F3 New Orleans

Category: New Orleans

  • Mercy Toward Heretics – from Goose

    There is one among our company who claims to be a healer of rifts, recently those of the musical variety, while simultaneously spouting blasphemies (of the musical variety) on a very consistent basis. Feigning Homerian ignorance, this individual purposefully rubs an already musically chafed goose the wrong way at every opportunity while pretending to lead a Yankovician “Can’t we all just get along” campaign. Yes, there is, of course, a place for playful banter, but one you cross the line into blasphemous heresy, there is only one remedy. The heretic must be reformed, often violently, in order to mercifully save him from the fiery justice that such error duly deserves.

    So, today’s goal would be to straighten the bent mind and heart of the heretic via education and suffering. The topics that would be covered:
    -Who is Peter Gabriel? Are he and Phil Collins the same person?
    -Would Peter Gabriel be listed on the credits of any song on a Bieber or Lil’ John album? What about 3rd Bass?
    -Would Peter Gabriel be involved in any way in country (or western) music?
    -What songs did Peter Gabriel sing, and what impact did they have on life, the universe, and everything?

    After a robust warmup (necessary after Coyote’s flogging), we grabbed coupons and headed to the start of the new area of road, which Popeye has officially dubbed (and shall henceforth be known as) “The Stretch”. The Thang was simple. YHC would ask Paradox a question, and if he got it right, the PAX would mosey to the third set of pipes (50 or so yards away) and back. If he got it wrong, the PAX would sprint a suicide to the first, second, and third set of pipes in under 30 seconds, well…maybe a full minute…if my watch would just…hold on…ok, just friggin’ do it fast.
    After the run, a song appropriate the question would be played with corresponding exercises. As follows:

    1. What band were Peter Gabriel (PG) and Phil Collins (PC) in together before their solo careers?

    -Answer: Genesis. Dox got this one pretty quick, but YHC knew that he had pretty much maxed out his knowledge on the subject at this point, and luck would be the only thing that would save the PAX moving forward.

    Song: “That’s All” by Genesis, post PG exit: The Pax lined up and did standing lunges arm-in-arm, but on every “That’s All” each in turn left the group and did 5 star jumps on their own, solo.

    2. PG and PC went opposite directions when it came to how they approached lyrics: one used lyrics that sound deep but aren’t, while the other used lyrics that sound meaningless but are usually an effort at artistic depth. Which is which?

    -Answer: PG sounds crazy but is going for depth, while PC, ever the drummer, is just using cool sounding words that fit the rhythm. Dox got this one correct, too, which showed progress–he actually cared enough to distinguish and think through what made each musician unique. This was a good sign, but much work was clearly still needed.

    Song: “Sussudio” by PC (pure nonsense, but sounds like the beating heart of the 80’s): plank jacks, merkins on “sussudio”. YHC mercifully stopped this one a little over halfway through.

    3. Best 3/5 lyrics match–which one (PG or PC) is responsible for the following lyrics?
    1. When you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand…(PC)
    2. If looks could kill they probably will in games without frontiers, wear without tears (PG)
    3. Don’t you know you’ve got to shock the monkey, shock the monkey tonight (PG)
    4. And the bulge in my big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big (PG)
    5. You could have a steam train, if you just lay down your tracks (PG)

    This is where some retributive purgation took place. Just playing the odds wouldn’t work here (and they didn’t), though Popeye, or the absent AB or Honeysuckle could get these in their sleep. The heretic, though making good progress, needed to see just how far away the goal of true reformation still was. The suicide was long.

    Song: “Big Time” by PG: penguins for the duration, BBSU on “Big”

    5. What was PG’s greatest hit, his most well-known song by far, and which is still rated in top five of music videos of all time?

    Answer: Sledgehammer. YHC thought this might be a gimme, but Dox’s disregard for PG as a person and artist as well as most 80’s music in general had brought him to this lowly state. Another suicide.

    Song: “Sledgehammer” by PG: block calf raises for the duration, curls on “sledge” and for the duration of the bridge

    6. And, last but not least, what was the PG song playing from John Cusack’s famous romantic boombox scene?

    Answer: In Your Eyes. Though Dox had the movie title, “Say Anything”, the song was nowhere on the radar, so the sprinting continued.

    At this point, an elderly man involved in the road project had backed his truck in just behind the barricade, which put him about 10 feet from us. And, there he sat, in his truck with the window down, pretending not to notice 5 men sweating to the 80’s with cinder blocks hovering over their faces.

    Song: “In Your Eyes” by PG: hold blocks in bench press position, skull crusher on every “in your eyes”.

    Time ran short on us, otherwise, our friend would have enjoyed some Shock the Monkey Humpers. Next time.

    COT and Popeye prayed us out.

    Many thanks to Dox for being willing to show up just to be singled out and treated like a leper for 40 minutes, and many thanks Safety Valve and Popeye who were willing to endure his reformation treatment. (Pope didn’t have a choice.) I’d say thanks to Peter Gabriel, but his music is a little outdated.

    SYITG,
    Goose
    1. In Your Eyes: hold block press, skull crusher on in your eyes

  • The Joy of Pain – from Kenna Brah

    Armed with a repartee of HIM building movements, THC lead the PX is following:

    Mosey to the JPAS
    Arm Circle Circuit 15x each set
    Imperial Walkers x15
    8 ct Side Lung Right, Air Squat, Side lunge Left, Air Squat combo meal

    Moed to the RAMP:
    #1
    Lizard (More like Gecko) Crawls halfway up ramp
    Crab Crwal Down 3x is about all we could do

    #2
    Reverse Lunge to the top
    Slow Karaoke Down, switch lead leg halfway down
    1x

    #3
    Side Lunge Up Switch Lead leg halfway up
    Lizard Crawl last half (Memory is fuzzy here)
    1X

    #4
    10 Each Set
    L/R Step Ups
    L/R 1 Leg Squat
    L/R 1 Leg Side Squat (Side Lunge with leg on sitting block)
    Dip position 1 L/R Leg lift

    $5
    Mario Jumps to th3 Stairs – Bunny hop up each stair- 5-10 Decline Merkins –
    Mosey to flag

    COT

  • Practice makes perfect – from Thighs

    This workout was a practice for the upcoming QvsQ that was being held in the near future at The OG. But it was raining, so we decided to move to the Gretna Flea Market. I had to modify the workout by a lot.

    We started the beat down with a warmup:
    15x Jumping Jacks
    7x Cherry Pickers
    7x Windmills
    10x Sun Gods (each arm)
    7x Merkins
    7x Mountain Climbers
    7x Toe Touches
    7x Tempo Merkins
    7x Squats

    We started with a Burpee Pyramid going up to 4 reps. Every 2 stanchions was a station.
    Station 1: Burpees
    Station 2: Catcher Burpees
    Station 3: Plank Walk Burpees
    Station 4: Pike Up Burpees
    We went from 1 rep to up to 4 reps and back down. But that smoked us.

    So, we did a long 30 count rest.

    We moved to doing The Gauntlet. Again every 2 stanchions was a station. After finishing a station, the PAX would run to the beginning and start the station work all over again and progressing to the next Station.
    Station 1: 3x Lunges
    Station 2: 10x Merkins
    Station 3: 10x Bobby Hurleys
    Station 4: 30x Plank Toe Touches
    We did 2 Guantlets

    Finally, we were going to do a Figure 8, but the Stations did not count right. So, every stanchion was a Station.
    We did 1 rep and moved to only 3 reps
    Hand Release Merkins
    Lunges
    Pike Ups
    Flutter Kicks
    Diamond Merkins
    Bonny Blairs

    After that set, we ran back to the start and did a set of ab workouts.
    We ended with the usual close out, sending us off with a prayer and enjoying the sun rise.

    Looking forward to next time!

  • Keep Thibodaux Weird – from Paradox

    YHC has been privileged to play a role in many of the storied F3 Thibodaux Schisms through the years. Sometimes as an ardent supporter, other times, ashamedly, as a lead instigator. As the great Creed Bratton once remarked “…more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader”. While his comment may have been referring to cultish behavior, I think the general principle applies here and I’ve now met my weekly quota of Creed quotes. And so, it’s with this schism experience that YHC feels qualified to observe the subtleties present in schism infancy. It starts at an almost undetectable level. Just a slight twitch of the eyelid during Smashmouth Allstars. Then it builds. A facial wince when you hear mainstream 90s classics and you start to avoid people that use the term “Champagne Supernova” for all the things that are great in their life. Followed by audible disdain to your cohorts about one genre/decade being more elite than another. Then, like clockwork there is a “boiling over” event. For example, no one recognizing “Lucas with the Lid Off” followed by GroupMe affirmations for the more recognizable 3rd Bass “Pop goes the Weasel” (complete random example). And just like that we are off to the races. A few laugh emojis don’t go your way and your supper doesn’t taste as sweet. You get backed into a corner and know the only way out is weapons of eardrum destruction you’ve been hiding in the dark for years, ready to lash out at moment’s notice. You dig in, readying your Spotify missiles for a lengthy war and you begin searching through old LimeWire and Napster accounts…

    But not today my brothers.

    Today, just like your optometrically prescribed headband, we will promote healing!

    But how?

    How could we thaw the frozen hearts of 90s genre elitism?

    YHC saw only one way out.

    A single artist.

    His work spanning 4 decades.

    No genre left standing in his wake.

    Today we would utilize him as an instrument of peace.

    Today..we would get WEIRD.

    Duke get your accordion and play that funky bean footage!!

    9 pax warmup of the usuals, highlighted by two late arriving ecofriendly PAX vehicles. Tanas fueled by the hard labor of rural PCPs and ABs running off his own supply of colon-to-tank methane.

    THE CONCERT THANG

    Simple and direct today.
    We would take the top 5 Weird Al hits, modify them a touch and enjoy some of the finest lyrics created in the last 40 years. YHC would sprinkle in trivia between songs.

    Correct 10 curls

    Incorrect 25 Monkey Humpers because with the trivia masterminds present you have to up the ante. These llamas play for keeps plus Pope is now 20/20 on beatdown Star Wars trivia.

    # 1 White and Nerdy
    Holding coupon Scissor Kicks , Swap on White and Nerdy , Coupon presses while holding 6 inches on song

    What famed physicist is in his library? (Hawking)
    In the song He denotes a numeral value referencing a polygon associated with this famed mathematician? (Pascal)

    10 Curls for Correct Hawking, 25 MH’s for lack of Pascal knowledge.

    #2 The Saga Begins
    Trigger on Star Wars characters and planets , and Jedi
    Around the galaxy lunges during song, Jungle Boi squat on triggers

    Which Star Wars movie specifically was Bring parodied in this song? (Phantom Menace)
    Jar Jar Binks species and home planet ? (Gungan, Naboo)
    Meaning youthful and untrained , anakin is referred by this term during his early Jedi training? (Padawan)

    # 3 Eat It
    Big Boys with Coupon , Sitting OHP on Eat It’s

    Beat it 2008 was a poorly received tribute done by this pop group ?
    Black eyed peas- Again, YHC’s error at mis labeling legumes and black eyes but the pax really needed dat lactic acid boost so we did 25 MHs.

    # 4 Amish Paradise —YHC’s personal favorite of the collection.
    Inchworm crawl out to HR Merkin during song
    Thrusters on Paradise

    The song parodied here was the #1 teach featured on the soundtrack of this 1995 movie ? (Dangerous Minds)
    Can’t you just imagine AB in his freshman dorm watching Dangerous Minds in his Jncos and chain wallet, a couple Oasis poster on wall. Life is Good!
    The teacher in this film played by whom and is nicknamed what? WHITEBREAD
    Goose was awarded partial credit for attempts at White Witch and 10 MHs were deducted.

    #5 FAT
    Squat side Kicks , Bonnie Blair’s on fat
    This parodied song was originally planned as a duet with what other royalty of 80s rock ? (Prince)
    **As the day unfolded our local investigative journo Mr. Wilford Montana unearthed an entire Prince vs MJ beef that is quite a rollercoaster including Prince trying to run over MJ in a parking lot followed by MJ calling Prince a “meanie” for the attempted vehicular manslaughter.

    We needed a recovery mosey to really smell the Nirvana and Goose needed to show King Pickleball he still has enough Sprint coverage for all the dead zones.

    Captain D’s bestowed the Animal to Valveline, noted that he rubbed some dirt on a fractured foot and posted all week.

    Valve awarded Jedediah Dawson aka Pope yet another well-deserved Fire Within for pumping out sitting OHPs while telling YHC Weird Al was too weird for his taste..hmmm…must be a Pete Gabriel guy.

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    Thanks for getting Weird with me today fellas

    POSTingSCRIPTs

    You know those safety signs in plants that denote “X number of days since the last safety incident”?

    Well, at F3 Thibodaux the peace of Weird Al led to a combined schism healing of 32 minutes before a recurrent 90s Pax villain threatened to reveal his Offspring and an Ace up his sleeve in the near future. This, in turn, stirred up at least two other delinquents who promptly started calling each other Aswads… and we were back at square one with 45 minutes of hard earned therapy down the toilet. The only course left was an apology…

    To Mr. Weird Alfred Matthew Yankovic:

    I tried your methods and found them useful but we may need a longer treatment plan to Smash these Pumpkins. Its like I’m trying to Reel in a Big Blowfish, not just a Hootie, but I’m keeping a Third Eye Blind to the mid 40’s Dinosaur Jr’s with no respect for the Pax still in the Green River of their youth.

    I’m just trying to save some Collective Souls in this Asylum but the more I fight for the Right to Party the more I realize that some of these Ricks just like to Roll and the rest of these goo goo dolls prefer to troll. Some are happy to see Dave Mathews churn, but some, well some just want strike a Matchbox 20 and watch it Burn.

    Thank you for keeping it Weird Mr. Al

    See you in the Grunge

    Dox

  • The Uptowner brings Gabrielle – from Pool Boy

    After a brief disclaimer, PAX moseyed across to parking lot by the Pavilion for some warmups.
    Low slow squats
    Arm circles
    Burpees
    Scantron stretch
    Cement grabbers
    Abe Vigoda’s

    Thang 1(Under Pavilion)
    Dips
    Stepups
    Decline Merkins

    Mosey to the gym for Thang 2
    Set 1 – 10 Burpees, run around gym
    Set 2- 20 donkey kicks, run around gym
    Set 3 – 30 imperial walkers, run around gym
    Set 4 – 40 merkins, run around gym
    Set 5 – 50 LBC’s, run around gym
    Set 6 – 60 squats, run around gym
    Added some decline planks and calf raises.
    Mary
    COT
    Thanks for showing up guys!

  • Lone Warrior – from Pinewood

    Arrived at the Okwata AO this morning, greeted by the serene sound of the lake and the solitude of the early morning. Though the rest of the PAX couldn’t make it today, the mission of F3—fitness, fellowship, and faith—remains steadfast. As a lone PAX, I embraced the challenge and got to work.

    Warm-Up:
    SSH – 20 IC
    Abe Vigodas x 10 IC
    Grass Grabbers x 10 IC
    Forward Arm Circles x 10 IC
    Reverse Arm Circles x 10 IC
    Self Love x 10 IC
    Moroccan Night Club x 10 IC

    Thang 1: Recovery Run with step-ups and incline merkins
    Run from Mardi Gras Fountain to Landry’s and back to Canal Blvd
    At each set of palm trees
    10 Step-Ups (5 left, 5 right)
    10 Incline Merkins

    Thang 2: H8te
    Scaled version of H8te
    2 rnds: 4 and 2 burpees

    COT:
    As I finished the workout, I took a moment for the Circle of Trust. Though physically alone, I felt the presence of the F3 brotherhood and the shared commitment to improving ourselves and our communities. Reflected on the importance of perseverance and self-discipline, especially when no one is watching.

    Even as a lone PAX, the mission continues. This morning at Okwata was a reminder that the true strength of F3 lies not just in numbers, but in the resolve and commitment of each individual. Whether surrounded by brothers or standing alone, we push forward!

    SYITG

  • A Stroll Down Lack-of-Memory Lane (Minus the Stroll) – from Goose

    The presence of good ol’ Safety Valve has become synonymous with the F3 Thibodaux beatdown experience for months now since he decided to show up for just about everything. And, when that kind of thing happens, long-term absence of said individual has major affects not only on the the morale of the one absent but on that of the whole PAX (i.e., Y.J.). So, after hearing that Valve’s broken foot hadn’t improved much over the two-week rest period, YHC knew it was time to take matters into his own hands.

    It was time to build a beatdown that would kill four birds with one coupon:
    1. Allow Valve to fully participate without having to worry about the foot (hard to modify a mosey).
    2. Allow YJ to participate a little more fully knowing we wouldn’t be doing any major leg stuff.
    3. Come through on my vow to bring more 90’s hits that those who were in their prime during that awful decade may have erased (or claim to have erased) from their memory.
    4. Still bring the kind of challenge that these PAX show up for.

    Warmup: started with arm circles, which bent a few brains, and focused heavily on upper body and lower back (not one, but TWO Lafayette exercises).

    Thang 1: “I bet you don’t remember this one…or wish you didn’t.”

    1. “Scat Man” by Scatman John: Flutters for duration, but LBC’s during any scatting (the musical variety).
    A few remembered this one, and YHC remembered in the moment that this one may have been used at a beatdown before. Lots more LBC’s than flutters, and we were all a little dumber afterward, but nowhere near the low point of dumbness that would be achieved.

    2. “Pop Goes the Weasel” by 3rd Bass: Plank for duration, Kneel Diamonds on every “pop goes the weasel”.
    It seemed only Popeye remembered this one, and that it was an entire rap song about (bashing) one individual, Vanilla Ice, and that it also sampled a song by none other than Peter Gabriel. And, Dox wasn’t there to guess it.

    3. “Ninja Rap” by (none other than) Vanilla Ice: Bird dogs for duration, kneeling curls on “ninja”.
    Vanilla’s only other (vaguely) known hit featured in the old Ninja Turtles movie sequal, wherein rubber suited turtle dancers lit up the club with a choreographed dance to this jam. The bird dogs were similar, but different.

    4. “Hell” by Squirrel Nut Zippers: Penguins for duration, heels to heaven for the refrain.
    These guys signaled the start of the ska movement in the 90’s, which was an important movement that had lasting cultural significance. And, that many penguins is rough.

    5. “Gypsy Woman” by Crystal Waters and The Basement Boys: alternating side planks for the duration, toe-tap merkins during the droning refrain.
    This one is a remarkable 7.5 minutes of brain-numbing repetitivity. Don’t pull it up–you’ll remember it and regret it. You did it, didn’t you.

    Thang 2: Flora 1, 2, 3

    100 WW3 situps, 10 at a time, while partner does 6-in hold
    200 skull crushers (modified to 100 for time) 20 at a time while partner does X-factors
    300 shoulder shrugs (mostly didn’t get to it) 30 at a time while partner holds Al Gore
    PAX requested more ska, so Reel Big Fish was called upon followed by the man of the hour, Vanilla Ice.

    YHC wishes he’d have made more time for this one–lots of variety, and a solid muscle burner. Gypsy Woman should have probably been skipped, and been lost to the ANNALS of time (I’m sure there’s some connection to the anals of time, but I’ll let Maneater work that out along with his comfy pillow and Fire Within jammies).

    COT and Smooth prayed us out.

    It was great to have Valve back in the mix, and it’s been inspiring to see YJ work through what’s clearly a lot of pain to stay in it. Much respect to you both! And, thanks to the rest of the PAX for muscling through the playlist.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Blazing 80 Degrees of Swolefest – from Squints

    The temperature on the dashboard said 80 degrees as I pulled up to Swolefest today. I’m going to take the car in later today to have that checked out.

    Warmarama started with a mosey over to the Foundry.
    SSH x 15
    Grass Grabbers x 10
    Windmills x 10
    Mountain Climbers x 10
    Shoulder Taps x 10
    Arm Circles F & B x 10
    Overhead Claps x 10
    Pull Ups x 5
    Dips x 20
    LBCs x 30

    Mosey Back to Children’s Museum

    The Thang was timed by a PAX member thrusting a 50lb slam ball across the Children’s Museum walkway, while everyone else:

    Bench
    Skull Crusher
    Curls
    Squats with Cinder Block
    Cinder Block Burpees
    American Hammer w/Cindy
    Rows
    Cinder Block Swing
    Heavy Freddie
    Heavy Step Ups

    Finished up at 6:15.

    COT: Count-A-Rama, Name-A-Rama, announcements and prayers.

  • American History F – from America’s Best

    HC arrived this morning to find a Den with no way in, as our lot had been barricaded. What a way to start a manniversary.
    First they came for our lion, and we did not speak out. Then they came for our parking lot, and we did not speak out. Not sure what comes next, but I think the general idea is to just ignore it.

    Warmarama began one minute late, mainly due to the PAX needing to inspect buckets of concrete and to check if pull-ups could be done from tent poles.

    SSH
    Windmills
    Imperial Walkers
    Willie Mays Hayes
    Mountain Climbers
    Arm circles of varying speeds
    Cherry Pickers

    F3 changes a man, in big ways and in small ways. But also in medium ways. For example, I will give you an example, through this illustration, vis-à-vis, case-in-point: I don’t listen to music in the same way anymore— now every time I hear a song, it’s immediately “could this be used in a beatdown?” So while the skeleton of today’s beatdown would be trivia, it’s disgusting sinew and adipose and entrails would be the best found songs of the year. And I guess the skin would be, like, the locations represented by our stops. Or something. Let’s just get on with it, ok?

    Moseying to the Aldi parking lot, we were met again with the barricades. While most of the PAX went around, Paradox apparently sensed the beatdown was heading to Germany, and leapt the wall like an East German gazelle in a terrible metaphor.

    The First Question was read, and the PAX contemplated the answer while squatting and Bobby Hurley-ing to An Arrow in the Wall by Death Cab For Cutie. The song was quickly and relentlessly abused as an obscure, ancient dirge from YHC’s past. (In reality, it was actually released less than a year ago, and while it was never “nominated for an Emmy” it has been met with critical success. But I’ll leave that alone; whatever is the opposite of “preaching to the choir” seems to be what I am doing here…)

    The correct answer to Q1 was (a very controversial) “omelette.” Nobody guessed correctly (likely another alternate-reality-induced schism), so we did (8×5) 40 Carolina Dry Docks (a hint to the next location)

    Next stop, next question. Maneater identified the place as NC. Then the PAX held 6” and Wheezied with every “gonna.” While the song began as a DMB classic, we were quickly Rick-Rolled for 4 minutes.
    The answer to question #2 was “cropdust” and Popeye and Paradox easily sniffed this one out. Yankee Jeaux was very proud of his guess, and legend has it he is still insisting that YHC also coined the term “douchebag.”
    The PAX was penalized with only (6×5) 30 gas pumpers.

    3rd stop around the world was Hawaii. The PAX nailed the location, then did an exercise known (by YHC at least) as the Makhtar N’J-Rod while Eric Clapton narrated.
    YHC’s favorite 90s band (who is still making music Today) was correctly answered only by Yankee Jeaux. Popeye’s guess of “Puddle of Mudd” may be the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.
    (7×5) 35 BBS was the penalty

    Location #4 was Ohio. And in spite of the smell from the dumpsters, it was not identified— our penalty would be doubled.
    We monkey-humped to “Let me be your Hog.” Burpees on some trigger words, but none of them occurred during the full 17 seconds of this song.
    The urinal of choice is “lowest/shortest” which 5 PAX answered correctly.
    Popeye’s guess of “fullest” wins Very Best Wrong Answer.
    (3x5x2(penalty)) = 30 BBS

    Next stop was VA- again an easy one. And it was time to listen to that other favorite band, whilst pondering the next question and doing a burpee for each “ever” or “never.” Here’s some trivia for you: “ever” and “never” are heard only 13 times in Oasis’ “Live Forever.” However, we were again quickly rolled into Rick. And that dude says “never” like 40 times.
    The F-4, the greatest fighter-bomber ever built, was correctly identified only by Maneater.
    35 Burpees were the penalty.

    The final song was played, and the PAX were instructed to right-foot lunge on each “pizza” and left-foot lunge on each “taco.” And what to do in-between? Turns out, it doesn’t matter. “It’s the Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.”

    A weary (from all the “Sweatin’ to the Weirdies”) and downtrodden (from all the not-knowing) PAX assembled back at the flag, still pondering the answer to question #6.
    Several horrible guesses were defended. The answer?
    Will be revealed in a future beatdown.

    Until then, look for Death Cab for Cuties’ upcoming single “A Very Controversial Omelette”

    COT and Maneater prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    AB