The ‘Yote Bowl
By Coyote
The morning presented itself to YHC as crisp and chilly. The crazy winds that had been batting at us all week had taken a break for the weekend: a perfect day for a little F3 flag-football. Pope and YHC set up a field about fifty yards long with five-yard end zones and a first down line halfway through the field.
The Pax showed up quickly, and YHC was not surprised that there were so many 2.0’s, including YHC. Yankee Joe and Brass Monkey showed up a little late, but nobody noticed. YHC and the Pax skimmed over warmups and moseyed over to the Field by Bayou Road, the place where the field was. The teams were assembled, Team 1 consisting of Goose, White Meat, Brass Monkey, Lil Cuz, Bam-Bam, Jackknife, and Pikachu. Team 2 had Man-Eater, Yankee Joe, Cap’n D, Pope, Darrel Strawberry, Duke, and YHC. YHC announced that there would be a football trivia question every touchdown, and every five minutes on the minute, the Pax would have to do five burpees. Team 2 started with the ball, moved down the field, and ended the drive with a disappointing punt. Team 1 got the ball, and after a few plays, were four yards from the first down line on fourth down. They went for it and a pass from Lil Cuz to Brass monkey was batted down. Team 2 got the ball, and finished the drive with a touchdown to Man Eater on a flea-flicker play. The trivia awaited, and “Who has the record for most rushing yards in a season?” tested the knowledge of the Pax. Cap’n D answered with Eric Dickerson: the correct answer. The score was Team 2:7, Team 1:0. Team 1 got the ball, and wasted no time telling us that they were not brushoffs and moved down the field fast. On first and goal, Lil Cuz threw a pass meant for either Goose or Brass Monkey. Either way, they both jumped up, focused on the ball, ready to snag it out of the air…and slammed into each other. Quote Goose, “When I saw that ball in the air, I felt like I was 12 again.” They redeemed themselves and scored on a pass to Brass Monkey. Cap’n D answered the next question, and we played on. 7-7. Next, Man Eater threw a bomb meant for Yankee, but it was intercepted by Cuz. Team 1 Scored on another pass to Goose. 14-7. The next drive was interesting, and YHC’s team stuck to short passes and handoffs, more than half of them going to Pope, and Cap’n D caught a touchdown pass, and answered the question correctly. Game tied 14-14. Team 2 drove down the field, and this drive put the 2.0’s on the map. Bam-Bam caught the first pass of the drive and ran six yards, then he caught another pass for more yards. Then Brass Monkey smashed through Team 2’s entire defense and got a first down. Then Jackknife caught a pass and ran through a wide-open hole to the three-yard line. Then Bam-Bam caught a touchdown pass and Team 1 took the lead 21-14. Again, Cap’n D blew the trivia out of the water. On the first play of the next drive Man Eater threw a bomb pass to Cap’n D, who dove and caught it with his fingertips. But the next play, Man Eater threw a pass meant for Yankee Joe, But Lil Cuz jumped in front and snagged his second interception of the game. Goose took over as Quarterback for Team 1, and they went for it on fourth down, and White Meat dropped a pass. Cap’n D took over as Team 2’s Quarterback, and Yankee Joe caught a pass in the End Zone. 21-21. This time, Yankee Joe answered the question right. Team 1 still had Goose for a Quarterback, and when they got to the five-yard line, Cap’n D rushed Goose, and Goose ran into the End Zone. 28-21. Yankee Joe tramped the trivia, and Team 2 got the ball again. Cap’n D stayed as Team 2’s QB for the rest of the game, and his plays worked every time. After an amazing throw and catch from Cap’n D to Pope, we were at the seven-yard line. A pass to YHC was complete and YHC ran into the end zone and tied the game once again, and Yankee rocked the trivia, answering the question immediately after YHC asked it. 28-28. Team 1 threw three passes that were all batted down, and they punted. Cap’n D threw a huge pass to the other side of the field to Yankee Joe, and Yankee caught it and bowled over the line to give Team 2 the lead 35-28 with two minutes left to play. Team 1 dashed down the field and scored on a pass to Goose. The score was tied again. The trivia was crushed by Joe. 35-35. With 14 seconds left to play, Team 2 lined up fast and an incomplete was thrown. For the last play of the game, Cap’n D threw a Hail Mary to Pope, and Pope caught it and turned around to go for the game-winning touchdown…but then stepped out of bounds. The game ended with a score of 35-35, a tie. The Circle of trust was done, and the ‘Yote Bowl ended. Thank you guys for your prayers, and for a great football game…and beware of ‘Yote Bowl part two: overtime.
Tag: Duke of Hazard
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The Yote Bowl – from Goose
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Super Bowl Sunday: Eagles Fly High over Chiefs! – from Jose10k
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass! IDk, we ran some miles, threw a football, made fun of Bushwacker and Speedy!
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The Big Picture Hurts Sometimes (by Pope) – from Goose
PAX: Pope, Goose, Bambam, Duke, Maneater, Jackknife, Captain D, Darrell Strawberry, Honey Suckle, Popeye, Yankee Joe
The morning began with YHC coming downstairs to the scene of the average 10 minutes before our family’s departure for something like a doctor’s appointment or church or the like, but at 5:50 am. Reasons for our showing up at 6:27 included our inability to find a suitable cold-weather hat for Duke and an ill-timed wakeup of mini-2.0 (and YHC’s inability to find his object of pacification). Eventually we managed to get moving; we arrived and parked by the field by Bayou Road. We greeted the early PAX by 6:30 and had the usual warmup (SSH, imperial walkers, toy soldiers, windmills, WMH, arm circles, cherry pickers, self-love) then moseyed.
YHC jumped ahead of the PAX, grabbed five cones, and set them up in the field in pentagonal fashion, each about 10 yards apart, with a small piece of Paw Patrol diaper box with much less friendly sharpie handwriting on the blank sides. The rest of the PAX grabbed coupons out of Goose’s truck and fell in inside the pentagon. YHC proceeded to explain the circuit, with exercises corresponding to each stage of man’s journey from his origins to his return to God.
The routine (largely inspired by Coyote’s everything-I-hate formula) was as follows:
· Station 1(the Trinity; the Source of all things)
7 8-ct blockee builders, shoulder-carry coupon to next station
· Station 2 (Creation; man created in God’s image)
7 man-makers, rifle-carry to next station
· Station 3 (The Fall; man is thrust from grace)
15 thrusters, murder bunny to next station
· Station 4 (Redemption; Jesus’ death and resurrection)
15 WW3 situps (modified from 20 after one visit), coupon lunge to next station
· Station 5 (Glorification; man’s return to God)
20 star jumps, block-n-bear back to station 1
The backdrop soundtrack playing during the repetition of the above routine had been laced with a few songs (covers by the Snake Charmer, distinguishable by the bagpipes at the beginning of each of the songs) that acted as circuit-breakers; upon hearing these the PAX stopped wherever they were and ran a lap around the entire field. Station 3 had a catch to it, namely that if a PAX was there doing thrusters when a circuit-breaker sounded, he would have 30, not 15, thrusters now to complete. As a result, thrusters didn’t seem to be as much of a struggle for the PAX today as they usually are.
All the PAX started at station 1 and went at their own pace. Naturally, Goose and Honey Suckle led the way; YHC was drained of q-drenaline, and found what motivation there was to be found in trying not to get lapped by Goose. Additionally, YHC had a realistic experience of the faith journey, frequently hounded by the mental hostility of the adversary (portrayed this morning by Jackknife, who hounded YHC like a dirty little demon in oversized gloves).
The PAX recovered at 7:29 and returned the coupons.
COT and Maneater prayed us out.
Happy 11th birthday to Darrel Strawberry! Congrats on entry to the 11-year-old 2.0 gang of rascals.
Real shoutout to the PAX who showed up this morning, as chatter continued for the entire beatdown. Wishes of abundant graces for us all this Advent.
SYITG, Pope -
The Big Picture Hurts Sometimes (by Pope) – from Goose
PAX: Pope, Goose, Bambam, Duke, Maneater, Jackknife, Captain D, Darrell Strawberry, Honey Suckle, Popeye, Yankee Joe
The morning began with YHC coming downstairs to the scene of the average 10 minutes before our family’s departure for something like a doctor’s appointment or church or the like, but at 5:50 am. Reasons for our showing up at 6:27 included our inability to find a suitable cold-weather hat for Duke and an ill-timed wakeup of mini-2.0 (and YHC’s inability to find his object of pacification). Eventually we managed to get moving; we arrived and parked by the field by Bayou Road. We greeted the early PAX by 6:30 and had the usual warmup (SSH, imperial walkers, toy soldiers, windmills, WMH, arm circles, cherry pickers, self-love) then moseyed.
YHC jumped ahead of the PAX, grabbed five cones, and set them up in the field in pentagonal fashion, each about 10 yards apart, with a small piece of Paw Patrol diaper box with much less friendly sharpie handwriting on the blank sides. The rest of the PAX grabbed coupons out of Goose’s truck and fell in inside the pentagon. YHC proceeded to explain the circuit, with exercises corresponding to each stage of man’s journey from his origins to his return to God.
The routine (largely inspired by Coyote’s everything-I-hate formula) was as follows:
· Station 1(the Trinity; the Source of all things)
7 8-ct blockee builders, shoulder-carry coupon to next station
· Station 2 (Creation; man created in God’s image)
7 man-makers, rifle-carry to next station
· Station 3 (The Fall; man is thrust from grace)
15 thrusters, murder bunny to next station
· Station 4 (Redemption; Jesus’ death and resurrection)
15 WW3 situps (modified from 20 after one visit), coupon lunge to next station
· Station 5 (Glorification; man’s return to God)
20 star jumps, block-n-bear back to station 1
The backdrop soundtrack playing during the repetition of the above routine had been laced with a few songs (covers by the Snake Charmer, distinguishable by the bagpipes at the beginning of each of the songs) that acted as circuit-breakers; upon hearing these the PAX stopped wherever they were and ran a lap around the entire field. Station 3 had a catch to it, namely that if a PAX was there doing thrusters when a circuit-breaker sounded, he would have 30, not 15, thrusters now to complete. As a result, thrusters didn’t seem to be as much of a struggle for the PAX today as they usually are.
All the PAX started at station 1 and went at their own pace. Naturally, Goose and Honey Suckle led the way; YHC was drained of q-drenaline, and found what motivation there was to be found in trying not to get lapped by Goose. Additionally, YHC had a realistic experience of the faith journey, frequently hounded by the mental hostility of the adversary (portrayed this morning by Jackknife, who hounded YHC like a dirty little demon in oversized gloves).
The PAX recovered at 7:29 and returned the coupons.
COT and Maneater prayed us out.
Happy 11th birthday to Darrel Strawberry! Congrats on entry to the 11-year-old 2.0 gang of rascals.
Real shoutout to the PAX who showed up this morning, as chatter continued for the entire beatdown. Wishes of abundant graces for us all this Advent.
SYITG, Pope -
Railroaded – from Goose
YHC was admittedly excited about the idea for this beatdown. It came much earlier than the usual 10pm the night before, and YHC even hyped it two days early hoping to stir some interest. However, with crickets on the GroupMe and excuses flying like flatulence at the Lion’s Den, it looked like there may be no one to enjoy such a highly anticipated feast of chance, strategy, teamwork, and train tracks. But, a strong representation of the PAX (even Dox, who had to leave early to get to clinics) charitably made their way to the Peltch this morning worked up enough interest to make it all feel worthwhile.
Enough of the pleasantries, this beatdown was a cutthroat competition for European dominance via railway, and it went something like this:
YHC: Alright, 6:30, let’s get warmed up.
White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
(…this leads to all but Valve discussing said movie, which left YHC and Valve the only ones doing any counting. Some definite foreshadowing here…)
(All mosey to the Thunderdome where the board game “Ticket to Ride is set up on a cinder block-carboard table)
YHC: Ok, here are the rules. We’ll split up into three teams of three players each.
(Counts off–teams are: 1. Dox, AB, YJ 2. Pope, White Meat, Duke 3. Valve, Maneater, YHC)
YHC: Each team will pick a card, which has a route on it. You’ll need to place your colored train cars on the different colored tracks that will connect all the cities on your route to connect the start and end points in a non-stop chain of trains.
Dox to AB: Ok, if we start with this one here in Zurich, we can connect to Venezia…
YHC: Hey, listen to the instructions, you can strategize later.
Dox: I can do both at the same time.
YHC: Not so sure. …So, you can claim a track connecting two cities if you do the exercises and the reps that correspond to the color of the track and the number of train cars it indicates you need. So,…
AB to Dox: I think we should make our way through Duetchland. Did you notice that I said “Deutchland”? That’s because I…
YHC: You’re gonna want to pay attention to this. So, if a track has three red car spaces, you would look at this board and see that a red car space means 15 merkins, so each member of your team would need to do 45 merkins.
YJ: (While AB and Dox are whispering and pointing to Amsterdam) Wait, what color are we?
YHC: And, if there is an engine on a space, that means you need to run to the gate and back.
Maneater: Nope
YHC: And, if another team claimed a track you need, you can put one of your stations on the city it connects to and use that track, but a station is earned by your whole team bear crawling around the perimeter of the thunderdome.
Dox to AB: …and if we cut through Budapest…
YHC: Oh, and these spaces outlined in black are tunnels. That means the reps are doubled for those spaces. Here are the exercises and reps indicated by each color track/space on the board:
-Red: 15 Merkins
-Black: 10 Burpees
-Blue: 15 Jump Squats
-White: 15 Bonnie Blairs (2:1)
-Green: 20 Big Boy Situps
-Orange: 20 Crunchy Frogs
-Pink: 20 Toe taps (plank, reach through and touch opposite toe, 2:1)
-Yellow: Line jumps for 1 min, 20 second break between (two feet jump back and forth over a line)White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
YHC: Once you’ve completed the route on the card, you can pick another route card, either a short one or a long one, but if you pick it, you’re committed to completing it. For the cards you complete, you get the number of points indicated on the card, but for the ones incompleted, you lose that number of points. You also will get points for each train car on the board, and the longer the track chosen between cities, the more points you get for it.
AB to Dox: …we should definitely go through Essen. I have a lot of friends there…
YHC: Any questions? Guys! I said, “Any questions?”
YJ: Wait, what team am I on?
YHC: Ok, begin!
(YHC, Valve, and Maneater immediately start cranking out 60 crunchy frogs apiece, and White Meat, Pope, and Duke are doing what seems to be 10 minutes worth of big boys. Meanwhile, the blue team seems to have claimed three or four full tracks before anyone else gets back to the board.)
Dox: Alright, now we just need these three and an engine to go up to Kobenhaven…
Valve: No! Why in the world do you need Kobenhaven?? Goose! We gotta run!
Maneater: Oh, God
(Goose and Valve take off in an effort to beat AB, Dox, and YJ to the gate and back, but it doesn’t matter–somehow, they’ve already done the other exercise reps needed to claim that track, so YHC’s team is stuck with a perimeter bear crawl in order to place a station. I mena, you can’t get to Stockholm without going through Kobenhaven!)
White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
Dox: Alright, we’re done with this route, let’s pick another card.
Pope: (as he finishes his 80th Bonnie Blair) Did he say “done with this route”?
YHC (internally): I never want to do another crunchy frog for as long as I live.
Valve to Maneater and YHC: Well, it looks like we could either do 60 burpees or 80 crunchy frogs to get to Pamplona.
Maneater and YHC: Crunchy frogs it is.
Pope: No! Blue claimed the track we needed again! I guess those Bonnie Blairs were wasted. Gotta do another perimeter craw.
AB: We’re running out of blue train cars to put on the board. Let’s just start using the black ones.
Dox to AB and YJ: Alright, we’ve done seventeen cards, and it’s 7:15, so I’ve got to go. You guys ought to be able to get another ten or twelve, huh?
AB and YJ: You bet–we’ve got plenty of gas in the tank. This is fun!
YHC to Valve: (panting heavily) I’m having trouble seeing straight–what color is that?
Valve: It’s blue–they’re all over the board, like a stage 4 cancer
White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
AB to YJ: So, that’s 60 total big boys. How many have you done so far?
YHC to AB: Wait, are you guys each doing all the reps, or are you splitting the total amongst your team?
AB: Don’t worry, we’re splitting them up. We wouldn’t be so crazy as to each do all those reps. That would be ridiculous.
YHC to White Meat and Pope: Are you guys splitting them up?
Pope: No, we’re each doing the whole rep total.
YHC to AB: Exactly! That’s what we’re all supposed to be doing!
AB: Dox was confident that he heard it was a compilation. And now he’s on his way to work soothing his lemon truck woes with the smug confidence of an inevitable victory.
Valve to YHC: Injustice happens. Looks like we’re bear crawling another lap.
(AB and YJ honorably change their rep counts with 10 minutes left to match the actual rules somehow missed in the explanation, knowing that there will be some substantial point docking at the end. The other two teams keep on keeping on, all the while completely avoiding all black tracks. Seriously, not one burpee was done. It’s amazing what lengths we’ll go to to avoid burpees when given any other option.
7:30 hit and points were tallied with the blue team graciously forfeiting 1/3 of their points. Counted off and three wearables were rewarded: Phil the Pain went to Pope, The Fire Within went to Valve, and Blue Tube went to YHC)YJ: (Prayer)
White Meat: (somewhat obscure quote from early 90’s movie)
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Turn it up to 13 (by Coyote) – from Goose
YHC hopped out of the truck on this dark and refreshingly chilly morning, the Q adrenalin pumping through my body as YHC got ready to unleash the teenage beatdown. “No more fun and games,” YHC thought. “I’m going to give them a real beatdown.” The morning started well, YHC noticing that the number of men present was the biggest that YHC had ever seen at a Coyote beatdown. Suddenly, YHC saw a large white truck roll into the rocky parking lot, and a man I had never seen at a beatdown hop out. “Dumpster Fire?!” YHC guessed. No, an FNG had come to join us! 6:30 came, and suddenly, both Paradox and Goose revealed the game balls, Paradox wearing the Fire Within, and Goose with the Blue-tube. We started with the classic Side-straddle-hops, Safety Valve driving in right as we stopped. The warmups ended shortly after, and YHC introduced what we were going to be doing. “For this beatdown,” YHC started, “I thought I might do everything that I hate, and one of those things is coupons!” The Pax grabbed one for each brave soul, and we moseyed over to the long-forgotten hill by the park. YHC announced, “Another thing that I hate is Dora!” We partnered up, and YHC introduced the exercises, 100 Thrusters, 150 WWIII Sit-ups, and 200 Curls, and the mode of transportation being bear-crawl over the hill, and crawl-bear back. Partners were picked, YHC partnering up with Pope, and Goose started the well-thought-out “F3 Weird Al grinder” playlist.
The Thang commenced, Pope cranking out WWIII’s like nobody was watching. The music was very attention-getting, and when the eleven-minute song “Albuquerque” came up, all ears went to the crazy song. When the Dora was done, we dragged ourselves and the coupons over to the field by Bayou Road, and YHC presented Thang 2. Since YHC is turning 13 on Tuesday, YHC said that we would do 13’s instead of 11’s, one side starting with one 4-count Nolan Ryan, and the other side 12 Inchworm Merkins, all the while listening to Weird Al crank out his parodies. This turned out be way harder than YHC planned, the Nolan Ryans hard to count, and the Inchworm Merkins almost impossible to complete without a little modification.
After the 13’s, YHC presented the final Thang. As much as we could, the Pax and I would try to accomplish a “Tunnel of Love” across the entire field. It failed miserably, the 2.0’s all getting launched into the air by Man-Eater. Exhausted, YHC called out for us to go back to the flag. We lugged our coupons back to the flag, and commenced with the count off, numbering an impressive 16. When the time came to name our victim, we were ready for some weird stuff. The name came out to be “Blue,” or “My boy Blue,” coming from the facts that he was in the navy for 24 years, and he felt like he had to go back to college. I owe him an apology, not meaning for this to be his first beatdown. (Hopefully we’ll see him again…) When shirts came up, Paradox gave the Fire within to YHC for an IPC level workout. (Get ready to see it hanging off my shoulders next week.) Next, Goose passed the Blue-tube to White Meat for showing us the proper way to count Nolan Ryans. Man-Eater prayed us out, and we ended with a characteristic Paradox Pic.
Happy Birthday to all those other birthday boys, Popeye tomorrow, Jackknife, Monday, Wet tap and I Tuesday, and any others not mentioned. Until next time, God bless!
Coyote -
Belch at the Peltch – from Goose
12 men (big and little) gathered courageously at The Peltch for the final, brutal IPC of 2024. For one in particular, it took a lot of courage: the soon-to-be-named L-loyd, Safety Valve’s FNG 2.0, Peyton saw a circle of large, surly men grunting through the dark morning’s tightness, one of whom was wearing what looked to be a woman’s tank top, and he was reluctant to jump in. So was YHC, but not Duke–he was the opposite of reluctant this morning, and he ran to make friends with the other similar sized human form in the gloom, and they warmed up in mini 2.0 fashion about 20 yards away.
Eventually, unable to push off the inevitable any longer, we gathered the gear and headed to the track. The IPC went like this:
8 rounds, 5 minutes apiece: 200 m run, 30 reps of a given exercise, 200m run, and then burpees till the end of the 5 minutes. Count your total burpee reps over the 8 rounds for your “score”. The exercises were as follows:Round 1: Freddy Mercurys
2: Pickle Pounders
3: Flutter Kicks
4. Plank Jacks
5. Monkey Humpers
6. Squats
7. LBC’s
8. SSHSpirits were still high for Round 1 as the PAX mumblechattered their way around the track, the mini 2.0’s sprinted ahead, and all completed more burpees in 2.5 minutes than they expected to. Round 2 on went about as expected: mumblechatter was greatly reduced, the carefully curated playlist became just background noise, Honeysuckle stayed about 40-50 yards ahead of the pack, the mini 2.0’s played imaginary football (or something) on the field, and everything but counts sank into the brain fog.
Despite the threat of takeover from the survival instinct, YHC still had the wherewithal to notice the awesome effort of every man out there, including the medium 2.0s. Nobody walked, and the majority stayed ahead of YHC on the track pushing hard the entire time, keeping the bar high, and not saving anything for the ride home.
Admittedly, YHC was having a hard time performing at any kind of heroic level. The runs were the much needed breaks, and catching up to the front runners felt impossible. And, with only one glove, YHC quickly followed Valve’s lead in taking advantage of the (little bit) softer turf to avoid the cheese grater that the track was on the hands during burpees. His performance (and later Dox’s) right next to me was impressive, as was Honeysuckle’s and everyone who started doing burpees ahead of YHC (which was everyone but Smooth, who remains impressive in his ability to joyfully accept and own the things that are killing him, which usually include lots of running and burpees. Here’s to the clydesdales.).
After round 8, YHC flopped to the ground drinking in the free oxygen before Dox hauled me back to vertical position from which I could see a yard sale of heaving bodies splayed on the track. But, we still had 7 minutes left, so after a 10-count, YHC turned off the Amy Grant, and we headed back to the flag for some Mary. More exercise certainly wasn’t easy, but anything was better than burpees.
At 7:30, we counted off, and during name off shared the number of burpees achieved. YHC though it would be good to allow the monumental feat each man had accomplished to be known and appreciated by others. Each man had something to be proud of, especially Honeysuckle who cranked out 208, earning him the coveted Blue Tube.
In an interesting, cosmic amalgamation of many small circumstances and decisions, Valve and YHC somehow finished at the exact same number. And we didn’t start or stop or take breaks at the same time or anything. What does it mean? What implications does it have? What does it reveal about the space-time fabric of the F3 Universe?
These questions would have to wait as we had an FNG to name. Peyton is into Legos, particularly Ninjago, so it was an easy decision. L-loyd (pronounced “luh-loyd”) was quickly christened, and we’re sure to see his small, fast form sprinting ahead of many a Peltch Indian Run line.
There’s nothing quite like suffering through really tough stuff together with a group of good men, which is why YHC looks forward to September every year. But, thank God it’s over. We did it, and now we can rest on our laurels. Until Monday.
SYITG,
Goose -
Celeste and Lisa’s Donkey Kick-Off on the Escalator – from Russo
Great Saturday at the Lakefront
Warmup (10x – 15x IC)
Air presses
Torso twists
Self love
Toe touches
Grass grabbers
Hillbillies
High knees
Seal jacksThang: Mosey down Girod to the trailhead and back, stopping along the way for a round of “the escalator”, aka “Chewy’s Soduku. The concept: 10 exercises, 10 rounds. Rep count goes from 10 to 1. Next round: 10 rep count moves to 9, 9 moves to 8, rinse and repeat. At the end of 10 rounds, each of the 10 exercises will have been performed 55 times. Math!
The exercises:
Merkins
Partner Merkins
8 count body builders
Donkey kicks
Leg raises
Gas pumps
Jump squats
Imperial squat walkers
Star jumps
Murder BunniesSomewhere in the middle, to break up monotony and provide a little halftime entertainment, YHC challenged Bird to a “donkey kick-off”…select your winner and get it right, and you’re exempt from that round. The rules were not clear, nor was the starting gun, so despite YHC winning round 1, there was a round 2, won by Bird. Choosing to hedge the bet, we called it at a tie until further notice.
Back at the flag, we wrapped up with the COT, Name-o-Rama, and prayer, welcoming FNG Cankles!
Thank you all for participating in the now yearly tradition of forgoing at least one week of IronPax.
SYITG
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At least the tree was happy – from Honeysuckle
Today’s story begins before the beginning of the story. YHC robbed AB’s barn of coupons and deposited them near the scout hut prior to the beatdown. YHC took a roundabout way to get to the usual meeting place to make it appear that YHC was traveling directly from home and no prepping had occurred. Four PAX were waiting for YHC as well as the rain to arrive. Only one would make an appearance, unless crying is a type of rain.
Warmarama
Most notably, no SSH. Both fast and slow high knees were done, as well as fast and slow high knees. This was in addition to most of the regular exercises though some were forgotten. And counting appeared to be hard for the PAX today.
Thang 1
There is a 1/3 mile loop in the grass in Peltier Park, and the PAX did three of these to get started. Then the PAX did about another ¼ mile to get to the place where the coupons were, while discussing and admiring the row of trees. Pope was the first to spot the coupons placed near the base of the last tree.
Finally remembering why no SSH’s occurred, YHC called an Equalizer starting with 10 count. Then, a pickup truck turned into the parking lot and for a moment we thought it was Valve appearing, right on cue. Upon closer inspection, it was not a Platinum, however. Perhaps white gold, or palladium, or sterling silver.
Thang 2
All we needed for a theme was a geometric shape and a bodily effect. Circle of death was already taken this week, so today would be line segments of high heart rate. Numbers weren’t our strong suit today, so the rules were simplified.
Transport method was a running suicide format with the turnaround points at successive trees. And there are a lot of trees. To keep track of trees, Duke graciously moved a cone to whatever the current tree was. In true gosling form, he was spotted doing LBCs and other exercises while waiting for us to run out to the trees, and even had to remove his shirt at some point.
The coupons stayed at tree 1. PAX did either 8 thrusters, 8 goblet squats, or 15 curls each time tree 1 was visited (i.e., thrusters to start, then run back and forth, do goblet squats, and so on). At the turnaround tree, 5 air squats were done before heading back every time.
The first few trees were only a few feet from tree 1. But it didn’t take long until the distances became significant. Was running the break? Was the coupon exercise the break? Ultimately the answer was, where we’re going, we don’t need breaks.YHC believes that 18 rounds were done, so each coupon exercise was done for 6 sets, plus 90 air squats.
The paths that each PAX took were clear from the dew in the grass, but AB’s discipline proved superior as his path was a very tight line.
To add insult to injury, we all had to run from the remote part of the Peltch back to the flags. The distance covered exceeded 4 miles in total today; well done PAX! With two minutes to spare, Freddy Mercuries and Flutter Kicks were done to complete the hour.
To come full line segment with our counting issues, Pope declared himself 17 for the day.
Announcements: clearly the looming IPC, plus the Femmes Natales 1 mi / 5k on 9/14. An upcoming double valve is causing some angst.Prayers for babies, people with babies, people expecting babies. Pope, now 16 again, prayed us out.
I heard it thru the honeysuckle vine: Yeah, maybe that was a bit too much running. Special thanks to Cone 2.0. And as YHC was driving over to load up the coupons, it became apparent that everyone was also going to that spot to help. This group never fails to impress.
SYITG,
Honeysuckle -
It Was Quite the Palooza – from America’s Best
30 years ago today: August 10, 1994.
Do you know where you were? Of course not, you were probably a preteen or a baby. But old man AB does. Lollapalooza, Raleigh, North Carolina. Green Day. The Beastie Boys. A Tribe called Quest. Smashing Pumpkins. George Clinton. The Breeders. Even Shaquille O’Neal.
Could this PAX even identify the music of these performers?
Probably not without Honeysuckle, and definitely not without Popeye.The warmarama:
SSH, Abe Vigotas, mountain climbers, slow high knees, regular butt kicks, crazy arms circling whilst picking cherries, maybe something else.The First Thang- Left my gas card in El Segundo:
Begin with a mosey down the road…
(YHC still clearly remembers casting off his mother’s suggestions to bring extra snacks and drinks for the journey. “Mom- it’s not the Oregon Trail. We can stop at any gas station if we need any of that.”
Unfortunately, 18-year old AB didn’t think to stop at a gas station for gas… and car no go without the gas.
It was a different time. It was the 90s.
No cellphones, no internet. Not a single luxury. So when you run out of gas on the interstate, you just … wait.)
So we stop on our mosey and just wait.
And just listen to A Tribe Called Quest (and another yet-to-be-identified band)
Hold Al Gore until you can’t anymore. Then hold plank until you can’t.The 2nd Thang:
Boulevard of Broken DreamsThe girls spent too long getting ready, some of the crew wants to stay in the car a while longer, and the guy with IBS has to find a porta-potty immediately. The result of all this nonsense is missing almost all of Green Day’s set.
Because YHC is still a bit salty about that, the PAX gets to relive some of the frustration of traveling back and forth to the car before finally getting into the show.
11s
Start with one Bobby Hurley(at the gates) then run to do 10 no-cheat Merkins (at the car), then bear-crawl back to the start. Continue the process until the physical pain erases the emotional anguish.3rd Thang:
A Brass KickingFirst song: Brass Monkey
(Like I said, it was a different time. The 90s were wild with songs normalizing questionable social practices).
Curls during the song, and monkey-humping goblet squats on each “monkey”Followed by “Can I Kick it?”
Yes you can… flutter kick until you hear that question, then heels to heaven.Final Thang: Again, Again, Again
The best and worst thing about Lollapalooza is all the music and all the stages. Here the PAX got to celebrate and lament moving between the stages.4 stages (corners) escalator
Stage 1: 10 burpees
Run to
Stage 2: 10 burpees+20 BBS
Run to
Stage 3: 10 burpees+20 BBS+30 merkins
Run to
Stage 4: 10 burpees+20 BBS+30 merkins+40 air squatsAbout halfway through, the PAX flexed its music chops, as Popeye ID’d Kim Deal’s band The Breeders, then Honeysuckle the Album name, and Cardinal called out the year released (he was 1).
Then, sometime near the end of the escalator, Popeye made me question my memories, nay, my entire existence, insisting that the Beastie Boys surely didn’t play Sabotage at Lollapalooza ‘94.
But I SWEAR they closed with it. What was happening? At this point I was somewhere between burpee number 40 and my 112th merkin, so I was beginning to question everything. What if Puddle of Mudd IS my favorite 90s band? Am I actually a fan of Depeche Mode? Maybe I do enjoy omelets?!?!?
YHC was beyond confused, like Arnold Schwarzenegger at the end of Total Recall, or Joe Biden at the end of breakfast. “Who ate all my toast?”Thankfully the beatdown was ending. I pushed Popeye’s ill communications from my mind and stumbled to the flag for COT.
Super-stoked to have Cardinal out there again, and honored to have him pray us out.
Always an honor to lead this group (and subject you to some of the Best American music history).
SYITG,
AB
