F3 New Orleans

Tag: Honeysuckle

  • Disney Zumba – from Smooth Operator

    11/21/23

    Attendance
    Pope
    safety valve
    Wet tap
    Americas best
    Goose
    Enron
    Lil cuz
    Honeysuckle

    YHC slept through 2 alarms this morning and woke up at 4:50 which pretty much set the tone for the beatdown. At 5:10 YHC showed up and didn’t see the Turt wielding Safety Valve, which caused YHC to send Goose to his house for a music box. 2 minutes later Safety Valve showed up and Goose showed back up at 5:16 on SSH 18.

    YHC recently had the privilege to take his family to Disney World. With all the stuff my family had been through in the last 4 months, I figured it was worth a shot to try and capture a little bit of happiness from the happiest place on earth. YHC has a love hate relationship with Disney. I don’t mind the drinks and food that they sell there even though it is more than double what a meal should cost, but YHC’s family loves going and I’m not going to stop them if I can help it. YHC needed a couple weeks to let the idea of this beatdown mature before I was ready to bring this joy to the PAX. Alright let’s get after it.

    Warmarama
    SSH
    Wind mills
    Arm circles
    Cherry pickers
    Mosey to coupon corner for some 35 lb dance partners.

    Thang 1-10
    A few weeks into YHC’s F3 experience, Goose shared a beatdown with the PAX which involves nothing but music exercises and burpees. We did over 200 burpees that day and I thought that was the coolest idea and I developed a love for the burpees that day. Well due to YHC’s experience at Disney and this very fond memorable beatdown, I decided to stick these two in a blender and YHC’s version of Disney Zumba was what came out. Alright let’s get after it.

    The 1st song was meant to be an additional warm up due to a relatively short warmarama. The song was Poco Loco from the Pixar movie Coco. The Pax did mountain climbers for the duration and A-rods (J-lo and pickle pounder) on the trigger words Poco Loco and Mi amor. The Pax knocked this out with relative ease and looked to be hungry for more.

    The next song on the agenda was from Mulan named Make a man out of you. Naturally the duration workout was Manmakers and the trigger exercise was goblet squats. Our trigger words for this song were Huns, son, boy, Mr. and man.

    Song 3 was surface pressure from Encanto. For this song the Pax switched from high, middle, and low Al gore squats each time there was a lyrical break in the song. Our trigger exercise was Bobby Hurleys each time the words pressure or surface came about which happened to be a good bit.

    Our next song I started feeling the Pax giving me some icy stares. The song name was Frozen heart from the hot movie Frozen. The duration exercise was Side straddle hops although there was not many SSH due to the amount of trigger exercises completed. The trigger exercises was goose’s and our trigger words were frozen, cold, icy, basically anything that the Pax determined to represent cold. I’m pretty sure everybody thought this one was cool.

    Next we stayed on theme and did another song from Frozen 2 named Lost in the woods. Our duration exercise was holding 6” and our trigger exercise would be leg raises. Our trigger words were go, gone, lost, catch, chasing.

    The next song , Zero to Hero, comes from Hercules. Each time there was a lyrical break we would switch from high plank to low plank.

    YHC is a big fan of this next movie, if I had to pick a favorite princess movie it would be Moana and Shiny our featured song is a good one. Our duration exercise was Apollo onos and we did burpees for our trigger exercise. The trigger words were shiny, glam, treasure, sparkle, glitter basically anything to do with a shiny. We basically did 3 minutes of burpees once this one was finished.

    The next one is not as well known as the rest on this list. It’s all right from the movie Soul is another good song. Our duration exercise was coupon crunches and our trigger exercise was WW3 sit ups. The triggers were it’s all right and soul. We did a lot of ww3 sit ups.

    YHC couldn’t pass up the Jungle Book Bare necessities since Wet Tap was really looking forward to it. We did Bonnie Blair’s for duration and burpees for a trigger. Our trigger words were Bare, Bear, Bees, Honey, and Paw. We didn’t do many Bonnie Blair’s.

    Our last song which was supposed to be engrained in the Pax’s brains was It’s a small world. We did penguins for duration and WW2 sit ups whenever we heard the worlds it’s a small world in all languages. This seemed to baffle the Pax but we ended up getting whistle bit on 0600 before we left the English language.

    After this we circled up and did COT and prayed out
    Thanks to the Pax who stuck with me. I half expected people to walk out on this one. All in all those who came, put in work, and were probably sore the next morning. Mission accomplished.
    SYITG
    Smooth Operator

  • Fitness, Faith and the Fellowship of the Thang – from Paradox

    One beatdown to smoke them

    One beatdown to find them

    A free men’s workout that calls them home

    And in the gloom it binds them …

    The beacons of Gondor were lit !
    And 13 pax answered. They came from all corners of Middle Lafourche on this humid fall morning for a 2 year YHC Manniversary celebration.

    Members of the fellowship in attendance:

    – The Elven King Hon Suk El from the high castle of Rienzi . His lands and bannermen are many including the Lowes and the Academy. He was accompanied by Royster Princes Ewok and Yelnats requesting burpees for breakfast.
    – The nomadic wizard Goosedalf from the ethereal Oaks. He bringeth 3 wizard apprentices, trained trivia assassins Pope GooseSon and Coyote GooseSon and the most feared sprinter in the land Duke GooseSon.
    – The Scholar bandit known as the Shimmering Lox recently released from his prison studies. The bards will sing of his quads for many generations.
    – King Mudgear of the 12th cedar Fortresses. If a man threatens Merkin Rhabdo he will appear in aid , the legends be true. May his tail wind blow in your favor.
    – The Bard Tom BombaDiddle from the smoking marshes of HomeMaH. No fiddle he cannot play, no score he will not slay but his gas flute is deadliest of all.
    – The Warrior En Ronnie Lillicchh of the High Lands, though many question his name none question his mode of beast. The men of his family must all defeat the Snapping Turla , or be exiled .
    – Captain Pop Aye, the Kings Guard and the newly minted Earl of Sandwich, expert in sword and shield, master of the one word insult, and igniter of groupme flames.

    Thus they assembled the fellowship on this fine Saturday.
    Their fitness was sharp but many tests of faith stood before them…

    Duke!! Roll the Footage , we’re going to Mordor !

    Warmup
    SSH, IW, WM , AC, CP MC

    YHC had trouble keeping cadence due to the loud popping and clicking of joints left over from Safety Valves obliteration of the pax lower extremities on Thursday. He could not be reached for comment but the pax were jumpy at the mere mention of Bonnie Blair’s and I knew we were in for a a battle.

    As YHC was reflecting on his 2 year journey with F3 I noticed some of my favorite things about beatdowns blended nicely with a LOTR themed bd YHC has had on a back pot low simmer for a while. So I compiled my “lessons learned” over the last 2 years and sprinkled in some light Tolkien to put a bow on it.
    Don’t be hasty , one doesn’t simply walk into Mordor!

    Chapter 1.
    The Fitness and leaving your warm hobbit hole comfort zone

    YHC cherishes the moments where F3 has pushed the envelope of my physical and mental comfort zone in the last 2 years. Most ppl from my high school would tell you YHC was “fairly reserved” maybe even the dreaded “stays to himself” but f3 changes a man…
    -Monkey humpers during a cross county meet, no problem.
    -5 inch inseam shorts at a park at 6:30am , why ? cus YJ said so, that’s why.
    -Singing sea shanties during a 5k monsoon, just another lovely morning.

    So we Mosey’d to the Chimney representing our cozy hobbit Hole while training our Hobbit feet.
    Indian run with drop off 3 BBSU
    But today they are Bilbo Baggins sit ups. First sit-up , then right elbow to left knee , left elbow to right knee represents eating both first and second breakfast.

    At Da Chimney :

    Helms Deep Squat Trivia
    Correct 5 burpees
    Incorrect 15 burpees

    1. How old was Bilbo at the beginning -(111)
    2. What is the name of bilbos home? (Bag End)

    Ok let’s talk about the trivia real quick.
    I want you to imagine Dikembe Mutumbo (Pope) and Shaq (Coyote) standing beside a 6 foot basketball goal. YHC tosses soft layups as they swat balls into the rafters and their coach (Goose) nods in silent approval. The rest of the pax were simply spectators as they made child’s play of YHCs “moderate difficulty “ LOTR trivia. A fair warning to you trivia Qs out there, dem Dawson boys play for keeps. Do not bring weak trivia game into the paint.

    Bilbos 111th birthday
    111 big bilbo sit-ups
    Hobbit Walk to chimney , sprint back
    Many variations of the hobbit walk , all were accepted without shame while our local form police was furthering his doctoral study of burpee merkin combos this weekend.

    Helms Deep Squat Trivia
    3.) how many members are in the fellowship- 9
    4.) can you name them all?
    Gandalf, Frodo, merry, pippin, Sam, gimli, Legolas, boromir , Aragorn

    Again yawns from the pope and Coyote and “you knew better Dox” nod from goose
    – 5 burpees

    Chapter 2
    Forming The Fellowship
    Many Races but One Fellowship

    YHC concocted a few race schemes to display increasing difficulty paralleled with increasing brotherhood of F3.
    I tell someone almost every week about F3 and always remark something like “I hate half of these exercises if I have to perform them solo but when it’s with this crew I triple set my alarm to go at 5am in cold rain while swallowing chimchuri farts “ . The magic of the shared suffering , tough to describe but I think the team races help.

    The races would increase by 1 pax each round.
    Winner would pick 10 reps of any exercise for the pax

    1 ) solo bearcrawl – 10 merkins CrawlBear

    10 burpees from Ewok/Yelnats

    2 ) pax wheel barrow – 20 Carolina- swap and wheel barrow back

    3) 3 man carry 25 star jumps

    This sounded better on paper and YHC narrowly avoided being face to face with Paradiddles pair of diddles.

    4 ) 4 pax team lungeWalk 10 Bonnie Blair’s , …team Egnul Walk back to cone which ended up looking like a well oiled machine on the front end and a drunk octopus dying in a hail storm on the return journey.

    Helms deep squat Trivia :
    5.) who plays Aragorn – Vigo Mortesen
    6.) what is the name of the evil that Gandalf must stop in the minds of Moria to save the fellowship. – Balrog

    *At this point not only was Pope guessing the trivia answers AND questions he saw us moseying toward the bridge and was like “Khazad-dum next huh?”
    Unbelievable.
    What are you feeding this kid goose!

    Chapter 3

    The Bridge of Khazad-dum and
    Facing the darkness head on

    During IPC month every year there lies an extra mental challenge. When the Bengay video drops there is no hiding. Crayola stands in front of you just like a Balrog and no amount of staring will change the high rep counts. It’s part of the mental iron sharpening and all you can do is face it beside the pax.

    “7s “ at the Bridge
    6 Freak Nastys (decrease)
    Cross bridge with 2.0s as bridge troll form police while presenting 10 diamond merkins
    1 burpee (increase)

    2.0s were ruthless form police ! #JeauxcomeHome

    Chapter 4
    Finish Strong

    One of my favorite parts of an F3 beatdown is the last 10 minutes. Everyone is smoked. Sweat in eyes, engine on E then some ridiculous thang gets introduced and there’s a perceptible banding together to defeat the task. You think the tank is empty but looking around and seeing others to push for and there’s always more.

    The March to Mordor
    Partner up
    P1 lunges while P2 does 10 mountain climbers , when finishes run to p1 swap and 10 MC

    Goose and Lox won it and handed out some fine dirt pile derkins.

    Back to the flag for round robin Mary.

    Animal shirt to Diddle for skipping LOTR to practice drums. Worth it .

    Intentions for many suffering with illness, families in need and anxieties of the holiday season.

    COT and Diddle prayed us out

    Men it’s an absolute blast sharing these moments in the gloom with you and a privilege to get opportunities to lead.
    Looking forward to another great year.

    SYITG ,
    Dox

  • Diamonds are forever – from Safety Valve

    November tends to signify the start of the holidays for many. For others, it is the start of engagement season. A recent engagement had YHC reminiscing of his own 13 years ago. Most couples get engaged between November and February statistically. Today, we are celebrating the recent and upcoming engagements of our friends and family

    Warmaramma

    SSH
    Imperial walkers
    Willie mays Hayes
    High knees
    Butt kicks
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles back
    Cherry pickers

    Thang 1
    The engagement starts with the awkward conversation with your future in laws. YHC recalls this time vividly in his own life. It was 2010. As YHC built up the courage to to discuss the engagement with the future in laws, he remembers getting a cramp in the gluteus maximus from the constant clinching of the cheeks. All YHC could do is sit down and try to not make a grimace while we discussed how their daughter pushes me to be a better person every day. In remembrance of that moment, leg day commenced.

    7 of diamonds – at each corner of the Diamond (basketball nets) the previous exercise was completed and the new one added. Once the four corners were completed we then went backwards and subtracted 7 reps from each exercise at each corner.
    7 burpees, then add
    14 jump squats, then add
    21 Bonnie Blair’s, then add
    28 American hammers

    Thang 2
    The next part of the engagement is the proposal and the ring. The rings exchanged signifies eternal love and never ending commitment. To remember this commitment we run circles around the civic center.
    4 laps around the civic center – after each lap, we stop and complete 15 Diamond merkins.

    Thang 3
    The last part of the engagement prior to tying the knot includes waiting for your bride to be to make every decision about wedding planning. So, we waited for each other to do burpees. Using the same Diamond formation from thang 1, the Pax completed the field of dreams on the basketball court. There were four groups – 15 burpees, amrap merkins, amrap LBCs, amrap squats. After the burpee group finishes, each group rotates to the next station.

    Made it back to the flag, CoT, announcements, and Popeye prayed us out.

    Thanks for waking up and showing up. Honor to lead this group today

  • 11/14 national holiday’s – from Smooth Operator

    Attendance
    Safety Valve
    Honeysuckle
    Americas best
    Wet Tap
    Goose
    Pope
    Enron
    Smooth Operator

    This was the first time YHC has ever went into the eve of a beatdown without having a plan of attack for the beatdown. Luckly due to a slow 12 hour night shift I had some time on my hands to do some planning.

    YHC arrived at the Stage around 0450 and took a power nap knowing I was going to need it due to the agenda for the day. Enron rolled on in at 0505 and the parking lot started to fill up after that. It was a wet nasty 60 degrees with a wind that had the flag standing fully erect for the majority of the beatdown.

    Warmarama
    Side straddle hops 33 of them due to YHC trying to get the chill out of the body.
    Windmills
    Arm Circles
    Cherry pickers
    High Knees
    Butt kicks

    Thang One
    Pickle Pounder Mile

    Upon my research for the beatdown I came upon 2 very interesting national holidays for 11/14. The first being National Pickle Day. To celebrate this the PAX would be doing a Pickle Pounder Mile. We would run our normal mile track through Richman’s Loop and stop every quarter mile to do 25 pickle pounders. Due to YHC’s lack of stamina and speed, YHC decided to give the speedier PAX members a little busy work to keep the PAX together. After completion of your 25 pickle pounders and while waiting on the 6 (YHC), the PAX were to perform J-LO’s until the 6 completed the pounding of his pickle. After completion of our very first pickle pounder mile the PAX looked hungry for Thang 2.

    Thang 2
    Bear Crawl 1 2 3

    The 2nd holiday for 11/14 was National Teddy Bear Day. To celebrate this the PAX would partner up and Bear Crawl 1 2 3. Partner 1 would bear crawl to the 2nd picnic table and back while partner 2 would be working on 100 merkins, 200 squats, and 300 LBCS. There was a discrepancy between which 2nd picnic table would be our turning point since it was not square and in an act of mercy YHC allowed the PAX to go to the closer picnic table. The PAX knocked this Thang out like Thedore Rosevelt in a brawl with a teddy bear. Poor Honeysuckle got stuck with YHC as a partner and had to pick up my slack as YHC was silently trying to figure out how to escape his own beatdown. Once the PAX helped pick up my slack and we completed the exercise, we had the perfect amount of time to try something Paradox had told me about which turned into thang 3.

    Thang 3
    HWY 308 burpees.

    AT 0550 with 10 minutes to spare, YHC decided to have the PAX line up on the 308 sidewalk and do a burpee for every vehicle that decided to pass. A few takeaways from this is there are a lot of cane trucks that pass on 308 and they hold up a lot of traffic. Each time a cane truck passed we had at least 6 burpees or more to complete. All in all, this was a great way to do between 65 and 85 burpees in 10 minutes.

    After this, we circled up back at the flag and counted off. The Animal (Safety Valve) presented the young cub (Pope) with the Animal shirt and Americas Best prayed us out.
    Thanks PAX for showing up and struggling with me.
    SYITG
    Smooth Operator

  • “If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything” – from America’s Best

    Disclaimer: Those who have admitted to not seeing “Back to the Future” may some may experience significant shade during this backblast. Reader discretion advised.

    YHC loves time travel. Whether it melts your brain (Primer), or rots your brain (Hot Tub Time Machine), YHC will watch it. And in most of these tropes, there are plenty of numbers, pseudoscience, and doing something, going back (Jack) and doing it again– much like an F3 beatdown.
    And so today, just after the 68th anniversary of the day Doc Brown hit his head on his toilet and devised the Flux Capacitor, the PAX joined the ranks of Bill and Ted, and time travelled.
    The pioneer, at least in YHC’s mind, was Marty McFly, so this beatdown was themed on his first foray into the past.
    We start in present day (1985), will travel to 1955, and then hopefully, back to the present again. As everyone (except Enron) knows, we need two things in order to travel: 88 MPH, and 1.21 Gigawatts.

    Thang 1: Time travel from 1985 to 1955
    M= 0.88 miles
    P= 88 Peter Parkers
    H= 88 Hillbilly Squats

    This was knocked out as we ran/nar, answering random time travel/BTTF trivia (including BTTF music trivia). Montana impressed with his knowledge of the future (2015).
    Upon returning to the flag area, the PAX quickly knocked out a round of 21s (curls) which represented the necessary 1.21 gigawatts of power. And like that, we were in 1955.

    Thang 2: Time travel from 1955 back to 1985
    This is obviously going to be more difficult, as plutonium cannot be purchased at every corner store in 1955.
    88 MPH this time:
    88 Merkins
    88 Parker-Peters
    88 Hydraulic Squats

    This proved to be more time consuming than YHC had planned, so we aborted early and moved to the 1.21 gigawatt portion of 1955. What other way would one achieve 1.21? Blackjack.
    Start on the sideline between picnic tables. Perform 20 coupon curls – run to other tables, perform 1 V-up. Nur back and do 20 coupon curls. Run back for 2 V-ups. Repeat until you do 1 CC and 20 v-ups, running between the sidelines. Always adds up to 21.
    (“ Black Jack” officially calls for Merkins and LBCs, but more Merkins seemed too extreme*, and LBCs seemed to easy. And… I’ll say it… we don’t do enough curls).

    The required effort was great, but the motivation to return to the present was even greater—don’t forget, in 1955 your mother is trying to get in your pants (YHC recently re-watched the film, and this theme is much more disturbing than remembered).

    In the end, ironically, we ran out of time.

    We headed back to the flag for the final trivia question:
    At precisely what time was the clock tower struck by lighting? (and not by a tornado, Enron)
    YHC reminded everyone, that just as in the prior song trivia section, where no answer resulted in 10 merkins, and incorrect answers resulted in 4, this time an incorrect answer (or no answer) will result in 10 merkins, a correct answer, only 4.

    And so we all did 10 Merkins. The correct answer is right there. Right… there.

    Thanks for playing, everyone.

    To be continued . . .

    – Goodbye Goose Get-together Nov 12th at the Enron property
    (undercard event at AB’s house the day before, weather permitting)

    COT and Dox prayed us out.

    …Coda (the end is the beginning is the end):
    YHC ran out of time, but we got it right. We finally got it right. The first 17 times YHC ran this beatdown, tragedy befell the PAX. Once, blinded by poor parking protocol rage, Dox smashed the Prius with such force that it ripped the space-time continuum. *Another time, YHC had programmed merkins for Blackjack, and Enron’s shoulders finally exploded. And then there was the iteration where Tree Root showed up. Luckily, YHC had upgraded his Turo rental DeLorean with the Mr. Fusion attachment, and was able to keep going back and doing it over until we got it (mostly) right.

    “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”
    …

  • In The Beginning, There Was Only The Gloom – from Yankee Joe

    Excerpt taken from the recently discovered “Dead Peltch Scrolls”

    1 In the beginning, Goose created the Gloom. 2 Now the Gloom was formless and in his backyard, darkness was over the Settlement at Live Oak, and the annoyance of Kate was hovering over the mudgear.

    3 And Goose said, “Let there be suffering,” and there was suffering. 4 Goose saw that the suffering was good, and he separated the suffering from the misery. 5 Goose called the suffering “growth,” and the misery he called “being a bitch.”

    And there was posting, and there was COT—the first beatdown.

    6 And Goose said, “Let there be an AO to separate PAX from PAX.” 7 So Goose made the AO and separated the PAX from the NOLA AO from the PAX down the bayou. And it was so. 8 Goose called the AO “F3 Thibodaux.”

    And there was posting, and there was COT—the second beatdown.

    9 And Goose said, “Let the AO under F3 Thibodaux be gathered to one place, and let a real AO – that’s not my backyard – be found.” And it was so. 10 Goose called the dry ground “The Stage,” and the gathered PAX he called “HIMS.” And Goose saw that it was good.

    11 Then Goose said, “Let The Stage produce pain: picnic tables, wet grass, and moseying routes according to their various kinds.” And it was so. 12 And Goose saw that it was good.

    13 And there was posting, and there was COT—the third beatdown

    14 And Goose said, “Let there be music to separate the pain from the pain, and let the music serve as signs to mark sacred songs such as Thunderstruck, various sea shanties, and Peaches.” And it was so.

    16 Goose made the music come from a magic box—the greater magic box he called Anker and the lesser magic box he called JBL. He also made many farts. 17 Goose played the music to force others to do hundreds of burpees. And Goose saw that it was good.

    19 And there was posting, and there was COT—the fourth beatdown.

    20 And Goose said, “Let the beatdowns teem with mumblechatter, and let the smack talk ring out across the vault of the sky.” 21 So Goose created the GroupMe and showed the PAX how to use GIFs to communicate directly and passive aggressively. And Goose saw that it was good.

    22 Goose blessed the Chatter, “Be relentless with each other. Write about the beatdowns in prose in order to leave delicious easter eggs about the shortcomings of your brethren.”

    23 And there was posting, and there was COT—the fifth beatdown.

    24 And Goose said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: the stray dogs, the red ants that move along the ground, and the wild woman carrying laundry baskets, each according to its kind.” And it was so. 25 And Goose saw that it was good.

    26 Then Goose said to Pope, “Let us find more crazy people like us, so that they may post in the heat and in the cold, and find ways to do LBC’s in ant piles.” 27 So Goose cast out looking for men like him; men as shit can crazy as he was, he looked for them. Laymen and men of the cloth, he searched for them.

    28 When Goose found them, he said “Make sure to EH and increase in number; convince your wives this is not a cult. Wear short sleeves when it is 30 degrees, dedicate old running shoes to be F3 shoes, buy overpriced F3 gear to fit in more easily.

    29 Then Goose said, “I give you authority to design any beatdown with any theme, any type of exercises, anything that will create suffering. Remember that you were not created for comfort. You don’t deserve to be comfortable. 30 And I give you GroupMe and Backblasts in order to destroy each other, while celebrating your brothers.” And it was so.

    31 Goose saw all that he had made, and it was goosetastic. And there was posting, and there was COT—the sixth beatdown.

    Thus F3 Thiboduax was founded, all of its glory stretching from Bourg to Houma to the St. John HOA in its vast array.

    2 By the seventh beatdown, Goose had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh beatdown he did man makers. 3 Then Goose recruited Cardinal, and in one of the first beatdowns that posted more pax than just goslings the location wasn’t even Thibodaux.

    ————————————

    YHC had planned to create an award ceremony beatown for the BYITG Challenge. However, as the three year manniversary came a few days earlier and in the midst of the PAX dropping their favorite memories, it seemed appropriate to continue the mosey down memory lane. Butttt…as I think about it, I’m now realizing that Goose on a few occasions, knowing my intent, made subtle comments about the three year manniversary. I changed the theme the night before to be a continuation of celebrating F3 memories. How does he do it? I swear it’s Jedi mind tricks. I’m Toydarian…what is this power?

    So…F3 memories. I asked Goose for some old beatdowns and thangs. He sent me the famed Grand Isle beatdown that had roped Cardinal into his FNG appearance. More on that in a bit. There were some hilarious stories, including how YHC argued with Enron about his own last name. He said it was pronounced “Lillick” – no ch sound. I said, “noooo…that’s not right…” Enron said it was of German heritage. I said it was most likely Spanish. Even now, I cringe when I think about it.

    The debate went on for a few minutes, everyone that was present, absolutely dumbfounded by the fact that I would tell a 35 year old man he didn’t know how to pronounce his own last name. To publicly show my acquiescence and humble myself in ridiculous fashion, YHC wore his authentic lederhosen to the Q. It would turn out to be a very bad move for a beatdown. Like running 10 miles with a nutcracker attached to the front of your shorts.

    —————————————–

    Thang 1: The Solo Goose

    Throughout the day on the manniversary, several PAX mentioned their experience with a solo Goose. YHC also shared this experience. It was awful. I almost never came back. It was amazing. In most cases, save the occasional Ace and Gary Q, a Goose favorite was a Lazy Dora. That said, not all PAX have had this once in a lifetime journey into the depths of coupon hell. It’s like swimming with Jar Jar in a small pond that somehow turns into a vast ocean.

    To share the love, PAX partnered up for a quasi Lazy Dora with 50 thrusters, 50 man makers, and 100 OHP’s. Partner 1 did the coupon work, while Partner 2 bear crawled to marker (12 yards) and crab walked back. Flapjack. The kicker was that Goose, in a 10-minute window, had to spend roughly 30 seconds one on one with each PAX, either doing coupon work or joining a PAX in a bear crawl/crab walk. Everyone got a solo Goose. Most of us are now far more informed about form. Did you know there was a narrow and wide edge on a coupon?

    ——————————–

    Thang 2: Seven Memories

    Memory 1: “This is for the birds”

    After taking Cardinal through the beatdown, which that day was the 14 Stations of the Cross (We only had time for 7), Cardinal, in his unparalleled bedside manner (when it comes to sweating and technology), kindly remarked to Goose, “This is for the birds.”

    To commemorate this moment, the PAX did 90 seconds of brick butterfly squats. Here, they flapped their extended wings up as they squatted down, flapped their wings down as they stood up out of the squat, while holding bricks. One minute in, the first rumblings of awareness began to emerge…a 90 second exercise sprint seemed to last longer than expected.

    We sprinted 200 yards, bricks in hand…

    ————————————-

    Memory 2: Here’s to Treeroot

    As F3 Thibodaux began to approach the Open Era, the second and arguably most pivotal draft class exploded onto the scene. PAX such as Popeye, Enron, CuttThroat, Elmer’s, GI Joe, Paradiddle, and others, there were a lot of FNGs who posted…and then quicly faded into the trees. One such PAX was named Treeroot. During a run last year, Enron inquired about whatever happened to Treeroot. This became the descriptor for the phenomenon of ‘showing then ghosting’ from then on.

    90 seconds of tempo squat BOTH ways and arms extended straight up with bricks…you know like a tree growing slowly, branches out. However, it was clear that the PAX were more like crepe myrtles, “growing” quite fast and essentially voiding every single Jurp completed during the BYITG challenge. As such, Horn may have actually been a top scorer.

    Sprint 200 yards, bricks in hand…
    ————————–

    Memory 3: You get a hernia, you get a hernia, EVERYBODY gets a hernia

    One of the OG’s, Popeye, by all accounts started his F3 tenure strong, regularly posting and raising the bar. However, due to a series of burpee laded Goose beatdowns, he got himself a nice hernia, which required surgery. He was on injured reserve for over a year, before staging what the critics are calling the greatest comeback in F3 Nation history. Of course, he would tell you not to call it a comeback. Yes, yes…you got it. He’s been here for years.

    To honor this achievement, we did 90 seconds of hernia inducing V-Ups with bricks in hand. Again, it became very clear, very quickly, that of the total 8,799 V-Ups completed during the BYITG, most likely only 392 actually counted…all belonging to Pope.

    Sprint 200 yards, bricks in hand…
    ————————————-

    Memory 4: The dumbest thing I’ve ever seen…

    Paradox likes to tell a story that while Goose was away on retreat, and having just returned from 30A himself (Paradox), he introduced combo warm-ups such as front arm circle stationary lunges. Upon return from the retreat, Goose reportedly said, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen…in my life.

    YHC disagrees. The dumbest thing I’ve ever seen was introduced to the PAX by Goose last year, in which one would do a burpee, complete three merkins, and finish the burpee into three jump squats. It’s a real doozy, Clark.

    90 seconds of Goose Burpees with three merkin and three jump squats…these were too hard for YHC to observe anything else going on except how his soldier boi’s were being squat jumped in his tight lederhosen.

    Sprint 200 yards with no bricks…
    ———————————–

    Memory 5: The Inner Circle

    When a man begins F3, he goes through a honeymoon phase, connecting deeply with the other PAX, pushing harder than probably ever in his life, noticing that his body is going through some changes, and realizing that he can make adult friends after all…maybe.

    As such, you let your guard down and let yourself get close. You believe you are progressing through layers of hierarchy, ever inching toward the real inner circle. However, the minute you feel like you’ve made it, you get punched in the crotch and informed that your green texts aren’t welcomed here. Some call you Cactus Jack for almost a month, while your Spanish proficiency is questioned. It’s an emotional roller coaster…one day you’re basking in the warmth of friendship, the next, you’re being kicked out of iMessage groups.

    Like interpretive dance, YHC can best explain the phenomenon by the following:

    For 90 seconds, PAX starts in the outer circle, then bear crawl in/alligator merkin toward the inner circle. Once you get there, crawl bear back out to despair and scorn.

    Sprint 200 yards with no bricks…
    ————————————-

    Memory 6: Diddle Giggle Farts

    Recently, YHC had to go out of town and America’s Best graciously agreed to step into his first Peltch Q. It is safe to say that of the two, AB brought the A. Already ensconced in F3 Thibodaux lore, the German bards will sing of the “brewpons” beatdown for years to come. In one of the exercises, PAX doing WW3 sit ups (BBS with Coupon OHP at top) to some German music, Diddle ripped one right on Goose’s head. As would be expected, the giggling began, and like Sir Didymus and Ambrosius running across the Bog of Eternal Stench, the mini farts came with every sit up/giggle.

    In hopes of replicating this experience, the PAX did 90 seconds of WW3 sit-ups with brick OHP’s. What the PAX didn’t know was that YHC had queued up wet fart sounds on the Spotify playlist…easily BAPS’ greatest moment in his life.What happened over the next 90 seconds will go down as YHC’s best memories of all time. Once the wet fart sounds began, 16 grown men, nearly half of which were over 40, could barely complete the situps because they were giggling so hard. YHC quite literally couldn’t catch his breath.

    Sprint 200 yards, bricks in hand…

    ————————————-

    Memory 7: Kilmer

    One of YHC’s fondest Q memories was when Kilmer DRing from Winston Salem, joined the PAX at The Stage. He was a character to say the least, a gentleman in his late 50’s. He talked a special brand of trash that he was more than welcome to take back to Winston Salem. Toward the end of the beatdown, the PAX was doing a ton of pickle pounders.

    Now, don’t get me wrong…pounders are conducive to melodramatic grunting from even the strongest core, but Kilmer…mannn…it was downright unnerving. It was like the sound you would hear from a mating walrus mixed with…I dunno…yodeling. It was loud. It was weird. It was a bit nasty.

    Smooth, who was pounding next to him and perhaps in his first few weeks of F3 showed no signs of distress, but you could see him slowly inching away with each pickle pounder rep, looking like he had been scandalized. Fortunately for us, Smooth came back and is now ingrained into the very fabric of F3 Thib.

    The PAX did 90 seconds of pickle pounders with instructions to gunt loudly, but appropriately considering the presence of 2.0’s.

    Sprint 200 yards, no bricks…

    —————————————

    With two minutes left, YHC offered up another great F3 moment with Coyote as the protagonist. About 12 PAX attended the NOLA convergence last year. With nearly 100 men in a circle, F3 Thibodaux dropped a Thunderstruck burpee exercise. UNFORTUNATELY, JBL did not get the memo. The volume couldn’t carry, men were getting restless. Then out of the foggy shadows, Coyote sprinted to the middle of the circle and put on what is surely the greatest air guitar performance of all time. 100 men LOVED every second of it. Coyote is legend.

    We did two minutes of burpee Thunderstruck and moseyed back to the flag.

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out.

    Cafeteria followed, and the PAX were treated to Safety Valve’s nitrous oxide cold brew. It. Was. DELICIOUS!

    Just another great memory in a list of great memories. I loved every minute of this beatdown because we got to celebrate each other with humor, chatter, and flatulence.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • Three Years of F3 Thibodaux – from Goose

    Three years may not seem that long, but we’ve stacked up some serious growth, some incredible memories, and an incomparable brotherhood. YHC is not only celebrating three unexpectedly amazing years of F3 Thibodaux, but also a personal four year manniversary. So, this was a special morning. It’s been quite a journey.

    After the typical warmups with 11 cold men, YHC decided to run the crew through some of the most important lessons we’ve learned through over these short/long years while giving them a chance to bring back to the surface some of the highlghts.

    Lesson 1: We almost always slow down, take breaks, and give up not because we can’t actually do any more, but because we don’t think we deserve to endure difficulty. We think we deserve comfort, and though some difficulty is exhilarating, we deserve to avoid the really hard stuff. But, we know better. We don’t get up before 5 and come to literally be punished in unknown ways by a random member of the gang becauae we think we deserve comfort. We know we’re made for more, so we keep showing up; we keep letting the Q push us farther than we’d ever push ourselves, and we hate to miss.
    Thang: Lt. Dan’s (1 to 2 ratio of squats to lunge walk steps, adding one squat and two steps each time) from the sidewalk around the building to the fence around the AC unit in the back. That served as plenty of discomfort to get us all to that point and past it. The chatter only lasted a couple of minutes, and then it got pretty quiet, which was saying a lot for this crew. After picking up the six we moseyed to the pickleball courts.

    Lesson 2: Our form suffers because we feel sorry for ourselves. Good form keeps our joints safe and makes us stronger. Our pride and self-pity puts our joints in danger in an effort to save our muscles, and though me might finish faster, we don’t get stronger. Humility acknowledges where we are and works from there, pushing all the way through, slowly if need be, and maybe not finishing first; and this is how we get stronger. And, just like in life, if we look to preserve ourselves, all the connecting tissue/people suffer. We only grow and take care of the people connected to us if we stay strong, focused, and humble.
    By this point, the PAX was done with the preaching and just wanted to know what pain lie ahead.
    Thang: bear crawl suicides. Bear crawl across one court to the end of the double lines and back, then to the beginning of the next court and back, then to the end of the next court and back. Every time at the baseline was three burpees (with solid form), and every time at the far line was five HR merkins (can’t cheat on that form).

    At this point, Tana reminded YHC that we had some memories to to share (which is probably why YHC thought he went first), so a few PAX were called and shared some doozies. This helped distract considerably from the pain, and it went by relatively quickly. Moseyed to the basketball court.

    Lesson 3: God knows our true limits, and He expands them, providing strength beyond what grit and determination could ever muster on its own. When YHC has been able to trust in and depend upon His help, the pain and difficulty don’t go away, but I can keep pushing much further than I ever expected. He doesn’t take away difficulty, He give us the strength to power through it if we choose to accept it instead of trying to escape it or measure what we’ve got left in the tank by our own figuring. And, for those willing to believe it, YHC shared that all YHC’s beatdowns are actually God’s ideas, and YHC is more of a co-pilot, putting the pieces together that He gives me. So, yes, they’re hard, but they’re amazing sources of growth, both physically and mentally. And, YHC knows that they will actually be doable, no matter how tough they look on paper.
    Thang: Let God decide–we rolled a die, and if it came up 1-3, it meant 15 LBC’s. If it came up 4-6, it meant sprinting half-court and back and then full-court and back. We rolled exactly 15 times, and though YHC didn’t count exactly, it seemed to be almost half and half. We were given breaks when we needed breaks and challenged just beyond the point of wanting to give up, to self-preserve. God is good. And, Honseysuckle and Pope are in great shape.

    With two minutes left, we moseyed back to the flag for the remainder of the memories to be aired. Most, interestingly, had to to do with first beatdowns and how they were both horrific and fulfilling some deep desire we didn’t know we had. So, we kept coming back, even if it was after a few months and/or a hernia. Tana went last because YHC forgot about him (I guess he blended in behind Honeysuckle or Valve), and promised to flim his top five and post them on the GroupMe. This sounded amazing and gave YHC the idea to ask everyone to film their top memories and post them from then till Saturday morning. It’s been unbelievably successful, an incredible way to celebrate the indescribable gift these last three years have been.

    And, YHC will keep posting at every beatdown for as long as God keeps us here. And, when it’s time to go, YHC trusts that God knows what He’s doing, though it’s hard to picture how we’ll push past that difficulty. But, I guess we’ll have the strength we need for it when we get there. Till then, we’ll keep making memories, pushing through limits, and suffering together with this incredible band of brothers. Here’s to F3 Thibodaux and all that is yet to come!

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Men, Saints and Jurpees – from Paradox

    -Can a man change over time?

    -Can a beatdown plan pivot on the spot when the need is great?

    -Has YHC listened to the song “When the Saints go marching in” a single time in his life ?

    -Was man created to Jurp alone?

    These were the questions 9 High Impact Men had to ponder on a crisp cool (dare I say chilly) Tuesday Tuff at the stage.
    On Saturday at the Peltch we searched for the monster within and YHC thought it only appropriate on All Hallows Eve that today we search for the Saints within. (Plus I used up most of my primo Haloween material) YHC also had the privilege of leading the beatdown on the last day of Jurptober so there was no pitch left but the surgically repaired fastball. YHC had a loosely knit plan to go heavy burpees/merkin. But you know how it goes , sometimes God sees your plan thinks it’s cute and suggests ManMakers instead.

    Duke!! you are not the patron saint of baked beans
    Roll the footage!

    Warmup

    Props to the 3 pax who came in costume! Goose was terrifying as Dredd, Pope looked valiant as Pat Tillman and YJ was spot on as “that guy from college that wore a t-shirt in cold weather to impress the ladies”. Groundhog Ronnie was sporting long sleeves which tells us it was somewhere between 30-50 degrees F. (If that man puts on pants you will need Vaseline to keep your eyelids unfrozen ). We did all the usuals with some MCs to get the blood dispersed evenly.

    Ominous mosey to the Coupon Depot

    I had intended this little warm up song to be standard issue IW/burpees format. But when I saw the way Wet Tap was looking at those coupons…I hope my children look at their spouses with that much love one day….that’s when the audibles began. Who am I to rob a man of his God given right to lift heavy concrete?

    Song
    “When the Saints go Marchin in “
    Curls on song
    2 Man Makers on Saint
    (24 man makers, laughable amount of curls)
    YHC knew this would be pretty humorous as soon as we got started. Listened to this one on the way to the beatdown and I could have sworn there were only 4-5 “saints “ in there. Pesky memory.

    Thang 1

    The Road to Sainthood

    YHC has recently been fascinated by the process of Sainthood. The scrutiny , the interviews, and the thorough search of a life for holiness. It can reveal so much about how we can strive for this in our own lives and the variety of grace God bestows on the saints when they depend on him.

    There would be 4 stops

    *Indian run there with drop off 3 burpees , it felt right.

    25 Big Boys (servant of God)
    25 v ups (Venerable)
    25 burpees (Blessed )
    25 man makers (Saint)

    Again this was originally going to be merkins and burpees at the end but the call of the man makers won out.

    So now we have an idea of the process of sainthood. Another amazing aspect is the wide variety of vocations God calls us to. As CS Lewis said “how monotonously alike are all the tyrants and conquerors, how gloriously different are the saints. “
    So we would try our hand at a little Patron Saint Trivia.

    Correct – 7 burpees
    Incorrect – 7 burpees, bearcrawl , 7 merkins

    Patrons and Saints below :

    PS of retreats/retreatant-St Ignatius
    PS of Academics- St Thomas Aquinas
    PS of doctors – St Luke
    PS of Eyes- St Lucy
    PS of Finance- St Matthew
    PS of Musicians- St Cecilia
    PS of Engineers- St Patrick
    PS of Internet- St Isidore of Seville
    PS of Parish Priest – St John Vianney
    PS of Military- St Michael

    The men crushed these and racked up 70 burpees in a flash. And YHC was shocked to look down and see 2 minutes left on the clock. Another audible

    Only one way to finish the beatdown portion of Jurptober …

    AMRAP man makers.
    It was glorious , pretty sure Wet Tap cried tears of joy.

    Amazing effort here by all.

    Back to the flag for numbering naming and such.

    Announcement
    **F3 Thib MAnniversary Thursday at the peltch

    **Goose Farewell Party Nov 12

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    Mega shoutout to all the hard core Jurpers out there. I’m sure YJ and Goose will be covering this more eloquently but there was some serious iron sharpening going on this month.
    Glad to see dat Dawg alive and well with the Thib pax.

    Thank you for the privilege to lead today men.

    Epilogue

    The following is a journal excerpt from Vatican records of the Cardinal Cause of Saints in the year 2623 during the investigation of the last documented Miracle of Blessed Yankee Jeaxsiphine.

    It’s recorded from the personal writings of a Franciscan friar, Fr Paradox the 19th. He was tasked with finding and interpreting ancient USBs from the year 2023 , the year it was reported that the Blessed Jeaux had organized a men’s workout challenge called Jurptober…

    Journal Entry -Fr Pdox
    Nov 2, 2623:

    Today I completed my life’s work.
    After years of searching the deep jungle bayous of ancient Thibodaux my team discovered the USB from a hut in the Rienzi Temple district. After careful extraction of the data we reviewed , my team was baffled. It contained data accumulation that should take 20 men 2 years to compile but there was only one with admin privileges in 30 days!
    How…how could it be? One man! This much data , it was so neatly organized, this much dedication to iron sharpening ?! My eyes went blurry as I realized I was looking at the final miracle of Blessed Jeaux. I wondered what had driven a man to this level of commitment. then I read a tiny note accompanying the usb. It was one of Blessed Jeauxs original entries dated Oct 31, 2023.

    “Today Dox was nice to me, maybe …maybe, we can all change.”

    I want to be in that number …when the Saints go marching in…

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Don’t Fear the Reaper – from Paradox

    YHC rolled in a touch early to the Peltch to lay out a few stations for our trick or treaters. Greeting Ronnie and Fresh Gi on the way I made a few cone deposits, worked up a lather and visited the haunted ghost toilet for an early backblast. Jeaux had been correct previously noting the eeriness of a densely fogged peltch morning and YHC planned to weave it into todays theme.

    On return Ronnie and Gi had been joined by a stout group of 12 more pax. It was another true gloom and YHC had trouble distinguishing everyone but found early inspiration in a returned Fire in the Hole and a sweaty HoneySuckle, already 7 miles deep on the day. (Campaign to rename him RunnySuckle?)

    Slowly noting my error in a late groupme invite to wear a costume YHC was ready to be “that guy”’when the Old Testament Tundra rolled in and out stepped Malachi Obadiah Dawson the IV , the great Shepard/Prophet/Early Church Father( his story is in one of those apocryphal books so don’t sweat it ).
    It was a clear sign the cardio strain was about to get biblical.
    Let’s get it !

    Duke! Get the candy corn
    It’s F3 Thib Halloween!

    Warmup
    SSH
    IW
    Frankensteins (shout out to America’s FrankenBeast )
    Bat Wings (10 AC, 10 CP, MNCs, Self Love )
    HIgh Knees, Butt Kicks

    Indian run to ThunderDome with last man dropping off for 3 Peter Parker Merkins as a shoutout to Gooses lifelong love of the spidey suit.
    Because if a full grown man can’t be spiderMan every year till he’s 99 then what are we even doing with all this freedom ?!

    We had a fine Indian run with some Halloween selected jamz leading us back to the Tdome for jurps and treats.

    As this backblast goes to print we are 28 days into what the critics are calling the greatest ISI of our age. Jurptober has had it all. Feats of strength, bonding, betrayal, ghost poops, Merkin miles, berkin miles (hushtones), ageless wonders, Google sheets meltdowns..all under the careful eye of the Architect. So it was difficult for YHC to refresh the jurpee but if there’s one thing that always moves the needle in F3 Thib it’s the feared emom timer…
    YHC dialed up 2 minutes with 3 kraken burpees as the kicker.
    All finished in fine form and Smooth beat the clock on round two of the Kraken by atleast 14 seconds.

    **Trick or Treat**
    Roll first dye – Take standard 15 reps (treat) OR add the trick and roll the second die with lower or higher. (Die have 5-10-15-20-25-30)
    We rolled every time we change locations or as a ten count.
    Along the way we did Burpees , BBSU, LBCs and Most Pax chose the conservative 15 rep approach. (Lame!)

    Mosey to the Chimney to start the Monster Mash

    The Main Thang was all about releasing dat Monster within.
    We trained in each of the 4 traditional Halloween monster disciplines. Listed below with their correlating groupme hype actors. Name image and likeness were taken from these men with no consent and they will have little help with litigation as my legal team is busy battling no less than 17 active Jurp citations this month.

    Da Monsters:

    I.) The Werewolf (Yankee Jeaux Jackson before turning full werewolf in the Thriller video)

    7 Werewolf’s (Carolina dry dock into upward dog yoga pose )
    Run to the chimney , Nur back
    1 BBSU
    Increase the BBS and decrease werewolves until complete.
    This had several pax booking early Monday chiropractic appointments for shoulder evals.

    2.) The Zombie
    Pax split into equal teams
    Hold plank in a line with enough room to frog hop in between. The last pax hop to the front and do 5 merkins. Repeat until your entire team crossed the cone. The return race would be a team arm linked lunge. Epic graveyard race and YHCs vision was too blurry to call it anything but a photo finish.

    Mosey to monkey bars

    3.) The Vampire (Count Goosula)
    Hanging in the Cave
    P1 hanging leg raises AMRAP
    P2 10 burpees
    2 rounds each to complete 40 burpees as a pair.

    4.) The Mummy (our Knights in shining Armor Ronnie and Tana)

    Pyramid Scheme of Burpees

    Bearcrawl to cones
    Increasing burpees , then crawl bear during descending burpees
    1-2-3-4-5-4-3-2-1

    YHC set the course up for some intended gang clashes and was not disappointed when I hit a smooth wrecking ball and was almost shanked by a an optometrist. Ya love to see the competition.

    Back to the flag for name off count off

    Jurpee numbers (adjust if you see fit)
    1 jurp
    67 burpees
    Merkins depending on graveyard race cycles
    50 BBSU

    Intentions
    Announcements:

    AB house party upcoming Nov 11

    Goose Leaving the Nest party on Nov 12
    (I’m still in denial, it’s just a prank…sigh)

    More deets on these in the GroupMe

    Ronnie Prayed us out

    Had a blast getting better and finding some monsters today men.
    Great work
    Enjoy a feast on your 2.0s candy
    It was well earned.

    Here’s a Dox of Chocolates:

    Ever found yourself curious as to what a psychedelic experience would feel like? No?…
    No one? Okay okay then, play it coy, your secrets safe with me *wink *wink
    Buttttt if you had, and didn’t want all the baggage, (health risk, weird shaman named Marley, unhealthy fear of leprechauns) then yesterday morning at Peltier park at approximately 6:39am you had a perfect opportunity. You could have sat right in the Thunderdome, on a bleacher, sober as a church mouse and witnessed quite a trip:

    A light fog sizzling off the hard pan spicy grass, backlit by a tremendous blazing full moon. A shadowy hearse standing ominously at center stage. Street light splotches of hazy orange along the pavement. Fluorescent greens and purples from a blow up haunted house add to the dizzying effect. And then you hear the growing foot falls of 11 men, 3 children and a well worn wagon. Led by a desert prophet they jog by single file maniacally tossing dice to and fro. Anchored by a ghostbuster, occasionally one loses all function, drops to the ground and pretends to be spiderMan. They continue in this manner until reaching a pre arranged destination surrounding the hearse. That’s when the shrooms really kick in. They start a synchronous series of exercises while the Blue Oyster Cult reminds them to not fear the reaper. Not satisfied with this they disappear into the gloom looking for more monsters to mash with.

    Ya know
    Maybe my 6th grade DARE teacher was right
    Maybe you can get high on life.

    I’ll need a few more beatdown to be sure…

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Down With Disease – from Yankee Joe

    Prologue

    YHC arrived at the Peltch at 5:30 am on Saturday morning. We often say it was in “The Gloom,” but this morning took it to a new place. As he rolled out the tractor trailer truck tire onto the little league infield, he couldn’t help but notice how dark…and still it was. No sound of birds, no cars, no breeze in the pines. Now, YHC isn’t one to get all spooked out, but it was still a bit eerie.

    As he started hammering in the staked signs with various exercises, a heavy fog started to roll in. Not a light misting, but legit fog…and it was legit rolling, he looked around and realized that the signs I had just put in all looked like graveyard markers. Now, YHC isn’t one to get all skittish, but man it was getting weird.

    After one last trip to the awesome, cool, masculine minivan to get BAPS, YHC started walking back to the field. It was then that he looked up and through the haze, saw a hearse sitting in the thunder dome. How had he not noticed it before? Now YHC isn’t one to get all freaked out, but damn this was all starting to get…well…something.

    YHC shook it off and with 20 minutes left before the beatdown, decided to hit the men’s room. As YHC entered the bathroom to see about a fudge pop, the lights flickered. C’mon Yankee…stop being so dramatic. While sitting on the silver torpedo shell, and coming to the realization that this would be an underwhelming dumpelstiltskin, the lights turned off…completely. No sound of the door which had squealing hinges. The lights were off, YHC in the dark, quarter loaf barely pinched.

    And then, out of the darkness, as if radiating inward from the walls, the still air cold as ice, I heard the breathy, chilling voice…it said…“BEWAREEEEEEE….He’s a cheater…doing three merkins at the bottom of a buuuurpeeeeeee doesn’t count as a burpee aaaaand threeeeeee merkinssssss.”

    Now YHC isn’t one to hammer a prairie dog back in the hole, but at this, I screamed like a pickleballer and ran out into the darkness to find the PAX.

    —————————–
    YHC was both thrilled and concerned to see what would eventually make up 19 PAX at the Peltch. The beatdown had been designed for 8 to 10 PAX based on recent attendance rates. Considering all of the whining, wailing, and gnashing of teeth about doing hard things, YHC just assumed Houma-Thibodaux would be flush in dutch ovens that morning. YHC was wrong. Real wrong. 14 of 20 BYITG participants showed with the Hunt for Red Jurptober repping 100% attendance. However, I’m sure if you look back at the records for Arthur Anderson, those folks showed up to work on a regular basis too. Apparently, immorality requires solidarity.

    With six 2.0’s including a Honeysuckle duo – WELCOME Yelnats and Ewok, YHC started getting excited about how the chaos would play out over the next hour.

    —————————-

    Warmarama
    Side straddle hops
    Windmills 15 ct
    Arm circles forward 15 ct
    Arm circles backward 15 ct
    Cherry pickers 15 ct
    Self love
    High knees 15 ct
    Willy Mays Hayes
    High Knees
    Butt Kicks

    The men headed to the first field by the Apparatus to knock out the three required Jurps. The crowd was so big that the grumbling sounded like if you packed 50 constipated walruses in a locker room shower playing Adele in the background. But we got through it. During the jump squat portion, I saw some very interesting form emerge. Also during that time, it came to light that Tana had betrayed YHC to Paradox during an ongoing investigation. Did you ever see What Lies Beneath? Well, it has nothing to do with this scenario.

    We moseyed over to the baseball field and for the remaining 30 minutes, jumped into the fray.

    ——————————
    The Setup

    *Field set up with six stations around center point.
    *Two stations set 15 yards from center.
    *Two stations set 20 yards from center.
    *Two stations set 30 yards from center.
    *Each station represents a different BYITG exercise.

    All PAX start in center, do 5 burpees then tire flip (tractor trailer size) or zombie crawl to 15 yard station, 5 burpees then bear crawl to 20 yard station, or 5 burpees and bear crawl to 30 yard station. For any station, do 20 reps of exercise associated with that station. Run back, do 5 burpees, then head to the next station of your choice. AMRAP until time.

    Rules:
    1) there cannot be more than TWO Pax at any given station at one time. If there are already two pax at your desired station after you finish your 5 burpees, you MUST immediately choose another station and bear crawl to it. NO loitering.

    2) You cannot do the same station twice in a row unless you are forced to go there for lack of options…see Rule 1.

    Stations (20 reps each):
    BBS (12 yards)
    V-up (12 yds)
    Merkins (20 yards)
    Bonnie’s (20 yds)
    Coupon curls (30 yds)
    Man makers (30 yds)
    —————————————
    Strategy (if you can call it that):

    The 12-yard stations were tempting because you could get to them quickly, knock out the relatively quick rep exercise and get back. That said, the tire flip or zombie crawl transport was hard and time consuming. The 20 yard stations were the money makers. Merkins, each worth a point, were quick reps and not excruciatingly far for a bear crawl. Bonnie’s on the other hand were far more time consuming IF you had good form. At 30 yards, the coupon curl was a trap. First, a 30 yard bear crawl straight up sucks, but to reward yourself with half-point curls for a station total of 10 points didn’t justify the time. The biggest ROI was from the man maker station at three points per rep.

    It was here that Montana outdid himself. WIth three men at the man maker station, Tana should have chosen another station. He didn’t, he began lunge walking slowly toward the man maker station with YHC loudly chastising him to turn around. Instead, he lunge walked all the way to the man-makers then headed to the coupon curl station and proceeded to do…MAN MAKERS. By this time, YHC was losing his mind. Like Bob Knight, YHC tossed his man making coupon, yelling in a high pitched voice that Tana wasn’t playing fair and calling him a doo doo head.

    COT and Goose prayed us out. We welcomed Yelnats and Ewok. The PAX got a real treat in seeing Dumbledore and family walk up. He got damn near a standing ovation. It was cool. Dumbledore, you are missed.

    All in all, the PAX earned a total of 10,000+ points. It was a wonky set up, but due to being in close proximity, the chatter was epic. I had a lot of fun. Thank you for the opportunity to lead.

    BYITG,

    Yankee Jerk

    And…stay from that Peltch bathroom. Here, there be monsters.