F3 New Orleans

Tag: Smooth Operator

  • I Ain’t No Hollaback Q! – from Yankee Joe

    For the love of Pete! Kids, turn off that durn radio television thing! I can’t hear myself think. I’m trying to type a summary brief of my exercise regimen I did with some other fellers this morning.

    What? It’s not a TV, it’s a tablet? Are you stupid? Do you see a chisel? I don’t care if you’re bored. Go outside! In my day, we would play outside all day. Hell, we were forced to sleep outside with the dogs. We drank hose water and lit M80’s while holding them in our mouth. We punched each other in the groin to say hello and ate grass for a snack. AND we were damn GRATEFUL for it. Grateful I tell you! We were tough as nails!

    What’s that you say? You didn’t know the tinted glitter sunscreen was for Dad’s perfectly manscaped chest? I guess you expect me to drive a golf cart down 30A with un-coiffed chest hair?

    What? You didn’t know that blood orange Perrier came from a garden hose? Go back to Navarre Beach if you want La Croix. I’m not raising peasants here.

    What do you mean you’re scared of my avocado-cucumber bro-mask? You think this skin tone just HAPPENS? Now shut your cute little pie holes…I’m trying to decide which organic tea to brew before my online Pilates class. Freakin’ kids…the minute I break out my typewriter…

    —————————

    YHC was planning on maybe 5 – 8 PAX for a humid Tuesday Tuff. Paradiddle suggested that it was cute that YHC thought 8 was a big showing. The beatdown was optimistically built for 10. At 5:10, 8 PAX were mulling around…and then they kept coming (some in minivans, some in brand new Mercedes SUV’s). With a minute to spare, we hit 14! YHC quickly started recalculating (while panicking) the beatdown logistics. It was going to be messy. It didn’t help that Paradox was in YHC’s ear singing 8 mile lyrics. Was this my one chance to blow? Then a 15th figure strolling up. Another FNG! YAY, but holy crap!

    That said, WELCOME to Bone Thug! It’s nice to FINALLY have a medical professional in the PAX now. I can’t imagine walking up to 14 strangers in the dark. Thug’s F3 name seems appropriate on many levels.

    Also, it’s really inspiring to see Honeysuckle, A merica’s Best, and Popeye all turning into regulars and providing some much needed maturity. (Shut up, Paradox. You’re a thick candy shell.) Seriously, you guys bring great energy, mumblechatter, and in Suckle’s case, a bunch of cinderblocks. It should be notet that Popeye was a huge part of F3 Thibodaux gaining momentum in the first place. Huge T-Claps. I hope the fruits of your early labor were clear to see this morning (Goose’s pastel crop top notwithstanding).

    ——————————

    CONTEXT

    In the era of “millennial songs,” we were subjected to a never-ending barrage of mind-numbing, soulless, and insipid compositions that represent the epitome of artistic decay. These so-called “songs” epitomize everything that is wrong with the modern music industry, where substance is traded for superficiality, and originality is replaced by generic formulas that appeal to the lowest common denominator.

    Ok, ok…that’s a bit much…especially coming from a 44-year old YHC who at one time in 8th grade thought Young MC, Tone Loc, and Vanilla Ice were prophets; that “She Drives Me Crazy” by the Fine Young Cannibals spoke my truth, and that Z Cavariccis with 75 pleats (and tight rolled around the ankles) was THE fashion here to stay. Fast forward a few years, and we won’t even bring up Oasis, Dave Matthews Band, Counting Crows, or the Black Eyed Peas. Yikes.

    ——————————

    THEME

    ANYWAY, lately, there seems to have been some confusion about those anthems which define generations. Per usual, the Gen Xers and Gen Zers don’t really care. It’s the Millennials, however, who always seem to be BEARing a grudge against their foreBEARers.

    I don’t blame them. If I was coming of age with Avril Lavigne hitting the scene instead of Guns n Roses, or BEARing the brunt of songs like “I kissed a Girl” instead of “Even Flow,” or groups like Blink 182 instead of…well any other group…ever, I’d be harboring some deeply confusing issues too. I’d be BEARing my chest and screaming “WHY oh WHY?” Of course, I’m BEARly scratching the surface here. But seriously, Justin Bieber? Just unBEARable.

    So, as Paradox (fine, he’s a medical “professional”), who is diligent about the PAX wellbeing, would say…”The PAX needed healing.” BUT what kind of bridge could we bring to BEAR that would connect our generations? Could these 30-somethings BEAR to hear the truth? Or would we have to BEAR down and drop reality bombs? BEAR. BEAR. BEAR.

    YHC’s 2.0’s offered the answer as they sang along to ‘We’re Going on a Bear Hunt.” The story was originally introduced in a 1989 book and then remade in a 2015 cartoon, neatly connecting the Gen Xers, Millennials, Gen Zers, and every other group in between and following.

    So to take these important steps in healing, we’re going on a millennial…er I mean a BEAR hunt this morning. F3 style.

    Call it a journey through lyrical crap.

    —————————-

    THE BEATDOWN

    Thang 1: Climbing the Mountain (Stage to Sidewalk)

    We’re goin’ on a millennial hunt,
    We’re going to catch a big one,
    I’m not scared
    What a beautiful gloom!
    Oh look! It’s a scarrrry mountain shaped like a desperate cry for help!

    Can’t go under it,
    Can’t go around it,
    Got to go through it,
    Gotta go over it with a bunch of stupid coupon exercises!

    Burpee penalty – Avril Lavigne – Skatr Boi (penalty averted by Paradiddle)

    10 man makers (45 sec)
    20 overhead presses (40 sec)
    30 curls (20 sec)
    40 merkins (60 sec) /
    30 curls (20 sec)
    20 overhead presses (40 sec)
    10 man makers (45 sec)
    Al Gore cheering on SIX

    —————————–
    Thang 2 – Narrow Pass (Sidewalk to Stage)

    We’re goin’ on a millennial hunt,
    We’re going to catch a big one,
    I’m not scared
    What a beautiful gloom!
    Oh look! It’s a really narrow pass, so narrow, too narrow for north louisiana egoes to pass through!

    Can’t go over it,
    Can’t go under it,
    Can’t go around it,
    Got to go through it – with a crap load of leg exercises and burpees!

    Teams of 8
    First two teams Block and Bears to mid point; other teams chilcutt peter parkers
    – 20 apollo ono’s 2:1 – all (1 min)
    – 20 prisoner squats
    – 20 bonnies 2:1
    Block and Bears to Stage (next group goes when prior team begins last exercise)
    – Chilcutt peter parkers while waiting

    —————————-
    Punishment Song (just because) – LMFAO – I’m Sexy and I Know It
    – SSH on verses
    – Burpee on “look at that body”
    – Star jump on “I, I, I work out”
    – Hillbilly walkers on “I’m sexy and I know it”
    – Fast high knees on “wiggle, wiggle, wiggle”

    Coupon mosey to top track half point of field, roadside

    —————————–
    Thang 3 – Cross the field (Across short field, roadside)

    We’re goin’ on a millennial hunt,
    We’re going to catch a big one,
    I’m not scared
    What a beautiful gloom!
    Oh look! It’s a beautiful field full of the dying culture of 30 somethings!

    Can’t go over it,
    Can’t go under it,
    Can’t go around it,
    Got to murder bunny through it!

    Burpee penalty – Katy Perry – I Kissed a Girl (didn’t get a chance to play, because YHC is old and forgot)

    Murder bunny to halfway
    – 25 coupon LBCs
    – 25 coupon flutters (2:1)
    – 25 freddie mercs (2:1)
    Murder bunny to street

    ———————————
    Thang 4 – Traverse the River (Across street)

    We’re goin’ on a millennial hunt,
    We’re going to catch a big one,
    I’m not scared
    What a beautiful gloom!
    Oh look! It’s a raging river of passive aggressive Chackbay snark!

    Can’t go over it,
    Can’t go under it,
    Can’t go around it,
    Got to rifle carry coupons through it!

    Burpee penalty – Gwen Stefani – Holla Back Girl (didn’t play because of time constraints)

    Rifle carry/Groucho Walk (side to side squat) across street
    Mosey left to corner, leaving Cindies

    Uh, oh! It’s dark in here.
    I feel something,
    It has lots of quaffed hair!
    It’s soft like a douche bag! With two heads!
    AHHHHH It’s Justin Bieber and Sean Kingston!

    Song: Eenie Meenie (aka top five worst songs in history)
    – Plank jacks on intro (you need to read this crap)
    – Mtn Climbers on Mind, Time, Wind
    – Groiners on refrain

    —————————————
    COT, GiGi was passed from Superfun(d) to Paradox (again), we welcomed Bone Thug, and Wet Tap prayed us out.

    One of YHC’s research streams is around market segments and generational trends. Of course, it is helpful to have reference points as styles and fashions come and go. At the end of the day, however, it’s just not that complicated. The good stuff sticks around and the crappy stuff dies. It’s always been about quality. So, no need to continue this generational feud. We just need to be on the same page that high quality music disappeared around 1994.

    Today was a bit of a dumpster fire, but I am genuinely grateful and always humbled to fight the good fight with each of you.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • Beating Tires and Rocking Out to Skynyrd – from Smooth Operator

    Beating tires and rocking out to Skynyrd
    7/17/23
    Attendance
    Goldilox
    Paradox
    Goose
    Pope
    Cardinal
    Goats in the Machine
    Paradiddle
    Econoline
    FNG
    Smooth Operator

    I have always been a big fan of Lynyrd Skynyrd since I was a kid. Their music reminds me of hanging out with my dad whom always seemed to have their music on in his old truck. The other day I was feeling stuck in a rut and decided to let Spotify try and help clear my head. “4 walls of Raiford” by Lynyrd Skynyrd came on and instantly gave me a fresh new prospective on my problems. My little problems weren’t anything compared to this poor Vietnam Vet whom got caught up in a bad spot and ended up doing time in Raiford prison in Florida. Anyway lets get into it.

    I showed up this morning after a long wet night at work, but was feeling pretty good with a couple new additional props for this mornings beatdown. Lox showed up first with a FNG, and after that it was like the PAX flood gates opened up. Around 5:10 Goats in the Machine decided to grace us with his presence, it’s good to have you back buddy. I was hoping to see an ole Chevy pulling in to the subdivision around 0518 but I guess we will have to wait till Tuesday Tuff to start Frenchy’s comeback.

    Warm ups went as follows:
    SSH
    Imperial Walkers
    Windmills
    Arm circles
    Cherry Pickers
    Mountain Climbers

    Cadence left something to be desired, I’ll go ahead and blame in on sleep deprivation along with the rest of the beatdown explanation.

    THANG

    After warm ups, we went up on the stage and picked out a cell mate. For here little JBL came to life with 4 walls of Raiford. One half the cell would be doing box jumps and the other would be doing merkins and we would switch in between verses. This proved to be pretty tough with the long dragged out guitar solos and YHC thought it was perfect. No reason to get in a hurry.

    After the song finished we moseyed to the bumper and back to the flag where YHC set up 2 tires I found on side the road along with an 8 lb. maul and a really cool looking 8 to 10 lb. axe hammer which was a YHC impulse buy. The second part of the thang was a hammer swing timer which YHC felt the need to put in there to signify the digging ditches for the chain gang portion of the beatdown. While the PAX would be doing AMRAP of Man-makers . Half the PAX would be responsible for getting 20 hammer swings done on the two old tires. This worked pretty good but I probably forgot to mention it the first time around that only half the PAX needed to swing since all the PAX ended up beating them tires like they was the devil.

    After this we Moseyed around the mini track and headed back to the Jailhouse (Stage) for another Jail cell beatdown while JBL jamming to songs like Simple Man, Balled of Curtis Loew, Tuesday’s Gone, Sweet Home Alabama, Free Bird.

    The second round of the jail cell beatdown would go like this one cell mate would complete 8 reps of burpees while the other cell mate would complete 8 reps of prison squats. Then they would switch. After this we would move down to 7 reps and so forth until we reached 0 planking up upon completion. As a group we moseyed to the bumper and back to the tire beatdown for more hammer swings and man-makers. YHC must have reiterated the need for only half the PAX to give us the 20 reps of hammer swings to move on because we got it right this time. After we completed this along with more man-makers AMRAP, we moseyed around the track back to the jailhouse for today’s final round of jailhouse beatdown.

    The final round of Jailhouse beatdown went similar to the initial round. It was set to the song “Mr. Banker” and the exercises to complete would be Apolo Onos and Freak Nasties switching in between verses again. After switching 3 or 4 times YHC showed the PAX mercy and we abandoned the Freak Nasties due to YHC wanting to get those glutes some extra work.

    From here, we had roughly 5 minutes left and YHC felt a strong pull to beat those tires again so that’s what we did. The other half the PAX beat on some tires 2 by 2 while all the PAX did more man-makers until 0559 when YHC called it.

    Announcement

    Animal shirt went from Econoline to a well deserving Pope.
    Our new FNG supplied by LOX was given the name Longhorn due to being from Oklahoma and a Sooner fan.

    COT and Pope prayed us out.

    Thanks to everyone who came out and put in the work, y’all kicked this beatdown’s butt.
    SYITG
    Smooth Operator

  • Ride the Horse (even if you’re doing it wrong) – from Paradiddle

    YHC has been tempted recently to move on from his usual loosely Ted Lasso themed beat downs, but the PAX have seemed to enjoy not knowing what will come from the mustached man – smiles, positive vibes, 50 too many burpees married to nonstop cardio? What could be in store for this beatdown…

    YHC arrived early (a rare sight) to find Sooth’s empty truck in the shell lot. After looking for Smooth for a few, YHC had some intel to gather. YHC mosey’d to ED White’s football stadium to get a good grasp on the scale of the field – he’d need to retreat one since the turf is still being replaced. Returning to the lot, YHC found some of the pax had begun to arrive – Enron, Lox, Smooth, Lil Cuz w/ 2.0. Conversation started as YHC had brought the newest FNG this morning – a prime day special that has expanded our JBL fam. With Dox’s arrival came cones, and with the help of Lox a makeshift 100 yd football field was created.

    Mumble chatter was strong and we began the usual warmups accompanied with the regular “How does this count off go again?” Debates were held about whether it’s “starting position” or “ready position” – some claiming to have done their F3 online research. SSH, Imperial Walkers, grass grabbers w the infamous clap, arm circles, cherry pickers, and mountain climbers.

    YHC introduced the legend of Leeroy Jenkins – a gamer who in 2005 singlehandedly caused the implosion of a well thought out WoW raid. Yelling Leeroy’s name today would earn the pax a 100yd sprint and 5 burpees. Every man could call upon Leeroy once in the beatdown if he so wished.

    We grabbed coupons and mosey’d to the field with Chicago serenading us and “Saturday in the Park” filling the air through the newest JBL member.

    YHC wasn’t finished explaining thang 1 before Coyote yelled the first Leeroy. The pax sprinted the length of the field and finished the burpees. We had to get back to our starting position, so it was an additional 100yd sprint back. It was immediately apparent that Leeroy might have been a mistake, as YHC had promised the pax a beatdown without much running. (I’ll admit – Leeroy was a last minute addition)

    _____

    Thang One
    Hindenburg
    An exercise on each of the four corners of the field, sprinting one corner to the next. YHC had five rounds planned, but in a last minute audible, reduced it to three.
    Round One – 5 Burps
    Some lovely soul called a Leeroy
    Round Two – 20 LBC’s
    Round Three – 30 Plank Jax
    Pax completed the Hindenburg with ease, but mumble chatter was filling the air and it was apparent that resentment towards YHC for the amount of running was on the rise. Before thang two, an additional Leeroy was called. Already up to three. Insanity. The pax was willingly engaging in MORE running and blaming YHC.

    _____

    Thang Two
    Death of the Merkin’
    This is a Diddle Original.
    You see, after Cardinal’s brutal Millennial on Thursday, Lox expressed his desire to expand his chest and his capacity for merkin’s, thus we would work on our merkins.

    We’d perform Manmaker Merkin’s (according to the Lexicon, but debated in name by Goose) – High plank with coupon (cinders are great) laying to your right side. Perform a Merkin. Reach under your body with your left hand and drag the coupon to the opposite side of your body.

    5 Manmaker Merkins on each 10 yd line, then a lunge walk with coupon to the next yd line, all the way to the 50. 25 in total, 50 yds coupon lunge in total. Pax pushed through, admittedly some pax tossing their coupons under their body with sheer frustration (downright impressive). Econoline pushed through and finished strong, not giving in to the temptation to walk instead of lunge (Hell yeah – you’d earn the animal shirt, I believe, because of your sheer will power in these moments – props)

    Pt. 2 of Death of the Merkin
    Pump Jack
    A partner pushup competition til failure – one partner performing 5 pushups while the other holds high plank and “coaches” the other. Upon failure, lunge walk around other pairs and coach them encouragingly until they reach failure.
    Pax performed these in cadence with YHC leading the count. No idea what we ended up getting to, but it was a higher number than YHC anticipated. Majority of the pax stayed in the fight all together the whole time. Props to Lil Cuz, the only person I could see (and partner), as he fought through the craziest case of arm trembles I’ve ever seen. The man didn’t stop, didn’t make a sound – WHAT! I believe someone called Leeroy here. What a move.

    It was here that my extremely loose theme came into play as Smooth asked if I had any Ted inspiration to bestow on the pax – I did! YHC had practiced for this moment, and yet still couldn’t remember it. Out came the trusty iPhone – “Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, if you’re comfortable while you’re doing it, you’re probably doing it wrong”. – Ted to Beard

    Thang Three
    Plank Hurdles
    This was YHC’s version of “fun” for the morning. A three team relay with the team starting in plank in the end zone, partner one runs to the 10 and planks, partner two emerges from plank and hurdles over partner 1 (like a gazelle) and planks up on the 20, partner three over partner one and two and lands on the 30…etc until everyone ends in the opposite end zone. This proved to be fun and challenging, with certain pax taking liberties with their form as it quickly became competitive. Gazelle award goes to America’s Best, with the best most consistent form in hurdles AND lunges.
    Somewhere here Leeroy Jenkins was called. We were dead, but we ran it.
    After Leeroy, we returned for a second face-off of plank hurdles. Thank you Linkin Park for accurately describing our feelings as we planked up again.

    Following was one of the slowest mosey’s with coupons back to the shovel and flag. I’ve never seen the pax move that slow – I’ve never seen myself move that slow. I couldn’t make the legs move any faster.

    Pax circled up around the flag, exhausted, moist (so so so moist), and ready for shade that was nowhere to be found. COT and prayer led by Goose.

    Men, great work. This pax has not stopped pushing. We are growing. And for some reason, you chose the Diddle Death March (disguised as Leeroy Jenkins) all on your own on this lovely Saturdiddle (props to Dox to coining the phrase).

    Til the next time,

    SYITG.
    Paradiddle

  • Battle of the Ages – from Cardinal

    YHC found himself the victim of guerrilla warfare. An unknown PAX threw YHC’s name on the Q sheet unbeknownst to him (there was verbal chatter about taking said Q, admittedly). But always ready to face a challenge, a beatdown was put together. The chatter on the GroupMe focused on the wide age difference between the old fogeys and the young bucks, so a “battle of the ages” was crafted to settle the debate.

    Warmup of the usual fare kicked us off (SSH, WM, IW, FAC/BAC/CP, SL).

    Thang 1 was a celebration of a recent 21st birthday among the PAX (T-claps to French Horn, who was only at “hc” status and thus nowhere to be found). We started with 3 rounds of 21s – first round was high knees, second round was grass grabbers with the clap, and third round was Bobby Hurley’s. YHC had not even thought of a penalty because he was so confident that the PAX could count to 21 with ease. However, that proved not to be the case. EVERY SINGLE ROUND was failed by at least one of the PAX (although the first round may have been intentionally sabotaged by GiGi). A hastily created penalty was a lap around the Civic Center. They say education is bad in Louisiana….and YHC can confirm that.

    Thang 2 was an homage to two of the greatest hits when these 40+ fogeys were in their prime – Thunderstruck and No Scrubs (which was at the top of multiple lists YHC found while researching, despite a near unanimous disdain for the song). Thunderstruck was a simple burpee on “Thunder”, and No Scrubs was holding Al Gore while doing a jump at each “no” (which was a lot).

    Thank 3 closed us out with the triumph of the greatest generation – the Millennial. It involved 10 rounds of 100 reps each, with a 100m mosey in between each round (thus adding up to 2000 total reps/meters). However, due to YHC’s poor time calculations, we only got through 6 rounds before we had to call it – SSH, LBCs, Merkins, Lunges, Oblique Crunches, and Mountain Climbers. YHC noticed the total silence during this entire thang – until Goose started his oblique crunches, which garnered widespread admiration at the form and technique. Comparisons were made to drilling for oil as well as cattle roping. Make of that what you will.

    Dox prayed us out after COT and some announcements about the second annual SV500 – supporting a great charity in the Houma-Thibodaux area next month. Check us out and sign up! https://f3thibodaux.regfox.com/the-st-vincent-500-2023

    Always a blessing gentlemen. Might be some more Cardinal Q’s on the horizon.

    SYITG

    Cardinal

  • Be the Rock! – from Goldilocks

    Goldilocks showed up to the Lion’s Den fifteen minutes early to a bit of a drizzle. No one was there which made Lox’s heart thump a little bit. Did he come to the place? However, Goose and Pope showed up which made his little heart calm down. The rest of the Pax showed up to Goldilocks’ VQ and we were ready to roll.

    The warmups were the normal: SSH, Wind Mills, Imperial Walkers, arm circles, cherry pickers, and some self love. Lox was excited and his cadence may have been quicker then the Pax was accustomed too, but it got the job done!

    Thang #1

    Lox then revealed the theme: St. Peter, the Rock of the Church. The Pax would follow in his footsteps as seen in the last chapter of the Gospel of John. This would begin with an Indian Run with the last person doing five merkins before sprinting to the front. St. Peter was running away from his vocation, and was a little proud so the Pax needed to get their chest big like him. He was also a fisherman so DJ Dox and his faithful sidekick JBL played some drunken sailor tunes for us. Members like Smooth and Michelin kicked into high gear and sprinted faster than the eye can see, but Cardinal still slowed down the pace (guess he didn’t wanna run too far from our Lord).

    Thang #2

    Bear crawl into 14 Bonnie Blair’s and 15 Diamond Merkins followed by crab walk into 14 J Lo’s and 15 squat jumps (x3) 29 reps on each side. June 29th is St. Peter’s Feast Day.

    Lox then brought us to the next part of the Pax’s journey with St. Peter. The Lord had asked Peter, “Do you love me more than these?”. Peter responded, “Yes, Lord you know that I love you.” Jesus then told him to feed his sheep. So the Pax would get at feeding dem lambs! This would entail a bear crawl to chase after the lost sheep catching them with some lunges and merks, but then the Pax had to bring the sheep back home with a bear crawl and the celebrate the return of lost sheep with some J Lo’s and squat jumps. DJ Dox gave us some Bieber to inspire us to work admit not knowing what the Lord was up to.
    The Pax felt good after only doing this once (Econdoline hadn’t even given us a grunt yet!) Lox then crushed their spirits reminding the Pax that the Lord asked the same question a second time. So the Pax got after it again for round 2. DJ Dox hit us up with some Queen and Econdoline gave us his famous grunts. Meanwhile Cardinal was still smoking all of us in crab walking, and Smooth was showing us his hips don’t lie with those sets of J Lo’s which would inevitably win him GiGi.
    The Pax crawled in after round 2 only to get hit again with the same thang. The Lord had asked Peter a third time, leading Peter to frustration. Lox hit the Pax with round 3, which led to the same response. Round 3 showed us what was really happening. Dox was tired of Cardinal smoking the Pax in crab walks, so he played some defense and sacrificed himself to get in the way of the flaming Cardinal, only slowing him down a bit. What a courageous solider that Dox is! Michelin showed some real heart as Lox yelled at the Pax to BE THE ROCK! This would win him Animal! Goose still finished first as always.

    Thang #3

    The Pax ended with some Mary, knowing that it is only with her help that we can follow the Lord admits trial and tribulation.

    Lox is super grateful for these F3 brothers, and is inspired everyday by their unwavering commitment to each other and to their own health. Keep going strong and be that rock! COT and pray led by Michelin closed us out.

  • July 4 America USA – from Goose

    YHC and Pope rolled up a little earlier than usual this Independence Day morning, hopeful that the day off of work would mean a bigger crowd than usual for Tuesday Tuff, and this PAX did not disappoint. Smooth and Michelin were already there at 5:00am, but Pope and I were still able to sneak over to the bumper area to set up some cones without anyone noticing. By 5:15, there were 12 strong ready for a patriotic sweat fest.

    Yankee had pulled off the perfect EH by picking up an FNG, the would-be Honeysuckle. We can all learn from this–it’s much harder to fartsack when someone’s sitting in your driveway. (Maybe that’s what we need to do for some of these “hc” specialists.)

    The warmup was frought with mumblechatter and unnecessary exercise explanations (YHC though it important to go into the details of how to execute the complex “high knees” exercise–I almost pulled out YouTube for some demonstration videos).

    We then moseyed to the bumper, YHC carrying BAPS into his first ever Bleep test performance. Once the PAX saw the cones, dread spread quickly. There were only a few who didn’t know what they meant, who hadn’t yet experienced YHC’s fascination with the layers of mental and physical dynamics at work within the Bleep test. This morning, YHC connected it to our celebration of the birth of our nation by pointing out that the defining moments, the heroic and selfless acts that have become the cornerstones of our identity as a nation would not have happened, would not have been possible without countless Americans pushing through countless unrecognized and seemingly meaningless difficulties, day in and day out. The bleep test is just a 20 meter (65-ish American feet) run, done over and over. That’s it. You just gotta decide to turn around and do it again, especially when you really don’t want to. And, the only reason we do this is because the man beside us, who we care about is doing it, because we want to get better together, because we want to be a part of something bigger than us, something meaningful that was earned through shared suffering. And so, we did. Nobody earned a medal (no participation trophies or rewards for softball music trivia), we just decided to keep doing another lap. And, if you didn’t make it before the beep, you stepped off to the side to plank up or complete 20 merkins to buy your way back in. Why? Because that’s where your brothers are suffering, and there’s no better place to be!

    YHC usually lets Paradiddle and Pope push him to the limits to be the last man standing, but this morning, having heard that the FNG was an ultra-marathon runner, YHC made a subconscious decision that if it ended up being him and me left at the end, that I would go no further, as long as the previous record of 70 lengths was broken. And, that’s exactly what happened. Paradox and Pope pushed farther than they have in the past, even without Paradiddle, but they dropped off somewhere in the high 60’s, which left YHC with Honeysuckle moving into #75. And, though I wondered how much he had in him, how well distance training translated into shuttle running, I was too winded to actually care and pulled up short before finishing #76. Honeysuckle was gonna keep going had YHC not called it, and though I was curious to see how long he could have gone, he seemed to appreciate the break.

    After moseying back to the flag, we circled up for song #1. BAPS lit us up with Ray Charles’s rendition of “America the Beautiful”. We held Al Gore for the duration and did Bobby Hurleys for every “America” and every old English words (“thee”, “thine”).

    Song #2 was the Armed Forces medley, which gave us the opportunity to work the core in a variety of ways. During the Marines portion, we did flutter kicks, Navy = boat/canoe, Army = American Hammers, Coast Guard = Scuba Steves, and Air Force = gas pumps.

    After this, YHC had a general idea for how we could focus on America’s unique sense of humor exemplified by the origin of the song “Yankee Doodle” and how it became a sort of theme song for the Americans during the Revolutionary War (look it up)–basically, we Americans are proud, but we’re good at not taking ourselves too seriously.
    I think it took more time for YHC to explain the story and then the routine (counting off, counting off within the count-off, naming teams and then teams within the teams, demonstrating the exercises, redirecting Yankee Joe) than it did to actually do the routine. I mean, it was a little challenging, a little fun to watch people try to Grouch-walk quickly, but ultimately, it was too complicated, and we ultimately scrapped it in order to get back to the flag in time.
    The routine was four corners on the sidewalk track: 1. Wacky Jacks, 2. Goofballs, 3. Miami Nighclubs (Moroccans with a step back and to the side), 4. Air Presses. The first member of the team would Groucho walk to the next corner while all members performed the exercise of their corner until they were relieved by a teammate Groucho walking toward them. It was supposed to look ridiculous, which it did, but most were lost in the endless explanations and directives given throughout. I hope at least the passing cars got a kick out of it.

    At 5:58, we had to rush back to the flag for the Star Spangled Banner–we laid on our sixes and held our feet six inches off the ground for the duration of Whitney Houston singing it live with a big band. Unfortunately, though, the drama and emotion were drowned out by the pain in the lower abdominal region, and it went the route of most songs used in F3–categorized under “hatred” and “PTSD”–especially given how long she held out “…braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave!”

    COT and the FNG became Honeysuckle thanks to Econoline’s immediate wit, which made the PAX wonder if he’s been sandbagging this whole time–nobody has that much brain function at the end of a beatdown these days.
    Announcements including Goldilocks’s upcoming VQ, and Paradox prayed us out.

    SYTIG,
    Goose

  • It’s Gonna Be a Good Day – from Paradiddle

    YHC has recently felt the fire within and has been trying to recruit new pax to join this lovely cult that we call a club (both F3 and WHOOOPgang). You see, today was supposed to be a big day for one of our own. After a Friday evening prethang with Goldilocks, as we prepared our bodies (and thighs) to be sculpted into the most beautiful figures mankind could ever lay eyes on – thanks to YankeeJoe, Goldilocks, after a little peer pressure from YHC, agreed to VQ today. After a small but strong showing on Saturday, YankeeJoe had me convinced that all of the pax were out of town on the beach, pina-colada with tiny umbrella in hand. YHC was merely looking out for Goldilocks (locks, or is it lox?) by wanting a strong showing at his VQ. Locks agreed, even seeming excited to have a bit more time to prepare for the chaos he wishes to unleash upon us all this coming Thursday.

    YHC arrived with two minutes to spare (impressive, right?) to find a full showing of pax, coupons already unloaded, cheeks clenched, and mumble chatter strong. YHC was happy, and with a big smile, we began.

    Warmups were the usual not knowing how to count off anything in cadence and consisted of:
    – SSH
    – Imperial Walkers
    – Grass Grabbers (w/ the clap)
    – Open the Gates (bringing something new)

    Mumble chatter was strong and YHC was so distracted that he nearly just got right in to the beatdown. Thanks to Lil’ Cuz piping up, we actually stretched our arms (and we needed to):
    – Arm circles
    – Cherry pickers

    THANG ONE
    – Indian run w/ 3 caboose burpees
    DJ DOX was quick to be ready with ever faithful JBL, and YHC just about put him in the grave when the decision to run in silence was announced to the pax. Sometimes you just have to be alone with those inner demons and face them head on. The pace was set and kept for the run with the exception of the ever popular Cardinal-pace. We stopped midway back to the stage for a group circle of 30 Bonnie Blair’s so that we could get a bonus burn in the thighs.

    THANG TWO
    – Step Up’s & LBC’s w/ Coupons
    YHC’s current favorite tv character, Mr. Ted Lasso, has a way with people. His positivity is contagious, and many of his colleagues are often annoyed with his upbeat nature and attitude. I feel similar to Ted here. Some of the pax like to acknowledge my smile when running the Diddle Death March and other popular exercises. After my dear Ted got put down in GroupMe last night (not gonna name names *honk*), I was inspired with this routine.

    The song was “Good Day” by Nappy Roots – a real bop , frfr. We would do lbc’s with coupons on the verses and step up’s on the chorus for the duration of the song. This was sure to get the pax in a great mood this morning! We can make the decision to make it a good day from the moment we sit up in bed (lbc’s) and take our first steps of the day (step up’s).

    Mumble chatter and grunts were at a minimum, but Cuz did set the record for the most amount of bird poop anyone has laid in.

    THANG THREE
    – Merkin Mountain
    After Yankee Joe’s inspirational sharty beatdown on Saturday, YHC might have a new favorite exercise – the Merkin Mountain. YHC adapted this gem into what I’m now calling the Merkin Flatlands (which might just be tougher than the mountain – Dox I repent of saying this would be easier, I was wrong).

    We would begin with one merkin, take one step(?) in a bear crawl, two merkins, two steps in bear crawl , three merkins, three steps in bear crawl, etc until we reached 18 merkins (thanks to Cuz who remembered how many the mountain had, but im pretty sure he remembered because he got to the top right behind shari’ah and stomped the rest of us).

    This…proved to be difficult. After hearing Econoline’s thunderous grunts from afar, YHc had to pivot and reduce the mountain to 15 merkins. Those 51 pushups really would have ate our lunch.

    THANG FOUR
    – Dora
    – 100 overhead press w/ coupon
    – Partner runs a lap
    – 200 Bonnie Blair’s
    – Partner Murder Bunny’s to the second picnic table & back
    – 300 Squats
    – Partner does mountain climber’s til he tags out and swaps

    The pax plowed through the over head press and running portion, and YHC was downright inspired by Smooth making that coupon look like he was lifting a box of Kleenex above his head.

    Goose, to no surprise after May’s ISI challenge, set the pace with the Bonnie Blair’s. This is where things got challenging. Murder Bunnies are rightly named, and the pairing with Bonnie Blair’s should have had them named something even more sinister. YHC was grateful for Pope absolutely destroying the majority of our 200.

    We timed out during the 300 squats so that we could get 60sec of Mary in.

    Leg raises and flutter kicks took us out.

    *I remain ever grateful for men that continue to push one another in their fitness and their virtue. It is not lost on me that most beatdowns go by and no one complains, no one grumbles, no one brings the spirit down. This is one of the first things that made me stick around F3. I know it is a part of our culture here in F3 Thib, and we would make Ted proud.*

    “Futbol (F3) is life!” – Dani Rojas

    SYITG,
    Paradiddle

  • Gonna Have a Good Day – from Paradiddle

    YHC has recently felt the fire within and has been trying to recruit new pax to join this lovely cult that we call a club (both F3 and WHOOOPgang). You see, today was supposed to be a big day for one of our own. After a Friday evening prethang with Goldilocks, as we prepared our bodies (and thighs) to be sculpted into the most beautiful figures mankind could ever lay eyes on – thanks to YankeeJoe, Goldilocks, after a little peer pressure from YHC, agreed to VQ today. After a small but strong showing on Saturday, YankeeJoe had me convinced that all of the pax were out of town on the beach, pina-colada with tiny umbrella in hand. YHC was merely looking out for Goldilocks (locks, or is it lox?) by wanting a strong showing at his VQ. Locks agreed, even seeming excited to have a bit more time to prepare for the chaos he wishes to unleash upon us all this coming Thursday.

    YHC arrived with two minutes to spare (impressive, right?) to find a full showing of pax, coupons already unloaded, cheeks clenched, and mumble chatter strong. YHC was happy, and with a big smile, we began.

    Warmups were the usual not knowing how to count off anything in cadence and consisted of:
    – SSH
    – Imperial Walkers
    – Grass Grabbers (w/ the clap)
    – Open the Gates (bringing something new)

    Mumble chatter was strong and YHC was so distracted that he nearly just got right in to the beatdown. Thanks to Lil’ Cuz piping up, we actually stretched our arms (and we needed to):
    – Arm circles
    – Cherry pickers

    THANG ONE
    – Indian run w/ 3 caboose burpees
    DJ DOX was quick to be ready with ever faithful JBL, and YHC just about put him in the grave when the decision to run in silence was announced to the pax. Sometimes you just have to be alone with those inner demons and face them head on. The pace was set and kept for the run with the exception of the ever popular Cardinal-pace. We stopped midway back to the stage for a group circle of 30 Bonnie Blair’s so that we could get a bonus burn in the thighs.

    THANG TWO
    – Step Up’s & LBC’s w/ Coupons
    YHC’s current favorite tv character, Mr. Ted Lasso, has a way with people. His positivity is contagious, and many of his colleagues are often annoyed with his upbeat nature and attitude. I feel similar to Ted here. Some of the pax like to acknowledge my smile when running the Diddle Death March and other popular exercises. After my dear Ted got put down in GroupMe last night (not gonna name names *honk*), I was inspired with this routine.

    The song was “Good Day” by Nappy Roots – a real bop , frfr. We would do lbc’s with coupons on the verses and step up’s on the chorus for the duration of the song. This was sure to get the pax in a great mood this morning! We can make the decision to make it a good day from the moment we sit up in bed (lbc’s) and take our first steps of the day (step up’s).

    Mumble chatter and grunts were at a minimum, but Cuz did set the record for the most amount of bird poop anyone has laid in.

    THANG THREE
    – Merkin Mountain
    After Yankee Joe’s inspirational sharty beatdown on Saturday, YHC might have a new favorite exercise – the Merkin Mountain. YHC adapted this gem into what I’m now calling the Merkin Flatlands (which might just be tougher than the mountain – Dox I repent of saying this would be easier, I was wrong).

    We would begin with one merkin, take one step(?) in a bear crawl, two merkins, two steps in bear crawl , three merkins, three steps in bear crawl, etc until we reached 18 merkins (thanks to Cuz who remembered how many the mountain had, but im pretty sure he remembered because he got to the top right behind shari’ah and stomped the rest of us).

    This…proved to be difficult. After hearing Econoline’s thunderous grunts from afar, YHc had to pivot and reduce the mountain to 15 merkins. Those 51 pushups really would have ate our lunch.

    THANG FOUR
    – Dora
    – 100 overhead press w/ coupon
    – Partner runs a lap
    – 200 Bonnie Blair’s
    – Partner Murder Bunny’s to the second picnic table & back
    – 300 Squats
    – Partner does mountain climber’s til he tags out and swaps

    The pax plowed through the over head press and running portion, and YHC was downright inspired by Smooth making that coupon look like he was lifting a box of Kleenex above his head.

    Goose, to no surprise after May’s ISI challenge, set the pace with the Bonnie Blair’s. This is where things got challenging. Murder Bunnies are rightly named, and the pairing with Bonnie Blair’s should have had them named something even more sinister. YHC was grateful for Pope absolutely destroying the majority of our 200.

    We timed out during the 300 squats so that we could get 60sec of Mary in.

    Leg raises and flutter kicks took us out.

    *I remain ever grateful for men that continue to push one another in their fitness and their virtue. It is not lost on me that most beatdowns go by and no one complains, no one grumbles, no one brings the spirit down. This is one of the first things that made me stick around F3. I know it is a part of our culture here in F3 Thib, and we would make Ted proud.*

    “Futbol (F3) is life!” – Dani Rojas

    SYITG,
    Paradiddle

  • The Centenarian Decathlon – from Paradox

    YHC has been in a rather melancholic mood recently and asking the deeper , heavy hitting questions about this life ?

    Am I original? Yeahhhh
    Am I the only one? Yeahhh
    Am I sexual ? Yeahhh
    Am I everything thing you need? You better rock your body now…
    *record scratch***
    ***looks in the mirror and slaps face ***

    (No no no !
    That’s not it !
    That’s YJs Monday beatdown playlist with the Backstreet Boys still plaguing your mind
    Let it go Dox , keep your composure
    Focus , you’re better than this
    Do it for Tana, he’s alone out there in the rep wilderness and needs this blast )

    Ok ok I’m back but seriously the question here is what can I do for the years I’m allowed on this planet to be the most functional
    Can health span truly = lifespan?

    Well, 8 High impact men beat the darkness at the stage Tuesday morning to answer the above.

    This framework YHC picked up from a longevity expert Dr Peter Attia (see links below for more elegant explanations)
    But it boils down to imagining your most important tasks at 100 years old and reverse engineering the training for our own personal decathlon. So YHC polled the pax audience via text the day before and built a list of everyone’s “must be able to do at 100” list.

    But here’s the catch .. sure you can do those things now but we need to be able to compensate for age related decline.
    So for example you can all pick up a 20 lb toddler now and raise them over your head like Simba. But for the next 4 decades you could lose 7-8 percent of your muscle strength/decade (perhaps more if you have a roaring water problem) : so today you need to be able to lift ….let’s say a 40 lb coupon overhead roughly 50 times. Makes sense? You see where this is heading

    Duke get the footage and Medicare part D we got new indications baby !

    Warmup
    Standard issue warmups welcoming back Goose and Pope fresh from NC adventures and extra time to nurse a few tight arms from YJs zombie crawls and Lil cuzs pull-up palooza.

    Bumper mosey

    Da List

    #1 get up from lying down un aided
    #2 climb stairs

    Song : I Don’t Need Your Rocking Chair – George Jones
    Wake up , Climb Stairs

    BBSU into box jump
    Back into bed with 1 Merkin increase each rep
    That bird poop on the stage never smelled better.

    #3 Coordination to play with great grandkids and #4 Driving )
    Indian Run with frisbee
    Last man does 5 gas pumps
    If Frisbee miss , all pax 7 jump squats

    YHC will confess here that I’m very bad at frisbee and expected atleast 5-6 drops. Little did I know smooth and Goldilocks are semi pro frisbee weekend warriors. YHC had so little faith in an overthrown pass that I had halted the run to smugly handout squats. Goldilocks turned on the #jets and the seminarian house will be getting PED testing very soon.

    #5 Pick up great grandchildren and #6 Swim

    WIPE OUT
    Flora
    P1 10 Thrusters to complete 100
    P2 Flutter kicks

    The chatter subsided significantly after opening the thrusters …

    LIVE ON A PRAYER

    Travel – 20 coupon curl each to complete 80 as a partner pair
    P2 – Genuflections

    ITS THE CLIMB #8
    #9 GOLF with my FRIENDS

    100 Apolo Onos (to get the ball out of the hole ) – sets of 10
    Coupon Dance Steps fast as you can go (simulate climbing )

    Fantastic group effort to finish these out and I don’t know if I was motivated more by Goose or Miley Cyrus but we finished real strong.

    …Grand Finale

    GIVE ME SOME LOVING #10

    It was here YHC revealed that Smooth had answered the penultimate question with his usual stunning word efficiency

    What is the single most important activity to still be doing at 100 ??

    Pickle Pounders!

    Song : Give me Some loving
    Plank reaches on Song
    2 Merkins on Glad
    Pickle Pounders on Give and loving
    All I can say here is that somewhere in North Carolina ole Kilmer is smiling and that there could be some HR classes Goose has to attend for being an upstanding HOA member present at this musical debauchery.

    COT and Lox prayed us out

    Animal given to the Pope for carrying YHC through the thrusters and still counting them all.

    The Tanaversary is Thursday
    The hype is building…

    Great morning striving alongside you men keeping our physical and spiritual health sharp.

    Keep it 100

    SYITG

    Dox

    https://peterattiamd.com/how-to-train-for-the-centenarian-decathlon/

  • Just Make Sure You Remember to Forget – from Yankee Joe

    It’s 1996 in Omaha for the 50th anniversary of the College World Series. It’s the Championship game between LSU and Miami. Warren Morris, who has been inactive most of the season due to a wrist injury, convinces the Skipper before the game to put him in the line-up.

    It’s the bottom of the 9th. LSU is down 8-7 against a prolific Miami Nine. Morris strolls to the plate with a man on third. There are two outs. The first pitch is a hard curve low and away. Morris swings with everything his wrist can handle…and it’s all over. Gone. The Walk-Off has been called by some the greatest moment in college baseball history. Morris certainly couldn’t know as he rounded second base that the Miami shortstop crying and pounding his fists in the dirt would end up being a three-time World Series champion – Alex Cora. Go Sox.

    So, if you’re LSU, you should remember 1996. Also, if you’re LSU, you should thoroughly absorb and then forget the Game 2 debacle yesterday as Florida hung 24 runs on ya. As Paradiddle reminded us about the quote from the great Ted Lasso. “Be a goldfish.”

    We would use ’96 and 24 for rep counts throughout. Just to keep us in balance.

    YHC arrived at The Stage about 20 minutes early to make sure that my burner phone would successfully hook up to BAPS. Smooth Operator was right on my tail, followed by Goldilocks, Cardinal, and Econoline. YHC had yet to meet Econoline, so this was an added bonus after a week hiatus due to being on the IR.

    Paradox rolled in with the shovel flag. He was followed by Montana and French Horn…wait no…they ballsacked again? I just assumed they would show up when prewriting my blast because they…you know…HC’d. Oh wait. They came up with their own version of “hopeful commit?” Is that a thing? Does F3 recognize that garbage? Regardless, Sans the Captain and the Pusher, the PAX finally closed ranks with the standard late arrival of Paradiddle. I’m running out of excuses to make for this guy.

    —————————-
    Thang 1: Skipping through the daisy fields – gotta be humbled.

    – (Mario punches) to sidewalk, 96 LBCs at sidewalk; then Mario punches back to stage, 24 J-Lo’s

    If you thought Cardinal was fast as a crab, you should see him tear up the pitch as a 1992 Nintendo character. I swear it looked like his feet never touched the ground.

    —————————–
    Thang 2: Humility and the Mumblechatter killer

    – Flying Nuns (lunge walk with baby arm circles) to sidewalk; 96 leg raises; Reverse Flying Nuns return to stage, 24 J-Los (2:1)

    It was during the reverse nuns that Paradox offered up his only real bit of chatter. Something to the effect of my fresh legs after a month off. If you want to keep chatter at a minimum, make YHC take the Q and don’t let Paradox get near Goose, Tana, or Enron. Take away his primary voter base, and his platform starts getting creaky.

    —————————–
    Thang 3: An American in Paris

    – Frog jump to sidewalk; 96 American hammers (1:1); Frog jump back to stage; 24 J-Los (2:1)

    This was impressive on all fronts. Smooth, Paradox, and Goldilocks traded the lead several times. I swear Goldilocks was clearing 6 feet with every jump. He and Econoline have added to what is becoming the stoic caricature of F3 Thibodaux. Like Smooth, Lil’ Cuz, and Superfun(d), these two maintain the same facial expression and just plain GRINDDD. No complaints, no chatter, no shortcuts. It’s pretty durn awesome. Also, did you know that Smooth is a J-Lo machine? His hips not only don’t lie, they’re straight up insulting your family and calling out your darkest fears. Kilmer would be proud.

    ——————————
    Thang 4: The Jake Sully

    – Zombie crawl to sidewalk; 96 Superman’s; Zombie crawl back to the stage; 24 J-Los (2:1)

    YHC believes that the zombie crawl is the single most effective (and awful) core exercise in F3. The correct form means your knees never touch the ground as you essentially elbow plank crawl with J-Lo’s. It’s brutal and it puts your lower core and obliques on full blast. It’s one of those barometer exercises that can clearly demonstrate your progress. Last March, YHC couldn’t go five yards. It’s a little better now. BUT Holy Dang, Paradiddle!!! His core strength is just stooopid.

    ——————————–
    Thang 5: Run Toward the Fire, Full Speed Ahead

    – Ongoing sprints to sidewalk, nur back until time (last 6 minutes) – goal of 24.

    I wish YHC could make some sort of commentary about the PAX performance at this point. However, my only memory between blackouts and Paradox simply flying was me yelling, “Do you want to be Morris or Cora?” I expected Goldilocks to give me a knowing nod. He admitted he had no idea what the hell I was talking about. Then it hit me that when Morris rounded the bases in that epic 1996 moment, Goldilocks wasn’t even born. I then looked around for my walker, but couldn’t find it because I couldn’t see without my glasses and was tripping over my balls…I mean dentures.

    COT and Econoline prayed us out.

    Good to be back in the swing of things. Geaux Tigahs!

    SYITG,

    YJ