F3 New Orleans

Tag: Tuesday Tuff

  • Everybody’s an Expert – from America’s Best

    Ten genetically-modified hyper-intelligent HIMs posted this cold morning to exercise minds and bodies.

    And the categories are:
    The 4 P’s of Marketing
    Programming Languages
    Irish Musicians
    The Four Pillars of Catholicism/Christian Life
    Antibiotic Classes
    Versions of Halo
    Things on my Desk
    Minor Bluey Characters
    Harry Potter

    One thing I love about this PAX is that each member brings specific acumen to the table. Everyone is an expert in something. But first, YHC had to ascertain exactly what that was for each dude.

    Jackknife immediately impressed, not only showing up as a 2.0 on a Tuesday Tuff, but also by conveying one of his areas of expertise during YHC’s intro/example. Seriously. This kid is awesome. And he knows some Bluey.

    As for the rest, we went on an Indian run of discovery. As each man at the back sprinted to the lead, he declared his area of expertise for all to hear.

    Upon our return to the flag, we began this thang:

    Circle up, and each expert first chooses an exercise, then we all get to embarrass ourselves with our lack of knowledge in his area of expertise.

    YJ was first, and tried to suggest simply “merkins.” Of course, YHC predicted this, and so the box of destiny (formerly the box of Ballard Designs) was consulted.

    The options were: Absolutions, 4x4s, Manmakers, Thrusters, Goosies, No-cheat merkins, Burpees, WW3 sit-ups, or M.H.G.S. Amazingly it was the same number as number of categories/PAX (minus the moderator). Thus is the magic of the Box of Destiny.

    We went around the circle attempting to name the 4 P’s of Marketing, and for each answer that remained after each guess, we did that many of the named exercise. Of course, only YJ could answer most of these (although the judges gave credit to Dox, for “placement”); so we did a fair amount.

    Maneater was next, and I’m sure shook his head as we struggled to identify programming languages, although YHC was impressed with the knowledge of many in this area (Cardinal schooling YHC with HTML –mind blown).

    Irish Musicians was a surprise addition, and YHC’s favorite category. YJ used this opportunity to showcase his deep-rooted hatred of Oasis, refusing to identify either of the Gallagher brothers as musicians, instead opting for the pain of more beatdown.

    YHC’s poor phrasing of the next category left everyone except Cardinal confused as to what the question was actually asking for. This worked out, because only Cardinal could decipher YHC’s intent, and so we got to do more Absolutions. What didn’t work out as well was that Cardinal’s way of explaining was basically just murmuring all the answers! YHC will soon begin a journey that will hopefully help with improved trivia in this category.

    Other than Goose’s surprise guess of “penicillin” right out of the gate, only Dox was able to name 3 other antibiotic classes. Best wrong answer award of the day went to young Jackknife for his guess “Cocaine”. Dox enjoyed doing extra Thrusters with each wrong answer from the PAX.

    Although other guesses were counted as correct, only Pope truly knows which versions of Halo exist.

    And then we came to Lil’ Cuz. What do you do about a man like this? His acumen in so specialized YHC could not begin to pierce the veil of his true knowledge. He is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma… covered and smothered in perplexity. Even trying to guess what might be on his desk proved a challenge. Especially since most guesses would lead one to believe that Lil’ Cuz works in the 1950’s. Have you people only ever seen a desk in “Mad Men”? I’m pretty sure the next few guesses would have included “an ashtray” or “an empty whiskey glass.”

    We ran out of time, but allowed ourselves just a few more burpees while Jackknife rattled off at least 5 or 6 minor characters in Bluey. And Goldilox’s category will have to wait until Double-Jeopardy.

    Yankee Jeaux allocated the AlPAXa inVESTment to Goldilox

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out.

    America’s Got ToVent:

    The seed for this beatdown came from YHC’s exclusive double-secret trivia league, which YHC introduced today to those present. While YHC only gets 2 referrals into this league per season, I am happy to offer them to anyone in this PAX (even Dox). Although as I write this, I actually already have added my 2 referrals to the waiting list! So instead, let me just say I am glad to add another inner-circle for YJ to strive towards– Maybe next season, my friend.
    Thank you all for what you have done to challenge and change YHC in ways you might not even know.
    Well-done showing up and showing off your brains and brawn. You guys always impress me.

  • The ButtCracker by ThighKowsky , Act II: Revenge of the Fartlek – from Paradox

    One of YHCs favorite aspects of F3 is that every pax brings a different service to the table. For some it’s quiet strength , for others maybe it’s cutting edge Bluetooth technology. Physically there’s Clydesdales , Greyhounds , crabwalkers and some bodies held together by a patchwork of novenas. We have certified poets, storytellers and beatdown historians. Medical professionals, theologians, engineers, secretive government clearances, professors, …the list goes on.
    Personally speaking, YHC bears the heavy burden of being the cultural educator of our pax. As a byproduct of being raised at the epicenter of cultural awareness I am most useful in pronouncing Anglo Saxon terms like “cone” and explaining complex family dynamics like the “uncle cousin”.
    Thus it’s YHCs duty to stay vigilant when there are clear gaps in pax knowledge. It’s with this awareness and responsibility that YHC must present the annual review of the greatest of classical ballets.

    Today we complete Act II of …

    The BUTTCRACKER
    By ThighKowsky

    Duke!!! Take off that tutu and roll that beautiful beatdown footage!!

    6 sugar plums warriors fought through the Christmas calorie coma to post at Tuesday Tuff. YHC stirred the pot a bit by leaving JBL on the sidelines today. Every good coach knows you have to keep your best player motivated. YHCs 2.1 received a Bluetooth microphone for Christmas and it was barely out of the box before YHC had Lil Jon coursing through its veins. With a 10 page rental agreement signed , YHC was allowed to enlist it to help aid in today’s education.

    Warm up
    The usuals while we got mentally ready by listening to a completely random selection of unrelated classical music by a hot new SoundCloud artist Pyotr Tchaikovsky (no relation to the great ThighKowsky) Good stuff though, he should think about having ppl dance to it. Anyway…

    We left off last Decembers Act I in a cliff hanger. The evil Mouse King slain by the Nutcracker, He and Clara are whisked away through the snow forest to the land of the SweetGrass loop.

    Thang 1
    Around the World

    Daft Punk – “Around the World”
    Front Left Lunge , Front Right Lunge
    Side Lunge Right , Reverse Lunge Right, Reverse Lunge Left , Side lunge left
    **Attempt to stay in rhythm with the chorus
    Tin Soldiers during rest

    Goose gave us updates from the land of teenage 2.0s that techno is now called EDM. What a time to be alive!
    YHC pointed this out as a TECHNOcality…..Valve promptly threw up in his mouth then he made mental notes to check 2024 wellness center rates.

    Completely warm we headed for the Land Of SweetGrass Loop

    Indian Run to Back Corner lot
    Drop off 3 star jumps

    Da Main Thang

    We arrived at the back lot of SweetGrass loop and a glowing marker board full of treats held our gaze.
    It was here that the newest wearable trophy was presented to the pax.
    Due to the recent MIA reports of Animal and GiGi the need for a new badge of honor was evident.
    It’s been clear that it’s something worth inVESTigating but we could wait no longer. YHC had to convince the pax that your legs are worth inVESTing in and that today and so forth on all days this inVESTment would stand for a man that pushed passed the comfort of warm sleeves and into the wild blue yonder of shared suffering.
    A mere vest you say???
    No says I !!
    The inVESTment was hewn from the tender follicles of 1000 newborn Himalayan alpacas. It’s waterproof, sweat proof, fire proof and chatter proof. It will prevail through countless reps to the man that is pushing to max effort and it won’t sleep till it finds its next victor.

    The pax were now frothing at the mouth for some cardio so we got down to business .

    The idea was to gain treats as we traversed the SweetGrass Kingdom all while licking the air and tasting the delectable treats.

    Start at Corner Lot
    Add exercise each round
    (Billy Madison format)
    Fartlek 1/4 ish mile while you taste the air of the flatulent man in front of you
    Fartlek modes : Nur, Low gear (mosey) medium gear , high gear (sprint)

    The exercises…

    10 Goosies
    15 Apollo Onos (2:1)
    20 ballerina squats
    25 gorilla humpers (wide stance)
    30 Star Jumps

    The lactic acid cups over floweth and the pax pushed it to the limit. we narrowly missed completing every round but finished all 5 exercises in sequence in round 4.
    Suckle led the pack with Goose and Pope hard on his heels. YHC and Valve discussed the finer things in life and Cuz kept pace with dat dawgggg in his chest and the steam on his brow.

    Much fun was had and the complaint box at Site Q headquarters will be full with concerns about ballerina squats for a few weeks. Good luck with a reply.

    Indian Run back home as our dreams of sugar plums faded into jello pudding legs.

    COT HoneySuckle prayed us out.

    Announcements
    -Sign up for Run Cajun Run
    -“It’s Just a Mile” Feb 17
    -Get on da Q sheet
    -Exodus 90 around the corner , info meeting on Dec 28 if interested.
    -The Investment was awarded to Lil Cuz for consistent effort in the fartlek straight away. May he wear it well.

    Looking forward to pushing past comforts with you men in 2024 and helping to fulfill what God has planned for you this year.

    Thank you for the opportunity to lead

    Invest in the man next to you, you won’t regret it.

    SYITG
    Paradox

  • The Samson – from Smooth Operator

    The Samson

    Attendance

    Goose

    Pope

    Yankee Jeaux

    Paradox

    Goldilox

    Wet Tap

    Americas Best

    Honey Suckle

    Safety Valve

    FNG (Tana)

    Lil Cuz

    Cardinal

    Piccadilly

    Smooth Operator

    YHC started planning this beatdown pretty much the same way I normally do. I read through the list of Saint’s feast day, I look at what happen throughout history on this day, and I read the daily mass reading for that particular day. Well, this time the 1st reading for 12/19 really stuck out to me. Judges Chapter 13 the origin story of Samson, is what YHC read. Samson happens to be the name of one of the babies YHC and his M lost a couple months ago. So, this story hit me like a ton of bricks, and I quickly read the rest of the story. You see originally, I thought about taking it easy on the PAX since I had been out of pocket for a couple of weeks, but as soon as I read this, YHC relinquished control for what was going to happen.

    YHC was allowed to switch over from day shift to night shift, on the morning of this Tuesday Tough. I even slept in a little and got to the Stage around 0430 to unload a couple tires and mauls. As YHC sat anxiously awaiting the PAX. 0505 came around and YHC was nervous, but the PAX came through for me. We were 14 strong for a brisk 40-degree Tuesday Tough.

    Warmarama

    SSH

    Imperial Walkers

    Windmills

    Arm Circles

    Cherry Pickers

    Butt Kicks

    High Knees

    A few things from the story I found inspiration from were:

    – He was consecrated a Nazirite from birth by an angel. A Nazirite is someone who will not eat or drink from the vines or strong drink, will not cut his hair, and will not touch a dead body.

    – Samson killed a lion with his bare hands.

    – He killed 30 Philistines over a riddle he gambled on.

    – He killed 1000 Philistines with the jawbone of a donkey.

    – After he was captured and had his eyes gouged out by the Philistines he pulled down a Philistine temple and killed himself and a whole lot of Philistines that were there mocking him.

    – Samson had superhuman strength when the Spirit of the Lord came upon him and brought him to victory over the Philistines.

    With those things in mind lets jump back to the workout.

    Thang 1

    The Samson

    After picking up the speaker, our coupons, and a pair of rims from Wet Tap, the Pax moseyed down to the old coupon corner for this morning’s insanity. Due to Samson killing 1030 Philistines I figured this would be a good round number of reps for the PAX as a collective to shoot for. All the PAX lined up on the first crack and awaited instruction. 1030 was divided by the total number of PAX in attendance and 77 total reps was the amount each PAX would be required to do to move to the next exercise. The PAX whom finished first could either help the slower PAX get to their number or wait for the PAX to finish and do pickle pounders since this was the sin that lead to Samson’s demise. 2 lucky PAX would be allowed to beat on a tire with a maul with all their reps counting to our total 1030. This seemed to be lost in translation from YHC and PAX and the tires became additional coupons for the likes of Wet Tap and Pope who performed admirably this morning. The PAX seemed to be mildly annoyed by the number of reps but were willing to get after it, until YHC mentioned that the first exercise was Lion Killers (Thruster) due to Samson killing a lion with his bare hands. You could have sworn that I kicked Yankee Jeaux’s cup of coffee over and took Tana’s pickle ball paddle. This response quickly caused YHC to say go and that worked pretty well to calm the storm. YHC put on some slower than I remembered music to get us through the beatdown. YHC crossed 40 when the American Beast hit 77 and begged me to let him do some of my reps. YHC let the exercise go for a couple minutes longer and allowed a couple other guys to cross the 77 rep threshold before I pulled the plug to get to part 2 of the exercise.

    Part 2 of the exercise is or mode of transport to the next street crack. Our mode of transport was moving like and inch worm with a J Lo in the middle of it. YHC calls these Delilah’s. Basically you extend your brick out as far as you can, drop your elbows on your block, perform a J Lo, and then get your feet to the edge of your block and repeat until you go past the second asphalted line in the concrete. This seemed to be less troublesome to the PAX than part one. After this came Part 3.

    Part 3 was about remembering where we came from. This means we would be running suicides all the way back to our starting spot. The thoroughbreds really shined on this part. After part 3 we would be ready for exercise 2 part 1. Note part 2 and 3 are repeated for each exercise.

    On the start of exercise 2 everyone seemed to accept the fact that we would be trying to take on the impossible… Or so I thought. YHC announced the next exercise being 77 WW3 sit ups and the ever quiet always chill Safety Valve looked at me like I had pink eye. After hearing his concern and doing a couple reps I quickly realized by golly he was right. After checking on the leader’s rep count YHC dropped the number of reps down to 25 and 25 WW2 sit-ups because he is a gracious Q. After this we performed Part 2 and Part 3 in the same manner as before.

    Exercise 3 happened to be YHC’s favorite exercise and would tie nicely into the theme of this beatdown. Man makers with a donkey kick was on the agenda, but due to time restrictions YHC cut out the donkey kicks. The donkey kicks were in there because Samson, filled with the Spirit of the Lord, killed 1000 Philistines with a jawbone of a donkey. Once YHC announced the exercise Boss Man Goose had a safety briefing on how to do a correct man maker, which gave YHC a chance to catch some wind since it seemed to not want to stay in the lunges. After this, YHC experienced some tremendous feats, such as Pope and Wet Tap knocking out the reps with tires instead of coupons and Cardinal and Dilly pushing their bodies to the limit and giving 100% effort. All in all, a couple people reached 77 and we quickly moved into Part 2. Part 3 was cut out due to time, so we wasted no time in jumping into exercise 4.

    Exercise 4 was a spur of the moment decision, and it was a good one. Coupon swings were called out and we did coupon swings till 0600. After this we hustled back to the Stage to count off.

    Once at the Stage we counted off. Lil Cuz announced he was feeling very Samsonish which tells YHC that a Part 2 will be needed for this saga. During COT we talked about RunCajunRun coming up and Saturday, Yankee Joe and Tana are having rival Christmas Q’s. For more information contact Tana, and Yankee. After this Pope prayed us out. This beatdown for me was all about putting your trust in God to give you the strength to get through what seems to be impossible. Just like Samson, we need to turn to God and trust his plan. Either good or bad outcome, God will get us through.

    Thanks for coming along with me fellas

    SYITG,

    Smooth Operator

  • Journey to Bethlehem (Remix) – from Enron

    While pondering what to put together for today’s beatdown, YHC went through the rolodex of previous Qs and decided to pull one out from this time last year and add a few tweaks to it. Since the PAX has grown significantly in the last year, the belief was there would not be too many people that attended last year and this year. Fortunately, according to records, this assumption was correct and only Goose and Paradox had to run through this one twice.
    After arriving to the Stage to an awaiting Paradox, 6 more pax trickled in. Some chatter ensued around Run Cajun Run’s arrival early next year and the potential modifications to the platform. It looks like there may be some exciting changes in the works. Looking forward to seeing what that may be.
    Warmarama:
    SSH, Windmills, AC, Cherry Pickers, MNCs, Willie Mays Hayes, IW, high Knees, butt kicks, bumper mosey to pick up coupons.
    The Thang: Journey to Bethlehem (Remix)
    We tend to read in the Bible the journey to Bethlehem every year but how often is it discussed just how dangerous and difficult that journey had to be. The trip was approximately 90 miles between Nazareth and Bethlehem that would have taken place most likely over 10 days. A pregnant Mary, and husband Joseph traveled this distance, outside, while moving through the Jordan river, through the hills of Jerusalem, and battling animals, potential sickness, and weather the entire time. This is how the following was developed.
    We picked up coupons and moseyed to the beginning of rich man’s loop, where 15ish light poles are spaced about 40 yards apart.
    YHC instructed the PAX that there would be 3 alternating methods of carrying the coupon between the poles as follows:
    Mary- carry at stomach height, as if pregnant
    Joseph- On the shoulder, as if carrying wineskins filled with water
    Donkey – Rifle carry as if you were the donkey and carrying Mary

    Each light post would have a “hazard” of which Mary and Joseph could have encountered that included an exercise. Most exercises were performed OYO except for a couple. The following were performed at each light pole with the alternating carry methods (Mary, Joseph, Donkey) in between.

    Light Pole “obstacles/hazards”:
    Climb the hills outside Jerusalem – 30 Mountain climbers
    Walk through the Jordan River – Lunge walk with coupon to the next pole
    Tame your donkey – 10 Jack ass Webbs- This ended up being only a donkey kick
    Be strong enough to fight off animals #1 – 40 Coupon Curls (this triggered all of Paradox’s bear knowledge to be revealed)
    Sleep on your back on the ground – 25 coupon presses
    Lift Mary on the donkey – 20 Goblet Squats
    Carry the water overhead – 15 OHP
    Outrun the animals – Sprint with coupon
    Move through the jungle/heavily forested Jordan Valley – 15 Jungle Boy Squats
    Wear your big boy pants – 20 Big Boys
    Battle Sickness – 5 Burpees
    Hold the weight of the world on your shoulders – 10 Squats with Coupon on Shoulder
    Turned away at the Inn – Bear crawl halfway to light poll and crab walk back
    Have baby Jesus! – 50 LBCs

    Thang 2: the Abvent Calendar

    YHC put a bag full of 25 Ab exercises in a bag and we went around the circle pulling one and performing that exercise.
    Thanks again to Goose for the amusing “camping” story during our 2 minute 6” hold to distract us. This story needs to be revisited. We ended up making it around the circle of 8 PAX one time before calling time.

    The following were the days of the Abvent Calendar:
    50 LBCs
    25 BBSU
    20 WW1 Sit Ups
    1 Minute 6” hold
    2 Minute 6” Hold
    50 Penguins
    25 Dolphin Hops
    Alphabet
    20 Dr. W’s
    25 Freddie Mercs
    20 Nolan Ryans
    20 V-Ups
    25 Heals to Heaven
    20 Hello Dolly’s
    20 Gas Pumps
    15 Leg Raises
    1 – 10 count
    10 6” scissor kicks
    10 Superman’s
    10 Scuba Steve’s
    25 LBCs
    10 BBSU
    1 – 10 count
    10 crunchy frogs
    10 Gas Pumps

    COT and Goose prayed us out. As always, enjoyed being in the gloom with these guys.

    Till next time,
    Enron

  • Disney Zumba – from Smooth Operator

    11/21/23

    Attendance
    Pope
    safety valve
    Wet tap
    Americas best
    Goose
    Enron
    Lil cuz
    Honeysuckle

    YHC slept through 2 alarms this morning and woke up at 4:50 which pretty much set the tone for the beatdown. At 5:10 YHC showed up and didn’t see the Turt wielding Safety Valve, which caused YHC to send Goose to his house for a music box. 2 minutes later Safety Valve showed up and Goose showed back up at 5:16 on SSH 18.

    YHC recently had the privilege to take his family to Disney World. With all the stuff my family had been through in the last 4 months, I figured it was worth a shot to try and capture a little bit of happiness from the happiest place on earth. YHC has a love hate relationship with Disney. I don’t mind the drinks and food that they sell there even though it is more than double what a meal should cost, but YHC’s family loves going and I’m not going to stop them if I can help it. YHC needed a couple weeks to let the idea of this beatdown mature before I was ready to bring this joy to the PAX. Alright let’s get after it.

    Warmarama
    SSH
    Wind mills
    Arm circles
    Cherry pickers
    Mosey to coupon corner for some 35 lb dance partners.

    Thang 1-10
    A few weeks into YHC’s F3 experience, Goose shared a beatdown with the PAX which involves nothing but music exercises and burpees. We did over 200 burpees that day and I thought that was the coolest idea and I developed a love for the burpees that day. Well due to YHC’s experience at Disney and this very fond memorable beatdown, I decided to stick these two in a blender and YHC’s version of Disney Zumba was what came out. Alright let’s get after it.

    The 1st song was meant to be an additional warm up due to a relatively short warmarama. The song was Poco Loco from the Pixar movie Coco. The Pax did mountain climbers for the duration and A-rods (J-lo and pickle pounder) on the trigger words Poco Loco and Mi amor. The Pax knocked this out with relative ease and looked to be hungry for more.

    The next song on the agenda was from Mulan named Make a man out of you. Naturally the duration workout was Manmakers and the trigger exercise was goblet squats. Our trigger words for this song were Huns, son, boy, Mr. and man.

    Song 3 was surface pressure from Encanto. For this song the Pax switched from high, middle, and low Al gore squats each time there was a lyrical break in the song. Our trigger exercise was Bobby Hurleys each time the words pressure or surface came about which happened to be a good bit.

    Our next song I started feeling the Pax giving me some icy stares. The song name was Frozen heart from the hot movie Frozen. The duration exercise was Side straddle hops although there was not many SSH due to the amount of trigger exercises completed. The trigger exercises was goose’s and our trigger words were frozen, cold, icy, basically anything that the Pax determined to represent cold. I’m pretty sure everybody thought this one was cool.

    Next we stayed on theme and did another song from Frozen 2 named Lost in the woods. Our duration exercise was holding 6” and our trigger exercise would be leg raises. Our trigger words were go, gone, lost, catch, chasing.

    The next song , Zero to Hero, comes from Hercules. Each time there was a lyrical break we would switch from high plank to low plank.

    YHC is a big fan of this next movie, if I had to pick a favorite princess movie it would be Moana and Shiny our featured song is a good one. Our duration exercise was Apollo onos and we did burpees for our trigger exercise. The trigger words were shiny, glam, treasure, sparkle, glitter basically anything to do with a shiny. We basically did 3 minutes of burpees once this one was finished.

    The next one is not as well known as the rest on this list. It’s all right from the movie Soul is another good song. Our duration exercise was coupon crunches and our trigger exercise was WW3 sit ups. The triggers were it’s all right and soul. We did a lot of ww3 sit ups.

    YHC couldn’t pass up the Jungle Book Bare necessities since Wet Tap was really looking forward to it. We did Bonnie Blair’s for duration and burpees for a trigger. Our trigger words were Bare, Bear, Bees, Honey, and Paw. We didn’t do many Bonnie Blair’s.

    Our last song which was supposed to be engrained in the Pax’s brains was It’s a small world. We did penguins for duration and WW2 sit ups whenever we heard the worlds it’s a small world in all languages. This seemed to baffle the Pax but we ended up getting whistle bit on 0600 before we left the English language.

    After this we circled up and did COT and prayed out
    Thanks to the Pax who stuck with me. I half expected people to walk out on this one. All in all those who came, put in work, and were probably sore the next morning. Mission accomplished.
    SYITG
    Smooth Operator

  • 11/14 national holiday’s – from Smooth Operator

    Attendance
    Safety Valve
    Honeysuckle
    Americas best
    Wet Tap
    Goose
    Pope
    Enron
    Smooth Operator

    This was the first time YHC has ever went into the eve of a beatdown without having a plan of attack for the beatdown. Luckly due to a slow 12 hour night shift I had some time on my hands to do some planning.

    YHC arrived at the Stage around 0450 and took a power nap knowing I was going to need it due to the agenda for the day. Enron rolled on in at 0505 and the parking lot started to fill up after that. It was a wet nasty 60 degrees with a wind that had the flag standing fully erect for the majority of the beatdown.

    Warmarama
    Side straddle hops 33 of them due to YHC trying to get the chill out of the body.
    Windmills
    Arm Circles
    Cherry pickers
    High Knees
    Butt kicks

    Thang One
    Pickle Pounder Mile

    Upon my research for the beatdown I came upon 2 very interesting national holidays for 11/14. The first being National Pickle Day. To celebrate this the PAX would be doing a Pickle Pounder Mile. We would run our normal mile track through Richman’s Loop and stop every quarter mile to do 25 pickle pounders. Due to YHC’s lack of stamina and speed, YHC decided to give the speedier PAX members a little busy work to keep the PAX together. After completion of your 25 pickle pounders and while waiting on the 6 (YHC), the PAX were to perform J-LO’s until the 6 completed the pounding of his pickle. After completion of our very first pickle pounder mile the PAX looked hungry for Thang 2.

    Thang 2
    Bear Crawl 1 2 3

    The 2nd holiday for 11/14 was National Teddy Bear Day. To celebrate this the PAX would partner up and Bear Crawl 1 2 3. Partner 1 would bear crawl to the 2nd picnic table and back while partner 2 would be working on 100 merkins, 200 squats, and 300 LBCS. There was a discrepancy between which 2nd picnic table would be our turning point since it was not square and in an act of mercy YHC allowed the PAX to go to the closer picnic table. The PAX knocked this Thang out like Thedore Rosevelt in a brawl with a teddy bear. Poor Honeysuckle got stuck with YHC as a partner and had to pick up my slack as YHC was silently trying to figure out how to escape his own beatdown. Once the PAX helped pick up my slack and we completed the exercise, we had the perfect amount of time to try something Paradox had told me about which turned into thang 3.

    Thang 3
    HWY 308 burpees.

    AT 0550 with 10 minutes to spare, YHC decided to have the PAX line up on the 308 sidewalk and do a burpee for every vehicle that decided to pass. A few takeaways from this is there are a lot of cane trucks that pass on 308 and they hold up a lot of traffic. Each time a cane truck passed we had at least 6 burpees or more to complete. All in all, this was a great way to do between 65 and 85 burpees in 10 minutes.

    After this, we circled up back at the flag and counted off. The Animal (Safety Valve) presented the young cub (Pope) with the Animal shirt and Americas Best prayed us out.
    Thanks PAX for showing up and struggling with me.
    SYITG
    Smooth Operator

  • “If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything” – from America’s Best

    Disclaimer: Those who have admitted to not seeing “Back to the Future” may some may experience significant shade during this backblast. Reader discretion advised.

    YHC loves time travel. Whether it melts your brain (Primer), or rots your brain (Hot Tub Time Machine), YHC will watch it. And in most of these tropes, there are plenty of numbers, pseudoscience, and doing something, going back (Jack) and doing it again– much like an F3 beatdown.
    And so today, just after the 68th anniversary of the day Doc Brown hit his head on his toilet and devised the Flux Capacitor, the PAX joined the ranks of Bill and Ted, and time travelled.
    The pioneer, at least in YHC’s mind, was Marty McFly, so this beatdown was themed on his first foray into the past.
    We start in present day (1985), will travel to 1955, and then hopefully, back to the present again. As everyone (except Enron) knows, we need two things in order to travel: 88 MPH, and 1.21 Gigawatts.

    Thang 1: Time travel from 1985 to 1955
    M= 0.88 miles
    P= 88 Peter Parkers
    H= 88 Hillbilly Squats

    This was knocked out as we ran/nar, answering random time travel/BTTF trivia (including BTTF music trivia). Montana impressed with his knowledge of the future (2015).
    Upon returning to the flag area, the PAX quickly knocked out a round of 21s (curls) which represented the necessary 1.21 gigawatts of power. And like that, we were in 1955.

    Thang 2: Time travel from 1955 back to 1985
    This is obviously going to be more difficult, as plutonium cannot be purchased at every corner store in 1955.
    88 MPH this time:
    88 Merkins
    88 Parker-Peters
    88 Hydraulic Squats

    This proved to be more time consuming than YHC had planned, so we aborted early and moved to the 1.21 gigawatt portion of 1955. What other way would one achieve 1.21? Blackjack.
    Start on the sideline between picnic tables. Perform 20 coupon curls – run to other tables, perform 1 V-up. Nur back and do 20 coupon curls. Run back for 2 V-ups. Repeat until you do 1 CC and 20 v-ups, running between the sidelines. Always adds up to 21.
    (“ Black Jack” officially calls for Merkins and LBCs, but more Merkins seemed too extreme*, and LBCs seemed to easy. And… I’ll say it… we don’t do enough curls).

    The required effort was great, but the motivation to return to the present was even greater—don’t forget, in 1955 your mother is trying to get in your pants (YHC recently re-watched the film, and this theme is much more disturbing than remembered).

    In the end, ironically, we ran out of time.

    We headed back to the flag for the final trivia question:
    At precisely what time was the clock tower struck by lighting? (and not by a tornado, Enron)
    YHC reminded everyone, that just as in the prior song trivia section, where no answer resulted in 10 merkins, and incorrect answers resulted in 4, this time an incorrect answer (or no answer) will result in 10 merkins, a correct answer, only 4.

    And so we all did 10 Merkins. The correct answer is right there. Right… there.

    Thanks for playing, everyone.

    To be continued . . .

    – Goodbye Goose Get-together Nov 12th at the Enron property
    (undercard event at AB’s house the day before, weather permitting)

    COT and Dox prayed us out.

    …Coda (the end is the beginning is the end):
    YHC ran out of time, but we got it right. We finally got it right. The first 17 times YHC ran this beatdown, tragedy befell the PAX. Once, blinded by poor parking protocol rage, Dox smashed the Prius with such force that it ripped the space-time continuum. *Another time, YHC had programmed merkins for Blackjack, and Enron’s shoulders finally exploded. And then there was the iteration where Tree Root showed up. Luckily, YHC had upgraded his Turo rental DeLorean with the Mr. Fusion attachment, and was able to keep going back and doing it over until we got it (mostly) right.

    “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”
    …

  • Country For Old Men – from Honeysuckle

    Jason Aldean was the flame. Boot Scootin Goosie was the fuse. It was only a matter of time until the country beatdown would occur. And friend-o, that day was today.
    On a dew-filled morning at the stage, fourteen men gathered eventually and the fun began.

    Warmarama
    20 Side straddle hops (YHC would have made it 40 if Tana had been there on time)
    Windmills
    Arm circles forward and back’ard
    No cherry pickers
    Willie Mays Hayes
    High Knees
    Butt Kicks

    As all required Jurps no longer need to take place prior to doing anything else, yet realizing that leaving a full four Jurps for the PAX to have to do OYO after a beatdown is a little too much, we split the difference and did two Jurps as part of the beatdown. As to not waste time, the country music started with “I think I’ll just stay here and jurp” by Merle Haggard. Piccadilly jumped in after the first round started but so smoothly it was as though he just appeared out of thin air. Despite the excessively long instrumental outro, a second song was needed so that the second jurp could be completed by the PAX so that was [this is taking a very long] “Tulsa Time” by Don Williams.
    Then, a coupon mosey to get the hard stuff.

    The first thang
    The next part was a small homage to what played no small part in putting country music into pop culture (and eventually into a cult with popeye), which was the movie Urban Cowboy. (That movie also put mechanical bulls into every honky tonk bar.) Both songs are by Jerry Lee, with the first being “Cherokee Fiddle.” We did V-ups during the song, but during the chorus (“When he smelled the smoke and the cinders…”), we grabbed our own cinders and did manmakers.

    The second song was “Looking for love in all the wrong places.” YHC looked at points total per Jurptoberfest exercise and found the two exercises with the fewest points. These at that time were big boy situps and curls, so by doing these we would be looking for points in all the wrong places. So similar to the previous song, BBS’s during the song and curls during the chorus. Enron had been preparing for this moment his whole life and really shone during those curls. As did Cuz.

    YHC after the fact proposed the equivalent of a “standard deduction” for points earned during the first thang. This is because there were no sheets to write down the number of each exercise the PAX did, so many PAX did not really know how many points they earned. Inadvertently, in doing so, YHC perhaps initiated a bout of points inflation that a future hawkish Q will have to clean up. The overall jurptober impact remains to be seen. Analysts are saying that the biggest impact is likely to be in the manmaker category as they represent the largest number of points per exercise.

    The second thang
    The second thang was going to take longer and finish out the workout. The song “Redneck Girl” has always been a favorite, next to “Queen of my double wide trailer”. But in “Redneck Girl”, the Bellamy Brothers highlight all of the desirable qualities of these types of women. One of these is that a redneck girl has her name on the back of her belt. In honor of that line, we did a conveyor belt exercise.

    There were 5 stations where these five activities were done, with bear crawls in between.
    Station 1: V-ups (20)
    Station 2: Merkins (20)
    Station 3: Bonnie Blairs (20, I think we all know by now it’s 2:1)
    Station 4: Big Boy Situps (20)
    Station 5: Burpees (10)

    Four stations were populated with PAX leaving one open station for at least a little freedom of movement for one group. All PAX in a group were supposed to stay together and couldn’t go to the next station until the group at that station left. But I’m sure Yankee Joe could spend multiple lectures covering case studies highlighting what PAX are “supposed to do” versus what they actually do. And I just completed an internship.

    Now, if you liked the loitering and waiting in Saturday’s beatdown, you would LOVE the conveyor belt. There was ample opportunity to trash talk teams taking too long, and those opportunities were seized. However, the waiting was sort of a feature because otherwise there were no real breaks. Just like in a honky tonk bar, there were even PAX getting up on the tables doing their thing. In the end, everyone made it through two rounds, in most/all cases also finishing a third set of the exercise where the respective PAX began.

    During this time, we got to additionally hear “John Deere Green” by Joe Diffie, “Hard Workin’ Man” by Brooks and Dunn, and most of “L. A. Freeway” by Jerry Jeff Walker. The soundtrack was well received overall, though one PAX couldn’t take it and left. And I expect to continue to not hear country music during my next eye exam.

    We circled up, counted off, named off, did announcements, intentions, and Pope prayed us out. Dox pictured us out.

    After the coupon return and general cleanup, around 10 PAX stayed and finished up the Jurps. Gotta love and admire the dedication of this group. Smooth, showing next level determination and grit, grinded out his last Jurp with everyone just sort of standing around him and Goose holding the shovel.

    Much appreciation to the PAX for being hard workin’ men today and even feeling comfortable enough to share that they enjoy listening to country music only if chipmunks are singing it. It is great to celebrate the recent birthdays, and while some of these songs remind us that the world and our lives keep changing as we get older, many fundamental things don’t change, and for myself at least, F3 continues to provide a way to improve physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual strength to stay in the fight now and hopefully for many years to come.

  • “But Wait, There’s More!” by America’s Best – from Yankee Joe

    There was once a time, before all of this handheld, on-demand streaming gluten-free wifi entertainment, a time when men were men, and Boyz II Men, and ABC, BBD (East Coast Family). In these grueling times, if one were to lie sleepless at night, the only solace was whatever happened to be on the TV… which was almost always the Infomercial. A late night beacon through the (brain) fog, the Infomercial beckons: “Give me your clumsy, your stupid, your flummoxed masses…”

    Smooth Operator was already on site as YHC pulled up this morning; this dude never fails to impress with his punctuality, commitment, and demeanor after working 12 hours. Also, in spite of being here first, he doesn’t steal anyone else’s parking spot. The brief parking spot controversy this morning was broken by a shadowy figure emerging from the gloom, cloaked both in darkness and a red hoodie. This was the signal- it was time to begin.

    Warmarama:
    SSH
    Windmills
    Arm circles
    Cherry pickers
    Now, as the chatter rose, a confidential informant (we’ll just call him “Elliot”) murmurs an aside to YHC: when the PAX ups the chatter, it’s time to drop the hammer.

    And so began Warmarama++(AKA ”The Jurp Store Called and They’re Running out of You”):
    23 Tempo squats
    18 or so mtn climbers
    20 tempo merkins
    15 mtn climbers
    Then the rest of the Jurp on your own. (Somewhere around this time Hypotenuse appears, and YHC could go off on a tangent about that here… but we all know tangents never reference Hypotenuses.)

    With the first Jurp completed, it was time to mosey.

    The Thang:
    While actually planning a Thang of completely different proportions for this morning, YHC began to notice that certain Jurpaple exercises were actually contained within other more complicated maneuvers.
    And so, much like the hapless characters in the first half of most “how many times has this happened to you” infomercials, we would go about getting our Jurp points the hard way.

    Let me explain. No, there is too much… let me sum up:

    First, the Jurps. The Jurpee is the OG Granddaddy Longlegs of overdoing it. To this point, there was some sort of objection that “you actually get more points from Jurping than by just doing Burpees,” but luckily, YHC had the mental toughness to block that kind of positivity out. And the PAX completed the buy-in.

    21s (Curls): the bottom half of a curl 7 times, the top half of a curl 7 times, then 7 full curls. Lots of extraneous work for 7 curls. There was a bit of debate over whether ½ curl + ½ curl =1 curl. Ultimately, YHC used his executive “boat captain” power to declare only full curls are full curls. And thus, while a total of 56 additive curls were done, only 28 were scored. And there was much groaning (but not as much as there likely was after that hypotenuse joke).

    NUR one lap

    Breakdancer Merkins: “How many times has this happened to you? You’re trying to Merkin, then one arm shoots up in the air, while the opposite leg flails out in front of you?”
    Dox feigned ignorance, then took it to another level, breakdancing with Merkins in-between. YHC is pretty sure there was even a headspin in there. (Which may be why he blacked out during his performance and has no memory of it).

    Dying Cockroaches: Almost a V-up? Maybe half a V-up, and then another half? Also confusing because no two people do this exercise the same way. In fact, YHC (very awkwardly) demonstrated it, then performed it in a totally different fashion. Either way, you get zero points for whatever bastard child of a V-up this is.

    NUR! Another lap

    WWIII Situps: If you don’t hate these yet, you haven’t done enough of them. Please let YHC know.

    Goosies: Like the old saying goes: “If you wanna get some Bonnie Blair, sometimes you gotta cop a Squat for free.”

    —-End black-and-white portion of the infomercial—

    Thang 1.5 —Welcome to Oz— (the Colorized portion of the infomercial)

    Now it is time to do things the “Easy Way.” YHC offered a brief respite to recount a story… years ago, a friend, frustrated at the supermarket, was cursing at some avocados when suddenly she was approached by a strange woman. “Oh deary, calm yourself…. don’t you know about the ‘Easy Way’?”
    This was one of those seemingly innocuous statements that also sounds a lot like an invitation to join a cult. Other examples include “Come, Sit at the Welcome Table,” and “Free Men’s Workout.”

    For the remainder of the Thang, we will do only what is necessary to garner Jurp points (AKA the Easy Way)

    Now Run! Like normal human persons!

    Burpees! (some far-off mumbling again about total Burpee vs Jurpee efficiency, probably)
    Coupon Curls! YHC has to give credit to Enron for inspiring all the curls in this beatdown… he has done them in such large quantities YHC figured they might be a welcome break. YHC was wrong.

    RUN Again!

    Merkins! Regular ones, where you get points for exactly what you are doing.
    V-ups! Same!

    And, I’m sorry we are out of time.

    Animal was bestowed upon Yankee Joe.

    Dox prayed us out.

    Afterword: “High Impact Men” only begins to describe the members of this PAX. Hope you guys are as motivated by YHC as YHC is by you all. Honored to be a part of the PAX, and so thankful for those who said to YHC that fateful day, “Come, Sit at the Welcome Table”

    SYITG,
    AB

  • Free Solo by America’s Best – from Yankee Joe

    YHC needed an idea. A really, really good idea. This PAX has set the bar high with their beatdowns.
    This thang needs to be interesting without being too confusing. And not too easy, but not impossible (although experience tells YHC to err on the side of impossible).
    Having not led any kind of workout in decades, YHC tried to harken back to his younger years. What was it we used to say? YHC searched the catacombs of his antiquated mind… phrases came flooding back. Things like, “Lift with your back, not with your legs!” “Pivot!” and “Avoid the Noid!”
    YHC quickly realized he should try and fill the space with music rather than any of his own chatter. And the idea for “Free Solo” was born.

    Warmarama:
    SSH
    Imperial Walkers
    Windmills
    Arm circles
    Cherry Pickers
    Self Love
    Mountain Man Poopers (added for the theme, maybe never done by most; of course, Goose made it look like he does them daily)

    The Thang: “Free Solo”

    Free Solo climbing is rockclimbing alone using no climbing gear: no rope or harness, no carabiners, no pins. “No rope, no rack.” For the purposes of this beatdown, our “gear” is our coupon.

    Get Free by naming the Solo. YHC curated a song list, with each song chosen specifically for one PAX member. As we performed an exercise, it was the PAX’s responsibility to figure out what song the solo is from, as well as who the song was chosen for. 3 outcomes are possible:
    1. You ID the solo curated for you, and the PAX is entirely FREE to “climb” the 15-20 yards without their gear (coupon). Bear Crawl up, lunge walk back, everyone without the coupons.
    2. Someone else ID’s your solo for you, and only they free solo; everyone else hauls their coupon (bear block crawl up, lunge walk back).
    3. No one ID’s the solo, and everyone takes their “ropes and rack” (Coupon)—Murder bunny up, rifle carry back. When you get back, continue the exercise until everyone is back AND someone can ID the song, artist, and who it is for as the entire song plays.

    Solo 1 – as we began with (what else) Mountain climbers, we heard the solo from Dire Strait’s Money for Nothing. Unfortunately, Enron may have been able to ID his solo, but not yet understanding the rules, Yankee Joe called it early, and (accidentally) saved only himself from the coupon.
    Solo 2 – Merkins while we heard the smooth sounds of Sade… unfortunately Smooth Operator was unable to ID Smooth Operator (come on! Know thyself, Grasshopper!). But someone did (Enron and/or Goose), and the rest of us hauled our gear up the mountain again.
    Solo 3 – I felt fairly certain nobody would guess this solo. Honeysuckle, however, displayed his serious music chops and ID’d “Hungersite” by Goose pretty quickly. HS likely would have nailed a few more but was hindered by his position far from the TurtBox
    Solo 4- Yankee Joe did stellar job acting like he didn’t recognize the song that I’m fairly certain in he listens to on repeat in his car before every class. In fact, nobody recognized the solo from Van Halen’s “Hot for Teacher” and we all murder bunnied as deserving punishment.
    Solo 5- Pope finally saved us all, identifying his solo from “Baba O’Reilly.” Goose responded in classic Dad fashion, missing his son’s victory. Everyone finally got to “free climb.”
    Solo 6 – At this point, YHC’s mind was focused more on survival than memory, but I don’t think anyone ID’d Tom Petty’s “Learning to Fly” during the solo. Safety Valve may have had similar mental focus, as he almost didn’t realize it was for him.
    Solo 7 – Other than YCH, Nobody knows this song. Probably nobody knows this band. “Honeysuckle Blue” by Drivin’ and Cryin’ had us all murder bunnying again, and doing V-ups until we all hated the song even more.
    Solo 8- YHC was stoked to see Hypotenuse show up, and add his song to the playlist. Nobody ID’d it during the solo, but as we rifled-carried back, Goose called it to save us from more Burpees. “Triangle Man hates “Particle Man’” and he hates more burpees.
    Solo 9- Seems like Michelin should have gotten partial credit for this. I mean, the guitar solo in “Beat It” is almost identical to the solo in “Eat It.” But partial credit is for snowflakes in liberal arts schools, so we continued to beat ourselves down.

    Free Solo OT – The Summit
    With everyone’s solo accounted for, and with 5 minutes left, we went into the lightning round.
    Wolverines until someone can identify the (mountain themed) song OR artist, and then they can change the exercise

    Song 1 – Mountain Sound by Of Monsters and Men. Yankee Joe displayed his scholarly acumen by naming a Steinbeck novel instead of the Icelandic indie band, but he finally corrected himself and we switched to LBCs.
    Song 2- “Mountain in the Way?” “Mountain’s are so gay?” “Mountain here Today?” There was just no deciphering the lyric “Mountain at my Gates” by Foals.
    Song 3- Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains). YHC’s fatigue at this point is physical but also due to psychological grief at the lack of music knowledge this morning. Goose almost had it, but the PAX chatter over the lyrics stymied him.
    More Chatter = More Chilcuts.

    Time was up. As we trudged back to the flag, the only sounds were the far cry of that rooster, and Smooth Operator’s declaration, “Your music sucks!”
    Good! Use your aggressive feelings, Smooth. Let the hate flow through you!

    Other than that, Free Solo had nothing to do with Return of the Jedi.

    Goose prayed us out.