F3 New Orleans

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  • A Stroll Down Lack-of-Memory Lane (Minus the Stroll) – from Goose

    The presence of good ol’ Safety Valve has become synonymous with the F3 Thibodaux beatdown experience for months now since he decided to show up for just about everything. And, when that kind of thing happens, long-term absence of said individual has major affects not only on the the morale of the one absent but on that of the whole PAX (i.e., Y.J.). So, after hearing that Valve’s broken foot hadn’t improved much over the two-week rest period, YHC knew it was time to take matters into his own hands.

    It was time to build a beatdown that would kill four birds with one coupon:
    1. Allow Valve to fully participate without having to worry about the foot (hard to modify a mosey).
    2. Allow YJ to participate a little more fully knowing we wouldn’t be doing any major leg stuff.
    3. Come through on my vow to bring more 90’s hits that those who were in their prime during that awful decade may have erased (or claim to have erased) from their memory.
    4. Still bring the kind of challenge that these PAX show up for.

    Warmup: started with arm circles, which bent a few brains, and focused heavily on upper body and lower back (not one, but TWO Lafayette exercises).

    Thang 1: “I bet you don’t remember this one…or wish you didn’t.”

    1. “Scat Man” by Scatman John: Flutters for duration, but LBC’s during any scatting (the musical variety).
    A few remembered this one, and YHC remembered in the moment that this one may have been used at a beatdown before. Lots more LBC’s than flutters, and we were all a little dumber afterward, but nowhere near the low point of dumbness that would be achieved.

    2. “Pop Goes the Weasel” by 3rd Bass: Plank for duration, Kneel Diamonds on every “pop goes the weasel”.
    It seemed only Popeye remembered this one, and that it was an entire rap song about (bashing) one individual, Vanilla Ice, and that it also sampled a song by none other than Peter Gabriel. And, Dox wasn’t there to guess it.

    3. “Ninja Rap” by (none other than) Vanilla Ice: Bird dogs for duration, kneeling curls on “ninja”.
    Vanilla’s only other (vaguely) known hit featured in the old Ninja Turtles movie sequal, wherein rubber suited turtle dancers lit up the club with a choreographed dance to this jam. The bird dogs were similar, but different.

    4. “Hell” by Squirrel Nut Zippers: Penguins for duration, heels to heaven for the refrain.
    These guys signaled the start of the ska movement in the 90’s, which was an important movement that had lasting cultural significance. And, that many penguins is rough.

    5. “Gypsy Woman” by Crystal Waters and The Basement Boys: alternating side planks for the duration, toe-tap merkins during the droning refrain.
    This one is a remarkable 7.5 minutes of brain-numbing repetitivity. Don’t pull it up–you’ll remember it and regret it. You did it, didn’t you.

    Thang 2: Flora 1, 2, 3

    100 WW3 situps, 10 at a time, while partner does 6-in hold
    200 skull crushers (modified to 100 for time) 20 at a time while partner does X-factors
    300 shoulder shrugs (mostly didn’t get to it) 30 at a time while partner holds Al Gore
    PAX requested more ska, so Reel Big Fish was called upon followed by the man of the hour, Vanilla Ice.

    YHC wishes he’d have made more time for this one–lots of variety, and a solid muscle burner. Gypsy Woman should have probably been skipped, and been lost to the ANNALS of time (I’m sure there’s some connection to the anals of time, but I’ll let Maneater work that out along with his comfy pillow and Fire Within jammies).

    COT and Smooth prayed us out.

    It was great to have Valve back in the mix, and it’s been inspiring to see YJ work through what’s clearly a lot of pain to stay in it. Much respect to you both! And, thanks to the rest of the PAX for muscling through the playlist.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Dang, I need to turn off my music for this conversation!!!! – from Jose10k

    5 HIMS took the red pill this morning to get out of bed early to push themselves to get better. A cool 76 degrees outside in the gloom was a nice “break” from the heat.
    Warm-ups- the usual
    The Thang: A slight version of Steve’s nickels and dimes. We ran from the marsh to the wall and back, stopping at each intersection to do 5 burpees, 10 leg lifts, and 10 big boy sit-ups. We back peddled, lunge walked, and just jogged from stop sign to stop sign. The conversation centered around this weekends assassination attempt of Trump. I had to turn off my music, yes you heard that right, the music was off. Who done it, why, which party, conspiracies out the wazoo. It all stunk bad, wait, that was Hammer with his usual morning gaseous releases. Finished up at the marsh for 3 minutes of pull ups. COT and Hammer prayed us out with special intentions for our country. In total: 55 burpees, 110 big boys and leg lifts. Hammer and myself added some regular and krakken burpees beforehand. Thanks for letting me lead and/or reading this backblast. SYITG

  • Kicks on Route 66 – from Hogs Breath

    YHC was hopeful that an Fng would show up this am.
    YHC arrived 10 minutes early set up to shovel flag in awaited. Alas, at 5:30 Hogs Breath stood alone. The phone dinged and a message from Royal Ralph saying he was running late. So I got a couple of laps in while I waited. At 5:37 the headlights of Royal Ralph appeared.

    A warm-up of some windmills butt kicks self-love, a few other things.
    The Thang
    We conducted a route 66 using the light poles around the circle perimeter of the 007. Big Boi Sit ups at the start, and Merkins at each light pole. We progressed from 1 merkin/big boi up to 11. We finished with the last set of sit ups at precisely 6:15 AM.

    Ended with the circle of trust with prayers for the nation and each other as HIM in the community. The Fng did text saying he had bloodwork this am, so we will remain hopeful for the future.

  • Blazing 80 Degrees of Swolefest – from Squints

    The temperature on the dashboard said 80 degrees as I pulled up to Swolefest today. I’m going to take the car in later today to have that checked out.

    Warmarama started with a mosey over to the Foundry.
    SSH x 15
    Grass Grabbers x 10
    Windmills x 10
    Mountain Climbers x 10
    Shoulder Taps x 10
    Arm Circles F & B x 10
    Overhead Claps x 10
    Pull Ups x 5
    Dips x 20
    LBCs x 30

    Mosey Back to Children’s Museum

    The Thang was timed by a PAX member thrusting a 50lb slam ball across the Children’s Museum walkway, while everyone else:

    Bench
    Skull Crusher
    Curls
    Squats with Cinder Block
    Cinder Block Burpees
    American Hammer w/Cindy
    Rows
    Cinder Block Swing
    Heavy Freddie
    Heavy Step Ups

    Finished up at 6:15.

    COT: Count-A-Rama, Name-A-Rama, announcements and prayers.

  • I just felt like running! – from Jose10k

    A bunch of people ran.

  • NOW that’s what I call Dem Commitments vol 2 – from Paradox

    YHC launched several cafeteria EH campaigns the day after a fruitful July 4 beatdown and had quite a few nibbles working well into the evening until most were derailed by a glorious late night firework show. The two FNGs that did show however, were both whales in their own right. One, a youthful man’s man of only 4 years earthly experience but clearly an old soul. He came on retreat to sleep and do man stuff and he was already full up on rest. The second is more of the Moby Dick FNG. Aged and scarred, he’s dodged EH harpoons for a decade and our own Goose serves as his personal Ahab with so many name producing stories that the list could produce its own beatdown. In the vast sea of emotional headlocks , AnyfisherQ that prepares to land FnGs of this magnitude must also consult the veterans of old for a retreat beatdown battle plan. Ole Ahab was ready and waiting. And that’s how YHC found himself on the HeartRidge lake dam at 5:27a with 2 FNGs (1 legacy plus the aforementioned white whale) 3 regulars (including the newly minted Egon) , a preloaded Goose DC beatdown (if Goose puts “dem” in a title you should be afraid) , a few psalms in his heart , anddddd a list of names for these potential FNGs.

    Duke !!
    Its retreat beatdown round 2
    Roll the footage!

    Warmup
    Standard issue in a deep gloom
    keeping cadence with crickets, bullfrogs and whiporwills.
    We got right to dat action boss.

    The below is an adaptation of Goose’s “Dem Commitments” beatdown circa March ‘23.

    Verbal, written and retinal scanner consent were obtained for copyright use.

    1. ) Individual Prayer
    Indian Run from dam to the big hill loop with drop off jumps squats

    This to represent finding the time during the day to get quiet and converse with God or just maybe to just do some squats.

    2.) Couples Prayer
    Lazy Dora – 10 reps with partner in static hold then flip flop till 100
    100 merkins (plank)
    100 Squats (al gore)
    100 flutter kicks (6 inches)

    3. ) Family prayer
    Ring of Fire taking turn with 3 burpees and IW while Johnny Cash warned us about love being a burning thing.

    4. ) Couples Dialogue
    “11’s “
    Starts with 10 Apollo Onos and 1 leg raise with “The Hill” in between. As Goose alluded this is where the real work in DC begins and it was the same for this beatdown.
    This is where the record scratched and we really got to see what the soon to be named HeMan calls “doing man stuff”.
    The hill was relentless but no match for the tenacity of our multiple surgical jointed FNG. His push through the hill and blasting through his comfort zone will be burned into my memory for a really long time.

    *editors note
    -Thibodaux Rouses reports that after this beatdown “YJ taking to random strangers in the grocery line about his poor ole back ” incidents are now down 78%

    Ya love to see it

    A well earned light mosey back to the dam for COT, prayers of gratitude and some very important naming.

    When I first met our youngest FNG he showed me a fisher price work bench along side a pillow and blanket then explained it was there so he could wake up and do the man stuff. These pure alpha characteristics earned him the moniker of HeMan. Father Royal Deuce approved and it was so.

    Our elder FNG, the aforementioned scarred whale, had a epic but non traditional naming ceremony as YHC knew Goose, who has a lifetime worth of stories with this gentleman, needed to have atleast a swing at a fine surname. So we unveiled the list pre set by his old friend :

    Chainsaw Massacre
    Lead Baloon
    Wiley Coyote
    And finally …
    ..Puzzle Face

    I can’t quite explain the level of snickering that took place during these listings ( fng included ) but when the smoke cleared Puzzle Face was the clear winner and we knew that at that same moment somewhere in La, Goose was doing the Robert Redford meme nod.

    Men, thanks for the effort this week during a jam packed retreat schedule. You are a reminder to YHC that no hill is to high , no barrier to strong when we allow God to supply our source of strength

    It’s a joy to lead ya

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Philosofreedom – from Paradox

    Let me make a close association list for you and see if you can guess this beatodown theme :

    Plato
    Moses
    Justin Beiber
    Aristotle
    Dean Summerwind
    Lil Jon
    Tchaikovsky

    Ringing any freedom bells??

    If your thinking they all had fire flames freestyles (f3?) during their career you ARE right buttt YHCs focus on this July 4th/Retreat beatdown was great philosophical questions that led men to a search for freedom and the above men had some real beard scratchers to consider.

    Let’s dive in

    Duke! Stop chasing Schrodingers cat and Roll the beautiful bean footage!!

    Warmup

    YHC moseyed to the lake dam of the Heart Ridge retreat center in Sunset SC in a gloom so thick and dark YHC had to scrap half the beatdown and reorganize it around a bic he bout at Bucees . No cones , no JBL , no headband, I didn’t even know what AB had for supper the night before!! …YHC felt naked and afraid. Just when the new place “scaries” had me ready to turn back I stumbled upon a wild chackbayan pax and an even wilder Rienzi scholar. As if that wasn’t enough dawg for the fight , we watched a sauntering silhouette of an FNG approach the dam and slide right into to see what the F3 fuss was about.
    Disclaimer and a traditional Goosian warmup followed.

    Thang 1

    “ The measure of a man is what he does with power “ – Plato

    Lake Indian run to the docks while we listened to some select patriotic hits and thought about great leaders who used their power for greater good.

    At the dock YHC revealed the pax would be aiding in yet another F3 bucket list item .
    Ever since the graceful tunes of Dean Summerwind flowed through YHCs ears I knew one day there would be a beatdown with a real lake …one we could park by. It just needed one more element to be special and the day before YHC had realized he was standing on a true Carolina Dry Dock…magic.

    Plato can keep his cave, ole Dean has a lake for us.

    Plank during song:
    Dean Summerwind ‘s
    “Parked Out By the Lake”

    Lake -Carolina dry docks
    Parked – shoulder tap
    Santa Fe – plank Jack

    All the pax struggled to remember which trigger was which and we mostly did all 3 while Dean did the philosophical heavy lifting.

    Mosey to gym Lot for
    THANG 2

    Here we consider what we deep questions we would battle for in our own lives while listening to the 1812 overture.

    The mini Dora was constructed with actions from the Israelite battle vs the Amaleks as our FNG had beautifully described to us the day prior. Originally, YhC planned to arm the pax with a scythe and have us mow a field by hand but was informed by retreat staff that would be “heavily frowned upon”. So just as Dr Evil had to settle for ill tempered sea bass instead of sharks with freaking lazers , YHC settled for a big hill mini Dora.

    There was also a general consensus that Moses had jacked quads and delts we could acquire through repetition.

    Dora 1-2-3
    Transport Nur up hill (** this was a capital H hill boys)
    50 no cheat merkins
    100 jump Squats
    150 air raises

    During our mowing down of the Amaleks we considered what we would turn up for which led to the next logical question by the early 2000 AD philosopher Lil Jonicus :
    “Turn Down for What”
    IW on song and Burpees on TD4W.

    On the way back we listened to an even more modern philosopher , Sir Justin Beibs , lead us in a meditative mosey asking “What do you mean? “
    Yankee Jeaux was moved to lacrimation but blamed a heavy South Carolina pollen count.

    At the Dam Finale we were directed toward ole Glory as our final philosopher Lee Greenwood tasks us to reflect upon Gods blessings to the US of A while we cycled through:

    7 Bonnie Blair’s
    4 burpees
    17 bBSU
    76 LBCs

    Till time

    The naming of Egon was a lengthy affair covering philosophy and seminary but we finally settled into an area that produces many F3 monikers: Early Adolescence. He shared that his worst nickname was as a nerdy looking bespectacled basketball player and his upperclassmen called him Egon. YHC considered that it lined up with our ghosts busting exorcism discussions this week and Egon it was.

    COT and YJ prayed us out

    Always a joy to lead fellas

    SYITG
    Dox

  • “Keep Your Hands to Yourself” – from Einstein

    That’s not a F3 directive, just a song title by Georgia Satellites.

    And we all know how Jose likes to have his music playing, and this song comes on – before you know it – Jose and Fletch are performing a duet, fingers wagging and all. I must say; it was pretty impressive. If only BBQ had shown up I’m sure he would have joined in with his air guitar.

    The A1c started off weird with Moby coming in hot (usually he’s the first one to arrive), claiming his f* dog would not get into the f* truck, that little m*f*er.

    Then Jose tells Moby that Steve will be the Q next Friday, and more f*,f*,f*…
    We’ll cut Moby some slack – he was dehydrated.

    So on with the warmup – numerous exercises interspersed with BBQ-like observation of the surrounding natural beauty – sunrise, clouds, birds, dog turd piles, etc.

    Then on to the main event – the lazy man’s que – Deck of Doom. Each pax choosing a card and calling out the exercise of their choice. I squeezed in my least favorites: crab crawl, smurf jacks, and monkey humpers. all-in-all it was a sweatfest as we went into overtime to finish the deck.

    DarkWingDuck prayed us out.

    Moby brought watermelon for us all. It hit the spot

  • American History F – from America’s Best

    HC arrived this morning to find a Den with no way in, as our lot had been barricaded. What a way to start a manniversary.
    First they came for our lion, and we did not speak out. Then they came for our parking lot, and we did not speak out. Not sure what comes next, but I think the general idea is to just ignore it.

    Warmarama began one minute late, mainly due to the PAX needing to inspect buckets of concrete and to check if pull-ups could be done from tent poles.

    SSH
    Windmills
    Imperial Walkers
    Willie Mays Hayes
    Mountain Climbers
    Arm circles of varying speeds
    Cherry Pickers

    F3 changes a man, in big ways and in small ways. But also in medium ways. For example, I will give you an example, through this illustration, vis-à-vis, case-in-point: I don’t listen to music in the same way anymore— now every time I hear a song, it’s immediately “could this be used in a beatdown?” So while the skeleton of today’s beatdown would be trivia, it’s disgusting sinew and adipose and entrails would be the best found songs of the year. And I guess the skin would be, like, the locations represented by our stops. Or something. Let’s just get on with it, ok?

    Moseying to the Aldi parking lot, we were met again with the barricades. While most of the PAX went around, Paradox apparently sensed the beatdown was heading to Germany, and leapt the wall like an East German gazelle in a terrible metaphor.

    The First Question was read, and the PAX contemplated the answer while squatting and Bobby Hurley-ing to An Arrow in the Wall by Death Cab For Cutie. The song was quickly and relentlessly abused as an obscure, ancient dirge from YHC’s past. (In reality, it was actually released less than a year ago, and while it was never “nominated for an Emmy” it has been met with critical success. But I’ll leave that alone; whatever is the opposite of “preaching to the choir” seems to be what I am doing here…)

    The correct answer to Q1 was (a very controversial) “omelette.” Nobody guessed correctly (likely another alternate-reality-induced schism), so we did (8×5) 40 Carolina Dry Docks (a hint to the next location)

    Next stop, next question. Maneater identified the place as NC. Then the PAX held 6” and Wheezied with every “gonna.” While the song began as a DMB classic, we were quickly Rick-Rolled for 4 minutes.
    The answer to question #2 was “cropdust” and Popeye and Paradox easily sniffed this one out. Yankee Jeaux was very proud of his guess, and legend has it he is still insisting that YHC also coined the term “douchebag.”
    The PAX was penalized with only (6×5) 30 gas pumpers.

    3rd stop around the world was Hawaii. The PAX nailed the location, then did an exercise known (by YHC at least) as the Makhtar N’J-Rod while Eric Clapton narrated.
    YHC’s favorite 90s band (who is still making music Today) was correctly answered only by Yankee Jeaux. Popeye’s guess of “Puddle of Mudd” may be the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.
    (7×5) 35 BBS was the penalty

    Location #4 was Ohio. And in spite of the smell from the dumpsters, it was not identified— our penalty would be doubled.
    We monkey-humped to “Let me be your Hog.” Burpees on some trigger words, but none of them occurred during the full 17 seconds of this song.
    The urinal of choice is “lowest/shortest” which 5 PAX answered correctly.
    Popeye’s guess of “fullest” wins Very Best Wrong Answer.
    (3x5x2(penalty)) = 30 BBS

    Next stop was VA- again an easy one. And it was time to listen to that other favorite band, whilst pondering the next question and doing a burpee for each “ever” or “never.” Here’s some trivia for you: “ever” and “never” are heard only 13 times in Oasis’ “Live Forever.” However, we were again quickly rolled into Rick. And that dude says “never” like 40 times.
    The F-4, the greatest fighter-bomber ever built, was correctly identified only by Maneater.
    35 Burpees were the penalty.

    The final song was played, and the PAX were instructed to right-foot lunge on each “pizza” and left-foot lunge on each “taco.” And what to do in-between? Turns out, it doesn’t matter. “It’s the Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.”

    A weary (from all the “Sweatin’ to the Weirdies”) and downtrodden (from all the not-knowing) PAX assembled back at the flag, still pondering the answer to question #6.
    Several horrible guesses were defended. The answer?
    Will be revealed in a future beatdown.

    Until then, look for Death Cab for Cuties’ upcoming single “A Very Controversial Omelette”

    COT and Maneater prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    AB