F3 New Orleans

Tag: Lil’ Cuz

  • The History of Baseball – Part 1 – from Yankee Joe

    With the Q first string out, Manager @Goose had to make a call to the Thibodaux Pax bullpen for YHC. @Paradox was on probation for administering performance enhancing beatdowns and @Enron was tied up in questionable contract negotiations. Apparently these negotiations required sandy beaches. Other key starters were also unavailable such as @Cardinal who was on his 73rd retreat over the past month. @Wet Tap, upon learning about Goose’s bullpen call, opened another Jucifer and decided there might be a work conflict.

    Goose’s call was a risky one. Yankee Joe has thrown some good innings, but his starts are not what you would call consistent. What with wrestling practice themes, to totaling mini-vans, to replicating Simba’s rise to power over Pride Rock…you just never know what version of Charlie Sheen you’re going to get.

    Upon setting up the beatdown, it was still gloomy. As I moseyed back to the flag, I saw a silhouette of an imposing figure carved out against blinding headlights of a parked car. As I neared, Lil’ Cuz came into focus. With his characteristic stoicism, arms crossed and looking pretty intimidating, he acknowledged me and simply said, “It’s cold.”

    From the parked car sketchily idling with headlights glaring, El Montana emerged sporting his F3 headband and the beginnings of his man bun. YHC is particularly excited about this development and it will assuredly only improve his pickle ball game.

    With 3 Pax and 6:30 quickly approaching, I raced through the beatdown in my mind making tweaks to accommodate an odd number of Pax.

    Then it happened. The red glow of dawn was creeping over The Peltch as a pick-up truck turned carefully and purposefully into the parking lot. It was a powerful vehicle, gleaming and blinding with the purest white. Like Artax boldly and majestically moving toward ‘The Nothing’, but there would be no Swamp of Sadness today. Who was this? Another visitor from a far off Pax? Did Wet Tap get a new truck? The door opened and seven feet of Toe Loop emerged. YHC’s first thought: I better step my game up and win one for the Gipper.

    On to the beatdown:

    It is the month of October, which means ‘tis the season of Reggie Jackson, Ted Williams, George Brett, and David Ortiz. In celebration of the best month in sports and inspired by Paradox’s history of the Burpee earlier in the week, YHC offered The History of Baseball: Part 1, broken down into three thangs.

    As Yogi Bera once said, “Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.” Sounds like an F3 mantra if there ever was one.
    ———————
    Chapter 1: 1830 – 1845

    There are many references that seem to allude to a crude predecessor of baseball as far back as the late 1700’s. By the 1830’s, the game of “baseball” was recognized as an official game in America. In 1845, Alexander Cartwright, considered the true father of modern baseball and a member of the original New York Knickerbockers, wrote baseball’s first code of rules. These rules made up the core foundation of the sport we know today. Of note, you could no longer throw the object or ball at the opposing player to “put them out.” However, you could still catch a ball on the first bounce for an out and pitching was still underhand. To celebrate Mr. Cartwright’s contribution in 1845:

    Thang: 1845’s
    – Bear crawl to first, 18 burpees;
    – Bear crawl to second 45 leg lifts;
    – Bear crawl to third, 18 Bonnie Blair’s (the hard way);
    – Bear crawl to home, 45 merkins
    ———————-
    Chapter 2: 1845 – 1869

    By the late 19th century, the game of baseball was an established pastime. In New York, baseball was a passionate and ruthless sport, both on the field and between owners. In 1869, the first true professional team, the Cincinnati Red Stockings were founded, and to this day remain the only team in major league history to technically go undefeated at 57 – 0. To honor this achievement:

    Thang: 57’s
    – Mosey to first, 28 burpees
    – Mosey to second 29 freddie mercuries the hard way
    – Mosey to third 28 flutter kicks (4 = 1)
    – Mosey home, 29 burpees
    (total of 57 burpees & 57 core exercises)
    —————–
    Chapter 3: 1869 – 1905

    In 1876, the National League was created. By 1901, the rules as we know it including overhand pitching, three strikes, and foul balls were instituted. In that same year, the American League was formed. In 1903, the first world series was played between the Boston Americans and the Pittsburgh Pirates. Of course, the Americans, predecessors of the Red Sox, won.

    By 1905, as baseball was being recognized as the national pastime, a commission was formed to investigate the true origin of the game. Was it based on the English game of “rounders” or the American game of “Old Cat.” It is during this investigation that Abner Doubleday mistakenly found his way into baseball founding history lore. His involvement has been firmly debunked over the past decades. Omaha missed the memo.

    Thang: Bear-ducken Baseball (an official trademark of Yankee Joe)

    Set up on the baseball field, all Pax must hit, pitch or field in Bear Crawl or Duck Walk position. One Pax pitches the ball to the batter (in bear crawl or duck position). Upon hitting a fair ball, batter sprints around the bases. Pax fielders must chase the ball down bear crawling or duck walking. Pax fielders have two relays/throws to tag home before batter scores. If the batter wins, 5 burpees, Pax fielders 10 burpees. If Pax fielders win, 5 burpees, Pax batter 10 burpees. If the ball is caught in the air or in one bounce, pax batter 25 burpees, pax fielders 25 merkins. Continue until all pax have batted (approx. 3 min per at bat).

    —————-
    Batting Line-up

    Montana was first up. He was standing at home plate. YHC reminded him that he needed to be in BC or DW position. He looked at YHC and quietly said, “I’m getting there.” Then he did what only one man has ever had the gumption to do. Yes…he called his shot to left-center. He then got down into DW position and like the Mighty Casey, took a monster swing…and whiffed. However, on the second pitch, Montana delivered on his promise and launched a satellite into orbit. Lil’ Cuz literally (and unbelievably) duck walked…nay, duck sprinted for 30+ yards, retrieved the ball and nearly hit the cut off man to put Montana out.
    ——————
    Up came Toe Loop. Back to back giant men towering over the plate even in DW position. Toe Loop drove the ball hard. Cut-offs were hit by Lil Cuz to YHC for bang bang play at the plate. When the dust settled, Toe Loop was doing 10 burpees. This man, barreling along the bases…I could only think of the fear his Division 1 hockey opponents felt seeing this freight train bare down on you with full pads, helmet, steam rising, ice shavings flying, and of course, holding a giant hockey stick. Needless to say, YHC talked very respectful trash after the play.
    ——————-
    Third, YHC. First pitch, foul ball. Second pitch, diving swing (and a miss) laid out on the ground – Strike 2! Third pitch, pop fly to left. Lil’ Cuz in what can only be described as a cougar leaping in the air to latch onto the wildebeest galloping by, laid full out only to have the ball glance off his hand. He recovered, duck sprinted and threw a dart to Toe Loop. YHC beat it by a hair. But folks, Lil’ Cuz’s jiu jitsu athleticism is something to behold.
    ——————–
    In clean-up, Lil’ Cuz strode up to the plate. As would be expected, he drove a hard line drive right up the middle. YHC was able to corral it, but not without hurting himself in an ungraceful tumble and roll. I’m not sure what happened after that as I was looking for the trainer to take me into the concussion protocol tent.

    Game over.

    Some Mary and Yram, including lots of Superman pulses, Australian Snow Angels, and Superman sun gods.

    Montana prayed us out.

    Gentlemen, I appreciate you showing up today and going along with the crazy. There was no chatter, and everyone pushed hard through what at the very least, included 130 burpees and over 300 yards of bear crawls. As always, it was humbling and inspiring to suffer next to you.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

  • NFL Combine with Special Guest: Fracsac! – from Goose

    As the PAX trickled in at the Peltch on Saturday, the discussion centered on how dark it was and would be for the next few weeks until the time changed. Six was the number at 6:30, and as warmups prepping for the likelihood of many burpees were coming to a close, one of the newer guys said, “Who’s that dude?” YHC turned to see a hairy man emerging from the gloom dressed all in black. The newer PAX were confused to see a strange quinquagenarian sidle up to the circle already wearing a Thibodaux F3 shirt and Mudgear shorts, but the rest of us were trying to process the fact that our regional leader, Fracsac, had just shown up out of the darkness to post at our humble, bayou AO!

    After some additional grass-grabbers (with the clap–thanks, Frac!), we grabbed a few footballs and moseyed to the ED White football field. The theme of the day would be the NFL Combine, but in our situation, since none of us would be breaking any records or impressing any NFL coaches (except for maybe Wet Tap), YHC decided to focus on mental toughness–the guy you really want is the guy who can perform in the fourth quarter, exhausted from busting it all game, with the same intensity as in the opening drive. And, since this month is “Burptober” for the Thibodaux PAX (ISI: 100 burpees a day), burpees would play a significant role in getting us there.

    For each round, partners would measure each other’s performance in an event, then all would do 10 burpees and immediately do the event again. Whoever didn’t match or beat their initial performance after the 10 burpees had to plank or Al Gore until the start of the next event.

    Events:
    1. 40 yard dash (partner timed)
    2. Broad jump–from the goal line
    3. “Bench press” = hand release Merkins to failure–once rhythm breaks due to fatigue (utter failure for all)
    4. Shuttle run–start at goal line, run and touch 10 yard line and back 2x
    5. Vertical leap–against the adjacent building, marking height on brick lines
    6. Pass accuracy–partner at the 20 yard line, can’t move his feet
    7. Catch on the run–post/slant right after running to the 10 yard line
    8. Pass distance–from the goal line, as far as you can
    9. Fumble chase–bear crawl to the 30 yard line for time
    10. Touchdown dance–AMRAP Apollo Onos for 1 minute

    Some of these events may or may not be included in the actual NFL combine, but being on such a nice field with bright lines on spongy, fake turf made us feel like it didn’t matter (because clearly none of us belonged out there–except maybe Wet Tap).

    Leg exhaustion and lack of oxygen can make it easy to forget that burpees are a serious core exercise. But, after asking Fracsac to lead Mary back at the flag, we were reminded very quickly. YHC doesn’t remember 15 IC reps of the following ever being so hard: American Hammers, tin snips with arms high, flutter kicks with arms high, windshield wipers, LBC’s, Lazy Boyz, and Big Boi Situps.

    COT and Paradox prayed us out. We got some news and some insights from Fracsac’s veteran leadership, and we solidified plans to clown-car up to Audubon Park for the convergence on the 22nd.
    Thanks, gents, for pushing so hard this morning, and thanks, Fracsac, for making the effort to find us! It was an awesome morning!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • “But Coach Siri, My Quads, My Hammies…” – from Goose

    YHC pulled up to see Enron doing burpees out by the highway, waving at cars and showing them on his fingers the number of reps he had done. It didn’t take him long to tell me that he had done 25 already, and after my questioning the wisdom of trying to chip away at the daily 100 before knowing what the beatdown had in store, he said, “Well, I mean, surely there won’t be more than 75 burpees.” YHC just shrugged and said, “Don’t call me Shirley.”

    After a warmup of the usual (backs were tight) with some additional mountain climbers to get the burpee muscles warm(er), YHC announced 11’s: burpees at the stage and Big Boi Situps at the opposite sidewalk, nur there and run back.
    Yankee, Joe was immediately overcome at the idea of running through the sprinklers and involuntarily sprinted to the minivan. Upon arriving, he regained his senses and began to reflect on the shaming he would endure and the potential name change if he peeled out of there at that moment, so he gathered himself and moseyed back mumbling something about needing to change his shoes. The sprinklers weren’t too much of a problem, though some added a couple hundred extra yards of nurring in an effort to avoid wet pants.

    After a nice, long recovery mosey, it was time to kill the rest of those burpees with a 5 minute EMOM of 10 burpees (10 burpees every minute, on the minute for 5 minutes = 50 burpees). It had been a while since YHC had included a burpee EMOM, and I couldn’t remember who was there and who had joined since then. That became very clear, however, after minute three as the usual shock to the system that comes from a new routine being much, much harder than it looks on paper began to set into most of the PAX. (YHC has since decided to wait until closer to the end of the month to introduce the more traditional 10 minute EMOM.).

    After enough oxygen seemed to be circulating through most of the PAX’s cardiovascular systems, it was time to move on to the virtual Dice of Doom inspired by Paradox’s amazing, homemade dice, revealed on Saturday. For this one, we would use Siri (“Hey, Siri, roll the dice.”). Siri, as we know, is just a mindless computer generating random numbers, but my phone is set to Irish Siri, who, as we discovered this morning, is a very different person. She seems to be much more interested in a no pain, no gain, relentless punishment, disciplinary sort of approach, and it seems she has a thing for Bonnie Blair, who may have Irish ancestry. Maybe Siri was preparing us for Krakken Thursday (there were a lot of merkins, too). Maybe she could feel Yankee Joe, Enron and Paradox getting proud of their physiques after this past month’s shenanigans and felt the need to inject some good old fashion humility. Or, maybe she could feel Montana’s potential exploding through the roof, and wanted to fully capitalize on his ability to grow right now. Or, maybe she could feel his head swelling after Paradox shared his unfiltered admiration for his newly muscled backside. Either way, not even YHC, with Q-drenaline running heavy, could keep his composure during the brutality that Coach Siri delivered.
    The first dice was the number of reps x5 (so. 1=5, 2=10, etc.), and the second dice gave us the exercise:
    1=merkins (ended up with 50 in a row)
    2=squats (only once x15)
    3=wife pleasers (not nearly enough)
    4=mountain climbers (a little more than enough)
    5=LBC’s (never happened)
    6=Bonnie Blairs (60 in a row at one point, 2 is 1)

    COT and Yankee Joe prayed us out (thanks, bro).

    We completed a total of 105 Burpee‘s during the beatdown, and with Enron’s extra 25, some ideas were thrown about creating a burpee trust fund for Cardinal with the use of some sort of Venmo-type app for sharing and distribution.
    It was clear that Yankee Joe’s emotional disturbance and flight instinct hadn’t fully left him as he nearly took out a few neighborhood cars trying to escape the parking lot. But the mumblechatter later in the morning on the ISI channel proved that he is still very much in the game.

    Heckuva job, fellas, and thanks for joining me in what was a killer push this morning. Love being connected with you guys at our weakest and at our strongest.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • IPC Week 3: The Backblast – from Goose

    YHC and Coyote rolled up to The Peltch a little early to measure out how far down the road we’d be running this morning. The atmosphere was thick and muggy, which only confirmed that it would be a painful one. But, having surrendered to it, and knowing we were not going to be grinding through it alone, we found ourselves rejoicing at every car that pulled into the parking lot, as if each additional PAX would somehow divide the pain among more of us.
    6:30 came quick, so we were off to the warmups: the usual with some additional mountain climbers to prep for the many burpees and man-makers to come.

    Moseyed with the blocks down the road to the area in the grass off the road exactly 200 meters from the gate. The playlist was a thing of beauty, if I may say so, and the timing of the songs couldn’t have been better (like “Livin’ on a Prayer” coming up at exactly “halfway there”), and Anker performed well. The inspiration of the music added to the inspiration of doing this for a fellow PAX who had lost his wife (accentuated by the heart-wrenching video shared on our GroupMe of the surprise candlelight vigil that his region arranged for him). The exercises were as follows:
    5 Rounds of:
    -20 overhead coupon presses
    -20 burpees
    -20 coupon curls
    -20 V-ups
    -20 goblet squats
    -13 man-makers (burpee with coupon)
    -400 meter run (to the gate and back) with an extra 400m run at the end of the 5th round
    This added up to 571 total reps, the number of days his wife fought pancreatic cancer before passing away.

    YHC didn’t expect that any of us would finish, especially with the longer warmup and the time it took to mosey with the blocks to the beatdown area. So, as we could no longer delay the inevitable, Michael Jackson kicked us off with “Bad”, and like pushing off from the top of a scary waterslide, there was no turning back. The experience of 20 burpees and 13 man-makers was as life-sucking as expected, and YHC found that the decision to just keep going without measuring what was left in the tank had to be made many, many times.

    YHC was buoyed by Montana, Cardinal, and Lil Cuz’s never quit attitude as well as the long-term tenacity of Enron and Yankee Joe. Coyote seemed to be enjoying himself, as usual, his mind in his happy place as he distractedly did what might resemble curls, presses, etc. After three rounds, YHC checked the watch and saw there were about 20 minutes left, and after some fatigue math, figured it might actually be possible to finish close to 7:30 if I pushed, though that wasn’t a very attractive option. Yankee and Enron weren’t far behind, so I knew the decision to finish at all cost wouldn’t just affect me. But, whatever song came on at the time reminded me why we were doing this, so if pride wouldn’t get me across the finish line, a suffering brother would.

    The 7:30 alarm went off, giving all who were on a tight schedule a reason to stop. YHC had four man-makers and 800m to go, so the decision to finish was an easy one. Yankee Joe wasn’t far behind, but it was the decision by the rest of the PAX, especially Montana, to accompany YHC on the final 800m run that was inspiring and greatly appreciated. Enron provided the push for the final sprint, and then we all collapsed like dead bodies scattered on a battlefield. The oxygen that seemed to have been in short supply up to that point tasted as sweet as food to a starving man, and we gulped it hungrily and gratefully.
    Slow moseyed to the flag with blocks on shoulders, COT, and Yank prayed us out.

    Mumblechatter afterward revolved around the unprecedented bio data, which was collected by what is still a variety of devices. This one was definitely a memory maker. YHC is extremely grateful for the men out there today and their willingness to dig deep, which is what it takes to forge true and lasting brotherhood. Honored to be joined with this crew in the trenches!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Stupid is is Stupid Does – from Goose

    Armed with his trusty Anker, YHC rolled up to The Stage to a solid crew that included the newly minted Lil’ Cuz and an FNG from Cardinal’s parish in Chackbay (which was somewhat overdue for the king of EH-ing). After a lengthy disclaimer and a warmup of the usual, Anker was fired up, and YHC explained the culture of epic movies back in the day. When a big budget movie came out, everyone saw it dozens of times, quoted it for years, and it defined culture for decades. Though that happens more rarely these days given the glut of video media produced, YHC though it important to dive into one of the greatest epics of the 90’s, Forrest Gump.
    Using highlights from the soundtrack, we took a trip with Tom Hanks through the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s, with a different exercise for each song (each played to the end, Paradox) as follows:

    * Hound Dog: Mountain climbers for the duration, 2 Carolina Dry Docks on “hound dog”
    * Walk Right in: Imperial Walker’s for the duration, prisoner squats on “sit right down”
    * Land of 1000 dances: Q calls different core exercises (cuz of all the dances), 100’s on “Na-nas”
    * Blowing in the wind: burpees for the duration, rest on refrain (How many burpees must a man throw down, before he can break for oxygen? The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind…)
    * Fortunate Son: Chinooks for the duration, genuflection on “It ain’t me”
    * California Dreaming: SSH for the duration, Bonnie Blairs on “California dreaming” (2:1–you know, cuz she’s a speed skater…on ice…”on such a winter’s day”)
    * For what it’s worth: side plank, Mission Impossible plank for refrain, then switch sides (elbows in, Montana!)
    * Volunteers of America: bear crawl in a circle, switch to crab walk at “revolution” (once per refrain)
    * Let’s get together: Partner 1, back plank, feet on the back of Partner 2 who’s high planking, switch on refrain
    * Turn Turn Turn: wife pleasers, switch to J-Los on “Turn, Turn, Turn”, then back to wife pleasers, etc. (required some Q tweaking to even it out).

    The Pax enjoyed commentary comparing the lack of creativity in lyrics from the 50’s and early 60’s to Lil’ John’s “Turn Down for What” as well as Lil’ Cuz’s rookie realization that songs used in beatdowns are forever ruined and have to henceforth be removed from all playlists. Thankfully, most of these weren’t on any of his playlists.
    Count-off and name-off, including the naming of the FNG, which required an explanation as to how F3 names work, though Paradox wasn’t there for the standard example, so Enron had to suffice.
    Welcome to the crew, Super Fun! Excellent work, especially in having to approach a group of strange, middle-aged men standing in a circle in the dark and letting another man put his beefy, sweaty legs on your back. Looking forward to seeing you out there Saturday!
    COT and Lil’ Cuz prayed us out.
    Thanks for posting, gents! It’s an honor to be joined by you in the gloom!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • When Love Turns Violent – from Goose

    Five sore PAX and and FNG gathered in the gloom this morning to douse themselves in bug spray and uncover the “great plans” YHC had sneakily advertised the night before. After a warmup of the usual with some added hillbillies, mountain climbers, and requested grass grabbers to work out the soreness, YHC led a mosey to the start of Rich Man’s Loop (phone in hand).

    Thang 1: What’s in a Name?
    Today, Catholics celebrate the feast of the Holy Name of Mary, a chance to rejoice in the ways God showers blessings on those whom He chooses to take part in His saving work on earth. Mostly as a way to get a good many sprints in, YHC had a list of the many titles that have been given to Mary over the centuries, and the PAX had to fill in the blanks correctly or sprint to the next light post. If they got it right, it was only a mosey. YHC knew that Cardinal was on vacation, so the chances of success were low, but the PAX did surprisingly well, even those who didn’t grow up Catholic, so it really didn’t get rough until the last few posts. Yet another example of how imminent pain will jog even the most remote corners of the memory.

    Thang 2: More Enculturation
    In a repeat of last week’s structure, YHC introduced two more songs to the uncultured PAX. The first was another Irish shanty, this time about chemical plant workers, “The Chemical Workers Song,” by Great Big Sea. Plank for the duration, and merkins for every “Go”.
    The second was yet another ridiculous spoof (to follow last week’s “I Wanna Marry the Troops”), this time reaching back to some of the roots of spoof in the 70’s–we went with “Happy Boy” by the Beat Farmers, an absolutely ridiculous song that may have later set the tone for Weird Al’s career. Six-inch hold for the duration with knee tucks on every “Happy Boy”.

    Thang 2: F3 Poker
    While the PAX recovered from the brain numbing song, YHC retrieved the Deck of Death and then dealt 5 cards to each PAX. 2’s and Jokers were wild, which meant Paradox held four Jacks (including two Jokers), so his hand dictated the next 15 minutes or so of exercises. YHC decided to allow each of the Jokers to be something a little out there, so the first was 10 power merkins (partners perpendicular with partner 1’s feet on partner 2’s back). Both completed 10 merkins in unison then flapjacked.
    For the second Joker, YHC pulled out an old favorite, the Tunnel of Love. We were shocked when Paradox said he’d never done it–YHC assumed the FNG and maybe Montana would get a kick of doing it for the first time, but surely Paradox had done it before. But, his lack of experience was proven when, as YHC was recovering after all PAX had passed through the tunnel, he tried to go through again, only to receive a solid knee to the temple, UFC style. The sickening smack silenced the PAX for a brief moment, and then Goats instinctively popped up the concussion tent and asked him what his wife’s middle name was. He didn’t know, but he assured us that he’s a medical professional, he spent 10 years in school, his wife’s a doctor too, and he’s fine. So, on to the second hand.
    Goats blew away the competition with a royal straight, which started us with 25 burpees–a nice touch after the Iron Pax Challenge just a couple of days ago. YHC doesn’t remember much about what followed, just that 6:15 couldn’t get there fast enough. It did get there, though, before we could finish the hand, so all promised to do 25 dips in the car on the way home.

    Name-off (welcome Lil’ Cuz! Heck of a first workout!!), COT, and Goats prayed us out.
    It’s an honor to be part of such an awesome group of men.
    SYITG,
    Goose