F3 New Orleans

Tag: Lion’s Den

  • Keep it 100 – from Paradox

    5 Ruckers deep
    YHC wanted to keep it 100 today

    Da Men
    Valve- Eater-Suckle-Tap

    A solid crew of rucking regulars (minus Tidy)

    Warm up on the Fly
    Many felt discomfort

    Da Work – Benjamin’s

    Ruck 2 Track

    40-30-20-10 Ruck Squats
    Lap
    40-30-20-10 Ruck OHP

    Lactic acid checks were written on the 1st and second floors. Withdrawals available in the am.

    Other Rucking Discussion

    – Wikipedia college degrees
    – Corneal Tattoos
    – Jurassic park death count
    – Eye Doctor copyright wars
    – Basic Institutions of healthcare
    – Goats in the Machine incentive programs

    MC Ruck is brewing for 8/21
    BK 500 is 9/28

    Intentions for retreats

    COT and Tapper prayed us out

    Did we keep it 100?
    Is there an entire industry for phallic symbol corneal tattooing ?
    Did the guy in the opening scene of JP even die???

    Only 5 men know the deep truths today…but ya know they have a saying over at the advanced institution

    Real Eyes
    Realize
    Real Lies

    Watch your step and keep it atleast 99 today.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Keep Thibodaux Weird – from Paradox

    YHC has been privileged to play a role in many of the storied F3 Thibodaux Schisms through the years. Sometimes as an ardent supporter, other times, ashamedly, as a lead instigator. As the great Creed Bratton once remarked “…more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader”. While his comment may have been referring to cultish behavior, I think the general principle applies here and I’ve now met my weekly quota of Creed quotes. And so, it’s with this schism experience that YHC feels qualified to observe the subtleties present in schism infancy. It starts at an almost undetectable level. Just a slight twitch of the eyelid during Smashmouth Allstars. Then it builds. A facial wince when you hear mainstream 90s classics and you start to avoid people that use the term “Champagne Supernova” for all the things that are great in their life. Followed by audible disdain to your cohorts about one genre/decade being more elite than another. Then, like clockwork there is a “boiling over” event. For example, no one recognizing “Lucas with the Lid Off” followed by GroupMe affirmations for the more recognizable 3rd Bass “Pop goes the Weasel” (complete random example). And just like that we are off to the races. A few laugh emojis don’t go your way and your supper doesn’t taste as sweet. You get backed into a corner and know the only way out is weapons of eardrum destruction you’ve been hiding in the dark for years, ready to lash out at moment’s notice. You dig in, readying your Spotify missiles for a lengthy war and you begin searching through old LimeWire and Napster accounts…

    But not today my brothers.

    Today, just like your optometrically prescribed headband, we will promote healing!

    But how?

    How could we thaw the frozen hearts of 90s genre elitism?

    YHC saw only one way out.

    A single artist.

    His work spanning 4 decades.

    No genre left standing in his wake.

    Today we would utilize him as an instrument of peace.

    Today..we would get WEIRD.

    Duke get your accordion and play that funky bean footage!!

    9 pax warmup of the usuals, highlighted by two late arriving ecofriendly PAX vehicles. Tanas fueled by the hard labor of rural PCPs and ABs running off his own supply of colon-to-tank methane.

    THE CONCERT THANG

    Simple and direct today.
    We would take the top 5 Weird Al hits, modify them a touch and enjoy some of the finest lyrics created in the last 40 years. YHC would sprinkle in trivia between songs.

    Correct 10 curls

    Incorrect 25 Monkey Humpers because with the trivia masterminds present you have to up the ante. These llamas play for keeps plus Pope is now 20/20 on beatdown Star Wars trivia.

    # 1 White and Nerdy
    Holding coupon Scissor Kicks , Swap on White and Nerdy , Coupon presses while holding 6 inches on song

    What famed physicist is in his library? (Hawking)
    In the song He denotes a numeral value referencing a polygon associated with this famed mathematician? (Pascal)

    10 Curls for Correct Hawking, 25 MH’s for lack of Pascal knowledge.

    #2 The Saga Begins
    Trigger on Star Wars characters and planets , and Jedi
    Around the galaxy lunges during song, Jungle Boi squat on triggers

    Which Star Wars movie specifically was Bring parodied in this song? (Phantom Menace)
    Jar Jar Binks species and home planet ? (Gungan, Naboo)
    Meaning youthful and untrained , anakin is referred by this term during his early Jedi training? (Padawan)

    # 3 Eat It
    Big Boys with Coupon , Sitting OHP on Eat It’s

    Beat it 2008 was a poorly received tribute done by this pop group ?
    Black eyed peas- Again, YHC’s error at mis labeling legumes and black eyes but the pax really needed dat lactic acid boost so we did 25 MHs.

    # 4 Amish Paradise —YHC’s personal favorite of the collection.
    Inchworm crawl out to HR Merkin during song
    Thrusters on Paradise

    The song parodied here was the #1 teach featured on the soundtrack of this 1995 movie ? (Dangerous Minds)
    Can’t you just imagine AB in his freshman dorm watching Dangerous Minds in his Jncos and chain wallet, a couple Oasis poster on wall. Life is Good!
    The teacher in this film played by whom and is nicknamed what? WHITEBREAD
    Goose was awarded partial credit for attempts at White Witch and 10 MHs were deducted.

    #5 FAT
    Squat side Kicks , Bonnie Blair’s on fat
    This parodied song was originally planned as a duet with what other royalty of 80s rock ? (Prince)
    **As the day unfolded our local investigative journo Mr. Wilford Montana unearthed an entire Prince vs MJ beef that is quite a rollercoaster including Prince trying to run over MJ in a parking lot followed by MJ calling Prince a “meanie” for the attempted vehicular manslaughter.

    We needed a recovery mosey to really smell the Nirvana and Goose needed to show King Pickleball he still has enough Sprint coverage for all the dead zones.

    Captain D’s bestowed the Animal to Valveline, noted that he rubbed some dirt on a fractured foot and posted all week.

    Valve awarded Jedediah Dawson aka Pope yet another well-deserved Fire Within for pumping out sitting OHPs while telling YHC Weird Al was too weird for his taste..hmmm…must be a Pete Gabriel guy.

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    Thanks for getting Weird with me today fellas

    POSTingSCRIPTs

    You know those safety signs in plants that denote “X number of days since the last safety incident”?

    Well, at F3 Thibodaux the peace of Weird Al led to a combined schism healing of 32 minutes before a recurrent 90s Pax villain threatened to reveal his Offspring and an Ace up his sleeve in the near future. This, in turn, stirred up at least two other delinquents who promptly started calling each other Aswads… and we were back at square one with 45 minutes of hard earned therapy down the toilet. The only course left was an apology…

    To Mr. Weird Alfred Matthew Yankovic:

    I tried your methods and found them useful but we may need a longer treatment plan to Smash these Pumpkins. Its like I’m trying to Reel in a Big Blowfish, not just a Hootie, but I’m keeping a Third Eye Blind to the mid 40’s Dinosaur Jr’s with no respect for the Pax still in the Green River of their youth.

    I’m just trying to save some Collective Souls in this Asylum but the more I fight for the Right to Party the more I realize that some of these Ricks just like to Roll and the rest of these goo goo dolls prefer to troll. Some are happy to see Dave Mathews churn, but some, well some just want strike a Matchbox 20 and watch it Burn.

    Thank you for keeping it Weird Mr. Al

    See you in the Grunge

    Dox

  • American History F – from America’s Best

    HC arrived this morning to find a Den with no way in, as our lot had been barricaded. What a way to start a manniversary.
    First they came for our lion, and we did not speak out. Then they came for our parking lot, and we did not speak out. Not sure what comes next, but I think the general idea is to just ignore it.

    Warmarama began one minute late, mainly due to the PAX needing to inspect buckets of concrete and to check if pull-ups could be done from tent poles.

    SSH
    Windmills
    Imperial Walkers
    Willie Mays Hayes
    Mountain Climbers
    Arm circles of varying speeds
    Cherry Pickers

    F3 changes a man, in big ways and in small ways. But also in medium ways. For example, I will give you an example, through this illustration, vis-à-vis, case-in-point: I don’t listen to music in the same way anymore— now every time I hear a song, it’s immediately “could this be used in a beatdown?” So while the skeleton of today’s beatdown would be trivia, it’s disgusting sinew and adipose and entrails would be the best found songs of the year. And I guess the skin would be, like, the locations represented by our stops. Or something. Let’s just get on with it, ok?

    Moseying to the Aldi parking lot, we were met again with the barricades. While most of the PAX went around, Paradox apparently sensed the beatdown was heading to Germany, and leapt the wall like an East German gazelle in a terrible metaphor.

    The First Question was read, and the PAX contemplated the answer while squatting and Bobby Hurley-ing to An Arrow in the Wall by Death Cab For Cutie. The song was quickly and relentlessly abused as an obscure, ancient dirge from YHC’s past. (In reality, it was actually released less than a year ago, and while it was never “nominated for an Emmy” it has been met with critical success. But I’ll leave that alone; whatever is the opposite of “preaching to the choir” seems to be what I am doing here…)

    The correct answer to Q1 was (a very controversial) “omelette.” Nobody guessed correctly (likely another alternate-reality-induced schism), so we did (8×5) 40 Carolina Dry Docks (a hint to the next location)

    Next stop, next question. Maneater identified the place as NC. Then the PAX held 6” and Wheezied with every “gonna.” While the song began as a DMB classic, we were quickly Rick-Rolled for 4 minutes.
    The answer to question #2 was “cropdust” and Popeye and Paradox easily sniffed this one out. Yankee Jeaux was very proud of his guess, and legend has it he is still insisting that YHC also coined the term “douchebag.”
    The PAX was penalized with only (6×5) 30 gas pumpers.

    3rd stop around the world was Hawaii. The PAX nailed the location, then did an exercise known (by YHC at least) as the Makhtar N’J-Rod while Eric Clapton narrated.
    YHC’s favorite 90s band (who is still making music Today) was correctly answered only by Yankee Jeaux. Popeye’s guess of “Puddle of Mudd” may be the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.
    (7×5) 35 BBS was the penalty

    Location #4 was Ohio. And in spite of the smell from the dumpsters, it was not identified— our penalty would be doubled.
    We monkey-humped to “Let me be your Hog.” Burpees on some trigger words, but none of them occurred during the full 17 seconds of this song.
    The urinal of choice is “lowest/shortest” which 5 PAX answered correctly.
    Popeye’s guess of “fullest” wins Very Best Wrong Answer.
    (3x5x2(penalty)) = 30 BBS

    Next stop was VA- again an easy one. And it was time to listen to that other favorite band, whilst pondering the next question and doing a burpee for each “ever” or “never.” Here’s some trivia for you: “ever” and “never” are heard only 13 times in Oasis’ “Live Forever.” However, we were again quickly rolled into Rick. And that dude says “never” like 40 times.
    The F-4, the greatest fighter-bomber ever built, was correctly identified only by Maneater.
    35 Burpees were the penalty.

    The final song was played, and the PAX were instructed to right-foot lunge on each “pizza” and left-foot lunge on each “taco.” And what to do in-between? Turns out, it doesn’t matter. “It’s the Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.”

    A weary (from all the “Sweatin’ to the Weirdies”) and downtrodden (from all the not-knowing) PAX assembled back at the flag, still pondering the answer to question #6.
    Several horrible guesses were defended. The answer?
    Will be revealed in a future beatdown.

    Until then, look for Death Cab for Cuties’ upcoming single “A Very Controversial Omelette”

    COT and Maneater prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    AB

  • Homer and the Odyssey – from Honeysuckle

    Five PAX plus YHC descended onto the Den Formerly Known As the Lion’s for a July Fourth beatdown. As it was also YHC’s 1-year manniversary, the PAX surely wondered what was in store. Since not all trucks are created equal, it was self-evident that AB was the one backing into the parking spot. And when the tailgate lowered, the PAX knew that at some point we were to hold these coupons.

    Warmarama

    First stop in the course of today’s human events was a warmarama (SSH, windmills, willie mays, arm circles f/r, cherry pickers, Lafayette night clubs, mountain climbers).

    Thang 1

    Then it became necessary to traverse to the four separate and equal corners of the civic center. In honor of the seventh month (and Cardinal), the first straightaway transport was seven crab crawl steps (2:1) then a run to the next corner. Second was four (the day) burpee broad jumps. Third was 17 (hundred years) bear crawls (2:1), and fourth was 76 lunge steps (1:1). The lunge steps did not in fact get us to Chick Fila but ended close enough to the concrete square for YHC.

    Thang 2

    YHC spoke a few words about the positive impact F3 and the PAX have had over the past year. Smooth was clearly becoming uncomfortable, so the subject was changed to the exercise. Part of the first F3 experience is getting named, and while Buzz Lightyear was a contender during YHC’s namearama, ultimately Econoline mentioned Honeysuckle and it stuck (no pun intended).

    Upon a year of reflection on the name, YHC realized that Honeysuckle is a meaningful concept that is part of American literature and songs – of course not to the extent that the fourth of July is.

    So, for the next thang, the PAX were to listen to the beginning of a song and determine whether the lyrics include (a) Fourth of July, (b) Honeysuckle, (c) both, (d) neither. During the song, a set of exercises were to be done, and after the song, we’d take a run to Aldi. If the PAX were incorrect in their guess, we’d have 5 Aldi burpees. Otherwise 0 burpees. Lil cuz was the official PAX spokesperson.

    –Song 1: Born on the Bayou, CCR. Hold plank, Merkin on Bayou. PAX were correct that only the 4th of July is mentioned. Lots of guitar soloing in this song. Run to Aldi and Back.

    –Song 2: Church on Cumberland Road, Shenandoah. Side straddle hop, Squat jump on refrain. PAX correctly guessed that both honeysuckle and 4th of July are mentioned. Run to Aldi and Back.

    –Song 3: Tin Cup Chalice, Jimmy Buffet. Big boy situp, OHP on refrain. PAX were once again correct that only Honeysuckle was mentioned. Run to Aldi and Back.

    –Song 4: America the Beautiful, Ray Charles. 6” hold, leg raises on refrain. Lots of discord in the PAX over this one. Lil cuz ended up saying the 4th of July, but in reality neither was mentioned. AB plans to listen to this one a few more times, because maybe Ray did in fact say Honeysuckle somewhere while he’s riffing. Run to Aldi, 5 burpees for our Thibodaux PAX everywhere, and run back.

    Thang 3

    We had a few minutes left so there was time for a little Dora – another 7/4/1776 theme. The transport would start with bear crawl to the sidewalk and run back. Then run for the remainder. The exercises were 7+4=11 manmakers, 17 thrusters, 76 curls. All individual counts. We were close to finishing, and maybe a few PAX were successful in the pursuit of a good bicep pump.

    COT
    Announcements, including AB’s manniversary next Thursday. No articles of clothing to exchange today. Prayer intentions. AB prayed us out.

    I heard it on the honeysuckle vine:

    YHC was EH’d by a Yankee Joe / Paradox duo on 7/3/23. YJ must have just gotten out of an EH course, with the lead, “So, uh, what do you do for exercise?” Paradox gave off more the vibe of “I mean, I don’t care if you come or not. The more I think about it, maybe you probably can’t handle it anyway, so it might be better if you don’t.” YJ agreed to drive YHC to the beatdown the next morning (in the Odyssey, not the Prius), to a Goose Q, and the rest is history.

    To all the PAX: OG, new, past, present, regular, one-timers, haven’t been in a while, come every now and again. You all are meaningful parts of this community and I feel fortunate to have spent the past year as a part of it. My life has been enriched and strengthened in all three F’s over the past year, so thank you.

  • Summer Swolestice – from Paradox

    Summer Swolstice

    Inspiration for a beatdown can come from almost anywhere. The blank slate , fresh canvas you are handed as a Q will always give YHC that “kid at Christmas” feeling. Lose Yourself in some nice Cinema and the the next day you are leading the men in the Inception kick song in a mosey around a municipal building at 520am. Have another pax critique your form? No bother, you can answer with a 45 minute beatdown lecture on Apollo and his OhYes. Earl Dibbles fan? YEEEE YEEE brother! Say no more, that’s a whole hour specialty beatdown!
    Tributes , birthdays , mountain climbing franchises, feast days, holidays, schisms, sandwiches vendettas…all great reasons for a free men’s workout and today YHC wanted to add one more entry to our Pax ever expanding portfolio: the exercise research beatdown. June 20th being the summer solstice and this month being Alzheimer’s awareness month YHC has been reading more about the cutting edge prevention of this state and of neuro cognitive decline, a field that has exploded in just the last decade. YHC saw a recent study placing exercise (mental and physical) very highly on the list of modifiable risk factors. It went further, breaking down the type and duration of cardio and by the time YHC had finished reading the abstract the following beatdown was in the slow cooker just waiting on lab mice…ahemmm…pax.

    Duke! Put the WD40 on the rowing chains ! The pax need some cardio.

    YHC moseyed in with 30 seconds till kickoff after a light setup sesh. AB was found loitering in the midst of the circle and was pulled into a full on haboob he didn’t much care for. Some commented it was Darude of him to decline advances but he must be more of a slow dance kinda guy, I’ll try Peter Gabriel next time.
    Anyhouser, We got right into the usuals and then Sandstormed our way to the Cones of Dunshire.

    According to this metanalysis the following actions are optimal for maintaining our cognitive abilities and stemming decline. (Some liberties were taken so please don’t send this to JAMA , they have enough on their plate working on Valves call schedule complaints )

    Needed:

    -10 minute bursts of cardio
    -Short Term/Long Term Memory work with rapid alternation between the two
    -Execution of a task , especially with spatial awareness
    -learning a new skill
    -Social relationships

    So obviously the challenge here is “could this all be done simultaneously in 45 minutes ?”

    Here’s YHCs swing at it .

    10 station Circuit

    1. Med Ball Slam (no one has time for therapy )
    2. WW3 Sit-ups (cuz they suck)
    3. OHP (make free throws challenging)
    4. Goblet Squats (that suck thing again)
    5. Row (learn something new)
    6. Coupon Curls (for Ronnie)
    7. Pickle #1 with increasing drop burpees (build social relationships)
    8. Pickle #2 (what Goose happens after 5 guys)
    9. Apollo Ohnos (cus YJ loves them )
    10. THE TIMER : dribble run with various free throws (spatial execution)

    While traversing the circuit the lab participants would need to compile a working short term memory bank of seemingly random words while accessing there long term memory to see if there was a common thread. Musical clues and foils would be playing for motivation, rhythmic coordination, and philosophical discussion.

    R1 BEST PICTURE

    Moonlight – Parasite- Crash-Chicago-Gladiatior-Ghandi-Patton-Marty- Rebecca -Spotlight

    R2 Bond Villains

    Trevelyan- Scaramanga- elektra king -le chiffre- Hugo Drax – Dr. Julius No – Mr White – Raoul Silva- Elliot Carver – Mr Big

    R3 NOBEL Prize

    Linus Pauling, MLK, Mother Theresea , Al Gore, Red Cross, Watson and Crick , Al Einstein

    Lab Observations:
    – the OHP and Curls had devastating effecting on FT percentage (that’s what we will blame today)
    – YHC loved listening to the proposed common threads and watch the “AHA” moments as the puzzles clicked. I saw the exact moment during Duran Duran that Goose realized they were all bond villains!
    – ManEater was upset Bloodsport wasn’t in the Best Pic nods and he has his own best picture list, I can’t wait for that beatdown.
    – HS can drain a free throw on command but also wanted everyone in zone 4 cardio so he missed some just to sharpen iron,

    Gear packed in the party wagon and we moseyed back to launch pad.

    Wet Tap graced AB with The Fire Within (TFW), actually the same phrase the GI doc wrote to describe his colonoscopy.

    Invitations to keep those individuals and their families suffering with cognitive decline in your prayers and to offer our own sufferings for Christ to use in their relief.

    COT and Popeye prayed us out

    Post Doc Analysis

    Like any good study YHC had to leave some variables unknown to the subjects so YHC did not inform the Pax that the Lions den court had been converted into a linear functional MRI scanner for observation of brain waves and translation to pax thoughts during the exercise. Here are the results:

    Wet Tap: I’m feeling really extra swole in this tank top, can I award myself the fire within?

    YJ: We’re no strangers to love

    Goose: This may be the dumbest thing dox has ever done, wait is that the row machine! …ok second dumbest and I’ll give him a half point for Lecrae.

    Lil Cuz: Gladiator, Spotlight, Crash..are these all ways to describe my beard ?

    YJ: You know the rules and so do I

    Enron: Gosh I hope he’s got some Cash Money Millionaires on that playlist.

    Americas Best: I should really look for a free men’s workout with harder trivia

    YJ : Never gonna give you up

    Popeye : *smirk intensifies

    ManEater: where is “Dumb and Dumber”, “Die Hard” , and “Point Break”????
    This is clearly not best picture material.

    YJ: Never gonna let you down

    Honeysuckle: This is a great warmup. Hope I hit Zone 2 today.

    YJ : Never gonna run around and desert you !

    A pleasure to lead men
    Thanks for letting me Roll with you.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • Be a Daddy, Not a Diddy – from America’s Best

    The beatdown usually starts with a small idea. YHC wanted to emphasize form today. The dictum “Slow is Smooth, Smooth is Fast” came to mind.
    YHC learned of this phrase from “cool dad” Phil Dunphy. Apparently the phrase subsequently became so prolific I believe the military even adopted it.
    Pre-Father’s Day miracle #1: Didn’t even realize I was creating a (Pre-)Father’s Day Beatdown.
    It’s probably known by now that YHC has an unhealthy compulsion to inject some kind of musical trivia into every beatdown. For this one, each song would have a commonality which the PAX would have to discern at the end of the beatdown.

    But first: Standard-issue Warmarama, with one addition
    SSH
    Windmills
    Imperial Walkers
    Mountain Climbers
    Arm Circles
    Willie Mays Hayes
    Top of the Merkin to Ya (not Blades of Steel) – programmed exclusively to help rehab YHC’s shoulder

    Quick mosey around The Center Formerly Known as The Lion’s Den while we heard “Intro” by The XX – only a 2 minute jam, so some sprinting was necessary.

    Prelude to The Thang:
    Originally planned as a Dora, YHC somehow found “All About the Benjamins” on a page I had saved from the Exicon, so I changed it from Dora to AATB… but I had already formed my playlist, and while Puff Daddy fits into the Father’s Day theme, “All About the Benjamins” would definitely not fit the music theme (and we won’t mention P-Diddy’s recent transgressions). I almost changed the entire musical theme around this song, but ultimately decided to keep the list as planned…

    Pre-Father’s Day Miracle #2: The song I had already chosen as the first song (originally for the Dora), was relatively unknown to me … and it contains the lyric “All About The Benjamins”

    On to the Thang: All About the Benjamins setup as 25 SLOW 6-count Curls, 25 lunge walks, then 25 Arnold Schwartzenager (8-count) Squats. Bear crawl back, rinse and repeat until we have done 100 of each.
    As Yankee Jeaux noted, the bear crawls seemed considerably easier after the super-tempo squats. That extra stretch actually does something. The importance of proper form, boys. Make a note of it.
    Not surprisingly, this part of the beatdown took a good amount of time. Our entertainment was not so much the music itself, but Paradox’s guesses on the music theme, as well as the artists. “Songs ODs smoked weed to in college?” stood out to me. Also of note, Dox may have heard the names Peter Gabriel and Phil Collins somehow associated with the 80s and 90s. Or maybe he is just trying to hurt Goose.

    We finished that up with just enough time for the gamified mosey around The CFKATLD. Except that it wasn’t a mosey, but a sprint with 5 Arnold Merkins at each stop, unless someone could identify the common thread amongst the songs. The catch: first, you have to identify the song/artist to unlock the your chance to guess the theme. We stopped at the first cone while YHC played a clip of Intro by the XX… Popeye correctly ID’d the band, but at that point did not have a guess for the theme. So we sprinted to the next cone and did the merkins while we heard a clip of The End of the Contender by Everything Everything… no one knew this one, so we sprinted/merkined again. This continued through songs by Django Django, JR JR, and Man Man. Somewhere in there Enron voiced the answer to the theme, but no one had yet unlocked any band name in order to make that guess, so on we suffered (YHC may have put the more obscure bands at the beginning by design). Finally Goose saved us, identifying Mr. Mister, and completing the second answer. We got to mosey the rest of the way while skipping past Talk Talk, Duran Duran, and the Ting Tings. Thankfully we did not have to listen to the Go-Gos.
    T-Claps to Enron for remembering to grab the cones.

    We arrived back at the flags for a quick Mary. YHC led us through some Wheezy Jeffersons before passing the baton to Goose, who apparently wanted to showcase YHC’s lack of coordination by ordering Dr. W’s. And there was much flailing.

    COT

    Always an honor and pleasure to lead.

    SYITG,
    America’s Best

    AB Sees: The Hand of God in everything. Even in Everything Everything.
    I mentioned some “miracles” in this blast, which is probably hyperbole, but I think it underlines the fact that God’s hand is truly in everything we experience. So from big miracles (like YHC finally becoming a Father a few years ago) to everyday “God Winks,” it’s important to acknowledge even the smallest things as gifts from God.

  • It’s The Climb – from Paradox

    When the recent news of parish reassignments hit YHC, two things became clear. The first was an inevitable Cardinal tribute beatdown and the second was that I needed some time to think. I needed some distance (about 80miles would do) , some time to reflect …maybe even a nice view…maybe even a lake. And there’s one lake I know of. It’s the one you know too. And as I sat there, parked by that lake, (you know the one), I reflected upon the gift of our own beloved Cardinal to our community. And right there, parked by that very lake, I dedicated this here beatdown to his 5 year ordination anniversary.

    7 men at the Den on a relatively cool Thursday morning for some lake reflection and light calisthenics. The unsuspecting pax to be honored had been lured in with JBL HCs, dreams of chic-fil-a Coffeeteria and mysterious Smooth pressure at the previous nights DC circle. He dutifully fought the fartsack with a spare JBL, a few more regulars rolled in and we were ready to go.

    Duke!! Plug Morgan city in the GPS ! What?! It’s not 80 miles away? Ok ok we’ll edit that in post …roll the footage!!

    Warmup
    The usuals with a warmup mosey for cone deposition and coupon configuration. This is usually where pax are looking for dox booby traps or random garage gym equipment but today all except one had been alerted it was a Cardinal tribute. They trudged onward anyway , into a nest of heavy coupons and gratitude.

    THA THANG

    YHC announced that we would celebrate Cardinals many gifts in circuit and musical form .

    Song

    The Announcement

    When yHC first spoke with Cardinal about his new Morgan City parish we mostly planned an AO for the nearby LakeEnd park. It was amidst these jokes I saw the lake, and the miles, and the parking. Only one song could carry the weight of this kind of announcement

    Dean Summerwind
    “Parked by the Lake
    Merkin – Parked
    Side Reach – Lake
    MC – Santa Fe

    That one never gets old.

    Next the Challenge

    YHC has always been amazed at the sheer volume of Cardinals schedule. Mass, family dinners, meetings, plannimg schizms, whoop surveys, biscuit tastings, coffee roasters fine things club…and that’s just a regular Monday.
    so an attempt was made to recreate and bring the pax along for the challenge.

    Start in front of CC stairs
    25 merkins (wake up)
    Coupon Crab Walk to stairs (walk to coffee pot)
    Confession/Mass/confession –
    – 10 Thrusters – 10 curls- 10 Thrusters
    High knee waves to cone (as a local celebrity
    Run remaining civic center (late for a meeting) High knees waves back
    Then Repeat above …because you have another mass at 10M mass
    Coupon lunge backwards
    25 merkins

    The pax had all accepted various non priest vocations by the second serving of thrusters and Honeysuckle even assisted YHCs theme by pretending to display weakness at Coupon Crabwalks, prompting YHC to extend help to a “struggling parishioner” and swap everyone to coupon lunges walks. It’s ok HS , those Shakira hips don’t lie but they’re just too powerful.

    Next we honored Cardinals uncanny ability to answer trivia with burpees on the line.
    Early in YHCs Q career I selected the Hannah Montana movie album with hopes of cardio torture. Cardinal heard 2 microseconds of the beat, guessed the song, the year released AND the album saving the pax around 30 burpees. F3 Thib scholars still teach it to their students as a historical landmark of leadership.

    Song:

    Its the Climb – Miley Cyrus
    SSH/ Burpees from Mountain to Climb

    Another round of the Mass circuit and them coups were getting heavy.

    Finally, and more sincerely YHC wanted to recognize Cardinals willingness to allow God to direct his life , pour out his grace and provide support for many of his F3 and community brothers through trying times and tribulations.

    Song :
    Lord of Hosts – Shane and Shane
    Ring of Fire – Merkins – Burpees
    We did a lot. The vision was blurry.

    COT
    Rugby to Cardinal
    and Popeye prayed us out

    **special shout out to a few Cardinal partners in crime who provided “Cardinals greatest hits: Seal, Nelly and beyond”

    Words of a Feather:

    In the fall of 2021 YHC walked onto a gloomy stage with a financial advisor and a theologian . Sounds like a bad doctor joke with a bartender punchline right?
    It was actually YHCs first beatdown and I remember impressions of each man well. Goose, responsible for the EH at dinner the night before, had firmly planted himself in YHCs brain as “just my kind of crazy person”but the intensity level was palpable in his gaze so I looked onward. His wife had informed me it was “calisthenics and running” so why did it look more like a Cobra Kai seminar? “ Ok don’t panic” I told myself. , what about the other guy? Oh , Enron? He looked like a man who would crush a beer can between his forearm and bicep first and ask questions later. Clearly he was the enforcer of the bunch and I hoped my 318 cred would last for atleast 45 minutes. I was beginning to unravel this odd corporate structure, simultaneously back peddling to the car and trying to decide which one would ask me for the first monthly installment when a third man appeared. His smile was equal parts kind and welcoming and as he strolled in I felt an overwhelming sense of safety. They both addressed him as Cardinal. He replied with appropriate quips for each and we got started.
    As we celebrate Cardinals 5th year as a priest it’s this very gift that I want to highlight the most, providing hope. For me that day it was just hope to survive chubbawampas hit single. But for the many people in this community he has impacted it’s a much greater Hope.

    Hope restored as he administers sacraments ,Hope reminded in skilled homilies and Hope redeemed in spiritual direction.

    All these, and much more he provides as an instrument of Gods grace and as an example of great trust.

    Cardinal, you are a gift to our F3 brotherhood. We are grateful for you and look forward to supporting you in the next adventure.

    And just know that when you’re ready , we’ll all be parked out there…sitting right by that lake…you know the one.

    SYITG ,
    Dox

  • Suck/Offer it Up by Pope – from Goose

    May is a month of many joys and sorrows. Of course, the sorrow is a little exclusive to our pecs, triceps, and just our bodies in general. May is also the month of Mary, the mother of God (who is another comfort we don’t deserve). 
    In recent months, YHC has read/heard about many incredible apparitions of Our Lady, and in many of them she requested—or sometimes earnestly begged with tears in her eyes—for the Rosary to be prayed daily by her children on earth. These requests gradually grew more personal for YHC and became less of a request and more of a calling. YHC thanks God for F3 and Mary for her incredible patience; F3 helped YHC to shake off average teenage-level laziness (well, become less accustomed to it), and YHC finally praying the Rosary daily, as part of a DIY retreat.
    The spiritual fruits of that growing devotion have been subtle thus far, but phenomenal.
    YHC arrived at the Lion’s… uh… the Civic Center with Goose at about 4:50 to set up, and within five minutes of our arrival we were surprised to see White Meat pull up with newly christened Huffy in tow. WM actually looked at the time as YHC and Goose jogged to the levee to lay out the cones.
    We set five cones at four different spots around the levee: at both ends of the bridged gap over the middle of the pond (with two at the far side) and at opposite ends of the long way across the pond. Each cone had under it a slip of paper listing four different mysteries of the Rosary, one from each of the four sets (the Joyful, Luminous, Sorrowful, and Glorious Mysteries), chosen by the number stage at which it was set. For example, stage 1 featured the first of each of the 4 mysteries.
    YHC and Goose returned at exactly 5:15 and executed Warmarama, then the PAX moseyed to the levee where YC gave the rundown. About a third of the way through the thang the wind was accompanied by a light rain, and YHC began to worry—one leaflet had already been blown into the pond and was barely readable… thankfully the rain provided no problems, only a refreshing sprinkle.
     Exercises were assigned to each mystery with at least somewhat biblical connections. The mysteries and their corresponding exercises were as follows:
     
    MOT between stages: 10 burpee broad jumps, run remainder
               
    First Stage
    ·      Joyful- The Annunciation (Luke 1:26-38)- 15 genuflections
    ·      Luminous- The Baptism of Jesus (Matthew 3:13-17)- 30 scuba steves
    ·      Sorrowful- The Agony in the Garden (Mark 14:32-42)- 30 sec mission impossible
    ·      Glorious- The Resurrection (John 20:1-10)- 10 burpees
    Second Stage
    ·      Joyful- The Visitation (Luke 1:39-45)- 15 jump squats
    ·      Luminous- The Wedding Feast at Cana (John 2:1-11)- 25 wife pleasers
    ·      Sorrowful- The Scourging at the Pillar (John 19:1)- 25 merkins
    ·      Glorious- The Ascension (Acts 1:6-11)- 15 star jumps
    Third Stage
    ·      Joyful- The Birth of Christ (Luke 2:1-7)- 30 LBCs
    ·      Luminous- The Proclamation of the Kingdom (pretty much the meat of the Gospels)-            20 monkey humpers
    ·      Sorrowful- The Crowning with Thorns (John 19:1-5)- 20 Carolina dry docks
    ·      Glorious- The Descent of the Holy Spirit on the Apostles (Acts 2:1-13)- run up/down            the levee 10 times
    Fourth Stage
    ·      Joyful- The Presentation of the Child Jesus in the Temple (Luke 2:22-38)- 8 8-count body builders
    ·      Luminous- The Transfiguration (Luke 9:28-36)- 10 hurpees (hand-release burpees)
    ·      Sorrowful- The Carrying of the Cross (Luke 23:26-32)- 15 lunges
    ·      Glorious- The Assumption of Mary (CCC 966)- 20 heels to heaven
    Fifth Stage
    ·      Joyful- The Finding of the Christ Child in the Temple (Luke 2:41-52)- BBSU
    ·      Luminous- The Institution of the Eucharist (Luke 22:14-20)- 15 genuflections
    ·      Sorrowful- The Crucifixion (John 19:17-30)- 15 X-factors (feet stationary)
    ·      Glorious- The Coronation of Mary as Queen of Heaven and Earth (Revelation 12:1)-             25 freddy mercuries
     
     
    After all things had taken place, the PAX picked up and headed back to the flag for COT, with the 6 coming in at exactly 6:00 to complete a morning of excellent timing. The rugby shirt had come into Honey Suckle’s possession because of a comment toward its previous owner, and he “waited for a sign” to show its next PAX to weigh down. That sign came in the form of Lil Cuz‘s comment on how Suckle was the only one thus far who hadn’t sweat through it. COT and Cuz prayed us out.
    F3 has proven to be somewhat pivotal in my slowly maturing prayer life, as I’m sure can be said for many of us. One sign that a beatdown is particularly grueling is if the physical begins to translate to spiritual (e.g. “Lord, I offer this next desperate burst of merkins for…”). It’s in those moments when I remember that Mary brings our own prayers to God and, as any mother would, pleads for Him to grant them. What I like to do before each beatdown is choose someone or something in need of prayers or for whom I simply wish well, and if you don’t do this already, I highly recommend it. Same with a daily Rosary—there have been a few times were I could vaguely sense a fraction of Mary’s reaction at my saying yes to her appeals to pray the Rosary. Mary, more than anyone, knows that nothing is impossible for God, and if any one of her children are in need, she will storm the gates of Heaven to see those needs met. Mary loves us more than we could know, and, like the perfect mother she is, is more than happy to invoke God’s graces to provide for our needs. Again, another comfort we don’t deserve.
                                                                                                    SYITG, Pope

  • Dangling Participles – from Honeysuckle

    YHC and 8 HIMs convened at the Den Where the Lion Once Was. Knowing that Achilles tendon injuries were soon to be on the rise due to the Thibodaux “Master Plan”, the warmup was slightly extended.

    Warmarama:
    SSH, Imperial Walkers, Mountain Climbers, Windmills, Arm Circles (F/R), Cherry Pickers, Self Love

    As we’re in the middle of the May Challenge, YHC decided to spend most of the beatdown rehashing the types of things we’ve been doing to get points. Today, it would be mainly mileage, merkins, and big boy situps.

    Thang 1:

    To get the ball rolling, we began with cheddar shreddar. Some of the PAX remembered this one, others didn’t, but what YHC didn’t remember is how challenging it is. The PAX lined up in plank position shoulder to shoulder, and the PAX at the far left would move to become face to face with the PAX to his right and say “down” as they both do a merkin together.
    Then everything shifts one to the right, sort of like a conveyor belt. At the end, run to the edge of the parking lot and back only to do the cheddar shreddar again.

    To get the “silent retreat beatdown” effect, YHC suggested that maybe we didn’t need to say “down” depending on the connection felt with the PAX you’re lined up with. What resulted instead was some extremely exaggerated and loud “down!”s as different PAX felt emboldened to let out pent-up frustration and disappointment with certain of their fellow PAX.

    Thang 2:

    To continue with the merkins, a ladder exercise was to be performed starting with 5 merkins at the fresh concrete square, run to the back of the civic center to do 5 BBSs, run back to the square to do 10 merkins, and so on, until the round of 25 merkins and 25 BBSs were completed. The PAX were instructed to stay together until everyone was finished. YHC took a little too long getting those 25 BBSs and only Pope stayed behind. To the other 7 PAX, YHC would like to say, “DOWN!!”

    Thang 3:

    In the spirit of rehashing, YHC reprised the “name the thing these two songs have in common” game with “Small Town” (John Cougar Mellancamp) and “Live and Let Die” (Paul McCartney and the Wings). For the first song, hold Al Gore and every mention of “Small Town” was a jump squat or Bobby Hurley. For the second song, squats during the slow part, SSHs during the fast part, and high knees during the other part. Oh, what was the common thread to which I was referring to? It reminds me of a joke.

    A visitor from Homer at Harvard on the Bayou (Cardinal tells me I may get sued for saying that) had gotten lost looking for the building once famous for simultaneously housing the culinary school and the biology department. Upon noticing a dapper marketing professor and asked him, “Sir, where is Gouaux hall at?” Looking up from his new iPhone, the professor said, “Here at Harvard on the Bayou, we don’t end sentences with a preposition.” The Homerian native, whose chatter ability was surpassed only by his sarcasm prowess, responded, “Sir, you just did.”

    Or something like that. You may have heard another version. I cannot forget from where it is that I come FROM. This ever-changing world in which we live IN. A chickfila pops up, an ALDI pops up, and the Lion is gone.

    Thang 4:

    In the limited remaining time, the PAX attempted to descend the latter of Thang 3, starting with 25 each. We made it through 15 merkins and then ran the rest of the time to end up with 2 miles as the clock struck 6.

    Announcements/Intentions. Good luck to YJ. May you destroy your defense as well as you destroyed the wood in the expansion joints this morning. Safety Valve prayed us out.
    Kudos to the fasters. The PAX continue to inspire YHC with not only physical prowess but dedication in these other areas. It was a pleasure to Q this morning.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • Family Feud – from Paradox

    You wake up on your couch, heart pounding as you brush off the Panera crust of last nights dinner. You turn off the 10th Dr Phil rerun and make a mental note to cool it on the charger lemonades. That familiar ill feeling falls over you as you realize you are late for work and truly in deep water because your incompetent, angry, micromanaging boss will surely make another passive aggressive comment that you have too many kids. One peek out the window and it looks like a ThunderTsumamiNado is brewing. You rush to the bathroom only to realize you are out of Old Spice but luckily there is puréed banana in the fridge for just such an occasion. You hustle out to your ole lemon of a truck. The inside smells like limes and regret. You mosey on into work avoiding the burps and curls of Thibodaux traffic. Stopped at a red light on canal, you can’t believe your eyes. Your beloved lion statue at the civic center is gone. A tough pill to swallow, seeing them pave paradise and put up a parking cawn! You are already composing the email to the authorities in your head as you pull into work. This won’t end without a Feud…heyyy what’s that beeping noise…

    You awake a second time.
    In your cozy fartsack.
    Alarm says 4:50am.
    It’s time for another beatdown.
    Whewwww, just a bad dream
    You can’t wait to get to the den and stretch your calves on that perfect 75 degree angle….

    Duke !! Wake up !
    Survey says it’s time for a last minute game show beatdown !
    Roll that beautiful footage and make sure it’s on the 1992 rolltop tv/vcr !

    Warmup
    Usuals with some serious groans of the chesticle region. Mostly done in silence as we all contemplated the loss of our lion friend and his mystery flags. Was this a targeted attack? Is there something bigger/better coming as payment for our 45 minutes/week of extra park security? And most importantly, just where in the heck are we supposed to do our pre beatdown loitering?!

    YHC led the pax in a coupon mosey drop off then transitioned into an Indian run 3 burp drop to warm the carburetors.

    Back to the …cawns (single tear) ..and YHC unveiled today would be about f3 family unity.
    Ya see F3 Thib has a long and bloody history of schisms…a few highlights from our timeline :

    1.) how to say “pirogue”
    -Early Goose Era

    Status : unsettled , please don’t ask Cardinal unless you want a homily about Acadian history.

    2.) The fitness tracker wars
    -late year 2 growth spurt era

    Status : stalemate , many casualties

    3.) The BlueTooth Conflict
    -Anker Dominant era

    Status : still healing after the death of Anker

    And the most recent blood feud may top them all …

    4.) The Earls of Sandwich
    – Rienzi Awakening Era

    Status : Some of the hottest takes about sub shops you can imagine.

    That’s just a taste of the major conflicts and so today we honor the bickering of brothers that can always be overpowered by the unity of the 3 Fs. At the end of the day we can agree to disagree and when the chatter gets unbearable …well has YHC told you about double Merkin burpees yet?

    Da Thang

    “We are family”
    IW on song
    Double Merkin Burpee on “Family” and “Sister”

    -Standard issue with AB immediately guessing Sister Sledge as the artist for 30 seconds off and later Pope guessed 1979 as the year of release for another 30 second discount.

    Mosey to Stairs for…

    F3 Family Feud

    Rules:
    Split teams
    Each team has a marker board and a designated writer.
    Given a family feud style topic that was allegedly from a “random” 100 Americans survey.

    The team must list top 3 answers and the order while running a lap around the civic center. They stop half way for 15 curls of a coupon and other curled lips of aggressive intimidation.

    Highest points wins the round.

    Winner – 10 merkins
    Loser – 10 burpees
    Tiebreak – 4, 5, 6th on list

    YHC would serve as host and journalist to report the team dynamics for the historians.

    Round 1
    Bad Qualities of a boss
    Answers:
    1. micromanagement
    2. Incompetence
    3. Angry

    Team 1 rolled out strong with Popeye clearly having some bad boss history to get off his chest . (“You sure lazy isn’t in there dox?” )
    Pope was established as the team writer since he can run 7 min miles in his sleep. He also sprinkled in some timely order changes.

    Team 1 was the victor
    Team 2 felt the sting of burpees and began the rally.

    Round 2
    You’re in deep (blank)

    Answer
    1. Doo-doo
    2. Trouble
    3. Water

    There’s a few topics you just can’t beat Goose on, the top 2 being Theology and Poop. He led his team to victory here correctly placing doo doo as number 1 and a full sweep of correct placements Team 2 handed out the burpees.

    Round 3
    Rhymes with “Will” associated with doctors.

    Answers:
    1.Bill
    2.Pill
    3.Ill

    YHC had to jog in silence as the doctor bashing began. Both teams correctly guess the qualities of this money grubbing profession and it was a Tie.
    YHC awarded the W to team 2 for the creativity of Dr Phil.

    **Wet Tap continued to lecture that some people consider burpees a win. It was looked upon in disgust by all.

    Round 4
    A wrestler named after a weather condition.

    Answer:
    1.) Tornado
    2.) Storm
    3.) Thunder

    Great debate here as our geographical anxieties put Hurricane in the forefront of the minds of both teams. Another tie and Lil cuz is watching Nacho Libre as we speak.

    Round 5 – The grand Fruitnale

    What fruit would you select if you were out of deodorant ?

    Answers:
    1.) Orange
    2.) Lemon/lime
    3.) Apple

    This one seemed to launch the greatest chatter and performed well when beta tested with YHCs family. Ronnie got off to a great debate on texture vs. smell and clearly preferred bananas. Popeye seemed to have no issue with his own body odor and considers society would better off without deodorant.
    Over in group 2 Gooses overindulgence of the Old Spice led to his prescience abilities. His eyes went blue and he was on the hunt for top rated citrus.
    Lil Cuz kept saying weird stuff about papaya but Everyone else just did their curls and lost the appetites for fruit all together.

    Group 2 edged out a win

    Shortened Mary with holding of 6 inches and leg raises.

    Intentions for families going through difficult times and graduating seniors.

    COT and Tap prayed us out.

    Thanks for the opportunity to lead.

    The Doxicology Report

    Many times you will hear a similar proclamation about F3 from guys across the nation. “It’s something I didn’t know I was missing but instantly knew I needed”. In the last few years I’ve continued to see the accuracy of this statement and it still remains difficult to quantify or even explain fully what God provides through this group. One aspect that is clear to me is that it fosters relationships where you can safely bring an opinion you know others may disagree with. This can be uncomfortable but it can also be a great opportunity to trust God in humility and to listen more than you yap. (Really tough one for yours truly )

    Whether it’s sandwich wars , Cajun dialect discussions or deeper matters YHC is grateful for a group where you can state your opinion , potentially change it based on something new and at the very least do ridiculous exercises until you forget what the issue was.

    In F3 Thib it ain’t a family without a little feuding and I reckon I’d be in deep doo doo without you fellers.

    SYITG
    Dox