F3 New Orleans

Tag: Wet Tap

  • Mellow Monday w/ Montana – from Wiford Montana

    I often try to use the space of F3 as a place to break down my muscles in order to grow them but today, today was a day to do that but something more. This q was to be real, connect, and hopefully show that thru a group of like minded people coupled with the love, strength, and mercy of our Lord Jesus we can become strong in many facets. Not only that but when we struggle with whatever it is we have a network, a common goal, a place to grow. Mellow Monday with Montana was set to begin.
    Warm-o-Rama:
    3 stretches then we churned out a mile on rich man loop.

    The journey of Pro shop Barry:
    Leaving Vandy I was an atheist looking for only self discovery and meaning of life. Was wondering in my “dessert” discovering, I would be willing to bet I have seen more pounds of weed than every pax combined, but I can say this much like all things of the world, they have their short term gains but no matter how much of a short term pleasure they just fall short.

    1st Song: Simmer Down by Bob Marley Thruster on Simmer Down and random “Goblin Squats” through out.

    2nd Song: Exodus (all present were on the true Exodus) by Bob
    Burpees on Exodus and Movement
    68 in total

    Then YHC passed around picture of Pro shop Barry, he was 2 links of boudin away from hitting 3bills
    “Tana killed proshop Barry, he dead now”
    Picture ripped up and we talked about whatever struggle or addiction you can turn to God anytime, and shared I accepted Jesus Sept. 18 2008 centered around 2Cor. 3:3

    3rd Song: Break every Chain- Jesus Culture
    BBS or V-up on power
    Merkin on Break every chain
    Coupon swing and man makers sprinkled in

    Closed out with a quick mile ish and then COT and Dilly prayed us out

    Appreciate each one of you and great work Pax

  • “What We Obtain too Cheap, We Esteem too Lightly” – from Yankee Joe

    “Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.” – Thomas Paine

    Warmarama
    – SSHs
    – Abe Vigodas (slow windmills)
    – Knoxville cherry pickers
    – Willy Mays Hayes
    – Arm circles
    – Air squats
    – Mountain Climbers

    —————————————
    Part 1: Freedom

    Earlier this week, my oldest daughter, Evelyn Grace (6 yrs old) came home with a kindergarten assignment to write two sentences with the prompt:

    “In my opinion, freedom means…”

    My wife and I were surprised by how difficult it was to explain the concept to her. Most likely because as a six year old, she only understands the dictatorship she currently is living under. But, like any warm blooded American Dad hypocrite, that got me thinking about my own opinion about the meaning of freedom. This beatdown/backblast represents my humble attempt to do just that.

    On this day in 1789, George Washington was unanimously elected as first president of our great nation. I think my intention was to create a theme, any theme, but after some time, I was simply force feeding exercises into historical contexts. It was sloppy and disingenuous. It felt too important. I was stumped.

    As I was abandoning the idea, I started thinking about our independence. I started thinking about what kind of desperate level of crazy it must have taken to, in presumably sound mind, collectively decide to take on the most powerful military (army and navy) power on earth.

    Can you imagine the scene?!?

    Ben Franklin (who was 70 at the time): “Let’s fight Britain.”

    Thomas Jefferson: “Seriously, Ben, go back to sleep.”

    (Sam Adams is off in the corner getting sloshed)

    John Hancock: “Oooh, oooh, oooh…and we can sign something???”

    —————————————–
    Mini Bootcamp Training

    – 20 Imperial Squat walkers
    – 10 triple Merkin, triple jump burpees
    – 10 P2J2s (8ct…2 plank jacks, 2 chillcut peter parker’s, 2 j-los 1:1, 2 pickle pounders = 1 rep)

    ——————————————–
    Part 2: Reality Sets In

    Of course, John Hancock would have that opportunity, and soon King George sent a 32,000 man expeditionary force to the colonies, including 30,000 Hessian mercenaries. Within a short time, the northern strongholds, including New Jersey and New York, had all been taken, and the British viewed the situation as an easily squashed uprising. Indeed, the original force of 23,000 Regulars under the command of Washington had dwindled by December 1776 to nearly 3,000 poorly trained, poorly provisioned men through desertions, disease, and expired enlistments.

    It was all but over.

    Washington, who had nothing like a stellar military record, was perhaps more importantly, an ingenious marketer and effective motivator. The consensus of his councils was that they desperately needed a victory or it would be over within weeks. In fact, the rest of the regular soldiers’ enlistments ended on December 31st.

    At about the same time, another propaganda machine kicked into high gear. Thomas Paine, the author of Common Sense, wrote a letter to the public called the American Crisis. It, along with the small victories in early 1777, are credited with turning the tide of morale and public support of fighting for independence.

    December 23, 1776

    THESE are the times that try men’s souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman.

    Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value.

    Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated.

    Britain, with an army to enforce her tyranny, has declared that she has a right (not only to TAX) but “to BIND us in ALL CASES WHATSOEVER” and if being bound in that manner, is not slavery, then is there not such a thing as slavery upon earth. Even the expression is impious; for so unlimited a power can belong only to God.

    —————————————–
    The Thang:

    – P1 Chillcut peter parker’s (aim for 50); P2 block and bear to marker (30 yards), rifle carry back; flapjack
    – P1 & P2 spiderman crawl to marker; crawl bear back
    —
    – P1 J-Lo’s (aim for 50); P2 murderbunny to marker, redrum return; flapjack
    – P1 & P2 sprint (one with coupon, other with bricks); flapjack

    ————————————–
    Part 3: We Must Go On?

    A couple of days later on Christmas night, Washington took 2,400 men at three launch points across the Delaware. The temperature was below freezing, and by 11 pm when the crossing began in earnest, a straight up blizzard began with wind chills with estimated subzero temperatures. It took eleven hours to cross and the mission was four hours behind schedule.

    Washington later wrote, “…As I was certain there was no making a retreat without being discovered and harassed on repassing the River, I determined to push on at all Events.”

    The Thang:

    – P1 thrusters (aim for 25); P2 brick butterfly walk; flying brick nuns back; flapjack

    ——————————–
    Part 4: One More Month

    On December 31st, 1776, only a week after the surprise attack and subsequent victory in Trenton over the Hessian force, Washington’s meager army was at the end of its enlistment period. The following day, the vast majority of his soldiers had the right to go home to their families and farms. However, Washington and his war council had deliberated for days following Trenton and had made the fateful decision to press whatever little advantage they add against the British forces. On that December 31st morning, Washington appealed to his troops:

    “My brave fellows, you have done all I asked you to do, and more than can be reasonably expected; but your country is at stake, your wives, your houses and all that you hold dear. You have worn yourselves out with fatigues and hardships, but we know not how to spare you. If you will consent to stay one month longer, you will render that service to the cause of liberty, and to your country, which you probably can never do under any other circumstances.”

    ——————————-
    The Last Thangs:

    Song: Run Away – The Real McCoys
    – Hillbilly squat walkers, burpee on “run away”
    – Approx. 40 burpees

    Song: Jump Around – House of Pain
    – Plank jacks, merkin on “jump”
    – Approx. 40 merkins

    Song: We Built This City – Starship
    – Lbc’s, Freddie’s, hello Dolly’s, leg lifts, flutters, etc.
    – V-ups on “we built this city”

    COT and the PAX excitedly welcomed MAFAT and Ponzi to the beautiful chaos. Goose prayed us out.

    Let us always remember the multitude of blessings and freedoms we enjoy delivered to us by the multitude of sacrifices and hardships endured before us.

    SYITG,
    Yankee Joe

  • Stage Record – from Enron

    With anticipation building of what could be a new Stage record for attendance, YHC nervously arrived in the impossible-to-see foggy gloom to a surprise of multiple pairs of headlights awaiting. Tuesdays have not normally been highly attended, but all the stars had finally aligned to have a “hard commit” (no one ever fartsacks a hard commit) of 11 PAX on the GroupMe. Seeing 4 standing and waiting at 5:20, things were looking up for the record, especially with the surprise arrival of Paradox, aka POOX, and Wilford Montana. The types of compromises and promises that were made to their M’s are unknown, but their presence was welcomed. Vehicles continued to appear along with the arrival of Goose with 300 pounds of coupons in the back of his truck. YHC quickly unloaded one of his 2.0’s dry erase board, as well as additional coupons in set up for what was to come. As 5:30 arrived, a new record had been set. 12 PAX at the stage; this moment will go down in F3 Thibodaux history (which is honestly why this backblast is being forced).
    Warmup:
    SSH, AC, Cherry Pickers, grass grabbers (with the clap) Windmills, Self-Love, IW, Mountain Climbers and a large group bumper mosey.
    YHC can honestly say that nerves set it during the warmup as leading a large group comes with more Q-dreniline than expected. Counts may have been quicker than usual; mumble chatter was heard in the background regarding the cadence. Nothing out of the norm for Yankee Joe and Paradox and their shenanigans.
    Thang 1 and only 1: Modified Jerf
    A short synopsis/speech was given to instruct all the newer guys on the history of the “Jerf”. A combination of a Murph and a Bruce Lee with a twist from Yankee Joe. Quickly named the Jerf back in September/October by a group of PAX attempting to complete one per off-beatdown day. YHC had some new modifications and additions for today’s TuesdayTuff©. All were presented on the previously mentioned dry-erase easel. The following were completed in order, AMRAP, throughout the next 35 minutes. Although, one exercise was voted out and erased after each completed round. After 5 exercises were eliminated (5 rounds), YHC started to add one back on each round. Exercises are as follows:
    20 Coupon Curls
    20 Coupon Presses
    10 Yard Bear Crawl (this could not be eliminated along with the Crab walk as this was a mode of transportation)
    10 Merkins (eliminated 3rd)
    30 LBCS
    10 Yard Crab Walk (back to coupons)
    10 Merkins
    50 Freddy Mercury’s (1=1)
    20 Skull Crushers (eliminated 1st and also added back later as 10)
    20 Leg Raises (eliminated 2nd and added back later as 10)
    30 Squats (eliminated 4th)

    COT and Goose prayed us out. It was truly an honor to be able to lead this larger group of men today. Hopefully this is a sign of continued growth in our region.
    SYITG,
    Enron

  • “Yote Time”: written by Coyote – from Goose

    Once we got there, the first thing YHC saw was the dreaded Montana Bun as it was swaying in the chill wind, with its little curl. I couldn’t take my eyes off until Paradox said, “What’s up Yote!” YHC replied, “Where’s the other doc?” and then started the warmups. We did the normal stuff such as Side-straddle-hops and Windmills and Imperial Walkers, but YHC did something special, some “Throw me something misters”, now, everybody liked that, but after a while we started an Indian run with the back person doing five bonnie blaires (2is1) and running to the front of the line all the way to the field. Then we started the fun stuff, we picked partners and YHC told a little story about a guy who was chased by a buffalo, so we set up cones and partner 1 sprinted to the first cone and got passed right when partner 2 sprinted after him as he started to bunny hop to the third cone. Red fish was YHC’s partner, so it was hard to catch him, but YHC got him down, and he had to do five burpees. Then we switched, and YHC got away with it, and Redfish had to do five buffalo kicks. Everybody did it again, and we all moseyed to the chimney and YHC told a story about a guy who purposely got bitten by an alligator snapping turtle, and we set up more cones in a zig-zag pattern, and we bear crawled to each cone. As Goose trampled the pax, we got to the cones and did shoulder taps and then karaoke ran to the cones and did burpees. Redfish and YHC were neck and neck for who would get there first, until he tripped on his own foot, and YHC got there first. After a while, we moseyed to the Thunderdome and did two rings of fire, one with LBC’s and elbow plank jacks to 75. And then we did this song that was a Gaelic song that was turned into a techno song, we did calf jumps to the beat during the refrain and squats during the verses. For four long minuets we jumped and squatted until the song ended and we flopped onto the ground, worn out to the bone. We moseyed to the tennis court and played tennis with a volleyball. While doing exercises, we hit the ball back and forth, every time a person would hit it, that person had to do a burpee, and every time a team got a point, the other team did 5 merkins. We moseyed back to the flag and did the alphabet, and after all 16 people did nameoff, counting 2 FNG’s, YHC went off to the side, and did cooldown exercises. Paradox and Enron didn’t want to leave me hanging, so they came over and did them with YHC, now we have this group called “Cooldowns with Yote”.

  • What can Brown do for you? – from Wet Tap

    What can Brown do for you?

    After thorough deliberation and meditation on a reborn VQ, YHC listened to those muscles that were left out from previous beatdowns. These muscles craved lactic acid the way a man craves the last minute delivery of a forgotten present for Christmas. The one your wife hinted at for months and your brain reminds you on December 20th. As you track the package day by day wondering why it stays in Memphis for like 30 hours, despite a record snowstorm. YHC turned his reflection on those workers who like the PAX show up despite the rain, snow, heat and misery; in their own gloom. What better way to honor those real American heros than a UPS/Fedex/UPS inspired beatdown.
    16 strong PAX trickled in to the Pelch on a glorious morning. A pre-thang sprint to the local track by Redfish checking for locked gates set the tone for the intensity that will soon follow. Speck and YHC moseyed over to the field to set the cones for the deliveries to soon arrive.
    Warmarama:
    Typical warmups with side staddle hops, Abe Vigodas ( fastest slow windmills ever), Arm Circles F/R, cherry pickers, high knees, butt kicks.

    Pre-thang:
    A nice leisure Indian run with coupon carry of course. This lead to a silent mumble from the PAX. I say silent because the words didn’t come out just facial expressions had the look of confusion and dismay. I desperately tried to include the IHURT Bluetooth speaker, a collection of uplifting songs specially picked out by the 2.0’s. Unfortunately it was the only fartsack for the morning. In disapproval I chunked it much the way your USPS man rings your door and shotputs the package from 10 yards out. Never the less, the mosey began.
    The mosey took up a quarter mile up and down the road alternating between shoulder and farm carry. Redfish took the final lead and brought us into the track. We all graciously dropped our coupon at the entrance of the track, except for Piccadilly.
    Thang 1:
    With the PAX toes on the football field goal line a division was formed. UPS on side one and FEDEX on the other hash.
    Sprint to 5 yd line, NUR back. Sprint to 10 yd line, 1 Burpee, NUR back. Etc…. Burpees correlated with each 10 yrds ( 10yd=1, 20yd=2, 30yd=3, etc…) Thang 1 finishes when each pax NURS back from the 50. A clear win for team FEDEX. The overloaded 2.0 lead to a swift bunch of child labor clearing up all questions of why third world countries utilize this work force.
    The next exercise idea was a combination of Jucifer IPA and an overwhelming need to pull things. Regardless of the PAX’s CO2 narcosis the understanding of how exactly this plays, a decent level of strain was achieved. Each man lined up 5 yds apart with a specific exercise. The other man sprints from the rear, dead man pulls him to the next man in line. Takes his exercise and the next man gets pulled. This would have lead to us inching across the field 5 yrds at a time. After enough time, YHC called it. It was time to mosey.

    Thang 2:
    A short coupon carry back to the field where the cones awaited. Still in division, half the PAX on team UPS, other half FEDEX. Each cone 15 yds apart with a specific exercise listed. PAX were to complete the listed exercise from one cone to the next, coupons included. Each cone had “packages “ to be delivered to midfield. Obstacles always exist in each field of work. Today this obstacle were the 2.0’s Hungry and salivating sat the 2.0’s ready to defend their homes. The dogs! The PAX had to avoid the bite of these ferocious beasts, for a bite from one of those hounds resulted in 3 burpees.
    1. Rifle carry lunges
    2. GRR right
    3. GRR left
    4. Murder bunny
    5. Bear crawl
    Repeat back home.
    The dogs showed no reserve and they seemed to multiply into a swarm of impenetrable defensive. Some PAX adapted to kamikazes, God bless these men.
    Music:
    Harry Nilsson releases a cult classic hit in 1971. “coconut”
    None of the PAX knew this song, or at least claimed to know it. This further confirmed the YHC age.
    Plank hold for duration of song, Merkin on coconut, mountain climber on doctor. Song lasted 3:50 resulting in 41 merkins.
    Welcome vador and Boom, Major Bratt’s 2.0
    COT and Yankee Joe prayed us out.
    Wet tap

    #paradox #enron #fencepost #lilcuz #piccadilly #wilford montana #toeloop #major bratt #fire in the hole #yankee joe #redfish #speck

  • The Goose Who Stole Paxmas: An Arc of Redemption – from Yankee Joe

    To the Men of F3 Thibodaux,

    There are no words to accurately describe my level of gratitude for each of you. Whether we’ve been together for one beatdown or 50, you have taught me something, and each something has been invaluable. F3 has a term, “IM3,” which is a Man’s statement to the PAX that “I AM THIRD.” The idea of ‘living third’ means that as men, we deliberately place ourselves third behind God and our Community (including our families).

    I know I speak for all of us that NO man makes this commitment with more force and humility than our very own Goose. He is an example, always constant in the storm as well as the gloom, reminding us why we’re doing this. Reminding us about what really matters.

    I also know Goose would immediately say that ALL of us are worthy of the same praise. And I would agree. This is a very special group of men. You are Disciples of Christ, the spiritual leaders for your families. We often use the word, “humility” when describing our experiences together. There is a reason for this. We are, all of us, continually striving to “live third.”

    In a past life when I was coaching high school baseball, I used to say that the scoreboard was a result, not the goal. Back then, it sounded so wise. Heck, I wasn’t much older than the teenagers to whom I was speaking. However, I am amazed how those words ring so very true for me today. I often forget that I am in the best shape of my life. It may have started as the goal, but it has become a casual byproduct of being blessed (truly blessed) to stand next to Men of honor, Men of substance, Men of God, Men like you.

    Merry Christmas to each and each of you and your families.

    May God grant us the courage to always strive to be third.

    SYITG

    Yankee Joe

    ———————————————-

    Warm-up 6:30 – 6:35
    SSHs
    Abe Vigodas (slow windmills)
    Arm circles
    Squats
    Imperial Squat Walkers
    Self Love
    Mosey with coupons to monkey bars with coupons, then drop by slides

    Tribute to Anker 6:35 – 6:42
    0 – 1:00 ish – imperial walkers
    1:00 – 1:45 ish – imperial squat walker
    1:47 – 2:22 – SSH’s
    2:23 – 3:00 – burpees
    3:10 – 4:03 – elbow plank
    4:04 – 5:28 – Bobby Hurleys
    ———————————————–

    Thang 1: Grinch Training Camp 6:45 – 7:00
    (Narration #1)
    Lazy Dora Style at the Monkey Bars
    – P1 does Burp-ups x6
    – P2 LBCs
    – Flapjack
    – Two sets

    Mosey to hill

    Roof Crawling
    – P1 bear crawl to other side of hill; at bottom, 10 derkins; Crawl bear back over hill
    – P2 flutter kicks
    – Flapjack
    – Jungle gym to slides, pick up coupons, head to Paxville
    ————————————————

    Thang 2: The Looting of Paxville 7:00 – 7:15
    (Narration #2)

    House 1
    – 3 sets
    – P1 – WNW x10; P2 holds Al Gore’s
    – Travel – Bears and Blocks

    House 2
    – 3 sets
    – P1 Thrusters x 20; P2 6 inch holds
    – Travel – Murder bunnies

    House 3
    – 3 sets
    – P1 Manmakers x10; P2 Chilcutt Peter Parkers
    – Travel – Lunges (no coupons)
    ———————————————–

    Thang 3: To the Grinch Cave on Top of Mount ‘Tana 7:15 – 7:20
    – P1 carries P2 piggie back (coupons stay by House 3)
    – Flapjack at cones; 4 segments, 2 each per Pax
    ————————————————

    Thang 4: Paxmas came anyway 7:20 – 7:25
    (Narration #3)
    – Sprint back to Paxville
    – Pax mosey to Flag and bring back to Paxville
    – Goose returns presents to the Pax

    COT; Cardinal prayed us out

    Coffeeteria (courtesy of Mrs. Yankee Joe)

    ———————————————–
    BEATDOWN SCRIPT

    Narration #1 How the Goose Stole Paxmas!

    Every Pax down in Paxville liked Christmas a lot
    But the Goose who lived just up the bayou, did not!

    The Goose hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
    Now, please don’t ask why. Only the Cardinal may know the reason.

    It could be because he hated the cold.
    It could be because, like his truck, he was too old.

    But I think that the most likely reason of all
    Was that his heart, like Paradox’s shorts, was two sizes too small.

    But, whatever the reason, his heart or his arthritis ,
    He stood there on Christmas Eve ISI-ing just to spite us.

    He stared down from the Stage with a sour, head tilting view
    At the warm lighted windows along the the Bayou.

    For he knew every Pax down in Paxville below
    Was busy posting obscure GIF’s, especially Yankee Joe.

    He thought of Paradox and his wife she’s a doctor by the way
    He himself claims to be one too, riiight…can crazy come out to play?

    He thought of the drugs Montana be slingin’
    And he shuddered at the cadence that he just ain’t bringin’.

    The Goose remembered the Goats and some random machine
    That dude showed up for a month, never again to be seen.

    Wet Tap was doing goblet squats, cuz that’s what real men did
    He never got the memo that the Jerfing had ended.

    He thought of Lil’ Cuz and that head beyond balding
    He then felt his own head fuzz and well…it was something.

    He considered the Brat and his brother, O’SHEM
    So close to yakking again and again.

    Superfun(d) working his crazy ass shifts;
    Fence Post nailing boards in a line and thinks it’s a gift.

    The Grinchy Goose said good riddance to ‘Ol Paradiddle;
    He’s a drummer, remember…F3 was fourth fiddle.

    He tolerated Kilo and his twelve different ve-HICLES
    He loathed Picadilly’s balls and their subsequent pickles.

    Enron, he mused, seemed to be cursed
    With his lack of rhythm and tendonitis he was constantly nursed.
    But those are just the reasons, second and first
    Ronnie also recruited Yankee Joe – aka EH Thibby Award for the worst.

    Speaking of Yankee and his posts we should block
    Forget the emotion, and just keep the headlock.

    —————————————————–

    Narration #2 The Looting of Paxville

    “And they’re hanging their stockings,” Goose snarled with a sneer.
    “Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”

    Then he growled, with his Goose fingers nervously drumming,
    As he sat on the toilet nervously humming
    At 40, you’re gonna have problems with plumbing.
    Then he said, “I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming!

    “For, tomorrow, I know that all the PAX men
    Will wake bright and early and rush to their den.

    “And then the GroupMe posts! Oh, the posts! posts! posts! posts!
    There’s one thing I hate! It’s all the posts, posts posts!

    “And they’ll mumble! And mumble! And they’ll chatter! Chatter! chatter!

    And the more the Goose thought of this Pax Christmas Chatter,
    The more the Goose thought,

    “Is it me or am I slowly getting fatter?”

    “Why for forty years I’ve put up with it now!
    I must stop Christmas from coming! But how?”

    Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
    The Goose got a wonderful, condescending, head tilting idea!

    “I know just what to do!” The Goose laughed with a frown.
    “I’ll destroy all their dreams with a TuesdayTuff beatdown.”

    “I’ll steal F3 Christmas, there’s no limit to how far I’ll stoop
    I’ll even find a way to tear down that ridiculous, disgraceful Whoop.”

    And he chuckled, and he honked,
    “What a great Goosey trick!
    With this TuesdayTuff Beatdown, I’ll look just like a prick!”
    —————————————————-

    Narration #3 To the Grinch Cave on Top of Mount ‘Tana

    It was quarter of dawn. And the Pax still a-slumber,
    Hangovers en route from Enron and Wet Tap’s Jucifer tumbler.

    He took their presents, their headbands, and even their rucksacks,
    He scoffed at their cadence, lame excuses and fartsacks!

    Ten thousand feet up, up the side of Mount Tana
    He ran like a wild man, he ran, ran, ranna
    On some kind of drugs fueled by AstraZeneca manna.

    “Pooh-pooh to the Pax!” he was goosily humming.
    “They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!

    “They’re just waking up! I know just how they’ll show!
    They’ll lazily hit snooze one time, maye mo’
    And They’ll kick and they’ll yell from ceiling to flo’
    Then they’ll see there’s no Christmas, not even an AO.

    “That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch, “that I simply must hear!”
    He paused, and the Grinch put a hand to his ear.

    And he did hear a sound rising over the swamp.
    It started out slow, then it started to stomp.

    But this sound wasn’t sad!
    Why, this sound sounded glad!

    What was this incredible sound, sounding deep from the gut,
    Well that’s Paradox’s favorite question, “Turn down for What?”

    Every Pax down in Paxville, the tall and the small,
    Was celebrating a Christmas beatdown – super tight shorts and all!

    He hadn’t stopped Christmas from coming! It came!
    Somehow or other, it came just the same!
    (2.0 ear muffs) After having nine kids, he has only himself to blame.

    And the Grinch, with his grinch feet paced to and fro,
    Stood puzzling and puzzling. “How could it be so?

    It came without coupons! It came without rucksacks!
    It came without backblasts, without gloves, or World Cup facts!”

    He honked and honked till his honker was sore.
    Then the Goose thought of something he hadn’t before.

    Maybe F3 doesn’t come from just beatdowns or a good backblast word.
    Maybe F3, perhaps, means more, like striving to live third!

    And what happened then? Well, in Paxville they say
    That the Goose’s small heart grew three sizes that day!

    From that day forth, Goose built out his legacy;
    Teaching where we stand next to God and community
    Tho his comments on GroupMe are never OMG,
    his words for the Pax are always simply IM3.

    Merry Christmas!

  • The Turkey Bowl – from Paradox

    11/26/22 7:29 am EDW Stadium

    A youth sized Wilson football leaves the rocket launcher surgically enhanced shoulder of legendary quarterback Yankee Joe Montana. The game clock strikes 0:00 and the scoreboard is locked in a dead heat 0-0, the leather-bound vessel elevates in a tight spiral and cuts through the gloom of a misty bayou morning. A bird chirps. Fresh biscuits fill the air. It reaches the peak of its flight and underneath, each PAX fight for real estate to find its landing place. Its destination is a streaking Superfun(d) who has battled through the Yellow Team defense and found wide open spaces in the endzone. Time stands still, the fate of the F3 Turkey Bowl hangs in the balance….

    18 hours earlier…

    Text Thread
    YHC: F3 Turkey Bowl tomorrow, I’ll get flags. Can you bring an an American football?
    Yankee Breaux: Yea, going to Wally today to get black Friday deals on Icy Hot. What size, Junior?
    YHC: You bet. I can throw it clean over those mountains.

    14 hours earlier…
    Group Text with Tana and Yankee
    YHC: Check out this F3 turkey bowl jersey prototype (beaming with pride as YHC attaches pic of PDOX jersey I’d been stenciling for hours)
    Tana: Bro.. I’m gonna shoot you strait …that looks like it says POOX
    Yankee…..
    Tana:….
    YHC: No turning back, see yall in the morning. (*Googles Bible verses on Humility)

    6:00am YHC and Yankee setting up cones and feeling low expectations about turn out
    YHC : Can you play flag football with three people?
    Yankee: Who is the third? Tana had a few high APV brews yesterday, hes atleast 50/50
    YHC: Man , Goose is never gonna let me Q the special holidays again. Oh well it was a good run.

    6:29 am YHC and Yankee share a “yea this is gonna be awesome” nod as 10 PAX and one 2.0 FNG pour in from all corners to the Peltch gravel lot. The call of gridiron glory had not gone unanswered. Major Brat rolling in for his second beatdown! T Claps!. andddd a really special Welcome Back Kotter moment as Gordon strolled in with a fresh homemade F3 jersey and a twinkle in his eye. We got rolling with some standard warmups with somewhat proper cadence.

    THANG 1 WARMUP
    PAX Indian run with last man dropping off to do 5 Football Thrusters (thrusters holding a football, don’t overthink it) then runs to lateral pass the ball to the last man in the Indian run. If ball dropped we would suffer 5 burpees as a PAX. It took Cardinal approximately 3 microseconds to spot the morality loophole. “What if they drop it and nobody sees them?”. To YHCs knowledge there were only crisp albeit somewhat short passes and we made it to the EDW stadium with legs activated.

    Mosey to the Center Cards logo after an impromptu cone shuttle run.

    WarmUp Song
    “Are you ready for some Football?”…No not the one your thinking , sorry . I left Hank Williams Jr at home. We did Zombie Walks on the song with Burpees on “Football” to this version created by …checks notes….Mr. Lewis and D.O Dubb feat Dub Ruffin. You might want to google this one because its pure poetry.

    Mosey back to the endzone with a lateral cone shuttle run

    YHC had PAX line up shoulder to shoulder
    On Q call we passed the ball side to side
    On Down hold Al Gore, On Set we chopped feet, Then YHC blew the coach whistle and whoever had the ball got to call a PAX to go out for a pass. If caught 10 SSH, if dropped 5 burpees. PAX faired well here once in a rhythm. Gave everyone a chance to see what talents would be showcased in todays Main Event…

    Thang 2 The TURKEY BOWL
    Divide PAX by 1s and 2s and pass out yellow and blue flags
    BLUE TEAM: Montana, YJ, Cardinal, SuperFun(d), Wet Tap
    YELLOW TEAM: YHC, Major Brat, Lil Cuz, Paradiddle, Gordon

    The Rules were simple enough. Each possession starts on the 50. You get 4 downs, no first downs. PAX hold al gore in offensive huddle while PAX hold plank in defense huddle. Any turnover (on downs, interception, fumble) results in 10 burpees for offense and 10 SSH for defense. A touch down results in 10 burpees for defense and 10 SSH for offense.
    Yellow team took the first offensive possession after winning the toss and a lengthy explanation of an alien football backspin concept that must be a “down the bayou” thing. (still don’t get it)

    Yellow team with a turnover on downs to start after a failed flea flicker. Lil Cuz establishing himself as a field general early. Blue team started a steady drive and it looked like we would continue a Saturday tradition of watching Wet Tap do athletic things we usually only see on TV. Blue was threatening an early score leaning heavy on Taps speed and Tanas relentless trash talk.
    …That’s when Gordon decided enough is enough. As Tap was streaking for what looked like an inevitable score Gordon met him head on to force out of bounds. Unstoppable object..immovable force..we’ve heard this song before! Some bystanders say you could actually here the moment that Taps ear cartilage gave way. When the dust settled Team blue ate 10 more burpees and with blood in the water Team Yellow had the big Mo swing.

    HIGHLIGHTS
    -Paradiddle kept a great attitude despite not know much football lingo
    -Montana is light on his feet and has perfected the Lebron Crab dribble. Don’t let him get in open space.
    -Gordon with a contested 2 foot drag interception and we still are waiting on booth review
    -Legends continue to grow but pretty sure Wet Tap wasn’t allowed a vehicle as a teenager and just had to run to places. He was never late.

    We traded blows for the next few possessions but remained a tight defensive slobber knocker. YHC checked the applewatch game clock and gave blue team the 60 second warning. This would be the final drive…

    7:30am EDW Field Endzone
    The junior size Wilson descends on its path into the EDW endzone and finds SuperFun(d) ready to cradle it like a newborn baby. Crowd noises overtakes the scene as our perception returns to real time.
    The inaugural F3 Thibodaux Turkey Bowl had its victor. Blue team in Hail Mary Fashion!!

    Defensive MVP- Gordon
    Offensive MVP- SuperFun(d)

    Wrapped up on the field with our now traditional PAX clean up then mosey back to the flag.

    Welcome Lil Cuz’s FNG 2.0 –Pikachu!

    COT and Cardinal Prayed Us out

    Thanks for the opportunity to lead.
    Lots of great ideas for this one going forward and I think the Bowl series will be a staple.

    SYITG

    Pdox (POO-X 4 Lyfe)

  • Skid Marks – from Goose

    I know, that’s two backblasts in a row from YHC with a toilet humor theme–I may or may not be working on a streak here.

    YHC has been yearning to take advantage of the random brick piles strewn about the neighborhood construction sites, and there was a particular exercise routine I remember both hating and marveling over from my time on the Northshore. This seemed the perfect morning to pull it out of the bag.

    After a warmup of the usual exercises and mumblechatter topics (including Goats’s late night GroupMe activity followed by a fartsack), we moseyed to the corner at the beginning of Rich Man’s Loop where we usually stop so the exercise can be both explained and groaned about.
    For the first Thang the PAX were just told that we’d be bear crawling to the next light post and then given further instructions. YHC didn’t notice that Yankee Joe hadn’t heeded the glove recommendation–what was to be a bit of a rough morning began for him at that point–that pavement’s got some wicked grooves. At the time, though, he thought, “Surely this is why he recommended gloves, but whatever–a little bear crawl never hurt nobody.” YHC could smell his thoughts, and they stunk of misplaced confidence, so I responded with thoughts of my own: “Don’t call me Shirley.”

    The next lightpost distance would be traversed via THE crab walk. All eyes were on Cardinal to see what kind of technique or mental prowess he employed to smoke everyone so completely and consistently. He did not disappoint as he completed the entirety of Rich Man’s Loop twice before even one of us had made it halfway to the next light post. And no one could evaluate his form because when you crab walk, you face backward. There was plenty of time, though, to make educated guesses: maybe it’s his arm to spine length ratio? his red hair? the grace of ordination? his youth? helium bags hidden in that sweatshirt? crab-derived steroids? Regardless, his prowess didn’t seem to be limited to just the crab walk this morning. Some leftover Q-drenaline, or maybe the lead-drenaline was kicking hard, and he would not be beaten for most of the light post transports.

    The next two posts were side shuffles (right-facing, then left facing) mostly so YHC could have a few seconds to get his courage up for the next two…

    The next light post was traversed via 44’s: 4 bear crawl steps and 4 merkins in turns all the way there.
    Wet Tap had graciously joined The Stage crew this morning, and this is where he made his presence known (not surprisingly). YHC is pretty convinced that he walked on his hands growing up and did push-ups continuously during class while his schoolmates sat in desks. (“I just learn better that way.”)

    After this, we switched the number “44” around to make it “44”: this time with crab walks and whatever you call the exercise where you do basically a standing, full extension wife pleaser. So, in crab position, you do like a mini dip (butt hits the ground) followed by a wife pleaser fully off the ground. 4 crab walk steps to 4 of those.
    This, again, was brutal for everyone who wasn’t Cardinal, especially since some sort of breach in the space time continuum caused the next lightpost to keep getting farther away and the one we just left to follow us like a puppy.

    Next post was The Groucho Walk, which was a pretty unique, dizzying experience in a tight group of 8 large men. The comparisons to West Side Story and the Anchorman rumble scene were the perfect distraction from the deep quad/groin burn.

    We ended this routine with one more interval of nurring before moseying, not back to the flag, but to the brick pile.

    Thang 2: S**t Brick Sliders

    YHC was first introduced to this routine by Crawfish from F3 Birmingham(?) when he made a cameo at Granny’s on the Northshore about three years ago. It was so creative and ridiculous and hard that it stuck in my head, and I’ve been doing the typical “avoiding it/can’t wait to try it again” dance.

    YHC mysteriously grabbed two bricks from the pile and led the mosey backtracking to the dead end in the middle of the loop (to the right after the long east/west straightaway where the burpee station was for the SV500), which will heretofore be known as “The Dead End of Solace” because of how pretty that area is, and because the 44’s were over. Montana felt the need to mention aloud that he would not willingly participate in any breaking and entering, and Enron actually agreed to take part in any revenge based activities that might be planned.

    Instead, each PAX, one at a time, took the two bricks, placed them on the ground, and pushed them down the street, driving with the feet and having to stay low because of the friction, and leaving red, stinky skid marks all the way to the manhole cover about 25 yards away. Before starting, each PAX would assign the rest of the group an exercise to complete AMRAP until they returned, and upon their return, each PAX would comment, “That’s harder than it looks!” Seriously, I think we heard that four times.

    We ended with all PAX running to grab two bricks apiece and lining up so we could all do it one more time together. Enron got off to an impressive start but face planted after the right brick caught a mud spot, though he still finished first after a solid recovery. Not much pride earned by any of the PAX on that last one, but the marks of our immense efforts will remain. At least until Wednesday when it’s scheduled to rain.

    Moseyed back to the flag for LBC’s and flutters, COT, and Paradox prayed us out. It was an awesome morning–definitely one that brought the PAX together and made YHC grateful for time with this crew! Very much looking forward to a Goats VQ on Thursday!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The Beautiful Beatdown – from Yankee Joe

    Over the past few weeks, YHC has navigated a time of growth and reflection. In Marketing, there is a term called, “marketing myopia.” It is a concept that refers to a firm’s narrow focus on their own product development considering only internal strategies, along with competitors’ actions. As such, the organization loses focus on the two most important elements…1) the needs of the customer and 2) how their product can fulfill those needs.

    You see, YHC had also become myopic in his thinking, both about his place in F3 and subsequently, his beatdown designs. Following the St. Vincents 500 (hosted by F3 Thibodaux), I was exposed to the prowess of legends like Tanked Up, Hawgcycle, and Thibodaux Pax’s very own, Goose. With IPC 2022, in conjunction with the Jerf challenge, only to be followed by Burptober, YHC came to believe that all beatdowns should…ya know…kill you. Why else are we here?

    My dear gloom partner, I want you to know…nay, I need you to know…that I was wrong. But as only Ahtohallan knows, “when all is lost, all is found.” I embarked on a beatdown mission to find a balance between rigor, creativity, and, dare I say it, fun. That said, here we go.

    The game of soccer (or Football for the rest of the world) has its roots dating back to ancient China. However, since we cannot actually corroborate this with any real evidence, we’ll opt not to be wankers and go with the modern version, which popped up in 1860’s England (some say Germany). To distinguish the new sport from other games such as rugby, it was dubbed “Association Football.” The word “association” was abbreviated to “assoc,” with one who played the sport being an “assoccer.” As the game made its way over to the US, the term evolved into the word we know today, “soccer.” So if an obnoxious Brit ever gives you a hard time about the term “soccer,” simply inform them that you refuse to engage with a man who calls french fries, chips. And chips, crisps. I can’t. I just can’t.

    With that bit of useless trivia, we should really focus on the game itself. Though perhaps monotonous to the untrained or North Louisiana eye, the game is a chess match of fluid movement and strategy. Plays beginning from seemingly benign backfield passes, suddenly develop into offensive attacks with players moving in out of open spaces.

    The game is often called, “The Beautiful Game.” For this reason and in honor of the World Cup 2022, I offer you “The Beautiful Beatdown.”

    (First, YHC arrived early for setup and met Paradox for our typical pre-thang…wait…sorry. I’m not supposed to talk about pre-thangs. Moving on.)

    Warmarama: 11 PAX at the Peltch!!!

    The usual. YHC was losing his voice due to a constant rash of 2.0 plagues running through the castle, so I went fast. No time for mumblechatter, seriously screwing with Enron’s typical momentum. The sky was overcast and sputtering. We hailed the triumphant return of Paradiddle, a clear omen that today would be special. However, in my haste, many cadence steps were butchered. For a quick moment, Goose’s smile disappeared as if to say, “fix this or I will.” YHC got it together quickly. Mosey to the F3 soccer complex.

    Thang 1: Agility and Strength

    As this was the first part of our beatdown, we recognized the first World Cup in 1930.
    Setup: On a 30 x 10 field, one side corner several cones spaced closely for a total of 10 yards; opposite side corner the same set up. The pax split, half starting on one side and the other across the way.

    Pax began in staggered starts, side shuffling at full speed between cones for 10 yards, then 20 yard full sprint to other side; 19 burpees. Continue to opposite side cones. Repeat side shuffle and sprint going the other way then 30 merkins; Repeat side shuffle and sprint going the other way then 19 squat jumps; Repeat side shuffle and sprint going the other way then 30 Carolina Dry Docks.

    Notables: Wet Tap, recently off of IR, showed his typical prowess, barely breaking a sweat. Enron made a comment about 19 burpees being his limit, so YHC changed out 30 side straddle hops for squat jumps. I’m kidding, but Enron was on thin ice, you betta’ belee dat.

    Interlude 1: Shakira’s

    This Pax’s hips definitely lie…or at least significantly modify. Imperial walkers through the verses, Shakira’s on the refrain: low wide legged (goddess) squat with hands in praying position; remaining in squat, shimmy shoulders, while lifting alternating legs. Kinda like a squat version of the hand release merkin. Then Q’s choice intermittently with arm raised jump ups and open Pax freestyle.

    (At this point, YHC’s legs were burning from the fast pace work during the pre-thang with Paradox…Crap…sorry. I keep forgetting. First rule of pre-thangs is don’t talk about the pre-thangs.)

    Thang 2: The Goal of the Century (aka Oh Cosmic Kite)

    In the quarterfinals of the 1986 World Cup, Argentina went up against a strong squad from England. On that championship Argentinian team was a footballer named Diego Armando Maradona. Of all his countless successes, he is perhaps remembered most for the two goals during that match: The Hand of God and The Goal of the Century. Also on that day was another iconic moment provided by Victor Hugo Morales, the famous Argentinian journalist who was commentating for the match. Morales’ play-by-play of that goal, followed by what can only be described as fever pitched hysteria would move into history as one of the most recognized monologues of all time. The English translation is included at the end of the blast for your enjoyment.

    For this play, Maradona made a move down the right wing to receive a pass. Upon receipt, everybody assumed he was about to pass off to one of his teammates. However, two Englishmen closed in, blocking the passing lanes and getting within a few feet of the ball. What happened next became legend. Maradona switched directions and somehow threaded the needle between the two opponents, then set off to the races, juking and passing three more defenders on a 60 yard dash. With the English keeper sprinting out to cut off the angle and with two defenders hanging on his back, Maradona, at full speed, faked left a step, causing the keeper to fall, then scored. GOOOOOAAAALLLLL!

    The Thang:

    Partner up. 1st Round
    P1 dribbles soccer ball at full speed 30 yards to marker; Completes 86 LBC’s; sprints back with ball (total 60 yards)
    P2 holds flutter kicks for duration; flapjack

    2nd Round
    P1 dribbles full speed to marker; Completes 86 hand releases without merkin; sprints back
    P2 holds mission impossible plank for duration; flapjack

    3rd Round
    P1 dribbles full speed to marker; Completes 86 high knees; sprints back
    P2 holds Al Gore’s for duration; flapjack
    *screaming various soccer terms in multiple languages was encouraged

    Notables:
    – The 2.0’s, Coyote and Pope laid waste to the thang. Sonic (2.0 a la Goats), at five years old, made YHC look downright silly.
    – Lil’ Cuz continued to show his athletic versatility
    – Paradiddle quietly and efficiently dominated. I might be crazy, but I swear that guy never stopped smiling the entire beatdown. Beastmode.
    – Our north Louisiana Pax, Enron and Paradox, who claimed to know nothing about soccer, showed some seriously legit dribbling skills. In fact, Enron, YHC’s partner, got off the poop list due to his speedy rounds and minimizing my Al Gore time.

    (As Paradox and YHC reached the first half mile during our pre-thang, our pace was already at a sub 8 minute mile…AHHHHH. I can’t help it. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.)

    Thang 3: Geese and Goats and Crabs and Bears, Oh My!

    That’s right, a soccer themed beatdown would not be complete without a crab-bear soccer match. The pitch was set at roughly 20 yards by 10 yards, using portable drilling goals on either side. Pax split into teams, the P1s and P2s from the previous thang. All pax started in bear. No hands allowed and you have to stay in some sort of plank. This last rule was VERY loosely interpreted, but it only added to the chaos. When one team scored, all Pax switched to crabs, while the team that was scored on did 5 burpees.

    Goal 1 came in the second minute. Wet Tap (P2s) deflected a pass across the middle from Enron (P1s). Playing stellar defense all day, Paradox (P1s) somehow managed to clear it out of their defensive third, sending a long ball to Goose (P2s) who was waiting at the top of the key, defending our goal. In a moment of confusion, Goose lost control of the ball and in a desperate attempt to kick it out of bounds, instead launched it into his own goal. He showed the appropriate amount of remorse.
    – P1s lead 1 to nil.

    Goal 2 came in the 6th minute off of the acrobatic play of Lil Cuz (P1s). The jiu jitsu training continues to manifest itself in the most incredible ways. I refer you, Dear Reader, to the History of Baseball Part 1 Beatdown, when he duck SPRINTED nearly 20 yards to make a diving catch. Was he offsides? Did he abandon his crab walk position? We’ll never know. Instant replay was not available and Goose was not prepared to use up one of his challenge flags. All we know is that Paradiddle was stealthily serving balls from the flank all game long. The result is the same.
    – P1s 2 – P2s Goose Egg.

    Goal 3 came in the 9th minute with 20 seconds remaining on the clock. Allow me to set the stage. There had been many attempts from Goose and other P2s to get the ball down to YHC in the offensive third. However, after YHC bungled nearly every opportunity, the focus shifted to Wet Tap (P2s), Sonic, and Pope. At this time, I should mention that the primary source of frustration for YHC and the P2s was a wily, smiling, and smack talking Coyote. Coyote was easily the defensive MVP for the P1s, fearless and seemingly everywhere at once. Prior to the leadup of the play development was a Paradox induced scrum that dragged Goats and YHC into the mix. The Homer (not Houma) style is strong, stubborn, and methodical. As a result the ball was moved back to mid field and cleared out of bounds. Like Batman and the Joker, Paradox and Goats showed what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. A fifth dimension opens up. Come to think of it, I don’t remember seeing Goats at the Coffeteria. Somebody should look into that.

    THEN…a throw-in to YHC, who passed to the middle, but it was redirected to the flank. I could not see who it was in the mud and mist (perhaps, Pope), but the abstract mirage crossed the ball back into the middle yards away from the goal. The noise of the faithful began to rise, a crescendo of madness and delirious hope. Bodies swarmed to the middle like wolves as the ball soared through the air to its intended target. Suddenly a player leapt up above the pack. He was airborne and fully horizontal. Time stood still. Wet Tap finally believed Morpheus…HE was indeed the ONE. Wet Tap (P2s) ripped a massive scissor kick. Coyote’s knees buckled as he tried desperately to change course. It was too little, too late. The sound of the ball being swallowed in the back of the net cut through the hysterical tension…then a millisecond of terrifying silence just before the Pax erupted into an ear splitting frenzy of insanity. GOOOOOAAAAALLLLLLLL!!!!!

    – Final Score: P1s 2 – P2s 0

    Interlude 2: When Pele Met Freddie

    To the tune of Bicycle Race by Queen, Pax did 4 minutes of ab work. Q’s choice on ab exercises with Freddie Mercury’s on the refrain. Per Paradox’s feedback, YHC is still working on his Freddie Merc form.

    Mary to The Core!

    5 minutes of plank work, Q’s choice. Low plank, high plank, high side, low side, Nolan Ryan’s, Mission Impossibles, ALL WHILE doing alternating leg lifts and extended holds on leg lift in each plank position. YHC did not truly appreciate how hard this was going to be. I am proud that the Pax uttered NOT a word of mumblechatter (or audible to YHC at least).

    Mosey back to the flag, COT, and Wet Tap Armando Maradona prayed us out.

    Every opportunity to Q is another blessing. I am grateful for the trust, the humility, and of course the chatter.

    SYITHG,

    Yankee GOOOOAALLLLL

    (Paradox and YHC ran a 7:23 mile during pre-thang.)

    As promised, the commentating of Maradona’s Goal of the Century

    He’s going to pass it to Diego, there’s Maradona with it, two men on him,
    Maradona steps on the ball, there he goes
    down the right flank
    the genius of world football, he leaves the wing and he’s going to pass it to Burruchaga…
    Still Maradona! Genius! Genius! Genius!
    There, there, there, there, there, there!
    Goaaaaaaaal! Goaaaaaaal!
    I want to cry, oh holy God, long live football! What a goal! Diegoal! Maradona! It is to cry for, excuse me! Maradona, in a memorable run, in the best play of all times!
    Cosmic kite, which planet did you come
    from, to leave so many Englishmen
    behind, for the country to be a clenched
    fist crying for Argentina? Argentina 2,
    England 0!
    Diegoal, Diegoal, Diego Armando
    Maradona!
    Thank you, God, for football, for
    Maradona, for these tears, for this
    Argentina 2, England 0

  • 2 Year Manniversary of F3 Thibodaux! A Brief History of F3 Down the Bayou – from Goose

    The highly anticipated day had arrived. Costumes were donned, and the gloom was dark. So dark, in fact, that Paradox, fully decked out in unlicensed Jack Sparrow gear, did a full Helen Keller on an FNG, hands all over his face saying, “Goose, Goose is that you?” just because the guy showed up in a grayish Tundra. The FNG was accomodating, and YHC did show up a little later, overjoyed at the PAX’s costumes and their total disregard for how they’d fare in the rain, the dirt, and through at least 100 burpees. From giant furry vikings to skin tight Moana characters to full size pickles, these dudes were all in. Thankfully, God delayed the rain for a few hours, so the weather was perfect and the morale was super high (made even higher by Head Cheese’s dramatic entrance). We had record numbers at The Peltch, coffeeteria planned for the first time, and 2 years of an unprecedented journey to tromp through–it was an awesome morning!
    Warmup of the usual with last minute costumers trickling in (Picadilly’s pickle balls were amazing, even if they fell off during the first set of mountain climbers). PAX grabbed coupons out the truck, and we were off toward the lower field for the First Era of F3 Thibodaux: Goose-olation

    Era 1: The Genesis of the Beginning, The Dawn of the Origins, Part I
    Goose arrives in Thibodaux from Mandeville with nothing but a list of backblasts from NOLA, Northshore and BR. He couldn’t stop the progress, though, and had high hopes for what might develop. So, the backyard would have to do. For months, what drove him on was knowing that F3 brethren somewhere had already sweat through whatever beatdown he had pulled from the backblast list, so he wasn’t completely “alone”.
    The routine for this era would be The Big Bang:
    All PAX start in a bunch huddled around the coupons. First round, grab a coupon, do 5 OH presses, then mosey 10 steps out from the pack and do 10 burpees (facing outward for max isolation) before returning and plank up for the six.
    2nd round: 5 OH presses, mosey 15 steps out, 15 merkins
    3: 5 OH presses, 20 steps, 20 burpees
    4: 5 OH presses, 25 steps, 25 Hammers
    It’s a reality that pushing alone is way harder than pushing together, and the contrast was felt. Glad to move onto Era 2.

    Era 2: Random pop-ups
    The first to follow the dancing idiot into the madness was technically Cardinal, though he wasn’t seen again for many months (quoted as saying something like “that’s for the birds”). So, Wet Tap gets T-claps for coming out unaccompanied to throw himself into whatever Goose and his Goslings were doing out at Peltier. Then came Gordon, G.I. Joe, and Percolator, though because of work schedules and getting over the initial hump, attendance was random.
    This seemed a great opportunity for the randomness of the Deck of Death, so Wet Tap started us out under the Thunderdome with a random pull followed by three more (Irkins, Bulgarian split squats, and whatever those other two were…). Then, for the sake of time, we moseyed to the baseball field.

    Era 3: Enron
    Goose’s isolation, especially on weekdays, changed unexpectedly with the arrival of Enron. With the dogged determination and willingness to endure pain that only a younger brother could posses, Enron showed up to every beatdown he could and pushed himself hard to keep up with Goose. This quickly led to intense progress and his VQ (alone at The Peltch–for character building). His determination has never slowed, and his Q’s are well thought out (and typed out), usually including some sort of element of chance (for Cardinal).
    PAX partnered up for a grinder as a reminder of all those mornings at The Stage with just Goose and Enron. Split duty on 100 burpees at home plate while partner 2 runs the bases.

    Era 3: Return of the EH (and Crab Walk) King
    Cardinal eventually did return, and not only did he stick with it, even on weekdays, but the PAX quickly began to swell with his FNG’s, and his move to Chackbay has only widened his EH territory.
    The exercise would be Bear Crawl Tag Infection–Cardinal started at the pitchers mound and bear crawled around tagging the PAX, who were crab walking to get away within the confines of the infield. Once someone was tagged, he became part of the cult, switched to bear crawl, and began tagging the rest of the sad clowns (crabwalkers). It took no time for all to be tagged, ironically with Head Cheese being the last…So, we moseyed to The Chimney for Era 4.

    Era 4: Paradox
    As soon as Paradox even heard there was an F3, he had purchased tiny Mudgear shorts and within minutes had memorized the entire Exicon and the last 100 backblasts from the top 5 regions. And, his foot has never let off the gas. This next routine would be a nod to his name (you know, cuz he’s a doctor, and his wife is also a doctor, so they’re a pair-o-docs…), and to a couple of his Peltch Q’s.
    Partner up, both partners do 10 burpees, then one partner body drags another about 20 yards to the chimney, both do 10 more burpees, then flapjack and body drag the other back to start. This is where Paradox’s mustache exploded (the remainder of his facial hair) which made him Orlando Bloom’s character instead (props to Lil’ Cuz for that observation).

    Era 5: Lumen Christi
    Earlier this year Cardinal was able to talk a few of the young men who worked at the chancery with he and YHC to come out to a new beatdown on Tuesday mornings at Lumen Christ, the retreat center behind the chancery (with showers and everything). It was a glorious AO with a great crew, and some of the Thibodaux PAX would show up every now and then, too. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t last as the retreat schedule filled up (I guess it seemed a little less retreat-ish to have a bunch of sweaty dudes bear crawling down the hill to the Top Gun soundtrack or Indian running past the windows with cinder blocks over their heads).
    In a nod to Tighty Whitey (may he never be forgotten) and Enron’s near death experience at Lumen, we did Welsh Dragons up to 7, followed by a mosey to the playground.

    Era 6: SV 500
    The St. Vincent was arguably the best F3 fundraiser in the country (and maybe the world) for 2022 (and maybe for all time, past and future). Thanks to Paradox’s leadership and the buy-in of the rest of the PAX, it went off beautifully, tons of people attended, we had an incredible time, and we surpassed our goal of $10K for prescription meds for people in need. In honor if this incredibly blessed experience, we partnered up again for a quick Dora in honor of the partner race that raised the bar for many years to come.
    Partners would split duty on 100 flutter kicks on the playground side of the “mountain” while partner 2 ran over the “mountain” and did 10 Big Boy Situps on the other side and ran back. Then, moseyed back to the Thunderdome for the final eras.

    Era 7: Jerftember
    Yankee Joe’s arrival came and went like many who get a first taste of F3, puke, and don’t come back. But he did come back after about a month, puked some more, and became hopelessly addicted to growth. The Jerf was born out of this deep desire for more and more growth, and it opened a new era of Thibodaux PAX ownership, comradery, accountability, and WHOOP pressure. It also gave birth to BAPS, who still hasn’t fully proven himself.
    In honor of the Jerf, PAX lined up on the baseline under the Thunderdome for one full round of Jerfing. The sound of 17 PAX dropping cinder blocks onto concrete under an echoing pavillion is truly a glorious thing.

    Era 8: IPC and Burptober
    With one minute remaining, YHC led the PAX in 3 Kraken Burpees in honor of the unprecedented Week 5 of IPC and to finish out the 100 burpees needed for the second to last day of Burptober.

    Moseyed back to the flag, all still in full costume, for an incredible COT and our first ever coffeeteria. Fence Post was named (Welcome!!), Cue Ball was welcomed (originally from F3 Huntsville), and tables, donuts, too much coffee, and raw eggs were laid out under the trees. Conversation was awesome as the PAX rejoiced in the incredible blessing that F3 has been and the unrepeatable gift that each man has been to the whole group. The high from that morning has lasted for multiple days now, and it spilled over into record breaking numbers at The Stage this morning (including Fence Post!). Looking forward to the many years to come!

    See You In The Gloom,
    Goose