fartsack (noun) \ ˈfärt-ˌsak \The horizontal, gravity-defying gravitational anomaly commonly known as a mattress and blankets.A high-tech, fleece-lined immobilization chamber that deploys maximum inertia between the hours of 0430 and 0530, specifically designed to neutralize an F3 Pax’s willpower and hold them hostage during the Gloom.Abbrv. (v.): The act of prioritizing REM cycle comfort over collective suffering, resulting in an unexcused absence from the daily beatdown (e.g., “Shooter completely fartsacked this morning’s workout.”)
In all seriousness, Shooter, we were genuinely concerned. You were locked in on the Q sheet but nowhere to be found, and your absence was the main topic of conversation all morning. We kept asking each other if you were okay. But the moment that text came through confirming you just overslept? Game on. Consider this your official warning: the relentless mocking has officially begun, and we are going to make it absolutely legendary.

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