F3 New Orleans

Tag: Pledge

  • I Will Survive – from Paradox

    9 PAX met up at the airport of Peltier park to depart on an Alaskan moose hunt. Things started off safe enough with some casual warmup by the ball field: SSH, IW, WM, AC, cherry pickers, grass grabbers, high knees, butt kicks.
    We boarded our small engine plane and headed for the monkey bars. After a short layover to pick up Tighty Whitey (the red truck signals we are exactly 5 minutes into a beatdown) we settled in a for a nap with dreams of moose steaks dancing in our heads. That’s when all hell broke loose…

    THANG 1 STAMINA
    Your pilot had a massive MI and you have crash landed in a ravine in the middle of northern Canada. You find your friend hanging on a limb over the ravine and you must run back to the plane for supplies.
    Round1 : Partner 1 dead hang on monkey bars, Partner 2 sprint to thunder dome, 5 merkins, sprint back Flapjack
    (*Considering these dead hangs step 1/600 on our murph training journey)
    Once out of the ravine you come face to face with a pacific northwest rattlesnake and must wait while your partner runs through the jungle to get a machete.
    Round2: Partner 1 hold plank, Partner 2 10 jump squats traverse monkey bars, 10 jump squats
    Flapjack
    Your adrenaline is now torched so you stop by a stream for a sip of water andddd…..immediate dysentery. Your partner must go in search for the largest and softest leaf he can find. (shout out to Oregon Trail)
    Round 3: Partner 1 hold Al Gore, Partner 2 run to thunder dome for 10 freak nasties run back.
    Flapjack

    THANG 2 SPEED
    After recovering from dysentery you bump into a hive of Killer Bs (Canadian bees are different, its science)
    Canadian Killer B’s equal 5 Burpees, 5 BBSU, 5 Bonnie Blairs (2 is 1)
    During the duration of the song “I will survive” Gloria Gaynor

    All of this Killer bee commotion caught the attention of a grizzly bear and now the chase is on.
    Cones in Triangle formation at the Chimney
    Sprint to chimney, Nur to next cone. Bear Crawl back while Partner does R1 hillbilles, R2 MNC, R3 LBCs
    Several PAX wanted it known for the record that they would just take their chances with the bear instead of sprinting.

    Thang 3 STRENGTH
    You have successfully evaded the bear but your partner twisted his ankle and you need to get to the chopper evac zone.
    10 cones 10 yards apart
    Partner drag to cone. 5 power merkins, swap partner drag

    Care package Drop
    Another few miles and we’ll be home free.
    Indian Run, Last man drops off for 5 BBSU (care package) then catch up to front

    CHOPPER EVAC FINISHER
    While waiting on the chopper you and your partner decided to try out ice fishing and your partner fell in the lake. You have 5 minutes till the chopper arrives but you have to keep his heart rate up….

    Destinys Child- Survivor- SSH with Burpees on the word survivor. Finished very strong with the last 30 seconds of holding plank and merkins on the word survivor.

    Took the rescue chopper back to the Flag for some Mary: dolphin hops, BBSU, LBCS, penguins, Aus sweat angels, scuba steve. ALL IC X15-20

    Announcements: Continued preparations for our fundraiser the St. Vincent 500.
    Mudgear pre order coming soon.

    COT and Wet Tap prayed us out.

    I loved every minute of creating this one fellas. The effort for the JBL sponsored Survivor finisher was phenomenal. Congratulations! You all passed the Paradox survival camp and made it home to your families.

    Thanks for the opportunity to create and lead
    Till the next gloom
    Paradox

  • The Louisiana PureChest: Life, Liberty, and the Trivial Pursuit of Alligator Merkins – from Paradox

    The mindset: After a few months of baptism by fire beatdowns at the Stage YHCs first Peltier Park Q was set with great anticipation. Was the confidence there? Was my cadence on point? Enough props? What if it rains? Will Cardinal ask fine print questions? Will Goose undoubtedly question my form? The questions swirled as I pulled up to the peltch on a lovely spring morning. The JBL was charged. The props were set. Now just add PAX and its gumbeaux time.

    The mission: Take the PAX on a geographical, historical and cultural journey through the time and space of Louisiana history while giving multiple muscle systems two options: Fight or Run.
    The Pax: An impressive display of Gentleman with scattered 2.0s to make up 13.
    The warmup: 18 for all IC- (LA joined the US as the 18th state) SSH, IW, WM, Cherry Pickers, Self Love, High Knees, Butt Kicks
    Disclaimer was given for those recently minted PAX and reminders of modifications and safety were given for all. Lets get to it.

    THANG 1
    Mosey to the Thunder dome for a Cajun classic warm up. Louisiana Saturday Night- Tin Soldiers the entire song, Bonnie Blairs (boths sides) on “Louisiana Saturday Night”. We got down the fiddle, we got down the bow but most of all we danced in the kitchen.

    Next YHC explained that the LA Purchase doubled the size of the US. I could not gift the men land but I did promise a certified Louisiana PureChest after todays beatdown merkin variety (I worked on this dad Joke for months and the laughter was minimal, PAX were lazer focused). We assumed ring of Fire formation and completed 100 incline merkins, 75 Decline merkins, and 50 diamon merkins.

    Capped this off with Calling Baton Rouge just to make sure everyone had the juices flowing. High knees during whole song, Burpee on “Baton Rouge”, “Operator”, and “Louisiana”.

    THANG 2
    Mosey to the Football field for the Main event: Paradox Trivia. 4 cones set up 25 yards apart in a square. Each corner would be a trivia question. If correct we complete the associated exercise (see below). If incorrect we complete the exercise plus the punishment by traveling to the middle gumbo pot. When we arrive at the gumbo pot the PAX make a group decision to take 5 burpees or pick from the pot. (soon to learn the pot had some extra bay leaves). Mode of travel between all corners is 10 alligator merkins followed by bear crawls. Disclaimers: YHC used a childrens LA history website and Wikipedia for all sources and discrepancies were dismissed immediately.

    1. Who is LA named after? King Louis 14- Wide Merkins- Correct!
    2. How long is the causeway bridge? 24 miles. No mercy for 23.6 miles so the PAX had the first incorrect. (YHC wanted to test the gumbo pot). 50 SSH were selected and performed.
    3. How many parishes in LA? Local Theologian Goose came in strong with 64 and saved the PAX. 64 shoulder presses in squat position.
    4. Edwin Edwards # of terms and prison years? 4 terms, 8 prison years. Incorrect so we did 8 prisoner squats and alligatored to the pot for a selection. 10 diamond merkins
    5. How much $ for LA purchase? Pope came in with early correct answer (15 million) BUT was questioned by the PAX. Learned a lesson about listening to the quiet confidence in a group. PAX selected 17 million and paid with a trip to the gumbo pot for 15 carolina dry docks.
    6. NO is how far below sea level? 8 feet: 8 Jump squats. Pax guessed 12 and took another gumbo trip. This time fear of the spice was growing, and PAX accepted the 5 burpee offer.
    7. Highest point in LA? Mount Driskell- 535 ft. PAX got this correct and unlocked a special Paradox challenge. JBL whipped up a tune and the pax were instructed to start mountain climbers. If they can guess the song, artist, AND movie the song was played in they would reduce the pain to 1 minute. In a moment of pure astonishment our beloved parish priest came through with “miley Cyrus, The Climb andddd The Hannah Montana Movie” only 10 seconds into the work. Cardinal is truly gifted at reducing the pain for the PAX at all costs, even embarrassment.
    8. Name the distinguishing characteristics of alligator vs crocodile? Answered correctly and we advanced for the last set of alligator merkins.
    9. This LA animal recently transitioned from Endangered to Threatened list: La black bear. This pax again got this one down and earned bear crawls to the next cone.
    10. Official state song of LA: you are my sunshine. Enron shamed 318 by labeling Jefferson Davis as the artist of the song but quickly corrected to Jimmy Davis. (all is forgiven). YHC showed off some rather shakey sunshines (seated position with hands behind head and touching elbow to the ground) and an even shakier cadence. Promise I will shelf that one for a while
    11. Official boat of LA: Correct- Pirogue- 25 Scuba steves
    12. LA state dog: Correct- Catahoula leopard dog: 13 carolina dry docks
    13. La state fruit: Correct – Strawberry- alternate 25 superman and banana boats

    Circled up for the FINISHER***
    The Cajun Classic “Jumbalaya” with burpees on Bayoooo, calf raises on the rest.

    Mosey back to the flag for COT and Cardinal prayed us out.

    Moleskin: This one produced some great mumble chatter as the PAX worked on communication to get a “final answer”. Learning that correct answers can often come with early confidence from some of the younger or less experienced voices.

    An absolute joy to bring this one together and share it with the PAX.
    The opportunity to lead you men is a blessing.

    SYITG

  • The Great Nursery Rhyme Beatdown of 2022 – from Goose

    Kilo warned us it might happen. “Bring a towel,” he said. “It might be wet out there,” he said. But, little did he or the rest of the PAX know the level of carnage that YHC had in store for this cold, windy, soggy morning. Of course, Cardinal may have used his spiritual upper hand to gain some kind of foresight that led to his admittedly pure, unexcused fartsacking. The rest were caught off guard by what at first seemed to be just a semi-creative way to work through a hard, but not impossible Tabata list. But, then came Jack and Jill…

    Warmup: the usual Goose faves–SSH, WM, AC, IW, and Self-Love with some high knees and butt kicks to wake up the cardio system

    Thang 1: Tabata (“It’s Italian for…”)
    One minute, as many reps as possible (AMRAP) of each of the following exercises, with 30 seconds of rest in between, which was long enough for YHC to explain the next nursery rhyme and its connection to the assigned exercise:
    * Humpty Dumpty—wall sit
    * Jack be nimble—hop back and forth over a line, feet together
    * Sing a song of sixpence—8-count body builders (the king was in his counting house…)
    * Pop Goes the Weasel—monkey humpers
    * Old King Cole—wacky jacks (like a jester)
    * Georgie Porgie—suicides (when the boys came out to play, Georgie Porgie ran away)
    * Little Boy Blue—BBS (wake up, boy!)
    * Little Miss Moffet—Dips (rise up off that tuffet!)
    * Peter Peter—Peter Parker Peter
    * Old Mother Hubbard—Nolan Ryans (reaching into a bare cupboard, coming up empty-
    handed)
    * Rockaby Baby—LBC’s
    * Three Blind Mice—mosey to the sidewalk in front of the playground (see how they run).

    Thang 2: Jack and Jill
    Partner up (Jack and Jill): Jack (partner 1) runs up the hill to fetch a pail of water, and does five jump squats at the top before coming back down, while Jill (partner 2) falls down (burpees). Partner 1 takes over the burpee count upon returning until 100 are completed. Then, Jack broke his crown: 100 Carolina Dry Docks, while partner 1 still ran up the hill to do five jump squats. Lastly, Jill came tumbling after, which meant 100 Superman/Canoes while Jack still ran up for jump squats. Superman/Canoes = PAX started on faces in Superman position (arms and legs up), then rolled to the six without the use of hands to Canoe position (head and legs a few inches off the ground, hands down by hips).
    The combination of that many consecutive burpees with jump squats at the top of a small hill seemed to be a new level of suck for many of the Bayou PAX, but complaints were few. Could’ve been because we still hadn’t laid in any cold puddles yet (Superman/Canoes were done on the sidewalk.)

    Thang 3: Deal or No Deal
    YHC left the nursery rhyme theme behind for the last 15 minutes as we moseyed to the practice field and the heretofore hidden F3 Deck of Death was revealed. (Note: the cards are very much waterproof, mudproof, and tear proof, but the box is very much not.) Each PAX was given a chance to pick two cards but only look at the first. They could then decide whether all would complete the first card’s exercise, or blindly commit to the second.
    Though most of the ridiculously hard cards were avoided, the greater majority of exercises chosen seemed to require lying in the mud, so Kilo’s warning was well grounded. Due to the high winds, most PAX were still wearing their sweatshirts (even after Jack and Jill) so they soaked up the frigid puddles like sponges. The mosey back to the flag was heavy and cold, but spirits were high as the proud PAX discussed making t-shirts or getting tattoos that said, “I survived the Great Nursery Rhyme Beatdown of 2022!”

    COT and Paradox prayed us out.

    Thanks for letting me lead and being willing to keep pushing, especially you new guys who are still working through your first weeks of this! And, much gratitude for you somewhat more experienced PAX who have decided that F3 is now a part of how you do life well. Your companionship in the gloom is a gift beyond value!

    See You in the Gloom,
    Goose