F3 New Orleans

Tag: Wilford Montana

  • There Goes My Hero – from Paradox

    On a gloomy spring morning on April, 20 2023 7 pax loaded into the back of big brother Yankees Time wagon (it’s kinda like the DeLorean but it runs on veggie juice and compliments) and headed to the Lions Den cinemaPlex circa 1985. YJ successfully posed as our dad to get our R rated tickets at the counter then Tana grabbed us some 64 ounce colas and we headed in after removing Enron from the stuffed animal claw game …”I was on a heater!”
    The cheap orange lights began to dim as Goose unpacked the Big league chew he smuggled in just for YHCs bday. We settled into creaky back row seats. You can smell it now can’t you? A fine mix of popcorn, cigarettes and regret. Cardinal assured us the place was lacking on Holy water. Nothing like a movie theater in the 80s. We covered Young Horns eyes through the atrocities of the first two trailers then came the last….

    A deep baritone voice describes the big screen …

    “This Summer….(screen flashes man loading grenades as ominous music plays) …
    In a world full of corruption (screen flashes man strapping on bazooka ) one man will Q a beatdown to single-handedly save the pax
    (Screen flashes tightening vest ) …
    His mission , relentless cardio (screen flashes JBL ) …
    His enemy …mumblechatter
    (Screen flashes boots lacing up )
    His help…there is none (screen flashes war paint ) …

    POOX Films brings you ….
    A Prestige Worldwide production …
    “Every 80s Action Hero”
    (Ominous music reaches crescendo )

    Duke! Put down those Mike and Ike’s and roll the footage!

    Warm Up

    The usuals with 35 reps of SSH to get the PAX in the right state of mind. Cardinal immediately regretted waking up after the 21st straddle hop.

    YHC gave the disclaimer that today we would honor two great gifts from the 80s. YHC andddd the great 80s action hero. Take a look at this list :

    Terminator
    Predator
    RoboCop
    Bloodsport
    Die Hard
    Lethal Weapon

    That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
    What a time to be born !
    Before CGI and remakes, no stunt doubles needed. Just a bazooka and a one liner and the lone hero saves the world. So we set out to honor the 80s action hero.
    But first some training.

    Bazooka Indian Run to the ball park. Last man does 3 bazooka squats with Ole hickory (30 lb bar) and runs the bazooka to the last man then sprint to the front. (I love the word bazooka , it just rolls off the tongue …bazooka)

    Arrived at the ball park where we learned lesson 2, shooting a million nameless henchmen.
    YHC dialed up that ole nurturing lullaby from Drowning Pool.

    “Let the Bodies Hit Floor “
    Bobby Hurley on Floor
    IW on song
    Air raises on 1..2…etc
    And there’s still nothing wrong with us !

    The Main Thang

    Jacked and Tan Circuit

    The 3rd and most important lesson of the 80s action hero is to always look good. So we needed a full body circuit.

    Setup: 7 stations , 1 central cone for the Hero who would serve as our timer while surrounded by goons with different weapons.

    Monkey Humper Trivia before each round

    Our first paradox hero was John Matrix , who YHC dressed as today
    He was the star of this 1985 action movie about a retired army colonel who must track down his kidnapped daughter ?

    COMMANDO

    What actor played John Matrix?
    ARNOLD

    I’ll stop here to note that watching 21 yo French Horn nail every single 80s trivia question when he wouldn’t be born for another 15 years is astounding. Like seeing Beethoven with his first piano. The kid has a gift. Keep shining Horn. T claps.

    Round 1 John Matrix Commando
    Center Cone – 35 big bar boy sit-ups

    1. KB swings
    2. Jump rope
    3. Coupon curls
    4. Brick flys
    5. Med ball Slams
    6. LBCs

    Round 2 John Rambo (1982)
    This 80s action movie launched an entire franchise
    About a Vietnam vet who wanders into a small town looking for a friend.
    Sly Stallone -Rambo-82
    15 monkey Humpers

    Central Cone – 20 squats

    Round 3 John McClane (1988)
    This 80s action movie is about a grizzled veteran cop who only wants to get home to his family but must batted 12 terrorists instead.
    Bruce Willis

    10 monkey humpers

    10 Peter Parker’s at central Cone

    The muscle fatigue was so intense that the distractions ranged from open air 5 year Thibodaux hard commits to YJ calculating how shredded he will be at 65. The pax (YHC included) continue to struggle with jump rope and it seems Enrons lack of rhythm is infectious.

    We ended with an all out “it’s gonna blow “ sprint to the flag where Goose let us know his shoulder may be injured but nothings wrong with the quads fellas. The old man is pure smoke in those new brooks!

    Some Mary where YJ melded animal noises with a cadence that created the time vortex to bring us back to present day Thibodaux.

    COT and the Goose prayed us out.

    NMM

    Has there ever been a more stupid phrase than “single handedly”? What has any human ever done completely by themselves? We are created by an all knowing , all powerful God , then birthed by our mothers and cannot provide a single bit of support for ourselves for roughly the first half decade of life. Yet here I am , time and time again, and with that special brand of pride. I can do it, I can pull it together, I can do this, just put it on my shoulders. And while that trope sells all the Hollywood tickets for action heroes, it’s only a path to destruction in the real world.
    For what did our real Savior look like. A bazooka? Nope just a legion of angels he left uncalled for. Surrounded by his enemies? Absolutely. So he went for nunchucks right? Nope, he took the relentless suffering then while nailed to a cross , forgave them instantly. And with his dying breath he must have nuked the place in a slow mo sprint ? Although it’s what I would have done it’s a nope again. Instead he poured out an ocean of Divine mercy and single handedly Saved the whole world.

    ….There goes my Hero

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Offerings of Smoked Quads and Abs – from Yankee Joe

    Warm-up

    Side straddle hops
    Windmills
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles backward
    Cherry pickers
    Self love
    Blast-offs
    Mountain climbers
    Mosey lap

    The Thang – 4 rounds for time (more if time permits)

    50 lbcs
    40 jump squats
    30 big boy sit ups
    20 Bonnie Blairs 2:1
    10 v-ups
    Lap around civic center (approx. 1/4 mile)

    ————————–
    Exodus 14:5-7
    – 7 He took – six hundred – of the best chariots, along with all the other chariots of Egypt, with officers over all of them.

    2 Chronicles 29:31-33
    – 33 And the consecrated things were – six hundred – oxen and three thousand sheep.

    Judges 3:31
    – 31 And after him was Shamgar the son of Anath, which slew of the Philistines – six hundred – men with an ox goad: and he also delivered Israel.

    F3Thibodaux 4:13
    – And….in the land of Thibodaux, near the banks of Bayou Lafourche (Bayou Side), SEVEN lost PAX of F3 Thibodaux set out to complete four rounds of 150 reps, numbering 600 reps in total in a beatdown offering at the Lion’s Den. However, some of the PAX brought more offerings by doing five or more rounds. Paradox and Enron, during a founders’ meeting (Ya hateth to see such elitism), did runneth two miles before the beatdown.

    —————————-
    Paradox, who came from Homeria, who was the husband of a real doctor, and who sends forth gas into the face of his brethren, he did cruncheth 200 lbcs. In total, he did completith 750 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    And Goose, son of Emu, son of Ostrich, who was fruitful and exponentially multiplied across the earth, he did jumpeth 160 times in the air. In total, he did completith 880 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    And Montana, son of Cotter, who was lost in the wilderness of pro shops, but had foundeth his way home, he did sitteth up 120 times. In total, he did completith 750 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    And Smooth Operator, from the mighty tribe of fence builders, and who did rucketh miles with wrenches on his back, did completith 750 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    And Enron, son of Bernie, and who advised others on how to worshipith silver shekels, and was a chief violator of form, repented and did lungeth with a chaste woman named Bonnie Blair 80 times the hard way. In total, he did completith 880 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    And Cardinal, who had favor with the Lord, but continued to farteth in his sack, and expert on leavened breakfast sandwiches from petroleum markets, he did sitteth up in a V forty times. In total, he did completith 750 reps of all offerings and a 1.25-mile run.

    For all of these offerings, the tribe of F3 Thibodaux did bring to the Den. In five or more rounds, the reps numbered more than 600. Final offerings were made with 95 reps of Mary.

    COT and the sleeveless finery of both the ANIMAL and EURO TRASH varieties were bestowed upon Father Cardinal and Paradox respectively. Our long lost brother, Montana, prayed us out.

    And behold, Yankee Jeaux, provider of coffee from Abraham’s bosom, and oldest of the tribe, with thirty and one hundred years, this day victoriously beat down the dark (and annoying) shadows of mumblechatter and thus humbly (and with immense gratitude) served the PAX.

    SYITG,

    YJ

  • On the Road Again – from Paradox

    Well Im running down the road trying to loosen my load , I got 7 Pax on my mind. 4 that wanna own me, 2 that wanna stone me and one says he’s a friend of mine!

    Come on Yankeeeeee, don’t say maybe!

    I gotta know if His sweet love is gonna Save me!

    We may lose and we may win
    But we will never be here again
    So let’s warm up , mountain climbin in and take it easy…

    Duke! Get the footage and plug Bucees into the gps
    It’s time to hit the road. (Jack)

    Today YHC wanted to kickoff the Easter season through one of my favorite resurrection stories : The Road to Emmaus
    It gives such a different perspective from two disciples heading home from Jerusalem and highlights many of YHCs struggles like expectations and contentment.

    7 strong at the stage with really fine cool spring weather, perfect for making music with my friends.

    Warmup
    The usuals and a bumper mosey with mild to moderate chatter including Tana (welcome back Kotter) in full blown insubordination and Kilo wasting no time tweaking the Qs transitions after missing roughly the last 97 beat downs. The man has clearly been keeping his knives sharp during the layoff. Even a seasoned Q questioner like Goose could respect the effort. T-claps. Most other notable chatter surrounding the incredible confirmation cookout for two of our pax last night and the unbridled power of 50 plus kids.

    To set the stage and mindset of these disciples we got started with a little F3 classic Flowers by Moby
    They brought Christ up and then down and they thought he left them to weap and moan….
    Alternate squats and Leg Raise.
    Always a joy Moby.

    Mosey to the yet to be named Finance Office lot where we tested out the fresh pavement with our first Gospel trivia.

    How many miles from Jerusalem to Emmaus?
    The pax overshot at 14 and paid with 10 oyo burpees

    A little trivia interlude with “On the Road Again “ by Willie Nelson.
    Rocky Balboas on parking bumper during song , burpee on Road . Ronnie with a JBL sponsored BreakOut Performance hitting some groovy rhythm looking like a young Travolta out there. Must have been a few drops of Jucifer left in the tank.

    Second trivia round where pax correctly guessed the Gospel of Luke and reduced the reps to 5 burpees .

    Mosey To Corner of Richmans loop

    Trivia 3 where YJ quickly answered Cleopas as the named disciple and not to be confused with YHCs uncle Clofas who always lets you know that “he knows his rights “

    For the remainder of the beatdown we ran the “big track “ with intermittent excerpts from the Road to Emmaus as our ten counts.
    We completed dry docks, Australian angels , and SSH in increasing fashion on the corners.

    Lastly, hopefully inspired by the disciples revelation, we made an all out push for the flag in running fashion as we left our own beatdown expectations behind. Great effort to push through the pain together here.

    Goose handed down the coveted Animal shirt and YHC is already doing hallway merkins to make sure the threads are peak strain on Thursday.

    COT and Kilo prayed us out.

    Tremendous gratitude for all God is providing in this community .

    NMM

    Sometimes YHC really pumps up my own expectations and discontent leading to further chaos and an endless search for the “greener pasture “. The story of the road to Emmaus always reminds me of how we can look back and see what God placed all around us even when we were too busy to see it unfold.

    With our own plans the sounds of our own wheels can drive us crazy! So lighten up while you still can. Don’t even try to understand. Just find a place to make a stand and take it easyyyyy!

    That’s all I have to say about that

    See y’all on that gloomy Road

    Dox

  • Attitude Determines Altitude – from Paradox

    YHC touched down at a crisp cool Den today with a single mission: Prepare the PAX for one of modern man’s most grueling mental and physical battles.

    An ultramarathon you say ?
    No , that’s fun …I guess..enjoy your 120.0 bumpersticker bro

    Surely it’s The Iditarod then??psssshh Child’s play and the dogs get all the cardio anyway.

    But wait …Swimming the English Channel? …yea sure that’s cute. My grancy used to do water aerobics too.

    No men , this grueling cauldron of chaos is not for the faint of heart. Today it is YHCs privilege to prepare the pax for …(dramatic pause) ….
    ….taking your family to the airport …there were audible gasps from the Pax as we had to fan Goose back to life after he fainted thinking about 11 suitcases in the van of power but we would soon find out the syncope was actually related to wardrobe vascular constriction.

    So the peanuts were fresh , the runway was clear and if you are getting nauseated by airport puns then you better get the Dramamine baby cus this little Cessna is just getting warmed up!

    Duke! Get your boarding pass
    It’s time for the bean footage!! (TM)

    Warm Up
    Standard issue where we discussed the NYT article about pickleball injuries being the leading cause of F3 fartsacks. Hope our F3 brothers can get some help soon. The first step is knowing you have a problem.

    Thang 1

    As with most fruitful endeavors, the real work starts in the home. When your wife sends you to the attic to get the luggage while she crams shoes into vacuum bags.

    We rifle carried over to the steps where YHC delivered a brief monologue enjoyed by all except the king of monologue’s. We want name him but he looked as if YHC was his 4th job applicant of the day who said “my greatest weakness is having no weakness”.
    Pure disgust from the professor.
    It fuels me.

    Packing luggage
    P1 100 thrusters/squats
    P2 takes coupon over stairs and back in rifle carry
    FencePost is a coupon thruster machine.

    Thrusters really got those propellers spinning and we were halfway through a second ten count when Goose took off his hoodie and changed F3 Thibodaux forever. YHC did an actual double take as my first glance revealed Goose was covered in turquoise body paint. Closer examination revealed a women’s extra small tank top with a euro strip in the back for full trap flex. Silence descended as the backstory unfolded. Our fearless leader had wrestled this item away from his M and 2.0s to better serve the pax after the recent demise of Animal shirt 1.0.
    It’s this brand of tenacity that allows Goose to lead this pirate ship with wreck-less abandon. (How he went 17 minutes with a straight face boggles my mind. )

    YHC tried to recover the blackbox flight plan after this crash but I’d be lying if I wasn’t sneaking peaks at the absolute unit turquoise pectoral muscles across from me. Away from me temptress!

    Alight alright , focus …this is what we trained for.

    Sooooo now You have the 12 year old gmc Acadia busting to the gills with luggage and half eaten cinnamon rolls. You give the ole girl two pats on the hood, she coughs to life and you try to remember when you got new tires, 2017? we’ll be ok. It’s time to head to the danger zone.

    Thang 2 ..the Danger Zone
    Side Block Hops
    Increasing block merkins (irkins ) on Danger zone
    Full disclosure I had no idea there were that many “Dangers “ and this got out of hand fast so I had to pull the plug. Can’t win them all.

    Next you arrive at the parking garage and hustle the short term lot for long term pricing (pro tip from money market Ronnie!)

    TSA final boss

    Conveyor belt race
    2 teams
    Plank side to side pull coupon under backwards when it passes pax does 5 plank jacks. Team Delta took the title with a plank Jack strategy that YJ figured out too late and Im sure there will be a Council of Jeaux about this slight very soon.

    Now you get to your Gate and have 2 hours to kill because that TSA precheck ultra boost double clear (Ronnie did it again!) got you through TSA in a flash so it’s time to impress your family with aviation trivia.

    Head for the hill in front of civic center.
    Right answer lunge to and Back
    Wrong answer , coupon lunge

    1. This American aviator made the worlds first nonstop flight from NYC to Paris
    Charles Lindbergh

    2. 1905 the wright brothers were credited with flying the worlds first plane. first names of the Wright Brothers. (Orville and Wilbur )

    3. What town did this occur in? Kitty Hawk, NC

    4. What does the letters TSA stand for? Transportation Security Administration (great save by Yj)

    Goose was full of that mean girls tank top swagger and crushed 4/4 questions for the pax , even guessing correct questions before YHC got them out.
    Do not bring your medium difficulty trivia into the house of Dawson unless you want to get swatted into the rafters.

    We finished with the main event ..
    The Delta Mile
    4 different layovers with a “flight in between “ and a return to baggage claim. We left Lil cuz at LAX a few times but all found our bags unharmed.

    25 coupon press
    25 coupon OHP
    25 coupon curls
    25 coupon squats

    Great effort here to get our flights on time.

    The real “M” VP of any travel is your wife who always plans the best travel, games, snacks, medicines and we wrapped up with a few rounds of Mary to honor our better halves.

    Goose then bequeathed the Tank of Destiny to YJ and it’s future looks bright.

    Announcements :
    Northshore 12 hour beatdown on Saturday . Goose leaving at 4:15 from the Stage.
    Buy those pre order shirts !

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    NMM

    Does anyone else have that phrase from your childhood that at the time made you sick to your stomach but in the light of adulthood looks better and better. Mine is “your attitude determine your altitude “and if I had one coach say it I had a thousand.

    F3 and our Thibodaux brotherhood has helped this phrase come to life for me. Carrying luggage, shuffling bags, coupon thrusters , silly plank races . These all can be put in the “that’s stupid “ file very quickly. But when combined with shared suffering , and an attitude of “I wont let a physical barrier break my spirit “ well then , the sky is the limit.

    Thanks for flying Paradox Air
    Please return your coupons to the upright position

    SYITG ,
    PDox

  • Rain down upon thee w/ Goats – from Goats in the Machine

    Pulled up to the stage just as a rain band began to pelt the Honda pilot. They lack of weekend hype gif had YHC concerned it may just be me against the elements. Suddenly the pax trickled in and the rain began to subside. I really wanted to see as the humidity returned, if a Goats Monday can be one of those que’s to gain F3 Thib lore.
    Let’s roll the tape………
    Warm-o-Rama
    The usuals coupled with one of my personal favorites, wille mays hays

    Thang 1
    The merkin mile- talk of a Cardinal mile next time cause he thought we said 45 merkins per quarter mile

    Thang 2 deck of death Ronnie style
    Aces are 10 burpees
    And each suit had an exercise of this choosing but….. he totally made up the rep count.
    All in all it was a ton of hand release merkins. It was bad and we were soaked

    Thang 3 game of 21’ deck of death Ronnie version.
    He basically dealt himself 21 and we did burpees and jump squats

    We all rounded it out with everyone chooses a round of Mary

    Cot and cuz prayed us out
    Very thankful for each and everyone of you! Goats out

  • ParO’dox and the St Patrick Games – from Paradox

    YHC rolled into the Den on two wheels with just a few extra minutes to let some LepraCones (tM) stretch their legs in the ball park . YhC saw Dilly drive up to see what was happening, gave a fist bump and politely let him know that everything he had seen was “classified “. YHC then set out a few coin dishes and the last thing YHC saw was a gangly Irish fellow with a green mullet and a smedium Irish Affliction shirt (never change Thibodaux Walmart) coming toward me. He had Joy in his eyes and a prayer in his heart. He shotgunned a Guinness and told YHC this beatdown was his…that’s when YHCs lights went dim and all that’s left below are eye witness accounts and fragmented memories during an out of body experience.

    Duke !! Get the footage !!

    Warmup

    5:15am:
    Report from Dale at the
    Chic Fil La Drive Thru :

    “I saw several middle aged men loitering around a lion statue. They looked like they were waiting on someone. Then a maniac rounded the corner with green hair and it was business in the front , party in the back . I’m gonna be honest with you here, that guy looked high. Maybe bath salts. He ran around them in circles, obviously some pagan ritual chant playing from a wireless device. He paused in the middle and spoke in what sounded like a hybrid between Jeff Foxworthy and Connor McGregor. They followed him in unison and it only took a few minutes for them to work into a full lather. He gave them one last cussin and they disappeared toward the demon duck pond. Strange man …real strange. “

    5:22am
    Report from Martha who “gets her steps in” every morning at the demon duck pond track:

    “Youths today !! I tell ya what ! They ran by me in a line singing about drunken sailors and rambling rovers! Then they made the last man do a crude 1/2 lunge dance. This new generation is circling the toilet ! Now if you’ll excuse me I need 400 more steps so I can have my pastalaya for breakfast “

    Journal entry from Earl Thibodaux
    Who works maintenance for the parks department and keeps meticulous notes during his smoke break.

    “These young fellas poured into the ball field about 5:30a. They had cardinals, gooses and one guy was straight up named after a piece of wood. Clearly gang affiliated. The skinny mullet weirdo read them an excerpt from the St Patrick prayer and they danced around the field. The signs said :

    Station 1
    Christ Beneath Me
    10 big bois
    1 coin

    5 bonnie Blair’s

    Station 2 Center Field
    Christ on my right, Christ on my left
    15 (2 is one) Apolo Ohnos
    2 coins

    Station 3 Right Field
    Christ Above Me
    20 Star Jumps
    3 coins

    5 bonnie Blair’s

    That fella then organized some sort of exercise money game. Prolly with that real Lean fella they call Enron.

    First they went solo collecting coins at Stations and the losers did squats.

    Next he had them Split into teams
    They started at home base with 2 buckets for coins.
    1 fella was at at bucket doing jumping jacks at all times but could swap out with a team mate.
    The rest of them leapt to any station or a cone to complete reps or gather a prize which gave them gold coins for the bucket of gold.

    He had some cones out too , looked like this:
    Cone 1 (I) 20 LBCs 1 coin
    Cone 2 (R) 100 high knees (1 is 1)
    Cone 3 (E) 30 Leg Raises …(the answer to the preBlast riddle was set as a 0 coin trap . Sorry Dilly! )
    Cone 4 (L) 10 side Lunges (left right is 1)
    Cone 5 (A) 10 American hammers
    Cone 6 (N) 20 flutter kicks
    Cone 7 (D) 10 dolphin Hops

    I heard the one they called Dilly holler “stay away from the E cone, it’s a trap!” They never saw it coming.

    They played a few rounds and the team with the cranky bald fella that makes fake siren noises kept winning. Finally they jogged back around the civic center and I for one , wouldn’t be surprised if you saw those mugshots on the 6 o clock news. “

    5:58
    Dale from Chic Fil La again

    “Well that girl forgot my mini biscuits so I made another lap around the drive thru. That’s when I saw them kids sprinting back to the lion. They did a few more leg ups then counted each other and named each other. They said a group prayer and scattered before I could even jot down a plate number!

    6:20a
    Paradox:
    YHC woke up in his driveway with a foggy head and some scattered cones. A note on my windshield read “you’ve got a solid group of Lads there, now they know a proper Irish beatdown !
    St Patty Pray for us
    see ya next year
    – ParO’dox “

    NMM

    Was recently discussing the consistency aspect of F3 with Enron and we both agreed it had outlasted any previous “fad exercises” in our careers. A funny thing about F3 for YHC is the “frog in boiling water “ effect. One day you walk into your first gloom with old gym shorts on cus your friend said it was “a challenging workout ”. The next thing you know you have on a Irish national flag hat with a sewn in mullet singing sea shanties and yelling “Oui” as a response while you lead other men. Yet just as the frog can’t quite remember when the water started boiling, I can’t really pinpoint when F3 begin to make me a better man. I just know day by day, rep by rep , through suffering and triumph we improve each other a little more .

    See Ya Bonnie Lads in the Gloom
    Dox

  • Pursuit of Joy VQ by Smooth Operator – from Lil Cuz

    Today I showed up to a couple PAX already standing by Aslan talking amongst themselves as Goose and Kilmer were doing an F3 shirt swap which I didn’t know was a thing until this morning. That’s right, we didn’t scare Kilmer away, so I guess we are doing something right. We had 8 PAX in attendance for my first crack at this Qing thing. So, let’s get started.

    Warm up
    -SSH 12
    -Windmills 12
    -Grass grabbers with the clap 12
    -arm circles forward and reverse 12
    -mountain climbers 12

    Honestly YHC thought that this was the hardest part. Apparently saying a couple phrases and basic arithmetic causes me to struggle, but the PAX coached me up and got me through it. Thanks guys.

    After we finished the dreaded warm ups, we moseyed down to the baseball field outfield fence. From here we discussed the first issue I had been having. A couple weeks ago Paradox talked about the differences between happiness and joy which made me realize there are three categories of happiness. From here we talked about the first category temporarily gratification. A couple examples that were used are, alcohol, drugs, pizza, random hook ups that kind of thing. These are temporary modes of pleasure and should not be something we base our lives around. Which we will get to later.

    Thang 1
    Alright, so the first things I had the PAXs had to do was find a section of 5ft chain link fence that looked suitable for holding their weight because we would be going over this fence. YHC figured that’s when the examples of temporary gratification popped up in his younger years there always seemed to be a fence that had to be jumped to keep from getting in trouble. YHC also figured quite a few of the PAX in attendance had similar experiences. Back to the thang, the Pax would be going up and over the fence and performing 11 Derkins, they would then be going back over the fence and completing 10 more Derkins, this would continue down to 7. 45 total Derkins we’re supposed to be completed but I forgot to mention to stop after 7 so the PAX got a little more shoulder and chest work in. After this we completed the same work out but with squats. From here YHC called it, and we moseyed down to the basketball court.

    Thang 2 was temporarily interrupted by the condition of the basketball court which was littered with trash. The decision was made to take a quick break from the beatdown and be men of action to pick up all the trash in the area. Once this was completed, we had a quick short discussion on what could happen if we get addicted to temporary gratification. From here YHC had 5 suicides on the books for the PAX to complete but due to the cleanup operation. YHC decided to knock it down to 3 suicides which was plenty hard enough.

    Thang 2
    Suicides
    These suicides were performed exactly as YHC remembered them going as a teenager. The PAX would start at one baseline and sprint to the closest free throw line and run back to the initial baseline. From here Pax would run to the half court line and then back to the baseline. After we headed on down to the opposite free throw line and back to the baseline. From here we ran down to the opposite baseline and back. That completed one suicide and we knocked out three.

    After this we moseyed down to the stairs on the front of the civic center. About halfway there, YHC almost got to see his bean and cheese enchiladas that he had for supper the night before. But we pushed on to the towering staircases.

    Once at the stair cases, we jumped straight into the thang instead of discussing a more permanent happiness due to our eagerness for more shared suffering.

    Thang 3
    The work out was rocky balboa’s which involved two PAX standing on the bottom of the staircase with one foot on the bottom step and the other on the concrete. They would alternate feet repeatedly until the next two Pax inline completed their timer exercises, which happened to be 10 burpees. The rest of the PAX would be doing planks at this time. After the timers went off the PAX doing balboas would sprint up the stairs and down the adjacent staircase and would be performing Al Gores until completion.
    Upon completion, YHC had the PAX repeat exercise except the stair work out was box jumps which was both feet on ground then both feet on the stairs jumping back and forth until the timer went off.

    After the completion of the exercise we then had a discussion on a more permanent happiness with examples such as, Listening to good music, traveling, art, finding the right kinda friends. And then we moseyed back to Aslan.

    Once at Aslan, we discussed transcending joy with examples such as, finding a good life partner, bringing kids into the world, finding and maintaining a relationship with the Big Man.

    Thang 4
    Thang 4 required YHC to acquire some tech support from Goose and Kilmer but since my 10 year old Milwaukee job site radio works when it wants. We did the first song a classic Rocket Man by Elton John by just iPhone sound, and it didn’t have the effect YHC was hoping for.

    So we push along through the tech issues and planked during the duration of the song and did half burpees when the words high, long, and man came up in the song. It should have been about 40 half burpees but it was hard to hear with the passing traffic.

    After this Goose and Kilmer got the radio working and we completed the next song workout as YHC intended. The next song was Last dance with Mary Jane by Tom Petty. We did LBC throughout song and big boy sit-ups when ole Tom referred to himself or Mary Jane which should have been around 30 big boy sit ups. The kicker was holding 6” during the instrumental portions. YHC called it at 0600 on the dot. It was quite a sight to see all the sweat prints on the concrete.

    After this we had COT during which Cardinal aka the animal picked Tana to be the next animal due to his quiet Ragnar like abilities to kick this beatdowns butt. Yankee Joe used his eloquent impromptu praying abilities and prayed us out. Thanks to all the PAX for coming out, that was one fun train wreck of a beatdown, and I learned a lot. Hopefully Monday will be even better.
    See y’all in the gloom,
    Smooth Operator

    Side note: Cardinal said it best “don’t settle for fleeting happiness but seek enduring joy”. This animal truly gets it.

  • How To Bear Your Soul – from Yankee Joe

    YHC showed up to the stage for his first Tuesday Tuff Q. The occasion was marked with nine PAX, including Kilmer DR’ing from the exotic land of dying college basketball regimes – Raleigh, NC (though he’s actually from Carey). He definitely brought some much needed and appreciated energy.

    Warm-up
    – Side straddle hops
    – Windmills
    – OG Grassgrabbers
    – Arm circles forward
    – Arm circles backward
    – Cherry pickers
    – Self love
    – High knees
    – Butt kicks
    – Mountain climbers
    – Bumper mosey

    Honestly, YHC had no idea what to do for his first Tuesday Tuff beatdown. By 8:30 pm the night before, while in a meeting, he knew time was up. The pre-blast hype GIF’s had to go out. YHC panicked. He looked around. Nothing. Then he remembered a theme he had been playing around with as his manniversary approached.

    Ok, hold on. Let me back up. F3 is an interesting concept. It’s premise bears special attention. On one hand, you are voluntarily suffering through what seems unbearable. In almost all cases, rookie for veteran, you bearly make it to the end of a particular exercise. The camaraderie is powerful, but the expectations can be overbearing. The real power kicks in when you are convinced you can no longer bear it. To give up would be unbearable. So…you have only one Singletary choice. You bear your teeth and crawl on. There is much to be learned from our forbearers as they bear the torch of humility and forebearance. Your arrogance is left threadbear as fellow PAX come bearfoot, bearfaced, bearchested (embearassing for some), and bearhanded (except for a few hand models). We give each other manly bearhugs and vicious bearberries. In short, we grin and bear it.

    So, as it is now probably obvious, YHC’s theme centered around not eating spicy food the night before a beatdown.

    C’mon…seriously…It’s about bears (so now you know YHC can actually spell…you got it. Good job. Good for you.). Though food choices prior to beatdowns is a serious matter and should be taken up at the F3 Senior Leadership Team level, if not nationally. What Goats and Enron are capable of manifesting in this particular arena is concerning even for a bear.

    So, we did bear crawling for 35 minutes with intermittent merkin and core exercises spread throughout. It was beary beary nasty.

    ————————————-
    The First Thangggg

    Paddington Bear

    As we all know, Paddington was shipped off to England by his Aunt Lucy from “Darkest Peru” with a sign that read, “Please look after this bear. Thank you.” Goose answered that piece of trivia correctly, saving the PAX five burps.

    The Brown Family finds Paddington sitting on a suitcase in a railway station in Paddington, England. They can’t understand his Peruvian name, so they call him Paddington. We can all relate. When I first met Paradox, I had no idea what language was falling out of his mouth. For the first few weeks, I thought his name was Fart Knocks.

    To emulate this enormous literary moment in history, we set out to find Paddington.

    – One PAX lunges to the marker, then the remaining PAX bear crawl to the marker to “find Paddington.” PAX then bring Paddington home, all bear crawling back to start. Paddington, while waiting in the station (marker), is sitting on his suitcase. But since we don’t have a suitcase, Paddington held Al Gore while waiting for the PAX to come get him.

    – Next single PAX lunges to marker while remaining PAX hold plank, then repeat until each Paddington has been found and brought home. In all, each PAX bear crawled 255 yards. Yo, at the age of 60, Kilmer was dominating…it was crazy. He even had enough wind to throw out some chatter about “Damn” Yankee Joe and why it didn’t make sense that the Brown Family would be bear crawling if they weren’t bears. YHC was too winded to retort at the time.

    Also, T-Claps to French Horn, who in just a few weeks, has caught his stride and is hanging with the elites such as Goose, Enron, and Paradox.
    ————————————-
    The Second Thangggg

    Winnie the pooh

    Winnie the Pooh
    Winnie the Pooh
    Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff
    He’s Winnie the Pooh
    Winnie the Pooh
    Willy nilly silly old bear

    Always getting into the honey pot, Pooh Bear just can’t keep from getting his head stuck. Like Montana in Wing Stop 30 piece wing combo box (lemon pepper of all things), we had to get Pooh’s head unstuck, while also attacking some of that ‘tubby little chubby fluff’.

    – Bear crawl 360 clockwise to marker, 100 LBCs (for the 100-acre wood, of course)
    – Bear crawl 360 counterclockwise back to start, 100 pickle pounders

    Here, Kilmer raised the pickle pounder bar (I dare you, Michael), encouraging the PAX with noises that truly justified the “respect” during nam-o-rama. Smooth Operator, not to be outdone, showed us why he’s the “diamond life, lover boy.”

    —————————————–
    The Third Thangggg

    The Yogi Bear Circuit

    Of course, we can’t have a bear themed beatdown without our ever foraging for a pic-a-nic basket, Yogi. To honor this great historical and significant bear, we utilized the six pic-a-nic tables at The Stage. Each table would increase in increments of 10 with a designated exercise (i.e. 10 Derkins, 20 incline dancing chilcutts, 30 creature merkins, etc.

    But how will we get from table to table? Well, my friends, the Exicon delivers again. Who was Yogi’s best friend? You got it. The Boo Boo Bear Crawl. A bear crawl using only ONE LEG. God, I love this shizz.

    It goes a little something like this…
    – Boo boo bear crawl to first picnic table, 10 derkins
    – Boo boo bear crawl to second picnic table, 20 dancing incline chilcutts 2:1
    – Boo boo bear crawl to third picnic table, 30 creature merkins
    – Boo boo bear crawl to fourth picnic table, 40 leg ups 1:1
    – Boo boo bear crawl to fifth picnic table, 50 freak nasty’s
    – Boo boo bear crawl to sixth picnic table, 60 incline merkins

    Unfortunately, after table 3 (30 creature merkins), YHC had to call an audible based on PAX logistics as well as time. So, instead, we finished with:

    40 yard Boo Boo Bear Crawl, switching legs at each picnic table back to the flag. Once you reach the flag, 100 merkins or fail. This would take the last three minutes of the beatdown. It. Was. AWESOME. Goose was the only PAX to hit 100, but we’re pretty sure Enron did too, but he forgot to count. Imagine that…a financial advisor that forgets to count. I’m sure it gives his PAX clients great confidence considering his F3 name. But what do I know? I’m just a Marketing guy, and we don’t do maff.

    COT and Smooth Operator prayed us out. His prayer was short and powerful.

    “Dear Lord, thank you for letting us be warriors for you today. Amen.” Should be the F3 official prayer, in my opinion.

    Next stop…Manniversary

    SYITG,

    (Damn) Yankee Joe

  • A Lion, A Partnership, and a Tank Top: A Short Story – from Yankee Joe

    Seven PAX showed at the Lion’s Den, which was a nice surprise. The night before, YHC had shared a pre-blast with his M, and she responded with something like, “This is why you have difficulty making friends.” Ouch. But, she’s kinda right.

    The idea was inspired by Goose’s Burpee Time(r) beatdown the Tuesday Tuff prior. In that beatdown, PAX rotated through a variety of exercises for the duration of however long it took one PAX to complete 20 burpees. Though grueling, YHC noticed how much more eager he was to push through the pain of 20 burpees when other PAX’s suffering was hanging in the balance. So YHC attempted to take that “leave no PAX behind” commitment to partner commitments. In this episode of “we’re not medical or even fitness professionals,” Partner 2 would work through a combined 15 minutes of elbow plank work, while Partner 1 (the Timer) worked through sets of varying stupidity.

    Ok, so my way of making friends looks different. But is it effective? Well, probably not. Regardless, YHC was happy to see Fence Post who has started to become a mainstay of the Thursday Lion’s Den. In the mold of Lil’ Cuz, his quiet, methodical movements through a beatdown inspire a sense of deep respect. His sheer strength is still unnerving. YHC can’t wait to see him in action come Iron Pax. Part of the reason the Lion’s Den came into being was to be closer to Chackbay. As the Cardinal flies, it is only a few miles. That said, Cardinal does not fly, and he showed up “on time” in the same way crawling “backward is forward” for a crab. Goats in the Machine apparently wants to be a crab too, though he probably still thinks beatdowns start at 5:30 and not 5:15. But the man keeps showing up, and that’s all that matters. Enron made his appearance in an unpredictably good mood. Erich the Great aka Ragnar aka Tana showed sporting his newly acquired six pack abs courtesy of F3. Goose showed up wearing a tank top reading ANIMAL on the front. Enron somehow said nothing about it. I’ll get to that in a bit.

    Warm-up 5:15 – 5:25
    Side straddle hops
    Windmills 15 ct
    Arm circles forward 15 ct
    Arm circles backward 15 ct
    Cherry pickers 15 ct
    Self love
    High knees 15 ct
    Knoxville cherry pickers 15 ct
    Mountain climbers 10 ct
    Mosey around civic center

    The Thangggg 5:27 – 6:00
    Partner up; Start on embankment in front of civic center
    P1 exercise represents the timer for each station
    P2 exercise happens simultaneously until P1 has finished
    P1 & P2 bear crawl between each station
    At end of circuit, P1 & P2 flapjack, then work their way back through stations
    Mosey around civic center between rounds

    Circuit Round 1
    Station 1
    P1 does 25 decline groiners on embankment
    P2 does decline peter parker merkins on embankment
    When P1 finished, both bear crawl 15 yards to Station 2

    Station 2
    P1 does 25 monkey humpers
    P2 does chilcutt peter parkers
    When P1 finished, both bear crawl 10 yards to Station 3

    Station 3
    P1 does 25 burpees
    P2 does J-Flecks (J-Lo both sides, then pickle pounder)
    When P1 finished, both bear crawl 10 yards to Station 4

    Station 4
    P1 does 25 coupon thrusters
    P2 does dancing chilcutts

    When P1 finished, partners flapjack and work back through stations

    Mosey around civic center

    Circuit Round 2: Rinse and Repeat
    Mosey around civic center

    2MOM
    Leg lifts
    Freddie Mercury’s 2:1
    Pulsing Supermans? (Goose called them Lois Lanes, so now that is what F3 Thibodaux will call them.)

    After namarama, Goose explained the tank top. YHC couldn’t help saying an internal prayer of gratitude. Had Goose meant to wear it without any explanation, our friendship would have been examined more carefully. In the end, Goose, always thinking about how to serve the PAX, announced (mandated, commanded) that after each beatdown the ANIMAL tank top would be bestowed upon the PAX that most exemplified the nature of an animal.

    Or maybe it was the PAX that most sounded like an animal? Maybe it was the PAX that best blew ass like an animal? What constitutes the definition of a “beatdown ANIMAL” is still unclear. In Enron’s case, perhaps it represents the PAX that taunts the Form Police most like an animal. But again, I have no clear evidence.

    COT and Cardinal reminded YHC he needed to pick someone to pray. Thus, Cardinal prayed us out.

    Always grateful for each of you and your willingness to push through to your inner animal.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

  • It’s Burpee Time(r) Again! – from Goose

    YHC showed up tired, mostly because it was the morning after a late night planning session that seemed awesome before crawling into bed and not so awesome while tying shoes this morning in the dark (we’ll call it the “Pre-Q Dread”). After a slow warmup of the usual with 5 total PAX, YHC led us on a nice, slow bumper mosey to further delay the inevitable.

    YHC knew that despite a challenging Saturday and Monday, Tuesday Tuff has to live up to its name or YHC might lose his edge. So, no time for a pity party, it was Burpee Time(r) Again!

    Four PAX lined up and spread out facing the stage on the concrete along the curved grass line waiting for instructions. While one man did 20 burpees in the middle, each other man would do AMRAP the exercise assigned to his spot. So, each guy would do a different exercise nonstop until the guy in the middle finished 20 burpees, hence the “burpee timer.” Once the burpees are done, the men rotate to the next station and remind the guy behind him what exercise he’s about to have to do. Communication was key…Actually, it wasn’t. There were only five stations, and it was pretty obvious what the guy ahead of you was doing, mostly because of the shape of the sweat stamp on the concrete.

    Round 1 exercise stations (done while middle guy is completing 20 burpees):
    -merkins
    -coupon curls
    -squats
    -Peter Parkers

    Round 2:
    -BBSU
    -coupon swings
    -lunges (back then forward with same leg before switching)
    -Imperial Walkers

    Round 3:
    -Freddy Mercurys
    -coupon rows
    -Apolo Onos
    -freak nasties on the picnic bench

    Round 4:
    -crab cakes (Crabby Patties, according to Tana)
    -coupon LBC’s
    -flutter kicks
    -SSH

    6:00 came almost all the way through the fourth round, though time was a bit of an illusion this morning. It felt like each guy took about seven minutes to complete his burpees, though it was probably less than two. And the stretch from 5:56 to 6:00 crept on for about 15 minutes, and I think it actually stopped once or twice.
    The chatter was at an all time low this morning, though a few guys likely had to check their pants when they got home given the quality of sounds that were communicated once things really got moving.

    T-claps to these men for pushing hard through this one and not giving into the instinct (or peer pressure) to take a breath before starting those burpees. As mentioned during the COT, F3 is supposed to constantly push me and give me concrete experiences that make it clear that I still have a long way to go, while at the same time giving the reward of deep brotherhood that comes from shared suffering.
    If we ever feel like “we’ve arrived”, we’re doing it wrong, but if we ever feel left behind, we’re also doing it wrong. We’re in this together for the long haul, and we’re also growing and improving immensely with every single beatdown!

    Announcements and Tana prayed us out (sorry, Smooth, I forgot!)

    SYITG,
    Goose