F3 New Orleans

Tag: Tuesday Tuff

  • Bs and Cs – from Safety Valve

    After yesterday’s Merkin Mania Monday by Pope, YHC felt obligated to add some solid back, bicep, and core work today. Nothing special. Just a slightly different style than usual.

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    Imperial Walkers
    Willy mays hats
    Wind mills
    Arm circles – forward and backward
    Cherry pickers
    self love

    Thang
    Partner up – AB questioned the use of partners today. Sometimes we just need people by us when we are suffering AB. I’ll be sure to get with his M on how to answer this appropriately next time.

    Buy in for each person at the stage.
    50 LBCs
    50 Hello Dolly
    50 Freddie Mercury
    50 second one inch hold

    Mosey to yonder parking lot. Each team did two stations below:

    Four stations – sand bag at each
    Bent over low rows – 60lb x 15 reps
    Lawn mower rows, single arm -35lb x 15 reps
    Curls – 40lb x15 reps
    Curls – single arm, 18 lb 3 ways – 10 full, 10 bottom to half way, 10 half way to top.

    Mosey back to stage. By this time, Creed rocking in the background was bringing Goose back to a simpler time, while AB was crying on the inside and maybe the outside. To the parking lot and back to the stage was probably close to 1/4 mile. This was true if you didn’t cheat yourself and took the proper sidewalk route… IYKYK. We ended by picking up the 6 (team Goose and Enron – maybe they did an extra set, maybe not) and sprinting back to the flag.

    COT, Fire within was given to Suckle by Pope, prayers continue for Coyote, Lil Cuz prayed us out.

  • Acrogym – from Paradox

    Non expanding recreational foam (NERF).

    Sounds harmless. Sounds goofy. Sounds, dare I say , fun. But what if YHC told you an individual spent major portions of their life playing with the aforementioned materials and never once asked what it stood for. Now before you go and title my biography “Blissful Ignorance “ let’s go deeper. What if that same individual led an entire sophomore classroom in a riot after answering a teacher “nerf or nothing“ as an answer to an algebra problem. Lots of self worth tied up in a hidden acronym right? That’s the depth of emotional trauma YHC found himself experiencing after learning of the truth about NERF. How many more acronyms were out there, hiding in plain site, ruining lives??Are there others who have been hurt like this? This could happen to anyone!!

    Two options were left , stew in my rapidly expanding negativity or let it fuel a recreational campaign so that no man would ever be hurt by an acronym like this again.

    So PAX, today I bring you…

    ACROGYM!

    DUKE !
    Convert that DOS to film and Roll the beautiful footage!

    9 Tuesday Tuff regulars at the stage with light hints of fall weather.. (no sudden movements, we don’t want to spook it)

    YHC moseyed in from a quality control check on Settlement porta potties, reporting to the pax that all were aging like fine wines.
    Props to the men who weathered both the sweet and sour Valve beatdowns of Saturday and Monday, many well earned groans were heard in warmups. Valve enjoyed hearing the sweet symphony of weakness leaving their bodies.

    We headed into yonder loop with a standard issue Indian Run 3 Apollo drop off.

    YHC struggled to find true acronyms named bands or songs so I went all in for a REM mile and peppered the pax with some of their top hits. Goose smelled the competition like a shark with blood and was warming up the neurons connecting Apollos and “Man on the Moon” while giving VH1 level behind the scenes info on their videos. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I found out REM and Depeche Mode existed in the spring of ‘24….everybody hurts, even Goose sometimessss.

    Tha THANG

    Split into teams
    -teams designate a Speaker/writer
    (Man must be gifted in writing and moseying simultaneously)

    Classic 1/2 numbering stacked up the trivia titans of Americas Best Goose & Suckle (sounds like a really weird bar in Austin…a story for another time) .

    They looked around nodding like the trivia version of the 85 Bears linebacker core and YHC had to intervene before someone got hurt.

    Somewhat more evenly balanced teams were restored and YHC would serve as live corespondent.

    Rules:
    -Introduce the Acronym.
    -Each team mumbles incoherently then runs in opposite direction to complete 10 jump squats and 10 merkins then run back all while discussing what the acronym stands for.
    -Writes answer on board (in a timely and legible manner)
    -reveal , winner with most correct words/points

    Winner
    LBCs/SSH

    Loser
    10 Thrusters

    Tie – 7 burpees

    Journal Observations

    -I was never offered a bribe for hints which was honorable although significant amounts of snark, board holding, and “cursive writing” were frowned upon.

    -Team AB approach:
    Step 1: hey does anybody know this one?
    Step 2: ask Maneater if he is in IT?
    Step 3 : wildly accept guesses on the run back while AB initimidates the other team with his LL stats.

    -Team Goose approach
    Step 1: Listen in awe at Honeysuckle’s clear logical thought process and bottomless tech vocabulary.
    Step 2: repeat step 1 and fill in the gaps with hieroglyphics.

    Let’s begin:

    LASER
    Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission Radiation

    Team Goose off to a solid start with what will be the only perfect score. Team AB with 3/5 and ate a thruster sandwich, a bit unfair here as HS deals with “sharks with freaking laser beams” as part of his defense contract

    BASE (jumping)
    Building , Antenna, Spans, and Earth

    Tie Game

    Most of the processing speed over at Team AB went to congratulating themselves on making the E “Edge”. Ronnie protested that true courage entails not putting limits on where one can BASE jump.

    ****Musical Interlude ***
    REM
    End of the World
    IW on Song
    Goosie On “End of the World”

    *Lenny Bruce checks under his bed for Goosies

    CAPTCHA
    Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart

    Some great chatter over at Team Goose led to a win followed by a flatulent Pope captcha on his father’s own coupon. Can concrete hold scent particles, only Alan Turing knows.

    ZIP (code)
    Zone Improvement Plan

    Tie game as both teams secured “zone” and later spawned a potential “guess that zip code” mini beatdown.

    JPEG
    Joint Photographic Expert Group

    -teams had broken down into crude insults and resume inquiries at this point . No hint of joint expert groups on either side.

    TASER
    Thomas A Swifts Electric Rifle

    -most of the chatter here concentrated on potential for Thomas Rosyters All Natural Bee Rifle – patent pending. Just know if you roll into Rienzi unannounced that he’s packing.

    Throwback sprint finale:
    DOS (as in MS-DOS)
    Disc operating system

    Both teams were close enough here to avoid thrusters and the plant siren was calling 6am.

    Ronnie passed along Animal to Meat for reckless endangerment while his chest hair alone worked its way up the “voter distraction” list.

    Intentions for continued medical work up for mutiple 2.0s

    COT and Valve prayed us out

    Postscript:

    Bacronym to the Future

    PAX,

    This is Dox writing you from the year 2054, inside the Rienzi stronghold that is now Merica.

    We remain the last of our species rebellion in the great ChatGPT war.

    We are safe at the moment, between waves of CAPTCHA mediated extermination by the artificial intelligent enemy.
    Professor Suckles patented Bee Laser (Blaser) has the stronghold secure and keeps the GPT drones away.

    President Wells still leads the human race as he was a pioneer in spotting AIs weakness to understand the futility of passive aggressive unnecessary emails. It was our biggest breakthrough since the war began , allowing us to pinpoint other computer blindspots and communicate under their RADARs with ancient JPEGs and DOS files.

    Slowly the remaining members of the human race realized that a small band of men had actually unknowingly been training to beat the CAPTCHA test. You see, AI could scope the width and depth of the internet, calculate algorithms at an instant, and even produce a hi res images of your friends with bicep veins. But gradually we began to find that the gaps of AI knowledge were actually the cornerstones of male bonding.

    AI couldn’t decipher the unspoken message of a Nicolas Cage GIF. AI didn’t know why LBC methane labeled as “airport cheese” gets a laugh everytime. There is no processor for understanding why an educated man would make “Turn Down for What” his anthem. Not enough RAM to see why a 10 second video of a snapping Turla could become a lifelong inside joke.

    But it was just there.

    Outside of the ones and zeroes, in the gloom of our shared suffering and in the image of our creator we gained our edge.

    That’s why you men must continue to sharpen the irons of F3 Thib.

    One day in the future the CAPTCHA will be at the door.

    And when it ask if ye be man or bot?

    You will know ..

    It’s NERF or nothing .

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Ghosts of Beatdowns Past – from America’s Best

    YHC had some unfinished business. IPC seemed like a distant memory, but with Halloween approaching, it seemed a fitting time to revisit the ghosts of beatdowns past.

    After going pro, Michael Jordan returned to UNC to get his bachelor’s degree. After Empire Strikes Back, Luke Skywalker returned to finish his training with Yoda. And so (hence?), after warmarama, YHC would return to finish some things that he just didn’t get done last time around.

    Warmarama: SSH, WMH, Toy soldiers, high knees, butt kicks, arm circles, Lafayette Night Clubs (which have become YHC’s new favorite), and self love before a quick bumper mosey.

    Thang No 1:
    IPC week 2, YHC had to bug out early, and thus (hence?) I did not finish the beatdown. The PAX would complete what I did not finish that day:
    40 Coupon plank Jacks, murder bunny 15 yards
    14 Cactus Jacks, Redrum Bunny back
    20 Merkins, Lt. Dan Magic Legs 15 yards,
    14 Cactus Jacks, Lt. Dan Magic Legs
    20 Coupon Plank Jacks
    Run 800 meters
    And that was it!
    We were finished, but YHC picked up significant whining.
    “I already did this!”
    “But WE didn’t leave early!”
    “I shaved my legs FOR THIS?”

    And so the next Thang would be something nobody finished.

    Thang No. 2:
    BK500 Dora Redux: Gimme that Gold!
    Every team in our Thibodaux PAX completed only the Bronze portion of the Dora. What a waste– those perfectly-curated Silver and Gold medal exercises were left just sitting there. Like the last batch of pancakes (which are the best because you finally got the griddle temperature and butter just right). Alas (hence?) they go uneaten because everyone is full of the early rounds. Not today! No, today we would feast on perfectly crunchy-edged thrusters with light fluffy curl interiors. Okay, not my best metaphor, but it went like this:
    Partner Up,
    Silver: 100 curls, partner rifle carry one-way, mosey the other (to the sidewalk and back)
    Gold: 100 Thrusters, partner bear crawl there and mosey back.

    And there was still time for another Thang!
    Thang No. 3:
    Wet Tap’s IPC-ish Beatdown that was almost finish-able
    YHC almost finished Wet Tap’s Hunter-Gatherer Beatdown, save one run and one set…
    Run 400 m
    10 Thrusters.

    At this point, the PAX was obviously sick of YHC’s leftovers. Of course, when you don’t want leftovers, one alternative is to go out to eat instead… growing up, there were several options, but only two of them resided in a PAX favorite song.
    Sometimes, you’d go out to eat and sit down to order, sometimes you’d hit up fast food and stand to order. And so during the song, the PAX would basically knock out some more Cactus Jacks, sitting each time you hear “Pizza Hut”, and hopping up each time you heard “Taco Bell.”

    Exactly 6 minutes remained, so we hit up some Mary. YHC: Wheezy Jefferson; Wet Tap: Hello Dolly–>Dr. Ws–>Franklin’s Tower; Safety Valve: Hold 6” (for a LONG time); Pope: V-ups; Goose: Big boy crunches?; White Meat: 10 count; and Honeysuckle brought us up right to 6am with Freddy Mercs. BUT the sugar mill whistle had not yet blown, so Paradox was able to shoehorn in just a few dolphin hops.

    COT and Paradox prayed us out.

    Thanks for coming out (and picking up my slack with me) men. Always an honor to lead.

    -AB

    Ghosts of Beatdown Past Official Playlist:

    Is there a Ghost – Band of Horses
    Space Ghost (Coast to Coast) – Glass Animals
    A Ghost to Most – Drive-By Truckers
    The Ghost in You – The Psychedelic Furs
    She Don’t Use Jelly – The Flaming Lips
    (Ghost)Riders in the Sky – Johnny Cash
    Walking with a Ghost – Tegan and Sarah
    Little Ghost – The White Stripes
    The Loneliest Ghost in Town – Southern Culture on the Skids
    Ghost – Phish
    Ghost Ship – Blur
    Ghostbusters – Ray Parker, Jr.

  • Merkin mile reboot? And the Burpee and the Hammer! – from Smooth Operator

    YHC pulled up at 5:12 due to forgetting to put the two tires and maul in the truck the night before. YHC didn’t see any movement from the Doxs household this morning so i figured I’d park in the coveted Doxs parking spot. Little did I know I would be stealing his Thang from the beatdown before.

    Warmarama started immediately
    SSH
    Windmills
    Arm circles
    Cherry pickers
    Imperial walkers
    And a bumper mosey to get the juices flowing.

    And Yes Tana there is now a road where the bumper used to be.

    Thang 1

    Thang 1 merkin mile
    When YHC started, Tuesday Tuff was fairly new but it seemed to always start with a merkin mile around rich man’s loop.So that’s what I proposed to do this morning even with Gooses look of displeasure. Apparently a merkin mile was completed on Monday, and to be fair YHC had ever my intention of showing up said Monday but a call out fart sack was in my forecast for the day. Therefore YHC had a decision to make, do we deviate from the plan or do we get tuff on this Tuesday. Which is exactly what we did. YHC has a strange liking for the merkin mile even though it always ends with the entire PAX picking up the six (me). It reminds me that no matter how out of shape YHC gets, the PAX is there to welcome me back into the fold. The merkin mile consist of running a mile around rich man’s loop stopping every quarter mile to do 25 merkins ending back at the stage. Somehow this was AB’s first merkin mile and sounded like it wouldn’t be the last.

    After YHC recovered enough to make words we jumped right into Thang 2

    Thang 2 The burpee and the hammer

    When YHC started coming to beatdowns there seemed to be a big deal about burpees. The pax loved to give them out but hated to do them. Also YHC loves to hit thing with a hammer the bigger the hammer the better. Therefor we will be pounding a pair of tires with a 10 lb maul and we will work on all things burpee. The tire pounding timer will be ten swings at one tire, Bearcrawl with hammer to next tire and 10 more swings at that tire. Then bear crawl back. While this is taking place. The other pax’s will be at other stations

    Station 1 standard perfect burpee to work on form
    Station 2 manmakers or blockees for AB
    Station 3 goblet squats
    Station 4 4 thrusters
    Station 5 groiners shout out to YJ
    Station 6 hand release merkins
    Station 7 jump squats
    (This is not the actual order of stations, but YHC winged the order for no particular reason other than to make it more confusing on myself.)
    After one round of this with not much communication from the PAX and YHC checking the time on his phone way more than necessary we did a Lightning round of 3 swings Kareoke 3 swings kareoke back.
    After this we moved into 4 minutes of Mary.

    4 minutes of Mary
    WW1 sit-ups with terrible cadence presented by yours truly
    Dr. W’s by goose
    Freddy Merkins by AB
    V ups by Tana finishing perfectly on 0600.

    After this we had COT and talked about the upcoming convergence in NOLA and Safety Valve prayed us out. Thanks for embracing the suck with me.
    SYIYG
    Smooth Operator

  • The Louisiana PureChest vol. 2: All Dem Teeth and No Teethbrush – from Paradox

    Late in the pre-Tuesday Tuff evening, YHC sat amongst the leather bound books and rich mahogany (half drank capri suns and diapers) of his study (kids desk) putting the finishing touches on tommorows beatdown. Expecting an intimate crowd with the fall break absences YHC had planned for 45 minutes of SSH while pax watched “Where the Red Fern Grows” on an old substitute teachers roll cart vhs/tv. Standard issue style where the first man to cry would start continuous burpees …buttt not so fast my friends. A timely slack notification alerted YHC that we had a down ranger from St Louis!
    The situation called for more, maybe even a 45 minute crash course in all things Louisiana to show our guest a good time. YhC had already been itching to green light the sequel to 2022s Louisiana PureChest.
    ( See volume 1 below)

    The Louisiana PureChest: Life, Liberty, and the Trivial Pursuit of Alligator Merkins – from Paradox

    So there was only one thing left to do …
    YHC headed for the garage fridge, brushed aside the gentle Lacroix’s, skooched away the chilled Canebrakes and Envies …placed a 7 digit launch code and completed the retinal scanner to unleash the foulest fruited kettle sour ever produced…
    “ Greetings from Grand Isle “

    I took a sip and this is what followed…

    Duke !!
    Grab the bean footage and let the good times roll!

    9 men cut through some of the thickest fog YHC has ever encountered for a Tuesday Tuff with most of the regulars plus a wild Superfund and St Louis down ranger, Lube, who assured us multiple times that he was a dealer of oilfield pipe and pipe accessories and there was no great story involved in his name and he gets no royalties from KY and their jelly.

    After warmups and a short mosey YHC unveiled today’s theme and objectives :

    1.) Double the size of your chest until the locals call you Gregory Pecs behind your back.

    2.) Sharpen the iron of LA related knowledge so you can throw your kids books in the trash and tell them you were raised in the streetz.

    We begin like most great historical pieces , with a sonnet.

    The Poetry of Choppa styles “Louisiana”
    Rocky balboas on the song
    Double Merkin burpee on all Louisianas

    This Preheated the pax collective chest to 375 and Lube was all but ready to take the next flight back to Nelly if the music didn’t improve. The pax assured him it would not.

    We set out into the gloom with HR merkin Indian run drop off and YHC was legit scared we would lose men in dat fog.

    Thang 2

    Back to the Future 49 Corridor

    Format :
    7 cawns with 7 reps at each.
    The cones were set in 3 groups of 2 (the first one is free) that would serve as our Gator pits.
    The only way to freedom is a thorough knowledge of Louisiana lagniappe.

    Correct 7 x 7 reps with mosey

    Incorrect Alligator Merkins Traps times the number wrong.

    YHC was bordering Maui levels of complexity but was confident the pax could pick up this island quickly so we dove in.

    Exercise: Wide Merkins

    1. Other state that does not use counties . 1. Alaska 2. Burroughs 3. name one (there are 21)

    Burroughs were missed and the pax got to taste the pit early.

    Exercise : Bobbie Hurleys

    2.) Name atleast 5 beers from parish brewing company?

    AB did AB things, waiting on the difficulty of the question to increase and when it didn’t he let the Pax hold his proverbial beer.
    YHC is confident that if left alone he would still be standing there naming Parish beers.

    No Gators this round. Just a 10 minute history of Canebrake from AB while Lube commented to Goose “oh you have one of those guys”

    Exercise: Diamond Merkins

    3.) James Bond movie set in La- “Live and let die”
    Who played bond? – Roger Moore
    Name of the villain? Mr Big (Dr Kananga)

    One dose of gators this round and the pax directed anger toward Roger Moores butt chin making unrealistic standards for young men.

    Exercise : Leg Raises
    (Hidden Music Daily Double)

    4.) Finish this line in the classic “Louisiana Saturday Night” : Waiting in the front yard sitting on a log… Single shot rifle , one eyed dog … what artist (Mel McDaniel) …. Play the song for last verse.

    Now it was HoneySuckles turn to put the team on his back as we added yet another layer to his superhero origin story. During his time at Clemson creating government funded hurricane nukes he held tightly to this Mel McDaniel tune to fend off the evils of the Carolinas.
    Not all apiarist wear capes.

    We skipped past the gator traps and did leg raises while White Meat defended the honor of the slain possum as the unsung hero of the bayou. YHC quickly translated this relationship advice to young Pope: find you a gal that looks at you the way white meat looks at a possum eating 3k mosquitoes a night.

    **this next round was skipped but you can follow along at home. Tank me later***
    Apollo Onos (2 is one)

    5.) North La parish named after the first explorer documented to have crossed the Mississippi River. (Desoto) – large body of water in that parish (Toledo bend) —- parish seat -city ? (Mansfield)

    Finisher :

    Carolina Dry docks

    6.) 1989 movie filmed in Natchitoches — name two actresses —- Can you name the fictional parish in Steel Magnolia?

    The pax got the movie Steel Magnolia and actresses (with and without flotation devices) but struggled to produce the fictional Chinquapin parish leading to one last round of dem Medulla OblanGators.

    We packed up to round off our chiseled chesticles with HR merkin Indian run home and a plank out till time .

    By the power invested in me by the LA board of internet doctors I certified all the PAX 100% Chest in Show.

    Announcements

    -Yote Bday BD at the Peltch this Sat. Buckle up, Some still have scars from the Miracle on Ice.
    -Convergence on Oct 26 . Clown car is mobilizing.
    -Thibbaversary and GoosePalooza on Nov 2.
    -Lube and his STL crew are continuing a massive campaign to fight trafficking. More on this through the year.

    Prayers for health, clarity in Gods timing and all supporting those struggling in their family and beyond.

    -Goose prayed us out

    -Lube exposed YHC for taking group selfies for the Instagram clout as this “new technology” has been available for years.

    It’s a joy to lead ya men

    Postscript:

    Merkin History Repeats Itself

    Like any great real estate deal in history the Louisiana Purchase of 1803 was not with out its controversy. Political climates, egos, military advantages, all played a part in this mega deal.

    In a similar fashion the Louisiana PureChest of 2024 was not always a smooth affair.

    Let’s take a look:

    *This Historical reenactment protects the names and identities of the real men involved*
     
    YHC: It’s a LA history beatdown and we are going to double the size of our chest.

    Thomas R. Chesterton: What if my chest gets bigger than my legs? Does this disqualify you from ladies 5ks? Asking for a friend.

    Americas Chest: Alligator Mississippiensis doesn’t actually do merkins during its locomotion, this would offset the kinematic sequence of its erect posture.

    Cricket: chirps*

    Holden MoreChest Thanmost: : I have concerns there wont be enough merkins.

    Bruce Swells: Could we just pull a beatdown from greenwood? How much is a wellness center membership?

    Pec Major Dawson: Soreness is the cry of weakness being vanquished. Bring on the chest expansion.

    Pec Minor Dawson: What is soreness?

    White meat breast and two thighs: The opossum is the backbone of this ecosystem. Prove me wrong or fight me.

    Lube Richman: Do you guys ever just do 45 minutes of exercise and go home?
     
    Historians say this went on for a fortnight until eventually Quecracy prevailed.

    They decided to suffer together.

    Their chest and their souls were all better for it.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • The Louisiana PureChest vol. 2: All Dem Teeth and No Teethbrush – from Paradox

    Late in the pre-Tuesday Tuff evening, YHC sat amongst the leather bound books and rich mahogany (half drank capri suns and diapers) of his study (kids desk) putting the finishing touches on tommorows beatdown. Expecting an intimate crowd with the fall break absences YHC had planned for 45 minutes of SSH while pax watched “Where the Red Fern Grows” on an old substitute teachers roll cart vhs/tv. Standard issue style where the first man to cry would start continuous burpees …buttt not so fast my friends. A timely slack notification alerted YHC that we had a down ranger from St Louis!
    The situation called for more, maybe even a 45 minute crash course in all things Louisiana to show our guest a good time. YhC had already been itching to green light the sequel to 2022s Louisiana PureChest.
    ( See volume 1 below)

    The Louisiana PureChest: Life, Liberty, and the Trivial Pursuit of Alligator Merkins – from Paradox

    So there was only one thing left to do …
    YHC headed for the garage fridge, brushed aside the gentle Lacroix’s, skooched away the chilled Canebrakes and Envies …placed a 7 digit launch code and completed the retinal scanner to unleash the foulest fruited kettle sour ever produced…
    “ Greetings from Grand Isle “

    I took a sip and this is what followed…

    Duke !!
    Grab the bean footage and let the good times roll!

    9 men cut through some of the thickest fog YHC has ever encountered for a Tuesday Tuff with most of the regulars plus a wild Superfund and St Louis down ranger, Lube, who assured us multiple times that he was a dealer of oilfield pipe and pipe accessories and there was no great story involved in his name and he gets no royalties from KY and their jelly.

    After warmups and a short mosey YHC unveiled today’s theme and objectives :

    1.) Double the size of your chest until the locals call you Gregory Pecs behind your back.

    2.) Sharpen the iron of LA related knowledge so you can throw your kids books in the trash and tell them you were raised in the streetz.

    We begin like most great historical pieces , with a sonnet.

    The Poetry of Choppa styles “Louisiana”
    Rocky balboas on the song
    Double Merkin burpee on all Louisianas

    This Preheated the pax collective chest to 375 and Lube was all but ready to take the next flight back to Nelly if the music didn’t improve. The pax assured him it would not.

    We set out into the gloom with HR merkin Indian run drop off and YHC was legit scared we would lose men in dat fog.

    Thang 2

    Back to the Future 49 Corridor

    Format :
    7 cawns with 7 reps at each.
    The cones were set in 3 groups of 2 (the first one is free) that would serve as our Gator pits.
    The only way to freedom is a thorough knowledge of Louisiana lagniappe.

    Correct 7 x 7 reps with mosey

    Incorrect Alligator Merkins Traps times the number wrong.

    YHC was bordering Maui levels of complexity but was confident the pax could pick up this island quickly so we dove in.

    Exercise: Wide Merkins

    1. Other state that does not use counties . 1. Alaska 2. Burroughs 3. name one (there are 21)

    Burroughs were missed and the pax got to taste the pit early.

    Exercise : Bobbie Hurleys

    2.) Name atleast 5 beers from parish brewing company?

    AB did AB things, waiting on the difficulty of the question to increase and when it didn’t he let the Pax hold his proverbial beer.
    YHC is confident that if left alone he would still be standing there naming Parish beers.

    No Gators this round. Just a 10 minute history of Canebrake from AB while Lube commented to Goose “oh you have one of those guys”

    Exercise: Diamond Merkins

    3.) James Bond movie set in La- “Live and let die”
    Who played bond? – Roger Moore
    Name of the villain? Mr Big (Dr Kananga)

    One dose of gators this round and the pax directed anger toward Roger Moores butt chin making unrealistic standards for young men.

    Exercise : Leg Raises
    (Hidden Music Daily Double)

    4.) Finish this line in the classic “Louisiana Saturday Night” : Waiting in the front yard sitting on a log… Single shot rifle , one eyed dog … what artist (Mel McDaniel) …. Play the song for last verse.

    Now it was HoneySuckles turn to put the team on his back as we added yet another layer to his superhero origin story. During his time at Clemson creating government funded hurricane nukes he held tightly to this Mel McDaniel tune to fend off the evils of the Carolinas.
    Not all apiarist wear capes.

    We skipped past the gator traps and did leg raises while White Meat defended the honor of the slain possum as the unsung hero of the bayou. YHC quickly translated this relationship advice to young Pope: find you a gal that looks at you the way white meat looks at a possum eating 3k mosquitoes a night.

    **this next round was skipped but you can follow along at home. Tank me later***
    Apollo Onos (2 is one)

    5.) North La parish named after the first explorer documented to have crossed the Mississippi River. (Desoto) – large body of water in that parish (Toledo bend) —- parish seat -city ? (Mansfield)

    Finisher :

    Carolina Dry docks

    6.) 1989 movie filmed in Natchitoches — name two actresses —- Can you name the fictional parish in Steel Magnolia?

    The pax got the movie Steel Magnolia and actresses (with and without flotation devices) but struggled to produce the fictional Chinquapin parish leading to one last round of dem Medulla OblanGators.

    We packed up to round off our chiseled chesticles with HR merkin Indian run home and a plank out till time .

    By the power invested in me by the LA board of internet doctors I certified all the PAX 100% Chest in Show.

    Announcements

    -Yote Bday BD at the Peltch this Sat. Buckle up, Some still have scars from the Miracle on Ice.
    -Convergence on Oct 26 . Clown car is mobilizing.
    -Thibbaversary and GoosePalooza on Nov 2.
    -Lube and his STL crew are continuing a massive campaign to fight trafficking. More on this through the year.

    Prayers for health, clarity in Gods timing and all supporting those struggling in their family and beyond.

    -Goose prayed us out

    -Lube exposed YHC for taking group selfies for the Instagram clout as this “new technology” has been available for years.

    It’s a joy to lead ya men

    Postscript:

    Merkin History Repeats Itself

    Like any great real estate deal in history the Louisiana Purchase of 1803 was not with out its controversy. Political climates, egos, military advantages, all played a part in this mega deal.

    In a similar fashion the Louisiana PureChest of 2024 was not always a smooth affair.

    Let’s take a look:

    *This Historical reenactment protects the names and identities of the real men involved*
     
    YHC: It’s a LA history beatdown and we are going to double the size of our chest.

    Thomas R. Chesterton: What if my chest gets bigger than my legs? Does this disqualify you from ladies 5ks? Asking for a friend.

    Americas Chest: Alligator Mississippiensis doesn’t actually do merkins during its locomotion, this would offset the kinematic sequence of its erect posture.

    Cricket: chirps*

    Holden MoreChest Thanmost: : I have concerns there wont be enough merkins.

    Bruce Swells: Could we just pull a beatdown from greenwood? How much is a wellness center membership?

    Pec Major Dawson: Soreness is the cry of weakness being vanquished. Bring on the chest expansion.

    Pec Minor Dawson: What is soreness?

    White meat breast and two thighs: The opossum is the backbone of this ecosystem. Prove me wrong or fight me.

    Lube Richman: Do you guys ever just do 45 minutes of exercise and go home?
     
    Historians say this went on for a fortnight until eventually Quecracy prevailed.

    They decided to suffer together.

    Their chest and their souls were all better for it.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • “It was a Concept Beatdown” – The AB 20th Anniversary Rolling Stone Interview – from America’s Best

    Rolling Stone: So, AB, tell us about this beatdown you just wrapped up. What was the vibe at the AO?

    America’s Best: I was equally surprised by the wealth of knowledge out there and the lack of flatulence. . . Some mornings are just magical, I guess. We started with a warmarama that felt like an opening act—like you know when you’re going to see STP but The Offspring is there first? Just trying to get through it. Safely Valve tried to be the guy who knew better but we waited for him. Some were feeding off the energy of the hype, you know? After seeing the hype, Enron knew immediately that Arcade Fire was involved, but it was unclear if he was excited, concerned, or indifferent about it. The man is a riddle in a mystery inside an enigma wrapped in a cotton Phil Collins tank-ini.

    RS: So there was at least some anticipation of what was in store for the PAX?

    AB: At least some preparation. I think Paradox was running on pure adrenaline following his all-nighter of searching the Japanese internet.

    RS : For what was he searching?

    AB: I dunno. . . Answers? All I know is by morning he had figured out the album artwork for The Funeral. And he spoke fluent Japanese. Oh, sorry, Dox: “Nihongo.”

    RS: So do you enjoy the Q spotlight?

    AB: No. It’s too much for my ADHD brain. I do enjoy the creativity– trying to make something engaging and hopefully exciting. But most times it’s more fun to be in the trenches hammering away at something ridiculous and mumblechattering about someone else’s horrific music choices.

    RS: So do you ever think about stepping away and just producing?

    AB: I feel like I have more to give. I still feel young, you know? I mean, I’ve seen some greats like Yankee Jeaux step away for awhile and come back stronger than ever. Have you ever completed a Danny Go beatdown?

    RS: No I can’t say that I have. In fact, I can’t even remotely comprehend what you’re talking about.

    AB: It makes jurpin’ to “Give It Up” feel like crab-walking to the Halo theme.

    RS: That is zero percent helpful.

    AB: I feel like you’re getting a little disrespectful. Don’t be surprised if this interview goes sideways later.

    RS: Oooookay….noted. Anyway, what was your plan for this beatdown?

    AB: It was a concept beatdown. I wanted to capture the feeling of 2004. You know, I’d just graduated, gotten married, bought a house, begun a real job. I was getting realllllly boring. I mean, we were The Incredibles for Halloween that year.

    RS: You make is sound like 2004 was the beginning of the end.

    AB: It’s the year Facebook started.

    RS: Touche.

    AB: But getting back to the concept: It was simple. Put together a playlist of hits (Yes, they were hits, Lil Cuz) from 2004 that would be our soundtrack for a two mile run. At designated times, we would stop for an exercise. 20 reps would be the starting number, and we could deduct 5 reps each for the artist, title, and album identification.

    RS: And how did that go?

    AB: Let’s just say these guys were lucky Popeye was there.

    RS: So did he carry the PAX on music knowledge?

    AB: Oh there were definitely strong contributions by Honeysuckle and Goose too. But here’s the thing about Popeye: He has never forgotten. Anything.

    RS: Anything else of note during the run?

    AB: I’m glad you asked, Chumley. Is it ok if I call you Chumley? The thing is, I thought I threw a softball out there for our manmaker station. I figured half of theses guys at least knew Eminem’s “Just Lose It.” They knew it was him, but that was it. While I did hear a few of the PAX mumbling random facts about him, nobody could identify the album or title.

    RS: After all that intensity, how did you wrap it up? And no, please don’t call me that. That’s not my name or anything. Does that mean something?

    AB: No. Anyway, we moseyed back to the flag to finish up the last of the songs lighting-round style.

    RS: And how did that go?

    AB: No idea, Chumley. At that point I was running on fumes. But I assume it was pure magic.

    RS: Ok, why did you even ask permission if you are going to keep calling me that anyway? What does it even mean? Is it like “champ” or “boss” or something? Is that from something?

    AB: Don’t worry about it.

    RS: Ok, after all that intensity, how did you wrap it up?

    AB: COT. Phil the Pain (aka Face Value) went to Popeye. Blue Tube went to Enron. Lil Cuz prayed us out.

  • Morning Constitutional – from Popeye

    Constitution Day 2024: A little known day of recognition for the signing of the U.S. Constitution on September 17, 1787.

    YHC felt it was only appropriate to take the PAX back to school for a little quiz on this heralded document in order to verify the citizenship of the group and find out if the trivia nerd thing is doing any good.

    WU:
    SSH
    Slow Hi-Knee
    Windmills
    Side bends
    Arm Circles

    WU2:
    All above with tickets

    Preamble:
    A trip back in time to the schoolhouse that rocks. Schoolhouse Rocks was (is?) the leader in public school indoctrination of the Preamble to the U.S. Constitution back in YHC’s day. This catchy jingle is buried deep in my mind but at the strum of the banjo it instantly is unearthed from 40+ years of other learnings and it’s right there at the tip of my tongue. I know every word. Goose knew every word. Uncanny.
    10 step ups per leg and 10 crunchy frogs for the duration of the Preamble song.

    Quiz:
    #1: How many amendments to the Constitution have been proposed?
    Correct: 10 merks and 1 lap.
    Incorrect: 33 ticket overhead arm claps and 1 lap.
    Score: 0. PAX paid their dues and took the lap.

    #2: How many amendments to the Constitution have been ratified? (Homerians: this means voted on and approved)
    Correct: 5 burpees and 1 lap.
    Incorrect: 27 ticket seal/overhead claps and 1 lap.
    Score: 0. While the close guess of 28 was borderline impressive, it did not meet the standard and there’s no partial credit here.

    #3: Softball starter – Amendments 1-10 are known as what? PAX easily got this correct (thank God, they’re not Taliban).
    Actual question – The 1st Amendment grants what freedoms? The PAX quickly got speech, religion, press, and assembly… but the lesser known freedom is the right to petition the government. I’m here, petition me all you want – the answer was still technically not correct.
    The PAX celebrated their freedom from correct answers by executing mountain climbers with a merk on “free” to the dreadful sounds of “I’m Free” by the Soup Dragons. Worst band name ever? Maybe. Such a bad song that I didn’t even realize that it’s a cover of a Rolling Stones song. Moving on.

    #4: The 26th Amendment was ratified in 1971, what was it? Nobody knew. YHC informed them that it changed the voting age to 18. From what? PAX got this one correct with 21.
    Penalty: 18 ticket curls, 21 ticket overhead press and 1 lap.

    #5: Softball starter – How many Amendments have been repealed? CORRECT – 1.
    Actual question – What Amendment did the 21st Amendment repeal? Surprisingly, the PAX did not correctly answer that the 21st Amendment repealed the 18th Amendment, which was the prohibition of alcohol.
    The PAX enjoyed a BNL tune titled “Alcohol” while performing nonstop Imperial Walkers and knocking out a merkin on each mention of “alcohol.” I wonder if the Canadians who sang this song would have known the answer. Tolerate the song, take a lap.

    #6: What does the 8th Amendment prohibit?
    The PAX was incorrect in their guesses of slavery, Goose was close with some mumble that sounded kinda like due process, but sadly again we were without basic knowledge of the Bill of Rights. The correct answer was that the 8th Amendment prohibits “excessive fines and bail, and cruel and unusual punishment.”
    In honor of this, we took part in some cruel and unusual punishment with 2 rounds of Monkey Humper ring of fire. (note to self, next time start the ring with me, not the guy next to me).

    We were nearing time, but as the PAX knows I enjoy closing out with some planks. I selected 2 songs both titled “Freedom” to which we would hold plank, but due to the lack of Constitutional knowledge, we were forced to listen to the George Michael “Freedom” as opposed to the Rage Against the Machine “Freedom”. 60 second low plank, followed by 30 seconds on each side. Catchy jingle though, probably YJ’s ringtone.

    Time was called and the PAX circled up. Despite YHC’s desire to rid the PAX of the Blue Tube and blame it on FRANCINE, it survived the storm and this unique form of cruel and unusual punishment was awarded to Paradox.
    Intentions: Sign up for the dang BK5000 already. I know we’re last-minute but let’s be a bit less last-minute.
    COT – Prayers for storm recovery and the return of lost sheep to the flock. YHC’s little brother has been a lost soul for 20+ years and is finding a renewed faith – it’s never too late.
    Goose prayed us out.

    Honored to be a part of this crew and further your knowledge as ‘mericans. Hit the books.

  • The (probably not historically accurate) Last Indiana Jones Movie you should Watch – from America’s Best

    YHC arrived (almost) last, just in time for
    Warmarama:
    SSH
    And of course, having finished SSH, here comes the straggler… wait… Honeysuckle?
    Apparently Safety Valve inspires us all in some way or another.
    On to the rest: Windmills,
    The arm bundle: Lafayette Night Clubs, arm circles both ways, cherry pickers
    Mountain Climbers
    Then YHC handed the PAX off to Pope to lead a quick mosey while I grabbed my props.

    Thang One: The Breath of God
    “Only the penitent man shall pass”
    The penitent man is humble, kneels before God. As Indy knelt when the breeze blew through the cave, so would we.
    The theoretical plan: Lunge walk back and forth across the field, and each time there is a breeze, we would do one genuflection.
    The modified plan: Because we live in the doldrums here with no breezes, something else would have to substitute. Taking a page from Smooth Operator, each vehicle that passed would qualify as our breeze.
    That made sense when YHC came up with it last week, as there was no hurricane coming. The coming storm actually gave a bit of a breeze this morning. More importantly, it brought lots more traffic.
    Perfect.
    Oh, also “Listen Like Thieves” by Inxs on the W-King. Also genuflect when you hear “knees.”

    Thang Two: The Name of God. But not really the Name of God. More Like Kinda Like a Name that Got Made into a Name that Some People Might Consider a Moniker of God?
    Ok get ready. Please be patient as your blast goes off on a historical and semantic tangent. . .
    In the film, “the name of God” is said to be “Jehovah” (spelled with an I instead of a J), but apparently this is only an artificial Latinized rendering of the name of God. Some Christians in the Middle Ages combined the consonants in YHWH and the vowels of Adonai (“My Lord”) and somehow came up with Jehovah. Thanks to Goosapedia for this and don’t forget to donate now.
    Sooooo… although technically not correct, this name was created by Christians in the Middle Ages, which according to the film is when the Knights Templar set up this whole thing… I don’t know, but anyway it starts with an “I” also and let’s get back to the Thang here…
    We did 50 Jackhammers to get the letter J out of our system, then ran a Dora-mod for the rest of “Iehova” which at face value was the word Indiana Jones spelled out on the path in the movie.
    I = 100 Imperial Squat Walkers, 100
    E= 150 “El Valvinos” which I decided were SSH. Much less controversial name change here.
    H= 200 Hand Release Merkins
    O= 150 Oh nos (changed to 1=1 mid-stream due to time)
    V= 100 V-ups
    A= 50 Absolutions, but time was called on this first, so that we could get to

    Thang Three: “Only in the leap from the Lion’s Head will he prove his worth.”
    It’s a leap of faith. Something we’ve all taken at some point. It typically results in a stronger faith when you are done. So we took several leaps, having faith that we could do what our bodies said we couldn’t. Which was Broad Jump Burpees to the opposite sidewalk and back. Right about the time Goose and Pope got there, a gracious Q called “recover” and we headed to

    The Final Thang: The Grail Room
    Upon the stage were set several items we associate with F3: A coupon, a ticket, a cone, a pair of gloves, and a coffee thermos. Under each was written an exercise.
    The instructions: Choose one. The first chosen, we will do 40 of whatever is written under it. For the second chosen, we will do 30, then 20, 10, 5.
    Safety Valve volunteered to choose first. And he chose… poorly. But it was perfect. Choosing the false grail, aka the coffee thermos, he gave us Burpees, and 40 would be the number… unless someone could identify the theme of the songs today, in which case I would cut the numbers in half.
    No one could, so we set to burpin’ while YHC prodded the PAX to think, think! (I didn’t want to do 40 burpees). The PAX recounted the songs… Listen Like Thieves… Electric Feel… Brown Sugar… Smells like Teen Spirit… Double Vision…
    Suddenly it clicked (I think with a few, but I heard Goose first) and we reduced our number to 20. Next pick was the ticket, so we did 15 BBS, then several questioned whether the speaker was in play, to which YHC only said “choose wisely.” Of course no one chose the speaker, since it was in the middle of the circle, but that was the final test. Of course under The Wu of Kings it simply said, “You have chosen… wisely.” And that would have been the end.
    But it was time, so it was the end anyway.

    COT
    YHC was humbled as both The Fire within and the BluTube were bestowed upon him. Enron prayed us out.

    Thanks for coming out men. Always an honor to lead.

    SYITG,

    AB

  • Bringing Force to the Balance – from America’s Best

    YHC almost fell into the shower the other day. The strength and balance to not fall on my face was attributed to F3, and so YHC decided to focus on balance for this beatdown.

    Warmarama preceded by a half-fast disclaimer for the FNG.
    SSH, Windmills, Imperial Walkers, arm circles, mountain climbers, cherry pickers, self love, not in this order.

    Thang Number One: Modified Dora

    150 coupon curls while partner bear-crawls out and moseys back. Each time a partner begins the curls, however, he must first do 4 standing on the left leg, then 4 on the right leg.

    150 Prime-Time Merkins, as the partner murder-bunnies out and rifle carries back. All of the merkins should have been alternating feet, but some of the PAX proved themselves Not-Ready-for-Prime-Time Players and only did the first 8 as such.

    250 Air Squats, again with the first 8 on one leg only. Partner takes a lap.

    As punishment for merkin malfeasance, the PAX took a quick mosey/nur before:

    Thang Number Two: Balancing Bedlam–>Joe Cocker–>Wreck it Ralph

    PAX circles two bricks. One man balances one foot on a brick in the center, leaning over to pick up a second brick, then puts it back. During this, the remaining PAX in the circle are holding Mission Impossible. Every time the man on the brick touches the ground, all do a Ranger Merkin.
    (Change the middle man each time, alternating in Al Gore with Bobby Hurleys, and standard plank with standard merkins. Repeato.)

    During each round, about one minute of a song plays, and once that minute is up, the PAX guess the year it was released. The difference between their guess and the actual year is the number of Burpees we all get to do. [EDIT: In an effort to further game-ify (confuse), YHC decided that we would also subtract the number of times the man in the middle picked up the brick, then use the absolute value of that for our number of Burpees. This led to absolutely no strategic changes, as everyone still tried to pick up the brick as many times as possible. These guys are competitive!]
    A second trivia element was also woven in, as all the songs had a common theme. Guess that theme, and we would cut the number of Burpees in half (wrong answers would double them). Maneater provided the correct answer (bands have color in the name) around round 4, but since it was AFTER we had done the burpees for that round, YHC ignored it until the next round.
    Takeaways: As expected, Honeysuckle’s internal gyroscope was activated and he demonstrated the greatest balance. Enron kept his balance surprisingly well, and provided an uncanny Joe Cocker impression when he did fall. The PAX in general did very well on guessing year, but it didn’t matter, because math.
    YHC was undisputedly the worst at balancing, going full Mario and breaking the brick, signifying the end of the beatdown.

    COT
    In spite of avoiding eye contact with Goose, Wet Tap earned the Blue Tube.
    FNG became ShamWow.
    Safety Valve Prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    AB