F3 New Orleans

Tag: Dumbledore

  • In The Beginning, There Was Only The Gloom – from Yankee Joe

    Excerpt taken from the recently discovered “Dead Peltch Scrolls”

    1 In the beginning, Goose created the Gloom. 2 Now the Gloom was formless and in his backyard, darkness was over the Settlement at Live Oak, and the annoyance of Kate was hovering over the mudgear.

    3 And Goose said, “Let there be suffering,” and there was suffering. 4 Goose saw that the suffering was good, and he separated the suffering from the misery. 5 Goose called the suffering “growth,” and the misery he called “being a bitch.”

    And there was posting, and there was COT—the first beatdown.

    6 And Goose said, “Let there be an AO to separate PAX from PAX.” 7 So Goose made the AO and separated the PAX from the NOLA AO from the PAX down the bayou. And it was so. 8 Goose called the AO “F3 Thibodaux.”

    And there was posting, and there was COT—the second beatdown.

    9 And Goose said, “Let the AO under F3 Thibodaux be gathered to one place, and let a real AO – that’s not my backyard – be found.” And it was so. 10 Goose called the dry ground “The Stage,” and the gathered PAX he called “HIMS.” And Goose saw that it was good.

    11 Then Goose said, “Let The Stage produce pain: picnic tables, wet grass, and moseying routes according to their various kinds.” And it was so. 12 And Goose saw that it was good.

    13 And there was posting, and there was COT—the third beatdown

    14 And Goose said, “Let there be music to separate the pain from the pain, and let the music serve as signs to mark sacred songs such as Thunderstruck, various sea shanties, and Peaches.” And it was so.

    16 Goose made the music come from a magic box—the greater magic box he called Anker and the lesser magic box he called JBL. He also made many farts. 17 Goose played the music to force others to do hundreds of burpees. And Goose saw that it was good.

    19 And there was posting, and there was COT—the fourth beatdown.

    20 And Goose said, “Let the beatdowns teem with mumblechatter, and let the smack talk ring out across the vault of the sky.” 21 So Goose created the GroupMe and showed the PAX how to use GIFs to communicate directly and passive aggressively. And Goose saw that it was good.

    22 Goose blessed the Chatter, “Be relentless with each other. Write about the beatdowns in prose in order to leave delicious easter eggs about the shortcomings of your brethren.”

    23 And there was posting, and there was COT—the fifth beatdown.

    24 And Goose said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: the stray dogs, the red ants that move along the ground, and the wild woman carrying laundry baskets, each according to its kind.” And it was so. 25 And Goose saw that it was good.

    26 Then Goose said to Pope, “Let us find more crazy people like us, so that they may post in the heat and in the cold, and find ways to do LBC’s in ant piles.” 27 So Goose cast out looking for men like him; men as shit can crazy as he was, he looked for them. Laymen and men of the cloth, he searched for them.

    28 When Goose found them, he said “Make sure to EH and increase in number; convince your wives this is not a cult. Wear short sleeves when it is 30 degrees, dedicate old running shoes to be F3 shoes, buy overpriced F3 gear to fit in more easily.

    29 Then Goose said, “I give you authority to design any beatdown with any theme, any type of exercises, anything that will create suffering. Remember that you were not created for comfort. You don’t deserve to be comfortable. 30 And I give you GroupMe and Backblasts in order to destroy each other, while celebrating your brothers.” And it was so.

    31 Goose saw all that he had made, and it was goosetastic. And there was posting, and there was COT—the sixth beatdown.

    Thus F3 Thiboduax was founded, all of its glory stretching from Bourg to Houma to the St. John HOA in its vast array.

    2 By the seventh beatdown, Goose had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh beatdown he did man makers. 3 Then Goose recruited Cardinal, and in one of the first beatdowns that posted more pax than just goslings the location wasn’t even Thibodaux.

    ————————————

    YHC had planned to create an award ceremony beatown for the BYITG Challenge. However, as the three year manniversary came a few days earlier and in the midst of the PAX dropping their favorite memories, it seemed appropriate to continue the mosey down memory lane. Butttt…as I think about it, I’m now realizing that Goose on a few occasions, knowing my intent, made subtle comments about the three year manniversary. I changed the theme the night before to be a continuation of celebrating F3 memories. How does he do it? I swear it’s Jedi mind tricks. I’m Toydarian…what is this power?

    So…F3 memories. I asked Goose for some old beatdowns and thangs. He sent me the famed Grand Isle beatdown that had roped Cardinal into his FNG appearance. More on that in a bit. There were some hilarious stories, including how YHC argued with Enron about his own last name. He said it was pronounced “Lillick” – no ch sound. I said, “noooo…that’s not right…” Enron said it was of German heritage. I said it was most likely Spanish. Even now, I cringe when I think about it.

    The debate went on for a few minutes, everyone that was present, absolutely dumbfounded by the fact that I would tell a 35 year old man he didn’t know how to pronounce his own last name. To publicly show my acquiescence and humble myself in ridiculous fashion, YHC wore his authentic lederhosen to the Q. It would turn out to be a very bad move for a beatdown. Like running 10 miles with a nutcracker attached to the front of your shorts.

    —————————————–

    Thang 1: The Solo Goose

    Throughout the day on the manniversary, several PAX mentioned their experience with a solo Goose. YHC also shared this experience. It was awful. I almost never came back. It was amazing. In most cases, save the occasional Ace and Gary Q, a Goose favorite was a Lazy Dora. That said, not all PAX have had this once in a lifetime journey into the depths of coupon hell. It’s like swimming with Jar Jar in a small pond that somehow turns into a vast ocean.

    To share the love, PAX partnered up for a quasi Lazy Dora with 50 thrusters, 50 man makers, and 100 OHP’s. Partner 1 did the coupon work, while Partner 2 bear crawled to marker (12 yards) and crab walked back. Flapjack. The kicker was that Goose, in a 10-minute window, had to spend roughly 30 seconds one on one with each PAX, either doing coupon work or joining a PAX in a bear crawl/crab walk. Everyone got a solo Goose. Most of us are now far more informed about form. Did you know there was a narrow and wide edge on a coupon?

    ——————————–

    Thang 2: Seven Memories

    Memory 1: “This is for the birds”

    After taking Cardinal through the beatdown, which that day was the 14 Stations of the Cross (We only had time for 7), Cardinal, in his unparalleled bedside manner (when it comes to sweating and technology), kindly remarked to Goose, “This is for the birds.”

    To commemorate this moment, the PAX did 90 seconds of brick butterfly squats. Here, they flapped their extended wings up as they squatted down, flapped their wings down as they stood up out of the squat, while holding bricks. One minute in, the first rumblings of awareness began to emerge…a 90 second exercise sprint seemed to last longer than expected.

    We sprinted 200 yards, bricks in hand…

    ————————————-

    Memory 2: Here’s to Treeroot

    As F3 Thibodaux began to approach the Open Era, the second and arguably most pivotal draft class exploded onto the scene. PAX such as Popeye, Enron, CuttThroat, Elmer’s, GI Joe, Paradiddle, and others, there were a lot of FNGs who posted…and then quicly faded into the trees. One such PAX was named Treeroot. During a run last year, Enron inquired about whatever happened to Treeroot. This became the descriptor for the phenomenon of ‘showing then ghosting’ from then on.

    90 seconds of tempo squat BOTH ways and arms extended straight up with bricks…you know like a tree growing slowly, branches out. However, it was clear that the PAX were more like crepe myrtles, “growing” quite fast and essentially voiding every single Jurp completed during the BYITG challenge. As such, Horn may have actually been a top scorer.

    Sprint 200 yards, bricks in hand…
    ————————–

    Memory 3: You get a hernia, you get a hernia, EVERYBODY gets a hernia

    One of the OG’s, Popeye, by all accounts started his F3 tenure strong, regularly posting and raising the bar. However, due to a series of burpee laded Goose beatdowns, he got himself a nice hernia, which required surgery. He was on injured reserve for over a year, before staging what the critics are calling the greatest comeback in F3 Nation history. Of course, he would tell you not to call it a comeback. Yes, yes…you got it. He’s been here for years.

    To honor this achievement, we did 90 seconds of hernia inducing V-Ups with bricks in hand. Again, it became very clear, very quickly, that of the total 8,799 V-Ups completed during the BYITG, most likely only 392 actually counted…all belonging to Pope.

    Sprint 200 yards, bricks in hand…
    ————————————-

    Memory 4: The dumbest thing I’ve ever seen…

    Paradox likes to tell a story that while Goose was away on retreat, and having just returned from 30A himself (Paradox), he introduced combo warm-ups such as front arm circle stationary lunges. Upon return from the retreat, Goose reportedly said, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen…in my life.

    YHC disagrees. The dumbest thing I’ve ever seen was introduced to the PAX by Goose last year, in which one would do a burpee, complete three merkins, and finish the burpee into three jump squats. It’s a real doozy, Clark.

    90 seconds of Goose Burpees with three merkin and three jump squats…these were too hard for YHC to observe anything else going on except how his soldier boi’s were being squat jumped in his tight lederhosen.

    Sprint 200 yards with no bricks…
    ———————————–

    Memory 5: The Inner Circle

    When a man begins F3, he goes through a honeymoon phase, connecting deeply with the other PAX, pushing harder than probably ever in his life, noticing that his body is going through some changes, and realizing that he can make adult friends after all…maybe.

    As such, you let your guard down and let yourself get close. You believe you are progressing through layers of hierarchy, ever inching toward the real inner circle. However, the minute you feel like you’ve made it, you get punched in the crotch and informed that your green texts aren’t welcomed here. Some call you Cactus Jack for almost a month, while your Spanish proficiency is questioned. It’s an emotional roller coaster…one day you’re basking in the warmth of friendship, the next, you’re being kicked out of iMessage groups.

    Like interpretive dance, YHC can best explain the phenomenon by the following:

    For 90 seconds, PAX starts in the outer circle, then bear crawl in/alligator merkin toward the inner circle. Once you get there, crawl bear back out to despair and scorn.

    Sprint 200 yards with no bricks…
    ————————————-

    Memory 6: Diddle Giggle Farts

    Recently, YHC had to go out of town and America’s Best graciously agreed to step into his first Peltch Q. It is safe to say that of the two, AB brought the A. Already ensconced in F3 Thibodaux lore, the German bards will sing of the “brewpons” beatdown for years to come. In one of the exercises, PAX doing WW3 sit ups (BBS with Coupon OHP at top) to some German music, Diddle ripped one right on Goose’s head. As would be expected, the giggling began, and like Sir Didymus and Ambrosius running across the Bog of Eternal Stench, the mini farts came with every sit up/giggle.

    In hopes of replicating this experience, the PAX did 90 seconds of WW3 sit-ups with brick OHP’s. What the PAX didn’t know was that YHC had queued up wet fart sounds on the Spotify playlist…easily BAPS’ greatest moment in his life.What happened over the next 90 seconds will go down as YHC’s best memories of all time. Once the wet fart sounds began, 16 grown men, nearly half of which were over 40, could barely complete the situps because they were giggling so hard. YHC quite literally couldn’t catch his breath.

    Sprint 200 yards, bricks in hand…

    ————————————-

    Memory 7: Kilmer

    One of YHC’s fondest Q memories was when Kilmer DRing from Winston Salem, joined the PAX at The Stage. He was a character to say the least, a gentleman in his late 50’s. He talked a special brand of trash that he was more than welcome to take back to Winston Salem. Toward the end of the beatdown, the PAX was doing a ton of pickle pounders.

    Now, don’t get me wrong…pounders are conducive to melodramatic grunting from even the strongest core, but Kilmer…mannn…it was downright unnerving. It was like the sound you would hear from a mating walrus mixed with…I dunno…yodeling. It was loud. It was weird. It was a bit nasty.

    Smooth, who was pounding next to him and perhaps in his first few weeks of F3 showed no signs of distress, but you could see him slowly inching away with each pickle pounder rep, looking like he had been scandalized. Fortunately for us, Smooth came back and is now ingrained into the very fabric of F3 Thib.

    The PAX did 90 seconds of pickle pounders with instructions to gunt loudly, but appropriately considering the presence of 2.0’s.

    Sprint 200 yards, no bricks…

    —————————————

    With two minutes left, YHC offered up another great F3 moment with Coyote as the protagonist. About 12 PAX attended the NOLA convergence last year. With nearly 100 men in a circle, F3 Thibodaux dropped a Thunderstruck burpee exercise. UNFORTUNATELY, JBL did not get the memo. The volume couldn’t carry, men were getting restless. Then out of the foggy shadows, Coyote sprinted to the middle of the circle and put on what is surely the greatest air guitar performance of all time. 100 men LOVED every second of it. Coyote is legend.

    We did two minutes of burpee Thunderstruck and moseyed back to the flag.

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out.

    Cafeteria followed, and the PAX were treated to Safety Valve’s nitrous oxide cold brew. It. Was. DELICIOUS!

    Just another great memory in a list of great memories. I loved every minute of this beatdown because we got to celebrate each other with humor, chatter, and flatulence.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • “Okay” – from Goose

    YHC had already hinted to the PAX that there might be some running today, but they showed up anyway. It clearly goes to show that these fellas value the brotherhood and the shared experience of pain more than they want to avoid the grind. It was great to see a packed parking lot when we pulled up!
    After a much needed warmup that was quieter than normal without Poox, YHC intro’d the BDE Burpee mile, a solid prep for Saturday. Most had not yet watched the pre-blast video, so the burpee combined with a Goosie was a bit jarring. Smooth’s consistent “Okay” was joined by a few other “Yeah, alright”s. The plan was to run the mile loop stopping at every quarter for three BDE Burpees. (What does BDE stand for? Suburban dictionary says: “Busy Day Everyday” with a coffee cup emoji. Not sure how that applies here.) At every stop, the PAX would wait for the six by doing core exercises until they arrived: 1st was flutter kicks, 2nd was LBC’s, 3rd was Freddy’s, and 4th was Big Boys. Impressively, there wasn’t much waiting, even though one or two of the guys had been out for a while, and though BDE burpees are complicated, they got done smoothly enough.
    Paradiddle and Tana busted it for the last quarter mile, but YHC hung back a little with Enron–the Q knew what was to come. And, what was to come after the last set of BDE Burpees was another BDE mile, this time with merkins. And, again, we got a solid “Okay” from Smooth and similar responses from the rest. YHC knew that many of these dudes were more gassed than they wanted to be and were just grateful that the running was over, but there was no grunts of exasperation or moans of self-pity to be heard. And, though it took a few more flutters and Freddys for Seal Team 6 to pull into each stop, it was clear that they and the rest of this crew were here for it this morning, come what may. Even Dumbledore, who quietly sprained his ankle at the start of the second mile, stayed back and did BDE merkins until we returned instead of just rolling out like many others might.
    The 3 BDE Merkins (merkin + Peter-Parker leg left + merkin + Peter Parke leg right + merkin = 1) at each stop had the pecs a little warm, but not burnt, so with the last 7 minutes, burn them we did.
    The song was “Running on Empty” by Jackson Brown (Honeysuckle = consistency), and we were in plank formation (or something like that) for the duration with merkins for every “running”. The concrete was well moistened by the end, and YHC asked if anyone could guess how long the song was. Enron quickly shouted “4:47!” The song was 4:50 long. Did he time it on his watch? No, that would be ridiculous and pointless. So, YHC can only conclude that he has assistants at home with computers and headsets listening to the mics he’s got planted around the AO and ready to research any question that might be offered by a Q and whisper an answer into his earpiece (along with funny name suggestions for FNG’s). French Horn and Honeysuckle clearly use the same method during trivia beatdowns. Cardinal is looking into it.
    The two minutes remaining were filled with Crunchy Frogs and Wife Pleasers. COT, hype for Honeysuckle’s VQ Thursday, prayer intentions, and Popeye prayed us out. Proud to be a part of this crew.
    SYITG,
    Goose
    P.S. It was only after YHC got home that I remembered that BDE merkins are all Hand-release. Oh, well. We’ll just have to wait till Saturday to get shredded again.

  • Beats, Bieber, Babies, Battlestar Galactica – from Paradox

    The year is 2011. Adeles “Rolling in the Deep” topped the charts. The Jefferson vs Lee qb controversy raged across the state. Wilfred Montana was ranked internationally in Call of duty. F3 was just 30 dudes at a park in North Carolina. What a time to be alive !

    It was this very year YHC and his future M had advanced into that special realm of the relationship called “meeting the family”. The mission of this weekend trip was simple: meet family , make a good impression and hide your IBS at all costs. Well they say everyone has a plan till you get punched in the mouth. And most of the IBS crew will add that you also have a plan until you heap salad on top of Billy’s boudin balls (pepperJack of course, shout out Krotz Springs) ) and sprinkle in the nerves of meeting your potential future in laws. It was amidst these trials and tribulations of gastrointestinal chaos that YHC was handed an even greater task. Returning from yet another bathroom break YHC was ambushed by his Ms sister holding a pint sized human, colloquially known as a “baby”. I would later find out this was my Ms niece who was thrust into my arms with the awkward wink and even more awkward comment to the baby “it’s your future uncle Devin “ …
    I held her with both arms extended from my body like a diapered grenade, unsure what to do next. My future sister in law saw the panic set in.
    “She…she won’t explode ..ya know. Just walk with her, she likes that.”
    I began a slow rhythmic walking and patting of the tiny human that any Native Americans would have appreciated as a rain dance. She found it neither comforting nor humorous and began to sing the song of her people. I immediately handed her back. “Is there an off button?” I asked and was met with shaking heads and pity.
    Later, on the long road back to Shreveport, Ashley inquired further. “So is that like the first baby you have ever seen in your life?” She asked as hwy 90 zipped by. I pondered it , then agreed
    “Yea , I think so. What a strange thing, I’ll try to limit my exposure in the future. Hey we are coming up on Billy’s! Want an order of boudin?! …

    And so we fast forward in the back-blast Time Machine and bring you to this morning at the Lions Den. Where 12 men showed up to help YHC shake off the rust (it’s been 7ish years) and welcome my 2.3. YHC is not the only pax with a baby on the way and figured September is a fine month for sharpening skills.

    Duke get the Boudreaux butt paste and roll the footage !
    It’s a baby dedication beatdown !

    Warmup
    The usuals with Tana doing whatever he pleases in stark rebellion. Smooth looked dashing in Hawaiian print and Ronnie wanted it noted that after silent reflection he has named most of the Thibodaux pax.

    Mosey to Hill and some of the pax had the early itch we call the basketball Jones. Goose practically begged for it to be played so JBL serenaded us with the Cheech and Chong classic. (Sorry AB, you missed it again)

    Thang 1
    First things first
    Getting the Baby News

    Arms Wide Open – Creed
    On the hwy hill, lunges up to backward lunges down with a Navy Seal burpee on “With arms wide open”
    The PAX cut the total time in half with correct answers from Enron, Dilly and Goose about Creeds 1999 Human Clay album led by Scott Stapp. A nice warmup.

    Next to rush to the hospital for delivery :

    Indian Run around the reservoir to the bball court with last man dropping off to do 3 flying squirrels for some hidden IPC prep

    At the ball court:

    There’s no point in even having a baby these days if you can’t blast it on all your socials right?!
    YHC took center court for “Baby” by Justin Bieber (2010’s My Way 2.0 album )
    The pax failed to guess these (Horn was sorely missed) but a gracious YHC gave DJ Ronnie credit for knowing Ludacris was featured. Deep rap knowledge from dem 318 bawzzz!
    Additional credit for pax guessing each round of Babies at 18 reps .

    Tin soldiers on song
    Bobby hurleys on Baby

    For a ten count YHC requested Dad Jokes and was not surprised to find the pax can go deep into the night before that tank is empty.

    So now we are home with a new human and excited about it. What’s next ? Hello darkness my old friend for 6 months?
    No Dox! no , we’ve been through this.
    Do Tanas restorative yoga breathing ? ? A useful tool yes , but some of us aren’t that advanced in the ways of eastern medicines.

    It’s time for the cry baby checklist !
    (No not the one one about Jeauxs manniversary , that’s another beatdown)

    Here’s the essential question I remember from 7 years ago , the question that all actions revolve around for months.

    The question is:

    What in Sam Hill could that baby have to cry about ??

    Furthermore why did it not listen when I told it in my plain broken English to please stop crying ??

    Duke! Get the checklist!

    1.) Does the baby need diaper changed?

    Rule: Assess the Damage and watch for shooters

    “7’s” donkey kicks/jump tucks

    Start out with 7 DKs to get down low and assess the damage and sprint to other end of court 1 JT so you can avoid the shooter (urination from a male baby) then Nur back for 6 DKs/2 JTs
    Repeato

    2. Proper Waste Management:
    Rule : Kobe 4 Lyfe

    If you are not involved directly in the changing of the waste then you can atleast take part in its disposal. One absolute necessity as a father is that you take the #1 diapers and shoot them into the trash can like Kobe. It’s an innate talent passed on from our own fathers who shot the urine cotton conglomerate and whispered “mJ” or “Wilt” But for YHCs generation there was no greater jeer than landing a nothing but net shot with a wad of college rule paper right in your 7th grade janitors face (and maybe a crowd of 8th grade girls) and hitting him with the “KOBE!!”
    Side note: It’s been a while but I do strongly suggest this with only the #2s dipes.

    This logically lead us to …
    F3 Put Out (Gotcha)
    SSH in line while waiting
    Mosey the court once you are out
    Last man standing

    YHC could tell Tana was in the zone early when he renamed the game Diaper Dandies. It came down to Dilly, Goose and BoneT to hold him off but his game was too strong today and he took the trophy and awarded the pax 10 burpees.

    #3 Is the baby Gassy?
    Rule: baby pat rain dance

    Partner Up:
    80 no cheat merkins 10 at a time while partner does gas pumps.

    YHC introduced Tana to concrete back farts while Enron and Valve listened to his mounting concern that we should call GI Joe for consultation. Hypotenuse was silently googling CrossFit locations.

    #4 Is the baby Hungry ?
    **this was scratched for time, you’ll thank me on Saturday**

    Moseyed back to the flag for :

    #5 do they need to be held ?
    So Close by Calvin Harris
    We took this jam to the buzzer with mixed Abs and Freddy mercuries.

    COT
    Announcements : IPC week 1 Saturday at the peltch. Watch the vids and practice your flying squirrels at home.

    Shoutout:
    T-Claps to Hypotenuse with back to back posts looking like a very solid addition to the already stacked ‘23 draft class .

    our intentions and prayers for expecting families

    Popeye prayed us out

    Thank you for the lead today men
    It was a much needed reminder at the difficulties ahead but also for the gratitude of this community and strength God provides through your brotherhood.

    Epilogue :

    2080
    West Lafourche

    “Baby ,baby ,baby ahhhh, like baby, baby, baby awww, I thought you’d always be mine “ the man sang has he jogged into Highland Lakes wrapping up his sprint home from his 60th manniversarv.
    He walked inside after giving the ole Sprinter (with the personalized RONNIE plates) two pats on the hood. “She’s still got it” he said walking in to find his M in need of help to dispose of a diaper from their great great grand-baby (4.0). He grabbed the diaper, side stepped the defense and drained it into the waste basket 30 feet away. “Kobe” he whispered looking at the old framed picture of the bayous finest men around a shovel flag. “Kobe …”

    SYITG
    Dox

  • A Little Stitious by Safety Valve – from Goose

    It was a cloudy morning, overcast, 76 degrees Fahrenheit, 98% humidity from the rain the day before, when 11 members of the PAX showed up to the Stage to prove once again they are worthy. Bone thugs convinced an FNG to follow him along today and we were blessed to name a new face to the group. The St. John crew continues to impress with the show rate. Turt made a second appearance, even though Dox continues to tout the JBL is waterproof up to 6 ft and in all respects better than any other speaker available.

    Journal log 9/5/2023 – My observation of this group continues, though less intently today as YHC focused on leading these men through his first Q, the VQ they call it. The first few encounters for YHC’s documentary have been odd. They seem to use a completely different language and enjoy the workouts when they are tougher. Who uses cinder blocks (where does coupon even come from?) to workout? Even though odd, these men continue to show up week after week and seem to enjoy themselves. Is it the pain they enjoy? Do they enjoy sitting down on the toilet and getting up grunting because of the soreness? YHC is at his wits end trying to figure it out. Contemplating, YHC is reminded of another documentary-“The Office”. At first with “The Office”, YHC questioned the Michael Scott methods of leadership, the romance within the work place, and how many employees are needed for a small satellite office that sells only paper. But, as observations continued, YHC slowly saw how Michael Scott (who initially seemed unfit to lead an obese cat to a bowl of food) actually was one of the best leaders to get this mangy group of people to work together and actually enjoy selling paper of all things. As Scott said “The only time I set the bar low is for limbo”. Furthermore, the usual bad taste of dating someone in the workplace turned out to be the best love story since Romeo and Juliet. YHC was proved wrong and is determined to find out what makes this group of F3 men tick…

    Warmarama

    Side straddle hops
    Wind mills
    Imperial walkers
    Mountain climbers
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles back

    The thang
    1 mile run – 0.5 mosey with 0.5 Indian run to finish at the Bumper to grab coupons. During the first part of the mosey, the mind started to wonder. As we lined up for the Indian run at the halfway point, YHC wondered if he would be enough to lead this group of men. How will the PAX make it through workouts today without having the impressive form and determination of Paradiddle to gaze upon. But to my wondering eyes, we saw the brown locks of hair bouncing past us during his run to the front of the line to signify he made it and caught up during the warm up run. We were going to be ok. Diddle was with us.

    After the warm up run and a couple 10 counts The PAX were split into 4 groups of 2 and a single thruple for a continuous AMRAP – 25 minutes total, 5 minutes at each station. Since iron PAX week 0 was still fresh in the mind, the goal for today was to get a full body cardio workout without failing a single particular muscle group. The stations were as follows:

    The love story (who doesn’t love Jim and Pam) – catch me if you can – nur around track, other partner does 5 burpees and sprints to catch

    The warehouse – 15 Bobby Hurleys (squat to touch the ground then jumps up raising arms), 15 overhead presses, 15 deadlifts

    Parkour – leap frog your partner from one picnic table to the other, once there do 10 Jillian Michaels, rinse and repeat.

    The annex (because everyone hates Toby) – 10 man makers, 20 captain Thor’s, 10 thrusters

    The Stanley Hudson – 26 merkins (anything is possible if you want to leave work early for the day), 15 pretzel crunches left, 15 pretzel crunches right (because Stanley loves pretzel day)

    It wasn’t long after starting that we found out that “Parkour” was going to be the tough station, even though Toby in the Annex upset everyone. It’s never a good sign when the super group of Goose and Diddle ask if I’m keeping time because they were ready be done with the Parkour fun. Alas, they still had 1 minute to go as YHC peered at the timer. The chatter otherwise was kept to a minimum while the PAX grinded through each station. America’s Best was unlucky enough to have YHC be his partner again. Once again he continues to proved his name change to America’s beast as he nurred (nar?) around the track at lightening speed. If he was in “The Office” there would be no love story, Pam would have never caught up to him.

    After 25 minutes and each group visiting every station, time was called. We circled up and cloudy vision and foggy minds set in after the beat down as we prepared to name and bring the FNG to the PAX. The absence of Yankee Jeaux was felt as we missed his whimsical naming ability. In the end our FNG was fittingly named Hypotenuse, giving Enron a huge confidence boost as he bagged his first naming. Announcements were made, iron pax week 1 schedule was discussed, prayers were lifted, Dumbledore prayed us out.

    …In the end, I have finally figured out why people keep showing up week after week, day after day, and persuading other people they actually like in their personal lives to join them in the F3 brotherhood (aka cult). Because YHC is not the greatest with words and the poetic form of Yankee Jeaux and Goose was not inherited I’m going to quote one of our own. Cardinal once wrote:

    “Whenever I tell someone about F3, it’s usually something like ‘we exercise early and it usually sucks. But it’s some of the best men I’ve ever met in my life.’”

    The human body can only take so much alone, physically and mentally. It takes other good people around to push us to new heights. YHC will always have huge respect to every person in the PAX for that reason.

    Welcome hypotenuse! The workouts do suck, but you will get to know some great men and be a better person for it.

  • IronPax Week Zero – from Paradox

    You are gazing upon the happenings of Thibodaux, La on the morning of Sept 2 and there are many sights to behold. In the deep gloom near Peltier park several athletes push their bodies to the max in an annual event meant to find the limits of cardiovascular and psychological endurance. It comes every fall and like cool weather and Friday night football it signals the changing of seasons. That event is known as the ED White Cross Country meet.
    ….
    Now take your telescoping lens and scooch it over just a hair ..adjust the mean age by 17 years , sprinkle in wisdom and wrap it in grit and tenacity. Remove the cheering family and substitute with dual connect JBLs. There, there you are, just right. Now you have it.
    Can you see 15 pax surrounded by coupons and encircling the shovel flag prepared to face IPC week zero?

    IPC is finally here!!

    here’s how week zero took place on da bayou.

    Duke! Roll the footage and wake me up when September ends!

    Warmups
    After a week of prep with some finely tuned beatdowns, YHC wanted to add an extra layer of lather and injury protection before we put the pedal all the way to floor so we had round 1 of warmups at the flag with Seal Jacks , IW , Arm circles , CP, Self love , High knees , Butt kicks.
    The pax were loose and ready to dive in as we coupon moseyed to the ThunderDome for the main event.

    The Thang

    It’s taken YHC a few years to decode our QIC Gooses love language but most days I can translate it well. A few examples : “Your shorts are too short” really means “I’m shopping for shorter shorts tonight because they highlight your quads”. And “Those High Knee Arm circles are the dumbest thing in the known universe” really means “that’s an effective and thorough warmup Dox and I think you are swell”
    Of course this takes years of verbal battery to acquire but here I am better for it.
    So when YHC unveiled a 7 foot particle board sign with todays week zero instructions and Goose simply said “I wish it was taller” then I really knew he was saying “I’m overwhelmed by its magnificence and only a sonnet would suffice for praise”
    Fair enough my friend but I know how you really feel.
    YHC gave a quick rundown and we got to the work below:

    Start the timer
    Warmup
    13 reps
    SSH- IW-MC-ST-PJ

    800 meter run

    Then 85 Reps of each followed by 8 burpees after each round of :

    HR merkins
    BBSU
    Dips
    Goblet Squats
    Coupon OHP
    4 count flutter kicks
    KB swings

    800 meter run

    The Iron PaxCenter Top Plays
    Brought to you by CoolJabs :

    As most IPCs go when the whistle blows the vision tends to get hazy. Week zero was no exception and although YHC teetered somewhere between blurred vision and syncope for the duration these were the observations.

    -The pax got off to a nice start on the 800 meter with DiddleGoose (don’t google this ) upfront amd Pope as the pace car and the second wave of pax keeping a conservative pace just behind.

    – Turns out America’s Beast is an actual Virginian grizzly bear. Some think he began the transformation during Popes halo bear crawl of death. Whenever it was I’m here to tell you The BearMan was rolling with good form early with the HR merkins and YHC found inspiration in his intermittent bear grunts. If only we had a shirt for this occasion.
    – The 2.0s provided both stern form advice (Duke) and light hearted banter (Coyote) along with the watchful eye from our wagon EMT (Jack B Nimble)
    – Team JBL reassured the pax of high performance audio after a shaky week. Tuesday we were upstaged by a younger and more beautiful turtle box and Thursday JBL flip 6 (our brother formerly from OLOPs) provided some questionable connection. So Diddles JBL Burrito saved face and YHC did my best DJing to keep the pax spirits high. If some one doesn’t show up at my funeral and play Turn Down for What I’ll be a tad disappointed.
    – Dumbledore was performing coupon goblet squats so perfect and so deep I had to stop mid beatdown and write Crayola a letter via owl from the Hogwarts school of Glute and Quads. Well done Dore.
    – The goblet squats were a gut check for us all and it was no surprise they brought out Smooths best . He was hammering them 10 at a time and there was no quit as the Clydesdale awoke in him.
    – Great to have LOX back with us today! bringing in the summer magic and getting a good break from reading all those rich mohagney seminary books.
    – Gi Joe brought a steely performance amd YHC kept seeing him hit a wall, take a breath and break through to the next set. Well on his way to bring the fittest GI Doc in the state.
    – Overall this crew stood their ground through some ridiculously high reps and stayed in the fight till we hit 7:30 and circled up. T-claps indeed.

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    Grateful to lead men
    Keep hammering

    Moleskin :
    If you’ve attended 1 beatdown or really any social gathering you can usually find the guy in a group who has an internal pressure to hear his own voice. YHC was born with this affliction. So every year when IPC rolls around I find it a nice change of pace (if only brief) to work on battling the inner voice. The one that says 85 reps is stupid and that things are burning and here’s 9000 reasons you should stop. But 1 reason to keep going IS present and part of the iron sharpening process is looking over and seeing the guy next to you fighting that same battle. Each rep, each set, each week we sharpen each other a little more.
    Welcome to September men.

    See you in the Gloom
    Dox

  • St. John the Baptist/ Bearcrawl tag/ Oliver Anthony – from Smooth Operator

    8/29/23 St. John the Baptist/ Bearcrawl Tag/Oliver Anthony

    Attendance
    Goose
    Pope
    Enron
    Dumbledore
    Yankee Joe
    Honeysuckle
    Americas Best
    Safety Valve
    Tana
    Paradox
    Smooth Operator

    This morning YHC had some serious trouble getting out of bed. The only thing that kept me from sleeping till 0900 was my commitment to the HC and the idea of some shared suffering with friends.

    YHC arrived around 0505 on the heels of Paradox to find Enron and Dumbledore waiting on us. After a request for a music box in the group text fell unanswered, YHC just assumed Dox would have JBL on standby as usual. When Dox was confronted about JBL, you could have sworn he left one of his kids home unattended with the stove set to broil by his reaction. Dox started running straight to a groggy Yankee Joe whom had car pooled with AB and Honeysuckle to no avail. Finally, St. John’s place podna Safety Valve came through in the clutch and pulled out what appeared to be a lunch box out of the Platinum. After confirming this was indeed a speaker and not a PB and J sandwich holder, YHC saw the name on the front was turtle box. YHC has seen quite a few speakers that have graced the PAX with tunes throughout my 7 or 8 month tenure as a PAX member, none have jammed quite like the Turtle. The rest of the PAX pulled up and we started warmarama at 0516.

    Warmarama

    SSH
    Imperial walkers
    Windmills
    Willie Mayes Hayes
    Arm Circles
    Cherry Pickers
    Mountain Climbers
    Pairing up for Thang 1
    Coupon curb mosey to pick up 1 coupon per pair

    Today is the Feast of the passion of St. John the Baptist. YHC was very short on my explanation of why we were doing the couple of exercise because of time constraints, but the main points of my research and reasoning behind this beat down were 3 things. John the Baptist was sent by God to make straight the road for Jesus Christ which we will touch on with thang #1. John the Baptist was also sent by God to preach repentance and spread the news of Jesus ministry, which we will touch on in thang #2. Thang #3 didn’t have much to do with John the Baptist, it had more to do with shared suffering and these songs have been very helpful for me while dealing with my recent hardships.

    Alright let’s get on with it.

    Thang #1
    Catch me if you can/ murder bunny version

    Thang one ties in with John the Baptist because we are going to literally make the path straight for our partners to run behind us by pounding the ground flat with coupons. We moseyed to the big field down the bayou from the stage. After finalizing our partnerships, YHC set out to explain Catch me if you can which I remembered really enjoying a Goat’s beatdown where this was involved. Basically partner 1 starts murder bunnying across the field toward white fence and back. Partner 2 will complete 5 goosees and then sprint to partner one and catch him. After this the partners will switch until they have completed 3 times from the street to the white fence. After this the Pax did the same exercise except we lunge walked instead of murder bunnyed and did 5 merkins instead of goosees. We completed 2 more street to white fence reps. The PAX did awesome on this exercise and shout out to Dumbledore taking care of his portion of the work and alot of mine. That dude is a beast and probably a future animal if the current owner of the animal shirt ever brings it back to a beatdown.

    Thang #2
    Bear crawl tag
    Earlier this summer, Tractor and I were outside playing tag. We had the sprinklers on, Jack be Nimble was running around spraying people down with a hose pipe. Miller was probably trying to find a new way to get hurt. Well YHC was tired of running after that little speedster tractor and we decided to try something new. Tag but on all fours. We did this for at least an hour and tractors stayed smiling for way longer than that. Then the wheels started turning and YHC knew he needed to work this one into a beat down. Alright back to reality, the rules for this one were relatively simple, we all
    Bear crawl, YHC would start out as IT. As I tagged people they would do 5 merkins and then be IT along with myself. We would continue on until 1 person was left standing. Then they would start the next game being it. Well due to time restraints we only played one game, but this one will make a comeback.

    Thang #3
    Musical beatdown.
    With a little over 15 minutes we had the perfect amount of time to get through the 3 songs I picked out for today. These songs were very helpful with YHC coping with the hardships I been experiencing lately and I really wanted to share them with the PAX.
    There has been a craze over a farmer from Virginia lately. He goes by Oliver Anthony and he sings some simple songs that have messages that are strong in character.

    The first song was titled Rich Man’s Gold.
    The PAX would be changing levels from mission impossible and high plank whenever there is a break in the lyrics. YHC stressed it was not important in getting all the lyrical breaks correct it was all about the effort.

    After this we moved on to the second song Rich men from Richmond. This song is what made Oliver Anthony popular. Contrary to popular belief, Oliver Anthony is not a conservative. He pretty much said he doesn’t like any politicians. On the second song we would be changing levels again in the breaks in the lyrics. We would be switching from deep squat, Al gore or mid level squat, to an athletic position. As the song went on, YHC ability to distinguish the breaks in the lyrics got worse and worse.

    The last song was a song from Larry Fleet, Where I find God. For this one we would be holding 6” and with ever break in the lyrics we would be doing a leg raise. 3/4 of the way through we hit 0600. The Pax seemed pretty content with this.

    After this we had COT. A few of us had problems counting off. Announcements revealed that Enron had the Q for Thursday at the Lion’s Den. We expressed intentions for all the PAX members whom M’s are pregnant and Safety Valve prayed us out.

    Thanks to all who showed up. Keep up the good work and thanks for pushing me to be a better man.
    SYITG,
    Smooth Operator

  • “Sweet Summer Rain…” – from Goose

    As the thunder rolled and the lightning struck starting at about 3am, YHC wondered how many more fartsackers would avoid this morning’s romp than the usual Goose-Q checkouts. But, as it strangely does on F3 mornings, the weather let up at around 5:00am, and this morning it eased to a gentle drizzle and some beautiful lightning in the distant sky. YHC couldn’t have ordered it up better, especially after the streak of stifling sizzlers we’ve been enduring for the past month or so.
    After a warmup of the usuals plus some lower back work, we moseyed to the coupon stack to grab a few. YHC stopped by the truck to grab the beautiful, readable marker board that YHC’s M prepared for this morning’s IPC prep, and we set up the easel facing the parking lot, on purpose, so everyone could read it since exercises would be done on the concrete and the grass.
    YHC is a little wary of all the HR merkins, goblet squats, and kettle bell swings that we’re destined to burn out on this coming Saturday morning, so I figured we’d utilize the opportunity to strengthen the same joints we’ll be straining since we’re five days out, enough time to grow some muscle around them.

    The board said:
    15 of each, 10 burpees, then Stop Sign run
    -HR Merkins
    -BB situps
    -Goblet Squats
    -Dips
    -OH Presses
    -Flutter kicks (4-count)
    -Kettle Bell Swings
    -10 Burpees

    And, the grind began. Lil’ Cuz brought an FNG from the far north (round Homer somewhere–newly named Barney Fife), but in my own wet fog, I didn’t see how he managed. Seemed ok at the end, though. The men were unusual quiet as they slogged through it, though YHC was grateful for Paradox’s verbosity, which served as a distraction during the runs. (It was good to have a reason to push, too–can’t have anybody too far ahead of me, and Dox was feeling froggy this morning.). Dumbledore continues to impress as he kept moving despite foggy glasses, and Cardinal stayed right behind us the entire time looking fit in that Carolina blue.

    YHC was grateful for these dudes and their willingness to grind through this wet morning. It’s an experience that’s hard to match, and it changes everything when you’re sharing it with quality men.

    SYITG,
    Goose