Lucky Bear vs Form Police – from King Kong

Q vs Q on 1/7/2022

Our Department had been receiving calls for months about a group of “guys” working out at 5:30 a.m in Kenner. The complaints were never about the noise or other nuisances, but they were about the form. He complained about the push ups…. (they call it “Merks or Merkins”), squats, lunges, burpees, and the list goes on. I recognized his voice every time he called. I couldn’t ignore his complaints anymore since he was so persistent and passionate about the form. As Lieutenant King Kong from the Form Police Department, I showed up on 1/7/2022 ready to hand out citations.

Upon arrival, I noticed 13 other “guys” (they call themselves “Pax”) showed up promptly on a cold, chilly, windy morning. While I was introducing myself to the Pax and why I was there…. One of the Pax called himself “Rudy” aka Lucky Bear was challenging and questioning me like he was defending his turf.

A Kenner Native named “Mambi” led a warm up with jumping jacks (they call it “side straddle hops”), windmills (aka “Abe Vigoda”), and a stretch named “grass grabbers.”

I saw an opportunity to take the lead after Mambi was done with the warmups. I called out another Kenner Native – Mahatma to demonstrate the proper form of a Merkin…. then Gabrielle with squats. After the demonstrations, I led the Pax with 10 merkins, ran to the stop sign, did 10 squats, ran back. When I noticed bad forms, I blew my whistle and everyone had to do 5 burpees. We did that for about 2 rounds… then Lucky Bear interrupted me by telling the Pax to grab a “coupon”, which is a cinder block, and headed towards the levee.

At the levee, we did something called Gorilla. With a coupon, PAX performed the following OYO without stop: 8 Curls For Girls, 8 Rows, 8 Overhead Presses, 8 Chest Presses, then drop coupon followed this up by a quick mosey over the levee and back. Rinse and repeat until Lucky Bear yelled “halt.” Afterwards, we did few rounds of king kong with the coupon up and down the levee until Lucky Bear yelled halt again.

At this point, I’m getting tired of Lucky Bear’s nonsense… so I gathered the Pax away from the levee and redirected their focus back on form, but this time with the coupon. We did 7’s (one side with a manmaker, ran to the stop sign and did squats). About half way through, I was interrupted again by Lucky Bear. He must have loved my idea of 7’s. He instructed the Pax to do “Lucky 7’s” – 7 burpees follow with an exercise of his choice in one minute for seven minutes nonstop. I blew my whistle couple times when I noticed his bad form.

By the end of this, Mambi had enough and halted the entire workout because the environment felt like Form Police versus Lucky Bear. The group voted that I was the winner…. didn’t even know I was in a competition. Now I was asked by the Pax to come back out to Kenner in a month and challenge someone else. They called this “Q vs Q.” I called this a sucker bet to get me out to Kenner at 5:30 a.m. Since I don’t mind getting back out here, only fitting for me to challenge the caller who filed all these complaints. He is Triple Shift.

Side notes worth mentioning – Fracsac showed up in a Godzilla costume looking for King Kong. Willie is the one who gave me the idea to be Form Police. But the Oscar award winning acting and calling out Triple Shift…. That’s all me.

Blessed and honored to lead a Q vs Q workout. SYITG.

King Kong

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