F3 New Orleans

Tag: Gecko

  • With Speed – from America’s Best

    Having arrived early for set-up, YHC drove over to where the flags should be to get this thing started.
    Warmarama with the usual stuff.
    Indian Run down the road and back again, to the field.

    First Thing:
    Since the numbers were low today, we would experiment with a little Dora-like exercise that will be used in a future beatdown. Just needed to be tested in a small beatdown laboratory today. Partnering up, Partner1 begins burpee while Partner2 Bear-crawls about 15 yard before turning around and coming back to retrieve partner. Then both partners crab walk to the end and complete 10 burpees each. Finish is when 100 burpees have been completed total. All subjects survived (Maneater had not yet injured his back), so it will be integrated into the future BD as planned.

    Next thing:
    Working on foot eye coordination, PAX will have to attempt a long shot at a small goal. All misses result in 10 of something. The closer you are to the goal, the better the exercise. Within 1st cone, LBCs; within 2nd cone, BBS; within 3rd cone, merkins, within 4th cone, Goosies; outside of any of those, burpees.
    I can’t remember exactly how this played out, but I remember White Meat had one amazing shot and one horrible one, and Lil Cuz scored one. Dox definitely kicked one the farthest for 10 burpees. Maneater had not yet injured his back.

    Final Thing:
    Michigan PE teacher Elmer Mitchell created this sport in 1921 (and it was played one year in middle school PE by YHC in 1987), naming it Speedball to evoke the combined feeling of stimulation and depression that comes with being a PE teacher in 1921 (or of being in a middle school PE class in 1987).
    Speedball is a combination of many other sports. Notably, it can be played on a field of any size or location so it’s perfect for the amorphous unbounded field we typically use. Teams were made. Trash was talked. Feelings were hurt. Maneater injurted his back. The Speedball Transfer Portal was opened. It was a close match, but one of the two teams won.
    Moseyed back to the spot where the flags should be for COT.

    SYITG,

    AB

  • Turn it up to 13 (by Coyote) – from Goose

      YHC hopped out of the truck on this dark and refreshingly chilly morning, the Q adrenalin pumping through my body as YHC got ready to unleash the teenage beatdown. “No more fun and games,” YHC thought. “I’m going to give them a real beatdown.” The morning started well, YHC noticing that the number of men present was the biggest that YHC had ever seen at a Coyote beatdown. Suddenly, YHC saw a large white truck roll into the rocky parking lot, and a man I had never seen at a beatdown hop out. “Dumpster Fire?!” YHC guessed. No, an FNG had come to join us! 6:30 came, and suddenly, both 
Paradox and Goose revealed the game balls, Paradox wearing the Fire Within, and Goose with the Blue-tube. We started with the classic Side-straddle-hops, Safety Valve driving in right as we stopped. The warmups ended shortly after, and YHC introduced what we were going to be doing. “For this beatdown,” YHC started, “I thought I might do everything that I hate, and one of those things is coupons!” The Pax grabbed one for each brave soul, and we moseyed over to the long-forgotten hill by the park. YHC announced, “Another thing that I hate is Dora!” We partnered up, and YHC introduced the exercises, 100 Thrusters, 150 WWIII Sit-ups, and 200 Curls, and the mode of transportation being bear-crawl over the hill, and crawl-bear back. Partners were picked, YHC partnering up with Pope, and Goose started the well-thought-out “F3 Weird Al grinder” playlist.
    The Thang commenced, Pope cranking out WWIII’s like nobody was watching. The music was very attention-getting, and when the eleven-minute song “Albuquerque” came up, all ears went to the crazy song. When the Dora was done, we dragged ourselves and the coupons over to the field by Bayou Road, and YHC presented Thang 2. Since YHC is turning 13 on Tuesday, YHC said that we would do 13’s instead of 11’s, one side starting with one 4-count Nolan Ryan, and the other side 12 Inchworm Merkins, all the while listening to Weird Al crank out his parodies. This turned out be way harder than YHC planned, the Nolan Ryans hard to count, and the Inchworm Merkins almost impossible to complete without a little modification.
    After the 13’s, YHC presented the final Thang. As much as we could, the Pax and I would try to accomplish a “Tunnel of Love” across the entire field. It failed miserably, the 2.0’s all getting launched into the air by Man-Eater. Exhausted, YHC called out for us to go back to the flag. We lugged our coupons back to the flag, and commenced with the count off, numbering an impressive 16. When the time came to name our victim, we were ready for some weird stuff. The name came out to be “Blue,” or “My boy Blue,” coming from the facts that he was in the navy for 24 years, and he felt like he had to go back to college. I owe him an apology, not meaning for this to be his first beatdown. (Hopefully we’ll see him again…) When shirts came up, Paradox gave the Fire within to YHC for an IPC level workout. (Get ready to see it hanging off my shoulders next week.) Next, Goose passed the Blue-tube to White Meat for showing us the proper way to count Nolan Ryans. Man-Eater prayed us out, and we ended with a characteristic Paradox Pic.
    Happy Birthday to all those other birthday boys, Popeye tomorrow, Jackknife, Monday, Wet tap and I Tuesday, and any others not mentioned. Until next time, God bless!
                                                                         Coyote

  • Dadlympics 2024 – from Paradox

    776 BC is widely recognized as the year of the first Olympic games. It began with an annual foot race, a stadion, and blossomed into the over 200 competitions we have today. Origin stories vary but many agree the race began as a simple challenge between friends…or rivals (perhaps both). Many Greek men of this era were very practiced at coalescing into groups at a predetermined area, in the wee dawn hours, one leading calisthenia while the others followed. In Greece, just as in F3 , It only takes a few meetings for the bonds to build, then the comparing of athletic feats follows. As one can imagine, these groups consisted of a variety of characters from the community and YHCs research led to the discovery of ancient sea scrolls depicting an early gathering (meticulously translated to Redneck) as such :

    Upon the Peltchaneus thoroughfare these men gathered:

    Maximus Goosicus -aged learned philosopher, forged in the wisdom of deka kids but the fire within steadily burning though know one truly knows are the flames of his heart or of his bowels?

    Valvenus Saefetyfurst- arriving in the days highest technology chariot. He considers his bronze edition the best, if he only knew his descendants would go platinum and beyond.

    Cuzin Lillius de Punisher-
    beard so thick and luxurious he regarded all face shields as the highest insult. Teaches in the vernacular of Yee Yee.

    Cardinalus of Thebodux- constantly boasting his athletics feats were better served in the Aegean Sea, he would be the origin of all future Olympic swimming. It would take a few years for the sport to gain popularity but it would take millennia to remove his fartsack reputation.

    Montanius de Wilford – returning to glory after many pickled countries were conquered. Only Hippocrates could explain how a 1 day knee injury in February led to 46 pickle tournaments and zero beatdowns but we’ll leave that to the medical historians.

    2,800 years later another group of men would establish another great tradition of athletic excellence. This one to honor the physical, mental , and spiritual battle of being a dad.

    Welcome to the Dadlympics

    Duke
    Light the torch and Roll the beautiful footage !

    Warmup
    9 pax for an intimate Saturday setting and the only thing you really need to know about warmups is Goose unveiled The Fire Within. The remaining warmup period was spent sneaking looks while Goose shook his head and said “hey my eyes are up here buddy! “
    Like a true work of classical art you can appreciate a different beauty with every glance. Huge shout to Gooses M for finding this diamond and allowing it to serve the masses.

    YHC then announced that this day we would honor the duties of a father in 3 parts of Dadlympic glory.

    1. The Track
    2. The Field
    3. The Battleground

    Opening Ceremony
    Indian Run to EDW track with the “torch “ (ole hickory bar)
    Last man drop to 5 torch raises

    Thang 1 —-TRACK

    It doesn’t take long to learn lesson number one as a father…. that your kids are stone cold crazy and programmed to run themselves into direct harm.
    So our first feat would be a “catch me if you can”
    -P1 5 burpees, P2 bur until caught
    -complete 1 track lap

    This crew was barely ruffled and Valves whoop was still logging a sleep HR.

    Next we needed to switch gears into the fatherhood mental toughness test. Balance the budget? Practice a parking lot confrontation? No my friends, we had to go into the deepest waters of Dadversity …the dad joke. Goose had been training us since mid May with his legendary 300 plus merkins dad joke mile and YHC wanted to gift him a few chances to flex his talents and test his troops.

    YHC would give 1/2 of the dad joke then we would fartlek our way around the track with time to think and taste our own brand.
    The answers were then revealed and merkins were used as reward or punishment.

    Here’s a sample of my fave 3 :

    -I have a joke about trickle down economics….(pause and heavy breathing) …but 99% of you won’t get it.

    -I used to run a dating service for chickens…but I was struggling to make hens meet

    – Why couldn’t the produce manager make it to work …he could drive but he didn’t Avacado .

    Goose set the tone with early recognition of ole Phillipe Flop (a Frenchman’s sandals) and Lil Cuz consistently sprinkled in multiple timely assists including a full length dissertation on poultry pronouns. Valve thought alot about the lack of quality neighbors and PCPs in this region. Tana seemed to enjoy the cardio without the heavy burden of paddle sponsorships and endorsement obligations.

    We swapped the fartlek transport for burpee broad jumps (to simulate jumping living room legos) and continued the competition.

    Ending with this doozy….

    -You used to be able to get air at the gas station for free, now it’s a dollar …guess that’s inflation for you .

    A mosey was necessary just to clear the air of the stench of a joke of that caliber .
    The heart can only withstand so much.

    Thang 2—Field

    A dad must be able to flex his dad strength with a legendary single car load trip. The goal here is to show the other dads on the beach where the straps were digging into your wrist so they will burn with jealous rage.

    Carry the Beach Equipment

    P1 garner carry through the “crowd”
    P2 flutter kicks

    The most important of the field events involved practicing to throw your child into that dizzying hybrid of joy and fear.

    Toss your kid to infinity and beyond
    P1 Thrusters
    P2 coupon piggy back ride (nice edit on a YHC miscalculation)

    The Thang Finale —-Battle Field

    American Dadiator

    Rules :

    3 cones in a rough triangle (non Bermuda because I’m still mad) with a bucket of water balloons at each .
    2 pax with a 2.0 defender at each station.
    Center hoola hoop with 10 tennis balls

    Goal is to be the team with the most tennis balls at the end of the game .
    -2.0 defend the nest with pool noodle (3 burpees if hit)
    -5 merkins to get a tennis ball
    -If you get hit with a balloon you owe 3 burpees and you drop your tennis ball
    -10 minutes on the clock

    Teams :
    TanaCuz (picachu )
    ValveDox (gecko)
    Office of Parish Support (Duke)

    Notes :
    – very firm water balloons dont burst and become rubber riot control pellets , there are tattoos to prove it
    – The 2.0 defended nests with deadly accuracy.
    – Several alliances were formed, broken , betrayed, reformed and in general I think we covered 1000s of years of world history with balloons and pool noodles.

    When the smoke cleared Lil Cuz and Tana took the W by one tennis ball thanks to a late assault on the office parish support castle.

    Gear up and back to the flag

    YHC awarded the first Golden Dad to Lil Cuz for his overall performance in the battle, sharp dad joke knowledge and outstanding attitude to laugh and display joy when faced with burpees in soaking wet socks.

    Goose awarded YHC with The Fire Within for cooking with excessive shenanigans when today’s recipe only called for mild shenanigans.

    Lifetime YhC achievement list update :
    1: children being born
    2: being awarded TFW

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out

    At the end of the day as Fathers we are preparing our sons and daughters for the spiritual battle of real life. God provides us many tools of both offense and defense. And just like in our ballooned battle today it doesn’t stop each day from feeling chaotic. It doesn’t stop us from failing when we feel so close to a victory. In fact it can often feel like being busted in the neck with a water balloon after sprinting 50 yards only to do 3 burpees and try again . But if we can stop in the midst of the battle and see His provisions all around us and if we can trust Him, then we can lean on what He gives us. Looking back on the last few years I am truly grateful for the crew He has provided in F3. I hope you all enjoyed a day honoring your fight as Dadiator and I look forward to struggling along side you.

    See you at the ‘25 games

    Dox

  • Luck of the Pax – from Paradox

    7:05am March 16
    Nicholls University Campus Police Blotter

    Early calls from the freshmen dorms reporting a group of middle aged vandals loitering around the soccer fields and hollering “do your burpees” at each other . Several shirtless. Smells like Mountain Dew. Others with matching insignias and new member initiates forced into green mullets. Clear gang affiliates. The tall one responding to honks seems to be the gang leader. And looks like the goalie is the enforcer, clearly he’s done some time but gosh he looks familiar. Like I just saw him teaching supply chains familiar…weird
    .Student Officers in bound…Tasers on the ready…

    …40 minutes earlier

    Peltier Park Tennis Courts

    **YHC and Gecko putting out cones in a beautiful gloom at the tennis court, walking though the game plan and contingencies.

    YHC: “Chillier than I expected , did you bring your gloves bud ?”

    Gecko (looking at the blueprint):
    “I think I might get warm when we do burpees , if not we should just run more.”

    YHC : (silence) *A single tear of pride rolls down one cheek. “You’re right buddy, you’re so right..**adds more burpees to notes section **
    Let’s go find some bully boys! “

    Duke!!
    those beans are not magically delicious!
    Roll that beautiful footage!

    Warmup
    YHC and Gecko rolled in from setup to unveil the newest F3 Thib Logo shovel flag to 13 other Pax ready to roll.

    Wet Tap has been working overtime in the studio to crank out a high quality shovel/pole setup and we finally put the components together for a world premiere. It was glorious.
    Will be a great addition to rep our crew at major gatherings.

    ParO’dox McBurpee and GeckOCallahan took care of the rest of warmup with the usuals.
    Some pax commented the Irish accent had declined with a whole year to improve and these pax were politely asked to write their local representatives with further complaints.

    Proper Irishmen Run

    Drop off man does 3 Bonnie Blair’s on our way to Tennis Court.

    At Tennis Court :

    Irish Trivia Opener

    AB, our most Irish heritaged Pax, lended YHC a beatdown consult with the below trivia opener.

    YHC tried to give this nugget of info but the caffeine and nerves sometimes make me delete entire words . It came out “yours Truly Americas Best made these trivia “
    Not accurate but I think “yours Truly , Americas Best” has NYT bestseller potential.

    I’ll wait on my royalties check.

    The Questions :

    1.) Contrary to urban legends (possibly meant to deter tourists from fully experiencing the attraction), local teenagers and drunkards do not pee on this Irish landmark.
    Answer: The Blarney Stoney

    Goose picked this one up immediately and YHC Introduced the Blarney Stone…

    We would roll a large dice with 6 options
    1: Trivia
    2: Trivia
    3: Burpees
    4; Merkins
    5: BBSU
    6 Bonnie Blair’s

    We did assorted rounds of the above with 10 reps each and the below trivia mixed in . 10 merkins correct , 10 burpees in correct

    2.0 question for the next generation of Llamas:

    What’s the tagline for the cereal Lucky Charms?
    -“they’re magically delicious “

    **FNG (soon to be named Daryl Starwberry) took care of this one! Strong Work

    According to legend what is a Leprechsuns occupation?
    -shoemaker

    What meat and vegetable dish is trademarked as the St Patrick’s Day meal.
    -corned beef and cabbage

    *late edition asked post beatdown

    This common term defines something “broken into many pieces”
    It comes from the Irish word, “Smidrini “

    Smithereens !

    Next was a clover Dora to honor the Prayer of St Patrick a
    D work the quads into Smithereens!

    In this prayer St Patrick asks God to remind him of his presence during all things.
    (Excerpt below)

    “Christ on my right, Christ on my left, 
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, 
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me”

    So we would honor this with a Dora with multiple exercise positions .

    Partnered up for :
    100 Apollo Ohno (1:1) Lunge walk
    200 Heels To Heaven – Nur
    300 SSH- Mosey

    YHC cut this a bit short so we would have time for some proper Irish competition

    The Grand Finale

    F3 Gaelic football

    Rules
    -goals scored by kicking the ball in , this can be accomplished by kicking the ball from the ground or dropping the ball from your hands to feet.

    – You can only take 4 steps then must pass advance the ball by throwing or kicking BUT every time you pass you must pay in burpees kick (1 burp) or throw (3 burp)
    – after score opposite team inbounds the ball

    To be honest this was one of those F3 games that YHC thought could either be fun or turn into a raging chaotic lava dumpster of epic proportions (like a Maui thang but with a soccer ball if you need a visual)
    But with the pax help on some minor tweaks (shout out to YJ for the “only kick goals in ” idea and Goose for switching us to shirts/skins) we settled in for a fiercely competitive yet tremendously fun game of Gaelic foosball.
    One of YhCs many favorite things about F3 is watching Pax of all ages switch into their respective competitive modes…it’s pure magic.

    Tough to describe but A few examples may suffice.

    Goose turned into a field general seeing every angle of competitive advantage. Lox turned shimmering golden and started calling his quads “Goku” and “Gohan”. Dilly had eyes every where, seeing passes with Lebron like court vision and flexing lightning fast twitch pickle ball calves. YJ turned back the clock 20 years diving on saves, you can replace those joints later my friend . Valve was basically imported straight from Real Madrid and kept saying “Olayyy” and doing knee slides . Captain D’s transformed into Captain Defense locking up the opponents top talents. Ronnie’s eagle vision noted pax rule infractions from 100 yards away as he led a legion of 2.0 goalies. Suckle was simply every where , in every play floating butterfly like on defense, only out done by his offensive sting! Pope did athletic Pope things that only a Sports Science episode could break down. Smooth broke the all time Gaelic football assist record despite previously asserting he would only participate in American football.
    The 2.0s scrapped about biting ankles and popping up from falls that would put their Dads in the stretcher.
    No clue where we ended on the scorecard , yHC just knows he was ready to announce we were going to play till the street lights went out and our wives came looking for us but alas 7:30a came too soon.

    A mosey back to the Flags (plural!) and some Mary to wrap a bow on it.

    Announcements:

    Getting rolling with some Brothers Keeper work.

    Check GroupMe for updates and marathon commitments/decommitments.

    COT and YJ prayed us out

    Welcome Daryl Strawberry !!
    (Genius name)

    It’s a privilege to lead you men.

    Epilogue

    University Police
    7:25 am

    The officer walked back to his car slowly as he reported his findings to his superior on the radio.

    “No arrest , not even a ticket to show! “

    His hands were raised in disbelief.

    “I don’t get it. The reports were clear. No vandals, no gangs, no lewd behavior…heck not even a mid life crisis !!”

    He paused and stared out the window of his car as the men cheered at a final goal scored.

    “ Just a couple men playing a hybrid soccer game…diving into stickers to do burpees and calling each other weird names …seemingly in the prime of their life. It’s crazy , my Psych 100 class says these are the guys that are lonely, depressed , and mad at the world and I tell you the crazy part …it looks fun …like they are really having fun”

    “Huh…just lucky I guess “ the supervising officer quipped

    “I don’t know ..” he said back as he watched them disappear into the gloom.

    “Doesn’t seem like luck has anything to do with it ….”

    SYITG

    Dox

  • Disaster on Grass about the Miracle on Ice, by Coyote – from Goose

                Thankfully, no mosquitoes tormented the Pax & YHC as we started the beatdown with the normal warmups. But what wasn’t normal was when YHC called “A skips.” No one but Pope and YHC could get the skip part down, so at what we thought was number thirteen, YHC had to call an untuned Halt and we switched to high knees & butt kicks.
    YHC explained that YHC doesn’t go to weekday beatdowns, so February 24, 2024, was going to be about February 22, 1980, the Miracle on Ice.
    A quick mosey to the field by bayou road, YHC explained that the US hockey team, a group of nobody college students at the time, beat the best team in the world, the unstoppable Soviet Union, 4-3. YHC asked a few questions about the event, and the Pax answered both correctly, the prize being four burpees. YHC then said how the US’s coach, Herb Brooks, said, “I’m not here to be your friend, I’m here to be your coach.” He said he would work his team HARD. So YHC said he would work the Pax HARD. We started simple, three suicide runs across the field. Then we got into it.
    First, Vladimir Krutov scored, so we spelled Krutov in alphabet form, spelling the words with our legs down on our six. What came after was to come in between every single goal: we ran another suicide run and did three burpees. YHC said that if the US scored, we would do four burpees, and if the Soviets scored, we would do three. We continued to do this, spelling the last names of Buzz Schneider, Sergei Makarov, Mark Johnson, Aleksander Maltsev, Mark Johnson again, and Mike Eruzione. (Doing twenty one-is-one Goofballs for the soviet coach’s dumb switch from the best goalie in the world to his backup in between Mark Johnson’s first goal and Aleksander Maltsev.)
    After Mike Eruzione’s famous goal, we did twenty one-is-one genuflections for the famous picture of the failed block. We played the last minute of the event, doing mission impossible plank because of how impossible it was. Then we did the normal exercises to thunderstruck because of how thunderstruck the soviets were. The song cut short twice, so we just played the hillbilly version. We played a song called Victory because of the US’s victory. During the entire song, we held Al Gore, doing various leg exercises on YHC’s call. We straggled back to the flag, beaten down hard. The number of Pax was second place overall for most PAX at a beatdown, twenty strong. Animal went to Cardinal for his amazing, attention-getting shoes. That capped off the Disaster on Grass about the Miracle on Ice.

  • IPC: It’s Pure Crud, By Coyote – from Goose

    Today was the worst day of my life, I had to fly like a squirrel, I had to fight in World War 3, I couldn’t cheat with my Merkins, I had a fight with this jerk named Jillian Michaels, and every five minutes this voice came out of nowhere and told me to either Lunge walk, murder my bunny, or carry my rifle. It was a nightmare in the morning! If you sit down and get your popcorn, I’ll tell you the whole story….
     
                It was dark and crisp as YHC unloaded the killer material that YHC was forced to inflict on such innocent men!  After a few quick warmups, and YHC led the mosey to the field by Bayou Road. After a few brief introductions, we started the 45-minute timer of death. As we started, YHC looked around and saw that it was clear that some of the Pax would not make it through all this. But some of us managed to get to round two without the 5-minute timer interrupting our progress. YHC saw Yankee Joe and thought he was going to puke! A few even ripped their shirts off to beat the heat. Everyone hated the random voice that told us to walk in a really weird way. We were talking about the voice and how it didn’t compliment or encourage us until the very end, when it gave us a wimpy “Great job.” 
     
                In the end, we all survived, it was exhausting to even say our nicknames. We all loaded up the coupons, two smashed to pieces.
     
                And blam! That’s the story of how F3 Thibodaux survived the Execution of IPC, Week 1.

  • The 2nd Annual St. Vincent 500 – from Paradox

    THE FELLOWSHIP THANG

    Often times during large events there are pivotal moments that go unnoticed. One minuscule decision where success or failure hinges upon a singular action. Sometimes these remain in the dark. An unsung hero never revealed. Silently knowing the weight of their contribution. But during the 2nd annual St Vincent 500 this very thing occurred and today we shall shed the light.

    Ya see, It was early during the St. Vincent 500 cookout on Friday evening, the music was fine (shoutout Caniacs) and the delicious jambalaya was flowing, courtesy of Headcheese and the Bourgeois Meat Market. Just one small problem,…We …well folks we had a trash issue. In haste YHC had mistakenly grabbed bathroom trash bags to put into 32-gallon trash cans. Ya hate to see it.
    The jambalaya plates were stacking up. The bags stretched thin. Lil Cuz disgusted he could not throw away his plate and immediately eat another and you know how he gets when he’s hungry for JUMBOlaya!
    All seemed lost.

    With the event Teetering on the brink of mass hysteria I heard a low confident voice at my shoulder. A voice molded by years of unheard lectures, it was calm and consoling.
    “Dox, take deep a deep breath, I can fix this”
    I turned and saw it in his eyes, this man was all in.

    “Fly! Fly like the wind Jeaux! You are our only hope!” I yelled as the tires of the douche wagon squealed silently and our knight in the blue Prius faded away on eastbound 308.
    We held our breath ..…

    If you are still with me (and it’s an excused absence if not)
    You may now be asking yourself “What does an eco-friendly sedan and a garbage mishap have to do with the greatest beatdown fundraiser west Lafourche has ever seen?”

    Well…everything

    Duke! Roll that footage it’s time to go racing, and we have a pharmacy in need !!

    26 High impact men assembled at the Stage for the 2nd annual St Vincent 500.
    Our local crew showed up in force early to set the course. Pretty sure Smooth camped out like Woodstock, living on Bourgeois Jambalaya and dat Dawg was STILL hungry for coupon OHPs. Many hands made light work as we counted our pennies and made notes to all our 2.0 investors that their tuppens would be well borrowed. Our brothers from the north and south shores soon arrived. Some early chatter that the noted absences from NOLA were due to late night promo code camp outs for the T-Swift tour. YHC will expect courtesy tickets for …”a friend”

    The Northshore gang rolled in just in time. The legend of Tanked Up had been propelled all year after his awe inspiring performance at the 22 SV. He strolled in trophy in hand with Grundy at his side using the Theragun with precision intimidation to all our pax. Reluctant Yankee and Sandbar came in strong followed by Zoolander with Blue steel good looks even at 6:30a. Just like that it was go time!

    THE FITNESS THANG

    The Stage was set, and Goose was elected as Q for his exemplary public speaking and dashing short shorts. He led us in a thorough race explanation and warmup with side glances at Yankee about to establish a no tolerance policy for shakira shimmy Bonnie Blair’s.

    The race is a 2 man event covering 1 mile with 20 exercise stations interspersed on the course around Richman’s loop. Just a simple fun run ya know.
    You have 1 hour to traverse the course and at each station picking up points as you go.
    There are three levels at each station : gold(25) silver (15) bronze (10) with 500 points available if your dare.

    The stations set by Goose this year and he was in the zoneeee:

    Thrusters: 30, 60, 90
    · Hello Dollys: 50, 100, 150
    · Curls: 50, 150, 250
    · Burpees: 30, 50, 100
    · WWI situps: 40, 100, 150
    · Genuflections: 40, 60, 100
    · Tricep extensions: 50, 150, 250
    · Gas pumps: 40, 80, 120
    · Apolo Onos (2:1): 40, 60, 100
    · Moroccan Night Clubs (2:1): 100, 200, 300
    · Pickle Pounders: 40, 80, 120
    · Monkey humpers (calves to thighs): 40, 100, 200
    · Coupon OHP: 40, 80, 120
    · Leg Raises: 50, 100, 200
    · Bobby Hurleys: 40, 80, 120
    · Chill cut Peter Parkers (2:1): 30, 60, 100
    · Freddy Mercurys (2:1): 50, 150, 250
    · Bonnie Blairs (2:1): 40, 80, 120
    · Partner Dora (bumper)—Suicide, Mission Impossible plank: 2 rounds for each partner (4 rounds total), 4 rounds for each (8 total), 6 rounds for each (12 total); if need to rest on plank, have to tell running partner to pause
    · Partner Dora (grass)—Lunge Walk there, run back; SSH: 200, 300, 400

    We wrapped up the instructions and warmup and there were no more pleasantries to exchange. Time to go racing.
    The horn blew at 7:22a with most functional teams ready to go at their stations and 1-2 dysfunctional relationships lost at sea.

    Team points and observations below (to my best recollection of the points I jotted down and names, if this is incorrect please write your Representative)

    Dox/ Gecko 175
    We came, We saw…We got a lot of pennies.
    Got Gecko on my 1997 Creatine and peanut butter sandwich diet…early favorites for 2033.

    Dumbledore/GIJoe 180
    Classic pairing here of a rookie with untapped potential and the OG of Ogs, veteran GI Joe. Can we talk about Dumbledores first two posts: A Thursday paradiddle followed by the SV500 would make most veterans reconsider their C’s or HC’s but he silently showed up and put in some absolute work! Killer postfolio hes building.
    Also tons of local reports out of 12 Cedars that Joe has ditched the golf clubs and has been black ops prepping on the streets of Thibodaux. Don’t call it a comeback this man is a regular. #GIJOE4LYFE

    Wet Tap/Spec 200
    Unstoppable forces plowing through immovable objects. These men will humbly do goblet squats for weeks before realizing the rest of us were squatting air.
    Team “Don’t Weaken” lived up to the family creed. Great effort.

    Michelin/Percolator 205
    Team shake and bake coming in hot with Percs OG knowledge all the way from BR. Michelin transforming into a coupon OHP machine in front of our eyes. Ya love to see it. Great to catch up with ya Perc!

    Smooth/Suckle 295
    Officially dubbed Thunder and Lightning these men were a true combination of Rottweiler and Greyhound. HS gets to tell all his ultra friends he did a “1 mile fun run” and Smooth lifted a combined 18-wheeler worth of coupons. Well done.

    Safety Valve/ Cardinal 310
    In most prison movies theres a scene where a old inmate teaches a new guy the ropes. Cardinal fell right into his role here teaching valve the “proper” form on coupon avoidance techniques and how to ask extra questions to buy yourself a ten count. Valve continued to display his quiet strength and running prowess.

    Sandbar/Reluctant Yankee 325
    (*this was a ballpark # recorded post-race and if yall had different, chime in)

    Team Southshore, making it look easy! T-claps to you gents for making the drive, especially for RY for making the early haul after taking his 2.0 to college the night before. Southshore was well represented and we always enjoy the Yankee drop-ins during holidays.

    Cuz/Popeye 325
    Nice performance here from Team Yeet ‘Em and Street Em. Popeye already solidified as the comeback performance of the ’23 pax year and even further padding his stats while carrying Cuz. Don’t get me wrong Cuz was putting in the work, just seemed distracted asking YHC why we couldn’t add the Punisher symbol to the SV500 logo. #TundraTough…. It’s a lifestyle.

    Ronnie/YJ 355
    Many high level analyst saying YJ exercised the demons of 2022 with the tremendous ab and leg prep May – August and despite cranking tents and tables all day on Friday both these men laid down game day strains. Ronnie looking jacked Diesel in that tank sonnn.

    Goose/Zoolander 380
    YHC was setup behind the form as impeccable (as expected) but the push to get the next level (silver to gold) was inspiring. Just two great Pax leaders ripping burpees or was it a Calvin Klein commercial.

    Pope/Paradiddle- 425
    For real, For real! When YHC heard earlier in the week this team was pairing up I had them pegged as a dark horse pick. Pope has shown many traits of having dat dawggg this year and its been so awesome watching him grow and having him at weekday beatdowns.
    If you aren’t local and don’t know the maniac formerly known as Diddle let me read you his bio….

    Favorite song: Numb- Linkin Park
    Likes: Cardio
    Dislikes: Ppl who dislike Cardio
    Hometown: Zone 5 and He’s the Mayor

    These men represented the Thib pax to the last rep and YHC couldn’t be prouder. This will be a team to watch for years to come.

    THE CHAMPS….

    When the dust settled we had 3 teams that separated themselves from the pack. In a photo finish Tanked and Grundy retained the SV500 title narrowly escaping the youthful legs of Pope and Paradiddle. Leading the youth division (under 18) Redfish/Coyote with an impressive 500 points. The future is bright for these 2.0 studs.

    Tanked Up/ Grundy 435
    Incredibly impressive, especially with the tweaks Goose built this year. Station 19 and 20 Doras were both physically and psychologically punishing. Tclaps to the gentlemen for continuing to rep the Northshore. See you next year!!!

    After copious amounts of water/ Gatorade and shaking off heat stroke symptoms we wrapped up with COT and Cardinal Prayed us out.

    Coffeeteria with donuts provided by St. Vincent pharmacy staff and volunteers.
    I will pass along the gratitude from the entire St. Vincent pharmacy staff and board in thanking everyone involved in this event and fundraising endeavor. It’s been 2 years since we started discussing ways to help with the pharmacy after the devastation of Hurricane Ida and continued strain from the pandemic and I could have never imagined this level of support from F3 and the community. I’m proud to announce that with our contributions this year ($9517.50) we have raised over $20, 000 in the last 2 years for the pharmacy to continue to provide for people in need of life-saving medications. Looking forward to continuing to find ways to support this great organization.

    Epilogue

    THE FAITH THANG

    The heaping trash continued to tumble out of the micro trash bag and the tension was palpable. No one had seen this much garbage since the Naboo storyline in Episode 1 (RIP Jar Jar). Soon the sheer amount of plastic would overtake our oxygen supply. YHC was grasping at straws. We had to keep our composure. Cardinal was even running diversion tactics by introducing new schisms to the pax. “Hey you guys know how pirogue is pronounced??”
    And just when we had reached our darkest hour there came the return of the silent sedan over the hill like Gandalf into Helms deep. In place of a blazing white staff he proceeded to unveil the largest trash bag ever created on planet earth. We placed the entire events trash inside and it still looked empty. What and why this unit of plastic could be used for, other than oceans of trash, is beyond me. When Jeaux was pressed about it he only mumbled something about his affairs in international waters not being my business. He silently went on about his duty of peddling event t-shirts and correcting form. Not all heroes bring hefty’s.

    So here’s the very thing about the men of F3 Thibodaux. Ask them to grab a trash bag and they bring you TrashZilla Rex, the king of all trash. Need a JUMBolaya pot? Here’s one you can swim in! Need 1-2 ice chests? Ho Hum, here’s 5 Yetis all 30A approved. Ask them to do burpees, why not Kraken Burpees on emom timer. Ask them for stretching and you get a Diddle death march.

    And how about ask them to support a charity pharmacy in 115 heat indices with a back-to-back 2 day event?? One that has been there for so many in need for 2 decades and needed that same support. Well, you already know how that ends. The chips are low, a wolf at the door or a man alone in the darkness and these pax will stand up and serve those less fortunate. I could not be prouder to stand beside them.

    SYITG,

    Paradox

  • In Pursuit of Trivialities – from Goose

    YHC was excited about this one–it would be an opportunity to break out one of the best board games ever created, one that combines chance with constantly new challenges. Combining Trivial Pursuit with F3 seemed like a match made in heaven. And, with recent experiences of PAX coming through in superhuman ways any time trivia has been present at a beatdown, YHC knew he could bring the heavy.

    16 strong at The Peltch showed that the crew had caught the excitement; either that, or the high quality GroupMe banter has forged bonds and created some useful FOMO in the hearts of many men. It was great to see Royal Deuce at his first major league beatdown, and the return of G.I. Joe for the third Saturday in a row boosted the morale considerably. Oh, and Yeah-Yeah came with Popeye for the first time since his full-on return, which was a great boost for the 2.0’s. Looking forward to getting to see him grow out there!

    Warmups of the usuals with some extra emphasis on the lower back followed by a mosey to the Thunderdome with the mystery box hidden in a bag for a last moment reveal. Upon arrival YHC unveiled a more modern version of Trivial Pursuit with cards split into colors/categories with questions on each ranging in difficulty from 1-6 depending on the dice roll. YHC also had a list of exercises to match each category in the case of a wrong answer. Another dice roll determined which exercise was chosen.

    The first couple of questions were mowed down easily, and Yankee Joe showed that he’d be a force to be reckoned with today and possibly in some future, post-kids’-bedtime game night. (He’s on my team. I called it.) But, alas, the typical “I said the right answer but I wasn’t sure enough of myself to push the team captain to go with it” dynamic struck, and we lined up for a Bataan Death Crawl, one of the History category exercises. It consisted of the PAX splitting into two lines, Indian Run style, to bear crawl from the Thunderdome to the opposite, third base-line foul pole in the neighboring ballfield and back. The last guy in line did 5 burpees before running to the front of the crawling line. The total distance was about 100 yards. Nice opener. The mood had changed considerably–wrong answers were clearly to be avoided with all seriousness.

    The next series of questions revealed the prowess of G.I. Joe, whose Quiz Bowl champ son had clearly exercised his Trivial Pursuit training upon his father. He came in strong with some logical deduction revealing what all Trivial Pursuit veterans know–the answer is usual revealed in some form in the way they ask the question. Cardinal picked up on this, too, which was to be expected.

    After Royal Deuce saved the PAX with some deep Simpsons knowledge, it was back to the list in the Science and Nature category. A minute and a half Mission Impossible plank in the grass would give us the opportunity to do make some up-close observations of what has recently become a very scary place. For some, it provided a chance to work through some PTSD. For others, it only added fuel to the growing menace. The time was shortened to a minute to save the morale and the fragile mental state of a number of the PAX.

    If YHC’s memory serves him, the streaks of correct answers grew shorter and shorter as time went on, and periods of muscle burnout, sweat, and trash talking grew more frequent. Here are some of the more notable penalty exercises:

    -Field of Dreams (Art and Literature–it was a movie based on the book, “Shoeless Joe”): PAX split into four groups on the baseball field, one group at each base and completed the following exercises AMRAP as they waited for the group at home to complete 15 burpees so they could be relieved and run (for some) to the next base. 1st base: squats. 2nd: merkins. 3rd: LBC’s. 15 burpees is tough, especially after AMRAP merkins, and they take a while. And, thankfully, the Form Police isn’t authorized to give fines; though, that could have been a great way to cover some of the SV500 costs…and pay for next year’s event in full…and purchase an F3 trailer.

    -Geography: Around the World lunges–lunges forward R, L, left side, back L, R, right side = 1. We did 10 of these in cadence, speeding up as we went. It was fun. And, that was the only one we had to do for Geography. Nice work, fellas.

    -We did none of the awesome exercises on the Entertainment list, which means all pink questions were answered correctly. I’m not sure if I should be impressed or depressed.

    -History didn’t get landed on too much, so the Bataan Death Crawl was the only representative.

    -Arts and Literature–there were a few close calls, but Field of Dreams was the only one from this list, too. Surprising, and impressive, especially given the large amount of purple cards drawn.

    -The Science and Nature category required two penalty exercises–the aforementioned observation plank and the Failure to Launch, Blastoff jump squats. YHC counted down from ten as we slowly lowered into a very low squat before jumping up. Did 10 of these.

    -It was the Sports and Leisure category that suprisingly destroyed this crew. Not long after the death crawl, we rolled the Bear Crawl Brawl in which partners pushed against the shoulders of one another to provide resistance as they bear crawled from first base to the opposite outfield pole (about 30-40 yards), flapjacked and returned.
    We also did Bobby Hurleys (30 IC, 2:1), Nolan Ryans (15 IC on each side), and Apolo Ono’s (30 IC, 2:1).

    The hour ended too quickly, but had some fun, worked the ol’ noodle, took some chances, and burned some muscles before heading back to the flag for count off and COT. Animal shirt went to Cardinal for navigating/instigating the “HC” battle on GroupMe, and then lots of strong prayer intentions for F3 brothers in need before a hand-gesture-filled photo shoot. (Oh, and Coyote made the formerly agreed upon transfer of the SV500 trophy to his teammate Redfish for admiration and safe keeping until next they meet.)

    Thanks for playing along, fellas! It was fun to see how each guy’s brain works under stress and what kind of knowledge is stored in which guys’ heads. Till next time!

    SYITG,
    Goose