F3 New Orleans

Tag: Enron

  • Climb the Ladder – from Enron

    YHC arrived in the gloom to no awaiting vehicles around 5:20, noticing that it was a little cooler than yesterday. About 5:22 a familiar minivan driven by an older gentleman we call Yankee Joe pulled into the Stage. As 5:30 quickly approached it seem that it would be just the two of us for what was prepared to be a TuesdayTuff™©® day. This seemed to be no problem for Yankee Joe as he excitedly waited for what was to come.
    Warmup:
    To be honest, YHC did a few extra warmups this morning to delay the difficulty that was quickly approaching.
    SSH, AC, Cherry Pickers, Windmills, Grass Grabbers, Self-Love, IW, Mountain Climbers
    Thang 1: Merkin Mile (25 Merkins every .25 miles)
    Upon beginning the Merkin mile, Yankee Joe acknowledged that this was his first Merkin mile. Glad to have been alongside for the first one, YJ.
    Thang 2: The Ladder
    Each exercise to be completed back-to-back OYO in climbing the ladder. Took a 10 count (or 2) at the top and then worked our way back down as follows:
    5 – 8 Count Body Builders
    10 – Burpees
    25 – Merkins
    50 – Squats
    75 – Mountain Climbers (1 is 1)
    100 – SSH
    75 – LBCs
    50 – Calf Raises
    25 – Freak Nasty’s
    10 – Irkins
    5 – Donkey Kicks

    Thang 3: Dice of death
    Had Siri pick a number between 1-20 then rolled the 3 dice; performed the exercises on all three to the number from Siri. Then Siri chose 1-15 followed by a dice roll, then 1-10, and finally 1-5.

    This proved to be more difficult than it sounds as Siri chose higher numbers than hoped as well as the dice seemed to know we needed more by providing many burpees and many more merkins.

    Finished with a minute and a half of Freddie Mercuries

    COT and Yankee Joe prayed us out. Great one on one time forcing us to push each other without the ability to hide in the crowd.
    SYITG,
    Enron

  • JERICHO – from Paradox

    8 pax on a crisp cool morning at the Stage. With a large group of our pax starting the Exodus 90 journey today YHC thought it pertinent to reinforce a few principles of “breaking down walls”. During a recent bedtime story session, my 2.0s selected the walls of Jericho story (Joshua 6) and in usual fashion the follow up questions had my brain in a pretzel. My son asked what if the soldiers didn’t want to walk around Jericho and they just ran home ? My daughter following with “were there pets in there? What about stuffed animals?”

    Like whoaaa, Did someone spike the Mac and cheese tonight? This led to a re-reading of the scripture, some deep northshore research to find an ole Grundy Q and 4 hours of calculating exactly what year Yankee Jeaux was born. Let’s dive in.

    Warmup
    Abbreviated Standard with a bumper mosey and …I mean Tana those cherry pickers are Something.

    A quick intro that one of the important steps of any rigorous spiritual exercise is relying on others. Recognition that others have strengths and some God given gifts …like sound volume and base. While others have clarity and portability. You know where I’m heading. YHC unveiled that this beatdown was brought to you by ….BAPS. Day by day we heal the scars of the great Bluetooth schism that ultimately took Ankers life. Gone but not forgotten.

    Anker Tribute
    At the start of our exodus journey you are asked to consider your “WHY ?”
    Well traditionally any deep philosophical question in our pax goes through Cardinal and Goose but today we settled for the next best thing ….the resident theologian Lil Jon asked us all “what will you turn down for”
    burpees on “turn down “
    SSH on rest
    **that Wiley old fox Enron smelled this one from a mile away , we’ll come back to strange smells later. Stay with me

    It’s a Stepwise process
    Next we discussed that any major exercise like this would require singular focus on what’s directly ahead of you . Which led to an even deeper question….What was Yankee Joe doing in 1990?? he was almost certainly watching MTV and memorizing Donnie walbergs moves to this classic…

    Step by step – new kids
    One rep at a time , one day at a time
    Step ups on “step”
    , incline mountain climbers on song

    So you are relying on your brothers , you know your “why “and you are taking it step by step but there’s still no Conquering the fear of what’s inside the walls without full trust in God

    Walls of Jericho Thang
    7 exercise
    7 Reps
    7 round
    Track mosey in between

    Depth charges
    Leg raises
    Hurpees
    Ranger merkins
    BBSU
    Carolina dry docks
    Box jumps

    We completed 4 rounds with some solid push.

    Mary to wrap up but wait

    I’ll pause here to note that 5 penalty burpees were given when the gaseous form of pure evil was expelled from the innards of Yankee Joe. YHC was downwind and had his mouth open and and the only way to cleanse one’s palate was 5 burps. Praying for your colon Jeaux.

    Count and name
    FNG naming. With some deliberation and quite a few verbal counter strikes we landed on “Baggins” . This man weathered the chatter, the walls of Jericho and stood strong in a hurricane of potential names. Well done. That quick wit will serve you well amongst these heathens.

    COT and Kilo prayed us out

    Grateful to lead and to continue this journey with y’all.

    SYITG
    PDOX

  • JERICHO – from Paradox

    8 pax on a crisp cool morning at the Stage. With a large group of our pax starting the Exodus 90 journey today YHC thought it pertinent to reinforce a few principles of “breaking down walls”. During a recent bedtime story session, my 2.0s selected the walls of Jericho story (Joshua 6) and in usual fashion the follow up questions had my brain in a pretzel. My son asked what if the soldiers didn’t want to walk around Jericho and they just ran home ? My daughter following with “were there pets in there? What about stuffed animals?”

    Like whoaaa, Did someone spike the Mac and cheese tonight? This led to a re-reading of the scripture, some deep northshore research to find an ole Grundy Q and 4 hours of calculating exactly what year Yankee Jeaux was born. Let’s dive in.

    Warmup
    Abbreviated Standard with a bumper mosey and …I mean Tana those cherry pickers are Something.

    A quick intro that one of the important steps of any rigorous spiritual exercise is relying on others. Recognition that others have strengths and some God given gifts …like sound volume and base. While others have clarity and portability. You know where I’m heading. YHC unveiled that this beatdown was brought to you by ….BAPS. Day by day we heal the scars of the great Bluetooth schism that ultimately took Ankers life. Gone but not forgotten.

    Anker Tribute
    At the start of our exodus journey you are asked to consider your “WHY ?”
    Well traditionally any deep philosophical question in our pax goes through Cardinal and Goose but today we settled for the next best thing ….the resident theologian Lil Jon asked us all “what will you turn down for”
    burpees on “turn down “
    SSH on rest
    **that Wiley old fox Enron smelled this one from a mile away , we’ll come back to strange smells later. Stay with me

    It’s a Stepwise process
    Next we discussed that any major exercise like this would require singular focus on what’s directly ahead of you . Which led to an even deeper question….What was Yankee Joe doing in 1990?? he was almost certainly watching MTV and memorizing Donnie walbergs moves to this classic…

    Step by step – new kids
    One rep at a time , one day at a time
    Step ups on “step”
    , incline mountain climbers on song

    So you are relying on your brothers , you know your “why “and you are taking it step by step but there’s still no Conquering the fear of what’s inside the walls without full trust in God

    Walls of Jericho Thang
    7 exercise
    7 Reps
    7 round
    Track mosey in between

    Depth charges
    Leg raises
    Hurpees
    Ranger merkins
    BBSU
    Carolina dry docks
    Box jumps

    We completed 4 rounds with some solid push.

    Mary to wrap up but wait

    I’ll pause here to note that 5 penalty burpees were given when the gaseous form of pure evil was expelled from the innards of Yankee Joe. YHC was downwind and had his mouth open and and the only way to cleanse one’s palate was 5 burps. Praying for your colon Jeaux.

    Count and name
    FNG naming. With some deliberation and quite a few verbal counter strikes we landed on “Baggins” . This man weathered the chatter, the walls of Jericho and stood strong in a hurricane of potential names. Well done. That quick wit will serve you well amongst these heathens.

    COT and Kilo prayed us out

    Grateful to lead and to continue this journey with y’all.

    SYITG
    PDOX

  • What can Brown do for you? – from Wet Tap

    What can Brown do for you?

    After thorough deliberation and meditation on a reborn VQ, YHC listened to those muscles that were left out from previous beatdowns. These muscles craved lactic acid the way a man craves the last minute delivery of a forgotten present for Christmas. The one your wife hinted at for months and your brain reminds you on December 20th. As you track the package day by day wondering why it stays in Memphis for like 30 hours, despite a record snowstorm. YHC turned his reflection on those workers who like the PAX show up despite the rain, snow, heat and misery; in their own gloom. What better way to honor those real American heros than a UPS/Fedex/UPS inspired beatdown.
    16 strong PAX trickled in to the Pelch on a glorious morning. A pre-thang sprint to the local track by Redfish checking for locked gates set the tone for the intensity that will soon follow. Speck and YHC moseyed over to the field to set the cones for the deliveries to soon arrive.
    Warmarama:
    Typical warmups with side staddle hops, Abe Vigodas ( fastest slow windmills ever), Arm Circles F/R, cherry pickers, high knees, butt kicks.

    Pre-thang:
    A nice leisure Indian run with coupon carry of course. This lead to a silent mumble from the PAX. I say silent because the words didn’t come out just facial expressions had the look of confusion and dismay. I desperately tried to include the IHURT Bluetooth speaker, a collection of uplifting songs specially picked out by the 2.0’s. Unfortunately it was the only fartsack for the morning. In disapproval I chunked it much the way your USPS man rings your door and shotputs the package from 10 yards out. Never the less, the mosey began.
    The mosey took up a quarter mile up and down the road alternating between shoulder and farm carry. Redfish took the final lead and brought us into the track. We all graciously dropped our coupon at the entrance of the track, except for Piccadilly.
    Thang 1:
    With the PAX toes on the football field goal line a division was formed. UPS on side one and FEDEX on the other hash.
    Sprint to 5 yd line, NUR back. Sprint to 10 yd line, 1 Burpee, NUR back. Etc…. Burpees correlated with each 10 yrds ( 10yd=1, 20yd=2, 30yd=3, etc…) Thang 1 finishes when each pax NURS back from the 50. A clear win for team FEDEX. The overloaded 2.0 lead to a swift bunch of child labor clearing up all questions of why third world countries utilize this work force.
    The next exercise idea was a combination of Jucifer IPA and an overwhelming need to pull things. Regardless of the PAX’s CO2 narcosis the understanding of how exactly this plays, a decent level of strain was achieved. Each man lined up 5 yds apart with a specific exercise. The other man sprints from the rear, dead man pulls him to the next man in line. Takes his exercise and the next man gets pulled. This would have lead to us inching across the field 5 yrds at a time. After enough time, YHC called it. It was time to mosey.

    Thang 2:
    A short coupon carry back to the field where the cones awaited. Still in division, half the PAX on team UPS, other half FEDEX. Each cone 15 yds apart with a specific exercise listed. PAX were to complete the listed exercise from one cone to the next, coupons included. Each cone had “packages “ to be delivered to midfield. Obstacles always exist in each field of work. Today this obstacle were the 2.0’s Hungry and salivating sat the 2.0’s ready to defend their homes. The dogs! The PAX had to avoid the bite of these ferocious beasts, for a bite from one of those hounds resulted in 3 burpees.
    1. Rifle carry lunges
    2. GRR right
    3. GRR left
    4. Murder bunny
    5. Bear crawl
    Repeat back home.
    The dogs showed no reserve and they seemed to multiply into a swarm of impenetrable defensive. Some PAX adapted to kamikazes, God bless these men.
    Music:
    Harry Nilsson releases a cult classic hit in 1971. “coconut”
    None of the PAX knew this song, or at least claimed to know it. This further confirmed the YHC age.
    Plank hold for duration of song, Merkin on coconut, mountain climber on doctor. Song lasted 3:50 resulting in 41 merkins.
    Welcome vador and Boom, Major Bratt’s 2.0
    COT and Yankee Joe prayed us out.
    Wet tap

    #paradox #enron #fencepost #lilcuz #piccadilly #wilford montana #toeloop #major bratt #fire in the hole #yankee joe #redfish #speck

  • HIIT Me With Your Best Shot (Part 1) – from Yankee Joe

    An incredible 10 PAX hiit The Stage on a brisk, gloomy Thursday morning. When preparing for the beatdown, YHC struggled with themes and/or purposeful routines that would best serve the PAX. Every time I got close to hiiting on an idea, I would hiit a brick wall. It was frustrating. As of late, with all of the talk of TuesdayTuff and Thursday Thoroughbred, and Saturday Samsonite (Samsonite? I was wayyyy off), YHC was unsure of where the spirit of F3 Thibodaux was heading. It felt like something was missing. Don’t get me wrong…I think our PAX is hiiting on all cylinders, but personally, I was missing something. Then, while doing interval sprint training for the marathon I’ll never run, it hiit me. If you haven’t figured it out by now, you should probably go hiit the Dad Joke chat rooms on the world wide web.

    Still nothing? For the love of Goats…YHC needed more workouts known as high intensity interval training or HIIT. These workouts consist of “climbing” the hill with slower, more powerful aerobic exercises, followed by multiple, all out maximum effort “sprints” for a short duration of time. With aerobic (meaning, “with air”) workouts, we can supply enough oxygen for our bodies to produce the energy needed. Anaerobic (literally, “without air”) requires energy production without the necessary supply of oxygen. This is why we can only do these all out “sprints” for short durations, generally less than two minutes. With aerobic exercises, demand matches supply. That is, the oxygen needed matches the oxygen provided. With anaerobic exercises, the supply does not come close to matching demand. Gone, but not forgotten, John Maynard Keynes. Boom goes the dynamite.

    ANNNYYway, this is partly due to my most recent cult membership, Whoop. Perhaps, I’m in better shape, but beatdowns are barely getting me above a “strain” of 8. I have no idea if that actually means anything, but the Whoop app then tells me, “going above 16.6 will promote fitness gains.” I’m like, “promote fitness gains?!? I just freakin’ nurred a mile and tossed a cinder block 73 feet, all while pretending that “Lil Jon” is a visionary lyricist.

    In the words of Peter Griffin, “that’s enough, Nickleback.” YHC decided it’s time for the F3 “Herman Munster. I’m taking it back like Robin Locksley, rockin’ from countryside to spots where hard rocks be.”

    I often wonder if these Pax know how it feels
    to dedicate their whole lives to these abs of steel.
    It’s not about the guns,
    that’s not keepin’ it real.
    A lot of yoked up bros, they ain’t got no zeal.

    I say, let’s take it back to the concrete crews,
    original beatdowns with hard ass Q’s.
    With Paradox tactics, no Montana farting sack tricks.
    Like YHC yak sick,
    just keepin’ it Goose-y-tastic.

    I’m not trying to say my beatdowns are better than yours.
    I’m just on some other Stage.
    I’m all about the planks and the cadence.
    So when I deal it, you get snarky.
    The vibe is energized by my tadpoles being larky.

    Thanks for the cadence, Jurassic 5… (see Concrete Schoolyard…and you’re welcome)

    ANNNYYway, yes, yes, I created a HIIT beatdown is what I’m trying to say.

    We started out with a typical warm-up, adding in some additional broga stretches (i.e cat-cow’s) because it was going to get nasty. However, for YHC, the most unnerving element of the warm-up wasn’t the snarky 9 PAX around me. It was that those 9 snarky PAX around me weren’t talkin’ smack. There was virtually no mumblechatter. YHC even encouraged it to no avail. Did they know? Did they feel what was coming? Did they not care? Or worst of all, did they not think YHC could handle the chatter? It threw me off my game to be honest. YHC was just grateful to have Fencepost as a partner throughout. My guy has crazy, stoic strength and never seems to even breathe hard.

    ———————————–

    That said, we moved into a pre-thang of:

    – 100 SSH’s (I’m now realizing how inconsiderate of me this was re: Enron’s ankle…penalty burpees for me)

    – 15 triple merkin, triple squat jump burpees (inspired by Steve via Goose)

    – 4 P2J2s (alternative name: Piccadilly Dilly’s) – pickle pounders (x4), peter parkers (x4), j-los (x4), jacks of the plank variety (x4) = 1 rep

    – Recovery bumper mosey

    Still no audible chatter, save the affirming gut chuckle from Goose when the triple merkin, triple squat jump burpees were rolled out. Even Cardinal was seemingly kind and tolerant of YHC’s misplaced anger issues. I mean, seriously, I appreciate the genius of John Cleese and the Month Python crew, but you invest nearly two hours anxiously anticipating the discovery of the Holy Grail. Then, the fourth wall is obliterated and the suspension of disbelief succumbs to a sad and cheeky death.

    ————————————

    HIIT Thang #1 (We only made it through one thang. The sequel coming to a Peltch near you.)

    – Partner 1 did 25 goblet squats, while P2 held Al Gore; Flapjack
    – Partner 1 – Murder bunny to sidewalk (40 yards-ish), while P2 ‘zombie plank crawled’ alongside P1 (This was BRUTAL. Elbows, knees, hips, ankles, pelvic regions all screaming in terror)
    – 50 Bonnie Blair’s 1:1 at sidewalk, both partners together

    – Partner 2 – Murder bunny to sidewalk (40 yards-ish), while P1 ‘zombie plank crawled’ alongside P1 back to Stage
    – 25 imperial squat walkers 1:1, both partners together

    —————————————-

    Then, 30 sec speed intervals (as many reps as possible in 30 seconds)

    – Groiners
    – Squat jumps
    – Mountain climbers
    – Bobby Hurley’s
    – Recovery pyramid suicides (5 yards, 15, 25, 40, 25, 15, 5)
    – 400 meter fast mosey

    —————————————

    Mary Bolt’s
    5 minutes; 30 sec speed intervals (get it…ab work…sprints…Mary…Bolt…oh nevermind)

    – LBCs
    – Flutters
    – LBCs
    – Hello Dolly’s
    – LBCs
    – Pickle pounders
    – J-Lo’s

    COT and Lil’ Cuz’s neck prayed us out.

    Doing the exercises is one thing. Going after it like each of you did today is a whole ‘nother level. Thank you for raising the bar for me every beatdown.

    SYITG,

    IM3 – Yankee Joe

  • 12 Days of Christmas: Vintage Steve – from Goose

    YHC was looking forward to some quality time with Yankee Joe and Enron this morning, but not to the beatdown itself. It was decided late last night that we’d be reaching back a couple of years to YHC’s most memorable experience of a 12 Days of Christmas beatdown. It was 2020, and YHC was still getting worked over solo in my driveway by the likes of Steve, Hawg, Catfish, etc. via backblasts from stuff they had done the day before. This one particular beatdown stuck in my memory because it was so brutal (per usual), so anytime the opportunity for a 12 Days of Christmas/Fitmas comes up, this one’s unfortunately on the forefront so I had to get it out. I figured these two HIMs would be up for it.

    After a warmup of the usuals with some mountain climbers (pre-burpees) and some intense self-loves (pre-merkin overload), YHC explained the particular character of Steve (Northshore PAX) and his beatdowns. Steve is extremely humble and cheerful, and he genuinely cares about the men he’s leading, but his beatdowns are notorious for how sneakily they completely destroy you. Every time. This morning would be no different.

    Per the usual 12 Days of Christmas style, we started with Day 1’s exercise and then added each additional day in cumulative fashion. Here’s the list:
    * Day 1: 1x Burpee
    * Day 2: 2x Merkins
    * Day 3: 3x Triple Jump Squat Burpees
    * Day 4: 4x Monkey Humpers (4-count, IC)
    * Day 5: 5x Sister Mary Katherine’s (2 is 1)
    * Day 6: 6x Triple Merkin Burpees
    * Day 7: 7x Sit-Ups
    * Day 8: 8x T-Merkins
    * Day 9: 9x Groiners
    * Day 10: 10x Crunchy Frogs (4-count, IC)
    * Day 11: 11x Freak Nasties (4-count, IC)
    * Day 12: 12x Derkins

    The sneakiness comes in the fact that the first four or five seem somewhat doable and fun, but after the sixth is added and each PAX begins to realize how many times we actually have to go through this list, panic begins to set in: Are we really going to make it to 12 days? How many times can I actually do 6 triple-merkin burpees without completely giving out? Is the Q going to give more than one 10-count between days? How can I hide if there are only three PAX here? Is this punishment for patting myself on the back this past week for being “really in shape”? Is Steve a real person? Is Goose a real person? Am I a real person? Does pain ever really end? Have I ever really been happy? Do my family and friends know that I’m just a little boy inside trying to survive? Which would win in a fight, a polar bear or a grizzly bear? Why are there so many baking competition shows? Why do I have nipples?

    After pushing through what felt like an impossible twelfth day, we took a couple of ten counts before moseying to the Stop sign and back and completing seven minutes of Mary. This included flutter kicks, wife pleasers, hello dollies, Freddy Mercuries, dying cockroaches, The Alphabet, and LBC’s (oscillated between upper abs and lower abs).

    COT and Enron prayed us out. It was a gift to be pushed so hard with these men. Thanks for seeing the value in it, fellas!
    SYITG,
    Goose

  • After this 1st &10 YHC gives you the rest of the year off! – from Wiford Montana

    YHC was ready to make a splash to close out the year thankful to be a part of F3 Thibodaux. This was my first Peltch que and after a quick consult with my Dr. (POOx) I was ready to launch into the workout. 11 guys showed up, 1 new guy in the mix but new no longer, Welcome Splinter to the PAX!

    Warm up: all the usuals from a Tana warm up which means a total failure to launch and awkward silence and I ask myself why is no one counting… o wait that is suppose to be me. We were loose and ready now.

    Indian Run: all the way around the peltch last man hits 5 meekins as JBL brought the straight smoke with hits from the 70’s

    Ode to Anker: Lil Ed blues song
    2 monkey humper on monkey
    2 bunny hops on rabbit
    1 good morning on lion.
    *Spoiler alert: the monkey ends up eating the rabbit

    1st and a looong 10
    Run to goal and then ladder to every yardage
    10: man makers
    20: burpees
    30: merkins
    40: Thrusters
    50: Big boys
    60: squats
    70: plank jacks
    80: seal jacks
    90: ssh
    100: flutters

    We met back at the 50 to do 50 press ups and curls till I called it. Special t claps to all who got covered in a fair bit of mud and I felt the power from doing this together at each 10. Great job PAX this one in conjunction with the mud was something I have not yet done, only due to the extreme bass and tones of JBL hitting the journey songs pushed us through. Dox and JBL had the prescription we all needed.
    My last act in 2022 as YHC is to give the rest of the year off from F3 beatdowns!
    COT and Enron prayed us out!
    It’s been a year fellas glad to be here with each of you.
    Tana

  • A Taste of Tuesday – from Enron

    The Stage was set with an unexpectedly larger amount of rain than forecasted coming down in the darkness, making it feel necessary to give the PAX that can’t make it to Tuesday’s beatdowns a little taste of what it’s like. Additionally, after missing this week Tuesday Tough beatdown, YHC was ready to step up the action for Thorsday. “Yankee Joe, stop trying to make Thorsday happen, it’s not going to happen”. Anticipation increased upon hearing the night prior that Cardinal would be making his triumphant return to action from injury. And after receiving medical clearance from Paradox’s wife, a new pair of Nike Pegasus’, and listening to him give a 10-minute speech on why we should all be in attendance for the beatdown today, along with some EHing on the Groupme, and side texts. Cardinal … fartsacked. Resulting in disappointment that resonated all the way to Chackbay. Thus, later nominating him for fartsack of the year at the inaugural Thibby awards. In other fartsack discussion, after YHC requested for Paradox to bring JBL, he was nowhere to be found. Resulting in a potential allegiance shift to another speaker along with some last-minute changes to today’s routine. Although it felt like we were missing quite a few familiar faces including the mentioned absences above, the beatdown began with 7 PAX.

    PAX: Goose, Superfun(d), Lil’ Cuz, Paradox, Piccadilly, Fence Post, and much later, Kilo

    Warmup: The usual minus a bumper mosey

    Thang 1:

    The Burpee Mile:

    1 mile run through rich man’s loop stopping every quarter mile. Each stop was the following:

    1) 20 burpees
    2) 15 burpees
    3) 10 burpees
    4) 5 burpees

    The burpee mile was tough enough to make YHC appreciate the rain that was coming down steadily at this point.

    Thang 2:

    DORA 1-2-3

    Partner up and grab 1 coupon per pair:

    100: Partner 1: Overhead presses
    Partner 2 : carioca to the sidewalk and back and flapjack with your partner taking over on the count to 100
    After the first set, Goose (aka the Paxville Grinch), was feeling so strong that he grunted and slammed the coupon to the ground shattering it to pieces, intimidating the remaining PAX before quickly carioca’ing into the dark and rain.
    Next, out of the dark rainy gloom from a vehicle never seen before by any of the PAX, and most likely repossessed from a previous job, Kilo arrived and jumped right into the work.

    200: Partner 1: Coupon Curls
    Partner 2: Nur to the sidewalk and back, flapjack until 200 is reached

    300: Partner 1: SSH
    Partner 2: 1st round – lunge walk down mosey back, round 2 bear crawl down mosey back, rinse and repeat

    Thang 3: This is where a great song was planned on being played but will have to be forced into another beatdown in the future due to the lack of a consistent audio source.

    Thinking quickly, the dice from YHC’s custom F3 Christmas present from his M were presented. Until time was called (about 8 minutes). The PAX alternated rolling the dice while Siri called out random numbers 1-30 for the amounts of the exercise printed on the dice.

    COT and Lil Cuz prayed us out. Thankful for all the guys that came out and toughed it out in the rain this morning.

    SYITG,

    Enron

  • St. Stephen’s Day Murders – from Goose

    It was another frigid morning, this time at The Stage, so Enron wore socks and only Paradox’s eyes were showing through a jungle of F3 logos. YHC was also donning new, post-Christmas Mudgear gear as five total PAX gathered in the icy gloom. YHC arrived two minutes late due to the consequences of poor eating choices the day before combined with ice on the windshield, but the PAX were gracious and coupons were unloaded.

    Warmup–the usuals with some added Peter Parkers to get the outer knees firing and some requested grass grabbers, clap included. There were some typical efforts at insurrection, some Q-testing, but threats of penalty burpees seemed to calm the kiddos down well enough. Bumper mosey rounded us out and we gathered to meet the new kid on the block:

    Oontz is YHC’s new bluetooth speaker, and his efforts at filling the rectangular hole with a triangular prism were tested with an obscure Irish song, a deep cut from the Chieftains Christmas album, The Bells of Dublin. The song, “St. Stephen’s Day Murders”, sung by Elvis Costello, is about the tradition in Ireland of celebrating Christmas with family through the day after Christmas, St. Stephen’s Day, which has its own family rituals, songs, etc. It’s a comedic (hopefully) song about getting tired of having family over, eating and drinking constantly for days, and then deciding to poison them all (in typical dark, Irish fashion). The refrain ends “And it’s nice for the kids, cuz you finally get rid of them, in the St. Stephen’s Day murders.”
    Oontz performed well enough for his size, so YHC will keep him around until the kids inevitably destroy him. For this song the PAX started with side straddle hops and slowly got lower as the song went on–for every “St. Stephen”, we dropped a stage due to poisoning or drunkenness or whatever. After the first–Smurf jacks, the second–plank jacks, the third–chilly jacks (elbow plank jacks). The exercises certainly delivered, and the rest that followed during the explanation of St. Stephen’s martyrdom was welcomed.

    Thang 2:
    A reenactment (of sorts) of St. Stephen’s martyrdom. PAX partnered up for the following:

    1. Partner 1: throwing stones = squat and throw the block down field repeatedly to the sidewalk and rifle cary back. Partner 2: stones to the head = split duty on 100 skull crushers.
    2. Partner 1: lay down cloaks at the feet of Saul (future Paul) = block and bear through the icy grass to the sidewalk and rifle carry back. Partner 2: stones to the body = split duty on 200 chest presses
    3. Partner 1: carry body for funeral, pall bearer style = farmer carry both blocks there and back. Partner 2: praise the Lord and ask for forgiveness for your murderers = split duty on 300 air presses.

    The block and bears were helped by the icy grass with the block sliding easily, but the blocks and the grass were extremely cold, so the hands were struggling. Lil Cuz shoved his hands up Yankee Joe’s rising shirt mid bear crawl to warm them up, so YJ requested penalty burpees, but YHC refused, telling him they needed to work it out between themselves. Typical sibling conflict.

    Thang 3:
    St. Stephen is the ultimate example of the fulfillment of Jesus’ teaching about not preparing your defense ahead of time since the Holy Spirit will give you the words to say. So, instead of preparing exercises for the last 10-15 minutes, we let the Holy Spirit lead us through Enron’s newly minted Dice of Doom. His M, Brooke, knowing his appreciation for F3 and for randomly generated beatdowns, had them custom made! She researched and picked out the exercises and everything. (I think that definitely deserves Thibby consideration.) Although both die have exercises on them, YHC could think of a few different ways to randomly generate rep numbers (one of which could just be to add a regular die to the group and multiply the number x5 or 10), but for this morning, we took the fourth letter of the second exercise and used the alphabetic order number of that letter (A is 1, B is 2, etc.). This led to more than enough burpees and enough monkey humpers to make YHC sore till probably Thursday.

    COT and YJ prayed us out. It was an awesome gift to be out there sweating in the cold with you fellas!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The Goose Who Stole Paxmas: An Arc of Redemption – from Yankee Joe

    To the Men of F3 Thibodaux,

    There are no words to accurately describe my level of gratitude for each of you. Whether we’ve been together for one beatdown or 50, you have taught me something, and each something has been invaluable. F3 has a term, “IM3,” which is a Man’s statement to the PAX that “I AM THIRD.” The idea of ‘living third’ means that as men, we deliberately place ourselves third behind God and our Community (including our families).

    I know I speak for all of us that NO man makes this commitment with more force and humility than our very own Goose. He is an example, always constant in the storm as well as the gloom, reminding us why we’re doing this. Reminding us about what really matters.

    I also know Goose would immediately say that ALL of us are worthy of the same praise. And I would agree. This is a very special group of men. You are Disciples of Christ, the spiritual leaders for your families. We often use the word, “humility” when describing our experiences together. There is a reason for this. We are, all of us, continually striving to “live third.”

    In a past life when I was coaching high school baseball, I used to say that the scoreboard was a result, not the goal. Back then, it sounded so wise. Heck, I wasn’t much older than the teenagers to whom I was speaking. However, I am amazed how those words ring so very true for me today. I often forget that I am in the best shape of my life. It may have started as the goal, but it has become a casual byproduct of being blessed (truly blessed) to stand next to Men of honor, Men of substance, Men of God, Men like you.

    Merry Christmas to each and each of you and your families.

    May God grant us the courage to always strive to be third.

    SYITG

    Yankee Joe

    ———————————————-

    Warm-up 6:30 – 6:35
    SSHs
    Abe Vigodas (slow windmills)
    Arm circles
    Squats
    Imperial Squat Walkers
    Self Love
    Mosey with coupons to monkey bars with coupons, then drop by slides

    Tribute to Anker 6:35 – 6:42
    0 – 1:00 ish – imperial walkers
    1:00 – 1:45 ish – imperial squat walker
    1:47 – 2:22 – SSH’s
    2:23 – 3:00 – burpees
    3:10 – 4:03 – elbow plank
    4:04 – 5:28 – Bobby Hurleys
    ———————————————–

    Thang 1: Grinch Training Camp 6:45 – 7:00
    (Narration #1)
    Lazy Dora Style at the Monkey Bars
    – P1 does Burp-ups x6
    – P2 LBCs
    – Flapjack
    – Two sets

    Mosey to hill

    Roof Crawling
    – P1 bear crawl to other side of hill; at bottom, 10 derkins; Crawl bear back over hill
    – P2 flutter kicks
    – Flapjack
    – Jungle gym to slides, pick up coupons, head to Paxville
    ————————————————

    Thang 2: The Looting of Paxville 7:00 – 7:15
    (Narration #2)

    House 1
    – 3 sets
    – P1 – WNW x10; P2 holds Al Gore’s
    – Travel – Bears and Blocks

    House 2
    – 3 sets
    – P1 Thrusters x 20; P2 6 inch holds
    – Travel – Murder bunnies

    House 3
    – 3 sets
    – P1 Manmakers x10; P2 Chilcutt Peter Parkers
    – Travel – Lunges (no coupons)
    ———————————————–

    Thang 3: To the Grinch Cave on Top of Mount ‘Tana 7:15 – 7:20
    – P1 carries P2 piggie back (coupons stay by House 3)
    – Flapjack at cones; 4 segments, 2 each per Pax
    ————————————————

    Thang 4: Paxmas came anyway 7:20 – 7:25
    (Narration #3)
    – Sprint back to Paxville
    – Pax mosey to Flag and bring back to Paxville
    – Goose returns presents to the Pax

    COT; Cardinal prayed us out

    Coffeeteria (courtesy of Mrs. Yankee Joe)

    ———————————————–
    BEATDOWN SCRIPT

    Narration #1 How the Goose Stole Paxmas!

    Every Pax down in Paxville liked Christmas a lot
    But the Goose who lived just up the bayou, did not!

    The Goose hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
    Now, please don’t ask why. Only the Cardinal may know the reason.

    It could be because he hated the cold.
    It could be because, like his truck, he was too old.

    But I think that the most likely reason of all
    Was that his heart, like Paradox’s shorts, was two sizes too small.

    But, whatever the reason, his heart or his arthritis ,
    He stood there on Christmas Eve ISI-ing just to spite us.

    He stared down from the Stage with a sour, head tilting view
    At the warm lighted windows along the the Bayou.

    For he knew every Pax down in Paxville below
    Was busy posting obscure GIF’s, especially Yankee Joe.

    He thought of Paradox and his wife she’s a doctor by the way
    He himself claims to be one too, riiight…can crazy come out to play?

    He thought of the drugs Montana be slingin’
    And he shuddered at the cadence that he just ain’t bringin’.

    The Goose remembered the Goats and some random machine
    That dude showed up for a month, never again to be seen.

    Wet Tap was doing goblet squats, cuz that’s what real men did
    He never got the memo that the Jerfing had ended.

    He thought of Lil’ Cuz and that head beyond balding
    He then felt his own head fuzz and well…it was something.

    He considered the Brat and his brother, O’SHEM
    So close to yakking again and again.

    Superfun(d) working his crazy ass shifts;
    Fence Post nailing boards in a line and thinks it’s a gift.

    The Grinchy Goose said good riddance to ‘Ol Paradiddle;
    He’s a drummer, remember…F3 was fourth fiddle.

    He tolerated Kilo and his twelve different ve-HICLES
    He loathed Picadilly’s balls and their subsequent pickles.

    Enron, he mused, seemed to be cursed
    With his lack of rhythm and tendonitis he was constantly nursed.
    But those are just the reasons, second and first
    Ronnie also recruited Yankee Joe – aka EH Thibby Award for the worst.

    Speaking of Yankee and his posts we should block
    Forget the emotion, and just keep the headlock.

    —————————————————–

    Narration #2 The Looting of Paxville

    “And they’re hanging their stockings,” Goose snarled with a sneer.
    “Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”

    Then he growled, with his Goose fingers nervously drumming,
    As he sat on the toilet nervously humming
    At 40, you’re gonna have problems with plumbing.
    Then he said, “I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming!

    “For, tomorrow, I know that all the PAX men
    Will wake bright and early and rush to their den.

    “And then the GroupMe posts! Oh, the posts! posts! posts! posts!
    There’s one thing I hate! It’s all the posts, posts posts!

    “And they’ll mumble! And mumble! And they’ll chatter! Chatter! chatter!

    And the more the Goose thought of this Pax Christmas Chatter,
    The more the Goose thought,

    “Is it me or am I slowly getting fatter?”

    “Why for forty years I’ve put up with it now!
    I must stop Christmas from coming! But how?”

    Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
    The Goose got a wonderful, condescending, head tilting idea!

    “I know just what to do!” The Goose laughed with a frown.
    “I’ll destroy all their dreams with a TuesdayTuff beatdown.”

    “I’ll steal F3 Christmas, there’s no limit to how far I’ll stoop
    I’ll even find a way to tear down that ridiculous, disgraceful Whoop.”

    And he chuckled, and he honked,
    “What a great Goosey trick!
    With this TuesdayTuff Beatdown, I’ll look just like a prick!”
    —————————————————-

    Narration #3 To the Grinch Cave on Top of Mount ‘Tana

    It was quarter of dawn. And the Pax still a-slumber,
    Hangovers en route from Enron and Wet Tap’s Jucifer tumbler.

    He took their presents, their headbands, and even their rucksacks,
    He scoffed at their cadence, lame excuses and fartsacks!

    Ten thousand feet up, up the side of Mount Tana
    He ran like a wild man, he ran, ran, ranna
    On some kind of drugs fueled by AstraZeneca manna.

    “Pooh-pooh to the Pax!” he was goosily humming.
    “They’re finding out now that no Christmas is coming!

    “They’re just waking up! I know just how they’ll show!
    They’ll lazily hit snooze one time, maye mo’
    And They’ll kick and they’ll yell from ceiling to flo’
    Then they’ll see there’s no Christmas, not even an AO.

    “That’s a noise,” grinned the Grinch, “that I simply must hear!”
    He paused, and the Grinch put a hand to his ear.

    And he did hear a sound rising over the swamp.
    It started out slow, then it started to stomp.

    But this sound wasn’t sad!
    Why, this sound sounded glad!

    What was this incredible sound, sounding deep from the gut,
    Well that’s Paradox’s favorite question, “Turn down for What?”

    Every Pax down in Paxville, the tall and the small,
    Was celebrating a Christmas beatdown – super tight shorts and all!

    He hadn’t stopped Christmas from coming! It came!
    Somehow or other, it came just the same!
    (2.0 ear muffs) After having nine kids, he has only himself to blame.

    And the Grinch, with his grinch feet paced to and fro,
    Stood puzzling and puzzling. “How could it be so?

    It came without coupons! It came without rucksacks!
    It came without backblasts, without gloves, or World Cup facts!”

    He honked and honked till his honker was sore.
    Then the Goose thought of something he hadn’t before.

    Maybe F3 doesn’t come from just beatdowns or a good backblast word.
    Maybe F3, perhaps, means more, like striving to live third!

    And what happened then? Well, in Paxville they say
    That the Goose’s small heart grew three sizes that day!

    From that day forth, Goose built out his legacy;
    Teaching where we stand next to God and community
    Tho his comments on GroupMe are never OMG,
    his words for the Pax are always simply IM3.

    Merry Christmas!