F3 New Orleans

Tag: Goats in the Machine

  • Concrete Schoolyard – from Paradox

    What are the greatest rivalries of all time?
    Some come to mind.

    Yankees vs Bo Sox?
    Rocky vs Apollo Creed?
    JBL vs Anker (RIP!)?
    Gandalf vs Saruman?
    Lil Cuz’s Neck vs Gravity?
    Yankee Joe vs Father Time?

    All great.

    But Regardless of the pairing, one thing is always present in a great rivalry.
    High level Competition creates high level performance.

    I could explain …but …really …
    Well, I’d rather just show you.

    10 PAX arrived in a flurry to the concrete schoolyard to test our limits in the spirit of competition. Gorgeous beatdown weather. high 50s. Light breeze.

    WarmUp

    Usuals plus Bumper\Stop mosey.
    Touch the sign or it don’t count.

    Wilfred “place at the table” Montana “ coming in hot to break up mid mosey SLT meeting with YHC and Goose. Ya hate to see that kinda attention seeking behavior early in a Q. but you must persevere.

    Thang 1 – Anker tribute

    Not a day goes by that I don’t think about our Anker being in Bluetooth heaven. Sitting there amongst the clouds listening to sea shanties with no more pain.
    One small portion of his greatness was bringing the best from JBL and teaching him the way of audio torture for the PAX.
    Today we honor him with one of the greatest lyrical battles of the modern age.

    *NSYNC vs Backstreet Boys

    Backstreet Boys “Everybody”

    So we start with 10 burpees to work off with 1 deleted per sic dance move

    Apolo Onos to start during the dance window , flow into IWs

    Burpees on every “Body”

    Like any 8th grade dance the pax were hesitant to start but Goose broke the ice with his patented …Irish jig , it’s something
    Baggins felt the spirit and went for groceries.
    YJ came in hot after provocations with some funk fresh and Goats rounded out with the classic preparation H. Im missing one but im sure it was memorable.
    These brave men bought us 5 burpees.

    Track mosey and oh boy you know what’s next …

    Bye bye bye by Nsync
    Plank on song
    MC on Bye

    Lots of long plank holds so Goose could tell us Justin Timberlakes Dating history.

    The Thang

    Concrete Schoolyard

    Rules

    -Split PAX into 1s and 2s
    -Everyone gets one piece of chalk
    -the object of the game is to put points in the opposing teams “goal “ which is a chalk circle on the concrete
    ⁃ you can only do this by completing the base exercise then sprinting to the goal. This results in 1 point.
    ⁃ Scattered in the field of battle are “extra points “ you could add to your base score (see below)
    ⁃ A round will be timed, when time is called we tally points

    Coupons 10 OHP- 2 points
    10 Med Ball Slam- 2 points
    60 jump rope – 2 points
    Kettle Bell swing -2 points
    Ole Hickory – 5 points

    Winner savors 5 SSH
    Loser eats 5 burpees

    Round 1
    5 minutes on the clock
    10 merkins at base

    Round 2
    5 minutes
    10 Bonnie Blair’s at base

    Lightning Round 3
    2 minutes on clock
    5 Burpees at base

    Team 1
    Tana, Cardinal , YJ , lil cuz , Smooth operator

    Team 2
    Baggins, Superfund, Goose, goats , YHC

    Alot to unpack here and I’m sure validity of points and timing will be debated for decades to come but at one point in the middle of the beautiful madness YHC stopped mid Merkin to soak it all in …

    I saw a Goose sliding to secure ole hickory, shouldering his burden as our most fit pax by selflessly accepting thrusters….I saw Tana looking for every workable angle to gather intel for his crew. I saw smooth operator grab a cinder and wonder what the hell he got himself into….I saw a priest use his body as a shield against an enemy …I saw a master hobbit dashing there and back again from Bonnie Blair’s to ole hickory like he was back in the Shire….I saw Cuz and SuperFund lead with quiet strength. I saw men who forgot they came to exercise and elevated their limits for others.

    Every pax alive in the haze of battle
    Ignited with the fuel of competition.

    I saw a beautiful thing and I for one am grateful to be a part of it.

    Already working on Volume 2.

    COT and Superfund prayed us out
    Praying for Enrons family and
    Baby Little Itch

    SYITG
    PDox

  • Hangin’ with Billy Madison – from Goats in the Machine

    I arrived at the stage at 5:25 with the majority of the PAX plus and FNG waiting for the beatdown to start. It was 66 Degrees Partly cloudy and so humid that it felt hotter than a Billy-Goat’s six in a pepper patch.

    There was 5 minutes of per-chatter mostly about cold showers (IYKYK) and Yankee Joe’s hemorrhoids. At 5:30 the beat down began.

    Warm-O-Rama
    Usual suspects minus the bumper run. Admittedly YHC needs to improve the consistency of my cadence.

    Thang 1: Billy Madisons
    • Perform 12 reps of and exercise and the run the walking path loop
    • Add 12 reps of and additional exercise to each round
    • Each round represents a grade level (you know like in the movie)
    • Preform as follows”
    o Kindergarten = Penguins (because they belon in the zoo)
    o 1st grade = BBSU
    o 2nd grade = Merkins
    o 3rd grade = squats
    o 4th grade = burpees
    o Home School = Monkey Humpers

    Kindergarten through 1st grade was done incidence. This was designed to be deceivingly “cute” before the 2nd grade started. 2nd grade to 5th grade were OYO with Pax planking between rounds. The mumble Chatter quickly ended.

    At one point Paradox Disappeared. I guess he didn’t realize that “you ain’t cool unless you pee your pants”

    Thang 2: F3 Hang man
    • Each pax guesses a letter, if not on board, then 10 merkens while PAX SSH.
    • Whoever solves the puzzle planks, while the rest of the pax do 10 burpees
    • Incorrect Puzzle Solution = penalty of 15 burpees for individual guesser while the rest of the PAX plank
    • Suggested Rounds:
    o Round 1 “Back to School”
    o Round 2 “Burpees”
    o Round 3 “Joshua” *Exodus reference*

    The Pax solved most puzzles on the 2nd letter. This gave us plenty of opportunity for Burpees.

    Thang 3: 11s
    • Freak Nasty & Arm Raises / Travel Bear Crawl

    YHC thought that this would give the PAX some rest after the burpee fest, but this proved to raise the bar of intensity… It was beautiful.

    Mary:
    • Pot Luck Marry from the Pax
    o Wife Pleasures, LBCs, SSH, BBSU, Dolphin Hops, and what ever YJ picked.

    COT
    • Count off
    • Name-o-ramma
    • FNG was given the name “smooth operator”. Welcome!
    • Announcements
    o Reminder to PARADOX to call in a script for Yankee Joes Hemorrhoid
    suppositories
    o Short discussion about the nest St. Vincent 500.
    o Other Chatter that was some of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard.
    At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything t
    hat could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for
    having listened to it.
    • Intentions
    o Enron Family and baby #5!
    • Baggins Prayed us out.

    YHC enjoyed the First F, nut the second F was the best part. O’Doyle Rules!

  • JERICHO – from Paradox

    8 pax on a crisp cool morning at the Stage. With a large group of our pax starting the Exodus 90 journey today YHC thought it pertinent to reinforce a few principles of “breaking down walls”. During a recent bedtime story session, my 2.0s selected the walls of Jericho story (Joshua 6) and in usual fashion the follow up questions had my brain in a pretzel. My son asked what if the soldiers didn’t want to walk around Jericho and they just ran home ? My daughter following with “were there pets in there? What about stuffed animals?”

    Like whoaaa, Did someone spike the Mac and cheese tonight? This led to a re-reading of the scripture, some deep northshore research to find an ole Grundy Q and 4 hours of calculating exactly what year Yankee Jeaux was born. Let’s dive in.

    Warmup
    Abbreviated Standard with a bumper mosey and …I mean Tana those cherry pickers are Something.

    A quick intro that one of the important steps of any rigorous spiritual exercise is relying on others. Recognition that others have strengths and some God given gifts …like sound volume and base. While others have clarity and portability. You know where I’m heading. YHC unveiled that this beatdown was brought to you by ….BAPS. Day by day we heal the scars of the great Bluetooth schism that ultimately took Ankers life. Gone but not forgotten.

    Anker Tribute
    At the start of our exodus journey you are asked to consider your “WHY ?”
    Well traditionally any deep philosophical question in our pax goes through Cardinal and Goose but today we settled for the next best thing ….the resident theologian Lil Jon asked us all “what will you turn down for”
    burpees on “turn down “
    SSH on rest
    **that Wiley old fox Enron smelled this one from a mile away , we’ll come back to strange smells later. Stay with me

    It’s a Stepwise process
    Next we discussed that any major exercise like this would require singular focus on what’s directly ahead of you . Which led to an even deeper question….What was Yankee Joe doing in 1990?? he was almost certainly watching MTV and memorizing Donnie walbergs moves to this classic…

    Step by step – new kids
    One rep at a time , one day at a time
    Step ups on “step”
    , incline mountain climbers on song

    So you are relying on your brothers , you know your “why “and you are taking it step by step but there’s still no Conquering the fear of what’s inside the walls without full trust in God

    Walls of Jericho Thang
    7 exercise
    7 Reps
    7 round
    Track mosey in between

    Depth charges
    Leg raises
    Hurpees
    Ranger merkins
    BBSU
    Carolina dry docks
    Box jumps

    We completed 4 rounds with some solid push.

    Mary to wrap up but wait

    I’ll pause here to note that 5 penalty burpees were given when the gaseous form of pure evil was expelled from the innards of Yankee Joe. YHC was downwind and had his mouth open and and the only way to cleanse one’s palate was 5 burps. Praying for your colon Jeaux.

    Count and name
    FNG naming. With some deliberation and quite a few verbal counter strikes we landed on “Baggins” . This man weathered the chatter, the walls of Jericho and stood strong in a hurricane of potential names. Well done. That quick wit will serve you well amongst these heathens.

    COT and Kilo prayed us out

    Grateful to lead and to continue this journey with y’all.

    SYITG
    PDOX

  • JERICHO – from Paradox

    8 pax on a crisp cool morning at the Stage. With a large group of our pax starting the Exodus 90 journey today YHC thought it pertinent to reinforce a few principles of “breaking down walls”. During a recent bedtime story session, my 2.0s selected the walls of Jericho story (Joshua 6) and in usual fashion the follow up questions had my brain in a pretzel. My son asked what if the soldiers didn’t want to walk around Jericho and they just ran home ? My daughter following with “were there pets in there? What about stuffed animals?”

    Like whoaaa, Did someone spike the Mac and cheese tonight? This led to a re-reading of the scripture, some deep northshore research to find an ole Grundy Q and 4 hours of calculating exactly what year Yankee Jeaux was born. Let’s dive in.

    Warmup
    Abbreviated Standard with a bumper mosey and …I mean Tana those cherry pickers are Something.

    A quick intro that one of the important steps of any rigorous spiritual exercise is relying on others. Recognition that others have strengths and some God given gifts …like sound volume and base. While others have clarity and portability. You know where I’m heading. YHC unveiled that this beatdown was brought to you by ….BAPS. Day by day we heal the scars of the great Bluetooth schism that ultimately took Ankers life. Gone but not forgotten.

    Anker Tribute
    At the start of our exodus journey you are asked to consider your “WHY ?”
    Well traditionally any deep philosophical question in our pax goes through Cardinal and Goose but today we settled for the next best thing ….the resident theologian Lil Jon asked us all “what will you turn down for”
    burpees on “turn down “
    SSH on rest
    **that Wiley old fox Enron smelled this one from a mile away , we’ll come back to strange smells later. Stay with me

    It’s a Stepwise process
    Next we discussed that any major exercise like this would require singular focus on what’s directly ahead of you . Which led to an even deeper question….What was Yankee Joe doing in 1990?? he was almost certainly watching MTV and memorizing Donnie walbergs moves to this classic…

    Step by step – new kids
    One rep at a time , one day at a time
    Step ups on “step”
    , incline mountain climbers on song

    So you are relying on your brothers , you know your “why “and you are taking it step by step but there’s still no Conquering the fear of what’s inside the walls without full trust in God

    Walls of Jericho Thang
    7 exercise
    7 Reps
    7 round
    Track mosey in between

    Depth charges
    Leg raises
    Hurpees
    Ranger merkins
    BBSU
    Carolina dry docks
    Box jumps

    We completed 4 rounds with some solid push.

    Mary to wrap up but wait

    I’ll pause here to note that 5 penalty burpees were given when the gaseous form of pure evil was expelled from the innards of Yankee Joe. YHC was downwind and had his mouth open and and the only way to cleanse one’s palate was 5 burps. Praying for your colon Jeaux.

    Count and name
    FNG naming. With some deliberation and quite a few verbal counter strikes we landed on “Baggins” . This man weathered the chatter, the walls of Jericho and stood strong in a hurricane of potential names. Well done. That quick wit will serve you well amongst these heathens.

    COT and Kilo prayed us out

    Grateful to lead and to continue this journey with y’all.

    SYITG
    PDOX

  • HIIT Me With Your Best Shot (Part 1) – from Yankee Joe

    An incredible 10 PAX hiit The Stage on a brisk, gloomy Thursday morning. When preparing for the beatdown, YHC struggled with themes and/or purposeful routines that would best serve the PAX. Every time I got close to hiiting on an idea, I would hiit a brick wall. It was frustrating. As of late, with all of the talk of TuesdayTuff and Thursday Thoroughbred, and Saturday Samsonite (Samsonite? I was wayyyy off), YHC was unsure of where the spirit of F3 Thibodaux was heading. It felt like something was missing. Don’t get me wrong…I think our PAX is hiiting on all cylinders, but personally, I was missing something. Then, while doing interval sprint training for the marathon I’ll never run, it hiit me. If you haven’t figured it out by now, you should probably go hiit the Dad Joke chat rooms on the world wide web.

    Still nothing? For the love of Goats…YHC needed more workouts known as high intensity interval training or HIIT. These workouts consist of “climbing” the hill with slower, more powerful aerobic exercises, followed by multiple, all out maximum effort “sprints” for a short duration of time. With aerobic (meaning, “with air”) workouts, we can supply enough oxygen for our bodies to produce the energy needed. Anaerobic (literally, “without air”) requires energy production without the necessary supply of oxygen. This is why we can only do these all out “sprints” for short durations, generally less than two minutes. With aerobic exercises, demand matches supply. That is, the oxygen needed matches the oxygen provided. With anaerobic exercises, the supply does not come close to matching demand. Gone, but not forgotten, John Maynard Keynes. Boom goes the dynamite.

    ANNNYYway, this is partly due to my most recent cult membership, Whoop. Perhaps, I’m in better shape, but beatdowns are barely getting me above a “strain” of 8. I have no idea if that actually means anything, but the Whoop app then tells me, “going above 16.6 will promote fitness gains.” I’m like, “promote fitness gains?!? I just freakin’ nurred a mile and tossed a cinder block 73 feet, all while pretending that “Lil Jon” is a visionary lyricist.

    In the words of Peter Griffin, “that’s enough, Nickleback.” YHC decided it’s time for the F3 “Herman Munster. I’m taking it back like Robin Locksley, rockin’ from countryside to spots where hard rocks be.”

    I often wonder if these Pax know how it feels
    to dedicate their whole lives to these abs of steel.
    It’s not about the guns,
    that’s not keepin’ it real.
    A lot of yoked up bros, they ain’t got no zeal.

    I say, let’s take it back to the concrete crews,
    original beatdowns with hard ass Q’s.
    With Paradox tactics, no Montana farting sack tricks.
    Like YHC yak sick,
    just keepin’ it Goose-y-tastic.

    I’m not trying to say my beatdowns are better than yours.
    I’m just on some other Stage.
    I’m all about the planks and the cadence.
    So when I deal it, you get snarky.
    The vibe is energized by my tadpoles being larky.

    Thanks for the cadence, Jurassic 5… (see Concrete Schoolyard…and you’re welcome)

    ANNNYYway, yes, yes, I created a HIIT beatdown is what I’m trying to say.

    We started out with a typical warm-up, adding in some additional broga stretches (i.e cat-cow’s) because it was going to get nasty. However, for YHC, the most unnerving element of the warm-up wasn’t the snarky 9 PAX around me. It was that those 9 snarky PAX around me weren’t talkin’ smack. There was virtually no mumblechatter. YHC even encouraged it to no avail. Did they know? Did they feel what was coming? Did they not care? Or worst of all, did they not think YHC could handle the chatter? It threw me off my game to be honest. YHC was just grateful to have Fencepost as a partner throughout. My guy has crazy, stoic strength and never seems to even breathe hard.

    ———————————–

    That said, we moved into a pre-thang of:

    – 100 SSH’s (I’m now realizing how inconsiderate of me this was re: Enron’s ankle…penalty burpees for me)

    – 15 triple merkin, triple squat jump burpees (inspired by Steve via Goose)

    – 4 P2J2s (alternative name: Piccadilly Dilly’s) – pickle pounders (x4), peter parkers (x4), j-los (x4), jacks of the plank variety (x4) = 1 rep

    – Recovery bumper mosey

    Still no audible chatter, save the affirming gut chuckle from Goose when the triple merkin, triple squat jump burpees were rolled out. Even Cardinal was seemingly kind and tolerant of YHC’s misplaced anger issues. I mean, seriously, I appreciate the genius of John Cleese and the Month Python crew, but you invest nearly two hours anxiously anticipating the discovery of the Holy Grail. Then, the fourth wall is obliterated and the suspension of disbelief succumbs to a sad and cheeky death.

    ————————————

    HIIT Thang #1 (We only made it through one thang. The sequel coming to a Peltch near you.)

    – Partner 1 did 25 goblet squats, while P2 held Al Gore; Flapjack
    – Partner 1 – Murder bunny to sidewalk (40 yards-ish), while P2 ‘zombie plank crawled’ alongside P1 (This was BRUTAL. Elbows, knees, hips, ankles, pelvic regions all screaming in terror)
    – 50 Bonnie Blair’s 1:1 at sidewalk, both partners together

    – Partner 2 – Murder bunny to sidewalk (40 yards-ish), while P1 ‘zombie plank crawled’ alongside P1 back to Stage
    – 25 imperial squat walkers 1:1, both partners together

    —————————————-

    Then, 30 sec speed intervals (as many reps as possible in 30 seconds)

    – Groiners
    – Squat jumps
    – Mountain climbers
    – Bobby Hurley’s
    – Recovery pyramid suicides (5 yards, 15, 25, 40, 25, 15, 5)
    – 400 meter fast mosey

    —————————————

    Mary Bolt’s
    5 minutes; 30 sec speed intervals (get it…ab work…sprints…Mary…Bolt…oh nevermind)

    – LBCs
    – Flutters
    – LBCs
    – Hello Dolly’s
    – LBCs
    – Pickle pounders
    – J-Lo’s

    COT and Lil’ Cuz’s neck prayed us out.

    Doing the exercises is one thing. Going after it like each of you did today is a whole ‘nother level. Thank you for raising the bar for me every beatdown.

    SYITG,

    IM3 – Yankee Joe

  • Fireworks and Infections – from Goats in the Machine

    As I arrived to The Stage YHC was not sure what exact pain and hilarity would ensue. I armed myself with a deck of death and the knowledge of coupons in route. Regardless of what was to come, I was determined to serve anguish with a side of joy.

    I am not sure if it was the wet shoes, soggy, gloves, or the mental prep for Exodus 90; but YHC was in an extremely choleric mood. Unfortunately, the lack of post Beatdown mumble chatter about “strain” from the whoop-gang has made me more vindictive and deceitful. Additionally, I’m starting become convinced that “strain” is what happens after your first cup of coffee is consumed in the morning.

    Warm-o-Rama
    The usually suspects w/ 11 reps for each as to warn the pax of their fate. YHC, had one miscount. All pax are welcome to do 3 backwards arm circles at home.

    Thang 1.1
    11’s coupon curls and tricep extensions. YHC felt it was important to show solidarity with all of the sad clowns and their New Year’s resolutions by working glamor muscles. YJ questioned the sex appeal of triceps. YHC explains the importance of looking swole to the sad clown in the pew behind him when he puts his arm around his M in mass.

    Thang1.2
    3 rounds of Infection. Cardinal showed his crab walk skills once again. Superfund was a shoring sleeper victor.

    Thang 1.3
    Big Bang. Exercises were dictated by deck of death. Paces from the center matches the value of the card pulled.

    Thang 2.1
    11’s coupon overhead press and BBSUs. Mumble chatter was muffled by the 3rd round.

    Thang 2.2
    Big band deck of death again

    Mary with Iron wheel to the finish. Pax stalled with SSH, plank, high knee, back plank, and butt kicks while PAX chose their favorite Marys. YHC noticed a lot of monkey Humper, J-Lo, pickle pounders, and wife pleasers as the wheel turned.

    COT and goose prayed us out.

    Happy Nee year to all. I had a great time with the group of men who showed up in the gloom this morning.

  • After this 1st &10 YHC gives you the rest of the year off! – from Wiford Montana

    YHC was ready to make a splash to close out the year thankful to be a part of F3 Thibodaux. This was my first Peltch que and after a quick consult with my Dr. (POOx) I was ready to launch into the workout. 11 guys showed up, 1 new guy in the mix but new no longer, Welcome Splinter to the PAX!

    Warm up: all the usuals from a Tana warm up which means a total failure to launch and awkward silence and I ask myself why is no one counting… o wait that is suppose to be me. We were loose and ready now.

    Indian Run: all the way around the peltch last man hits 5 meekins as JBL brought the straight smoke with hits from the 70’s

    Ode to Anker: Lil Ed blues song
    2 monkey humper on monkey
    2 bunny hops on rabbit
    1 good morning on lion.
    *Spoiler alert: the monkey ends up eating the rabbit

    1st and a looong 10
    Run to goal and then ladder to every yardage
    10: man makers
    20: burpees
    30: merkins
    40: Thrusters
    50: Big boys
    60: squats
    70: plank jacks
    80: seal jacks
    90: ssh
    100: flutters

    We met back at the 50 to do 50 press ups and curls till I called it. Special t claps to all who got covered in a fair bit of mud and I felt the power from doing this together at each 10. Great job PAX this one in conjunction with the mud was something I have not yet done, only due to the extreme bass and tones of JBL hitting the journey songs pushed us through. Dox and JBL had the prescription we all needed.
    My last act in 2022 as YHC is to give the rest of the year off from F3 beatdowns!
    COT and Enron prayed us out!
    It’s been a year fellas glad to be here with each of you.
    Tana

  • Sir Pax-A-Lot – from Yankee Joe

    The power sub-station is down. It could be hours before power is restored. It typically takes me three hours to write a back blast regardless of quality. My laptop has about an hour of battery life remaining. This will be the biggest challenge of my F3 career. Bring it.

    It is final exam week, and I am desperately treading water in an ocean of incompetent student essays, projects, and presentations. With every group presentation, I further doubt my own competence as an instructor. How did I fail them so completely? From this group of poor victims, comes interactions that make every painful moment worthwhile. I offer some real gems below:

    Presentation Q&A Example 1:

    – YHC: In what ways did Covid-19 impact the supply chain logistics within the automobile industry?

    – Student: Great question. To be honest, we can say that the supply chain was totes jacked up. In fact, I’m pretty sure the expression, “off the chain” came from this issue.

    – (YHC Internal Monologue): Well crap, it was indeed totes jacked up. I know this did not spawn the term, “off the chain”…right? I don’t even know what’s real anymore.
    —————–
    Presentation Q&A Example 2:

    – YHC: You mention that customers in China had trust issues with the company’s distribution channels?

    – Student: Totally. The products were all warehoused in the U.K.

    – YHC: Ok. What was the issue with products being warehoused in the U.K.?

    – Student: I mean, it’s a bunch of college students running the company?

    – (YHC Inner Monologue): Oh…oh no. No, no, no…She thinks that “UK” stands for University of Kentucky. Oh God…what do I do? Keep a straight face, keep a straight face. It’s too late for her. I can’t help. This is not the hill.

    – YHC: GO Wildcats!
    ——————
    Presentation Q&A Example 3 (and my absolute favorite so far):

    – YHC: You talk about the challenges of Starbucks entering the Indian market? Why was market entry so difficult?

    – Student: Well, it seems that they didn’t really have the right equipment and gear.

    – YHC: Explain

    – Student: Well, as you know, the northern border of India has the Himalayan Mountains, which make entering the country really hard.

    – YHC: (stares at student)

    Student: (stares at YHC)

    – YHC: (realize that student isn’t kidding)

    – Student: They’re really high mountains.

    – YHC: (long pause) Welp…sounds good to me! Moving on to the next question.
    ——————-
    What does all this have to do with a beatdown? Per usual, it is a very weak connection, but if I am good at anything, it’s forcing a square peg in a round hole. I use Backblasts for cathartic journaling as much as…well that’s it actually. Does anyone really read these things? If yes, post your favorite meme from The Office.

    7 Pax at the Stage. It’s been awesome as of late. The addition of Fence Post has raised the bar and the regs keep it consistent. Montana’s newly styled Sumo bun is looking on purnt! It was 43 degrees. As mentioned in prior blasts, YHC is not a tough guy when it comes to cold. The wind was blowing. I, with my tights and hooded sweatshirt felt very weak next to Enron in his shorts and short sleeves.
    —————-
    Warmarama
    – SSH – 30 ct until YHC felt some blood moving
    – Windmills that YHC thought were arm circles
    – Grass Grabbers w/ the Clap so YHC could feel like the NOLA PAX
    – Finally, real arm circles, but YHC forgot to call out the exercises
    – Some high knees, some Derricks…maybe (taken from the now famous Enron Re-VQ)
    – And a Mosie

    (now that I’m writing it down, it was pretty much the worst Warmarama since Montana)
    —————-
    ON to the Thangs…No real theme except that YHC misses IPC like the deserts miss the rain.

    The Beatdown: Sir Pax-A-Lot (three-part thang)

    AKA: 30-60’s – 20-40’s – 30-60’s (You’d get it if you had it goin’ like a turbo ‘Vette.)
    —————
    Set up:
    cones in a square of 20-yard sides. PAX moves starts at the lower left corner, then moves to the upper left corner, then diagonally to the lower right corner, then to the top right corner, finally diagonally to the lower left corner.
    ——————
    Round 1: 30 – 60 (transport – bear crawl)
    – 30 merkins
    – 60 arm raises
    – 30 Carolina dry docks
    – 60 seal jacks
    – 400 m run
    ———————-
    Round 2: 20 – 40 (transport – lunge walks)
    – 20 leg thrusters
    – 40 prisoner squats
    – 20 Bonnie Blair’s the hard way 2:1
    – 40 side to sides 1:1
    – 400 m run

    **the Bonnie B’s following the lunges, following the prisoner squats, following the leg thrusters suuuuuucked!
    ———————–
    Round 3: 30 – 60 (transport – crab walk)

    The subordina…er, I mean, chatter really picked up here. Goose had “so many questions” and Cardinal kindly reminded YHC that only 12 minutes remained. Montana announced 4:1 flutters equaled 120 (all by hisself too!). Enron questioned the exercise in general, forgetting the vendetta YHC had on he and Goose from a couple weeks ago…nobody can remember about what though.

    – 30 flutters 4:1
    – 60 low plank leg lifts 1:1
    – 30 Poppin Dollys (hello dolly followed by 90 degree leg lift)
    – 60 J-lo pickle gobblers 1:1 (J-Lo then two pickle pounders = 4 ct)
    – 400 m run

    ** I still can’t figure out how Cardinal so effortlessly glides through a crabwalk. YHC tried to keep up, which resulted in a muddy backside. I think he’s tired of hearing about it. Seriously, just let a playa’ play.
    ———————-
    Not Mary

    – We did something…whatevs…this ain’t even my whole day
    – Lastly, we did three level push-ups (up à quarter merkin hold, up à half merkin hold, up à full merkin hold; same thing down, BUT no hold at the bottom, which was a huge missed opportunity. That said, Enron was doing the wide arm mission impossible to hold the WHOLE DANG time at the bottom. I was very impressed…Enron was very pissed. My B.

    COT

    Goose prayed us out.

    Not my best work fellas, but I appreciate you powering through and raising the bar with every beatdown.

    Ooohh…the power just came on. Time to hear more inspiring presentations.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Joe

  • VQ Redo – from Enron

    Recently having to miss the last two reportedly epic beatdowns around Thanksgiving, including the highly contested Turkey bowl, YHC was ready to get back to action. Lately the Thibodaux PAX have had quite a few VQs including Wilford Montana, Goats in the Machine, and a report of an upcoming Lil’ Cuz VQ. YHC was reminiscing on his own first. In review of the laminated sheet (yes there was at least some prep), it was established that the new(er) PAX have been much more impressive in their creativity, preparation, understanding of timing of when exercises should be completed, understanding of generally how this should work, etc.… The thought blossomed to re-create the VQ for a replay to show how far we have come.
    Pulling up in the gloom to the empty parking lot at 5:25, the stage was set. As it turns out, YHCs original VQ ended up being a solo beatdown, meaning no one actually showed up. Therefore, the true VQ had to be rescheduled to a time where one other PAX was in attendance via an EH at 6:15 the morning of, on a brother-in-law, Headcheese. 6:30 rolled around and the stage remained empty of other attendees. Still confident of a late, and somewhat usual arrival of Goats, solo side straddle hops began the warmup. Just as these were completed, the headlights of not one, but two speeding minivans stormed on the scene. The minivan brigade barreled in the parking lot revealing Goats and Yankee Joe in perfect fashion to bring back memories of the VQ. After some mumble chatter on 2.0s and other reasons for the late arrival the explanation of what was coming began.
    YHC described the tale from his VQ and how in reading back through the beatdown and the realization of just how utterly stupid it was, it was perfect for a replay. The full intent of this was to demonstrate how impressive the recent VQ activities have been.
    PAX: Enron, Yankee Joe, Goats in the Machine

    Warmup:
    Abe Vigoda’s
    SSH (again for the late arrivals)
    Derrick’s – The stupidity of why these were ever placed into a warmup we will never know. Although, Yankee Joe seemed to enjoy the difficulty of them so early in the beatdown
    Nolan Ryans – Why would you put these in the warmup? You may ask. – because it’s a VQ and YHC didn’t know what he was doing
    Alarm Clocks – First on the Lexicon so naturally had to throw these in
    Bumper mosey

    Thang 1:
    “Yeah” by Joe Nicholls – played on only an iPhone, to bring back the simplicity of times before the infamous Thibodaux speaker debacle. JBL Proud®©™
    Plank for the duration
    Plank jack on “Yeah”
    Mountain climber on “She”

    Thang 2:
    The Cindy Crawford (for the perfect beach body)
    In each corner and then the middle of the stage, mosey between stations – 4 rounds of the following were completed:
    5- Merkins
    10- Moroccan Night clubs – why? You may ask – because it was a VQ and YHC didn’t know what they were
    15- Squats
    20- LBCs
    25- Calf Raises (or toe raises as they were strangely titled on the previously mentioned laminated page)

    Thang 3: Deck of Death
    It wouldn’t be an Enron Q without the DoD, although the VQ came before YHC had access to the F3 deck. Each PAX drew approximately 6-8 cards each from a regular deck of cards until it was 6:10
    Hearts: Merkins with face cards being hand release merkins
    Clubs: Squats with face cards being jump squats
    Diamonds: LBCs with face cards being Big boy sit-ups
    Spades: Burpees with face cards being SSHs
    Aces: bear crawl to end of field (30 yards) – mosey back

    Mary:
    Freddie Mercury’s
    Arm Circles – Why are we doing a warmup at the end? You may ask. Because it was a VQ and YHC didn’t know what he was doing
    Abe Vigoda- Why are we doing a warmup at the end? You may ask. Because it was a VQ and YHC didn’t know what he was doing
    Heals to Heaven
    Mountain Climbers

    COT and prayed us out. Thanks, guys, for the laughs to go along with this one, it was a nice way to ease back into it after the holiday.

  • Butterball Flight School – from Yankee Joe

    First things first. At 11:50 am yesterday, YHC hopped on the phone with Goats in the Machine. In the background, I could hear his 2.0, Sonic, playing. Or at least I thought he was playing. Goats, as the de facto PE coach, was actually running Sonic back and forth across their two acres. “Take another lab, bud. Goood. Yep. Keep going. Keep goingggg. To the tree and back…the far tree way, way over there. Good job.”

    This gave us a few moments to talk. Goats had an idea to raise money from the Pax to purchase a bicycle for a child in need. Better than that, he wanted to bake it into a beatdown. Even better than that, he wanted to take over YHC’s Thursday Q and run his own. Even more betterer than that, this would be his VQ! We got off the phone at 12:03 pm. By 1 pm, he had created his plan and shared it with the Pax. By 1:15pm, he had his Venmo ready. By 1:45 pm, there were enough donations to buy one bike. By 4pm, enough for four bikes, by 7pm enough for 12 bikes, and by 5am this morning, enough for 16 bikes. Y’all when this guy gets an idea, the Southern Goats Express is rolling through and rolling fast. You better get on board or take a powder and kick rocks (aka..get the heck out of the way). After getting a glimpse of his pre-blast VQ, we are in for a deliciously brutal treat!
    ————–

    That’s a tough act to follow, but on to the beatdown.

    A record seven PAX showed up at the Stage. 44 degrees, but the chill factor had ebbed since the day before, so YHC was whining far less audibly. Thanksgiving is a holiday that often gets overshadowed by Christmas (the commercial, Santa version), like an underwhelming opening act to the main event. As such, we often forget to take a moment to be thankful as we head into the true season of celebrating our Savior.

    As my children adorably sang Thanksgiving songs during their Pre-K performance last week, one verse stuck out to me:

    “I’m a little pilgrim on the run, here is my knife and here is my gun. When I go a-hunting, hear my shout – Deer and turkey better watch out!”

    Cute, if not a tad unnerving. I pondered about what the turkey thought about all this? I asked myself, who will speak for the Turkey? I’ll tell you who…the men of F3 Thibodaux. And the only way to do that is to think like a turkey, sound like a turkey, move like a turkey, and fly like a turkey.

    Wait…can turkeys fly? Ahhh…and thus our beatdown was birthed.

    Warmarama with the regs, followed by a bumper mosey.

    Then, YHC began the beatdown with the following beatdown intro:

    “Today, we’re all a bunch of turkeys. But I’m proud of that fact. There are haters everywhere. They say that we’re delicious. They mock us saying gobble gobble. Who even says that? Their kids trace their hands on construction paper and slap some feet on them and say, “Look mommy, I made a turkey.” Like it’s a genuine Turcasso. Sorry kid, your teacher found the turkey hand template online because she’s bored and doesn’t like her job. However, she is worried (or pissed) that you use so much dang Elmer’s glue when all you need is a dot. Just a dot. Seriously. But I digress.

    I could deal with all of this if it weren’t for the worst thing. They say we can’t fly. Bobby Joe and Jessie Pearl call us flightless birds. Flightless! Oh yeah, Bubba Sue, how the hell did I get up in this tree? Well, I say horsefeathers. They think they’re the cat’s pajamas, drinking all that giggle juice. Well, I say they don’t know their onions. Until now, we’ve made a right pig’s ear of things. But that ends now. Today, we will show them a thing or two about a thing or two. We’re going to learn to fly. Welcome to Butterball Flight Academy.”
    ————-
    Lesson 1: Arm and Leg Warm-up
    To the tune of “Learning to Fly” by Tom Petty, these parakeets did:

    – 1st verse – Imperial walkers; Refrain – Merkins
    – 2nd verse – seal jacks; Refrain – Merkins
    – Bridge – chill
    – 3rd verse – squats; Extended refrain – Merkins
    (potential total for 95 merkins)
    ————-
    Lesson 2: Coordination and Flight Training

    – Tie Fighters modified with forward arm circles through lunges
    – Lunge walk to sidewalk (approx. 30 yards)
    – Jungle Boi’s X20 (at this point, YHC was questioning his…well everything)
    – Backward tie fighter mods – BACs during backward lunges to start point
    (half way through, YHC called an audible to change Bonnie Blairs to a 1:1 ratio)
    Bonnie Blairs x20
    ————-
    Lesson 3: You Must Focus. You Must Think Like a Crane, not a Turkey.
    To the tune of “You’re the Best” from Karate Kid (Part 1, of course), these flamingos did:

    – 1st verse – SSH; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – 2nd verse – SSH; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – Bridge – chill (YHC forgot that we were supposed to be doing speed humpers); Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – 3rd verse – Arm raises; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    (By the end, it is impossible to describe whatever the hell any of us were doing. They weren’t crane kicks.)
    ————-
    Intermission: You can only push a bunch of turkeys so far without giving them some reward. So, we took a break and like any good family thanksgiving, we had a pot-luck Mary session. (Poppin Dolly’s were not included.)

    – Montana: V-ups
    – Fence Post: LBC’s (we were all thankful)
    – Kilo: Penguins
    – Goats: Protractor leg raises (20, 45, and 90 degrees) – one of the many advantages of having an engineer in the PAX
    – Goose: Box cutters
    – Enron: I can’t remember. Maybe Big Boy’s? I’m sorry, buddy. I can be such a turkey sometimes.
    – YHC: Flutter kicks – 4 COUNT – but I was actually doing a 5 count. Goose and Enron graciously corrected me. Then I graciously began planning their punishment.

    The Q is not always right, but he is NEVER wrong.
    ————–
    Lesson 4: We Fly!

    – Sprint to sidewalk with tucked wings, intermittently screeching “gobble, gobble.”10 big boys sit ups
    – Nur sprint back with tucked wings
    – Sprint to farthest cone, 10 BBS, Nur sprint back
    – Sprint to second farthest cone, 10 BBS, Nur sprint back
    – Sprint to third farthest cone, 10 BBS, Nur sprint back
    (Thank you Goats and Montana for your enthusiastic gobbling.)
    —————
    Lesson 5: Stabilizers

    Our wings are curved, our tail feathers are straight up, our bones are dense. We are fluffy, not fat. As such, our last lesson dealt with an oft overlooked facet of turkey flight training…stabilizers.

    To the tune of Gobble Gobble (by Matthew West…it’s a good one), these cockatoos engaged in a combination of low plank holds, J-Lo’s (low plank, alternate hips touching ground), and the newest Thibodaux Pax fad, the pickle pounder (low plank with hip thrust down and up).

    Together, the J-Lo’s and the Pickle Pounder are called the ARod’s. But for obvious reasons, this name is no longer appropriate. For the consideration of F3 Thibodaux and Nation, I offer the J-Lo Pickle Gobbler. It’ll catch on.

    – 1st verse – low plank
    – J-Lo on gobble gobbles
    – Refrain – pickle pounders
    – 2nd verse – low plank
    – J-Lo gobble gobbles
    – Extended Refrain – pickle pounders
    (By the end of the extended refrain, Montana, Kilo, and Fence Post were all calling out YHC. I was gassed, flat on the ground, moving my hips from side to side. I believe the term “wounded walrus” was suggested.
    ————–
    Encore! 90 seconds remaining

    YHC deliberated with great pains on which Karate Kid song to use for the Crane Kick lesson. It came down to “You’re the Best” and “Glory of Love.” The former won out by virtue of faster cadence.

    So, to the tune of “Glory of Love,” we held Al Gore for the first verse (about one minute) and ended the last 30 seconds in mission impossible plank. In a vulnerable moment, Goose shared that this was the first song to bring him to tears as a child. I can tell you that YHC has never felt so seen.
    ————–
    COT and YHC prayed us out. As always, I am thankful for F3, the men of the Thibodaux Pax, and most of all the values that we share and espouse to the community. Thank you Goats for bringing those values front and center as we head into this season of gratitude and humility.

    SYITG and Gobble Gobble,

    Turkey Joe