F3 New Orleans

Tag: Paradiddle

  • The Ohrwurm, Part 1 – from Yankee Joe

    PAX: Smooth Operator, Maneater, JackKnife, Paradox, Enron, Honeysuckle, America’s Best, Safety Valve, Popeye, Ponzi, French Horn, Paradiddle, Yankee Jeaux

    ———————————
    How It Started

    Coming off of “It’s Only Just Maybe Somewhat Close to Nearly a Mile (allegedly)” this past Saturday (again, huge T-claps to Paradox!), YHC’s knees…well all the body parts, were on the struggle bus. It’s been a rough road lately, and YHC has missed more beatdowns in the past two months than ever before. It started to feel like I was drifting away from F3. History has shown that far greater pickleballers than I have gone down that dark path, never to return.

    You have to fight everyday to keep the fartshackles off.

    As such, YHC reluctantly limped out to the IOJMSCTNM event. As expected, the event destroyed my body. Unexpectedly, it reinvigorated my spirit and commitment to the PAX.

    It’s a paradox…well, no…actually, it’s ironic…unless of course, you weren’t expecting the contradiction in the first place, in which case, you’re a stupid smart oxymoron. Of course, if all you needed was a knife or it rained on your wedding day, then it’s NOT ironic…it just sucks to be you.

    The reality is that these struggles exist Around The World, but if you Never Say Never, remembering to always Give It Up (to God), you’ll be in high Cotton able to keep your PopEye on Jeaux.

    How is YHC so wise? Because, like Bieber, Jeaux IS the forever Q of your Kenna Brah hawt. Yo Ronnie!

    Soooo, for the first time in nearly a year, YHC will post 4 of 4 beatdowns this week, and I gotta tell you…it feels good, like honeysucklin’ good, like blast your French Horn from the top of the Ponzi pyramid good, like Valve Diddlin’ good.

    ————————————

    We got a good recovery Goosing on Monday, resting the legs, and lighting up the man boobs. Tuesday’s Dox/Ronnie DJ Deck of Death was just what the “Doctor” had ordered – recovery strength work accompanied by “good music.”

    For Thursday’s beatdown, YHC, still wary of his pulsating ITBS, looked to carry on the recovery, slowly re-introducing some running, but bringing in some more full body cardio. To do this, we needed inspiration in the form of catchy songs that would stick with you for daysssss, thus annoying all of your colleagues and family members alike.

    As America’s Best noted, this phenomenon is oft referred to as an “earworm.” Even more appropriate coming from AB is that the term was originally dubbed by German scientists (ohrwurm) to describe a few bars of music that get stuck in your brain. For those PAX who believe they are of German heritage, this might be of interest. Maybe you sent me pictures of your German genealogy certificates, maybe they were made at FedEx Kinkos. We’ll never know.

    —————————————–

    YHC rolled in slowly and deliberately at 5:13am, windows rolled down, Sirius (not the streaming radio service) blasting like it was Chicago, 1996. My inspiration for the dramatic entrance was of course drawn from various Paradox Q’s. I was excited to get his approval…unfortunately, he was late and didn’t see it. I can count on two fingers how many of his Q’s I’ve missed…and I’ve never once been late. Hey…friendships are just viewed differently in North Louisiana.

    As we got started, YHC was pumped to see Ponzi repping the ANIMAL, along with the Anthony Davis undershirt. Also, having the Maneater/Jackknife combo back in the mix only added much needed energy to the PAX.

    But as exciting as that all was, during warmarama, YHC still kept looking to his left. Assuming that my last eye check-up with AB had been grossly mishandled, I kept squinting in the gloom at a familiar figure. It couldn’t be. My brain could not reconcile the eyeworm residual of French Horn. Could it really be him? Sho’ nuff, as we later began our first run, I heard it. I heard the old but comforting greeting, “Bruhhhhhh.” It could be. It was. Horn had finally come home.

    ————————————
    How It Went

    Warm-up (5:15 – 5:25)

    Side straddle hops
    Windmills 15 ct
    Arm circles forward 15 ct
    Arm circles backward 15 ct
    Lafayette night clubs 15 ct
    Self love 15 ct
    High knees 15 ct
    Butt Kicks 15 ct
    Mountain climbers 14ct

    The morning would consist of four songs with trigger word exercises. Before each song, the PAX would run to the far side of the civic center, do 50 reps of a certain exercise, then complete the lap and do 50 more reps in front of the civic center. Each round would consist of different run exercises. (in total approx. 1.2 miles)

    There were too many earworm song candidates to choose from, so YHC settled on four showcase songs and a handful of running songs all carefully curated to worm their way into the PAX’s collective conscience. The trick was to have music at homebase in front of the civic center as well as on the run. YHC couldn’t (or wouldn’t) carry BAPS all over creation, so he connected BAPS to Bose (pr. Bozay) for a hopefully seamless transition of music between base and laps around the civic center.

    —————————————-

    The Earworm Pt. 1 (5:25 – 5:33)

    – lap around civic center, stopping two times at exercise stations
    – Exercise: chilcutt jacks, x50 each stop
    – Song: Never Say Never by Justin Bieber (requested by Paradox)
    == Alternating shoulder taps throughout
    == Merkin on “never” or “forever” or “pick it up”

    *This was meant to be funny. It wasn’t. The assault on our ears and pecks was nasty. I think the PAX was confused and felt generally awkward. Paradox was in his element.

    ———————————————

    The Earworm Pt 2 (5:33 – 5:42)

    – lap around civic center, stopping two times at exercise stations
    – Exercise: Flutters 4:1, x50 each stop
    – Song: Around The World by Daft Punk (requested in September by French Horn)
    == Jogging in place
    == Full body Drop downs to chest (similar to flying squirrels) on every Around The World.

    *If you’re not familiar, the only words in this song ARE ‘Around The World’. Safety Valve and Paradiddle literally looked bored, as if waiting for a real challenge. Meanwhile, YHC just started falling down, would get back up to his knees, then flop down again like a beached cod. This is the day the chatter died, and we weren’t singing S%#&.

    ——————————————-

    The Earworm Pt 3 (5:42 – 5:50)

    – lap around civic center, stopping two times at exercise stations
    – Exercise: J-Lo’s, x50 each stop
    – Song: Cotton Eye Joe by Rednex (requested by America’s Best)
    == Man singing – bonnie blair’s
    == Banjo/Fiddle – hillbilly squats; leg thrust out to the side, thumbs in belt
    == Women singing – burpees

    *The Bonnie’s, following the song prior, were nearly impossible. There was confusion as to whether it was a woman singing or if Bieber is a lot older than we thought. Across the gloom, I could see a distinct and calculating smirk on Smooth’s face. A face that meant one thing…we’d see this in a Q coming soon to an AO near you.

    **In the misery, AB somehow found a way to correct YHC that the “banjo” solos were in fact fiddle solos. For crying out loud, what do you want from me? I’m a non-tenured instructor at a quasi bankrupt regional state university. Thibodaux is lucky I bother to put on pants each morning.

    ——————————————–

    The Earworm Pt 4 (5:50 – 5:57)

    – lap around civic center, stopping two times at exercise stations
    – Exercise: LBC’s, x50 each stop
    – Song: Baby Give it Up by KC and The Sunshine Band, Ivan Jack remix (requested over and over again by Honeysuckle)
    == imperial squat walker
    == Squat jump on “baby give it up”

    *The crown jewel of YHC’s collection. The Ivan Jack remix is solid platinum bronzed pewter. The imperial squat walkers started to burn early on. The jump squats were hard to do with any semblance of rhythm, and the song just kept going and going and going. We just kept giving it up to the point we expected payment for our services.

    ————————————————

    We finished with two minutes of all AMRAP LBC’s to the gangnam stylings of PSY.

    COT, ANIMAL bestowed on Popeye. He “gets” Ponzi. Apparently some Southern Louisiana PAX view friendships in a more wholesome light. The VESTments were inVESTed in the muse of the Earworm beatdown, the Best of the Best. ‘Merica.

    Prayer intentions, including traveling PAX, Enron’s M, and Goose (and M) leading a marriage retreat in Wisconsin.

    Enron prayed us out.

    In the words of F3 Bieber, Never Say Never.

    Yankee Eye Jeaux

  • DJ DOD Volume 4: Greatest Hits – from Paradox

    “Shouldn’t they teach that in school?!”

    It’s the conversation you’ve all had with friends or family and many topics can go into the open blank.

    Taxes, tire changes, bonnie blair’s..you name it, there’s somethings we would all add to the formation of our youth. We can all see the value of teaching and learning everyday life skills at the peak age of brain elasticity and thats where my newest form of learning comes in. The ultra secret 3-man groupme trivia league?! No..sorry, I’ve sworn an oath not to discuss that publicly and some hearts just aren’t ready to talk about it. What I’m referring to is my degree from the streetz. For the last 2 years I’ve been auditing classes from Dr. Jeauxs FLEX MBA (major ballin assets). No classroom for this stuff, you just have to be in close proximity and absorb these little wisdom nuggets . This semester we have really been diving deep into some great discussions in SELF PROMOTION SYSTEMS 5000. As we’ve seen from French Horn TMZ videos and from his own monologues this man can flat out teach. I’ve learned two major rules of the road from his mastery during BEATDOWN FRANCHISES 800 this semester.

    #1 Standardized production. Like watching Dilly bomb a drive 225 every single swing, the customer craves to know that the product will be the same repeatable quality. Why is the line always 20 deep at canes. You know the sauce is waiting and the caniac hasn’t changed!

    #2 Brand Recognition. Let the customer take solace in knowing the product is there for them. When you see the McD’s arch you don’t think about processed chemicals, just the taste of awesome fries. And when you see the DJ/card dealer gifs hit the groupme at 9pm the back of the brain says there will be pain but other guy in the midbrain with the mullet says you should totes NOT miss brah!!

    So when YHC was determining a suitable theme for a Tuesday Tuff with multiple pax (yhc included) in the walking dead category it was only right to return to the GREATEST HITS. YHC dialed up Ronnie over at Bayou Lafource Studios (yo dis P..who dis?) and his schedule was wide open for a pitt boss gig. With increasing franchise success, we would use the professor’s rules to keep the production the same great quality you all know and love but sprinkle in a little “fan servicing” (heck, it works for Disney) with previous hits and limited running for joint preservation.

    DUKE! Get the cards, its DJ DOD VOLUME 4 !! Roll the beautiful footage!

    Warmup
    YHC rolled in hot after a failed attempt at Pope pickup but just in time to give a disclaimer for a mystery FNG! We got in the usuals with a bumper mosey that was eerily quiet as pax waited to see if this was a precursor for more running. It was the only .25 we attempted.

    A round of 21s followed just to make sure YHC had the pax full attention and several infractions led to 10 OYO burpees.

    THA THANG

    FORMAT: DJ (songs w/ triggers) followed by DOD- Ronnie Picks the game (blackjack, battle, poker etc)

    If you ‘re keeping track at home the previous 3 installments were:

    DJ DOD
    DJ DOD Volume 2: She’s A Brick House
    DJ DOD Volume 3: Fat Tuesday Tuff

    YHC hand selected a tune from each for todays Greatest Hits montage, mostly the ones that elicited the highest mix of grumbling and muscle growth.

    Round 1:
    Hey Ya- OutKast
    Coupons Side Shuffles on song with thrusters on Hey (down) Ya (up)
    This was a heater early but you know the Ole baseball trick, First pitch is always an inside the plate fastball to give the catcher some space to operate.

    DOD: High Card- Derkins, Chuck Norris Merkins, Freak Nastys (dips)

    I’d like to issue a formal apology for Valve and Jeaux who were the only attendees to survive this unlucky draw AND Gooses 70,000 merkin beatdown on Monday. T-claps.

    Round 2:
    Whip and Nae Nae from Silento
    Hold plank on song
    Merkins on Whip
    Side Reach on Nae Nae
    Leg raise on Stanky Leg
    MC on Break Yo leg
    **Editors Note- Need an exercise for “Bop”

    DOD: LBCs, Carolina Dry Docks, Bulgarian Split Squats

    Round 3
    “Ring of Fire” Johnny Cash
    Bearcrawls around Picnic table- Merkins on Fire
    Reports from Ponzi post beatdown of a lifelong cure of hemorrhoids just by realizing the true meaning of the song.

    DOD black jack: Leg Raises, Bonnie Blairs

    Round 4- a “bonus track” on the greatest hits album to make sure they come back hungry

    Destinys Child “Say My Name”
    Coupon High Knees- Coupon Curls on “Name”

    Wrap up with a traditional DJ DOD burnout song
    Calvin Harris – Too Close
    Freddy Mercuries till 6 am

    Counting, Naming and…AN FNG

    Our mystery FNG revealed himself as the cousin of NOLA’s Reluctant Yankee
    He was part of the amazing hosting team for the IOAM and came to see what the fuss was about.
    With great deliberation we landed on a combination of his address and hobbies with …WHITE MEAT
    Welcome man, Solid work and looking forward to seeing your progress out here.

    Prayer with solid Intentions as we continue through Lent with many ill and traveling.

    Thank you all for participating in the latest edition of DJ DOD, like any great temporary product (I see you McRib), it will return… when you least expect it but when you need it the most.

    It’s a privilege to lead.

    SYITG
    Paradox

  • It Was Only A Mile – from Paradox

    Journal entry
    Feb 17, 2024
    An eventful morning on the Farm

    My family has lived on this property out along Hwy 1 since around WW2 and most mornings I follow a strict but enjoyable routine. Up just before the sun rises over the cane fields , I brew a pot of coffee and check the weather. Then I enjoy a quiet morning with my thoughts, some prayer and maybe even a good book.

    But this morning …this morning my routine was , well, I’ll put it politely and say it was disturbed. You see, shortly after the weatherman informed me that today’s forecast was not fit for man nor beast , well I heard just that. A man , my nephew, in the yard hollering at some sort of animal. On closer inspection out my kitchen window it was no beast making these noises but a hybrid redneck dialect being emitted from another human he insisted on calling a paradox. He was in a truck loaded nose to tail with tents and tables like Jed Clampett. “Shoot fire Yankee this is a mighty fine residence, hope tha skeeters ain’t neer bad as the peltch last beatdown” he said while looking around the farm. I expected him to have no teeth at all but he only seemed to be lacking inseam in his shorts. A paradox indeed.

    To my amazement, my nephew, the one he kept calling Yankee, seemed to know and welcome him and they began putting out cones and yard signs in a cold rain storm just happier than two pigs in the sunshine. Things were getting quite strange here , and little did I know it was just the beginning.

    By 7:15 the rain had let up but the floodgates of middle aged men with knee braces and headbands were now wide open. Short , tall, thick , thin, they all piled in helping setup a flooded tent and passing around gold baun sticks and theraguns. Some dressed for the weather while others invested in Himalayan technology to keep there mammary glands chafe free. There seemed to be no distinction in vehicle either as they stepped from punisher Tundras or eco friendly wagons. They greeted old friends with butt slaps and elbow taps yelling obscenities like FracSac and Goosey. Quite frankly , I don’t even care to know why a Hawg would even need a cycle. This ceremony continued until there were dang near 30 of them loitering around our property! I had the authorities dialed up when I was informed they had gathered on purpose AND for a charity cause AND my nephew had actually planned on them being here! Tomfoolery! The very definition!

    I settled back into my armchair to take a breather. That’s when the foghorn went off …and they started running.

    The first one I saw break away from the pack looked like he had been taken right off the cover of one of those running magazines. A stride so Smooth you would swear he was standing still but hard to reconcile that with the 1/2 mile lead he had most of the day.

    Behind him were 3-4 others seemingly using this gazelle as a pace car and weighing options that he couldn’t keep that pace all day..right..right?! (He would)

    They had one young enough to be 15 with spring loaded rubber for legs and others flexing the scars of midlife ,held together with bioflex and gorilla glue.

    Behind this second group were the real rabble rousers. A pack of 10-15 wild dogs complete with mobile tunes, homemade JV shirts and promises every turn that “I think this is it for me boys..wink, wink”

    A few ringleaders in this pack but the real Don Corleone was a highlighter vested gentleman they all called Popeye. He was not blazing land speed records but something about the way he set his jaw let any observer know he wouldn’t be denied his mileage goal.

    They all hit the first corner in site of the quarter mile cone and stared down a cold and wet 15mph headwind, lovely. Gosh I wonder if any of them had cozy pickleball scheduled today.

    In between miles I saw various strategies of recharge. Some gorged calories , others walked it out , and some stood still contemplating the next lap. Many of these hooligans searched for a man who I guessed to be their local shaman but lap after lap he wore many more hats (and one whistle) . One part coach , one part field general, his intimate knowledge of the men was palpable . Some he pushed harder, others he let down easy, both equally effective in getting his men’s best effort. He delivered speeches to ward off ego and checked joints for oil leakage like a seasoned mechanic. With a firm nod or a head turned grin he communicated his trust. This was a leader of high impact men from any viewpoint. He whistled and they ran. They ran and he whistled.

    The wind blew. The socks got wet, got swapped out and got wet again. Many met their goal mileage, passed it and kept on churning. By about 11am most having exceeded a half marathon at this point, most took a bowl of delicious pastalaya and continued to cheer on the rest.

    By around 2pm there were 4 still running . And when I thought I had heard it all one yelled “back the cones up” and they took off for one last trip, this time for 1.2 miles. The gazelle in front still as fresh as mile 1 but that ole hawg wasn’t far behind. They all knew he had a little sand left in those bags. The third man was a true bewilderment. His physique suggesting he could walk on as an NFL tight-end but his running demeanor at mile 26 was simply unbothered. The redneck brought up the rear and surely he thought there was a bud light promotion for finishers. (there wasn’t, but a Coors from a friend was even better)

    The gazelle found the finish line first only a second in front of the hawg and the artist they called Tana only a furlong after that.

    And as the miles piled up I pondered to myself “why would they do something so utterly stupid “. With time on my hands, as the trucks loaded with tents and boxes dispersed , I came to three potential conclusions.

    Was it fitness driving them ?

    Surely this looked plausible as some had clear physical gifts and several maintained peak cardio strain. Were these average Yankee Jeaux’s striving to be Americas Best athletes? Unlikely. But I can only say it seemed the fitness got them here, but it was not the reason they stayed for more. An appetizer of sorts, maybe stellar quads is just the byproduct ….so I kept searching.

    Were they just here to fellowship? Some signs pointed in this direction. As soon as I saw the Solo Stove fire pit I knew a high fluting party was in full swing. This crew obviously knew how to have a good time and the verbal assaults flying along with answered grins of disdain indicated enjoyment of each others company. I’m Closer to the mark here but…but no. Not quite the primary driving factor I could sense.

    So if they weren’t fitness professionals and most would think a better party is available at any other watering hole then what’s left ?!

    Hidden amongst the laps, intertwined between these fun loving family men, was the intrinsic need to put ones own pain aside. To combine that suffering with the brother next to him and have it all be for something much larger than themselves. That’s why they ran. Every step counted , every lap mattered. It was “only a mile” they said to each other .

    But it seemed like so much more.

    This was a fine day.

    Postscript

    Congrats to NOLA’s Smooth for winning the first annual IOAM! See ya next to year to defend .

    Second place – The OG sandbagger himself Mr. Hawgcycle

    Third place – Wilford Montana – forged in the fires of deep Bourg pickleball this was truly impressive brother!

    To all that ran today (and one that whistled), thank you for your time , effort and commitment to raise money for several great causes today and during RCR.

    Thanks to Rudy for the ground support and motivation. You really stepped RCR up this year!

    Special Thanks to Enron and Bourgeois Meat Market for the awesome lunch!

    As usual artistic liberties were taken in portrayal of backblast characters but Reluctant Yankee and his family were overwhelmingly gracious hosts . Huge thanks to his family for having us invade their Saturday!

    It’s a privilege to lead.

    SYITG

    Paradox

  • The Alphabet Marathon – from Enron

    In preparation for this morning’s beatdown, YHC had the task of coming up with something that would incorporate enough running to be effective for Run Cajun Run milage, as well as keep the PAX’s minds off previously mentioned running. A few months back an idea to go through the alphabet with various exercises had arisen and YHC thought this might be the perfect opportunity to put it in place.

    10 strong staggered in on a chilly morning at the Stage only to be greeted by a couple children’s drawing books laid out on the concrete. On those two books were the letters of the alphabet with corresponding exercises written on them. Naturally, that sparked a little bit of chatter only to be stopped by circling up that PAX to start the warmup.

    Warmarama:
    SSH, WM, Willie Mays Hayes, AC, Cherry Pickers, Self-Love, IW
    The 1 and Only Thang:
    The Alphabet Marathon

    Attention was drawn to the drawing boards where the letters of the alphabet were written, next to each letter was a corresponding exercise. The instructions were to perform 30 of each exercise (30 seconds of some), then run a lap around the stage after each letter’s exercise was complete. The lap is .12 miles, meaning that if the entire alphabet was completed, that PAX would have run 3.12 miles.
    The letters and exercises were as follows:
    A- American Hammers
    B- Big Boy Sit Ups – This was a last-minute decision to scratch burpees off the list. A gracious Q indeed.
    C- Coupon Curls
    D- Dips
    E- Elbow Plank (30 seconds)
    F- Flutter Kicks (2=1)
    G- Gore (Al) (30 seconds)
    H- Humpers (Monkey)
    I- Imperial Walkers
    J- J-Lo’s
    K- Kettlebell Swings
    L- Lunges 1=1
    M- Merkins
    N- No’s(Oh) – Somehow almost forgot this letter
    O- Overhead Press
    P- Pickle Pounders
    Q- Q’s Choice – This ended up being LBCs
    R- Reverse Crunches
    S- Side Straddle Hops
    T- Toy Soldiers
    U- Up Straddle Hops – A 1 legged Side Straddle hop which made for an interesting sight
    V- V-Ups
    W- World War 1 Sit ups
    X- X-Wings
    Y- Yul Brynner’s
    Z- Zombie Crunches

    Prior to this morning, YHCs belief was that none of the PAX would be close to completion of the alphabet. This assumption was incorrect as Goose, Pope, and Honeysuckle, were very close to completion with only the letter Z left to complete when “recover” was called. Also, there were many other of the group that were very close behind. This may be one that has a redo to see where progress is made.
    Great work by all this morning. The variation was enjoyed and the milage still abundant. Always great to continue to push ourselves with this crew.
    Announcements and the inVESTment was passed from Honeysuckle to Goose
    COT and Paradox prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    Enron

  • PAX Turkana: A Thanksgiving Reforus – from Yankee Joe

    The following is a refurbished version of Thanksgiving 2022…

    A record seven PAX showed up at the Stage….wait…no that was from Thanksgiving last year. This year, 11 PAX posted at The Den, and that wasn’t even a record! I’m tellin’ ya…this year’s PAX draft class is legendary. Anyway, Thanksgiving is a holiday that often gets overshadowed. As such, in the chaos leading up to Christmas, we can forget to take a moment to be thankful.

    As my children adorably sang (sang is a strong word) Thanksgiving songs during their Pre-K performances last week, one verse stuck out to me:

    “I’m a little pilgrim on the run, here is my knife and here is my gun. When I go a-hunting, hear my shout- Deer and turkey better watch out!”

    I pondered about what the turkey thought about all this? I asked myself, who will speak for the Turkey? I’ll tell you who…the turkeys of F3 Thibodaux…oh and also one Goose. We would need to think like a turkey, sound like a turkey, move like a turkey, and fly like a turkey.

    Wait, can turkeys fly? We would find out together. You know what they say, “Turkeys of a feather Jurp off together.”

    “Nobody says that.”

    “Shut your pie hole, Duke and focus on the turducken.”
    —————————————-

    Warmarama with the regs, followed by a civic center mosey.

    Today, we’re all a bunch of turkeys. But I’m proud of that fact. There are haters everywhere. They say that we’re delicious. They mock us saying gobble gobble. Their kids trace their hands on construction paper and slap some feet on them and say, “Look mommy, I made a turkey.” Like it’s a genuine Turcasso. Sorry kid, your teacher found the turkey hand template online because she’s bored and hates her job. However, she’s pissed that you used so much freakin’ Elmer’s glue when all you need is a dot. Just a dot. It’s a googly eye for crying out loud. C’mon Tana.

    I could deal with all of this if it weren’t for the worst thing. They say we can’t fly. Bobby Joe, Jessie Pearl, and Popeye call us flightless birds. Flightless! Oh yeah, Bubba Sue, how the hell did I get up in this tree? Well, I say horsefeathers. They think they’re the cat’s pajamas, drinking all that giggle juice; They don’t know their onions. Until now, we’ve made a right pig’s ear of things. But that ends today. Today, we will show them a thing or two about a thing or two. We’re going to learn to fly.

    Welcome to Butterball Flight Academy.
    ——————————————–

    Lesson 1: Arm and Leg Warm-up
    To the tune of “Learning to Fly” by Tom Petty, these parakeets did:

    – 1st verse – Shoulder taps; Refrain (or chorus? Asking for an optometrist friend) – Merkins
    – 2nd verse – Shoulder taps; Reforus – Mountain climbers
    – Bridge – chill
    – 3rd verse – squats; Extended reforus – Flying squirrels

    *YHC didn’t fully understand what a flying squirrel entailed. Thank goodness we had a G- oose to set us on the right path.
    ——————————————–

    Lesson 2: Coordination and flight training – Turkeys are not completely flightless and can fly in short bursts. To work on this facet of training, the flocked did:

    – Flying nuns with forward arm circles through lunges to sidewalk (approx. 20 yards)
    – Jump squats X25 (at this point, YHC was questioning his…well everything)
    – Mario punch skips back to start (apparently Geese just skip/run…weird)
    – Bonnie Blair’s x25 (yeah, Lil’ Cuz, 25:2)
    ———————————————

    Lesson 3: You Must Focus: Sometimes You Must Think Like a Crane, not a Turkey.
    To the tune of “You’re the Best” from Karate Kid (Part 1, of course), these flamingos did:

    – 1st verse – SSH; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – 2nd verse – SSH; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – Bridge – Speed Monkey humpers; Refrain – alternating crane kicks
    – 3rd verse – SSH; Refrain – alternating crane kicks

    *By the end, it is impossible to describe whatever the hell any of us were doing. They weren’t crane kicks. BUT WAIT! Is that Ralph Macchio out there? No…it’s America’s Best! Oh how I wish we would’ve had someone recording his perfect form.
    —————————————–

    Intermission: You can only push a bunch of turkeys so far without giving them some reward. So, we took a break and like any good family thanksgiving, we had a pot-luck Mary session.

    – Dilly: Leg raises

    – Honeysuckle: Freddy Mercs

    – Lil’ Cuz: Dolphin Hops (like a real son of turkey, but he misses Paradox, so who can really blame him…I can.)

    – America’s Best: At first squats, but then someone (probably Lil’ Cuz) threw some shade about it not being an ab exercise, so AB, without missing a beat and putting on his Dad voice, said, “Ok fine. V-ups 3:1!” And we did 60.

    – Popeye: He pondered for a moment, then called a lap around the civic center. At this point, Goose suggested to YHC that the concept of Mary may have been woefully unexplained to the most recent draft class.

    – Wet Tap: Bird dawwwwwgs

    – Pope: American hammers

    *YHC had to cut the potluck short due to selective hearing. A note about MARY: There’s something about her. Abs in just seven minutes. NOT six, I said seven. Step into my office. You’re X@#$& FIRED. MARY is abs.
    ——————————————

    Lesson 4: We Fly!

    – Sprint to sidewalk with tucked wings, intermittently screeching “gobble, gobble.”
    – Nur sprint back with tucked wings, screeching “elbbog, elbbog.”
    – Repeato three times.
    ——————————————-

    Lesson 5: Stabilizers
    Our wings are curved, our tail feathers are straight up, our bones are dense. We are fluffy, not fat. As such, our last lesson dealt with an oft overlooked facet of turkey flight training…stabilizers.

    AND you’re all a bunch of soft, entitled turkeys. You don’t deserve to be comfortable…ever. You think I enjoyed hiding this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my tailfeathers…oh man…sorry. I get mixed up sometimes.

    To the tune of Gobble Gobble (by Matthew West…it’s a good one), these cockatoos engaged in a combination of elbow plank holds, J-Lo’s (low plank, alternate hips touching ground), and pickle pounders (low plank with hip thrust down and up).

    Together, the J-Lo’s and the Pickle Pounder are called the ARod. But for obvious reasons, this name is no longer appropriate. For the consideration of F3 Thibodaux, I offer the J-Lo Pickle Gobbler. It’ll catch on. (I wrote the same thing last year. It didn’t catch on.)

    – 1st verse – Elbow plank
    – Pickle pounders on “gobble”
    – Reforus – J-Lo’s
    – 2nd verse – Elbow plank
    – Pickle pounders on “gobble”
    – Extended Reforus – J-Lo’s
    ————————————————–

    Encore! Three minutes remaining
    YHC deliberated with great pains on which Karate Kid song to use for the Crane Kick lesson. It came down to “You’re the Best” and “Glory of Love.” The former won out by virtue of faster cadence.

    So, to the tune of “Glory of Love,” we held Mission Impossible plank for three minutes until time called at 6 am.

    COT and Piccadilly prayed us out. As always, I am thankful for F3, the men of the Thibodaux FLAX, and most of all the values that we share.

    SYITG and Gobble Gobble,

    Turkey Jeaux

  • Fitness, Faith and the Fellowship of the Thang – from Paradox

    One beatdown to smoke them

    One beatdown to find them

    A free men’s workout that calls them home

    And in the gloom it binds them …

    The beacons of Gondor were lit !
    And 13 pax answered. They came from all corners of Middle Lafourche on this humid fall morning for a 2 year YHC Manniversary celebration.

    Members of the fellowship in attendance:

    – The Elven King Hon Suk El from the high castle of Rienzi . His lands and bannermen are many including the Lowes and the Academy. He was accompanied by Royster Princes Ewok and Yelnats requesting burpees for breakfast.
    – The nomadic wizard Goosedalf from the ethereal Oaks. He bringeth 3 wizard apprentices, trained trivia assassins Pope GooseSon and Coyote GooseSon and the most feared sprinter in the land Duke GooseSon.
    – The Scholar bandit known as the Shimmering Lox recently released from his prison studies. The bards will sing of his quads for many generations.
    – King Mudgear of the 12th cedar Fortresses. If a man threatens Merkin Rhabdo he will appear in aid , the legends be true. May his tail wind blow in your favor.
    – The Bard Tom BombaDiddle from the smoking marshes of HomeMaH. No fiddle he cannot play, no score he will not slay but his gas flute is deadliest of all.
    – The Warrior En Ronnie Lillicchh of the High Lands, though many question his name none question his mode of beast. The men of his family must all defeat the Snapping Turla , or be exiled .
    – Captain Pop Aye, the Kings Guard and the newly minted Earl of Sandwich, expert in sword and shield, master of the one word insult, and igniter of groupme flames.

    Thus they assembled the fellowship on this fine Saturday.
    Their fitness was sharp but many tests of faith stood before them…

    Duke!! Roll the Footage , we’re going to Mordor !

    Warmup
    SSH, IW, WM , AC, CP MC

    YHC had trouble keeping cadence due to the loud popping and clicking of joints left over from Safety Valves obliteration of the pax lower extremities on Thursday. He could not be reached for comment but the pax were jumpy at the mere mention of Bonnie Blair’s and I knew we were in for a a battle.

    As YHC was reflecting on his 2 year journey with F3 I noticed some of my favorite things about beatdowns blended nicely with a LOTR themed bd YHC has had on a back pot low simmer for a while. So I compiled my “lessons learned” over the last 2 years and sprinkled in some light Tolkien to put a bow on it.
    Don’t be hasty , one doesn’t simply walk into Mordor!

    Chapter 1.
    The Fitness and leaving your warm hobbit hole comfort zone

    YHC cherishes the moments where F3 has pushed the envelope of my physical and mental comfort zone in the last 2 years. Most ppl from my high school would tell you YHC was “fairly reserved” maybe even the dreaded “stays to himself” but f3 changes a man…
    -Monkey humpers during a cross county meet, no problem.
    -5 inch inseam shorts at a park at 6:30am , why ? cus YJ said so, that’s why.
    -Singing sea shanties during a 5k monsoon, just another lovely morning.

    So we Mosey’d to the Chimney representing our cozy hobbit Hole while training our Hobbit feet.
    Indian run with drop off 3 BBSU
    But today they are Bilbo Baggins sit ups. First sit-up , then right elbow to left knee , left elbow to right knee represents eating both first and second breakfast.

    At Da Chimney :

    Helms Deep Squat Trivia
    Correct 5 burpees
    Incorrect 15 burpees

    1. How old was Bilbo at the beginning -(111)
    2. What is the name of bilbos home? (Bag End)

    Ok let’s talk about the trivia real quick.
    I want you to imagine Dikembe Mutumbo (Pope) and Shaq (Coyote) standing beside a 6 foot basketball goal. YHC tosses soft layups as they swat balls into the rafters and their coach (Goose) nods in silent approval. The rest of the pax were simply spectators as they made child’s play of YHCs “moderate difficulty “ LOTR trivia. A fair warning to you trivia Qs out there, dem Dawson boys play for keeps. Do not bring weak trivia game into the paint.

    Bilbos 111th birthday
    111 big bilbo sit-ups
    Hobbit Walk to chimney , sprint back
    Many variations of the hobbit walk , all were accepted without shame while our local form police was furthering his doctoral study of burpee merkin combos this weekend.

    Helms Deep Squat Trivia
    3.) how many members are in the fellowship- 9
    4.) can you name them all?
    Gandalf, Frodo, merry, pippin, Sam, gimli, Legolas, boromir , Aragorn

    Again yawns from the pope and Coyote and “you knew better Dox” nod from goose
    – 5 burpees

    Chapter 2
    Forming The Fellowship
    Many Races but One Fellowship

    YHC concocted a few race schemes to display increasing difficulty paralleled with increasing brotherhood of F3.
    I tell someone almost every week about F3 and always remark something like “I hate half of these exercises if I have to perform them solo but when it’s with this crew I triple set my alarm to go at 5am in cold rain while swallowing chimchuri farts “ . The magic of the shared suffering , tough to describe but I think the team races help.

    The races would increase by 1 pax each round.
    Winner would pick 10 reps of any exercise for the pax

    1 ) solo bearcrawl – 10 merkins CrawlBear

    10 burpees from Ewok/Yelnats

    2 ) pax wheel barrow – 20 Carolina- swap and wheel barrow back

    3) 3 man carry 25 star jumps

    This sounded better on paper and YHC narrowly avoided being face to face with Paradiddles pair of diddles.

    4 ) 4 pax team lungeWalk 10 Bonnie Blair’s , …team Egnul Walk back to cone which ended up looking like a well oiled machine on the front end and a drunk octopus dying in a hail storm on the return journey.

    Helms deep squat Trivia :
    5.) who plays Aragorn – Vigo Mortesen
    6.) what is the name of the evil that Gandalf must stop in the minds of Moria to save the fellowship. – Balrog

    *At this point not only was Pope guessing the trivia answers AND questions he saw us moseying toward the bridge and was like “Khazad-dum next huh?”
    Unbelievable.
    What are you feeding this kid goose!

    Chapter 3

    The Bridge of Khazad-dum and
    Facing the darkness head on

    During IPC month every year there lies an extra mental challenge. When the Bengay video drops there is no hiding. Crayola stands in front of you just like a Balrog and no amount of staring will change the high rep counts. It’s part of the mental iron sharpening and all you can do is face it beside the pax.

    “7s “ at the Bridge
    6 Freak Nastys (decrease)
    Cross bridge with 2.0s as bridge troll form police while presenting 10 diamond merkins
    1 burpee (increase)

    2.0s were ruthless form police ! #JeauxcomeHome

    Chapter 4
    Finish Strong

    One of my favorite parts of an F3 beatdown is the last 10 minutes. Everyone is smoked. Sweat in eyes, engine on E then some ridiculous thang gets introduced and there’s a perceptible banding together to defeat the task. You think the tank is empty but looking around and seeing others to push for and there’s always more.

    The March to Mordor
    Partner up
    P1 lunges while P2 does 10 mountain climbers , when finishes run to p1 swap and 10 MC

    Goose and Lox won it and handed out some fine dirt pile derkins.

    Back to the flag for round robin Mary.

    Animal shirt to Diddle for skipping LOTR to practice drums. Worth it .

    Intentions for many suffering with illness, families in need and anxieties of the holiday season.

    COT and Diddle prayed us out

    Men it’s an absolute blast sharing these moments in the gloom with you and a privilege to get opportunities to lead.
    Looking forward to another great year.

    SYITG ,
    Dox

  • Diamonds are forever – from Safety Valve

    November tends to signify the start of the holidays for many. For others, it is the start of engagement season. A recent engagement had YHC reminiscing of his own 13 years ago. Most couples get engaged between November and February statistically. Today, we are celebrating the recent and upcoming engagements of our friends and family

    Warmaramma

    SSH
    Imperial walkers
    Willie mays Hayes
    High knees
    Butt kicks
    Arm circles forward
    Arm circles back
    Cherry pickers

    Thang 1
    The engagement starts with the awkward conversation with your future in laws. YHC recalls this time vividly in his own life. It was 2010. As YHC built up the courage to to discuss the engagement with the future in laws, he remembers getting a cramp in the gluteus maximus from the constant clinching of the cheeks. All YHC could do is sit down and try to not make a grimace while we discussed how their daughter pushes me to be a better person every day. In remembrance of that moment, leg day commenced.

    7 of diamonds – at each corner of the Diamond (basketball nets) the previous exercise was completed and the new one added. Once the four corners were completed we then went backwards and subtracted 7 reps from each exercise at each corner.
    7 burpees, then add
    14 jump squats, then add
    21 Bonnie Blair’s, then add
    28 American hammers

    Thang 2
    The next part of the engagement is the proposal and the ring. The rings exchanged signifies eternal love and never ending commitment. To remember this commitment we run circles around the civic center.
    4 laps around the civic center – after each lap, we stop and complete 15 Diamond merkins.

    Thang 3
    The last part of the engagement prior to tying the knot includes waiting for your bride to be to make every decision about wedding planning. So, we waited for each other to do burpees. Using the same Diamond formation from thang 1, the Pax completed the field of dreams on the basketball court. There were four groups – 15 burpees, amrap merkins, amrap LBCs, amrap squats. After the burpee group finishes, each group rotates to the next station.

    Made it back to the flag, CoT, announcements, and Popeye prayed us out.

    Thanks for waking up and showing up. Honor to lead this group today

  • Just One More – from Paradox

    Misty rain, mysterious gif riddles, and relentless cane trucks were no match for the 8 high impact men at the stage today. YHC has been itching to get back out on a Monday as there is no better way to start the week. Tuesday Tuff may have the glitz and glamour but I knew the real fun was secretly being had on Momentum Mondays. That’s where the pax were really asking the hard hitting questions. Like todays…just why is flatulence so funny?
    Have you ever pondered it.
    We have a multitude of other audible bodily functions right? But no one even bats an eye at a really loud sneeze, in fact we offer them blessings! A burp? First, you have to excuse yourself, then you have to go home and change the snapping turla soup recipe. Crack your knuckles and you just mean business. Even a loud tummy rumble and we feel empathy for ones hunger. But what about ole tail feathers…yes, the fart transcends time AND space. Consider the following scenarios. At the bedside of a passing loved one and they rip one.. laughter (from all parties). In the delivery room of a new life and a seconds old baby writes their first backblast..hilarious! (and cute!) Stranger in line at the post office rattles your cage..I’m reporting it to my wife with cry emojis before I even check out! At face value its trapped gas escaping your gastrointestinal tract but I’ll bet your at a low giggle just now even thinking about it. Just one of Gods great mysteries.
    Why did we ask it today…Lots to unpack here. Let’s climb in.

    Duke! Stop tasting your own brand and roll the footage!

    Warmup

    Standard issue with low chatter about soreness from the Architects Veterans Day beatdown and Partner Carrie’s on Saturday. (YHC nixed todays partner carry’s on the fly, listening is one of my hobbies ya know)
    Chillier than expected with intermittent rain gusts, might have been a Ronnie long sleeve day. YHC was ready to get the party started just to raise the body temps.

    Mosey to the Coupons and Dilly and Diddle joined the fray cursing the schmukity schmucking cane trucks in unison.

    Da Thang a Lang

    Memorable Men Monday

    Volume 3: Desmond Doss

    Previously on MMM (working on trademark rights so we can compete with Tuesday Tuff (TM) all rights reserved.) We have covered Sir Ernest Shackleton and St. Max Kolbe so the bar is pretty high and today called for a spotlight on veterans.

    Desmond Doss was a US Army corporal who received the Medal of Honor as a conscientious objector. Refusing use of weapons or violence due to his beliefs he was assigned as a combat medic. During the WWII Battle of Okinawa his company was assigned the task of taking a steep plateau amidst the rock formations known as Hacksaw Ridge, due to its intimidating terrain and being riddled with enemy caves.

    In a 12 hour period he saved 75 men , carrying them or hauling a stretcher up and down the ridge. Unimaginable courage under unthinkable conditions.

    **The PreHype Gif Riddle was a picture of Desmond Doss scaling Hacksaw Ridge, later played by Andrew Garfield (spiderman) in the movie directed by Mel Gibson (Braveheart) who was ever so appropriately yelling freedom which Corporal Doss and his combat were serving to protect for us. **

    Circle of Pain Thrusters

    We did 75 as a group to honor the 75 men that were saved and to prime the quads for what was to come . YHC took a moment here to reflect that in a previous beatdown maybe 1.5 ish years ago YHC dialed this up and it was a near death experience. There was moaning, four letter words and several pax (YHC included) updated their Last Will and testaments. But today it was considered a light warmup for the coupon elite. Ho Hum just a few thrusters while we have tea and wait for the real work. Mannn ! The fire and flames of IPCs, JurpTobers, hoosker dos, hoosker donts and high level beatdowns has the iron of F3 Thib looking sharp as ever. T-Claps.

    Left coupons in Stonehenge mode with Mosey to the starting line of Richmans loop.

    Introduced a Swedish dish called Fartlek a La Merkin

    YHC needed a running thang to encompass covering long distances and sprinting to simulate avoiding bullets. Until late yesterday evening it was a gap in the beatdown construction that left YHC befuddled. Little did I know Goose was standing at his sink , elbow deep in dishes, using the telepathic communications gained with shared suffering of countless beatdowns. Standing at my own sink of dishes I could sense it…Like a scratch I couldn’t itch ..or a fart I couldn’t quite taste…wait a minute!!! Duke get the ancient scrolls..

    Fartlek: It’s a Swedish Word, You Juveniles – from Goose

    The introduction of the Fartlek is at atleast top 5 on my list for Goosies greatest hits and it worked well for todays theme. We moseyed 3 light poles then sprinted the 4th with scattered merkins to complete 75. The pax performed well and with the power vested in my by the State of Louisiana Medical Board I pronounce you certified Fartlekkers.

    Merkin Variations:

    Werkins

    Ranger

    Diamond

    Staggered

    Regular

    Slow merkins

    RaRaJaBurpee back to da Couponz

    One of the many stories of Corporal Doss’s bravery involved him kicking a live grenade away from his company. This received one of his many injuries and several pieces of shrapnel.
    To honor this we paired up for RaRaJaBurpee from Richmans straight away to the coupon pile.

    I’ll take this time to formally apologize to Valve for his pairing today. We started in a great position to win and He was putting his Futbol skills to use with monster well placed kicks. YHC was all over the place, too much mustard..then not enough! yielding us a dreaded loss to the formidable Dawson duo.

    To be honest YHC lost track of the other couples in the heat of competition but no ankles were broken and much fun was had.

    Next up to honor the wounded carry techniques that Corporal Doss used up and down Hacksaw Ridge we had 1 pax Bar Lunge to cone and back while Rest of Pax did AMRAP :

    Curls

    OHP

    Squats

    SSH

    Leg Raises

    Freddy Merks

    Lastly we did burpees without knowing the time or the reps.
    “Just One More” – AMRAP Burpees till 6am

    Counting , Naming, and shenanigans

    COT and Diddle prayed us out

    Dox of Chocolates:

    Its very easy for YHC to get swept away in distraction. And a lot of days its the currents of anxiety that can be the swiftest. What’s ahead? What’s behind? Am I prepared for this? How long will this last? Why does xyz happen only to me etc. etc.
    So it makes me even more grateful for stories like todays about Corporal Doss, where we see dependence on God immediately followed by His provisions. A reminder that when all is said and done whether its the next crisis, the next family drama, the next appointment, the next day or even the next hour… we can say “Lord help me through one more”.

    Grateful for the opportunity to lead and to stand beside you men and ask for one more.

    SYITG,
    Dox

  • In The Beginning, There Was Only The Gloom – from Yankee Joe

    Excerpt taken from the recently discovered “Dead Peltch Scrolls”

    1 In the beginning, Goose created the Gloom. 2 Now the Gloom was formless and in his backyard, darkness was over the Settlement at Live Oak, and the annoyance of Kate was hovering over the mudgear.

    3 And Goose said, “Let there be suffering,” and there was suffering. 4 Goose saw that the suffering was good, and he separated the suffering from the misery. 5 Goose called the suffering “growth,” and the misery he called “being a bitch.”

    And there was posting, and there was COT—the first beatdown.

    6 And Goose said, “Let there be an AO to separate PAX from PAX.” 7 So Goose made the AO and separated the PAX from the NOLA AO from the PAX down the bayou. And it was so. 8 Goose called the AO “F3 Thibodaux.”

    And there was posting, and there was COT—the second beatdown.

    9 And Goose said, “Let the AO under F3 Thibodaux be gathered to one place, and let a real AO – that’s not my backyard – be found.” And it was so. 10 Goose called the dry ground “The Stage,” and the gathered PAX he called “HIMS.” And Goose saw that it was good.

    11 Then Goose said, “Let The Stage produce pain: picnic tables, wet grass, and moseying routes according to their various kinds.” And it was so. 12 And Goose saw that it was good.

    13 And there was posting, and there was COT—the third beatdown

    14 And Goose said, “Let there be music to separate the pain from the pain, and let the music serve as signs to mark sacred songs such as Thunderstruck, various sea shanties, and Peaches.” And it was so.

    16 Goose made the music come from a magic box—the greater magic box he called Anker and the lesser magic box he called JBL. He also made many farts. 17 Goose played the music to force others to do hundreds of burpees. And Goose saw that it was good.

    19 And there was posting, and there was COT—the fourth beatdown.

    20 And Goose said, “Let the beatdowns teem with mumblechatter, and let the smack talk ring out across the vault of the sky.” 21 So Goose created the GroupMe and showed the PAX how to use GIFs to communicate directly and passive aggressively. And Goose saw that it was good.

    22 Goose blessed the Chatter, “Be relentless with each other. Write about the beatdowns in prose in order to leave delicious easter eggs about the shortcomings of your brethren.”

    23 And there was posting, and there was COT—the fifth beatdown.

    24 And Goose said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: the stray dogs, the red ants that move along the ground, and the wild woman carrying laundry baskets, each according to its kind.” And it was so. 25 And Goose saw that it was good.

    26 Then Goose said to Pope, “Let us find more crazy people like us, so that they may post in the heat and in the cold, and find ways to do LBC’s in ant piles.” 27 So Goose cast out looking for men like him; men as shit can crazy as he was, he looked for them. Laymen and men of the cloth, he searched for them.

    28 When Goose found them, he said “Make sure to EH and increase in number; convince your wives this is not a cult. Wear short sleeves when it is 30 degrees, dedicate old running shoes to be F3 shoes, buy overpriced F3 gear to fit in more easily.

    29 Then Goose said, “I give you authority to design any beatdown with any theme, any type of exercises, anything that will create suffering. Remember that you were not created for comfort. You don’t deserve to be comfortable. 30 And I give you GroupMe and Backblasts in order to destroy each other, while celebrating your brothers.” And it was so.

    31 Goose saw all that he had made, and it was goosetastic. And there was posting, and there was COT—the sixth beatdown.

    Thus F3 Thiboduax was founded, all of its glory stretching from Bourg to Houma to the St. John HOA in its vast array.

    2 By the seventh beatdown, Goose had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh beatdown he did man makers. 3 Then Goose recruited Cardinal, and in one of the first beatdowns that posted more pax than just goslings the location wasn’t even Thibodaux.

    ————————————

    YHC had planned to create an award ceremony beatown for the BYITG Challenge. However, as the three year manniversary came a few days earlier and in the midst of the PAX dropping their favorite memories, it seemed appropriate to continue the mosey down memory lane. Butttt…as I think about it, I’m now realizing that Goose on a few occasions, knowing my intent, made subtle comments about the three year manniversary. I changed the theme the night before to be a continuation of celebrating F3 memories. How does he do it? I swear it’s Jedi mind tricks. I’m Toydarian…what is this power?

    So…F3 memories. I asked Goose for some old beatdowns and thangs. He sent me the famed Grand Isle beatdown that had roped Cardinal into his FNG appearance. More on that in a bit. There were some hilarious stories, including how YHC argued with Enron about his own last name. He said it was pronounced “Lillick” – no ch sound. I said, “noooo…that’s not right…” Enron said it was of German heritage. I said it was most likely Spanish. Even now, I cringe when I think about it.

    The debate went on for a few minutes, everyone that was present, absolutely dumbfounded by the fact that I would tell a 35 year old man he didn’t know how to pronounce his own last name. To publicly show my acquiescence and humble myself in ridiculous fashion, YHC wore his authentic lederhosen to the Q. It would turn out to be a very bad move for a beatdown. Like running 10 miles with a nutcracker attached to the front of your shorts.

    —————————————–

    Thang 1: The Solo Goose

    Throughout the day on the manniversary, several PAX mentioned their experience with a solo Goose. YHC also shared this experience. It was awful. I almost never came back. It was amazing. In most cases, save the occasional Ace and Gary Q, a Goose favorite was a Lazy Dora. That said, not all PAX have had this once in a lifetime journey into the depths of coupon hell. It’s like swimming with Jar Jar in a small pond that somehow turns into a vast ocean.

    To share the love, PAX partnered up for a quasi Lazy Dora with 50 thrusters, 50 man makers, and 100 OHP’s. Partner 1 did the coupon work, while Partner 2 bear crawled to marker (12 yards) and crab walked back. Flapjack. The kicker was that Goose, in a 10-minute window, had to spend roughly 30 seconds one on one with each PAX, either doing coupon work or joining a PAX in a bear crawl/crab walk. Everyone got a solo Goose. Most of us are now far more informed about form. Did you know there was a narrow and wide edge on a coupon?

    ——————————–

    Thang 2: Seven Memories

    Memory 1: “This is for the birds”

    After taking Cardinal through the beatdown, which that day was the 14 Stations of the Cross (We only had time for 7), Cardinal, in his unparalleled bedside manner (when it comes to sweating and technology), kindly remarked to Goose, “This is for the birds.”

    To commemorate this moment, the PAX did 90 seconds of brick butterfly squats. Here, they flapped their extended wings up as they squatted down, flapped their wings down as they stood up out of the squat, while holding bricks. One minute in, the first rumblings of awareness began to emerge…a 90 second exercise sprint seemed to last longer than expected.

    We sprinted 200 yards, bricks in hand…

    ————————————-

    Memory 2: Here’s to Treeroot

    As F3 Thibodaux began to approach the Open Era, the second and arguably most pivotal draft class exploded onto the scene. PAX such as Popeye, Enron, CuttThroat, Elmer’s, GI Joe, Paradiddle, and others, there were a lot of FNGs who posted…and then quicly faded into the trees. One such PAX was named Treeroot. During a run last year, Enron inquired about whatever happened to Treeroot. This became the descriptor for the phenomenon of ‘showing then ghosting’ from then on.

    90 seconds of tempo squat BOTH ways and arms extended straight up with bricks…you know like a tree growing slowly, branches out. However, it was clear that the PAX were more like crepe myrtles, “growing” quite fast and essentially voiding every single Jurp completed during the BYITG challenge. As such, Horn may have actually been a top scorer.

    Sprint 200 yards, bricks in hand…
    ————————–

    Memory 3: You get a hernia, you get a hernia, EVERYBODY gets a hernia

    One of the OG’s, Popeye, by all accounts started his F3 tenure strong, regularly posting and raising the bar. However, due to a series of burpee laded Goose beatdowns, he got himself a nice hernia, which required surgery. He was on injured reserve for over a year, before staging what the critics are calling the greatest comeback in F3 Nation history. Of course, he would tell you not to call it a comeback. Yes, yes…you got it. He’s been here for years.

    To honor this achievement, we did 90 seconds of hernia inducing V-Ups with bricks in hand. Again, it became very clear, very quickly, that of the total 8,799 V-Ups completed during the BYITG, most likely only 392 actually counted…all belonging to Pope.

    Sprint 200 yards, bricks in hand…
    ————————————-

    Memory 4: The dumbest thing I’ve ever seen…

    Paradox likes to tell a story that while Goose was away on retreat, and having just returned from 30A himself (Paradox), he introduced combo warm-ups such as front arm circle stationary lunges. Upon return from the retreat, Goose reportedly said, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen…in my life.

    YHC disagrees. The dumbest thing I’ve ever seen was introduced to the PAX by Goose last year, in which one would do a burpee, complete three merkins, and finish the burpee into three jump squats. It’s a real doozy, Clark.

    90 seconds of Goose Burpees with three merkin and three jump squats…these were too hard for YHC to observe anything else going on except how his soldier boi’s were being squat jumped in his tight lederhosen.

    Sprint 200 yards with no bricks…
    ———————————–

    Memory 5: The Inner Circle

    When a man begins F3, he goes through a honeymoon phase, connecting deeply with the other PAX, pushing harder than probably ever in his life, noticing that his body is going through some changes, and realizing that he can make adult friends after all…maybe.

    As such, you let your guard down and let yourself get close. You believe you are progressing through layers of hierarchy, ever inching toward the real inner circle. However, the minute you feel like you’ve made it, you get punched in the crotch and informed that your green texts aren’t welcomed here. Some call you Cactus Jack for almost a month, while your Spanish proficiency is questioned. It’s an emotional roller coaster…one day you’re basking in the warmth of friendship, the next, you’re being kicked out of iMessage groups.

    Like interpretive dance, YHC can best explain the phenomenon by the following:

    For 90 seconds, PAX starts in the outer circle, then bear crawl in/alligator merkin toward the inner circle. Once you get there, crawl bear back out to despair and scorn.

    Sprint 200 yards with no bricks…
    ————————————-

    Memory 6: Diddle Giggle Farts

    Recently, YHC had to go out of town and America’s Best graciously agreed to step into his first Peltch Q. It is safe to say that of the two, AB brought the A. Already ensconced in F3 Thibodaux lore, the German bards will sing of the “brewpons” beatdown for years to come. In one of the exercises, PAX doing WW3 sit ups (BBS with Coupon OHP at top) to some German music, Diddle ripped one right on Goose’s head. As would be expected, the giggling began, and like Sir Didymus and Ambrosius running across the Bog of Eternal Stench, the mini farts came with every sit up/giggle.

    In hopes of replicating this experience, the PAX did 90 seconds of WW3 sit-ups with brick OHP’s. What the PAX didn’t know was that YHC had queued up wet fart sounds on the Spotify playlist…easily BAPS’ greatest moment in his life.What happened over the next 90 seconds will go down as YHC’s best memories of all time. Once the wet fart sounds began, 16 grown men, nearly half of which were over 40, could barely complete the situps because they were giggling so hard. YHC quite literally couldn’t catch his breath.

    Sprint 200 yards, bricks in hand…

    ————————————-

    Memory 7: Kilmer

    One of YHC’s fondest Q memories was when Kilmer DRing from Winston Salem, joined the PAX at The Stage. He was a character to say the least, a gentleman in his late 50’s. He talked a special brand of trash that he was more than welcome to take back to Winston Salem. Toward the end of the beatdown, the PAX was doing a ton of pickle pounders.

    Now, don’t get me wrong…pounders are conducive to melodramatic grunting from even the strongest core, but Kilmer…mannn…it was downright unnerving. It was like the sound you would hear from a mating walrus mixed with…I dunno…yodeling. It was loud. It was weird. It was a bit nasty.

    Smooth, who was pounding next to him and perhaps in his first few weeks of F3 showed no signs of distress, but you could see him slowly inching away with each pickle pounder rep, looking like he had been scandalized. Fortunately for us, Smooth came back and is now ingrained into the very fabric of F3 Thib.

    The PAX did 90 seconds of pickle pounders with instructions to gunt loudly, but appropriately considering the presence of 2.0’s.

    Sprint 200 yards, no bricks…

    —————————————

    With two minutes left, YHC offered up another great F3 moment with Coyote as the protagonist. About 12 PAX attended the NOLA convergence last year. With nearly 100 men in a circle, F3 Thibodaux dropped a Thunderstruck burpee exercise. UNFORTUNATELY, JBL did not get the memo. The volume couldn’t carry, men were getting restless. Then out of the foggy shadows, Coyote sprinted to the middle of the circle and put on what is surely the greatest air guitar performance of all time. 100 men LOVED every second of it. Coyote is legend.

    We did two minutes of burpee Thunderstruck and moseyed back to the flag.

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out.

    Cafeteria followed, and the PAX were treated to Safety Valve’s nitrous oxide cold brew. It. Was. DELICIOUS!

    Just another great memory in a list of great memories. I loved every minute of this beatdown because we got to celebrate each other with humor, chatter, and flatulence.

    SYITG,

    Yankee Jeaux

  • Brain Games – from Goose

    Last Monday, it was the same thing. Crickets on GroupMe after a tough Saturday and a last minute Goose fill-in on a blank Q slot. Thankfully, Safety Valve had already HC’d on the Jurptown group, and Paradiddle started chirping early enough to prove he was already on the road navigating the killer cane trucks appearing suddenly out of the fog. So, YHC knew that he and Pope wouldn’t be attacking the points monster alone.

    And, this proved to be the attendance list–four men, unafraid of posting two days in a row; unafraid of the nonsense that comes into YHC’s head at 10pm the night before a Q. This time it was math, psychology. and diamonds.

    YHC knew we had to try to get as many points as possble in a 45 minute window while not destroying the morale of a small crew and keeping it somewhat interesting. So, a brainless grind was off the table, as was any strong theme that might suck up time. YHC settled on the 7 of Diamonds. Any ladder exercise gives you an insane amount of reps while not feeling like an insane amount of reps because you’re doing a limited number at a time and you’re very focused on counting.

    After some solid warmups and a trip to the coupon stash, we stowed our coupons on the far side of the stage patio and then gathered on the lot side for instructions.

    Round 1:
    -First corner of the track = 7 burpees, run to next corner
    -Corner 2 = 7 burpees, 14 merkins
    -Corner 3 = 7 burpees, 14 merkins, 21 V-ups
    -Corner 4 = 7 burpees, 14 merkins, 21 V-ups, 28 Curls

    The mind trick here is that you think you’re just adding a few more of something at each corner. But, you’re actually cranking out the reps, which is pretty exhausting, and we needed a ten-count before Round 2.

    Round 2: (carried coupons with us this time)
    -Corner 1 = 7 burpees
    -Corner 2 = 7 burpees, 14 Bonnie Blairs
    -Corner 3 = 7 burpees, 14 Bonnie Blairs, 21 Curls
    -Corner 4 = 7 burpees, 14 Bonnie Blairs, 21 Curls, 28 Big Boys

    At this point, YHC explained that we had just done 56 burpees in about 10 minutes, in the midst of other not-so-easy exercises. And those were the easy part. It’s amazing what the body can endure when the brain is focused elsewhere. So, YHC then explained that we’d be doing 11’s with manmakers and merkins, which was similar to last Monday. This initially made SV and Pope doubt the wisdom of posting this morning; but, just like last Monday, we’d start with 10 of the hard one, and work our way down. The brain can then focus on the relief it’s getting with every round instead of on the fact that we’d be completing 55 manmakers in 15 minutes in the midst of running and nurring over a half mile and doing 55 merkins.

    These guys are beasts, and they flew through these despite YHC’s interesting new playlist rolling along behind them (and maybe the strange combination of songs provided a bit of a distraction from the pain as well). And, so, four men, in just making the decision to get out of bed, show up, and not say no, completed the following number of exercises one set, one rep at a time:
    55 Manmakers
    56 Burpees
    100 Merkins
    42 Bonnie Blairs
    82 V-ups
    70 Curls
    28 Big Boy Situps
    1 Mile
    Total: 600 points

    On this second-to-last day of Jurptober, YHC is proud to be joined by these men and driven by them and for them to choose to keep pushing the limits of what’s possible in 45 minutes. These are things that I would never do for myself, but just as in every other aspect of life, I always benefit more from the decisions to let go of my comfort for the sake of others than I do when I’m chasing my own fulfillment. This is what life is all about, and it makes me extremely grateful for these experiences with you guys.

    SYITG,
    Goose