F3 New Orleans

Tag: Goose

  • Great Ballz of Fire – from Popeye

    The following is brought to you by AI:

    Early Morning Workout Report
    Date: 10/28/2024
    Location: The Stage

    Overview:

    At dawn, five dedicated men gathered amidst the early morning fog, ready to embrace their workout routine. The fog hung thick in the air, setting the mood as the group began their session with synchronized stretches and a round of jumping jacks. The morning was still, but the energy was high, with Jerry Lee Lewis’ rock and roll hits echoing through the silence.

    Warm-Up:

    The workout commenced with a light stretch and a series of jumping jacks to loosen up their muscles. Once they felt warmed up, the group proceeded to run two laps around their chosen course, using the steady pace to get their blood flowing and prepare for the exercises ahead.

    Core Exercises:

    After the run, the men launched into a set of 13 Freak Nasty (a core-focused exercise combining planks and knee drives) followed by 13 Bobby Hurleys (an intense squat-jump combo designed to increase heart rate and build lower body strength). Jerry Lee Lewis’s music kept the energy high, pushing them to finish each round with enthusiasm.

    Partner Work:

    Next, the group paired up to tackle a series of ladder runs. While one partner ran, the other performed an exercise. They rotated through five different movements, ensuring each muscle group got targeted:

    • Merkins (push-ups): Building chest and arm strength.
    • Big Boys: Sit-ups aimed at the core.
    • Overhead Arm Claps: A dynamic shoulder exercise.
    • Flutter Kicks: Focusing on the lower abs and hip flexors.
    • Toy Soldiers: A stretching exercise for the hamstrings and shoulders.

    The partners swapped roles after each segment, alternating between running ladders and completing their exercises.

    The Grand Finale:

    Upon completing the ladder drills and partner exercises, the group ran to the top of the metaphorical “ladder” one last time. This time, however, instead of running forward, they “let go” and embraced nurring—running backward—down the course. This backward run served as both a cool-down and a final challenge, testing their balance and coordination.

    Conclusion:

    As the workout concluded, the fog began to lift, revealing the smiling and tired faces of five men who had pushed their limits in the early morning chill. With a final nod to each other and Jerry Lee Lewis’s last notes fading, they ended their session feeling stronger and more accomplished, ready to face the rest of the day.
    ——————

    Pretty much sums it up. SYITG

  • BurpJack Horseman – from America’s Best

    YHC had a Jones. A Basketball Jones.
    But today, I would not need someone to set a pick for me at the free-throw line of life, nor someone I can pass to. No, I would not even need someone to hit the open man on the give-and-go (and not end up in the popcorn machine).
    Because today we would not really play basketball…
    Bur first… let’s go look at the new giant flagpole. And then race back. First 3 back get the first three guesses at song lyrics. Goose, Pope and Honeysuckle won Gold, Silver, and Bronze, and thus would get to try and identify a song by the lyrics. If Goose identified it on the first stanza, we would just take a lap around the CC, if Pope guessed after hearing the 2nd stanza, we would hold Al Gore and Jump Squat on each song title; if Honeysuckle got it after hearing the final stanza, we would hold plank and merkin each song title. However, since nobody identified it, we ran in place and did a Burpee every time we heard “Mmm-Bop.” And sometimes when we heard “doo-wop” or “shebop” or whatever.

    Then on past the playground to the highest court in the land. . .
    It occurred to YHC that as many times as the PAX graced the Den’s basketball arena, we had yet to play HORSE. It didn’t occur to YHC until mid-beatdown that we likely only had the time (and skill) to play PIG.
    And the rules would be: SSH while waiting for your shot. Add one burpee on a miss (upon review of my original rules, this was to be 5 merkins). After Pope filled-up (is that the opposite of “drained”?) several 3’s, it was augmented to 3-burpees if you missed a 3-pointer. Then sprint to opposite baseline and back after your shot.
    Once you were out, you stood on the sideline and did a burpee with each shot taken by anyone.
    And the action ensued! … evoking zero inspiration and even less respect.
    But we finished our pig.
    And like a porcine character from our childhood, it was some PIG.
    “Some” being vague enough that you can take it to mean “glorious” if you are optimistic, or “interesting” if you are realistic. At least It was dark.
    There were just about 10 minutes left, so YHC called an audio-daily-double audible. The only music trivia that was in my brain at the time is something I heard long ago… that a certain song was originally “You died in Vietnam” (the actual story is much longer and convoluted… see me later for a dissertation).
    Same format as the first thang, but instead of a sprint, first 3 of the PAX to hit a free-throw would guess. Getting 3/8 to hit a free-throw should be easy…
    Several minutes later we had our men. Honeysuckle, Paradox, and Popeye. None guessed correctly (although Dox’s guess of Fortunate Son wins the best educated guess), so we ran back to the flag, stopping for burpees for every “Born in the USA.”
    Back in just enough time for 1 minute of Mary, the honors were given to Goose with the disclaimer “NO DR W’s.” One minute of wife pleasers seemed just about right.
    COT
    Animal went to Pope for his prized PIG performance. 10-Year Convergence this Saturday in NOLA.
    Lil Cuz prayed us out.

  • Merkin mile reboot? And the Burpee and the Hammer! – from Smooth Operator

    YHC pulled up at 5:12 due to forgetting to put the two tires and maul in the truck the night before. YHC didn’t see any movement from the Doxs household this morning so i figured I’d park in the coveted Doxs parking spot. Little did I know I would be stealing his Thang from the beatdown before.

    Warmarama started immediately
    SSH
    Windmills
    Arm circles
    Cherry pickers
    Imperial walkers
    And a bumper mosey to get the juices flowing.

    And Yes Tana there is now a road where the bumper used to be.

    Thang 1

    Thang 1 merkin mile
    When YHC started, Tuesday Tuff was fairly new but it seemed to always start with a merkin mile around rich man’s loop.So that’s what I proposed to do this morning even with Gooses look of displeasure. Apparently a merkin mile was completed on Monday, and to be fair YHC had ever my intention of showing up said Monday but a call out fart sack was in my forecast for the day. Therefore YHC had a decision to make, do we deviate from the plan or do we get tuff on this Tuesday. Which is exactly what we did. YHC has a strange liking for the merkin mile even though it always ends with the entire PAX picking up the six (me). It reminds me that no matter how out of shape YHC gets, the PAX is there to welcome me back into the fold. The merkin mile consist of running a mile around rich man’s loop stopping every quarter mile to do 25 merkins ending back at the stage. Somehow this was AB’s first merkin mile and sounded like it wouldn’t be the last.

    After YHC recovered enough to make words we jumped right into Thang 2

    Thang 2 The burpee and the hammer

    When YHC started coming to beatdowns there seemed to be a big deal about burpees. The pax loved to give them out but hated to do them. Also YHC loves to hit thing with a hammer the bigger the hammer the better. Therefor we will be pounding a pair of tires with a 10 lb maul and we will work on all things burpee. The tire pounding timer will be ten swings at one tire, Bearcrawl with hammer to next tire and 10 more swings at that tire. Then bear crawl back. While this is taking place. The other pax’s will be at other stations

    Station 1 standard perfect burpee to work on form
    Station 2 manmakers or blockees for AB
    Station 3 goblet squats
    Station 4 4 thrusters
    Station 5 groiners shout out to YJ
    Station 6 hand release merkins
    Station 7 jump squats
    (This is not the actual order of stations, but YHC winged the order for no particular reason other than to make it more confusing on myself.)
    After one round of this with not much communication from the PAX and YHC checking the time on his phone way more than necessary we did a Lightning round of 3 swings Kareoke 3 swings kareoke back.
    After this we moved into 4 minutes of Mary.

    4 minutes of Mary
    WW1 sit-ups with terrible cadence presented by yours truly
    Dr. W’s by goose
    Freddy Merkins by AB
    V ups by Tana finishing perfectly on 0600.

    After this we had COT and talked about the upcoming convergence in NOLA and Safety Valve prayed us out. Thanks for embracing the suck with me.
    SYIYG
    Smooth Operator

  • Turn it up to 13 (by Coyote) – from Goose

      YHC hopped out of the truck on this dark and refreshingly chilly morning, the Q adrenalin pumping through my body as YHC got ready to unleash the teenage beatdown. “No more fun and games,” YHC thought. “I’m going to give them a real beatdown.” The morning started well, YHC noticing that the number of men present was the biggest that YHC had ever seen at a Coyote beatdown. Suddenly, YHC saw a large white truck roll into the rocky parking lot, and a man I had never seen at a beatdown hop out. “Dumpster Fire?!” YHC guessed. No, an FNG had come to join us! 6:30 came, and suddenly, both 
Paradox and Goose revealed the game balls, Paradox wearing the Fire Within, and Goose with the Blue-tube. We started with the classic Side-straddle-hops, Safety Valve driving in right as we stopped. The warmups ended shortly after, and YHC introduced what we were going to be doing. “For this beatdown,” YHC started, “I thought I might do everything that I hate, and one of those things is coupons!” The Pax grabbed one for each brave soul, and we moseyed over to the long-forgotten hill by the park. YHC announced, “Another thing that I hate is Dora!” We partnered up, and YHC introduced the exercises, 100 Thrusters, 150 WWIII Sit-ups, and 200 Curls, and the mode of transportation being bear-crawl over the hill, and crawl-bear back. Partners were picked, YHC partnering up with Pope, and Goose started the well-thought-out “F3 Weird Al grinder” playlist.
    The Thang commenced, Pope cranking out WWIII’s like nobody was watching. The music was very attention-getting, and when the eleven-minute song “Albuquerque” came up, all ears went to the crazy song. When the Dora was done, we dragged ourselves and the coupons over to the field by Bayou Road, and YHC presented Thang 2. Since YHC is turning 13 on Tuesday, YHC said that we would do 13’s instead of 11’s, one side starting with one 4-count Nolan Ryan, and the other side 12 Inchworm Merkins, all the while listening to Weird Al crank out his parodies. This turned out be way harder than YHC planned, the Nolan Ryans hard to count, and the Inchworm Merkins almost impossible to complete without a little modification.
    After the 13’s, YHC presented the final Thang. As much as we could, the Pax and I would try to accomplish a “Tunnel of Love” across the entire field. It failed miserably, the 2.0’s all getting launched into the air by Man-Eater. Exhausted, YHC called out for us to go back to the flag. We lugged our coupons back to the flag, and commenced with the count off, numbering an impressive 16. When the time came to name our victim, we were ready for some weird stuff. The name came out to be “Blue,” or “My boy Blue,” coming from the facts that he was in the navy for 24 years, and he felt like he had to go back to college. I owe him an apology, not meaning for this to be his first beatdown. (Hopefully we’ll see him again…) When shirts came up, Paradox gave the Fire within to YHC for an IPC level workout. (Get ready to see it hanging off my shoulders next week.) Next, Goose passed the Blue-tube to White Meat for showing us the proper way to count Nolan Ryans. Man-Eater prayed us out, and we ended with a characteristic Paradox Pic.
    Happy Birthday to all those other birthday boys, Popeye tomorrow, Jackknife, Monday, Wet tap and I Tuesday, and any others not mentioned. Until next time, God bless!
                                                                         Coyote

  • The Louisiana PureChest vol. 2: All Dem Teeth and No Teethbrush – from Paradox

    Late in the pre-Tuesday Tuff evening, YHC sat amongst the leather bound books and rich mahogany (half drank capri suns and diapers) of his study (kids desk) putting the finishing touches on tommorows beatdown. Expecting an intimate crowd with the fall break absences YHC had planned for 45 minutes of SSH while pax watched “Where the Red Fern Grows” on an old substitute teachers roll cart vhs/tv. Standard issue style where the first man to cry would start continuous burpees …buttt not so fast my friends. A timely slack notification alerted YHC that we had a down ranger from St Louis!
    The situation called for more, maybe even a 45 minute crash course in all things Louisiana to show our guest a good time. YhC had already been itching to green light the sequel to 2022s Louisiana PureChest.
    ( See volume 1 below)

    So there was only one thing left to do …
    YHC headed for the garage fridge, brushed aside the gentle Lacroix’s, skooched away the chilled Canebrakes and Envies …placed a 7 digit launch code and completed the retinal scanner to unleash the foulest fruited kettle sour ever produced…
    “ Greetings from Grand Isle “

    I took a sip and this is what followed…

    Duke !!
    Grab the bean footage and let the good times roll!

    9 men cut through some of the thickest fog YHC has ever encountered for a Tuesday Tuff with most of the regulars plus a wild Superfund and St Louis down ranger, Lube, who assured us multiple times that he was a dealer of oilfield pipe and pipe accessories and there was no great story involved in his name and he gets no royalties from KY and their jelly.

    After warmups and a short mosey YHC unveiled today’s theme and objectives :

    1.) Double the size of your chest until the locals call you Gregory Pecs behind your back.

    2.) Sharpen the iron of LA related knowledge so you can throw your kids books in the trash and tell them you were raised in the streetz.

    We begin like most great historical pieces , with a sonnet.

    The Poetry of Choppa styles “Louisiana”
    Rocky balboas on the song
    Double Merkin burpee on all Louisianas

    This Preheated the pax collective chest to 375 and Lube was all but ready to take the next flight back to Nelly if the music didn’t improve. The pax assured him it would not.

    We set out into the gloom with HR merkin Indian run drop off and YHC was legit scared we would lose men in dat fog.

    Thang 2

    Back to the Future 49 Corridor

    Format :
    7 cawns with 7 reps at each.
    The cones were set in 3 groups of 2 (the first one is free) that would serve as our Gator pits.
    The only way to freedom is a thorough knowledge of Louisiana lagniappe.

    Correct 7 x 7 reps with mosey

    Incorrect Alligator Merkins Traps times the number wrong.

    YHC was bordering Maui levels of complexity but was confident the pax could pick up this island quickly so we dove in.

    Exercise: Wide Merkins

    1. Other state that does not use counties . 1. Alaska 2. Burroughs 3. name one (there are 21)

    Burroughs were missed and the pax got to taste the pit early.

    Exercise : Bobbie Hurleys

    2.) Name atleast 5 beers from parish brewing company?

    AB did AB things, waiting on the difficulty of the question to increase and when it didn’t he let the Pax hold his proverbial beer.
    YHC is confident that if left alone he would still be standing there naming Parish beers.

    No Gators this round. Just a 10 minute history of Canebrake from AB while Lube commented to Goose “oh you have one of those guys”

    Exercise: Diamond Merkins

    3.) James Bond movie set in La- “Live and let die”
    Who played bond? – Roger Moore
    Name of the villain? Mr Big (Dr Kananga)

    One dose of gators this round and the pax directed anger toward Roger Moores butt chin making unrealistic standards for young men.

    Exercise : Leg Raises
    (Hidden Music Daily Double)

    4.) Finish this line in the classic “Louisiana Saturday Night” : Waiting in the front yard sitting on a log… Single shot rifle , one eyed dog … what artist (Mel McDaniel) …. Play the song for last verse.

    Now it was HoneySuckles turn to put the team on his back as we added yet another layer to his superhero origin story. During his time at Clemson creating government funded hurricane nukes he held tightly to this Mel McDaniel tune to fend off the evils of the Carolinas.
    Not all apiarist wear capes.

    We skipped past the gator traps and did leg raises while White Meat defended the honor of the slain possum as the unsung hero of the bayou. YHC quickly translated this relationship advice to young Pope: find you a gal that looks at you the way white meat looks at a possum eating 3k mosquitoes a night.

    **this next round was skipped but you can follow along at home. Tank me later***
    Apollo Onos (2 is one)

    5.) North La parish named after the first explorer documented to have crossed the Mississippi River. (Desoto) – large body of water in that parish (Toledo bend) —- parish seat -city ? (Mansfield)

    Finisher :

    Carolina Dry docks

    6.) 1989 movie filmed in Natchitoches — name two actresses —- Can you name the fictional parish in Steel Magnolia?

    The pax got the movie Steel Magnolia and actresses (with and without flotation devices) but struggled to produce the fictional Chinquapin parish leading to one last round of dem Medulla OblanGators.

    We packed up to round off our chiseled chesticles with HR merkin Indian run home and a plank out till time .

    By the power invested in me by the LA board of internet doctors I certified all the PAX 100% Chest in Show.

    Announcements

    -Yote Bday BD at the Peltch this Sat. Buckle up, Some still have scars from the Miracle on Ice.
    -Convergence on Oct 26 . Clown car is mobilizing.
    -Thibbaversary and GoosePalooza on Nov 2.
    -Lube and his STL crew are continuing a massive campaign to fight trafficking. More on this through the year.

    Prayers for health, clarity in Gods timing and all supporting those struggling in their family and beyond.

    -Goose prayed us out

    -Lube exposed YHC for taking group selfies for the Instagram clout as this “new technology” has been available for years.

    It’s a joy to lead ya men

    Postscript:

    Merkin History Repeats Itself

    Like any great real estate deal in history the Louisiana Purchase of 1803 was not with out its controversy. Political climates, egos, military advantages, all played a part in this mega deal.

    In a similar fashion the Louisiana PureChest of 2024 was not always a smooth affair.

    Let’s take a look:

    *This Historical reenactment protects the names and identities of the real men involved*
     
    YHC: It’s a LA history beatdown and we are going to double the size of our chest.

    Thomas R. Chesterton: What if my chest gets bigger than my legs? Does this disqualify you from ladies 5ks? Asking for a friend.

    Americas Chest: Alligator Mississippiensis doesn’t actually do merkins during its locomotion, this would offset the kinematic sequence of its erect posture.

    Cricket: chirps*

    Holden MoreChest Thanmost: : I have concerns there wont be enough merkins.

    Bruce Swells: Could we just pull a beatdown from greenwood? How much is a wellness center membership?

    Pec Major Dawson: Soreness is the cry of weakness being vanquished. Bring on the chest expansion.

    Pec Minor Dawson: What is soreness?

    White meat breast and two thighs: The opossum is the backbone of this ecosystem. Prove me wrong or fight me.

    Lube Richman: Do you guys ever just do 45 minutes of exercise and go home?
     
    Historians say this went on for a fortnight until eventually Quecracy prevailed.

    They decided to suffer together.

    Their chest and their souls were all better for it.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • The Louisiana PureChest vol. 2: All Dem Teeth and No Teethbrush – from Paradox

    Late in the pre-Tuesday Tuff evening, YHC sat amongst the leather bound books and rich mahogany (half drank capri suns and diapers) of his study (kids desk) putting the finishing touches on tommorows beatdown. Expecting an intimate crowd with the fall break absences YHC had planned for 45 minutes of SSH while pax watched “Where the Red Fern Grows” on an old substitute teachers roll cart vhs/tv. Standard issue style where the first man to cry would start continuous burpees …buttt not so fast my friends. A timely slack notification alerted YHC that we had a down ranger from St Louis!
    The situation called for more, maybe even a 45 minute crash course in all things Louisiana to show our guest a good time. YhC had already been itching to green light the sequel to 2022s Louisiana PureChest.
    ( See volume 1 below)

    So there was only one thing left to do …
    YHC headed for the garage fridge, brushed aside the gentle Lacroix’s, skooched away the chilled Canebrakes and Envies …placed a 7 digit launch code and completed the retinal scanner to unleash the foulest fruited kettle sour ever produced…
    “ Greetings from Grand Isle “

    I took a sip and this is what followed…

    Duke !!
    Grab the bean footage and let the good times roll!

    9 men cut through some of the thickest fog YHC has ever encountered for a Tuesday Tuff with most of the regulars plus a wild Superfund and St Louis down ranger, Lube, who assured us multiple times that he was a dealer of oilfield pipe and pipe accessories and there was no great story involved in his name and he gets no royalties from KY and their jelly.

    After warmups and a short mosey YHC unveiled today’s theme and objectives :

    1.) Double the size of your chest until the locals call you Gregory Pecs behind your back.

    2.) Sharpen the iron of LA related knowledge so you can throw your kids books in the trash and tell them you were raised in the streetz.

    We begin like most great historical pieces , with a sonnet.

    The Poetry of Choppa styles “Louisiana”
    Rocky balboas on the song
    Double Merkin burpee on all Louisianas

    This Preheated the pax collective chest to 375 and Lube was all but ready to take the next flight back to Nelly if the music didn’t improve. The pax assured him it would not.

    We set out into the gloom with HR merkin Indian run drop off and YHC was legit scared we would lose men in dat fog.

    Thang 2

    Back to the Future 49 Corridor

    Format :
    7 cawns with 7 reps at each.
    The cones were set in 3 groups of 2 (the first one is free) that would serve as our Gator pits.
    The only way to freedom is a thorough knowledge of Louisiana lagniappe.

    Correct 7 x 7 reps with mosey

    Incorrect Alligator Merkins Traps times the number wrong.

    YHC was bordering Maui levels of complexity but was confident the pax could pick up this island quickly so we dove in.

    Exercise: Wide Merkins

    1. Other state that does not use counties . 1. Alaska 2. Burroughs 3. name one (there are 21)

    Burroughs were missed and the pax got to taste the pit early.

    Exercise : Bobbie Hurleys

    2.) Name atleast 5 beers from parish brewing company?

    AB did AB things, waiting on the difficulty of the question to increase and when it didn’t he let the Pax hold his proverbial beer.
    YHC is confident that if left alone he would still be standing there naming Parish beers.

    No Gators this round. Just a 10 minute history of Canebrake from AB while Lube commented to Goose “oh you have one of those guys”

    Exercise: Diamond Merkins

    3.) James Bond movie set in La- “Live and let die”
    Who played bond? – Roger Moore
    Name of the villain? Mr Big (Dr Kananga)

    One dose of gators this round and the pax directed anger toward Roger Moores butt chin making unrealistic standards for young men.

    Exercise : Leg Raises
    (Hidden Music Daily Double)

    4.) Finish this line in the classic “Louisiana Saturday Night” : Waiting in the front yard sitting on a log… Single shot rifle , one eyed dog … what artist (Mel McDaniel) …. Play the song for last verse.

    Now it was HoneySuckles turn to put the team on his back as we added yet another layer to his superhero origin story. During his time at Clemson creating government funded hurricane nukes he held tightly to this Mel McDaniel tune to fend off the evils of the Carolinas.
    Not all apiarist wear capes.

    We skipped past the gator traps and did leg raises while White Meat defended the honor of the slain possum as the unsung hero of the bayou. YHC quickly translated this relationship advice to young Pope: find you a gal that looks at you the way white meat looks at a possum eating 3k mosquitoes a night.

    **this next round was skipped but you can follow along at home. Tank me later***
    Apollo Onos (2 is one)

    5.) North La parish named after the first explorer documented to have crossed the Mississippi River. (Desoto) – large body of water in that parish (Toledo bend) —- parish seat -city ? (Mansfield)

    Finisher :

    Carolina Dry docks

    6.) 1989 movie filmed in Natchitoches — name two actresses —- Can you name the fictional parish in Steel Magnolia?

    The pax got the movie Steel Magnolia and actresses (with and without flotation devices) but struggled to produce the fictional Chinquapin parish leading to one last round of dem Medulla OblanGators.

    We packed up to round off our chiseled chesticles with HR merkin Indian run home and a plank out till time .

    By the power invested in me by the LA board of internet doctors I certified all the PAX 100% Chest in Show.

    Announcements

    -Yote Bday BD at the Peltch this Sat. Buckle up, Some still have scars from the Miracle on Ice.
    -Convergence on Oct 26 . Clown car is mobilizing.
    -Thibbaversary and GoosePalooza on Nov 2.
    -Lube and his STL crew are continuing a massive campaign to fight trafficking. More on this through the year.

    Prayers for health, clarity in Gods timing and all supporting those struggling in their family and beyond.

    -Goose prayed us out

    -Lube exposed YHC for taking group selfies for the Instagram clout as this “new technology” has been available for years.

    It’s a joy to lead ya men

    Postscript:

    Merkin History Repeats Itself

    Like any great real estate deal in history the Louisiana Purchase of 1803 was not with out its controversy. Political climates, egos, military advantages, all played a part in this mega deal.

    In a similar fashion the Louisiana PureChest of 2024 was not always a smooth affair.

    Let’s take a look:

    *This Historical reenactment protects the names and identities of the real men involved*
     
    YHC: It’s a LA history beatdown and we are going to double the size of our chest.

    Thomas R. Chesterton: What if my chest gets bigger than my legs? Does this disqualify you from ladies 5ks? Asking for a friend.

    Americas Chest: Alligator Mississippiensis doesn’t actually do merkins during its locomotion, this would offset the kinematic sequence of its erect posture.

    Cricket: chirps*

    Holden MoreChest Thanmost: : I have concerns there wont be enough merkins.

    Bruce Swells: Could we just pull a beatdown from greenwood? How much is a wellness center membership?

    Pec Major Dawson: Soreness is the cry of weakness being vanquished. Bring on the chest expansion.

    Pec Minor Dawson: What is soreness?

    White meat breast and two thighs: The opossum is the backbone of this ecosystem. Prove me wrong or fight me.

    Lube Richman: Do you guys ever just do 45 minutes of exercise and go home?
     
    Historians say this went on for a fortnight until eventually Quecracy prevailed.

    They decided to suffer together.

    Their chest and their souls were all better for it.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Cohn-lumbus Day Crew – from Goose

    Four dedicated souls braved the stench of the sugar cane plant and the lure of the warm fartsack on what for many is a day off of work. White Meat in particular shared his inner battle with himself to get out of bed and into his fly ride to make the jump across the bayou. And, Dox braved the cryptic hype Goose Q even though he has to post tomorrow for his own Q. Pope didn’t have a choice–he’s not allowed to sleep in until he can show zero sign of fatigue at the end of a beatdown that his father deems “challenging”.

    The hype had no real connection to the workout; YHC just needed a place holder to let the PAX know the world wasn’t coming to an end. After warmups, which included both versions of Nightclubs for White Meat’s continuing education, we completed a short mosey to the grass over by the stop sign at the beginning of The Stretch. YHC revealed that we’d be doing some long 11’s in the fashion experienced only by Enron, YJ, and maybe Smooth about a year ago. Knowing that those fellas were unlikely to show, YHC took advantage of the ignorance of today’s PAX and explained what sounded like a relatively moderate routine: Afflecks on the near side, gas pumpers on the far side, carioca there nur back. The far side was basically the end of the grass, across from the other Stop sign (the distance of the parking lot/drive). (Afflecks are J-Lo’s with a pickle-pounder when you cross the middle–4-count this time.)

    We started off being able to converse, but that didn’t last long. Dox showed some grit in staying even with YHC the whole time (Go Team Long-Tibia), and White Meat stayed right behind Pope in a show of his own mettle. It was a long grinder with the cariocas being the crux (the nurs in close second) ensuring some unique soreness tomorrow, but we finished in good time, so it was on to the cultural education portion of the beatdown.

    YHC was recently reminded of an musician who captured him as a middle schooler in the early 90’s, and, though not as popular as Phil Collins, Peter Gabriel, or Talk Talk, his one hit, “Walking in Memphis” opened the door to an album that’s pure enjoyment from open to close. Marc Cohn would lead us through the final 10 minutes of the beatdown with some coupon work.

    The first song was the aforementioned “Walking in Memphis”, still capturing random hearts to this day–we held coupons overhead in rifle carry position and did a thruster for every “Walking”. Pope decided to modify about halfway through by dropping to his six and holding bench press position instead and doing coupon situps on the triggers. He chose poorly.

    Song #2 was “29 Ways”, the upbeat, bluesy song on the album, and we got on our sixes and held our coupons in bench press position for the duration, doing coupon situps on every “door”. Sorry, Pope. Still no sleeping in.

    About 6 minutes of Mary included the likes of crunchy frogs, wife pleasers, static wife pleasers, Freddy Mercs, Li’ Manny Crunches (static LBC’s), slow penguins, and Nolan Ryans (with the drawl).

    COT and Dox prayed us out. Prepping for the Coyote b-day Q this Saturday, the 10-Year NOLA Convergence next Saturday, and the 4-year F3 Thib/5-year Goose Manniversary the next Saturday. So much awesomeness to look forward to!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • “It was a Concept Beatdown” – The AB 20th Anniversary Rolling Stone Interview – from America’s Best

    Rolling Stone: So, AB, tell us about this beatdown you just wrapped up. What was the vibe at the AO?

    America’s Best: I was equally surprised by the wealth of knowledge out there and the lack of flatulence. . . Some mornings are just magical, I guess. We started with a warmarama that felt like an opening act—like you know when you’re going to see STP but The Offspring is there first? Just trying to get through it. Safely Valve tried to be the guy who knew better but we waited for him. Some were feeding off the energy of the hype, you know? After seeing the hype, Enron knew immediately that Arcade Fire was involved, but it was unclear if he was excited, concerned, or indifferent about it. The man is a riddle in a mystery inside an enigma wrapped in a cotton Phil Collins tank-ini.

    RS: So there was at least some anticipation of what was in store for the PAX?

    AB: At least some preparation. I think Paradox was running on pure adrenaline following his all-nighter of searching the Japanese internet.

    RS : For what was he searching?

    AB: I dunno. . . Answers? All I know is by morning he had figured out the album artwork for The Funeral. And he spoke fluent Japanese. Oh, sorry, Dox: “Nihongo.”

    RS: So do you enjoy the Q spotlight?

    AB: No. It’s too much for my ADHD brain. I do enjoy the creativity– trying to make something engaging and hopefully exciting. But most times it’s more fun to be in the trenches hammering away at something ridiculous and mumblechattering about someone else’s horrific music choices.

    RS: So do you ever think about stepping away and just producing?

    AB: I feel like I have more to give. I still feel young, you know? I mean, I’ve seen some greats like Yankee Jeaux step away for awhile and come back stronger than ever. Have you ever completed a Danny Go beatdown?

    RS: No I can’t say that I have. In fact, I can’t even remotely comprehend what you’re talking about.

    AB: It makes jurpin’ to “Give It Up” feel like crab-walking to the Halo theme.

    RS: That is zero percent helpful.

    AB: I feel like you’re getting a little disrespectful. Don’t be surprised if this interview goes sideways later.

    RS: Oooookay….noted. Anyway, what was your plan for this beatdown?

    AB: It was a concept beatdown. I wanted to capture the feeling of 2004. You know, I’d just graduated, gotten married, bought a house, begun a real job. I was getting realllllly boring. I mean, we were The Incredibles for Halloween that year.

    RS: You make is sound like 2004 was the beginning of the end.

    AB: It’s the year Facebook started.

    RS: Touche.

    AB: But getting back to the concept: It was simple. Put together a playlist of hits (Yes, they were hits, Lil Cuz) from 2004 that would be our soundtrack for a two mile run. At designated times, we would stop for an exercise. 20 reps would be the starting number, and we could deduct 5 reps each for the artist, title, and album identification.

    RS: And how did that go?

    AB: Let’s just say these guys were lucky Popeye was there.

    RS: So did he carry the PAX on music knowledge?

    AB: Oh there were definitely strong contributions by Honeysuckle and Goose too. But here’s the thing about Popeye: He has never forgotten. Anything.

    RS: Anything else of note during the run?

    AB: I’m glad you asked, Chumley. Is it ok if I call you Chumley? The thing is, I thought I threw a softball out there for our manmaker station. I figured half of theses guys at least knew Eminem’s “Just Lose It.” They knew it was him, but that was it. While I did hear a few of the PAX mumbling random facts about him, nobody could identify the album or title.

    RS: After all that intensity, how did you wrap it up? And no, please don’t call me that. That’s not my name or anything. Does that mean something?

    AB: No. Anyway, we moseyed back to the flag to finish up the last of the songs lighting-round style.

    RS: And how did that go?

    AB: No idea, Chumley. At that point I was running on fumes. But I assume it was pure magic.

    RS: Ok, why did you even ask permission if you are going to keep calling me that anyway? What does it even mean? Is it like “champ” or “boss” or something? Is that from something?

    AB: Don’t worry about it.

    RS: Ok, after all that intensity, how did you wrap it up?

    AB: COT. Phil the Pain (aka Face Value) went to Popeye. Blue Tube went to Enron. Lil Cuz prayed us out.

  • Belch at the Peltch – from Goose

    12 men (big and little) gathered courageously at The Peltch for the final, brutal IPC of 2024. For one in particular, it took a lot of courage: the soon-to-be-named L-loyd, Safety Valve’s FNG 2.0, Peyton saw a circle of large, surly men grunting through the dark morning’s tightness, one of whom was wearing what looked to be a woman’s tank top, and he was reluctant to jump in. So was YHC, but not Duke–he was the opposite of reluctant this morning, and he ran to make friends with the other similar sized human form in the gloom, and they warmed up in mini 2.0 fashion about 20 yards away.

    Eventually, unable to push off the inevitable any longer, we gathered the gear and headed to the track. The IPC went like this:
    8 rounds, 5 minutes apiece: 200 m run, 30 reps of a given exercise, 200m run, and then burpees till the end of the 5 minutes. Count your total burpee reps over the 8 rounds for your “score”. The exercises were as follows:

    Round 1: Freddy Mercurys
    2: Pickle Pounders
    3: Flutter Kicks
    4. Plank Jacks
    5. Monkey Humpers
    6. Squats
    7. LBC’s
    8. SSH

    Spirits were still high for Round 1 as the PAX mumblechattered their way around the track, the mini 2.0’s sprinted ahead, and all completed more burpees in 2.5 minutes than they expected to. Round 2 on went about as expected: mumblechatter was greatly reduced, the carefully curated playlist became just background noise, Honeysuckle stayed about 40-50 yards ahead of the pack, the mini 2.0’s played imaginary football (or something) on the field, and everything but counts sank into the brain fog.

    Despite the threat of takeover from the survival instinct, YHC still had the wherewithal to notice the awesome effort of every man out there, including the medium 2.0s. Nobody walked, and the majority stayed ahead of YHC on the track pushing hard the entire time, keeping the bar high, and not saving anything for the ride home.

    Admittedly, YHC was having a hard time performing at any kind of heroic level. The runs were the much needed breaks, and catching up to the front runners felt impossible. And, with only one glove, YHC quickly followed Valve’s lead in taking advantage of the (little bit) softer turf to avoid the cheese grater that the track was on the hands during burpees. His performance (and later Dox’s) right next to me was impressive, as was Honeysuckle’s and everyone who started doing burpees ahead of YHC (which was everyone but Smooth, who remains impressive in his ability to joyfully accept and own the things that are killing him, which usually include lots of running and burpees. Here’s to the clydesdales.).

    After round 8, YHC flopped to the ground drinking in the free oxygen before Dox hauled me back to vertical position from which I could see a yard sale of heaving bodies splayed on the track. But, we still had 7 minutes left, so after a 10-count, YHC turned off the Amy Grant, and we headed back to the flag for some Mary. More exercise certainly wasn’t easy, but anything was better than burpees.

    At 7:30, we counted off, and during name off shared the number of burpees achieved. YHC though it would be good to allow the monumental feat each man had accomplished to be known and appreciated by others. Each man had something to be proud of, especially Honeysuckle who cranked out 208, earning him the coveted Blue Tube.

    In an interesting, cosmic amalgamation of many small circumstances and decisions, Valve and YHC somehow finished at the exact same number. And we didn’t start or stop or take breaks at the same time or anything. What does it mean? What implications does it have? What does it reveal about the space-time fabric of the F3 Universe?

    These questions would have to wait as we had an FNG to name. Peyton is into Legos, particularly Ninjago, so it was an easy decision. L-loyd (pronounced “luh-loyd”) was quickly christened, and we’re sure to see his small, fast form sprinting ahead of many a Peltch Indian Run line.

    There’s nothing quite like suffering through really tough stuff together with a group of good men, which is why YHC looks forward to September every year. But, thank God it’s over. We did it, and now we can rest on our laurels. Until Monday.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The one that got away – from Smooth Operator

    This morning YHC got to the Den early to try and troubleshoot the basketball court lights but ended up successfully turning off the lights for the pickle ball court. Unfortunately Tana and Dilly were not there and could not be persuaded to put the paddle down and pick up a slightly larger ball and join us.

    Warmarama
    SSH
    Windmills
    Arm Circles
    Cherry pickers
    High knees
    Bit kicks

    Mosey behind Aldi through the Garden to the basketball court

    Thang 1
    We balled
    After our mosey, teams were picked and we started playing a little full court basketball with a couple catches. When one team scores the other runs a suicide and the scoring team does SSH for the duration of suicide. If someone turned the ball over they are to get to the side lines and start doing burpees until someone scores. The game continues a man short until a basket is scored. YHC set a 15 minute timer and the Smooth Pope Enrons got off to a good start scoring the first goal. Then the AB Goose Valves opened up a can of what the kids call “the whoopass” and skunked YHCs team 12 to 2. after that we ran suicides, 14 points were scored therefore we started with 7 suicides. After 3 suicides YHC called a stoppage and had Pope shoot a free throw for the opportunity to exonerate the PAX from suicides. Unfortunately he missed causing us to run another one. AB was up next and with ice running through his veins he made his free throw like he had night vision.

    Thang 2
    After moseying back to the flag, The PAX entered the burpee box near the side walk running adjacent to Canal St. Once the Pax entered the metaphorical box, we performed a burpee per each car that passed. I believe we were close to 40 within 4 or 5 minutes. Somewhere around this time it was brought to YHC’s attention that Yankee Jeaux was reading the newspaper and consulting AB on the matters. Come Home YJ.

    We hustled back to flag for a couple minutes of Mary. Pope called for crunchy frogs, Enron for LBC, Goose for wife pleasers. After this the clock decided to strike 6 and we counted off, announcements, prayed for our intentions with Safety Valve leading. Thanks Pax for showing up and letting YHC the beatdown he never got to be apart of last year.
    SYITG
    Smooth Operator