F3 New Orleans

Tag: Mom Jeans

  • I Want Candy – from Cardinal

    Isn’t it funny that you always want the thing you can’t have? YHC and a number of the PAX are in a period of not eating sweets, so to channel the newfound desire for anything with sugar, YHC dove into the exicon to see what sweet treats could be unearthed. After a little thought, a beatdown was born.

    Warmorama was almost the standard fare (IW, WM, AC, HK, BK, SL) except knowing what was coming next, SSH were skipped. This presented to be a real issue for a number of the PAX and was perhaps the most controversial part of the whole beatdown.

    All chatter was quickly silenced by the next thang – featuring the classic “I Want Candy” by Aaron Carter. The PAX would to SSH for the duration of the song, with a burpee on every time they hear “candy.” If you made it through the brutal marathon at the end, that’s 26 burpees in just over 3 minutes.

    After that, we moved into Double Apple Sauce, a 2-column Indian run where the last man in one line would run to the front of the other. This was met with varied success, looking beautifully choreographed at times and looking like a mob at other times.

    We ended at the baseball field, where the PAX were introduced to the Sugar Cookie. In the outfield, PAX did called Scuba Steve’s and leg raises, then sprinted to home plate to do 20 hand release merkins and 20 BBSU. Ideally, the dew from the grass would leave the PAX nicely coated like a sugar cookie. Alas, the moisture wasn’t there, but it was still a killer thang.

    We then DAS’d again to Aldi’s (possessive because that’s how you do it) parking lot for some Apple Turnover races – switching between bear crawl and crab walk. After that, round 2 was a Hot Apple Turnover – crawl bear and walk crabs. The PAX pushed and showed their prowess (or lack thereof) in each leg of the race.

    We moseyed back to the flag for 5 minutes of people’s choice MARY- which featured Dr. W’s and dolphin hops to no one’s surprise.

    COT and Goose prayed us out. Mom Jeans bestowed the VEST upon Smooth for pushing harder than anyone, both on and off the court so to speak.

    Grateful to the PAX for letting me take them on a sweet journey! Till next time…

    -Cardinal

  • Gose’-palooza – from Goose

    YHC showed up solo to a beatdown for the first time in quite a while, and sat solo in an empty parking lot wondering if the Goose hype on GroupMe on another Sunday night caused the fartsack factor to rise in PAXville to a dangerous, pre-2023 level. Actually, YHC was gonna have to split 10 minutes early to get Pope to Schriever to catch a bus to D.C. for the March for Life, so it was gonna be a weird morning, anyway. Going back home was starting to look the least bit attractive when Hyundai lights swung lazily around the corner carrying a VESTED Cardinal into the lot. A Cardinal one-on-one actually sounded like fun, but not nearly as much fun as a foursome with Safety Valve and the brand-spankin’-new Mom Jeans! t’s been over a week since YHC was with the Thib PAX, and it was so good to be back!!

    Warmups started a minute late, though MJ side-straddled-hopped deftly from his Dilly truck all the way to the circle. We utilized the usuals, but YHC introduced the crew to the Lafayette version of Moroccan Night Clubs, which is more like a grizzly bear roar move–arms up and toward the front at like 45 degrees. It was different, but, man, you can feel the much needed popping and creaking.

    After a bumper to Stop sign mosey, YHC unveiled the “FNG”, the newly minted “Gose’”, a bluetooth Christmas miracle of clarity, bass, volume, connectivity, and dashing good looks. Though the tunes chosen for the morning weren’t the best examples of artistic complexity, Gose’ cranked them out with noticeable expertise. The PAX can expect many great things to come from this specimen of sound output.

    Once YHC started the song/exercise pairing, ideas came flowing like Snapple. Late 90’s garbage piled up on YHC’s Spotify list, and muscle burn was on the menu. It would be a Gose’-palooza until 5:50am, after which the PAX would receive instruction for how to finish the beatdown without a Q.

    1. “I Wish (I was a baller)” by Skee-lo: hold plank, merkins on “wish”
    2. “Funky Duck” by Vulfpeck: burpees on “duck” (This is a fun one–stupid enough for the kids, funky enough for the adults).
    –YHC: “Just chill between burpees.”
    –Valve: “So, solid burpees.”
    –YHC: “You’ve learned much.”
    3. “Mari-Mac” by Great Big Sea: hold flutter kick position, flutter on every “Mary” or “marry”
    4. “Brimful of Asha” by Cornershop: heel raises for the duration, genuflection on “45” and “bosom”
    5. “Here Comes the Hotstepper” by Ini Kamoze: penguins for the duration, big boys on every “murderer”

    At this point, it was 5:50, so YHC trusted Cardinal to lean into the VEST and lead the remaining PAX around Rich Man’s Loop and through potluck Mary till 6:00. YHC drove by at exactly 6, and it looked like he pulled through. It was a heroic, complex task requiring intelligence and leadership, but he still pulled it off. Well done, Cardinal.

    No idea who got the VEST, but YHC is grateful for this crew posting on a Monday and working through the ridiculousness. Looking forward to great things from Mom Jeans! It’s nice to have some respect around here!

    SYITG,
    Goose