Thankfully, no mosquitoes tormented the Pax & YHC as we started the beatdown with the normal warmups. But what wasn’t normal was when YHC called “A skips.” No one but Pope and YHC could get the skip part down, so at what we thought was number thirteen, YHC had to call an untuned Halt and we switched to high knees & butt kicks.
YHC explained that YHC doesn’t go to weekday beatdowns, so February 24, 2024, was going to be about February 22, 1980, the Miracle on Ice.
A quick mosey to the field by bayou road, YHC explained that the US hockey team, a group of nobody college students at the time, beat the best team in the world, the unstoppable Soviet Union, 4-3. YHC asked a few questions about the event, and the Pax answered both correctly, the prize being four burpees. YHC then said how the US’s coach, Herb Brooks, said, “I’m not here to be your friend, I’m here to be your coach.” He said he would work his team HARD. So YHC said he would work the Pax HARD. We started simple, three suicide runs across the field. Then we got into it.
First, Vladimir Krutov scored, so we spelled Krutov in alphabet form, spelling the words with our legs down on our six. What came after was to come in between every single goal: we ran another suicide run and did three burpees. YHC said that if the US scored, we would do four burpees, and if the Soviets scored, we would do three. We continued to do this, spelling the last names of Buzz Schneider, Sergei Makarov, Mark Johnson, Aleksander Maltsev, Mark Johnson again, and Mike Eruzione. (Doing twenty one-is-one Goofballs for the soviet coach’s dumb switch from the best goalie in the world to his backup in between Mark Johnson’s first goal and Aleksander Maltsev.)
After Mike Eruzione’s famous goal, we did twenty one-is-one genuflections for the famous picture of the failed block. We played the last minute of the event, doing mission impossible plank because of how impossible it was. Then we did the normal exercises to thunderstruck because of how thunderstruck the soviets were. The song cut short twice, so we just played the hillbilly version. We played a song called Victory because of the US’s victory. During the entire song, we held Al Gore, doing various leg exercises on YHC’s call. We straggled back to the flag, beaten down hard. The number of Pax was second place overall for most PAX at a beatdown, twenty strong. Animal went to Cardinal for his amazing, attention-getting shoes. That capped off the Disaster on Grass about the Miracle on Ice.
Tag: Full of Respect
-
Disaster on Grass about the Miracle on Ice, by Coyote – from Goose
-
The 2nd Annual St. Vincent 500 – from Paradox
THE FELLOWSHIP THANG
Often times during large events there are pivotal moments that go unnoticed. One minuscule decision where success or failure hinges upon a singular action. Sometimes these remain in the dark. An unsung hero never revealed. Silently knowing the weight of their contribution. But during the 2nd annual St Vincent 500 this very thing occurred and today we shall shed the light.
Ya see, It was early during the St. Vincent 500 cookout on Friday evening, the music was fine (shoutout Caniacs) and the delicious jambalaya was flowing, courtesy of Headcheese and the Bourgeois Meat Market. Just one small problem,…We …well folks we had a trash issue. In haste YHC had mistakenly grabbed bathroom trash bags to put into 32-gallon trash cans. Ya hate to see it.
The jambalaya plates were stacking up. The bags stretched thin. Lil Cuz disgusted he could not throw away his plate and immediately eat another and you know how he gets when he’s hungry for JUMBOlaya!
All seemed lost.With the event Teetering on the brink of mass hysteria I heard a low confident voice at my shoulder. A voice molded by years of unheard lectures, it was calm and consoling.
“Dox, take deep a deep breath, I can fix this”
I turned and saw it in his eyes, this man was all in.“Fly! Fly like the wind Jeaux! You are our only hope!” I yelled as the tires of the douche wagon squealed silently and our knight in the blue Prius faded away on eastbound 308.
We held our breath ..…If you are still with me (and it’s an excused absence if not)
You may now be asking yourself “What does an eco-friendly sedan and a garbage mishap have to do with the greatest beatdown fundraiser west Lafourche has ever seen?”Well…everything
Duke! Roll that footage it’s time to go racing, and we have a pharmacy in need !!
26 High impact men assembled at the Stage for the 2nd annual St Vincent 500.
Our local crew showed up in force early to set the course. Pretty sure Smooth camped out like Woodstock, living on Bourgeois Jambalaya and dat Dawg was STILL hungry for coupon OHPs. Many hands made light work as we counted our pennies and made notes to all our 2.0 investors that their tuppens would be well borrowed. Our brothers from the north and south shores soon arrived. Some early chatter that the noted absences from NOLA were due to late night promo code camp outs for the T-Swift tour. YHC will expect courtesy tickets for …”a friend”The Northshore gang rolled in just in time. The legend of Tanked Up had been propelled all year after his awe inspiring performance at the 22 SV. He strolled in trophy in hand with Grundy at his side using the Theragun with precision intimidation to all our pax. Reluctant Yankee and Sandbar came in strong followed by Zoolander with Blue steel good looks even at 6:30a. Just like that it was go time!
THE FITNESS THANG
The Stage was set, and Goose was elected as Q for his exemplary public speaking and dashing short shorts. He led us in a thorough race explanation and warmup with side glances at Yankee about to establish a no tolerance policy for shakira shimmy Bonnie Blair’s.
The race is a 2 man event covering 1 mile with 20 exercise stations interspersed on the course around Richman’s loop. Just a simple fun run ya know.
You have 1 hour to traverse the course and at each station picking up points as you go.
There are three levels at each station : gold(25) silver (15) bronze (10) with 500 points available if your dare.The stations set by Goose this year and he was in the zoneeee:
Thrusters: 30, 60, 90
· Hello Dollys: 50, 100, 150
· Curls: 50, 150, 250
· Burpees: 30, 50, 100
· WWI situps: 40, 100, 150
· Genuflections: 40, 60, 100
· Tricep extensions: 50, 150, 250
· Gas pumps: 40, 80, 120
· Apolo Onos (2:1): 40, 60, 100
· Moroccan Night Clubs (2:1): 100, 200, 300
· Pickle Pounders: 40, 80, 120
· Monkey humpers (calves to thighs): 40, 100, 200
· Coupon OHP: 40, 80, 120
· Leg Raises: 50, 100, 200
· Bobby Hurleys: 40, 80, 120
· Chill cut Peter Parkers (2:1): 30, 60, 100
· Freddy Mercurys (2:1): 50, 150, 250
· Bonnie Blairs (2:1): 40, 80, 120
· Partner Dora (bumper)—Suicide, Mission Impossible plank: 2 rounds for each partner (4 rounds total), 4 rounds for each (8 total), 6 rounds for each (12 total); if need to rest on plank, have to tell running partner to pause
· Partner Dora (grass)—Lunge Walk there, run back; SSH: 200, 300, 400We wrapped up the instructions and warmup and there were no more pleasantries to exchange. Time to go racing.
The horn blew at 7:22a with most functional teams ready to go at their stations and 1-2 dysfunctional relationships lost at sea.Team points and observations below (to my best recollection of the points I jotted down and names, if this is incorrect please write your Representative)
Dox/ Gecko 175
We came, We saw…We got a lot of pennies.
Got Gecko on my 1997 Creatine and peanut butter sandwich diet…early favorites for 2033.Dumbledore/GIJoe 180
Classic pairing here of a rookie with untapped potential and the OG of Ogs, veteran GI Joe. Can we talk about Dumbledores first two posts: A Thursday paradiddle followed by the SV500 would make most veterans reconsider their C’s or HC’s but he silently showed up and put in some absolute work! Killer postfolio hes building.
Also tons of local reports out of 12 Cedars that Joe has ditched the golf clubs and has been black ops prepping on the streets of Thibodaux. Don’t call it a comeback this man is a regular. #GIJOE4LYFEWet Tap/Spec 200
Unstoppable forces plowing through immovable objects. These men will humbly do goblet squats for weeks before realizing the rest of us were squatting air.
Team “Don’t Weaken” lived up to the family creed. Great effort.Michelin/Percolator 205
Team shake and bake coming in hot with Percs OG knowledge all the way from BR. Michelin transforming into a coupon OHP machine in front of our eyes. Ya love to see it. Great to catch up with ya Perc!Smooth/Suckle 295
Officially dubbed Thunder and Lightning these men were a true combination of Rottweiler and Greyhound. HS gets to tell all his ultra friends he did a “1 mile fun run” and Smooth lifted a combined 18-wheeler worth of coupons. Well done.Safety Valve/ Cardinal 310
In most prison movies theres a scene where a old inmate teaches a new guy the ropes. Cardinal fell right into his role here teaching valve the “proper” form on coupon avoidance techniques and how to ask extra questions to buy yourself a ten count. Valve continued to display his quiet strength and running prowess.Sandbar/Reluctant Yankee 325
(*this was a ballpark # recorded post-race and if yall had different, chime in)Team Southshore, making it look easy! T-claps to you gents for making the drive, especially for RY for making the early haul after taking his 2.0 to college the night before. Southshore was well represented and we always enjoy the Yankee drop-ins during holidays.
Cuz/Popeye 325
Nice performance here from Team Yeet ‘Em and Street Em. Popeye already solidified as the comeback performance of the ’23 pax year and even further padding his stats while carrying Cuz. Don’t get me wrong Cuz was putting in the work, just seemed distracted asking YHC why we couldn’t add the Punisher symbol to the SV500 logo. #TundraTough…. It’s a lifestyle.Ronnie/YJ 355
Many high level analyst saying YJ exercised the demons of 2022 with the tremendous ab and leg prep May – August and despite cranking tents and tables all day on Friday both these men laid down game day strains. Ronnie looking jacked Diesel in that tank sonnn.Goose/Zoolander 380
YHC was setup behind the form as impeccable (as expected) but the push to get the next level (silver to gold) was inspiring. Just two great Pax leaders ripping burpees or was it a Calvin Klein commercial.Pope/Paradiddle- 425
For real, For real! When YHC heard earlier in the week this team was pairing up I had them pegged as a dark horse pick. Pope has shown many traits of having dat dawggg this year and its been so awesome watching him grow and having him at weekday beatdowns.
If you aren’t local and don’t know the maniac formerly known as Diddle let me read you his bio….Favorite song: Numb- Linkin Park
Likes: Cardio
Dislikes: Ppl who dislike Cardio
Hometown: Zone 5 and He’s the MayorThese men represented the Thib pax to the last rep and YHC couldn’t be prouder. This will be a team to watch for years to come.
THE CHAMPS….
When the dust settled we had 3 teams that separated themselves from the pack. In a photo finish Tanked and Grundy retained the SV500 title narrowly escaping the youthful legs of Pope and Paradiddle. Leading the youth division (under 18) Redfish/Coyote with an impressive 500 points. The future is bright for these 2.0 studs.
Tanked Up/ Grundy 435
Incredibly impressive, especially with the tweaks Goose built this year. Station 19 and 20 Doras were both physically and psychologically punishing. Tclaps to the gentlemen for continuing to rep the Northshore. See you next year!!!After copious amounts of water/ Gatorade and shaking off heat stroke symptoms we wrapped up with COT and Cardinal Prayed us out.
Coffeeteria with donuts provided by St. Vincent pharmacy staff and volunteers.
I will pass along the gratitude from the entire St. Vincent pharmacy staff and board in thanking everyone involved in this event and fundraising endeavor. It’s been 2 years since we started discussing ways to help with the pharmacy after the devastation of Hurricane Ida and continued strain from the pandemic and I could have never imagined this level of support from F3 and the community. I’m proud to announce that with our contributions this year ($9517.50) we have raised over $20, 000 in the last 2 years for the pharmacy to continue to provide for people in need of life-saving medications. Looking forward to continuing to find ways to support this great organization.Epilogue
THE FAITH THANG
The heaping trash continued to tumble out of the micro trash bag and the tension was palpable. No one had seen this much garbage since the Naboo storyline in Episode 1 (RIP Jar Jar). Soon the sheer amount of plastic would overtake our oxygen supply. YHC was grasping at straws. We had to keep our composure. Cardinal was even running diversion tactics by introducing new schisms to the pax. “Hey you guys know how pirogue is pronounced??”
And just when we had reached our darkest hour there came the return of the silent sedan over the hill like Gandalf into Helms deep. In place of a blazing white staff he proceeded to unveil the largest trash bag ever created on planet earth. We placed the entire events trash inside and it still looked empty. What and why this unit of plastic could be used for, other than oceans of trash, is beyond me. When Jeaux was pressed about it he only mumbled something about his affairs in international waters not being my business. He silently went on about his duty of peddling event t-shirts and correcting form. Not all heroes bring hefty’s.So here’s the very thing about the men of F3 Thibodaux. Ask them to grab a trash bag and they bring you TrashZilla Rex, the king of all trash. Need a JUMBolaya pot? Here’s one you can swim in! Need 1-2 ice chests? Ho Hum, here’s 5 Yetis all 30A approved. Ask them to do burpees, why not Kraken Burpees on emom timer. Ask them for stretching and you get a Diddle death march.
And how about ask them to support a charity pharmacy in 115 heat indices with a back-to-back 2 day event?? One that has been there for so many in need for 2 decades and needed that same support. Well, you already know how that ends. The chips are low, a wolf at the door or a man alone in the darkness and these pax will stand up and serve those less fortunate. I could not be prouder to stand beside them.
SYITG,
Paradox
-
Legends Never Die – from Yankee Joe
“Gramps, tell us a story.”
“Girls, it’s time for bed, but alright, one quick story.”
“Yay! Tell us the one about the great race!”
“The great race? Which one was that?”
“You know…the one about Mother Goose and some guy Tapping a Wet Pope. You know, when you let them win.”
“Ahhh yes. The St. Vincent of Catan race of 2023. When America’s Best and I bestowed magnanimous mercy upon Goose, Wet Tap and Pope as they neared the finish line.
“That’s it! Wasn’t there also something about you and Captain America being betrayed by Superman and a three-star restaurant rating system?”
“Hahaha…good memory. Yes, Superfun(d) and Michelin, having just received a gracious and merciful gift from me and America’s Best, then promptly turned around and hit us with a heat seeking red turtle shell…10 yards from the finish line! You know, those were strange days. That race would prove to be the spark that finally ignited the F3 Thibodaux coup led by Paradox. It ultimately led to the secession from F3 New Orleans. Strange times indeed.”
“Wasn’t there also some Viking at an ‘all you can eat’ buffet that missed exercising because they were always pickling their balls?”
“Ummm…no. Ohhh…yes…Picadilly and Montana! They did not miss all the time because of pickleball…well not Picadilly anyway. Kids, do me a favor and don’t use that word order in front of your parents. Anyway, back to the race…try to imagine this…
—————————
Chapter 1: The BeginningIt was a bright and humid Saturday morning. Your Gramps had been up all night trying to craft the perfect beatdown. With the approach of our second St. Vincent de Paul 500 race, it was time that the PAX get serious about being in shape. We were all soft. Even Mother Goose. It was clear we needed some competition, individual suffering, and opportunities to both hurt and help our fellow PAX.
I looked everywhere for inspiration. Nothing. Then it hit me. I’d look at the absolute monarchical dictatorships in history…surely, there would be something I could use. And wouldn’t you know it? Germany and Japan both delivered with The Settlers of Catan and Mario Kart respectively. Who woulda thunk it. ‘Merica!
“Gramps, what does ‘Merica mean?”
“It means mud tires, aluminum cans, and freedom. Now shut yer mouths.”
———————–
Chapter 2: The GloomAs we were gathering, Paradox brought an FNG who would later be dubbed Safety Valve. Goose’s fourth 2.0 to make an F3 appearance settled on Duke, and Paradox’s own 2.0 walked away with Gecko. Strong names. The PAX continues to grow. See coup reference above. Most impressive was the fact we had SEVEN 2.0’s!
Perhaps, just as exciting was the late arrival of Frank n’ Beans and then as if from Goose’s lips to God’s ears, who should pull into the parking lot in the silver bullet? No, it can’t be. Can it? HORRRRRRRRNNNNNNNN! 78 fart sacks later and he made sure to show up 5 minutes late. Hey, you gotta stay on brand.
Quick and tentative disclaimer by yours truly for the pledges and away we went.
We finished the usual Waramarama reps, chose partners, and moseyed to the main Peltch field. As we moseyed, YHC took a detour so that the PAX could be inspired by Gwen Stefani’s epic ballad, Hollaback Girl. It was a song that got dropped from a previous beatdown…to Honeysuckle and America’s Best great disappointment I might add. However, YHC was always a gracious and selfless Q, so, you’re welcome.
We then switched over to bagpipes blaring with ‘Scotland the Brave’, made a few pointless detours in the rec center parking lot – to ruffle some Goose feathers – and made our way to the shart show.
At this point, Safety Valve was looking at Paradox and asking himself, “I didn’t trust this loon when he was my cadaver instructor, so why the heck did I get in the car with him this morning?”
“Gramps…what’s a shart?”
“Well kids, when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object…”
[from the next room] “DAD!!!! DON’T YOU DARE!”
“Sorry, Honey. Sheesh. That explanation would have been celebrated in certain men’s workout circles. Annnyway…
———————
Chapter 3: The Setup“There would be 10 stations, each station with two types of exercises to be completed by both partners. In order to “buy in” to the exercises at each station, partner 1 had to lunge walk with a coupon while the other partner spiderman crawled (dubbed that day as the ‘leopard gecko crawl’) to the next station. Then one partner would nur (run backward) to the starting line and sprint back to whichever station the team was on, while the other partner completed 15 burpees. ONLY THEN, could the team begin their two exercises (not naming namesl , typically in quantities of 100 or 50. Repeato for 10 stations, 10 yards apart for a total of 100 yards.
***If completed in its entirety, a team would complete 150 burpess, one mile of nurs/sprints, and 1,700 reps of various exercises.***
To make things interesting, each team had one “sucks to be you” card that would be revealed at a station. This meant that after the team had completed their exercises, they would have to complete a designated additional amount of reps.
Also, each team held a heat seeking shell that could be deployed against any other team. When called out, the team getting hit by the shell had to drop everything and sprint to and from the nearest park bathroom…roughly 200 yards.
To balance this out, each team also had an IM3 card that could be deployed to help another team out by taking away one station “buy ins” of nur, sprint and burpees.
Finally, the Q had wildcards called “Dancemodes” that would be yelled out to one PAX member who in turn had to stop and dance to the existing music. The music. Ah yes. Some of the music was good. Some of it was well…atrocious. Effective though. Ace of Base ‘I Saw the Sign’ will take your mind off thrusters in a heartbeat. Actually, most would prefer the thrusters.
————————
Chapter 4: The Contest“The race started off in good form with all teams keeping pace through three stations. The exception was Coyote who continued to live as an outlaw from the Form Police, while racking up Academy Awards for his uncannily well timed trash talking to grown men in the last throes of burpee death. Goose, Pope and Wet Tap began to pull away if only by a few yards. There seemed to be misplaced exercise cards, but we overlooked their indiscretion since Goose was still nursing a banged up wing and Wet Tap was wearing a weighted vest. Nuff said.
The first Dancemode came with the last minute addition of the 2023 Barbie song by Nikki Minaj. When YHC heard that Horn was watching the cinematic masterpiece the night before, the song was hastily added to the playlist. Horn would not disappoint. The entire PAX sat in amazement as he reminded us that though he may have the pop culture knowledge of a 50 year old, he was indeed a Gen Z’er.
Meanwhile, heat seeking shells were being tossed around liberally. Coyote’s trash talk was intensifying, and YHC was getting grumpy with Goose & Co.’s interpretation of the race regulations. You gotta watch Pope, boi. He’ll fire off 15 burpees quicker than you can say, “I’m 45 years old…why am I here?”
The second Dancemode was equally inspiring. With Friday Night Lights pregame speeches rejuvenating our spirits, Goose brought the Peltch down to ‘Clear Eyes, Full Heart, Can’t Lose’…from the shopping cart to the sprinkler to the Dougie. Or maybe he was popping. No, he was definitely locking. Whatever he was doing, two things were clear. 1) There’s such a thing as being cool and 2) it ain’t me.
Some IM3’s began to emerge, first from the Goose/Wet Tap/Pope team to the Paradox/Safety Valve/Gecko group. Then reciprocated – albeit shamefully. Here, I realized that a NASCAR strategy had unfolded and we had a team car mucking up the pack so that the lead car could pull away. As YHC was swatting away this conspiracy theory, Goose hit the Yankee/America’s Best Team with a heat seeker.
Conspiracy confirmed. Hell hath no fury like that of a Yankee scorned.
On the far side of the pitch, Popeye and Honeysuckle were methodically keeping pace with the Goslings. They didn’t even seem to be breathing hard…like they were at a nice picnic doing merkins occasionally, while enjoying mimosas, crackers, and pepper jelly.
To that end, the third Dancemode was probably the best thing to ever hit the Peltch. YHC called on Honeysuckle, and my man, with a smile on his face (I’m scared of his eventual VQ), dropped it like it’s hot. He would have kept going, if for nothing else but to give the PAX a rest. A good man.
————————
“Gramps, were you a good dancer?”
“Well, put it this way. The great Bill Belichick once said, ‘I don’t think you can ever really trust a man who likes to dance.’ Of course, this was coming from a hall of famer legend worth millions and yet he still felt wearing sweatshirts with cut off sleeves was a good look on game day.”
“Soooo…does that mean you weren’t a good dancer, Gramps?”
“Noooo…what I’m saying is that you can’t really trust me.”
———————-
Chapter 5: The Betrayal
“At this point, all teams were within four stations of the finish line. In YHC and America’s Best unending and selfless charity, we bestowed an IM3 upon Superfun(d) and Michelin. We knew they would be forever grateful. That is, until a few minutes later when they blew us to hell with a heat seeker. I laughed at first. It wasn’t a joke. A scorned Yankee, I tell you.
As YHC was running back to Station 9 from the unforgivable treachery, I realized there were 90 seconds left in the beatdown. As I neared Goosilini and his fascist conspirators, I asked if they could cross the finish line before time ran out. The answer was a resounding YES. I then reminded them our team was sitting on a heat seeker, which would prevent them from finishing…that is, prevent them from winning. Goose protested with exasperation. We held their fate in our hands.
———————-
“Oh my gosh! What did you all do, Gramps? That must have been such a difficult decision.”
“Well, you would think so, but no. We kept the shell in its bay and let the clock run out. That day, YHC and America’s Best chose to give life, not take it away. Such is the path of heroes. This is the way.
We then moseyed back to the flag, soaking in Gwen and Nikki. FNGs were named, prayers were raised up, especially for smooth and his family, and French Horn prayed us out.
———————
Epilogue
“So, there you go girls. That was the infamous day. The day the good music died. The day that Paradox turned the corner on spreading his wings to fly as a member of the senior leadership team.
It was a hard and brutal affair. The men persevered without (much) complaining or double crossing allies.
“What an amazing story! Gramps, were you a hero?”
“No, sweetheart, but I served with a whole PAX of heroes.
(Record abruptly stops)
“Wait….that’s Band of Brothers”
(Start soundtrack again)
“Gramps, what happened to Goose? What about the rest of the Pax?”
“It was weird that Goose had said F3 was like the John Paul II of workouts and his oldest son’s name ended up being John Paul. None of us could ever figure out what that meant, but we were all amazed by it.
I kept in touch with those guys over the years and I found out that Enron’s company had shipped him off to federal prison. After that, he became one of the pioneering developers of fraud protection software . Of course, we all know why.
French Horn… well…The Horn got really into fartsacking and no one ever saw him again. Honeysuckle and America’s Best became an engineer and optometrist. They started out small, carpooling together to F3 workouts. But they became legends when they invented the F3 shuttle service.
Goose grew up and married Wendy Peffercorn. They have 9 kids. They bought St. Vincent’s de Paul’s Drug Store and they still own it to this day. Paradox Porter became a professional DJ. You know him as “The Great BAPSbino”.
Montana played Triple A pickleball, but he never got to the majors. He’s a drug dealer now and he coaches a seniors pickleball team called, “The Tanimals”.
Yankee’s Prius lived to be 25 years old… uh, in douche wagon years. I was the last one to move away. But when I did, the Peltch was still there. After Goose pickled Tana that day, his reputation spread all over town. From then on, he was known as “Dolly Poppins,” and the nickname stuck with him for the rest of his life.”
SYITG,
Yankee Jeaux
———————
Station 10:
100 groiners, coup run back to base
100 squat jumps, nur
Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walkStation 9:
P1: 50 coupon side to sides
P2: 100 plank jacks
Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walkStations 8:
P1: 50 apollo ono’s 2:1
P2: 100 coupon flutters 2:1
Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walkStation 7:
P1: 50 gas pumps
P2: 100 coupon presses
Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walkStation 6:
P1: 100 merkins
P2: 100 coupon leg lifts
Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walkStation 5:
P1: 50 goblet squats
P2: 100 freddy mercs 2:1
Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walkStation 4:
P1: 50 thrusters
P2: 100 chilcutt peter parkers 1:1
Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walkStation 3:
P1: 100 coupon overhead presses
P2: 100 SSHs (a type of exercise)
Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walkStation 2:
P1: 100 coupon curls
P2: 50 V-ups
Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walkStation 1:
P1: 100 plank jacks
P2: 100 coupon LBC’s
Buy-in: Nur to start line, 15 burpees
Transport: Coupon lunge, leopard gecko walk -
“Yote Time”: written by Coyote – from Goose
Once we got there, the first thing YHC saw was the dreaded Montana Bun as it was swaying in the chill wind, with its little curl. I couldn’t take my eyes off until Paradox said, “What’s up Yote!” YHC replied, “Where’s the other doc?” and then started the warmups. We did the normal stuff such as Side-straddle-hops and Windmills and Imperial Walkers, but YHC did something special, some “Throw me something misters”, now, everybody liked that, but after a while we started an Indian run with the back person doing five bonnie blaires (2is1) and running to the front of the line all the way to the field. Then we started the fun stuff, we picked partners and YHC told a little story about a guy who was chased by a buffalo, so we set up cones and partner 1 sprinted to the first cone and got passed right when partner 2 sprinted after him as he started to bunny hop to the third cone. Red fish was YHC’s partner, so it was hard to catch him, but YHC got him down, and he had to do five burpees. Then we switched, and YHC got away with it, and Redfish had to do five buffalo kicks. Everybody did it again, and we all moseyed to the chimney and YHC told a story about a guy who purposely got bitten by an alligator snapping turtle, and we set up more cones in a zig-zag pattern, and we bear crawled to each cone. As Goose trampled the pax, we got to the cones and did shoulder taps and then karaoke ran to the cones and did burpees. Redfish and YHC were neck and neck for who would get there first, until he tripped on his own foot, and YHC got there first. After a while, we moseyed to the Thunderdome and did two rings of fire, one with LBC’s and elbow plank jacks to 75. And then we did this song that was a Gaelic song that was turned into a techno song, we did calf jumps to the beat during the refrain and squats during the verses. For four long minuets we jumped and squatted until the song ended and we flopped onto the ground, worn out to the bone. We moseyed to the tennis court and played tennis with a volleyball. While doing exercises, we hit the ball back and forth, every time a person would hit it, that person had to do a burpee, and every time a team got a point, the other team did 5 merkins. We moseyed back to the flag and did the alphabet, and after all 16 people did nameoff, counting 2 FNG’s, YHC went off to the side, and did cooldown exercises. Paradox and Enron didn’t want to leave me hanging, so they came over and did them with YHC, now we have this group called “Cooldowns with Yote”.
-
The St. Vincent 500 – from Paradox
Our tale begins in the spring of 2022 in a small bayou town where a community pharmacy, after taking losses from storm and plague, had great need. After decades of providing vital prescription medicine for those in need, this team of volunteers now searched for the same helping hand. The Pax of F3 Thibodaux heard the call, and a plan was devised. We consulted our sage leader for advice. This HIM had carried the torch of 3Fs from the Mandevillage many moons ago. He knew the way of the pax and was skilled in the smithing of a fine beatdown. He peered into the gloom with a thousand-mile stare and the fate of the fundraiser hung in the balance. “if you build it..they will come” Goose said with a nod and then promptly vanished into a flurry of burpees. With a team formed and a grant secured we dove into the work.
An event was needed and a place to rally the pax. A race, but not just any race. A challenge of physical and mental strength that would call to the hearts of the Louisiana PAX. A series of pain and cardiovascular torture so intense that no self-respecting HIM of F3 Nola could resist. It was forged in the caves of .word files and hammered through the gmail circuit boards. Welded to perfection one station at a time. A burpee here, a bonnie blair there. Precious metals adorned it at every corner to award prepared pax but many traps lay waiting for poor form. It was written, and it was done and it was beautiful.The beacons of aid were lit! Thibodaux called for aid…and our brothers answered.
39 PAX (including 6 FNGs!) assembled at the stage on a gorgeous bayou morning! They came from northern shores and from western banks. From uptowns and motherships. From Grannies and Lakefronts. They came in calf sleeves, mudgears and some even bare of foot! Namesakes that struck fear like Shooter and Tanked. Some that drew intrigue like Hokie and Hawg. Famed backblasters we had read for years like Steve and Akbar. Even legends of the gloom like Frac and the Reluctant Yankee, who were there when the deep magic was gifted to us from the eastern coast. They followed a lonesome bayou road and mumbled Deliverance jokes along the way. They came as one to help a great cause and lock shields with their brothers in the bayou. The course was set, pleasantries exchanged, and the only thing left to do was make a run at 500. Let’s get to it…Warmup
Goose gave the disclaimer and race details, and pointed out key safety and strategy reminders. Each two-person pax team would start at a numbered station along the course. Once the horn was blown, they would begin at their station and advance. Each station had 3 options: bronze, silver or gold. (Worth 10, 15 and 25 points respectively. So, a perfect score of gold at all 20 stations would reach the mythical 500 points. These corresponded to the number of reps completed by a team combined. They then would grab the token and secure it in an advanced technology carrying case (Ziploc bag). Head for the next station and rinse and repeat until you have finished 20 stations or ran out of time.
After this was explained he led a thunderous cadence of our usuals stage warmups. This was YHCs first experience with a >20 pax group and the big group energy was powerfulTHE THANG
Pair up, line up and we were numbered off 1-19 (one team of 3). Each team headed for their station and when GI Joe hit the airhorn it was geaux time. The stations were as follows:
STATIONS:
1. Merkins- 40, 80, 120
2. Bobby Hurleys—30, 60, 90
3. Freddy Mercuries—50, 100, 200
4. Coupon Curls—40, 60, 100
5. SSH: 50, 100, 150
6. Carolina Dry Docks- 40, 60, 100
7. Big Boy Sit Ups- Partner does big boys, one partner sprints to next station and back. 100, 150, 200 situps
8. Side lunges (2 is 1)- 40, 80, 120
9. Coupon OHP- 40, 60, 100
10. Burpees- 30, 50, 100
11. LBC’s- 50, 100, 200
12. Peter Parker Merkins- 30, 60, 90
13. Bonnie Blair (2 is 1) 40, 60, 100
14. Brick Back Flys- 50, 100, 200
15. Leg Raise Dora – One partner Leg raises, one partner bear crawl to next station and run back. 50, 100 or 200
16. Mission Impossible Plank- combined time: 1 minute, 2 minutes, 5 minutes
17. Coupon Swings- 40, 60, 100
18. Prisoner Squats – 50, 100, 150
19. Mountain Climber (2:1) 50, 100, 200
20. Arm Circles while partner crabwalks to next station and runs back. Complete 100, 200, or 400After 1 hour of “Pax vs St. Vincent course” the dust settled and everyone returned to the flag. Chatter was high about the difficulty of the layout, the supreme fun had traversing the course and low rumblings of scores north of 400 permeated the air. A few teams completed counting up their coins while we began the count off, and name off. YHC was impressed with the veteran naming experience of NOLA and northshore pax. Their FNG naming skills were unparalled and we left with six newly minted local PAX: Welcome Sir Lawrence, Kodiak (CodyYak), MeatSweats, One Call, Wallflower and Lambchops. Looking forward to getting yall in the mix.
Now down to serious business. YHC and Goose dramatically unveiled the official St. Vincent 500 dual trophies for the final presentation. Imagine a 12-inch manifestation of the love child between Hulk and Stretch Armstrong, in a full rage pose. Victory is all he has ever known. After appropriate oooohhhhs and ahhhhsss Goose led a suspenseful point count-off to see who the last team was standing. In the end, the combination of Tanked Up and Speedy Gonzalez tallied 470 points and took home the first annual St. Vincent 500 trophy! T- Claps on those numbers gentlemen. Phenomenal effort. We’ll all be gunning for you next year.
Coffeeteria after provided by our St. Vincent de Paul board and it was great to get a chance to talk shop with all the pax and compare notes on course strategy.
YHC could not have envisioned the tremendous amount of support we would receive from both our local community and our F3 community for this cause.
So grateful for each one of you who spent your weekend time and energy for this event.At the time of writing this backblast we have raised $10, 451. 51!! This goes directly to purchase of prescription medicine for those individuals in need. Praise God!
Thank you for the oppurtunity to lead.
SYITG,
Paradox -
TENET – from Percleator
YHC recently saw the film Tenet. So many questions. How does time inversion work? Who is Neil really? Is Christopher Nolan the greatest director of our time? (Yes). It’s all still unclear. So YHC had the PAX reenact parts of the movie to try and figure it out. Tenet is a palindrome and a theme in the movie is things going forward and going backward.
Warmup: SSH, AV, AC, CP, BK, HK, Self-Love, IW
First thang: T.E.N.E.T – Dora style workout but “mirrored”
50 T – Merkins w/ Run to the Chimney and Nur back
100 Empirial Walkers (don’t question the spelling) w/ bear crawl then crawl bear
300 Never Cross Dollies (hello dollies with back off the ground in up crunch position) w/ lunge walk then walk lunge
100 Empirial Walkers
50 T- MerkinsSecond Thang: The McGuffin Game – A McGuffin is an object in a movie that exists just to drive the action. Ex: the brief case in Pulp Fiction
Coupons placed in the middle of field. One member gets the coupon to the other side via murder bunnies. Opposing team member runs to one end of the field, 15 Maktar Njais, run to other end, 15 Freddie Murcurys, then steals the coupon and murder bunnies in the opposite direction. Getting the coupon to your side earns a point, though after enough running, no one had a real count on the points. 2.0’s ran laps around the field w/ 8 count bb’s, then got to make the PAX perform man-makers. Was it a little confusing? Yes, but so was the movie…Last Thang: Tunnel of love, in forward, then reverse. PAX held plank to make a tunnel while members army crawled through one at a time. Once everyone had gone through, reverse army crawl backward through the tunnel. Call back to the tunnel at the end of the movie.
6+ minutes of Mary: American Hammers, Penguins, Lazy Boys, Australian sweat angels, Nolan Ryans, Flutter Kicks
Always fun when the PAX doesn’t mind being the guinea pigs. Best bit of mumblechatter at the end:
YHC: “Well hope y’all liked it.”
Coyote: “I didn’t.”COT and Cardinal prayed us out.
Thanks for the opportunity to lead.
SYITG -
The Louisiana PureChest: Life, Liberty, and the Trivial Pursuit of Alligator Merkins – from Paradox
The mindset: After a few months of baptism by fire beatdowns at the Stage YHCs first Peltier Park Q was set with great anticipation. Was the confidence there? Was my cadence on point? Enough props? What if it rains? Will Cardinal ask fine print questions? Will Goose undoubtedly question my form? The questions swirled as I pulled up to the peltch on a lovely spring morning. The JBL was charged. The props were set. Now just add PAX and its gumbeaux time.
The mission: Take the PAX on a geographical, historical and cultural journey through the time and space of Louisiana history while giving multiple muscle systems two options: Fight or Run.
The Pax: An impressive display of Gentleman with scattered 2.0s to make up 13.
The warmup: 18 for all IC- (LA joined the US as the 18th state) SSH, IW, WM, Cherry Pickers, Self Love, High Knees, Butt Kicks
Disclaimer was given for those recently minted PAX and reminders of modifications and safety were given for all. Lets get to it.THANG 1
Mosey to the Thunder dome for a Cajun classic warm up. Louisiana Saturday Night- Tin Soldiers the entire song, Bonnie Blairs (boths sides) on “Louisiana Saturday Night”. We got down the fiddle, we got down the bow but most of all we danced in the kitchen.Next YHC explained that the LA Purchase doubled the size of the US. I could not gift the men land but I did promise a certified Louisiana PureChest after todays beatdown merkin variety (I worked on this dad Joke for months and the laughter was minimal, PAX were lazer focused). We assumed ring of Fire formation and completed 100 incline merkins, 75 Decline merkins, and 50 diamon merkins.
Capped this off with Calling Baton Rouge just to make sure everyone had the juices flowing. High knees during whole song, Burpee on “Baton Rouge”, “Operator”, and “Louisiana”.
THANG 2
Mosey to the Football field for the Main event: Paradox Trivia. 4 cones set up 25 yards apart in a square. Each corner would be a trivia question. If correct we complete the associated exercise (see below). If incorrect we complete the exercise plus the punishment by traveling to the middle gumbo pot. When we arrive at the gumbo pot the PAX make a group decision to take 5 burpees or pick from the pot. (soon to learn the pot had some extra bay leaves). Mode of travel between all corners is 10 alligator merkins followed by bear crawls. Disclaimers: YHC used a childrens LA history website and Wikipedia for all sources and discrepancies were dismissed immediately.1. Who is LA named after? King Louis 14- Wide Merkins- Correct!
2. How long is the causeway bridge? 24 miles. No mercy for 23.6 miles so the PAX had the first incorrect. (YHC wanted to test the gumbo pot). 50 SSH were selected and performed.
3. How many parishes in LA? Local Theologian Goose came in strong with 64 and saved the PAX. 64 shoulder presses in squat position.
4. Edwin Edwards # of terms and prison years? 4 terms, 8 prison years. Incorrect so we did 8 prisoner squats and alligatored to the pot for a selection. 10 diamond merkins
5. How much $ for LA purchase? Pope came in with early correct answer (15 million) BUT was questioned by the PAX. Learned a lesson about listening to the quiet confidence in a group. PAX selected 17 million and paid with a trip to the gumbo pot for 15 carolina dry docks.
6. NO is how far below sea level? 8 feet: 8 Jump squats. Pax guessed 12 and took another gumbo trip. This time fear of the spice was growing, and PAX accepted the 5 burpee offer.
7. Highest point in LA? Mount Driskell- 535 ft. PAX got this correct and unlocked a special Paradox challenge. JBL whipped up a tune and the pax were instructed to start mountain climbers. If they can guess the song, artist, AND movie the song was played in they would reduce the pain to 1 minute. In a moment of pure astonishment our beloved parish priest came through with “miley Cyrus, The Climb andddd The Hannah Montana Movie” only 10 seconds into the work. Cardinal is truly gifted at reducing the pain for the PAX at all costs, even embarrassment.
8. Name the distinguishing characteristics of alligator vs crocodile? Answered correctly and we advanced for the last set of alligator merkins.
9. This LA animal recently transitioned from Endangered to Threatened list: La black bear. This pax again got this one down and earned bear crawls to the next cone.
10. Official state song of LA: you are my sunshine. Enron shamed 318 by labeling Jefferson Davis as the artist of the song but quickly corrected to Jimmy Davis. (all is forgiven). YHC showed off some rather shakey sunshines (seated position with hands behind head and touching elbow to the ground) and an even shakier cadence. Promise I will shelf that one for a while
11. Official boat of LA: Correct- Pirogue- 25 Scuba steves
12. LA state dog: Correct- Catahoula leopard dog: 13 carolina dry docks
13. La state fruit: Correct – Strawberry- alternate 25 superman and banana boatsCircled up for the FINISHER***
The Cajun Classic “Jumbalaya” with burpees on Bayoooo, calf raises on the rest.Mosey back to the flag for COT and Cardinal prayed us out.
Moleskin: This one produced some great mumble chatter as the PAX worked on communication to get a “final answer”. Learning that correct answers can often come with early confidence from some of the younger or less experienced voices.
An absolute joy to bring this one together and share it with the PAX.
The opportunity to lead you men is a blessing.SYITG
-
610 Stomp #96 – Full of Respect
YHC arrived at the AO to find four eager Pax with only a minute to spare, but with a shovel flag in hand. With the AO properly marked, it was time to give the disclaimer…..and then instructions…
Run the regular route and be back at the track for 0600. Seeing this was a running AO, the passing of Cheech came up. YHC saw the Pax be more cautious of traffic, alerting each other of vehicles approaching. We made it to Orleans Avenue, crossed the bayou, and started the return trip. While preparing to cross Wisner Blvd, where Beauregard previously guarded the entry to City Park, a car ran a red light where the Pax had the right away to cross. Would the car have stopped if we crossed? Distracted drivers can be a real threat to a runner, and we must stay aware and look out for one another.
Upon arrival at the track, we executed some LBC’s while waiting for the six, then went right into the Rudy special….Sprints! Three laps, sprint the straightaways and mosey the corners. Hey look, we have time to bank some burpees for Cadre Danny! 10 Burpees OYO! Times up, let’s mosey to the flag.Count off, name-o-rama – where Tool and I discovered the other three Pax were Respect. So, with the Pax posting today being more than 50 percent Respect, YHC calls that Full of Respect!
Announcements and a prayer to the Sky Q, thankful for the day, and asking for guidance to make the most of it.Thanks for posting!
Moleskin
YHC intends to invest in some high visibility gear to mitigate the risk of incident caused by distracted drivers while running in the gloom. Hawg also posted some good information on the GroupMe app for identification purposes in the event that worse case scenario becomes a reality.
