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PAX: Smooth Operator, Maneater, JackKnife, Paradox, Enron, Honeysuckle, America’s Best, Safety Valve, Popeye, Ponzi, French Horn, Paradiddle, Yankee Jeaux

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How It Started

Coming off of “It’s Only Just Maybe Somewhat Close to Nearly a Mile (allegedly)” this past Saturday (again, huge T-claps to Paradox!), YHC’s knees…well all the body parts, were on the struggle bus. It’s been a rough road lately, and YHC has missed more beatdowns in the past two months than ever before. It started to feel like I was drifting away from F3. History has shown that far greater pickleballers than I have gone down that dark path, never to return.

You have to fight everyday to keep the fartshackles off.

As such, YHC reluctantly limped out to the IOJMSCTNM event. As expected, the event destroyed my body. Unexpectedly, it reinvigorated my spirit and commitment to the PAX.

It’s a paradox…well, no…actually, it’s ironic…unless of course, you weren’t expecting the contradiction in the first place, in which case, you’re a stupid smart oxymoron. Of course, if all you needed was a knife or it rained on your wedding day, then it’s NOT ironic…it just sucks to be you.

The reality is that these struggles exist Around The World, but if you Never Say Never, remembering to always Give It Up (to God), you’ll be in high Cotton able to keep your PopEye on Jeaux.

How is YHC so wise? Because, like Bieber, Jeaux IS the forever Q of your Kenna Brah hawt. Yo Ronnie!

Soooo, for the first time in nearly a year, YHC will post 4 of 4 beatdowns this week, and I gotta tell you…it feels good, like honeysucklin’ good, like blast your French Horn from the top of the Ponzi pyramid good, like Valve Diddlin’ good.

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We got a good recovery Goosing on Monday, resting the legs, and lighting up the man boobs. Tuesday’s Dox/Ronnie DJ Deck of Death was just what the “Doctor” had ordered – recovery strength work accompanied by “good music.”

For Thursday’s beatdown, YHC, still wary of his pulsating ITBS, looked to carry on the recovery, slowly re-introducing some running, but bringing in some more full body cardio. To do this, we needed inspiration in the form of catchy songs that would stick with you for daysssss, thus annoying all of your colleagues and family members alike.

As America’s Best noted, this phenomenon is oft referred to as an “earworm.” Even more appropriate coming from AB is that the term was originally dubbed by German scientists (ohrwurm) to describe a few bars of music that get stuck in your brain. For those PAX who believe they are of German heritage, this might be of interest. Maybe you sent me pictures of your German genealogy certificates, maybe they were made at FedEx Kinkos. We’ll never know.

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YHC rolled in slowly and deliberately at 5:13am, windows rolled down, Sirius (not the streaming radio service) blasting like it was Chicago, 1996. My inspiration for the dramatic entrance was of course drawn from various Paradox Q’s. I was excited to get his approval…unfortunately, he was late and didn’t see it. I can count on two fingers how many of his Q’s I’ve missed…and I’ve never once been late. Hey…friendships are just viewed differently in North Louisiana.

As we got started, YHC was pumped to see Ponzi repping the ANIMAL, along with the Anthony Davis undershirt. Also, having the Maneater/Jackknife combo back in the mix only added much needed energy to the PAX.

But as exciting as that all was, during warmarama, YHC still kept looking to his left. Assuming that my last eye check-up with AB had been grossly mishandled, I kept squinting in the gloom at a familiar figure. It couldn’t be. My brain could not reconcile the eyeworm residual of French Horn. Could it really be him? Sho’ nuff, as we later began our first run, I heard it. I heard the old but comforting greeting, “Bruhhhhhh.” It could be. It was. Horn had finally come home.

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How It Went

Warm-up (5:15 – 5:25)

Side straddle hops
Windmills 15 ct
Arm circles forward 15 ct
Arm circles backward 15 ct
Lafayette night clubs 15 ct
Self love 15 ct
High knees 15 ct
Butt Kicks 15 ct
Mountain climbers 14ct

The morning would consist of four songs with trigger word exercises. Before each song, the PAX would run to the far side of the civic center, do 50 reps of a certain exercise, then complete the lap and do 50 more reps in front of the civic center. Each round would consist of different run exercises. (in total approx. 1.2 miles)

There were too many earworm song candidates to choose from, so YHC settled on four showcase songs and a handful of running songs all carefully curated to worm their way into the PAX’s collective conscience. The trick was to have music at homebase in front of the civic center as well as on the run. YHC couldn’t (or wouldn’t) carry BAPS all over creation, so he connected BAPS to Bose (pr. Bozay) for a hopefully seamless transition of music between base and laps around the civic center.

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The Earworm Pt. 1 (5:25 – 5:33)

– lap around civic center, stopping two times at exercise stations
– Exercise: chilcutt jacks, x50 each stop
– Song: Never Say Never by Justin Bieber (requested by Paradox)
== Alternating shoulder taps throughout
== Merkin on “never” or “forever” or “pick it up”

*This was meant to be funny. It wasn’t. The assault on our ears and pecks was nasty. I think the PAX was confused and felt generally awkward. Paradox was in his element.

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The Earworm Pt 2 (5:33 – 5:42)

– lap around civic center, stopping two times at exercise stations
– Exercise: Flutters 4:1, x50 each stop
– Song: Around The World by Daft Punk (requested in September by French Horn)
== Jogging in place
== Full body Drop downs to chest (similar to flying squirrels) on every Around The World.

*If you’re not familiar, the only words in this song ARE ‘Around The World’. Safety Valve and Paradiddle literally looked bored, as if waiting for a real challenge. Meanwhile, YHC just started falling down, would get back up to his knees, then flop down again like a beached cod. This is the day the chatter died, and we weren’t singing S%#&.

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The Earworm Pt 3 (5:42 – 5:50)

– lap around civic center, stopping two times at exercise stations
– Exercise: J-Lo’s, x50 each stop
– Song: Cotton Eye Joe by Rednex (requested by America’s Best)
== Man singing – bonnie blair’s
== Banjo/Fiddle – hillbilly squats; leg thrust out to the side, thumbs in belt
== Women singing – burpees

*The Bonnie’s, following the song prior, were nearly impossible. There was confusion as to whether it was a woman singing or if Bieber is a lot older than we thought. Across the gloom, I could see a distinct and calculating smirk on Smooth’s face. A face that meant one thing…we’d see this in a Q coming soon to an AO near you.

**In the misery, AB somehow found a way to correct YHC that the “banjo” solos were in fact fiddle solos. For crying out loud, what do you want from me? I’m a non-tenured instructor at a quasi bankrupt regional state university. Thibodaux is lucky I bother to put on pants each morning.

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The Earworm Pt 4 (5:50 – 5:57)

– lap around civic center, stopping two times at exercise stations
– Exercise: LBC’s, x50 each stop
– Song: Baby Give it Up by KC and The Sunshine Band, Ivan Jack remix (requested over and over again by Honeysuckle)
== imperial squat walker
== Squat jump on “baby give it up”

*The crown jewel of YHC’s collection. The Ivan Jack remix is solid platinum bronzed pewter. The imperial squat walkers started to burn early on. The jump squats were hard to do with any semblance of rhythm, and the song just kept going and going and going. We just kept giving it up to the point we expected payment for our services.

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We finished with two minutes of all AMRAP LBC’s to the gangnam stylings of PSY.

COT, ANIMAL bestowed on Popeye. He “gets” Ponzi. Apparently some Southern Louisiana PAX view friendships in a more wholesome light. The VESTments were inVESTed in the muse of the Earworm beatdown, the Best of the Best. ‘Merica.

Prayer intentions, including traveling PAX, Enron’s M, and Goose (and M) leading a marriage retreat in Wisconsin.

Enron prayed us out.

In the words of F3 Bieber, Never Say Never.

Yankee Eye Jeaux