F3 New Orleans

Tag: Honeysuckle

  • Say Anything – from America’s Best

    A farmer with a wolf, a goat, and a cabbage must cross a river by boat. The boat can carry only the farmer and a single item. If left unattended together, the wolf would eat the goat, or the goat would eat the cabbage. How can they cross the river without anything being eaten?

    YHC gave the PAX too much credit thinking this riddle was already familiar to most of them. Alas, these kids are products of always having the internet… all they know these days is skibidi toilets.

    My generation had to busy ourselves with riddles and Lollapalooza. Now these guys are all like, “Oh, is this kombucha rizz?”
    And
    “Cusak is so obsessed with lookmaxxing thinking he’s gonna mog everyone else on the gram with his digital drip.”

    And that’s why you couldn’t figure out the riddle, Montana.

    Our riddle went like this:
    You have 3 burdens to get across the River (between the sidewalks)
    A bear (coupon)
    A rabbit (coupon)
    A bag of grain (coupon)
    Same rules, you can only bring one burden at a time. And because the bear would eat the rabbit, or the rabbit would eat the grain, you can’t leave those two coupons alone.
    MOT when moving the bear=block bear

    MOT when moving the rabbit= murder bunny

    MOT when moving the grain=Cusak (so it doesn’t get wet obvs.)

    It’s a Dora, so partner will be doing
    100 goblet squats
    200 merkins
    300 imperial walkers (1:1)

    BUT FIRST: Cusak
    PAX circled and listened to (who else?) Peter Gabriel. For the first half of the song, we’d run in place and curl on every “eyes.” Second half, we held Cusak (coupon overhead) and did overhead press on each “eyes.”
    Uneventful, although when YHC asked the PAX to identify the language PG was spouting at the end, Goose confidently said “Swahili.”
    Dox was so in awe of Goose’s ability to figure this out that YHC didn’t have the heart to tell him it was actually Wolof.
    Can you imagine the heartbreak of learning your hero doesn’t even know the difference between eastern and western African languages?

    And then we began the chaos that was The Riddle Dora. I have little idea what went down, but it seemed like most people were struggling mentally and physically, and I can’t ask for much more.
    Upon completion, YHC kinda said, “ok, let’s run it back,” and some of us maybe reversed the process and went back across the river.

    YHC finally called it, and we moved into the final thang:
    F3 exicon trivia

    Having finally convinced TeraVanilli to join the cul… er, free men’s workout, I thought it would be good to intro him to all the stupid names for stupid exercises we have. So to help remember the stupid names, I came up with a stupid trivia question for each one.
    YHC named an exercise, and each man performed one, ring-of-fire style. Then I asked a question based on the name, and we did more for each wrong answer.
    Dubbed by Doc “The Around the Horn Massacre,” we didn’t do a single proper ring of fire for any of the following:
    Merkins: a merkin is a garment/accessory worn in what profession?
    This first one went Around the Horn without a correct answer. YHC, in all his graciousness, accepted “porn” as a correct answer from TV.

    Groiners: what TV bartender sang an awful rap that included the line “a groin injury”?
    Goose called out “Moe” — incorrect, more groiners.
    At this point, Dox was livid. “You skipped me! You skipped me!” Ok, sorry Dox, your turn.
    “Moe!”
    Still wrong. More groiners

    Burpees: What Full Houser wrote and performed the song “The Burpin Chili Man?”
    White Meat knew it. But he didn’t know “the annoying guy’s” name. Popeye nailed it. Teravanilli opined “isn’t it ironic?”

    Big Boys: Big Boy is a restaurant chain featuring a mascot holding up what item?
    Popeye nailed this one immediately.

    LBCs: Little Boy is famously the name of what historical one-time use device?
    Anthough my favorite answer of the morning, SV’s guess of “a condom?” Was not correct. HS correctly identified it as a nuke.
    Goose augmented the name of the plane that carried Little Boy to something like the Esmerelda Gay.

    Thrusters: Thrust is one of the four forces that act on an airplane. Name the other 3.
    Unintentionally, Safety Valve’s turn had just passed. Dox was very happy with his answer “lift” until I repeated that I needed all 3 other forces. The question moved to Honeysuckle and around this time Dox took his stethoscope and went home.
    HS got drag and then Goose or someone got weight. Probably should have given HS credit for gravity.

    Apollo Ohnos: Apollo Creed was played by whom?
    HS didn’t know Carl Weathers, but Goose did.

    Bonnie Blairs: what does Bonnie mean in Scottish?
    Goose knows all things Celtic.

    Manmakers: The song “I’ll make a man out of you” pertains to which Disney Princess?
    TeraVanilli’s turn, and because he likely knew every one of these answers except this one, it was perfect. Once opened up to the floor, several girl-dads knew it was Mulan.

    Absolutions: Absolute zero is 0 degrees on what scale?
    Back to Pope, who likely knew it but wanted to practice more absolutions so took a dive and said Farenheit. This set up Yankee Jeaux to improve his science score dramatically with the correct answer of Kelvin. It was later determined that this was coincidental, as White Meat had just asked him who was his cousin from East Saint Louis.

    COT and JY prayed us out.

    SYITG,
    AB

  • It’s The Climb – from Paradox

    YHC recently finished “Into Thin Air” by John Krakauer, a first hand account of a tragic Everest expedition in 1996. It turned disastrous after a freak storm hit the summit during the only window multiple competing teams had to make it to the top. A great read if you want a deep dive into the world of high summit climbing and especially if you really, really never want to even consider strapping on a pair of crampons.

    But it got my wheels turning about bucket list items and the wild ambitions a man can find on this planet. (There’s a beatdown coming here later but just sit tight with your hookahs for a moment.)

    Ya see, There have been short periods of time when YHC had his own aspirations as a mountain climber. First in my early 20s and then I left a rock climbing gym with a hernia. The staff said “first time climbers” shouldnt recreate Tom Cruise mission impossible stunts but what do they know.
    Undeterred, a few years later I headed up a mountain in Breckinridge, CO (brek brah) during a med school trip and was met with acute altitude sickness. It will shock none of our local pax to hear that my body shuts down if I leave the state lines or an altitude of 100 feet. Those trips to the oxygen bar did have a silver lining as I found out my future M would leave her friends and nurse a redneck bafoon to health.
    Now in a real pickle, I had met both physical and even genetic barriers to my climbing goals . But nonetheless my 7th grade bucket list item remained.! Mrs Smith, our English/creative writing teacher (who planted the seeds of back blasting 101), had instructed us that no item was too far fetched to put on our list. So right there sandwiched between “Ironman triathlon “ and “learn English” was “climb or visit the 7 summits”. But here I was, like a 5:02am YJ bowel movement , stuck between a rock and a hard place as time ran out. The opportunities flushing fast and the midlife crisis impending as YHC saw his 7th grade dreams replaced by watching men in verbal altercations about the glory of a hand jive. Was my musical life just a sing-along this whole time??

    Panic stricken, I made a plan…

    I wouldn’t climb them free and solo. (Been there , done that, have the scars)

    WE would climb them.

    And we would climb them ALL in a 45 min free men’s workout.

    Duke!! Put down that FMLA paperwork!
    We are back to blasting !!
    Roll the beautiful mountain bean footage!!

    YHC rolled in a 1/2 minute late to a Lions Den boiling over with pax. Safety Valve continues to make up for a lifetime of missed SSH and provided a prompt courtesy warmup for the men. Fighting shadow GroupMe Q stealers and cumbersome garage coupons this beatdown theme was already heating up as a true uphill battle for YHC. We hit the usuals with continued slow high knee pax not maximizing their zone 2 cardio and our Lake Charles brothers wondering if the cadence here in Thibodaux is done in synchronized ear buds.

    YHC gave the pax a little warmup mosey while slipping in hints to the big Thang.
    7 nation Army was a nod to the 7 summits and the only riff I could try to learn on a guitar to looked cool in 2005.

    Next up YHC needed to sell the allure of the mountains. We had “ Big rock candy mountain “ by Harry McClintock and he’s a fine salesman, ensuring us there would be no rain, wind or bull dogs with real teeth.
    A perfectly weird tune that we performed MCs, plank jacks and coupon merkins to.

    These young sherpax also required belay certification. YHC obliged by splitting them into two teams and utilizing a standard issue Mardi Gras football for each team that needed to be transported around the civic center. They needed to spread out in a chain and throw the ball one man at a time. With a drop equaling 3 burpees. And continuous squats for any stationary pax. Most of the pax atleast feined understanding and this mini thang proceeded to reach 7.2 on the Maui Scale. Drone reports later cited early high altitude cerebral edema that lead to the opposing team thinking the 3 burpees happen everytime they threw their kloot. YHC sent the chopper 6 rescue for rendezvous back at base camp and the whole thing had to filed under “belayed gratification”.

    All that was left was Altitude Training so we headed to Lafourche Parishs highest point to complete 10 burpees then it was go time:

    Mount Thang a Lang

    How it should work: Team sends 1 man up the mountain to do reps up top while all alternate between 3 exercises (7-7-7) , rinse and repeat till entire team has competed.
    Winner has all team mates back and in plank

    7 rounds for the 7 highest summits on each continent(some modified for time)

    Authors Note
    ***
    There are almost as many geography schisms as Thibodaux sandwich schisms and it seems fiercely debated which of the seven summits are the “true seven”. This bd will reference the area of Oceani (Australia plus New Zealand plus Indonesia) and the concensuus across trivia books seems to be the below:

    1- OCEANIA

    Puncak Jaya (16k ft)
    what country?
    (Indonesia)
    Merkins – plank jacks -squats

    We started at a modest 16000 feet and this one may have been the toughest trivia across the board. YHCs Jawa is a little rough around the edges, compounded by wind and N. Canal traffic most of the pax thought I had sneezed and were still waiting on a question when we started burpees.

    Team 1 took a decisive victory with a shocking decision to put Maneater as the sprint finisher and Jennayyy I tell ya..this man just felt like running. It took a year or two but we finally found Maneaters trigger….NEVER Disrespect Olivia Newton John or he will run you into the ground. White Meat could not be reached for comment and we left his body and a copy of Big Lebowski for the natives on Puncak Jaya.

    2- ANTARCTICA
    Mount Vinson Massif (16)

    Penguins – Leg Raise – WW3 sit-ups

    Goosie got this one correct after heavy penguin hints.
    Team 1 had found there best horse and Maneater was again putting pure greased lightning.

    3- EUROPE
    Mount Elbrus (18k ft)
    ***Skipped for time but I think we did burpees for the trivia.

    4- AFRICA
    Mt Kilimanjaro (20k ft)
    (Easiest to climb)
    Coupon jumps, Donkey kicks, tin soldiers

    YHC meant to serenade the pax with Toto’s masterpiece here bit if you start to play it in your head now it will reach peak chorus when you finish this blast.

    5- NORTH MERKINA
    Denali (22k ft)
    Merkins- wide, regular, diamond

    All Merkins because nothing says USA like naming your most majestic gas guzzling SUV after your politically controversial named and renamed mountain.

    6- SOUTH AMERICA
    Acongua (27k ft)
    27 Monkey Humpers
    -Just seemed right

    Finisher….

    7- ASIA
    Everest (29)
    “I’m on top of the World”

    On top of having some great bd songs this band also gives you the chance to always end a tough conversation with the upper hand by saying “imagine those dragons” and then walking away. (Reader discretion advised, not for domestic use)

    We did Coupon Al Gore and Thrusters on “World”

    We finished with continuous thrusters and all legs met jello criteria.

    Back to the flag for supplemental oxygen, counting, naming and also we learned XL is actually Excel so we didn’t have anymore questions about mysterious t-shirt sizes and some mumbled comments about google sheets being superior.

    Announcements were mostly replaced by ways to let YJ know his Manniversary was a hoax or turn it into a “9th green at 9 “”situation. Backblast pending?

    Prayers and intentions for many in our regions and beyond.

    Thanks for climbing with me Pax

    I hope that in this Lenten season of lessened distractions God makes our own mountains more clear and that we have the faith to climb with what he has provided.

    Can you imagine those dragons?

    SYITG
    Dox

  • More Like South Nazareth – from Goose

    YHC and Pope pulled up to the Stage this morning to find a strange SUV parked and running in typical FNG fashion. AB had hinted at this possibility, so YHC exited the truck gingerly so as not to scare him away. Then, we noticed that there were two in the SUV, one of whom was bald, bearded, and bespectacled, and bore a striking resemblance to a pic that had been posted on the Learned League GroupMe the week earlier and had become the center of attention over the last couple of days. It was, indeed, Kendall Theriot, the only non-Mitchell to give AB a run for the local title for sharpest Llama. But, alas, KT had lost in dramatic fashion to his own son this very morning, and the fall was great. That fall included a loss in a wager with an agreement to join AB at F3 should he lose the tournament to him. It was good to finally put a body to the head, a voice to the digital trash talk. YHC couldn’t wait to hear the kind of chatter that would flow this morning (especially after Tana, a long-time friend of his, also pulled in). KT will henceforth be referred to by Teravanilli, his newly minted name.

    We started with the usual warmups after the disclaimer was given, and YHC was reminded of his first beatdown (my legs were completely shot after the warmup). Then, YHC explained that, since tomorrow is St. Joseph’s Day, we’d celebrate a little early with a St. Joseph themed beatdown today.

    The first thang was a partner Dora to steep a bit in the life of a carpenter in Nazareth (which was more like a builder, most likely). While one partner worked on 200 one-armed rows (sawing), 100 brick layers, and 50 thrusters, the other partner, the beast of burden, block-and-beared across to the opposite sidewalk before rifle carrying back. YHC chose music that Joseph may have listened to if he had a bluetooth speaker, traditional Nazareth pop music (well, more like South Nazareth).

    After about 3 minutes, our good, hard work was interrupted by a dream (“Sweet Dreams” by Eurythmics) wherein the Angel Gabriel told us that our fiance’ was pregnant via the Holy Spirit. Then, we discovered that we had to travel all the way to Bethlehem, our ancestral land, because of a census. So, we dropped everything right where it was and started hoofing it. We headed up the newly opened Stretch and made our way around to Rich Man’s Loop, where the townhouses began. It took us a while to get there since Mary’s pregnant and needing to go a little slower (this role was played impeccably by Teravanilli). So, the inns (townhouses) were all full. We knew this because we bear crawled to the front of each and jumped up and down asking for help (25 jump squats, for the 25th of December).

    The “inns” were rather close together, and the version of “Little Town of Bethlehem” that YHC chose was rather long, so the jump squats started quickly looking less and less like a desperate cry for help and more and more like a geriatric twerking class. Soon enough, however, we were given respite in a stable out behind one of the “inns”, and after the child was born, we started to get settled in our new location. But, once again, we were unexpectedly interrupted by Gabriel/Annie Lennox, and it was time to hoof it to Egypt, no time to lose.

    Egypt was over where the monuments to the kings of Thibodaux stand, and after a pickup-six, we completed a quick song routine to the expected Bangles hit “Walk Like an Egyptian”. Imperial Walkers for the duration and Bonnie Blairs for every “Egyptian”. So, pretty much 4 minutes of Imperial Walkers (there are only like 4 “Egyptians”–who knew?).

    Gabrielrhytmics came back one more time to let us know that the coast was clear, and we needed to head back home to Nazareth. This is where we’d live out the last of our days as a Simple Man (Lynard Skynard style), continuing our work as a carpenter (the rest of the Dora) until our time expired.

    It may seem like Joseph was jerked around, that Gabriel/God took his simple, predictable life from him and forced him to move from place to place, trying to keep his little family alive. But, what makes St. Joseph so great, and so blessed, is that he was willing to say “yes” and do what was asked of him, trusting that God would provide, and most importantly, that it was worth it. So, he gave up everything, but what he gained was the Creator of the Universe, God Himself, in his arms, in his home, every day for the rest of his life. Not a bad trade-off. He just had to let go of control, to let go of what He could picture, and trust that God truly knows what He’s doing.

    The PAX was impressed by Teravanilli’s willingness to show up and keep pushing despite a tough experience. We’ve all been there (and were there again just this past Saturday), so it means a lot when one more man makes the leap to go through it with us. The FNG naming took a while–there was so much good material–but YHC was taken by YJ’s suggestion at the very beginning of the beatdown to call him Teravanilli, an answer to one of the questions in the infamous trivia league loss. (If a millivanilli is 1/1000th of a vanilli, what is 1 trillion vanillis?). So, he’ll have a good time trying to explain that every time he introduces himself. We fully expect to see him Thursday morning.

    Announcements, COT, and Cuz prayed us out. Thanks for playing along this morning, fellas–I’ll forward any Ring videos from neighbors as I receive them.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Have a Magical Day. And the Horse You Rode in On. – from America’s Best

    The man was struggling to breathe. The grimace on his face betrayed him– he was pushing his body to the limits of extreme exertion. His heart raced. His muscles strained. His crocs almost fell off. Seemingly defying the limits not only of his own physical ability, but of physics itself, he hurtled himself toward the boat dock. “Move!” he shouted, as his compatriots shuffled along behind him. His patience was being tested. His cargo shorts were also being tested, both in capacity of the pockets and tensility of the waistband. Somehow he careened himself and his giant double-stroller onto the waiting vessel before it departed. Yes. Success. Today they would make their journey without waiting another 20 minutes for the next boat to Hollywood Studios.

    Watching all of this unfold, YHC’s mind went one place: This is a beatdown.

    Warmarama
    SSH (Safety Valve rolls in)
    Windmills
    Imperial Walkers
    Carolina Butt Kickers
    Lafayette Night Clubs
    Tie Fighters
    Arm Circles
    Cherry Pickers

    Mosey over to Aldi and back to the first sidewalk for

    The First Thang:
    Get on the Bus/Don’t Miss the Boat/Monorail More Like Boraphyll/Skyliner is Floridian for Gondola

    Partner up, start with a standard (reverse) Dora.
    200 curls, bear crawl
    100 goblet squats, murder bunny
    50 burpees, rifle carry

    During this the PAX would be required to come up with and call out one the 4 modes of transport between Disney parks. Upon the call out, we would all run to one of 4 designated areas to do something.

    I thought it might be somewhat challenging to think of all 4 MOT at Disney… then Safety Valve disclosed that he had EH’d a ringer… TexicoCat has been to Disney something like 47 times.

    At WDW you have to keep you head on a swivel for those characters that your kid has to get a photo with. So another addition to this beatdown was to listen for a mention of a Disney character in the beatdown soundtrack.

    Valve called out “boat” first. Strange. Although this was the MOT that inspired this beat down, it’s the one least used. We took our coupons to near the reservoir and completed 10 thrusters.

    A bit later, Valve called out “bus.” YHC was starting to think he was being coached by TexicoCat. We brought our coupons to the bus stop to do 10 man makers. Just as we were getting there, YHC lamented, “The bus is the worst mode of transport at Disney.” Safety Valve simply added “Yes.” But in that word I could feel the deep shared suffering that we both knew from riding that horrible bus. So it would be only five man makers. Because solidarity, brother.

    We had almost completed the Dora when someone mentioned a monorail, so we moseyed to the Aldi parking lot for a quick parking lot suicide. Then nurred (nar?) back like we were in that backwards facing seat on the monorail.
    From there, we visited the skyliner, which was bunny hopping up the Civic Center stairs and performing 10 Bobby Hurleys up top.
    We moseyed back to compete the Dora and then were ready for

    The Next Thang: The Long Line

    Studies have shown that 95% of the time at Disney is spent standing in line. Which studies you ask? To that I respectfully say shut your pie hole and have a magical day.

    We would simulate the never-ending line which seems to take longer the closer you get to the front:

    Start under the trees and do 3 BBS
    Move up in line to the first sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins
    Then move to the second sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins+7 Goosies

    And then just when you get almost to the front of the line (the wall at the front of the civic center), someone has to potty.

    So get out of line, then head back to the beginning and start all over again

    Start under the trees and do 3 BBS
    Move up in line to the first sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins
    Then move to the second sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins+7 Goosies
    Then finally move to the wall and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins+7 Goosies + 7 Burpees

    Once at the wall, it was time for

    The Final Thang: Don’t Stand in My Way, Don’t have a Seat

    Sometimes in life (and usually at Disney) you accidentally beat yourself down. YHC did this while being forced to watch Mickey’s Magical Friendship Faire for the 17th time. Near the front, but right in front of a small pillar seemed the optimal spot to watch but not be in anyone’s way… as long as you were lower than that pillar. The only way YHC was able to make that happen was to basically wall-sit against the pillar.
    So now the PAX would wall sit while we reviewed our soundtrack.
    First question: Did anyone hear any Disney characters mentioned in any of the songs?

    Popeye was the only one to answer, quickly with “Cinderella. From Celebrity Skin…. I mean, what was that song called?”
    Yes, that is exactly what that song is called. But nobody else had heard a thing. So we listed to them all while intermittently picking up our coupon children during our wall sit. Most characters were easily identified once we listened for them, except “Snow White” in Enter Sandman, and of course Rapunzel. (Thanks to YJ, DMB gets no cred.)

    Finished up with 1min of Mary (WWI sit ups).

    Final question at the COT: Sometimes at Disney, you unexpectedly run into someone you know. Today, one of the songs included the name of one of our men here today. Who knows it?
    Again, Popeye was quick to answer, “Honeysuckle.” Again, from Celebrity Skin by Hole.

    Wait. How was Popeye able to Live Through This beatdown with such great success?
    Let’s just say if anyone sees a Courtney Love body pillow on sale, please let me know before Popeye’s next birthday.

    COT completed as Honeysuckle prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    AB

     

  • The Centenarian Decathlon, Lap 2: Caged Possums – from Paradox

    The centenarian decathlon, introduced by longevity expert Dr Peter Attia, provides a framework for reverse engineering your aging and focusing on healthspan AND lifespan. It can also serve as an excellent thought experiment and practical guide for physical goals.

    The question is fairly simple. Assuming you reach 100, what are the ten tasks you would like to still be able to do?

    This could be anything! Wanna drink strawberry wine in a rocking chair reminiscing about When we were young ? Put it on the list. Running against the wind through The Suburbs as you blow past other 64 year old Beatles. Check, check and check!!

    You could put the practical stuff there too I guess, and lots of ppl will have overlap there. Picking up grandkids, traveling and getting off the john banos without assistance always make a lot of lists.
    In the early 2023 CD 100 YHC surveyed the pax the day before the beatdown and so we ended up working on our golf swings, pro creation movements and throwing lazer tight Uncle Rico spirals to our great grand kids. Nothing wrong with these. But this year YHC wanted to look at it from a bit more morbid standpoint and so asked a few patients (some much closer to the real CD) what they miss doing the most in the the 7th , 8th, and 9th decades of life. We would take that list as our decathlon and sprinkle a few musical memory recall tests in for the aging llama neurons.

    Duke! put down that geritol and get your Medicare part D(og) card!
    Roll the footage!

    7 Depaxthletes were ready to roll at the Den but just needed a Q!
    Ya hate to see it.
    YHC came in flaming on two wheels at a prompt 5:17a.
    The lemon truck continues to need intensive care and while grateful for the bum truck it does take a little sweet talking to get rolling in 33 degree gloom.
    Safety valve provided what I’m sure was sheer terror from the pax of a possible substitute danger valve q that prolly involved suicides and rhabdo but YHC rescued them mid warm up and we got to it.

    Average age of pax present was 40.7 years so if we make it to 100 we have 60 more years of physical decline. The idea is we need to train now to be ahead of that drop off. So if you want to lift a cute warm, giggling 20 lb baby one time then it only makes sense for you to lift a much less cute 40 pound ice cold unforgiving coupon 100 times. Theres complicated math imbedded with rates of muscle decay and dietary intake but for simplicity sake we’ll just let Ronnie cook those books later.

    Tha Thang

    Complete 10 reps of exercise and add one exercise each round with a lap in between. While running a civic center lap we would try to guess the artist of a few “memory or aging adjacent” songs.

    YHC just forgot one tiny little wrinkle that once you get an answer correct you would be eliminated from the potential pax that can guess (or if your Popeye then Guess is just a jeans fad, he has facts only.)
    YHC had been tinkering with ways to humble our musical elite and went to bed quite pleased with the potential anguish of only one neutralized pax knowing Arcade Fire while the rest said dumb stuff like Kings of Leon. But again I caution future Qs , if you bring a layup into this Den be prepared for Bruce Mutombo and Shaq Royster to swat it into the rafters and look disappointed you didn’t try harder.

    Decathlon:

    #1. Getting out of bed
    10 Coupon BBSU

    #2. Get off the toilet without assistance – 10 butt to coupon jump squats

    #3. Load grocery’s – 10 Curls

    #4 Pickup Great Grandkids –
    10 Thrusters

    #5 Dance- 10 Apollo Ohnos

    #6. Open a Jar – coupon side carry down and back on middle grip

    #7Cut the grass – Coupon cranks

    YHC skipped to # 10 as a burpee finisher…
    Eating solid food -10 burpees

    ***Ones we didn’t get to ;
    Maybe next year.

    #8Getting up from chair –
    10 goblet squats

    #9 the marital embrace –
    10 Coupon wife pleasers

    The Songs

    “I don’t need your rocking chair”
    – George Jones

    “Running Against the Wind”
    -Bob Seger

    “When we were Young”
    -Adele

    “Glory Days”
    -Bruce Springsteen

    “Strawberry Wine”
    -Deana Carter

    “When I’m 64”
    -the Beatles

    Notes:

    – YHCs new tactic wasn’t a complete failure as the Pax had 1-2 penalties when the group dwindled.
    – George Jones is pure poetry.
    – ABs commentary on Springsteen knowledge equaling US citizenship made the laps melt away .
    – YHC did not have the heart to let a solo pax wildly guess at the Beatles after HoneySuckles recent Beatledown anthology so I figured that was a soft toss.
    – Ronnie took a great guess at Martina McBride and AB let his 90s country weaknesses show out there for any aspiring trivia Qs.

    All together we picked up about 70 40 lb great grandkids, got off the John a few times and remembered a glory day or two.

    Naming and counting then some healthy lines were drawn in the sand between trawlers and WHAPS for the upcoming RCR contest.

    Wrapped up with big time prayers for Yote and the Goose nest.

    HS prayed us out.

    Thanks to the gang for sticking around to find my bum truck keys!
    America’s Best appropriately suggested that keen eye sight might need to be part of the cent decathlon next year.

    Here’s a Dox of Chocolates

    Sit down some time with a post-it note or even some spare certified coast guard letter head. Ask yourself the above question and then I challenge you to build your own unique centenarian decathlon. This can be a guidepost for helping us tailor our physical training and for allowing our health span to stay on course with our lifespan.
    But wait , there’s more.

    Look at the list again and consider some harder yet inescapable truths.

    One day you’ll get up from the toilet unassisted for the last time. (Hopefully after reading a thoroughly good blast)

    One day you will throw your child in the air for the last time.

    One day you may twirl your M in the kitchen for the very last dance.

    Get out of bed, Hike a trail, open a jar of pickles…you get it…At some point you will do every single thing on your list for the very last time and most likely not even know it.

    Considering the value of these events later in life is impactful but what if we flip the timeline back to the present.

    Seeing the gift in each moment as it comes and that God has provided us the means to be in the present.

    And if we can do that then maybe Springsteen was wrong.
    Maybe these ARE the glory days.

    Run against today’s winds.
    Reject tommorows rocking chair.
    And make sure you can taste the strawberries along the way.

    Grateful for an opportunity to lead you fellas.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • What’s Cooler than being Cool? – from America’s Best

    YHC had originally planned a totally different beatdown, but upon seeing the sub-freezing temperatures predicted, changed to a beatdown that would keep all body parts moving throughout the morning.

    YHC pulled into the Frozen Tuesday Tundra with minutes to spare to find a larger than expected PAX assembled and ready to get warm.

    Warmarama (augmented to keep all limbs moving):
    SSH
    Tie Fighters
    Imperial Walkers
    Self Love+Butt kicks (deemed “Butt Love” by Popeye)
    Windmills
    Mountain climbers (Paradox starts to stand up)
    Shoulder Taps (Paradox starts to stand up)
    Peter Parkers (Paradox stays put, so back on our feet)

    Quick mosey around what may someday be a neighborhood.

    Music selection today was all about the Fahrenheits, and began with “Frozen Heart” from The Girl Dad Earworm album. Goose said something vaguely offensive like “Is this the dwarves from Lord of the Rings?” It was like a Basketball Jones slur but for the Sami mountain people. From there the music warmed to “She’s so Cold” which is basically an exercise in Mick Jagger trying to think of cold things that also rhyme with the word “cold.” (Near misses: “tombstone,” ice-cream cone.”) Only warm summertime songs from there on out to keep us mentally warm.

    We arrived back at the flags for a Dora that would ensure we would be constantly moving to maintain warmth.

    Partner 1 starts on 50 Burpees while partner 2 MOT is The Nur (mosey back).

    Followed by 100 goblet squat curls, MOT Flying Nun (mosey back).

    Then 200 Bobby Hurleys, MOT Bear Crawl (mosey back). When we were beginning this portion, Valve just laughed and said “leg day, huh?”

    (Aside: If you have not ever partnered up with Safety Valve, I highly recommend it. The more difficult the beatdown becomes, the bigger his smile gets. The grin is not exactly maniacal, but it’s also not comforting. I’m not sure if its origin is the pain he felt or the pain he saw on my face. Either way, this man eats pain for breakfast. )

    Next we moved up to the stage for 100 Mike Tyson Merkins whilst the partner ran a lap.

    At this point, YHC thought he saw that we had only 5 minutes left, so we moved down to run in place while listening to the FOTC Classic “Mutha’uckas”. YHC quickly fabricated something about F3 needing all 3 F’s, and so each time we heard a word missing a letter “F” we would Burpee. There were a lot of missing F’s. The chatter about this song being where 75% of YJ’s vocabulary comes from drowned out the song.

    Now somehow (either due to time dilation or presbyopia) there were 10 minutes left, so YHC quickly added a second Conchords song “Hurt Feelings.” The PAX held plank and merkined with each “hurt.” “Have you ever been told that you look like a llama?”

    Now that we had about 6 minutes left, we had just enough time for some Mary. Goose surprised everyone by not calling Dr. W’s and YHC takes that as a compliment as a sign of a challenging beatdown. Popeye led us in fire hydrants, and YHC accidently did alternating legs, which I do not recommend unless you are already in the market for new kneecaps. YHC then offered Freddy Mercs, and Enron gifted us penguins. I can’t remember too much more, other than Tana trying to run out the clock with 6” until everyone dropped. But when the Q is done, the exercise moves on to the next man. It’s always that New Year’s Resolution Guy who shows up multiple weeks and then struts around like he owns the Planet Fitness.

    YHC was impressed by the fortitude of all you men who braved the frozen tundra to make it out.

    SYITG,

    AB

  • Year in Review 2024: The Ghost of Backblast Past – from Paradox

    Whether you call it Twixmas, Feral Week, or the official week of the automated email , the window of December 25th-January 1 is a great period for quality family time , limited use of pants, and for ignoring nutritional facts. (Even if your Payday has 7g of protein).

    Naturally paired with this season is a look back on the good, bad and ugly of your previous year. And that’s where we’ll start as YHC also needs to issue this backblast as a mea culpa for several missed blasts through the year. Swept up in the undertow of work and diapers were more than a few half written works that just didn’t seem to have enough bowel movements in the day to finish.

    Of course I could pile the excuses higher than the pampers tower in YHCs garage but the burden remains and if the men of F3 thib have taught me anything then it’s how to get back up when the tubs of life truly starts thumping you down. Ergo, we must trudge forth! Like Pliny the Younger providing the only account of Vesuvius, who would tell ABs grandkids about the Christmas miracle ?
    Or like Aristodemus, spared from the final battle of Thermopylae to document those slain, someone must record the heroes of Danger Valve Mondays. Concordantly, this document is my 2024 last stand. To prevail against the waves of procrastination, flares of irritable bowels and all other reasons YHCs blasts went to Apple notes purgatory this year.

    Objectives for this beatdown/blast were ambitious. YHC needed to recognize a tremendous year from our pax and highlight a few glossed over diamonds in the tuff, and to do it all in one big greasy beatdown/blast omelette. You won’t even need mushrooms and salsa to stomach this egg vehicle Senor Mitchell. This behemoth is chocked full of the events, schisms, airport flatulence, franchises, hoosker do’s, hoosker don’ts , 17 different light rock alternatives, wearables, whistling kitty chasers and all of those secret sauces of 2024 F3 Thib that make this group of uncultured hooligans my valued brothers.

    Duke!!
    It’s the Year in Review !!
    Roll that beautiful footage pup.

    10 Tuesday Tuffians were mostly assembled as YHC arrived in a thicc gloom with near perfect beatdown weather. Cool enough for sans mosquitoes but not so chilly that a spray paint crop top would make you uncomfortable ya know, and YHC did know.

    Standard issue warmups with the ever growing detestable schism of slow knee heretics blatantly disregarding the call for “high knees” and instead doing the invasive species “slow high knees”. Like a useless pond grass the south port variant continues its spread, choking the life from more useful warms ups in our precious ecosystem. It’s a slippery slope to power walking fellas, it’s all I’m trying to say. Next it’s “there’s no jump on the burpee” then “Shakira shimmies” for merkins. Before long, once the estrogen levels get high enough, we’ll have a bear problem….(see anchorman et al 2004) …(and look this beatdown needed atleast one bah humbug or I couldn’t maintain the Dickens vibe ok)

    YHC persevered through the mutiny and Wet Tap reduced the tension by reminiscing of misspent youth in Lafayette night clubs. We put a Bumper Mosey bow on it and it was show time.

    YHC wanted to recap the year and one theme seemed recurrent and prominent in my reflections on 2024. Through the joys, sorrows, and everyday grind, in the ups and downs of family life , the sick 2.0s, the injuries , the beauty of new life and pain of lost loved ones. In all those things, God was, is and wants to be truly with us.

    YHC will now attempt to go full Jacob Marley as we fly through 2024 and see the beatdowns of past, present and future.

    In January God was with us in the known and unknown.

    On 1/7/24 Americas Best sparked a trivia revolution with his bd “everybody’s an expert”. YHC remembers running rich man’s loop as he asked us a deep question: “what is one category we know better than the rest”. YHC thought it was a prank and initially answered something like “statefair corndogs” only to realize the remaining pax all gave real heartfelt answers. Finally Cardinal, in his wisdom, suggested a chance I might know antibiotics. How thoughtful.
    When we returned to the stage AB weaponized our strengths (and Pride) against us to reinforce a very cool fact. We all kinda know 1-2 things really well but clearly there’s a vast ocean of facts out there we can humbly claim ignorance to and enjoy the process of learning.

    So to honor this amazing gift we unveiled …
    Rapid Fire AB trivia

    Correct – 7 coupon plank jacks
    Incorrect 7 coupon merks

    #1
    If yogurt and sweet potato had a baby they might produce ABs favorite traditional Polynesian food made from the Taro root.
    (Poi)

    Honeysuckle remembered the runny 3 finger poi as his favorite blend.

    #

    2ABs least favorite breakfast food- (omelette)

    Pope with the immediate answer.

    #3
    When AB first moved to Thibodaux his first job as an optometrist made him smell like fresh Tires. Where was that job? (Sam’s Club)

    Goose struggled with this one a bit but battled to produce Walmart which YHC awarded half credit. This is a great Goosian trait we see on display many beatdowns, if he doesn’t immediately have an answer then a rabid bloodhound is unleashed in his brain searching accurate guesses. Something’s very right with his medulla oblongata.

    #4
    AB has a dog named after the main character in this 1994 classic movie. (Shawshank redemption- Andy Dufrene)

    The group produced both Shawshank and Dufrene.

    Now it was only fair by the writ of habeas corpus that AB get a swing at the pax during his own trial so YHC prepped him the night before to bring a fast ball.

    The Pax produced some fine “Most common wrongs” but could not land on “Time Dilation” as the answer. Great teaser trailer for the 2025 Interstellar beatdown.

    Grand Finale

    On a special night during ABs childhood , in the room he shared with his brother Jeff , AB released flatus so vile that Jeff had to leave the room. When he returned the next morning somehow the smell had gotten much worse. This is event is now known as what?
    (The Christmas miracle)

    Again Goose was flexing his Dawkins trophy by guessing Napalm. Although it was incorrect, I hereby place it #2 on the list of potential FNG names. (Just behind Texaco Cat of course)

    Shoutout to This first hand account added by none other than Jeff Mitchell, who claims his smell never fully recovered.

    AB thank you for the gift of trivia this year. We are proud to call you our Llama Mama.

    In February God was with us on the run.

    2/17/24
    “It’s Only A Mile”

    We recognized two major memories from this awesome day and what is hoped to be a Thibodaux staple event.

    The first was Coach Goose. Anyone who ran more than a lap that day was aided by the one part field general/one part friend that provided stalwart support until the end.
    We also unknowingly picked up our Rookie of the Year, White Meat.

    Maybe it was the movie references or perhaps the pastalaya but he was there at the stage the following Monday rattling off Big Lebowski quotes like a pax veteran. We missed the mark on not naming this man Double Toilet but it’s been great getting to know the Meat and see him rapidly improve.

    Run lap- 10 Goosies
    Run Back 20 picklePounders

    Thank you Goose for your leadership and thank you White meat for courage to try something new.

    In March God was with us building our spiritual foundation brick by brick .

    3/21/24 Popeye VQ

    YHC would be flat out lying if I told you I wasn’t atleast a bit scared/concerned at what a Popeye Q might be. And based on the absolute silence of this usually chattering group during the beginning of the VQ some others were curious where the pain would come from as well. We stayed off his grass and all survived that day and ever since he has set the tone yielding his equally effective weapons of bricks and Yacht Rocks.

    YHC found a song that was Yacht Rockish and represented Pops previous solo brick routine.

    Coupon skips on our mystery song.

    “All by myself “ equals burpee

    One minute off per answer was the plan but these were fairly difficult and YHCs twang did not help a thorough explanation.

    Answers :

    – “ALL by myself “
    – Artist – Eric Carmen
    – other biggest hit song was “hungry eyes” featured in mutiple commercials to represent lusting after foods
    – What Band did he leave: The raspberries
    – Raspberry hit song was “Go all the away” – (hint: on guardians of galaxy soundtrack)

    Thank you Pop for the tough love and for the Sailing lessons.

    In April God was with us as we crank the intensity and carrying our burdens.

    Yankee Jeaux has a well established resume of mega holiday beatdowns that many broadway production companies would envy. Yet he continued to push the bar higher with this Holy Week Stations of the Cross bd. It had the perfect blend of physical demand, silent reflection and opportunity for unity in suffering.

    Thank you YJ, we secretly love your monologues.

    Rucking also exploded onto the F3 Thib scene in the spring of ‘24 so we honored the Co-founders of Warrior Wednesday -Smooth and Honeysuckle. ( and a Tidy Whitey shoutout). These pax showed Great initiative to start and maintain a change of pace on Wednesdays. The ruck/run allows for open conversations and a simple format. Just ask Smooth all you need is a Jansport and a few hammers.

    Both of these pax are connoisseurs of fine country so YHC dialed up ole King George.

    “Carrying your love with me”
    Coupon Step ups

    A classic Smooth “Okay” was the general sentiment regarding coupon step ups.

    Thank you HoneySuckle for your consistency, quality franchise Beatledowns and your God gifted infinity lungs

    Thank you Smooth for cutting edge Maul/tire beatdowns and for always embracing a heavy load with a laugh and an “okay”

    In May God was with us during a challenge.

    This May we had a few wrinkles added to the annual May challenge . Some fasting , mutiple extra point grab opportunities and 3am -6 am 10 mile ruck Ruck that launched 1000 wife complaint’s. It led to some awesomely weird conversations and some revelations about valves call schedule.

    To honor the super ruck and the Dawson 2.0s leading a Weird Al resurgence YHC found a little “YODA” .

    Coup Calf raise on song
    Curls on YODA

    Thanks to Ronnie for giving me a template to ask my M about a middle of the night ruck. (It didn’t help)

    In June God was with us to deal with transitions.

    This one needs little introduction.
    Mr Summerwind expressed all my feelings completely.

    Cardinal to MC
    “80 miles to Santa Fe”

    Parked – Squat
    Lake- Bonnie Blair
    Santa Fe – SSH

    We miss ya Cardinal.
    Beatdown field trip in 2025- it’s happening. Thanks for encouraging the deeper questions and being a rock in our community.

    In July God was with us to move heavy things.

    Wet Tap continued to carve his niche as our Pax premier expert in Coupons of unusual size (COUS). directly or indirectly introducing Black Betty and Tiny this year we learned to fear seeing the high country back into a lot with no cinders in sight.

    Song “Black Betty” by Ram Jam
    We did OHP on Black Betty and Bama Lam

    Thank you Tap, for seeing coupons everywhere you look.

    Mid Year Intermission Song:
    SSHs while YHC highlighted Lil Cuz’s innate ability to add valuable commentary on all things. Everyone sharpens iron in their own way and for Cuz it’s letting you know your beatdown monologue made him uncomfortable and that the veggie tray could use ranch.

    Thank you Cuz for Keeping the bar high. If your brothers aren’t first, your last. Some pax whispers about a 2025 Earl Dibbles bd?!

    In August, God was with us in the Danger.

    The character arc of Safety Valve from friendly neighbor to Monday Supervillain has been nothing short of amazing. To sum it up best I pulled the YELP reviews from the pax on Mondays after a standard valve bd:

    Popeye: Is Valve okay?

    White Meat: I’m hurting Linda.

    Goose: Does his insurance cover therapy? Asking for a friend.

    Pope: I feel a new sensation of being short of breath.

    Popeye: seriously, he ok?

    …it goes on like that for a few pages.

    To honor our much loved merkin maniac YHC called in some classic Kenny Loggins.
    Highway to the Danger Valve
    IW -Song
    Double Merkin Burpee on Danger Zone.

    Thanks for never letting off the gas Valveline.
    I like the way you hurt a man.

    In September God was with us to sharpen Iron.

    Remind me again, Whose idea was Iron PAX plus BK 500 in the same month?! We must have been really high on Jersey Mikes that day.

    As it happened, September 2024 at F3 Thibodaux was a minefield of some of the most difficult beatdowns we’ve ever attempted. It seems the brain trust up in Greenwood got together this year and decided there was a nationwide deficit in thrusters and burpees. This led to several snot woggle Saturdays where the legs were weakened but the shared suffering was stronger than ever.

    To cap off the month we pivoted our annual SV500 into a fall friendly event and this year supported the nonprofit Brothers Keeper. Goose kept tradition by building a ridiculous but well thought out 20 station course that was much more defensible against questionable form. Inch worm merkins and the station 1 Dora still keep pax in cold sweats.

    The dark horse team of Valve and Cardinal , now simply known as Second Collection, won the overall category and we’re still investigating that “anonymous” benefactor.

    Song:
    GreenDay
    “Wake me up when September Ends “

    On your 6 Hold coupon in press position.
    Alt between flutter kicks , heels to heaven , leg raises.
    WW3 sit-ups on “September”

    Thanks to all who made the BK500 a great success.

    In October/November God was with us to converge with our fellow brothers and to celebrate several milestones.
    Our Bayou pax of 4 years , Goose with a 5 year and the NOLA region hit the 10 year mark!

    These milestones could only be recognized by The GOOSELIZER. (As designed and led by Goose on the spot at Convergence)
    A deconstructed SSH montage with plank jacks in between. It’s a thing of synchronized beauty.

    Thanks to our NOLA brothers for continued support.

    And finally we adjusted our reverse time dilators as we arrived back at December safely at our cozy stage.

    December brings the season of Paxmas beatdowns as we prepare the way together. We had to adjust our Christmas carol expectations and even saw an exposed coca Cola Santa for the fraud he is. Chests and Butts were roasted on an open fire as ThighKowsky made a final bow. We saw a new grinch bring the Whoville pain and we were yearning for a YJ soliloquy. All this bringing us to an open field, a sky full of stars and vintage Goosing complete with 9000 pancakes plus a question :“Could we allow God to be bigger than us ?”

    Song : God is with Us
    Artist: For King and Country
    -Coupon High Knees
    -Thrusters on God is with Us

    The last counting and naming of 2024 then in another slightly less smelly miracle YHC gifted the Push-up Pimp to Valve.
    Great year of growth brother.

    Announcements
    -Get on Da Q Sheet
    -Feb 8 It’s only a Mile
    -White Mystery Meat Q (TBD)

    Prayers
    – winter illness’s
    – Holiday anxieties

    Thank you pax for these gifts and of the opportunity to lead and share together in all things that God provided in 2024.

    I’ll wrap us up with a little sprinkle of what Mr. Clive Staples had to say on this matter and as my own challenge for 2025.

    “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”

    I pray we can see all things in this new year with the Light He provides.

    God is with us.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • False Alarm! – from America’s Best

    Boxing Day is known for many things. Well, a few things at least. Ok, really nobody knows much about what Boxing Day is, but if you Google it, you will find that the Boxing Day leftover sandwich is a thing.

    Which is perfect, because I happened to have not finished the “sandwich” week of IPC, so we would perform that as a leftover today. . .

    The Undercard:
    Bear crawl 30 yards, triple-broad jump back, with 3 burpees after each 3 jumps. Accompanying music: a leftover earworm from Paradox’s Buttcracker last week. Since it was a ballet theme, I was sure Dox would throw in the (Yacht Rock?) classic “True” by Spandau Ballet. Since he didn’t, it has been playing on repeat in my brain for a week. The only way to cleanse: do some work while the entire song plays out. Sometimes you have to poison the host to kill the parasite.

    Then we moseyed with our coupons ¼ around the CC for…

    The Main Event:

    Based on a prior template, the PAX would do an exercise while one man took a lap contemplating a question. Today, they would be mostly True or False Questions.
    Correct answer results in reward, incorrect results in punishment. With each question, the PAX had one extra chance at redemption by identifying title and artist of the song playing.

    First up: Tana. T or F: According to the Bible, 3 wise men visited Jesus’ nativity.
    We did curls while “Fairytale of New York” played. Tana returned, unaware he had even been asked a question. Nonetheless, he responded “True.” The answer, in fact, is False, and we did 5 burpees. Goose was able to identify the Pogues (2nd guess), and although I didn’t hear him name the song, he did inform the PAX that the NYPD does not actually have a choir, which is an infinitely superior piece of information.

    And for that, Goose got to go next. T or F: The modern image of Santa Claus (as we know him) was created by Coca-Cola. Now, YHC tried to pretend the question was randomly selected, but of course, it was designed for Goose since I’ve heard him state this as fact at least twice in the last week.
    White Winter Hymnal by Fleet Foxes played while Goose contemplated and ran, and the rest did Mike Tyson merkins (it’s Boxing Day, remember?)
    Goose returned, and less-confidently than expected, answered “True.” In fact, again the answer is false, as there exist multiple examples of Santa as we know him prior to the Coca Cola ads of the 30s and 40s.
    5 burpees.

    Maneater was next, and his T or F question was: The use of an “Xmas” as a placeholder for “Christmas” began as part of the conspiracy to excise Christ from His holiday.
    We continued the Boxing Day theme and listened to a cover of “Christmas Treat” by Julian Casablancas. (the original was written by Jimmy Fallon and Horatio Sans for an SNL sketch).
    I was sure to sort of mumble the original question to make sure Maneater answered “True” (which he did). Of course, again the answer was false, as the X (Greek Chi) has been used to nenote Christ since around 1500. 5 burpees
    YHC had already selected the PAX question for this round: “Julian Casablancas is the lead singer of what band?” Honeysuckle, mid-song, perhaps using mind-reading technology, before I had a chance to even ask the question, asked “Is this the Strokes?”
    The PAX was rewarded with 10 merkins.

    And Honeysuckle got to be the next man up. Recognizing that HS likely was on to my pattern, I had to switch gears and not offer him a T or F question. Instead, it was Dad joke time: What did Goose say when Pope gave him a comb for Christmas?
    Honeysuckle ran while the PAX alternated 7 Goosies with 7 Merkins and listened to “One Glove,” a duet by Jimmy Fallon and Will Ferrell. Although HS was unable to come up with the answer (Thanks, I’ll never part with it), Goose and Tana worked out both the title and artist of the song. I think we did 10 merkins as reward.

    Next Wet Tap was given:
    T or F: The lyric “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” originally was at the end (and not the beginning) of the song.
    Worded like that, it seems like it should be true, right? We did 8-count bodybuilders while Tap ran around and convinced himself of just that fact, and returned with his (incorrect) answer of True (originally, that lyric was not in the song at all).
    However, between Pope and Goose, “Christmas at Ground Zero” by Weird Al was correctly identified. The PAX did 5 8-count bodybuilders as a reward.

    We found a dry spot to alternate between 7 squats and 7 Aussie Angels (might be made up) while Safety Valve ran and pondered the question written for Paradox:
    T or F: The most popular Christmas candy bar in Louisiana is the Kit Kat.
    He returned with a very reasonable answer: True. However, according to the Paradox taxonomy of candy bars, everything is a candy bar, so the most popular candy bar in LA is actually the candy cane. So again, the correct answer was false.
    Goose identified that Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis were performing their version of the 12 Days of Christmas, but amazingly only knew their actual names, and not the characters Bob and Doug MacKenzie. Sometimes a man’s brain is too full of useful information and the useless stuff starts falling out. Sad.

    Pope was the last man, and was confronted with the most difficult true or false question of the day:
    True or False: Die Hard is a Christmas movie.
    We were about to do mountain climbers while he ran, but suddenly YHC heard Montana say something, which I swear was “why can’t we do something in this nice wet grass instead?” Thinking fast, YHC quickly changed the event to WW3 situps.
    Pope returned, answering True. My knee-jerk reaction was that this should be False (mainly because all the answers were false) but this subject has been famously debated, and I honestly wasn’t sure where I fell on this one… so YHC needed bit of time to think. Luckily, we had the other slice of bread for our Boxing Day Sandwich, and we were Set Adrift on Memory Bliss, as PM Dawn sampled Spandeau Ballet’s “True” and the PAX again bearcrawled 30 yards and Triple-Burpee-Broad-Jumped back. Twice.
    This time we had to deal with the wet and slippery grass, and through the fog I could see men crashing down around me. In my mind I heard Frank Costanza’s voice shouting, “I sent 16 of my own men to the latrines that night!” I pushed the guilt aside, trying to fix my mind on the Die Hard dilemma.

    We finished mostly unscathed (you okay, Valve?) and returned for COT. YHC reluctantly accepted Bluetube from Tana. Goose prayed us out.

    Great job as always men.
    SYITG,

    AB

    AB Cs the light (post credits-scene):

    I created this beatdown as a “Not really Christmas” theme. After Goose’s OG-Christmas-Carol-Only BD, and the newfangled trendy music of Tchaikovsky last week, all of the songs this morning were intentionally Christmas-adjacent at best.

    As far as the Die Hard dilemma goes… the arguments that it is a Christmas movie are many: The word “Christmas” is mentioned something like 18 times. More times than “die”, “hard”, “bomb”, “explode”, or “gun”. The setting is Christmastime during a company Christmas party.
    Sounds Christmas-y.

    But much like the beatdown today, it is superficial. Although I was wearing bad Santa pajamas, and there was a lot of talk about Christmas-y stuff, I only mentioned Jesus twice. Die Hard probably has zero references. I know, I know, you’re all saying, “But AB, what about the scripture ‘and the Lord spoketh “Yippee Kai-Ay.”’?’ I tell you then that is also false, and I compel you to admire the number of quotation marks used in the prior sentence. Pretty impressive, right?

    So the movie synopsis: a celebration of corporate greed is interrupted by terrorists/thieves who get theirs at the hands of a NYPD detective.
    Just like my beatdown, this has little to do with what Christmas actually is all about. And from that perspective, I find it hard to argue that Die Hard is a Christmas movie.

    I Know this Much is True.

  • OG Christmas – from Goose

    Though YHC enjoys the feelings produced by Christmas songs this time of year, nothing really compares to what a good Christmas carol does to you. Oh, yes–they’re two different things. Just do a Spotify search, and you’ll find your playlists provide two different experiences. As it turns out, Christmas has been around a lot longer than today’s version of Old St. Nick (only really popularized in his current form by Coca-Cola less than 100 years ago). But, sadly, most people haven’t experienced the deeper depths of the season, which can only be accessed via the old school Christmas carols, the English-language ones that have been around for centuries and can still be heard in the background of movies, commercials, and tasteful stores. You grew up with them, they’ve been around forever, but maybe you’ve never noticed them, or they’ve been drowned out by modern day noise like Bing Crosby, the Beach Boys, and color television. So, this morning, YHC decided to provide a little cultural healing via beautiful, age-old carols and burpees.

    We started with a warmup of the usuals with an eventually solid group of 8 PAX rounding out the circle where the blocks waited ominously.

    This was followed by a long-winded explanation of the above with instructions that a carol would play for about three minutes, during which we’d do 7 reps each of 3 exercises over and over while the PAX tried to guess the title of the carol. If they guessed it, no penalty, but if they didn’t, all would do 10 burpees. It went like this:

    * In the Bleak Midwinter:
    * AMRAP: 7 merkins, 7 squats, 7 BBSU
    -Valve: “Is this English?”

    * Holly and the Ivy:
    * Manmakers, curls, rows
    -Popeye: “Come ye Merry Gentlemen?”

    * Wassail Song:
    * Toe tappers, Appolo ono, WWI sit-ups
    -The only one the PAX got, despite having the three song title magicians (AB, Popeye, Suckle), and a Tana, in the mix; only got it because it says “Wassail” a bunch.

    * Lo, How a Rose E’er Blooming:
    * goblet squats, tricep press, WWIII situps
    -Valve: “I’m pretty sure this is the other one again.”
    -Popeye: “Joy to the Merry Gentlemen?”

    * Wexford Carol:
    * Werkins, lunges, Freddys
    -Tana: “This is Sara McLachlan, isn’t it.”

    * The Boar’s Head:
    * OHP, coupon swings, pull-throughs
    -White Meat: “Lucky Charms Christmas?”
    -Popeye: “Deck the Halls with Merry Gentlemen?”

    * Coventry Carol
    * Staggered merkins, block pooper squats, Afflecks
    -AB: “Yorkshire Carol? London Carol? Burmingham Carol? Shakespeare Carol?
    Stratford upon Avon Carol? Mr. Bean Carol?”

    * Gabriel’s Message:
    * SSH, 8-count bb, Bonnie Blairs
    -Popeye: “Renaissance Fest ye Merry Gentlemen?”

    Truth be told, YHC just wanted an excuse to listen to those songs, and those three-minute, three-exercises routines punctuated by burpees are a great way to get the heart rate cranking and the muscles burning without having to leave your spot.

    So, for homework, find a version you like of each of these (and the other awesome carols you might find on Spotify, like “Bring a Torch, Jeannette Isabella,” “In Dulci Jubilo”, “Once in Royal David’s City”, “Sussex Carol”, or “Ding Dong Merrily on High”) and put them during a long car ride with the fam. Unless, of course, you just want to keep letting Bieber tell you what he got for his girlfriend.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The Big Picture Hurts Sometimes   (by Pope) – from Goose

    PAX: Pope, Goose, Bambam, Duke, Maneater, Jackknife, Captain D, Darrell Strawberry, Honey Suckle, Popeye, Yankee Joe
                     
                      The morning began with YHC coming downstairs to the scene of the average 10 minutes before our family’s departure for something like a doctor’s appointment or church or the like, but at 5:50 am. Reasons for our showing up at 6:27 included our inability to find a suitable cold-weather hat for Duke and an ill-timed wakeup of mini-2.0 (and YHC’s inability to find his object of pacification). Eventually we managed to get moving; we arrived and parked by the field by Bayou Road. We greeted the early PAX by 6:30 and had the usual warmup (SSH, imperial walkers, toy soldiers, windmills, WMH, arm circles, cherry pickers, self-love) then moseyed.
                      YHC jumped ahead of the PAX, grabbed five cones, and set them up in the field in pentagonal fashion, each about 10 yards apart, with a small piece of Paw Patrol diaper box with much less friendly sharpie handwriting on the blank sides. The rest of the PAX grabbed coupons out of Goose’s truck and fell in inside the pentagon. YHC proceeded to explain the circuit, with exercises corresponding to each stage of man’s journey from his origins to his return to God.
                      The routine (largely inspired by Coyote’s everything-I-hate formula) was as follows:
     
    ·      Station 1(the Trinity; the Source of all things)
                      7  8-ct blockee builders, shoulder-carry coupon to next station
    ·      Station 2 (Creation; man created in God’s image)
                     7  man-makers, rifle-carry to next station
    ·      Station 3 (The Fall; man is thrust from grace)
                      15 thrusters, murder bunny to next station
    ·      Station 4 (Redemption; Jesus’ death and resurrection)
                      15 WW3 situps (modified from 20 after one visit), coupon lunge to            next station
    ·      Station 5 (Glorification; man’s return to God)
                                        20 star jumps, block-n-bear back to station 1
     
                      The backdrop soundtrack playing during the repetition of the above routine had been laced with a few songs (covers by the Snake Charmer, distinguishable by the bagpipes at the beginning of each of the songs) that acted as circuit-breakers; upon hearing these the PAX stopped wherever they were and ran a lap around the entire field. Station 3 had a catch to it, namely that if a PAX was there doing thrusters when a circuit-breaker sounded, he would have 30, not 15, thrusters now to complete. As a result, thrusters didn’t seem to be as much of a struggle for the PAX today as they usually are.
                      All the PAX started at station 1 and went at their own pace. Naturally, Goose and Honey Suckle led the way; YHC was drained of q-drenaline, and found what motivation there was to be found in trying not to get lapped by Goose. Additionally, YHC had a realistic experience of the faith journey, frequently hounded by the mental hostility of the adversary (portrayed this morning by Jackknife, who hounded YHC like a dirty little demon in oversized gloves).
                      The PAX recovered at 7:29 and returned the coupons.
                      COT and Maneater prayed us out.
                      Happy 11th birthday to Darrel Strawberry! Congrats on entry to the 11-year-old 2.0 gang of rascals.
                      Real shoutout to the PAX who showed up this morning, as chatter continued for the entire beatdown. Wishes of abundant graces for us all this Advent.
                                                                                                                                                                      SYITG, Pope