F3 New Orleans

Tag: Safety Valve

  • Mercy Toward Heretics – from Goose

    There is one among our company who claims to be a healer of rifts, recently those of the musical variety, while simultaneously spouting blasphemies (of the musical variety) on a very consistent basis. Feigning Homerian ignorance, this individual purposefully rubs an already musically chafed goose the wrong way at every opportunity while pretending to lead a Yankovician “Can’t we all just get along” campaign. Yes, there is, of course, a place for playful banter, but one you cross the line into blasphemous heresy, there is only one remedy. The heretic must be reformed, often violently, in order to mercifully save him from the fiery justice that such error duly deserves.

    So, today’s goal would be to straighten the bent mind and heart of the heretic via education and suffering. The topics that would be covered:
    -Who is Peter Gabriel? Are he and Phil Collins the same person?
    -Would Peter Gabriel be listed on the credits of any song on a Bieber or Lil’ John album? What about 3rd Bass?
    -Would Peter Gabriel be involved in any way in country (or western) music?
    -What songs did Peter Gabriel sing, and what impact did they have on life, the universe, and everything?

    After a robust warmup (necessary after Coyote’s flogging), we grabbed coupons and headed to the start of the new area of road, which Popeye has officially dubbed (and shall henceforth be known as) “The Stretch”. The Thang was simple. YHC would ask Paradox a question, and if he got it right, the PAX would mosey to the third set of pipes (50 or so yards away) and back. If he got it wrong, the PAX would sprint a suicide to the first, second, and third set of pipes in under 30 seconds, well…maybe a full minute…if my watch would just…hold on…ok, just friggin’ do it fast.
    After the run, a song appropriate the question would be played with corresponding exercises. As follows:

    1. What band were Peter Gabriel (PG) and Phil Collins (PC) in together before their solo careers?

    -Answer: Genesis. Dox got this one pretty quick, but YHC knew that he had pretty much maxed out his knowledge on the subject at this point, and luck would be the only thing that would save the PAX moving forward.

    Song: “That’s All” by Genesis, post PG exit: The Pax lined up and did standing lunges arm-in-arm, but on every “That’s All” each in turn left the group and did 5 star jumps on their own, solo.

    2. PG and PC went opposite directions when it came to how they approached lyrics: one used lyrics that sound deep but aren’t, while the other used lyrics that sound meaningless but are usually an effort at artistic depth. Which is which?

    -Answer: PG sounds crazy but is going for depth, while PC, ever the drummer, is just using cool sounding words that fit the rhythm. Dox got this one correct, too, which showed progress–he actually cared enough to distinguish and think through what made each musician unique. This was a good sign, but much work was clearly still needed.

    Song: “Sussudio” by PC (pure nonsense, but sounds like the beating heart of the 80’s): plank jacks, merkins on “sussudio”. YHC mercifully stopped this one a little over halfway through.

    3. Best 3/5 lyrics match–which one (PG or PC) is responsible for the following lyrics?
    1. When you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand…(PC)
    2. If looks could kill they probably will in games without frontiers, wear without tears (PG)
    3. Don’t you know you’ve got to shock the monkey, shock the monkey tonight (PG)
    4. And the bulge in my big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big (PG)
    5. You could have a steam train, if you just lay down your tracks (PG)

    This is where some retributive purgation took place. Just playing the odds wouldn’t work here (and they didn’t), though Popeye, or the absent AB or Honeysuckle could get these in their sleep. The heretic, though making good progress, needed to see just how far away the goal of true reformation still was. The suicide was long.

    Song: “Big Time” by PG: penguins for the duration, BBSU on “Big”

    5. What was PG’s greatest hit, his most well-known song by far, and which is still rated in top five of music videos of all time?

    Answer: Sledgehammer. YHC thought this might be a gimme, but Dox’s disregard for PG as a person and artist as well as most 80’s music in general had brought him to this lowly state. Another suicide.

    Song: “Sledgehammer” by PG: block calf raises for the duration, curls on “sledge” and for the duration of the bridge

    6. And, last but not least, what was the PG song playing from John Cusack’s famous romantic boombox scene?

    Answer: In Your Eyes. Though Dox had the movie title, “Say Anything”, the song was nowhere on the radar, so the sprinting continued.

    At this point, an elderly man involved in the road project had backed his truck in just behind the barricade, which put him about 10 feet from us. And, there he sat, in his truck with the window down, pretending not to notice 5 men sweating to the 80’s with cinder blocks hovering over their faces.

    Song: “In Your Eyes” by PG: hold blocks in bench press position, skull crusher on every “in your eyes”.

    Time ran short on us, otherwise, our friend would have enjoyed some Shock the Monkey Humpers. Next time.

    COT and Popeye prayed us out.

    Many thanks to Dox for being willing to show up just to be singled out and treated like a leper for 40 minutes, and many thanks Safety Valve and Popeye who were willing to endure his reformation treatment. (Pope didn’t have a choice.) I’d say thanks to Peter Gabriel, but his music is a little outdated.

    SYITG,
    Goose
    1. In Your Eyes: hold block press, skull crusher on in your eyes

  • Keep Thibodaux Weird – from Paradox

    YHC has been privileged to play a role in many of the storied F3 Thibodaux Schisms through the years. Sometimes as an ardent supporter, other times, ashamedly, as a lead instigator. As the great Creed Bratton once remarked “…more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader”. While his comment may have been referring to cultish behavior, I think the general principle applies here and I’ve now met my weekly quota of Creed quotes. And so, it’s with this schism experience that YHC feels qualified to observe the subtleties present in schism infancy. It starts at an almost undetectable level. Just a slight twitch of the eyelid during Smashmouth Allstars. Then it builds. A facial wince when you hear mainstream 90s classics and you start to avoid people that use the term “Champagne Supernova” for all the things that are great in their life. Followed by audible disdain to your cohorts about one genre/decade being more elite than another. Then, like clockwork there is a “boiling over” event. For example, no one recognizing “Lucas with the Lid Off” followed by GroupMe affirmations for the more recognizable 3rd Bass “Pop goes the Weasel” (complete random example). And just like that we are off to the races. A few laugh emojis don’t go your way and your supper doesn’t taste as sweet. You get backed into a corner and know the only way out is weapons of eardrum destruction you’ve been hiding in the dark for years, ready to lash out at moment’s notice. You dig in, readying your Spotify missiles for a lengthy war and you begin searching through old LimeWire and Napster accounts…

    But not today my brothers.

    Today, just like your optometrically prescribed headband, we will promote healing!

    But how?

    How could we thaw the frozen hearts of 90s genre elitism?

    YHC saw only one way out.

    A single artist.

    His work spanning 4 decades.

    No genre left standing in his wake.

    Today we would utilize him as an instrument of peace.

    Today..we would get WEIRD.

    Duke get your accordion and play that funky bean footage!!

    9 pax warmup of the usuals, highlighted by two late arriving ecofriendly PAX vehicles. Tanas fueled by the hard labor of rural PCPs and ABs running off his own supply of colon-to-tank methane.

    THE CONCERT THANG

    Simple and direct today.
    We would take the top 5 Weird Al hits, modify them a touch and enjoy some of the finest lyrics created in the last 40 years. YHC would sprinkle in trivia between songs.

    Correct 10 curls

    Incorrect 25 Monkey Humpers because with the trivia masterminds present you have to up the ante. These llamas play for keeps plus Pope is now 20/20 on beatdown Star Wars trivia.

    # 1 White and Nerdy
    Holding coupon Scissor Kicks , Swap on White and Nerdy , Coupon presses while holding 6 inches on song

    What famed physicist is in his library? (Hawking)
    In the song He denotes a numeral value referencing a polygon associated with this famed mathematician? (Pascal)

    10 Curls for Correct Hawking, 25 MH’s for lack of Pascal knowledge.

    #2 The Saga Begins
    Trigger on Star Wars characters and planets , and Jedi
    Around the galaxy lunges during song, Jungle Boi squat on triggers

    Which Star Wars movie specifically was Bring parodied in this song? (Phantom Menace)
    Jar Jar Binks species and home planet ? (Gungan, Naboo)
    Meaning youthful and untrained , anakin is referred by this term during his early Jedi training? (Padawan)

    # 3 Eat It
    Big Boys with Coupon , Sitting OHP on Eat It’s

    Beat it 2008 was a poorly received tribute done by this pop group ?
    Black eyed peas- Again, YHC’s error at mis labeling legumes and black eyes but the pax really needed dat lactic acid boost so we did 25 MHs.

    # 4 Amish Paradise —YHC’s personal favorite of the collection.
    Inchworm crawl out to HR Merkin during song
    Thrusters on Paradise

    The song parodied here was the #1 teach featured on the soundtrack of this 1995 movie ? (Dangerous Minds)
    Can’t you just imagine AB in his freshman dorm watching Dangerous Minds in his Jncos and chain wallet, a couple Oasis poster on wall. Life is Good!
    The teacher in this film played by whom and is nicknamed what? WHITEBREAD
    Goose was awarded partial credit for attempts at White Witch and 10 MHs were deducted.

    #5 FAT
    Squat side Kicks , Bonnie Blair’s on fat
    This parodied song was originally planned as a duet with what other royalty of 80s rock ? (Prince)
    **As the day unfolded our local investigative journo Mr. Wilford Montana unearthed an entire Prince vs MJ beef that is quite a rollercoaster including Prince trying to run over MJ in a parking lot followed by MJ calling Prince a “meanie” for the attempted vehicular manslaughter.

    We needed a recovery mosey to really smell the Nirvana and Goose needed to show King Pickleball he still has enough Sprint coverage for all the dead zones.

    Captain D’s bestowed the Animal to Valveline, noted that he rubbed some dirt on a fractured foot and posted all week.

    Valve awarded Jedediah Dawson aka Pope yet another well-deserved Fire Within for pumping out sitting OHPs while telling YHC Weird Al was too weird for his taste..hmmm…must be a Pete Gabriel guy.

    COT and Goose prayed us out

    Thanks for getting Weird with me today fellas

    POSTingSCRIPTs

    You know those safety signs in plants that denote “X number of days since the last safety incident”?

    Well, at F3 Thibodaux the peace of Weird Al led to a combined schism healing of 32 minutes before a recurrent 90s Pax villain threatened to reveal his Offspring and an Ace up his sleeve in the near future. This, in turn, stirred up at least two other delinquents who promptly started calling each other Aswads… and we were back at square one with 45 minutes of hard earned therapy down the toilet. The only course left was an apology…

    To Mr. Weird Alfred Matthew Yankovic:

    I tried your methods and found them useful but we may need a longer treatment plan to Smash these Pumpkins. Its like I’m trying to Reel in a Big Blowfish, not just a Hootie, but I’m keeping a Third Eye Blind to the mid 40’s Dinosaur Jr’s with no respect for the Pax still in the Green River of their youth.

    I’m just trying to save some Collective Souls in this Asylum but the more I fight for the Right to Party the more I realize that some of these Ricks just like to Roll and the rest of these goo goo dolls prefer to troll. Some are happy to see Dave Mathews churn, but some, well some just want strike a Matchbox 20 and watch it Burn.

    Thank you for keeping it Weird Mr. Al

    See you in the Grunge

    Dox

  • A Stroll Down Lack-of-Memory Lane (Minus the Stroll) – from Goose

    The presence of good ol’ Safety Valve has become synonymous with the F3 Thibodaux beatdown experience for months now since he decided to show up for just about everything. And, when that kind of thing happens, long-term absence of said individual has major affects not only on the the morale of the one absent but on that of the whole PAX (i.e., Y.J.). So, after hearing that Valve’s broken foot hadn’t improved much over the two-week rest period, YHC knew it was time to take matters into his own hands.

    It was time to build a beatdown that would kill four birds with one coupon:
    1. Allow Valve to fully participate without having to worry about the foot (hard to modify a mosey).
    2. Allow YJ to participate a little more fully knowing we wouldn’t be doing any major leg stuff.
    3. Come through on my vow to bring more 90’s hits that those who were in their prime during that awful decade may have erased (or claim to have erased) from their memory.
    4. Still bring the kind of challenge that these PAX show up for.

    Warmup: started with arm circles, which bent a few brains, and focused heavily on upper body and lower back (not one, but TWO Lafayette exercises).

    Thang 1: “I bet you don’t remember this one…or wish you didn’t.”

    1. “Scat Man” by Scatman John: Flutters for duration, but LBC’s during any scatting (the musical variety).
    A few remembered this one, and YHC remembered in the moment that this one may have been used at a beatdown before. Lots more LBC’s than flutters, and we were all a little dumber afterward, but nowhere near the low point of dumbness that would be achieved.

    2. “Pop Goes the Weasel” by 3rd Bass: Plank for duration, Kneel Diamonds on every “pop goes the weasel”.
    It seemed only Popeye remembered this one, and that it was an entire rap song about (bashing) one individual, Vanilla Ice, and that it also sampled a song by none other than Peter Gabriel. And, Dox wasn’t there to guess it.

    3. “Ninja Rap” by (none other than) Vanilla Ice: Bird dogs for duration, kneeling curls on “ninja”.
    Vanilla’s only other (vaguely) known hit featured in the old Ninja Turtles movie sequal, wherein rubber suited turtle dancers lit up the club with a choreographed dance to this jam. The bird dogs were similar, but different.

    4. “Hell” by Squirrel Nut Zippers: Penguins for duration, heels to heaven for the refrain.
    These guys signaled the start of the ska movement in the 90’s, which was an important movement that had lasting cultural significance. And, that many penguins is rough.

    5. “Gypsy Woman” by Crystal Waters and The Basement Boys: alternating side planks for the duration, toe-tap merkins during the droning refrain.
    This one is a remarkable 7.5 minutes of brain-numbing repetitivity. Don’t pull it up–you’ll remember it and regret it. You did it, didn’t you.

    Thang 2: Flora 1, 2, 3

    100 WW3 situps, 10 at a time, while partner does 6-in hold
    200 skull crushers (modified to 100 for time) 20 at a time while partner does X-factors
    300 shoulder shrugs (mostly didn’t get to it) 30 at a time while partner holds Al Gore
    PAX requested more ska, so Reel Big Fish was called upon followed by the man of the hour, Vanilla Ice.

    YHC wishes he’d have made more time for this one–lots of variety, and a solid muscle burner. Gypsy Woman should have probably been skipped, and been lost to the ANNALS of time (I’m sure there’s some connection to the anals of time, but I’ll let Maneater work that out along with his comfy pillow and Fire Within jammies).

    COT and Smooth prayed us out.

    It was great to have Valve back in the mix, and it’s been inspiring to see YJ work through what’s clearly a lot of pain to stay in it. Much respect to you both! And, thanks to the rest of the PAX for muscling through the playlist.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • American History F – from America’s Best

    HC arrived this morning to find a Den with no way in, as our lot had been barricaded. What a way to start a manniversary.
    First they came for our lion, and we did not speak out. Then they came for our parking lot, and we did not speak out. Not sure what comes next, but I think the general idea is to just ignore it.

    Warmarama began one minute late, mainly due to the PAX needing to inspect buckets of concrete and to check if pull-ups could be done from tent poles.

    SSH
    Windmills
    Imperial Walkers
    Willie Mays Hayes
    Mountain Climbers
    Arm circles of varying speeds
    Cherry Pickers

    F3 changes a man, in big ways and in small ways. But also in medium ways. For example, I will give you an example, through this illustration, vis-à-vis, case-in-point: I don’t listen to music in the same way anymore— now every time I hear a song, it’s immediately “could this be used in a beatdown?” So while the skeleton of today’s beatdown would be trivia, it’s disgusting sinew and adipose and entrails would be the best found songs of the year. And I guess the skin would be, like, the locations represented by our stops. Or something. Let’s just get on with it, ok?

    Moseying to the Aldi parking lot, we were met again with the barricades. While most of the PAX went around, Paradox apparently sensed the beatdown was heading to Germany, and leapt the wall like an East German gazelle in a terrible metaphor.

    The First Question was read, and the PAX contemplated the answer while squatting and Bobby Hurley-ing to An Arrow in the Wall by Death Cab For Cutie. The song was quickly and relentlessly abused as an obscure, ancient dirge from YHC’s past. (In reality, it was actually released less than a year ago, and while it was never “nominated for an Emmy” it has been met with critical success. But I’ll leave that alone; whatever is the opposite of “preaching to the choir” seems to be what I am doing here…)

    The correct answer to Q1 was (a very controversial) “omelette.” Nobody guessed correctly (likely another alternate-reality-induced schism), so we did (8×5) 40 Carolina Dry Docks (a hint to the next location)

    Next stop, next question. Maneater identified the place as NC. Then the PAX held 6” and Wheezied with every “gonna.” While the song began as a DMB classic, we were quickly Rick-Rolled for 4 minutes.
    The answer to question #2 was “cropdust” and Popeye and Paradox easily sniffed this one out. Yankee Jeaux was very proud of his guess, and legend has it he is still insisting that YHC also coined the term “douchebag.”
    The PAX was penalized with only (6×5) 30 gas pumpers.

    3rd stop around the world was Hawaii. The PAX nailed the location, then did an exercise known (by YHC at least) as the Makhtar N’J-Rod while Eric Clapton narrated.
    YHC’s favorite 90s band (who is still making music Today) was correctly answered only by Yankee Jeaux. Popeye’s guess of “Puddle of Mudd” may be the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.
    (7×5) 35 BBS was the penalty

    Location #4 was Ohio. And in spite of the smell from the dumpsters, it was not identified— our penalty would be doubled.
    We monkey-humped to “Let me be your Hog.” Burpees on some trigger words, but none of them occurred during the full 17 seconds of this song.
    The urinal of choice is “lowest/shortest” which 5 PAX answered correctly.
    Popeye’s guess of “fullest” wins Very Best Wrong Answer.
    (3x5x2(penalty)) = 30 BBS

    Next stop was VA- again an easy one. And it was time to listen to that other favorite band, whilst pondering the next question and doing a burpee for each “ever” or “never.” Here’s some trivia for you: “ever” and “never” are heard only 13 times in Oasis’ “Live Forever.” However, we were again quickly rolled into Rick. And that dude says “never” like 40 times.
    The F-4, the greatest fighter-bomber ever built, was correctly identified only by Maneater.
    35 Burpees were the penalty.

    The final song was played, and the PAX were instructed to right-foot lunge on each “pizza” and left-foot lunge on each “taco.” And what to do in-between? Turns out, it doesn’t matter. “It’s the Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.”

    A weary (from all the “Sweatin’ to the Weirdies”) and downtrodden (from all the not-knowing) PAX assembled back at the flag, still pondering the answer to question #6.
    Several horrible guesses were defended. The answer?
    Will be revealed in a future beatdown.

    Until then, look for Death Cab for Cuties’ upcoming single “A Very Controversial Omelette”

    COT and Maneater prayed us out.

    SYITG,

    AB

  • Nostalgia, Patriotism, and I’m out of Adderall – from Maneater

    Five PAX assembled on another muggy Monday at The Stage for a sweaty saunter down….. oh look a squirrel. What was YHC saying? Oh yeah, A sweaty saunter down ADHD lane.

    Did you know that in some circles untreated ADHD is considered a super power? It’s tru (ish). If one can see past the wild impulsivity and general lack of self-awareness, it becomes apparent that ADHD has a few benefits. I’ll give you a personal example:
    A week and a half ago M was telling YHC about a presumably interesting conversation that she had while working at a local church parish. Unfortunately, YHC was only able to catch about one quarter of the story M was saying, as the theme song for the 90’s classic cartoon Darkwing Duck was stuck on repeat in YHC’s mind. Fortunately, that Fowl diddy inspired an idea for a beatdown. So as soon as M finished YHC took out the phone and searched a few 90’s cartoon theme songs, and in true ADHD fashion, stopped there. Not finishing the beatdown plan. See, superpower.

    Low Super-power standards aside, after volunteering to cover this beatdown on short notice YHC decided to combine a few of the gooey centered ideas into larger half baked beatdown. So without further ado, Let’s get Dangerous

    The Thang:
    90’s Kid Beatdown:

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Theme
    -Butt Kickers for duration
    -Squat Jumps on ” TMNT”

    Darkwing Duck Theme:
    -BBS for Duration
    -Gas Pumpers on “DarkWing”

    Chip and Dale’s Rescue Ranger Theme
    -Run in Place for Duration
    -Squat Jumps for Chorus

    Thunder Cats Theme
    -Plank for duration
    -Merkin on “Thunder Cats”
    -Peter Parkers on Guitar Solo

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Theme again:
    -See above

    ‘Merica! That’s Why

    Five Station Circuit- Toss, Sprint, Drag, Carry, Mosey- inspired by the US Army’s Army Combat Fitness Test
    1. 40 meters each way over the shoulder medicine ball toss there and back
    2. 40 meter Sprint there and back
    3. Cinder Sled- two coupons on a folded Tarp- drag backwards 40 meters and back
    4. Carry a coupon in each hand 40 meters and back
    5. Mosey around the Stage track
    Then do It again and again and again and again.

    After performing a number of circuits, PAX moved on to MARY. PAX went around the horn with each PAX leading a burndown.
    After Mary; prayer intentions and announcements included our F3 brothers, Holy souls in Purgatory, those families on the DC retreat, that God reveal Himself through the Holy Spirit to all of those seeking Him.
    Hey, have you seen that show on FX “The Bear”? It’s really good. The language is pretty rough, but it’s gritty, emotional, and the actors do a great job.
    Anyway……. Pope prayed us out.

    SYITG,
    Maneater

  • From the Bayou to Bosnia – from Maneater

    On a humid June morning at the Coliseum five PAX assembled to set off on a journey across the world. While the environment may have seemed like Thibodaux, the PAX were actually transported to a small village between two craggy mountains in the eastern European country of Bosnia-Herzegovina. The town, Medjugorje, has been host to Catholic Pilgrims from around the world for since June 25th 1981. And on this day after the 43rd anniversary of the first visitation on Podbro (Apparition Hill), the PAX set out on our own spiritual journey.
    The Thang:
    1. Pray the Glorious Mysteries of the Rosary as PAX rucked towards St. Joseph cemetery. PAX provided their own rosaries, YHC added a 4 ft long stone Rosary which weighed around 7 lbs, this one would be held by whomever lead each decade.
    For 20 minutes and about 1 ¼ mile PAX prayed all 5 decades. Making it through the “Hail, Holy Queen” before all of the PAX including YHC had a complete brain fart and forgot the first line of the Final prayer……I blame it on the humidity.
    2. After arriving at St. Joseph PAX took a moment to pray for the Holy Souls in Purgatory with an Our Father, Hail Mary, and a Glory Be.
    3. Ruck to Stock Rock to climb “cross mountain”.
    On our ruck back from St. Joseph Cemetery many conversations ensued including camping trips, and bachelor parties gone wrong. Then in the shadow of the Colosseum a silhouette emerged. The majestic gait, as If floating on a cloud, and smirk of a man who has seen some things, made it abundantly clear who this towering figure, fast approaching, was. None other than Popeye. After explaining to Popeye we still had a mile to go and a mountain to climb, he eagerly joined. In an instant our platoon of pilgrims had grown by one. More conversations about bridge runs (obviously that was a Popeye and Honeysuckle lead convo) and other topics happened. As we summited the Himalaya of Healthcare, that is Stock Rock, a cross came into view. Granted, It wasn’t the 30 ft concrete cross of Medjugorje’s Cross Mountain, but it was good enough. No, this cross was green…..and on the back of an adjacent medical building…..and had the words cancer center written under it. But it was a cross, and it was visible. Beggars can’t be choosers. So YHC made do. YHC then orated a little (big surprise there, I’m sure) about some of the cool things about Medjugorje like cross mountain’s construction, faith in the face of communism, and St. James church.
    PAX had made it to the top of the mountain, and to the foot of the (kind of) cross. Our pilgrimage was coming to an end. At the end of our ruck Pax completed roughly 3.5 miles, and a Rosary. That’s a great way to start a Wednesday if you ask me.

    SYITG,
    Maneater

  • The traffic pattern – from Safety Valve

    On this Day in 1928, Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the Atlantic Ocean. Second in history only to the famous Charles Lindbergh. She was also the first person ever to fly from the mainland of the US to Hawaii. To be a pilot at that point in history was not an easy task. To be a woman and pilot was almost unheard of. The calculations needed and limitations of the aircraft meant that only the most intelligent and daring of people became pilots. Most pilots nowadays learn to fly the aircraft, but like most things nowadays the process are automated. There are private jets that a passenger can push a button and the jet can land itself based on GPS and autopilot functions. That was far from the case in the 1920s. People like Amelia Earhart pushed the boundaries of what aircraft in her time can do, which led to the innovations we have today. Be like Amelia, push the boundaries of what we have now so that we may make the world a better place for our children and grandchildren.

    Warmaramma
    SSH – 50 of them
    Mountain climbers
    Willy mays hays
    Flying sun gods x 4

    Thangs:
    1. Learning to fly by Tom Petty – plank jacks for durations, burpees on the chorus
    2. Flying the traffic pattern – The newly paved section of the neighborhood is perfectly divided into 4 consecutive rectangles. The airport traffic pattern is flown in a rectangle. Couldn’t think of a better time to teach the PAX about flying the traffic pattern. We moseyed the short parallel streets and sprinted the long perpendicular streets because the hardest part of flying is the take off and landing.
    3. AMRAP – 1 minute of merkins and 1 minute of burpees, remember the rep count you got to. This had nothing to do with flying. Just trying to hurt these people… I mean, just trying to improve the health of my friends
    4. 11s – jump squats and stationary flying nuns
    5. AMRAP – 1 minute of merkins and 1 minute of burpees, try to match or beat the rep count from earlier

    COT, intentions, prayers. To the dismay of Goose, YHC opted for comfort over the “the fire within” since it was still wet with paradox’s sweat from the previous day. Thanks for showing up. Always a pleasure to lead.

    #renewyourvalves

  • Dadlympics 2024 – from Paradox

    776 BC is widely recognized as the year of the first Olympic games. It began with an annual foot race, a stadion, and blossomed into the over 200 competitions we have today. Origin stories vary but many agree the race began as a simple challenge between friends…or rivals (perhaps both). Many Greek men of this era were very practiced at coalescing into groups at a predetermined area, in the wee dawn hours, one leading calisthenia while the others followed. In Greece, just as in F3 , It only takes a few meetings for the bonds to build, then the comparing of athletic feats follows. As one can imagine, these groups consisted of a variety of characters from the community and YHCs research led to the discovery of ancient sea scrolls depicting an early gathering (meticulously translated to Redneck) as such :

    Upon the Peltchaneus thoroughfare these men gathered:

    Maximus Goosicus -aged learned philosopher, forged in the wisdom of deka kids but the fire within steadily burning though know one truly knows are the flames of his heart or of his bowels?

    Valvenus Saefetyfurst- arriving in the days highest technology chariot. He considers his bronze edition the best, if he only knew his descendants would go platinum and beyond.

    Cuzin Lillius de Punisher-
    beard so thick and luxurious he regarded all face shields as the highest insult. Teaches in the vernacular of Yee Yee.

    Cardinalus of Thebodux- constantly boasting his athletics feats were better served in the Aegean Sea, he would be the origin of all future Olympic swimming. It would take a few years for the sport to gain popularity but it would take millennia to remove his fartsack reputation.

    Montanius de Wilford – returning to glory after many pickled countries were conquered. Only Hippocrates could explain how a 1 day knee injury in February led to 46 pickle tournaments and zero beatdowns but we’ll leave that to the medical historians.

    2,800 years later another group of men would establish another great tradition of athletic excellence. This one to honor the physical, mental , and spiritual battle of being a dad.

    Welcome to the Dadlympics

    Duke
    Light the torch and Roll the beautiful footage !

    Warmup
    9 pax for an intimate Saturday setting and the only thing you really need to know about warmups is Goose unveiled The Fire Within. The remaining warmup period was spent sneaking looks while Goose shook his head and said “hey my eyes are up here buddy! “
    Like a true work of classical art you can appreciate a different beauty with every glance. Huge shout to Gooses M for finding this diamond and allowing it to serve the masses.

    YHC then announced that this day we would honor the duties of a father in 3 parts of Dadlympic glory.

    1. The Track
    2. The Field
    3. The Battleground

    Opening Ceremony
    Indian Run to EDW track with the “torch “ (ole hickory bar)
    Last man drop to 5 torch raises

    Thang 1 —-TRACK

    It doesn’t take long to learn lesson number one as a father…. that your kids are stone cold crazy and programmed to run themselves into direct harm.
    So our first feat would be a “catch me if you can”
    -P1 5 burpees, P2 bur until caught
    -complete 1 track lap

    This crew was barely ruffled and Valves whoop was still logging a sleep HR.

    Next we needed to switch gears into the fatherhood mental toughness test. Balance the budget? Practice a parking lot confrontation? No my friends, we had to go into the deepest waters of Dadversity …the dad joke. Goose had been training us since mid May with his legendary 300 plus merkins dad joke mile and YHC wanted to gift him a few chances to flex his talents and test his troops.

    YHC would give 1/2 of the dad joke then we would fartlek our way around the track with time to think and taste our own brand.
    The answers were then revealed and merkins were used as reward or punishment.

    Here’s a sample of my fave 3 :

    -I have a joke about trickle down economics….(pause and heavy breathing) …but 99% of you won’t get it.

    -I used to run a dating service for chickens…but I was struggling to make hens meet

    – Why couldn’t the produce manager make it to work …he could drive but he didn’t Avacado .

    Goose set the tone with early recognition of ole Phillipe Flop (a Frenchman’s sandals) and Lil Cuz consistently sprinkled in multiple timely assists including a full length dissertation on poultry pronouns. Valve thought alot about the lack of quality neighbors and PCPs in this region. Tana seemed to enjoy the cardio without the heavy burden of paddle sponsorships and endorsement obligations.

    We swapped the fartlek transport for burpee broad jumps (to simulate jumping living room legos) and continued the competition.

    Ending with this doozy….

    -You used to be able to get air at the gas station for free, now it’s a dollar …guess that’s inflation for you .

    A mosey was necessary just to clear the air of the stench of a joke of that caliber .
    The heart can only withstand so much.

    Thang 2—Field

    A dad must be able to flex his dad strength with a legendary single car load trip. The goal here is to show the other dads on the beach where the straps were digging into your wrist so they will burn with jealous rage.

    Carry the Beach Equipment

    P1 garner carry through the “crowd”
    P2 flutter kicks

    The most important of the field events involved practicing to throw your child into that dizzying hybrid of joy and fear.

    Toss your kid to infinity and beyond
    P1 Thrusters
    P2 coupon piggy back ride (nice edit on a YHC miscalculation)

    The Thang Finale —-Battle Field

    American Dadiator

    Rules :

    3 cones in a rough triangle (non Bermuda because I’m still mad) with a bucket of water balloons at each .
    2 pax with a 2.0 defender at each station.
    Center hoola hoop with 10 tennis balls

    Goal is to be the team with the most tennis balls at the end of the game .
    -2.0 defend the nest with pool noodle (3 burpees if hit)
    -5 merkins to get a tennis ball
    -If you get hit with a balloon you owe 3 burpees and you drop your tennis ball
    -10 minutes on the clock

    Teams :
    TanaCuz (picachu )
    ValveDox (gecko)
    Office of Parish Support (Duke)

    Notes :
    – very firm water balloons dont burst and become rubber riot control pellets , there are tattoos to prove it
    – The 2.0 defended nests with deadly accuracy.
    – Several alliances were formed, broken , betrayed, reformed and in general I think we covered 1000s of years of world history with balloons and pool noodles.

    When the smoke cleared Lil Cuz and Tana took the W by one tennis ball thanks to a late assault on the office parish support castle.

    Gear up and back to the flag

    YHC awarded the first Golden Dad to Lil Cuz for his overall performance in the battle, sharp dad joke knowledge and outstanding attitude to laugh and display joy when faced with burpees in soaking wet socks.

    Goose awarded YHC with The Fire Within for cooking with excessive shenanigans when today’s recipe only called for mild shenanigans.

    Lifetime YhC achievement list update :
    1: children being born
    2: being awarded TFW

    COT and Cardinal prayed us out

    At the end of the day as Fathers we are preparing our sons and daughters for the spiritual battle of real life. God provides us many tools of both offense and defense. And just like in our ballooned battle today it doesn’t stop each day from feeling chaotic. It doesn’t stop us from failing when we feel so close to a victory. In fact it can often feel like being busted in the neck with a water balloon after sprinting 50 yards only to do 3 burpees and try again . But if we can stop in the midst of the battle and see His provisions all around us and if we can trust Him, then we can lean on what He gives us. Looking back on the last few years I am truly grateful for the crew He has provided in F3. I hope you all enjoyed a day honoring your fight as Dadiator and I look forward to struggling along side you.

    See you at the ‘25 games

    Dox

  • Some Classics and a Mystery Stick – from Goose

    YHC knew that the Mystery Stick would need to find its way into today’s workout somehow. It had also been a while since we’d taken a dive into some of the foundational routines that had been buried somewhere at the back of the equipment closet.

    The hook-stick was left conspicuously at the foot of the flags, and a warmup of the predictables ensued.

    YHC then called for an Indian Run. Just a regular Indian Run to get the heart pumping and the system nice and waked. What was new, however, was the path. We took the new road and zigged and zagged our way back to the flag, swim-moving around the road-closed signes and cones on the brand new roads between future home sites. We were like Lewis and Clark forging our way through what would soon be a bustling nation, guided only by Indians who prefer to not be in the back of any single-file lines.

    Once back at the flag, YHC grabbed Bose’, Sr. and the stick and moved into the grass. The stick served, once again, as an excellent speaker/phone prop, and YHC introduced another foundational routine, the 10 min Burpee EMOM: 10 burpees, Every Minute on the Minute, for 10 minutes. There’s a good reason this one was buried behind the archery targets and wrestling mats, and that reason is because it’s just hard for hard’s sake. All you can do is think about how hard it is and how much more you have to do. No distractions, just an automated jerk telling you you have 10 seconds to somehow catch your breath enough to do another 10. And, you know what? It’s good for you. After you’re done, you feel like you accomplished something, and you’re glad it’s over….hopefully.

    Next Classic bit was partner BLIMPS. This is usually a Dora- or Flora-style routine of any six exercises that start with those letters. Today, the plan was to split duty on 100 BBSU, 100 Lunges (2:1), 200 Imperial Walkers, 200 Merkins, 250 Plank Jacks, and 250 SSH while your partner(s) carioca’d to the sidewalk, did 1 Bobby Hurley, and carioca’d back. The Mystery Stick, however, was hung mysteriously on the string lights. At the cost of 10 burpees, by anyone at any time (but without interruption), the stick could be moved one light bulb closer to the intersection of the two wires. And, YHC explained that at the end of the routine, that the number of lights remaining between the stick and the intersection would determine, how many burpees the entire PAX would do x10.

    The hope was to present the PAX with a tough decision to either get the burpees over with after having just rejoiced at having no more burpees to do, or to delay the burpees, risking the impending fatigue that grew with every carioca. But, this PAX is as tough as they are smart, and they hit the burpees at the very beginning, basically taking turns hammering them out until the stick hung well beyond the crossroads.

    YHC had to modify a bit as the lunges crept a little too slowly toward 100. 2:1 changed to 1:1, and 200 merkins became 100, and that was as far as we got, even though we started with over 15 minutes on the clock. It wasn’t due to lack of effort–nobody took any breaks–but BBSU and lunges are just deceptively slow exercises.

    With a couple of minutes remaining, we burned out the core with some wife pleasers and slow penguins.

    COT, and “The Fire Within” was passed to Safety Valve, who promised to spend time contemplating its many layers of profundity before clothing himself in its splendor tomorrow morning for what can’t help but be an inspired Q.

    The Mystery Stick went back into the truck, and we will continue to find ways to name and incorporate random objects into the fabric of F3 Thibodaux.

    SYITG,
    Goose

  • The Answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything – from Goose

    It’s 42. That’s why this is such an important year, or maybe just an important beatdown. The year was 1982, an important year, maybe not for music, or movies, or culture in general, but certainly for YHC.

    Warmup consisted of the usuals–YHC had no energy for 42 (or 82) of anything, especially given the packed schedule of events to be revealed.

    Top song on June 11, 1982? “Ebony and Ivory” by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, the song that fixed the problem of racism in the United States (and Great Britain). While Bose’ Sr. cranked the synth on this one, PAX switched back and forth from Peter Parkers to Parker Peters every time they said the titular “Ebony and Ivory”. It seemed much longer than it was, and not (just) because it’s a boring song.

    What was the top song of the year? “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor, it’s success fueled by Rocky and every school with a tiger mascot. But, we wouldn’t be doing anything with this one…

    What culturally significant blockbuster movie was released on June 11, 1982? That’s right, it was E.T. And, YHC asked the PAX: in typical Spielberg fashion, a child yells what extremely crude epithet that is completely inappropriate for his age? Both AB and White Meat, in perfect harmony, immediately and loudly answered (correctly): “penis breath!” YHC quickly assured the PAX that this wouldn’t be the theme of our next exercise to the visible (and audible) relief of the group. Jokes were made about YHC taking this opportunity to finally reveal the real nature of F3, ha ha! But, that won’t come for another year or so.

    YHC cued up the E.T. “Flying” theme song, and we flew on our bicycles for the duration: 41 Freddy Mercurys (1:1) and 11 jump squats, on repeat AMRAP.

    Next YHC suggested gloves and led the PAX (surprise, surprise) to the beginning of the new street where there used to be a bumper. YHC explained the cultural and personal significance of the dawn of the Super Mario/Ninteno age in 1985, and then explained that we’d be taking advantage of the well-spaced green pipes along this road. At every green pipe (cluster), which were about 15-20 yards apart, we’d switch between Mario skips (punch those bricks!) and bear crawls, effectively going “up” and “down” the pipes.

    Once we arrived at the end of the street (about 8 pipes long), YHC shared the centrality of basketball, or at least basketball practice for both middle school and high school years. So, just like my Cuban high school coach, Elmo (that was his real name), YHC instructed the PAX in red faced fashion to “Get on the line! We gonna…………(unintelligible syllables)……..JUST GET ON THE LINE!” It was suicide time. (Thank you, Popeye.) From that line, we did suicides to up to the fifth pipe before moseying back to the flag for a couple more thangs. Honeysuckle (and America’s Best) put on a clinic with these, making you wonder if your excuses for slowing down were really grounded in reality, or if they’ve really been doing that much extra running on the side.

    Back at the flag, YHC gathered Bose’ and phone to set up for the next thang and found what looked to be a long handle/stick with a hook at the end. It served well as a prop to keep the speaker and phone from sitting too deep in the wet grass, and inadvertently as a major source of intimidating mystery for the PAX (“what could he possibly have planned for a stick with a hook on it? Is this finally where he reveals the true nature of F3?) Ha! No, not for another year or so.

    YHC’s early 20’s were defined by four years in seminary and a bunch of summers working at a summer camp in the mountains of North Carolina, where Pope and half of his siblings are now. It cannot be overstated how much influence these experiences had on forming YHC into the man he is today. So, we cued up “Church Clap” by KB, Lecrae and “Still Wandering’ by Bronze Radio Return to honor these two, and the PAX started doing stationary 21’s with genuflections (for seminary) and mountain climbers (for camp). But, after doing 20 followed by 19 genuflections, it became clear that this would take way too much time, and we lose a few PAX, so YHC changed it to 11’s. This was plenty.

    After this, we had just enough time to honor the period that followed to the current day–marriage and family. YHC thought I had experience great things, hard things, and had accomplished much…until marriage, and kids. Being a husband and father has brought me to my limitations and blown past them, forcing me to grow so I can give more of me to the people who need it and deserve it. We’ve been married for almost 17 years and have had 10 kids, and the reaction I most hear is “How do you do that?” The answer is, “By not asking that question.” Nobody has what it takes to be the husband and father their wife and children need them to be–it has to be ripped out of us one day, one minute at a time. So, just like with F3, especially with a lot of burpees on the line, we all know that if you ask the question, “How am I gonna do this?”, you’ve already set yourself up to fizzle out early. You just have to choose to start and then not to give yourself an excuse to stop or count the cost or analyze how much you have left in the tank. Your tank will grow with you if you force it to!

    So, 17 years of marriage plus 10 kids = 27 burpees. Don’t ask questions, just start and do one more burpee until you get to 27. And that’s what these guys did, and they keep doing it every time the Q lays out the plan, every time the alarm clock goes off, and every time their body says, “How are you gonna keep going? Is this sensible?” No, but it’s so awesome, and I’m so grateful that you men decided to choose the awesome over the easy this morning and every time you come out!

    COT and Dox prayed us out. Incredible work today, brothers, and it was a great gift to have so many of you out there.

    SYITG,
    Goose, 42