F3 New Orleans

Tag: Cardinal

  • Superunknown – from Paradox

    During two previous Goose masterminded Holy Thursday beatdowns the pax explored themes of shared suffering and the seemingly chaotic nature of events leading up to Christ Passion.
    (See F3 Archives for these fine works of Goose et al:
    2023’s “ You Don’t Got This Bro” 2022’s “ Holy Thursday : Plenty of Material to Work With”

    YHC re-read these seminal works in preparation for Thursday and was drawn toward the Garden of Gethsemane, more specifically the time period directly after Jesus is captured and before his trial. Wondering what the disciples may have been feeling at that time…lost, scattered, dejected, confused. Everything they had worked towards all up in the air.
    Everything unknown
    You might even say Superunknown …

    Duke!! Roll the footage and fetch ABs dusty CD case from the barn ! No, not the Shania Twain.
    Grab the one with the most angsty album cover, you can’t go wrong !!

    10 pax strong on a fine cool morning at the Den.
    Pumped to see McDreamy back for round 2 andddd Valve even showed enough respect to think he needed a warmup today !

    Warmup

    Some coupon dispersement then we got down to the usual business of YHCs mind wandering while the cadence stacks up at random numbers.
    Is it difficult to chatter with Ronnie AND keep the cadence , sure , but a beatdown is all about pushing through our perceived norms. Goose took the lead stepping out of his comfort zone and showing us a few arm circle karate moves that had us all buying tickets to Diamond Dawson’s Judy Chop Seminar.

    Self Love was left to chance as we got a warm up mosey around the civic center to make sure the legs were primed.

    Thang 1

    Multitasking

    There’s a lot going on during Holy Thursday but today’s primary theme would be the disciples experience in the Garden of Gethsemane. So we start with a symbolic run showing: A) the responsibility they carried being the disciples of Christ and B) the multitasking and chaotic nature of the events of this week .

    Coupon Indian Run to the Garden

    Last man drop off for 3thrusters
    When he passes you in line you do 3 OHP.
    Chatter seemed reduced to minimal questions about where we were going and grumbles about the logistics of running with coupons and Cardinals facial expressions of “how dare you” .
    All except Pope of course . You could put a baby grand on that kids back and he would still be smiling and correcting YHCs LOTR quotes. I know I’m a broken record here but watching him pass us all up in the last 2 years has been amazing.

    We made it safely to the St Francis Garden courtyard and the pax were clearly hungry for Garden themed trivia so we dove in.

    Correct Answer – 3 manmakers
    Incorrect Answer- 6 manmakers

    1.) NYTimes ranked this flavor of Sun Chips as # out of 10.
    (A: Garden Salsa)

    *If you bring French Onion in this house prepare to walk home.

    2.) First appearing in Orlando Florida , this restaurant chain has grapes as a part of its logo.
    (A: Olive Garden )

    ***Bonus***
    What 3 dishes make up YHCs favorite meal at Olive Garden, the Tour of Italy?
    (A: Lasagna- Fetuccini Alfredo – Chicken Parmesan)
    That’s right , y’all knew YHC was cultured but were you expecting that level of class? Doubtful.
    Pretty sure Goose said Spaghetti instead of Fett Alfredo but YHC knew what song was coming up and let the grace flow early.

    3.) Famed Showman PT Barnums alleged last words were “how were the receipts at “blank” , this famed venue
    (A: Madison Square Garden)

    The PAX had successfully figured out YHCs “garden” answers and made the rest look like Enron on Jeopardy with the category “early 2000 gutter rap” …Childs play.

    Flawless 3/3 from the Pax and the 9 manmakers were just the appetizer at this garden party.

    This Lenten season YHC has been thinking and praying with some difficult things God can sometimes ask us to do in waiting. As men we often want to see Problem A and fix it with Solution B. Part of our nature can be jumping into action. Patience is likely YHCs most ignored virtue but getting to know a lot of our pax more closely over the last few years has revealed how much work God can do in our waiting.

    This next bit wouldn’t be pretty but the intensity had to be ratcheted as we approach Sunday.

    Song:
    “While I’m Waiting “
    Goose introduced most of us to this song a few years back and it’s been a top 10 on YHCs playlist since. Just a solid reminder that waiting doesn’t put us into carbon freeze, but that we can still service and worship in that state.

    Hold “Al Goosies “ – Al Gore with a Coupon
    With Coupon Goosies on “Waiting and Wait”
    Coupon Goosies are a coupon lunches and a goblet squat.

    Somehow regular Goosies look a little nicer no

    Next we ventured a little deeper into the garden.

    “ Could you not stand watch with me ?”

    P1 100 HR merkins 10 at a time – p2 *Hold Coupon Press w Leg Raises

    P1 100 Goblet Sqats 10 at a time
    P2 *Coupon Side Reach Hold

    *Both Clinically proven to reduce drowsiness in gardens.

    And now the mob comes for Jesus in the garden and he’s captured.
    Has to be one of the darkest times so far in all of the disciples times together. Tough to fathom it. When mere words will not suffice in a beatdown it’s JBLs turn . YHC wanted a song here to fully represent the mood at the time immediately following the events at the garden. I needed a SOUND some how related to a GARDEN. I needed a melancholic mood like your whole Son had just gone black …

    90s grunge don’t fail me now!!

    Song : Blackout Sun by SoundGarden

    Challenge:
    Name this Song, Album, lead singer , year released.
    Each correct would take 30 seconds off.

    Slow Mountain Climbers
    Merkins on Black Hole Sun
    Side Reach in “won’t you come”

    Lead Singer – Chris Cornell
    Album – SuperUnknown
    Year released 1994
    (More on this later)

    Mosey to Bball court

    At this point all the disciples react in different ways . Some pray, some run, some fight but all are tested in their own way.
    So we would have a test of our own as a symbol of the increasing pressure as we approach the cruxifixction.

    The Test

    EMOM Timer
    3 burpees (drop to pray)
    1 court run (run back and forth)
    3 Thrusters (draw your sword)
    -increase 1 rep each round until you cannot beat the timer

    We made it to the round of seven reps.

    Coupon Mosey to Flag in relative silence.
    Mission accomplished

    Counting and Naming

    Announced BK500 is on the books for Sept 28.

    Start considering business sponsors and have an obligatory sit down with your previous SV500 partner about the seriousness of your relationship.

    COT and Popeye prayed us out

    Thanks for following along with me. As always it’s a privilege to lead.

    A Dox of Chocolate:

    YHC has no idea what Chris Cornell had in mind when he wrote “Blackout Sun”. So a Google search was done and not much more was revealed. Some general reviews online that the song conjured up “disillusionment” , “feelings of discomfort”, “relentless heat” and “concealed darkness”. If nothing else this definitely fit the tone that YHC wanted to strike that the disciples may have felt in the garden. What I did find was an interview of the band explaining the song could be interpreted at the disgression of the audience, so I’ll give it a swing.
    My first thought was that, having been released in 1994, this song would have been a hit in the developing teen years of our pax’s 40 North club. So I imagined that motley crew playing this song…garage band style in ‘94. They would have a vague band name like “Sack of Fart” and people would debate for years if the flatulence in question was plural. Obviously Goose as baritone lead singer biding his time for a solo career. HoneySuckle on bass guitars with a “save the bees, save the world “ headband. AB as the smoky genius drummer. YJ is the quintessential band manger cutting deals and trying to figure out the “vibe” on the next record. Popeye drives the tour bus and does the pyrotechnics. WetTap as mosh pit director and occasional saxophone accompaniment. All wearing JNCo jeans with long hair and ironic sleeveless shirts . Those kids are going places they just don’t know it.

    Ok ok my first thought got carried away, it happens. But my second thought. My second thought was of the repeated line in the chorus of Blackout Sun. “Won’t you come?” It was an invitation of sorts. It reminded me that every year as we begin Holy Week we are invited to enter in to the experiences surrounding Christ’s passion. That for a moment we can put ourselves into the anguish and suffering. Into the deep prayer. Into the darkness felt by the disciples. And if we can go there then we can also begin to feel the immense and unconditional love that comes with the sacrifice. And see that no amount of chaos or despair can refute that love but that He meets us in it and works with us through it. The hope being that each year we are challenged to go a layer deeper and accept this invitation.

    “Won’t you come?”

    SYITG
    Paradox

  • Questionable Records – from Honeysuckle

    Nine men emerged from the gloom to join YHC at the stage on a wet Tuesday Tuff morning.
    They had been promised trivia and records, but first a few things had to be taken care of.  

    Warmarama: SSH, Imperial Walkers, Willie Mays Hayes,Windmills, Arm Circles (F/R), Cherry Pickers, Carolina High Knees, Carolina Butt Kicks, Mountain Climbers 

    Thang 1

    Mosey toward Rich Man’s Loop and stop at The Point.  PAX were divided into two teams.  These teams would be together for the duration of the beatdown.  Team 1 would nur to the next light pole, then run to the following light pole, and then do 5 burpees.  The team could not proceed until all members did their 5 burpees.  Then they would begin again with a nur.  Team 2 would do the same thing, but start with a run and do a nur second.   

    YHC was asked, “Is this a race?”  It was not a race in the sense that who the “winner” was didn’t affect anything in the rest of the beatdown.  The de facto result of being the winner was that you got to the coupons first.  Which was something that would matter (a little) today.

    After some initial jockeying for the lead of the non-race, the two teams became staggered so that Team 1 was finishing burpees as Team 2 arrived to begin theirs.  From a congestion management perspective, this was a nice result.  

    The teams were to not visit Financially Stable Man’s Alley today but instead head straight for the coupons.  Around the same time that Team 1 was arriving to the coupons, which would have also been a convenient time to use the bathroom due to the Port-o-Let there, a mysterious white truck also arrived to the area.  As YHC was with Team 2, it is only hearsay that the Team 1 PAX attempted an EH at which point only the sound of electronic door locks being engaged could be heard.  In reality, the truck was from Lowe’s, trying to track down a pallet load of cinder blocks that a man in alpaca fur stole from them Ocean’s Eleven style. 

    Team 1 graciously grabbed extra coupons for Team 2 so that a full Port-o-Let visit wasn’t required.   

    Thang 2

    After returning to the stage area, the second thang was revealed.  YHC would announce an exercise for the PAX to begin, and play a song from the classic rock era (all well etched in YHC’s memory due to decades of listening to Eagle 98.1), and the team in control (control would alternate between teams 1 and 2) had roughly 30 seconds to name the artist and song title.  If both weren’t named, then the other team would be allowed to guess for 30 seconds.  At the end of this time, a team would have either 0, 1, or 2 correct guesses, corresponding to some exercises.

    0=10 thrusters
    1 = 5 thrusters
    2 = 2 thrusters

    But that’s not all!  The song would continue, and the exercise would continue, long enough for YHC to ask some additional trivia questions tangentially related to the song.  Each correct answer here would subtract one thruster.  YHC forgot the list of exercises at home so we did the best we could.  As you will see, YHC forgot a lot of the results of the day but you will get the gist of it.   

    Song 1 exercise: Crab dip

    YHC continues to try to champion this move but there is little traction so far.  The song wasPurple Haze by Jimi Hendrix.  Team 1 got both these.  YHC asked what brewery makes Purple Haze (Abita), what style beer is it (Lager).  What two types of particles can cause a haze (smoke, dust), and dust from what area sometimes causes a haze in the southeast US during the summer (Sahara desert) 

    Song 2 exercise: Tempo squats

    The song was Slow Ride by Foghat.  I believe this one was split?  Other trivia questions: Slowest mammal (sloth), slowest sea creature (seahorse), name of an air mass over a body of water that can produce fog/clouds (marine layer).  Marine layer was one of the few times the PAX was stumped.   

    Song 3 exercise: Hold Al Gore?

    The song was Won’t Get Fooled Again by the Who.  By this point, it was starting to become clear that America’s Best knew all the answers and was just waiting until time was almost up to sneak in his guesses. Trivia dealt with famous April Fools jokes according to Google, such as what number with non-repeating digits did the Alabama legislature try to change (pi), what did they want to change the value to (3)?  Taco Bell announced it purchased this US Landmark to help pay down the national debt (Liberty Bell).  The last line of the song may be its most famous; what is it? (Meet the new boss, the same as the old boss.) 

    Song 4 exercise: Merkins?

    Radar Love by Golden Earring.  This was split, with AB coming up with the band name in the follow up round.  The trivia dealt with the words making up the acronym radar (Radio detection and ranging).  This took a while, and the PAX didn’t get “ranging”.  But then after we stopped YHC remembered the other questions.  RADAR is spelled the same forward and backward, what is the name for that (Palindrome).  Fill in the blank of this palindrome: A man. A plan. A canal. _____ (Panama).  PAX were on top of all this.   

    Song 5 exercise: Apollo ohnos ?

    FM by Steely Dan.  Did I mention Team 1 wasn’t doing many thrusters today?  Trivia: What does FM mean (Frequency modulation).  The line from the song “no static at all” is a comparative reference to what (AM radio).  What does AM mean (amplitude modulation).  Several PAX knew all these but Goose notably ate these questions up. YHC avoided asking any questions related to the origin of Steely Dan’s name.  

    Song 6 exercise: LBCs?

    LA woman by the Doors.  YHC shouldn’t have even asked Team 1 to get coupons today.  Trivia: YHC is thinking of 10 men’s professional sports teams in the LA area.  Name them.  Credit only starts after 6 are named.  (Rams, Chargers, Angels, Dodgers, Lakers, Clippers, LA Galaxy were all guessed. Others are Ducks, Kings, LA Football Club).  Then, name two women’s professional teams (Sparks (guessed), Angel City Football Club not guessed). 

    Song 7: WWI sit ups?

    Surrender by Cheap Trick. Name the place where Lee surrendered to Grant (Appomattox Courthouse).  Name the country that surrendered to end WWII (Japan). 

    Song 8 (bonus, 1 minute left)

    Kashmir by Led Zeppelin.  This song was sampled by what hip hop artist (Puff Daddy).  What was the name of that song?  At this point, Enron swooped in and answered the as-of-yet unasked question, what movie was the song in? (Godzilla).  This is the question that YHC didn’t think anyone would get the answer to, yet alone offer as a fact unsolicited.  

    By the way, the name of the song is “Come with me”.  Time ran out before YHC got to ask a few sweater-related questions (“No, it’s a cardigan, but thanks for asking”).  And several songs remained unplayed, including one by Cream which would have made Popeye happy, along with some cooking related questions.  Maybe next time.    

    Announcements; Wet Tap prayed us out. 

    YHC is impressed once again by the dedication and effort of the PAX, and today their mental muscles were on display as well.  It was a privilege to Q this morning.  

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle  

  • Rugby: Played by men with odd-shaped balls – from America’s Best

    This day, the last day YHC could proclaim himself 47 years old, we would do what I’ve been waiting to do for a long long time: we would play rugby. YHC knew this would be a challenge, not only because of the length of time that has passed since I last touched a rugby ball, but because almost all of the PAX has likely not even watched rugby before. Luckily, Yankee Jeaux is a fellow Virginia rugger from the same era. What are the chances? YHC would lean heavily on YJ for help with this beatdown.

    Warmarama: Co-Q’ed by Yankee Jeaux (see?) as I tended to my ball.

    The first quick Thang (bc we can’t go straight to the fun):
    Ostensibly, we learned to slide-dive, by deconstructing it into a deep squat and a “Mike Tyson merkin.”
    This was actually just YHC’s way of introducing yet another type of merkin to the PAX. Someone asked: “Why are they called Mike Tyson merkins?”
    The answer is simple: Because that’s how Mike Tyson does them.

    The Main Event: Rugby

    For the first time in a quarter century, YHC donned his old rugby jersey.
    We held plank whilst the instructions and rules were outlined.
    And upon the start of play, there was much confusion. YHC almost immediately forgot one of the most important rules (allowing Goose to accidentally cheat), and YHC forgot Enron was on his team. And confusion runs downhill…

    The highlights:
    –Mom Jeans again materialized out of nowhere, and he and a shoeless Wet Tap made a living swatting passes down like Dikembe Mutombo.
    –Enron ran the sideline to the end line more than once… once as dummy half. He didn’t attempt the try but passed for a teammate to score… this caused great controversy and YHC has still not figured out if it was legal.
    –Safety Valve was awarded 1/3 of a point for kicking the ball into the top of an oak tree.
    –Cardinal and Lil Cuz caught on quickly and by halftime (there was one?) they actually looked like rugby players.
    –Goose and Paradox showcased a rivalry not seen since Deion Sanders and Jerry Rice.
    –Yankee Jeaux played with effortless confidence, shouting down the opposition with, “I wouldn’t recommend it” in a voice that was at once Michael Caine and also the “seats taken” kid from Forrest Gump.
    –Popeye lived offsides, realizing that creating mayhem was more fun.
    –Pope is fast.
    7:30 came way too soon and we moseyed back to the flags.

    COT.

    As the PAX lamented the (hopefully temporary) loss of Animal, Gigi, and The Fleece, YHC remembered he had an old practice jersey in the truck, and made a game-time decision to award it to “most competitive.”
    (“Most competitive” and “biggest cheater” are actually the identical award, with the former being a member of one’s own team, and the latter being an opponent.)

    Cardinal prayed us out.

    Thanks for coming out my dudes. As always, I hope the fun outweighed the confusion.

    SYITG,
    America’s Best

    AB Sees:
    An opportunity to ramble and reflect.

    This beatdown started as a tribute to my past, a swan song to my inner Uncle Rico. But it became a celebration of the present and future. The number 47 became significant to me 30 years ago, and I began see it everywhere… and I don’t just think it’s the Baader–Meinhof phenomenon. (If you need to know what that is, please see Dox, as I’d wager he’s already on the third page of his Google search results by now).
    So I always hoped that the age 47 would bring something meaningful. . .

    Eleanor Roosevelt said, “The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.”
    But Michael Jordan more eloquently said, “The ceiling is the roof.” Really makes you think. Perhaps the most profound thought, however, comes from 20th century philosopher William Madison, who said, “… the puppy was a dog. But the industry, my friends, that was a revolution.”

    Where am I going with this? I have no idea.
    But I bid adieu to the past with this soon-to-be famous quote: “To everyone who wrote ‘stay cool’ in my middle school yearbook, I have some devastating news.”

    And the future? Well, in the past, the future was so bright, we had to wear shades.
    But that future is now the present. And now my future’s not so much bright as it is blurry, so I have to wear prescription multifocal lenses.

    So the present, it is a gift. Thanks to all of you for being a part of this extraordinary gift of F3 that came in my 47th year.

  • Stay off the grass. – from Popeye

    YHC arrived early to the den, noting a special kind of gloom in the air…
    Was it rain? No, looked good despite early forecasts. Perhaps the prospect of just two more days of work drudgery left in the week? No, my morning trek to the big sleazy and hours of staring at screens and tiresome conversations lied in wait.
    No, this special kind of gloom is the kind that brings a smirk to all smirkster’s faces… the kind of gloom one only gets to relish once in this life: when a VQ becomes a Q.
    Primed at the thought of getting comfortable being uncomfortable and sharing some positive pain with my fellow man, YHC dashed around the field of play like a cardboard sign fairy placing treats for the pax. It was going to be a fine morning.

    Warmarama:
    Imperial walkers (yes, a strict violation of protocol – one of YHC’s favorite things)
    Willie Mays Hays
    Mountain climbers
    (confessional about hating SSH)
    SSH x 50 just to throw fuel on the internal fire
    Wamarama complete, time to do some work.

    Preface:
    As most know, YHC has spent his adult life wearing the uniform of this great nation, and as such I felt compelled to share some similarities between F3 and military PT basics. Fun/bizarre names for calisthenics, “starting position move, in cadence – exercise!”, people taking it too seriously or not seriously enough – it’s the stuff that forms your foundation. But one specific element is different: in the service, you stay off the grass.
    For walking on the grass is indicative of a weak moral fiber; the man who needs to cut across the grass is the man who needs the shortcut. He’s the guy who fails to plan, and thus plans to fail. He’s the guy who orders his fitness regimen in a shot he can administer himself at home while watching sitcoms and eating chips.
    For today’s beatdown there were two rules:
    You rest in the forward-leaning rest position, and you stay off the grass; violations incur a 5 burpee fine.

    Thang 1:
    Pax directed to form 2 ranks. YHC immediately realized the pax were not accustomed to miltaryish terminology, so I directed 2 columns. Still not quite there, but it was time to mosey.
    Lap 1: Grass-free lap around the far reaches of the Harangarang, including the rarely-traveled sidewalk out front. Easy 20-30% effort pace, the kind that encourages chatter from the AB’s and Enrons of the world.
    Lap 2: The Pax upped the ante a bit, pushing the pedal to 60-70% effort. Not a sprint, but a heavy stride – the kind that breeds more gasp and less chatter. Lap ended in a pseudo-tunnel along the edge of the Harang center for fine arts and bullriding.

    Thang 2/Main event:
    The Pax were introduced to 5 stations:
    1 – 10 flights up near stairs; single or double step
    2 – 10 x WW3 sit ups + 10 Block-ees
    3 – 20 Bus Stop Derkins + 20 LBC’s
    4 – 20 Kettle/Coupon swings + 20 Apollo Ono (2=1)
    5 – 5 flights up yonder stairs, bunny hops

    Pax reluctantly broke into groups of 3, headed out to starting points, and we were off. Most teams made 3ish rounds of exercises, with YHC making some mental notes while playing third wheel to a Goose/Dox man date:
    – Not all stations are created equal, which disrupts the time/space continuum. Next time spread out the most painful station.
    – Even the JBL has its limits on the field of battle, the volume peaked but couldn’t really reach all stations (much to AB and YJ’s delight).
    – You never know who you’re going to meet at the bus stop! While derkining, MomJeans appeared out of thin air and joined in, and YHC was thankful for another member to break up the Dox/Goose blossoming bromance. As an aside, it was impossible not to be impressed with the bus stop’s solar-paneled roof – what is this, the future!?! Perhaps Thib is more progressive than I realized; I knew we were ahead of the times in teenager-looking eye doctors, but this was really inspiring.
    – Bunnies are underestimated in the animal kingdom, hopping doesn’t get easier the more you do it.
    – In a circuit format beatdown, insert rests, lest the the Pax take it upon themselves to insert slow strolls between stations like they’re browsing at TJ Maxx.

    Time was called and Aslan beckoned, with most Pax opting to traverse the grass and close out with a 5 burpee fine.

    Announcement:
    Downs 5k for Saturday, for those few who have miles left in them after RCR.

    COT / Ponzi prayed us out.

    Appendix: Appreciate the opportunity to lead the beatdown, and there will be more to come down the line. It’s funny how after being “in charge” so many times in my adult life, for a while now I’ve just enjoyed just doing as directed by the Q and seeing our brothers grow in ability and creativity. And it’s not lost on me that in the past I’ve led some people who are literally being paid to work out and push themselves physically don’t show the drive and passion and camaraderie we have amongst our group. Proud to be a part of this and SYITG.

  • The Prayer of Pain – from Cardinal

    We find ourselves in the season of Lent, where people tend to try to recommit to focusing on the spiritual side of things. YHC, being a Catholic priest, sees it often and often hears the question of feeling like you don’t know how to pray. Some have said the psalms are a great place to start, because it’s essentially a prayer book in the Bible. YHC would agree with that “some,” because it’s the psalms that first brought him deeper into a relationship with God. (Sky Q? Nah.) So a beatdown based on the psalms was devised that would prove to be less prayerful and more painful…

    A standard fare Warmorama was had, including imperial walkers, side straddle hops, arm circles and cherry pickers, high knees and butt kicks, and some self-love. First lesson of prayer – let go of expectations (like you HAVE to start with SSH) and be open to what God has to say.

    YHC crafted a playlist of songs based on several of the psalms. Each song was paired with an exercise, with the psalm’s number of reps having to be completed before the song finished. (So for example, the song based on Psalm 139 would require 139 squats to be completed in the duration of the song.) The PAX didn’t know how long the songs were, so it was a guess as to how much time you had to finish it. Numbers were pulled at random to really let God have the final say.

    The PAX had enough time for 5 songs, which were as follows:
    1. Psalm 46 – 8-count body builders
    2. Psalm 57 – Burpees
    3. Psalm 98 – Big boys
    4. Psalm 84 – hand-release merkins
    5. Psalm 16 – 15-yard-choice of crab walk or bear crawl

    A couple of observations…
    1. The plank jack in the 8-count makes a HUGE difference. The burpees after that felt like a breeeeezeeeeeeeeee….mostly…until the second half…
    2. YHC wasn’t entirely confident that he had matched the exercises with the rep count and timing that well, but the PAX handled it like champs. They dug into it with everything they had, and it was really a sight to behold. Many were able to complete most of them. But whether you finished it or not, it was clear they were pushing through without holding back. I could really give the Animal (who’s got that again??) to any of them.
    3. That drive also kept chatter to a minimum.
    4. YHC can’t count to above 20 to save his life.
    5. The last bear crawl, YHC witnessed a bear crawl race…AB’s bear crawl is really a sight to behold.

    In between each song, we had a couple 10-counts and a recovery lap to prep us for the next one.

    We finished with a light penalty for those who didn’t complete any (mercy, right?? SSH vs calf raises) and then a couple minutes of MARY to close us out.

    COT and Paradox prayed us out.

    Grateful to the PAX for pushing through this morning. One of them commented “Prayer, fasting, almsgiving…and pain, the 4th pillar of Lent.” Praying with the pain, with the hard stuff, even if it feels fruitless in the moment, is some of the most fruitful experiences of prayer I’ve ever had. When we keep giving everything, whether we feel like we’re failing or not, God can do incredible things. Keep pushing through, brothers, relying not on your own strength or measure of success but on His.

    “Lord of hosts, you’re with us
    With us in the fire
    With us as a shelter
    With us in the storm.

    You will lead us
    Through the fiercest battle
    Oh, where else would we go?
    But with the Lord of Hosts.”

    SYITG,

    Cardinal

  • Mist Opportunities – from Honeysuckle

    It was a foggy morning and YHC had the title of this blast picked out before leaving home. It was an agonizing night realizing that the beatdown was about taking the PAX on a “virtual downrange” modeled after YHC’s Southport NC downrange experience last month, and with the addition of Bibs actually downranging, the perfect opportunity for an Inception-like Q was possible. Where are we now? Mobile? Thibodaux? Southport? The only way to know for sure is if the farts during ab work have an odor, you are not downrange.

    But not putting together that concept was a missed opportunity.

    Fortunately, opportunities are all around us.

    The promise of an FNG and Bibs downranging brought an energy and excitement to the Den, then the arrival of French Horn turned it up to 11. Another FNG (FNG 2) joined after watching from a distance for a while from the Civic center.

    We began with the usual warmarama, to a point where YHC started to introduce some of the differences experienced during the downrange.

    Side straddle hops

    Arm circles both ways

    Cherry pickers

    Imperial Walkers

    Pebble pickers – Willie Mays Hayes but perpendicular. Similar to grass grabbers? The PAX yawned, but YHC knew the next wrinkle would get their attention.

    High knees, but performed to the Imperial Walker pace. No jumping or running in place. You could have sworn it was a spa day with all the relaxed sighs, oohs, and aahs.

    Butt kicks, same concept. Low impact.

    Mountain climbers. Maybe they could have been done slowly but YHC went back to the usual pace.

    Equalizer. At times I definitely felt the “swing” that Goose referred to in his rowing beatdown.

    Thang 1

    Line up at the side walk. Start with 1 lunge walk steps, then four bear crawl steps. Then 2 lunge walk steps and 8 bear crawl steps. Then 3 and 12. And so on. When we reached the driveway near the oak trees, start over and go back.

    In Southport I was near the front of the pack. Today I was near the back. That is a testament to the fitness of our Thibodaux PAX.

    Thang 2

    Short mosey to the NE corner of the Civic Center. At this corner, we were to do 30 air squats. Then run to the NW corner and do 30 merkins. Then run to the next corner and do 30 WWI situps. Then run to the last corner and do 30 squat jumps. Then run to the Lion. In Southport, this was done in the equivalent of a city block in downtown Thibodaux.

    Planked at the end. After everyone was in plank position, we did 10 donkey kicks with the right leg and 10 donkey kicks with the left leg. Downrange, the Q did this while waiting for the six. Again, today we really didn’t have any six.

    Thang 3

    Short mosey to the north facing wall of the Civic center. PAX split up into two groups for each to do the Chedda Shredda. Line up shoulder to shoulder in plank position. The PAX at the end would crawl and align themselves head to head with the next PAX and they do a merkin together. Then the mobile (as in moving, not Mobile, AL) PAX moves down the line to the next PAX and those do a merkin together. While the mobile PAX goes down the line, the next PAX also goes mobile. And so on. The effect is sort of like tank tracks or cheese shreds falling when being shredded.

    After the team finished, sprint to the end of the parking lot and back.

    Then we did it all over again to perfect it. Something about needing more eye contact.

    Thang 4

    Chair position at the civic center wall, and the first PAX does four air shoulder presses. Then the second PAX, then the third, all down the line.

    Balls to the wall, and do the same thing with four shoulder taps. That was tough today. YHC didn’t realize how much adrenaline must have been flowing while downrange.

    Thang 5

    Indian run around the civic center. Last PAX drops off and does 3 merkins. YHC learned that FNG1 liked to run and was fast. So there was quite a variance in pace as we proceeded. This must have looked like a slinky.

    Thang 6

    At the Southport beatdown, there was another equalizer at this point so we did that too. After that, they have a tradition to do 10 burpees for the men who have not returned to a beatdown, or that haven’t been back in a while. So that is what we did as well.

    Since we had a few minutes left, we did a few minutes of Mary. Flutter kicks, Freddy Mercuries, LBCs, all in cadence.

    COT

    16 PAX counted off. FNG2 was named first. Yankee Joe must have heard at some point that FNG2 had the nickname Schouestmeister, which seemed like a good F3 name choice. Then FNG1 stepped up. YHC expected there to be an immediate consensus on his name but we found ourselves back at the drawing board. America’s Best made a connection to FNG1’s sheep and the fact that he’s a doctor to get to McDreamy, and there were a few supporters but FNG1 didn’t seem to like it so that sealed the deal. Welcome to both!

    Bibs mentioned a couple of events in his neck of the woods during announceorama that
    perhaps we’ll get a little more info on.

    AB prayed us out, Dox photoed us out.

    Each one of us there today had an opportunity to attend and did not miss it. Bibs had the opportunity to visit another AO for a workout and took it. The PAX had an opportunity to welcome two FNGs, one very unexpectedly. Tclaps to McDreamy for taking the opportunity to walk into a new experience and then killing it. Tclaps to Schouestmeister for being where he was this morning, for whatever reason, probably not realizing that a bunch of guys would show up and get in a circle, and then deciding to join that circle.

    When YHC went downrange, YHC didn’t know exactly what to expect, but had confidence that the experience would be worthwhile due to how F3 was set up. YHC was welcomed in without hesitation and the beatdown structure was familiar (in that there is very little structure). YHC walked away with even more appreciation of F3 because it delivered as promised. Your name is your membership card. (Now if we could only get Firehouse subs to also accept F3 names during their “if your name starts with the letter H…” promotions.)

    Thank you for the opportunity to be a part of it all.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • Plain and Simple – from Superfun(d)

    Pax: Yankee Jeaux, Paradox, Cardinal, Pope, Wet Tap, Popeye, America’s Best, White Meat, Lil Cuz

    Since I’m not as creative and poetic as Yankee Jeaux or Paradox, I will keep this back blast simple, just like the beatdown. But, YHC knew it was going to be a good beatdown when the douche wagon pulled up.

    Warmups
    – SSH
    – Arm Circles
    – Cherry Pickers
    – Imperial Walkers
    – Grass Grabbers with the Clap
    – Mountain Climbers

    Thang 1: Merica’s favorite exercise, Merkins!

    Each Pax had their own deck of cards. Each card you pulled represented how many merkins you did. K, Q, J, and 10s were 10 merkins each. 9 = 9 merkins and so forth. Since I’m a gracious Q, Aces were worth only 1 instead of 11. YHC called time since I didn’t hear anymore mumble chatter and the pecs were on fire. If you were able to finish the deck, it would be 340 merkins. Moseyed to stop sign and back.

    Thang 2: Groucho Mile

    Everybody partnered up. Partner 1 performed Grouchos (squat then turn 180 then repeat) while partner 2 did 5 War World 1 sits up. Once partner 2 was finished, he would mosey up to Partner 1 and swap. We had only completed ~.5 of a mile when time was called. We moseyed back to the stage where we did 1 MOM – flutter kicks and LBCs.

    COT and Dox prayed us out. Thank y’all for coming out to support my yearly Q. The fitness, fellowship, and faith is powerful in our group, and I greatly appreciate the F3 PAX.

    See y’all in 2025,
    SuperFun(d)

  • Leap of Faith – from Paradox

    Legend has it that Leap Day William lives in the Marianas Trench and only leaves that comfort every 4 years to swap candy for the tears of children….

    *Duke busts into the writing room*

    “No Dox , No! That’s 30 Rocks story …
    Tell your own! “

    Ahem..

    10 pax lept to the Lions Den on a windy spring morning eager to potentially meet a mythical leaping fellow. Surely he would be there ?! The GroupMe hype was crystal clear!
    Instead they found the great value branded Leap Day Williard. He only puts on sleeves if someone croaks and he crawls out from under a north La overpass every 4 years to bum a nicotine patch and exchange sweat equity for the tears of grown men. He has 45 minutes to maximize calorie burn and he definitely ain’t got time for your chatter or to pronounce simple nouns correctly.
    Those tv execs can go kick 30 Rocks , this is a real man’s Leap Day celebration!

    Even when presented with the dollar store version of a leap day hero these men stayed true to their HCs and settled in to, as one pax put it Best, Carpe that extra diem bawwwz!

    Duke! Roll that beautiful beatdown footage!

    Warmup
    YHC wrapped up some finishing touches of the pre-formation lap just in time to find that gaggle of leaplings calf stretching around Aslan. Took them through the usual fare with 29 SSH just to make sure Jeauxs HRV was still activated.
    Truncated warmups a bit to make room for a little musical leap day overture.

    Warmup Thang

    “Might As Well Jump”

    -Leap Day Trivia
    Started Van Halens “Jump” with Al Gore and Bobby Hurleys on Jump. The pax would need to guess the year the following albums were released and each correct guess would buy them 30 seconds off. White Meat (in his 3rd post in a week! T-claps ) dubbed these “discounts” and the pax would need all 4 (1 for each of the last 4 years) to reduce the song to 2 minutes of quad torture.

    Enron smelled the clue early that the answer would take place in a Leap Year. AB followed with his continued uncanny ability to dissect a competitive event into its vital organs, he haggled YHC down to 2 guesses per song.

    Songs :

    NWA released Straight Outta Compton and YHC was released Straight out of Homer in this year.? The pax waffled a bit but steered the ship back to 1988.

    Eagles – Hotel California (76)
    Jeaux got this album for his 10th birthday so this was a soft toss.

    Johnny Cash – Folsom Proson Blues (1968)
    Some rings of fire still burning from Jersey Mikes. Ya hate to see it.

    And the Finale, the song we had listened to the wholeeee time!
    Van Halen (1984)

    Da Main Thang

    Leap Cajun Leap

    2 yHC objectives here :

    1. Attempt 4 laps with 4 stations of a race with increasing burpees at the end of each , symbolizing the extra hours we tack on each year and then delete with leap day.
    2. Recall all the amazing beatdowns we had this month with creative ways of distracting us from the monotony of running.

    Formation Lap (The Circuit)

    YHC led the group in an intro of the course , this was from Safety Valves F1 beatdown. The formation lap, while revving the heart to pump your dreams, also gives you essential time for strategery. Some pax used this wisely and sized up potential partners while other choices could only be described as poi form.

    Da Stations (below) were roughly strewn around the civic center into Aldi and back to the Lion.

    Station 1 (3 cones in parking lot in a triangle )
    -From the Wet Tap Pyramid Scheme and Cardinal Ladder

    Partner Lunge Walk to cones
    Increasing partner squats then decrease
    3-5-3

    Mosey

    Station 2
    Alphabet Marathon (Enron)
    20 American Hammers
    Leap Frog to Cone
    20 Zombie Crunch

    Mosey

    Station 3 Bountiful Grace …if we can trust. (Goose beatdown)

    10 Goosies each
    Partner drag across to cone, swap
    10 Goosies each

    Mosey

    Station 4 The Poi-Son OhrWurm (YJ/AB)
    10 “Never Say Never”
    Shoulder Tap Merkins
    CrawlBear Through Volcanoes
    (To help AB conquer his lava phobia)
    If you knock one over, 5 star jumps
    10 Shoulder Tap Merkins at the end

    YHC could see the pax awaiting a layer of instructional complexity (AB has them trained) and a bag of recently purchased bandanas were presented to answer.
    As they were informed that one partner would be blindfolded and led through the lava by the sight able pax. They would then mosey to the lion in a half blindfolded trust run.

    Burpees after each round representing the excess hours that Leap Day takes care of each year.
    6-12-18-24

    Teams were carefully or chaotically selected and we had 29 minutes to see who could compete the most laps. I’ll break it down from YHCs view of each team.

    SafetySuckle (or HoneyValve, if you need a PG rating)

    One of the greatest pairings in F3 Thibodaux history these two politely crushed the pax and gave out attitude adjustments all while having a telepathic conversation about whether you should cut your lawn in concentric circles or parallel lines. They got separation early in the first volcano run and never looked back .

    JeauxDox (country rockstar vibes)

    Like the second team in the F1 pairing our job was mostly to keep steady pressure on safetysuckle and to show RonnieMeat what real form and real men look like. Things were fairly tame until we broke out the blindfolds….
    They say the loss of one sense heightens the remaining senses and as YHC tightened the knot the lights went dim but everything else intensified. The concrete beneath my feet , the grunting pax nearby in my ear, and then …what’s that …my spider senses were tingling …a smell in the air , we had surpassed verbal communication and now Jeaux was sending a flatulent telegraph to inform me he had ketchup and onions for dinner and couldn’t run that fast. A gastrointestinal bond was formed forever.

    I guess Seger was right this whole time.
    We were wild and young and free …against the wind.

    RonnieMeat

    Draped in a signature Walmart Stars and Stripes they kept a great pace. Representing finance and upper echelon poultry this was truly Americas team. They spent most of their time filing form complaints on JeauxDox that will never be processed.

    AB-Pop
    Recently YHC discovered there are mutiple genres of Asian pop (K-Pop, Mando-pop, C-Pop) and it seems the trend worked its way back west.
    In perfect synchrony this duo traversed a significant “muscle density “ differential that spawned an Eric Cartman meme and ultimately led to AB leaving the band for a solo career. Popeye could not be reached but his publicist sent a smirk emoji reply. Talks of a reunion tour are unlikely.

    The Trio
    Ponz-Cardinal-Dilly
    Multilevel marketing at its best they continued to let the pax know they would have gone further with just one more teammate. If I had just one pic of that 3 man squat it’s the only promo material we would ever need!

    At 5:59 SuckleValve had reached 2 and 3/4 lap and was declared victorious.
    We capped it off with a blindfolded race back to the flag and no ER trips.

    Counting , naming and announcements

    RCR closing day
    Thanks to everyone for all forms of locomotion and logging miles.
    Over 12k was raised for Youth Run Nola and 6k for Wibo Foundation.
    Local pax Stats breakdown and award ceremony pending…

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out

    A privilege to lead men.

    Epilogue

    Early in the beatdown planning committee as I was riffing on the different uses of Leap I came upon “Leap of Faith”. First I realized blindfolds were a must and second that the theme of trust and total surrender have been recurring a lot for YHC this lent.
    I had hopes the blindfold would be a physical challenge and maybe even slow down some of our thoroughbreds (it didn’t) but I underestimated the real fear that set in when trying to run in total darkness. Would I fall? Where was the curb? Do I look stupid? Surely we should be there by now? Am I being passed up? I fought the urge to reach up and claw it from my face and regain control. But Jeaux was there , calmly , confidently informing me that he could see everything ahead of me. After the panic stricken first lap I was ready for round 2, and as I began to feel the fear creep back in he said “grass is coming up dox, feel it on your feet”.
    That phrase has stuck with me since.

    It gave me hope and the visual of a place that was familiar.
    It has also been a reminder to me that we aren’t home yet. That most days I may be suffering, reaching , even clawing for the control I’m used to.
    But if I can accept the grace to fully surrender and know God can see the whole race then not only can I serve him but I can serve at full speed with any gift he has given. It doesn’t remove the obstacles nor alleviate the suffering but He’s there guiding , holding us, and providing the resources to serve.

    And one day, when our race has been run, when our struggle has ended and the battle is fought. That we may hear:

    “Home is coming up, you can feel it on your feet”.

    SYITG,
    Paradox

  • Still of Steel – from Honeysuckle

    PAX: Enron, Captain D’s, Piccadilly, Safety Valve, America’s Best, Cardinal, Yankee Joe, Wet Tap, Lil Cuz, Popeye, Maneater, Pope, Coyote, Duke, Jackknife, Swedish Fish

    On a particularly gloomy morning in the gloom, the PAX assembled in anticipation of what was in store. Noting the tendency to congregate in the more paved area of the usual gathering place, YHC made a few gracious adjustments to today’s locations, but only a few. The posting of Captain D’s was a welcome sight, as was that of an FNG.

    YHC had been a little nervous for a V Saturday Q, trying to live up to the standard that the usuals provide. What if YHC inadvertently changed something? What if it only lasted 45 minutes? That would be a big change, even when put up against all the other changes since Goose has been out. Sure, Yankee Joe allowing some M’s to join last week, and Dox charging a $2 per workout per PAX on Thursday for “administrative overhead”, and Safety Valve having an indoor beatdown on Monday due to slightly imperfect conditions, and Enron forgetting to do a COT, and Coyote secretly being an elite hired coach weren’t that big of a deal, but as AB knows, being told “nice job fitting an hour into 45 minutes” is not a compliment. So YHC planned for a little extra.

    The PAX begrudgingly circled up and a typical warmarama was performed. Until the end, that is, when YHC introduced the Equalizer, which was taken from a recent downrange experience. 12 SSH’s, 12 SSH’s with arms steady, and 12 hops, followed by 11 of each, 10 of each, and so on until we reached 1-1-1. The PAX picked this up quite well. Yankee Joe seemed to be requesting a Jewish version, which we didn’t do today but one option for another day would be to start with 9’s, one per Menorah candle.

    Then we did a “standard” Indian run to the tennis courts, a nice paved surface that the PAX would have the opportunity to closely examine for cracks and debate where the expansion joints should have been put. The theme today would be in contrast to the running, rucking, and motion in general that was February. The flagship exercises of each Thang would be static holds, ideally motionless, all done in a Dora format.

    Thang 1

    The hold would be a mission impossible plank, while the partner ran to the chimney and did 2 merkins and 2 squats. Then run back and switch. After the second partner completed 2 merkins and 2 squats, they would move to round 2, where an additional 2 squats and 2 merkins were performed. In general, for round n, 2n squats and 2n merkins were performed. YHC is relieved that these workouts can be described in algebraic form, now that the true intellect of the PAX is beginning to shine through. There was no set goal for this since, hey, it was a Saturday, but in the end we stopped before we got to the square root of 50 rounds.

    Thang 2

    Moseying over to the monkey bars, the same general format would be used for Thang 2. Partner 1 would perform a dead hang while Partner 2 performed 1 burpee in round 1. In general, n burpees performed in round n. YHC has recently taken Q explaining lessons from AB, and he assured me that if the PAX don’t understand something, it’s not the Q’s fault because it was perfectly explained. Unequivocally. So, YHC is not at fault for most of the PAX not getting that when the hanging partner has to quit before the burpees are done, then the team is out and does Al Gores. Eventually the word did get around though. This eventually left one team hanging, Captain D’s and YHC. Now, YHC is not sure if Captain D’s has been secretly practicing this every day for the past week or two like YHC has, but he put up quite an impressive effort.

    Thang 3

    That brings us to the third event of the day. The PAX took a short mosey to the other side of the playground equipment apparatus, which was the parking lot of the Rec department. YHC produced a list of exercises, including WWI sit ups, Apollo OhNos, Reverse crunch, Crab Dip, LBC’s. 150 of each. Originally this was to be done in a 3-man format in the large field, but due to the conditions YHC kept it to 2-man in this smaller (paved) area, revealing a few flaws in the translation but the PAX is nothing if not resilient. In this case, the hold was alternating between a wall chair or balls to the wall, with the wall being the rec center. YHC called a few early exercise changes so that we would get to more things, and several PAX excelled at Crab Dips and were excited about other ways to apply their newfound skills.

    Then the PAX moseyed back to the flag. The inVESTment was bestowed from Pope to Enron due to his golden gloves, which were not CoolJobs but Midas brand as they turned his hands gold as well. Maneater prayed us out, and AB got his phohwn to take the photo.

    Thank you to the PAX for showing up. And giving it your all every time. It really was an honor and a privilege to get to lead you today. If anyone gets called about having to clean the side of the Rec building, let me know and I’ll take care of it.

    Prologue: As the theme for this beatdown came together, several events and thoughts came into focus through that lens. The contrast between one partner apparently “doing nothing” (holds) and the other being very busy (burpees, merkins) reminded me of my own judging of and comparing with others. Both jobs were hard today, but when I am a mover I think moving is harder and being still is easy. And vice versa. Which reminds me of something a Methodist minister told my wife and me before we got married. A story of a husband and wife doing laundry, and the husband says, “You know, sometimes I feel like I am the one doing everything around here.” And the wife says, “You know, sometimes I feel like I am the one doing everything around here.” I think about that story almost daily, and try to remember two things. First, there is just a lot of **** to do around here. And second is that egocentric view that what we are doing is harder, better, etc. and what they are doing is easy. And then Thursday, when Paradox said, “Man, Goose makes planting that flag look easy” and AB said, “Paradox makes taking the picture look easy” were two nice examples of appreciating that those “easy” things others do may not be so easy.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • Disaster on Grass about the Miracle on Ice, by Coyote – from Goose

                Thankfully, no mosquitoes tormented the Pax & YHC as we started the beatdown with the normal warmups. But what wasn’t normal was when YHC called “A skips.” No one but Pope and YHC could get the skip part down, so at what we thought was number thirteen, YHC had to call an untuned Halt and we switched to high knees & butt kicks.
    YHC explained that YHC doesn’t go to weekday beatdowns, so February 24, 2024, was going to be about February 22, 1980, the Miracle on Ice.
    A quick mosey to the field by bayou road, YHC explained that the US hockey team, a group of nobody college students at the time, beat the best team in the world, the unstoppable Soviet Union, 4-3. YHC asked a few questions about the event, and the Pax answered both correctly, the prize being four burpees. YHC then said how the US’s coach, Herb Brooks, said, “I’m not here to be your friend, I’m here to be your coach.” He said he would work his team HARD. So YHC said he would work the Pax HARD. We started simple, three suicide runs across the field. Then we got into it.
    First, Vladimir Krutov scored, so we spelled Krutov in alphabet form, spelling the words with our legs down on our six. What came after was to come in between every single goal: we ran another suicide run and did three burpees. YHC said that if the US scored, we would do four burpees, and if the Soviets scored, we would do three. We continued to do this, spelling the last names of Buzz Schneider, Sergei Makarov, Mark Johnson, Aleksander Maltsev, Mark Johnson again, and Mike Eruzione. (Doing twenty one-is-one Goofballs for the soviet coach’s dumb switch from the best goalie in the world to his backup in between Mark Johnson’s first goal and Aleksander Maltsev.)
    After Mike Eruzione’s famous goal, we did twenty one-is-one genuflections for the famous picture of the failed block. We played the last minute of the event, doing mission impossible plank because of how impossible it was. Then we did the normal exercises to thunderstruck because of how thunderstruck the soviets were. The song cut short twice, so we just played the hillbilly version. We played a song called Victory because of the US’s victory. During the entire song, we held Al Gore, doing various leg exercises on YHC’s call. We straggled back to the flag, beaten down hard. The number of Pax was second place overall for most PAX at a beatdown, twenty strong. Animal went to Cardinal for his amazing, attention-getting shoes. That capped off the Disaster on Grass about the Miracle on Ice.