F3 New Orleans

Tag: Smooth Operator

  • Pyramid and the JERF – from Wet Tap

    YHC pulled up to the Stage only a few seconds late to see the PAX eagerly awaiting a beatdown. Somehow subconsciously, the PAX had unassumingly formed a circle. This instinctive skill must be a defensive mechanism. Never-the-less, despite vomit, monsters, and God Thunder, YHC was ready with a quality Tuesday Tuff beatdown.

    The usual warm-a-rams without haste:
    SSH, high knees, Butt-kicks, arm circles F/R, Self-love

    The JERF goes back as long as time itself. Some say this was the brainchild of Moses, others Ancient Egyptians. I personally believe it pre-dates most of written history. Somewhere in the late 80’s an F3 folk legend names Yankee Jeaux eagerly typed these instructions on his state of the art typewriter (with delete function). The JERF is a mighty foe in itself, yet YHC yearned for more, call it ignorance.

    In typical fashion, the JERF includes 10 sets of:

    10 coupon curls
    30 squats*
    10 merkins
    10yd bear crawl
    10 merkins
    20 American Hammers (2:1)
    30 Lying leg lifts
    20 LBC

    YHC wanted a throw back pyramid training in-between each set. The standard pyramid sprint cycle goes like this:
    50 yd, 100 yd, 200, 300, 400, 300, 200, 100, 50

    The sprints would immediately follow each set.

    The eerie quiet of the PAX made me consider I bit of too much. Perhaps we’d run out of time? With the flash of lightning and rumble of thunder the party began.

    As we climbed the pyramid, all hopes of a low strain were gone; and at the summit a much needed 10 count ^2 let us admire the view. Back to work with high hopes. As we descended the subtle sounds of back against pavement cued Paradox to enforce form police mode. Without even a glance, Paradox can tell if those leg lifts are hittin’ just right!

    Beast mode was attained as Enron hit a 5th or 6th gear, leaving us wondering how and why? The unexpected strength and stamina exhibited by the PAX as we all finished together was something awesome. Leave no man behind was in full force as we all ran a little harder to finish the beatdown ( FrenchHorn-Goose).

    A 2 minute Mary was all we had left, giving us plank hold shoulder taps in sequence and a final 6 “ leg hold slow and steady fall.

    COT and prayer by French Horn
    @Goose, @FrenchHorn, @ Enron, @ Paradox, @Smooth Operator,

  • Practice?! We Talkin’ About Practice?! – from Goose

    Yes. Yes, we are talkin’ about practice. This PAX has been leaning way to heavily on their natural athletic abilities and playground skills, but that’ll never get us to perform on the next level. This morning it was time to get back to fundamentals, back to teamwork, and back to puking. So, YHC dusted off his collared high school basketball coach shirt (yes, it was girls’ basketball, and yes I was just the assistant, but I am a treasure chest filled with knowledge and leadership) because it was time to give these thugs a proper basketball practice.

    Pre-warmups consisted of hugging the lion’s head for those deep calf stretches on the statue’s pedestal. Warmups consisted of the usual plus high knees and butt kicks to get the ankles and lungs moving. During the warmups, YHC kept looking over his shoulder to see if Tana was gonna pull in late. (Maybe he thinks “HC” stands for “Fart Sack”. Like in a different language.) We had five solid, which would work fine for what YHC had planned.

    We then moseyed over to the basketball court through a growing line of cars with people waiting in them (no idea), YHC carrying our high quality basketball (gray, perfect for the gloom, and nice and smooth after months of four-square in the street). I then shared some of my experience as a high school basketball player (“more of a defensive guy”) with a Cuban coach. I started the practice with one of his favorite inspirational speeches (in my best dramatic Cuban accent):
    “Every day in Africa, a lion wakes up. And, he knows he must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or he will starve.
    “Every day in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. And, he knows he must run faster than the fastest lion, or he will be eaten.
    “So, gentlemen, how do you know if you’re running fast enough??
    “SWEAT!!”

    Trying to get your head wrapped around that? Don’t. Just start running. And, that’s what we did. We started with single-file figure 8’s around the court. Starting in the corner, sprint to half court, slap the ground, side-shuffle across to the other sideline, slap the ground, sprint to the opposite baseline, slap the ground, side-shuffle across, and repeat back to start. This was tough, so we did it twice to get the system nice and woke.

    After a ten-count, we split into partners(ish) and did chest pass drills. Two men faced each other about 15ft. apart and side-shuffled from one basket to the other chest passing it back and forth and finishing with a bounce pass and layup at the other end. The next pair was waiting there to take over going the other direction. For every dropped pass or missed layup, the pair were penalized with 15 crunchy frogs. We did a lot of crunchy frogs. Passes were better than I expected, but the baskets seemed to have force fields around them. We were celebrating made layups like they were 3-pointers.

    After about 10 minutes, we switched to a rebound tip-drill. PAX lined up single file facing the right side of the backboard, and the first guy in line tossed the ball off the backboard for the next guy to jump, grab the ball, and put it back off the board before hitting the ground. Each guy in turn had to do the same and then run to the back of the line. If the ball hit the ground, all PAX were penalized with 10 jump squats. I have to say, I pictured this one being a bit of a train wreck, but the PAX who showed up this morning were all athletes, even if in a former life. From the get go, that ball stayed up and the line kept moving through multiple cycles before dropping. It was beautiful. But I couldn’t tell them that–I had to stay in character. And that character would always say, “Perfection–is that too much to ask?!” So, after about five minutes on each side of the backboard and only about 40 total jump squats, we lined up on the baseline for a well-deserved suicide.

    The next drill was supposed to be 3 on 2 on 1, but since we only had 5 guys, it was just 3 on 2, and it worked fine. This is a fast break drill to help with of getting more of your men down the court faster and taking advantage of numbers for a quick score. Two PAX played defense while three brought the ball downcourt to try to score. Offense won if they scored, and defense won if they got the ball. Winners did 20 LBC’s while losers did 10 Big Boys. Then, we just rotated so we all had turns in each position.
    Again, latent athleticism revealed itself here and there on the ground, but the basket seemed to be playing better defense than all of us. It was fun to play some ball after so many years, though, but after about 10 minutes, it was time to shift into fourth quarter, game-on-the-line training.

    YHC had the PAX run a quick half court and back, full court and back just to wind us a bit and put the pressure on. Each PAX, starting with Enron (since he sprinted for the win on that first half-court) was given a chance to make a free throw to win the game and send us home. If they missed, it was another half-court, full-court sprint. We had about five minutes remaining on the clock, so any made shot could have officially ended it for us and given us a nice, slow mosey back to the flag. But, we all missed. Every single one of us. I think a few of us hit the rim, which was encouraging, but we had to mosey back to the flag knowing that we had been defeated at the last second of the game. I think that’s what made Smooth puke. (It’s ok, Smooth. It’s just a game.)

    COT with prayer intentions between panting breaths and Cardinal prayed us out. Heckuva job, team. I think we just might make the tournament next year.

  • Hit ‘Dem Commitments! – from Goose

    A number of the PAX were with their wives on a married couples’ retreat with YHC over the weekend at Lumen Christi, and the rest of the PAX were gracious enough to meet us there at 6am for the official Saturday beatdown. The morning had already started with a number of awesome surprises:
    1. Two of the non-F3 retreatants came out after seemingly no interest shown the day before, one of whom had driven down from St. Louis. YHC happened to pack the trophy F3 St. Louis shirt won during the 2022 Make America Burpee Again CSAUP, and I only remembered that it was in my bag when he showed up that morning. It was an awesome “coincidence”, and the newly minted “Photoshop” will now be properly attired when he posts back home.
    2. A tall, dark, hooded being crept up silently in the cold darkness and refused to answer requests for identification until YHC recognized him when he was only about 10 feet away. Enron was ready to jump the stranger, but his wide smile and goofy laugh revealed the last Cotter we expected to see that morning–it was Cutthroat! After from swearing off F3, hills, and anything non-crossfit, he couldn’t fight that feeling anymore, and he was ready to battle the snakes, ant piles, and elevation that only this AO could deliver.
    3. Ben Naquin, to be later named “Prius”, caved to his brother-in-law, Fence Post’s pressure to get busy livin’, and despite a helluva tough year including some new physical limitations, powered out an incredible first beatdown with tenacity and perseverance matched by few.

    The joy of the 12 PAX at such a great showing was palpable, and the warmup was executed with high energy–a lot of the usuals with no arms; YHC’s shoulder is still needing some rest, so it would be lots of legs and abs today!

    The theme that would carry us through the day was the same as the retreat: Domestic Church–particularly the 7 commitments each couple chooses to improve upon over the course of their journey: individual prayer, prayer with Scripture, couple prayer, family prayer, couple dialogue, rule of life, and an annual retreat.

    Started with a combined individual prayer/prayer with Scripture, which was represented by an Indian run around the campus with the last guy dropping off for three genuflections before sprinting to the front of the line. Just like individual prayer, you gotta break the rhythm of the day to stop what you’re doing and hit your knees–it’s not gonna happen on its own!

    We stopped on top of the hill for couple prayer and partnered up for a lazy Dora. Each “couple” went back and forth offering their “prayers” in the form of splitting duty on 100 wife pleasers (the non-“praying” partner held bridge), 200 squats (other partner held Al Gore), and 300 flutter kicks (other partner held 6 inches). It was only later in the day, once the sun was up, that many of the PAX were able to see just how many ant piles were on that hill–it was truly a miracle no one laid in one or more and got munched. It really looked like we were all clear in the darkness of the gloom.

    Next was family prayer–a ring of fire with all PAX doing constant smurf jacks to represent a bunch of active kids waiting their turn to pray, or in this case, squat jump. We made it to 50 before YHC called it to make time for couple dialogue.

    Any Domestic Church veteran will tell you that couple dialogue, though typically a sleeper, is the secret sauce. This is where the real money is, where the major growth happens for the couples who take advantage of it. A couple dialogue allows a couple to make measurable progress–it takes time an effort, but if you don’t give up early, it’ll change you. It would be no different this morning–the memories and the PTSD would center around this routine: 11’s over the hill. We started on the lake side with 10 Apolo Onos and on the other did 1 gas pump–next time was 9 and 2 and so on until finishing at 1 Ono and 10 gas pumps. Transportation was nurring (running backward) up and running down (both ways). It was the nur. The nur uphill caused YHC to think more than once about calling this one early, and more than once I checked my watch to see if time would give me an excuse, but we were going too fast. Paradiddle and Wet Tap wouldn’t let YHC ease up without it being obvious–we were in it together, all in, or not at all. I’m grateful for those dudes, per usual, and for their tenacity and companionship, cuz there was no place for a tired, self-pitying Goose to hide, so I didn’t miss out on the chance for some solid growth in mental toughness.
    Huge T-claps to the two FNG’s (and Cutthroat, too) for their staying with this one–it was designed assuming we’d have nothing but veterans out there this morning, but these guys never gave up!
    Side-note–a few minutes into this is when another stranger emerged out of the gloom, this time with a bouncing phone flashlight, and tried to just enter the fray unnoticed, but his off-color, plant-worker humor gave him away, as did the 6:40 arrival time–typical Goats in the machine arrival time is 5-10 minutes late, but this time, his Lenten lack of social media usage made him 40 minutes late (didn’t check GroupMe), so he promised to do some Doras at home. Good to have you, Goats, regardless of how long we get you!

    We ended on the far side of the hill for rule of life and the annual retreat. For rule of life, we picked on of YHC’s household rules, no phones on the toilet. This was represented by 15 mountain man poopers, increasing in speed as the reps increased representing how quickly YHC can get in and out of the bathroom now.
    The retreat is a chance for us to pack up our wives and kids and drag them to a far off location in hopes that it will do us some good. So, we grabbed our partners and piggy-backed them up the hill, then dropped them, ran down, and flapjacked. This is where the highlight of the morning happened–Ben (“Prius”) was first carried by Superfun(d), who is not a small man, but when they flapjacked, YHC assumed there would be some modifications, but once Smooth dropped me at the top and I turned around, there was Ben, moving quick up the hill, a determined smile on his face. All our legs were dead at this point, but he wanted to see if he could do it. His digging deep blew the whole PAX away, and they erupted, cheering wildly as he topped the hill with his mustached rider. It was a thing of beauty.

    We moseyed back to the flag for 7 minutes of Mary, 20 IC of the following: crunchy frogs, leg raises, J-Lo’s, pickle pounders (excellent mumblechatter from Cutthroat and Cardinal about potential publicity issues with this), and Jane Fondas to go with Yankee Joe’s Donna Summers comments. Held plank for the last minute, and then called it.
    COT with some FNG naming fun, the Animal shirt going to the indomitable Paradiddle, and then Superfun(d) prayed us out. It was an awesome addition to the retreat, and another great shot in the arm for the F3 Thibodaux crew.

    SYTIG,
    Goose

  • Catch Me If You Can Handle the Heat: Featuring 21s and Dora 1-2-3 – from Goats in the Machine

    The 5 PAX arrived, ready to take on whatever the Exicon had in store for them. Goose led us through a thorough warm-up to get the blood flowing and muscles loosened up.

    Thang 1: “Catch Me If You Can”
    PAX were partnered and thruppled up in the field between The Stage walking loop and the subdivision entrance. Round 1 consisted of 5 squats while chasing each other via sprint and nerr for 5 laps across the field (edge of the parking lot to the white fence at the front of the subdivision). Round 2 was 6 standing lunges and 3 laps.

    Thang 2: “Global Warming”
    The PAX formed a circle of pain and held the Al Gore position while slowly shuffling in a circle. The music played, and we did 10 merkins and 10 BBSUs on “sun” to Smash Mouth’s “Walking on the Sun.” Then we switched to Johnny Cash’s “Five Feet High and Rising” and did jump squats based on the number called out by the song.

    Thang 3: “Indian Run”
    The PAX formed a single-file line of runners, and the last guy in line ran to the front. We ran around the perimeter of the stage walking loop and pergola for approximately a quarter-mile.

    Thang 4: “21s”
    The PAX did side straddle hops in unison, counting reps 1-5 out loud. Reps 6-21 were all mental, and everyone had to stop together at 21. If anyone stopped early or went over, the YHC had the PAX perform penalty burpees. The PAX performed 3 rounds.

    Thang 5: A modified “Dora 1-2-3”.
    PAX worked in pairs, with one partner doing the exercise while the other sprinted across the lawn. The exercises were 100 bunny hops, 200 LBCs, and 300 squats.

    COT:
    Announcements: Lumin Christi beatdown on Saturday, more details to come in the GroupMe chat.
    Intentions: Lots to be thankful for today and prayers for families.
    Prayer: Smooth prayed us out.

    Moleskin:
    YHC is suffering from a shoulder injury due to a late-night rooster wrangling incident (see the group me for the security camera video). Additionally, Goose is suffering from a sore shoulder as well. His injury and athletic ability are a testament to the fact that age is just a number, but there are consequences for trying to turn back the clock. Therefore the decision was made to modify the beat down to minimize arms and exploit legs, core, and cardio.
    YHC gave the Pax an option between a 1 Thnag beatdown and a 5 Thang beatdown. The Pax opted for some variety. To craft this beatdown YHC used a number gereratoe to randomly select workouts from the Exicon. There are 31 web pages with 25 line items on each page. YHC had the number generator select 2 numbers. The first number select was between 1 and 31 and the second number selected was between 1 and 25… and BOOM! A “Tuesday Tough” BEATDOWN WAS BORN!
    The Pax enjoyed a beatdown that was mor Cardio heavy that usual. According to Enron’s apple watch we ran approx. 2.75 miles.

    AI Generatede Linerick:
    “We started our workout with glee
    Excited for what it might be
    Catch Me If You Can, a race
    Partners pushed each other’s pace

    Global Warming had us in pain
    Jump squats and merkins, sweat like rain
    Indian Run, kept us on track
    21s and Dora, no turning back”

  • PawPaw’s Chainlink Beatdown by Smooth Operator – from Goose

    Alright let’s get started, I have been thinking about my PawPaw ever since I been following the discipline of exodus 90. One of the formation packs Suffering well with Christ struck home with YHC. So I decided to make some exercises that represented some aspects of his life that I found especially interesting.

    YHC showed up at the stage around 0445 this morning and started unloading some props. Enron was the first to show up as I was finishing duck taping a slightly damp cement bag together to make sure it wouldn’t fall apart throughout the work out. Lil cuz showed up next followed by Paradox coming in hot around 0510. After some chitchat we jumped into warms up.

    Warm up
    Side straddle hops
    Grass grabbers
    Windmills
    Arm circles both ways
    Cherry pickers
    Butt kickers
    Self love

    Thang 1 Meat rabbit 7’s

    Alright my PawPaws first attempt at entrepreneurship was raising rabbits to provide meat to the little town of Lucy. It did not take off like he hoped and eventually he tore down his rabbit building and moved it to Vacherie to make his fence shop.

    Meat rabbit 7’s are an adaptation of 11’s due to time. The workout by the stage were burpees which we started with 7 and worked down to one. The mode of transport was bunny hops to the side walk and one legged bunny hops switching at every picnic table on the way back. The sidewalk workout was squats from 1 to 7. This one was a lot harder on us than YHC thought it was going to be. Towards the end the bunny hops started to look like horse gallops, but the PAX got it done.

    Thang 2 The Chainlink Circuit

    After my PawPaw got himself a plant operator job, he still had the entrepreneurI’ll itch to start a business. This business was St. Pierre Fence company. It was his pride and joy right behind his 3 sons.

    Alright from here we dove into the fence material circuit. This involved 4 stations due to the 4 PAX members in attendance. The exercise would start and stop with the PAX that flipped the 6’ double knuckled chain link roll end for end to the 2nd picnic table and back to the stage concrete. He was the timer. From there this PAX would move onto the tire beatdown. He would beat an old tire with a large maul until the next PAX member would return with the chainlink roll back to the starting point. After the tire beatdown the PAX member would move onto the 9’ by 2” schedule 40 galvanized fence post exercise which would change every round. 1st round was power clean, squat, shoulder press. 2nd round was curls, and 3rd round was skull crushers. The last station was the 80 lb. cement bag carry. The PAX member would either fireman carry or strongman carry the cement bag from the 1st picnic table across the field to the sidewalk and back.

    The chainlink circuit went exactly like YHC wanted it to go. The PAX got to experience a simulated version of what it’s like to build a chainlink fence. I think my PawPaw would have been proud seeing this exercise.

    Thang 3 Music tribute

    My PawPaw lived with MS throughout the majority of his life. In 2004 he ended up catching a massive stroke and lost his motor functions and ability to communicate. He lived like this for 9 years and ended up passing in 2013.

    YHC put in a couple songs that reminded me of my PawPaw. The first was Cost of living by Ronnie Dunn. The PAX would be doing mountain climbers or planks for the duration and would be doing merkins when the phrase I got a strong back came up. We would continue to perform merkins until the phrase cost of living is high and going up was sang. There was some chatter going on for this song, but we put in some good work.

    The next song was Small town southern man by Alan Jackson. For this song we would be doing Penguins for duration and do some big boy sit up whenever southern man was sang. YHC was begging to hear anything that even remotely sounded like southern man. Those penguins got pretty tough toward the end.

    From seeing my PawPaw suffer for so many years didn’t help my relationship with God. I couldn’t understand why God would make a good man suffer so much. Towards the end I clan remember praying he would pass just to ease his suffering and the strain it was putting on my dad and grandma. After reading Suffering well with Christ I finally understand a little more of what the Lord was doing with him and I am more at peace with it.

    YHC called the work out at 0600 which was followed by COT and Enron prayed us out. Thank you fellas for showing up and doing this one with me. It was a good one.
    See y’all in the gloom,
    Smooth Operator

    Side note – St. Pierre fence is still running today. My dad bought the business from my grandmother and my little brother is currently in charge of operations. I’m proud of them for kept it going and just wish I had the time and craftsmanship to help them out more.

  • Pursuit of Joy VQ by Smooth Operator – from Lil Cuz

    Today I showed up to a couple PAX already standing by Aslan talking amongst themselves as Goose and Kilmer were doing an F3 shirt swap which I didn’t know was a thing until this morning. That’s right, we didn’t scare Kilmer away, so I guess we are doing something right. We had 8 PAX in attendance for my first crack at this Qing thing. So, let’s get started.

    Warm up
    -SSH 12
    -Windmills 12
    -Grass grabbers with the clap 12
    -arm circles forward and reverse 12
    -mountain climbers 12

    Honestly YHC thought that this was the hardest part. Apparently saying a couple phrases and basic arithmetic causes me to struggle, but the PAX coached me up and got me through it. Thanks guys.

    After we finished the dreaded warm ups, we moseyed down to the baseball field outfield fence. From here we discussed the first issue I had been having. A couple weeks ago Paradox talked about the differences between happiness and joy which made me realize there are three categories of happiness. From here we talked about the first category temporarily gratification. A couple examples that were used are, alcohol, drugs, pizza, random hook ups that kind of thing. These are temporary modes of pleasure and should not be something we base our lives around. Which we will get to later.

    Thang 1
    Alright, so the first things I had the PAXs had to do was find a section of 5ft chain link fence that looked suitable for holding their weight because we would be going over this fence. YHC figured that’s when the examples of temporary gratification popped up in his younger years there always seemed to be a fence that had to be jumped to keep from getting in trouble. YHC also figured quite a few of the PAX in attendance had similar experiences. Back to the thang, the Pax would be going up and over the fence and performing 11 Derkins, they would then be going back over the fence and completing 10 more Derkins, this would continue down to 7. 45 total Derkins we’re supposed to be completed but I forgot to mention to stop after 7 so the PAX got a little more shoulder and chest work in. After this we completed the same work out but with squats. From here YHC called it, and we moseyed down to the basketball court.

    Thang 2 was temporarily interrupted by the condition of the basketball court which was littered with trash. The decision was made to take a quick break from the beatdown and be men of action to pick up all the trash in the area. Once this was completed, we had a quick short discussion on what could happen if we get addicted to temporary gratification. From here YHC had 5 suicides on the books for the PAX to complete but due to the cleanup operation. YHC decided to knock it down to 3 suicides which was plenty hard enough.

    Thang 2
    Suicides
    These suicides were performed exactly as YHC remembered them going as a teenager. The PAX would start at one baseline and sprint to the closest free throw line and run back to the initial baseline. From here Pax would run to the half court line and then back to the baseline. After we headed on down to the opposite free throw line and back to the baseline. From here we ran down to the opposite baseline and back. That completed one suicide and we knocked out three.

    After this we moseyed down to the stairs on the front of the civic center. About halfway there, YHC almost got to see his bean and cheese enchiladas that he had for supper the night before. But we pushed on to the towering staircases.

    Once at the stair cases, we jumped straight into the thang instead of discussing a more permanent happiness due to our eagerness for more shared suffering.

    Thang 3
    The work out was rocky balboa’s which involved two PAX standing on the bottom of the staircase with one foot on the bottom step and the other on the concrete. They would alternate feet repeatedly until the next two Pax inline completed their timer exercises, which happened to be 10 burpees. The rest of the PAX would be doing planks at this time. After the timers went off the PAX doing balboas would sprint up the stairs and down the adjacent staircase and would be performing Al Gores until completion.
    Upon completion, YHC had the PAX repeat exercise except the stair work out was box jumps which was both feet on ground then both feet on the stairs jumping back and forth until the timer went off.

    After the completion of the exercise we then had a discussion on a more permanent happiness with examples such as, Listening to good music, traveling, art, finding the right kinda friends. And then we moseyed back to Aslan.

    Once at Aslan, we discussed transcending joy with examples such as, finding a good life partner, bringing kids into the world, finding and maintaining a relationship with the Big Man.

    Thang 4
    Thang 4 required YHC to acquire some tech support from Goose and Kilmer but since my 10 year old Milwaukee job site radio works when it wants. We did the first song a classic Rocket Man by Elton John by just iPhone sound, and it didn’t have the effect YHC was hoping for.

    So we push along through the tech issues and planked during the duration of the song and did half burpees when the words high, long, and man came up in the song. It should have been about 40 half burpees but it was hard to hear with the passing traffic.

    After this Goose and Kilmer got the radio working and we completed the next song workout as YHC intended. The next song was Last dance with Mary Jane by Tom Petty. We did LBC throughout song and big boy sit-ups when ole Tom referred to himself or Mary Jane which should have been around 30 big boy sit ups. The kicker was holding 6” during the instrumental portions. YHC called it at 0600 on the dot. It was quite a sight to see all the sweat prints on the concrete.

    After this we had COT during which Cardinal aka the animal picked Tana to be the next animal due to his quiet Ragnar like abilities to kick this beatdowns butt. Yankee Joe used his eloquent impromptu praying abilities and prayed us out. Thanks to all the PAX for coming out, that was one fun train wreck of a beatdown, and I learned a lot. Hopefully Monday will be even better.
    See y’all in the gloom,
    Smooth Operator

    Side note: Cardinal said it best “don’t settle for fleeting happiness but seek enduring joy”. This animal truly gets it.

  • How To Bear Your Soul – from Yankee Joe

    YHC showed up to the stage for his first Tuesday Tuff Q. The occasion was marked with nine PAX, including Kilmer DR’ing from the exotic land of dying college basketball regimes – Raleigh, NC (though he’s actually from Carey). He definitely brought some much needed and appreciated energy.

    Warm-up
    – Side straddle hops
    – Windmills
    – OG Grassgrabbers
    – Arm circles forward
    – Arm circles backward
    – Cherry pickers
    – Self love
    – High knees
    – Butt kicks
    – Mountain climbers
    – Bumper mosey

    Honestly, YHC had no idea what to do for his first Tuesday Tuff beatdown. By 8:30 pm the night before, while in a meeting, he knew time was up. The pre-blast hype GIF’s had to go out. YHC panicked. He looked around. Nothing. Then he remembered a theme he had been playing around with as his manniversary approached.

    Ok, hold on. Let me back up. F3 is an interesting concept. It’s premise bears special attention. On one hand, you are voluntarily suffering through what seems unbearable. In almost all cases, rookie for veteran, you bearly make it to the end of a particular exercise. The camaraderie is powerful, but the expectations can be overbearing. The real power kicks in when you are convinced you can no longer bear it. To give up would be unbearable. So…you have only one Singletary choice. You bear your teeth and crawl on. There is much to be learned from our forbearers as they bear the torch of humility and forebearance. Your arrogance is left threadbear as fellow PAX come bearfoot, bearfaced, bearchested (embearassing for some), and bearhanded (except for a few hand models). We give each other manly bearhugs and vicious bearberries. In short, we grin and bear it.

    So, as it is now probably obvious, YHC’s theme centered around not eating spicy food the night before a beatdown.

    C’mon…seriously…It’s about bears (so now you know YHC can actually spell…you got it. Good job. Good for you.). Though food choices prior to beatdowns is a serious matter and should be taken up at the F3 Senior Leadership Team level, if not nationally. What Goats and Enron are capable of manifesting in this particular arena is concerning even for a bear.

    So, we did bear crawling for 35 minutes with intermittent merkin and core exercises spread throughout. It was beary beary nasty.

    ————————————-
    The First Thangggg

    Paddington Bear

    As we all know, Paddington was shipped off to England by his Aunt Lucy from “Darkest Peru” with a sign that read, “Please look after this bear. Thank you.” Goose answered that piece of trivia correctly, saving the PAX five burps.

    The Brown Family finds Paddington sitting on a suitcase in a railway station in Paddington, England. They can’t understand his Peruvian name, so they call him Paddington. We can all relate. When I first met Paradox, I had no idea what language was falling out of his mouth. For the first few weeks, I thought his name was Fart Knocks.

    To emulate this enormous literary moment in history, we set out to find Paddington.

    – One PAX lunges to the marker, then the remaining PAX bear crawl to the marker to “find Paddington.” PAX then bring Paddington home, all bear crawling back to start. Paddington, while waiting in the station (marker), is sitting on his suitcase. But since we don’t have a suitcase, Paddington held Al Gore while waiting for the PAX to come get him.

    – Next single PAX lunges to marker while remaining PAX hold plank, then repeat until each Paddington has been found and brought home. In all, each PAX bear crawled 255 yards. Yo, at the age of 60, Kilmer was dominating…it was crazy. He even had enough wind to throw out some chatter about “Damn” Yankee Joe and why it didn’t make sense that the Brown Family would be bear crawling if they weren’t bears. YHC was too winded to retort at the time.

    Also, T-Claps to French Horn, who in just a few weeks, has caught his stride and is hanging with the elites such as Goose, Enron, and Paradox.
    ————————————-
    The Second Thangggg

    Winnie the pooh

    Winnie the Pooh
    Winnie the Pooh
    Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff
    He’s Winnie the Pooh
    Winnie the Pooh
    Willy nilly silly old bear

    Always getting into the honey pot, Pooh Bear just can’t keep from getting his head stuck. Like Montana in Wing Stop 30 piece wing combo box (lemon pepper of all things), we had to get Pooh’s head unstuck, while also attacking some of that ‘tubby little chubby fluff’.

    – Bear crawl 360 clockwise to marker, 100 LBCs (for the 100-acre wood, of course)
    – Bear crawl 360 counterclockwise back to start, 100 pickle pounders

    Here, Kilmer raised the pickle pounder bar (I dare you, Michael), encouraging the PAX with noises that truly justified the “respect” during nam-o-rama. Smooth Operator, not to be outdone, showed us why he’s the “diamond life, lover boy.”

    —————————————–
    The Third Thangggg

    The Yogi Bear Circuit

    Of course, we can’t have a bear themed beatdown without our ever foraging for a pic-a-nic basket, Yogi. To honor this great historical and significant bear, we utilized the six pic-a-nic tables at The Stage. Each table would increase in increments of 10 with a designated exercise (i.e. 10 Derkins, 20 incline dancing chilcutts, 30 creature merkins, etc.

    But how will we get from table to table? Well, my friends, the Exicon delivers again. Who was Yogi’s best friend? You got it. The Boo Boo Bear Crawl. A bear crawl using only ONE LEG. God, I love this shizz.

    It goes a little something like this…
    – Boo boo bear crawl to first picnic table, 10 derkins
    – Boo boo bear crawl to second picnic table, 20 dancing incline chilcutts 2:1
    – Boo boo bear crawl to third picnic table, 30 creature merkins
    – Boo boo bear crawl to fourth picnic table, 40 leg ups 1:1
    – Boo boo bear crawl to fifth picnic table, 50 freak nasty’s
    – Boo boo bear crawl to sixth picnic table, 60 incline merkins

    Unfortunately, after table 3 (30 creature merkins), YHC had to call an audible based on PAX logistics as well as time. So, instead, we finished with:

    40 yard Boo Boo Bear Crawl, switching legs at each picnic table back to the flag. Once you reach the flag, 100 merkins or fail. This would take the last three minutes of the beatdown. It. Was. AWESOME. Goose was the only PAX to hit 100, but we’re pretty sure Enron did too, but he forgot to count. Imagine that…a financial advisor that forgets to count. I’m sure it gives his PAX clients great confidence considering his F3 name. But what do I know? I’m just a Marketing guy, and we don’t do maff.

    COT and Smooth Operator prayed us out. His prayer was short and powerful.

    “Dear Lord, thank you for letting us be warriors for you today. Amen.” Should be the F3 official prayer, in my opinion.

    Next stop…Manniversary

    SYITG,

    (Damn) Yankee Joe

  • The Big Shamrock’s Birthday Bash – from Lil Cuz

    As I’m sure many of you are aware, today is a very special day. Today we celebrate the birth of Big Shamrock himself. AKA Hobo Master, AKA The Big Banana, AKA The Big Galactus,
    AKA Witness Protection, AKA Manny Shaq-Iaou, AKA MayorMcShaq,or more commonly
    known as Shaquille O’Neal AKA Shaq.

    Typical Warm up with the added blessing of a Cajun recipe shared by Enron that got all Pax riled up wanting to know how to make Fake Turtle Soup. Crowd went wild as he explained the intricacies of such a delicacy that most of the circle couldn’t help but dry heave as he blasted the remnants from last night across everyone’s assaulted nostrils. Mouths were open…

    Thang 1:

    Trivia Questions:
    If Correct – 34 – Freddy Mercs (2:1), or Flutter Kicks (2:1), or LBC’s (1:1)
    If Wrong – 32 Squats (1:1)

    1. What year was Shaquille O’Neal born? Incorrect

    – 1972

    2. What position was Shaq selected in the 1992 NBA Draft? Incorrect

    – Round 1; Pick 1

    3. How many NBA Championships has Shaq won? Incorrect

    – 4

    4. What is Shaq’s rap name? Correct

    – Big Diesel

    5. Name one of Diesel’s 4 album releases: Correct

    – Shaq Diesel
    – Shaq Fu: Da Return
    – You Can’t Stop the Reign
    – Respect

    6. What famous artist featured Diesel on his album titled “HIStory”? Incorrect

    – Michael Jackson

    7. How tall was Shaq by the age of 10? Correct

    – 6’ 4”

    8. What was Shaq’s free throw career percentage? Incorrect

    – 52.7%
    – FUN Fact: He once missed all 11 of his free throw attempts in a game against
    the Seattle SuperSonics on December 8, 2000, which is the current record.

    9. What is Shaq’s 3-pointer career percentage? Incorrect

    – 4.5% or 1 in 22 attempts

    10. Shaq was nominated for 3 Golden Raspberry Awards for his work in film, what was one
    of the categories nominated? Correct
    – Worst New Star
    – Worst Actor
    – Worst Supporting Actor

    Honestly expected going into this portion we would have way more ab type workouts to do and instead we did so many more squats which would prove to be detrimental once we got to Thang 3…more on that later. Enron has got his best CPA co-workers on the calculations as we got reminded this morning math is not his strong suit, and Dox sent his wife to brainstorm with the other doctors as they are all hard at work calculating the exact number of squats performed this morning. We all wait with sore quads in anticipation to know how manly our legs will be tomorrow morning upon waking up. Word is Goose has gone home to study for Kobe Bryant’s birthday to be better prepared come August. Now with our fresh knowledge that will definitely be on the test at the end of the semester, we moved into our training and competition.

    Thang 2: Cone Dribbling Drill
    1. Each Pax on a team must dribble through the cone course and return back to the team then the next pax can go.
    2. While the Pax is dribbling the rest of the team will do various workouts until Dribbling
    Pax is done.

    1. SSH (1:1)
    2. Flutter Kicks (2:1)
    3. Squats (1:1)
    4. LBCs (1:1)
    5. Al Gore (1:1)
    6. 6” Inch hold (1:1)

    Team wins when each team member has dribbled twice through the course. Winning team
    receives nothing but props for being better ball handlers than the other team. Side Note: YHC neglected to mention that this was a race until near the second lap and this probably is the reason Team 2 lost. No excuses though, Team 2 just needs to start dribbling practice for Big Shamrock’s Birthday next year. First practice is Wednesday at 9pm after kids go to bed. See you guys at the Lion’s Den. Team 1, find your own place to practice!

    Thang 3: 11’s
    Burpee (1:1)
    – Mosey with #1’s pointing to Sky to opposite Sidewalk
    Apolo Ohnos (2:1)
    – Nur Back with Hand held up like after just making 1st (and only) Career 3-
    pointer

    This portion was simply put here to make sure all the whoopers could show their strain to the rest of the world. Looking forward to those screen shots fellas. Also, all those incorrect answers and squats really piled on to make this thang increasingly difficult. The ANIMAL himself recognized another ANIMAL in his midst and I believe it was the grit and determination Cardinal showed to complete this monster of strain pushed him over the edge to be gifted the peeled back sweat covered shirt off Smooth and is Monday’s ANIMAL. (Which will be gifted on Thursday due to unforeseen conflicts for a Tuesday Tuff).

    4MOM potlock style with Goose throwing in the crowd favorite Dr. W’s and Dox finishing us
    off with his ever famous Dolphin Hops. Gotta love em! (Cuz we do them so much).

    COT and Paradox prayed us out!
    Great Birthday celebration today fellas, and thanks for putting up with Enron’s fake turtle soup recipe long enough to get through another beatdown.

    SYITG,

    Lil’ Cuz, AKA Cuz Master, AKA The Big CUZ, AKA, Manny Cuz-Iaou, AKA MayerMcCuz,
    or more commonly known as Cuz.

  • Kill or Be Killed (by Pope) – from Goose

    Some things you never get too old for. On the morning of March 4, YHC showed the PAX that grown men can run around (a lot) and play like the young men they once were. YHC showed up at the Peltch with a bag-o-flags filled with a limited amount of belt flags… the more PAX showed up, the more uncertain YHC became. YHC probably did more head counts in five minutes than he ever did in one day (impressive considering the amount of potential 2.0s at YHC’s home).
    We began with the usual warmup routine (SSH, imperial walkers, windmills, high knees, butt kicks, arm circles, cherry pickers) and headed to the EDW field. There, YHC distributed the belt flags which, thankfully, were distributed among all the PAX (Sonic and FNG each used one). We then split into teams and stationed at opposite goal lines for F3 Braveheart.
    To begin the first round, all PAX bear-crawled to the 20-yard line, then stood up and began the battle. Enemy PAX attempted to pull off their opponent’s flags (PAX had two flags; two lives) until one team is utterly vanquished. When a PAX was slain, he would drop and hold plank until the end of the round. The second round began at the 30-yard line with defeated PAX holding Al Gore. Finally, with the adrenaline of battle pumping through the veins, the third round resolved—every man for himself. YHC and FNG tied for winner because of unclear regulations concerning if someone went out of bounds. (Note: none of the rounds ended with any prize for the winning team, but no one asked…so…)
    The next thang involved a choice made by each PAX individually: 7 burpees at the start and halfway point of the entire track with sprints in between, or 20 Catalina Wine Mixers and a full-track sprint. Preference differed among the PAX. The second round, however, was an easy choice for most: 25 burpees and a full-track “sprint”, or 15 merkins at each corner, with lunge-walks for the straights and jogging on the curves (this obvious choice was YHC’s way of weeding out those who were NOT good candidates for the next ANIMAL). YHC, Goats in the Machine, Smooth Operator, and two of the four 2.0s chose the lunge-walk. Goats and the 2.0s switched choices a quarter of the way through… YHC was determined to finish when, two-thirds of the way through, Goose decided to catch the “ill-choosing” 6. We began to regroup and prepared to mosey, when we noticed Smooth still hammering out his third set of merkins! We picked him up and moseyed to the lower field with a pretty clear idea of our next ANIMAL.
    At the field Goose and YHC set up a small field about 30 yards long and initiated a game of PAX-&-Minnows. Goose started as the voluntary first shark and took his position at one end line while the rest of the PAX lined up on the other end. Throughout the two games played, the sharks began each round with two burpees with the minnows completing four merkins, then the minnows tried to make it safely to the other end line without being devoured (tagged) by a shark. Wounded (tagged) minnows dropped and performed LBCs until the round was over, while successful minnows did 10 star jumps in celebration of their survival. Coyote was the last man (well, person) standing at the end of the first game, and Lil’ Cuz remained after the second game.
    Back at the flag, Mary was performed in potluck fashion, with Coyote initiating box cutters and Lil’ Cuz calling leg lifts. Smooth was eager to lead us in burpees, and YHC reluctantly trumped with crunchy frogs. In COT our FNG, 2.0 of Superfun(d), was dubbed Superfas(t), reflecting his self-proclaimed performance in Braveheart and adding to our list of tee-tiny 2.0s. And of course, Smooth Operator left that morning with the well-deserved title of ANIMAL.
    SYITG, Pope

  • It’s Burpee Time(r) Again! – from Goose

    YHC showed up tired, mostly because it was the morning after a late night planning session that seemed awesome before crawling into bed and not so awesome while tying shoes this morning in the dark (we’ll call it the “Pre-Q Dread”). After a slow warmup of the usual with 5 total PAX, YHC led us on a nice, slow bumper mosey to further delay the inevitable.

    YHC knew that despite a challenging Saturday and Monday, Tuesday Tuff has to live up to its name or YHC might lose his edge. So, no time for a pity party, it was Burpee Time(r) Again!

    Four PAX lined up and spread out facing the stage on the concrete along the curved grass line waiting for instructions. While one man did 20 burpees in the middle, each other man would do AMRAP the exercise assigned to his spot. So, each guy would do a different exercise nonstop until the guy in the middle finished 20 burpees, hence the “burpee timer.” Once the burpees are done, the men rotate to the next station and remind the guy behind him what exercise he’s about to have to do. Communication was key…Actually, it wasn’t. There were only five stations, and it was pretty obvious what the guy ahead of you was doing, mostly because of the shape of the sweat stamp on the concrete.

    Round 1 exercise stations (done while middle guy is completing 20 burpees):
    -merkins
    -coupon curls
    -squats
    -Peter Parkers

    Round 2:
    -BBSU
    -coupon swings
    -lunges (back then forward with same leg before switching)
    -Imperial Walkers

    Round 3:
    -Freddy Mercurys
    -coupon rows
    -Apolo Onos
    -freak nasties on the picnic bench

    Round 4:
    -crab cakes (Crabby Patties, according to Tana)
    -coupon LBC’s
    -flutter kicks
    -SSH

    6:00 came almost all the way through the fourth round, though time was a bit of an illusion this morning. It felt like each guy took about seven minutes to complete his burpees, though it was probably less than two. And the stretch from 5:56 to 6:00 crept on for about 15 minutes, and I think it actually stopped once or twice.
    The chatter was at an all time low this morning, though a few guys likely had to check their pants when they got home given the quality of sounds that were communicated once things really got moving.

    T-claps to these men for pushing hard through this one and not giving into the instinct (or peer pressure) to take a breath before starting those burpees. As mentioned during the COT, F3 is supposed to constantly push me and give me concrete experiences that make it clear that I still have a long way to go, while at the same time giving the reward of deep brotherhood that comes from shared suffering.
    If we ever feel like “we’ve arrived”, we’re doing it wrong, but if we ever feel left behind, we’re also doing it wrong. We’re in this together for the long haul, and we’re also growing and improving immensely with every single beatdown!

    Announcements and Tana prayed us out (sorry, Smooth, I forgot!)

    SYITG,
    Goose