F3 New Orleans

Category: New Orleans

  • Have a Magical Day. And the Horse You Rode in On. – from America’s Best

    The man was struggling to breathe. The grimace on his face betrayed him– he was pushing his body to the limits of extreme exertion. His heart raced. His muscles strained. His crocs almost fell off. Seemingly defying the limits not only of his own physical ability, but of physics itself, he hurtled himself toward the boat dock. “Move!” he shouted, as his compatriots shuffled along behind him. His patience was being tested. His cargo shorts were also being tested, both in capacity of the pockets and tensility of the waistband. Somehow he careened himself and his giant double-stroller onto the waiting vessel before it departed. Yes. Success. Today they would make their journey without waiting another 20 minutes for the next boat to Hollywood Studios.

    Watching all of this unfold, YHC’s mind went one place: This is a beatdown.

    Warmarama
    SSH (Safety Valve rolls in)
    Windmills
    Imperial Walkers
    Carolina Butt Kickers
    Lafayette Night Clubs
    Tie Fighters
    Arm Circles
    Cherry Pickers

    Mosey over to Aldi and back to the first sidewalk for

    The First Thang:
    Get on the Bus/Don’t Miss the Boat/Monorail More Like Boraphyll/Skyliner is Floridian for Gondola

    Partner up, start with a standard (reverse) Dora.
    200 curls, bear crawl
    100 goblet squats, murder bunny
    50 burpees, rifle carry

    During this the PAX would be required to come up with and call out one the 4 modes of transport between Disney parks. Upon the call out, we would all run to one of 4 designated areas to do something.

    I thought it might be somewhat challenging to think of all 4 MOT at Disney… then Safety Valve disclosed that he had EH’d a ringer… TexicoCat has been to Disney something like 47 times.

    At WDW you have to keep you head on a swivel for those characters that your kid has to get a photo with. So another addition to this beatdown was to listen for a mention of a Disney character in the beatdown soundtrack.

    Valve called out “boat” first. Strange. Although this was the MOT that inspired this beat down, it’s the one least used. We took our coupons to near the reservoir and completed 10 thrusters.

    A bit later, Valve called out “bus.” YHC was starting to think he was being coached by TexicoCat. We brought our coupons to the bus stop to do 10 man makers. Just as we were getting there, YHC lamented, “The bus is the worst mode of transport at Disney.” Safety Valve simply added “Yes.” But in that word I could feel the deep shared suffering that we both knew from riding that horrible bus. So it would be only five man makers. Because solidarity, brother.

    We had almost completed the Dora when someone mentioned a monorail, so we moseyed to the Aldi parking lot for a quick parking lot suicide. Then nurred (nar?) back like we were in that backwards facing seat on the monorail.
    From there, we visited the skyliner, which was bunny hopping up the Civic Center stairs and performing 10 Bobby Hurleys up top.
    We moseyed back to compete the Dora and then were ready for

    The Next Thang: The Long Line

    Studies have shown that 95% of the time at Disney is spent standing in line. Which studies you ask? To that I respectfully say shut your pie hole and have a magical day.

    We would simulate the never-ending line which seems to take longer the closer you get to the front:

    Start under the trees and do 3 BBS
    Move up in line to the first sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins
    Then move to the second sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins+7 Goosies

    And then just when you get almost to the front of the line (the wall at the front of the civic center), someone has to potty.

    So get out of line, then head back to the beginning and start all over again

    Start under the trees and do 3 BBS
    Move up in line to the first sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins
    Then move to the second sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins+7 Goosies
    Then finally move to the wall and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins+7 Goosies + 7 Burpees

    Once at the wall, it was time for

    The Final Thang: Don’t Stand in My Way, Don’t have a Seat

    Sometimes in life (and usually at Disney) you accidentally beat yourself down. YHC did this while being forced to watch Mickey’s Magical Friendship Faire for the 17th time. Near the front, but right in front of a small pillar seemed the optimal spot to watch but not be in anyone’s way… as long as you were lower than that pillar. The only way YHC was able to make that happen was to basically wall-sit against the pillar.
    So now the PAX would wall sit while we reviewed our soundtrack.
    First question: Did anyone hear any Disney characters mentioned in any of the songs?

    Popeye was the only one to answer, quickly with “Cinderella. From Celebrity Skin…. I mean, what was that song called?”
    Yes, that is exactly what that song is called. But nobody else had heard a thing. So we listed to them all while intermittently picking up our coupon children during our wall sit. Most characters were easily identified once we listened for them, except “Snow White” in Enter Sandman, and of course Rapunzel. (Thanks to YJ, DMB gets no cred.)

    Finished up with 1min of Mary (WWI sit ups).

    Final question at the COT: Sometimes at Disney, you unexpectedly run into someone you know. Today, one of the songs included the name of one of our men here today. Who knows it?
    Again, Popeye was quick to answer, “Honeysuckle.” Again, from Celebrity Skin by Hole.

    Wait. How was Popeye able to Live Through This beatdown with such great success?
    Let’s just say if anyone sees a Courtney Love body pillow on sale, please let me know before Popeye’s next birthday.

    COT completed as Honeysuckle prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    AB

     

  • Bat Legs and the DIce of Doom – from Heisenberg

    Warm up
    IW 25, grass 15, windmills 10, ssh 25,

    Bat wings (arm circles, over head claps, seal claps, Moroccan night club)

    Bat Legs (up downs, forward kick, back kick, forward-back kick, clock wise circles, counter clockwise circles, bicycles) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsraDAFRdoQ

    Time Killer
    2 burpees at each light pole stopping at 10, return to fountain

    AI generated The Dice of Doom – Red dice determine the base number of burpees, black dice modifies
    Black Result
    • 1: Subtract 2 from the base number (minimum of 1).
    • 2: Add 2 to the base number.
    • 3: Halve the base number (round down).
    • 4: Double the base number.
    • 5: Perform the base number PLUS a 30-second plank hold.
    • 6: Perform the base number MINUS 1 and add a push-up to each burpee.
    We played 10 turns and added another 45ish burpees to bring the total to 85 for the day.
    Wall Angle Stretch
    Sunday Mornings
    Prayer for intentions and serenity

  • Count your blessings – from Wet Tap

    1/14/25

    Keep count

    With a vacant Q sheet and interest and intrigue on the minds of the fellow PAX. YHC took the defensive move and volunteered. Fear of a musical montage of 2010 skaa or trivia pertaining to Yugoslavian folk traditions kept the brainstorming simple yet effective.

    6 of the usual TuesdayTuff PAX arrived at the Stage in standard arrival fashion. The 7th was a lively AB roaring in with all 240volts ablaze. To our amazement, a perfect park without even a dead man’s curb bump had all the signs of 20/20 vision and steady hands.

    A lone wolf emerged out of the gloom. The 8th man was fresh and had all the signs of an FNG.
    water Bottle✔️
    EarPods ✔️
    Jacket ✔️
    The PAX eagerly greeted the FNG and began the silent yet cumulative observation of a potential F3 branding.

    After a brief and effective warmarama (YHC ran a longer than usual SSH but still no SV), the PAX were ready to begin.
    Side note : As an emerging connoisseur of COUS and entire new world has been opened. Much like musical lyrics are counted for potential F3 pain, every obscurely sized and ridiculous piece of junk is a coupon. This cannot be turned off. Life will not always give you a perfect symmetrical piece of cement. Gloves will not always be available. With love and concern for my fellow PAX, YHC must and will prepare for those uncomfortable moments in life. Fail to prepare, and you prepare to fail. Woah, wait a minute. I just went dad mode. Get back on my lawn and have a beer. As for today, standard Cindy work.

    Disclaimers were spoken regarding the lack of medical knowledge and theorizing the rationales for particular F3 nomenclature. “Just do what we do, and don’t hurt yourself”

    Thang 1:

    5 burpees, take a lap
    10burpees, take a lap
    15 burpees, take a lap
    Etc

    *** Once your cadence of burpees stopped, you were out. punishment was lunge walks across the field until all were out.

    Most made it to 25 burpees. Honeysuckle is still out there…

    Thang 2:

    Same thing but WW3

    Thang 3:

    Same thing but Coupon swings

    When the dust settled there was 2 minutes left and we circled up for some MARY.

    Crunchy frogs and Freddymercs guided us home.

    COT
    Announcements and FNG naming.
    With FNG in center ring, the obvious choice, which correlated synonymously with his life and hobbies was revealed. TexacoCat was unveiled. Prayers for those in Cali and our own Dawson family.

    Tap-talk.
    This group of men continues to grow and provide support for one another in ways unknown by most. Pushing ourselves past comfortable and learning to thrive in the uncomfortable has become commonplace. Each PAX has their own strength and weakness, but cumulatively we are stronger than most. This strength far exceeds physicality. We are all stronger in life.

    SYITG

  • Motivating Yellboy – from Mayhem

    48°F, 3mph NE wind (feels like 38°F when you’re wet with sweat), 70% humidity

    PAX were a mix of anxious warriors and confused early risers who mistook this for a yoga class… and an FNG

    Warm-O-Rama:
    Windmills: 10 reps, which started with a demonstration to which Frac said ‘even little kids know how to do windmills’
    Grass Grabbers: 10 reps, which did not start with a demonstration, to which Frac said ‘why aren’t you demonstrating’, but then he attempted to touch the grass but just bent forward and looked like a confused flamingo
    Peter Parker Peters: 20 reps
    Tie Fighters: 10 reps count up, 10 reps count down
    Back on your face for a Mayhem special (I think it is new to all, and I think it will stick): Hip Slap Shoulder Tap Merkins, it is a 10-count exercise, 10 reps

    Thang 1: Snake the Bleachers with Some Mary
    Time to snake up and down the bleachers. But since we’re in F3, we added some Mary in between. 15 BB, half the bleachers, 15 V-ups, half the bleachers, 15 BB, half the bleachers, 15 V-ups, half the bleachers, 15 BB. 10ish bonus burpees for Kilo for finishing first.

    Thang 2: Sevens with Motivators-Burpees
    Start with 6 motivators and 1 burpee then 5 motivators and 2 burpees and so on.
    Motivator: full SSH, star hop, leg only, and a bunny hop

    Thang 3: BLIMPS
    This is when things really started getting… interesting. Blimps are just a nice way of saying “burpee but with a little extra ‘why did I do this to myself’ factor.”
    Rd1- 20 each (burpee, lunge, imperial walker, merkin, plank jack, squat) at each cone, with mode of transportation being bear crawl (of course), then mosey to midfield cone and back to start
    Rd2- 10 each, with mode of transportation duck walk (Triple not present to demonstrate proper form), then mosey to midfield cone and back to start
    Rd3- 5 each, but in the form of shuttle runs to each of the 6 cones then mosey to midfield cone and back to start

    But wait, there’s more…

    Thang 4: Ring of Fire
    We ended with the classic Ring of Fire. Three rounds. Al Gore to squats. Plank to merkins. Al Gore to burpees. The “fire” quickly turned into “fire in my quads.”

    Bogey enjoyed this beat down so much he claimed I stole his script for his upcoming Q on Monday.

    COT:
    We circled up, not to share deep philosophical musings, but to recover from the sheer trauma of the last 45 minutes and to get to know and name our FNG. Welcome, Yellboy! Kudos to Kilo for EH’ing. If Yellboy is half as committed as Kilo then we got ourselves another great PAX.

    Prayers for Boo Boo’s sister-in-law, Leigh Whitman’s family and Pai Gow’s father.

    Great to lead and try new things!
    Sign up to Q!
    Make it a point to EH this year!

    SYITG

  • Boss Keane’s Slack Post – from Hawgcycle

    Conditions: Rainy, 53 degrees, windchill of 45, 95% humidity, wind 11 mph from NNE

    I woke up this morning to a post from Boss Keane on Slack. He’s a bit of a Luddite, so I was surprised. He rambled a bit about police response times and then said that the men off Pontiff had moved his rock pile and he wanted it moved back

    Warm-up:
    SSH x 31; IW x 20, Abr Vigoda x 10, Grass Grabber x 10, Low Slow Squats x 15, Tempo Merkins x 15

    The Thang:
    Boss Keane’s Rock Pile – We moved it 6 times

    Sevens – donkey kicks at the gym; Curl Squat Curl Presses at the Rick Pile

    Track Chunkers – stand on the misdemeanor side and throw your rock as far as you can toward the park. Finish when someone reaches the ditch

    6MOM – LBC x 20, Flutter kicks x 20, Dying Cockroaches x 20, Nolan Ryans x 15

  • The Centenarian Decathlon, Lap 2: Caged Possums – from Paradox

    The centenarian decathlon, introduced by longevity expert Dr Peter Attia, provides a framework for reverse engineering your aging and focusing on healthspan AND lifespan. It can also serve as an excellent thought experiment and practical guide for physical goals.

    The question is fairly simple. Assuming you reach 100, what are the ten tasks you would like to still be able to do?

    This could be anything! Wanna drink strawberry wine in a rocking chair reminiscing about When we were young ? Put it on the list. Running against the wind through The Suburbs as you blow past other 64 year old Beatles. Check, check and check!!

    You could put the practical stuff there too I guess, and lots of ppl will have overlap there. Picking up grandkids, traveling and getting off the john banos without assistance always make a lot of lists.
    In the early 2023 CD 100 YHC surveyed the pax the day before the beatdown and so we ended up working on our golf swings, pro creation movements and throwing lazer tight Uncle Rico spirals to our great grand kids. Nothing wrong with these. But this year YHC wanted to look at it from a bit more morbid standpoint and so asked a few patients (some much closer to the real CD) what they miss doing the most in the the 7th , 8th, and 9th decades of life. We would take that list as our decathlon and sprinkle a few musical memory recall tests in for the aging llama neurons.

    Duke! put down that geritol and get your Medicare part D(og) card!
    Roll the footage!

    7 Depaxthletes were ready to roll at the Den but just needed a Q!
    Ya hate to see it.
    YHC came in flaming on two wheels at a prompt 5:17a.
    The lemon truck continues to need intensive care and while grateful for the bum truck it does take a little sweet talking to get rolling in 33 degree gloom.
    Safety valve provided what I’m sure was sheer terror from the pax of a possible substitute danger valve q that prolly involved suicides and rhabdo but YHC rescued them mid warm up and we got to it.

    Average age of pax present was 40.7 years so if we make it to 100 we have 60 more years of physical decline. The idea is we need to train now to be ahead of that drop off. So if you want to lift a cute warm, giggling 20 lb baby one time then it only makes sense for you to lift a much less cute 40 pound ice cold unforgiving coupon 100 times. Theres complicated math imbedded with rates of muscle decay and dietary intake but for simplicity sake we’ll just let Ronnie cook those books later.

    Tha Thang

    Complete 10 reps of exercise and add one exercise each round with a lap in between. While running a civic center lap we would try to guess the artist of a few “memory or aging adjacent” songs.

    YHC just forgot one tiny little wrinkle that once you get an answer correct you would be eliminated from the potential pax that can guess (or if your Popeye then Guess is just a jeans fad, he has facts only.)
    YHC had been tinkering with ways to humble our musical elite and went to bed quite pleased with the potential anguish of only one neutralized pax knowing Arcade Fire while the rest said dumb stuff like Kings of Leon. But again I caution future Qs , if you bring a layup into this Den be prepared for Bruce Mutombo and Shaq Royster to swat it into the rafters and look disappointed you didn’t try harder.

    Decathlon:

    #1. Getting out of bed
    10 Coupon BBSU

    #2. Get off the toilet without assistance – 10 butt to coupon jump squats

    #3. Load grocery’s – 10 Curls

    #4 Pickup Great Grandkids –
    10 Thrusters

    #5 Dance- 10 Apollo Ohnos

    #6. Open a Jar – coupon side carry down and back on middle grip

    #7Cut the grass – Coupon cranks

    YHC skipped to # 10 as a burpee finisher…
    Eating solid food -10 burpees

    ***Ones we didn’t get to ;
    Maybe next year.

    #8Getting up from chair –
    10 goblet squats

    #9 the marital embrace –
    10 Coupon wife pleasers

    The Songs

    “I don’t need your rocking chair”
    – George Jones

    “Running Against the Wind”
    -Bob Seger

    “When we were Young”
    -Adele

    “Glory Days”
    -Bruce Springsteen

    “Strawberry Wine”
    -Deana Carter

    “When I’m 64”
    -the Beatles

    Notes:

    – YHCs new tactic wasn’t a complete failure as the Pax had 1-2 penalties when the group dwindled.
    – George Jones is pure poetry.
    – ABs commentary on Springsteen knowledge equaling US citizenship made the laps melt away .
    – YHC did not have the heart to let a solo pax wildly guess at the Beatles after HoneySuckles recent Beatledown anthology so I figured that was a soft toss.
    – Ronnie took a great guess at Martina McBride and AB let his 90s country weaknesses show out there for any aspiring trivia Qs.

    All together we picked up about 70 40 lb great grandkids, got off the John a few times and remembered a glory day or two.

    Naming and counting then some healthy lines were drawn in the sand between trawlers and WHAPS for the upcoming RCR contest.

    Wrapped up with big time prayers for Yote and the Goose nest.

    HS prayed us out.

    Thanks to the gang for sticking around to find my bum truck keys!
    America’s Best appropriately suggested that keen eye sight might need to be part of the cent decathlon next year.

    Here’s a Dox of Chocolates

    Sit down some time with a post-it note or even some spare certified coast guard letter head. Ask yourself the above question and then I challenge you to build your own unique centenarian decathlon. This can be a guidepost for helping us tailor our physical training and for allowing our health span to stay on course with our lifespan.
    But wait , there’s more.

    Look at the list again and consider some harder yet inescapable truths.

    One day you’ll get up from the toilet unassisted for the last time. (Hopefully after reading a thoroughly good blast)

    One day you will throw your child in the air for the last time.

    One day you may twirl your M in the kitchen for the very last dance.

    Get out of bed, Hike a trail, open a jar of pickles…you get it…At some point you will do every single thing on your list for the very last time and most likely not even know it.

    Considering the value of these events later in life is impactful but what if we flip the timeline back to the present.

    Seeing the gift in each moment as it comes and that God has provided us the means to be in the present.

    And if we can do that then maybe Springsteen was wrong.
    Maybe these ARE the glory days.

    Run against today’s winds.
    Reject tommorows rocking chair.
    And make sure you can taste the strawberries along the way.

    Grateful for an opportunity to lead you fellas.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Roosevelt Mall’in – from Vagabond

    Warmup

    Drag or carry tree trunk

    8 counts and burpees along the way

    Roosevelt Mall x 10 up/back
    Dips
    Step ups
    Merkins

    Little hill: Bernie Sanders x2
    Bobby Hurley x5
    burpees x5

    Grab coupon x12
    curl
    rows
    squats
    kettle bells
    tricep extensions
    goblet squats
    overhead press

    Football pass with burpee penalty

    Jump rope relay suicide while last guy brings to back and runs to the front

    Back for mor 8 counts

  • Royal Huddleston Burpee, and other esoterica – from Sandbar

    Before YHC achieved 49 for a second time in December, he led the PAX on a 110 burpee challenge with some levee fun thrown in at the Birdcage. Not wanting to be redundant YHC did some digging on the Burpee we have all grown to love, and found out we are doing it wrong. Royal Huddleston Burpee Sr. was a physiologist who invented (arguably) one of the most effective exercises of all time in 1939 for his PhD thesis in Applied Physiology at Columbia Teacher’s College. The burpee is a squat thrust with a stand in between repetitions. Anything added – pushup (merkin) or a jump – is a modification of the original.

    In pouring rain the PAX ran to Wolfpack and did some warmups of SSH, Windmills, Grass Grabbers, Toy Soldiers, Hillbillies and Imperial Walkers. Then the PAX proceeded through various elements of military physical fitness tests.

    1. The first test – 50 burpees OYO

    The exercise was popularized when the United States Armed Services made it one of the ways used to assess the fitness level of recruits when the US entered World War II.[3] Although the original test was not designed to be performed at high volume, the Army used the burpee to test how many times it can be performed by a soldier in 20 seconds[3] – 8 burpees in 20 seconds is considered poor, 10 is fair, 13 or more excellent. The Army also considered that a soldier fit enough for the rigor of war should be able to perform 40 or 50 burpees non-stop in an easy rhythm.

    Then Pax paired up, one to exercise, one to count.

    2. Second Test – Army Physical Fitness Test – 2 minutes pushups.
    3. 2 minutes situps.
    4. Pax then ran sprints of about 200 yards for an element of the Bar Or test of the IDF. a Sprinting in a straight line 150 meters then turning and sprinting back another 150 meters. Regular infantry must complete it under 50 seconds.

    PAX then moseyed through even heavier rain to the ROTC pullup bars to complete that element of the Army Ranger test. Ranger Test – For soldiers attending the Ranger Assessment and Selection Program (RASP) (to join the 75th Ranger Regiment) a special Ranger Fitness Test is conducted for all age groups, which is separate from the Army Physical Fitness Test. The test is pass/fail and involves push-ups, sit-ups, chin-ups, and a five-mile run. Push-ups and sit-ups are to be performed within 2 minutes. Pax also completed another element of Bar Or test – the dips. Below is the entire Bar Or in case some PAX would like to challenge themselves.

    “Bar Or” – The official IDF fitness test
    1) Pull – Ups (palms facing out) – Regular infantry are required to do at least 7 with a 7 kilo weighted vest.

    2) Dips – Regular infantry are required to complete at least 11. (without weighted vest)

    3) Trap Bar Jump Squats – 7 reps of 60 kilo

    4) Sprints – 300 meter sprint ( usually performed after the 3 kilometer run) Sprinting in a straight line 150 meters then turning and sprinting back another 150 meters. Regular infantry must complet it under 50 seconds.

    5) 3000 meter run (1.86 miles) – Regular infantry must complete it under 15:33 minutes in basic training and under 14:30 in advanced training.

    Back to flag, COT.

  • Proposal Q – from Kilo

    YHC woke up this morning to a weather report from his soon to be best man who said “it’s freezing rain, are we doing this?” The reply “of course. F3 is rain or shine.” Today being YHC’s second Q and the day of the big ask, decided to keep it simple and do another Mogadishu Mile to remember the fallen of Blackhawk Down. It was rainy but warm and 9 HiMs started out for the warmarama and then to the thang.

    Pick up a rock, get to the gazebo

    4 rounds:
    19 ground to overhead
    19 front squats
    19 push-ups (one hand on the rock, then switch so 38)
    15 burpees
    run a 1/4 mile.

    All this was done with smiles and joy and the promise to show up this afternoon and try to talk some sense into my future fiancé. It’s a great day to have a great day, gentlemen.

    COT and Announcements as well as a welcome to FNG, Freaky Fast who drove 12 hours yesterday for the occasion.

  • The Levee Will Keep You Warm – from Fracsac

    Pinewood rallied the Pax the night before and encouraged a strong showing at Okwata. 8 Pax heeded the call including YHC.
    Upon a quick check of the Q sheet at 0528 YHC noticed it was still empty, and by 0529 Okwata had a Q.

    Conditions: 35 degrees and dry with a cold NE wind bringing the feel like temps into the 20s.

    Brief disclaimer with a mosey to Canal for the warmup.

    The thang:

    11s up and over the levee in the bike lane on Canal. Hand release merkins on one side and burpees on the other, always stopping at the top for 5 x SSH.

    Thanks for coming out and keeping Okwata going!