F3 New Orleans

Tag: Safety Valve

  • Say Anything – from America’s Best

    A farmer with a wolf, a goat, and a cabbage must cross a river by boat. The boat can carry only the farmer and a single item. If left unattended together, the wolf would eat the goat, or the goat would eat the cabbage. How can they cross the river without anything being eaten?

    YHC gave the PAX too much credit thinking this riddle was already familiar to most of them. Alas, these kids are products of always having the internet… all they know these days is skibidi toilets.

    My generation had to busy ourselves with riddles and Lollapalooza. Now these guys are all like, “Oh, is this kombucha rizz?”
    And
    “Cusak is so obsessed with lookmaxxing thinking he’s gonna mog everyone else on the gram with his digital drip.”

    And that’s why you couldn’t figure out the riddle, Montana.

    Our riddle went like this:
    You have 3 burdens to get across the River (between the sidewalks)
    A bear (coupon)
    A rabbit (coupon)
    A bag of grain (coupon)
    Same rules, you can only bring one burden at a time. And because the bear would eat the rabbit, or the rabbit would eat the grain, you can’t leave those two coupons alone.
    MOT when moving the bear=block bear

    MOT when moving the rabbit= murder bunny

    MOT when moving the grain=Cusak (so it doesn’t get wet obvs.)

    It’s a Dora, so partner will be doing
    100 goblet squats
    200 merkins
    300 imperial walkers (1:1)

    BUT FIRST: Cusak
    PAX circled and listened to (who else?) Peter Gabriel. For the first half of the song, we’d run in place and curl on every “eyes.” Second half, we held Cusak (coupon overhead) and did overhead press on each “eyes.”
    Uneventful, although when YHC asked the PAX to identify the language PG was spouting at the end, Goose confidently said “Swahili.”
    Dox was so in awe of Goose’s ability to figure this out that YHC didn’t have the heart to tell him it was actually Wolof.
    Can you imagine the heartbreak of learning your hero doesn’t even know the difference between eastern and western African languages?

    And then we began the chaos that was The Riddle Dora. I have little idea what went down, but it seemed like most people were struggling mentally and physically, and I can’t ask for much more.
    Upon completion, YHC kinda said, “ok, let’s run it back,” and some of us maybe reversed the process and went back across the river.

    YHC finally called it, and we moved into the final thang:
    F3 exicon trivia

    Having finally convinced TeraVanilli to join the cul… er, free men’s workout, I thought it would be good to intro him to all the stupid names for stupid exercises we have. So to help remember the stupid names, I came up with a stupid trivia question for each one.
    YHC named an exercise, and each man performed one, ring-of-fire style. Then I asked a question based on the name, and we did more for each wrong answer.
    Dubbed by Doc “The Around the Horn Massacre,” we didn’t do a single proper ring of fire for any of the following:
    Merkins: a merkin is a garment/accessory worn in what profession?
    This first one went Around the Horn without a correct answer. YHC, in all his graciousness, accepted “porn” as a correct answer from TV.

    Groiners: what TV bartender sang an awful rap that included the line “a groin injury”?
    Goose called out “Moe” — incorrect, more groiners.
    At this point, Dox was livid. “You skipped me! You skipped me!” Ok, sorry Dox, your turn.
    “Moe!”
    Still wrong. More groiners

    Burpees: What Full Houser wrote and performed the song “The Burpin Chili Man?”
    White Meat knew it. But he didn’t know “the annoying guy’s” name. Popeye nailed it. Teravanilli opined “isn’t it ironic?”

    Big Boys: Big Boy is a restaurant chain featuring a mascot holding up what item?
    Popeye nailed this one immediately.

    LBCs: Little Boy is famously the name of what historical one-time use device?
    Anthough my favorite answer of the morning, SV’s guess of “a condom?” Was not correct. HS correctly identified it as a nuke.
    Goose augmented the name of the plane that carried Little Boy to something like the Esmerelda Gay.

    Thrusters: Thrust is one of the four forces that act on an airplane. Name the other 3.
    Unintentionally, Safety Valve’s turn had just passed. Dox was very happy with his answer “lift” until I repeated that I needed all 3 other forces. The question moved to Honeysuckle and around this time Dox took his stethoscope and went home.
    HS got drag and then Goose or someone got weight. Probably should have given HS credit for gravity.

    Apollo Ohnos: Apollo Creed was played by whom?
    HS didn’t know Carl Weathers, but Goose did.

    Bonnie Blairs: what does Bonnie mean in Scottish?
    Goose knows all things Celtic.

    Manmakers: The song “I’ll make a man out of you” pertains to which Disney Princess?
    TeraVanilli’s turn, and because he likely knew every one of these answers except this one, it was perfect. Once opened up to the floor, several girl-dads knew it was Mulan.

    Absolutions: Absolute zero is 0 degrees on what scale?
    Back to Pope, who likely knew it but wanted to practice more absolutions so took a dive and said Farenheit. This set up Yankee Jeaux to improve his science score dramatically with the correct answer of Kelvin. It was later determined that this was coincidental, as White Meat had just asked him who was his cousin from East Saint Louis.

    COT and JY prayed us out.

    SYITG,
    AB

  • It’s The Climb – from Paradox

    YHC recently finished “Into Thin Air” by John Krakauer, a first hand account of a tragic Everest expedition in 1996. It turned disastrous after a freak storm hit the summit during the only window multiple competing teams had to make it to the top. A great read if you want a deep dive into the world of high summit climbing and especially if you really, really never want to even consider strapping on a pair of crampons.

    But it got my wheels turning about bucket list items and the wild ambitions a man can find on this planet. (There’s a beatdown coming here later but just sit tight with your hookahs for a moment.)

    Ya see, There have been short periods of time when YHC had his own aspirations as a mountain climber. First in my early 20s and then I left a rock climbing gym with a hernia. The staff said “first time climbers” shouldnt recreate Tom Cruise mission impossible stunts but what do they know.
    Undeterred, a few years later I headed up a mountain in Breckinridge, CO (brek brah) during a med school trip and was met with acute altitude sickness. It will shock none of our local pax to hear that my body shuts down if I leave the state lines or an altitude of 100 feet. Those trips to the oxygen bar did have a silver lining as I found out my future M would leave her friends and nurse a redneck bafoon to health.
    Now in a real pickle, I had met both physical and even genetic barriers to my climbing goals . But nonetheless my 7th grade bucket list item remained.! Mrs Smith, our English/creative writing teacher (who planted the seeds of back blasting 101), had instructed us that no item was too far fetched to put on our list. So right there sandwiched between “Ironman triathlon “ and “learn English” was “climb or visit the 7 summits”. But here I was, like a 5:02am YJ bowel movement , stuck between a rock and a hard place as time ran out. The opportunities flushing fast and the midlife crisis impending as YHC saw his 7th grade dreams replaced by watching men in verbal altercations about the glory of a hand jive. Was my musical life just a sing-along this whole time??

    Panic stricken, I made a plan…

    I wouldn’t climb them free and solo. (Been there , done that, have the scars)

    WE would climb them.

    And we would climb them ALL in a 45 min free men’s workout.

    Duke!! Put down that FMLA paperwork!
    We are back to blasting !!
    Roll the beautiful mountain bean footage!!

    YHC rolled in a 1/2 minute late to a Lions Den boiling over with pax. Safety Valve continues to make up for a lifetime of missed SSH and provided a prompt courtesy warmup for the men. Fighting shadow GroupMe Q stealers and cumbersome garage coupons this beatdown theme was already heating up as a true uphill battle for YHC. We hit the usuals with continued slow high knee pax not maximizing their zone 2 cardio and our Lake Charles brothers wondering if the cadence here in Thibodaux is done in synchronized ear buds.

    YHC gave the pax a little warmup mosey while slipping in hints to the big Thang.
    7 nation Army was a nod to the 7 summits and the only riff I could try to learn on a guitar to looked cool in 2005.

    Next up YHC needed to sell the allure of the mountains. We had “ Big rock candy mountain “ by Harry McClintock and he’s a fine salesman, ensuring us there would be no rain, wind or bull dogs with real teeth.
    A perfectly weird tune that we performed MCs, plank jacks and coupon merkins to.

    These young sherpax also required belay certification. YHC obliged by splitting them into two teams and utilizing a standard issue Mardi Gras football for each team that needed to be transported around the civic center. They needed to spread out in a chain and throw the ball one man at a time. With a drop equaling 3 burpees. And continuous squats for any stationary pax. Most of the pax atleast feined understanding and this mini thang proceeded to reach 7.2 on the Maui Scale. Drone reports later cited early high altitude cerebral edema that lead to the opposing team thinking the 3 burpees happen everytime they threw their kloot. YHC sent the chopper 6 rescue for rendezvous back at base camp and the whole thing had to filed under “belayed gratification”.

    All that was left was Altitude Training so we headed to Lafourche Parishs highest point to complete 10 burpees then it was go time:

    Mount Thang a Lang

    How it should work: Team sends 1 man up the mountain to do reps up top while all alternate between 3 exercises (7-7-7) , rinse and repeat till entire team has competed.
    Winner has all team mates back and in plank

    7 rounds for the 7 highest summits on each continent(some modified for time)

    Authors Note
    ***
    There are almost as many geography schisms as Thibodaux sandwich schisms and it seems fiercely debated which of the seven summits are the “true seven”. This bd will reference the area of Oceani (Australia plus New Zealand plus Indonesia) and the concensuus across trivia books seems to be the below:

    1- OCEANIA

    Puncak Jaya (16k ft)
    what country?
    (Indonesia)
    Merkins – plank jacks -squats

    We started at a modest 16000 feet and this one may have been the toughest trivia across the board. YHCs Jawa is a little rough around the edges, compounded by wind and N. Canal traffic most of the pax thought I had sneezed and were still waiting on a question when we started burpees.

    Team 1 took a decisive victory with a shocking decision to put Maneater as the sprint finisher and Jennayyy I tell ya..this man just felt like running. It took a year or two but we finally found Maneaters trigger….NEVER Disrespect Olivia Newton John or he will run you into the ground. White Meat could not be reached for comment and we left his body and a copy of Big Lebowski for the natives on Puncak Jaya.

    2- ANTARCTICA
    Mount Vinson Massif (16)

    Penguins – Leg Raise – WW3 sit-ups

    Goosie got this one correct after heavy penguin hints.
    Team 1 had found there best horse and Maneater was again putting pure greased lightning.

    3- EUROPE
    Mount Elbrus (18k ft)
    ***Skipped for time but I think we did burpees for the trivia.

    4- AFRICA
    Mt Kilimanjaro (20k ft)
    (Easiest to climb)
    Coupon jumps, Donkey kicks, tin soldiers

    YHC meant to serenade the pax with Toto’s masterpiece here bit if you start to play it in your head now it will reach peak chorus when you finish this blast.

    5- NORTH MERKINA
    Denali (22k ft)
    Merkins- wide, regular, diamond

    All Merkins because nothing says USA like naming your most majestic gas guzzling SUV after your politically controversial named and renamed mountain.

    6- SOUTH AMERICA
    Acongua (27k ft)
    27 Monkey Humpers
    -Just seemed right

    Finisher….

    7- ASIA
    Everest (29)
    “I’m on top of the World”

    On top of having some great bd songs this band also gives you the chance to always end a tough conversation with the upper hand by saying “imagine those dragons” and then walking away. (Reader discretion advised, not for domestic use)

    We did Coupon Al Gore and Thrusters on “World”

    We finished with continuous thrusters and all legs met jello criteria.

    Back to the flag for supplemental oxygen, counting, naming and also we learned XL is actually Excel so we didn’t have anymore questions about mysterious t-shirt sizes and some mumbled comments about google sheets being superior.

    Announcements were mostly replaced by ways to let YJ know his Manniversary was a hoax or turn it into a “9th green at 9 “”situation. Backblast pending?

    Prayers and intentions for many in our regions and beyond.

    Thanks for climbing with me Pax

    I hope that in this Lenten season of lessened distractions God makes our own mountains more clear and that we have the faith to climb with what he has provided.

    Can you imagine those dragons?

    SYITG
    Dox

  • More Like South Nazareth – from Goose

    YHC and Pope pulled up to the Stage this morning to find a strange SUV parked and running in typical FNG fashion. AB had hinted at this possibility, so YHC exited the truck gingerly so as not to scare him away. Then, we noticed that there were two in the SUV, one of whom was bald, bearded, and bespectacled, and bore a striking resemblance to a pic that had been posted on the Learned League GroupMe the week earlier and had become the center of attention over the last couple of days. It was, indeed, Kendall Theriot, the only non-Mitchell to give AB a run for the local title for sharpest Llama. But, alas, KT had lost in dramatic fashion to his own son this very morning, and the fall was great. That fall included a loss in a wager with an agreement to join AB at F3 should he lose the tournament to him. It was good to finally put a body to the head, a voice to the digital trash talk. YHC couldn’t wait to hear the kind of chatter that would flow this morning (especially after Tana, a long-time friend of his, also pulled in). KT will henceforth be referred to by Teravanilli, his newly minted name.

    We started with the usual warmups after the disclaimer was given, and YHC was reminded of his first beatdown (my legs were completely shot after the warmup). Then, YHC explained that, since tomorrow is St. Joseph’s Day, we’d celebrate a little early with a St. Joseph themed beatdown today.

    The first thang was a partner Dora to steep a bit in the life of a carpenter in Nazareth (which was more like a builder, most likely). While one partner worked on 200 one-armed rows (sawing), 100 brick layers, and 50 thrusters, the other partner, the beast of burden, block-and-beared across to the opposite sidewalk before rifle carrying back. YHC chose music that Joseph may have listened to if he had a bluetooth speaker, traditional Nazareth pop music (well, more like South Nazareth).

    After about 3 minutes, our good, hard work was interrupted by a dream (“Sweet Dreams” by Eurythmics) wherein the Angel Gabriel told us that our fiance’ was pregnant via the Holy Spirit. Then, we discovered that we had to travel all the way to Bethlehem, our ancestral land, because of a census. So, we dropped everything right where it was and started hoofing it. We headed up the newly opened Stretch and made our way around to Rich Man’s Loop, where the townhouses began. It took us a while to get there since Mary’s pregnant and needing to go a little slower (this role was played impeccably by Teravanilli). So, the inns (townhouses) were all full. We knew this because we bear crawled to the front of each and jumped up and down asking for help (25 jump squats, for the 25th of December).

    The “inns” were rather close together, and the version of “Little Town of Bethlehem” that YHC chose was rather long, so the jump squats started quickly looking less and less like a desperate cry for help and more and more like a geriatric twerking class. Soon enough, however, we were given respite in a stable out behind one of the “inns”, and after the child was born, we started to get settled in our new location. But, once again, we were unexpectedly interrupted by Gabriel/Annie Lennox, and it was time to hoof it to Egypt, no time to lose.

    Egypt was over where the monuments to the kings of Thibodaux stand, and after a pickup-six, we completed a quick song routine to the expected Bangles hit “Walk Like an Egyptian”. Imperial Walkers for the duration and Bonnie Blairs for every “Egyptian”. So, pretty much 4 minutes of Imperial Walkers (there are only like 4 “Egyptians”–who knew?).

    Gabrielrhytmics came back one more time to let us know that the coast was clear, and we needed to head back home to Nazareth. This is where we’d live out the last of our days as a Simple Man (Lynard Skynard style), continuing our work as a carpenter (the rest of the Dora) until our time expired.

    It may seem like Joseph was jerked around, that Gabriel/God took his simple, predictable life from him and forced him to move from place to place, trying to keep his little family alive. But, what makes St. Joseph so great, and so blessed, is that he was willing to say “yes” and do what was asked of him, trusting that God would provide, and most importantly, that it was worth it. So, he gave up everything, but what he gained was the Creator of the Universe, God Himself, in his arms, in his home, every day for the rest of his life. Not a bad trade-off. He just had to let go of control, to let go of what He could picture, and trust that God truly knows what He’s doing.

    The PAX was impressed by Teravanilli’s willingness to show up and keep pushing despite a tough experience. We’ve all been there (and were there again just this past Saturday), so it means a lot when one more man makes the leap to go through it with us. The FNG naming took a while–there was so much good material–but YHC was taken by YJ’s suggestion at the very beginning of the beatdown to call him Teravanilli, an answer to one of the questions in the infamous trivia league loss. (If a millivanilli is 1/1000th of a vanilli, what is 1 trillion vanillis?). So, he’ll have a good time trying to explain that every time he introduces himself. We fully expect to see him Thursday morning.

    Announcements, COT, and Cuz prayed us out. Thanks for playing along this morning, fellas–I’ll forward any Ring videos from neighbors as I receive them.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • Let’s Get Physical…and Possibly Excommunicated: White Meat, Maneater, and the Chatter That Broke Me – from Yankee Joe

    Alternate Blast Titles:

    1) Catholicism, Burpees, and Heresy—Oh My!
    2) Lent, Lamentations, and the Theology of Bad Ideas
    3) Deconstructed Burpees and Doctrinal Confusion
    4) Apolo Ohno, Olivia Newton-John, and the Road to Redemption

    ———-
    YHC grew up Episcopalian, and most of what I knew about Catholicism came from Robin Williams’ stand-up line: “I’m Episcopalian – that’s Catholic-lite. Same religion, half the guilt!” For YHC, Lent usually translated loosely to giving up Cokes or committing to finally get a six pack.

    Honestly, I had no idea what Lent was about.

    Honestly, neither does the Episcopal “church.”

    Thus, my integration into the Lenten season has been both brutal and emancipating. But, you’re probably asking yourself, “What does this have to do with Apolo Ohno’s, Olivia Newton John, and White Meat’s comfort level with F3 intimacy?”

    Nothing, but I bet you’re paying attention now.

    ———-

    Anyway, I hastily designed a Lenten beatdown theme, awkwardly linking F3 mantra to Christ’s three temptations in the wilderness. Oh…and dear Reader, when I say awkwardly, I mean like forcing a kangaroo into roller skates or stuffing a marshmallow into a piggy bank slot or cramming one leg into Wet Tap’s Mudgear shorts.

    Some – things – just – don’t – fit.

    Perhaps comparing America’s Best’s take on deconstructed burpees to Jesus’ resistance to Satan and his ultimate victory over death was a bit…I dunno…misguided. Indeed, as the beatdown progressed, YHC realized he was recklessly walking a thin line between ‘theological misstep’ and…well…HERESY.

    Oy gevalt! Mel Brooks would have a field day with me. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, amirite?

    ———-

    Thang 1:

    Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”

    Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.”

    The Heresy:

    Then America’s Best was led by Goose into the Sweet Grass to be tempted by Paradox. After researching EV’s for forty days, he was a Socialist. Paradox said to him, “If you are indeed a rugby playing optometrist from Virginia (It’s for luvahs), then turn these stones into merkins.

    AB answered, “The PAX does not sweat on merkins alone, but all aspects of exercises that come from the Burpee. (So, for AB…his favorite and superfluous deconstructed Burpee.)

    Bear and Block to marker 40 yards away

    – 20 coupon LBC’s
    – 20 merkins
    – 20 curls
    – 20 squat jumps

    Return Rifle carry

    – 20 coupon LBC’s
    – 20 merkins
    – 20 curls
    – 20 squat jumps

    ———-
    Thang 2:

    Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down. For it is written:

    “He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”

    Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.”

    The Heresy:

    Then Paradox said, “If you are truly part of the Thibodaux PAX, throw yourself down to the ground. For it is written: “The Q will be gracious and not let you endure a beatdown with planking.”

    AB answered, “Do not put your Q to the test.”

    Broad jump burpees to marker 40 yards

    – 20 chilcutt peter parkers 1:1
    – 20 mary poppins
    – 20 J-Lo’s 2:1
    – 20 chilcutt jacks

    Sprint Return

    – 20 chilcutt peter parkers 1:1
    – 20 mary poppins
    – 20 J-Lo’s 2:1
    – 20 chilcutt jacks

    ———-

    Thang 3:

    Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.”

    Jesus said to him, “Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.”

    The Heresy:

    Paradox showed AB all the AO’s in the world and you can start your own F3 cartel, call it a nonprofit, and then forget about executing the correct form on any exercise.

    AB said to him, “Away from me Paradox! For it is written that a proper Apolo Ohno requires one hand touch to the ground and the other behind your back.

    Coupon lunges to marker, 40 yards

    – 40 toe taps to coupon 2:1
    – 40 apolos 2:1
    – 40 bonnies 1:1
    – 40 climber merkins (one mountain climber, then merkin)

    Sprint Return

    Regardless, the Thangs were challenging and the chatter was unbelievable. Now, please don’t misunderstand…the chatter was actually, mystifyingly unbelievable. I couldn’t actually believe the sheer volume of garbage spewing forth from these clowns.

    It was nonstop. It was off the rails. It was maddening. It was…then it happened.

    Working through Apolo’s, came the next generation of chatter. Not since the Enron/Paradox chatter pair burst into the gloom have we heard such meaningless banter. Even the Popeye/AB fragrance, Eau de ‘self righteousness’ wilts in comparison. From the midst of the Den, White Meat and Maneater engaged in what has to be improv at its finest.

    It went something like this…

    Maneater (to White Meat): “You look like Olivia Newton John.”

    White Meat: “Who?”

    ME: “You don’t know Olivia Newton John? Hopelessly Devoted? Let’s Get Physical?!? Grease?!?”

    WM: “Nope. I don’t watch musicals. You like them?”

    ME: “I was born to hand jive.”

    WM: “Come again?”

    Paradox (singing): “Let’s get physical.”

    WM: “No thank you.” (staring at Dox in disgust)

    We finished up with a last ditch effort to quell the chatter. By this time, YHC had lost his patience, dropping random passive aggressive shots at nobody in particular. Muttered comments like, ‘running their mouths too much to be exercising’ and that ‘the Pax in general had too much energy’ and that ‘I would show them a thing or two about a…whatever’. This ain’t even my whole night, bruh.

    So, to the musical and redundant stylings of Bill Withers’ “Lovely Day,” the PAX did various leg work during verses and then star jumps for every “Lovely Day.” In case you were wondering, there are 96.

    Real Talk:
    The song choice was not a product of repetitive triggers perfect for F3. Well, it was, but not completely. Since joining F3 as well as converting to Catholicism (and yes…I do mean ‘conversion’…there ain’t no catholic-lite about it), my concept of Lent has moved from, “Do I have to do this?” to “I get to do this.”

    That doesn’t mean it’s not hard or that I don’t take it out on fellow PAX when they aren’t following my very simple instructions. In truth, it is hard and I do take it out on White Meat…and sometimes Paradox.

    Good to be back, Fellas.

    SYITG,

    Jeaux

  • Burn it Out Like We Used to Do – from Goose

    YHC has greatly admired the incredible creativity that this Thibodaux PAX has continued to bring to the table week after week. The bar is set high, and it’s clear this crew is willing to put in solid prep work out of appreciation for their companions in the gloom. It’s unmatched by any other region YHC where has posted.

    However, this morning, YHC felt the need to focus on a few particular areas that need shoring up and decided to dial up a few classic burners to do the trick. Sometimes you gotta bring the bar down a little bit, you know? I mean, we can’t have guys posting in other places where they just pull routines from the Exicon and wonder why there aren’t any trivia questions, hidden cones, costumes, monologues, or Coupons of Unusual Size. We’ve got to know how to fit in a little bit.

    So, after a hefty warmup of the old faithfuls (this was day 1 of waking up without a painful memory of Thursday), we lined up for a fast-paced set of 11’s. Curls at one end, Big Boy Situps at the other, and carioca and side shuffles to get back and forth through the grass. (Our shoes and socks had been missing the moisture–you can’t let those get too dried out.)

    With the 30 min or so remaining, YHC blew the dust of the Deck-o-Death and explained that we’d be doing the classic D-o-D routine, which consists of an exercise assigned to each suit and the number of the card indicating the reps. No poker or battle or anything, we’d just take turns pulling the top card and completing the assigned exercises as follows:
    -Diamonds = tricep presses
    -Clubs = goblet squats
    -Hearts = coupon flutter kicks
    -Spades = manmakers
    -Aces = 50 Rocky Balboas on the curb (2:1)
    -Jokers = 20 coupon jump-overs (2:1)

    You have to have at least one exercise in the routine to make you dread that suit and add some drama as well as a healthy sprinkling of some tougher stuff. This morning, however, the drama turned into tragedy. Despite the deck having never been used for any actual card games, you’d have thought YHC’s kids had used it recently to play “Spades, Spades, and More Spades”. So, the weak attempt at shuffling did little to stem the unending tide of manmakers that washed over the PAX. It was punctuated every now and then by Rocky Balboas, which gave the PAX a chance to River Dance their pain away, but somehow the spades multiplied while we were at the curb. There was no official count, but AB is pretty sure there were at least three Queens and seven 7’s of spades drawn. Things were getting dangerous. The spades seemed to be gaining intelligence as they multiplied. Thankfully, they lost their power once the clock registered 6:00am and we sealed them away in a sandwich bag.

    COT and Maneater revealed the newest embarrassing wearable, Proper Twelve. It’s a crop top with an whiskey brand on it that he caught at a parade. Not sure who was wearing it before it was thrown, but it was awarded to Smooth, who hopes he can comply with the HOA policy which requires that shirts must cover the nips while using shared facilities.

    AB prayed us out, and we shared our gratitude that he’ll be Q-ing tomorrow, which reduces the likelihood of manmakers substantially.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • 2/27/25 Planet Fitness Death March – from Smooth Operator

    2/27/25 Planet Fitness Death March
    XL
    Pipelayer
    Pope
    Goose
    Safet Valve
    Lil Cuz
    ManEater
    Americas Best
    Yankee Joe

    Nothing like a lil death march to get us into the month of March, and an end to Run Cajun Run by doing a little pole to pole shuffling.
    YHC showed up a little later than normal from a night shift due to late morning shift change. Goose had already started his warm-up lap and Pope and Maneater were discussing ways to save Pope’s generation from world-wide catastrophes like man eating lion’s and tigers and dead eyed corporation gym members and such.  
    As others showed up, one individual stood out. He did not know it, but Lil Cuz was instrumental in the creation of this beatdown. He once told me of a gym where “normal” people could go and walk on tread mills and do exercise machines and other foreign “equipment” without fear of being intimidated by individuals who grunted a little too much or occasionally dropped a heavy object or two. He even said there was a buzzer type light that was in place to shame these Neanderthalic clumsy individuals. And as I stored this seemingly useless but hilarious information into my hard drive, YHC vowed to use this information for the good of humanity.  

    Warmarama  
    As we huddled around the handicap sign due to a lack of lion statue that YHC will never get over. 0515 hit and YHC and Pope ran to the flag to begin Side straddle hops while others filtered in from the sign using the non-orderly fashion method. After this warmarama went as normal with YHC forgetting his numbers occasionally.

    Exercises were:
    SSH
    Imperial Walkers
    Mountain Climbers
    Tie Fighters both front and back  

    Thang 1  
    Planet Fitness Death March

    Thang 1 began with what seemed to be the start of some Canal street burpees, but YHC kept moseying into the abyss located between Live Mais and I’m Loving It. The PAX continued to the TJ Maxx end of Plaza Del Rienzi Shopping Center, and we stopped for YHC to explain the rules for our little there and back again march. The rules are as follows: Each skinny post the PAX will complete 2 goosees, thank you Goose for the demonstration. Each fat post will be 10 merkins and the PAX will bear crawl to the next post. For each 90 degrees turn in our alley way the Pax will complete 10 burpees. Mode of transport would be a mosey Ish sprint. At this point the PAX moseyed to the far end of our brightly lit alley way. We stopped near Bourgeois Insurance Shop and as the PAX attempted to ask further question YHC gave the ready set go and off the PAX went. YHC learned quickly that the PAX is up for any challenge. They started out the gate moving fast and never let up even when we reached the Planet Fitness area where we received a couple dead eyed stares and even probably got posted on Snapchat by one of the employees. You could have sworn that the PAX had painted red hands on their shorts and were carrying protest signs by the looks we received. The PAX kept at it and finished long before YHC expected. When Valve came to pick up the 6 (ME) he was adamant he would not be going back to our starting point near Bourgeois Insurance. Therefore, YHC decided in a bout of leniency to do a Rapid-Fire Death March. The Rules are the same except there would be no bear crawling and all number of reps would be 1. The PAX completed this in record time and before you know it, the PAX was on the move again in the direction of Small’s parking lot.

    Thang 2  
    Making it up as YHC goes

    We reached Small’s and YHC decided it was time for what everyone was there for anal street burpees. We did a couple and AB (the voice of reason) decided that tiny asphalt rocks and glass was not the place to be burpee ing. It seems like this wasn’t AB cup of frothy coffee, therefore the PAX headed back to the flag with 12 minutes to go. As we reached the flag YHC decided we would do a couple rounds of Mary. It started with a plead to move to concrete instead of the wet grass which YHC graciously approved. The round of Mary started with WWI sit ups, followed by Goose’s crunchy frogs, and the Yankee Joe’s Scissor maneuver. At this point we had approximately 10 minutes to go and YHC decided abs were not the way to go to kill time. The PAX took a lap around the civic center and ended up waiting on the 6 (YHC). With approximately 7 minutes to go, YHC decided that clearly running was not the way to go. The stair seemed to call out to the PAX as YHC rounded the front of the Warren Harang Municipal building. The Pax lined up and we went up and down 3 or 4 times which seemed to be the best work to rest ratio and as 0559 approached the PAX hit the ground for a minute of merkins or high plank holds until the St. Joseph co Cathedral bells started ringing signifying 0600.

    The PAX circled up around the flags and counted off. Announcements revealed Paradox got JBL charging and a whole hour of questionable music picked out for Saturday’s beatdown. Show up if you can. There will also be a board meeting at some point to further strengthen the inner circles. Prayers were for the ACTs retreat coming up and prayers for Yote’s continued treatment. Yankee Joe then prayed us out. Thanks for letting me lead and not removing my Q card upon completion.
    SYITG,
    Smooth Operator

    P.S.
    AS YHC crafted this beatdown in the parking lot of Tiger Rock Martial Arts (gym?). I thought this beatdown would force the PAX to throw a lot of weight on the ground and hopefully ring the Planet Fitness buzzer a couple times. But on the way to the beatdown, listening to the Exodus 90 scripture reading and reflection a section struck me. It reads, The Psalmist prays: “Moses, God’s chosen one, stood in the breach before him, to turn away his wrath from destroying them” (Psalm 106:23). The Lord calls each of us to do the same for those God has given us to love and lead, to stand in the breach, to be willing to suffer for them, and to call down the Lord’s mercy on them. Today weather the Planet Fitness members knew it or not, The PAX stood in the breach, suffered for them and through suffering hopefully called down the Lord’s mercy on them.  

    P.P.S
    Dumbledore Come Home
     

  • One Week – from Honeysuckle

    What a difference a week makes. A week ago, Thibodaux was still digging out of the snow and AB revealed that he lives in bushes outside his home, which many of us suspected but had never confirmed. Today, YHC plus 11 HIMs (one of which was downrange from Lake Charles but is becoming an honorary Thibodaux PAX) emerged from the gloom on a warm, humid morning.

    Also a week ago, YHC was downrange with the Colorado Springs PAX on a frigid morning. They typically have daily beatdowns, but unbenownst to YHC, last Thursday was the first day of the week they actually met due to sub zero wind chills. This made YHC feel better about fartsacking earlier in the week.

    Since YHC’s previous replay of a downrange experience continues to cause quite a bit of angst to the status quo, it was not even a question as to whether the Colorado Springs beatdown should be replayed today.

    The PAX started circled up, expecting SSHs, and even Safety Valve was prepared to face his fate. However, warmarama began with a mosey around the civic center. PAX then circled up for some slightly more standard warmarama fare. Last week, Periscope had cold/icy/snowy names for pretty much all of the exercises, but YHC couldn’t remember many. So we did snow ticklers (aka pebble pickers, aka grass grabbers), Willie mays hayes, frozen sprinklers (twist with arms out), arm circles, cherry pickers, imperial walkers, and self love.

    PAX then moseyed to ALDI, still oblivious to what was about to happen, much as YHC was last week, except without the numb feet and hands. In cadence, the following exercises were performed:

    Merkins
    Shoulder tap merkins
    Mountain climbers
    Squats
    Air squats
    Lunges (both legs)
    Arm circles
    Overhead claps
    Air presses

    Then, mosey around the civic center.

    Another unique part of the Colorado Springs PAX was their 29 counts, whereas we typically do 10 counts. White Meat was given the honor to do a 29 count and delivered flawlessly.

    Then, repeat the exercises, working in seal claps in the shoulder work.

    Then, mosey around the civic center.

    Then, repeat the exercises, working in some Freddy Mercuries, Flutter kicks, and leg raises.

    Then, mosey around the civic center.

    One other aspect of the Colorado Springs PAX was their cadence counting not using fancy numbers such as ten, eleven, or twenty-six. Rather, we had one zero, one one, and two six.
    The PAX this morning were challenged to only use those ten numbers (0-9) in counting cadence. This was pretty hit or miss during the course of the four five minutes, with many “tens” and “elevens” being thrown out there and Enron insisting on using “oh” instead of “zero”. YHC threatened to enforce a one burpee per mistake but if so we would still be out there, so we performed five penalty burpees and returned to the flags.

    White Meat gifted Phil The Pain / Face Value to Yankee Joe. Safety Valve prayed us out.

    It was rewarding to share another F3 experience with the PAX today. While YHC didn’t get to hang out with the Colorado Springs PAX too long due to the cold, last Thursday they were having a “2nd F” event at a local brewery that would have allowed that to happen. YHC was unable to make it, but it did seem like a nice part of their culture. The overall experience made YHC appreciate our own culture and PAX even more but it was also a reminder that there is always room to improve.

    SYITG,
    Honeysuckle

  • Have a Magical Day. And the Horse You Rode in On. – from America’s Best

    The man was struggling to breathe. The grimace on his face betrayed him– he was pushing his body to the limits of extreme exertion. His heart raced. His muscles strained. His crocs almost fell off. Seemingly defying the limits not only of his own physical ability, but of physics itself, he hurtled himself toward the boat dock. “Move!” he shouted, as his compatriots shuffled along behind him. His patience was being tested. His cargo shorts were also being tested, both in capacity of the pockets and tensility of the waistband. Somehow he careened himself and his giant double-stroller onto the waiting vessel before it departed. Yes. Success. Today they would make their journey without waiting another 20 minutes for the next boat to Hollywood Studios.

    Watching all of this unfold, YHC’s mind went one place: This is a beatdown.

    Warmarama
    SSH (Safety Valve rolls in)
    Windmills
    Imperial Walkers
    Carolina Butt Kickers
    Lafayette Night Clubs
    Tie Fighters
    Arm Circles
    Cherry Pickers

    Mosey over to Aldi and back to the first sidewalk for

    The First Thang:
    Get on the Bus/Don’t Miss the Boat/Monorail More Like Boraphyll/Skyliner is Floridian for Gondola

    Partner up, start with a standard (reverse) Dora.
    200 curls, bear crawl
    100 goblet squats, murder bunny
    50 burpees, rifle carry

    During this the PAX would be required to come up with and call out one the 4 modes of transport between Disney parks. Upon the call out, we would all run to one of 4 designated areas to do something.

    I thought it might be somewhat challenging to think of all 4 MOT at Disney… then Safety Valve disclosed that he had EH’d a ringer… TexicoCat has been to Disney something like 47 times.

    At WDW you have to keep you head on a swivel for those characters that your kid has to get a photo with. So another addition to this beatdown was to listen for a mention of a Disney character in the beatdown soundtrack.

    Valve called out “boat” first. Strange. Although this was the MOT that inspired this beat down, it’s the one least used. We took our coupons to near the reservoir and completed 10 thrusters.

    A bit later, Valve called out “bus.” YHC was starting to think he was being coached by TexicoCat. We brought our coupons to the bus stop to do 10 man makers. Just as we were getting there, YHC lamented, “The bus is the worst mode of transport at Disney.” Safety Valve simply added “Yes.” But in that word I could feel the deep shared suffering that we both knew from riding that horrible bus. So it would be only five man makers. Because solidarity, brother.

    We had almost completed the Dora when someone mentioned a monorail, so we moseyed to the Aldi parking lot for a quick parking lot suicide. Then nurred (nar?) back like we were in that backwards facing seat on the monorail.
    From there, we visited the skyliner, which was bunny hopping up the Civic Center stairs and performing 10 Bobby Hurleys up top.
    We moseyed back to compete the Dora and then were ready for

    The Next Thang: The Long Line

    Studies have shown that 95% of the time at Disney is spent standing in line. Which studies you ask? To that I respectfully say shut your pie hole and have a magical day.

    We would simulate the never-ending line which seems to take longer the closer you get to the front:

    Start under the trees and do 3 BBS
    Move up in line to the first sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins
    Then move to the second sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins+7 Goosies

    And then just when you get almost to the front of the line (the wall at the front of the civic center), someone has to potty.

    So get out of line, then head back to the beginning and start all over again

    Start under the trees and do 3 BBS
    Move up in line to the first sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins
    Then move to the second sidewalk and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins+7 Goosies
    Then finally move to the wall and do: 3 BBS+7 Merkins+7 Goosies + 7 Burpees

    Once at the wall, it was time for

    The Final Thang: Don’t Stand in My Way, Don’t have a Seat

    Sometimes in life (and usually at Disney) you accidentally beat yourself down. YHC did this while being forced to watch Mickey’s Magical Friendship Faire for the 17th time. Near the front, but right in front of a small pillar seemed the optimal spot to watch but not be in anyone’s way… as long as you were lower than that pillar. The only way YHC was able to make that happen was to basically wall-sit against the pillar.
    So now the PAX would wall sit while we reviewed our soundtrack.
    First question: Did anyone hear any Disney characters mentioned in any of the songs?

    Popeye was the only one to answer, quickly with “Cinderella. From Celebrity Skin…. I mean, what was that song called?”
    Yes, that is exactly what that song is called. But nobody else had heard a thing. So we listed to them all while intermittently picking up our coupon children during our wall sit. Most characters were easily identified once we listened for them, except “Snow White” in Enter Sandman, and of course Rapunzel. (Thanks to YJ, DMB gets no cred.)

    Finished up with 1min of Mary (WWI sit ups).

    Final question at the COT: Sometimes at Disney, you unexpectedly run into someone you know. Today, one of the songs included the name of one of our men here today. Who knows it?
    Again, Popeye was quick to answer, “Honeysuckle.” Again, from Celebrity Skin by Hole.

    Wait. How was Popeye able to Live Through This beatdown with such great success?
    Let’s just say if anyone sees a Courtney Love body pillow on sale, please let me know before Popeye’s next birthday.

    COT completed as Honeysuckle prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    AB

     

  • The Centenarian Decathlon, Lap 2: Caged Possums – from Paradox

    The centenarian decathlon, introduced by longevity expert Dr Peter Attia, provides a framework for reverse engineering your aging and focusing on healthspan AND lifespan. It can also serve as an excellent thought experiment and practical guide for physical goals.

    The question is fairly simple. Assuming you reach 100, what are the ten tasks you would like to still be able to do?

    This could be anything! Wanna drink strawberry wine in a rocking chair reminiscing about When we were young ? Put it on the list. Running against the wind through The Suburbs as you blow past other 64 year old Beatles. Check, check and check!!

    You could put the practical stuff there too I guess, and lots of ppl will have overlap there. Picking up grandkids, traveling and getting off the john banos without assistance always make a lot of lists.
    In the early 2023 CD 100 YHC surveyed the pax the day before the beatdown and so we ended up working on our golf swings, pro creation movements and throwing lazer tight Uncle Rico spirals to our great grand kids. Nothing wrong with these. But this year YHC wanted to look at it from a bit more morbid standpoint and so asked a few patients (some much closer to the real CD) what they miss doing the most in the the 7th , 8th, and 9th decades of life. We would take that list as our decathlon and sprinkle a few musical memory recall tests in for the aging llama neurons.

    Duke! put down that geritol and get your Medicare part D(og) card!
    Roll the footage!

    7 Depaxthletes were ready to roll at the Den but just needed a Q!
    Ya hate to see it.
    YHC came in flaming on two wheels at a prompt 5:17a.
    The lemon truck continues to need intensive care and while grateful for the bum truck it does take a little sweet talking to get rolling in 33 degree gloom.
    Safety valve provided what I’m sure was sheer terror from the pax of a possible substitute danger valve q that prolly involved suicides and rhabdo but YHC rescued them mid warm up and we got to it.

    Average age of pax present was 40.7 years so if we make it to 100 we have 60 more years of physical decline. The idea is we need to train now to be ahead of that drop off. So if you want to lift a cute warm, giggling 20 lb baby one time then it only makes sense for you to lift a much less cute 40 pound ice cold unforgiving coupon 100 times. Theres complicated math imbedded with rates of muscle decay and dietary intake but for simplicity sake we’ll just let Ronnie cook those books later.

    Tha Thang

    Complete 10 reps of exercise and add one exercise each round with a lap in between. While running a civic center lap we would try to guess the artist of a few “memory or aging adjacent” songs.

    YHC just forgot one tiny little wrinkle that once you get an answer correct you would be eliminated from the potential pax that can guess (or if your Popeye then Guess is just a jeans fad, he has facts only.)
    YHC had been tinkering with ways to humble our musical elite and went to bed quite pleased with the potential anguish of only one neutralized pax knowing Arcade Fire while the rest said dumb stuff like Kings of Leon. But again I caution future Qs , if you bring a layup into this Den be prepared for Bruce Mutombo and Shaq Royster to swat it into the rafters and look disappointed you didn’t try harder.

    Decathlon:

    #1. Getting out of bed
    10 Coupon BBSU

    #2. Get off the toilet without assistance – 10 butt to coupon jump squats

    #3. Load grocery’s – 10 Curls

    #4 Pickup Great Grandkids –
    10 Thrusters

    #5 Dance- 10 Apollo Ohnos

    #6. Open a Jar – coupon side carry down and back on middle grip

    #7Cut the grass – Coupon cranks

    YHC skipped to # 10 as a burpee finisher…
    Eating solid food -10 burpees

    ***Ones we didn’t get to ;
    Maybe next year.

    #8Getting up from chair –
    10 goblet squats

    #9 the marital embrace –
    10 Coupon wife pleasers

    The Songs

    “I don’t need your rocking chair”
    – George Jones

    “Running Against the Wind”
    -Bob Seger

    “When we were Young”
    -Adele

    “Glory Days”
    -Bruce Springsteen

    “Strawberry Wine”
    -Deana Carter

    “When I’m 64”
    -the Beatles

    Notes:

    – YHCs new tactic wasn’t a complete failure as the Pax had 1-2 penalties when the group dwindled.
    – George Jones is pure poetry.
    – ABs commentary on Springsteen knowledge equaling US citizenship made the laps melt away .
    – YHC did not have the heart to let a solo pax wildly guess at the Beatles after HoneySuckles recent Beatledown anthology so I figured that was a soft toss.
    – Ronnie took a great guess at Martina McBride and AB let his 90s country weaknesses show out there for any aspiring trivia Qs.

    All together we picked up about 70 40 lb great grandkids, got off the John a few times and remembered a glory day or two.

    Naming and counting then some healthy lines were drawn in the sand between trawlers and WHAPS for the upcoming RCR contest.

    Wrapped up with big time prayers for Yote and the Goose nest.

    HS prayed us out.

    Thanks to the gang for sticking around to find my bum truck keys!
    America’s Best appropriately suggested that keen eye sight might need to be part of the cent decathlon next year.

    Here’s a Dox of Chocolates

    Sit down some time with a post-it note or even some spare certified coast guard letter head. Ask yourself the above question and then I challenge you to build your own unique centenarian decathlon. This can be a guidepost for helping us tailor our physical training and for allowing our health span to stay on course with our lifespan.
    But wait , there’s more.

    Look at the list again and consider some harder yet inescapable truths.

    One day you’ll get up from the toilet unassisted for the last time. (Hopefully after reading a thoroughly good blast)

    One day you will throw your child in the air for the last time.

    One day you may twirl your M in the kitchen for the very last dance.

    Get out of bed, Hike a trail, open a jar of pickles…you get it…At some point you will do every single thing on your list for the very last time and most likely not even know it.

    Considering the value of these events later in life is impactful but what if we flip the timeline back to the present.

    Seeing the gift in each moment as it comes and that God has provided us the means to be in the present.

    And if we can do that then maybe Springsteen was wrong.
    Maybe these ARE the glory days.

    Run against today’s winds.
    Reject tommorows rocking chair.
    And make sure you can taste the strawberries along the way.

    Grateful for an opportunity to lead you fellas.

    SYITG
    Dox

  • What’s Cooler than being Cool? – from America’s Best

    YHC had originally planned a totally different beatdown, but upon seeing the sub-freezing temperatures predicted, changed to a beatdown that would keep all body parts moving throughout the morning.

    YHC pulled into the Frozen Tuesday Tundra with minutes to spare to find a larger than expected PAX assembled and ready to get warm.

    Warmarama (augmented to keep all limbs moving):
    SSH
    Tie Fighters
    Imperial Walkers
    Self Love+Butt kicks (deemed “Butt Love” by Popeye)
    Windmills
    Mountain climbers (Paradox starts to stand up)
    Shoulder Taps (Paradox starts to stand up)
    Peter Parkers (Paradox stays put, so back on our feet)

    Quick mosey around what may someday be a neighborhood.

    Music selection today was all about the Fahrenheits, and began with “Frozen Heart” from The Girl Dad Earworm album. Goose said something vaguely offensive like “Is this the dwarves from Lord of the Rings?” It was like a Basketball Jones slur but for the Sami mountain people. From there the music warmed to “She’s so Cold” which is basically an exercise in Mick Jagger trying to think of cold things that also rhyme with the word “cold.” (Near misses: “tombstone,” ice-cream cone.”) Only warm summertime songs from there on out to keep us mentally warm.

    We arrived back at the flags for a Dora that would ensure we would be constantly moving to maintain warmth.

    Partner 1 starts on 50 Burpees while partner 2 MOT is The Nur (mosey back).

    Followed by 100 goblet squat curls, MOT Flying Nun (mosey back).

    Then 200 Bobby Hurleys, MOT Bear Crawl (mosey back). When we were beginning this portion, Valve just laughed and said “leg day, huh?”

    (Aside: If you have not ever partnered up with Safety Valve, I highly recommend it. The more difficult the beatdown becomes, the bigger his smile gets. The grin is not exactly maniacal, but it’s also not comforting. I’m not sure if its origin is the pain he felt or the pain he saw on my face. Either way, this man eats pain for breakfast. )

    Next we moved up to the stage for 100 Mike Tyson Merkins whilst the partner ran a lap.

    At this point, YHC thought he saw that we had only 5 minutes left, so we moved down to run in place while listening to the FOTC Classic “Mutha’uckas”. YHC quickly fabricated something about F3 needing all 3 F’s, and so each time we heard a word missing a letter “F” we would Burpee. There were a lot of missing F’s. The chatter about this song being where 75% of YJ’s vocabulary comes from drowned out the song.

    Now somehow (either due to time dilation or presbyopia) there were 10 minutes left, so YHC quickly added a second Conchords song “Hurt Feelings.” The PAX held plank and merkined with each “hurt.” “Have you ever been told that you look like a llama?”

    Now that we had about 6 minutes left, we had just enough time for some Mary. Goose surprised everyone by not calling Dr. W’s and YHC takes that as a compliment as a sign of a challenging beatdown. Popeye led us in fire hydrants, and YHC accidently did alternating legs, which I do not recommend unless you are already in the market for new kneecaps. YHC then offered Freddy Mercs, and Enron gifted us penguins. I can’t remember too much more, other than Tana trying to run out the clock with 6” until everyone dropped. But when the Q is done, the exercise moves on to the next man. It’s always that New Year’s Resolution Guy who shows up multiple weeks and then struts around like he owns the Planet Fitness.

    YHC was impressed by the fortitude of all you men who braved the frozen tundra to make it out.

    SYITG,

    AB