PAX: Pope, Goose, Bambam, Duke, Maneater, Jackknife, Captain D, Darrell Strawberry, Honey Suckle, Popeye, Yankee Joe
The morning began with YHC coming downstairs to the scene of the average 10 minutes before our family’s departure for something like a doctor’s appointment or church or the like, but at 5:50 am. Reasons for our showing up at 6:27 included our inability to find a suitable cold-weather hat for Duke and an ill-timed wakeup of mini-2.0 (and YHC’s inability to find his object of pacification). Eventually we managed to get moving; we arrived and parked by the field by Bayou Road. We greeted the early PAX by 6:30 and had the usual warmup (SSH, imperial walkers, toy soldiers, windmills, WMH, arm circles, cherry pickers, self-love) then moseyed.
YHC jumped ahead of the PAX, grabbed five cones, and set them up in the field in pentagonal fashion, each about 10 yards apart, with a small piece of Paw Patrol diaper box with much less friendly sharpie handwriting on the blank sides. The rest of the PAX grabbed coupons out of Goose’s truck and fell in inside the pentagon. YHC proceeded to explain the circuit, with exercises corresponding to each stage of man’s journey from his origins to his return to God.
The routine (largely inspired by Coyote’s everything-I-hate formula) was as follows:
· Station 1(the Trinity; the Source of all things)
7 8-ct blockee builders, shoulder-carry coupon to next station
· Station 2 (Creation; man created in God’s image)
7 man-makers, rifle-carry to next station
· Station 3 (The Fall; man is thrust from grace)
15 thrusters, murder bunny to next station
· Station 4 (Redemption; Jesus’ death and resurrection)
15 WW3 situps (modified from 20 after one visit), coupon lunge to next station
· Station 5 (Glorification; man’s return to God)
20 star jumps, block-n-bear back to station 1
The backdrop soundtrack playing during the repetition of the above routine had been laced with a few songs (covers by the Snake Charmer, distinguishable by the bagpipes at the beginning of each of the songs) that acted as circuit-breakers; upon hearing these the PAX stopped wherever they were and ran a lap around the entire field. Station 3 had a catch to it, namely that if a PAX was there doing thrusters when a circuit-breaker sounded, he would have 30, not 15, thrusters now to complete. As a result, thrusters didn’t seem to be as much of a struggle for the PAX today as they usually are.
All the PAX started at station 1 and went at their own pace. Naturally, Goose and Honey Suckle led the way; YHC was drained of q-drenaline, and found what motivation there was to be found in trying not to get lapped by Goose. Additionally, YHC had a realistic experience of the faith journey, frequently hounded by the mental hostility of the adversary (portrayed this morning by Jackknife, who hounded YHC like a dirty little demon in oversized gloves).
The PAX recovered at 7:29 and returned the coupons.
COT and Maneater prayed us out.
Happy 11th birthday to Darrel Strawberry! Congrats on entry to the 11-year-old 2.0 gang of rascals.
Real shoutout to the PAX who showed up this morning, as chatter continued for the entire beatdown. Wishes of abundant graces for us all this Advent.
SYITG, Pope
Tag: Honeysuckle
-
The Big Picture Hurts Sometimes (by Pope) – from Goose
-
Thankful for Modern Medicine – from Goose
Dox reached out to YHC yesterday afternoon needing a Q sub. Apparently, he had picked up some sort of parasite from an hours-long operation wherein he was elbows deep in a badly infected toe. YHC was grateful to honor these heroics, especially since it gave YHC the opportunity to build a beatdown around a big toe that’s still recovering from surgery. There would be no running or side straddle hops, but there would still be plenty to be grateful for.
After a warmup of slow foot movements, YHC cued up a song routine suggested by a number of his 2.0’s. The song is “Popcorn” by the Barenaked Ladies from their genius kids album, “Snacktime”. Seriously, do yourself a favor and put it on next time you’re on the road with the fam.
The only move possible for the trigger word “pop” is Moroccan Nightclubs, so that’s we did. Can’t say it was the greatest routine (or explanation of its connection to the Thanksgiving theme) but it wasn’t the worst.
We then grabbed coupons and walked over to the field by the big flag where we circled around Bose’ mounted on his concrete throne. YHC then rambled a bit about the difference intentionally cultivated gratitude makes, especially as a remedy for self-pity and resentment. Today we’d cultivate a little gratitude via the letters of the word “Thanksgiving”.
Each letter stood for an exercise that we’d do three rounds each of, Tabata style (45 seconds on, 15 seconds off). It went like this:
* Tricep presses (deep, burning foreshadowing)
* Hand release merkins
* American hammers
* Nolan Ryan’s (switch halfway through the middle of the second round)
* Kettle bell swings
* Sit-ups, WWIII variety (to the great delight of Lil’ Cuz)
* Goblet squats
* Inchworm Merkins
* V-ups (prompted my M to ask, “Which exercise has you pulling up handfuls of grass and stuffing them down the back of your shorts? What letter does that one start with?”)
* Isometric low plank (just a low plank)
* This is where we ran out of time, but these fine HIMS couldn’t stand not finishing, so they all agreed to see it to the end)
* Neil Diamonds (aka Kneel Diamonds)
* Gorilla Humpers (wide monkey humpers)And by the time we were done, we were all filled with gratitude. Wait, no, grass. We were all filled with grass.
Prayers for Dox and others who are sick, and Tap prayed us out.
Grateful for these awesome dudes getting up early on a holiday, the only hype being that we’d be couponing. And, grateful for the excuse to stuff myself today.
SYITG,
Goose -
– from America’s Best
A few weeks ago, YHC and a couple of other HIMs were discussing why a certain HIM (who shall remain unnamed) has not yet taken a Q. The answer from him the HIM: the bar is too damn high! YHC granted that things were out of hand. It was time to, in the words of Romanian-German new-age worldbeat musical project Enigma, return to innocence.
But first: Warmarama
SSH, windmills, Imperial Walkers, WMH, Toy Soldiers, Tie Fighters, Cherry Pickers, High Knees, Butt Kicks, Lafayette Night Clubs.
Bumper mosey to pick up coupons and return for:
Tha Thang. Just a Musical Dora.
Partnered up, then during each song, one partner knocks out the exercise, while the other uses assigned MOT to the far sidewalk, then moseys back. Flapjack, continue. Race to get 200 reps per exercise before the song ends.
The Songs, the Exercises, the MOT:
1: First, Merkins, Crab Walk
2. Seconds, V-Ups, Run a lap
3: 3rd Stone from the Sun, Curls, Bear Crawl
4. Positively 4th Street, Tyson Merkins, Lap
5: A Fifth of Beethoven, American Hammers, Dragon Walk
6: 6th Avenue Heartache, BBS, Lunge Walk
7: Seventh Son, Wheezy Jeffersons, Crawl Bear
8: Henry the VII, Burpees, Sprint
It was basically impossible to get to 200 on any of these, but I felt we needed an unobtainable goal. Threw that one long Hendrix song in there just to give a glimmer of hope, and to fulfill the prophecy of “that Charlottesville hipster hookah lounge” music.
Final Thang: Identify the songs from the beatdown. Popeye and Honeysuckle, as usual, took care of the more obscure songs. White Meat ID’d 7th Son, and Yankee Jeaux ID’d Henry VII… man those geezers know their music. (Popeye had been figuring out “Positively 4th Street” for about 2 rounds, but upon returning from his Dragon Walk he had figured it out. The man has the heart of a warrior, and the mind of a Spotify).
3rd Stone from the Sun was the only song not identified by the PAX, so we only had to do one burpee. It was fairly obvious at this point that the songs all included ordinal numbers.
Then just 2 minutes of Mary to get us to that sweet Sugar Mill Whistle.
COT
FNG became Doubtfire.
Animal from Honeysuckle to Lil Cuz.
Blue Tube from Wet Tap to Honeysuckle.
Wet Tap prayed us out.
SYITG,
AB
-
Free Solo Episode VIII: There’s No Hope – from America’s Best
A Long Time Ago, in an AO not so far away…
It is a period of civil war.
Rebel HIMs, feigning ignorance
of the rules from prior beatdowns, have
angered for the last time
the frustrated Q.During the beatdown, the
PAX managed to start by
pretending to not understand the Q’s
ultimate weapon, the
FREE SOLO, a carefully-crafted
beatdown with enough
power to destroy an entire
planet.Flummoxed by their lack of musical knowledge
and self-awareness, Popeye
stepped in and identified
most songs, while the others
were content to plod on
through the exercises,
continuing to climb that hill…The instructions were simple. The rules were the same. Nobody cared.
While the PAX knocks out some exercises, the solo from a song is played. The song has some connection to one person in the PAX. One of three things affects the next thang:
1. The person for whom the song tolls identifies the song during the solo. If this occurs, the PAX simply take a lap around the Civic Center.
2. Someone else in the PAX identifies the song during the solo. The consequence of this is a MOT up the hill without a coupon, and 3 burpees at the top. Mosey back down.
3. Nobody identifies the song, and the consequence is MOT with coupon up the hill, and manmakers at the top. Rifle carry back down.The exercises:
1.Mountain Climbers- bear (block)crawl
2.Jump squats – murder bunnies/bunny hops
3. Merkins- El Capitan
4.Curls – carioke/bricklayers
5.Half WW3 sit-ups – inchworm(blockees)
6.V-ups – killer Roos/broad jump
7.Burpees- crab walk (with/without coupon)While the instructions were clearly stated, the consensus amongst the PAX was “What is going on?”
After several rounds, most of the PAX halfway understood. I guess some people are visual learners.First song: a cover of Take on Me, by the band Goose. Months ago, YHC added this to a beatdown and made a point to tell Goose directly about the song, the cover, and the band. But Goose had to be Goose, and feigned ignorance so we could do more work.
Another Song: Safety Dance by Men Without Hats. Safety Valve has been lulled into thinking if it’s not about flying, it’s not about him. And this song was recorded twenty years before he was born.
Cherub Rock for Honeysuckle was identified by Popeye, and eventually someone knew it was for HS.
Lawyers, Guns, and Money by Warren Zevon – unknown to everyone somehow.
Honeysuckle texted me months ago to suggest that “All of My Love” by Led Zeppelin sure does sound a lot like “Olive, My Love.” Genius. It was obviously much too dark in the gloom to see how much everyone loved this Popeye reference. In space, no one can hear you smirk.
“Once Bitten, Twice Shy” by Great White… Popeye quickly ID’d it, mentioning “This band is fire.” Too soon, Popeye, too soon.
And so, amidst the confusion, Popeye and Honeysuckle identified a few songs, although nobody identified their own. But really, nobody was expected to.Like tic-tac-toe and Global Thermonuclear War, there’s no way to win this game. You’re not supposed to play it. That’s why the reward for actually succeeding is just running a lap. That may be exercise, but not as we know it. In the words of NORAD supercomputer WOPR, “A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.”
And yet somehow Paradox identified Dr. Feelgood almost immediately. Somebody make him an international incident negotiator… or at least put him on my Applebees Trivia Night team.
Thang 2: Lighting Round –
We do burpees during a mountain-themed song until someone names the song (then they change the exercise)Song1: Mountain Song (Jane’s addiction)
Popeye identified it I think; not sure if he changed anything.Song 2: Running Up That Hill (a Deal With God). Identified by Honeysuckle (although he didn’t realize it). Changed exercise to Freddy Mercurys , then we El Capitan’ed up the hill for the remainder. When YHC changed the lyric to “ lunging up that hill,” Pope quickly added “Make a deal with quads.”
Good, Pope. I can feel your schmaltz. Strike me down with all your humor and your journey toward the Dad Jokes will be complete!Song 3: There is a Mountain by Donovan. Crowd favorite to end it.
Mosey to flag for COT
Thanks for putting up with it, my dudes. Always an honor to lead.
-AB
…and don’t worry—nobody will have to try and figure this game out again. For better or for worse, sometimes a trilogy should remain a trilogy.
-
Free Solo, Episode VIII: There’s No Hope – from America’s Best
A Long Time Ago, in an AO not so far away…
It is a period of civil war.
Rebel HIMs, feigning ignorance
of the rules from prior beatdowns, have
angered for the last time
the frustrated Q.During the beatdown, the
PAX managed to start by
pretending to not understand the Q’s
ultimate weapon, the
FREE SOLO, a carefully-crafted
beatdown with enough
power to destroy an entire
planet.Flummoxed by their lack of musical knowledge
and self-awareness, Popeye
stepped in and identified
most songs, while the others
were content to plod on
through the exercises,
continuing to climb that hill…The instructions were simple. The rules were the same. Nobody cared.
While the PAX knocks out some exercises, the solo from a song is played. The song has some connection to one person in the PAX. One of three things affects the next thang:
1. The person for whom the song tolls identifies the song during the solo. If this occurs, the PAX simply take a lap around the Civic Center.
2. Someone else in the PAX identifies the song during the solo. The consequence of this is a MOT up the hill without a coupon, and 3 burpees at the top. Mosey back down.
3. Nobody identifies the song, and the consequence is MOT with coupon up the hill, and manmakers at the top. Rifle carry back down.The exercises:
Mountain Climbers- bear (block)crawl
Jump squats – murder bunnies/bunny hops
Merkins- El Capitan
Curls – carioke/bricklayers
Half WW3 sit-ups – inchworm(blockees)
V-ups – killer Roos/broad jump
Burpees- crab walk (c couponWhile the instructions were clearly stated, the consensus amongst the PAX was “What is going on?”
After several rounds, most of the PAX halfway understood. I guess some people are visual learners.
First song: a cover of Take on Me, by the band Goose. Months ago, YHC added this to a beatdown and made a point to tell Goose directly about the song, the cover, and the band. But Goose had to be Goose, and feigned ignorance so we could do more work.
Another Song: Safety Dance by Men Without Hats. Safety Valve has been lulled into thinking if it’s not about flying, it’s not about him. And this song was recorded twenty years before he was born.
Cherub Rock for Honeysuckle was identified by Popeye, and eventually someone knew it was for HS.
Lawyers, Guns, and Money by Warren Zevon – unknown to everyone somehow.
Honeysuckle texted me months ago to suggest that “All of My Love” by Led Zeppelin sure does sound a lot like “Olive, My Love.” Genius. It was obviously much too dark in the gloom to see how much everyone loved this Popeye reference. In space, no one can hear you smirk.
“Once Bitten, Twice Shy” by Great White… Popeye quickly ID’d it, mentioning “This band is fire.” Too soon, Popeye, too soon.
And so, amidst the confusion, Popeye and Honeysuckle identified a few songs, although nobody identified their own. But really, nobody was expected to.Like tic-tac-toe and Global Thermonuclear War, there’s no way to win this game. You’re not supposed to play it. That’s why the reward for actually succeeding is just running a lap. That may be exercise, but not as we know it. In the words of NORAD supercomputer WOPR, “A strange game. The only winning move is not to play.”
And yet somehow Paradox identified Dr. Feelgood almost immediately. Somebody make him an international incident negotiator… or at least put him on my Applebees Trivia Night team.
Thang 2: Lighting Round –
We do burpees during a mountain-themed song until someone names the song (then they change the exercise)
Song1: Mountain Song (Jane’s addiction)
Popeye identified it I think; not sure if he changed anything.
Song 2: Running Up That Hill (a Deal With God). Identified by Honeysuckle (although he didn’t realize it). Changed exercise to Freddy Mercurys , then we El Capitan’ed up the hill for the remainder. When YHC changed the lyric to “ lunging up that hill,” Pope quickly and even more wittily added “ make a deal with quads.”
…Good, Pope. I can feel your schmaltz. I am defenseless. Strike me down with all your humor, and your journey towards the Dad Jokes will be complete!
Song 3: There is a Mountain by Donovan. Crowd favorite to end it.Mosey to flag for COT
Thanks for putting up with it, my dudes. Always an honor to lead.AB
And don’t worry—nobody will have to try and figure this game out again. For better or worse, sometimes a trilogy should remain a trilogy.
-
Bs and Cs – from Safety Valve
After yesterday’s Merkin Mania Monday by Pope, YHC felt obligated to add some solid back, bicep, and core work today. Nothing special. Just a slightly different style than usual.
Warmaramma
SSH
Imperial Walkers
Willy mays hats
Wind mills
Arm circles – forward and backward
Cherry pickers
self loveThang
Partner up – AB questioned the use of partners today. Sometimes we just need people by us when we are suffering AB. I’ll be sure to get with his M on how to answer this appropriately next time.Buy in for each person at the stage.
50 LBCs
50 Hello Dolly
50 Freddie Mercury
50 second one inch holdMosey to yonder parking lot. Each team did two stations below:
Four stations – sand bag at each
Bent over low rows – 60lb x 15 reps
Lawn mower rows, single arm -35lb x 15 reps
Curls – 40lb x15 reps
Curls – single arm, 18 lb 3 ways – 10 full, 10 bottom to half way, 10 half way to top.Mosey back to stage. By this time, Creed rocking in the background was bringing Goose back to a simpler time, while AB was crying on the inside and maybe the outside. To the parking lot and back to the stage was probably close to 1/4 mile. This was true if you didn’t cheat yourself and took the proper sidewalk route… IYKYK. We ended by picking up the 6 (team Goose and Enron – maybe they did an extra set, maybe not) and sprinting back to the flag.
COT, Fire within was given to Suckle by Pope, prayers continue for Coyote, Lil Cuz prayed us out.
-
Acrogym – from Paradox
Non expanding recreational foam (NERF).
Sounds harmless. Sounds goofy. Sounds, dare I say , fun. But what if YHC told you an individual spent major portions of their life playing with the aforementioned materials and never once asked what it stood for. Now before you go and title my biography “Blissful Ignorance “ let’s go deeper. What if that same individual led an entire sophomore classroom in a riot after answering a teacher “nerf or nothing“ as an answer to an algebra problem. Lots of self worth tied up in a hidden acronym right? That’s the depth of emotional trauma YHC found himself experiencing after learning of the truth about NERF. How many more acronyms were out there, hiding in plain site, ruining lives??Are there others who have been hurt like this? This could happen to anyone!!
Two options were left , stew in my rapidly expanding negativity or let it fuel a recreational campaign so that no man would ever be hurt by an acronym like this again.
So PAX, today I bring you…
ACROGYM!
DUKE !
Convert that DOS to film and Roll the beautiful footage!9 Tuesday Tuff regulars at the stage with light hints of fall weather.. (no sudden movements, we don’t want to spook it)
YHC moseyed in from a quality control check on Settlement porta potties, reporting to the pax that all were aging like fine wines.
Props to the men who weathered both the sweet and sour Valve beatdowns of Saturday and Monday, many well earned groans were heard in warmups. Valve enjoyed hearing the sweet symphony of weakness leaving their bodies.We headed into yonder loop with a standard issue Indian Run 3 Apollo drop off.
YHC struggled to find true acronyms named bands or songs so I went all in for a REM mile and peppered the pax with some of their top hits. Goose smelled the competition like a shark with blood and was warming up the neurons connecting Apollos and “Man on the Moon” while giving VH1 level behind the scenes info on their videos. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I found out REM and Depeche Mode existed in the spring of ‘24….everybody hurts, even Goose sometimessss.
Tha THANG
Split into teams
-teams designate a Speaker/writer
(Man must be gifted in writing and moseying simultaneously)Classic 1/2 numbering stacked up the trivia titans of Americas Best Goose & Suckle (sounds like a really weird bar in Austin…a story for another time) .
They looked around nodding like the trivia version of the 85 Bears linebacker core and YHC had to intervene before someone got hurt.
Somewhat more evenly balanced teams were restored and YHC would serve as live corespondent.
Rules:
-Introduce the Acronym.
-Each team mumbles incoherently then runs in opposite direction to complete 10 jump squats and 10 merkins then run back all while discussing what the acronym stands for.
-Writes answer on board (in a timely and legible manner)
-reveal , winner with most correct words/pointsWinner
LBCs/SSHLoser
10 ThrustersTie – 7 burpees
Journal Observations
-I was never offered a bribe for hints which was honorable although significant amounts of snark, board holding, and “cursive writing” were frowned upon.
-Team AB approach:
Step 1: hey does anybody know this one?
Step 2: ask Maneater if he is in IT?
Step 3 : wildly accept guesses on the run back while AB initimidates the other team with his LL stats.-Team Goose approach
Step 1: Listen in awe at Honeysuckle’s clear logical thought process and bottomless tech vocabulary.
Step 2: repeat step 1 and fill in the gaps with hieroglyphics.Let’s begin:
LASER
Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission RadiationTeam Goose off to a solid start with what will be the only perfect score. Team AB with 3/5 and ate a thruster sandwich, a bit unfair here as HS deals with “sharks with freaking laser beams” as part of his defense contract
BASE (jumping)
Building , Antenna, Spans, and EarthTie Game
Most of the processing speed over at Team AB went to congratulating themselves on making the E “Edge”. Ronnie protested that true courage entails not putting limits on where one can BASE jump.
****Musical Interlude ***
REM
End of the World
IW on Song
Goosie On “End of the World”*Lenny Bruce checks under his bed for Goosies
CAPTCHA
Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans ApartSome great chatter over at Team Goose led to a win followed by a flatulent Pope captcha on his father’s own coupon. Can concrete hold scent particles, only Alan Turing knows.
ZIP (code)
Zone Improvement PlanTie game as both teams secured “zone” and later spawned a potential “guess that zip code” mini beatdown.
JPEG
Joint Photographic Expert Group-teams had broken down into crude insults and resume inquiries at this point . No hint of joint expert groups on either side.
TASER
Thomas A Swifts Electric Rifle-most of the chatter here concentrated on potential for Thomas Rosyters All Natural Bee Rifle – patent pending. Just know if you roll into Rienzi unannounced that he’s packing.
Throwback sprint finale:
DOS (as in MS-DOS)
Disc operating systemBoth teams were close enough here to avoid thrusters and the plant siren was calling 6am.
Ronnie passed along Animal to Meat for reckless endangerment while his chest hair alone worked its way up the “voter distraction” list.
Intentions for continued medical work up for mutiple 2.0s
COT and Valve prayed us out
Postscript:
Bacronym to the Future
PAX,
This is Dox writing you from the year 2054, inside the Rienzi stronghold that is now Merica.
We remain the last of our species rebellion in the great ChatGPT war.
We are safe at the moment, between waves of CAPTCHA mediated extermination by the artificial intelligent enemy.
Professor Suckles patented Bee Laser (Blaser) has the stronghold secure and keeps the GPT drones away.President Wells still leads the human race as he was a pioneer in spotting AIs weakness to understand the futility of passive aggressive unnecessary emails. It was our biggest breakthrough since the war began , allowing us to pinpoint other computer blindspots and communicate under their RADARs with ancient JPEGs and DOS files.
Slowly the remaining members of the human race realized that a small band of men had actually unknowingly been training to beat the CAPTCHA test. You see, AI could scope the width and depth of the internet, calculate algorithms at an instant, and even produce a hi res images of your friends with bicep veins. But gradually we began to find that the gaps of AI knowledge were actually the cornerstones of male bonding.
AI couldn’t decipher the unspoken message of a Nicolas Cage GIF. AI didn’t know why LBC methane labeled as “airport cheese” gets a laugh everytime. There is no processor for understanding why an educated man would make “Turn Down for What” his anthem. Not enough RAM to see why a 10 second video of a snapping Turla could become a lifelong inside joke.
But it was just there.
Outside of the ones and zeroes, in the gloom of our shared suffering and in the image of our creator we gained our edge.
That’s why you men must continue to sharpen the irons of F3 Thib.
One day in the future the CAPTCHA will be at the door.
And when it ask if ye be man or bot?
You will know ..
It’s NERF or nothing .
SYITG
Dox -
Halloween 2: Brick or Crete – from Paradox
It’s been a minute since YHC has gone full “get off my lawn” but nothing brings out the rose colored glasses quite like a good Americanized holiday so just hear me out.
(If you can imagine me in a rocking chair with a pipe, jorts, mason jar, and a sleeveless Skynyrd shirt then it will help)Here’s the simple fact to address today boys…Trick or Treat has gone soft. I see you nodding at home. You have all seen it. Full sized candy bars, watered down jump scares , all treat with no trick. Amazon stock costumes that were 2-day shipped cus their parents forgot . Is this KitKat sigma or will I have to use your Skibidi? Does my hulk have enough Gyat for you?
Where do we draw the line?
Back in myyyy dayyy you got dropped off to “go work the hood” with a home made power ranger suit that was a red hoodie and a piece of rope for a belt and when you stepped on a porch the response could be anything from grandmas cough drops to a full R- rated murder simulation. Your jr high janitor dressed as a zombie and loaded on 5 bud heavies may grab your ankle as you run from the yard. You fled with a single kernel of candy corn and your life intact then you reset and head to the next house. Adrenaline in its purest form right there in the fall of 1995.
And so today YHC says enough is enough. This is where I put my untethered hulk foot down.
For 45 minutes we would harken to the days of old and restore the mystery of trick or treating .Duke!!
Put down that Chinese menu and roll the footage! It’s the Halloween beatdown.8 pax strong at the Den which had been prepped and ready for Popeyes mayorial campaign rally later in the day. His 3 pronged platform has a massive following already but I’ll lay it out for you:
1. bbq 2. Beer 3. Reduce unnecessary emails.
(People with follow up questions are asked to leave)The pax pivoted to a well lit corner setup for the usual warmups as YHC arrived in full flex and had early concerns for vasoconstriction in my nether regions. They say you should dress for the job you want (more on that later) and while I’m not sure what that means for YHCs career our other costumed hero’s wanted a clear vision for their players and an infinity and beyond buzz from their drugs.
Fred Lasseauxs whistle threatened to lead the beatdown all by itself but YHC pushed through and we got to the thang.***Hidden Costume Honorable Mentions:
-Goose as an alpha male that loathes a soft cadenceBrick Indian Run
Drop to 3 brick stars jumps while we got a good lather of Haloween tunes and YHC tried to drop a few lyrical hints for later.Da Thang
Brick or Crete
Each pax would experience the adventure of uncertainty and pick 1 ticket from the bucket.
A few on there we didn’t get to so you can appreciate them now in the safety of your snuggy.B- Brick
C- Crete
L- Lyrics
T- TriviaBRICKS
1. Brickicide – Brick Release Merkins
2. Brickicide – Brick SSH
3. Brickicide Brick Star Jumps
4. Let the bodies hit the Floor (plank – donkey kick on bodies , merkin on counts)
5. Brick Thriller – brick burpees and side lunge brick raises on songCRETES
1. When the Saints Go Marching In
2. P1 OHP p2 run a lap around field
3. 50 curls
4. 50 skull crushers
5. 10 saint makersLYRICS
Incorrect guess will add 5 reps (5 guesses max)L-1Thriller
L- 2 Superstitious
L- 3 Werewolves in LondonTRIVIA
T 1 Which Celtic festival did our modern customs of trick/treat and costumes originate ?
(Samhain )T-2 In France this costume is illegal to wear over the age of 13 .
(CLOWN)T 3 National retail federation names these the perennial number 1 costumes . One for adults , one for kids.
1- witch
2- princessNotes:
-The pax burned up those two mosey breaks early and as predicted performed honorably in the trivia and lyrics divisions.
-Saintmaker debut didn’t make any immediate Saints and may have destroyed a few friendships.
-YHC lost his bricks in the Bermuda grass triangle of center field so often I think HS was chunking them when I wasn’t looking.
-Brickicides might be my new fave routine. Def sequel material.We geared up and finished with a traditional “brick stabbed a guy with a trident” sprint to the flag to hide the evidence.
Animal to Uncle Ronnie for his curling prowess.
COT and HS prayed us out
Thanks for monster smashing with me fellas. Grateful to lead.
A Full Size Dox of Chocolates
The Zordon Problem
Ok, I’m officially off my soap box.
I’ll put the pipe and mason jar up until next year. (Don’t take my Skynyrd shirt though )We’ll just let trick or treat be on probation for now. But here’s something for your coffee break.
Every fall when it’s costume time I think back to the magical years of childhood where, for a few moments, it felt like I could actually become the red power ranger. Sure, Part of me realized that there may be far better career choices (stupid left brain) but the part that dominated YHCs psyche in 1995 was like “hey, I’m pretty decent working with others , the sword skills will follow right ? ”. But even with the gear, the attitude and the ninja skills I realized as a deflated 7 year old the real hard truth:
I didn’t have a Zordon.
As a quick crash course for the elders , Zordon was that floaty head guy that was responsible for fitting all the Power Rangers with their range of powers. He was essential for morphing Californian teens into legends of after school tv.
So I had a clear goal and all the tools but realized I could ninja till ninjafinite and with no Zordon I would never don the red helmet. A real problem I couldn’t solve so I moved on to more immediate returns like bass fishing and Pokémon.I’m reminded of this , mostly , due to CS Lewis. Because at a certain time of my life this is exactly where I was “stuck” with Christianity. I had the mess that I knew my own self to be (a ratchet costume at best) on one end and the goal of being Christ-like (da OG Red Power Ranger) on the other end. Between the two seemed to be a mountainous gap of “well I’ll try to white knuckle it” or lots of “ it sure seems hopeless”.
But CS Lewis’s book “Mere Christianity” helped to change this problem for me in a very powerful way. In the chapter “Let’s Pretend” he lays out the groundwork for truly being little Christs. You guys know I’m not much of a paraphraser so I’ve provided the two areas from the chapter that really brought this home for me:
“You see what is happening. The Christ Himself, the Son of God who is man (just like you) and God (just like His Father) is actually at your side and is already at that moment beginning to turn your pretence into a reality.”
“ It is not a question of a good man who died two thousand years ago. It is a living Man, still as much a man as you, and still as much God as He was when He created the world, really coming and interfering with your very self; killing the old natural self in you and replacing it with the kind of self He has.”
There was the solution to the Zordon problem.
We will never get there on our own or with purely human help but only with Him.
Slowly and sometimes painfully morphing our make believe into His reality.
Transforming our ambition into His will .
Injecting our fears with His own Love.
We are called to Put on Christ and my hope is it’s the last true costume we’ll ever need.
SYITG
Dox -
Ghosts of Beatdowns Past – from America’s Best
YHC had some unfinished business. IPC seemed like a distant memory, but with Halloween approaching, it seemed a fitting time to revisit the ghosts of beatdowns past.
After going pro, Michael Jordan returned to UNC to get his bachelor’s degree. After Empire Strikes Back, Luke Skywalker returned to finish his training with Yoda. And so (hence?), after warmarama, YHC would return to finish some things that he just didn’t get done last time around.
Warmarama: SSH, WMH, Toy soldiers, high knees, butt kicks, arm circles, Lafayette Night Clubs (which have become YHC’s new favorite), and self love before a quick bumper mosey.
Thang No 1:
IPC week 2, YHC had to bug out early, and thus (hence?) I did not finish the beatdown. The PAX would complete what I did not finish that day:
40 Coupon plank Jacks, murder bunny 15 yards
14 Cactus Jacks, Redrum Bunny back
20 Merkins, Lt. Dan Magic Legs 15 yards,
14 Cactus Jacks, Lt. Dan Magic Legs
20 Coupon Plank Jacks
Run 800 meters
And that was it!
We were finished, but YHC picked up significant whining.
“I already did this!”
“But WE didn’t leave early!”
“I shaved my legs FOR THIS?”And so the next Thang would be something nobody finished.
Thang No. 2:
BK500 Dora Redux: Gimme that Gold!
Every team in our Thibodaux PAX completed only the Bronze portion of the Dora. What a waste– those perfectly-curated Silver and Gold medal exercises were left just sitting there. Like the last batch of pancakes (which are the best because you finally got the griddle temperature and butter just right). Alas (hence?) they go uneaten because everyone is full of the early rounds. Not today! No, today we would feast on perfectly crunchy-edged thrusters with light fluffy curl interiors. Okay, not my best metaphor, but it went like this:
Partner Up,
Silver: 100 curls, partner rifle carry one-way, mosey the other (to the sidewalk and back)
Gold: 100 Thrusters, partner bear crawl there and mosey back.And there was still time for another Thang!
Thang No. 3:
Wet Tap’s IPC-ish Beatdown that was almost finish-able
YHC almost finished Wet Tap’s Hunter-Gatherer Beatdown, save one run and one set…
Run 400 m
10 Thrusters.At this point, the PAX was obviously sick of YHC’s leftovers. Of course, when you don’t want leftovers, one alternative is to go out to eat instead… growing up, there were several options, but only two of them resided in a PAX favorite song.
Sometimes, you’d go out to eat and sit down to order, sometimes you’d hit up fast food and stand to order. And so during the song, the PAX would basically knock out some more Cactus Jacks, sitting each time you hear “Pizza Hut”, and hopping up each time you heard “Taco Bell.”Exactly 6 minutes remained, so we hit up some Mary. YHC: Wheezy Jefferson; Wet Tap: Hello Dolly–>Dr. Ws–>Franklin’s Tower; Safety Valve: Hold 6” (for a LONG time); Pope: V-ups; Goose: Big boy crunches?; White Meat: 10 count; and Honeysuckle brought us up right to 6am with Freddy Mercs. BUT the sugar mill whistle had not yet blown, so Paradox was able to shoehorn in just a few dolphin hops.
COT and Paradox prayed us out.
Thanks for coming out (and picking up my slack with me) men. Always an honor to lead.
-AB
Ghosts of Beatdown Past Official Playlist:
Is there a Ghost – Band of Horses
Space Ghost (Coast to Coast) – Glass Animals
A Ghost to Most – Drive-By Truckers
The Ghost in You – The Psychedelic Furs
She Don’t Use Jelly – The Flaming Lips
(Ghost)Riders in the Sky – Johnny Cash
Walking with a Ghost – Tegan and Sarah
Little Ghost – The White Stripes
The Loneliest Ghost in Town – Southern Culture on the Skids
Ghost – Phish
Ghost Ship – Blur
Ghostbusters – Ray Parker, Jr. -
BurpJack Horseman – from America’s Best
YHC had a Jones. A Basketball Jones.
But today, I would not need someone to set a pick for me at the free-throw line of life, nor someone I can pass to. No, I would not even need someone to hit the open man on the give-and-go (and not end up in the popcorn machine).
Because today we would not really play basketball…
Bur first… let’s go look at the new giant flagpole. And then race back. First 3 back get the first three guesses at song lyrics. Goose, Pope and Honeysuckle won Gold, Silver, and Bronze, and thus would get to try and identify a song by the lyrics. If Goose identified it on the first stanza, we would just take a lap around the CC, if Pope guessed after hearing the 2nd stanza, we would hold Al Gore and Jump Squat on each song title; if Honeysuckle got it after hearing the final stanza, we would hold plank and merkin each song title. However, since nobody identified it, we ran in place and did a Burpee every time we heard “Mmm-Bop.” And sometimes when we heard “doo-wop” or “shebop” or whatever.Then on past the playground to the highest court in the land. . .
It occurred to YHC that as many times as the PAX graced the Den’s basketball arena, we had yet to play HORSE. It didn’t occur to YHC until mid-beatdown that we likely only had the time (and skill) to play PIG.
And the rules would be: SSH while waiting for your shot. Add one burpee on a miss (upon review of my original rules, this was to be 5 merkins). After Pope filled-up (is that the opposite of “drained”?) several 3’s, it was augmented to 3-burpees if you missed a 3-pointer. Then sprint to opposite baseline and back after your shot.
Once you were out, you stood on the sideline and did a burpee with each shot taken by anyone.
And the action ensued! … evoking zero inspiration and even less respect.
But we finished our pig.
And like a porcine character from our childhood, it was some PIG.
“Some” being vague enough that you can take it to mean “glorious” if you are optimistic, or “interesting” if you are realistic. At least It was dark.
There were just about 10 minutes left, so YHC called an audio-daily-double audible. The only music trivia that was in my brain at the time is something I heard long ago… that a certain song was originally “You died in Vietnam” (the actual story is much longer and convoluted… see me later for a dissertation).
Same format as the first thang, but instead of a sprint, first 3 of the PAX to hit a free-throw would guess. Getting 3/8 to hit a free-throw should be easy…
Several minutes later we had our men. Honeysuckle, Paradox, and Popeye. None guessed correctly (although Dox’s guess of Fortunate Son wins the best educated guess), so we ran back to the flag, stopping for burpees for every “Born in the USA.”
Back in just enough time for 1 minute of Mary, the honors were given to Goose with the disclaimer “NO DR W’s.” One minute of wife pleasers seemed just about right.
COT
Animal went to Pope for his prized PIG performance. 10-Year Convergence this Saturday in NOLA.
Lil Cuz prayed us out.
