F3 New Orleans

Tag: Popeyes

  • The Goose Option – from Goose

    The Goose Option refers to both the Q-uarterback’s decision to pitch to the running back at the last moment (YJ to Goose), and the modifications YHC has employed during the past couple of months to avoid further injury to the right wing. This morning, we would all endure the Goose Option.
    YHC arrived with Pope to see Smooth already running laps–a good sign for Team Smoothie Kings. Worried that “HC” has further come to mean “fartsack” for many, YHC was carefully watching the clock as we inched dangerously close to 5:15. But, French Horn pulled in (a few minutes early, mind you), followed by a trickle of solid dudes who eventually added up to a Magnificent Seven despite the large number of solid fartsackers (including at least one “HC”). Seriously, it was awesome to see that we can have so many men there on a Monday morning even with so many missing.

    Encouraged by this crew, including two who traveled from Houma and beyond (Paradiddle’s 5th in a row!!), we rolled through the warmup of the usuals, and YHC introduced Goose Option, Part 1.
    During the May challenge, YHC can only score points through situps, tricep curls (which are harder than bicep curls, so it’s not cheating!), and running. So, for the sake of camaraderie, we all did 4 rounds of the following: 3 sets of 15 tricep curls and 15 WWII situps followed by a quarter-mile run (to bumper, then Stop sign, and back). This ultimately added up to 180 curls, 180 situps, and 1 mile run.
    French Horn continued to pour forth unprecedented music and movie knowledge from the 90’s as he kept up with YHC (and ultimately earning the Animal shirt as a result), which made this stage fly by. T-claps to the whole crew for cranking out the tricep curls and big boys–I felt known and loved.

    Part 2 would be a song since more than half of song routines consist of the plank/merkin combo or something like a SSH/burpee combo and YHC has to do some sort of leg destruction to match the intensity. So, we would all destroy our legs using “The General” by Dispatch. We held Al Gore for the duration of the 4 minute song, and during the refrain, we did the following:
    -squat jump on “take a shower”
    -Bonnie Blair on “shine your shoes”
    -Apolo Ono on “young men”
    -genuflection on “forgiven”
    According to Paradiddle, this looked like some sort of dance, and maybe it was. Maybe that’s all I’ve ever really wanted, to dance in sync with a bunch of swole dudes. Either way, the legs were shot long before we finished, but we genuflected our way to the bitter end before lining up at the edge of the concrete for the final 8 minutes.

    Part 3 reflected the common experience YHC has of modifying an arm routine to a leg routine only to have the Q call a killer leg routine next. So, we would do 11’s until time ran out–flutters at the Stage, lunge walk to the sidewalk, leg raises at the sidewalk, and run back. It was basically a few ab exercises to provide a little space between a bunch of ridiculously long lunge walks. (I’ve discovered since then that if I sit down, I should plan to be there for a while.)
    This was a tough one, but these dudes cranked it out without stopping or complaining (too much), though I think Paradiddle did run behind his truck to let out what sounded like enough gas to inflate a weather balloon. Seemed like a waste of steps to me–I would have like to have seen how that affected his lunge walk.

    6:00 mercifully came, and the PAX made their way back to the Stage for the COT. Tana’s hair told the whole story–it looked like it had been through a lot and wasn’t even trying anymore. Frenchy got the Animal shirt, as mentioned, and Paradiddle prayed us out.
    Diddle decided to stay and clock one more mile, and as we were driving out, we saw Smooth go back from his truck to the track to join him so he didn’t have to run alone. That’s what it’s all about!!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Try Athletes – from Paradox

    Does anyone else have an item on your bucket list that looks wayyyy better on paper and in your head than in reality.
    YHCs has always been the triathlon.
    The conversation goes something like this :

    12 year old YHC brain:
    bruhhhh Conquering multiple elements of human locomotion in a variety of terrains, an ultimate test. You are literally an amphibious machine. Cross that finish line while everyone cheers your name. The ladies will be lined up. This is your life’s greatest work.

    35 year old YHC brain:
    bro , chill, you get the heeby jeebies from swimming in deep water, biking always hurts your back, and your feet cramp after a two mile run. If you keep taking ibuprofen you will get an ulcer. Check yourself before you shipwreck yourself.

    And so on just like that for decades.
    But no more!
    Today we put the triathlon to bed once and for all…as a team!

    Duke put down those electrolyte gummies and roll the footage.

    12 pax beat the gloom on a beautiful summer morning at the Peltch. YHC rolled in a touch early to plant a few seeds and then met up with a growing prethang Saturday crew of Horn, Diddle and Ronnie. With a steady pace we covered topics ranging from Cardinals secret beach workouts to Horns new longboard interest group and melted away a few miles in the process. Please text YJ for all prethang details if you are interested (there’s an application and he needs to know your long term intentions and previous prethang relationship history)

    Several more pax trickled in and we had a rock solid group ready to race.

    Warmup
    Started with a ear splitting cadence of 36 SSH to honor the bday of our resident beast Enron. Full back blast sarcasm aside here, Ronnie is a cornerstone of our pax , always exhibiting a tenacious spirit and has really progressed into a force to be reckoned with physically.
    Enjoy those well earned bday jucifers brother!

    We got back into a steady warmup when YHC heard a verbal altercation brewing.
    At only 2 minutes and 39 seconds into the beatdown Sheriff Deputy of Form Yankee Joseph found his first citation. Does proper form have an age limit? not for this deputy. There is no jurisdiction when someone does a half Side straddle. He is the Law.
    Little did he know the young Coyote is highly skilled in verbal jiuJitsu and in seconds had YJ questioning his entire form police career and presenting badge and gun to Goose.
    The dust settled and a Donnybrook was avoided , Goose threatened to hose us and we moved on.

    Indian run
    Classic Sea Shanty run
    Last man Drop off 5 diamonds merkins
    We ran to tennis court for two songs to set the mood.

    Da Tanggggg

    Part 1 : Swim
    Open Ocean Jam session

    Baby Shark
    YHC set the mood with this dark and foreboding tail.
    Burpee on Shark
    SSH on song
    On about the 3rd burpee we had our first casualty as the baby shark was clearly targeting the elderly blood in the water. Further investigation underway to see if a banana peel from Coyote was the murder weapon. (But seriously rest up Jeaux, the team needs you)

    Under the Sea
    Side shuffle
    Bobby Hurley on Sea
    This one got warm pretty fast and begin to set the stage for further cardio testing.

    Buddy System
    Partner up
    Both complete 20 2 is 1 flutter kicks sprint to tennis ball bucket. Ten merkins at tennis’s ball and sprint back. (About 50 yards away)
    We all ended up with 6 tennis balls per couple but Cuz did some weird Yee Yee math and said 5 so he and partner Frankenbeans took penalty burpees.

    Part 2 : Bike
    Indian Run #2
    We hit the road in search of our bikes.
    As we crossed the ditch Horn kept us entertained with a rendition of I believe I can Fly
    He ate that dirt sandwich with a smile on his face and a song in his heart. You can’t keep a good man down.

    Last man drop off for 5 2 is 1 Freddy mercuries.
    Frankenbeanz succumbed to a leg injury halfway through and YHC deployed Horn on a life raft to check in on the growing IR list.

    Bicycle Song at Tennis court
    Freddy mercuries on bicycle
    Leg raises on other parts
    Superfun(d) began to question the amount of sugar YHC had in his cereal.

    Part 3: Run

    Tennis Ball Suicide relay
    Split into two teams
    Must run full suicide to the bucket , get tennis ball
    Full suicide back to secure tennis ball at home base
    Team with most balls wins

    Back to the flag for a little Mary

    WetTap awarded the GiGi to Coyote for his resistance to the form police. I know Coyote is already busting merkins so he can look jacked in the GiGi next Sat.
    SuperFun(d) sent the Animal back to its originator as Goose continues to pound out 4000 Bonnie Blair’s and big boys per beatdown.

    COT and WetTap prayed us out

    NMM

    YHC is an over-analyzer by nature. If you lay out 20 reps of an exercise in front of me my brain says “ok 5 slowish, 10 regular then just kinda bob around till someone else stops. Full self preservation mode. Yet some of my favorite moments in F3 happen when the beatdown overrides the system. The intensity is cranked, sweat in your eyes, minimal mental processing, just you and your team stuck solidly in the present. One tennis ball at a time till there are no more.

    You can Try for yourself
    Try for individual gains
    Try for self recognition
    And you will feel good temporarily.
    But hidden in the secret sauce of F3 is the Try for others while the “Me” takes a back seat.

    Grateful for the men of F3 as we make each other a little stronger each day.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Show Up and Find Out – from Smooth Operator

    Show Up And Find Out

    Paradiddle, Pope, Goose, Paradox, Yankee Joe, Tana, French Horn, Smooth Operator

    After sending some slightly inebriated cryptic pictures as beat down hype, YHC was not sure what kind of turn out to expect. YHC showed up at the Den around 0415 to do a little levee scouting and rack up the ruck mileage for our May challenge. Around 0440, Paradox and YJ pulled into the parking lot and started pounding the pavement making circles around the reservoir. Pope and Goose were the next to arrive around 0450 and had the same intentions. 75% of the Smoothie Kings completed a mile and headed back to the flag. Tana arrived next along with French Horn, and Paradiddle seemed to appear out of thin air.

    Alright warm ups went like this:

    Side Straddle Hops
    Wind Mills
    High Knees
    Butt Kicks
    Arm Circles
    Self Love

    Yankee Joe like worrying about odd numbers so I threw in a 27 count of side straddle hops to make his noggin start hurting.

    I picked 3 people with a special connection to May 18th that I felt exemplified the 3 F’s of F3 and I broke them down into 3 Thangs. I also decided it would be a makeshift guessing game. So let’s get to it.

    Thang 1 (Faith)
    The first guy’s birthday was May 18th 1920.
    Through his Papacy he worked toward ending communism and building bridges to people of different religions.
    He was also a big fan of skiing.
    He is St. Pope John Paul the 2nd.
    Ole Yankee Joe got it right

    From the flag we went ahead and started with an Indian run which the last guy would be doing 5 genuflections while we ran 1 ½ times around the reservoir levee. From here we would be doing some levee climbing.

    We went ahead and did 10 Carolina Dry Docks on top the levee. Ran down the levee and did 10 WW2 sit ups. All of this took place on the front side of the reservoir between the reservoir and Hwy 20 for advertising purposes. All in all we completed between 5 and 6 sets and we moseyed to the baseball field.

    Thang 2 (Fitness)
    Our second guy’s special connection to May 18th was a little different. On May 18th 2004, This 40 year old threw MLB’s 17th perfect game.
    He was a 5 time Cy Young award winner and won a World Series with the Diamondbacks.
    He was also a member of the 300 win club and a 1st ballot hall of farmer.
    He is Randy Johnson
    French Horn got this one correct and knew a lot more about the big unit than anyone else did. T-Claps buddy.

    In honor of his perfect game we would run around the bases 27 times in sets of 6. In between sets we would be doing 10 Chuck Norris style merkins. Around lap 24 or 25 YHC had to call it due to time purposes. It was definitely not due to the stars and black dots that had started clouding YHC’s vision. After this we moseyed back to the flag to find out who our final May 18th guy would be.

    Thang 3(Fellowship)
    As DJ YJ set up the speaker for YHC, we started talking about another man born on May 18th. His birth year was 1952.
    He was dubbed the King of Country Music. After this one a lot of guess started flying. I heard Hank Williams, Alan Jackson, Merle Haggard, Johnny Cash. All wrong.
    He had 60 #1 hits over a 30 year period.
    He is George Straight.
    French Horn got this one correct also. Looks like that college education is paying off buddy.

    The first musical work out would be to the song Fireman by King George. Whenever the PAX would hear “They call me the Fireman” We would switch gears from mountain climbers to merkins.

    2nd musical work out would be the song Murder on Music Row by Alan Jackson and George straight. This workout would be done similar to the first song but the switch would be done on the phrase “music row”. The two workout were WW2 sit ups and Heels to heaven.

    After this song YHC called it at 0559. I had another musical work out planned, but it worked out for the best “A love without end, Amen” would have probably been a little awkward between ole Goose and Pope. From here we counted off one short due to Paradox cutting out 5 minutes early. We had announcements and Tana prayed us out.

    Total count for the May challenge was 150 Merkins, 100 WW2 sit ups, and 2 miles run.

    P.S. Around lap 18 or 20 of running the bases is when YHC realized that he was surrounded by 7 certified beasts. Y’all keep up the good work fellas. I hope one day I can get to y’all level of fitness.

    SYITG,
    Smooth

  • Tuesday Tough, Mostly – from Goose

    YHC pulled into a crowded parking lot for a Tuesday after making a quick loop around the new lot across the street, which caused the loitering PAX much consternation and fearful curiosity. But, it was unfounded–YHC was only scouting for a usable stretch of street for the first Thang.

    During the first part of the warmup, YHC was again faced with the weak, quiet cadence counting that tends to characterize the Thibodaux PAX. This weakness in an otherwise perfect PAX rears its ugly head especially when downrangers are with us–the confused outsider counts loud and proud while only about 2 or 3 locals eek out a barely audible, inaccurate count between Paradox and Yankee Joe’s comments about Tana’s hair. So, YHC shared his shame this morning, assuming the Tuesday Tough PAX would receive the blow with rock hard abs, but, alas, it was not so. You would have thought YHC had pulled out a ruler and was coming after their nether regions. All downrangers were immediately condemned and banned from future beatdowns, and warmup counts for the next two weeks are guaranteed to be a combination of both overly loud and overly quiet with side plots to overthrow the count-shamer. Well, so be it. At least we’re not overly schism prone–we should get through this no problem.

    The first Thang was supposed to be a quick Bleep Test over by the bumper area, and as the PAX planked up while YHC and Pope set it up, YHC noticed that it seemed a little farther of a distance than usual. The typical bleep test consists of two lines a set distance apart, and you run from one to the other at the sound of a beep–you have to arrive before the next one because it signals the start of the return trip. So, you’re running across at every beep, and if you don’t make it before the next one, you have one more try before you’re “out”. Originally, YHC thought the distance was 40 meters (34 yards), and set it up that way, but after the first beep, it became very clear that YHC was woefully mistaken. Literally nobody made it. So, thanks to the invention of the internet, YHC was able to double check and saw that the official distance is actually 20 meters. This thew off the idea that we would be driven to finish at least 40 laps to make a full mile, but half a mile or so would have to suffice.
    These men were no less tenacious, though, and YHC found himself challenged by a PAX that hung in there way longer than in previous beatdowns. As the time between beeps continued to shorten, YHC settled into what would clearly be some long-suffering. After about 40 laps, more and more PAX started dropping off, but we made a rule that you could buy your way back in with 20 monkey humpers, so as Paradiddle, Pope, and YHC tried to outlast each other, PAX with refreshed(ish) legs kept jumping back into the mix, pushing us to drive harder. It was quite the mental challenge, but all said and done, we completed about 54 laps, which is by far the highest we’ve done yet. Super impressed and grateful for this crew!

    With about 15 minutes left, YHC had three songs and three core bombs to deliver. The first was “Walking on the Moon” by the Police during which we’d be on our sixes holding feet at six inches, with a big, slow flutter kick at every “walking”. This is a five minute song, so I gave the PAX a chance to end early by guessing the artist–after some work, they got it, and YHC was happy to stop after about three minutes.
    The second song was “Ooh, Baby Baby” by Smokey Robinson. We held static LBC position (crunched up) for the duration, and dropped down and back up with every “baby”. This was a first for YHC, and it really worked–we’ll definitely be seeing this again.
    The third was “Keep on Rockin’ Me Baby” by The Steve Miller Band–held static wife pleaser position (hip bridge up) for the duration, and down and back up for every “rockin’”. This was a killer, too–definitely worth repeating.

    With about 8 minutes left, we finished everyone’s mile by running three laps around the track (thanks, Paradox, for the push!), which left us with about five minutes for Mary. We started with Hello Dolly’s, and YHC’s goal was to keep going until Yankee was no longer able to sustain his high-energy counting. It was a nice distraction, but all distractions ultimately fail against increasing fatigue, so we made it to about 34 (2:1). We filled the last 4 minutes with as many Big Boys as possible. This sparked what YHC deemed the best mumblechatter line of the morning: YJ had brought his new F3 Broga mat and was pulling it out when Paradox commandeered it for group usage the way we’ve been doing with YHC’s for the past week. A mat that big is wasted on just one, so Dox and I assumed the three-man-butt-saver position, leaving a sliver for YJ, which led him to share that he felt “like the kid who brought a new toy to recess only to have the big kids take it away.” Shared suffering, bro. That’s how it goes.

    COT and the Animal shirt went to Superfun(d) (first time recipient) for his silent doggedness through the morning’s grind. Announcements and the typical accusations of exclusivity followed, and Paradiddle prayed us out.

    It was awesome to push through this morning with these guys, especially having Lil’ Cuz and Superfun(d) back in the mix, and Paradiddle posting three morning’s in a row! It’s amazing how the presence of each unique man makes such a huge difference–don’t think you’re not missed when you’re not there! You know how it feels to look around the circle at each guy with gratitude that they’re there–it’s no different when we look at you! So get there!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The First(and Probably Last) F3 Presidential Fitness Test – from French Horn

    Four Score and 7 years ago, the founders of our nation based the core values of our nation on brotherhood, democracy, equality(eventually we got there), and most importantly; athletics. The first presidential fitness test was started by the legendary Dwight D. Eisenhower, the GOAT of World War Generals. The test was discontinued in 2013 because the new generation of liberal snowflakes couldn’t take the sheer dexterity and tenacity required for such a task. I was the last of a dying breed, the last breed of young men who attempted this test, and the impact it left on me is incermountable. As so, I thought there was nothing better to begin my Qing career than this test of sheer manliness.

    It wouldn’t be a Horn Q if YHC was fashionably late. I shot in at a crisp 6:34 as the PAX were deep into a warmup led by Goose, the man with the golden bloodline. Awaiting me in the parking lot is a highly touted FNG Andrew, someone who I warned beforehand how different this is from the weight room; he was hard headed enough to scoff at me, he will see what is to come soon. As disciples of the great marketing professor Yankee Joseph the 2nd, we know a thing or two about highly thought provoking ideas. I thought the PAX would be excited and enthusiastic about this workout when they knew about the prize I had. The F3 world championship belt. Here we go:

    The Thang:
    A good beat down includes a song, and what better song to start a hot muggy summer than some good ole Pearl Jam.
    Song: Alive with air squats through the song until the chorus when therefore we burpee.

    The Test.
    Merkins
    Big Boys
    Coupons Curls
    Shuttle Run
    Augmented Mile Run
    Montana’s Choice(I gave tana man the choice of workout as he was the reason I’m here with you fine gentlemen, and I will be forever grateful for this unit of a human)
    Pull ups
    Mosey Back

    A nice session of mary concluded with Pope becoming the champion and Coyote as 2.0 champion. As I said before, Goose has thoroughbreds as children. Slots from Katy came in 2nd, a performance for the ages, massive respect for him as he came in and out in 110% effort and was a beast for all 60 minutes. I’m also rocking the Katy F3 sticker on ole Bessie as we speak(it’s fire). 3rd place was Dox, you can always expect Dox to compete and show off his grit and wherewithal. FNG Andrew did a little better than I expected, he was a fish out of water without his pre workout and creatine, but it meant a lot to me that my brother from another mother made the trip to come to my VQ, as well as being given maybe the best name in history, Frankenbeanz(already legendary). Special mention to Wet Tap, as the F3 version of Hulk Hogan(always winning brother) suffered a weird off day, which was escpially weird as the ole taking off the shoes trick didn’t go in his favor. The animal recipient was Paradiddle, the first time I saw him at a beat down and I was extremely impressed, T-Claps to my guy. Gigi recipient was Wet Tap, it really essintiates his biceps. All things considered the beast will continue to conquer. Prayer intentions and then Wet Tap with a strong prayer out.

    I wanted to end this blast off by getting a little personal. Growing up I was a chubby kid. I was always athletic and always wanting to be active, but I was always heavyset no matter what I did. When Covid-19 hit, I was encouraged by my friends to start being active again. And so I started running(Forrest Gump voice). By the time 2021 rolled around I was chilling at 190, down from 265 in May, a massive drop. I was encouraged and happy, until I wasn’t. My dad dropped dead offshore from an aortic dissection. It was the darkest point in my life. I started making bad life choices, not having a clear path or clear sight of where life would take me. Down to 165 pounds, I was literally close to my body shutting down from lack of food. Then I had that moment where I realized I had to change. I started going to the gym and bulking up, continuing to try my best to make my dad proud along the way. The last year has still been difficult, as my mom and I’s relationship has been very shaky at best. I really have no guidance or adult prescense in my life at this point, so I was trying my best to stay afloat, at this point worse than before. One day during that roughy time while working at CC’s, I saw the great drug dealer from Napoleonville BJ Antill sipping his cup of hot coffee in visible pain. I asked him what’s up? He replied,”Cinderblocks man.” I was instantly intrigued. Then the sultan of stocks Adrien Maught realized our mutual connection to BJ. It was then they both began recruiting me, and I can say, F3 has been a blessing. It has gotten me involved with a group of amazing guys and i’m in a setting where I can be myself and do things that I love. I love and appreciate all of you gentlemen, and I hope to continue to grow and improve myself as time goes on within F3. Thank you gentlemen for everything.

    French Horn

  • The First(and Probably Last) F3 Presidential Fitness Challenge – from French Horn

    https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-8zgfUK4szaMrEe3Cm7g8Stc-9dystwj6decwRhL8lY/edit

  • Part of the Ship, Part of the crew – from Wiford Montana

    This Monday morning came with a flash. Something told me to hijack this que from paradox due to his voice sounding like “Herbert” from family guy. I knew after the v que and corresponding gif of the pirates I had to go into detail what this means thru work. We pulled up to the spot ready to roll. Just remember the Dutchman must always have a captain!
    First was a stretch and mini warm o Rama to set up the thang.
    Indian run merkin mile dropping off to do 5 Merks while the crew sets the pace to the 4 stopping points.
    Once done dilly hit us with a quick ten count then we did the Indian run merk mile in reverse track for our pirate friends south of the equator and of course so Enron would feel the disturbance in the force of counterclockwise! We then finished the second mile and 200+ merks to go straight into an 11’s of Freddy merks and big boys while then taking a lap. We did all 8 to complete mile 3 and then did these weird abb exercises from coach Kenny24 that he keeps popping into my Facebook ads and I am a fan lol Great stuff.
    Big points today and well done to all!
    Congrats pope on animal and f3 presidential challenge belt!! Goose this must be a big moment for u.
    Enjoyed sweating profusely with u all from the gloom
    Cot Dilly prayed us out

  • Just Do Stuff for 40 minutes – from Yankee Joe

    YHC has been called many things in his life. Some have said he’s stubborn. Others have said he’s a bit arrogant. Not a few folks have made the outlandish claim that YHC tends to be melodramatic…perhaps even moody. Still others would even go so far as to note YHC sucks at maff.

    Regardless of what these peasants may say, I am not any of these things and the very fact that such atrocious slander would be heaped on my flawless purveyance of righteousness is nothing short of Paradox-level hypocrisy. After all, Enron, 3.8 lbs + 3.8 lbs = 10 lbs. I have spoken.

    How does this translate into a beatdown? Your guess is as good as mine. Take a little bit of stubborn cockiness, a heaping tablespoon of dramatic (if not grumpy) flare, and a complete mockery of Euclid’s legacy, and you have whatever the hell this morning was.

    For context, as we approach the completion of our second week with the May Challenge, point totals like 1,000 have taken on special significance. The men in Cleveland are no dummies. There is no easy way or even loop hole to racking up points. So, this morning was supposed to be a frontal assault on that hill.
    —————————————

    The idea was that running quarter mile distances in an 8 minute pace (2 minutes), followed by 1 minute of exercises, aiming for at least 45 points (merkins, BBS, coupon curls, and/or pullups), one could – in fully ungrounded theory – achieve 1,000 points in 40 minutes. The breakdown is below:

    – 2 minute quarter mile (25 points)
    – 1 minute exercises (45 pt total)
    – Total: 70 points

    Repeat above combo 12 times for 840 total points.

    The beauty of this is that the above cycle would take 36 minutes, thus leaving 4 minutes to work. Since partial miles don’t count, it would be a blitzkrieg of exercises, aiming for 160 points or 40 points each of the last four minutes.

    840 + 160 = 1,000 (see, I do maff good)

    You might say, hitting 160 points in four minutes is impossible. Ok, then ruck one of the three miles accumulated from the quarter mile sprints (four quarter mile runs with weight). If carrying 30 lbs, for example, your last four minutes looks like 130 points (32.5 pts per minute). AND if the PAX showed up stretched and ready to go, then you could add 5 more minutes to the overall beatdown, which would further distribute the per minute point totals across the beatdown OR give you enough time to add a fourth mile.

    The logic is sound. The execution would need to be relentlessly methodical. Trying to pull it off 10 days into the May Challenge at the Lion’s Den was delusional.
    ——————————————

    The beatdown structure was simple:

    Run a series of quarter miles if you want to build points that way, otherwise do whatever the hell you want. After the dust settled, the average point accumulation was between 615 and 670 (not counting any pre-beatdown work). **Not bad at all considering that this time the mileage was actually accurate to the hundredth of a mile.**

    – Paradox stayed true to the run/exercise sequence. He even threw in some pull-ups on a bar that I couldn’t have reached jumping.

    – Similar to YHC, Enron abandoned some of the run early to focus on his uncanny strength with merkins and coupon curls.

    – Goose seemingly completed 9 million big boy sit-ups and stuck to the run combo.

    – It appeared as if Picadilly ran for 40 minutes straight, but he also knocked out a bunch of exercise points.

    AND though this individual PAX commands plenty of respect, I think the level falls woefully short of the awe we should have for 14-year old Pope. This dude is a beast now. In a few years, he is going to redesign F3 because it’s not hard enough for him. He just never stopped…like literally went all out for 40 minutes straight.

    (In the beginning of the beatdown, I asked Pope if he wanted full bricks (for mini-rucking) or half bricks. He politely asked for the full bricks. The look on his face, however, politely told me that if I ever disrespected him like that again, he’d make half bricks by breaking full bricks over my head.)

    Exact point totals for each PAX is somewhat known, but will not be published here, lest Enron decides to live into his F3 name. You know what he’s like when looking at numbers on a spreadsheet. The temptation to cook the books is just too strong. You go to a barber shop long enough, you’ll eventually get your hair cut (or so I’m told).

    That said, based on casual convos following the beatdown, and including pre-beatdown runs by Enron, Paradox, Goose, Pope, and YHC, my best maff skilz puts totals between 870 – 925.

    The challenge is on. 1000 points in 40 minutes. It can be done. Who will answer the call?

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • Move Your Feet, Work Your Meat (And Wet Concrete) – from Goose

    YHC went into this morning with much hope of being a part of a large group of F3 HIMs pushing hard together through a well curated beatdown before entering the 5K race of the year to represent in an undeniable way the benefits of F3 to the wider Thibodaux community. All would see the black-shirted clan exuding brotherhood, confidence, and joyful tenacity as we swept through the crowd singing sea shanties and laughing at one another’s clever jokes. Instead, YHC and Pope pulled into The Peltch late and stressed only to see a large, Gigi’d man and his smaller companion running toward me up the road, away from the park. Confused, YHC rolled down the window and asked Tana and Paradox where the heck they were going at 6:31am. They shared that they were the only ones there, and they figured a short mosey would get them warmed up nicely before YHC, the Q, got there. Although this was a little disheartening, the fact that Tana was wearing a headband the exact color of the Gigi lifted YHC’s spirits considerably, not to mention the promise of solid quality time with both the big man and Paradox. And, knowing that Yankee Joe (dealing with family stuff) and Wet Tap (facilitating birth) would be joining us for the run gave YHC some hope that it would be an enjoyable day even if we didn’t overwhelm the city of Thibodaux with the glory of F3.

    After a warmup of the usual suspects, we grabbed coupons and moseyed over to the Thunderdome for some Dora to score some points, log some miles, and get the legs warmed up. While one partner chipped away at 200 curls and 200 Big Boys, partner two ran around the building. This took some time, and it may have established the Broga/Yoda mat as the ideal situp platform. Tana confirmed both its springiness and its ease on the posterior, and YHC wouldn’t be surprised if more were found dragging one around for the month of May like Linus with his blue blankie.

    Next, YHC introduced these fellas to the Turbo Tax Tennis Ball Thang. Enron, YJ, and Dilly enjoyed the strain it provided last week as well as the competition, so YHC figured we’d give it another go. This time, the same partners moved from the Thunderdome to the gate by the track and back–the man with the ball can’t move, but has to throw it to his partner who can. If it was dropped, both partners had to complete 5 genuflections. Pope and Paradox came out swinging with long throws and acrobatic catches, which of course led to many drops and many genuflections. YHC and Tana went for shorter lobs and an easy rhythm, and with not a single drop, outpaced the younger team by many units of measurement. After waiting for the losing team to finally arrive after their 85th genuflection, it was time to mosey back to the flag for some pre-race stretching.

    It was here that we learned that Tana had never stretched a day in his life and couldn’t actually bend his knee more than one or two degrees on account of his quads being as tight as cold rubber. We had also learned earlier that on the previous day, Tana had run something like 8 miles around his neighborhood and played 16 straight hours of pickleball into the wee hours of the morning. We were in awe at his willingness to run a 5K after all that (though later events would prove that our awe was unfounded).

    Wet Tap arrived with Redfish with about 2 minutes left of stretching, and we followed one another to the fairgrounds. After parking, the owner of the home in front of which we had parked came out and asked how long we’d be there. He wanted to mow his yard before it rained. We promised to be out of there before 9:30, and this seemed to assuage him. On the way in, Paradox must have said about 17 times that it was his first time running an official race, and Redfish shared that he’s been in about 17 of them, starting at the age of 2.

    At the registration tent every third person had their phone out showing everyone around them the radar, which looked like a death blob flying toward us. In typical fashion, the mob just waited for someone else to tell us it wasn’t a good idea to run through a lightning storm, and since they didn’t, we lined up. We were in the middle of calculating our chances of survival when YJ sauntered up in full firefighter gear: tank, coat, hat, boots and everything. It was a sight to behold. It seemed he and his boys were gonna run this thing in 70 lbs. of firefighting gear. (That ought to rack up some points!). Not sure if he chose that himself, but what a dude.

    It was also during this time that Tana made his actual intentions clear. He let us know at the registration tent that he had to run back to his car for his credit card (though Paradox paid with cash no problem…). And, while we were lining up and looking for his head poking up over the crowd, Paradox got a text that said something like, “I got to the car, I looked at the radar, I got scared, and I peeled out. It’s every man for himself. I think the world is coming to an end. And my legs are tired.” So, it would be four of us.

    Soon, it was time to start (a bit chaotically), and we took off into the darkening horizon. After about a half a block, a lightning bolt slammed into the ground about a mile away as if to set the tone for what would be a memorable experience. Not long after that, the little bitty stinging rain started coming in sideways, and it only increased in size and quantity as the race went on. The lightning and thunder were constant, like a soundtrack for four manly men moving at a moderate pace through sheets of rain along busy highways. At one point, we were actually singing sea shanties (it seemed fitting in the driving rain), and we were enjoying one another’s company so much that the finish line snuck up on us. We pushed hard for the last hundred yards or so, but YHC felt sad that it was over. There was no possibility of winning the race, so we were able to enjoy the unique experience of running around Thibodaux in a storm with good brothers for a good cause. It was a memory maker, for sure, and I found myself wishing we had three more miles.

    We were done and headed to the cars by about 8:30, but no matter how early we were, old boy wasn’t gonna be cutting his grass today. YHC was grateful for the camaraderie, the seat covers, and even the rain this morning. The rest of you fartsackers missed out!

    SYITG,
    Goose

    FYI: The Q-sheet has reached the place where it’s basically gonna be YHC and Yankee Joe from here on out unless you start putting your name in there. It doesn’t matter if it’s close or far away, get on the schedule! Q-ing is your “down-painment” for the gift of F3 in your life!

  • That’s No Moon… – from Paradox

    A long long time ago , in a Lions Den not too far away 7 pax assembled on May the 4th to defeat the mighty Death star.
    YHC would love to tell you we met this terror with a united pax but recent May challenge skirmishes have our x wings loaded with Ether and drawing lines in the Tatooine sand.

    Darth Ragnar Tana flew his silent Rav4Destroyer and met two of his JV crew from planet Chackbay. M2d2 and Cardinal3PO flexed in synchronized maroon ready to steal hundreds of points. YHC (palpatinDox? No? Ok I’ll keep workshopping it ) had his two Threat Level Midnight Allie’s, Ron Solo and DillyBaca ready to continue the force choking points party. Finally no defeat of the empire can occur without Goose Skywalker and His padawan Pope plus the trusted Yoda mat. (Wise to bring it , he was). We put aside our alliances for 45 minutes to bring peace to the galaxy.

    Duke! Put down that lightsaber and roll the bean footage!

    Warmup
    The usuals
    Tana continues to need a seminar on warmup protocol. I’ll be reaching out to his former educators for advise. This will definitely come up in todays Teams Call.

    YHC introduced the DeathStar

    5 stations dispersed along a roughly estimated .7 miles ish
    1: coupon curls at lion
    2: Stairs 20 merkins
    3: bench 20 bbsu
    4: dock 20 wide merkins
    5: tennis court 20 ww1 sit-ups

    Round 1
    Tour the stations All together mosey in between and get a feel for the enemy.

    Round 2
    Han Solo Mission
    Everyone on your own
    Pope took the title at 5:56 and secured the Animal performance of the beatdown

    Round 3
    Siths come in pairs
    Pair up and you can help your partner finish Reps buttt this round you have 40

    Round 4
    Defeat the Death Star as a team
    Team communication and effort to beat 6 minutes on the course.
    We sprinted to the flag for 6a, Saved the galaxy of Houma Thibodaux but we did perish in the blast by missing those last 20 star jumps. Just know that years from now when Yankee Jeauxbi One Kenobi tells our story at the Jedi Temple we will all be remembered as galactic heroes.

    COT and Dilly prayed us out

    NMM

    Coming together is a beginning
    Staying together is progress
    Working together is success
    – Henry Ford

    – Great morning seeing and feeling the progression from solo work, to pairs, to a full team push. YHC needs constant reminders of the strength of leaning on strong bonds during overwhelming times and I’m grateful to have you men as a safety net.

    See you in the gloom
    Dox