F3 New Orleans

Tag: Honeysuckle

  • From the Bayou to Bosnia – from Maneater

    On a humid June morning at the Coliseum five PAX assembled to set off on a journey across the world. While the environment may have seemed like Thibodaux, the PAX were actually transported to a small village between two craggy mountains in the eastern European country of Bosnia-Herzegovina. The town, Medjugorje, has been host to Catholic Pilgrims from around the world for since June 25th 1981. And on this day after the 43rd anniversary of the first visitation on Podbro (Apparition Hill), the PAX set out on our own spiritual journey.
    The Thang:
    1. Pray the Glorious Mysteries of the Rosary as PAX rucked towards St. Joseph cemetery. PAX provided their own rosaries, YHC added a 4 ft long stone Rosary which weighed around 7 lbs, this one would be held by whomever lead each decade.
    For 20 minutes and about 1 ¼ mile PAX prayed all 5 decades. Making it through the “Hail, Holy Queen” before all of the PAX including YHC had a complete brain fart and forgot the first line of the Final prayer……I blame it on the humidity.
    2. After arriving at St. Joseph PAX took a moment to pray for the Holy Souls in Purgatory with an Our Father, Hail Mary, and a Glory Be.
    3. Ruck to Stock Rock to climb “cross mountain”.
    On our ruck back from St. Joseph Cemetery many conversations ensued including camping trips, and bachelor parties gone wrong. Then in the shadow of the Colosseum a silhouette emerged. The majestic gait, as If floating on a cloud, and smirk of a man who has seen some things, made it abundantly clear who this towering figure, fast approaching, was. None other than Popeye. After explaining to Popeye we still had a mile to go and a mountain to climb, he eagerly joined. In an instant our platoon of pilgrims had grown by one. More conversations about bridge runs (obviously that was a Popeye and Honeysuckle lead convo) and other topics happened. As we summited the Himalaya of Healthcare, that is Stock Rock, a cross came into view. Granted, It wasn’t the 30 ft concrete cross of Medjugorje’s Cross Mountain, but it was good enough. No, this cross was green…..and on the back of an adjacent medical building…..and had the words cancer center written under it. But it was a cross, and it was visible. Beggars can’t be choosers. So YHC made do. YHC then orated a little (big surprise there, I’m sure) about some of the cool things about Medjugorje like cross mountain’s construction, faith in the face of communism, and St. James church.
    PAX had made it to the top of the mountain, and to the foot of the (kind of) cross. Our pilgrimage was coming to an end. At the end of our ruck Pax completed roughly 3.5 miles, and a Rosary. That’s a great way to start a Wednesday if you ask me.

    SYITG,
    Maneater

  • Bona Fide Odyssey – from Goose

    YHC may have done this theme before, but if so, it’s been long enough, and we were overdue for a romp through one of the greatest movies of all time, O Brother, Where Art Thou? In no other movie can you find a script made up completely of quotable one-liners given by the most interesting and entertaining characters in an unpredictable plot with every element coming from nowhere but left field, keeping the viewer in rapt wonder from start to finish. And, because of this, it’s the only movie YHC knows that doesn’t get old no matter how many times you watch it.

    Six adults and four 2.0’s gathered in the bright summer “gloom”, and YHC figured the leader of this outfit should be the one capaable of abstract thought, so he started the warmup with some SSH and moved through the usuals, adding some WMH and Good mornings since there would be some atrain on the back early on.

    We grabbed the blocks, and it was time to R-U-N-N-O-F-T. We made it to the playground, or the chain-gang work site, and YHC began reviewing the plot: the movie starts with three men chained together, running through a cornfield to escape from a chain gang. One of them, Ulysses Everett McGill, promised the other two share in the treasure he had buried, and they were running to try to catch a box car on a train. The treasure ended up being his wife and children, and he was on a time crunch because she was scheduled to get married to another man (“Mama says he’s bonafide.” “He’s a suitor!”)

    The exercise at this point would consist of two groups of three men, the first group, arms around each other, would lunge walk four steps together before dropping to the ground to avoid being caught, and there doing four Merkins before continuing to lunge walk four more steps, and moving in this fashion to where the “train tracks” were, the far playground area. The other three men stayed put, and acted as the chain gang, doing repeated sets of 10 grave diggers and 15 overhead presses with the block while Bose’, Sr. belted out Po’ Lazarus and Big Rock Candy Mountain. Insights about where to put your arm for the lunge walks and comparisons to high school dates at the movies were shared by our resident mid-beatdown philosopher, Lil’ Cuz.

    After a successful enough escape, we grabbed our blocks and moseyed to the Thunderdome. This would act as our rural radio station, where our newfound partner, Tommy (Suckle?), who sold his soul to the devil in return for guitar lessons, would give us what we needed to sing into a “can”, record a record, and make $10 apiece, unwittingly becoming major celebrities in the process.

    Bose’ rocked “Man of Constant Sorrows”, which rocked our lower abs in the following manner: hold 6 inches for the duration, and leg raises on every non-possessive pronoun that refers to the singer (I, me, he, him).

    In order to stay ahead of the pursuing lawmen, it was time to R-U-N-N-O-F-T again, this time along the road. But, about halfway to the chimney, one of our party demanded that we pull over immediately. He had heard something so irresistable, so heart-rendingly attractive, he, and then we, couldn’t not investigate. We discovered three beautiful women doing laundry in the stream singing the most intoxicating song in perfect bluegrass harmony. We also discovered an abnormally large number of people waliking the park that day and judging us as we completed the following routine (AB’s wearing of The Fire Within may have absorbed most of the rays of judgment aimed at us, but certainly not all.):

    11’s–run instinctively to where the Sirens are (a tree about 10-15 yards away), do 10 J-Lo Pickle Pounders, or Afflecks (as Delmar said, “We was fxin’ to fornicate!”), then like Pete, we was turned into a toad and had to frog-hop back for 1 American Hammer and so on in typical 11’s fashion. The American Hammers were reflective of the two remaining friends who weren’t transformed, but were beat with a tree branch by the Bible salesman, Big Dan.

    The frog-hops were brutal, but that’s justice for you, and on we traveled. Soon, we stumbled into a KKK riitual gathering led by none other than the favorite in the upcoming gubernatorial election, Homer Stokes, the “Friend of the Little Man” who was gonna “sweep this state clean” of “rascalism, nepotism, croneyism,” etc., not to mention “all them people say we come from monkeys”.

    The routine would be a stationary Flora where we partnered up, one partner representing Stokes while the other represented the “Little Man”. They split duty on 100 Coupon Swings (sweeping the state clean), 100 tricep presses (emphatically brandishing the broom overhead) , and 100 curls (lifting up the little man). While one partner worked through 10, then 15, then 20 reps of these, the other, the “Little Man” did Smurf Jacks, then Mission Impossible plank, then LBC’s (all nice and little, or low to the ground).

    This is where we finally lost all pride. If the Sirens or park walkers didn’t defeat us, Stokes and his Little Man did. But we stuck it out, driven by the undying desire to save our wife and children from the clutches of Vernon T. Waldrip, Mr. Bonafide himself. So, in an unexpected turn of events, Stokes was revealed for the man he was, his constituency rode him out on a rail, and the three men were given bonafide jobs in the governor’s cabinet.

    We moseyed with the blocks back to the flag for what the Pax hoped would be a happy ending, but instead were met with sinister authorities, who were ready to exact the highest (or lowest) level of justice. The PAX dropped to their knees (10x, in cadence, as genuflections), and Providence smiled on them as a wall of water came rushing in and swept them all away in a cleansing tide as the valley was flooded by the TWA for the new power plant. 10 Scuba Steves, in cadence, brought us to the surface, where we discovered the roll-top desk in which we found Everett’s wife’s original wedding ring.

    But, of course, his wife had one more heroic task for Ulysses/Everett to complete–YHC won’t spoil it here , bu suffice it to say, she made her mind up (“counted to three”), so we finished with 10 static wife pleasers (hold for 3-count at the top).

    COT, and The Fire Within was bequeathed by AB to Maneater for his timely recitation of some one-liners from the movie, and he immediately squeezed into it like a wet six-year-old putting on pajamas after a bath. Prayer requests and Cuz prayed us out.

    That was a fun one, and a solid crew. Thanks for posting! “I’m with you fellers.”

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Summer Swolestice – from Paradox

    Summer Swolstice

    Inspiration for a beatdown can come from almost anywhere. The blank slate , fresh canvas you are handed as a Q will always give YHC that “kid at Christmas” feeling. Lose Yourself in some nice Cinema and the the next day you are leading the men in the Inception kick song in a mosey around a municipal building at 520am. Have another pax critique your form? No bother, you can answer with a 45 minute beatdown lecture on Apollo and his OhYes. Earl Dibbles fan? YEEEE YEEE brother! Say no more, that’s a whole hour specialty beatdown!
    Tributes , birthdays , mountain climbing franchises, feast days, holidays, schisms, sandwiches vendettas…all great reasons for a free men’s workout and today YHC wanted to add one more entry to our Pax ever expanding portfolio: the exercise research beatdown. June 20th being the summer solstice and this month being Alzheimer’s awareness month YHC has been reading more about the cutting edge prevention of this state and of neuro cognitive decline, a field that has exploded in just the last decade. YHC saw a recent study placing exercise (mental and physical) very highly on the list of modifiable risk factors. It went further, breaking down the type and duration of cardio and by the time YHC had finished reading the abstract the following beatdown was in the slow cooker just waiting on lab mice…ahemmm…pax.

    Duke! Put the WD40 on the rowing chains ! The pax need some cardio.

    YHC moseyed in with 30 seconds till kickoff after a light setup sesh. AB was found loitering in the midst of the circle and was pulled into a full on haboob he didn’t much care for. Some commented it was Darude of him to decline advances but he must be more of a slow dance kinda guy, I’ll try Peter Gabriel next time.
    Anyhouser, We got right into the usuals and then Sandstormed our way to the Cones of Dunshire.

    According to this metanalysis the following actions are optimal for maintaining our cognitive abilities and stemming decline. (Some liberties were taken so please don’t send this to JAMA , they have enough on their plate working on Valves call schedule complaints )

    Needed:

    -10 minute bursts of cardio
    -Short Term/Long Term Memory work with rapid alternation between the two
    -Execution of a task , especially with spatial awareness
    -learning a new skill
    -Social relationships

    So obviously the challenge here is “could this all be done simultaneously in 45 minutes ?”

    Here’s YHCs swing at it .

    10 station Circuit

    1. Med Ball Slam (no one has time for therapy )
    2. WW3 Sit-ups (cuz they suck)
    3. OHP (make free throws challenging)
    4. Goblet Squats (that suck thing again)
    5. Row (learn something new)
    6. Coupon Curls (for Ronnie)
    7. Pickle #1 with increasing drop burpees (build social relationships)
    8. Pickle #2 (what Goose happens after 5 guys)
    9. Apollo Ohnos (cus YJ loves them )
    10. THE TIMER : dribble run with various free throws (spatial execution)

    While traversing the circuit the lab participants would need to compile a working short term memory bank of seemingly random words while accessing there long term memory to see if there was a common thread. Musical clues and foils would be playing for motivation, rhythmic coordination, and philosophical discussion.

    R1 BEST PICTURE

    Moonlight – Parasite- Crash-Chicago-Gladiatior-Ghandi-Patton-Marty- Rebecca -Spotlight

    R2 Bond Villains

    Trevelyan- Scaramanga- elektra king -le chiffre- Hugo Drax – Dr. Julius No – Mr White – Raoul Silva- Elliot Carver – Mr Big

    R3 NOBEL Prize

    Linus Pauling, MLK, Mother Theresea , Al Gore, Red Cross, Watson and Crick , Al Einstein

    Lab Observations:
    – the OHP and Curls had devastating effecting on FT percentage (that’s what we will blame today)
    – YHC loved listening to the proposed common threads and watch the “AHA” moments as the puzzles clicked. I saw the exact moment during Duran Duran that Goose realized they were all bond villains!
    – ManEater was upset Bloodsport wasn’t in the Best Pic nods and he has his own best picture list, I can’t wait for that beatdown.
    – HS can drain a free throw on command but also wanted everyone in zone 4 cardio so he missed some just to sharpen iron,

    Gear packed in the party wagon and we moseyed back to launch pad.

    Wet Tap graced AB with The Fire Within (TFW), actually the same phrase the GI doc wrote to describe his colonoscopy.

    Invitations to keep those individuals and their families suffering with cognitive decline in your prayers and to offer our own sufferings for Christ to use in their relief.

    COT and Popeye prayed us out

    Post Doc Analysis

    Like any good study YHC had to leave some variables unknown to the subjects so YHC did not inform the Pax that the Lions den court had been converted into a linear functional MRI scanner for observation of brain waves and translation to pax thoughts during the exercise. Here are the results:

    Wet Tap: I’m feeling really extra swole in this tank top, can I award myself the fire within?

    YJ: We’re no strangers to love

    Goose: This may be the dumbest thing dox has ever done, wait is that the row machine! …ok second dumbest and I’ll give him a half point for Lecrae.

    Lil Cuz: Gladiator, Spotlight, Crash..are these all ways to describe my beard ?

    YJ: You know the rules and so do I

    Enron: Gosh I hope he’s got some Cash Money Millionaires on that playlist.

    Americas Best: I should really look for a free men’s workout with harder trivia

    YJ : Never gonna give you up

    Popeye : *smirk intensifies

    ManEater: where is “Dumb and Dumber”, “Die Hard” , and “Point Break”????
    This is clearly not best picture material.

    YJ: Never gonna let you down

    Honeysuckle: This is a great warmup. Hope I hit Zone 2 today.

    YJ : Never gonna run around and desert you !

    A pleasure to lead men
    Thanks for letting me Roll with you.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • The traffic pattern – from Safety Valve

    On this Day in 1928, Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the Atlantic Ocean. Second in history only to the famous Charles Lindbergh. She was also the first person ever to fly from the mainland of the US to Hawaii. To be a pilot at that point in history was not an easy task. To be a woman and pilot was almost unheard of. The calculations needed and limitations of the aircraft meant that only the most intelligent and daring of people became pilots. Most pilots nowadays learn to fly the aircraft, but like most things nowadays the process are automated. There are private jets that a passenger can push a button and the jet can land itself based on GPS and autopilot functions. That was far from the case in the 1920s. People like Amelia Earhart pushed the boundaries of what aircraft in her time can do, which led to the innovations we have today. Be like Amelia, push the boundaries of what we have now so that we may make the world a better place for our children and grandchildren.

    Warmaramma
    SSH – 50 of them
    Mountain climbers
    Willy mays hays
    Flying sun gods x 4

    Thangs:
    1. Learning to fly by Tom Petty – plank jacks for durations, burpees on the chorus
    2. Flying the traffic pattern – The newly paved section of the neighborhood is perfectly divided into 4 consecutive rectangles. The airport traffic pattern is flown in a rectangle. Couldn’t think of a better time to teach the PAX about flying the traffic pattern. We moseyed the short parallel streets and sprinted the long perpendicular streets because the hardest part of flying is the take off and landing.
    3. AMRAP – 1 minute of merkins and 1 minute of burpees, remember the rep count you got to. This had nothing to do with flying. Just trying to hurt these people… I mean, just trying to improve the health of my friends
    4. 11s – jump squats and stationary flying nuns
    5. AMRAP – 1 minute of merkins and 1 minute of burpees, try to match or beat the rep count from earlier

    COT, intentions, prayers. To the dismay of Goose, YHC opted for comfort over the “the fire within” since it was still wet with paradox’s sweat from the previous day. Thanks for showing up. Always a pleasure to lead.

    #renewyourvalves

  • Be a Daddy, Not a Diddy – from America’s Best

    The beatdown usually starts with a small idea. YHC wanted to emphasize form today. The dictum “Slow is Smooth, Smooth is Fast” came to mind.
    YHC learned of this phrase from “cool dad” Phil Dunphy. Apparently the phrase subsequently became so prolific I believe the military even adopted it.
    Pre-Father’s Day miracle #1: Didn’t even realize I was creating a (Pre-)Father’s Day Beatdown.
    It’s probably known by now that YHC has an unhealthy compulsion to inject some kind of musical trivia into every beatdown. For this one, each song would have a commonality which the PAX would have to discern at the end of the beatdown.

    But first: Standard-issue Warmarama, with one addition
    SSH
    Windmills
    Imperial Walkers
    Mountain Climbers
    Arm Circles
    Willie Mays Hayes
    Top of the Merkin to Ya (not Blades of Steel) – programmed exclusively to help rehab YHC’s shoulder

    Quick mosey around The Center Formerly Known as The Lion’s Den while we heard “Intro” by The XX – only a 2 minute jam, so some sprinting was necessary.

    Prelude to The Thang:
    Originally planned as a Dora, YHC somehow found “All About the Benjamins” on a page I had saved from the Exicon, so I changed it from Dora to AATB… but I had already formed my playlist, and while Puff Daddy fits into the Father’s Day theme, “All About the Benjamins” would definitely not fit the music theme (and we won’t mention P-Diddy’s recent transgressions). I almost changed the entire musical theme around this song, but ultimately decided to keep the list as planned…

    Pre-Father’s Day Miracle #2: The song I had already chosen as the first song (originally for the Dora), was relatively unknown to me … and it contains the lyric “All About The Benjamins”

    On to the Thang: All About the Benjamins setup as 25 SLOW 6-count Curls, 25 lunge walks, then 25 Arnold Schwartzenager (8-count) Squats. Bear crawl back, rinse and repeat until we have done 100 of each.
    As Yankee Jeaux noted, the bear crawls seemed considerably easier after the super-tempo squats. That extra stretch actually does something. The importance of proper form, boys. Make a note of it.
    Not surprisingly, this part of the beatdown took a good amount of time. Our entertainment was not so much the music itself, but Paradox’s guesses on the music theme, as well as the artists. “Songs ODs smoked weed to in college?” stood out to me. Also of note, Dox may have heard the names Peter Gabriel and Phil Collins somehow associated with the 80s and 90s. Or maybe he is just trying to hurt Goose.

    We finished that up with just enough time for the gamified mosey around The CFKATLD. Except that it wasn’t a mosey, but a sprint with 5 Arnold Merkins at each stop, unless someone could identify the common thread amongst the songs. The catch: first, you have to identify the song/artist to unlock the your chance to guess the theme. We stopped at the first cone while YHC played a clip of Intro by the XX… Popeye correctly ID’d the band, but at that point did not have a guess for the theme. So we sprinted to the next cone and did the merkins while we heard a clip of The End of the Contender by Everything Everything… no one knew this one, so we sprinted/merkined again. This continued through songs by Django Django, JR JR, and Man Man. Somewhere in there Enron voiced the answer to the theme, but no one had yet unlocked any band name in order to make that guess, so on we suffered (YHC may have put the more obscure bands at the beginning by design). Finally Goose saved us, identifying Mr. Mister, and completing the second answer. We got to mosey the rest of the way while skipping past Talk Talk, Duran Duran, and the Ting Tings. Thankfully we did not have to listen to the Go-Gos.
    T-Claps to Enron for remembering to grab the cones.

    We arrived back at the flags for a quick Mary. YHC led us through some Wheezy Jeffersons before passing the baton to Goose, who apparently wanted to showcase YHC’s lack of coordination by ordering Dr. W’s. And there was much flailing.

    COT

    Always an honor and pleasure to lead.

    SYITG,
    America’s Best

    AB Sees: The Hand of God in everything. Even in Everything Everything.
    I mentioned some “miracles” in this blast, which is probably hyperbole, but I think it underlines the fact that God’s hand is truly in everything we experience. So from big miracles (like YHC finally becoming a Father a few years ago) to everyday “God Winks,” it’s important to acknowledge even the smallest things as gifts from God.

  • The Answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything – from Goose

    It’s 42. That’s why this is such an important year, or maybe just an important beatdown. The year was 1982, an important year, maybe not for music, or movies, or culture in general, but certainly for YHC.

    Warmup consisted of the usuals–YHC had no energy for 42 (or 82) of anything, especially given the packed schedule of events to be revealed.

    Top song on June 11, 1982? “Ebony and Ivory” by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, the song that fixed the problem of racism in the United States (and Great Britain). While Bose’ Sr. cranked the synth on this one, PAX switched back and forth from Peter Parkers to Parker Peters every time they said the titular “Ebony and Ivory”. It seemed much longer than it was, and not (just) because it’s a boring song.

    What was the top song of the year? “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor, it’s success fueled by Rocky and every school with a tiger mascot. But, we wouldn’t be doing anything with this one…

    What culturally significant blockbuster movie was released on June 11, 1982? That’s right, it was E.T. And, YHC asked the PAX: in typical Spielberg fashion, a child yells what extremely crude epithet that is completely inappropriate for his age? Both AB and White Meat, in perfect harmony, immediately and loudly answered (correctly): “penis breath!” YHC quickly assured the PAX that this wouldn’t be the theme of our next exercise to the visible (and audible) relief of the group. Jokes were made about YHC taking this opportunity to finally reveal the real nature of F3, ha ha! But, that won’t come for another year or so.

    YHC cued up the E.T. “Flying” theme song, and we flew on our bicycles for the duration: 41 Freddy Mercurys (1:1) and 11 jump squats, on repeat AMRAP.

    Next YHC suggested gloves and led the PAX (surprise, surprise) to the beginning of the new street where there used to be a bumper. YHC explained the cultural and personal significance of the dawn of the Super Mario/Ninteno age in 1985, and then explained that we’d be taking advantage of the well-spaced green pipes along this road. At every green pipe (cluster), which were about 15-20 yards apart, we’d switch between Mario skips (punch those bricks!) and bear crawls, effectively going “up” and “down” the pipes.

    Once we arrived at the end of the street (about 8 pipes long), YHC shared the centrality of basketball, or at least basketball practice for both middle school and high school years. So, just like my Cuban high school coach, Elmo (that was his real name), YHC instructed the PAX in red faced fashion to “Get on the line! We gonna…………(unintelligible syllables)……..JUST GET ON THE LINE!” It was suicide time. (Thank you, Popeye.) From that line, we did suicides to up to the fifth pipe before moseying back to the flag for a couple more thangs. Honeysuckle (and America’s Best) put on a clinic with these, making you wonder if your excuses for slowing down were really grounded in reality, or if they’ve really been doing that much extra running on the side.

    Back at the flag, YHC gathered Bose’ and phone to set up for the next thang and found what looked to be a long handle/stick with a hook at the end. It served well as a prop to keep the speaker and phone from sitting too deep in the wet grass, and inadvertently as a major source of intimidating mystery for the PAX (“what could he possibly have planned for a stick with a hook on it? Is this finally where he reveals the true nature of F3?) Ha! No, not for another year or so.

    YHC’s early 20’s were defined by four years in seminary and a bunch of summers working at a summer camp in the mountains of North Carolina, where Pope and half of his siblings are now. It cannot be overstated how much influence these experiences had on forming YHC into the man he is today. So, we cued up “Church Clap” by KB, Lecrae and “Still Wandering’ by Bronze Radio Return to honor these two, and the PAX started doing stationary 21’s with genuflections (for seminary) and mountain climbers (for camp). But, after doing 20 followed by 19 genuflections, it became clear that this would take way too much time, and we lose a few PAX, so YHC changed it to 11’s. This was plenty.

    After this, we had just enough time to honor the period that followed to the current day–marriage and family. YHC thought I had experience great things, hard things, and had accomplished much…until marriage, and kids. Being a husband and father has brought me to my limitations and blown past them, forcing me to grow so I can give more of me to the people who need it and deserve it. We’ve been married for almost 17 years and have had 10 kids, and the reaction I most hear is “How do you do that?” The answer is, “By not asking that question.” Nobody has what it takes to be the husband and father their wife and children need them to be–it has to be ripped out of us one day, one minute at a time. So, just like with F3, especially with a lot of burpees on the line, we all know that if you ask the question, “How am I gonna do this?”, you’ve already set yourself up to fizzle out early. You just have to choose to start and then not to give yourself an excuse to stop or count the cost or analyze how much you have left in the tank. Your tank will grow with you if you force it to!

    So, 17 years of marriage plus 10 kids = 27 burpees. Don’t ask questions, just start and do one more burpee until you get to 27. And that’s what these guys did, and they keep doing it every time the Q lays out the plan, every time the alarm clock goes off, and every time their body says, “How are you gonna keep going? Is this sensible?” No, but it’s so awesome, and I’m so grateful that you men decided to choose the awesome over the easy this morning and every time you come out!

    COT and Dox prayed us out. Incredible work today, brothers, and it was a great gift to have so many of you out there.

    SYITG,
    Goose, 42

  • Shake it Up a Bit – from Goose

    After four or five Saturdays in a row including a game of some sort, YHC thought it prudent to shake things up a bit and bring back the 60 minutes of pain. Kinda like a weekday, but longer, and at a location with tons of options.

    After YHC drug Yankee Jeaux along for a warmup lap, a warmup of the usuals commenced with 10 fantastic PAX. Once completed, we grabbed gear, and YHC started to lead a mosey toward the track, which brought about much angst amongst the natives, especially those who feared the inevitable after having been absent for a couple of months. YJ reminded YHC that this was the two-year anniversary of his initial return after hiatus, which happened to be YHC’s 40th birthday beatdown, and where YJ happened to puke multiple times. The similarities to today were already astounding–and the stage was set for some potential pukage.

    We moseyed on the track up even with the 50 yard line where YHC explained that we’d be getting back to the ground after enjoying multiple weeks of games (which YHC has loved, btw). It’s been great, but the grinding season was upon us. The first grind would be a Dora, but with three men and four exercises. The PAX broke into 3-man teams, and each team set a man on each side of the track (at the 50, halfway point on the straight 100). On one side, the exercises were 200 merkins followed by 200 Morroccan Night Clubs, and on the other, they were 200 lunges (1:1) followed by 200 heels to heaven. The third man would run from one teammate to the other and take up the rep count, like an ordinary Dora, while his guy ran the next half loop to take over from guy 1. This ended up going as YHC expected–the half lap wasn’t so bad, but merkins while waiting for your teammates to get all the way back around to you was reminiscent of a few May beatdowns. Popeye and Valve throupled/quadroupled with the two 2.0’s, Darryl Strawberry and Jacknife, who moved as one. Sort of. While Honeysuckle, Popeye, and Valve seemed to have no trouble with this one, YHC felt sorry for those for whom running is a life-sucker, but these guys also happen to be the ones with the biggest hearts, and they were clearly pushing hard so as not to leave their teammates suffering longer than necessary.

    The second grind was like the first, except we moved over to the bleachers, and instead of one man running a half lap, he would run up or down the bleachers, and the exercises were done at the top and bottom. At the bottom, 200 dips and 200 LBC’s. At the top, 200 step-ups (1:1) and 200 air presses (overhead). The step-ups were the crux for this one, but the men powered them out in enough time for an Indian Run of epic/stupid proportions.

    The 10 were split into two teams of 5 and each was positioned at opposing ends of the track (50 yard line). The man in the back of each line had to run to the front of the other team’s line, where he would choose a type of transportation for that team while he was head of the line. This was done to provide some variation, but also to give the other line’s guy an actual chance of catching up. This went fairly well, and only a few times did multiple new leaders arrive at about the same time. YHC did observe a few interesting choices for transportation. One looked like a walk, but with knees ever-so-slightly elevated. Not sure what this one was called: Tiptoe-down-the-hallway-at-night walk? Dodging-dog-bombs-in-the-backyard walk? High Grass?

    The mosey back to the flag was understandably slow after this last routine, but we still had some time for a few rounds of Mary. YHC thought it would be fun to introduce some of the newer guys to the more creatively named core exercises, like Afflecks (formerly A-Rods: a combination of J-Los and Pickle Pounders) and Nolan Ryans.

    The Animal shirt was given clean for the first time because Pope received it but couldn’t be present to present it. It went to Captain D’s for his effort despite it not being a game day (the large majority of his posts have ended up being games).
    COT and prayers for the women on the ACTS retreat and a few families dealing with tragedy. Maneater graciously prayed us out.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Shark Week – from Paradox

    YHC usually has beatdowns loosely formed a few days in advance. But occasionally inspiration will strike so violently that the whole plan needs to be scrapped at the 11th hour. This was the case Monday night when, looking for a “it’s behind me “ hype gif , I came across LLCoolJ from Deep Blue Sea (high on the “influenced my pre teen years movie list” )
    He looked in my eyes through a foggy , heavily cracked IPhone screen and spoke right to me.
    “They need Shark Week Dox , search your heart, they aren’t ready, it’s your job to prepare them”

    All at once, I knew it was true.
    These men are headed to beaches with their families for the next 2-3 months and I can’t send them into battle without conditioning.

    Say no more Mr Cool James, I’ll take care of the rest.

    Duke! Get out of the water and roll the footage!

    9 strong at the Stage.
    We did all the favorite warmers a d YHC was downright scared at the amount of groans coming from attendees of Mondays Wet Tap massacre. Hope they wouldn’t need legs today … headed off to the deep blue sea in an Indian run 3 burp drop.

    Thang 1

    We would stop for 3 rounds of shark related trivia.
    Simple rules.
    Start with 125 reps
    Take 25 off for every correct answer .

    Shark trivia
    1. deep blue sea —-what shark species—-mako
    2. What disease are they trying to cure —-Alzheimer’s
    3. Director of DBS had one previous financial success in 1993. —Cliffhanger
    4. Although he plays the cook , LL cool J character is known as (Blank) and stabs a shark in the eye with a (Blank). —-preacher/crucifix

    Pretty shaky start here when YHC realized know had seen this movie in like 15 years.
    75 merkin fast ball right out the gate.

    General Shark Round
    1.) Smallest shark species—dwarf lantern shark
    2.) The term “jump the shark “ was first used to reference what tv show ? ——Happy Days
    3.) Appearing in the first episode of Saturday night live , this actor played a recurring character , the land shark ——Chevy Chase
    4.) what Hyundai coup got its name from the Spanish word for shark —-Tiburon

    Much better showing here in round 2 as the trivia titans began to stretch their brains. Could have been the acute danger of 125 monkey jumpers signaling a storm of epinephrine but regardless the count was reduced to 25.

    Jaws Category

    1Jaws based on novel of the same name by who ? (Peter Benchley)
    2.) 2 men killed by sharks in this state inspired the book —-NJ
    3.) name the species of shark killed that is mistaken for jaws ? Tiger
    4. The character Quint is a survivor of what famed battleship? USS Indianapolis

    50 Bobbie Hurleys and the legs were primed for Thang 2

    Sharks and Guppies

    Rules
    1 shark starts w 15 burpees – then is free to chase

    Guppies must complete 15 burpees spread out at 3 stations
    If caught before completing the loop they pay 15 merkins

    The shark must pay 5 burpees for every free guppy.

    Round 1 Baby Shark
    Round 2 Grandpa Shark

    YHC made this game specifically with Honeysuckle and Pope in mind. Both with gazelle speed and wolf stamina they were in a good spot to sharpen some iron. Knowing pope would destroy most of us in the first round, the hope was to push near our limits of endurance in round 2.
    This effect was devastating in the Nur round as the quads were screaming and the beekeeper ran most of us down in cold blood, hunting those who had snickered at his coupon crabwalk. Vengeance was his.

    Indian run home looking for Lenny Bruce .

    It wasn’t the end of the world and we didn’t feel fine either.

    Animal from Granpa shark to baby shark.

    Pope had true concerns that he would lose his cardio during summer camp. The collective eye roll from the pax was so severe no eye institute could repair it, not even an advanced one.

    we wished him well in camp and YhC hopes the Animal is the only shirt in his suitcase.

    COT and Goose prayed us out.

    See you in the deep end,

    Dox

  • It’s The Climb – from Paradox

    When the recent news of parish reassignments hit YHC, two things became clear. The first was an inevitable Cardinal tribute beatdown and the second was that I needed some time to think. I needed some distance (about 80miles would do) , some time to reflect …maybe even a nice view…maybe even a lake. And there’s one lake I know of. It’s the one you know too. And as I sat there, parked by that lake, (you know the one), I reflected upon the gift of our own beloved Cardinal to our community. And right there, parked by that very lake, I dedicated this here beatdown to his 5 year ordination anniversary.

    7 men at the Den on a relatively cool Thursday morning for some lake reflection and light calisthenics. The unsuspecting pax to be honored had been lured in with JBL HCs, dreams of chic-fil-a Coffeeteria and mysterious Smooth pressure at the previous nights DC circle. He dutifully fought the fartsack with a spare JBL, a few more regulars rolled in and we were ready to go.

    Duke!! Plug Morgan city in the GPS ! What?! It’s not 80 miles away? Ok ok we’ll edit that in post …roll the footage!!

    Warmup
    The usuals with a warmup mosey for cone deposition and coupon configuration. This is usually where pax are looking for dox booby traps or random garage gym equipment but today all except one had been alerted it was a Cardinal tribute. They trudged onward anyway , into a nest of heavy coupons and gratitude.

    THA THANG

    YHC announced that we would celebrate Cardinals many gifts in circuit and musical form .

    Song

    The Announcement

    When yHC first spoke with Cardinal about his new Morgan City parish we mostly planned an AO for the nearby LakeEnd park. It was amidst these jokes I saw the lake, and the miles, and the parking. Only one song could carry the weight of this kind of announcement

    Dean Summerwind
    “Parked by the Lake
    Merkin – Parked
    Side Reach – Lake
    MC – Santa Fe

    That one never gets old.

    Next the Challenge

    YHC has always been amazed at the sheer volume of Cardinals schedule. Mass, family dinners, meetings, plannimg schizms, whoop surveys, biscuit tastings, coffee roasters fine things club…and that’s just a regular Monday.
    so an attempt was made to recreate and bring the pax along for the challenge.

    Start in front of CC stairs
    25 merkins (wake up)
    Coupon Crab Walk to stairs (walk to coffee pot)
    Confession/Mass/confession –
    – 10 Thrusters – 10 curls- 10 Thrusters
    High knee waves to cone (as a local celebrity
    Run remaining civic center (late for a meeting) High knees waves back
    Then Repeat above …because you have another mass at 10M mass
    Coupon lunge backwards
    25 merkins

    The pax had all accepted various non priest vocations by the second serving of thrusters and Honeysuckle even assisted YHCs theme by pretending to display weakness at Coupon Crabwalks, prompting YHC to extend help to a “struggling parishioner” and swap everyone to coupon lunges walks. It’s ok HS , those Shakira hips don’t lie but they’re just too powerful.

    Next we honored Cardinals uncanny ability to answer trivia with burpees on the line.
    Early in YHCs Q career I selected the Hannah Montana movie album with hopes of cardio torture. Cardinal heard 2 microseconds of the beat, guessed the song, the year released AND the album saving the pax around 30 burpees. F3 Thib scholars still teach it to their students as a historical landmark of leadership.

    Song:

    Its the Climb – Miley Cyrus
    SSH/ Burpees from Mountain to Climb

    Another round of the Mass circuit and them coups were getting heavy.

    Finally, and more sincerely YHC wanted to recognize Cardinals willingness to allow God to direct his life , pour out his grace and provide support for many of his F3 and community brothers through trying times and tribulations.

    Song :
    Lord of Hosts – Shane and Shane
    Ring of Fire – Merkins – Burpees
    We did a lot. The vision was blurry.

    COT
    Rugby to Cardinal
    and Popeye prayed us out

    **special shout out to a few Cardinal partners in crime who provided “Cardinals greatest hits: Seal, Nelly and beyond”

    Words of a Feather:

    In the fall of 2021 YHC walked onto a gloomy stage with a financial advisor and a theologian . Sounds like a bad doctor joke with a bartender punchline right?
    It was actually YHCs first beatdown and I remember impressions of each man well. Goose, responsible for the EH at dinner the night before, had firmly planted himself in YHCs brain as “just my kind of crazy person”but the intensity level was palpable in his gaze so I looked onward. His wife had informed me it was “calisthenics and running” so why did it look more like a Cobra Kai seminar? “ Ok don’t panic” I told myself. , what about the other guy? Oh , Enron? He looked like a man who would crush a beer can between his forearm and bicep first and ask questions later. Clearly he was the enforcer of the bunch and I hoped my 318 cred would last for atleast 45 minutes. I was beginning to unravel this odd corporate structure, simultaneously back peddling to the car and trying to decide which one would ask me for the first monthly installment when a third man appeared. His smile was equal parts kind and welcoming and as he strolled in I felt an overwhelming sense of safety. They both addressed him as Cardinal. He replied with appropriate quips for each and we got started.
    As we celebrate Cardinals 5th year as a priest it’s this very gift that I want to highlight the most, providing hope. For me that day it was just hope to survive chubbawampas hit single. But for the many people in this community he has impacted it’s a much greater Hope.

    Hope restored as he administers sacraments ,Hope reminded in skilled homilies and Hope redeemed in spiritual direction.

    All these, and much more he provides as an instrument of Gods grace and as an example of great trust.

    Cardinal, you are a gift to our F3 brotherhood. We are grateful for you and look forward to supporting you in the next adventure.

    And just know that when you’re ready , we’ll all be parked out there…sitting right by that lake…you know the one.

    SYITG ,
    Dox

  • F3 brothers and beyond – from Smooth Operator

    Stations of the cross ruck hybrid beatdown

    Maneater
    Cardinal
    Honeysuckle

    3 fearless rucksters pulled up to the Colloseum ready for action. What they didn’t know was YHC had a little extra in store for the PAX.

    Thang 1 Standard ruck to Cardinals house.

    At approximately 5:16 the Pax embarked on the first leg of our journey traveling north on Audubon Ave. Talking about lighthearted thing such as YHC’s inability to decipher Popeyes old English coded Groupme message.

    We made our way to St Thomas Aquinas for thang 2

    Thang 2 Stations of the Cross

    Not long ago YHC attended mass at STA and due to an unruly 2 year old spent the majority of the time walking the Stations of the Cross while holding a crying child. After making a couple laps, YHC mind began to wonder and was hit with a revelation. This would be a great place for a little shared suffering, and indeed it was.

    The rules were do a genuflection at station one then increase to the end. The kicker was the mode of transportation would be bear crawls. YHC quickly learned that red pea gravel does not feel good on knees and hands. The PAX made it to station 7 and YHC switched it to squats and lunge walk for mode of transportation. At 11 YHC switched it to shoulder presses and farmer carry for travel due to our need to get back on with our ruck and back to the flag at an appropriate time. The Pax did great on this little change up of a thang and probably grew tired of YHC making excuses for the excursion.

    Thang 3 the longer path

    Once we recovered from thang 2 the PAX hit the road once again traveling east in front of the student union then south past the police station. From here we immediately jumped back on the walking path and high tailed it past the Did outfield fence recalling Nicholls baseball losing out on their chance to get to Omaha this weekend in heartbreak fashion. We made the turn around the llarge yellow post sticking up in the middle of our walking path (side note if anyone knows why that post is there please feel free The share with group. A reward may accompany your answer) and headed back to the flag. We made it back at 0605 hoping to see a smirk waiting for us there but alas it did not come into fruition.

    We had COT , Intentions and instructions from Cardinal on the Eucharistic procession around Houma and Thibodaux tomorrow. Maneater prayed us out as we prayed for our F3 brothers and beyond. Thank to everyone for coming out and allowing YHC to lead.
    SYITG,
    Smooth Operator