F3 New Orleans

Tag: Lil’ Cuz

  • The Answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything – from Goose

    It’s 42. That’s why this is such an important year, or maybe just an important beatdown. The year was 1982, an important year, maybe not for music, or movies, or culture in general, but certainly for YHC.

    Warmup consisted of the usuals–YHC had no energy for 42 (or 82) of anything, especially given the packed schedule of events to be revealed.

    Top song on June 11, 1982? “Ebony and Ivory” by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, the song that fixed the problem of racism in the United States (and Great Britain). While Bose’ Sr. cranked the synth on this one, PAX switched back and forth from Peter Parkers to Parker Peters every time they said the titular “Ebony and Ivory”. It seemed much longer than it was, and not (just) because it’s a boring song.

    What was the top song of the year? “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor, it’s success fueled by Rocky and every school with a tiger mascot. But, we wouldn’t be doing anything with this one…

    What culturally significant blockbuster movie was released on June 11, 1982? That’s right, it was E.T. And, YHC asked the PAX: in typical Spielberg fashion, a child yells what extremely crude epithet that is completely inappropriate for his age? Both AB and White Meat, in perfect harmony, immediately and loudly answered (correctly): “penis breath!” YHC quickly assured the PAX that this wouldn’t be the theme of our next exercise to the visible (and audible) relief of the group. Jokes were made about YHC taking this opportunity to finally reveal the real nature of F3, ha ha! But, that won’t come for another year or so.

    YHC cued up the E.T. “Flying” theme song, and we flew on our bicycles for the duration: 41 Freddy Mercurys (1:1) and 11 jump squats, on repeat AMRAP.

    Next YHC suggested gloves and led the PAX (surprise, surprise) to the beginning of the new street where there used to be a bumper. YHC explained the cultural and personal significance of the dawn of the Super Mario/Ninteno age in 1985, and then explained that we’d be taking advantage of the well-spaced green pipes along this road. At every green pipe (cluster), which were about 15-20 yards apart, we’d switch between Mario skips (punch those bricks!) and bear crawls, effectively going “up” and “down” the pipes.

    Once we arrived at the end of the street (about 8 pipes long), YHC shared the centrality of basketball, or at least basketball practice for both middle school and high school years. So, just like my Cuban high school coach, Elmo (that was his real name), YHC instructed the PAX in red faced fashion to “Get on the line! We gonna…………(unintelligible syllables)……..JUST GET ON THE LINE!” It was suicide time. (Thank you, Popeye.) From that line, we did suicides to up to the fifth pipe before moseying back to the flag for a couple more thangs. Honeysuckle (and America’s Best) put on a clinic with these, making you wonder if your excuses for slowing down were really grounded in reality, or if they’ve really been doing that much extra running on the side.

    Back at the flag, YHC gathered Bose’ and phone to set up for the next thang and found what looked to be a long handle/stick with a hook at the end. It served well as a prop to keep the speaker and phone from sitting too deep in the wet grass, and inadvertently as a major source of intimidating mystery for the PAX (“what could he possibly have planned for a stick with a hook on it? Is this finally where he reveals the true nature of F3?) Ha! No, not for another year or so.

    YHC’s early 20’s were defined by four years in seminary and a bunch of summers working at a summer camp in the mountains of North Carolina, where Pope and half of his siblings are now. It cannot be overstated how much influence these experiences had on forming YHC into the man he is today. So, we cued up “Church Clap” by KB, Lecrae and “Still Wandering’ by Bronze Radio Return to honor these two, and the PAX started doing stationary 21’s with genuflections (for seminary) and mountain climbers (for camp). But, after doing 20 followed by 19 genuflections, it became clear that this would take way too much time, and we lose a few PAX, so YHC changed it to 11’s. This was plenty.

    After this, we had just enough time to honor the period that followed to the current day–marriage and family. YHC thought I had experience great things, hard things, and had accomplished much…until marriage, and kids. Being a husband and father has brought me to my limitations and blown past them, forcing me to grow so I can give more of me to the people who need it and deserve it. We’ve been married for almost 17 years and have had 10 kids, and the reaction I most hear is “How do you do that?” The answer is, “By not asking that question.” Nobody has what it takes to be the husband and father their wife and children need them to be–it has to be ripped out of us one day, one minute at a time. So, just like with F3, especially with a lot of burpees on the line, we all know that if you ask the question, “How am I gonna do this?”, you’ve already set yourself up to fizzle out early. You just have to choose to start and then not to give yourself an excuse to stop or count the cost or analyze how much you have left in the tank. Your tank will grow with you if you force it to!

    So, 17 years of marriage plus 10 kids = 27 burpees. Don’t ask questions, just start and do one more burpee until you get to 27. And that’s what these guys did, and they keep doing it every time the Q lays out the plan, every time the alarm clock goes off, and every time their body says, “How are you gonna keep going? Is this sensible?” No, but it’s so awesome, and I’m so grateful that you men decided to choose the awesome over the easy this morning and every time you come out!

    COT and Dox prayed us out. Incredible work today, brothers, and it was a great gift to have so many of you out there.

    SYITG,
    Goose, 42

  • Shark Week – from Paradox

    YHC usually has beatdowns loosely formed a few days in advance. But occasionally inspiration will strike so violently that the whole plan needs to be scrapped at the 11th hour. This was the case Monday night when, looking for a “it’s behind me “ hype gif , I came across LLCoolJ from Deep Blue Sea (high on the “influenced my pre teen years movie list” )
    He looked in my eyes through a foggy , heavily cracked IPhone screen and spoke right to me.
    “They need Shark Week Dox , search your heart, they aren’t ready, it’s your job to prepare them”

    All at once, I knew it was true.
    These men are headed to beaches with their families for the next 2-3 months and I can’t send them into battle without conditioning.

    Say no more Mr Cool James, I’ll take care of the rest.

    Duke! Get out of the water and roll the footage!

    9 strong at the Stage.
    We did all the favorite warmers a d YHC was downright scared at the amount of groans coming from attendees of Mondays Wet Tap massacre. Hope they wouldn’t need legs today … headed off to the deep blue sea in an Indian run 3 burp drop.

    Thang 1

    We would stop for 3 rounds of shark related trivia.
    Simple rules.
    Start with 125 reps
    Take 25 off for every correct answer .

    Shark trivia
    1. deep blue sea —-what shark species—-mako
    2. What disease are they trying to cure —-Alzheimer’s
    3. Director of DBS had one previous financial success in 1993. —Cliffhanger
    4. Although he plays the cook , LL cool J character is known as (Blank) and stabs a shark in the eye with a (Blank). —-preacher/crucifix

    Pretty shaky start here when YHC realized know had seen this movie in like 15 years.
    75 merkin fast ball right out the gate.

    General Shark Round
    1.) Smallest shark species—dwarf lantern shark
    2.) The term “jump the shark “ was first used to reference what tv show ? ——Happy Days
    3.) Appearing in the first episode of Saturday night live , this actor played a recurring character , the land shark ——Chevy Chase
    4.) what Hyundai coup got its name from the Spanish word for shark —-Tiburon

    Much better showing here in round 2 as the trivia titans began to stretch their brains. Could have been the acute danger of 125 monkey jumpers signaling a storm of epinephrine but regardless the count was reduced to 25.

    Jaws Category

    1Jaws based on novel of the same name by who ? (Peter Benchley)
    2.) 2 men killed by sharks in this state inspired the book —-NJ
    3.) name the species of shark killed that is mistaken for jaws ? Tiger
    4. The character Quint is a survivor of what famed battleship? USS Indianapolis

    50 Bobbie Hurleys and the legs were primed for Thang 2

    Sharks and Guppies

    Rules
    1 shark starts w 15 burpees – then is free to chase

    Guppies must complete 15 burpees spread out at 3 stations
    If caught before completing the loop they pay 15 merkins

    The shark must pay 5 burpees for every free guppy.

    Round 1 Baby Shark
    Round 2 Grandpa Shark

    YHC made this game specifically with Honeysuckle and Pope in mind. Both with gazelle speed and wolf stamina they were in a good spot to sharpen some iron. Knowing pope would destroy most of us in the first round, the hope was to push near our limits of endurance in round 2.
    This effect was devastating in the Nur round as the quads were screaming and the beekeeper ran most of us down in cold blood, hunting those who had snickered at his coupon crabwalk. Vengeance was his.

    Indian run home looking for Lenny Bruce .

    It wasn’t the end of the world and we didn’t feel fine either.

    Animal from Granpa shark to baby shark.

    Pope had true concerns that he would lose his cardio during summer camp. The collective eye roll from the pax was so severe no eye institute could repair it, not even an advanced one.

    we wished him well in camp and YhC hopes the Animal is the only shirt in his suitcase.

    COT and Goose prayed us out.

    See you in the deep end,

    Dox

  • It’s The Climb – from Paradox

    When the recent news of parish reassignments hit YHC, two things became clear. The first was an inevitable Cardinal tribute beatdown and the second was that I needed some time to think. I needed some distance (about 80miles would do) , some time to reflect …maybe even a nice view…maybe even a lake. And there’s one lake I know of. It’s the one you know too. And as I sat there, parked by that lake, (you know the one), I reflected upon the gift of our own beloved Cardinal to our community. And right there, parked by that very lake, I dedicated this here beatdown to his 5 year ordination anniversary.

    7 men at the Den on a relatively cool Thursday morning for some lake reflection and light calisthenics. The unsuspecting pax to be honored had been lured in with JBL HCs, dreams of chic-fil-a Coffeeteria and mysterious Smooth pressure at the previous nights DC circle. He dutifully fought the fartsack with a spare JBL, a few more regulars rolled in and we were ready to go.

    Duke!! Plug Morgan city in the GPS ! What?! It’s not 80 miles away? Ok ok we’ll edit that in post …roll the footage!!

    Warmup
    The usuals with a warmup mosey for cone deposition and coupon configuration. This is usually where pax are looking for dox booby traps or random garage gym equipment but today all except one had been alerted it was a Cardinal tribute. They trudged onward anyway , into a nest of heavy coupons and gratitude.

    THA THANG

    YHC announced that we would celebrate Cardinals many gifts in circuit and musical form .

    Song

    The Announcement

    When yHC first spoke with Cardinal about his new Morgan City parish we mostly planned an AO for the nearby LakeEnd park. It was amidst these jokes I saw the lake, and the miles, and the parking. Only one song could carry the weight of this kind of announcement

    Dean Summerwind
    “Parked by the Lake
    Merkin – Parked
    Side Reach – Lake
    MC – Santa Fe

    That one never gets old.

    Next the Challenge

    YHC has always been amazed at the sheer volume of Cardinals schedule. Mass, family dinners, meetings, plannimg schizms, whoop surveys, biscuit tastings, coffee roasters fine things club…and that’s just a regular Monday.
    so an attempt was made to recreate and bring the pax along for the challenge.

    Start in front of CC stairs
    25 merkins (wake up)
    Coupon Crab Walk to stairs (walk to coffee pot)
    Confession/Mass/confession –
    – 10 Thrusters – 10 curls- 10 Thrusters
    High knee waves to cone (as a local celebrity
    Run remaining civic center (late for a meeting) High knees waves back
    Then Repeat above …because you have another mass at 10M mass
    Coupon lunge backwards
    25 merkins

    The pax had all accepted various non priest vocations by the second serving of thrusters and Honeysuckle even assisted YHCs theme by pretending to display weakness at Coupon Crabwalks, prompting YHC to extend help to a “struggling parishioner” and swap everyone to coupon lunges walks. It’s ok HS , those Shakira hips don’t lie but they’re just too powerful.

    Next we honored Cardinals uncanny ability to answer trivia with burpees on the line.
    Early in YHCs Q career I selected the Hannah Montana movie album with hopes of cardio torture. Cardinal heard 2 microseconds of the beat, guessed the song, the year released AND the album saving the pax around 30 burpees. F3 Thib scholars still teach it to their students as a historical landmark of leadership.

    Song:

    Its the Climb – Miley Cyrus
    SSH/ Burpees from Mountain to Climb

    Another round of the Mass circuit and them coups were getting heavy.

    Finally, and more sincerely YHC wanted to recognize Cardinals willingness to allow God to direct his life , pour out his grace and provide support for many of his F3 and community brothers through trying times and tribulations.

    Song :
    Lord of Hosts – Shane and Shane
    Ring of Fire – Merkins – Burpees
    We did a lot. The vision was blurry.

    COT
    Rugby to Cardinal
    and Popeye prayed us out

    **special shout out to a few Cardinal partners in crime who provided “Cardinals greatest hits: Seal, Nelly and beyond”

    Words of a Feather:

    In the fall of 2021 YHC walked onto a gloomy stage with a financial advisor and a theologian . Sounds like a bad doctor joke with a bartender punchline right?
    It was actually YHCs first beatdown and I remember impressions of each man well. Goose, responsible for the EH at dinner the night before, had firmly planted himself in YHCs brain as “just my kind of crazy person”but the intensity level was palpable in his gaze so I looked onward. His wife had informed me it was “calisthenics and running” so why did it look more like a Cobra Kai seminar? “ Ok don’t panic” I told myself. , what about the other guy? Oh , Enron? He looked like a man who would crush a beer can between his forearm and bicep first and ask questions later. Clearly he was the enforcer of the bunch and I hoped my 318 cred would last for atleast 45 minutes. I was beginning to unravel this odd corporate structure, simultaneously back peddling to the car and trying to decide which one would ask me for the first monthly installment when a third man appeared. His smile was equal parts kind and welcoming and as he strolled in I felt an overwhelming sense of safety. They both addressed him as Cardinal. He replied with appropriate quips for each and we got started.
    As we celebrate Cardinals 5th year as a priest it’s this very gift that I want to highlight the most, providing hope. For me that day it was just hope to survive chubbawampas hit single. But for the many people in this community he has impacted it’s a much greater Hope.

    Hope restored as he administers sacraments ,Hope reminded in skilled homilies and Hope redeemed in spiritual direction.

    All these, and much more he provides as an instrument of Gods grace and as an example of great trust.

    Cardinal, you are a gift to our F3 brotherhood. We are grateful for you and look forward to supporting you in the next adventure.

    And just know that when you’re ready , we’ll all be parked out there…sitting right by that lake…you know the one.

    SYITG ,
    Dox

  • Suck/Offer it Up by Pope – from Goose

    May is a month of many joys and sorrows. Of course, the sorrow is a little exclusive to our pecs, triceps, and just our bodies in general. May is also the month of Mary, the mother of God (who is another comfort we don’t deserve). 
    In recent months, YHC has read/heard about many incredible apparitions of Our Lady, and in many of them she requested—or sometimes earnestly begged with tears in her eyes—for the Rosary to be prayed daily by her children on earth. These requests gradually grew more personal for YHC and became less of a request and more of a calling. YHC thanks God for F3 and Mary for her incredible patience; F3 helped YHC to shake off average teenage-level laziness (well, become less accustomed to it), and YHC finally praying the Rosary daily, as part of a DIY retreat.
    The spiritual fruits of that growing devotion have been subtle thus far, but phenomenal.
    YHC arrived at the Lion’s… uh… the Civic Center with Goose at about 4:50 to set up, and within five minutes of our arrival we were surprised to see White Meat pull up with newly christened Huffy in tow. WM actually looked at the time as YHC and Goose jogged to the levee to lay out the cones.
    We set five cones at four different spots around the levee: at both ends of the bridged gap over the middle of the pond (with two at the far side) and at opposite ends of the long way across the pond. Each cone had under it a slip of paper listing four different mysteries of the Rosary, one from each of the four sets (the Joyful, Luminous, Sorrowful, and Glorious Mysteries), chosen by the number stage at which it was set. For example, stage 1 featured the first of each of the 4 mysteries.
    YHC and Goose returned at exactly 5:15 and executed Warmarama, then the PAX moseyed to the levee where YC gave the rundown. About a third of the way through the thang the wind was accompanied by a light rain, and YHC began to worry—one leaflet had already been blown into the pond and was barely readable… thankfully the rain provided no problems, only a refreshing sprinkle.
     Exercises were assigned to each mystery with at least somewhat biblical connections. The mysteries and their corresponding exercises were as follows:
     
    MOT between stages: 10 burpee broad jumps, run remainder
               
    First Stage
    ·      Joyful- The Annunciation (Luke 1:26-38)- 15 genuflections
    ·      Luminous- The Baptism of Jesus (Matthew 3:13-17)- 30 scuba steves
    ·      Sorrowful- The Agony in the Garden (Mark 14:32-42)- 30 sec mission impossible
    ·      Glorious- The Resurrection (John 20:1-10)- 10 burpees
    Second Stage
    ·      Joyful- The Visitation (Luke 1:39-45)- 15 jump squats
    ·      Luminous- The Wedding Feast at Cana (John 2:1-11)- 25 wife pleasers
    ·      Sorrowful- The Scourging at the Pillar (John 19:1)- 25 merkins
    ·      Glorious- The Ascension (Acts 1:6-11)- 15 star jumps
    Third Stage
    ·      Joyful- The Birth of Christ (Luke 2:1-7)- 30 LBCs
    ·      Luminous- The Proclamation of the Kingdom (pretty much the meat of the Gospels)-            20 monkey humpers
    ·      Sorrowful- The Crowning with Thorns (John 19:1-5)- 20 Carolina dry docks
    ·      Glorious- The Descent of the Holy Spirit on the Apostles (Acts 2:1-13)- run up/down            the levee 10 times
    Fourth Stage
    ·      Joyful- The Presentation of the Child Jesus in the Temple (Luke 2:22-38)- 8 8-count body builders
    ·      Luminous- The Transfiguration (Luke 9:28-36)- 10 hurpees (hand-release burpees)
    ·      Sorrowful- The Carrying of the Cross (Luke 23:26-32)- 15 lunges
    ·      Glorious- The Assumption of Mary (CCC 966)- 20 heels to heaven
    Fifth Stage
    ·      Joyful- The Finding of the Christ Child in the Temple (Luke 2:41-52)- BBSU
    ·      Luminous- The Institution of the Eucharist (Luke 22:14-20)- 15 genuflections
    ·      Sorrowful- The Crucifixion (John 19:17-30)- 15 X-factors (feet stationary)
    ·      Glorious- The Coronation of Mary as Queen of Heaven and Earth (Revelation 12:1)-             25 freddy mercuries
     
     
    After all things had taken place, the PAX picked up and headed back to the flag for COT, with the 6 coming in at exactly 6:00 to complete a morning of excellent timing. The rugby shirt had come into Honey Suckle’s possession because of a comment toward its previous owner, and he “waited for a sign” to show its next PAX to weigh down. That sign came in the form of Lil Cuz‘s comment on how Suckle was the only one thus far who hadn’t sweat through it. COT and Cuz prayed us out.
    F3 has proven to be somewhat pivotal in my slowly maturing prayer life, as I’m sure can be said for many of us. One sign that a beatdown is particularly grueling is if the physical begins to translate to spiritual (e.g. “Lord, I offer this next desperate burst of merkins for…”). It’s in those moments when I remember that Mary brings our own prayers to God and, as any mother would, pleads for Him to grant them. What I like to do before each beatdown is choose someone or something in need of prayers or for whom I simply wish well, and if you don’t do this already, I highly recommend it. Same with a daily Rosary—there have been a few times were I could vaguely sense a fraction of Mary’s reaction at my saying yes to her appeals to pray the Rosary. Mary, more than anyone, knows that nothing is impossible for God, and if any one of her children are in need, she will storm the gates of Heaven to see those needs met. Mary loves us more than we could know, and, like the perfect mother she is, is more than happy to invoke God’s graces to provide for our needs. Again, another comfort we don’t deserve.
                                                                                                    SYITG, Pope

  • Where’s the Beast?? – from Goose

    Last night, Wet Tap posted a hype GIF with Belle asking a mirror to “Show me the Beast!” What we didn’t know was that he was trying to tell us that that’s exactly what we’d be doing this morning as 5:15 rolled around , looking for the Beast. But, the Beast was nowhere to be found, unless you count when Smooth, took his shirt off about halfway through (big, hairy, grunting). YHC assumed that Tap was either enjoying a testosterone induced sleep or stabbing some early spines, so we began a warm-up with a none-too-excited PAX while formulating the first thang of what would be stereotypically difficult round robin.

    YHC took the first thang, an inevitable Dora consisting of everyone’s favorite four exercises: 100 Merkens, 200 curls, and 300 big boy sit-ups; partner runs a lap around the track. It was supposed to be 200 situps and 300 curls, but Popeye really wanted to get to those curls, so the abs got a little more attention this morning.

    Popeye Q’d next, thankfully, with a little more creativity. Each man took a turn murder bunny-ing across the field and running back while the rest of the PAX stayed and did an exercise AMRAP of the traveling man’s choosing. Pop started us off and assigned Apollo Onos. YHC assigned Toe-tappers, Lil Cuz gave squats (what are those?), Smooth doled out suicides, and Pope followed his lead with side shuffles. Then once all PAX had traversed the field, Popeye put the icing on the cake by having all run the half lap to retrieve the coupons, do five man-makers, and murder bunny back to the start.

    Now, it was Little Cuz’s turn, and after a couple of much needed 10-counts, he decided to take it easy on us. Wait, no, he didn’t. Per usual round robin dynamics, he would not be outdone, and matter-of-factly stated that we would each be doing 100 Merkins followed by a little bit of Mary. Thankfully, the Form Police, though brought up in conversation, did not make an appearance this morning, and we finished with a couple of minutes holding 6 inches.

    COT and Cuz prayed us out.

    It was so good having Smooth Operator back in the mix! Pope may be able to say “OK” just like him, but nobody can replace the uniquely awesome mix of tenacity and humility that he brings to the group. Keep it up, buddy!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Always a Gunner – from Safety Valve

    YHC pulled up to scope things (and maybe come up with a beatdown idea) slightly earlier than usual. The air was thick and electric – the thunderstorm and lightening had YHC questioning if he should just turn around and say he overslept. Then he remembered that White Meat HC’d the night before. YHC couldn’t let a good chance go to waste to hurt that man again. In the wise words of our feathered leader, “we do not deserve to be comfortable.”

    Warmaramma
    SSH
    High knees (the real kind)
    Butt kicks
    Willy mays hays (very slow)
    mountain climbers
    Arm circles forward and backward
    Cherry Pickers

    Thang

    With it being the last weekend of premier league soccer (YHC’s team is in the running for the title this year) and YHC’s first Saturday Q, playing some sort of soccer was on the docket. But first, some time had to be “wasted”. We moseyed over to the ED white stadium.

    1 mile run under 8 minutes was ordered – everyone complied and no dishonorable discharges had to be handed out. Dox and Honeysuckle led the group with around a 7 minute pace. There was some discontent in our little group of Ronnie, Goose, Pope, and YHC. Ronnie was helping to set our pace, but a backhanded compliment about being a good person to draft behind from Goose sent Ronnie into a new level. We finished with a 7:20 pace. White meat, Popeye and Wet tap were close one our heels.

    Next, the rules of our main event was explained. We would be playing soccer, with traditional soccer rules. No throwing the ball, no punting the ball. Just plain old soccer, using your feet. There would be 3 teams all playing at the same time with one ball. In essence each team had a goal to defend and two goals they could score on. Once a team was scored on, they would be out of the game and would have to do big boy sit ups until the last team was knocked out. If someone shot and missed the goal, that entire team had to do 3 burpees. Having three teams vs two added just the perfect amount of chaos that was needed to fulfill a F3 Saturday beatdown. Three separate games were played with a “halftime” show in between each game.

    Halftime show #1 – Tubchumper by Chumpawampa
    SSH for duration of song with burpee for every “I get knocked down..”

    Halftime show #2 – Stairway to heaven
    For the duration of the song: bearcrwal to 10 yardline and do 10 merkins and sprint back, bearcrawl to 20 yardline and do 20 merkins and sprint back, etc until the song was over. This wasn’t received well.

    Observations :
    #1 – Pope is athletic. I’m not sure he ever touched a soccer ball before, but he schooled most of us, including YHC.
    #2 – White meat has balled before – don’t let that innocent face convince you otherwise
    #3 – Goose is competitive, we know this. But, soccer is his weakness. I think it’s because he can’t just toss people over his shoulder in soccer. It’s frowned upon. File this away for another day.
    #4 – What Goose lacks in soccer skills though, he makes up for it in fatherhood. Seeing Duke literally give whatever he can to the group is amazing to watch. This 4 year old’s insight of the world is so advanced for his age. He felt like he wasn’t able to contribute to his team playing soccer since his Dad was trying to run him over, but he saw a need elsewhere. He became the best ball boy any soccer pitch has ever seen. T-claps for sure.
    #5 – YHC team was full of all-stars: Lil Cuz is a master shot stopper, his skills could only be compared to Wet tap playing ultimate frisbee. Popeye was the only level minded person on the field when he decided that just playing defense is the way – let the other two teams full of cavemen go after one another first. Brilliant! See #4 for Duke.

    We made it back to flag with 3 minutes to spare. YHC thought hard about ending the beatdown early, but once again, I couldn’t let White Meat down. We laid down in the mud puddles and completed 3 minutes of Mary. Announcements were made. The rugby jersey was handed from Lil Cuz to YHC – he must have appreciated the bearcrawl to heaven earlier. Lil Cuz prayed us out.

    Thanks for coming out this morning and playing some weird sport that not many people are into. Always a pleasure to lead

  • I Don’t Take Requests – from America’s Best

    Let’s get right to it.

    Warmarama

    SSH
    Windmills
    Arm circles
    Self love
    Mountain climbers
    William Mays Hayes Jr, Esquire (slow Willie Mays Hayes, unknowingly developed by Safety Valve 24 hours earlier)

    At this point in our warmarama, a figure quietly (as if on hybrid power) appears out of the gloom. Ambling up, confused, perhaps lost, the mysterious man speaks: “Is this the F6 Catalina Wine Mixer?”
    And so we added some more celebratory side-straddle hops to welcome YJ.

    First Thang:
    Indigenous Peoples Run – starting with pretty annoying music.
    Trivia for merkins: the song was too easily identified as “Bad Boys” from Cops, so the level 2 questions were activated: nobody knew the year the show premiered (1989) or the artist (Inner Circle). Honeysuckle knew the tangent trivia that Gloria Estefan sang “Bad Boy,” and of course Enron nailed the movie trivia (Will Smith and Martin Lawrence). 10 merkin reward.

    Stop 2
    Popeye knows his CHiPs, answering the first two questions here. Honeysuckle called out the band 7Mary3 (LL cred). The next question drew a pause (“is this a trick question?”) before a few PAX answered that 7Mary3 originated at W&M. No merkins.

    Stop 3
    Apparently this new guy (or is he a downranger?) YankeeJeaux likes dags. You like dags? He even knew Turner and Hooch. 10 merkins because nobody knew about the Beagle Brigade or the Jim Belishi garbage movie K-9.

    Stop 4
    Giveaway question: who sings this song?
    Impossible question: name 2 band members in the Police.
    Since everyone only knows Sting, what instrument did Sting play? Honeysuckle immediately, confidently answered “bass”.
    And speaking of sting? The final question:
    In 1999, both of 47 year-old skydiver Joan Murray’s parachutes failed, and she plunged 14,500 ft, striking the ground at 80 mph, but survived due to hundreds of stings of what wingless wasp relative?
    The takeaway here is that fire ants sting, not bite.

    Next Thang: You can do it!
    The song: “Can’t Stand Losing You”
    The work: Thrusters, with a curl for every “can’t”. We maybe did twice as many curls as thrusters. The Police really know how to drive a point home using that repetition.

    Edit: during this, somehow Honeysuckle came up with another member of the Police: “Andy Summers.” No word on which satellite beams music trivia to his brain, but the delay has been reported and someone at NASA has been fired.)

    Thang 3:
    YHC had formulated a Dora that was all points (Merkins, Curls, BBS), but that was scrapped for several reasons:
    1. Safety Valve ran the same Dora yesterday.
    2. 300 BBS yesterday led to abrasions on the area I believe the Jerky Boys referred to as the “ass-neck.”
    3. BBS and curls are only half-points.
    And so the Dora would be 200 merkins, followed by . . . 200 merkins.
    Two songs on repeat would direct the partner: during song one (Walking on the Moon), lunge walk, with a jump squat on each ”walking.” During song 2 (“Canary in a Coal Mine”), partner runs a lap. Wasn’t thinking about another trigger for this, but since Dox asked (“ooo! Miss Bliss, you forgot to give us homework!”), there would be a burpee on “canary.”

    All was running very smoothly…. Until Paradox tried to make a request? Now this beatdown was obviously inspired by the Exicon listing for “Roxanne.” But YHC always thought that using that song was a bit superficial, and maybe lazy, because The Police have so so so so so so many repetitive songs. I thought we could go deeper.
    So when Dox wanted to hear “Roxanne” YHC first thought “ok, you asked for it,” and considered it… but then YHC remembered:
    I don’t take requests.
    And I’d cataloged a few more Police songs with triggers, so instead we would get to hear the very appropriate “King of Pain” while we held our feet six inches and raised them up on every “soul” and “king of pain.”

    That left us with just enough time for a bit of Mary, and Jankee Jeaux quickly calculated that we had about 25 BBS of time left. We completed them during “Driven to Tears,” an Opus to the cloud of stank rained down upon YHC by YJ only moments earlier.

    COT and Dox prayed us out.

    Always an honor and a pleasure to lead.

    SYITG,

    AB

  • Family Feud – from Paradox

    You wake up on your couch, heart pounding as you brush off the Panera crust of last nights dinner. You turn off the 10th Dr Phil rerun and make a mental note to cool it on the charger lemonades. That familiar ill feeling falls over you as you realize you are late for work and truly in deep water because your incompetent, angry, micromanaging boss will surely make another passive aggressive comment that you have too many kids. One peek out the window and it looks like a ThunderTsumamiNado is brewing. You rush to the bathroom only to realize you are out of Old Spice but luckily there is puréed banana in the fridge for just such an occasion. You hustle out to your ole lemon of a truck. The inside smells like limes and regret. You mosey on into work avoiding the burps and curls of Thibodaux traffic. Stopped at a red light on canal, you can’t believe your eyes. Your beloved lion statue at the civic center is gone. A tough pill to swallow, seeing them pave paradise and put up a parking cawn! You are already composing the email to the authorities in your head as you pull into work. This won’t end without a Feud…heyyy what’s that beeping noise…

    You awake a second time.
    In your cozy fartsack.
    Alarm says 4:50am.
    It’s time for another beatdown.
    Whewwww, just a bad dream
    You can’t wait to get to the den and stretch your calves on that perfect 75 degree angle….

    Duke !! Wake up !
    Survey says it’s time for a last minute game show beatdown !
    Roll that beautiful footage and make sure it’s on the 1992 rolltop tv/vcr !

    Warmup
    Usuals with some serious groans of the chesticle region. Mostly done in silence as we all contemplated the loss of our lion friend and his mystery flags. Was this a targeted attack? Is there something bigger/better coming as payment for our 45 minutes/week of extra park security? And most importantly, just where in the heck are we supposed to do our pre beatdown loitering?!

    YHC led the pax in a coupon mosey drop off then transitioned into an Indian run 3 burp drop to warm the carburetors.

    Back to the …cawns (single tear) ..and YHC unveiled today would be about f3 family unity.
    Ya see F3 Thib has a long and bloody history of schisms…a few highlights from our timeline :

    1.) how to say “pirogue”
    -Early Goose Era

    Status : unsettled , please don’t ask Cardinal unless you want a homily about Acadian history.

    2.) The fitness tracker wars
    -late year 2 growth spurt era

    Status : stalemate , many casualties

    3.) The BlueTooth Conflict
    -Anker Dominant era

    Status : still healing after the death of Anker

    And the most recent blood feud may top them all …

    4.) The Earls of Sandwich
    – Rienzi Awakening Era

    Status : Some of the hottest takes about sub shops you can imagine.

    That’s just a taste of the major conflicts and so today we honor the bickering of brothers that can always be overpowered by the unity of the 3 Fs. At the end of the day we can agree to disagree and when the chatter gets unbearable …well has YHC told you about double Merkin burpees yet?

    Da Thang

    “We are family”
    IW on song
    Double Merkin Burpee on “Family” and “Sister”

    -Standard issue with AB immediately guessing Sister Sledge as the artist for 30 seconds off and later Pope guessed 1979 as the year of release for another 30 second discount.

    Mosey to Stairs for…

    F3 Family Feud

    Rules:
    Split teams
    Each team has a marker board and a designated writer.
    Given a family feud style topic that was allegedly from a “random” 100 Americans survey.

    The team must list top 3 answers and the order while running a lap around the civic center. They stop half way for 15 curls of a coupon and other curled lips of aggressive intimidation.

    Highest points wins the round.

    Winner – 10 merkins
    Loser – 10 burpees
    Tiebreak – 4, 5, 6th on list

    YHC would serve as host and journalist to report the team dynamics for the historians.

    Round 1
    Bad Qualities of a boss
    Answers:
    1. micromanagement
    2. Incompetence
    3. Angry

    Team 1 rolled out strong with Popeye clearly having some bad boss history to get off his chest . (“You sure lazy isn’t in there dox?” )
    Pope was established as the team writer since he can run 7 min miles in his sleep. He also sprinkled in some timely order changes.

    Team 1 was the victor
    Team 2 felt the sting of burpees and began the rally.

    Round 2
    You’re in deep (blank)

    Answer
    1. Doo-doo
    2. Trouble
    3. Water

    There’s a few topics you just can’t beat Goose on, the top 2 being Theology and Poop. He led his team to victory here correctly placing doo doo as number 1 and a full sweep of correct placements Team 2 handed out the burpees.

    Round 3
    Rhymes with “Will” associated with doctors.

    Answers:
    1.Bill
    2.Pill
    3.Ill

    YHC had to jog in silence as the doctor bashing began. Both teams correctly guess the qualities of this money grubbing profession and it was a Tie.
    YHC awarded the W to team 2 for the creativity of Dr Phil.

    **Wet Tap continued to lecture that some people consider burpees a win. It was looked upon in disgust by all.

    Round 4
    A wrestler named after a weather condition.

    Answer:
    1.) Tornado
    2.) Storm
    3.) Thunder

    Great debate here as our geographical anxieties put Hurricane in the forefront of the minds of both teams. Another tie and Lil cuz is watching Nacho Libre as we speak.

    Round 5 – The grand Fruitnale

    What fruit would you select if you were out of deodorant ?

    Answers:
    1.) Orange
    2.) Lemon/lime
    3.) Apple

    This one seemed to launch the greatest chatter and performed well when beta tested with YHCs family. Ronnie got off to a great debate on texture vs. smell and clearly preferred bananas. Popeye seemed to have no issue with his own body odor and considers society would better off without deodorant.
    Over in group 2 Gooses overindulgence of the Old Spice led to his prescience abilities. His eyes went blue and he was on the hunt for top rated citrus.
    Lil Cuz kept saying weird stuff about papaya but Everyone else just did their curls and lost the appetites for fruit all together.

    Group 2 edged out a win

    Shortened Mary with holding of 6 inches and leg raises.

    Intentions for families going through difficult times and graduating seniors.

    COT and Tap prayed us out.

    Thanks for the opportunity to lead.

    The Doxicology Report

    Many times you will hear a similar proclamation about F3 from guys across the nation. “It’s something I didn’t know I was missing but instantly knew I needed”. In the last few years I’ve continued to see the accuracy of this statement and it still remains difficult to quantify or even explain fully what God provides through this group. One aspect that is clear to me is that it fosters relationships where you can safely bring an opinion you know others may disagree with. This can be uncomfortable but it can also be a great opportunity to trust God in humility and to listen more than you yap. (Really tough one for yours truly )

    Whether it’s sandwich wars , Cajun dialect discussions or deeper matters YHC is grateful for a group where you can state your opinion , potentially change it based on something new and at the very least do ridiculous exercises until you forget what the issue was.

    In F3 Thib it ain’t a family without a little feuding and I reckon I’d be in deep doo doo without you fellers.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Destination Paradise? That’ll be 2 tickets, sir. – from Popeye

    Opener:
    Fun fact: the average weight of a “standard” brick is 4.40lbs.
    Funner fact: the average weight of a brick from YHC’s house is 5.25lbs.
    Talk about standards…

    Intro:
    YHC was frozen upon the late realization that his original vision for a Tuesday Tuff beatdown wouldn’t work; mother goose doled out such a ration of pain on the 5 poor PAX on Monday that the thought of more merks and coupon work almost made me wince.
    Instead, YHC smirked and realized I had a special secret to share with the tribe: tickets.

    No, Jeaux! Not the kind of tickets that you firemen take from the proletariat whilst slinging trashburgers and soggy fries at the fair, the kind of tickets that bring men to greatness. I’m talking about the kind of tickets (2) that might just get you to paradise…. For 45 minutes anyway.

    YHC shared with the PAX that for the past six years while assigned to New Orleans, I would frequently run along the river to the ruins of the Market Street power plant and work out on my own there with bricks. I called it the brickyard (super original, I know) and nobody would go with me. Working out there on my own was my zen, a (probably not) safe space where I could thrash myself under the curious gaze of the zombies and day walkers who lurked about the ruins. Special place, the only thing I think I’ll miss about working in the city.

    WU1 – The usual:
    SSH, Imp Walkers, Willie Mays, Slow Hi-knees, Arm Circle mix

    WU2 – The unusual:
    SSH w/tickets, Imp Walkers w/tickets, Willie Mays w/tickets, Slow Hi-knees w/tickets. Rare show of mercy on the arm circle mix.

    Musical complement:
    The PAX performed mountain climbers atop their tickets, and executed flawless shoulder-tap ticket merkins on each “waiting so long” and mention of “tickets” while enjoying “Two Tickets To Paradise” by the legendary Eddie Money. 22 points brah!
    This was hard, just ask Cardinal.

    ~ Ticket Mosey to Rich Man’s Loop ~

    Main event:
    The good news: We’d walk one lap – with tickets.
    The not so good news: after each quarter of the loop with tickets, we’d mosey ticket-free around the rest of the loop and progressively work around.
    1st Leg: Rocky tickets (punches).
    Lap
    2nd Leg: Curls till tired, then overhead press.
    Lap
    3rd Leg: Tricep extensions.
    Lap
    4th Leg: Side extensions and front extensions.
    Lap

    The PAX (really just AB) was grumbling about being at 2.5 miles in and something about points, so we returned to the flag to ditch tickets and then carried on to close out 3 miles.
    It’s the frickin’ Cleveland Wine Mixer May Chalenge after all, no points should be left in the table.

    Time elapsed, 1:45 over.

    COT, Dox prayed us out.

    Thanks for the solid showing and enjoying two tickets in the gloom. Always enjoy pushing myself and sharing the growth that only comes through deliberate discomfort with you men.

    Now I’m off to email YETI to see if they can make a bigger bucket to carry tickets.

    SYITG

  • Staking, Less, Killer – from Honeysuckle

    A universally accepted truth is that F3 Thibodaux is the most creative F3 group among those consisting of more than one type of doctor. Which pretty much puts it in the running for most creative F3 worldwide.

    But before we go any further, warmarama:

    SSH, windmills, willie Mayes Hayes, imperial walkers, arm circles forward and reverse, cherry pickers, Carolina high knees, regular butt kicks

    The Thang:

    YHC recently got interested in how does one quantify creativity. One way is via the Remote Associates Test (RAT). This test reveals three words, and the test taker has to figure out a fourth word that connects the other three. Our example today was

    Picture, washer, shopping

    And goose correctly answered “window” as the answer. Color me shocked.

    To simplify the beatdown structure, today the PAX would instead be doing a musical RAT (see hype) with pairs of songs.

    Five Doras were planned for teams of two. Each Dora corresponded to a song pair. Transport would involve coupons in one direction (one team member takes it to the far end and runs back, the second team member does the opposite).

    The PAX could guess the connection between the pair of songs and avoid 5 thrusters at the far end of the course for the next round. In reality, YHC quickly forgot about that part and likely no thrusters were done the whole time. Send complaints to paradox@innercircle.net.

    The Doras were 200 reps per exercise.

    1) merkins, SSHs, murder bunny transport
    2) Squats, v-ups, rifle carry transport
    3)Carolina dry docks, flutter kicks, block and bear transport
    4)Apollo oh-nos, LBC, lunge transport
    5)Crab dip, WWI sit ups, rifle carry

    We sped through the last few rounds due to time.

    The corresponding songs were

    1) A View to a Kill, Duran Duran / it’s my life, Talk Talk (double names)
    2) We have all the time in the world, Louis Armstrong/ the living daylights, A-ha (James bond theme songs)
    3) Take on me, A-ha / SOS, ABBA (palindrome band names)
    4) Atlantic City, the band / blinded by the light, Manfred Mann (covers of Bruce Springsteen songs)
    5) Ride like the wind, Christopher cross / Peg, Steely Dan (Michael McDonald backups in both)

    Count off, name off, announcements, intentions. May challenge starting. Pray for families and AB fighting Covid. YHC’s bionic partner for Doras today, Lil Cuz, prayed us out.

    As always it was a pleasure and honor to Q this morning. The PAX killed this and we 1000% absolutely don’t have to worry about AI being more creative than humans after all. I will sleep well tonight.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

    I heard it on the honeysuckle vine:
    —A view to a kill is also a James Bond theme song. YJ immediately picked up on this.
    —aha was played twice in a row
    —SOS is also a palindrome
    —the group Honeysuckle also has an Atlantic City cover.
    —in Peg, Steely Dan made Michael McDonald sing multiple individual notes and these were mixed together to form different sung chords in the song.
    —Technically, the first song played in the theme of “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” is an instrumental, with the Louis Armstrong song played afterwards.
    —Louis Armstrong does not play the trumpet part in the song.