F3 New Orleans

Category: New Orleans

  • Dadlympics 2024 – from Paradox

    776 BC is widely recognized as the year of the first Olympic games. It began with an annual foot race, a stadion, and blossomed into the over 200 competitions we have today. Origin stories vary but many agree the race began as a simple challenge between friends…or rivals (perhaps both). Many Greek men of this era were very practiced at coalescing into groups at a predetermined area, in the wee dawn hours, one leading calisthenia while the others followed. In Greece, just as in F3 , It only takes a few meetings for the bonds to build, then the comparing of athletic feats follows. As one can imagine, these groups consisted of a variety of characters from the community and YHCs research led to the discovery of ancient sea scrolls depicting an early gathering (meticulously translated to Redneck) as such :

    Upon the Peltchaneus thoroughfare these men gathered:

    Maximus Goosicus -aged learned philosopher, forged in the wisdom of deka kids but the fire within steadily burning though know one truly knows are the flames of his heart or of his bowels?

    Valvenus Saefetyfurst- arriving in the days highest technology chariot. He considers his bronze edition the best, if he only knew his descendants would go platinum and beyond.

    Cuzin Lillius de Punisher-
    beard so thick and luxurious he regarded all face shields as the highest insult. Teaches in the vernacular of Yee Yee.

    Cardinalus of Thebodux- constantly boasting his athletics feats were better served in the Aegean Sea, he would be the origin of all future Olympic swimming. It would take a few years for the sport to gain popularity but it would take millennia to remove his fartsack reputation.

    Montanius de Wilford – returning to glory after many pickled countries were conquered. Only Hippocrates could explain how a 1 day knee injury in February led to 46 pickle tournaments and zero beatdowns but we’ll leave that to the medical historians.

    2,800 years later another group of men would establish another great tradition of athletic excellence. This one to honor the physical, mental , and spiritual battle of being a dad.

    Welcome to the Dadlympics

    Duke
    Light the torch and Roll the beautiful footage !

    Warmup
    9 pax for an intimate Saturday setting and the only thing you really need to know about warmups is Goose unveiled The Fire Within. The remaining warmup period was spent sneaking looks while Goose shook his head and said “hey my eyes are up here buddy! “
    Like a true work of classical art you can appreciate a different beauty with every glance. Huge shout to Gooses M for finding this diamond and allowing it to serve the masses.

    YHC then announced that this day we would honor the duties of a father in 3 parts of Dadlympic glory.

    1. The Track
    2. The Field
    3. The Battleground

    Opening Ceremony
    Indian Run to EDW track with the “torch “ (ole hickory bar)
    Last man drop to 5 torch raises

    Thang 1 —-TRACK

    It doesn’t take long to learn lesson number one as a father…. that your kids are stone cold crazy and programmed to run themselves into direct harm.
    So our first feat would be a “catch me if you can”
    -P1 5 burpees, P2 bur until caught
    -complete 1 track lap

    This crew was barely ruffled and Valves whoop was still logging a sleep HR.

    Next we needed to switch gears into the fatherhood mental toughness test. Balance the budget? Practice a parking lot confrontation? No my friends, we had to go into the deepest waters of Dadversity …the dad joke. Goose had been training us since mid May with his legendary 300 plus merkins dad joke mile and YHC wanted to gift him a few chances to flex his talents and test his troops.

    YHC would give 1/2 of the dad joke then we would fartlek our way around the track with time to think and taste our own brand.
    The answers were then revealed and merkins were used as reward or punishment.

    Here’s a sample of my fave 3 :

    -I have a joke about trickle down economics….(pause and heavy breathing) …but 99% of you won’t get it.

    -I used to run a dating service for chickens…but I was struggling to make hens meet

    – Why couldn’t the produce manager make it to work …he could drive but he didn’t Avacado .

    Goose set the tone with early recognition of ole Phillipe Flop (a Frenchman’s sandals) and Lil Cuz consistently sprinkled in multiple timely assists including a full length dissertation on poultry pronouns. Valve thought alot about the lack of quality neighbors and PCPs in this region. Tana seemed to enjoy the cardio without the heavy burden of paddle sponsorships and endorsement obligations.

    We swapped the fartlek transport for burpee broad jumps (to simulate jumping living room legos) and continued the competition.

    Ending with this doozy….

    -You used to be able to get air at the gas station for free, now it’s a dollar …guess that’s inflation for you .

    A mosey was necessary just to clear the air of the stench of a joke of that caliber .
    The heart can only withstand so much.

    Thang 2—Field

    A dad must be able to flex his dad strength with a legendary single car load trip. The goal here is to show the other dads on the beach where the straps were digging into your wrist so they will burn with jealous rage.

    Carry the Beach Equipment

    P1 garner carry through the “crowd”
    P2 flutter kicks

    The most important of the field events involved practicing to throw your child into that dizzying hybrid of joy and fear.

    Toss your kid to infinity and beyond
    P1 Thrusters
    P2 coupon piggy back ride (nice edit on a YHC miscalculation)

    The Thang Finale —-Battle Field

    American Dadiator

    Rules :

    3 cones in a rough triangle (non Bermuda because I’m still mad) with a bucket of water balloons at each .
    2 pax with a 2.0 defender at each station.
    Center hoola hoop with 10 tennis balls

    Goal is to be the team with the most tennis balls at the end of the game .
    -2.0 defend the nest with pool noodle (3 burpees if hit)
    -5 merkins to get a tennis ball
    -If you get hit with a balloon you owe 3 burpees and you drop your tennis ball
    -10 minutes on the clock

    Teams :
    TanaCuz (picachu )
    ValveDox (gecko)
    Office of Parish Support (Duke)

    Notes :
    – very firm water balloons dont burst and become rubber riot control pellets , there are tattoos to prove it
    – The 2.0 defended nests with deadly accuracy.
    – Several alliances were formed, broken , betrayed, reformed and in general I think we covered 1000s of years of world history with balloons and pool noodles.

    When the smoke cleared Lil Cuz and Tana took the W by one tennis ball thanks to a late assault on the office parish support castle.

    Gear up and back to the flag

    YHC awarded the first Golden Dad to Lil Cuz for his overall performance in the battle, sharp dad joke knowledge and outstanding attitude to laugh and display joy when faced with burpees in soaking wet socks.

    Goose awarded YHC with The Fire Within for cooking with excessive shenanigans when today’s recipe only called for mild shenanigans.

    Lifetime YhC achievement list update :
    1: children being born
    2: being awarded TFW

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out

    At the end of the day as Fathers we are preparing our sons and daughters for the spiritual battle of real life. God provides us many tools of both offense and defense. And just like in our ballooned battle today it doesn’t stop each day from feeling chaotic. It doesn’t stop us from failing when we feel so close to a victory. In fact it can often feel like being busted in the neck with a water balloon after sprinting 50 yards only to do 3 burpees and try again . But if we can stop in the midst of the battle and see His provisions all around us and if we can trust Him, then we can lean on what He gives us. Looking back on the last few years I am truly grateful for the crew He has provided in F3. I hope you all enjoyed a day honoring your fight as Dadiator and I look forward to struggling along side you.

    See you at the ‘25 games

    Dox

  • S&M…&R – from Bolt

    Three stretched, three ran and all six were accountable.

  • Some Classics and a Mystery Stick – from Goose

    YHC knew that the Mystery Stick would need to find its way into today’s workout somehow. It had also been a while since we’d taken a dive into some of the foundational routines that had been buried somewhere at the back of the equipment closet.

    The hook-stick was left conspicuously at the foot of the flags, and a warmup of the predictables ensued.

    YHC then called for an Indian Run. Just a regular Indian Run to get the heart pumping and the system nice and waked. What was new, however, was the path. We took the new road and zigged and zagged our way back to the flag, swim-moving around the road-closed signes and cones on the brand new roads between future home sites. We were like Lewis and Clark forging our way through what would soon be a bustling nation, guided only by Indians who prefer to not be in the back of any single-file lines.

    Once back at the flag, YHC grabbed Bose’, Sr. and the stick and moved into the grass. The stick served, once again, as an excellent speaker/phone prop, and YHC introduced another foundational routine, the 10 min Burpee EMOM: 10 burpees, Every Minute on the Minute, for 10 minutes. There’s a good reason this one was buried behind the archery targets and wrestling mats, and that reason is because it’s just hard for hard’s sake. All you can do is think about how hard it is and how much more you have to do. No distractions, just an automated jerk telling you you have 10 seconds to somehow catch your breath enough to do another 10. And, you know what? It’s good for you. After you’re done, you feel like you accomplished something, and you’re glad it’s over….hopefully.

    Next Classic bit was partner BLIMPS. This is usually a Dora- or Flora-style routine of any six exercises that start with those letters. Today, the plan was to split duty on 100 BBSU, 100 Lunges (2:1), 200 Imperial Walkers, 200 Merkins, 250 Plank Jacks, and 250 SSH while your partner(s) carioca’d to the sidewalk, did 1 Bobby Hurley, and carioca’d back. The Mystery Stick, however, was hung mysteriously on the string lights. At the cost of 10 burpees, by anyone at any time (but without interruption), the stick could be moved one light bulb closer to the intersection of the two wires. And, YHC explained that at the end of the routine, that the number of lights remaining between the stick and the intersection would determine, how many burpees the entire PAX would do x10.

    The hope was to present the PAX with a tough decision to either get the burpees over with after having just rejoiced at having no more burpees to do, or to delay the burpees, risking the impending fatigue that grew with every carioca. But, this PAX is as tough as they are smart, and they hit the burpees at the very beginning, basically taking turns hammering them out until the stick hung well beyond the crossroads.

    YHC had to modify a bit as the lunges crept a little too slowly toward 100. 2:1 changed to 1:1, and 200 merkins became 100, and that was as far as we got, even though we started with over 15 minutes on the clock. It wasn’t due to lack of effort–nobody took any breaks–but BBSU and lunges are just deceptively slow exercises.

    With a couple of minutes remaining, we burned out the core with some wife pleasers and slow penguins.

    COT, and “The Fire Within” was passed to Safety Valve, who promised to spend time contemplating its many layers of profundity before clothing himself in its splendor tomorrow morning for what can’t help but be an inspired Q.

    The Mystery Stick went back into the truck, and we will continue to find ways to name and incorporate random objects into the fabric of F3 Thibodaux.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Dad Jokes Rule – from Fracsac

    7 pax posted for a Fathers Day beat down courtesy of YHC. That included Wapner, Thumb War, Ballast, Smooth, Heisenberg, Monopoly and YHC
    Conditions were hot and humid with no breeze.
    Got the jams started for the warmup ending with a plank-o-rama.

    The Thang – Stations

    Station 1 – big boi sit-ups
    Station 2 – ‘mericans
    Station 3 – 60 lb sandbag throw over
    Station 4 – Kettle bell swing
    Station 5 – jump rope
    Station 6 – 2 pax toss frisbee or football x 4 (timer)

    Pax going to toss station has to tell a Dad joke. If pax doesn’t have one, it could be bought from YHC for either 5 burpees or a roll of the die. (all do it)

    If no laugh from Dad joke, 5 burpees penalty.
    Completed 2 rounds

    Back of the museum for 10 x 3 rounds of 8 count body builders.
    3 x Sunday Mornings

    Happy Fathers Day

    CoT

    NMM

    Here’s a taste of what you missed
    How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
    Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint!
    I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
    Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!
    What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hi, bud!”
    I went to buy some camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.
    What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
    I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I took a couple of days off.
    What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!
    Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
    Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
    What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner!
    Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems!
    What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!
    Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!
    I was going to tell you a joke about time travel, but you didn’t like it.
    I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
    Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
    I’m writing a book about glue, but I’m stuck on the first chapter.
    What did one plate whisper to the other plate? Dinner is on me.
    Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
    Two sheep walk into a—baaaa.
    Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter.
    Try the seafood diet—you see food, then you eat it.
    Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!
    What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
    What state is known for its small drinks? Minnesota.
    What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
    If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef?
    I have a clean conscious—it’s never been used.
    I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes, he even laughs.
    SYITG

  • At the Intersection of Okwata and DMD – from Fracsac

    YHC showed up and planted a flag. 4 other Pax showed up including Dax, HIPAA, Squints, and Cheese Steak. A brief disclaimer was given and off we moseyed towards the fountain then circled up in front for a warmup where there was a serious plank-o-rama.

    Move to the fountain for double shots with Jack Webb at the Barre, which is ‘mericans followed by air presses in the people’s chair.

    Mosey to the top of the levee for disperse Indian run. Pax that sprints to the front call disperse and an exercise. Pax go down complete 3 of said exercises and then run back up levee.

    At the top of Canal is where YHC introduced the pax to my friend, DirtyMacDuece!
    – 4 rounds of 3 x 12 count exercises including arms, legs, and core. Each round ended in a run down across and up with a bear crawl across the newly paved walkway.

    No time for pull ups. I need to better manage time and our posterior chains.

    Back to the flag for 0615

    CoT

    NMM

    – I gave HIPAA some great advice today during the DMD. He should recommend more bear crawls to his patients. You’re welcome!
    – Thanks to Cheese Steak we all know where Wilson lives now. His M says he slept in, she didn’t seem eager to let us in to wake him up.

    Okwata is calling your name! Come check it out!

    SYITG

  • Jump Frac’n Cowboy Jump – from Fracsac

    YHC showed up with about a minute before go time to one very eager and thrilled Space Cowboy. All it takes is 2, so it was on.

    Brief disclaimer with a mosey to the pad for a warmup of regular stuff and ended with a serious plank-o-rama.

    First up was a quarter Murph. Started with a roughly quarter mile, followed by 5 rounds of 5, 10, and 15 pull-ups, ‘mericans, and squats respectively. Finish the quarter mile with a stop at the Cowboy Mobile to grab a couple jump ropes and a football from the Frac Truck.

    First up was burpeebroadjumprope about 20 feet and go deep for a pass. Each went a few times. It was a total disaster.

    Next was stations at JPAS. 100 jump rope timer while the other does step ups, ‘mericans, and big boi sit-ups. 3 rounds was enough.

    Mosey to the ramp of doom. 50 jump ropes, bear crawl halfway up, 50 jump ropes, bear crawl all the way up, 50 jump ropes. Repeat back down.

    Mosey back to the flag for CoT

    Great way to start the day!!

  • Bleacher Creatures – from Mahatma

    YHC intro disclaimer ask Pax to truck to grab things and head to the track.

    WarmUp
    SSH
    Mnt Man Pooper
    Side Lung
    HillBilly
    ScanTrons X 2

    Head to the goal line for Red Barchetta,
    If you done one you know the drill
    100 SSH
    75 BBS
    50 Merkins
    25 Sqts Bogeys recommendation
    10 Burpees

    Handgranada out of exhaustion accused YHC of miss counting because he was so far ahead, so YHC returned to complete an additional set of merkins with him.

    Main thing:

    YHC’s mastermind of a complete beat down – 8 stations stretched to 9 PLUS a stadium sprint.

    Round 1 15 reps at each station OR until a pax gets to your station. For the most part it worked BUT failure on the overhead / farmer carry exchanged on to the running. YHC asked for help to resolve this in Rnd 2. When stressed YHC often reverts to a military mindset and yells unflattering things and becomes focused on grinding through a task, lucky for him the Pax carried the load and finished with modifications when needed along with much mumble chatter to bust his balls.

    Chest 45
    Squat 45
    Kettle bell 25
    Side or Front raise 10s
    Lunge 10s
    Straight Curls 25
    TriCep 25
    Farmers carry blocks

    Finished with Mary:
    Toe touches
    Crunchy Frog
    X Factor

    COT – gave thanks for blessings and asked for humility of service.

  • The Answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything – from Goose

    It’s 42. That’s why this is such an important year, or maybe just an important beatdown. The year was 1982, an important year, maybe not for music, or movies, or culture in general, but certainly for YHC.

    Warmup consisted of the usuals–YHC had no energy for 42 (or 82) of anything, especially given the packed schedule of events to be revealed.

    Top song on June 11, 1982? “Ebony and Ivory” by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, the song that fixed the problem of racism in the United States (and Great Britain). While Bose’ Sr. cranked the synth on this one, PAX switched back and forth from Peter Parkers to Parker Peters every time they said the titular “Ebony and Ivory”. It seemed much longer than it was, and not (just) because it’s a boring song.

    What was the top song of the year? “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor, it’s success fueled by Rocky and every school with a tiger mascot. But, we wouldn’t be doing anything with this one…

    What culturally significant blockbuster movie was released on June 11, 1982? That’s right, it was E.T. And, YHC asked the PAX: in typical Spielberg fashion, a child yells what extremely crude epithet that is completely inappropriate for his age? Both AB and White Meat, in perfect harmony, immediately and loudly answered (correctly): “penis breath!” YHC quickly assured the PAX that this wouldn’t be the theme of our next exercise to the visible (and audible) relief of the group. Jokes were made about YHC taking this opportunity to finally reveal the real nature of F3, ha ha! But, that won’t come for another year or so.

    YHC cued up the E.T. “Flying” theme song, and we flew on our bicycles for the duration: 41 Freddy Mercurys (1:1) and 11 jump squats, on repeat AMRAP.

    Next YHC suggested gloves and led the PAX (surprise, surprise) to the beginning of the new street where there used to be a bumper. YHC explained the cultural and personal significance of the dawn of the Super Mario/Ninteno age in 1985, and then explained that we’d be taking advantage of the well-spaced green pipes along this road. At every green pipe (cluster), which were about 15-20 yards apart, we’d switch between Mario skips (punch those bricks!) and bear crawls, effectively going “up” and “down” the pipes.

    Once we arrived at the end of the street (about 8 pipes long), YHC shared the centrality of basketball, or at least basketball practice for both middle school and high school years. So, just like my Cuban high school coach, Elmo (that was his real name), YHC instructed the PAX in red faced fashion to “Get on the line! We gonna…………(unintelligible syllables)……..JUST GET ON THE LINE!” It was suicide time. (Thank you, Popeye.) From that line, we did suicides to up to the fifth pipe before moseying back to the flag for a couple more thangs. Honeysuckle (and America’s Best) put on a clinic with these, making you wonder if your excuses for slowing down were really grounded in reality, or if they’ve really been doing that much extra running on the side.

    Back at the flag, YHC gathered Bose’ and phone to set up for the next thang and found what looked to be a long handle/stick with a hook at the end. It served well as a prop to keep the speaker and phone from sitting too deep in the wet grass, and inadvertently as a major source of intimidating mystery for the PAX (“what could he possibly have planned for a stick with a hook on it? Is this finally where he reveals the true nature of F3?) Ha! No, not for another year or so.

    YHC’s early 20’s were defined by four years in seminary and a bunch of summers working at a summer camp in the mountains of North Carolina, where Pope and half of his siblings are now. It cannot be overstated how much influence these experiences had on forming YHC into the man he is today. So, we cued up “Church Clap” by KB, Lecrae and “Still Wandering’ by Bronze Radio Return to honor these two, and the PAX started doing stationary 21’s with genuflections (for seminary) and mountain climbers (for camp). But, after doing 20 followed by 19 genuflections, it became clear that this would take way too much time, and we lose a few PAX, so YHC changed it to 11’s. This was plenty.

    After this, we had just enough time to honor the period that followed to the current day–marriage and family. YHC thought I had experience great things, hard things, and had accomplished much…until marriage, and kids. Being a husband and father has brought me to my limitations and blown past them, forcing me to grow so I can give more of me to the people who need it and deserve it. We’ve been married for almost 17 years and have had 10 kids, and the reaction I most hear is “How do you do that?” The answer is, “By not asking that question.” Nobody has what it takes to be the husband and father their wife and children need them to be–it has to be ripped out of us one day, one minute at a time. So, just like with F3, especially with a lot of burpees on the line, we all know that if you ask the question, “How am I gonna do this?”, you’ve already set yourself up to fizzle out early. You just have to choose to start and then not to give yourself an excuse to stop or count the cost or analyze how much you have left in the tank. Your tank will grow with you if you force it to!

    So, 17 years of marriage plus 10 kids = 27 burpees. Don’t ask questions, just start and do one more burpee until you get to 27. And that’s what these guys did, and they keep doing it every time the Q lays out the plan, every time the alarm clock goes off, and every time their body says, “How are you gonna keep going? Is this sensible?” No, but it’s so awesome, and I’m so grateful that you men decided to choose the awesome over the easy this morning and every time you come out!

    COT and Dox prayed us out. Incredible work today, brothers, and it was a great gift to have so many of you out there.

    SYITG,
    Goose, 42

  • Show Up – from Fracsac

    10 pax posted to celebrate life and get the day started right! There was sprinting around the track and there was knees positioned over toes. All 10 were better off for showing up!

  • Skip Happens! – from Space Cowboy

    Weather: Sunny, 77 degrees; humidity makes it feel like 82 degrees

    When I woke up this morning, I checked the Q Sheets and realized that I mistakenly thought my Q workout was Wednesday instead of today. Unfortunately, I was not able to round-up the troops the previous night. Fortunately, I already had a full beatdown planned; and, 4 PAX including @Bolt, @Fracsac, @Kenna Brah and @Rev Sox joined me at The Scrum for my “6 month” F3 anniversary. Promptly at 5:30, I gave the disclaimer and we immediately mosey to my truck to pick-up jump “skipping” ropes and then off to the Shrine.

    Warmerama
    SSH x 20
    Abe Slogodas X 10
    Forward Arm Circles x10
    Backwards Arm Circles x10
    Monkey Dance X 20 (aka the “Anti-Climatic” Monkey Dance per @Fracsac)
    Slow Squats with jump rope extended above head x 10

    Thang 1
    Burps-Merks-Groiners
    There are 10 light poles located at front of the Shrine
    1st light pole
    Jump-rope Burpees x 3
    Merkins x 10
    Groiners 2-1 x 1
    Proceed to 2nd pole
    Jump-Rope Burpees x 3
    Merkins – Declining number by 1 for each pole (9 for 2nd pole, 8 for 3rd pole, etc.)
    Groiners 2-1 – Ascending number by 1 for each pole (2 for 2nd pole, 3 for 3rd pole, etc.)
    All PAX must jog back to 1st pole before proceeding to the next pole
    Repeat above reps until 10 poles are completed

    Thang 2
    7’s
    60 count jump rope, run to 2nd pole, 1 burpee, return to 1st pole
    50 count jump rope, run to 2nd pole, 2 burpees, return to 1st pole
    etc.

    While jogging back to flag, PAX surprisingly talked about what it would be like to Jump Rope Burpee from the Shrine to the flag (about ¼ mile). Might be a good suggestion for a future skip beatdown! 2 min of LBC’s at flag. COT. Each day, I am more appreciative of F3. My first 10 Q’s over the past 6 months have been great and I look forward to future experiences.