F3 New Orleans

Tag: Percleator

  • Time Dialator – from Goose

    As 6:27 rolled around, and YHC still stood in the dark with only Pope and Bam Bam at his side, it was clear that the holidays would have a substantial impact on this Peltch beatdown. We were wondering if the car parked on the far end of the lot held a brooding Yankee Joe or a Monkey made of Brass when out of the lonely gloom did appear a pair of overbright headlights and a camper cover that could only mean one thing–Wet Tap would be easing our sense of abandonment with his warm demeanor and willing muscles. And, it was Brass Monkey after all, waiting for more than one adult to show up before joining the small talk (I don’t blame him).

    Just as YHC was figuring modifications for a smaller group, another humanoid was spotted picking his way across the street toward the parking lot. He was too big to be Honeysuckle and coming from the wrong direction, and the F3 on his shirt confirmed that he wasn’t there for travel ball. As he got closer, his glasses and red hair shone in the moonlight revealing the one and only Cardinal! Being called out for fartsacking last time he stayed at his parents’ house across the street from the park had clearly made an impact.

    As SSH commenced and transitioned into windmills, grateful for these three PAX and the chance to share the morning with Cardinal, another hard-to-identify vehicle confidently pulled into the lot. Valve? No. Dox in another relative’s truck? No. Tap then correctly identified none other than Percleator!! He had come in the night before for Tap’s DC circle meeting and ran in like he always had in year’s past, like a golden retriever, eyes blazing with excitement, ready for whatever. It was like the first months of F3 Thibodaux all over again. Even Brass Monkey had a striking resemblance to Gordon, a smile permanently on his face, glad to be there, but clearly concerned that Goose is going to take it too far again.

    Warmups finished with some much needed Lafayette night clubs after Popeye’s shoulder shredder on Thursday, and we moseyed with a couple of coupons and a couple of tennis balls to the football field. It was, again, locked down like a prison, but YHC knew we’d be fine given that Cardinal was with us and Popeye had shown us last week where the gate beckoned us in through it’s gap in the bars on the far side.

    We lined up on the goal line, and YHC split us into two teams. The Thang was designed for teams of 3, so given the fact that there were 7 PAX and one was YHC’s less than consistent 2.0, YHC decided to take him (Bam Bam) and Pope to make it Dawson’s vs. The World. YHC assumed that Bam Bam would slow us down enough to give the foursome a chance. YHC was wrong.

    The first Thang was a team suicide in 10 yard increments down the length of the field. While one man stayed on the goal line doing curls, another ran to the 10 and stayed there. The third ran past him, high-fiving him on the way to the 20 where he began doing big boy situps. Upon receiving the high five, the man at the 10 ran back to replace the man at the goal line doing curls, and that man ran to the 30, high-fiving his teammate at the 20, etc. You get the drill.

    We did this for three rounds total with the winning team assigning a penalty exercise to the other. The second round was tricep curls at the goal line and Freddy Mercurys on the yard lines, and the third was goblet squats at the goal line and LBC’s on the yard lines.

    Bam Bam proved that he’s growing up, and Pope continues to prove that he’s made of some kind of lightweight rubber, so 20 monkey humpers were assigned after each round to team CardTapPercleMonkey. Team Dawson joined the third round of humpers in order to keep the other team from getting bigger quads than them.

    After three rounds, a shared desire to stop running had descended upon the PAX, so YHC knew the only thing to do was to keep running. The 2nd Thang would be a version of Rarajapari, where each team is responsible for moving a ball along a given path using only their feet and team strategery. We started at a random cone that was already on the track, and the teams were tasked with getting their tennis ball around twice (half a mile).

    Onc completed, 20 more monkey humpers were enjoyed by all before grabbing gear and coupons and heading back through the gap in the fence toward the flag. We dropped the coupons there and then continued to the nearest baseball field for some fistbasetennisball. We basically played baseball with a tennis ball and our fists as bats. It was all against all with each member of the PAX taking turns batting and trying to get around the bases.

    The fielders and base runners had to hold plank until the ball was hit and in play, and positions rotated with every batter. Per usual, we had a blast, performances weren’t likely to make Sport Center, and Cardinal somehow took home the win by scoring the most runs. Thankfully, some things never change.

    After about 15 minutes of this reward for the gasser at the track, we moseyed back to the flag for one minute of Mary, count offs, name offs, COT, and a photo session that would make Dox proud. YHC was ecstatic for the unexpected time dialation that brought these awesome men together and paired the true OG of F3 Thibodaux with a solid member of the new batch. It was tough to want to part from this gathering, but pancakes, Morgan City, and Baton Rouge wouldn’t wait forever, so after some story swapping and catching Brass Monkey up on some of the origins of so great a PAX, we loaded up, grateful for swollen legs and timeless brotherhood.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The 2nd Annual St. Vincent 500 – from Paradox

    THE FELLOWSHIP THANG

    Often times during large events there are pivotal moments that go unnoticed. One minuscule decision where success or failure hinges upon a singular action. Sometimes these remain in the dark. An unsung hero never revealed. Silently knowing the weight of their contribution. But during the 2nd annual St Vincent 500 this very thing occurred and today we shall shed the light.

    Ya see, It was early during the St. Vincent 500 cookout on Friday evening, the music was fine (shoutout Caniacs) and the delicious jambalaya was flowing, courtesy of Headcheese and the Bourgeois Meat Market. Just one small problem,…We …well folks we had a trash issue. In haste YHC had mistakenly grabbed bathroom trash bags to put into 32-gallon trash cans. Ya hate to see it.
    The jambalaya plates were stacking up. The bags stretched thin. Lil Cuz disgusted he could not throw away his plate and immediately eat another and you know how he gets when he’s hungry for JUMBOlaya!
    All seemed lost.

    With the event Teetering on the brink of mass hysteria I heard a low confident voice at my shoulder. A voice molded by years of unheard lectures, it was calm and consoling.
    “Dox, take deep a deep breath, I can fix this”
    I turned and saw it in his eyes, this man was all in.

    “Fly! Fly like the wind Jeaux! You are our only hope!” I yelled as the tires of the douche wagon squealed silently and our knight in the blue Prius faded away on eastbound 308.
    We held our breath ..…

    If you are still with me (and it’s an excused absence if not)
    You may now be asking yourself “What does an eco-friendly sedan and a garbage mishap have to do with the greatest beatdown fundraiser west Lafourche has ever seen?”

    Well…everything

    Duke! Roll that footage it’s time to go racing, and we have a pharmacy in need !!

    26 High impact men assembled at the Stage for the 2nd annual St Vincent 500.
    Our local crew showed up in force early to set the course. Pretty sure Smooth camped out like Woodstock, living on Bourgeois Jambalaya and dat Dawg was STILL hungry for coupon OHPs. Many hands made light work as we counted our pennies and made notes to all our 2.0 investors that their tuppens would be well borrowed. Our brothers from the north and south shores soon arrived. Some early chatter that the noted absences from NOLA were due to late night promo code camp outs for the T-Swift tour. YHC will expect courtesy tickets for …”a friend”

    The Northshore gang rolled in just in time. The legend of Tanked Up had been propelled all year after his awe inspiring performance at the 22 SV. He strolled in trophy in hand with Grundy at his side using the Theragun with precision intimidation to all our pax. Reluctant Yankee and Sandbar came in strong followed by Zoolander with Blue steel good looks even at 6:30a. Just like that it was go time!

    THE FITNESS THANG

    The Stage was set, and Goose was elected as Q for his exemplary public speaking and dashing short shorts. He led us in a thorough race explanation and warmup with side glances at Yankee about to establish a no tolerance policy for shakira shimmy Bonnie Blair’s.

    The race is a 2 man event covering 1 mile with 20 exercise stations interspersed on the course around Richman’s loop. Just a simple fun run ya know.
    You have 1 hour to traverse the course and at each station picking up points as you go.
    There are three levels at each station : gold(25) silver (15) bronze (10) with 500 points available if your dare.

    The stations set by Goose this year and he was in the zoneeee:

    Thrusters: 30, 60, 90
    · Hello Dollys: 50, 100, 150
    · Curls: 50, 150, 250
    · Burpees: 30, 50, 100
    · WWI situps: 40, 100, 150
    · Genuflections: 40, 60, 100
    · Tricep extensions: 50, 150, 250
    · Gas pumps: 40, 80, 120
    · Apolo Onos (2:1): 40, 60, 100
    · Moroccan Night Clubs (2:1): 100, 200, 300
    · Pickle Pounders: 40, 80, 120
    · Monkey humpers (calves to thighs): 40, 100, 200
    · Coupon OHP: 40, 80, 120
    · Leg Raises: 50, 100, 200
    · Bobby Hurleys: 40, 80, 120
    · Chill cut Peter Parkers (2:1): 30, 60, 100
    · Freddy Mercurys (2:1): 50, 150, 250
    · Bonnie Blairs (2:1): 40, 80, 120
    · Partner Dora (bumper)—Suicide, Mission Impossible plank: 2 rounds for each partner (4 rounds total), 4 rounds for each (8 total), 6 rounds for each (12 total); if need to rest on plank, have to tell running partner to pause
    · Partner Dora (grass)—Lunge Walk there, run back; SSH: 200, 300, 400

    We wrapped up the instructions and warmup and there were no more pleasantries to exchange. Time to go racing.
    The horn blew at 7:22a with most functional teams ready to go at their stations and 1-2 dysfunctional relationships lost at sea.

    Team points and observations below (to my best recollection of the points I jotted down and names, if this is incorrect please write your Representative)

    Dox/ Gecko 175
    We came, We saw…We got a lot of pennies.
    Got Gecko on my 1997 Creatine and peanut butter sandwich diet…early favorites for 2033.

    Dumbledore/GIJoe 180
    Classic pairing here of a rookie with untapped potential and the OG of Ogs, veteran GI Joe. Can we talk about Dumbledores first two posts: A Thursday paradiddle followed by the SV500 would make most veterans reconsider their C’s or HC’s but he silently showed up and put in some absolute work! Killer postfolio hes building.
    Also tons of local reports out of 12 Cedars that Joe has ditched the golf clubs and has been black ops prepping on the streets of Thibodaux. Don’t call it a comeback this man is a regular. #GIJOE4LYFE

    Wet Tap/Spec 200
    Unstoppable forces plowing through immovable objects. These men will humbly do goblet squats for weeks before realizing the rest of us were squatting air.
    Team “Don’t Weaken” lived up to the family creed. Great effort.

    Michelin/Percolator 205
    Team shake and bake coming in hot with Percs OG knowledge all the way from BR. Michelin transforming into a coupon OHP machine in front of our eyes. Ya love to see it. Great to catch up with ya Perc!

    Smooth/Suckle 295
    Officially dubbed Thunder and Lightning these men were a true combination of Rottweiler and Greyhound. HS gets to tell all his ultra friends he did a “1 mile fun run” and Smooth lifted a combined 18-wheeler worth of coupons. Well done.

    Safety Valve/ Cardinal 310
    In most prison movies theres a scene where a old inmate teaches a new guy the ropes. Cardinal fell right into his role here teaching valve the “proper” form on coupon avoidance techniques and how to ask extra questions to buy yourself a ten count. Valve continued to display his quiet strength and running prowess.

    Sandbar/Reluctant Yankee 325
    (*this was a ballpark # recorded post-race and if yall had different, chime in)

    Team Southshore, making it look easy! T-claps to you gents for making the drive, especially for RY for making the early haul after taking his 2.0 to college the night before. Southshore was well represented and we always enjoy the Yankee drop-ins during holidays.

    Cuz/Popeye 325
    Nice performance here from Team Yeet ‘Em and Street Em. Popeye already solidified as the comeback performance of the ’23 pax year and even further padding his stats while carrying Cuz. Don’t get me wrong Cuz was putting in the work, just seemed distracted asking YHC why we couldn’t add the Punisher symbol to the SV500 logo. #TundraTough…. It’s a lifestyle.

    Ronnie/YJ 355
    Many high level analyst saying YJ exercised the demons of 2022 with the tremendous ab and leg prep May – August and despite cranking tents and tables all day on Friday both these men laid down game day strains. Ronnie looking jacked Diesel in that tank sonnn.

    Goose/Zoolander 380
    YHC was setup behind the form as impeccable (as expected) but the push to get the next level (silver to gold) was inspiring. Just two great Pax leaders ripping burpees or was it a Calvin Klein commercial.

    Pope/Paradiddle- 425
    For real, For real! When YHC heard earlier in the week this team was pairing up I had them pegged as a dark horse pick. Pope has shown many traits of having dat dawggg this year and its been so awesome watching him grow and having him at weekday beatdowns.
    If you aren’t local and don’t know the maniac formerly known as Diddle let me read you his bio….

    Favorite song: Numb- Linkin Park
    Likes: Cardio
    Dislikes: Ppl who dislike Cardio
    Hometown: Zone 5 and He’s the Mayor

    These men represented the Thib pax to the last rep and YHC couldn’t be prouder. This will be a team to watch for years to come.

    THE CHAMPS….

    When the dust settled we had 3 teams that separated themselves from the pack. In a photo finish Tanked and Grundy retained the SV500 title narrowly escaping the youthful legs of Pope and Paradiddle. Leading the youth division (under 18) Redfish/Coyote with an impressive 500 points. The future is bright for these 2.0 studs.

    Tanked Up/ Grundy 435
    Incredibly impressive, especially with the tweaks Goose built this year. Station 19 and 20 Doras were both physically and psychologically punishing. Tclaps to the gentlemen for continuing to rep the Northshore. See you next year!!!

    After copious amounts of water/ Gatorade and shaking off heat stroke symptoms we wrapped up with COT and Cardinal Prayed us out.

    Coffeeteria with donuts provided by St. Vincent pharmacy staff and volunteers.
    I will pass along the gratitude from the entire St. Vincent pharmacy staff and board in thanking everyone involved in this event and fundraising endeavor. It’s been 2 years since we started discussing ways to help with the pharmacy after the devastation of Hurricane Ida and continued strain from the pandemic and I could have never imagined this level of support from F3 and the community. I’m proud to announce that with our contributions this year ($9517.50) we have raised over $20, 000 in the last 2 years for the pharmacy to continue to provide for people in need of life-saving medications. Looking forward to continuing to find ways to support this great organization.

    Epilogue

    THE FAITH THANG

    The heaping trash continued to tumble out of the micro trash bag and the tension was palpable. No one had seen this much garbage since the Naboo storyline in Episode 1 (RIP Jar Jar). Soon the sheer amount of plastic would overtake our oxygen supply. YHC was grasping at straws. We had to keep our composure. Cardinal was even running diversion tactics by introducing new schisms to the pax. “Hey you guys know how pirogue is pronounced??”
    And just when we had reached our darkest hour there came the return of the silent sedan over the hill like Gandalf into Helms deep. In place of a blazing white staff he proceeded to unveil the largest trash bag ever created on planet earth. We placed the entire events trash inside and it still looked empty. What and why this unit of plastic could be used for, other than oceans of trash, is beyond me. When Jeaux was pressed about it he only mumbled something about his affairs in international waters not being my business. He silently went on about his duty of peddling event t-shirts and correcting form. Not all heroes bring hefty’s.

    So here’s the very thing about the men of F3 Thibodaux. Ask them to grab a trash bag and they bring you TrashZilla Rex, the king of all trash. Need a JUMBolaya pot? Here’s one you can swim in! Need 1-2 ice chests? Ho Hum, here’s 5 Yetis all 30A approved. Ask them to do burpees, why not Kraken Burpees on emom timer. Ask them for stretching and you get a Diddle death march.

    And how about ask them to support a charity pharmacy in 115 heat indices with a back-to-back 2 day event?? One that has been there for so many in need for 2 decades and needed that same support. Well, you already know how that ends. The chips are low, a wolf at the door or a man alone in the darkness and these pax will stand up and serve those less fortunate. I could not be prouder to stand beside them.

    SYITG,

    Paradox

  • Just Wait Until This Year – from Yankee Joe

    A beautiful Saturday morning at The Peltch welcomed six Pax to her warm yet menacing embrace. It was about to get real…like real real…not iron challenge real…but def second to last level, Fake Bowser real.

    Still recovering from the St. Vincent 500 race deep in the swampy gloom of Thibodaux, LA, YHC spent last week painfully reflecting. Pulled by the mighty Enron through the latter half of the race, YHC had been front row to witness the unbelievable prowess of Tanked Up (respect) and Speedy Gonzalez (hate hate). YHC’s hopes had loomed large that morning at the stage. However, as Daft Punk so aptly put it, Tank was Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger. Ego appropriately deflated, YHC could have simply been a good little 90’s Red Sox fan and said, “Just wait until next year.” BUT with only 364 days remaining until next year’s race, YHC broke the cycle and immediately began crafting a plan. After an honest assessment of that day, YHC identified two specific moments in the race from which he would never recover: 1) Dora’s with 150 Big Boy Sit-ups and 2) Burpees. Taking Saturday’s Q was the first step (or burp) toward glory.

    By 7:30 am, each individual Pax had completed 285 merkins, 200 thrusters, 230 squats, 100 yards of crab walks, 100 yards of bear crawls, and 150 LBCs.

    High Country Chatter:

    – Welcome two new FNGs: Toe Loop and Pill Poppa!
    – Bosé up in this piece
    – Goats in the Machine making a bid for comeback pax of the year!
    – Enron is apparently moonlighting at the AO in Lake Norman, NC, but then bailing to the wilderness.
    – Paradox not only refrained from mentioning JBL, he was supportive and dare I say, friendly toward Bosé. Mark my words…there’s something sketch going on like keeping your friends close and your enemies closer.
    – Montana (and also a legit Montaña) broke out 100 yards of crab walks like they were nuttin’.
    – Kilo apparently can do 3,732 LBC’s without breaking a sweat…
    – Percleator is pure machine from the waist down (enter Michael Scott)…c’mon, I’m talking about rocking 205 squats and nearly 4 minutes of Al Gore’s.

    Warmarma:
    Side straddle hops
    Windmills
    Wrist circles
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles backward
    Cherry pickers
    Self love
    Arm stretches
    Imperial walkers
    Grass grabbers
    Mosie

    Mini-Thang: Cotton Eyed Joe
    – Hillbilly walkers; squat with side leg kicks on banjo; merkins on girl singing; rinse and repeat

    Real Thang: Painful Reflections (with soundtrack)

    Per YHC’s assessment, Burpees created some problems…so we dissected the problem and deconstructed the burpee.

    Part 1: Deconstructed Burpee w/ crab walks
    – 10 Squats, 10 leg thrusters, 10 Merkins, 10 leg thrusters, then crab walk 10 yards to opposite marker. Decrease reps by 1 each time until you get to 1 each. (110 thrusters; 55 merkins; 55 squats; 100 yds crab walk)

    Also, Dora’s wreaked havoc, so we got lazy, but not really.

    Part 2: Lazy Doras (no running, but jack up the pain)
    – Partners perform 100 Merkins each (total 200), 200 LBCs as a team, and 300 Squats as a team.
    – P1 started with Merkins while P2 planked, then switch until 200 merkins reached
    – Then, P1 did LBCs while P2 performed a 6″ leg hold, then switch until 200 total.
    – Finally, P1 did squats while P2 held Al Gore’s, then switch until 300 total.

    Painful Reflections Playlist:
    Crazy Train (Ozzy), Hells Bells (AC/DC), Another One Bites the Dust (Queen), Raise Your Hands (Bon Jovi), Enter Sandman (Metallica), Jump (Van Halen)

    Real Real Thang: The Umpire Strikes Back (110 merkins total; 100 yards bear crawl)

    Death Star, but set around a little league infield, base paths divided in segments.
    – Pax started at home plate 10 merkins, bear crawl halfway to 1st base – 10 merks, bear crawl to 1st base – 10 merks
    – BC halfway to 2nd base – 10 merks, BC to 2nd base – 10 merks
    – BC halfway to 3rd base (that’s what she said) – 10 merks, BC to 3rd base – 10 merks
    – BC one third of the way to home – 10 merks, BC to next third – 10 merks, BC to home – 10 merks (as Paradox reminded YHC that Tank was out there probably doing something harder)
    – Finally, BC to pitcher’s mound – 10 merks
    – Sprint to center field, wait for pax, then merkins until muscle failure (this last bit did not happen for some reason, but YHC was too gassed to notice)

    Mosie back to the flag…er…the spot where the flag normally goes for COT. Montana prayed us out.

    359 days until SV500 2023. But first, painful reflections followed by painfully righteous solutions.

    I continue to be humbled by your fellowship. Thank you.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

  • The St. Vincent 500 – from Paradox

    Our tale begins in the spring of 2022 in a small bayou town where a community pharmacy, after taking losses from storm and plague, had great need. After decades of providing vital prescription medicine for those in need, this team of volunteers now searched for the same helping hand. The Pax of F3 Thibodaux heard the call, and a plan was devised. We consulted our sage leader for advice. This HIM had carried the torch of 3Fs from the Mandevillage many moons ago. He knew the way of the pax and was skilled in the smithing of a fine beatdown. He peered into the gloom with a thousand-mile stare and the fate of the fundraiser hung in the balance. “if you build it..they will come” Goose said with a nod and then promptly vanished into a flurry of burpees. With a team formed and a grant secured we dove into the work.
    An event was needed and a place to rally the pax. A race, but not just any race. A challenge of physical and mental strength that would call to the hearts of the Louisiana PAX. A series of pain and cardiovascular torture so intense that no self-respecting HIM of F3 Nola could resist. It was forged in the caves of .word files and hammered through the gmail circuit boards. Welded to perfection one station at a time. A burpee here, a bonnie blair there. Precious metals adorned it at every corner to award prepared pax but many traps lay waiting for poor form. It was written, and it was done and it was beautiful.

    The beacons of aid were lit! Thibodaux called for aid…and our brothers answered.
    39 PAX (including 6 FNGs!) assembled at the stage on a gorgeous bayou morning! They came from northern shores and from western banks. From uptowns and motherships. From Grannies and Lakefronts. They came in calf sleeves, mudgears and some even bare of foot! Namesakes that struck fear like Shooter and Tanked. Some that drew intrigue like Hokie and Hawg. Famed backblasters we had read for years like Steve and Akbar. Even legends of the gloom like Frac and the Reluctant Yankee, who were there when the deep magic was gifted to us from the eastern coast. They followed a lonesome bayou road and mumbled Deliverance jokes along the way. They came as one to help a great cause and lock shields with their brothers in the bayou. The course was set, pleasantries exchanged, and the only thing left to do was make a run at 500. Let’s get to it…

    Warmup

    Goose gave the disclaimer and race details, and pointed out key safety and strategy reminders. Each two-person pax team would start at a numbered station along the course. Once the horn was blown, they would begin at their station and advance. Each station had 3 options: bronze, silver or gold. (Worth 10, 15 and 25 points respectively. So, a perfect score of gold at all 20 stations would reach the mythical 500 points. These corresponded to the number of reps completed by a team combined. They then would grab the token and secure it in an advanced technology carrying case (Ziploc bag). Head for the next station and rinse and repeat until you have finished 20 stations or ran out of time.
    After this was explained he led a thunderous cadence of our usuals stage warmups. This was YHCs first experience with a >20 pax group and the big group energy was powerful

    THE THANG

    Pair up, line up and we were numbered off 1-19 (one team of 3). Each team headed for their station and when GI Joe hit the airhorn it was geaux time. The stations were as follows:

    STATIONS:
    1. Merkins- 40, 80, 120
    2. Bobby Hurleys—30, 60, 90
    3. Freddy Mercuries—50, 100, 200
    4. Coupon Curls—40, 60, 100
    5. SSH: 50, 100, 150
    6. Carolina Dry Docks- 40, 60, 100
    7. Big Boy Sit Ups- Partner does big boys, one partner sprints to next station and back. 100, 150, 200 situps
    8. Side lunges (2 is 1)- 40, 80, 120
    9. Coupon OHP- 40, 60, 100
    10. Burpees- 30, 50, 100
    11. LBC’s- 50, 100, 200
    12. Peter Parker Merkins- 30, 60, 90
    13. Bonnie Blair (2 is 1) 40, 60, 100
    14. Brick Back Flys- 50, 100, 200
    15. Leg Raise Dora – One partner Leg raises, one partner bear crawl to next station and run back. 50, 100 or 200
    16. Mission Impossible Plank- combined time: 1 minute, 2 minutes, 5 minutes
    17. Coupon Swings- 40, 60, 100
    18. Prisoner Squats – 50, 100, 150
    19. Mountain Climber (2:1) 50, 100, 200
    20. Arm Circles while partner crabwalks to next station and runs back. Complete 100, 200, or 400

    After 1 hour of “Pax vs St. Vincent course” the dust settled and everyone returned to the flag. Chatter was high about the difficulty of the layout, the supreme fun had traversing the course and low rumblings of scores north of 400 permeated the air. A few teams completed counting up their coins while we began the count off, and name off. YHC was impressed with the veteran naming experience of NOLA and northshore pax. Their FNG naming skills were unparalled and we left with six newly minted local PAX: Welcome Sir Lawrence, Kodiak (CodyYak), MeatSweats, One Call, Wallflower and Lambchops. Looking forward to getting yall in the mix.

    Now down to serious business. YHC and Goose dramatically unveiled the official St. Vincent 500 dual trophies for the final presentation. Imagine a 12-inch manifestation of the love child between Hulk and Stretch Armstrong, in a full rage pose. Victory is all he has ever known. After appropriate oooohhhhs and ahhhhsss Goose led a suspenseful point count-off to see who the last team was standing. In the end, the combination of Tanked Up and Speedy Gonzalez tallied 470 points and took home the first annual St. Vincent 500 trophy! T- Claps on those numbers gentlemen. Phenomenal effort. We’ll all be gunning for you next year.

    Coffeeteria after provided by our St. Vincent de Paul board and it was great to get a chance to talk shop with all the pax and compare notes on course strategy.

    YHC could not have envisioned the tremendous amount of support we would receive from both our local community and our F3 community for this cause.
    So grateful for each one of you who spent your weekend time and energy for this event.

    At the time of writing this backblast we have raised $10, 451. 51!! This goes directly to purchase of prescription medicine for those individuals in need. Praise God!

    Thank you for the oppurtunity to lead.

    SYITG,
    Paradox

  • What Makes Our Nation Great? BOMBS – from Goose

    4 PAX for the 4th, and YHC focused on what makes a nation truly great–the unnoticed people on the ground level who do the “small”, thankless work, generation after generation. It’s hard work, humility, patience, perseverance, and a willingness to just keep grinding it out day after day regardless of the circumstances. We would be in solidarity with them this morning.

    After a much needed warmup of the usual after Yankee’s soreness-inducing Saturday, YHC introduced the main Thang:

    Often, we hear about the men who led and made major decisions in decisive battles, but rarely do we think about those who built the weapons, who hauled the ammunition and gear into the field, and who followed orders and took care of their brothers in the trenches.
    So, the PAX partnered up, and while one partner made continuous progress on the road to greatness by doing alternating step-ups on the picnic tables, the other partner built BOMBS (then flapjack):

    Bicep Curls–17
    Overhead Press–70 (by tens)
    Manmakers–6(teeen)
    Big Boy Situps w/block–50 (by tens)
    Squats w/block–13

    Altogether, 1776, 50 stars, and 13 stripes

    Thang 2: Push Through It

    All PAX army crawled the length of the field, then ran back. It was grueling work, and the ground was harder than it seemed, so all were glad to be done with it. But, of course, in keeping with the theme, YHC announced we’d be repeating the trek.

    YHC shared his great admiration for those on the battlefield and in their homes who are able to make the shift from asking the question, “How much more of this can I take?” to “What is needed of me in this moment?” This shift seems to require a lot of practice (which YHC was happy to provide this morning), and I think it’s one of the main reasons for the Q-drenaline phenomenon–your focus is on the PAX and the plan rather than on constantly trying to calculate how much more you think you can suffer.

    Thang 3: Coyote Ugly’s

    Back to the picnic tables. Partner 1 holds Partner 2’s legs in wheelbarrow position while Partner 1 steps up with his arms onto the bench, merkin, then onto the top, merkin, back down to the bench, merkin, and down to the ground, merkin. That’s 1 rep. The plan was for each PAX to do 5 reps, but the physics of the step up from the ground to the bench proved to be a major strain on the lower back, despite the holding partner’s best efforts. So, each did 3 reps with legs held, and the last two with feet on the ground. Looking back, it might have been more successful just going from the bench to the top, skipping the ground stage altogether.

    With a few minutes left, all PAX sprinted to the road and back just to add some intensity before 7 minutes of Mary (“7 minute abs!”): All 20 IC–Flutter kicks, LBC’s, Leg raises, American Hammers, Hello Dollies, and Wife Pleasers.

    COT with some great updates about the St. Vincent 500 and some intense prayer intentions including thanks for Percleator’s finding a house. We’re grateful that they finally found a winner, but it won’t be the same without him!
    Extremely grateful for these HIMs and their willingness to get up early and grind it out, as well as for the gift of this great nation and the people who make it that way.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • “A Friggin’ Long Time” – from Goose

    The number 40 is clearly a big deal–it shows up in some of the most important events in Scripture, and it’s a turning point in the lives of most people. So, this day being that turning point for YHC, I decided to take a dive into some of those important events and make at least one of the PAX puke in the process.
    If you translate the number 40 from the original Hebrew, it technically means “a friggin’ long time,” as in, “It rained for a friggin’ long time,” or, “The Israelites were in the desert for a friggin’ long time.” Hence, the theme of the following routines (after a warmup of the usual, including suggestions of a more efficient combination of some of the favorite exercises, such as “Moroccan Self-Love,” the image of which continues to make YHC laugh out loud at inopportune times, like in church the next day):

    Noah’s Ark:
    YHC decided to honor a few of the animals who took that famous ride, and the PAX lined up in the outfield to do 40 steps forward and 40 steps backward of the following:
    bear crawls, crab walks, duck walks, and inchworm merkins.
    Backward duck walks burned, and backward inchworm merkins required more coordination than most of the PAX could muster, but they will definitely be used again in the future.

    Exodus:
    After being freed from Egypt, crossing the Red Sea on dry land, their enemies being completely destroyed, being fed miraculously every morning and evening, led by a pillar of fire by night and cloud by day, the Israelites struggled to have faith that God could lead them to inhabit the land He promised. After sending a group of spies to reconnoiter the land, they came back with a report, that despite the land being amazing, it would be impossible to take because of the large race of people living there. Because of their lack of faith and obstinance, they then had to take a roundabout route that took them 40 years to complete before faithful men finally led them to conquer and inhabit the land.
    Moseyed to the lower field, and after an explanation of the meaning and origins of the word “reconnoiter” and a challenge from Paradox to Enron to read a book every now and then, the PAX partnered up for the following:
    Partner 1–run to the outfield fence (from the outside) and do 20 squat jumps (squatting behind the city walls and leaping up to take a peek at what’s inside).
    Partner 2–chilly jacks until partner returns with news from all the reconnoitering.
    Once both partners have completed the squat jumps, it was an Indian Run to the Thunderdome, which was right behind us, but, of course, we had to take a roundabout route to the street and around the front entrance of the park first.

    Temptation of Jesus in the Desert:
    After eating nothing for 40 days and 40 nights (“a friggin’ long time”), Jesus was very hungry, and after this exercise, the PAX would be very winded. 10 burpees EMOM for 4 minutes = 40 quick burpees. YHC had originally considered more, but was grateful for only 40 after the previous exercises and in the thick humidity. Yankee Joe took this opportunity to “boot” for the first time that day (literal translation = “reconnoiter the inside of a toilet bowl”), which reminded him of his college days, and after which he jumped right back in with renewed vigor.

    40 Days between Easter and Ascension:
    During the time period after the Resurrection and before the Ascension, a few of the apostles went fishing, caught nothing, and after being directed by a mysterious person on shore (Jesus) to throw their nets on the other side of the boat, they hauled in 153 large fish. So, after moseying to the chimney, we used the letters in the word FISH, to complete 40 reps of the following:
    Frogs (Crunchy variety): OYO, 1 is 1
    Imperial Walkers: IC, 2:1
    Squats: OYO
    Hand-release Merkins: OYO (x33 to add up to 153)

    Barnabas:
    June 11 is also the feast day of the Apostle Barnabas. Though not one of the original 12, he was Paul’s main companion for most of his journeys, many of which ended in some rough treatment. So, the PAX partnered up again for three rounds of partner carries, 20 yards out, flapjack, and 20 yards back (40):
    1. Fireman’s Carry (over the shoulders)
    2. Wheelbarrow
    3. Partner Drag (wrap around from behind, heels dragging)
    Paradox claims to have a clear path to heaven now that he’s carried a priest (Cardinal) on his shoulders.

    40 Finisher:
    YHC took it right up to the limit with nine rounds of Tabata, 40 seconds work, 20 seconds rest:
    flutter kicks, squats, merkins, LBC’s, lunges (front to back), shoulder tap merkins, hello dollies, side lunges, and Maktars.
    Time got away from YHC, and we started the run back to the flag at 7:30. The PAX assumed the 40 theme was being taken to the extreme with a 7:40 finish, but despite YHC’s birthday priveleges, breaking protocol (on purpose) is prohibited.

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out.
    YHC was surprised by a gift from the PAX presented by Paradox: a gift-wrapped, monogrammed coupon! I’m not sure whether to mount it over the mantle or to use it exclusively at all following beatdowns, but I was deeply touched and continue to be grateful that these men are willing to stay the path of hard growth with me week after week. The brotherhood is deep and much appreciated, gents!
    P.S. Heck of a job, Yankee Joe! He may have “booted” multiple times, but in returning today after having been out for months, he pushed through and finished strong, and YHC is honored to now be a member of the 40-and-over club with him.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • We saw the sign – from Percleator

    Warmuparama
    SSH, AV, AC FW/BW, CP, High knees butt kicks, IW, grass grabbers

    First thang: catch me if you can
    One lap around green at the chimney, partner performed 15 Freddie Mercurys while other partner bear crawled, catch up to partner and switch places. Second lap was lunge walk paired with 5 burpees

    Mosey to thunderdome for thang 2:
    YHC has noticed a lack of a certain genre of music for beatdowns. It’s hard to name this category but the closest thing might be “meme songs” or a “torture track”. Its the kind of song that is fun at first (in a slightly ironic sense) but will wear on you with time.
    Song 1: What’s up by Four Non Blondes
    Squats for the duration of the song. YHC called out tempo. Started out with slow 4 count squats (4 counts down 4 counts up) at different points in song YHC called out 2 and 2 count, 3 and 1, then into singles. YHC got excited and called out jump squats before the song hit its climax.
    Song 2: The sign by Ace of Base
    Start with crunchy frogs. When song changes to verse do mountain climbers, chorus do Australian sweat angels, for breakdown section back to crunchy frogs and repeat until end of song.
    YHC is of the belief that an hour of this song on repeat qualifies as cruel and unusual. No man could retain his sanity in that scenario.

    Last thang: BOMBS
    Team up 50 burpees
    75 Overhead claps from people’s chair
    100 Mercans
    150 Big Boys
    200 Squats
    The PAX pushed hard and almost finished but YHC called it and got back to flag a couple minutes late.

    Sadly no time for Mary.
    COT and Kilo sprayed us out

    Thank you for the opportunity to lead, always a pleasure with you guys
    SYITG

  • 35s and 5/19s – Birthday Beatdown – from Enron

    YHC rolled up to the stage only to be greeted with 35th Birthday wishes from Percleator, Cardinal, and Paradox. I instructed them that we would need to unload not only bricks, but hoping that Goose would arrive soon, coupons as well. As Goose arrived, dangerously close to 5:30, the work began. YHC instructed the PAX that todays beatdown would be inspired by his newly acquired age, 35, or birthdate 05/19/87.

    PAX: Enron, Cardinal, Goose, Paradox, Perclator

    Warmup: the usual plus a couple with a mosey to the bumper then to the stop sign afterwards – SSH, WM, AC, Cherry Pickers, Grass Grabbers, IW

    Thang 1 and only 1: Grab bag 35s or 5/19/87s
    YHC picked up the “birthday” gift bag after quickly informing the PAX that he took some ridicule from his wife for using a Christmas decorated bag in the Birthday Beatdown. Appealing to Cardinals love of chance games, the following exercises were placed on strips of paper and placed in the bag. PAX took turns pulling the “gifts”, reading aloud, and then the group performing that gift. Most of the exercises were done on your own rep timing. This took the entire rest of the beatdown.
    35 Merkins
    5 Burpees 19 Squats 87 Night Clubs
    35 Yard Bear Crawl
    35 Yard Sprint
    35 Yard Crab Walk
    35 Yard Mosey
    35 Second Break
    35 Second Break
    35 Brick Shoulder Tap
    35 Dying Brick Roaches
    35 Coupon Curls
    35 Bonnie Blairs
    35 Squat Jumps
    5 Squat Jumps & 19 Coupon Curls 87 Self Love
    35 SSH
    35 Brick Butterflies
    35 Floyd Mayweathers with Bricks
    35 Big Boy Situps
    5 Blockies 19 Freak Nastys
    35 Coupon Presses
    35 Imperial Walkers
    35 Grass Grabbers
    5 Merkins 19 Freddie Mercuries 2=1
    35 Burpees
    35 Yard Coupon Carry
    35 Brick Moroccan Night Clubs
    5 Box Jumps 19 Incline Merkins
    5 Step Ups 2=1 19 Box Jumps
    35 Skull Crushers
    35 Curls
    35 Butt Kicks
    35 High Knees
    35 Wind Mills
    5 – 8 Ct Body Builders 19 Big Boy Situps
    35 Monkey Humpers
    35 Yard Mosey
    5 Squat Jumps – 19 Overhead Presses
    35 Wife Pleasers
    35 second Plank
    35 Second Al Gore
    35 Apolo Ohno’s 1=1
    35 Penguins 2=1
    35 LBCs
    35 Leg Raises
    35 Flutter Kicks =1
    Dealers Choice
    Dealers Choice
    Dealers Choice
    Dealers Choice

    COT and Goose prayed us out. It was a great experience getting to celebrate with these guys today. Thanks for the birthday wishes.

    Till next time in the Gloom,

    Enron

  • The Dawn of Darth Kilo – from Kilo

    As YHC was prepping for his VQ the night before, an all-out manhunt was conducted in search of Lifejacket. The search spanned far and wide from the deserts of Tatooine, to the seas of Kimino, and finishing in the dreaded lava rivers of Mustafar. The treacherous search bore no fruit. YHC concluded the search with the solemn realization that Lifejacket had vanished like a cowardly sidekick when it came time for its dual against the legendary duo, Anker and JBL. YHC made his concessions and altered his plans as necessary.

    YHC pulled up at The Peltch to 6 eager, yet cautious, PAX. They had no idea what was required to properly prepare in advance for Star Wars Day, May the Fourth, but YHC had arrived to show them the way with both a red and a blue lightsaber in hand.

    Warmup: X-Wings (SSH), Darth Mauls (WM), General Grievous (AC), IW, Anakin’s Mom (Self-Love)

    Thang 1:
    Imperial March (High Knee Mosey) to the Thunderdome. Right from the start, this proved to be much more difficult than YHC expected. Worried for what was to come, Paradox made a suggestion to Mos Eisley (Normal Mosey) when it came time to depart the Thunderdome. The merciful YHC took note, but would remember the Imperial March for later use.

    Star Wars Trivia: 15 questions, each with their own exercise. A correct answer decreased that exercise by half.
    • 40 X-Wings
    • 30 Mountain Climbers (2 is 1)
    • 20 Merkins
    • 30 Freak Nastys
    • 30 Jar Jars (flutter kicks)
    • 20 Burpees
    • 30 – second mid plank
    • 40 squats
    • 20 BBS
    • 20 leg raises
    • 60 – second wall sit
    • 30 X-Wings
    • 20 Merkins
    • 30 Freak nastys
    • 30 LBCs
    YHC was generally pleased with the level of Star Wars knowledge held by the PAX, but was thoroughly impressed by Cardinal’s ability to summon the knowledge and wisdom of the Jedi Order when threatened with Burpees.

    Thang 2:
    Mos Eisley (Mosey) to the chimney.

    AT-AT Race (Bear Crawl Race): PAX AT-AT raced back and fourth multiple times between lightsaber markings (about 30 yards apart). This yielded much suffering from the Padawan PAX. Two 10-Counts were necessary to deter mass asphyxiation.

    Thang 3:
    Light Side / Dark Side: (Basically like “Never have I Ever” but begins with “Sith Lords have…”). 10 questions. Sith Lords do full exercise, Jedi do half.
    • Sprint to Chimney
    • 40 X-Wings
    • 20 Burpees
    • 20 BBS
    • 20 Jar Jars
    • 20 Burpees
    • 40 Squats
    • 20 Mountain climbers (2 is 1)
    • 20 BBS
    • 30 – Second MI Plank
    YHC was pleasantly surprised to see that the majority of PAX were on very similar moral ground.

    Mos Eisley through Thunderdome and back to the Flag for a solid 5 minutes of MARY.

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out.

    Thank you for bearing with me on my VQ. I hope it was as enjoyable for all of you as it was for me. Darth Kilo has shown his face…and Darth Kilo will return.

    See You in the Gloom,
    Kilo

  • Holy Saturday and a Visit from a Forefather – from Goose

    As the PAX slowly trickled in at the Peltch on the morning of Holy Saturday, we tried to guess whose car was pulling in as soon as we could see the headlights down the road. But one car mystified us, even as it pulled to a stop in the parking lot–was it another one of Tighty Whitey’s FNG’s showing up nervously without him? Or, was it an overly excited little league coach coming to set up his dugout a few hours early? We were way off. White hair was the first thing to become clear in the gloom, and then a Run Cajun Run shirt–could it be? Yes!! It was Reluctant Yankee! I had the distinct pleasure of directing the following proclamation to the PAX, “Gentlemen, this is the founder of F3 NOLA, and today he has deigned to join us bayou PAX for our humble beatdown at The Peltch.” YHC would have preferred to have some trumpeters, a red carpet, and a scroll to read from, but all we had was Coyote, my 10-year-old 2.0, who rattled off as many F3 terms as he could think of (“fartsack” came up multiple times).
    Ultimately, 12 PAX, including an FNG, were present as we commenced a Holy Saturday themed beatdown.

    Warmup: SSH, WM, AC, Cherry Pickers, IW, high knees, butt kicks

    Thang 1:
    Moseyed to the Thunderdome for a Flora 1, 2, 3 and a couple of songs. The theme was uncomfortable waiting–Jesus is lying dead in a dark, stone tomb, and we’re waiting with him.
    Partnered up for the Flora (waiting in uncomfortable positions while your partner completes his reps):
    1. Partners split 100 dips, each does 10 at a time while the other holds dip position (down).
    2. 200 air presses in people’s chair against the columns, 20 at a time while other holds chair position.
    3. 300 flutter kicks, 30 at a time while other holds legs six inches off the ground.

    Song 1: “While I’m Waiting” by John Waller–held plank for the duration (almost 5 min.) and 3 mountain climbers (2:1) every time he said “Waiting” (90 mountain climbers total). YHC’s calves are still sore.
    Song 2: “The Final Countdown” by Europe–side straddle hops for the duration (over 5 min.) and three Bonnie Blairs (1:1) for every “Final Countdown” (over 50 total).

    Thang 2: Empty Tomb
    When the disciples saw/heard the tomb was empty, the waiting/difficulty wasn’t immediately relieved. There were questions, confusion, running, freaking out, etc. So, the PAX lined up at the first of three cones and completed 20 Chinooks (arm circles over the head) to represent the women freaking out and telling the disciples the tomb was empty, and then sprinted to the second cone to represent to apostles running to the tomb, and then army crawled from there to the third cone (crawling into the tomb to check it out).
    Repeated this 5 times (and gained some souvenir brush burns in the process).
    Then, all PAX ran backward to the last cone and back followed by carioca to the last cone and back.
    Then, partnered up and PAX 1 ran backward from the first cone to the third, and PAX 2 sprinted to try to catch him once he reached the second cone (like Peter trying to catch up with John). Flapjack and then rinse and repeat.

    Indian Run around the park gave YHC a chance to chatter with Yankee a bit about F3 leadership, followed by some substantial Mary at the flag. Tried to include 10 Absolutions, a somewhat complicated 8-count plank exercise, which failed miserably, leading to the obvious lesson that absolution (cleansing from sin) can’t be earned. Other exercises were crunchy frogs, wife pleasers, leg raises, and a couple of other things, I think.

    Count off, name off, and named our FNG Neanderthal–welcome!! Announcements included a push to hop in the clown car headed to the Northshore for the Zoorich Classic this Saturday, and Kilo prayed us out. Thanks, gents, for letting me lead, and huge thanks to Reluctant Yankee for the surprise visit!

    SYITG,
    Goose