F3 New Orleans

Tag: White Meat

  • Ghosts of Beatdowns Past – from America’s Best

    YHC had some unfinished business. IPC seemed like a distant memory, but with Halloween approaching, it seemed a fitting time to revisit the ghosts of beatdowns past.

    After going pro, Michael Jordan returned to UNC to get his bachelor’s degree. After Empire Strikes Back, Luke Skywalker returned to finish his training with Yoda. And so (hence?), after warmarama, YHC would return to finish some things that he just didn’t get done last time around.

    Warmarama: SSH, WMH, Toy soldiers, high knees, butt kicks, arm circles, Lafayette Night Clubs (which have become YHC’s new favorite), and self love before a quick bumper mosey.

    Thang No 1:
    IPC week 2, YHC had to bug out early, and thus (hence?) I did not finish the beatdown. The PAX would complete what I did not finish that day:
    40 Coupon plank Jacks, murder bunny 15 yards
    14 Cactus Jacks, Redrum Bunny back
    20 Merkins, Lt. Dan Magic Legs 15 yards,
    14 Cactus Jacks, Lt. Dan Magic Legs
    20 Coupon Plank Jacks
    Run 800 meters
    And that was it!
    We were finished, but YHC picked up significant whining.
    “I already did this!”
    “But WE didn’t leave early!”
    “I shaved my legs FOR THIS?”

    And so the next Thang would be something nobody finished.

    Thang No. 2:
    BK500 Dora Redux: Gimme that Gold!
    Every team in our Thibodaux PAX completed only the Bronze portion of the Dora. What a waste– those perfectly-curated Silver and Gold medal exercises were left just sitting there. Like the last batch of pancakes (which are the best because you finally got the griddle temperature and butter just right). Alas (hence?) they go uneaten because everyone is full of the early rounds. Not today! No, today we would feast on perfectly crunchy-edged thrusters with light fluffy curl interiors. Okay, not my best metaphor, but it went like this:
    Partner Up,
    Silver: 100 curls, partner rifle carry one-way, mosey the other (to the sidewalk and back)
    Gold: 100 Thrusters, partner bear crawl there and mosey back.

    And there was still time for another Thang!
    Thang No. 3:
    Wet Tap’s IPC-ish Beatdown that was almost finish-able
    YHC almost finished Wet Tap’s Hunter-Gatherer Beatdown, save one run and one set…
    Run 400 m
    10 Thrusters.

    At this point, the PAX was obviously sick of YHC’s leftovers. Of course, when you don’t want leftovers, one alternative is to go out to eat instead… growing up, there were several options, but only two of them resided in a PAX favorite song.
    Sometimes, you’d go out to eat and sit down to order, sometimes you’d hit up fast food and stand to order. And so during the song, the PAX would basically knock out some more Cactus Jacks, sitting each time you hear “Pizza Hut”, and hopping up each time you heard “Taco Bell.”

    Exactly 6 minutes remained, so we hit up some Mary. YHC: Wheezy Jefferson; Wet Tap: Hello Dolly–>Dr. Ws–>Franklin’s Tower; Safety Valve: Hold 6” (for a LONG time); Pope: V-ups; Goose: Big boy crunches?; White Meat: 10 count; and Honeysuckle brought us up right to 6am with Freddy Mercs. BUT the sugar mill whistle had not yet blown, so Paradox was able to shoehorn in just a few dolphin hops.

    COT and Paradox prayed us out.

    Thanks for coming out (and picking up my slack with me) men. Always an honor to lead.

    -AB

    Ghosts of Beatdown Past Official Playlist:

    Is there a Ghost – Band of Horses
    Space Ghost (Coast to Coast) – Glass Animals
    A Ghost to Most – Drive-By Truckers
    The Ghost in You – The Psychedelic Furs
    She Don’t Use Jelly – The Flaming Lips
    (Ghost)Riders in the Sky – Johnny Cash
    Walking with a Ghost – Tegan and Sarah
    Little Ghost – The White Stripes
    The Loneliest Ghost in Town – Southern Culture on the Skids
    Ghost – Phish
    Ghost Ship – Blur
    Ghostbusters – Ray Parker, Jr.

  • Turn it up to 13 (by Coyote) – from Goose

      YHC hopped out of the truck on this dark and refreshingly chilly morning, the Q adrenalin pumping through my body as YHC got ready to unleash the teenage beatdown. “No more fun and games,” YHC thought. “I’m going to give them a real beatdown.” The morning started well, YHC noticing that the number of men present was the biggest that YHC had ever seen at a Coyote beatdown. Suddenly, YHC saw a large white truck roll into the rocky parking lot, and a man I had never seen at a beatdown hop out. “Dumpster Fire?!” YHC guessed. No, an FNG had come to join us! 6:30 came, and suddenly, both 
Paradox and Goose revealed the game balls, Paradox wearing the Fire Within, and Goose with the Blue-tube. We started with the classic Side-straddle-hops, Safety Valve driving in right as we stopped. The warmups ended shortly after, and YHC introduced what we were going to be doing. “For this beatdown,” YHC started, “I thought I might do everything that I hate, and one of those things is coupons!” The Pax grabbed one for each brave soul, and we moseyed over to the long-forgotten hill by the park. YHC announced, “Another thing that I hate is Dora!” We partnered up, and YHC introduced the exercises, 100 Thrusters, 150 WWIII Sit-ups, and 200 Curls, and the mode of transportation being bear-crawl over the hill, and crawl-bear back. Partners were picked, YHC partnering up with Pope, and Goose started the well-thought-out “F3 Weird Al grinder” playlist.
    The Thang commenced, Pope cranking out WWIII’s like nobody was watching. The music was very attention-getting, and when the eleven-minute song “Albuquerque” came up, all ears went to the crazy song. When the Dora was done, we dragged ourselves and the coupons over to the field by Bayou Road, and YHC presented Thang 2. Since YHC is turning 13 on Tuesday, YHC said that we would do 13’s instead of 11’s, one side starting with one 4-count Nolan Ryan, and the other side 12 Inchworm Merkins, all the while listening to Weird Al crank out his parodies. This turned out be way harder than YHC planned, the Nolan Ryans hard to count, and the Inchworm Merkins almost impossible to complete without a little modification.
    After the 13’s, YHC presented the final Thang. As much as we could, the Pax and I would try to accomplish a “Tunnel of Love” across the entire field. It failed miserably, the 2.0’s all getting launched into the air by Man-Eater. Exhausted, YHC called out for us to go back to the flag. We lugged our coupons back to the flag, and commenced with the count off, numbering an impressive 16. When the time came to name our victim, we were ready for some weird stuff. The name came out to be “Blue,” or “My boy Blue,” coming from the facts that he was in the navy for 24 years, and he felt like he had to go back to college. I owe him an apology, not meaning for this to be his first beatdown. (Hopefully we’ll see him again…) When shirts came up, Paradox gave the Fire within to YHC for an IPC level workout. (Get ready to see it hanging off my shoulders next week.) Next, Goose passed the Blue-tube to White Meat for showing us the proper way to count Nolan Ryans. Man-Eater prayed us out, and we ended with a characteristic Paradox Pic.
    Happy Birthday to all those other birthday boys, Popeye tomorrow, Jackknife, Monday, Wet tap and I Tuesday, and any others not mentioned. Until next time, God bless!
                                                                         Coyote

  • The Louisiana PureChest vol. 2: All Dem Teeth and No Teethbrush – from Paradox

    Late in the pre-Tuesday Tuff evening, YHC sat amongst the leather bound books and rich mahogany (half drank capri suns and diapers) of his study (kids desk) putting the finishing touches on tommorows beatdown. Expecting an intimate crowd with the fall break absences YHC had planned for 45 minutes of SSH while pax watched “Where the Red Fern Grows” on an old substitute teachers roll cart vhs/tv. Standard issue style where the first man to cry would start continuous burpees …buttt not so fast my friends. A timely slack notification alerted YHC that we had a down ranger from St Louis!
    The situation called for more, maybe even a 45 minute crash course in all things Louisiana to show our guest a good time. YhC had already been itching to green light the sequel to 2022s Louisiana PureChest.
    ( See volume 1 below)

    The Louisiana PureChest: Life, Liberty, and the Trivial Pursuit of Alligator Merkins – from Paradox

    So there was only one thing left to do …
    YHC headed for the garage fridge, brushed aside the gentle Lacroix’s, skooched away the chilled Canebrakes and Envies …placed a 7 digit launch code and completed the retinal scanner to unleash the foulest fruited kettle sour ever produced…
    “ Greetings from Grand Isle “

    I took a sip and this is what followed…

    Duke !!
    Grab the bean footage and let the good times roll!

    9 men cut through some of the thickest fog YHC has ever encountered for a Tuesday Tuff with most of the regulars plus a wild Superfund and St Louis down ranger, Lube, who assured us multiple times that he was a dealer of oilfield pipe and pipe accessories and there was no great story involved in his name and he gets no royalties from KY and their jelly.

    After warmups and a short mosey YHC unveiled today’s theme and objectives :

    1.) Double the size of your chest until the locals call you Gregory Pecs behind your back.

    2.) Sharpen the iron of LA related knowledge so you can throw your kids books in the trash and tell them you were raised in the streetz.

    We begin like most great historical pieces , with a sonnet.

    The Poetry of Choppa styles “Louisiana”
    Rocky balboas on the song
    Double Merkin burpee on all Louisianas

    This Preheated the pax collective chest to 375 and Lube was all but ready to take the next flight back to Nelly if the music didn’t improve. The pax assured him it would not.

    We set out into the gloom with HR merkin Indian run drop off and YHC was legit scared we would lose men in dat fog.

    Thang 2

    Back to the Future 49 Corridor

    Format :
    7 cawns with 7 reps at each.
    The cones were set in 3 groups of 2 (the first one is free) that would serve as our Gator pits.
    The only way to freedom is a thorough knowledge of Louisiana lagniappe.

    Correct 7 x 7 reps with mosey

    Incorrect Alligator Merkins Traps times the number wrong.

    YHC was bordering Maui levels of complexity but was confident the pax could pick up this island quickly so we dove in.

    Exercise: Wide Merkins

    1. Other state that does not use counties . 1. Alaska 2. Burroughs 3. name one (there are 21)

    Burroughs were missed and the pax got to taste the pit early.

    Exercise : Bobbie Hurleys

    2.) Name atleast 5 beers from parish brewing company?

    AB did AB things, waiting on the difficulty of the question to increase and when it didn’t he let the Pax hold his proverbial beer.
    YHC is confident that if left alone he would still be standing there naming Parish beers.

    No Gators this round. Just a 10 minute history of Canebrake from AB while Lube commented to Goose “oh you have one of those guys”

    Exercise: Diamond Merkins

    3.) James Bond movie set in La- “Live and let die”
    Who played bond? – Roger Moore
    Name of the villain? Mr Big (Dr Kananga)

    One dose of gators this round and the pax directed anger toward Roger Moores butt chin making unrealistic standards for young men.

    Exercise : Leg Raises
    (Hidden Music Daily Double)

    4.) Finish this line in the classic “Louisiana Saturday Night” : Waiting in the front yard sitting on a log… Single shot rifle , one eyed dog … what artist (Mel McDaniel) …. Play the song for last verse.

    Now it was HoneySuckles turn to put the team on his back as we added yet another layer to his superhero origin story. During his time at Clemson creating government funded hurricane nukes he held tightly to this Mel McDaniel tune to fend off the evils of the Carolinas.
    Not all apiarist wear capes.

    We skipped past the gator traps and did leg raises while White Meat defended the honor of the slain possum as the unsung hero of the bayou. YHC quickly translated this relationship advice to young Pope: find you a gal that looks at you the way white meat looks at a possum eating 3k mosquitoes a night.

    **this next round was skipped but you can follow along at home. Tank me later***
    Apollo Onos (2 is one)

    5.) North La parish named after the first explorer documented to have crossed the Mississippi River. (Desoto) – large body of water in that parish (Toledo bend) —- parish seat -city ? (Mansfield)

    Finisher :

    Carolina Dry docks

    6.) 1989 movie filmed in Natchitoches — name two actresses —- Can you name the fictional parish in Steel Magnolia?

    The pax got the movie Steel Magnolia and actresses (with and without flotation devices) but struggled to produce the fictional Chinquapin parish leading to one last round of dem Medulla OblanGators.

    We packed up to round off our chiseled chesticles with HR merkin Indian run home and a plank out till time .

    By the power invested in me by the LA board of internet doctors I certified all the PAX 100% Chest in Show.

    Announcements

    -Yote Bday BD at the Peltch this Sat. Buckle up, Some still have scars from the Miracle on Ice.
    -Convergence on Oct 26 . Clown car is mobilizing.
    -Thibbaversary and GoosePalooza on Nov 2.
    -Lube and his STL crew are continuing a massive campaign to fight trafficking. More on this through the year.

    Prayers for health, clarity in Gods timing and all supporting those struggling in their family and beyond.

    -Goose prayed us out

    -Lube exposed YHC for taking group selfies for the Instagram clout as this “new technology” has been available for years.

    It’s a joy to lead ya men

    Postscript:

    Merkin History Repeats Itself

    Like any great real estate deal in history the Louisiana Purchase of 1803 was not with out its controversy. Political climates, egos, military advantages, all played a part in this mega deal.

    In a similar fashion the Louisiana PureChest of 2024 was not always a smooth affair.

    Let’s take a look:

    *This Historical reenactment protects the names and identities of the real men involved*
     
    YHC: It’s a LA history beatdown and we are going to double the size of our chest.

    Thomas R. Chesterton: What if my chest gets bigger than my legs? Does this disqualify you from ladies 5ks? Asking for a friend.

    Americas Chest: Alligator Mississippiensis doesn’t actually do merkins during its locomotion, this would offset the kinematic sequence of its erect posture.

    Cricket: chirps*

    Holden MoreChest Thanmost: : I have concerns there wont be enough merkins.

    Bruce Swells: Could we just pull a beatdown from greenwood? How much is a wellness center membership?

    Pec Major Dawson: Soreness is the cry of weakness being vanquished. Bring on the chest expansion.

    Pec Minor Dawson: What is soreness?

    White meat breast and two thighs: The opossum is the backbone of this ecosystem. Prove me wrong or fight me.

    Lube Richman: Do you guys ever just do 45 minutes of exercise and go home?
     
    Historians say this went on for a fortnight until eventually Quecracy prevailed.

    They decided to suffer together.

    Their chest and their souls were all better for it.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • The Louisiana PureChest vol. 2: All Dem Teeth and No Teethbrush – from Paradox

    Late in the pre-Tuesday Tuff evening, YHC sat amongst the leather bound books and rich mahogany (half drank capri suns and diapers) of his study (kids desk) putting the finishing touches on tommorows beatdown. Expecting an intimate crowd with the fall break absences YHC had planned for 45 minutes of SSH while pax watched “Where the Red Fern Grows” on an old substitute teachers roll cart vhs/tv. Standard issue style where the first man to cry would start continuous burpees …buttt not so fast my friends. A timely slack notification alerted YHC that we had a down ranger from St Louis!
    The situation called for more, maybe even a 45 minute crash course in all things Louisiana to show our guest a good time. YhC had already been itching to green light the sequel to 2022s Louisiana PureChest.
    ( See volume 1 below)

    The Louisiana PureChest: Life, Liberty, and the Trivial Pursuit of Alligator Merkins – from Paradox

    So there was only one thing left to do …
    YHC headed for the garage fridge, brushed aside the gentle Lacroix’s, skooched away the chilled Canebrakes and Envies …placed a 7 digit launch code and completed the retinal scanner to unleash the foulest fruited kettle sour ever produced…
    “ Greetings from Grand Isle “

    I took a sip and this is what followed…

    Duke !!
    Grab the bean footage and let the good times roll!

    9 men cut through some of the thickest fog YHC has ever encountered for a Tuesday Tuff with most of the regulars plus a wild Superfund and St Louis down ranger, Lube, who assured us multiple times that he was a dealer of oilfield pipe and pipe accessories and there was no great story involved in his name and he gets no royalties from KY and their jelly.

    After warmups and a short mosey YHC unveiled today’s theme and objectives :

    1.) Double the size of your chest until the locals call you Gregory Pecs behind your back.

    2.) Sharpen the iron of LA related knowledge so you can throw your kids books in the trash and tell them you were raised in the streetz.

    We begin like most great historical pieces , with a sonnet.

    The Poetry of Choppa styles “Louisiana”
    Rocky balboas on the song
    Double Merkin burpee on all Louisianas

    This Preheated the pax collective chest to 375 and Lube was all but ready to take the next flight back to Nelly if the music didn’t improve. The pax assured him it would not.

    We set out into the gloom with HR merkin Indian run drop off and YHC was legit scared we would lose men in dat fog.

    Thang 2

    Back to the Future 49 Corridor

    Format :
    7 cawns with 7 reps at each.
    The cones were set in 3 groups of 2 (the first one is free) that would serve as our Gator pits.
    The only way to freedom is a thorough knowledge of Louisiana lagniappe.

    Correct 7 x 7 reps with mosey

    Incorrect Alligator Merkins Traps times the number wrong.

    YHC was bordering Maui levels of complexity but was confident the pax could pick up this island quickly so we dove in.

    Exercise: Wide Merkins

    1. Other state that does not use counties . 1. Alaska 2. Burroughs 3. name one (there are 21)

    Burroughs were missed and the pax got to taste the pit early.

    Exercise : Bobbie Hurleys

    2.) Name atleast 5 beers from parish brewing company?

    AB did AB things, waiting on the difficulty of the question to increase and when it didn’t he let the Pax hold his proverbial beer.
    YHC is confident that if left alone he would still be standing there naming Parish beers.

    No Gators this round. Just a 10 minute history of Canebrake from AB while Lube commented to Goose “oh you have one of those guys”

    Exercise: Diamond Merkins

    3.) James Bond movie set in La- “Live and let die”
    Who played bond? – Roger Moore
    Name of the villain? Mr Big (Dr Kananga)

    One dose of gators this round and the pax directed anger toward Roger Moores butt chin making unrealistic standards for young men.

    Exercise : Leg Raises
    (Hidden Music Daily Double)

    4.) Finish this line in the classic “Louisiana Saturday Night” : Waiting in the front yard sitting on a log… Single shot rifle , one eyed dog … what artist (Mel McDaniel) …. Play the song for last verse.

    Now it was HoneySuckles turn to put the team on his back as we added yet another layer to his superhero origin story. During his time at Clemson creating government funded hurricane nukes he held tightly to this Mel McDaniel tune to fend off the evils of the Carolinas.
    Not all apiarist wear capes.

    We skipped past the gator traps and did leg raises while White Meat defended the honor of the slain possum as the unsung hero of the bayou. YHC quickly translated this relationship advice to young Pope: find you a gal that looks at you the way white meat looks at a possum eating 3k mosquitoes a night.

    **this next round was skipped but you can follow along at home. Tank me later***
    Apollo Onos (2 is one)

    5.) North La parish named after the first explorer documented to have crossed the Mississippi River. (Desoto) – large body of water in that parish (Toledo bend) —- parish seat -city ? (Mansfield)

    Finisher :

    Carolina Dry docks

    6.) 1989 movie filmed in Natchitoches — name two actresses —- Can you name the fictional parish in Steel Magnolia?

    The pax got the movie Steel Magnolia and actresses (with and without flotation devices) but struggled to produce the fictional Chinquapin parish leading to one last round of dem Medulla OblanGators.

    We packed up to round off our chiseled chesticles with HR merkin Indian run home and a plank out till time .

    By the power invested in me by the LA board of internet doctors I certified all the PAX 100% Chest in Show.

    Announcements

    -Yote Bday BD at the Peltch this Sat. Buckle up, Some still have scars from the Miracle on Ice.
    -Convergence on Oct 26 . Clown car is mobilizing.
    -Thibbaversary and GoosePalooza on Nov 2.
    -Lube and his STL crew are continuing a massive campaign to fight trafficking. More on this through the year.

    Prayers for health, clarity in Gods timing and all supporting those struggling in their family and beyond.

    -Goose prayed us out

    -Lube exposed YHC for taking group selfies for the Instagram clout as this “new technology” has been available for years.

    It’s a joy to lead ya men

    Postscript:

    Merkin History Repeats Itself

    Like any great real estate deal in history the Louisiana Purchase of 1803 was not with out its controversy. Political climates, egos, military advantages, all played a part in this mega deal.

    In a similar fashion the Louisiana PureChest of 2024 was not always a smooth affair.

    Let’s take a look:

    *This Historical reenactment protects the names and identities of the real men involved*
     
    YHC: It’s a LA history beatdown and we are going to double the size of our chest.

    Thomas R. Chesterton: What if my chest gets bigger than my legs? Does this disqualify you from ladies 5ks? Asking for a friend.

    Americas Chest: Alligator Mississippiensis doesn’t actually do merkins during its locomotion, this would offset the kinematic sequence of its erect posture.

    Cricket: chirps*

    Holden MoreChest Thanmost: : I have concerns there wont be enough merkins.

    Bruce Swells: Could we just pull a beatdown from greenwood? How much is a wellness center membership?

    Pec Major Dawson: Soreness is the cry of weakness being vanquished. Bring on the chest expansion.

    Pec Minor Dawson: What is soreness?

    White meat breast and two thighs: The opossum is the backbone of this ecosystem. Prove me wrong or fight me.

    Lube Richman: Do you guys ever just do 45 minutes of exercise and go home?
     
    Historians say this went on for a fortnight until eventually Quecracy prevailed.

    They decided to suffer together.

    Their chest and their souls were all better for it.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Cohn-lumbus Day Crew – from Goose

    Four dedicated souls braved the stench of the sugar cane plant and the lure of the warm fartsack on what for many is a day off of work. White Meat in particular shared his inner battle with himself to get out of bed and into his fly ride to make the jump across the bayou. And, Dox braved the cryptic hype Goose Q even though he has to post tomorrow for his own Q. Pope didn’t have a choice–he’s not allowed to sleep in until he can show zero sign of fatigue at the end of a beatdown that his father deems “challenging”.

    The hype had no real connection to the workout; YHC just needed a place holder to let the PAX know the world wasn’t coming to an end. After warmups, which included both versions of Nightclubs for White Meat’s continuing education, we completed a short mosey to the grass over by the stop sign at the beginning of The Stretch. YHC revealed that we’d be doing some long 11’s in the fashion experienced only by Enron, YJ, and maybe Smooth about a year ago. Knowing that those fellas were unlikely to show, YHC took advantage of the ignorance of today’s PAX and explained what sounded like a relatively moderate routine: Afflecks on the near side, gas pumpers on the far side, carioca there nur back. The far side was basically the end of the grass, across from the other Stop sign (the distance of the parking lot/drive). (Afflecks are J-Lo’s with a pickle-pounder when you cross the middle–4-count this time.)

    We started off being able to converse, but that didn’t last long. Dox showed some grit in staying even with YHC the whole time (Go Team Long-Tibia), and White Meat stayed right behind Pope in a show of his own mettle. It was a long grinder with the cariocas being the crux (the nurs in close second) ensuring some unique soreness tomorrow, but we finished in good time, so it was on to the cultural education portion of the beatdown.

    YHC was recently reminded of an musician who captured him as a middle schooler in the early 90’s, and, though not as popular as Phil Collins, Peter Gabriel, or Talk Talk, his one hit, “Walking in Memphis” opened the door to an album that’s pure enjoyment from open to close. Marc Cohn would lead us through the final 10 minutes of the beatdown with some coupon work.

    The first song was the aforementioned “Walking in Memphis”, still capturing random hearts to this day–we held coupons overhead in rifle carry position and did a thruster for every “Walking”. Pope decided to modify about halfway through by dropping to his six and holding bench press position instead and doing coupon situps on the triggers. He chose poorly.

    Song #2 was “29 Ways”, the upbeat, bluesy song on the album, and we got on our sixes and held our coupons in bench press position for the duration, doing coupon situps on every “door”. Sorry, Pope. Still no sleeping in.

    About 6 minutes of Mary included the likes of crunchy frogs, wife pleasers, static wife pleasers, Freddy Mercs, Li’ Manny Crunches (static LBC’s), slow penguins, and Nolan Ryans (with the drawl).

    COT and Dox prayed us out. Prepping for the Coyote b-day Q this Saturday, the 10-Year NOLA Convergence next Saturday, and the 4-year F3 Thib/5-year Goose Manniversary the next Saturday. So much awesomeness to look forward to!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • “It was a Concept Beatdown” – The AB 20th Anniversary Rolling Stone Interview – from America’s Best

    Rolling Stone: So, AB, tell us about this beatdown you just wrapped up. What was the vibe at the AO?

    America’s Best: I was equally surprised by the wealth of knowledge out there and the lack of flatulence. . . Some mornings are just magical, I guess. We started with a warmarama that felt like an opening act—like you know when you’re going to see STP but The Offspring is there first? Just trying to get through it. Safely Valve tried to be the guy who knew better but we waited for him. Some were feeding off the energy of the hype, you know? After seeing the hype, Enron knew immediately that Arcade Fire was involved, but it was unclear if he was excited, concerned, or indifferent about it. The man is a riddle in a mystery inside an enigma wrapped in a cotton Phil Collins tank-ini.

    RS: So there was at least some anticipation of what was in store for the PAX?

    AB: At least some preparation. I think Paradox was running on pure adrenaline following his all-nighter of searching the Japanese internet.

    RS : For what was he searching?

    AB: I dunno. . . Answers? All I know is by morning he had figured out the album artwork for The Funeral. And he spoke fluent Japanese. Oh, sorry, Dox: “Nihongo.”

    RS: So do you enjoy the Q spotlight?

    AB: No. It’s too much for my ADHD brain. I do enjoy the creativity– trying to make something engaging and hopefully exciting. But most times it’s more fun to be in the trenches hammering away at something ridiculous and mumblechattering about someone else’s horrific music choices.

    RS: So do you ever think about stepping away and just producing?

    AB: I feel like I have more to give. I still feel young, you know? I mean, I’ve seen some greats like Yankee Jeaux step away for awhile and come back stronger than ever. Have you ever completed a Danny Go beatdown?

    RS: No I can’t say that I have. In fact, I can’t even remotely comprehend what you’re talking about.

    AB: It makes jurpin’ to “Give It Up” feel like crab-walking to the Halo theme.

    RS: That is zero percent helpful.

    AB: I feel like you’re getting a little disrespectful. Don’t be surprised if this interview goes sideways later.

    RS: Oooookay….noted. Anyway, what was your plan for this beatdown?

    AB: It was a concept beatdown. I wanted to capture the feeling of 2004. You know, I’d just graduated, gotten married, bought a house, begun a real job. I was getting realllllly boring. I mean, we were The Incredibles for Halloween that year.

    RS: You make is sound like 2004 was the beginning of the end.

    AB: It’s the year Facebook started.

    RS: Touche.

    AB: But getting back to the concept: It was simple. Put together a playlist of hits (Yes, they were hits, Lil Cuz) from 2004 that would be our soundtrack for a two mile run. At designated times, we would stop for an exercise. 20 reps would be the starting number, and we could deduct 5 reps each for the artist, title, and album identification.

    RS: And how did that go?

    AB: Let’s just say these guys were lucky Popeye was there.

    RS: So did he carry the PAX on music knowledge?

    AB: Oh there were definitely strong contributions by Honeysuckle and Goose too. But here’s the thing about Popeye: He has never forgotten. Anything.

    RS: Anything else of note during the run?

    AB: I’m glad you asked, Chumley. Is it ok if I call you Chumley? The thing is, I thought I threw a softball out there for our manmaker station. I figured half of theses guys at least knew Eminem’s “Just Lose It.” They knew it was him, but that was it. While I did hear a few of the PAX mumbling random facts about him, nobody could identify the album or title.

    RS: After all that intensity, how did you wrap it up? And no, please don’t call me that. That’s not my name or anything. Does that mean something?

    AB: No. Anyway, we moseyed back to the flag to finish up the last of the songs lighting-round style.

    RS: And how did that go?

    AB: No idea, Chumley. At that point I was running on fumes. But I assume it was pure magic.

    RS: Ok, why did you even ask permission if you are going to keep calling me that anyway? What does it even mean? Is it like “champ” or “boss” or something? Is that from something?

    AB: Don’t worry about it.

    RS: Ok, after all that intensity, how did you wrap it up?

    AB: COT. Phil the Pain (aka Face Value) went to Popeye. Blue Tube went to Enron. Lil Cuz prayed us out.

  • An Anniversary of Something – from Honeysuckle

    Nine men Came Together at the Lion’s savannah for the 55th anniversary of Something. What exactly that was, we’d have to find out later. First a good warmarama, and thorough, was needed, with the usuals.

    Then a mosey through Aldi’s parking lot to Rienzi drive, through the St Francis vegetable and Octopus Garden. Despite some fears that the garden shed was going to be involved, we moseyed right past to the basketball court. The door was locked, so we’d have to come in through the back room window anyway.

    Thang 1 was to be a Dora consisting of 155 Merkins, 155 Squats, and 155 Hillbilly Walkers (2:1). Full time transport was Carioca. This was chosen as we were right in the middle of a Tuesday IPC and a Saturday BK 500. No coupons, so no carrying that weight. And no Paradox today, so no one to call YHC “Honey” or even Oh Darling. All this was written on YHC’s Polythene-covered paper. Smooth and YHC were lagging behind, in no small part due to bad math. But Because of that, the Majesty of the PAX to pick us up at The End was on full display.

    During the Dora, YHC dropped several clues about the magical mystery anniversary and greatly enjoyed the back and forth among Yankee Joe, Goose, AB, and Popeye about what it might be, and eventually the order of release of Beatles albums. Still, the PAX didn’t take long to deduce that today was the 55th anniversary of the release of Abbey Road by the Beatles. This would lead to Thang 2.

    Thang 2 was to be “AB”-bey Road. Following three medleys in the album, YHC had prepared a medley of Mary exercises. The first medley was a single track, You Never Give Me Your Money (as in the case of F3). America’s Best, having smelled that trivia was occurring, began his usual tact of messing up YHC’s questions by stating all (well, at least some of) the trivia he knew about the topic at once. Surprisingly, when Pope began doing the same, all I could think is Here Comes the (goose’s) Son also.

    The second medley was Mean Mr Mustard, Polythene Pam, and She Came in Through the Bathroom Window. We then discussed the intracies of the album cover and how people used it to perpetuate the “Paul is Dead” conspiracy.

    Finally, to AB’s chagrin we skipped Golden Slumbers to jump right in to Carry that Weight, The End, and Her Majesty.

    Mosey back to the savannah. We then did a mini-equalizer to grab another minute of work. The Fire Within went from White Meat to Pope. Announcements included YHC’s poor Paradox impression to hype up the BK 500. Popeye prayed us out.

    Thanks PAX for knowing that one day you’d have to listen to the Beatles and showing up day in and day out anyway.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • The Padre Pio Shuffle – from Smooth Operator

    9/23/24
    The Padre Pio shuffle

    This morning I showed up early eager to see the usual Monday crew. As I sat in the truck listening to a rosary meditation about Padre Pio. I started to get nervous as to whether any one was going to show up. At 5:10 I checked the Q sheet to find no one had chosen to pick up the Q. YHC put my name down and let my imagination run for a minute before Popeye pulled up followed by White meat wearing one of the tank tops that had become popular in this circle.

    Warmarama
    SSH
    Windmills
    Arm circles
    Cherry pickers
    High knees
    Butt kicks

    Thang 1 The Padre Pio shuffle

    On the way to the road closed sign Popeye pointed out a piece of 4 by 12 roughly 4 ft long. YHC picked it up and decided to make it part of the beatdown.

    Round 1
    1st person ran from Road closed sign down street to road closed sign and back
    2nd person performed burpees until he made it back
    3rd person performed SSH until 1st person made it back
    The PAX all rotated through station to complete the circuit.
    Notes YHC quickly realized his imagination thought he was way more athletic than he actually was.
    Round 2
    1st person ran to the road closed sign located on first side street of new street and back
    2nd person performed alternate shoulder weighted squats with 4 by 12.
    3rd person performed Willie Mayes Hayes until runner got back.
    3rd round
    1st person went to first side street road closed sign again
    2nd person did WW1 sit ups
    3rd personal did slow mountain climbers
    4th round
    1st person ran to 2nd green sewer poles and back
    2nd person did sand bag curls with sand bag that was holding road closed sign in place
    3rd person did players choice stretch

    This took the PAX till 0555 and a group mosey around the first block took us back to the flag at 5:57. There we completed a round of pickle pounders and penguins to get us to 0600.

    Reminders of IPC tomorrow and The BK500 came up in announcements and Prayers were petitioned for White Meat and his family. Popeye prayed us out. After this we moved one of the metal poles that were run across the concrete to prevent further light bulbs from getting broken. A broom and dust pan would help with picking up the damage done to the stage.
    Thanks to those who came out.
    Padre Pio pray for us.
    SYITG
    Smooth Operator

  • The Padre Pio shuffle – from Smooth Operator

    9/23/24
    The Padre Pio shuffle

    This morning I showed up early eager to see the usual Monday crew. As I sat in the truck listening to a rosary meditation about Padre Pio. I started to get nervous as to whether any one was going to show up. At 5:10 I checked the Q sheet to find no one had chosen to pick up the Q. YHC put my name down and let my imagination run for a minute before Popeye pulled up followed by White meat wearing one of the tank tops that had become popular in this circle.

    Warmarama
    SSH
    Windmills
    Arm circles
    Cherry pickers
    High knees
    Butt kicks

    Thang 1 The Padre Pio shuffle

    On the way to the road closed sign Popeye pointed out a piece of 4 by 12 roughly 4 ft long. YHC picked it up and decided to make it part of the beatdown.

    Round 1
    1st person ran from Road closed sign down street to road closed sign and back
    2nd person performed burpees until he made it back
    3rd person performed SSH until 1st person made it back
    The PAX all rotated through station to complete the circuit.
    Notes YHC quickly realized his imagination thought he was way more athletic than he actually was.
    Round 2
    1st person ran to the road closed sign located on first side street of new street and back
    2nd person performed alternate shoulder weighted squats with 4 by 12.
    3rd person performed Willie Mayes Hayes until runner got back.
    3rd round
    1st person went to first side street road closed sign again
    2nd person did WW1 sit ups
    3rd personal did slow mountain climbers
    4th round
    1st person ran to 2nd green sewer poles and back
    2nd person did sand bag curls with sand bag that was holding road closed sign in place
    3rd person did players choice stretch

    This took the PAX till 0555 and a group mosey around the first block took us back to the flag at 5:57. There we completed a round of pickle pounders and penguins to get us to 0600.

    Reminders of IPC tomorrow and The BK500 came up in announcements and Prayers were petitioned for White Meat and his family. Popeye prayed us out. After this we moved one of the metal poles that were run across the concrete to prevent further light bulbs from getting broken. A broom and dust pan would help with picking up the damage done to the stage.
    Thanks to those who came out.
    Padre Pio pray for us.
    SYITG
    Smooth Operator

  • Burpee, a History Volume 2: To Burpfinity and Beyond – from Paradox

    YHC has always loved a good origin story.
    Forged in radioactive slime or some gamma rays gone wrong? Sign me up. But there’s also a lot of really interesting beauty to be discovered in the story behind the routine and mundane we take for granted. Microwaves , penicillin, Velcro, HoneySuckles 2003 Garmin watch.
    All have unique backgrounds and lessons to learn. So YHC wanted to reach back into the F3 history lessons and attempt to give the pax some appreciation for our old friend …the burpee.

    3 objectives today for 8 pax at the Lions Dirt Patch.

    Objective 1:
    A safety PSA for the burpee.

    One of YHCs annual duties as assistant to the regional manager of beatdown safety is a yearly PSA on burpee form. Especially pertinent during IPC.

    See works cited volume 1:

    Burpee: A History – from Paradox

    Okay, for the Yankee Jeauxs out there just sit back down and sip your Ensure …I know you smell the hypocrisy here that the leader in poor form can’t lead a beatdown about proper form but hey F3 is all about improvement ok.

    Objective 2.)
    Honor Mr Burpee and share his story.

    Objective 3.)
    Explore the millions of burpee variations and honor other accidental inventions and origin mishaps along the way .
    We want to be safe but we also want to push the boundaries of our physical limits so that maybe one day our children can say “oh the kraken burpee, my dad used to do those while his friends talked about omelette PTSD”

    Duke !
    Get the footage and Crank the fan servicing.
    It’s a franchise remake !

    Warmup
    Started with the Valve Challenge : SSH until he shows up. Today we made it till about 45. Must have been a slow call night. Plan was to go till 100 or till Lil cuz asked for Goose to distract us with LOTR voices,

    Indian Run w Dropoff for 3 Bobby Hurley with a nod to National pirate day and well I really don’t need an excuse to blare sea shanties.(one of the few musical masterpieces Goose and YHC agree on)
    AB took this time to invent the portmanteau “pirish” and spent the remaining beatdown trying to make it happen and securing ground floor investors.

    Thang 1
    First , the safety.

    Royal Huddleston Burpee was born in 1897 in NY. He joined the Navy during the beginning of World War 1 and while aboard a navy ship for several months developed a knack for creating challenging body weight exercises one could accomplish in small spaces.
    He loved efficiency , good form and pushing his body to its limits.

    To fully commemorate Royals Naval service we enjoyed
    “Drunken Sailor”
    With plank and merks on “Way Up “and “drunken sailor”

    We were left with a warm feeling in our chest and many non OSHA approved options on how to handle a drunken sailor.

    After his service Mr Burpee became Dr Burpee by attaining his PhD in exercise physiology at Columbia University. His particular field of focus was utilizing simple body movements in a sequence to help the military improve its physical fitness screening.

    So we deconstructed his original fitness test in 7s to help bring home the safe execution of the standard burp.

    7 hand to ground Squats
    14 Groiners
    21 Merk
    28 squat jumps

    With the safety and the history covered we segued into the future of the burpee and its millions of variations with “Peaches” by the Goosey Burpapalooza headliners : Presidents of the US of A.

    *YHC took this intermission to unveil Blue Tube 2.0, the newly modified wearable to make that special conversation with your M a little less awkward.

    Final Thang

    So despite beginning as a simple fitness test, the burpee was now a universally known, highly efficient, highly effective way to improve your cardio and with that super stardom came many variations.
    We would scratch the surface of a few F3 favorites while honoring other non intentional invention’s.

    Burp Trivia
    Correct 4 Reps
    Incorrect 8 reps

    1.) double merkins burpee

    1930 – Ruth Wakefield ran out of bakers chocalate and needed to use Nestle chips for her guests in her Inn, thereby inventing chocolate chip cookies .
    What was the name of the inn?
    (Tollhouse)

    Bearpee

    2.) late 19th century two brothers preparing food for a health spa accidentally left dough out , after its fermentation they sent it through rollers creating large crispy flakes .
    What are the brothers last name?
    (Kellog)

    Double Jump Burpee

    3.) 1943 attending to create a rubber substitute, General Electric engineer James Wright dropped boric acid into silicone oil. What did he create?
    (Silly putty)

    BroPees

    4.) 3M scientist Art Fry
    , frustrated by loose papers in his hymnals at choir practice met white other chemist ti produce what product.

    (Post it notes)

    Kraken Burpee

    5.) created to fill a need for cleaning soot from wallpaper this colored combination of salt, flour and water became what?
    (Play Doh)

    Notes:

    – Switching it up mid burpees and calling Honeysuckle “honey” felt like being in elementary school when you called the teacher “mom” on accident and had to talk to your parents about witness protection.
    – YHC thought these were atleast mildly difficult trivia and the pax gobbled them up like Kobyashi at the Nathan’s. Studs.
    – Several questions were answered almost in unison with Goose and White Meat sprinkling in early confidence. AB waiting in the bullpen like Rivera in the 9th but we never even had to call for the sandman to enter. Oh well , not everyone appreciates Nirvana.

    A few min left at the flag and as always any Burpee history lesson ends with a good tub thumping with Ole Danny Boy !!! We got knocked down , got back up and all were better for it.

    Honeysuckle bequeathed TFW to White Meat for his consistent meatiness this week.

    YHC awarded Blue Tube to Lil Cuz for his timely cardiovascular queries.

    COT
    -Sign up for the BK500 – September 28th
    -Culture Fest 5k – Oct 5
    -Prayers, support for Valve 2.0
    -Barney Fife surgery

    Uncle Ronnie Prayed us out

    Thanks for your effort men
    It’s a joy to lead ya.

    Dox Thumping

    We sing the songs that remind us of the good times (Taco Bell and Pizza Hut?)

    We sing the songs that remind us of the better times (Sandstorm?)

    We drink a whiskey drink
    We drink a vodka drink
    We eat Jimmy John
    We eat a Jersey Mike

    At the end of the day, the truth is I thought music mattered .

    heck I even thought burpees mattered..

    But does it?

    Bollocks!

    Good form or not

    We get knocked down
    We get back up again

    SYITG

    Dox