverance complete its work so that you may become perfect and complete, and not be deficient in any respect.”
James 1: 2-4
——————————–
‘Tis the season of resolutions. New year, new me. Keto diets and less sodas. Time to pass on the second helping of cake and put down the crack pipe.
For men of faith, it is a season of renewed vigor in our relationship with God. It is a time for reflection, humility, and self denial. We are inclined to pause, take an account, and look up. Words like ‘trust’, ‘surrender’, and ‘vulnerability’ swirl around in our heads, desperately trying to make a connection with our hearts. It’s confusing, frustrating, infuriating, inspiring, exciting, terrifying…
…at least that’s how YHC has been feeling. Perhaps an outlier, but doubtful.
As such, heading into this Thursday’s Q at the Lion’s Den, YHC recalled an intriguing idea shared by Goose during the three-year F3 Thib manniversary. He shared that he prayed about his beatdown designs, letting the Lord lead…you know, about what might be best for a group of men… gathered in faith. Crazy, right?
So, that’s what YHC did. What came was a glaring opportunity to share YHC’s struggles in his faith journey…something that required ‘trust’, ‘surrender’, and ‘vulnerability’. Interesting.
———————————
The beatdown would consist of five rounds, taking the Pax through their own faith journey. The ultimate goal would be to sprint for10 minutes without a break at the end. However, before we could sprint, we needed to learn how to walk, jump, lunge, and crawl.
As YHC neared completing the design, it was clear that there was a gap. Something was missing. After some more prayer, YHC realized that part of his struggle was…well…prayer.
So, at the end of each round of the faith journey, YHC needed an exercise that would represent our struggle and growth in our prayer lives. But what? The Exicon offered nothing of substance. Maybe some ‘we’re not worthy’s’, but YHC didn’t want Goose to bring 20 coupons. Prayer pose in squat position? Nope, looked too much like a Buddha stance…like Paradox holding Al Gore.
THEN, the answer was served up on a plate of spinach with a side of smirk and ‘be all you can be’ snark. Popeye quipped to Paradox that YHC’s Apolo Ohno form was unacceptable. Now, YHC is not an overly sensitive lad, but to publicly challenge another man’s form is a serious accusation and bears the burden of proof in a court of kangaroos.
Yes, yes, ENRON. I hear you all the way in Mobile…the previous sentence may be the most hypocritical statement ever uttered in F3 Thibodaux. YHC has indeed been known to publicly challenge men about their form. But if it pleases this corrupt court, I offer the following evidence.
Exhibit A: Montana’s AIR SQUATS (like standing geriatric monkey humpers)
Exhibit B: Paradox’s MERKIN where his waist touches the ground with arms still fully extended (like ⅓ merkin, ⅓ pickle pounder, ⅓ cobra)
Exhibit C: Enron’s JUMP ROPE (there is no description…it’s just uncanny)
Exhibit D: Popeye’s BONNIE BLAIR’s (like a depressed MC Hammer shuffle after learning that Z Cavaricci’s went out of fashion)
Exhibit E: Cardinal’s ARM CIRCLES just rotating at the elbow…no shoulders required
Exhibit F: America’s Best’s THRUSTERS where the only thing he’s thrusting is Dave Matthews’ inexplicable existence into our ears. (It’s almost as bad as Dox’s entire catalog of music. Almost.)
—————————————-
Ok, so the Apolo Ohno. An Exicon favorite in tribute to the two-time Olympic gold medalist speed skater. YHC was mildly aware that he could put more effort into the exercise, perhaps getting lower to the ground, but it was more of a style choice. That said, after watching a few videos of Mr. Ohno’s form, closely studying the mechanics of his crossover cornering techniques, and asking around (for a friend, of course), the verdict was crystal clear.
YHC’s form was off. I mean…WAY OFF. Like, Samsonite luggage way off. How did this happen? How did it come to this? Why didn’t anyone say anything before? Just like realizing for the first time that your endowment is only average size…at best, part of my world came tumbling down. A house of cards.
Regardless, YHC now had his secondary theme to represent the morphing struggle of his prayer life.
———————————–
How It Started
As we moved through Warmarama, YHC included some Apolo Ohno’s as a teaser before the reveal. Here, it was immediately apparent that YHC’s form had NOT improved since watching the videos. I shushed Goose, pretending it was all part of the plan and we proceeded to the thang.
The Thang
For each round, the PAX would endure a stage of their faith journey interrupted by a different take on the Apolo Ohno. The versions were close, but a bit awkward…and though uncomfortable and hard, still somehow enriching.
Round 1
– Spider-Man crawl to cone
– 25 That’s A No-hno – In honor of the No-No king, Nolan Ryan and a nod to landing seven uppercuts to Robin Ventura’s face: Apollo Ohno form on the side crossover, but mimicking the Nolan Ryan arm movements normally done in side plank.
– Reverse Spider-Man back to start
– Chilcutt Peter Parkers to wait for pax
————————————-
So here we are. At this point, you have made a valiant effort. Excited to launch down a path of walking closer with God, you’ve managed to endure something rather difficult. Then it seems, you find yourself right back where you started.
However, the question becomes, “Are you? Are you right back where you started?” For YHC, it often feels like running in circles or like taking two steps forward and 100 back. That said, regardless of where you are (physically, spiritually, psychologically), have you taken the time to reflect on where you’ve just been? Are you sure you haven’t grown? Learned? Armed with some shaky, hesitant confidence, you keep fighting the good fight. You might try to take on more though it may feel like sometimes your legs are being cut out from under you.
Round 2
– Boo boo bear crawl (three legged) with left leg up to cone
– 25 Only Bo-noh’s – commemorating one of the greatest dual threats in history, Bo Jackson. Specifically, in memory of that time when he broke a bat over his head after striking out!
Arms up on either side of head pulling down like breaking a bat over your head
– Boo boo bear crawl with right leg back to start
– Chilcutt Peter Parkers to wait for pax
————————————–
Once again, you find yourself seemingly (and frustratingly) near where you started. You’ve suffered a bit more, limping along. This time, however, you are perhaps a bit more willing to pause and reflect. Maybe you acknowledge that you may not have to be in such a hurry. You’re starting to actually consider at a deeper level the concepts of ‘trust’, ‘surrender’, and ‘sacrifice’. The initial euphoria has started to ebb. You move forward, but with caution and A LOT more questions. As such, you take long, slow strides (with knees TOUCHING the ground, Popeye).
Round 3
– Flying nuns to cone
– 25 Ronnie Oh Hell-nohs – In acknowledgement of Enron’s impeccable merkins form and impressive prowess…On either side of the crossover side step, drop down for a merkin (50 total merkins)
– Reverse flying nun to start
– Chilcutt Peter Parkers to wait for pax
——————————————–
“And David danced before the Lord with all his might…” 2 Samuel 6:14
At this point, you only thought your journey had been difficult. The last experience was a wake-up call: It can get a lot tougher. It nearly killed you.
Except, it didn’t kill you. Actually, as you reflect (more naturally now), you realize that it wasn’t that bad. Not only did you persevere, you feel stronger. What’s more is that you realize you might have even liked the struggle. Not from a sense of misguided martyrdom, but rather from a place of genuine humility. Whoa. What am I going to do now? It’s a new kind of scary. Perhaps there is a sense of empowerment derived not from pride, but from freedom. Real freedom. If you’re like YHC, you’re skeptical, you fight the urge to give in. This ‘surrender’ is even more terrifying when you realize you might be capable of letting go. Regardless, you’re fired up, but you don’t know how to run. Not yet. So you leap.
“…the baby leaped in her womb…” Luke 1: 41
Round 4
– Broad jumps to cone
– 25 Yankee Jeaux-noh’s – Jump squat in between each ohno for a total of 25 jump squats.
– Crab walk back to start
– Chilcutt Peter Parkers to wait for pax
—————————————-
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”
Romans 5: 3-5
It is time to stand up. You are ready to run, while thanking God for the gift of wisdom to know when you should crawl. And the courage to do so. You may realize that these trials were and will always be part of the journey. Like Job, you might start to look at the setbacks as a Grace. For YHC, the distractions are not borne from difficulty, but rather because I put those things first. What if…just what if I were to give God the first fruits? Give Him all of it?
You’re ready to run. You can stop whenever you feel like it. Whenever you feel like you have no more room to grow and that you’ve arrived at the pinnacle of your existence.
You can stop.
BUTTTT…you’re a man! You need metrics. You track outcomes. You crave structure. You compete to reach a destination. It might occur to you that there IS NO destination. There is no finish line. There is no rest. Well…we are promised that there is…
…but not in this life, Sucka.
Round 5
– Sprint to embankment (approx. 60 yards) and crawl up hill
– Let Your Yes Be Yes and Your No Be No-hno’s – 25 Apolo Ohno’s…real, authentic, perfectly formed Apolo Ohno’s
– Sprint back to start
– Repeato until time is called (approx. 10 minutes)
——————————————
COT, ANIMAL went to MOM JEANS, and Honeysuckle prayed us out.
Final Thought
As I was demonstrating the broad jump squats in Round 4, I snarkily warned against incorrect form. I showed what poor form looked like. Then, I attempted to demonstrate the correct form. I then proceeded to FULLY bust my backside and landed flat on my six.
Humility is a moving target. Once you think you got it, it’s gone.
YHC was in the process of building a fun Saturday beatdown when Cardinal called with some devastating news: Bishop Dorsonville had passed away at 6:50pm from complications due to to treatment of liver issues. He had been dealing with a lot of pretty major medical stuff over the past couple of months, but he wasn’t anywhere near death, so this came as a shock to everyone. After some time grieving with the M and connecting with friends and family, YHC knew there was still a beatdown to be built for the morning, and the original theme wasn’t gonna work anymore. A solid tribute would be the only appropriate way to move forward.
F3 tributes are usually put together for fallen soldiers or policemen killed in the line of duty, and they’re defined by a single, very difficult routine that provides for maximum effort to honor the fallen. Though not a soldier or a policeman, Bishop Mario Dorsonville offered his life deeply and continuously for the people of the Diocese of Houma-Thibodaux in a uniquely heroic way, and his untimely death deserves such a tribute.
When he was named Bishop of Houma-Thibodaux, he had no idea where it was or what to expect, but he accepted it as the Lord’s will and resolutely headed this way. After his installation, he told me (on multiple occasions and with deep, passionate sincerity) that this was not going to be a stop on the way to a bigger assignment for him. He had already made up his mind and had communicated to his superiors that these would be his people for the rest of his life. These would be the people to whom he would belong, and they would belong to him until his death or retirement. He had no family left on earth outside of some distant relatives back in Colombia, and he didn’t know anyone here. But, he quickly connected with YHC’s family and with Cardinal and his family. Cardinal would become his secretary, his right hand man in all things, his brother in every sense of the word, his companion on the journey. We just had no idea the journey would be so short.
The PAX gathered in the cold gloom and YHC was grateful to sink into what has become a strong brotherhood, a team of HIMs defined by gratitude and humble grit. It was nice to enter that circle and let the chatter wash over us. YHC could tell the 2.0’s were grateful for that, too–they were close with Bishop, like an uncle, and they had just received the hard news that morning in the truck on the way there.
A warmup of the usuals, including the introduction of what YHC labeled “Lafayette Nightclubs”, a weird but extremely effective arm exercise experienced in Lafayette a couple of weeks ago (they called them “Moroccan Night Clubs”, but anyone who’s been to Morocco knows better). It starts with hands up, elbows down at your sides, then extend up and outward about 45 degrees before coming back down. This one’s quickly becoming one of YHC’s favorites since it works out an area that’s been hard to loosen up.
Also, Duke unwittingly provided some comic relief as he covered his whole face with his knit had to ward off the cold wind and kept drifting into Safety Valve’s circle of safety and windmilling him in the face. I think he actually wore it like that for the entire warmup.
YHC then explained what we’d be doing and why–some of the PAX knew already and some didn’t–and we split into teams of three, grabbed one coupon per team, and headed to the lower field.
The tribute would consist of a Dora-like routine wherein teams of three would complete the following exercises/reps:
-B: Burpees 200
-I: Imperial Walkers 300
-S: Side Straddle Hops 400
-H: Heels to Heaven 300
-O: Ono’s (Apolo Ono’s) 200 (2:1)
-P: Peter Parker Merkins 100
There were two cones set up about 15 yards apart, and while one of the trio chipped away at the burpees, another at the other cone started on the Imperial Walkers, and the third traveled from the first to the second via block-and-bear. Upon arrival, he took over on the Imperial Walker reps, and the second traversed back via block-and-bear to take over on burpees. Once a rep count was completed, that side would move onto the next letter’s exercise.
Yankee Joe came running over just as YHC was completing the explanation, but unfortunately, he made number 13, so we had to send him all the way back to grab another coupon so he could join one of the groups and make a foursome, requiring two men to block-and-bear together. He didn’t complain, though, and shared that he had heard about Bishop that morning, and though he may not have planned to be there otherwise, he had rushed out to the door to support YHC. That was deeply moving, and YHC was almost sorry to have to put him through such a grueling routine…almost.
It started rough and remained rough throughout, especially with the cold coupons numbing the fingers, making it hard to tell if you were fully gripping the block on the pulls. But, the variations of exercises and switching between them made it a little more doable (a little). Once all had finished except Suckle and AB (that’s how you know there may have been some widespread form-fudging), the rest of the PAX took 5 PPMerkins apiece to fill the gap, and we lined up for the next movement.
Indian Run via the road to the far gate (by the chimney field), the last guy dropping to do 3 genuflections before running to the front. This was tougher than it otherwise would have been, obviously because of the effort that was just poured in by the PAX, and the cold wind was a-blowin’. Once we arrived at the gate, YHC called a halt to share some words and an explanation of what we’d be doing next.
Bishop Dorsonville loved intensely. He yearned for familial relationships, and he naturally gave himself over, opening his heart wide to those he encountered. This was often exhausting for him, especially as he encountered more and more people here, and many of them weren’t always sure how to receive such an intense, sincere, familial love. This was painful for him, particularly since he had no family or friends here to fall back on, no place to be safe and comfortable with people who knew his heart, to whom he already belonged. But, he didn’t stop. He continued to press on and show up and pour himself out, praying for strength and growing connections with people here. Thankfully, Cardinal’s prayer led him to say yes to the request to be Bishop’s full-time secretary (which is more of like a partner/assistant), and God allowed he and his family to provide a “home” for him. God also allowed YHC and family to give him some harbor in the storm when he’d visit the house to feel at home with the mess and beauty of family life.
To honor this intense, often painful journey of pouring himself out unreservedly for the people here, we would run as hard as we could from there via the road to the parking area in front of the main building, just past the Thunderdome. It was about 1/3 of a mile, which was long enough to be friggin’ hard, but not long enough to get into a groove or find a good pace. He was the Bishop for only 9 months, which was long enough to be deeply difficult but not long enough to get comfortable.
YHC sent Yote and the 2.0’s on the shorter route between the fields, and we lined up. On signal, we took off at a hard pace and kept it hard–YHC could hear the footsteps of Suckle not far behind, and the rest were not far behind him. The body was exhausted, but we had a good reason to offer it up, to not measure how much more we could take, especially because we knew it would end soon enough. This part hit YHC hard, and the tears wanted to take over, but the opportunity to pour it all out and the support of this awesome crew provided the drive needed to put the pedal to the metal. (And, it almost provided YHC’s first career pukeage, too.)
We went down to the field and grabbed the gear before heading back to the flag for COT, and Dox prayed us out, all of us focusing on Cardinal’s grief and Bishop’s eternal rest.
Thanks, again, gentlemen, for your support and for entering into an unforeseen tribute beatdown in sub-freezing temperatures. F3 continues to be a deeper, more important gift than I know any of us could’ve ever expected.
Isn’t it funny that you always want the thing you can’t have? YHC and a number of the PAX are in a period of not eating sweets, so to channel the newfound desire for anything with sugar, YHC dove into the exicon to see what sweet treats could be unearthed. After a little thought, a beatdown was born.
Warmorama was almost the standard fare (IW, WM, AC, HK, BK, SL) except knowing what was coming next, SSH were skipped. This presented to be a real issue for a number of the PAX and was perhaps the most controversial part of the whole beatdown.
All chatter was quickly silenced by the next thang – featuring the classic “I Want Candy” by Aaron Carter. The PAX would to SSH for the duration of the song, with a burpee on every time they hear “candy.” If you made it through the brutal marathon at the end, that’s 26 burpees in just over 3 minutes.
After that, we moved into Double Apple Sauce, a 2-column Indian run where the last man in one line would run to the front of the other. This was met with varied success, looking beautifully choreographed at times and looking like a mob at other times.
We ended at the baseball field, where the PAX were introduced to the Sugar Cookie. In the outfield, PAX did called Scuba Steve’s and leg raises, then sprinted to home plate to do 20 hand release merkins and 20 BBSU. Ideally, the dew from the grass would leave the PAX nicely coated like a sugar cookie. Alas, the moisture wasn’t there, but it was still a killer thang.
We then DAS’d again to Aldi’s (possessive because that’s how you do it) parking lot for some Apple Turnover races – switching between bear crawl and crab walk. After that, round 2 was a Hot Apple Turnover – crawl bear and walk crabs. The PAX pushed and showed their prowess (or lack thereof) in each leg of the race.
We moseyed back to the flag for 5 minutes of people’s choice MARY- which featured Dr. W’s and dolphin hops to no one’s surprise.
COT and Goose prayed us out. Mom Jeans bestowed the VEST upon Smooth for pushing harder than anyone, both on and off the court so to speak.
Grateful to the PAX for letting me take them on a sweet journey! Till next time…
“Every morning in Africa a gazelle wakes up and knows it must be faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed.
Every morning in Africa a lion wakes up and knows it must be faster than the slowest gazelle or it will starve.
It doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle, when the sun comes up you better be running “
-African proverb
Todays beatdown inspiration was a bit of a “give a mouse a cookie” situation. YHC recently saw the above quote and tucked it away into the “beatdown ingredient “folder for later. Shortly after that YHC read a Nola backblast (shoutout to Charmin) with a “catch me if you can” modification called lions and gazelles. Shortly after THAT Gooses new years beatdown had pax 1 mile run times posted and YHC wondered what type of burpee handicap would put the pax on an equal running field. The blend was coming together, was just missing another ingredient when I saw my 2.0s running scared in the yard…hmmm….a dash of fear…just right! Now just need a heat source to cook this meal …or perhaps …perhaps this is a dish best served cold…
Duke!! Get away from that watering hole and roll that beautiful beatdown footage!
7 pax fought through icy windshields and hastily searched pants drawers to get better on a Tuesday Tuff at the stage. 25 degrees at alarm time with 15 mph wind puts us at a respectable F3 nation GMI of 14 (32-current degree F plus PAX attendance). We felt the kindred spirit with our F3 brothers in the northeast and midwest that call this weather “spring” .
YHC started the partner work early at home when attempting to unfreeze the truck too late but Valve was ready and waiting with the cutting-edge Ford technology across the street so we headed down 308 together silently waiting to see if Yankee ever found pants. Team Platinum soon found Goose and Ronnie (with leg coverings!) loitering in the cold with Jeaux and Popeye close behind.
Today’s goals were simple. Never stop moving and get the pax home with all their fingers and toes and wives leggings intact.
Warmup
Heavy Cardio warmup with a double dose of MCs to get the heart charged and blood to the fingers if only for a second.
Continued Warmup
Indian Run around Richmans Loop to let the pax see the Serengeti and prime the watering holes (drop off cones)
Drop off to 3 Jillian Michael’s (haven’t missed those)
YHC tried to find the song that would transport the pax to a sunny tropical state of mind so we ran while the Beach Boys told us about a place way down in Kokomo. This served to warm our hearts for about 2 seconds until turning the corner on the flat land of richmans loop and feeling the full force of the wind. We did not get there fast or take it slow and the Beach Boys would be ashamed but we did end up where we wanted to go and picked up a wild Dilly while out in the bush!
Da Main Thang a Lang
LIONS VS GAZELLES
Da Rules:
-Lion starts by doing 15 burpees while gazelles take off from starting line
-Gazelles must do assigned exercise and reps at each “watering holes” before progressing
-the lion can kill (tag) you at any time and is immune from watering hole exercises
-You can only run forward
-Pax must stay on the road
-When tagged you are “dead “, complete 10 burpees and mosey back to starting line
-if you make it back “home” no penalty
-The lion will do 2 penalty burpees for every living gazelle who makes it home.
Round 1
Lion Goose vs Gazelle PAX—Score: Goose 6 Gazelles 0
Gazelles made a respectable trek to in between the second and third watering hole before Lion Goose unleashed carnage. The ever cunning strategist Lion Goose ran down the leaders in cold blood then circled back for the rest. I shudder to think what Pope will do in this format.
Round 2
Lion Jeaux vs Gazelle PAX- Score Jeax 1 Gazelles 5
Only change is 10 merkins which in Jeaux’s defense went much quicker than YHC expected and may have put us ahead early. Most of the gazelles made it home to their families. Lion Jeaux did not starve but later commented that the Gazelle Dilly was “a little gamey” for him. Sadly there will be a zoo truck coming soon to “transfer him to a better place”.
Round 3
Lion Popeye vs Gazelle PAX- Score Pop 6 Gazelles 0
12 Burpees for the Lion this round to start, 5 Jump Squats at watering holes.
Lion runs forward while pax Nur and stare down our impending death. YHC tilted this one a touch in the favor of the Lion to ensure maximum effort. The nur/jump squat combo took the gazelles down fast and Popeye came around the first bend of Richmans loop like a persistent tank rolling down gazelles with reckless abandon. He took YHC and Goose just after cone 2 with a gentle tap that and nod that it was time death and for more burpees.
Round 4 – Partner race for home
P1 sprint to next light and MC
P2 MC till p1 is stopped at next light
YHC sowed some confusion early by saying leap frog but performing something different. The pax adjusted well and every team stayed in close contention.
Formed up to finish a standard Indian run home with a sprint finish
Just enough time for a little Proud Mary, this is an old Goose classic and never gets old
Assorted abs on the song with Big Boys on “Rolling”.
Just before the song we realized the wind had taken down Ole Glory on our shovel flag. Goose fiddled with putting it back together but he is not one to miss a session of Mary so he resolutely held the stars and stripes up and off the ground while torching abdominals down below. Never been prouder of my site Q.
The Counting, the Naming and we found ANIMAL inside of the seventeenth layer of YJs clothes. It was given to Pop in honor of his Gazelle feast in round 3.
Announcements:
RCR sign ups and prep
It’s Only a Mile – Feb 17th
COT and Ronnie prayed us out
Moleskin:
We can be motivated, at least temporarily, by many things.
There can be comfort (Kokomo in 25 degrees weather), control (how many reps?), fear (is that Popeye or the grim reaper?). These are mostly internal motivations that we reach for in the face of adversity. But what the pax of F3 Thibodaux consistently teach YHC is the value of an external motivation. One detached from my own needs and desires. Reaching outside of oneself for your children, your spouse or just that sweaty dude next to you who keeps making 3 inches jokes. When we find this extra gear of shared suffering it’s amazing to see the reservoir of strength that God provides with it.
Thanks for the effort despite the brutal condition’s today men.
It’s a privilege to lead
Epilogue
Every morning in Thibodaux the Gloom awaits men knowing it will capture many with struggle and snares.
Every morning in Thibodaux the pax wake up knowing they must work hard to beat the gloom.
And that when the sun rises, there will be men at his side, pushing to make each other a little better each day.
On a chilly morning, YHC plus 14 or 15 HIMs convened at the Lion’s Den to raise the temperature of Thibodaux a few degrees. After a pre-beatdown site survey of the greater Warren J Harang Jr Municipal Auditorium area, YHC determined that most of the grassy area was too wet due to the previous day’s precipitation, which partially put a damper on some of the plans. At this point, a gravel road and an Aldi were willed into existence so that the beatdown could commence.
Warmarama: SSH, Windmills, Arm Circles (F/R), Mountain Climbers, High Knees, Butt Kicks, Toy Soldiers, Willie Mays Hayes
Don’t tell Goose, but it is indeed true that opportunities for on-the-clock stretching can be found in the Warmarama if one looks.
Mosey to the playground
The Thang:
YHC explained that there is no point in trying to follow an America’s Best beatdown; no amount of creativity could compare. In fact, YHC was dealt a Paradox, YJ, Goose, Goose, America’s Best hand to follow, so why even bother. So to help out with the lack of detailed planning, the specifics of today would be a little random. The beatdown was based on a random waypoint concept, where six locations around the area were chosen as the waypoints. At each waypoint, some exercises would be done. The choice of which waypoint to go to would be determined by the roll of an allegedly fair die. The waypoints and exercises were as follows
1: Lion statue (50 Moroccan Night Clubs 2:1)
2: Gravel road near stop sign (50 Apollo Ohnos 2:1)
3: Gravel road near exercise equipment (30 tempo squats)
4: Gravel road near gate (25 LBCs + 25 Big boy situps)
5: Playground (30 Derkins)
6: Aldi parking lot near the broken glass (15 burpees)
Transport between waypoints would be a faster-than-a-mosey run, except if a 1 is rolled in which case there would be a hard run to the Lion statue area. Another rule that did not need to be enacted today was that if the same number were rolled twice in a row, PAX do 10 burpees and roll again.
The PAX spent a lot of time bouncing around between 4 and 2, so some good core and lower body work was done while getting to know the new gravel road well. Popeye questioned the fairness of the die, but surely the quality control department of Milton Bradley would not let a biased die be packaged as part of a Yahzee set.
Finally, a 3-5-6-1 sequence was rolled, allowing the PAX to enjoy some change of pace with some squats, derkins, burpees, and Moroccan nightclubs. The visit to 6 also let the PAX get a close look at the Aldi parking lot. Interestingly, neither the gravel road (which appears to be an extension of N 10th street) nor the Aldi parking lot were planned to be a part of today’s beatdown, but as luck would have it, the conditions forced us there and they stole the show. I know Goldilox’s first choice was to give the vest to the gravel road.
As there was still time left, of course a 4 was rolled so the PAX headed back to the yellow gate to work on their 4 packs. The beatdown would be finished via an administrative decision to hit waypoint 5 for 10 more derkins then sprint to 1. Apparently without the Moroccan nightclubs.
Goldilox returned the vest to its original owner, Paradox, who as legend has it is thus now obligated to destroy it. If he can.
Announcements revealed that Paradox has Saturday, followed by Smooth on Monday, and Pope on Tuesday. Also the buzz around Run Cajun Run is noticeably increasing.
Yankee Joe prayed us out. Dox photoed us out.
Thank you to the 14 or 15 Pax who showed up this morning. It is always one of the most enjoyable parts of my day to sweat and suffer alongside this group. Tclaps to Maneater and Jackknife for yet another post!
It was a chilly morning, and YHC was still filled with the Christmas spirit on this sixth day of Christmas. There may have only been one Goose-a-laying, but there were 16 PAX who gathered late in the gloom, including a brave FNG and his 2.0.
After the disclaimer, warmups were quiet as they typically are without Dox, though Enron bared the InVESTment early, giving hope to the thicker PAX that the zipper might be zippable after all. There was no short-changing on reps or exercises as YHC needed some serious motion-lotion after this PAST week’s Dox/YJ leg destruction combo.
All grabbed coupons and Duke grabbed YJ’s Goose-Grinch head-on-a-stick and we headed to The Chimney, which is always much farther than it should be. The head was planted in the permafrost with much effort and YHC revealed the theme: the 12 Days of Christmas/Fitmas, to be performed in traditional F3 style. YHC tried to focus on the great gift of getting to really dig into Christmas for an entire two weeks, but most of the PAX just heard “ascending ladder of ridiculousness”.
The routine went like this: YHC would reveal the exercise of each ascending day and write it on the back of the Goose-Grinch head (couldn’t find the marker board or anything that would stand up in an open field). Each new day’s exercise would then be added to the previous in ascending ladder style. This meant we started with Day 1, then did Day 2 and Day 1, all the way until Day 12 through Day 1 (or almost). Here’s the list of exercises:
1 Bear crawl to the chimney (about 20 yards, sung by all the PAX in unison with gusto, or maybe just Duke and Jack-knife)
2 Diamond Merkins
3 Jump Squats
4 WW3 Situps
5 8-count Manmakers
6 Freddys Mercurying (4-count)
7 Triceps extending
8 coupons curling
9 Bonnies Blairing
10 Peter Parkers Merkining
11 J-Lo’s hipping
12’s (a set of 12’s with burpees at the head and genuflections at the chimney; run there, nur back)
Even before the 12’s were introduced, one of the PAX, who shall remain nameless, suggested that the 9th day should be changed to “9 legs kicking Goose’s crotch”, and though Duke tried to comply, the Bonnies continued Blairing and order was restored.
There was one incident wherein YJ, the ever-vigilant form policeman/expert, concerned for the health and joint strain potential of the clydesdales on the far side of the group, came over and joined them to watch to see if there speed was a result of poor form. Turns out, it wasn’t, and he finished that set faster than he had originally thought possible because he was keeping up with the guys around him. Another proof of the strange psycho-physical dymamics at work in the mind of man and further confirmation of the massive value of F3. YJ quickly took up his former position after that set.
YHC’s singing of the entire list after announcing each new day’s “gift” gave the PAX a solid break between sets, and so it wasn’t until the 12th Day was revealed that mutiny again threatened to prevail. A rousing speech about squeezing every last drop of Christmas wonder out the season up to the very last minute of the 12th day was heard by the PAX as, “Here’s something really stupid since you’re already worn out and hoping it was almost over.” Anger and scheming were brewing as YHC explained that the 12th day would be a set of 12’s including burpees and genuflections. Thankfully, concern for the health of the fading FNG diverted their attention long enough for YHC to shout “On your own, begin!” And, they did. Incredibly, they did. And they didn’t stop until YHC had to call it for time.
Encouraging words were given by many to the FNG as we gathered our coupons and layers of winter clothing for the long mosey back to the flag. The last minute was filled with a high plank before count-off, name-off and FNG naming ceremony. Dean Roy (10) was named jack-knife due to his cache of pocket knives and other weapons, and Daryl Roy (38) was named Maneater despite the many interesting facts and unique traits that he shared. His first name, Daryl, is shared with Daryl Hall of Hall and Oates, the duo who sing “Maneater”, and, most importantly, he winced at the suggestion, which solidified his new identity.
Enron inVESTed YJ with The InVESTment for his foray into more challenging waters, even if for one set, and even if it was in an effort to try to blow the whistle on someone sacrificing form for speed. Motivation is motivation, I guess.
Announcements: New Year’s Day is Monday, and a beatdown at The Stage is the perfect way to start 2024 (at the regular time!). It’s also a great day to start Exodus 90 with a solid number of this awesome PAX. For those still on the fence, the first meeting is Friday, 5:30am at St. Thomas if you want to check it out.
Lil’ Cuz prayed us out, and the PAX basked for a while in the glory of shared suffering well earned. Grateful for such an awesome, hard-working, strong-hearted crew!
Following the PAXville beatdown this morning, Goose and Popeye were discussing mental toughness. That point where you are up against the wall, begging for the pain to end…for someone to save you. Popeye commented, “Well, it’s got to end at some point.” Through the endorphins kicking and my legs destroyed by humping monkeys, I was reminded of a similar sentiment.
In 2014, Admiral William H. McRaven, a Navy Seal, delivered a commencement speech at The University of Texas. No doubt, many of you are familiar with it. Adm. McRaven shared 10 lessons he learned from BUDS training, considered the most grueling trials the military has to offer. He shared these as advice to help the young graduates “change the world.” If you haven’t watched it, you should. The link is below.
All of the lessons are relatable to civilian life, but it was #10 that most stood out to me. The lesson discussed a brass bell that hung in the center of the BUDS training facility, visible to all of the candidates.
McRaven said, “All you have to do to quit is ring the bell.
Ring the bell, and you no longer have to wake up at five o’clock.
Ring the bell and you no longer have to be in the freezing cold swims.
Ring the bell and you no longer have to do the runs, the obstacle course, the PT, and you no longer have to endure the hardships of training.
All you have to do is ring the bell to get out.
If you want to change the world, DON’T EVER, EVER RING THE BELL.”
——————–
Without hesitation, each of you, the Men of F3 Thibodaux, personify this idea. And perhaps none more than our stalwart Goose. F3 has a term, “IM3,” which is a Man’s statement to the PAX that “I AM THIRD.” The idea of ‘living third’ means that as men, we deliberately place ourselves third behind God and our Community (including our families).
When I started F3, it was about ME. I needed to get in shape. I needed an outlet. I needed to fit into my pants. I needed to make friends…like real adult, male friends.
I needed…something.
I believe Goose’s vision of F3 teaches us that those needs, while they may be important, only matter when they are pursued by virtue of servant leadership. As men, there can be no greater call than to love God through serving our families and our community.
In this light, ‘never ringing the bell’ is not about working through our own pain, nor is it about serving our own needs. Rather, it is a decision to put our oxygen mask on first before assisting others.
Our strength comes not from ‘Man Makers’, Goblet Squats, or Thrusters (well maybe for Wet Tap). By ringing the bell, we would give up on far more than just ourselves. The stakes are too high. It’s an awesome and terrifying charge.
Of course, no man can do it alone, and that is where God and each of you come in. Every beatdown, every exercise, every rep, every prayer…I am surrounded by humble warriors who REFUSE to quit. Not for your own sakes, but for the call you CHOSE to answer.
Goose, you are the definition of a servant leader. It would be impossible to describe the impact you have had on so many of us (cardboard cutouts of your likeness not excluded). Besides…your humility wouldn’t tolerate the praise anyway.
Instead, I’ll just say, thank you. Thank you from all of us…for never, EVER ringing the bell.
——————–
Last Stanzas from Today’s Story:
“Maybe F3 doesn’t only come from beatdowns – or a backblast word.
Maybe F3, just perhaps – means humility, servant leadership, striving to live third!
And what happened then? Well, in Paxville they say
The side vents on Goose’s short shorts grew three sizes that day!
From that day forth, Goose built out his legacy;
Teaching men where they should stand, behind God and their family
Though – from the HEART of the BayoU, he soon will move on
In PAXville – the HEART of the Goose Q, we’ll still carry on.
Merry Christmas!
SYITG,
Yankee Jeaux
——————–
The Ridiculous Beatdown
Warmarama
SSHs
Abe Vigodas (slow windmills) – Prancer is a terrible movie, btw.
Arm circles
Squats
Imperial Squat Walkers
Self Love
Shark hops
Partners
Mosey to baseball field, bring coupons
——————–
Tribute to Anker (For Unto Us a Child Is Born – Handel)
“For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6).
Burpees on: Son, Child, Wonderful, Counselor, God, Father, Prince of Peace (approx. 43 burpees)
Thang 1: Goose Training Camp
– Narration #1 (this was far toooo long)
Dora’s
– P1 runs
– P2 J’Lo’s, Plank Jacks, Mountain Climbers, chilcutt peter parkers
– Flapjack
– Four sets
Mosey to playground
Roof Crawling Practice
– P1 bear crawl to other side of hill; at bottom, 20 derkins; traverse the apparatus, go down the slide, mosey back to partner
– P2 does Genuflects
– Flapjack
Mosey to PAXville
——————–
Thang 2: The Looting of Paxville
– Narration #2
House 1 – “Smooth Like Honey(suckle)” Home of the Smoothie Sting
– AMRAP
– P1 Nur to cone, sprint back
– P2 monkey humpers
– MOT – Bear Crawl or Crab Walk
House 2 – “Dr. and Mr. Owens”
– AMRAP
– Man Makers
– MOT – Bear Crawl or Crab Walk
House 3 – “St. Cardinal Co-Cathedral and Coffee Co.”
– AMRAP
– T – BOMBs (start in crab position, legs out together, legs apart, legs out together, back to crab position
– MOT – Bear Crawl or Crab Walk
House 4 – “La Casa Drogas de Tana”
– AMRAP
– Pickleball volley
– 2 burpees on every dropped ball
House 5 – “EnRon We (Don’t) Trust”
– AMRAP
– Thrusters
– MOT – Bear Crawl or Crab Walk
House 6 – “Eye Candy Captains, LLC” Safety First, America’s Worst
– AMRAP
– The Jurp (by 10’s) – bet you can’t do more than three
– Speed squats, Merkins, Mtn Climbers, Jump squats, LBCs
——————–
Thang 3: Back to the Goose cave
– P2 rides P1, flapjack at halfway point
– Return to start, P2 rides P1 like a donkey, flapjack at halfway point
– Sprint to Goose cave (Peltch Treehouse)
——————–
Thang 4: Paxmas came anyway
– Narration #3
– Sprint back to PAXville and Goose returns PAX gifts
Goose returns presents to the Pax
– F3 Thib – 4th Wave (Class of 2023) – Black paint coupons
– F3 Thib – 3rd Wave – Black and Maroon coupons
– F3 Thib 2nd Wave – Black, Gold, and/or Maroon Coupons
OG’s – Black and White with Gold trim Coupons
Goose – White, Black and Gold Coupon
COT and Cardinal prayed us out
——————–
How The Goose Stole PAXmas
Narration #1 How the Goose Stole Paxmas!
Every Pax down in Paxville liked PAXmas a lot
But the Goose who lived just up the bayou, did not!
The Goose hated PAXmas! The whole PAXmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. Pope’s athletic prowess prolly the reason.
It could be because Goose hated the cold.
It could be because, like his truck, he was too old.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
Was that his heart, like Dox’s Mudgear shorts, was three sizes too small.
But, whatever the reason, his heart or his arthritis ,
He stood there on PAXmas Eve ISI’ing just to spite us
He stared down from the Stage with an indignant, head tilting view
At the warm lighted windows along Lafourche Bayou
For he knew every Pax down in Paxville below
Was busy posting stupid GIF’s and jammin’ to Bieber’s Mistletoe.
He thought of Paradox and his wife who’s a doctor
Dox claims to be one too which shamefully mocks her.
He thought of the drugs Montana be slingin’
And he shuddered at the bad cadence that he always be bringin’
The Goose remembered the Goats and some random machine
That dude showed up for a month, never again to be seen
Then there was Cardinal, whoop sales-man of the cloth
But watch him fake burpees, his sins point to sloth
But he’s a priest with no equal, becoming a Bishop is next
But God help you, oh good Lawd help you if you send a green text.
Wet Tap jump squatting with coupons, that’s what real men did
He never got the memo – that Jurptober had ended.
He thought of Lil’ Cuz, bald head shiny like the sea
That neck like a tree trunk, like Treebeard with Gris Gris
A patriot among patriots, you’ll oft hear him decree
“This is ‘Merica, Jack…Yee Yee!”
He reflected on Superfun(d) and his posts that were laggin’
But Fun(d) redeemed himself fully, naming Jeaux’s Prius the Douche Wagon.
In a similar way, Fence Post showed up in stints,
But without any postin’, we’ll just call him ‘Fence’
He hated the youngsters who thought they were wicked SMAAHHT
But Shart-’eh got more than he bargained for…
that time he tried to FAAHHT
Goldilox with calves as big as your head
He’s a really nice guy — all the PAX said
But when the three bears tried to scare him out of the bed
Lox made a rug out of Papa Bear instead.
The Goose said good riddance to ‘Ol Paradiddle;
He’s a drummer, remember…F3 was fourth fiddle.
But woe to those who judge, you’ll make The Saturdiddle List
Beware three inch running shorts with a mustache emerging from the mist.
He tolerated Kilo and his twelve different ve-HICLES
He loathed Picadilly’s balls and Tana’s subsequent pickles
With falafels in the kitchen and the cross court dinkin’
Piccadilly’s doing Pickle Pounders for his bio on LinkedIn
Then there’s Safety Valve and Honeysuckle whose beatdowns we dread
They both claim to love you then play Christopher Cross instead.
With the nurring, burping, and merking, they leave us for dead
Imagine a Suckle – Valve twofer —
hey, that’s what she said.
But what about Smooth, always working the night shift
After pickle pounders with Kilmer, we thought he might drift
Instead he’s founding AO’s, he’s def here to stay
The tougher the challenge, the more you’ll hear….OhhhKAYYYY!
Goose considered Popeye, an OG of OG’s
Juicy like the chicken, played out like Drew Brees
Post hernia operation, F3’s ‘Welcome Back Cotter’
I’m sure whining about his scar, just like Harry Potter.
Enron, he mused, seemed to always face the worst
With his lack of rhythm and tendonitis that he constantly nursed
But those are just the reasons, second and first
For two SV500’s, he picked Pukee Jeaux –
he HAS to be cursed.
Speaking of Yankee Jeaux and his phonetics so fine,
Did you know LILLICK is actually pronounced LIL-ITCH
Then Ronnie – SCHREIT NEIN!
STOP—————————————————————————–
Narration #2 Before Lazy Dora in Paxville
“And they’re hanging their stockings,” he snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is PAXmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his Goose fingers nervously drumming,
As he sat on the toilet nervously humming
Then he said, “I must find a way to keep PAXmas from coming!”
“For, tomorrow, I know that ALL the PAX men
Will wake bright and early and rush to the Den.”
“And then the GroupMe posts! Oh, the posts! posts! posts! posts!
There’s one thing I hate! It’s all the posts! But That I hate the most.”
It wasn’t just the abysmal GIF game that rankled his chest
But also the old fart snark from America’s Best.
This dude rolled up to a PAX of F3
WIth Dad jokes, an electric truck and, an alleged hurt knee
Then he said, “Wait, wait there’s more –
I LOVE an extraneous JurPEE.
Not to be outdone, the reigning king of the “No Show”
French Horn, apparently hornless, has no horn to blow.
True, his 80’s knowledge is well beyond measure
His ability to use ‘Bruhhhh’ in every sentence?
Well that’s the real treasure.
So the Goose sat there honking…
“And they’ll mumble! And mumble! And they’ll chatter! Chatter! Chatter!”
And the more the Goose thought of the Pax PAXmas Chatter,
The more the Goose thought,
“Is it me or am I getting fatter?”
“Why for forty-one years I’ve put up with it now!
I must stop PAXmas from coming! But how?”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
The Goose got a wonderful, condescending, self righteous idea!
“I know just what to do!” The Goose laughed with a frown.
“I’ll destroy all their dreams with a TuesdayTuff beatdown.”
“I’ll steal F3 PAXmas, there’s no limit to how far I’ll stoop
I’ll even find a way to kill that stupid [bleep] Whoop.”
“What a great Goosey TRICK!” he mumbled with snarls
I’ll do a Bleep Test…you know, like a…DICK-ENS – comma – Charles!”
STOP ——————————————————–
Narration #3 Redemption Arc
It was quarter of dawn. And the Pax still a-slumber,
Hangovers en route from Enron and Wet Tap’s Jucifer tumbler.
He took their presents, their headbands, and even their rucksacks,
He scoffed at their cadence, lame excuses and fartsacks!
Ten thousand feet up – up the side of Mount Tana
He ran like an addict on AstraZeneca manna.
“Pooh-pooh to the Pax!” he was goosily humming.
“They’re finding out now that no PAXmas is coming!”
“They’re just waking up! I know just how it will go.
Shamefully hitting snooze one time, maybe mo’
And They’ll kick and they’ll yell from ceiling to the flo’
Then they’ll see there’s no PAXmas, not even an AO.”
“That’s a noise,” grinned the Goose, “that I simply must hear!”
He paused, and the Goose put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the swamp.
It started out slow, then it started to stomp.
But this sound was NOT, no it was not getting madder!
Why, this sound sounded joyful – it sounded like chatter!
What was this incredible sound, sounding deep from the gut,
Well Lil’ John asked Paradox the same question,
“Turn down for What?”
Every Pax down in Paxville, the tall and the small,
Was posting for a PAXmas beatdown – super tight shorts and all!
He hadn’t stopped PAXmas from coming! It came!
After having ten kids, it came just the same!
And the Goose, with his Goose feet paced to and fro,
Stood puzzling and puzzling. “How could it be so?
“It came without coupons! It came without rucksacks!
It came without backblasts, Kool Jobs, or pinched nutsacks!”
He honked and honked till his honker was sore.
Then the Goose thought of something he hadn’t before.
Maybe F3 doesn’t only come from beatdowns – or a backblast word.
Maybe F3, just perhaps – means humility, servant leadership, striving to live third!
And what happened then? Well, in Paxville they say
The side vents on Goose’s short shorts grew three sizes that day!
From that day forth, Goose built out his legacy;
Teaching men where they should stand, behind God and their family
Though – from the HEART of the BayoU, he – soon – will – move – on
In PAXville – the HEART of the Goose Q, we’ll – still – carry – on.
