F3 New Orleans

Tag: Goldilocks

  • The Centenarian Decathlon – from Paradox

    YHC has been in a rather melancholic mood recently and asking the deeper , heavy hitting questions about this life ?

    Am I original? Yeahhhh
    Am I the only one? Yeahhh
    Am I sexual ? Yeahhh
    Am I everything thing you need? You better rock your body now…
    *record scratch***
    ***looks in the mirror and slaps face ***

    (No no no !
    That’s not it !
    That’s YJs Monday beatdown playlist with the Backstreet Boys still plaguing your mind
    Let it go Dox , keep your composure
    Focus , you’re better than this
    Do it for Tana, he’s alone out there in the rep wilderness and needs this blast )

    Ok ok I’m back but seriously the question here is what can I do for the years I’m allowed on this planet to be the most functional
    Can health span truly = lifespan?

    Well, 8 High impact men beat the darkness at the stage Tuesday morning to answer the above.

    This framework YHC picked up from a longevity expert Dr Peter Attia (see links below for more elegant explanations)
    But it boils down to imagining your most important tasks at 100 years old and reverse engineering the training for our own personal decathlon. So YHC polled the pax audience via text the day before and built a list of everyone’s “must be able to do at 100” list.

    But here’s the catch .. sure you can do those things now but we need to be able to compensate for age related decline.
    So for example you can all pick up a 20 lb toddler now and raise them over your head like Simba. But for the next 4 decades you could lose 7-8 percent of your muscle strength/decade (perhaps more if you have a roaring water problem) : so today you need to be able to lift ….let’s say a 40 lb coupon overhead roughly 50 times. Makes sense? You see where this is heading

    Duke get the footage and Medicare part D we got new indications baby !

    Warmup
    Standard issue warmups welcoming back Goose and Pope fresh from NC adventures and extra time to nurse a few tight arms from YJs zombie crawls and Lil cuzs pull-up palooza.

    Bumper mosey

    Da List

    #1 get up from lying down un aided
    #2 climb stairs

    Song : I Don’t Need Your Rocking Chair – George Jones
    Wake up , Climb Stairs

    BBSU into box jump
    Back into bed with 1 Merkin increase each rep
    That bird poop on the stage never smelled better.

    #3 Coordination to play with great grandkids and #4 Driving )
    Indian Run with frisbee
    Last man does 5 gas pumps
    If Frisbee miss , all pax 7 jump squats

    YHC will confess here that I’m very bad at frisbee and expected atleast 5-6 drops. Little did I know smooth and Goldilocks are semi pro frisbee weekend warriors. YHC had so little faith in an overthrown pass that I had halted the run to smugly handout squats. Goldilocks turned on the #jets and the seminarian house will be getting PED testing very soon.

    #5 Pick up great grandchildren and #6 Swim

    WIPE OUT
    Flora
    P1 10 Thrusters to complete 100
    P2 Flutter kicks

    The chatter subsided significantly after opening the thrusters …

    LIVE ON A PRAYER

    Travel – 20 coupon curl each to complete 80 as a partner pair
    P2 – Genuflections

    ITS THE CLIMB #8
    #9 GOLF with my FRIENDS

    100 Apolo Onos (to get the ball out of the hole ) – sets of 10
    Coupon Dance Steps fast as you can go (simulate climbing )

    Fantastic group effort to finish these out and I don’t know if I was motivated more by Goose or Miley Cyrus but we finished real strong.

    …Grand Finale

    GIVE ME SOME LOVING #10

    It was here YHC revealed that Smooth had answered the penultimate question with his usual stunning word efficiency

    What is the single most important activity to still be doing at 100 ??

    Pickle Pounders!

    Song : Give me Some loving
    Plank reaches on Song
    2 Merkins on Glad
    Pickle Pounders on Give and loving
    All I can say here is that somewhere in North Carolina ole Kilmer is smiling and that there could be some HR classes Goose has to attend for being an upstanding HOA member present at this musical debauchery.

    COT and Lox prayed us out

    Animal given to the Pope for carrying YHC through the thrusters and still counting them all.

    The Tanaversary is Thursday
    The hype is building…

    Great morning striving alongside you men keeping our physical and spiritual health sharp.

    Keep it 100

    SYITG

    Dox

    https://peterattiamd.com/how-to-train-for-the-centenarian-decathlon/

  • Just Make Sure You Remember to Forget – from Yankee Joe

    It’s 1996 in Omaha for the 50th anniversary of the College World Series. It’s the Championship game between LSU and Miami. Warren Morris, who has been inactive most of the season due to a wrist injury, convinces the Skipper before the game to put him in the line-up.

    It’s the bottom of the 9th. LSU is down 8-7 against a prolific Miami Nine. Morris strolls to the plate with a man on third. There are two outs. The first pitch is a hard curve low and away. Morris swings with everything his wrist can handle…and it’s all over. Gone. The Walk-Off has been called by some the greatest moment in college baseball history. Morris certainly couldn’t know as he rounded second base that the Miami shortstop crying and pounding his fists in the dirt would end up being a three-time World Series champion – Alex Cora. Go Sox.

    So, if you’re LSU, you should remember 1996. Also, if you’re LSU, you should thoroughly absorb and then forget the Game 2 debacle yesterday as Florida hung 24 runs on ya. As Paradiddle reminded us about the quote from the great Ted Lasso. “Be a goldfish.”

    We would use ’96 and 24 for rep counts throughout. Just to keep us in balance.

    YHC arrived at The Stage about 20 minutes early to make sure that my burner phone would successfully hook up to BAPS. Smooth Operator was right on my tail, followed by Goldilocks, Cardinal, and Econoline. YHC had yet to meet Econoline, so this was an added bonus after a week hiatus due to being on the IR.

    Paradox rolled in with the shovel flag. He was followed by Montana and French Horn…wait no…they ballsacked again? I just assumed they would show up when prewriting my blast because they…you know…HC’d. Oh wait. They came up with their own version of “hopeful commit?” Is that a thing? Does F3 recognize that garbage? Regardless, Sans the Captain and the Pusher, the PAX finally closed ranks with the standard late arrival of Paradiddle. I’m running out of excuses to make for this guy.

    —————————-
    Thang 1: Skipping through the daisy fields – gotta be humbled.

    – (Mario punches) to sidewalk, 96 LBCs at sidewalk; then Mario punches back to stage, 24 J-Lo’s

    If you thought Cardinal was fast as a crab, you should see him tear up the pitch as a 1992 Nintendo character. I swear it looked like his feet never touched the ground.

    —————————–
    Thang 2: Humility and the Mumblechatter killer

    – Flying Nuns (lunge walk with baby arm circles) to sidewalk; 96 leg raises; Reverse Flying Nuns return to stage, 24 J-Los (2:1)

    It was during the reverse nuns that Paradox offered up his only real bit of chatter. Something to the effect of my fresh legs after a month off. If you want to keep chatter at a minimum, make YHC take the Q and don’t let Paradox get near Goose, Tana, or Enron. Take away his primary voter base, and his platform starts getting creaky.

    —————————–
    Thang 3: An American in Paris

    – Frog jump to sidewalk; 96 American hammers (1:1); Frog jump back to stage; 24 J-Los (2:1)

    This was impressive on all fronts. Smooth, Paradox, and Goldilocks traded the lead several times. I swear Goldilocks was clearing 6 feet with every jump. He and Econoline have added to what is becoming the stoic caricature of F3 Thibodaux. Like Smooth, Lil’ Cuz, and Superfun(d), these two maintain the same facial expression and just plain GRINDDD. No complaints, no chatter, no shortcuts. It’s pretty durn awesome. Also, did you know that Smooth is a J-Lo machine? His hips not only don’t lie, they’re straight up insulting your family and calling out your darkest fears. Kilmer would be proud.

    ——————————
    Thang 4: The Jake Sully

    – Zombie crawl to sidewalk; 96 Superman’s; Zombie crawl back to the stage; 24 J-Los (2:1)

    YHC believes that the zombie crawl is the single most effective (and awful) core exercise in F3. The correct form means your knees never touch the ground as you essentially elbow plank crawl with J-Lo’s. It’s brutal and it puts your lower core and obliques on full blast. It’s one of those barometer exercises that can clearly demonstrate your progress. Last March, YHC couldn’t go five yards. It’s a little better now. BUT Holy Dang, Paradiddle!!! His core strength is just stooopid.

    ——————————–
    Thang 5: Run Toward the Fire, Full Speed Ahead

    – Ongoing sprints to sidewalk, nur back until time (last 6 minutes) – goal of 24.

    I wish YHC could make some sort of commentary about the PAX performance at this point. However, my only memory between blackouts and Paradox simply flying was me yelling, “Do you want to be Morris or Cora?” I expected Goldilocks to give me a knowing nod. He admitted he had no idea what the hell I was talking about. Then it hit me that when Morris rounded the bases in that epic 1996 moment, Goldilocks wasn’t even born. I then looked around for my walker, but couldn’t find it because I couldn’t see without my glasses and was tripping over my balls…I mean dentures.

    COT and Econoline prayed us out.

    Good to be back in the swing of things. Geaux Tigahs!

    SYITG,

    YJ

  • O Brother, Where Art Thou? – from Goose

    Though this title could refer to a few of the PAX who didn’t show this morning, the crew who did show were of such high quality, YHC was lifted above any yearnings for missing brethren. Goldilocks/Animal was there for his third in a row, revealing later that CrossFit was now dead to him; Econoline returned after a brutal reentry with dimples shining in the moonlight; and Michelin was back and ready for whatever! The ever stalwart Smooth, Enron, and Diddle rounded us out, and though the warmup chatter was low, the spirits were high.

    Every now and then, a line from the movie, “O Brother, Where Art Thou” (Cohen Brothers movie with George Clooney) will jump into YHC’s head and bring with it delightful feelings of nostalgia from the many times it’s graced my screen. There are very few movies YHC can watch more than once or twice, but this is definitely one of them. The dialogue, the characters, the acting, and the ridiculous story-line have yet to get old. So, YHC dragged the rest of the PAX through the plot this morning via physical exertion.

    Warmup of the usuals, including some sharply executed Moroccan Nightclubs, followed by a bumper mosey to wake the legs up and start the process of getting the gallons of lactic acid built up from Saturday and Monday out of the system (it would take almost the full length of the beatdown to complete that process).

    The movie starts with footage of a prison chain-gang busting up rocks somewhere in Mississippi in the 1930’s. Three men, chained to one another, escape by running “stealthily” through a cornfield toward a railroad track with hopes of jumping on a train. So, we lined up along the edge of the grass, linked up with our arms over each other’s shoulder, and the all 7 PAX lunge walked together to the sidewalk. I felt sorry for the short guys, but that’s the way it goes when you’re chained together.

    Next, since we missed the train, we had to flag down an old, blind man cranking one of those manual railway cars. YHC pulled the first song off the soundtrack, “Keep on the Sunny Side”, and we did alternating overhead presses with those gray bricks that the 2.0’s have been using, and upright rows on every “sunny”. But, we only had 5 sets of bricks, so two guys had to use blocks…which was tough. T-claps to Enron and Smooth for taking that one.

    Next, the three escaped convicts made their way through many obstacles and opportunities to get back to the leaders’ wife, who was about to marry an upstanding man, a bonafide suitor, claiming that her convict husband had been hit by a train (“blooey!”). So, we ran through a sort of montage inspired relay race: Partner 1 was stationed a quarter of the way around the track and did Apolo Ono’s until Partner 2 completed 15 merkins and ran past Partner 1 to halfway around the track and took up the Ono’s. Once Partner 2 passed Partner 1, Partner 1 switched to 15 merkins before running past Partner 2, etc. This went on for three laps, and I think the winning team was Enron/Econoline. In case you were wondering, it was the merkins. The merkins were the crux. I love it when a routine ends up revolving around a seemingly harmless piece that no one expected would give them much trouble!

    After this, instead of a ten-count, we went right into another song, which YHC hoped would provide both a breather and a shoulder burner, but it ended up being pretty weak. The song, another from the soundtrack, was “I’ll Fly Away”, and we planned to do shoulder fly’s with the bricks on every “fly”, but there weren’t nearly as many as YHC remembered. (Should have tested this one–overconfident.). Smooth and Diddle ended up with the blocks on this one since YHC promised it would be a little easier–not sure it was. We ended up basically just doing a bunch of fly’s/block curls along with some heel raises till the end of the song, which provided enough of a burn to get us to the next thang.

    The movie’s climax is when the companions jump up on a stage at a campaign rally so Everett can get closer to his wife, who’s seated up front. They play “Man of Constant Sorrows,” (a song they played over the radio earlier in the movie to make a few bucks) and unbeknownst to them, reveal that they are the now wildly popular “Soggy Bottom Boys” that everyone’s been dying to hear. So, we took to the stage and did a continuous series of 10 dips, 10 alternating step-ups (1:1), 10 dips, and 10 box jumps until the song ended (about 4.5 minutes).

    Our performance was so good that we were reunited with our wife with plans to remarry. This led us nicely into some themed Mary, which included lots of Hello Dolly’s, LBC’s, Wife Pleasers, high, slow flutter kicks, slow penguins, and J-Lo’s.

    COT, Animal shirt went to Enron, and Enron prayed us out.

    It’s been an awesome start of the week, but everyone’s looking forward to Cardinal’s birthday Q on Thursday at the Den. Would love to see us break 13 for that one! Rest tomorrow and get there!
    And, watch the movie–we need a collective agreement on whether Paradiddle’s taste in movies is calibrated as poorly as YHC suspects.

    SYITG,
    Goose