F3 New Orleans

Author: Steve

  • Pre-Mardi Paws Beat Down!

    With port-o-potties, white tents, and police barricades surrounding the AO, the 5 Pacs that showed up knew that a post Mardi Gras parade was coming, so let’s get this beat down started.

    Warmarama

    21’s- Q starts off exercise in cadence up to 5. From there, everyone is quite as a church mouse. All pacs need to stop at 21. If all the pacs don’t finish at the same time, everyone does 5 penalty burpees.

    Exercises completed with 21 count were side straddle hops, knee highs, butt kicks, imperial walkers, and wind mills.

    This is harder than it sounds. We were only able to complete the side straddle hops without any penalty burpees.

     

    Mosey to the corner of Marigny and the Lakefront. Start off with one exercise, mosey north to the next block, rinse and repeat the last exercise plus another. We did this for 5 blocks, and here is how it went…

    Block 1 – Merkins, 10 – IC, Slow Count

    Block 2 – RR + Copper Head Squats, 10 – IC

    Block 3 – RR + ECBB’s, 10 – IC

    Block 4- RR + Overhead Claps, 10 –IC

    Block 5 – RR + 10 Burpees OYO

     

    Lunge Indian Run

     

    Pacs line up in a single file line. Pac in the front of the line leads group in squats IC. Last pac in line does lunges to the front of the line and takes over the count, just like an Indian Run.

     

    An overzealous Q wanted to do this a full Old Mandeville block. Half way through the block, he quickly realized how long this takes. Had to adjust on the fly and cut it to half a block. Mosey to the Marsh.

     

    Play a ten minute game of half-court basketball. It was a little challenging with 5, but we made it happen. Every time a point was scored, the team that got scored on had to do a penalty exercise. They ranged from 5 burpees, bear crawls to half court, suicides, and sprints the length of the court.

     

    Mosey/Indian Run back to the flag. We flip flopped one block of regular mosey for a block of a regular Indian Run until we got to the Lake Front. Mosey to the flag once we got to the lakefront.

     

    STEVE took over the Q for some Mary to wrap up the beat-down. I am not sure of the grueling details, but I heard hello dolly and some grunts.

  • Valentine’s Day Massacre

    Madness has officially descended upon the Northshore PAX.  At first, it was easy to blame Captain Sparkles and Bushwacker, who, like tyrannical taskmasters, drove the PAX to run ever-increasing distances.  But eventually we must all shoulder the blame for the insanity, with Shooter, EiEi, and YHC taking things a step too far ourselves, going as far as to suggest (and then carry out) a 5 mile run ahead of today’s usual beatdown.  When the foreplay becomes a thang in and of itself (and it certainly felt like we went far beyond 2nd and 3rd base on this Valentine’s day), then perhaps the F3 lexicon needs to be expanded – ‘foreplay’ and ‘pre-thang’ just don’t seem to cover it anymore.

    So when Grundy rolled in to the Gipper this morning to find Shooter and YHC already sweating profusely, he wondered aloud what was going on but privately, I suspect he wondered when and where he could get in on the action.  And that’s what I’m taking about when I say we must all shoulder the blame: this is our group’s mentality and I can pretty much promise you, it will only get worse… (which in our F3 world is, of course, always better).  Don’t say I didn’t warn you PAX!

    Warm-Up:

    SSH x25, IW’s x25, Good Morning’s x15, Windmills x15, MC’s x25, all IC.

    The Thang:

    On to the Taj Mahal for a COP: Plank – 10 Merkins – 10 Peter Parker’s (left leg only) – 10 Mountain Climbers – 10 Parker Peter’s (left leg only) – Chillcut Plank… hold and recover.  Next up, hold Al Gore, while PAX rotates performing 10 Sister Mary K’s.  Then the same plank routine, but right leg for the Peters and the Parkers.  And finally, Al Gore routine with jump squats in place of the SMK’s.

    Short mosey to the Justice Center for a partner routine: P1 sprints to first set of benches, 10 merkins and jogs back, sprint to second set of benches, 10 merkins and jog back, and finally all the way up the stairs, 10 merkins and jog back.  P2 performs that lovely 8-count exercise that YHC has been driving into the ground lately: plank, groiner and back, chillcut, plank jack, and back up to regular plank.

    Second routine using the same path: P1 lunge walks and performs squats at each set of benches, while P2 does flutter kicks.

    Mosey back to the flag for the finale, an AMRAP of Turbo’s raccoon crawl up the wall along the small hill, forward rolls or crab walks back down, hop up to the stage for 10 merkins, and back around to rinse and repeat for 6 mins.

    Mary: Freddie Flutters x22, Leg Raises x20, Putins x20.

    Countdown (we missed you Einstein, sorry to see your streak come to an end!), nameorama, and Shooter prayed us out.  Even though, comparatively, this was a fairly tame beatdown, it felt like a massacre to YHC by the end.  Thanks guys for always pushing, I can’t say enough about all the motivation/inspiration this group provides.

  • The Mande Monkey-Humpers

    Our regularly scheduled Saturday foreplay became irregular this morning, with both Shooter and Bushwacker respecting the time a little too much, misremembering the start time as 0600 rather than 0610.  A bewildered Tanked Up watched from his car as PAX would randomly show up and take off in different directions.  This “respecting the time” would become a bit of a theme for Bushwacker, who kept an especially strict eye on his watch for the entirety of today’s beatdown.

    Warm-Up:  SSH, Seal Jacks, IC x 25 / 10 8-Count Bodybuilders / Windmills, IW’s, Hillbillies, IC x 15 / 10 8-Count Bodybuilders / Mountain Climbers, IC x50.

    The Thang:

    First stop this morning would be the gazebo for a COP.  Everybody grab your ankles and hold, while each PAX does 10 monkey humpers, rotating around the circle.  x2.  T-Claps to Chewy who, as usual, demonstrated perfect form.  (No one asked if this came from excessive practice.)  Around this time a drone began circling overhead, presumably sent by Captain Sparkles to get some aerial footage of the PAX for F3 Nation’s front page.  What could be better advertisement for F3 than a group of monkey-humping PAX?  Move over, Milkshakers!

    Next up, derkin wave.  Tank, being the indomitable beast that he is, suggested 10 derks per man while PAX holds declined plank, so we got to it.  After one round, YHC felt we still had a little left in the tank, pun intended, so we rotated once more with a single derkin per man.

    Final gazebo wave was an Al Gore hold while each man performed 10 squat jumps.  Quick 10 count and onward to the sloppy field for….

    BOMBS!  Partner up, P1 runs to the previously-coined “headless penis” and back to relieve P2, who began the work of accumulating the following totals: 50x Burpees, 100x Overhead Claps, 150x Merkins, 200x Big-boy Sit-ups, 250x Squats.  At this point, the Wacker, who was a thorn in my side throughout the beatdown, gave his own disclaimer: sit-ups are not good for you, military institutions have abandoned them, yada-yada-yada.  YHC briefly toyed with the idea of increasing the sit-up total, but our resident physical therapist stepped up, explaining how to use slower, more controlled movements to decrease the chances of injury, and so the attempted mutiny was quashed.  Modify if necessary, people.

    This one took a bit longer than expected, with all the running back and forth adding a decent chunk to our RRR totals, and so we didn’t have much time to do the planned third pearl of this morning’s beatdown.  However, despite Bushwacker’s increasingly desperate pleas to turn back, YHC figured we could at least complete part one of that pearl.

    So, keep your partners, and mosey onward to the far side of the bridge.  P1 performs 4×4’s (burpees with 4 merkins, and 4 mountain climbers per leg), while P2 bear crawls forward down and backwards back up the bridge.  Flapjack.

    Finally, pull Bushwacker off the ledge (literally, of the bridge), and mosey back to the flag to find Turtle, looking way too clean in a sparkling white t-shirt.  With Turtle jeering us on: Leg Raises, IC x20, Putins IC x 20, and… “Lob Lollies,” IC x 15.

    Countdown, nameorama, and Manny prayed us out.  Onward to the coffetería, where it should be noted that our faithful barista, who has put up with both the smell and disorderly conduct of the PAX for well over a year of Saturdays, is finally moving on to better things.  We wish him luck (and better tippers).

    Thanks PAX, I had a great time this morning – always appreciate the opportunity to lead you men!

  • Can there ever really be too much foreplay?

    We could get the M’s to weigh in on this one, but YHC believes we all know the answer: there can never be too much foreplay, so long as it doesn’t interfere with the thang.  The PAX clearly agrees, with Shooter now traveling on foot to AO’s, Carpool continuing his streak of foreplay before each beatdown, and the Pelican – nixing the cigarette and cuddling – and opting instead for a little extra mileage afterplay.  These guys don’t need tips from Cosmo to get things going…

    Started things off with:

    10x – 8 Count Bodybuilders / Windmills, IW’s / 10 bodybuilders / SSH, Seal Jacks / 10 bodybuilders / High knees, butt kicks / 10 bodybuilders

    T-claps to Turtle who has now made 2 consecutive beatdown after his lengthy hiatus of hunting deer, ducks, gators, turtles, coons, otters, nutrias, squirrels, mice… essentially, anything that moves (legal, of course -no outlaw activity here – anything legal that moves).  Of course, with his return comes growing pains, not just for him but for the entire PAX.  YHC’s goal is to put a hurt on and see if anything slows down his mouth, but again, this is a question I believe we all know the answer to. (Nope.)

    So… mosey to the grassy amphitheater for a COP.: Jack Webb’s, 1:4 ratio, up to 10:40

    Then onward to the tunnel on pain for a partner routine using the hill: P1 runs backwards up, forward down, to then flapjack with P2 who is doing jump squats.  Then monkey humpers.  Then burpees.

    Mosey back with just enough time for Mary: crunchy frogs, leg raises, Putin’s, LBC’s, Freddie Mercs, Hello Dolly’s, all 20x IC

    Countdown, nameorama, Choppa prayed us out.  Thanks for letting me lead!

  • Challenge Accepted

    Having an entire month with no ISI challenge seemed to be a challenge in and of itself for the Northshore PAX.  These guys don’t want a month off.  So when Hawg finally issued the February ‘Run Ranger Run’ challenge, the PAX was tripping over itself to register and get started.  Chaos ensued.  ‘Who is Anonymous?’  ‘Can we run 1000 miles instead of 565?’ ‘And what the hell is the Pelican’s real name?’  Luckily, Bushwacker took his machete to all the red tape and logistics (sound effect please), clearing a path this morning to simply log some miles.

    So it was not all that surprising that seven PAX came ready to hit the pavement.  What was surprising, though, was to arrive a few minutes early and find Carpool loitering around City Hall with no car in sight and already sweating.   (It’s no wonder the police tailed the gang down to Sunset Point!)    Nah, nothing nefarious here, it was just Carpool – having said aloud that he’d shoot for 70 miles this month – living up to his word.  T-claps to him for logging an extra four miles by saving some gas and running to the AO.

    No warm-up today, just straight to the mosey.  This morning we’d do an extra lap around the loop, adding a few extra tenths so that those of us hitting the Cove tomorrow might log an even (cumulative) 10 miles.  PAX ran somewhere around an 8:55 pace, giving us a decent chunk of time for my new favorite Scramble AMRAP: 5 pull-ups, 10 merkins, 15 squats.  Over and over and over, ad nauseam.  Literally.

    Countdown, nameorama, and Burgundy prayed us out.  Thanks for the nice run gents!

  • Are you a 5% man?

    Just another day at the Cove: 4 men, 10k, 0445.

    Pre-thang, Bushwacker was on a fact-finding mission about tomorrow’s clown car up to BR for the launch:

    “You going?” YHC asked.

    “Ah, maybe.  Just gathering intel right now.”

    Uh-huh.  YHC knows what ‘maybe’ means.  Bushwacker himself said it not too long ago: “If someone says ‘maybe,’ there’s probably a 5% chance they’re actually going to do it.”  I parrot that back to him, then we do a quick countdown, nameorama, and we’re off to the races.

    Though with no Southshore to impress, our pace was considerably less aggressive than our Ivan pace from last weekend.  Still, we managed around a 9:20 average.  The Cove remains the only Northshore beatdown where you can get in some good F2 during the thang, and Shooter never lets me down as a running partner – making the long run pass quickly.   Bushwacker and Pelican were right behind keeping each other company.

    When Bushwacker rolled in to the finish line clutching his stomach and running for his car keys (something that happens every so often after a 10k), I realized I had forgotten the prayer and said so, but also mentioned that we’d understand his need to run for the nearest bathroom.

    Well, Bushwacker is no 5% man.  He found a comfortable position while Shooter prayed us out, and was almost immediately touched by the grace of God and regained his composure.  (He also committed to tomorrow’s BR beatdown.)  It’s as Captain always says, ‘Only above average men out here at the cove.’ Always a pleasure guys, thanks!

  • Celebrity Q

    Much like POTUS’ final season of Celebrity Apprentice which starred the likes of Geraldo Rivera and Ian Ziering, this morning’s Celebrity Q brought the biggest names of the Northshore PAX out of retirement.  Along with the return of Turtle came the long-awaited return of founding-father Nacho, as well as Ocho and Choppa.  It was also Tanked Up’s first foray into Grandmother’s House.  Had this beatdown been broadcast, it surely would’ve been a ratings bonanza. Like, totally huge.

    In keeping with Turtle’s dislike of rules and regulations (see Krazy Ivan disqualification for reference), the Q had us skip the warm-up portion of the beatdown and head straight into some shoulder work.  (Spoiler: there would be a lot of shoulder work.  In fact, that was the only thing Turtle had planned for us this morning.)

    The Thang: 40 merkins OYO, followed by shoulder taps 25x IC, arm circles forward 20x IC, reverse 20xIC, and air presses 40x IC.  Not sure at all about those numbers, even though YHC was the one doing the counting.  (Another Turtle thing, he has yet to conquer counting in cadence…)

    Round 2: After YHC deliberately disregarded the Q’s request for only 15x IC Shoulder Taps, the Q wrested back control of the beatdown and finally tried counting in cadence for himself.  Air presses 20x IC, arm circles forward and reverse 15x IC, and finally, 15x merkins OYO.

    Then a mosey through the woods to the tunnel, where the PAX circled up for… merkins, shoulder taps, air presses, and arm circles!  Then Turtle turned the Q over to YHC, who attempted to show the PAX a new 8-count exercise that consisted of a groiner (1-2), down into an elbow plank (3-4), plank jack (5-6), and back up to normal plank (or “F3 Plank,” as the Q today would call it).  This was semi-successful, as Tanked Up seemed to have it down.  So it’d be a partner routine, with P1 doing the 8-count exercise described above, and P2 sprinting have the tunnel, back-pedaling the rest, and doing 10 jump squats before returning in the same manner he came.  YHC had planned a few rounds with various exercises, but again, Turtle did not like the way things were proceeding and decided it was time to head to the bus stop for some leg work.

    Knee Ups, each leg 15x IC, Freak Nasties 15x IC, Bulgarian Splits, each leg 15x IC, Freaks, 15x IC.

    And the grand finale – turning the Q over to Choppa for 5 minutes of Mary: Crunchy Frogs, Flutter Kicks, Hello Dollies, Jane Fondas (L&R), and some merkins to bring it back full circle.  All to some intense music that I’m pretty sure is used for action movie trailers.

    Nameorama, countdown, and Turtle closed it down with a thoughtful prayer.  T-claps to all the men who made it back after such a long hiatus, it really was a lot of fun seeing you guys again.

  • A Mild Morning at the Mothership

    T-Claps to Butt Splice for continuing to bring out the FNG’s – producing not one, but two on this balmy 41° morning.  And in turn, t-claps to FNG The Clap for convincing fellow FNG Phooey that he was attending some sort of outdoor bible study group in workout clothes.  Hey, whatever it takes.

    Now you know that things have warmed up around here when everyone goes back to ordering iced coffees at coffeteria.  The cold front that brought temperatures down to a record 16° at The Gipper on Wednesday have hardened our PAX, and typical winter Louisiana weather now seems downright cozy.  So off with the knit caps and the Driving Miss Daisy gloves (Tanked Up!), and down to business:

    Warm Up: SSH, Seal Jacks, Windmills, IW’s, Good Mornings, Mummy Kicks, High Knees, Butt Kicks. Then mosey East to circle up for…

    COP: Holding plank, the PAX performed: Mountain Climbers, Peter Parkers, MC’s, Shoulder Taps, MC’s, all 20x IC, followed by 10x Merkins OYO.  Quick rest, before:

    Round 2: MC’s, Parker Peters, MC’s, Plank Jacks, 20x IC, followed by 20x Merkins OYO.  Recover and mosey to the Lakefront Playground for….

    Partner Routine 1: P1 does 20x Big Boy Sit-ups followed by 20x Merkins continuously while…

    P2 starts at Pad 1 with 20x LBC’s, then crab walks to Pad 2 for 20x Plank Jacks, bear crawls to Pad 3 for 20x Squat Jumps, then bunny hops to the start.  Partners flapjack until each has done 3 rounds.

    Partner Routine 2: P1 does Lt. Dans down the stretch, sprints back, while P2 does Burpees.  Switcheroo.  If you need instructions on the lunge-to-squat ratio for Lt. Dans, ask Maverick, I think he went to a fancy New Orleans school.  And if you need to know why shots of Cuervo the night before an F3 workout might not be a great idea, ask Phooey.  (Though to his credit, he was unaware of what he was getting into this morning, and was somehow able to finish without splashing merlot.  An impressive feat.)

    Then a Double Applesauce Bataan Death March back to the flag for…

    Mary: Putins 25x IC, Leg Raises 15x IC, Crunchy Frogs 12x IC.

    Countdown, nameorama, naming of the FNG’s, and…. hey, who shows up, but EiEi – just in time for free coffee and to plug his event, The Krazy Ivan.  Tanked Up sent us out to coffeteria with a great prayer.   Thanks gents for a great start to the weekend, it’s always a pleasure to lead this group.  And hey, wash your tank tops, dust off that ushanka, do what you need to do, but whatever you do – show up tonight.  The Ivan is finally here and our honor rests in your hands.

  • On Holiday At The Marsh

    Dashing out the door this morning in an effort not to be late to my own Q, I neglected to bring my gloves or even a sweatshirt.  As soon as the wipers hit a massive sheet of unyielding ice on my windshield, I realized I was woefully underdressed for the 29° weather.  Too late, no time.  And so, pulling up to the Marsh right at 0500, I sat in the car and began that inner monologue that has become too familiar over the past few cold weeks: Maybe no one will show today…  Maybe I can turn this car back around… Maybe I can get right back in bed… This mantra never really works, and post-beatdown, I’ve always been happy for that.  Which is why it was so shocking that today, for the first time in a long, long time, no one posted.

    I suspect that was partly due to the cold, and mostly due to the fact that it was MLK Day, and many were off work and could sleep in for a change (ahem…especially those returning from a big hunting trip).  Well, I’m not gonna lie and say I wasn’t a little bit excited by the prospect of a no-show.  But, in honor of King and his famous speech (which will have it’s 55th anniversary this year), YHC knocked out 55 pull-ups, followed by 55 merkins as quickly as humanly possible.  Then I drove back home (I’m not a total idiot), got my sweatshirt and gloves, and went for a short mosey.  And then… I got back into bed.

    It certainly wasn’t the caliber of a true F3 beatdown, but it was just enough to get out of bed for.  And it was a good reminder of why I need the F3 brothers in my life.  King’s notion that we are all brothers and sisters, despite our many differences, is a powerful one, and one that I see at work in the F3 nation every week.  So thanks to my brothers, enjoy your holiday, and YHC expects to see you men back out there tomorrow at Grandmother’s House.

  • Getting Dirty at Grandmother’s House

    A little late-night rain and some warmer temperatures (in the 50’s!) made things a little sloppy over at Grandma’s house this morning.  Sloppy enough that Pelican requested a move onto the concrete for our warm-up.  Sure, why not.  We were gonna get dirty in other ways… (namely, by kicking the thang off with a Dirty McDeuce).  But first:

    Warm Up: Seal Jacks, Windmills, SSH’s, IW’s, Good Mornings, High Knees, Butt Kicks, all 20x IC.  Mosey over to the stage for…

    The Thang:

    Dirty McDeuce:

    Merkins, Lunges, Flutter Kicks, x12 IC.  Run a lap around the small amphitheater.

    Catalina Wine Mixers, Squats, Freddie Mercs, 12x IC.  Run a lap.

    Werkins, Squat Jumps, LBC’s, 12x IC.  Run a lap.

    Burpees (12 OYO), Sister Mary Katherine’s, Sit-Ups, 12x IC.  Then mosey to the corridor for:

    Partner Sprints: P1 performs shoulder taps while P2 sprints there and back.  Flapjack.  Next up, P1 does plank jacks while P2 sprints, flapjack, and finally, merkins/sprints.

    A couple of 10 counts later, and the PAX is ready to lunge walk the length of that same corridor.  Upon completion, everyone attempts to pick the most stable of the rotting benches for a set of Freak Nasties, 20x IC.  Then back to the corridor for Lt. Dans across, with an ascending squat count.

    Lastly, Animals on Parade: Duck Walk, Bear Crawl, and Bunny Hops down the corridor.

    Circle up for an extended (8 minutes of) Mary: Flutter Kicks, Freddie Mercs, LBC’s, Putins (Hammers), Leg Raises, all 20x IC, with Big Boy Sit-Ups (20 OYO) to bring it home.

    Countdown, nameorama, naming of FNG Penguin, welcome… oh wait, that’s just Pelican, he forgot his name… and Shooter prayed us out.

    Thank you gentlemen, had fun this morning.