F3 New Orleans

Author: Rudy

  • Two Kings and a Joker – from Russo

    Temp was below 40 for the entirety, what YHC feels is the last bit of cold weather we’ll see for a while, but I’ve been wrong before.

    Warmup – all IC 10x

    – SSHs
    – Arm circles
    – Toe touches
    – Cherry pickers
    – High knees
    – Self love

    Thang – Deck of Death (count and exercise based on card turned over)

    The deck provided the inspiration for the title: YHC the Joker was joined by two kings:

    (1) Steve – King of making it look easy. I don’t doubt that he struggles on occasion. But you’d never be able to tell it. Effortless floating from one to the next. Smirking the entire time.

    (2) Waterpik – King of Form and perfect execution. Flawless. Even the most demanding judge is mystified by the way he fully executes. No shortcuts. Watch him jump squat. While YHC is struggling to get down to a 135 degree angle, he’s headed all of the way down and back up. Amazing.

    Back to the deck, we split the deck into 3 groups for rounds. Rounds included:
    Spades – durkins
    Clubs – freak nastys
    Diamonds – Bulgarian split squats (2 is 1)
    Hearts – leg raises

    Spades – shoulder tap merkins
    Clubs – calf raises (2 is 1)
    Diamonds – SMCs
    Hearts – Crunchy frogs

    Spades – step ups
    Clubs – Monkey Humpers
    Diamonds – jump squats
    Hearts – box cutters

    Before and between rounds, we moseyed around Granny’s to accumulate some mileage.

    Mary (all 15x)

    – LMCs
    – Gas pumps
    – Penguins
    – Heels to heaven
    – Flutter kicks

    Finally, 3 calf raises each step of the pilot house.

    COT, name-o-rama, announcements and prayer closed us out.

    SYITG

  • Ease the Knees, Flex the Pecs – from Goose

    Having tweaked the spine somethin’ fierce last week, YHC is pretty much limited to merkins, and a few arm movements, which was conveniently similar to the PAX who ran in It’s Only A Mile on Saturday. So, YHC decided not to relinquish the Q, but offer a clinic in stretching while also completely burning out the one muscle group least used on Saturday. It was time to loosen the legs and challenge the chest; ease the knees and flex the pecs; salve the calves and test the breasts. Know’m sayin’.

    Warmup: Imperial Walkers (cuz that’s all YHC could handle, and we’d be stretching the legs nicely for the rest of the beatdown), AC both ways x20, Cherry Pickers x15, Lafayette Night Clubs x15, and Self-Love x20 to get the upper body nice and loose. It wouldn’t be enough.

    The Thang for the duration of the workout would be a Tabata style, AMRAP/stretch routine consting of 30 seconds of stretching (x2 of each) followed by 30 seconds of a given merkin variety AMRAP. If the stretch was one leg at a time, or one arm at a time, we’d alternate two types of merkins since there would be four rounds of merkins altogether for that one stretch (each limb needing to be stretched twice, you see).

    It went like this (all x2):

    -Feet together, touch toes; regular merkins
    -Quad stretch; Werkins and Diamond merkins
    -Calf stretch on the curb; staggered merkins w/one hand up on the curb (2 L, 2R)
    -Butterfly groin stretch; Ranger Merkins
    -Butt/IT stretch (laying down, pull knee to opposite shoulder); Hand-release merkins and Shoulder-tap merkins
    -Ab stretch (on elbows, up like a cobra); Peter Parker Merkins
    -Tricep stretch (against a post); Irkins and Derkins on the Stage wall
    -Chest stretch (between posts); Carolina Dry Docks

    The stretches were deeply welcomed by all, but the merkins quickly became something to be dreaded as the timer ticked loudly toward another round, and chatter was at a minimum. By the time the Derkins were upon us, the bird poop on our resting faces didn’t seem so bad. And, the Carolina Dry Docks had YHC thinking we need to EH a dentist soon if we’re gonna keep declining on dead arms.

    YHC was impressed by Popeye and Yankee Joe posting after such a grueling feat of endurance on Saturday (Pope, too, but he didn’t really have a choice). And, it was great to have Safety Valve with us again–nobody quite matches the smiling-while-complaining wit of our very own 16-year-old surgeon.

    We never left the stage area, and we never ran, but we heated up nicely in the cold weather, and the fire that burned in our chests warmed the cockles of our innerds as we circled up, grateful for another fulfilling experience of shared suffering. COT and YJ prayed us out

    N.B. The neighborhood has been given yet another reason to put forth (almost) 0 FNG’s during YHC’s tenure here–the tricep stretch had us leaning against various posts on the stage like a 90’s boy band right before walking over to the half wall for some manly irkins. They don’t know what they’re missing.

  • It Was Only A Mile – from Paradox

    Journal entry
    Feb 17, 2024
    An eventful morning on the Farm

    My family has lived on this property out along Hwy 1 since around WW2 and most mornings I follow a strict but enjoyable routine. Up just before the sun rises over the cane fields , I brew a pot of coffee and check the weather. Then I enjoy a quiet morning with my thoughts, some prayer and maybe even a good book.

    But this morning …this morning my routine was , well, I’ll put it politely and say it was disturbed. You see, shortly after the weatherman informed me that today’s forecast was not fit for man nor beast , well I heard just that. A man , my nephew, in the yard hollering at some sort of animal. On closer inspection out my kitchen window it was no beast making these noises but a hybrid redneck dialect being emitted from another human he insisted on calling a paradox. He was in a truck loaded nose to tail with tents and tables like Jed Clampett. “Shoot fire Yankee this is a mighty fine residence, hope tha skeeters ain’t neer bad as the peltch last beatdown” he said while looking around the farm. I expected him to have no teeth at all but he only seemed to be lacking inseam in his shorts. A paradox indeed.

    To my amazement, my nephew, the one he kept calling Yankee, seemed to know and welcome him and they began putting out cones and yard signs in a cold rain storm just happier than two pigs in the sunshine. Things were getting quite strange here , and little did I know it was just the beginning.

    By 7:15 the rain had let up but the floodgates of middle aged men with knee braces and headbands were now wide open. Short , tall, thick , thin, they all piled in helping setup a flooded tent and passing around gold baun sticks and theraguns. Some dressed for the weather while others invested in Himalayan technology to keep there mammary glands chafe free. There seemed to be no distinction in vehicle either as they stepped from punisher Tundras or eco friendly wagons. They greeted old friends with butt slaps and elbow taps yelling obscenities like FracSac and Goosey. Quite frankly , I don’t even care to know why a Hawg would even need a cycle. This ceremony continued until there were dang near 30 of them loitering around our property! I had the authorities dialed up when I was informed they had gathered on purpose AND for a charity cause AND my nephew had actually planned on them being here! Tomfoolery! The very definition!

    I settled back into my armchair to take a breather. That’s when the foghorn went off …and they started running.

    The first one I saw break away from the pack looked like he had been taken right off the cover of one of those running magazines. A stride so Smooth you would swear he was standing still but hard to reconcile that with the 1/2 mile lead he had most of the day.

    Behind him were 3-4 others seemingly using this gazelle as a pace car and weighing options that he couldn’t keep that pace all day..right..right?! (He would)

    They had one young enough to be 15 with spring loaded rubber for legs and others flexing the scars of midlife ,held together with bioflex and gorilla glue.

    Behind this second group were the real rabble rousers. A pack of 10-15 wild dogs complete with mobile tunes, homemade JV shirts and promises every turn that “I think this is it for me boys..wink, wink”

    A few ringleaders in this pack but the real Don Corleone was a highlighter vested gentleman they all called Popeye. He was not blazing land speed records but something about the way he set his jaw let any observer know he wouldn’t be denied his mileage goal.

    They all hit the first corner in site of the quarter mile cone and stared down a cold and wet 15mph headwind, lovely. Gosh I wonder if any of them had cozy pickleball scheduled today.

    In between miles I saw various strategies of recharge. Some gorged calories , others walked it out , and some stood still contemplating the next lap. Many of these hooligans searched for a man who I guessed to be their local shaman but lap after lap he wore many more hats (and one whistle) . One part coach , one part field general, his intimate knowledge of the men was palpable . Some he pushed harder, others he let down easy, both equally effective in getting his men’s best effort. He delivered speeches to ward off ego and checked joints for oil leakage like a seasoned mechanic. With a firm nod or a head turned grin he communicated his trust. This was a leader of high impact men from any viewpoint. He whistled and they ran. They ran and he whistled.

    The wind blew. The socks got wet, got swapped out and got wet again. Many met their goal mileage, passed it and kept on churning. By about 11am most having exceeded a half marathon at this point, most took a bowl of delicious pastalaya and continued to cheer on the rest.

    By around 2pm there were 4 still running . And when I thought I had heard it all one yelled “back the cones up” and they took off for one last trip, this time for 1.2 miles. The gazelle in front still as fresh as mile 1 but that ole hawg wasn’t far behind. They all knew he had a little sand left in those bags. The third man was a true bewilderment. His physique suggesting he could walk on as an NFL tight-end but his running demeanor at mile 26 was simply unbothered. The redneck brought up the rear and surely he thought there was a bud light promotion for finishers. (there wasn’t, but a Coors from a friend was even better)

    The gazelle found the finish line first only a second in front of the hawg and the artist they called Tana only a furlong after that.

    And as the miles piled up I pondered to myself “why would they do something so utterly stupid “. With time on my hands, as the trucks loaded with tents and boxes dispersed , I came to three potential conclusions.

    Was it fitness driving them ?

    Surely this looked plausible as some had clear physical gifts and several maintained peak cardio strain. Were these average Yankee Jeaux’s striving to be Americas Best athletes? Unlikely. But I can only say it seemed the fitness got them here, but it was not the reason they stayed for more. An appetizer of sorts, maybe stellar quads is just the byproduct ….so I kept searching.

    Were they just here to fellowship? Some signs pointed in this direction. As soon as I saw the Solo Stove fire pit I knew a high fluting party was in full swing. This crew obviously knew how to have a good time and the verbal assaults flying along with answered grins of disdain indicated enjoyment of each others company. I’m Closer to the mark here but…but no. Not quite the primary driving factor I could sense.

    So if they weren’t fitness professionals and most would think a better party is available at any other watering hole then what’s left ?!

    Hidden amongst the laps, intertwined between these fun loving family men, was the intrinsic need to put ones own pain aside. To combine that suffering with the brother next to him and have it all be for something much larger than themselves. That’s why they ran. Every step counted , every lap mattered. It was “only a mile” they said to each other .

    But it seemed like so much more.

    This was a fine day.

    Postscript

    Congrats to NOLA’s Smooth for winning the first annual IOAM! See ya next to year to defend .

    Second place – The OG sandbagger himself Mr. Hawgcycle

    Third place – Wilford Montana – forged in the fires of deep Bourg pickleball this was truly impressive brother!

    To all that ran today (and one that whistled), thank you for your time , effort and commitment to raise money for several great causes today and during RCR.

    Thanks to Rudy for the ground support and motivation. You really stepped RCR up this year!

    Special Thanks to Enron and Bourgeois Meat Market for the awesome lunch!

    As usual artistic liberties were taken in portrayal of backblast characters but Reluctant Yankee and his family were overwhelmingly gracious hosts . Huge thanks to his family for having us invade their Saturday!

    It’s a privilege to lead.

    SYITG

    Paradox

  • No Q No Problem… – from Bogey

    Rainy 61degrees(and quickly dropping)
    Peristyle – Warmup
    Peristyle – Down the Ladder – People’s Chair/10 air press to 10 Merkins & back to People’s Chair 9 air press to 9 merkins…rinse and repeat down to 1
    Peristyle – 20 calf raises/20 Monkey Humpers to 20 calf raises(toes in)/20 Monkey Humpers to 20 calf raises(toes out)/20 Monkey Humpers
    Peristyle/nearby benches for Dips.
    Peristyle Dora – 100 BB sit-ups/200 squats/300 flutter kicks
    -1 lap around the Big Lawn
    – 20 Rt leg step-ups/15 incline merkins/20 Lft leg step-ups
    – Mary with Burpees(compliments of Mr. Rogers)
    – stretch
    – COT
    Thanks to the PAX for motivation and accountability!

  • Team RCR has a First & 10 – from Mayhem

    Mahatma had a work commitment, so YHC stepped up to Q. Not much was preplanned…

    YHC arrived early concerned about the gate being locked due to track starting. Lo and behold, the fear became reality. Flag was planted and brainstorming commenced. Jogged to the east side of the track and setup 10 cones each 10 yards apart in the road.

    Rudy arrived from the gloom after logging some RCR miles to round out the group at 7 PAX. 5:30 disclaimer and off we went… in two different directions…

    Theme: no rocks even though it was Rock City, more running than usual for RCR, and finish with a challenge at the cones.

    Mosey around the locked track and enter by the bleachers.
    Warmarama: AV, GG, MMP, PPP, MC
    In Mahatma fashion, jogged the bleachers from end to end, up and down 6 spots, 5 burpees, return, up and down 6 spots, 5 burpees

    Mosey a few hundred meters, pit stop. 15 honest(?) merkins IC, hand release merkin + should taps.

    Mosey a few hundred meters, pit stop at the pavilion by the hill. Back-to-back-to-back without a break. 15 right leg step-ups, 15 left leg step-ups, 15 dips IC.

    Mosey a few hundred meters, pit stop in the light. 15 bobby hurleys, run to the bleachers and back, 15 2-is-1 bonnie blairs, run to the bleachers and back, 15 IW 2-is-1, run to the bleachers and back, OYO.

    Mosey a few hundred meters, pit stop on the stairs at the back press box. Calf raises, right leg-only calf raises, left leg-only calf raises.

    Mosey a few hundred yards to cone #1 for First and 10.
    At first cone, 1 burpee + 10 merkins. Sprint to the last cone (90 yards), recover jog back to second cone. 2 burpees + 9 merkins. Sprint to last cone (80 yards), recover jog back to third cone, etc. Totals 55 burpees, 55 merkins, 9 sprints and 9 recovery jogs followed by a little bit of Mary for some.

    Mosey back the long way to the flag for 6:14pm arrival and COT to commence. Team KnOTs was performing a shockingly slow mosey back on the main track.

    Counterama
    Namerama

    Announcements- City Pork 2/24
    07:00 – Run #1
    08:00 – Run #2
    09:00 – Run #3 with Youth Run NOLA
    10:00 – Run #4
    11:00 – Run #5
    12:00 – Run #6

    Intentions- Scantron’s nephew and Vagabond’s co-worker

    Thankful for the opportunity to lead.
    Thanks Rudy for skipping your run to attend your first bootcamp-style beat down in February.

    SYITG!

  • 2 rounds of playing cards – from Thighs

    Today we brought back the F3 playing cards with a couple new games to play.
    F3 Workout Deck – Waterproof Beatdown Box Card Deck

    We started the beat down with a warmup:
    Mosey around the block
    15x Jumping Jacks
    7x Windmills
    7x Cherry Pickers
    7x Merkins
    7x Mountain Climbers
    7x Squats
    7x In Tempo Tempo Squats
    Then we mosey-ed to the city seal and set up the cards in the middle.

    We did 2 rounds where each card had a specific exercise. We pulled 10 cards per round. After each card, we did a quick mosey to the canon and back, for a quick 100 meter run.

    Hearts
    10
    Spades
    15
    Diamonds
    20
    Clubs
    25

    2
    Merkins
    3
    Squat Pulsesx2
    4
    Mtn Climbers x2
    5
    Squats
    6
    Flutter Kicks x2
    7
    Bobby Hurleys
    8
    Smurf Jacks x2
    9
    Box Cutters
    10
    Plank Toe Touches x2
    J
    Diamond Merkins
    Q
    Bonny Blairs
    K
    Burpees
    A
    Diamond Merkins
    Joker
    60 sec plank

    After each round, we did a mosey around the block.

    Then after that round we did 2 rounds of 44s. Where each suit had a different exercise.
    The # on the card was the reps.

    Hearts
    Arms
    Tricep Merkins

    Spades
    Legs
    Lunges

    Diamonds
    Cardio
    Catcher Burpees

    Clubs
    Abs
    Triple Bear

    After each round, we did a mosey around the block.

    We ended the workout with an Ab Ring of Fire.
    Each PAX lead a workout as we went around the Ring of Fire. We did this for two rounds.

    We ended with the usual close out, sending us off with a prayer.
    Looking forward to next time!

  • Goldmine Valentines – from Bolt

    YHC put out the call to bring life back to our fledgling AO as Shrove Tuesday led right to Ash Wednesday—time for sacrifice and repentance to begin along with sweethearts and amoré; 4 other pax heeded the call, with Rev’s HC including a caveat to run.

    Warmorama featuring the requisite song but with more S&M than usual: sun salutation with forward folds, figure 4 squats, tie fighters alternating legs/direction, OH/seal claps, self love, Abe SLOWgodas.

    The thang: morning calls followed by a slowsey to JPAX with a change in MOT at each light: KnOT, high knees, lunge, karaoke each direction, mosey.

    10 burpees OYO, mosey to get coupons for Valentines pairings: 2 consecutive exercises 14 reps each (channeling my inner Rudy with number play—2/14, get it?!) x 3 rounds with 10 blockees between each round.
    1: curls + pull throughs
    2: Kettle bell swings + Big Boys (coupon)
    3: lying on back, move coupon with outstretched arms from above the head to above chest and sit up in a single motion

    3/2/1s: 3 minutes of LBCs, 2 minutes of chest press, 1 minute of squats, 30
    seconds rest between each exercise keeping track of reps (Bolt 148 LBC, Space Cowboy 90ish chest press and 50ish squats).
    Indian frisbee run back to flag: last guy throws frisbee to lead runner and a catch results in thrower running to front while catcher hands it back to the new last guy who continues the cycle non-stop. A missed catch requires 5 burpees from all pax before thrower can advance to front—needless to say, we did many burpees to get back to the flag. COT.

  • The Hill’s have Bearcrawlers – from PVC

    Stretch arms
    Abe vigoda
    Calf scoop
    Grass grabber
    Peter Parker
    OMB
    Wife pleaser
    Flutter kicks
    Imperial Walker
    Mosey to the hill
    11’s BBS bear crawl Merkins lunge
    Mosey to gym steps for calf raises
    Mosey ba k to the field for Bocci ball winner names the exercise
    COT

  • Keeping the Lights On – from Mobydick

    A perfect morning. Cool. No wind and Dry. Thanks to a great Tabata timer Sunny and YHC got a good workout of 5 sets of SSH/Squats/Crunches/Bicycle crunches/Merkins/Box Cutters. :45 Exercise :30 Rest. Prayers for all in their endevors.

  • Fat Tuesday Tuff- Volume 2: Texaco Cat has Unfinished Business – from Paradox

    “What is a Mardi Gras?” YHC asked. Standing in the playground of Homer Elementary , YHC was at that tender age of naivety when it seems coaches have all the answers to life’s questions. My PE coach cinched up his grey Riddell shorts (you know the ones) around a considerable beer gut and confidently informed me:

    “ Yea Owens, well it’s pretty much a bunch of idiots get drunk and dress up like fools with their friends then give up bread or something ….why don’t you go cover first base and maybe ask your parents”

    9 year old YHC trotted out to first base safely tucking Mardi Gras into my “Bobby Bouche: Things That are the Devil” folder, right beside football, MTV and any activities after 8pm.
    Thankfully it didn’t stay tucked away for long as God put YHC on a path towards south La and I would soon be in a free men’s workout group where the chatter de jour was usually “how to say pirogue” or “whether potato salad and gumbo should ever touch each other”. It’s one of the many fine attributes of this thing we call F3, somedays my virgin ears hear Depeche Mode and can never regain innocence and others days if I’m the lucky downwind pax, I get a fartlek taste in the air of last night’s Cajun cuisine. So, todays beatdown would be a wild hodge-podge of Mardi Gras learned, observed and practiced from a North La transplant.

    LEGAL DISCLAIMER: In the court case filed as Mr. Ronnie Lillickk vs the Pax of F3 Thibodaux the ruling of the jury was that YHCs north La version of Mardi Gras does not represent all North La transplants. Furthermore, there are many fine intelligent people form this part of the state.

    Duke! I know you are the King of Barkus this year but you still have to roll the beautiful footage!!

    Warmup
    YHC moseyed in from deep Richman territory adorned in only the finest cheap plastic gadgetry that Houma CVS could offer. Running right into a welcome sight of none other than Tidy Whitey!! He got a few highlighter stick pops as penance for 500 plus missed beatdowns but was welcomed back with much hoopla and praise! With 8 more pax ready to roll we got down to business with the usuals as YHCs outfit could not withstand even a few SSHs, one hates to see it. A bumper/stop sign mosey was in order to get the legs pumping and begin racking up some RCR miles.

    THANG 1
    Mardi Gras Mambo –The Meters

    Traditional F3 Thibodaux style with Merkins on Mambo and Donkey Kicks on “Down in New Orleans”. This song goes down in F3 Thib lore. In its debut the line “it takes a cool cat to blow a horn” was translated (by YHCS caffeine riddled brain) into “Texaco Cat blows a horn” and the legend of Texaco Cat still lives on . YHC has always imagined Texaco Cat as a north La gas station attendant that’s strong as an ox, knows his rights and has a bumper sticker on his hemi Dodge Ram that says “kids who fish and hunt don’t steal and deal”.

    YHC gave the disclaimer that proper form would be observed and rewarded. Yankee Jeaux was locked in early and often in this beatdown and took the merkin form title easily. He was then granted the Tutu of Power and the Flashing Stick of Trust to lead us as the Grand Merkin Marshal in an Indian Run Parade with 3 drop off LBCs ( ya gotta find dat baby in da king cake shah! Piyyyyahhhh)

    Onward to the beginning of Richmans loop for “Throw me something Mister”, originating from a younger ignorant YHC speculating that maybe all those cajuns are just angrily throwing stuff around because they got all them teeth and no teethbrush (ok I’ve reached my second Waterboy reference and I promise that’s it)

    PAX partnered up with a goal of transporting both pax and 1 tennis ball to the far corner of RL. Mode of transport was mosey then catch a “throw” from your partner. Rinse and repeat with 3 “Hi 5” burpee penalty for a drop. Ended up in a two horse race with Goose/Cuz vs YJ/AB enjoying a reduced burpee penalty at the finish line. The rest of the us enjoying a 10 burpee appetizer.

    THANG 2

    Next up Mardi Gras Trivia to represent YHCs schooling years when I began to figure out the Rubiks cube holiday of mardi gras and Lent.

    Correct Answer- run/nur 1/2 road to port a jeaux
    Incorrect – run /nur full road to cones and back

    1-Name all three states in which Fat Tuesday is recognized as a State Holiday.
    ANSWER: LA, AL, FL- With a little prodding we got this correct.

    **LEGAL DISCLAIMER: In the case of Mr./Future Dr. Maught vs the people of Florida the jury has come to a decision that he was in fact “not raised here” but does at times display Floridian characteristics and is able to leverage their politicians for social media clout.

    2-Carnival comes from the Latin phrase Carne Vale meaning what?
    ANSWER: Farewell to Meat – YHC was feeling gracious after those penalty burpees and helped a bit on this one.

    3- This on screen Batman served as King Bachus?
    Michael Keaton was correct with a surprising lack of controversy that Michael Keaton was the GOAT on screen Batman. YHC was ready for a good ole donnybrook if anyone said the word Clooney.

    4- New Orleans cancelled Mardi Gras parades in 1870 due to an outbreak of this disease?
    ANSWER: Yellow fever – Correct and a very safe guess for any illness before the 20th century.

    5- Krewe of Zulu tosses what coveted Mardi Gras trinket during the parade each year?
    “Coconut” was immediately given as an answer then contested that this was incomplete and YHCs brief internet research led him to believe it was only GOLD coconuts. YHC will now award post beatdown points that this was acceptable and letters of condolence have been sent to all who ran that extra eighth of a mile.

    THANG 3

    Only in the last 3 years has YHC come to fully appreciate Mardi Gras as part of the yearly feast before we begin our Lenten fasting. After some exicon research YHC found the Cooper to be a great representation of contrasted feast/fast with some potential RCR mileage sprinkled in .
    The (mini and abbreviated ) Cooper
    *editors note- a full Cooper is 10 merkins, squats, burpees with a quarter mile run in between each round
    Fast- Run 1/4 Mile (alley/straight away/alley and back )
    Feast – 7merkins , 7burpees, 7 squats

    The crew got about 3 rounds into this before YHC realized we were a touch behind schedule and called an Omaha at the line. We finished the 5 rep and 3 rep rounds at the corners of the loop then sprinted for home.

    Counting, naming and welcoming the prodigal Tighty Whitey return!

    InVESTment given to Cuz for his willingness to wear a hat and play the part of “that guy at the parade that bases his whole life on defending Bud Light”.

    COT and Cuz prayed us out

    Grateful to show up each day and improve the mind , body, and spirit with you fellas.

    See you in the Gloom

    Paradox