F3 New Orleans

Tag: Enron

  • The Emperor’s New Clothes – from Goose

    Before a trip to Goodwill, family and friends will often make a stop by the Dawson house since we have kids of pretty much every size (male and female), so getting a bag of gently used clothes is a relatively frequent occurrence. And, since the decision to utilize the Animal shirt a couple of months ago, YHC doesn’t leave the pile of unwanted clothes destined for the actual thrift store to leave the house without choosing one or two items that might make their way into the F3 Thibodaux structure (or just derail a Q or two).
    For this morning’s Tuesday Tuff beatdown, YHC, the newly crowned King FartSack, chose some form-fitting leggings with a stylish black and gray brushstroke design along with an open concept, black and white striped tank top with knotted straps to highlight the clavicles. A post-beatdown review of this ensemble will be given later in the backblast.

    Warmups of the usual followed by a bumper mosey, then Paradox revealed that he firmly resolved to keep the aquamarine Euro tank top well lodged within the structure of F3 Thibodaux by taking off his jacket. He was wearing said tank top and had stenciled both the front and back with his/Enron’s overactive F3 stencil. I felt known, appreciated, and no longer alone on this weird journey. Bug spray was needed for all the exposed flesh.

    The first Thang was two laps around the track:
    1. Bear crawl across in front of the stage, side shuffle up to the other end, bear crawl across back toward the parking lot, and side shuffle back to start.
    2. Same, but carioca instead of side shuffle.
    (YHC remained in front so the PAX might appreciate the functionality of the leggings.)

    After stopping for a needed 10-count, we moseyed to the start of Rich Man’s Loop for a classic Fartlek–jog three light posts, sprint one. Smooth, again, showed the fruits of posting multiple times a week and the wisdom learned from the Northshore legends over the weekend. (And, FYI: sprinting with just leggings was awesome–like the ancient Olympics, but without the thigh friction.)

    The last thang was a repeat of the burpee timer from a couple of months ago. While one man did 15 burpees, station 1 did non-stop(ish) monkey humpers, station 2 did merkins, and station 3 did wife pleasers. After all four PAX did burpees, we moved on to round two where station 1 was mountain climbers, station 2 was jump squats, and station three was gas pumps.
    With only four men, this ended about five minutes sooner than expected, so YHC ran to the truck to retrieve the Deck of Death for a round of F3 poker. Enron won the hand with three nines, so we completed the exercises on his five cards (100 flutters, 19 Chuck Norris merkins, 90 second plank, 19 high knees, and another bear crawl across the front of the stage).

    With three minutes remaining for Mary, we burnt out whatever remained in the upper abs with a lot of crunchy frogs, heels to heaven, and slow penguins.

    COT with some solid prayer intentions (especially for a big week for Enron and YJ) and Paradox prayed us out.

    Clothing review:
    Shirt–mix of Richard Simmons, Gene Simmons, and a mime from the 70’s. Only difference from being shirtless was the thin layer of protective cloth during Mary.
    Leggings–high rating on functionality, but as Thibodaux lies neither on the East Coast nor the West Coast, they will find their way back into the bag. (Also, if the shirt front hadn’t been as long as it was, we would have definitely been moving into new territory as an F3 community.)

    SYTIG,
    Goose

  • Dare You to Move – from Paradox

    F3 Thibodaux tradition dictates that the Holy Week beatdowns crank the intensity on a few levels. On Saturday YHC jumped on an empty Q slot , laid a blueprint, and when I took a step back it was …well, we’ll just say it was a little too heavy. I thought “well I’ll just let that simmer and maybe the lightness will find a way.”
    I then talked with Cardinal (our EH specialist) on Sunday who told me about a new potential FNG he knows from the office of parish support.
    “This guy is perfect “ he said. “He checks all the boxes, Lives in the settlement , natural leader, strong faith, tall and used to be athletic. Was actually in the NBA D league until he had 47 kids. Best known for telling guys who fouled out that he would pray for them. His wife says he just needs some friends and a hobby ya know”

    Perfect ! This is just what we need for Monday. So I routed our warmup mosey to his house and we took a 0.8 mile run to start the beatdown , dropped off the F3 Thibodaux FNG brochure and patted our selves on the back . Mission accomplished!

    Just remember that ole saying kids …Hell hath no fury like a Yankee Jeaux scorned !

    Duke!! It’s Holy Week
    Roll the footage !

    Abbreviated warmup so we had time for our mission.

    Thang 1
    Leave Jerusalem-Then Return

    After returning from a successful FNG visit we Moseyed to Richman Loop on the straight away

    Return with our burdens , shoulder them together

    1 Pax lunge walk with ole hickory to a cone about 20 yards apart
    Rest of Pax mosey ahead to next cone to begin an exercise with lunge as timer.

    SSH
    Merkins
    Coupon OHP
    Med Ball Slams

    Solid cardio/muscle mix here and the Temple cleansing slamball is the best therapy on the market.
    We discussed Whoop/F3 partnerships and Enron showed us all proper Ole Hickory lunge form. A bold move with sheriff Form present but no sirens needed today.

    Mosey back to Stage with our burdens for a few songs to get us in the right mind for Holy Week.

    While I’m waiting -John Waller
    Donkey Kicks in waiting
    Plank for rest

    Dare you to move -switch foot
    Step ups
    Incline merkins on Dare

    COT and Enron Prayed Us Out

    Special intentions for the family of the local officer killed in the line of duty.

    NMM

    Roughly 20 months ago I was home from the wellness center telling my M I was once again “done with the gym”
    I couldn’t sit in an air conditioned building on the treadmill another minute watching reruns of Supernatural then do two reps of bench press and head home. I could do the workout DVDs again but that felt stale. Just so much missing . I was really stuck.

    Fast forward to April 3 2023

    At 5:15 this morning I met 4 other men while wearing a women’s small tank top after enlisting another man to also wear women’s clothing so we could run to another man’s house and enshrine him as King FartSack (which is only humorous because he’s our fearless leader and directly or indirectly he EH’d us all and never misses) plant a sign, take selfies and run back and that was a “warmup”!

    All these men I consider brothers who would be there for me or my family at moments notice.
    All this , from one of these men who made a single phone call to share this gift. This small gesture , a phone call and an invite, truly changed the course of my life and
    I’m constantly reminded that we have these opportunities daily. One smile, one invite, one shared story can be the spark for someone’s dwindling fire.
    The task for myself and our pax this week is to lean into the gospels message, let it transform you and let God lead you into those opportunities for connection and service.

    Dare you to move

    SYITG
    PDox

  • Down Here, it’s Our Time: A Story of Revolution, Nerds, and Kumquats – from Yankee Joe

    Over the course of history, man has always been restless, chafing under any force that threatens his most sacred right: Freedom.

    We’ve seen the proletariat rise up against Louis XIV in France, the Bolsheviks tear down the republic to establish communist Russia, and American colonists rail against the tyranny of taxation without representation. Most recently, there’s trouble down on the bayou that includes Bluetooth factions and wayward Geese flying north for the winter.

    Though history points to a series of causes that lead up to these revolutionary movements, there are usually a couple key moments that trigger the tipping point.

    Perhaps, after years of schisms, history will cite the spark that ignited the Great Rebellion of F3 Thibodaux. Maybe it was leadership deviating from the vision. Maybe it was leadership sowing seeds of division between competing AO’s. Or maybe it was the moment leadership demanded full grown men (seeking fraternity and exercise) to wear women’s clothing.

    Of course, it could be just a function of a college professor desperately trying to maintain some shred of professional decorum in front of PAX that also happen to be his students. Though that professionalism bar is admittedly low, somehow rocking a women’s aqua athletic tank top – with a single euro trash strip in the back – seems…I dunno…a little like credibility suicide.

    Indeed, Live Oak historians will say that I am a liar, but history is written by those who have hanged heroes. Who can say where the road goes? Where the day flows? Only time.

    In our modern era, we see this gross abuse of power best personified in Hollywood. Namely, the varsity letter jacket wearing jock of the 80s and 90s. YHC showed up to the Peltch at 6:29 to find Enron and Paradox most likely planning a beatdown for two. YHC hopped out the minivan with BAPS, a Cindy, and his very own letter jacket. It looked to be a tenacious trio of varsity prowess, brotiful and stUdfast.

    Warmarama: the usual stuff, made more satisfying when, per Enron’s prediction, French Horn tore into the parking lot five minutes late. His presence would be greatly appreciated, as the Horn dismantled YHCs trivia, thus saving the PAX 31 burpees at the end.

    The Thang

    – Mosey to treehouse, nur to stations
    – After each song, sprint to treehouse (approx 100 yards), nur back
    – Complete exercise at station, all 30 reps

    Stations in 30s
    – Squat butterflies with bricks
    – Hold Al Gore, Punch ups with bricks (2:1)
    – Coupon overhead press
    – Groiners

    –———
    Songs

    Song 1
    The Breakfast Club
    Jock: Andrew Clark
    Played by: Emilio Estevez
    Song: Don’t you forget about me
    Exercise: Burpees on “don’t, down, and la,la,la”
    Ssh or IWs in between

    Song 2
    Varsity Blues
    Lance Harbor
    Paul walker
    There goes my hero
    Bird dogs (alternating)
    Chilcutt PPs on refrain

    Song 3
    Back to the future
    Biff Tannen
    Thomas Wilson
    Roll with me Henry
    Burpee on every “roll”
    Bobby Hurley’s otherwise

    Song 4
    Revenge of the Nerds
    Frederick Aloysius palowaski
    Donald Gibb
    One foot in Front of the Other
    One leg hops
    Bonnie Blairs on refrain

    Song 5
    Grease
    Danny Zuko
    John Travolta
    Summer nights
    Pickle pounder when Danny sings
    J los when Sandy sings
    Chilcutt plank jacks when both sing
    Catalinas on chorus

    Max Heart rate Song
    It is Well (with my soul)
    Burpees on “well, soul, God, Christ”

    Namorama and French Horn prayed us out.

    Gentlemen, I write this as my last backblast for the Thibodaux PAX. I’ve kept it to myself, but my M and I are embarking on a new journey. As a former account manager at Google and Yahoo, Rebecca has accepted a job with Amazon HQ in Seattle. It’s an opportunity she can’t pass up.

    For me, as some of you may already know, I have a somewhat random passion for farming. Nothing like new beginnings to make one take a risky life plunge. That said, I’ve found a job on a small kumquat farm that specializes in organic kumquat products such as juices, jams, and face creams. It’s obviously a huge change, but I’m really excited. The name of the farm is Kumquat May. So clever…check it out. One of my jobs will include selling kumquat of the month subscriptions. Hope you’ll think of using us for some of your holiday gift ideas. Unfortunately, we don’t have much lead time, so we’re moving the family by end of April. It’s been a huge honor and pleasure getting to know each of you. I’ll be around for a few more beatdowns.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • Attitude Determines Altitude – from Paradox

    YHC touched down at a crisp cool Den today with a single mission: Prepare the PAX for one of modern man’s most grueling mental and physical battles.

    An ultramarathon you say ?
    No , that’s fun …I guess..enjoy your 120.0 bumpersticker bro

    Surely it’s The Iditarod then??psssshh Child’s play and the dogs get all the cardio anyway.

    But wait …Swimming the English Channel? …yea sure that’s cute. My grancy used to do water aerobics too.

    No men , this grueling cauldron of chaos is not for the faint of heart. Today it is YHCs privilege to prepare the pax for …(dramatic pause) ….
    ….taking your family to the airport …there were audible gasps from the Pax as we had to fan Goose back to life after he fainted thinking about 11 suitcases in the van of power but we would soon find out the syncope was actually related to wardrobe vascular constriction.

    So the peanuts were fresh , the runway was clear and if you are getting nauseated by airport puns then you better get the Dramamine baby cus this little Cessna is just getting warmed up!

    Duke! Get your boarding pass
    It’s time for the bean footage!! (TM)

    Warm Up
    Standard issue where we discussed the NYT article about pickleball injuries being the leading cause of F3 fartsacks. Hope our F3 brothers can get some help soon. The first step is knowing you have a problem.

    Thang 1

    As with most fruitful endeavors, the real work starts in the home. When your wife sends you to the attic to get the luggage while she crams shoes into vacuum bags.

    We rifle carried over to the steps where YHC delivered a brief monologue enjoyed by all except the king of monologue’s. We want name him but he looked as if YHC was his 4th job applicant of the day who said “my greatest weakness is having no weakness”.
    Pure disgust from the professor.
    It fuels me.

    Packing luggage
    P1 100 thrusters/squats
    P2 takes coupon over stairs and back in rifle carry
    FencePost is a coupon thruster machine.

    Thrusters really got those propellers spinning and we were halfway through a second ten count when Goose took off his hoodie and changed F3 Thibodaux forever. YHC did an actual double take as my first glance revealed Goose was covered in turquoise body paint. Closer examination revealed a women’s extra small tank top with a euro strip in the back for full trap flex. Silence descended as the backstory unfolded. Our fearless leader had wrestled this item away from his M and 2.0s to better serve the pax after the recent demise of Animal shirt 1.0.
    It’s this brand of tenacity that allows Goose to lead this pirate ship with wreck-less abandon. (How he went 17 minutes with a straight face boggles my mind. )

    YHC tried to recover the blackbox flight plan after this crash but I’d be lying if I wasn’t sneaking peaks at the absolute unit turquoise pectoral muscles across from me. Away from me temptress!

    Alight alright , focus …this is what we trained for.

    Sooooo now You have the 12 year old gmc Acadia busting to the gills with luggage and half eaten cinnamon rolls. You give the ole girl two pats on the hood, she coughs to life and you try to remember when you got new tires, 2017? we’ll be ok. It’s time to head to the danger zone.

    Thang 2 ..the Danger Zone
    Side Block Hops
    Increasing block merkins (irkins ) on Danger zone
    Full disclosure I had no idea there were that many “Dangers “ and this got out of hand fast so I had to pull the plug. Can’t win them all.

    Next you arrive at the parking garage and hustle the short term lot for long term pricing (pro tip from money market Ronnie!)

    TSA final boss

    Conveyor belt race
    2 teams
    Plank side to side pull coupon under backwards when it passes pax does 5 plank jacks. Team Delta took the title with a plank Jack strategy that YJ figured out too late and Im sure there will be a Council of Jeaux about this slight very soon.

    Now you get to your Gate and have 2 hours to kill because that TSA precheck ultra boost double clear (Ronnie did it again!) got you through TSA in a flash so it’s time to impress your family with aviation trivia.

    Head for the hill in front of civic center.
    Right answer lunge to and Back
    Wrong answer , coupon lunge

    1. This American aviator made the worlds first nonstop flight from NYC to Paris
    Charles Lindbergh

    2. 1905 the wright brothers were credited with flying the worlds first plane. first names of the Wright Brothers. (Orville and Wilbur )

    3. What town did this occur in? Kitty Hawk, NC

    4. What does the letters TSA stand for? Transportation Security Administration (great save by Yj)

    Goose was full of that mean girls tank top swagger and crushed 4/4 questions for the pax , even guessing correct questions before YHC got them out.
    Do not bring your medium difficulty trivia into the house of Dawson unless you want to get swatted into the rafters.

    We finished with the main event ..
    The Delta Mile
    4 different layovers with a “flight in between “ and a return to baggage claim. We left Lil cuz at LAX a few times but all found our bags unharmed.

    25 coupon press
    25 coupon OHP
    25 coupon curls
    25 coupon squats

    Great effort here to get our flights on time.

    The real “M” VP of any travel is your wife who always plans the best travel, games, snacks, medicines and we wrapped up with a few rounds of Mary to honor our better halves.

    Goose then bequeathed the Tank of Destiny to YJ and it’s future looks bright.

    Announcements :
    Northshore 12 hour beatdown on Saturday . Goose leaving at 4:15 from the Stage.
    Buy those pre order shirts !

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    NMM

    Does anyone else have that phrase from your childhood that at the time made you sick to your stomach but in the light of adulthood looks better and better. Mine is “your attitude determine your altitude “and if I had one coach say it I had a thousand.

    F3 and our Thibodaux brotherhood has helped this phrase come to life for me. Carrying luggage, shuffling bags, coupon thrusters , silly plank races . These all can be put in the “that’s stupid “ file very quickly. But when combined with shared suffering , and an attitude of “I wont let a physical barrier break my spirit “ well then , the sky is the limit.

    Thanks for flying Paradox Air
    Please return your coupons to the upright position

    SYITG ,
    PDox

  • Pyramid and the JERF – from Wet Tap

    YHC pulled up to the Stage only a few seconds late to see the PAX eagerly awaiting a beatdown. Somehow subconsciously, the PAX had unassumingly formed a circle. This instinctive skill must be a defensive mechanism. Never-the-less, despite vomit, monsters, and God Thunder, YHC was ready with a quality Tuesday Tuff beatdown.

    The usual warm-a-rams without haste:
    SSH, high knees, Butt-kicks, arm circles F/R, Self-love

    The JERF goes back as long as time itself. Some say this was the brainchild of Moses, others Ancient Egyptians. I personally believe it pre-dates most of written history. Somewhere in the late 80’s an F3 folk legend names Yankee Jeaux eagerly typed these instructions on his state of the art typewriter (with delete function). The JERF is a mighty foe in itself, yet YHC yearned for more, call it ignorance.

    In typical fashion, the JERF includes 10 sets of:

    10 coupon curls
    30 squats*
    10 merkins
    10yd bear crawl
    10 merkins
    20 American Hammers (2:1)
    30 Lying leg lifts
    20 LBC

    YHC wanted a throw back pyramid training in-between each set. The standard pyramid sprint cycle goes like this:
    50 yd, 100 yd, 200, 300, 400, 300, 200, 100, 50

    The sprints would immediately follow each set.

    The eerie quiet of the PAX made me consider I bit of too much. Perhaps we’d run out of time? With the flash of lightning and rumble of thunder the party began.

    As we climbed the pyramid, all hopes of a low strain were gone; and at the summit a much needed 10 count ^2 let us admire the view. Back to work with high hopes. As we descended the subtle sounds of back against pavement cued Paradox to enforce form police mode. Without even a glance, Paradox can tell if those leg lifts are hittin’ just right!

    Beast mode was attained as Enron hit a 5th or 6th gear, leaving us wondering how and why? The unexpected strength and stamina exhibited by the PAX as we all finished together was something awesome. Leave no man behind was in full force as we all ran a little harder to finish the beatdown ( FrenchHorn-Goose).

    A 2 minute Mary was all we had left, giving us plank hold shoulder taps in sequence and a final 6 “ leg hold slow and steady fall.

    COT and prayer by French Horn
    @Goose, @FrenchHorn, @ Enron, @ Paradox, @Smooth Operator,

  • Rain down upon thee w/ Goats – from Goats in the Machine

    Pulled up to the stage just as a rain band began to pelt the Honda pilot. They lack of weekend hype gif had YHC concerned it may just be me against the elements. Suddenly the pax trickled in and the rain began to subside. I really wanted to see as the humidity returned, if a Goats Monday can be one of those que’s to gain F3 Thib lore.
    Let’s roll the tape………
    Warm-o-Rama
    The usuals coupled with one of my personal favorites, wille mays hays

    Thang 1
    The merkin mile- talk of a Cardinal mile next time cause he thought we said 45 merkins per quarter mile

    Thang 2 deck of death Ronnie style
    Aces are 10 burpees
    And each suit had an exercise of this choosing but….. he totally made up the rep count.
    All in all it was a ton of hand release merkins. It was bad and we were soaked

    Thang 3 game of 21’ deck of death Ronnie version.
    He basically dealt himself 21 and we did burpees and jump squats

    We all rounded it out with everyone chooses a round of Mary

    Cot and cuz prayed us out
    Very thankful for each and everyone of you! Goats out

  • Practice?! We Talkin’ About Practice?! – from Goose

    Yes. Yes, we are talkin’ about practice. This PAX has been leaning way to heavily on their natural athletic abilities and playground skills, but that’ll never get us to perform on the next level. This morning it was time to get back to fundamentals, back to teamwork, and back to puking. So, YHC dusted off his collared high school basketball coach shirt (yes, it was girls’ basketball, and yes I was just the assistant, but I am a treasure chest filled with knowledge and leadership) because it was time to give these thugs a proper basketball practice.

    Pre-warmups consisted of hugging the lion’s head for those deep calf stretches on the statue’s pedestal. Warmups consisted of the usual plus high knees and butt kicks to get the ankles and lungs moving. During the warmups, YHC kept looking over his shoulder to see if Tana was gonna pull in late. (Maybe he thinks “HC” stands for “Fart Sack”. Like in a different language.) We had five solid, which would work fine for what YHC had planned.

    We then moseyed over to the basketball court through a growing line of cars with people waiting in them (no idea), YHC carrying our high quality basketball (gray, perfect for the gloom, and nice and smooth after months of four-square in the street). I then shared some of my experience as a high school basketball player (“more of a defensive guy”) with a Cuban coach. I started the practice with one of his favorite inspirational speeches (in my best dramatic Cuban accent):
    “Every day in Africa, a lion wakes up. And, he knows he must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or he will starve.
    “Every day in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. And, he knows he must run faster than the fastest lion, or he will be eaten.
    “So, gentlemen, how do you know if you’re running fast enough??
    “SWEAT!!”

    Trying to get your head wrapped around that? Don’t. Just start running. And, that’s what we did. We started with single-file figure 8’s around the court. Starting in the corner, sprint to half court, slap the ground, side-shuffle across to the other sideline, slap the ground, sprint to the opposite baseline, slap the ground, side-shuffle across, and repeat back to start. This was tough, so we did it twice to get the system nice and woke.

    After a ten-count, we split into partners(ish) and did chest pass drills. Two men faced each other about 15ft. apart and side-shuffled from one basket to the other chest passing it back and forth and finishing with a bounce pass and layup at the other end. The next pair was waiting there to take over going the other direction. For every dropped pass or missed layup, the pair were penalized with 15 crunchy frogs. We did a lot of crunchy frogs. Passes were better than I expected, but the baskets seemed to have force fields around them. We were celebrating made layups like they were 3-pointers.

    After about 10 minutes, we switched to a rebound tip-drill. PAX lined up single file facing the right side of the backboard, and the first guy in line tossed the ball off the backboard for the next guy to jump, grab the ball, and put it back off the board before hitting the ground. Each guy in turn had to do the same and then run to the back of the line. If the ball hit the ground, all PAX were penalized with 10 jump squats. I have to say, I pictured this one being a bit of a train wreck, but the PAX who showed up this morning were all athletes, even if in a former life. From the get go, that ball stayed up and the line kept moving through multiple cycles before dropping. It was beautiful. But I couldn’t tell them that–I had to stay in character. And that character would always say, “Perfection–is that too much to ask?!” So, after about five minutes on each side of the backboard and only about 40 total jump squats, we lined up on the baseline for a well-deserved suicide.

    The next drill was supposed to be 3 on 2 on 1, but since we only had 5 guys, it was just 3 on 2, and it worked fine. This is a fast break drill to help with of getting more of your men down the court faster and taking advantage of numbers for a quick score. Two PAX played defense while three brought the ball downcourt to try to score. Offense won if they scored, and defense won if they got the ball. Winners did 20 LBC’s while losers did 10 Big Boys. Then, we just rotated so we all had turns in each position.
    Again, latent athleticism revealed itself here and there on the ground, but the basket seemed to be playing better defense than all of us. It was fun to play some ball after so many years, though, but after about 10 minutes, it was time to shift into fourth quarter, game-on-the-line training.

    YHC had the PAX run a quick half court and back, full court and back just to wind us a bit and put the pressure on. Each PAX, starting with Enron (since he sprinted for the win on that first half-court) was given a chance to make a free throw to win the game and send us home. If they missed, it was another half-court, full-court sprint. We had about five minutes remaining on the clock, so any made shot could have officially ended it for us and given us a nice, slow mosey back to the flag. But, we all missed. Every single one of us. I think a few of us hit the rim, which was encouraging, but we had to mosey back to the flag knowing that we had been defeated at the last second of the game. I think that’s what made Smooth puke. (It’s ok, Smooth. It’s just a game.)

    COT with prayer intentions between panting breaths and Cardinal prayed us out. Heckuva job, team. I think we just might make the tournament next year.

  • The Ab Ladder – from Enron

    YHC pulled up to The Stage at 5:05 with nervous anticipation for what was to come on this chilly Tuesday. There were no hard commits on the GroupMe from the night prior, so attendance was an all-out guess. In previous talks with a couple members of the PAX, a discussion had come up that an all core/ab-work beatdown has not been done lately, if ever, with the Thibodaux PAX. Therefore, YHC felt a calling to create something that would address this challenge, and from there the “ab ladder” was born. The waiting game for the remaining PAX to arrive had YHC second guessing if today’s plans may be too Tuff for Tuesday Tuff, but it was too late to make any adjustments. Even though his M, a nurse and previous kinesiology major, confirmed the abdominal intensity may just be a bit much. This came after she rolled her eyes from seeing the kid’s easel being stolen for beatdown creation…. again. Slowly the group started to arrive, not letting the colder than usual morning deter them from their fate of stomach hurting sneezes, laughs, and all-around torso pain. 3 men ready to roll arrived and circled up to start.

    As a great author once wrote. Duke, roll that beautiful bean footage:

    Warmup: SSH, IW, Windmills, Willie Mays Hayes, AC, Cherry Pickers, Self-Love – most with a cadence that was longer than normal due to the attempt to delay the inevitable.

    Thang 1: Just a regular mile run – this was originally going to be a “core work” mile with stops every quarter mile to partake in different forms of ab exercises, but with the prior concern of overexertion on abs, “we just started run-n”. YHC enjoyed the ability to partake in some chatter with the PAX instead of the usual sucking of wind by the second half of the mile.

    Thang 2: The Ab Ladder (all exercises were written on an easel for reference as the thang progressed) each exercise was completed in order, adding the next to the list each round after completing a lap around the stage (about 0.1 of a mile)

    5 – Merkins
    10 – BBSU
    15 – Pickle Pounders
    20- J-Lo’s
    25 – Leg Raises (as Tana and Superfun(d) made clear, these were the beginning to the end of the fun)
    30 – Penguins (1=1)
    35 – Freddie Mercuries (2=1)
    40- LBCs
    45- Flutter Kicks (2=1)
    50 seconds of 6 inch hold (the PAX was just short of getting to this one before time was called)

    COT and Tana prayed us out. It was a great morning in the gloom and YHC is so thankful to be surrounded by such an amazing group of men.

    SYITG,

    Enron

  • Mount Up! – from Goose

    It was a cold one, so YHC had fleeting fantasies of being able to drive back home and crawl into a warm bed, but Enron pulled in, faithful as ever, so YHC pulled up his layers of big boy pants and planted the flag. We wondered if anyone else was gonna show, but thankfully Yankee Joe allowed the challenge of the cold to actually get him out of bed and change his schedule so as not to join the fartsacking crew who would inevitably avoid it this morning. Nicely done.
    YHC combined a few old ideas with some “hair of the dog” to clear out some leftover PTSD from this past weekend and a few Tuesday Tuffs ago. And, we let the holiday, St. Joseph’s Day, give us a reason to push through it.

    After some warmups of the usuals we started a Bonnie Blair mile–10 Bonnie Blairs (2:1) every quarter mile. It’s always nice having quality time with these two, and the cold air made us feel alive as we moved around the loop. The feeling of gratitude made the Bonnie Blairs very doable, though I knew the real test was yet to come.

    The mile represented the trek from Nazareth to Bethlehem, but now we had to flee to Egypt, then back to Nazareth, then back and forth to Jerusalem every year, including the time he and Mary left to go home but had to go back after a days journey to pick up the child they accidentally left behind in His Father’s house. So, we moseyed over to the stop sign nearest the bumper, and Enron and YJ started to sweat. (I think I heard, “Don’t do it, Dawson. Don’t do it.”–hospital named and everything; the pleading was real.) With only these two with me, I knew it was time to deal with the trauma the only way I know how–get back in it. With a set of 11’s between the two stop signs, we would get a taste of the “hair of the dog” with a few minor changes. Tempo merkins would replace regular merkins, and after squats on the other end, we sprinted back instead of carioca.
    The grass was cut, which helped a little, though nurring after this past weekend was a challenge. Sprinting made things move more quickly, which also helped, but oxygen was in high demand. It definitely provided another opportunity to grow in mental toughness and, as YJ articulated, to just surrender to what the beatdown demands.
    Both YJ and Enron kept the pace, never giving into the body’s demands for a break, and the suffering eventually came to an end with us grateful to be able to put it behind us again (for now).

    Thankfully, the schedule was going as planned, so YHC had time for a couple of songs. The first was reflective of St. Joseph’s devotion to Mary, his wife–“Lady” by Styx, one of YHC’s favorite to belt out in the car (or around a campfire). 6 inch hold and heels to heaven for every “Lady”. Three minutes never felt so long.
    The second was one that came up a few times at the retreat over the weekend, and YHC couldn’t believe I’d never seen the clear connection to F3: “…hit the east side of the LBC.” So, we hit those LBC’s hard to the tune of “Regulate” by Warren G. LBC’s while Warren G is singing/rapping, and gas pumps while Nate Dog is singing. We’ll definitely be using this one again–it’s the first time YHC has completely burned out on LBC’s, probably because of the LBC/gas pump combo and the previous song. It’ll be painful to sneeze tomorrow.

    Monday Murders had come to an end, and after some schedule shuffling and some greatly appreciated vulnerability with prayer intentions, Enron prayed us out. It was such a solid morning with these two HIMs, though I hope the fartsackers who can’t handle sub-40 temperatures will join us tomorrow!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Hit ‘Dem Commitments! – from Goose

    A number of the PAX were with their wives on a married couples’ retreat with YHC over the weekend at Lumen Christi, and the rest of the PAX were gracious enough to meet us there at 6am for the official Saturday beatdown. The morning had already started with a number of awesome surprises:
    1. Two of the non-F3 retreatants came out after seemingly no interest shown the day before, one of whom had driven down from St. Louis. YHC happened to pack the trophy F3 St. Louis shirt won during the 2022 Make America Burpee Again CSAUP, and I only remembered that it was in my bag when he showed up that morning. It was an awesome “coincidence”, and the newly minted “Photoshop” will now be properly attired when he posts back home.
    2. A tall, dark, hooded being crept up silently in the cold darkness and refused to answer requests for identification until YHC recognized him when he was only about 10 feet away. Enron was ready to jump the stranger, but his wide smile and goofy laugh revealed the last Cotter we expected to see that morning–it was Cutthroat! After from swearing off F3, hills, and anything non-crossfit, he couldn’t fight that feeling anymore, and he was ready to battle the snakes, ant piles, and elevation that only this AO could deliver.
    3. Ben Naquin, to be later named “Prius”, caved to his brother-in-law, Fence Post’s pressure to get busy livin’, and despite a helluva tough year including some new physical limitations, powered out an incredible first beatdown with tenacity and perseverance matched by few.

    The joy of the 12 PAX at such a great showing was palpable, and the warmup was executed with high energy–a lot of the usuals with no arms; YHC’s shoulder is still needing some rest, so it would be lots of legs and abs today!

    The theme that would carry us through the day was the same as the retreat: Domestic Church–particularly the 7 commitments each couple chooses to improve upon over the course of their journey: individual prayer, prayer with Scripture, couple prayer, family prayer, couple dialogue, rule of life, and an annual retreat.

    Started with a combined individual prayer/prayer with Scripture, which was represented by an Indian run around the campus with the last guy dropping off for three genuflections before sprinting to the front of the line. Just like individual prayer, you gotta break the rhythm of the day to stop what you’re doing and hit your knees–it’s not gonna happen on its own!

    We stopped on top of the hill for couple prayer and partnered up for a lazy Dora. Each “couple” went back and forth offering their “prayers” in the form of splitting duty on 100 wife pleasers (the non-“praying” partner held bridge), 200 squats (other partner held Al Gore), and 300 flutter kicks (other partner held 6 inches). It was only later in the day, once the sun was up, that many of the PAX were able to see just how many ant piles were on that hill–it was truly a miracle no one laid in one or more and got munched. It really looked like we were all clear in the darkness of the gloom.

    Next was family prayer–a ring of fire with all PAX doing constant smurf jacks to represent a bunch of active kids waiting their turn to pray, or in this case, squat jump. We made it to 50 before YHC called it to make time for couple dialogue.

    Any Domestic Church veteran will tell you that couple dialogue, though typically a sleeper, is the secret sauce. This is where the real money is, where the major growth happens for the couples who take advantage of it. A couple dialogue allows a couple to make measurable progress–it takes time an effort, but if you don’t give up early, it’ll change you. It would be no different this morning–the memories and the PTSD would center around this routine: 11’s over the hill. We started on the lake side with 10 Apolo Onos and on the other did 1 gas pump–next time was 9 and 2 and so on until finishing at 1 Ono and 10 gas pumps. Transportation was nurring (running backward) up and running down (both ways). It was the nur. The nur uphill caused YHC to think more than once about calling this one early, and more than once I checked my watch to see if time would give me an excuse, but we were going too fast. Paradiddle and Wet Tap wouldn’t let YHC ease up without it being obvious–we were in it together, all in, or not at all. I’m grateful for those dudes, per usual, and for their tenacity and companionship, cuz there was no place for a tired, self-pitying Goose to hide, so I didn’t miss out on the chance for some solid growth in mental toughness.
    Huge T-claps to the two FNG’s (and Cutthroat, too) for their staying with this one–it was designed assuming we’d have nothing but veterans out there this morning, but these guys never gave up!
    Side-note–a few minutes into this is when another stranger emerged out of the gloom, this time with a bouncing phone flashlight, and tried to just enter the fray unnoticed, but his off-color, plant-worker humor gave him away, as did the 6:40 arrival time–typical Goats in the machine arrival time is 5-10 minutes late, but this time, his Lenten lack of social media usage made him 40 minutes late (didn’t check GroupMe), so he promised to do some Doras at home. Good to have you, Goats, regardless of how long we get you!

    We ended on the far side of the hill for rule of life and the annual retreat. For rule of life, we picked on of YHC’s household rules, no phones on the toilet. This was represented by 15 mountain man poopers, increasing in speed as the reps increased representing how quickly YHC can get in and out of the bathroom now.
    The retreat is a chance for us to pack up our wives and kids and drag them to a far off location in hopes that it will do us some good. So, we grabbed our partners and piggy-backed them up the hill, then dropped them, ran down, and flapjacked. This is where the highlight of the morning happened–Ben (“Prius”) was first carried by Superfun(d), who is not a small man, but when they flapjacked, YHC assumed there would be some modifications, but once Smooth dropped me at the top and I turned around, there was Ben, moving quick up the hill, a determined smile on his face. All our legs were dead at this point, but he wanted to see if he could do it. His digging deep blew the whole PAX away, and they erupted, cheering wildly as he topped the hill with his mustached rider. It was a thing of beauty.

    We moseyed back to the flag for 7 minutes of Mary, 20 IC of the following: crunchy frogs, leg raises, J-Lo’s, pickle pounders (excellent mumblechatter from Cutthroat and Cardinal about potential publicity issues with this), and Jane Fondas to go with Yankee Joe’s Donna Summers comments. Held plank for the last minute, and then called it.
    COT with some FNG naming fun, the Animal shirt going to the indomitable Paradiddle, and then Superfun(d) prayed us out. It was an awesome addition to the retreat, and another great shot in the arm for the F3 Thibodaux crew.

    SYTIG,
    Goose