F3 New Orleans

Tag: Americas Best

  • Opposites, a Track – from Honeysuckle

    With recent parts of February including such major holidays as Valentine’s Day and Presidents’ Day, and with It’s Only a Mile (aka White Meat’s VQ) being in the rear view mirror, it is only natural to forget that February is still Run Cajun Run and many of our PAX should be logging miles so that our team totals can exceed Ochoa’s or Hawg’s solo distances. Seven PAX would join YHC on the quest for a few more miles.

    Warmarama: SSH, Windmills, WMH, Imperial Walkers, High Knees, Butt Kicks, Tie Fighters F/R, Cherry Pickers, Lafayette Nightclubs

    Thang 1: Indigenous Run to the Loop of Sweet Grass. Drop off, do a burpee.

    Thang 2: Start with 1 perfect merkin. Run forward 2 lightpoles, Nur back 1 lightpole, Do 2 perfect merkins. The run and nur would remain at 2 and 1, respectively, but the perfect merkin count incremented by 1 each time. This essentially turned a ~1/2 mile loop into a 1.5 mile loop. Regrets were expressed at flatulence that would normally be left behind, yet had to be encountered when directions reversed. Tana’s nur speed was impressive. Several one-way hellos were said. Typical sweet grass stuff.

    Thang 3: Run back to the flag. Partner up. 100 LBCs, 100 Freddy Mercuries, 100 Leg raises. The partner not doing the exercise ran a lap. AB must have filled up with high octane that morning as he was passing folks up on the sidewalks.

    Thang 4: 30 seconds left, so run to the far side of the field and back.

    Pushup pimp awarded to White Meat by YHC for grinding out those perfect merkins. YJ prayed us out.

    As always, it is a privilege to spend these 45 minutes in the morning with these HIMs.

  • Hive Mind – from America’s Best

    Waramrama

    YHC was thinking of a story his old man told him years ago. He was at work, minding his own business, when some large bird (likely a Goose) slammed into his workstation at about 600mph, splattering blood everywhere. Oh, did I mention his workstation was the backseat of an F-4? Anyway, it shattered the canopy a bit, and (unbeknownst to them) knocked out their communications. Because he wasn’t getting an answer, Dad thought his buddy upfront was either dead or unconscious; his front-seater thought the same thing of him. So what ensued for several seconds was each man trying to take control of the stick, unsuccessfully because they were basically fighting each other. Eventually, they both figured out that the other was ok, somehow, just because they had trained for so long together.
    I got to thinking, when you train with some dudes, maybe you can start to think what they are thinking…

    The Thing 1:

    An exercise is assigned to each pair of partners.

    Each partner runs to opposite side of the runway and does part of the total number of exercises. The object is to get as close to the total number as possible. Double the absolute value of the difference between assigned reps and actual reps is the penalty. And to keep anyone from just trying to do exactly half, if both partners do the exact same number, the penalty is all the reps again.

    Round 1: 50 merkins
    Round 2: 40 bbs
    Round 3: 30 burpees

    By Round 3, I think most teams had figured out what their partners were doing and so they had to do very few burpees. YHC, however, didn’t realize that his partner (Tana) was cleverly doing one more than half the reps each time. Failing to see the pattern, and instead thinking he had been doing one less each time, YHC did 16 burpees. Tana had to ask me several times if I had really done 16… also saying to me more than once “I was doing one more than half each time.” I haven’t seen someone so visibly disappointed in me since I asked my dad to order me a Frappacino.
    So we had 15 penalty burpees each. We came here to get stronger, not smarter.

    Next Thang: Partners split up, creating two teams.
    Each team is given one band and has to come up with 3 songs by that band during a short mosey with merkins.

    Winning team does 10 merkins, loser 10 burpees.
    The twist: There is a song that links both bands. If both teams choose that in their list, they avoid the penalty (10 more of each). So you have to think about the other team’s music and choices too.
    Don’t think too deeply about your PAX’s music choices though; those Peter Gabriel and Depeche Mode rabbit holes can lead you to a dark place(possibly parked out by a lake).

    First bands: Foo Fighters vs. Pink Floyd or Tom Petty
    Team 2 chose Tom Petty but did not return with “Learning to Fly.” Team 1 identified 3 Foo songs, including “Learn to Fly.”

    Smashing Pumpkins, Genesis
    Linked songs: Tonight, Tonight and Tonight Tonight Tonight

    Justin Bieber, nirvana
    Linked songs: Sorry, all apologies

    Justin Bieber, Eminem
    Linked songs: Love Yourself, Lose Yourself

    Bruce Springsteen, CCR
    Linked songs: Born to run and/or Born in USA, Born on the bayou

    Radiohead, Stone Temple Pilots
    Linked songs: Creep (I know, I’ll get you next time Left Eye)

    We all did innumerable merkins and burpees, in spite of TexicoCat bringing the Bieber knowledge.
    Next time, it will be all country garbage songs. I promise, Dox.

    SYITG,
    AB

  • One Week – from Honeysuckle

    What a difference a week makes. A week ago, Thibodaux was still digging out of the snow and AB revealed that he lives in bushes outside his home, which many of us suspected but had never confirmed. Today, YHC plus 11 HIMs (one of which was downrange from Lake Charles but is becoming an honorary Thibodaux PAX) emerged from the gloom on a warm, humid morning.

    Also a week ago, YHC was downrange with the Colorado Springs PAX on a frigid morning. They typically have daily beatdowns, but unbenownst to YHC, last Thursday was the first day of the week they actually met due to sub zero wind chills. This made YHC feel better about fartsacking earlier in the week.

    Since YHC’s previous replay of a downrange experience continues to cause quite a bit of angst to the status quo, it was not even a question as to whether the Colorado Springs beatdown should be replayed today.

    The PAX started circled up, expecting SSHs, and even Safety Valve was prepared to face his fate. However, warmarama began with a mosey around the civic center. PAX then circled up for some slightly more standard warmarama fare. Last week, Periscope had cold/icy/snowy names for pretty much all of the exercises, but YHC couldn’t remember many. So we did snow ticklers (aka pebble pickers, aka grass grabbers), Willie mays hayes, frozen sprinklers (twist with arms out), arm circles, cherry pickers, imperial walkers, and self love.

    PAX then moseyed to ALDI, still oblivious to what was about to happen, much as YHC was last week, except without the numb feet and hands. In cadence, the following exercises were performed:

    Merkins
    Shoulder tap merkins
    Mountain climbers
    Squats
    Air squats
    Lunges (both legs)
    Arm circles
    Overhead claps
    Air presses

    Then, mosey around the civic center.

    Another unique part of the Colorado Springs PAX was their 29 counts, whereas we typically do 10 counts. White Meat was given the honor to do a 29 count and delivered flawlessly.

    Then, repeat the exercises, working in seal claps in the shoulder work.

    Then, mosey around the civic center.

    Then, repeat the exercises, working in some Freddy Mercuries, Flutter kicks, and leg raises.

    Then, mosey around the civic center.

    One other aspect of the Colorado Springs PAX was their cadence counting not using fancy numbers such as ten, eleven, or twenty-six. Rather, we had one zero, one one, and two six.
    The PAX this morning were challenged to only use those ten numbers (0-9) in counting cadence. This was pretty hit or miss during the course of the four five minutes, with many “tens” and “elevens” being thrown out there and Enron insisting on using “oh” instead of “zero”. YHC threatened to enforce a one burpee per mistake but if so we would still be out there, so we performed five penalty burpees and returned to the flags.

    White Meat gifted Phil The Pain / Face Value to Yankee Joe. Safety Valve prayed us out.

    It was rewarding to share another F3 experience with the PAX today. While YHC didn’t get to hang out with the Colorado Springs PAX too long due to the cold, last Thursday they were having a “2nd F” event at a local brewery that would have allowed that to happen. YHC was unable to make it, but it did seem like a nice part of their culture. The overall experience made YHC appreciate our own culture and PAX even more but it was also a reminder that there is always room to improve.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • Have a Magical Day. And the Horse You Rode in On. – from America’s Best

    The man was struggling to breathe. The grimace on his face betrayed him– he was pushing his body to the limits of extreme exertion. His heart raced. His muscles strained. His crocs almost fell off. Seemingly defying the limits not only of his own physical ability, but of physics itself, he hurtled himself toward the boat dock. “Move!” he shouted, as his compatriots shuffled along behind him. His patience was being tested. His cargo shorts were also being tested, both in capacity of the pockets and tensility of the waistband. Somehow he careened himself and his giant double-stroller onto the waiting vessel before it departed. Yes. Success. Today they would make their journey without waiting another 20 minutes for the next boat to Hollywood Studios.

    Watching all of this unfold, YHC’s mind went one place: This is a beatdown.

    Warmarama
    SSH (Safety Valve rolls in)
    Windmills
    Imperial Walkers
    Carolina Butt Kickers
    Lafayette Night Clubs
    Tie Fighters
    Arm Circles
    Cherry Pickers

    Mosey over to Aldi and back to the first sidewalk for

    The First Thang:
    Get on the Bus/Don’t Miss the Boat/Monorail More Like Boraphyll/Skyliner is Floridian for Gondola

    Partner up, start with a standard (reverse) Dora.
    200 curls, bear crawl
    100 goblet squats, murder bunny
    50 burpees, rifle carry

    During this the PAX would be required to come up with and call out one the 4 modes of transport between Disney parks. Upon the call out, we would all run to one of 4 designated areas to do something.

    I thought it might be somewhat challenging to think of all 4 MOT at Disney… then Safety Valve disclosed that he had EH’d a ringer… TexicoCat has been to Disney something like 47 times.

    At WDW you have to keep you head on a swivel for those characters that your kid has to get a photo with. So another addition to this beatdown was to listen for a mention of a Disney character in the beatdown soundtrack.

    Valve called out “boat” first. Strange. Although this was the MOT that inspired this beat down, it’s the one least used. We took our coupons to near the reservoir and completed 10 thrusters.

    A bit later, Valve called out “bus.” YHC was starting to think he was being coached by TexicoCat. We brought our coupons to the bus stop to do 10 man makers. Just as we were getting there, YHC lamented, “The bus is the worst mode of transport at Disney.” Safety Valve simply added “Yes.” But in that word I could feel the deep shared suffering that we both knew from riding that horrible bus. So it would be only five man makers. Because solidarity, brother.

    We had almost completed the Dora when someone mentioned a monorail, so we moseyed to the Aldi parking lot for a quick parking lot suicide. Then nurred (nar?) back like we were in that backwards facing seat on the monorail.
    From there, we visited the skyliner, which was bunny hopping up the Civic Center stairs and performing 10 Bobby Hurleys up top.
    We moseyed back to compete the Dora and then were ready for

    The Next Thang: The Long Line

    Studies have shown that 95% of the time at Disney is spent standing in line. Which studies you ask? To that I respectfully say shut your pie hole and have a magical day.

    We would simulate the never-ending line which seems to take longer the closer you get to the front:

    Start under the trees and do 3 BBS
    Move up in line to the first sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins
    Then move to the second sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins+7 Goosies

    And then just when you get almost to the front of the line (the wall at the front of the civic center), someone has to potty.

    So get out of line, then head back to the beginning and start all over again

    Start under the trees and do 3 BBS
    Move up in line to the first sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins
    Then move to the second sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins+7 Goosies
    Then finally move to the wall and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins+7 Goosies + 7 Burpees

    Once at the wall, it was time for

    The Final Thang: Don’t Stand in My Way, Don’t have a Seat

    Sometimes in life (and usually at Disney) you accidentally beat yourself down. YHC did this while being forced to watch Mickey’s Magical Friendship Faire for the 17th time. Near the front, but right in front of a small pillar seemed the optimal spot to watch but not be in anyone’s way… as long as you were lower than that pillar. The only way YHC was able to make that happen was to basically wall-sit against the pillar.
    So now the PAX would wall sit while we reviewed our soundtrack.
    First question: Did anyone hear any Disney characters mentioned in any of the songs?

    Popeye was the only one to answer, quickly with “Cinderella. From Celebrity Skin…. I mean, what was that song called?”
    Yes, that is exactly what that song is called. But nobody else had heard a thing. So we listed to them all while intermittently picking up our coupon children during our wall sit. Most characters were easily identified once we listened for them, except “Snow White” in Enter Sandman, and of course Rapunzel. (Thanks to YJ, DMB gets no cred.)

    Finished up with 1min of Mary (WWI sit ups).

    Final question at the COT: Sometimes at Disney, you unexpectedly run into someone you know. Today, one of the songs included the name of one of our men here today. Who knows it?
    Again, Popeye was quick to answer, “Honeysuckle.” Again, from Celebrity Skin by Hole.

    Wait. How was Popeye able to Live Through This beatdown with such great success?
    Let’s just say if anyone sees a Courtney Love body pillow on sale, please let me know before Popeye’s next birthday.

    COT completed as Honeysuckle prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    AB

     

  • The Centenarian Decathlon, Lap 2: Caged Possums – from Paradox

    The centenarian decathlon, introduced by longevity expert Dr Peter Attia, provides a framework for reverse engineering your aging and focusing on healthspan AND lifespan. It can also serve as an excellent thought experiment and practical guide for physical goals.

    The question is fairly simple. Assuming you reach 100, what are the ten tasks you would like to still be able to do?

    This could be anything! Wanna drink strawberry wine in a rocking chair reminiscing about When we were young ? Put it on the list. Running against the wind through The Suburbs as you blow past other 64 year old Beatles. Check, check and check!!

    You could put the practical stuff there too I guess, and lots of ppl will have overlap there. Picking up grandkids, traveling and getting off the john banos without assistance always make a lot of lists.
    In the early 2023 CD 100 YHC surveyed the pax the day before the beatdown and so we ended up working on our golf swings, pro creation movements and throwing lazer tight Uncle Rico spirals to our great grand kids. Nothing wrong with these. But this year YHC wanted to look at it from a bit more morbid standpoint and so asked a few patients (some much closer to the real CD) what they miss doing the most in the the 7th , 8th, and 9th decades of life. We would take that list as our decathlon and sprinkle a few musical memory recall tests in for the aging llama neurons.

    Duke! put down that geritol and get your Medicare part D(og) card!
    Roll the footage!

    7 Depaxthletes were ready to roll at the Den but just needed a Q!
    Ya hate to see it.
    YHC came in flaming on two wheels at a prompt 5:17a.
    The lemon truck continues to need intensive care and while grateful for the bum truck it does take a little sweet talking to get rolling in 33 degree gloom.
    Safety valve provided what I’m sure was sheer terror from the pax of a possible substitute danger valve q that prolly involved suicides and rhabdo but YHC rescued them mid warm up and we got to it.

    Average age of pax present was 40.7 years so if we make it to 100 we have 60 more years of physical decline. The idea is we need to train now to be ahead of that drop off. So if you want to lift a cute warm, giggling 20 lb baby one time then it only makes sense for you to lift a much less cute 40 pound ice cold unforgiving coupon 100 times. Theres complicated math imbedded with rates of muscle decay and dietary intake but for simplicity sake we’ll just let Ronnie cook those books later.

    Tha Thang

    Complete 10 reps of exercise and add one exercise each round with a lap in between. While running a civic center lap we would try to guess the artist of a few “memory or aging adjacent” songs.

    YHC just forgot one tiny little wrinkle that once you get an answer correct you would be eliminated from the potential pax that can guess (or if your Popeye then Guess is just a jeans fad, he has facts only.)
    YHC had been tinkering with ways to humble our musical elite and went to bed quite pleased with the potential anguish of only one neutralized pax knowing Arcade Fire while the rest said dumb stuff like Kings of Leon. But again I caution future Qs , if you bring a layup into this Den be prepared for Bruce Mutombo and Shaq Royster to swat it into the rafters and look disappointed you didn’t try harder.

    Decathlon:

    #1. Getting out of bed
    10 Coupon BBSU

    #2. Get off the toilet without assistance – 10 butt to coupon jump squats

    #3. Load grocery’s – 10 Curls

    #4 Pickup Great Grandkids –
    10 Thrusters

    #5 Dance- 10 Apollo Ohnos

    #6. Open a Jar – coupon side carry down and back on middle grip

    #7Cut the grass – Coupon cranks

    YHC skipped to # 10 as a burpee finisher…
    Eating solid food -10 burpees

    ***Ones we didn’t get to ;
    Maybe next year.

    #8Getting up from chair –
    10 goblet squats

    #9 the marital embrace –
    10 Coupon wife pleasers

    The Songs

    “I don’t need your rocking chair”
    – George Jones

    “Running Against the Wind”
    -Bob Seger

    “When we were Young”
    -Adele

    “Glory Days”
    -Bruce Springsteen

    “Strawberry Wine”
    -Deana Carter

    “When I’m 64”
    -the Beatles

    Notes:

    – YHCs new tactic wasn’t a complete failure as the Pax had 1-2 penalties when the group dwindled.
    – George Jones is pure poetry.
    – ABs commentary on Springsteen knowledge equaling US citizenship made the laps melt away .
    – YHC did not have the heart to let a solo pax wildly guess at the Beatles after HoneySuckles recent Beatledown anthology so I figured that was a soft toss.
    – Ronnie took a great guess at Martina McBride and AB let his 90s country weaknesses show out there for any aspiring trivia Qs.

    All together we picked up about 70 40 lb great grandkids, got off the John a few times and remembered a glory day or two.

    Naming and counting then some healthy lines were drawn in the sand between trawlers and WHAPS for the upcoming RCR contest.

    Wrapped up with big time prayers for Yote and the Goose nest.

    HS prayed us out.

    Thanks to the gang for sticking around to find my bum truck keys!
    America’s Best appropriately suggested that keen eye sight might need to be part of the cent decathlon next year.

    Here’s a Dox of Chocolates

    Sit down some time with a post-it note or even some spare certified coast guard letter head. Ask yourself the above question and then I challenge you to build your own unique centenarian decathlon. This can be a guidepost for helping us tailor our physical training and for allowing our health span to stay on course with our lifespan.
    But wait , there’s more.

    Look at the list again and consider some harder yet inescapable truths.

    One day you’ll get up from the toilet unassisted for the last time. (Hopefully after reading a thoroughly good blast)

    One day you will throw your child in the air for the last time.

    One day you may twirl your M in the kitchen for the very last dance.

    Get out of bed, Hike a trail, open a jar of pickles…you get it…At some point you will do every single thing on your list for the very last time and most likely not even know it.

    Considering the value of these events later in life is impactful but what if we flip the timeline back to the present.

    Seeing the gift in each moment as it comes and that God has provided us the means to be in the present.

    And if we can do that then maybe Springsteen was wrong.
    Maybe these ARE the glory days.

    Run against today’s winds.
    Reject tommorows rocking chair.
    And make sure you can taste the strawberries along the way.

    Grateful for an opportunity to lead you fellas.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • What’s Cooler than being Cool? – from America’s Best

    YHC had originally planned a totally different beatdown, but upon seeing the sub-freezing temperatures predicted, changed to a beatdown that would keep all body parts moving throughout the morning.

    YHC pulled into the Frozen Tuesday Tundra with minutes to spare to find a larger than expected PAX assembled and ready to get warm.

    Warmarama (augmented to keep all limbs moving):
    SSH
    Tie Fighters
    Imperial Walkers
    Self Love+Butt kicks (deemed “Butt Love” by Popeye)
    Windmills
    Mountain climbers (Paradox starts to stand up)
    Shoulder Taps (Paradox starts to stand up)
    Peter Parkers (Paradox stays put, so back on our feet)

    Quick mosey around what may someday be a neighborhood.

    Music selection today was all about the Fahrenheits, and began with “Frozen Heart” from The Girl Dad Earworm album. Goose said something vaguely offensive like “Is this the dwarves from Lord of the Rings?” It was like a Basketball Jones slur but for the Sami mountain people. From there the music warmed to “She’s so Cold” which is basically an exercise in Mick Jagger trying to think of cold things that also rhyme with the word “cold.” (Near misses: “tombstone,” ice-cream cone.”) Only warm summertime songs from there on out to keep us mentally warm.

    We arrived back at the flags for a Dora that would ensure we would be constantly moving to maintain warmth.

    Partner 1 starts on 50 Burpees while partner 2 MOT is The Nur (mosey back).

    Followed by 100 goblet squat curls, MOT Flying Nun (mosey back).

    Then 200 Bobby Hurleys, MOT Bear Crawl (mosey back). When we were beginning this portion, Valve just laughed and said “leg day, huh?”

    (Aside: If you have not ever partnered up with Safety Valve, I highly recommend it. The more difficult the beatdown becomes, the bigger his smile gets. The grin is not exactly maniacal, but it’s also not comforting. I’m not sure if its origin is the pain he felt or the pain he saw on my face. Either way, this man eats pain for breakfast. )

    Next we moved up to the stage for 100 Mike Tyson Merkins whilst the partner ran a lap.

    At this point, YHC thought he saw that we had only 5 minutes left, so we moved down to run in place while listening to the FOTC Classic “Mutha’uckas”. YHC quickly fabricated something about F3 needing all 3 F’s, and so each time we heard a word missing a letter “F” we would Burpee. There were a lot of missing F’s. The chatter about this song being where 75% of YJ’s vocabulary comes from drowned out the song.

    Now somehow (either due to time dilation or presbyopia) there were 10 minutes left, so YHC quickly added a second Conchords song “Hurt Feelings.” The PAX held plank and merkined with each “hurt.” “Have you ever been told that you look like a llama?”

    Now that we had about 6 minutes left, we had just enough time for some Mary. Goose surprised everyone by not calling Dr. W’s and YHC takes that as a compliment as a sign of a challenging beatdown. Popeye led us in fire hydrants, and YHC accidently did alternating legs, which I do not recommend unless you are already in the market for new kneecaps. YHC then offered Freddy Mercs, and Enron gifted us penguins. I can’t remember too much more, other than Tana trying to run out the clock with 6” until everyone dropped. But when the Q is done, the exercise moves on to the next man. It’s always that New Year’s Resolution Guy who shows up multiple weeks and then struts around like he owns the Planet Fitness.

    YHC was impressed by the fortitude of all you men who braved the frozen tundra to make it out.

    SYITG,

    AB

  • Year in Review 2024: The Ghost of Backblast Past – from Paradox

    Whether you call it Twixmas, Feral Week, or the official week of the automated email , the window of December 25th-January 1 is a great period for quality family time , limited use of pants, and for ignoring nutritional facts. (Even if your Payday has 7g of protein).

    Naturally paired with this season is a look back on the good, bad and ugly of your previous year. And that’s where we’ll start as YHC also needs to issue this backblast as a mea culpa for several missed blasts through the year. Swept up in the undertow of work and diapers were more than a few half written works that just didn’t seem to have enough bowel movements in the day to finish.

    Of course I could pile the excuses higher than the pampers tower in YHCs garage but the burden remains and if the men of F3 thib have taught me anything then it’s how to get back up when the tubs of life truly starts thumping you down. Ergo, we must trudge forth! Like Pliny the Younger providing the only account of Vesuvius, who would tell ABs grandkids about the Christmas miracle ?
    Or like Aristodemus, spared from the final battle of Thermopylae to document those slain, someone must record the heroes of Danger Valve Mondays. Concordantly, this document is my 2024 last stand. To prevail against the waves of procrastination, flares of irritable bowels and all other reasons YHCs blasts went to Apple notes purgatory this year.

    Objectives for this beatdown/blast were ambitious. YHC needed to recognize a tremendous year from our pax and highlight a few glossed over diamonds in the tuff, and to do it all in one big greasy beatdown/blast omelette. You won’t even need mushrooms and salsa to stomach this egg vehicle Senor Mitchell. This behemoth is chocked full of the events, schisms, airport flatulence, franchises, hoosker do’s, hoosker don’ts , 17 different light rock alternatives, wearables, whistling kitty chasers and all of those secret sauces of 2024 F3 Thib that make this group of uncultured hooligans my valued brothers.

    Duke!!
    It’s the Year in Review !!
    Roll that beautiful footage pup.

    10 Tuesday Tuffians were mostly assembled as YHC arrived in a thicc gloom with near perfect beatdown weather. Cool enough for sans mosquitoes but not so chilly that a spray paint crop top would make you uncomfortable ya know, and YHC did know.

    Standard issue warmups with the ever growing detestable schism of slow knee heretics blatantly disregarding the call for “high knees” and instead doing the invasive species “slow high knees”. Like a useless pond grass the south port variant continues its spread, choking the life from more useful warms ups in our precious ecosystem. It’s a slippery slope to power walking fellas, it’s all I’m trying to say. Next it’s “there’s no jump on the burpee” then “Shakira shimmies” for merkins. Before long, once the estrogen levels get high enough, we’ll have a bear problem….(see anchorman et al 2004) …(and look this beatdown needed atleast one bah humbug or I couldn’t maintain the Dickens vibe ok)

    YHC persevered through the mutiny and Wet Tap reduced the tension by reminiscing of misspent youth in Lafayette night clubs. We put a Bumper Mosey bow on it and it was show time.

    YHC wanted to recap the year and one theme seemed recurrent and prominent in my reflections on 2024. Through the joys, sorrows, and everyday grind, in the ups and downs of family life , the sick 2.0s, the injuries , the beauty of new life and pain of lost loved ones. In all those things, God was, is and wants to be truly with us.

    YHC will now attempt to go full Jacob Marley as we fly through 2024 and see the beatdowns of past, present and future.

    In January God was with us in the known and unknown.

    On 1/7/24 Americas Best sparked a trivia revolution with his bd “everybody’s an expert”. YHC remembers running rich man’s loop as he asked us a deep question: “what is one category we know better than the rest”. YHC thought it was a prank and initially answered something like “statefair corndogs” only to realize the remaining pax all gave real heartfelt answers. Finally Cardinal, in his wisdom, suggested a chance I might know antibiotics. How thoughtful.
    When we returned to the stage AB weaponized our strengths (and Pride) against us to reinforce a very cool fact. We all kinda know 1-2 things really well but clearly there’s a vast ocean of facts out there we can humbly claim ignorance to and enjoy the process of learning.

    So to honor this amazing gift we unveiled …
    Rapid Fire AB trivia

    Correct – 7 coupon plank jacks
    Incorrect 7 coupon merks

    #1
    If yogurt and sweet potato had a baby they might produce ABs favorite traditional Polynesian food made from the Taro root.
    (Poi)

    Honeysuckle remembered the runny 3 finger poi as his favorite blend.

    #

    2ABs least favorite breakfast food- (omelette)

    Pope with the immediate answer.

    #3
    When AB first moved to Thibodaux his first job as an optometrist made him smell like fresh Tires. Where was that job? (Sam’s Club)

    Goose struggled with this one a bit but battled to produce Walmart which YHC awarded half credit. This is a great Goosian trait we see on display many beatdowns, if he doesn’t immediately have an answer then a rabid bloodhound is unleashed in his brain searching accurate guesses. Something’s very right with his medulla oblongata.

    #4
    AB has a dog named after the main character in this 1994 classic movie. (Shawshank redemption- Andy Dufrene)

    The group produced both Shawshank and Dufrene.

    Now it was only fair by the writ of habeas corpus that AB get a swing at the pax during his own trial so YHC prepped him the night before to bring a fast ball.

    The Pax produced some fine “Most common wrongs” but could not land on “Time Dilation” as the answer. Great teaser trailer for the 2025 Interstellar beatdown.

    Grand Finale

    On a special night during ABs childhood , in the room he shared with his brother Jeff , AB released flatus so vile that Jeff had to leave the room. When he returned the next morning somehow the smell had gotten much worse. This is event is now known as what?
    (The Christmas miracle)

    Again Goose was flexing his Dawkins trophy by guessing Napalm. Although it was incorrect, I hereby place it #2 on the list of potential FNG names. (Just behind Texaco Cat of course)

    Shoutout to This first hand account added by none other than Jeff Mitchell, who claims his smell never fully recovered.

    AB thank you for the gift of trivia this year. We are proud to call you our Llama Mama.

    In February God was with us on the run.

    2/17/24
    “It’s Only A Mile”

    We recognized two major memories from this awesome day and what is hoped to be a Thibodaux staple event.

    The first was Coach Goose. Anyone who ran more than a lap that day was aided by the one part field general/one part friend that provided stalwart support until the end.
    We also unknowingly picked up our Rookie of the Year, White Meat.

    Maybe it was the movie references or perhaps the pastalaya but he was there at the stage the following Monday rattling off Big Lebowski quotes like a pax veteran. We missed the mark on not naming this man Double Toilet but it’s been great getting to know the Meat and see him rapidly improve.

    Run lap- 10 Goosies
    Run Back 20 picklePounders

    Thank you Goose for your leadership and thank you White meat for courage to try something new.

    In March God was with us building our spiritual foundation brick by brick .

    3/21/24 Popeye VQ

    YHC would be flat out lying if I told you I wasn’t atleast a bit scared/concerned at what a Popeye Q might be. And based on the absolute silence of this usually chattering group during the beginning of the VQ some others were curious where the pain would come from as well. We stayed off his grass and all survived that day and ever since he has set the tone yielding his equally effective weapons of bricks and Yacht Rocks.

    YHC found a song that was Yacht Rockish and represented Pops previous solo brick routine.

    Coupon skips on our mystery song.

    “All by myself “ equals burpee

    One minute off per answer was the plan but these were fairly difficult and YHCs twang did not help a thorough explanation.

    Answers :

    – “ALL by myself “
    – Artist – Eric Carmen
    – other biggest hit song was “hungry eyes” featured in mutiple commercials to represent lusting after foods
    – What Band did he leave: The raspberries
    – Raspberry hit song was “Go all the away” – (hint: on guardians of galaxy soundtrack)

    Thank you Pop for the tough love and for the Sailing lessons.

    In April God was with us as we crank the intensity and carrying our burdens.

    Yankee Jeaux has a well established resume of mega holiday beatdowns that many broadway production companies would envy. Yet he continued to push the bar higher with this Holy Week Stations of the Cross bd. It had the perfect blend of physical demand, silent reflection and opportunity for unity in suffering.

    Thank you YJ, we secretly love your monologues.

    Rucking also exploded onto the F3 Thib scene in the spring of ‘24 so we honored the Co-founders of Warrior Wednesday -Smooth and Honeysuckle. ( and a Tidy Whitey shoutout). These pax showed Great initiative to start and maintain a change of pace on Wednesdays. The ruck/run allows for open conversations and a simple format. Just ask Smooth all you need is a Jansport and a few hammers.

    Both of these pax are connoisseurs of fine country so YHC dialed up ole King George.

    “Carrying your love with me”
    Coupon Step ups

    A classic Smooth “Okay” was the general sentiment regarding coupon step ups.

    Thank you HoneySuckle for your consistency, quality franchise Beatledowns and your God gifted infinity lungs

    Thank you Smooth for cutting edge Maul/tire beatdowns and for always embracing a heavy load with a laugh and an “okay”

    In May God was with us during a challenge.

    This May we had a few wrinkles added to the annual May challenge . Some fasting , mutiple extra point grab opportunities and 3am -6 am 10 mile ruck Ruck that launched 1000 wife complaint’s. It led to some awesomely weird conversations and some revelations about valves call schedule.

    To honor the super ruck and the Dawson 2.0s leading a Weird Al resurgence YHC found a little “YODA” .

    Coup Calf raise on song
    Curls on YODA

    Thanks to Ronnie for giving me a template to ask my M about a middle of the night ruck. (It didn’t help)

    In June God was with us to deal with transitions.

    This one needs little introduction.
    Mr Summerwind expressed all my feelings completely.

    Cardinal to MC
    “80 miles to Santa Fe”

    Parked – Squat
    Lake- Bonnie Blair
    Santa Fe – SSH

    We miss ya Cardinal.
    Beatdown field trip in 2025- it’s happening. Thanks for encouraging the deeper questions and being a rock in our community.

    In July God was with us to move heavy things.

    Wet Tap continued to carve his niche as our Pax premier expert in Coupons of unusual size (COUS). directly or indirectly introducing Black Betty and Tiny this year we learned to fear seeing the high country back into a lot with no cinders in sight.

    Song “Black Betty” by Ram Jam
    We did OHP on Black Betty and Bama Lam

    Thank you Tap, for seeing coupons everywhere you look.

    Mid Year Intermission Song:
    SSHs while YHC highlighted Lil Cuz’s innate ability to add valuable commentary on all things. Everyone sharpens iron in their own way and for Cuz it’s letting you know your beatdown monologue made him uncomfortable and that the veggie tray could use ranch.

    Thank you Cuz for Keeping the bar high. If your brothers aren’t first, your last. Some pax whispers about a 2025 Earl Dibbles bd?!

    In August, God was with us in the Danger.

    The character arc of Safety Valve from friendly neighbor to Monday Supervillain has been nothing short of amazing. To sum it up best I pulled the YELP reviews from the pax on Mondays after a standard valve bd:

    Popeye: Is Valve okay?

    White Meat: I’m hurting Linda.

    Goose: Does his insurance cover therapy? Asking for a friend.

    Pope: I feel a new sensation of being short of breath.

    Popeye: seriously, he ok?

    …it goes on like that for a few pages.

    To honor our much loved merkin maniac YHC called in some classic Kenny Loggins.
    Highway to the Danger Valve
    IW -Song
    Double Merkin Burpee on Danger Zone.

    Thanks for never letting off the gas Valveline.
    I like the way you hurt a man.

    In September God was with us to sharpen Iron.

    Remind me again, Whose idea was Iron PAX plus BK 500 in the same month?! We must have been really high on Jersey Mikes that day.

    As it happened, September 2024 at F3 Thibodaux was a minefield of some of the most difficult beatdowns we’ve ever attempted. It seems the brain trust up in Greenwood got together this year and decided there was a nationwide deficit in thrusters and burpees. This led to several snot woggle Saturdays where the legs were weakened but the shared suffering was stronger than ever.

    To cap off the month we pivoted our annual SV500 into a fall friendly event and this year supported the nonprofit Brothers Keeper. Goose kept tradition by building a ridiculous but well thought out 20 station course that was much more defensible against questionable form. Inch worm merkins and the station 1 Dora still keep pax in cold sweats.

    The dark horse team of Valve and Cardinal , now simply known as Second Collection, won the overall category and we’re still investigating that “anonymous” benefactor.

    Song:
    GreenDay
    “Wake me up when September Ends “

    On your 6 Hold coupon in press position.
    Alt between flutter kicks , heels to heaven , leg raises.
    WW3 sit-ups on “September”

    Thanks to all who made the BK500 a great success.

    In October/November God was with us to converge with our fellow brothers and to celebrate several milestones.
    Our Bayou pax of 4 years , Goose with a 5 year and the NOLA region hit the 10 year mark!

    These milestones could only be recognized by The GOOSELIZER. (As designed and led by Goose on the spot at Convergence)
    A deconstructed SSH montage with plank jacks in between. It’s a thing of synchronized beauty.

    Thanks to our NOLA brothers for continued support.

    And finally we adjusted our reverse time dilators as we arrived back at December safely at our cozy stage.

    December brings the season of Paxmas beatdowns as we prepare the way together. We had to adjust our Christmas carol expectations and even saw an exposed coca Cola Santa for the fraud he is. Chests and Butts were roasted on an open fire as ThighKowsky made a final bow. We saw a new grinch bring the Whoville pain and we were yearning for a YJ soliloquy. All this bringing us to an open field, a sky full of stars and vintage Goosing complete with 9000 pancakes plus a question :“Could we allow God to be bigger than us ?”

    Song : God is with Us
    Artist: For King and Country
    -Coupon High Knees
    -Thrusters on God is with Us

    The last counting and naming of 2024 then in another slightly less smelly miracle YHC gifted the Push-up Pimp to Valve.
    Great year of growth brother.

    Announcements
    -Get on Da Q Sheet
    -Feb 8 It’s only a Mile
    -White Mystery Meat Q (TBD)

    Prayers
    – winter illness’s
    – Holiday anxieties

    Thank you pax for these gifts and of the opportunity to lead and share together in all things that God provided in 2024.

    I’ll wrap us up with a little sprinkle of what Mr. Clive Staples had to say on this matter and as my own challenge for 2025.

    “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”

    I pray we can see all things in this new year with the Light He provides.

    God is with us.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • With Speed – from America’s Best

    Having arrived early for set-up, YHC drove over to where the flags should be to get this thing started.
    Warmarama with the usual stuff.
    Indian Run down the road and back again, to the field.

    First Thing:
    Since the numbers were low today, we would experiment with a little Dora-like exercise that will be used in a future beatdown. Just needed to be tested in a small beatdown laboratory today. Partnering up, Partner1 begins burpee while Partner2 Bear-crawls about 15 yard before turning around and coming back to retrieve partner. Then both partners crab walk to the end and complete 10 burpees each. Finish is when 100 burpees have been completed total. All subjects survived (Maneater had not yet injured his back), so it will be integrated into the future BD as planned.

    Next thing:
    Working on foot eye coordination, PAX will have to attempt a long shot at a small goal. All misses result in 10 of something. The closer you are to the goal, the better the exercise. Within 1st cone, LBCs; within 2nd cone, BBS; within 3rd cone, merkins, within 4th cone, Goosies; outside of any of those, burpees.
    I can’t remember exactly how this played out, but I remember White Meat had one amazing shot and one horrible one, and Lil Cuz scored one. Dox definitely kicked one the farthest for 10 burpees. Maneater had not yet injured his back.

    Final Thing:
    Michigan PE teacher Elmer Mitchell created this sport in 1921 (and it was played one year in middle school PE by YHC in 1987), naming it Speedball to evoke the combined feeling of stimulation and depression that comes with being a PE teacher in 1921 (or of being in a middle school PE class in 1987).
    Speedball is a combination of many other sports. Notably, it can be played on a field of any size or location so it’s perfect for the amorphous unbounded field we typically use. Teams were made. Trash was talked. Feelings were hurt. Maneater injurted his back. The Speedball Transfer Portal was opened. It was a close match, but one of the two teams won.
    Moseyed back to the spot where the flags should be for COT.

    SYITG,

    AB

  • False Alarm! – from America’s Best

    Boxing Day is known for many things. Well, a few things at least. Ok, really nobody knows much about what Boxing Day is, but if you Google it, you will find that the Boxing Day leftover sandwich is a thing.

    Which is perfect, because I happened to have not finished the “sandwich” week of IPC, so we would perform that as a leftover today. . .

    The Undercard:
    Bear crawl 30 yards, triple-broad jump back, with 3 burpees after each 3 jumps. Accompanying music: a leftover earworm from Paradox’s Buttcracker last week. Since it was a ballet theme, I was sure Dox would throw in the (Yacht Rock?) classic “True” by Spandau Ballet. Since he didn’t, it has been playing on repeat in my brain for a week. The only way to cleanse: do some work while the entire song plays out. Sometimes you have to poison the host to kill the parasite.

    Then we moseyed with our coupons ¼ around the CC for…

    The Main Event:

    Based on a prior template, the PAX would do an exercise while one man took a lap contemplating a question. Today, they would be mostly True or False Questions.
    Correct answer results in reward, incorrect results in punishment. With each question, the PAX had one extra chance at redemption by identifying title and artist of the song playing.

    First up: Tana. T or F: According to the Bible, 3 wise men visited Jesus’ nativity.
    We did curls while “Fairytale of New York” played. Tana returned, unaware he had even been asked a question. Nonetheless, he responded “True.” The answer, in fact, is False, and we did 5 burpees. Goose was able to identify the Pogues (2nd guess), and although I didn’t hear him name the song, he did inform the PAX that the NYPD does not actually have a choir, which is an infinitely superior piece of information.

    And for that, Goose got to go next. T or F: The modern image of Santa Claus (as we know him) was created by Coca-Cola. Now, YHC tried to pretend the question was randomly selected, but of course, it was designed for Goose since I’ve heard him state this as fact at least twice in the last week.
    White Winter Hymnal by Fleet Foxes played while Goose contemplated and ran, and the rest did Mike Tyson merkins (it’s Boxing Day, remember?)
    Goose returned, and less-confidently than expected, answered “True.” In fact, again the answer is false, as there exist multiple examples of Santa as we know him prior to the Coca Cola ads of the 30s and 40s.
    5 burpees.

    Maneater was next, and his T or F question was: The use of an “Xmas” as a placeholder for “Christmas” began as part of the conspiracy to excise Christ from His holiday.
    We continued the Boxing Day theme and listened to a cover of “Christmas Treat” by Julian Casablancas. (the original was written by Jimmy Fallon and Horatio Sans for an SNL sketch).
    I was sure to sort of mumble the original question to make sure Maneater answered “True” (which he did). Of course, again the answer was false, as the X (Greek Chi) has been used to nenote Christ since around 1500. 5 burpees
    YHC had already selected the PAX question for this round: “Julian Casablancas is the lead singer of what band?” Honeysuckle, mid-song, perhaps using mind-reading technology, before I had a chance to even ask the question, asked “Is this the Strokes?”
    The PAX was rewarded with 10 merkins.

    And Honeysuckle got to be the next man up. Recognizing that HS likely was on to my pattern, I had to switch gears and not offer him a T or F question. Instead, it was Dad joke time: What did Goose say when Pope gave him a comb for Christmas?
    Honeysuckle ran while the PAX alternated 7 Goosies with 7 Merkins and listened to “One Glove,” a duet by Jimmy Fallon and Will Ferrell. Although HS was unable to come up with the answer (Thanks, I’ll never part with it), Goose and Tana worked out both the title and artist of the song. I think we did 10 merkins as reward.

    Next Wet Tap was given:
    T or F: The lyric “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” originally was at the end (and not the beginning) of the song.
    Worded like that, it seems like it should be true, right? We did 8-count bodybuilders while Tap ran around and convinced himself of just that fact, and returned with his (incorrect) answer of True (originally, that lyric was not in the song at all).
    However, between Pope and Goose, “Christmas at Ground Zero” by Weird Al was correctly identified. The PAX did 5 8-count bodybuilders as a reward.

    We found a dry spot to alternate between 7 squats and 7 Aussie Angels (might be made up) while Safety Valve ran and pondered the question written for Paradox:
    T or F: The most popular Christmas candy bar in Louisiana is the Kit Kat.
    He returned with a very reasonable answer: True. However, according to the Paradox taxonomy of candy bars, everything is a candy bar, so the most popular candy bar in LA is actually the candy cane. So again, the correct answer was false.
    Goose identified that Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis were performing their version of the 12 Days of Christmas, but amazingly only knew their actual names, and not the characters Bob and Doug MacKenzie. Sometimes a man’s brain is too full of useful information and the useless stuff starts falling out. Sad.

    Pope was the last man, and was confronted with the most difficult true or false question of the day:
    True or False: Die Hard is a Christmas movie.
    We were about to do mountain climbers while he ran, but suddenly YHC heard Montana say something, which I swear was “why can’t we do something in this nice wet grass instead?” Thinking fast, YHC quickly changed the event to WW3 situps.
    Pope returned, answering True. My knee-jerk reaction was that this should be False (mainly because all the answers were false) but this subject has been famously debated, and I honestly wasn’t sure where I fell on this one… so YHC needed bit of time to think. Luckily, we had the other slice of bread for our Boxing Day Sandwich, and we were Set Adrift on Memory Bliss, as PM Dawn sampled Spandeau Ballet’s “True” and the PAX again bearcrawled 30 yards and Triple-Burpee-Broad-Jumped back. Twice.
    This time we had to deal with the wet and slippery grass, and through the fog I could see men crashing down around me. In my mind I heard Frank Costanza’s voice shouting, “I sent 16 of my own men to the latrines that night!” I pushed the guilt aside, trying to fix my mind on the Die Hard dilemma.

    We finished mostly unscathed (you okay, Valve?) and returned for COT. YHC reluctantly accepted Bluetube from Tana. Goose prayed us out.

    Great job as always men.
    SYITG,

    AB

    AB Cs the light (post credits-scene):

    I created this beatdown as a “Not really Christmas” theme. After Goose’s OG-Christmas-Carol-Only BD, and the newfangled trendy music of Tchaikovsky last week, all of the songs this morning were intentionally Christmas-adjacent at best.

    As far as the Die Hard dilemma goes… the arguments that it is a Christmas movie are many: The word “Christmas” is mentioned something like 18 times. More times than “die”, “hard”, “bomb”, “explode”, or “gun”. The setting is Christmastime during a company Christmas party.
    Sounds Christmas-y.

    But much like the beatdown today, it is superficial. Although I was wearing bad Santa pajamas, and there was a lot of talk about Christmas-y stuff, I only mentioned Jesus twice. Die Hard probably has zero references. I know, I know, you’re all saying, “But AB, what about the scripture ‘and the Lord spoketh “Yippee Kai-Ay.”’?’ I tell you then that is also false, and I compel you to admire the number of quotation marks used in the prior sentence. Pretty impressive, right?

    So the movie synopsis: a celebration of corporate greed is interrupted by terrorists/thieves who get theirs at the hands of a NYPD detective.
    Just like my beatdown, this has little to do with what Christmas actually is all about. And from that perspective, I find it hard to argue that Die Hard is a Christmas movie.

    I Know this Much is True.

  • OG Christmas – from Goose

    Though YHC enjoys the feelings produced by Christmas songs this time of year, nothing really compares to what a good Christmas carol does to you. Oh, yes–they’re two different things. Just do a Spotify search, and you’ll find your playlists provide two different experiences. As it turns out, Christmas has been around a lot longer than today’s version of Old St. Nick (only really popularized in his current form by Coca-Cola less than 100 years ago). But, sadly, most people haven’t experienced the deeper depths of the season, which can only be accessed via the old school Christmas carols, the English-language ones that have been around for centuries and can still be heard in the background of movies, commercials, and tasteful stores. You grew up with them, they’ve been around forever, but maybe you’ve never noticed them, or they’ve been drowned out by modern day noise like Bing Crosby, the Beach Boys, and color television. So, this morning, YHC decided to provide a little cultural healing via beautiful, age-old carols and burpees.

    We started with a warmup of the usuals with an eventually solid group of 8 PAX rounding out the circle where the blocks waited ominously.

    This was followed by a long-winded explanation of the above with instructions that a carol would play for about three minutes, during which we’d do 7 reps each of 3 exercises over and over while the PAX tried to guess the title of the carol. If they guessed it, no penalty, but if they didn’t, all would do 10 burpees. It went like this:

    * In the Bleak Midwinter:
    * AMRAP: 7 merkins, 7 squats, 7 BBSU
    -Valve: “Is this English?”

    * Holly and the Ivy:
    * Manmakers, curls, rows
    -Popeye: “Come ye Merry Gentlemen?”

    * Wassail Song:
    * Toe tappers, Appolo ono, WWI sit-ups
    -The only one the PAX got, despite having the three song title magicians (AB, Popeye, Suckle), and a Tana, in the mix; only got it because it says “Wassail” a bunch.

    * Lo, How a Rose E’er Blooming:
    * goblet squats, tricep press, WWIII situps
    -Valve: “I’m pretty sure this is the other one again.”
    -Popeye: “Joy to the Merry Gentlemen?”

    * Wexford Carol:
    * Werkins, lunges, Freddys
    -Tana: “This is Sara McLachlan, isn’t it.”

    * The Boar’s Head:
    * OHP, coupon swings, pull-throughs
    -White Meat: “Lucky Charms Christmas?”
    -Popeye: “Deck the Halls with Merry Gentlemen?”

    * Coventry Carol
    * Staggered merkins, block pooper squats, Afflecks
    -AB: “Yorkshire Carol? London Carol? Burmingham Carol? Shakespeare Carol?
    Stratford upon Avon Carol? Mr. Bean Carol?”

    * Gabriel’s Message:
    * SSH, 8-count bb, Bonnie Blairs
    -Popeye: “Renaissance Fest ye Merry Gentlemen?”

    Truth be told, YHC just wanted an excuse to listen to those songs, and those three-minute, three-exercises routines punctuated by burpees are a great way to get the heart rate cranking and the muscles burning without having to leave your spot.

    So, for homework, find a version you like of each of these (and the other awesome carols you might find on Spotify, like “Bring a Torch, Jeannette Isabella,” “In Dulci Jubilo”, “Once in Royal David’s City”, “Sussex Carol”, or “Ding Dong Merrily on High”) and put them during a long car ride with the fam. Unless, of course, you just want to keep letting Bieber tell you what he got for his girlfriend.

    SYITG,
    Goose